In the Navy (1941) Movie Script
Imagine waiting eight weeks
to get tickets.
When he sings, I feel
he's singing just to me.
I don't want to miss a note.
Who wants to hear him sing?
You do. I had to give up
a good poker game for this.
Keep moving, folks.
Star light
Star bright
First star
I've seen tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have the wish I make tonight
Star light
Star bright
Send me my love tonight
If you will, if you do
That's my wish come true
In my mind, my ideal
Is a creature so supreme
Let me find that she's real
And notjust a lovely dream
Star light
Star bright
First star I've seen tonight
Find my love so I might
Hold her in my arms
Tonight
That, ladies and gentlemen,
was Russ Raymond,
America's singing heartthrob
presenting that brand-new number,
"Star Light, Star Bright. "
And so Fluffso Soap,
the soap that does fluff so...
brings to a close the 333rd
program of Russ Raymond.
If you wish an autographed picture of Russ
Raymond, America's singing heartthrob...
Hi, Pete.
Hi, Dynamite.
Where do you gobs want off?
Just dump us off anywhere.
Okay.
Ready?
Thanks a lot.
Okay.
Come here!
Still got the letter?
Right here.
Mr. Thomas Halstead,
Conquistador Hotel.
Must be a big shot if the captain
sends him private messages.
I don't understand why the captain
picked you to deliver a message.
Because I'm the smartest man in
the navy. How do you figure that?
He said it was impossible for
anybody to teach me anything.
Look out! Why don't you
look where you're going?
Hello.
What's the matter
with you guys?
Ain't you got any sense?
You wanna hurt somebody?
You wouldn't drive like that if
there was a cop around here! You bet.
There ain't a cop
within a mile!
Nobody would drive like that. Go
call me a policeman. Sure... What?
Didn't you sailors hear that
officer blow his whistle? Yes.
What do you think he's doing,
giving bird imitations?
Or does he look like
a peanut stand?
There's a law against
jaywalking! Give him a ticket.
Wait, Smokey.
Keep out of this!
Don't tell him
to give me a ticket.
I'll get you out of it.
In a patrol wagon.
I don't like to give a sailor
a ticket. Hear what he said?
It's your duty.
Leave the man alone.
You keep quiet.
I insist you give him a ticket.
Persistent sort of a guy.
Just keep quiet.
He can't bluff me.
Give him one.
Okay, if you insist. What's
your name? Pomeroy Watson.
What ship? No ship. I
ain't ever been on a boat.
What? I only been in the navy six years.
Never been to sea?
No, sir.
Revolting, isn't it?
Next time, watch your step.
Both of you.
My first ticket, and I
wasn't even driving a car.
See what I get on
account of you people?
Are you gonna
let him bluff you?
Tear it up.
It's no good?
Tear it up, go on!
He can't do anything to you.
What's the idea?
That was his idea.
Yeah? Tell that to the
marines. That was his idea.
I got a ticket...
Hey, listen.
A clown in a
sailor's suit, huh?
Let's see how well you
entertain the boys in the brig.
You gotta let him deliver the
captain's letter first. Yeah.
Okay, you deliver that letter
and report back to the base.
I'm not gonna have any trouble
out of either one of you. Okay.
You gonna let that big lug
get away with that?
I'm gonna call him and you're going
to tell him off. Wait a minute.
Every time you open up my
mouth, you get me in trouble.
All right. Come on.
We'll deliver the letter.
Hey, Smokey.
What?
What a cute kid.
Hello, how are you?
Give me the letter.
Get that letter, will you?
There's the letter.
Pick it up.
Let's get going.
Oh!
In trouble again, huh?
- Can't we fix this all up?
- Not with me, sailor.
Here's your money.
Trying to bribe me?
Pomeroy Watson.
No, I was only trying to...
I know. You can take your money
and get out of this area.
But this money... You
heard me! Get out of here!
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay.
Hey!
Who is it?
The navy.!
Come in, boys.
Get in here.
Are you Thomas Halstead? That's right.
I got a letter for you.
Thanks.
You boys always deliver
dirty letters? Oh, no.
I wouldn't even look
at a dirty postcard.
"Mr. Halstead, enclosed... "
The C.O. wants an answer.
You boys make yourselves
at home.
We'd like to, but we can't.
I got a lot of shopping to do.
Shopping?
Where did...
No, you don't!
I'm gonna buy every record
the Andrews Sisters ever made.
I'm gonna buy that one.
Ta, ta, ta-da-da
We'll be right back. You're
a lucky fellow Mr. Smith
And you'll be able
to live as you do
And to see that liberty girl
All right.
Doing the things she do
Don't push.
Don't give me that.
You can't spend that money. No?
No, that money belongs
to that shore patrol.
That's tainted.
'Tain't his?
It is his!
'Tain't mine?
What would
your mother say?
I don't know. What'll I do? Throw it away.
Okay.
What are you whistling at?
Chambermaid.
You oughta be ashamed of your...
Just the maid, sir. Would you mind
coming back a little later, please?
But I have to make up your
bed, sir. It's been made.
But this is the morning
we give you fresh blankets...
treated with ultraviolet.
Conquistador service, sir.
I beg your pardon, sir.
The navy!
Well, that's a pretty nice camera
for a chambermaid.
It's a hobby of mine. Even
chambermaids have hobbies.
If you want a hobby,
try learning to make beds.
Come back here
with that camera!
You've got no right! I oughta
hammer your toy into an ashtray.
You happen to be news,
Mr. Raymond.
Why the disappearance act?
That's none of your business.
It's the public's business.
I don't think it is.
You've got no right to run out
on the people who made you famous.
They're entitled to know.
What about me?
Don't you think I'm entitled
to a little private life?
Look, lady, I assure you
I'm not ungrateful.
I only want to spend
the next six years of my life...
being just plain me,
Tommy Halstead.
Not Russ Raymond,
America's singing heartthrob.
Do you get it?
So you picked the navy?
Yes, ma'am, the navy.
I'm a sailor.
Just a plain simple gob.
That's going to be something.
That's going to be a whale
of a story. Over my dead body.
If you print that, do you realize
what my life in the navy would be?
Gee, not so good.
Not so good's right.
I never thought of it like that.
I'm really sorry.
Let's take the film and
get rid of this. Good.
Excuse me, boys.
Well, that's a fine
"how do you do. "
Fine, thanks. How are you?
I'm all right. Come on!
Not so much noise.
What are you gonna do?
Oh, boy, oh, boy!
I've never seen anything like this.
Boy, can you imagine this?
What do you see?
Nothin'.
They got the key in the door.
Ow.! Ow.!
Watch the birdie.!
You want some ice water?
Don't, that hurts.
Ow! Stop it!
Halstead?
H- A-L-S-T-E-A-D?
You say he
enlisted today?
See? That proves it.
Simply proves that a fella named
Halstead enlisted in the navy.
How do I know that
Halstead is Russ Raymond?
Brownie, take these.
Because I told you so.
Because I brought
this picture to prove it.
That headless wonder could
be anyone. Very clever fake.
Why are you so sure I'm
faking it? First of all,
no sane man would give up a $100,000-a-year
job to be a $21-a-month sailor.
Second, his disappearance
was a publicity stunt.
Third, you've been trying to get
a staff assignment for six months.
Good day, Miss Roberts.
Mr. Travers, I'll get you
a picture of Russ Raymond.
I'll prove that
he's Tommy Halstead,
and that he has
enlisted in the navy.
Okay, go ahead. And I'll double the
circulation of this magazine overnight.
You get me enough pictures
for a four-page layout...
showing Raymond
as a rookie sailor,
and I'll make
magazine history.
Oh, the Andrews Sisters.
Drive through.
Say, I thought there were three
girls in a trio. There are.
Something's wrong.
That trio's a foursome.
How long have you been
handling publicity for the navy?
Just a short while,
Miss Andrews.
I only volunteer my services
when it's... vital.
Men, when you came here
eight weeks ago...
you only looked like sailors.
Now, you are sailors.
You've worked hard
and you've learned fast.
You've had to learn fast
because these are perilous times.
Today, more than ever
before in our history,
130 million Americans
depend upon the vigilance...
of the United States Navy
to patrol our two oceans...
and to guard us
from any and all enemies.
You men, the enlisted
personnel, are the navy,
the backbone of the fleet.
Remember what
you stand for.
Good luck, good voyage,
and keep your ship afloat.
The ship's are all shined up
The brass is aglow
The fleet is all lined up
and rarin' to go
The weatherman dreamed up
a sky full of red
The boilers are steamed up
so full speed ahead
You're off to see the world
You're off to find out
just what makes it tick
You're gonna have a look
at all of the oceans
And earn your promotions
but quick
You're off to see the world
Before you get back
into port again
They want to prove to you
the beans and the gravy
They serve in the navy
make men
Up anchor
Hit the deck, you gobs
You're on your way
Though we can't say
which way you may go
To Rio or Rome
Nice or Nome
Labrador, Singapore
and back to San Diego
You're putting out to sea
To see what kind of sailors
you can be
But, sailor, you can bet
wherever you're sent
You're bent for adventure
So while there's still
a world left to see
You're off to sea
to see the world
We're off to see the world
We wanna find out
just what makes it tick
We're gonna have a look
at all of the oceans
And earn our promotions
but quick
We're off to see the world
Before we get back
into port again
We want to prove to you
the beans and the gravy
They serve in the navy
make men
Up anchor
Hit the deck, you gobs
You're on your way
Though we can't say
which way you may go
To Rio or Rome
Nice or Nome
Labrador, Singapore
and back to San Diego
We're putting out to sea
To see what kind of sailors
we can be
But, sailor, you can bet
wherever you're sent
You're bent for adventure
So while there's still
a world left to see
We're off to sea
to see the world
So long, good-bye, sailor
See you again
'Cause you're off to see the world
and see what makes it tick
And earn your promotions
but do it quick
So long, but not forever
Good-bye
We'll see you again
when you put back into port
So long
Bon voyage to you
'Cause you're off
to see the world
Miss Roberts?
Yes?
Do you know Pomeroy?
Pomeroy?
Pomeroy Watson,
the best sailor in the navy.
He's tall, dark, and then some.
That's what he says
in his letters.
He's living for the moment
when he can crush me in his arms.
And you've never seen him? Not yet.
Oh, there he is,
over there by the cannon.
Is that for me?
Go on and surprise him.
I'm sure he'd love it.
Do you think so?
I'm sure of it.
Of course he would. Go on,
throw your arms around him.
Oh, boy!
Come on, Max.
Honey,
here's your dream gal.
Look who's here!
The Andrews!
Of all people.
What are you doing here?
Hello, LaVerne.
Aren't we surprised?
Am I surprised!
Excuse me a minute.
Looking for somebody?
Yes, I need a convoy.
What's the matter, sailor?
What's wrong?
Well... You found my purse.
Thanks for returning it.
Come on, you boob, give the
lady her purse. Certainly, Chief.
I believe this was in it.
Too bad the light got to it.
You must come up sometime
and see my candid camera shots.
Sorry I had to run away
like that, girls.
We're the ones that are sorry, Russ.
It was a frame-up.
You're right. What are
you girls doing in the navy?
- She's getting in for a sailor.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Do you know a hunk of stuff
by the name of Pomeroy Watson?
Pomeroy Watson?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, Pomeroy.
Give way, fast!
Fast as you can.
There he is, right over there,
in charge of those men.
I might have known he'd be
in charge of something.
He's a big man around here.
I never heard of
such a thing before.
Is he standing in a hole?
Hey, Pomey!
Huh?
There's Patty and the girls.
Well, every sailor
can't be a Charles Boyer.
Now men, I want you guys to pay
more attention to my commands!
Now, every one of youse,
up oars!
That's enough.
What happened? What happened?
It's mutiny, that's what it is.
Put 'em down! Put 'em down!
Put 'em down. Don't forget it.
All I said was, "up oars. "
Now that's the camel
that broke the straw's back!
Put 'em down!
Put 'em down!
Put 'em down.
This is mutiny,
that's what it is.
I'll put you on the brig,
on bread and water for 30 days.
All you of guys!
No more noise from anybody!
Give way, fast! Faster.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, pick up sticks.
Faster! Faster! Come on.
Faster! Much faster.
Much... Stop the boat.
Stop.
That's enough. That's enough.
Stop the boat.
S- S-Stop the boat.
Stop the boat!
Stop the boat!
That's enough!
What's the matter?
I'm gettin' seasick.
Ohhh. Ohhh.
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
Give him a break, Chief.
He's trying to impress his girl.
Sailor, that's not
what the navy's for.
I hope that petty officer
don't get wise to this.
What do I care about
the petty officer?
I've got no use
for a petty officer.
So, I see!
And I don't like pastry cooks...
who try to pretend
that they're sailors.
I was only...
Only trying to be a big shot.
Suppose you get back to the galley and
order some of those biscuits into the oven.
Not until I get ready.
I'm ready.
Hello.
Pomeroy Watson!
The big shot turns out to be
a blank cartridge. Why, Patty...
Oh, come on, girls.
Hey, baker, I thought I sent you
back to the galley. Well, I...
Quiet! By the way, where's that money
you took away from me on the street?
I wasn't gonna
keep that money.
I was gonna give it to you.
I was only looking for you.
Hello, Pomey, old boy.
You shut up!
The whole darn thing is
your fault. Now don't...
You told me to write to that girl
and tell her I was 6'2".
And to tell her
I had eyes of blue?
You know I ain't got
eyes of blue. I know that.
And you told me to tell her
that I'm an admiral.
All I am is a baker.
Oh, do I have trouble.
There's no harm done.
You not only wrecked my whole life,
but you spoiled my whole day.
Shame on you!
You hit me.
Shame on me too.
You hit me!
Smokey, I must be
losing my mind.
I didn't mean to hit you,
Smokey.
Smokey,
please believe me.
I'd never lay my hands on you.
You know that.
Smokey, hit me right
in the face. Go ahead.
Lot of good that will do.
Make up for that, Smokey.
Hit me right in the face
and make me happy.
Go ahead, Smokey.
Hit me right there.
And I had to coax him to do it.
Attention.!
Ha, ha, ha.
Flotsam and Jetsam.
We sure did fool you.
Oh, lookie, doughnuts!
Kids, get away
from those doughnuts.
It's okay. They're the
commanding officer's nephews.
Hey, Dizzy, come here.
Where's that coat
I had made for shore leave?
The white one.
In the clothes closet.
Get it for me.
Let's see it.
It's a pip. Steal it
over here. Hey, Smokey!
There you are, Joe. It's all fixed. Thanks.
How do you like the coat? That's
swell. You look like a battle wagon.
I'm gonna enjoy myself because
I got plenty of money to do it.
Hey! I'm going to spend
every dime on Patty.
Where'd you get all that?
I didn't know you had all that money. Sure.
Why didn't you
tell a fellow?
You got a certain look in your eye I
don't like. Behave. I'm your friend.
What're you doing? A little game
called "find the submarine. "
Like to play games?
That's a submarine.
That's a lemon.
We call it a submarine.
That's the Atlantic Ocean, that's the
Pacific Ocean, and that's the Indian Ocean.
I place it in one
of the oceans...
and if you find
the submarine, you win.
Let's play.
Get your money out.
You get the idea of the game.
Now, watch it.
See it there?
We put it in the Pacific Ocean.
Keep your eye on it. Tell me
where it is. I'll take this one.
How much?
Ten dollars.
It wasn't there?
I swear it was.
It wasn't there. I can't
help it. It got away... fast.
They do that.
You see it there?
How can you go wrong?
Just a twist of the wrist.
Where she goes, no one
knows. This one, for $10.
Ten more, 10 more,
10 more, 10 more.
Put it down once.
Where is it?
No, it wasn't there and it wasn't there.
Don't see how anybody can win this game.
I wouldn't say that.
I just said it.
I'll bet you $10
that it can be found.
There it is. If I can find it,
why can't you?
What kind of bet is that? I bet
you $10. You pick it up yourself.
That's not good. I'll give
you a chance to get even.
I'll bet you one dollar. Now you
find it. That's on the other side.
You win.
So it's even.
What you start betting dollars for?
We've been betting tens.
I'll give you a chance to double
up on me. You see it there?
Watch it. It's under
one of those shells.
Ten dollars. It's under here.
Go ahead and find it.
If he can find it, why can't you?
You wanna make a little bet?
Ten dollars. Under here.
Pick it out. It's up to you.
If he wins...
I'll take a chance.
Ten dollars. Go ahead,
pick it out. Where is it?
Why don't you leave 'em alone? Pick it out.
There it is. No, it's here. It's here.
There it is. The first
time I ever won in my life.
What do you win?
You had no money down.
If you had some money down,
you'd have won.
Hey, Smokey, I bet I could
win that submarine game.
Okay. How much you wanna bet? Five bucks.
Have you got a ten-dollar bill
for some ones?
I always carry a ten-dollar
bill. That's fine.
Give me the ones.
There's one, two...
How many years have you
been in the navy? Six years.
What's that got to do
with counting my change?
Six? Seven, eight, nine,
10. That's much better.
Here's your five.
One, two, three, four, five.
The idea of this game is to find... Smokey.
Wait a minute. What?
Come here.
There's somethin' wrong.
You didn't give 10 ones that time.
Here's your 10. Give me back
my ones. Why cheat me? Your pal.
That's better.
Okay. Come on.
There's one, two,
three, four, five...
Wait. When do you get out
of the navy? In two years.
Two? Two years I get out. Two.
Three, four, five, six, seven...
Wait a minute.
Did I understand you to say
six? Six years in the navy!
That's what it was.
Two years I'm getting out.
I had that six on my mind. It's
two years. Don't get me mixed up.
Two. Two. Two.
Two, two.
Okay, two. Three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
Thanks.
That's all.
Got it again.
Dizzy, have you got
a 10 for some ones?
Sure.
Give me the 10.
There's one, two...
How long you been in the navy?
Ninety days.
Come on, count it out.
No, you come on.
How long you been in the navy? Ninety days!
It's not gonna come out. Something's
wrong. You got yourself into it.
Come on, count it off.
I'm gonna get it again.
Two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
Seven.
How many months in 90 days? Three months.
Three months? Three.
Three months. Three!
I got him.
Three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, 10.
Yeah.
I think I got it again.
Oh, come on.
GiveJoe a chance to win
some money, will you, please?
Look, Joe. You see it there?
How can you go wrong?
It's just a little twist
of the wrist.
That's all there is to it.
It's underneath one of those shells.
Dizzy, take a look
under the table.
Under the table. You're
a cheater. No remarks.
Guy's got a fruit stand
under the table. Keep quiet.
Where's the submarine? No,
it wasn't there. It's a gyp!
It's a gyp, I tell ya.
Now, just a minute.
All right, there's your money
back. Cheatin' his old friend!
Smokey, don't go no further.
I want to play some more.
You wanna play some more?
You ain't gonna cheat me.
- You got any more money?
- Certainly. I got a bankroll. What odds you're gonna give me?
I'll give you two-to-one odds.
It ain't enough.
I'll give you three-to-one.
No. Too anxious.
What do you want?
At least six.
I'll give you five-to-one.
No, six.
I'll give you six-to-one.
Okay.
What was that? I don't know.
Somebody's digging clams or something.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
You know where it is now? Yes.
For the bankroll.
The bankroll.
Put it all down. Pick it up. Where'd
that come from? You're not mad?
Certainly I'm mad.
Then suck the lemons.
The worst thing I ever saw,
cheatin' like that.
Can you imagine a man doing that to
me? One thing I never do is cheat.
You know where
the submarine is.
I know where a flock of
submarines are. For how much?
I know where a submarine with juice
coming out of it is. For how much?
For the bankroll.
You wanna bet it all?
The whole works. All right.
You're only entitled to one ocean.
You pick up the ocean.
I'll pick up this ocean.
You want that ocean there? Pick it up.
You've got to pick it up in order to win.
Find the submarine.
What ocean do you want?
Is it under there?
There is a triple-barrelled...
Hey, Dizzy. Hey, Joe,
come here. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, here they are.
"En route to... "
Hawaii. Fine, thanks. How are you?
You like my smile
You like my style
Well, why don't you
make me know it
You like my walk
You like my talk
Well, there's only
one way to show it
If you want to shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Step right up
and take your stand
You don't have to be timid
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Smack it, whack it
Let your hand rotate
Show it, blow it
Put it in your pocket
till a future date
If you want to shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
If you like my style
well, show it
If you like my smile
let me know it
If you like my walk
please tell me
If you like my talk
well, skin me, Papa, skin me
If you want
to shake my hand
Like they
do it in Harlem, baby
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Step right up
and take your stand
You don't have to be timid, baby
Stick your hand right out and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Smack it, whack it
my friend
Let your hand rotate
Show it, blow it
Put it in your pocket till a future date
Step right out
and shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem today
How do they do it
Just stick your hand out
And give out with a shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
If you want
to shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
Gimme some skin
Gimme some skin
My friend
What's the matter? That's the
girl with the camera complex.
I gotta get back
because I'm on duty,
but I'll sneak in later
and we'll have a dance.
I'll be waiting, Mr. Dugan.
How are ya, Dynamite?
How are my boys behaving? Fine.
Good evening.
Oh. Hello.
I think I owe you an
apology. I think you do.
Well, we agree
on something.
I apologize for pulling
that gag on you. Gag?
You really thought I was
Russ Raymond, didn't you?
I did and I still do.
I've been mistaken for him a lot
of times. I am Tom Halstead.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I hope that guy Raymond stays lost
so I can have a little peace.
Well, if you're not
Russ Raymond,
then you won't mind
my taking your picture.
No, I'll even
strike a pose.
How's this right here?
Or would you rather
have this?
Anything'll do.
Good.
There you are. No hard feelings.
None at all, Mr. Raymond.
I'll be seeing you
in our magazine.
Here's the "flim. "
Thanks, my friend.
Give us some skin.
Sure. Skin.
Come on, if you want to
see the Andrews Sisters.
Hello, girls.
Gee, that number was swell.
Hello, Patty. You can call me
Miss Andrews and from a distance.
Give me a chance to explain
on the dance floor...
where we can have
a little privacy, huh?
It's too crowded here.
Well, I don't know.
Come on, Patty,
please, will ya?
I'll hardly step
on your feet at all.
Come on. All right. Come on, chubby.
She called me chubby.
Oh, boy.
Whose feet am I
gonna step on?
Where's your ticket?
You gotta have a ticket?
I'll go get a ticket.
Then we can dance.
Okay.
Lady, give me five cents
worth of tickets.
Who are you bumpin' into? You.
I'll not only bump you,
I'll slug you.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah!
Okay. I never fight with
nobody that agrees with me.
Excuse me.
Here. Let's go.
What kind of dance
was that?
What kind of dance
was that!
That was a swell dance.
Did you cut a rug?
Cut a rug?
I didn't even get a chance to disturb
the nap. You're just hard to please.
I rushed over to the box office.
I bought two tickets...
I come over here to dance
with my girlfriend, Patty,
and all we do is hear
the band go "ta-ta-ta, ta, ta. "
So you heard the band go
"ta-ta-ta, ta, ta"? I "heared" it.
That's gonna cost you two bits
more. Two bits more for what?
For listening
to the music.
Don't let him get away with
that. Smokey, don't push.
Come here. You want Patty
to think you're yellow? No.
Okay, Patty, I'll show him. Attaboy.
I'm in love. I don't know
what I'm doing. Oh, go ahead.
Blames it on love.
What's the matter?
Smokey?
What's wrong? I ain't
gonna fight those guys here.
I'll fight them on a field
of honor. They have no honor.
That's okay.
I ain't got no field.
Take a poke at him, Pomeroy.
Let him have it.
Go on, right on the nose.
Go on, take a good poke at him.
Okay.
I'll give five bucks if you
let me take a poke at you. Okay.
Oh, what a sport.
Thanks a lot, pal.
Okay, kid.
Here comes
the five-buck punch.
Here's your change. Oh,
wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I'd like to see you do
that again. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. He did.
I dare you to try that
on me, brother. Oh. So!
Wait a minute. Why don't you
pick on a kid your size?
Let him go.
Hold him! Hold him. Hold him.
Wait a minute. Let him go. Hold him!
What's the idea of trying
to pick on my friend here?
All right, boys.
I'm not pickin' on him.
Him and me had an understanding.
Afraid of the boy, sweetheart?
Don't call me sweetheart!
Hey, fellas, there's a fight.
No.
No.
Come on, break it up.
What's the matter
with you two?
I thought sailors were fighting men.
We are, but you gotta be on the water.
It's 30 days in the brig
if you're in a brawl ashore.
We're gonna stay right here
and watch the fight.
And then we won't wind up
in the brig. No, you don't.
What do you gobs think you are,
parachute troops?
This is the worst predicament
I was ever in.
This is worse
than being in jail.
Stone walls
do not a prison make.
Nor iron bars a cage. Well, if
they don't, they got us hypnotized.
Which one of you fellas is
Pomeroy Watson? That's you, Smokey.
No, that's you.
That's you.
I don't know where I'm at.
Excuse me. I'm Pomeroy Watson.
Message for you.
Thank you, sir.
Could you get me a sponge cake
with a file in it?
I guess not.
I'm sorry.
Oh, Smokey. Tommy.
What's wrong?
Fellas, it's the end now.
What happened now?
Smokey and Tommy, it's all over. Patty
and I are washed up. What's happened?
What do you mean? She's
going away with a barber.
With a barber?
That's nonsense.
No, it's not. It says right here
in the letter. What's it say?
"Am taking the clipper to Hawaii. " Ohhh!
Anything but a barber. I always wanted
to be more than a barber. Pomeroy Watson?
Pomeroy Watson,
somebody wants you.
That's me.
Come with me.
No, it's much safer in here.
Don't take me.
I didn't do nothin'.
I'm not gonna squeal, boys.
I won't say a word.
I don't care where I'm goin'.
Go ahead,
take me if you want.
That's my boss, Chief
Commissary Steward. Yes, I know.
My boss.
Hello, boss. What are
you in for? What am I...
For six years we've tried to
make a sailor out of you.
Just let me read a few lines
of your record this year.
On sentry duty, you arrested a mailman
for taking letters out of a mailbox.
How do you like that for nerve?
In broad daylight too.
The same day you were sent
to break up a crap game.
You lose your uniform
in the game.
That's a lie.
It was only my pants.
Watson, I've protected you because you're the
only cook that knows how to fix cream puffs...
the way the admiral likes them. With jelly.
But this disgraceful brawl
is the last straw.
When you get out, you'll be
transferred to the Alabama.
You're gonna transfer me to the
Alabama? I don't care where you go.
A real battleship?
Going to Hawaii?
Oh, oh. I'll be able to get
my hands on that barber.
Thanks, boss.
Thanks. I'm gonna be
transferred. Oh, boy.
Now, what are you
in for?
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
We chip the scuppers
and paint the hull
And scrub the decks
and then
When you think you're finished
you find it's time
To do it all again
They say a sailor has got a girl
in every port he's in
Say, that's not the truth
'cause there's lots of places
I have never been
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
You work and slave
and you skimp and save
To get a full month's pay
Then you lay it down
and a guy says "craps"
And takes it all away
We greased the engine
and burned up oil
To make
some speed today
But the only time
that we passed a ship
Was going the other way
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
When they make a sailor a CPO
they take out all his brains
And inject a gallon of vinegar
and mustard in his veins
The chief is great
as a navy man
At least that's what he thinks
But I've seen him trying
to swim and confidentially
He sinks
Ha, ha, ha.
Mutiny! Mutiny!
Hey!
Why don't you leave
these two kids alone?
Why don't these two kids leave
me alone? Never mind that.
You two get ashore
before this boat sails.
Pick up your instruments.
Now, you two boys
get where you belong.
And you put some sweat
on that swab.
Come on, put some sweat on that swab
or I'll give you 40 lashes.
What about lashes?
Do you think mine would
look better with mascara?
All right.
Pick up that line.
Aye, aye, sir.
Dugan.!
You're wanted below.
Aye, aye, sir.
Brother, I'll see you
later. That's okay with me.
You got no right to make
Tommy work like this.
A whole ocean full of water
to wash the decks.
He makes Tommy wash with one
bucket. All right. Forget it.
Always in trouble.
How about you and I going
ashore tonight? No, thanks.
You haven't left this boat
in a week.
You want to turn out
to be a barnacle?
I like the ship. You like
it? What's the matter?
Are you afraid that girl photographer
is still parked out there on the pier?
Yeah. I think I'll stay
parked here on the ship.
If she wants to get on here,
she'll have to fly.
If you change your mind, let me know. Okay.
"Pintles, small straight pieces of metal secured to
the rudder and fitting in gudgeons on a stern post. "
On the stern post.
"Gudgeons, small metal pieces
in which pintles are fitted. "
Pintles are fitted.
"The bow is the front.
The stern is in the back.
Starboard is to the right. " Hello. Hello.
Starboard is to the right.
Where's the port?
In a bottle in the icebox.
Thanks.
Wait, you're not allowed on board
this ship. You gotta get off.
I've got to get a picture of Tommy
Halstead. If you'll help... Oh, no.
I'm not gonna help. I'm not getting
in any more jams. I'll scream.
How loud can you scream? Ahhh...
That's enough.
You gonna help?
I don't wanna, but...
All right! I'll help.
Thanks, you're cute.
I only wish Patty thought so.
Why do I get in these messes?
Tiptoe. Shhh.
Oooh! Come on. Hurry
up. Get in here. Quick.
Pintles, pintles are pintles.
What?
Adams is going to
try to make you...
into something
that resembles a sailor.
He'll give you the instructions
and you better come up to par.
What's par on this ship?
Seventy-six.
What?
I'm sorry, Dynamite.
The time is gonna come sometime.
The time is gonna come.
And when the time comes sometime... Well?
The time is gonna come.
Get to work.
Well?
Smokey.
Never mind that.
You heard what the chief said.
We're gonna make a sailor out of you.
Where'll I start? In the potato locker.
Never mind the potato locker.
But if the officers find...
If the officers find what?
There's a tomato in there
with the potatoes. Get it out.
Put it in with the rest
of the tomatoes.
She ain't that kind of tomato.
This one walks and talks. She?
She's in there.
See? What'd I tell you?
There she is. Pomeroy.
Don't blame him. I came
to get a picture ofTommy.
The only pictures allowed
on this ship are tattooed on men.
I told you you wasn't allowed
on this ship. You gotta get off.
She has got to get off!
You can't go that way.
The OD's on the quarterdeck.
Let's try the 50-cent seats.
This is no time to get silly.
Listen, boys.
I don't want
to be any trouble.
Just help me get the pictures and I'll
slip ashore after dark. Do you promise?
Promise.
Cross your heart?
I don't like it, but I guess you got us
hooked either way, miss. Don't be formal.
Just call me Dot. Okay, Dot. Come on.
Dash, Dot! Dash!
Come on, come on.
Not me. Not me! Her.
Go ahead. Dash! Get in.
What's going on in here?
Nothing.
Why not? What do you
think you're doing?
Well? Dash. Dot. Dot. Dash. Dash. Dot...
What is this? Signal practice. Smokey's
trying to resemble me into a sailor.
Well, stow it.
We did. I hope.
Watson, why don't you keep
these locker doors dogged down?
What about the door? You heard me. Dog it.
Dog it?
Okay.!
Smokey, get a load
of this picture.
What is this here,
that these guys are working on?
That's a hull of a ship.
You're telling me.
But what is this they're working
on? Please, don't annoy me.
I'm trying to figure out a way
to get that girl off this boat.
That's going to be awful.
I wish I wasn't here. You...
Smokey, if I didn't know better,
I'd swear we're moving.
We are moving! We're on
our way to Hawaii. Yeah.
What'd you say?
Hawaii.
We're going to Hawaii?
Where Patty is? That's right.
Oh! I'm going
to Hawaii!
With a tomato
in the potato locker.
We'll get around to it.
Okay, kid,
we'll get around to it.
Wait a minute. What are you throwing
your clothes out the porthole for?
Porthole?
Certainly.
I thought it was a little closet.
No, come on. Let's get to bed.
Not so much noise.
Quiet. Come on.
Come on.
Let's get to bed.
Shh.
Quiet. Go to bed.
Where am I gonna sleep? Up here.
I said, where do I sleep?
Up in here. That's right.
How do you get in here?
How do you sleep in here?
Six years in the navy and you
never slept in a hammock?
Six years, I was a baker.
I always slept in a sink.
You better learn to sleep in
a hammock. How do you get in?
Watch me.
Oh, that's good.
Grab on and...
Shhh. Don't make any noise. Quiet.
I think I made it.
Quiet! No noise.
Pretty near made it.
Giddyap.
Hey, Smokey.
What's the matter?
How can you sleep like this?
How do you lay down? Lay down.
How do you
straighten this out?
Get over. Okay.
Will you go to sleep?
You wanna wake everybody up?
Go on. I'm comfortable
down here. It's much better.
It's a fine time to be playing
on the deck. Get up in there.
How're you gonna
sleep in a snood?
Quiet! Take it easy.
Now I gotta
saddle it again.
Whoa, boy.
Shh.!
I gotta talk to the horse.
Take it easy.
What in the world are you doing?
Go to sleep.
Whoa, boy. Attaboy.
Whoa. Take it easy.
Shh.
Okay.
Ahhh! Comfortable. Make it?
Good night.
Did you do that?
Do what?
That clicking sound.
I didn't hear no click.
I've been hearing a clicking sound for
a week, ever since we left San Diego.
I must have
a bug in my ear.
Where do all the bugs go
this time of year? Search me.
No, thanks.
I just wondered.
All right, men.
Prepare to wash down.
You too, shorty.
What are you going to do,
take all day?
Come on, get that shirt off.
What happened?
Smokey. Tommy.
Tommy and the girl.
What happened?
The lady photographer?
Yeah.
No!
Shh. Quiet!
Does this happen
to belong to you, sailor?
Thanks, buddy.
Novel idea,
traveling in a potato locker.
Trifle gloomy, isn't it?
Only when you're around.
Who's been hiding you in here? Nobody.
Never mind. Pomeroy's
the only sailor on board...
with so few brains,
outside of yourself.
He's all right. Do you realize the trouble
he'd get into if the captain found out?
Of course you don't.
The only thing you've got on
your silly head is a roll of film.
It's my job. It's not your job to
hound me all the way across the Pacific,
turning a battleship into
a photographer's gallery.
Lucky for all of us we're
only one day from Hawaii.
Then I can develop
my... laundry.
Your laundry?
Oh, your laundry!
Yeah.
Give me those.
I know a safe place for them.
DavyJones's locker.
Please,
can't we talk this over?
Sure, on deck tonight.
We're having a band concert.
I won't be there.
Oh, yes, you will.
Either there or in the brig.
See what I mean, boys?
You mean something like this?
Hey, boys. You, come here.
Come on, come on.
Can you boys do anything
to entertain the men?
Well... If you turn that
band over to us, we can.
The whole band? We used
to have a band back home.
The Tenth Avenue Guttersnipes. Quiet!
All right, all right.! What do
you think I got that medal for?
All right, boys.
You can take over.
From now on,
it's every man for himself.
Don't sink the boat.
Sit down.
Right.
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
Will get it in the neck
So gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
Boom, boom, boom, boom
A sailor has to know
when Uncle Sam has got a foe
Who won't behave
he sends the navy
With danger at his side
a sailor guards his country's pride
And on the wave
he is the navy
On the Atlantic
Yeah!
On the Pacific
Yeah!
Whether it's peace whether
it's war the navy's terrific
Wherever the situation's tense
We're the first line
of defense
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
will get it in the neck
So gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
On the Atlantic
On the Pacific
Stand clear
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy
Now
Up!
Whoa! Ooo!
Hey! Hey!
Let go! Back up!
I'm a member.
I'm a member! I'm a member! Come here.
You never told me about
this kind of initiation.
That's what they do
when they cross the equator.
You want to belong
to the Sons of Neptune?
Yeah, but I'm no aviator.
All right.
You passed the blanket test. Now you
have to be passed by the committee.
Ready, committee?
You'll face the committee
right about here.
Right here.
I'm a member!
I'm gonna be
one of you guys.
Pomeroy Watson, before you can become
a member of the Sons of Neptune,
you'll answer this question
truthfully. Yes, sir.
If you had your choice,
what branch of the service would
you prefer... air, land or water?
Gimme the water.
That's a pretty good initiation.
Oh, yeah.
I like it.
Yes.
Does Smokey know anything
about this? Of course not.
Tell me the truth.
Honest.
He don't, huh?
Uh-oh, here he comes.
How would you like to join...
How would you like to join...
He knows.
He doesn't know.
Did you hear that? I heard it,
but he doesn't know. Coincidence.
If you had your choice...
If you had your choice...
He knows it.
He don't know it.
Ask him if he wants to be a Son of Neptune. Ask him
if he wants to be on land, in water, or in the air.
When he says "give me the water,"
give it to him!
Hey, what's this
all about?
All us guys, we belong to
the Sons of Neptune club. Yes.
Ooh. If you want to join, it's okay.
Then Father Neptune
will be your boss.
Neptune will reign over
me? A cloudburst over you.
Don't tip it off.
Ask him the questions.
I don't get it. You should get
it half as good as I got it.
Did you get it?
This ain't perspiration.
No, no. I want it good.
You won't get disappointed.
That's swell. Stand here. Don't go away.
Hold him here.
Shh. Shh. Shh.
I swallowed it.
Uh-uh. Hmm?
Mm-mmm.
Uh-oh.
Mm-mmm!
Uh-uh.
Mmm! Mmm!
Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
Mm-mm-mm-mm!
Mm!
Mm-uh...
Mmm!
Mmm!
Hm-mmm! Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Mmm. Uh-mmm.
Why didn't you say,
"Give me the water"?
Tommy, thank you
for bringing us in here...
so I could see
my girlfriend, Patty.
I'll ask you to do something
for me sometime. Glad to.
It's okay, kid. What are
you eating that skin for?
I like it. With all this
delicious native food around here?
Taste that dish.
What?
Taste that dish.
It's delicious.
How do you like it?
Good.
What are you doing?
Show place
of the island.
I came in here to make an impression with
my girlfriend. Don't give me that stuff.
Boy, that was a beauty. Now, come
on, honey. Let's you and me go places.
No, no, Tommy!
Wait, Tommy.
Tommy, no! I've got to get
that camera away from her.
And get in a fight
with Dynamite?
And give her a chance to take 10 more
pictures of you being dragged to the brig?
Ka-pu, ka-pu
This isn't for a guy
like Toscanini
Or any other
icky Malahini
Ka-pu, ka-pu
Here is a real
Hawaiian treat
With a boogie-woogie beat
It's just an old Hawaiian
hula-ba-luau
Where you can do
a hula creation
With boogie syncopation
that will give you a spin
You want to go and see
a hula-ba-luau
'Cause when you do
a pretty Hawaiian
Will start the grass a-flyin'
and you'll have to join in
They sing to the beat
of the native drum
And the mellow steel guitar
She'll be comin' around
the old volcano when she comes
Singin', beat me, beat me, Daddy
eight to the bar
And when you've been
to see a hula-ba-luau
You'll never rue a moment
you spent there
You'll be so glad you went there And I
know you'll agree that everybody should see
A hula-ba-luau right now
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo-ooo
Ta-heepa-honay-honay
maka-ula-pa-la-la
Ta-ua-pa-la-la
ta-ta-ta-ua-pa-la-la
Ay-ya-ha-ta-wa-mow
wa-e-say-day-pay
Wa-tay-ta-say-mow-wa-e
mow-wa-e-say-day-pay
Hey-ya-wow-ta-wa-e-say hi-u
They sing to the beat
of the native drum
Tittle-e-a
and a mellow steel guitar
She'll be comin' around
the old volcano when she comes
Singin', beat me, beat me, Daddy
eight to the bar
And when you've been to see
a hula-ba-luau
You'll never, never rue a moment
you spent there
You'll be so glad
you went there
And I know you'll agree
that everybody should see
A hula-ba-luau
Right now
Come on. I'm just wild
to see him in uniform.
General, do you know if
Russ Raymond's on this boat?
It's a ship, lady.
I'm dying to put one
of these leis around his neck.
I'm going to get his autograph
if I have to wreck the whole navy.
Can you tell me
where Russ Raymond is?
This happen to belong to you, sailor? Ow!
Please, Tommy.
Let me explain.
We're locked in.
Some more of your work?
No, but that's fine. Now you'll have to listen to
me about the pictures. I know all about the pictures.
I've got an idea that's gonna
straighten everything out.
No, you don't. You've caused
me enough trouble. Listen to me.
I don't mean any... I'm very
busy here in the kitchen.
Don't bother me.
Do your work, but don't do mine.
Put it down. Why don't you
give me the end with the towels?
Hey, doughnuts!
No, Smokey! Don't!
One doughnut.
I haven't got enough.
I just baked
28 of these things.
There's seven officers
to feed.
I've got just enough to
give them... 13 apiece. What?
Thirteen apiece.
Thirteen apiece?
Seven officers,
each gets 13.
You've only got 28. Right,
28 doughnuts and seven, 13...
I gotta give 'em to them.
Seven thirteens are 28?
That's ridiculous! Seven times
four is 28. It's got to be right...
Seven times four is 28?
Sure.
He must have went
to a cheap school.
Seven times 13 is 28.
Ridiculous!
Come here. I'll figure it out for
you. What's the matter with you?
I've got this all figured out. You have?
Prove that to me. I'm
gonna prove it. Don't worry.
Ridiculous. Come, come. No, it ain't.
It's not ridiculous. There's
no sense to your argument.
Go ahead.
You'll see.
Now, there were seven
officers. That's right.
There's a seven. Now I'm
gonna divide and prove it.
Twenty-eight doughnuts.
Twenty-eight doughnuts.
You claim seven goes into
2813 times? Prove it to me.
Seven into two. What do
you mean, seven into two?
Seven will not go into two no matter
how much you try. We know that.
You couldn't push that big seven
into that little two. Certainly not.
Therefore, we can't use the two.
What are you gonna do with it?
I'm gonna let Dizzy hold it. Dizzy, you hold
that two for me. Will you, please? Thank you.
I'll use it later.
What is this all about?
Seven into eight... one.
Now, we're gonna carry
the seven. So carry it.
It's gettin' heavy,
so I'll put it down there.
Seven from eight... one.
A minute ago,
we didn't use the two.
What do you mean?
I'm gonna use it now.
Use it? Dizzy, give me
back the two. Thanks.
Put it right down there.
So?
Seven into 21?
Three times.
Three times. Seven...
28... 13. Wait a minute!
You ever go to school,
stupid?
Yeah, and I come out the
same way. Never mind that.
Multiply this.
Put down 13 up there.
Put down 13?
Yes.
You claim each officer
gets 13 doughnuts?
They gotta, or else I go
to the brig. Wait a minute.
Seven officers? Put
down seven, draw a line.
Seven times 13 is what?
Twenty-eight.
Prove it.
Seven times three?
Twenty-one.
Seven times one?
Seven.
Seven and one!
Eight.
Two?
Oh, no. Come on.
Comes out right all the time. It shouldn't!
It's got to come out right or
I go in the brig. That I know.
Just a minute. We'll add this up.
Put down 13 seven times.
That'll straighten
this out.
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
Wait a minute.
I forgot Dynamite.
Yes, there's
seven officers.
Now we're getting it. You claim
all this added up amounts to what?
Twenty-eight.
Give me the chalk.
No. You take it, it's liable
to come out right.
Sure there's something wrong. Here's
three, six, nine, 12, 15, 18, 21.
22, 23, 24, 25,
26, 27, 28!
See?
All hands on deck for
the visitor's day entertainment.
I'll be right there.
All hands on deck.
You wish to check
the captain's breakfast?
I certainly do. I want to check the
captain's breakfast every morning.
I gotta. What is this...
a burnt offering?
I scorch more right away.
You've scorched enough.
Do you toast this with a
blowtorch? I don't like it.
I don't know how the captain
puts up with you.
I'll bring it up
to him myself.
Put your hat on before you get
into trouble. Listen to my idea.
I'm in a hurry.
This is visitor's day.
But it's doomsday for me.
What kind of crack is that?
You know what I'm talking about. Today there's
gonna be hundreds of people on board this boat.
I know that. There's gonna be
entertainment, dancing, maybe the rumba.
So? Everybody'll have a good time but me.
Why? Patty Andrews is comin'
on board with her sisters.
When she finds out that I'm nothing but a
baker, I hate to think what's gonna happen.
I told you I was
working on that.
You've been telling me that
for two weeks.
I straightened out that Tommy
and Dorothy affair! I helped ya.
Yes, but I'm gonna
straighten out yours. How?
How would you like
to go to sick bay?
Look, sick bay or Dead Sea,
it's all the same to me.
Nothing's gonna help.
This will.
You report
to the hospital.
A baker in pajamas looks
just like an admiral.
Oh, that's a swell idea.
Certainly!
It ain't gonna work. These
doctors are terrific. Why not?
They'll know there's nothing
wrong with me. They always do.
There will be something wrong
with you after you drink that.
What's that?
A sleeping solution.
One teaspoonful and you
pass out just like that.
Like that?
Just like that!
I do get to wake up?
Certainly.
Okay.
For you, Patty.
Not now! Take the captain's
breakfast to him first.
I've got to take the captain's
breakfast first. Go ahead.
Smokey, you're wonderful.
You embarrass me.
There's still work to be done.
I'll be seeing you.
There's a pal
if I ever did see one.
Now, for the captain's breakfast.
Oh, there you are.
Captain wants
to meet you.
This orange juice
is great stuff.
They sent me down to fix the
old man's communicator. Okay.
Come in.
Smokey, the captain's asleep.
He is asleep.
Must be overworked.
Drank a whole glass of orange juice.
Went to sleep just like that.
Like that?
Just like that.
Shh. Why, you dope!
You've doped the captain.
Yeah. Who?
You.
I didn't dope nobody. Are
you crazy? Somebody did.
We'd better call the police.
Call somebody! What do you mean?
Don't get excited.
Call somebody!
Take it easy. Calling the
police. Calling all cars.
The captain's been doped.
That thing's out of order.
This thing's out of order.
No use talking to you.
Put that down. That's what
Dynamite sent me down here to fix.
I know, but the captain.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I've got an idea.
I've just made you the captain. Good.
I'm the captain.
Could you tell us
where we could find...
Girls.
Pardon us, please.
Hello, Smokey.
How are you, girls?
I've got orders to take you
to the captain's quarters.
The captain's quarters?
Well!
The captain?
Yep. Come on.
We don't know the captain.
Is he expecting us?
Oh, uh, these are guests
of the captain.
All right.
Go right in.
Welcome, girls.
Captain Pomeroy Watson
at your service, miladies.
Is this on the level?
Won't you be seated?
Thank you. It's very
comfortable here.
You must enjoy your quarters.
Money means nothing to me.
Be seated, please.
I have duties to arrange.
Ahem.
Running a ship
is very, very hard.
Captain Pomeroy Watson
speaking.
I don't want to be disturbed for
an hour... maybe two. Aye, aye, sir.
And in the meantime, batten down all
the hatches and furl the mainsails...
and gudgeon the pintles.
Aye, aye, sir.
That's nautical terms.
You gotta talk all that
nautical stuff on a boat.
Everything is shipshape.
Make yourself at home.
Captain Watson?
Call me Pomeroy, Patty.
Pomeroy,
I owe you an apology.
Tush, tush.
That's all...
Somebody's knocking
at the door.
I'll go answer it.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Message for the captain.
That's me.
Message for the captain.
Messages, messages, messages!
That's all I get all day long.
It's enough
to drive you crazy!
Aren't you gonna read it?
It might be important.
Sure, Pomey.
Sure, Pomey.
I'll find out who it's from
and see what it's all about.
Don't be afraid.
That's the only thing this is
good for, opening up letters.
It might be
very important.
Uh-oh.
The admiral.
It's important, all right. May I read it?
I've always wanted to read
official messages. Thanks, Pomey.
Oh, how exciting!
What does it say?
It's from the admiral
in command, Pacific fleet,
to Captain Richards,
commanding U. S...
Captain Richards?
That's code.
Richards,
that's my code name.
Every time they send something,
it's in code.
Oh, of course.
"Committee aboard flagship question
maneuverability of battleships of Alabama class.
Please provide a demonstration
at your earliest possible convenience. "
How thrilling! Can we watch
you commanding your ship?
Please, Pomey.
Come on.
It would be wonderful. We've always
wanted to see something like that. Please.
Sure, okay.
Captain Watson speaking.
Order the engine room to
get up steam. Aye, aye, sir.
And stand by your post.
Standing by, sir.
Adams, didn't I tell you to fix
the captain's communicator?
I'm working on it.
Fix it later.
I've got something
more important for you to do.
Come on.
Get this heliograph together
quick as you can.
There's something
we can fix.
Give me a hand and we'll
splice this up. Swell.
Hey, you kids,
get away from there.!
Never mind the kids.
Just keep working.
You don't understand.
Keep working.
That's fixed. Let's go find something else.
Here's the glass.
Thanks, Pomeroy.
Thank you.
Courtesy of the captain.
I guess the steam's up by now.
Let's go out on deck and see.
Wait a minute.
What's the matter with you? You
can't go out there. It ain't safe.
But the other visitors...
the deck is full of them.
Yeah?
I'll fix that up.
I'll show you
a thing or two.
- I'm the captain. Attention, the bridge!
- Aye, aye, sir.
Send all guests below
and clear the decks for action.
Aye, aye, sir.
The guy must be
a ventriloquist, and clever!
Pass the word.
All visitors below decks.
All hands stand by to get underway.
Clear ship for action.
All visitors below decks. All
hands stand by to get underway.
Clear ship for action.
Weigh the anchors.
Full speed ahead.
Captain Richards certainly got
his ship underway fast, Admiral.
Thank you, Senator.
Duty calls.
How's the longitude?
Take course, north.
Northeast by northeast.
Hey, fellows, look out!
- Attention, the bridge. Port the helm.
- Port the helm.
Starboard the helm.
Aye, aye, sir.
Starboard the helm.
Do something.
Port the helm.
Aye, sir.
Port the helm.
Well, sir? I never saw anything
like it in my life, Admiral.
How would like to see us
go into some real action?
We'd love to, Pomeroy!
Sure.
Attention, the bridge. Man
battle stations. Launch aircraft.
Prepare torpedoes.
All guns, load.
Proceed under forced draft.
Course, due south.
Did you notice the way Richards
launched his planes? Incredible!
Looks like he's heading
straight for us.
Don't worry. Richards is one
of our most able officers.
- Bridge calling the captain.
- What do you want?
My respects for the captain, but we're heading
directly for the flagship at full speed.
Who's running this boat?
You are, sir.
I'll run it. You obey orders.
Do as you're told. Aye, aye, sir.
Attention, the bridge.
Full speed astern.
- We're going full speed ahead.
- Don't argue! Full speed astern.
Aye, aye, sir. Full speed
astern. Aye, aye, sir.
Full speed... Full speed astern!
Full speed astern!
Look out! Look out! We're
gonna get hit. Pomeroy.
Turn the boat! Turn the boat! Pomeroy.
Man overboard! Man overboard! Pomeroy.
All right.
Pull yourself together.
Man overboard. Szzz!
What happened?
Oh, boy! All right. Come out of it.
It's Smokey.
Yes, I'm here.
Did you see it? Torpedo. Szzz. What?
Airplane!
Everything's all right.
Come here.
Don't worry.
Come here. Pull yourself together. Smokey!
What's wrong with you?
The boat's sinking!
Here, here. Come on.
I'm gonna hit the flagship.
Here, here.
What's the matter? Why, you
dope. You doped yourself.
Sure! Who?
You did.
Ah, come on.
Get it together.
Fix yourself up. Get ready
for the entertainment tonight.
I've just had enough
entertainment for a lifetime.
Lifeboats, boats,
airplanes, torpedoes...
For the hundredth time,
Mr. Russ Raymond, I...
The name is Tommy Halstead. Whatever it is!
My boss promised to
destroy the negative.
He double-crossed you,
not me. Yes, of course.
Very well, don't believe me.
I don't and I won't.
All I know is, that due to
your clever camera work,
I'm back in the spot I joined
the navy to get away from.
If I got you out of that spot,
would you forgive me?
Sure.
All right.
Those women are only
running after you because...
they think there's one chance
in a million to land you.
Cut the odds down to nothing.
What do you mean?
They won't run after
a married man, Mr. Stupid!
Oh, I see.
Do you?
Where do you think
you're going... Mrs. Stupid?
Next time, take a picture
of the good side of my face.
Star light
Star bright
First star I've seen tonight
Wish I may
Wish I might
Have the wish
I make tonight
Star light
Star bright
Send me my love tonight
If you will, if you do
That's my wish come true
In my mind, my ideal
Is a creature so supreme
Let me find that she's real
And not just a lovely dream
Star light
Star bright
First star I've seen tonight
Find my love so I might
Hold her in my arms tonight
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you kindly embark
in the boats waiting for you?
Thank you.
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
will get it in the neck
So, gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
will get it in the neck
So, gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
I'll bet you thought
it was gonna go off.
to get tickets.
When he sings, I feel
he's singing just to me.
I don't want to miss a note.
Who wants to hear him sing?
You do. I had to give up
a good poker game for this.
Keep moving, folks.
Star light
Star bright
First star
I've seen tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have the wish I make tonight
Star light
Star bright
Send me my love tonight
If you will, if you do
That's my wish come true
In my mind, my ideal
Is a creature so supreme
Let me find that she's real
And notjust a lovely dream
Star light
Star bright
First star I've seen tonight
Find my love so I might
Hold her in my arms
Tonight
That, ladies and gentlemen,
was Russ Raymond,
America's singing heartthrob
presenting that brand-new number,
"Star Light, Star Bright. "
And so Fluffso Soap,
the soap that does fluff so...
brings to a close the 333rd
program of Russ Raymond.
If you wish an autographed picture of Russ
Raymond, America's singing heartthrob...
Hi, Pete.
Hi, Dynamite.
Where do you gobs want off?
Just dump us off anywhere.
Okay.
Ready?
Thanks a lot.
Okay.
Come here!
Still got the letter?
Right here.
Mr. Thomas Halstead,
Conquistador Hotel.
Must be a big shot if the captain
sends him private messages.
I don't understand why the captain
picked you to deliver a message.
Because I'm the smartest man in
the navy. How do you figure that?
He said it was impossible for
anybody to teach me anything.
Look out! Why don't you
look where you're going?
Hello.
What's the matter
with you guys?
Ain't you got any sense?
You wanna hurt somebody?
You wouldn't drive like that if
there was a cop around here! You bet.
There ain't a cop
within a mile!
Nobody would drive like that. Go
call me a policeman. Sure... What?
Didn't you sailors hear that
officer blow his whistle? Yes.
What do you think he's doing,
giving bird imitations?
Or does he look like
a peanut stand?
There's a law against
jaywalking! Give him a ticket.
Wait, Smokey.
Keep out of this!
Don't tell him
to give me a ticket.
I'll get you out of it.
In a patrol wagon.
I don't like to give a sailor
a ticket. Hear what he said?
It's your duty.
Leave the man alone.
You keep quiet.
I insist you give him a ticket.
Persistent sort of a guy.
Just keep quiet.
He can't bluff me.
Give him one.
Okay, if you insist. What's
your name? Pomeroy Watson.
What ship? No ship. I
ain't ever been on a boat.
What? I only been in the navy six years.
Never been to sea?
No, sir.
Revolting, isn't it?
Next time, watch your step.
Both of you.
My first ticket, and I
wasn't even driving a car.
See what I get on
account of you people?
Are you gonna
let him bluff you?
Tear it up.
It's no good?
Tear it up, go on!
He can't do anything to you.
What's the idea?
That was his idea.
Yeah? Tell that to the
marines. That was his idea.
I got a ticket...
Hey, listen.
A clown in a
sailor's suit, huh?
Let's see how well you
entertain the boys in the brig.
You gotta let him deliver the
captain's letter first. Yeah.
Okay, you deliver that letter
and report back to the base.
I'm not gonna have any trouble
out of either one of you. Okay.
You gonna let that big lug
get away with that?
I'm gonna call him and you're going
to tell him off. Wait a minute.
Every time you open up my
mouth, you get me in trouble.
All right. Come on.
We'll deliver the letter.
Hey, Smokey.
What?
What a cute kid.
Hello, how are you?
Give me the letter.
Get that letter, will you?
There's the letter.
Pick it up.
Let's get going.
Oh!
In trouble again, huh?
- Can't we fix this all up?
- Not with me, sailor.
Here's your money.
Trying to bribe me?
Pomeroy Watson.
No, I was only trying to...
I know. You can take your money
and get out of this area.
But this money... You
heard me! Get out of here!
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay.
Hey!
Who is it?
The navy.!
Come in, boys.
Get in here.
Are you Thomas Halstead? That's right.
I got a letter for you.
Thanks.
You boys always deliver
dirty letters? Oh, no.
I wouldn't even look
at a dirty postcard.
"Mr. Halstead, enclosed... "
The C.O. wants an answer.
You boys make yourselves
at home.
We'd like to, but we can't.
I got a lot of shopping to do.
Shopping?
Where did...
No, you don't!
I'm gonna buy every record
the Andrews Sisters ever made.
I'm gonna buy that one.
Ta, ta, ta-da-da
We'll be right back. You're
a lucky fellow Mr. Smith
And you'll be able
to live as you do
And to see that liberty girl
All right.
Doing the things she do
Don't push.
Don't give me that.
You can't spend that money. No?
No, that money belongs
to that shore patrol.
That's tainted.
'Tain't his?
It is his!
'Tain't mine?
What would
your mother say?
I don't know. What'll I do? Throw it away.
Okay.
What are you whistling at?
Chambermaid.
You oughta be ashamed of your...
Just the maid, sir. Would you mind
coming back a little later, please?
But I have to make up your
bed, sir. It's been made.
But this is the morning
we give you fresh blankets...
treated with ultraviolet.
Conquistador service, sir.
I beg your pardon, sir.
The navy!
Well, that's a pretty nice camera
for a chambermaid.
It's a hobby of mine. Even
chambermaids have hobbies.
If you want a hobby,
try learning to make beds.
Come back here
with that camera!
You've got no right! I oughta
hammer your toy into an ashtray.
You happen to be news,
Mr. Raymond.
Why the disappearance act?
That's none of your business.
It's the public's business.
I don't think it is.
You've got no right to run out
on the people who made you famous.
They're entitled to know.
What about me?
Don't you think I'm entitled
to a little private life?
Look, lady, I assure you
I'm not ungrateful.
I only want to spend
the next six years of my life...
being just plain me,
Tommy Halstead.
Not Russ Raymond,
America's singing heartthrob.
Do you get it?
So you picked the navy?
Yes, ma'am, the navy.
I'm a sailor.
Just a plain simple gob.
That's going to be something.
That's going to be a whale
of a story. Over my dead body.
If you print that, do you realize
what my life in the navy would be?
Gee, not so good.
Not so good's right.
I never thought of it like that.
I'm really sorry.
Let's take the film and
get rid of this. Good.
Excuse me, boys.
Well, that's a fine
"how do you do. "
Fine, thanks. How are you?
I'm all right. Come on!
Not so much noise.
What are you gonna do?
Oh, boy, oh, boy!
I've never seen anything like this.
Boy, can you imagine this?
What do you see?
Nothin'.
They got the key in the door.
Ow.! Ow.!
Watch the birdie.!
You want some ice water?
Don't, that hurts.
Ow! Stop it!
Halstead?
H- A-L-S-T-E-A-D?
You say he
enlisted today?
See? That proves it.
Simply proves that a fella named
Halstead enlisted in the navy.
How do I know that
Halstead is Russ Raymond?
Brownie, take these.
Because I told you so.
Because I brought
this picture to prove it.
That headless wonder could
be anyone. Very clever fake.
Why are you so sure I'm
faking it? First of all,
no sane man would give up a $100,000-a-year
job to be a $21-a-month sailor.
Second, his disappearance
was a publicity stunt.
Third, you've been trying to get
a staff assignment for six months.
Good day, Miss Roberts.
Mr. Travers, I'll get you
a picture of Russ Raymond.
I'll prove that
he's Tommy Halstead,
and that he has
enlisted in the navy.
Okay, go ahead. And I'll double the
circulation of this magazine overnight.
You get me enough pictures
for a four-page layout...
showing Raymond
as a rookie sailor,
and I'll make
magazine history.
Oh, the Andrews Sisters.
Drive through.
Say, I thought there were three
girls in a trio. There are.
Something's wrong.
That trio's a foursome.
How long have you been
handling publicity for the navy?
Just a short while,
Miss Andrews.
I only volunteer my services
when it's... vital.
Men, when you came here
eight weeks ago...
you only looked like sailors.
Now, you are sailors.
You've worked hard
and you've learned fast.
You've had to learn fast
because these are perilous times.
Today, more than ever
before in our history,
130 million Americans
depend upon the vigilance...
of the United States Navy
to patrol our two oceans...
and to guard us
from any and all enemies.
You men, the enlisted
personnel, are the navy,
the backbone of the fleet.
Remember what
you stand for.
Good luck, good voyage,
and keep your ship afloat.
The ship's are all shined up
The brass is aglow
The fleet is all lined up
and rarin' to go
The weatherman dreamed up
a sky full of red
The boilers are steamed up
so full speed ahead
You're off to see the world
You're off to find out
just what makes it tick
You're gonna have a look
at all of the oceans
And earn your promotions
but quick
You're off to see the world
Before you get back
into port again
They want to prove to you
the beans and the gravy
They serve in the navy
make men
Up anchor
Hit the deck, you gobs
You're on your way
Though we can't say
which way you may go
To Rio or Rome
Nice or Nome
Labrador, Singapore
and back to San Diego
You're putting out to sea
To see what kind of sailors
you can be
But, sailor, you can bet
wherever you're sent
You're bent for adventure
So while there's still
a world left to see
You're off to sea
to see the world
We're off to see the world
We wanna find out
just what makes it tick
We're gonna have a look
at all of the oceans
And earn our promotions
but quick
We're off to see the world
Before we get back
into port again
We want to prove to you
the beans and the gravy
They serve in the navy
make men
Up anchor
Hit the deck, you gobs
You're on your way
Though we can't say
which way you may go
To Rio or Rome
Nice or Nome
Labrador, Singapore
and back to San Diego
We're putting out to sea
To see what kind of sailors
we can be
But, sailor, you can bet
wherever you're sent
You're bent for adventure
So while there's still
a world left to see
We're off to sea
to see the world
So long, good-bye, sailor
See you again
'Cause you're off to see the world
and see what makes it tick
And earn your promotions
but do it quick
So long, but not forever
Good-bye
We'll see you again
when you put back into port
So long
Bon voyage to you
'Cause you're off
to see the world
Miss Roberts?
Yes?
Do you know Pomeroy?
Pomeroy?
Pomeroy Watson,
the best sailor in the navy.
He's tall, dark, and then some.
That's what he says
in his letters.
He's living for the moment
when he can crush me in his arms.
And you've never seen him? Not yet.
Oh, there he is,
over there by the cannon.
Is that for me?
Go on and surprise him.
I'm sure he'd love it.
Do you think so?
I'm sure of it.
Of course he would. Go on,
throw your arms around him.
Oh, boy!
Come on, Max.
Honey,
here's your dream gal.
Look who's here!
The Andrews!
Of all people.
What are you doing here?
Hello, LaVerne.
Aren't we surprised?
Am I surprised!
Excuse me a minute.
Looking for somebody?
Yes, I need a convoy.
What's the matter, sailor?
What's wrong?
Well... You found my purse.
Thanks for returning it.
Come on, you boob, give the
lady her purse. Certainly, Chief.
I believe this was in it.
Too bad the light got to it.
You must come up sometime
and see my candid camera shots.
Sorry I had to run away
like that, girls.
We're the ones that are sorry, Russ.
It was a frame-up.
You're right. What are
you girls doing in the navy?
- She's getting in for a sailor.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Do you know a hunk of stuff
by the name of Pomeroy Watson?
Pomeroy Watson?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, Pomeroy.
Give way, fast!
Fast as you can.
There he is, right over there,
in charge of those men.
I might have known he'd be
in charge of something.
He's a big man around here.
I never heard of
such a thing before.
Is he standing in a hole?
Hey, Pomey!
Huh?
There's Patty and the girls.
Well, every sailor
can't be a Charles Boyer.
Now men, I want you guys to pay
more attention to my commands!
Now, every one of youse,
up oars!
That's enough.
What happened? What happened?
It's mutiny, that's what it is.
Put 'em down! Put 'em down!
Put 'em down. Don't forget it.
All I said was, "up oars. "
Now that's the camel
that broke the straw's back!
Put 'em down!
Put 'em down!
Put 'em down.
This is mutiny,
that's what it is.
I'll put you on the brig,
on bread and water for 30 days.
All you of guys!
No more noise from anybody!
Give way, fast! Faster.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, pick up sticks.
Faster! Faster! Come on.
Faster! Much faster.
Much... Stop the boat.
Stop.
That's enough. That's enough.
Stop the boat.
S- S-Stop the boat.
Stop the boat!
Stop the boat!
That's enough!
What's the matter?
I'm gettin' seasick.
Ohhh. Ohhh.
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
Give him a break, Chief.
He's trying to impress his girl.
Sailor, that's not
what the navy's for.
I hope that petty officer
don't get wise to this.
What do I care about
the petty officer?
I've got no use
for a petty officer.
So, I see!
And I don't like pastry cooks...
who try to pretend
that they're sailors.
I was only...
Only trying to be a big shot.
Suppose you get back to the galley and
order some of those biscuits into the oven.
Not until I get ready.
I'm ready.
Hello.
Pomeroy Watson!
The big shot turns out to be
a blank cartridge. Why, Patty...
Oh, come on, girls.
Hey, baker, I thought I sent you
back to the galley. Well, I...
Quiet! By the way, where's that money
you took away from me on the street?
I wasn't gonna
keep that money.
I was gonna give it to you.
I was only looking for you.
Hello, Pomey, old boy.
You shut up!
The whole darn thing is
your fault. Now don't...
You told me to write to that girl
and tell her I was 6'2".
And to tell her
I had eyes of blue?
You know I ain't got
eyes of blue. I know that.
And you told me to tell her
that I'm an admiral.
All I am is a baker.
Oh, do I have trouble.
There's no harm done.
You not only wrecked my whole life,
but you spoiled my whole day.
Shame on you!
You hit me.
Shame on me too.
You hit me!
Smokey, I must be
losing my mind.
I didn't mean to hit you,
Smokey.
Smokey,
please believe me.
I'd never lay my hands on you.
You know that.
Smokey, hit me right
in the face. Go ahead.
Lot of good that will do.
Make up for that, Smokey.
Hit me right in the face
and make me happy.
Go ahead, Smokey.
Hit me right there.
And I had to coax him to do it.
Attention.!
Ha, ha, ha.
Flotsam and Jetsam.
We sure did fool you.
Oh, lookie, doughnuts!
Kids, get away
from those doughnuts.
It's okay. They're the
commanding officer's nephews.
Hey, Dizzy, come here.
Where's that coat
I had made for shore leave?
The white one.
In the clothes closet.
Get it for me.
Let's see it.
It's a pip. Steal it
over here. Hey, Smokey!
There you are, Joe. It's all fixed. Thanks.
How do you like the coat? That's
swell. You look like a battle wagon.
I'm gonna enjoy myself because
I got plenty of money to do it.
Hey! I'm going to spend
every dime on Patty.
Where'd you get all that?
I didn't know you had all that money. Sure.
Why didn't you
tell a fellow?
You got a certain look in your eye I
don't like. Behave. I'm your friend.
What're you doing? A little game
called "find the submarine. "
Like to play games?
That's a submarine.
That's a lemon.
We call it a submarine.
That's the Atlantic Ocean, that's the
Pacific Ocean, and that's the Indian Ocean.
I place it in one
of the oceans...
and if you find
the submarine, you win.
Let's play.
Get your money out.
You get the idea of the game.
Now, watch it.
See it there?
We put it in the Pacific Ocean.
Keep your eye on it. Tell me
where it is. I'll take this one.
How much?
Ten dollars.
It wasn't there?
I swear it was.
It wasn't there. I can't
help it. It got away... fast.
They do that.
You see it there?
How can you go wrong?
Just a twist of the wrist.
Where she goes, no one
knows. This one, for $10.
Ten more, 10 more,
10 more, 10 more.
Put it down once.
Where is it?
No, it wasn't there and it wasn't there.
Don't see how anybody can win this game.
I wouldn't say that.
I just said it.
I'll bet you $10
that it can be found.
There it is. If I can find it,
why can't you?
What kind of bet is that? I bet
you $10. You pick it up yourself.
That's not good. I'll give
you a chance to get even.
I'll bet you one dollar. Now you
find it. That's on the other side.
You win.
So it's even.
What you start betting dollars for?
We've been betting tens.
I'll give you a chance to double
up on me. You see it there?
Watch it. It's under
one of those shells.
Ten dollars. It's under here.
Go ahead and find it.
If he can find it, why can't you?
You wanna make a little bet?
Ten dollars. Under here.
Pick it out. It's up to you.
If he wins...
I'll take a chance.
Ten dollars. Go ahead,
pick it out. Where is it?
Why don't you leave 'em alone? Pick it out.
There it is. No, it's here. It's here.
There it is. The first
time I ever won in my life.
What do you win?
You had no money down.
If you had some money down,
you'd have won.
Hey, Smokey, I bet I could
win that submarine game.
Okay. How much you wanna bet? Five bucks.
Have you got a ten-dollar bill
for some ones?
I always carry a ten-dollar
bill. That's fine.
Give me the ones.
There's one, two...
How many years have you
been in the navy? Six years.
What's that got to do
with counting my change?
Six? Seven, eight, nine,
10. That's much better.
Here's your five.
One, two, three, four, five.
The idea of this game is to find... Smokey.
Wait a minute. What?
Come here.
There's somethin' wrong.
You didn't give 10 ones that time.
Here's your 10. Give me back
my ones. Why cheat me? Your pal.
That's better.
Okay. Come on.
There's one, two,
three, four, five...
Wait. When do you get out
of the navy? In two years.
Two? Two years I get out. Two.
Three, four, five, six, seven...
Wait a minute.
Did I understand you to say
six? Six years in the navy!
That's what it was.
Two years I'm getting out.
I had that six on my mind. It's
two years. Don't get me mixed up.
Two. Two. Two.
Two, two.
Okay, two. Three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
Thanks.
That's all.
Got it again.
Dizzy, have you got
a 10 for some ones?
Sure.
Give me the 10.
There's one, two...
How long you been in the navy?
Ninety days.
Come on, count it out.
No, you come on.
How long you been in the navy? Ninety days!
It's not gonna come out. Something's
wrong. You got yourself into it.
Come on, count it off.
I'm gonna get it again.
Two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
Seven.
How many months in 90 days? Three months.
Three months? Three.
Three months. Three!
I got him.
Three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, 10.
Yeah.
I think I got it again.
Oh, come on.
GiveJoe a chance to win
some money, will you, please?
Look, Joe. You see it there?
How can you go wrong?
It's just a little twist
of the wrist.
That's all there is to it.
It's underneath one of those shells.
Dizzy, take a look
under the table.
Under the table. You're
a cheater. No remarks.
Guy's got a fruit stand
under the table. Keep quiet.
Where's the submarine? No,
it wasn't there. It's a gyp!
It's a gyp, I tell ya.
Now, just a minute.
All right, there's your money
back. Cheatin' his old friend!
Smokey, don't go no further.
I want to play some more.
You wanna play some more?
You ain't gonna cheat me.
- You got any more money?
- Certainly. I got a bankroll. What odds you're gonna give me?
I'll give you two-to-one odds.
It ain't enough.
I'll give you three-to-one.
No. Too anxious.
What do you want?
At least six.
I'll give you five-to-one.
No, six.
I'll give you six-to-one.
Okay.
What was that? I don't know.
Somebody's digging clams or something.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
You know where it is now? Yes.
For the bankroll.
The bankroll.
Put it all down. Pick it up. Where'd
that come from? You're not mad?
Certainly I'm mad.
Then suck the lemons.
The worst thing I ever saw,
cheatin' like that.
Can you imagine a man doing that to
me? One thing I never do is cheat.
You know where
the submarine is.
I know where a flock of
submarines are. For how much?
I know where a submarine with juice
coming out of it is. For how much?
For the bankroll.
You wanna bet it all?
The whole works. All right.
You're only entitled to one ocean.
You pick up the ocean.
I'll pick up this ocean.
You want that ocean there? Pick it up.
You've got to pick it up in order to win.
Find the submarine.
What ocean do you want?
Is it under there?
There is a triple-barrelled...
Hey, Dizzy. Hey, Joe,
come here. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, here they are.
"En route to... "
Hawaii. Fine, thanks. How are you?
You like my smile
You like my style
Well, why don't you
make me know it
You like my walk
You like my talk
Well, there's only
one way to show it
If you want to shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Step right up
and take your stand
You don't have to be timid
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Smack it, whack it
Let your hand rotate
Show it, blow it
Put it in your pocket
till a future date
If you want to shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
If you like my style
well, show it
If you like my smile
let me know it
If you like my walk
please tell me
If you like my talk
well, skin me, Papa, skin me
If you want
to shake my hand
Like they
do it in Harlem, baby
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Step right up
and take your stand
You don't have to be timid, baby
Stick your hand right out and shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
Smack it, whack it
my friend
Let your hand rotate
Show it, blow it
Put it in your pocket till a future date
Step right out
and shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem today
How do they do it
Just stick your hand out
And give out with a shout
Gimme some skin
my friend
If you want
to shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem
Stick your hand right out
and shout
Gimme some skin
Gimme some skin
Gimme some skin
My friend
What's the matter? That's the
girl with the camera complex.
I gotta get back
because I'm on duty,
but I'll sneak in later
and we'll have a dance.
I'll be waiting, Mr. Dugan.
How are ya, Dynamite?
How are my boys behaving? Fine.
Good evening.
Oh. Hello.
I think I owe you an
apology. I think you do.
Well, we agree
on something.
I apologize for pulling
that gag on you. Gag?
You really thought I was
Russ Raymond, didn't you?
I did and I still do.
I've been mistaken for him a lot
of times. I am Tom Halstead.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I hope that guy Raymond stays lost
so I can have a little peace.
Well, if you're not
Russ Raymond,
then you won't mind
my taking your picture.
No, I'll even
strike a pose.
How's this right here?
Or would you rather
have this?
Anything'll do.
Good.
There you are. No hard feelings.
None at all, Mr. Raymond.
I'll be seeing you
in our magazine.
Here's the "flim. "
Thanks, my friend.
Give us some skin.
Sure. Skin.
Come on, if you want to
see the Andrews Sisters.
Hello, girls.
Gee, that number was swell.
Hello, Patty. You can call me
Miss Andrews and from a distance.
Give me a chance to explain
on the dance floor...
where we can have
a little privacy, huh?
It's too crowded here.
Well, I don't know.
Come on, Patty,
please, will ya?
I'll hardly step
on your feet at all.
Come on. All right. Come on, chubby.
She called me chubby.
Oh, boy.
Whose feet am I
gonna step on?
Where's your ticket?
You gotta have a ticket?
I'll go get a ticket.
Then we can dance.
Okay.
Lady, give me five cents
worth of tickets.
Who are you bumpin' into? You.
I'll not only bump you,
I'll slug you.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah!
Okay. I never fight with
nobody that agrees with me.
Excuse me.
Here. Let's go.
What kind of dance
was that?
What kind of dance
was that!
That was a swell dance.
Did you cut a rug?
Cut a rug?
I didn't even get a chance to disturb
the nap. You're just hard to please.
I rushed over to the box office.
I bought two tickets...
I come over here to dance
with my girlfriend, Patty,
and all we do is hear
the band go "ta-ta-ta, ta, ta. "
So you heard the band go
"ta-ta-ta, ta, ta"? I "heared" it.
That's gonna cost you two bits
more. Two bits more for what?
For listening
to the music.
Don't let him get away with
that. Smokey, don't push.
Come here. You want Patty
to think you're yellow? No.
Okay, Patty, I'll show him. Attaboy.
I'm in love. I don't know
what I'm doing. Oh, go ahead.
Blames it on love.
What's the matter?
Smokey?
What's wrong? I ain't
gonna fight those guys here.
I'll fight them on a field
of honor. They have no honor.
That's okay.
I ain't got no field.
Take a poke at him, Pomeroy.
Let him have it.
Go on, right on the nose.
Go on, take a good poke at him.
Okay.
I'll give five bucks if you
let me take a poke at you. Okay.
Oh, what a sport.
Thanks a lot, pal.
Okay, kid.
Here comes
the five-buck punch.
Here's your change. Oh,
wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I'd like to see you do
that again. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. He did.
I dare you to try that
on me, brother. Oh. So!
Wait a minute. Why don't you
pick on a kid your size?
Let him go.
Hold him! Hold him. Hold him.
Wait a minute. Let him go. Hold him!
What's the idea of trying
to pick on my friend here?
All right, boys.
I'm not pickin' on him.
Him and me had an understanding.
Afraid of the boy, sweetheart?
Don't call me sweetheart!
Hey, fellas, there's a fight.
No.
No.
Come on, break it up.
What's the matter
with you two?
I thought sailors were fighting men.
We are, but you gotta be on the water.
It's 30 days in the brig
if you're in a brawl ashore.
We're gonna stay right here
and watch the fight.
And then we won't wind up
in the brig. No, you don't.
What do you gobs think you are,
parachute troops?
This is the worst predicament
I was ever in.
This is worse
than being in jail.
Stone walls
do not a prison make.
Nor iron bars a cage. Well, if
they don't, they got us hypnotized.
Which one of you fellas is
Pomeroy Watson? That's you, Smokey.
No, that's you.
That's you.
I don't know where I'm at.
Excuse me. I'm Pomeroy Watson.
Message for you.
Thank you, sir.
Could you get me a sponge cake
with a file in it?
I guess not.
I'm sorry.
Oh, Smokey. Tommy.
What's wrong?
Fellas, it's the end now.
What happened now?
Smokey and Tommy, it's all over. Patty
and I are washed up. What's happened?
What do you mean? She's
going away with a barber.
With a barber?
That's nonsense.
No, it's not. It says right here
in the letter. What's it say?
"Am taking the clipper to Hawaii. " Ohhh!
Anything but a barber. I always wanted
to be more than a barber. Pomeroy Watson?
Pomeroy Watson,
somebody wants you.
That's me.
Come with me.
No, it's much safer in here.
Don't take me.
I didn't do nothin'.
I'm not gonna squeal, boys.
I won't say a word.
I don't care where I'm goin'.
Go ahead,
take me if you want.
That's my boss, Chief
Commissary Steward. Yes, I know.
My boss.
Hello, boss. What are
you in for? What am I...
For six years we've tried to
make a sailor out of you.
Just let me read a few lines
of your record this year.
On sentry duty, you arrested a mailman
for taking letters out of a mailbox.
How do you like that for nerve?
In broad daylight too.
The same day you were sent
to break up a crap game.
You lose your uniform
in the game.
That's a lie.
It was only my pants.
Watson, I've protected you because you're the
only cook that knows how to fix cream puffs...
the way the admiral likes them. With jelly.
But this disgraceful brawl
is the last straw.
When you get out, you'll be
transferred to the Alabama.
You're gonna transfer me to the
Alabama? I don't care where you go.
A real battleship?
Going to Hawaii?
Oh, oh. I'll be able to get
my hands on that barber.
Thanks, boss.
Thanks. I'm gonna be
transferred. Oh, boy.
Now, what are you
in for?
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
We chip the scuppers
and paint the hull
And scrub the decks
and then
When you think you're finished
you find it's time
To do it all again
They say a sailor has got a girl
in every port he's in
Say, that's not the truth
'cause there's lots of places
I have never been
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
You work and slave
and you skimp and save
To get a full month's pay
Then you lay it down
and a guy says "craps"
And takes it all away
We greased the engine
and burned up oil
To make
some speed today
But the only time
that we passed a ship
Was going the other way
Oh, a sailor's life is merry
as merry as can be
So, ship ahoy, a sailor's life
a sailor's life for me
When they make a sailor a CPO
they take out all his brains
And inject a gallon of vinegar
and mustard in his veins
The chief is great
as a navy man
At least that's what he thinks
But I've seen him trying
to swim and confidentially
He sinks
Ha, ha, ha.
Mutiny! Mutiny!
Hey!
Why don't you leave
these two kids alone?
Why don't these two kids leave
me alone? Never mind that.
You two get ashore
before this boat sails.
Pick up your instruments.
Now, you two boys
get where you belong.
And you put some sweat
on that swab.
Come on, put some sweat on that swab
or I'll give you 40 lashes.
What about lashes?
Do you think mine would
look better with mascara?
All right.
Pick up that line.
Aye, aye, sir.
Dugan.!
You're wanted below.
Aye, aye, sir.
Brother, I'll see you
later. That's okay with me.
You got no right to make
Tommy work like this.
A whole ocean full of water
to wash the decks.
He makes Tommy wash with one
bucket. All right. Forget it.
Always in trouble.
How about you and I going
ashore tonight? No, thanks.
You haven't left this boat
in a week.
You want to turn out
to be a barnacle?
I like the ship. You like
it? What's the matter?
Are you afraid that girl photographer
is still parked out there on the pier?
Yeah. I think I'll stay
parked here on the ship.
If she wants to get on here,
she'll have to fly.
If you change your mind, let me know. Okay.
"Pintles, small straight pieces of metal secured to
the rudder and fitting in gudgeons on a stern post. "
On the stern post.
"Gudgeons, small metal pieces
in which pintles are fitted. "
Pintles are fitted.
"The bow is the front.
The stern is in the back.
Starboard is to the right. " Hello. Hello.
Starboard is to the right.
Where's the port?
In a bottle in the icebox.
Thanks.
Wait, you're not allowed on board
this ship. You gotta get off.
I've got to get a picture of Tommy
Halstead. If you'll help... Oh, no.
I'm not gonna help. I'm not getting
in any more jams. I'll scream.
How loud can you scream? Ahhh...
That's enough.
You gonna help?
I don't wanna, but...
All right! I'll help.
Thanks, you're cute.
I only wish Patty thought so.
Why do I get in these messes?
Tiptoe. Shhh.
Oooh! Come on. Hurry
up. Get in here. Quick.
Pintles, pintles are pintles.
What?
Adams is going to
try to make you...
into something
that resembles a sailor.
He'll give you the instructions
and you better come up to par.
What's par on this ship?
Seventy-six.
What?
I'm sorry, Dynamite.
The time is gonna come sometime.
The time is gonna come.
And when the time comes sometime... Well?
The time is gonna come.
Get to work.
Well?
Smokey.
Never mind that.
You heard what the chief said.
We're gonna make a sailor out of you.
Where'll I start? In the potato locker.
Never mind the potato locker.
But if the officers find...
If the officers find what?
There's a tomato in there
with the potatoes. Get it out.
Put it in with the rest
of the tomatoes.
She ain't that kind of tomato.
This one walks and talks. She?
She's in there.
See? What'd I tell you?
There she is. Pomeroy.
Don't blame him. I came
to get a picture ofTommy.
The only pictures allowed
on this ship are tattooed on men.
I told you you wasn't allowed
on this ship. You gotta get off.
She has got to get off!
You can't go that way.
The OD's on the quarterdeck.
Let's try the 50-cent seats.
This is no time to get silly.
Listen, boys.
I don't want
to be any trouble.
Just help me get the pictures and I'll
slip ashore after dark. Do you promise?
Promise.
Cross your heart?
I don't like it, but I guess you got us
hooked either way, miss. Don't be formal.
Just call me Dot. Okay, Dot. Come on.
Dash, Dot! Dash!
Come on, come on.
Not me. Not me! Her.
Go ahead. Dash! Get in.
What's going on in here?
Nothing.
Why not? What do you
think you're doing?
Well? Dash. Dot. Dot. Dash. Dash. Dot...
What is this? Signal practice. Smokey's
trying to resemble me into a sailor.
Well, stow it.
We did. I hope.
Watson, why don't you keep
these locker doors dogged down?
What about the door? You heard me. Dog it.
Dog it?
Okay.!
Smokey, get a load
of this picture.
What is this here,
that these guys are working on?
That's a hull of a ship.
You're telling me.
But what is this they're working
on? Please, don't annoy me.
I'm trying to figure out a way
to get that girl off this boat.
That's going to be awful.
I wish I wasn't here. You...
Smokey, if I didn't know better,
I'd swear we're moving.
We are moving! We're on
our way to Hawaii. Yeah.
What'd you say?
Hawaii.
We're going to Hawaii?
Where Patty is? That's right.
Oh! I'm going
to Hawaii!
With a tomato
in the potato locker.
We'll get around to it.
Okay, kid,
we'll get around to it.
Wait a minute. What are you throwing
your clothes out the porthole for?
Porthole?
Certainly.
I thought it was a little closet.
No, come on. Let's get to bed.
Not so much noise.
Quiet. Come on.
Come on.
Let's get to bed.
Shh.
Quiet. Go to bed.
Where am I gonna sleep? Up here.
I said, where do I sleep?
Up in here. That's right.
How do you get in here?
How do you sleep in here?
Six years in the navy and you
never slept in a hammock?
Six years, I was a baker.
I always slept in a sink.
You better learn to sleep in
a hammock. How do you get in?
Watch me.
Oh, that's good.
Grab on and...
Shhh. Don't make any noise. Quiet.
I think I made it.
Quiet! No noise.
Pretty near made it.
Giddyap.
Hey, Smokey.
What's the matter?
How can you sleep like this?
How do you lay down? Lay down.
How do you
straighten this out?
Get over. Okay.
Will you go to sleep?
You wanna wake everybody up?
Go on. I'm comfortable
down here. It's much better.
It's a fine time to be playing
on the deck. Get up in there.
How're you gonna
sleep in a snood?
Quiet! Take it easy.
Now I gotta
saddle it again.
Whoa, boy.
Shh.!
I gotta talk to the horse.
Take it easy.
What in the world are you doing?
Go to sleep.
Whoa, boy. Attaboy.
Whoa. Take it easy.
Shh.
Okay.
Ahhh! Comfortable. Make it?
Good night.
Did you do that?
Do what?
That clicking sound.
I didn't hear no click.
I've been hearing a clicking sound for
a week, ever since we left San Diego.
I must have
a bug in my ear.
Where do all the bugs go
this time of year? Search me.
No, thanks.
I just wondered.
All right, men.
Prepare to wash down.
You too, shorty.
What are you going to do,
take all day?
Come on, get that shirt off.
What happened?
Smokey. Tommy.
Tommy and the girl.
What happened?
The lady photographer?
Yeah.
No!
Shh. Quiet!
Does this happen
to belong to you, sailor?
Thanks, buddy.
Novel idea,
traveling in a potato locker.
Trifle gloomy, isn't it?
Only when you're around.
Who's been hiding you in here? Nobody.
Never mind. Pomeroy's
the only sailor on board...
with so few brains,
outside of yourself.
He's all right. Do you realize the trouble
he'd get into if the captain found out?
Of course you don't.
The only thing you've got on
your silly head is a roll of film.
It's my job. It's not your job to
hound me all the way across the Pacific,
turning a battleship into
a photographer's gallery.
Lucky for all of us we're
only one day from Hawaii.
Then I can develop
my... laundry.
Your laundry?
Oh, your laundry!
Yeah.
Give me those.
I know a safe place for them.
DavyJones's locker.
Please,
can't we talk this over?
Sure, on deck tonight.
We're having a band concert.
I won't be there.
Oh, yes, you will.
Either there or in the brig.
See what I mean, boys?
You mean something like this?
Hey, boys. You, come here.
Come on, come on.
Can you boys do anything
to entertain the men?
Well... If you turn that
band over to us, we can.
The whole band? We used
to have a band back home.
The Tenth Avenue Guttersnipes. Quiet!
All right, all right.! What do
you think I got that medal for?
All right, boys.
You can take over.
From now on,
it's every man for himself.
Don't sink the boat.
Sit down.
Right.
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
Will get it in the neck
So gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
Boom, boom, boom, boom
A sailor has to know
when Uncle Sam has got a foe
Who won't behave
he sends the navy
With danger at his side
a sailor guards his country's pride
And on the wave
he is the navy
On the Atlantic
Yeah!
On the Pacific
Yeah!
Whether it's peace whether
it's war the navy's terrific
Wherever the situation's tense
We're the first line
of defense
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
will get it in the neck
So gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
On the Atlantic
On the Pacific
Stand clear
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy
Now
Up!
Whoa! Ooo!
Hey! Hey!
Let go! Back up!
I'm a member.
I'm a member! I'm a member! Come here.
You never told me about
this kind of initiation.
That's what they do
when they cross the equator.
You want to belong
to the Sons of Neptune?
Yeah, but I'm no aviator.
All right.
You passed the blanket test. Now you
have to be passed by the committee.
Ready, committee?
You'll face the committee
right about here.
Right here.
I'm a member!
I'm gonna be
one of you guys.
Pomeroy Watson, before you can become
a member of the Sons of Neptune,
you'll answer this question
truthfully. Yes, sir.
If you had your choice,
what branch of the service would
you prefer... air, land or water?
Gimme the water.
That's a pretty good initiation.
Oh, yeah.
I like it.
Yes.
Does Smokey know anything
about this? Of course not.
Tell me the truth.
Honest.
He don't, huh?
Uh-oh, here he comes.
How would you like to join...
How would you like to join...
He knows.
He doesn't know.
Did you hear that? I heard it,
but he doesn't know. Coincidence.
If you had your choice...
If you had your choice...
He knows it.
He don't know it.
Ask him if he wants to be a Son of Neptune. Ask him
if he wants to be on land, in water, or in the air.
When he says "give me the water,"
give it to him!
Hey, what's this
all about?
All us guys, we belong to
the Sons of Neptune club. Yes.
Ooh. If you want to join, it's okay.
Then Father Neptune
will be your boss.
Neptune will reign over
me? A cloudburst over you.
Don't tip it off.
Ask him the questions.
I don't get it. You should get
it half as good as I got it.
Did you get it?
This ain't perspiration.
No, no. I want it good.
You won't get disappointed.
That's swell. Stand here. Don't go away.
Hold him here.
Shh. Shh. Shh.
I swallowed it.
Uh-uh. Hmm?
Mm-mmm.
Uh-oh.
Mm-mmm!
Uh-uh.
Mmm! Mmm!
Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
Mm-mm-mm-mm!
Mm!
Mm-uh...
Mmm!
Mmm!
Hm-mmm! Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Mmm. Uh-mmm.
Why didn't you say,
"Give me the water"?
Tommy, thank you
for bringing us in here...
so I could see
my girlfriend, Patty.
I'll ask you to do something
for me sometime. Glad to.
It's okay, kid. What are
you eating that skin for?
I like it. With all this
delicious native food around here?
Taste that dish.
What?
Taste that dish.
It's delicious.
How do you like it?
Good.
What are you doing?
Show place
of the island.
I came in here to make an impression with
my girlfriend. Don't give me that stuff.
Boy, that was a beauty. Now, come
on, honey. Let's you and me go places.
No, no, Tommy!
Wait, Tommy.
Tommy, no! I've got to get
that camera away from her.
And get in a fight
with Dynamite?
And give her a chance to take 10 more
pictures of you being dragged to the brig?
Ka-pu, ka-pu
This isn't for a guy
like Toscanini
Or any other
icky Malahini
Ka-pu, ka-pu
Here is a real
Hawaiian treat
With a boogie-woogie beat
It's just an old Hawaiian
hula-ba-luau
Where you can do
a hula creation
With boogie syncopation
that will give you a spin
You want to go and see
a hula-ba-luau
'Cause when you do
a pretty Hawaiian
Will start the grass a-flyin'
and you'll have to join in
They sing to the beat
of the native drum
And the mellow steel guitar
She'll be comin' around
the old volcano when she comes
Singin', beat me, beat me, Daddy
eight to the bar
And when you've been
to see a hula-ba-luau
You'll never rue a moment
you spent there
You'll be so glad you went there And I
know you'll agree that everybody should see
A hula-ba-luau right now
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo-ooo
Ta-heepa-honay-honay
maka-ula-pa-la-la
Ta-ua-pa-la-la
ta-ta-ta-ua-pa-la-la
Ay-ya-ha-ta-wa-mow
wa-e-say-day-pay
Wa-tay-ta-say-mow-wa-e
mow-wa-e-say-day-pay
Hey-ya-wow-ta-wa-e-say hi-u
They sing to the beat
of the native drum
Tittle-e-a
and a mellow steel guitar
She'll be comin' around
the old volcano when she comes
Singin', beat me, beat me, Daddy
eight to the bar
And when you've been to see
a hula-ba-luau
You'll never, never rue a moment
you spent there
You'll be so glad
you went there
And I know you'll agree
that everybody should see
A hula-ba-luau
Right now
Come on. I'm just wild
to see him in uniform.
General, do you know if
Russ Raymond's on this boat?
It's a ship, lady.
I'm dying to put one
of these leis around his neck.
I'm going to get his autograph
if I have to wreck the whole navy.
Can you tell me
where Russ Raymond is?
This happen to belong to you, sailor? Ow!
Please, Tommy.
Let me explain.
We're locked in.
Some more of your work?
No, but that's fine. Now you'll have to listen to
me about the pictures. I know all about the pictures.
I've got an idea that's gonna
straighten everything out.
No, you don't. You've caused
me enough trouble. Listen to me.
I don't mean any... I'm very
busy here in the kitchen.
Don't bother me.
Do your work, but don't do mine.
Put it down. Why don't you
give me the end with the towels?
Hey, doughnuts!
No, Smokey! Don't!
One doughnut.
I haven't got enough.
I just baked
28 of these things.
There's seven officers
to feed.
I've got just enough to
give them... 13 apiece. What?
Thirteen apiece.
Thirteen apiece?
Seven officers,
each gets 13.
You've only got 28. Right,
28 doughnuts and seven, 13...
I gotta give 'em to them.
Seven thirteens are 28?
That's ridiculous! Seven times
four is 28. It's got to be right...
Seven times four is 28?
Sure.
He must have went
to a cheap school.
Seven times 13 is 28.
Ridiculous!
Come here. I'll figure it out for
you. What's the matter with you?
I've got this all figured out. You have?
Prove that to me. I'm
gonna prove it. Don't worry.
Ridiculous. Come, come. No, it ain't.
It's not ridiculous. There's
no sense to your argument.
Go ahead.
You'll see.
Now, there were seven
officers. That's right.
There's a seven. Now I'm
gonna divide and prove it.
Twenty-eight doughnuts.
Twenty-eight doughnuts.
You claim seven goes into
2813 times? Prove it to me.
Seven into two. What do
you mean, seven into two?
Seven will not go into two no matter
how much you try. We know that.
You couldn't push that big seven
into that little two. Certainly not.
Therefore, we can't use the two.
What are you gonna do with it?
I'm gonna let Dizzy hold it. Dizzy, you hold
that two for me. Will you, please? Thank you.
I'll use it later.
What is this all about?
Seven into eight... one.
Now, we're gonna carry
the seven. So carry it.
It's gettin' heavy,
so I'll put it down there.
Seven from eight... one.
A minute ago,
we didn't use the two.
What do you mean?
I'm gonna use it now.
Use it? Dizzy, give me
back the two. Thanks.
Put it right down there.
So?
Seven into 21?
Three times.
Three times. Seven...
28... 13. Wait a minute!
You ever go to school,
stupid?
Yeah, and I come out the
same way. Never mind that.
Multiply this.
Put down 13 up there.
Put down 13?
Yes.
You claim each officer
gets 13 doughnuts?
They gotta, or else I go
to the brig. Wait a minute.
Seven officers? Put
down seven, draw a line.
Seven times 13 is what?
Twenty-eight.
Prove it.
Seven times three?
Twenty-one.
Seven times one?
Seven.
Seven and one!
Eight.
Two?
Oh, no. Come on.
Comes out right all the time. It shouldn't!
It's got to come out right or
I go in the brig. That I know.
Just a minute. We'll add this up.
Put down 13 seven times.
That'll straighten
this out.
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
Wait a minute.
I forgot Dynamite.
Yes, there's
seven officers.
Now we're getting it. You claim
all this added up amounts to what?
Twenty-eight.
Give me the chalk.
No. You take it, it's liable
to come out right.
Sure there's something wrong. Here's
three, six, nine, 12, 15, 18, 21.
22, 23, 24, 25,
26, 27, 28!
See?
All hands on deck for
the visitor's day entertainment.
I'll be right there.
All hands on deck.
You wish to check
the captain's breakfast?
I certainly do. I want to check the
captain's breakfast every morning.
I gotta. What is this...
a burnt offering?
I scorch more right away.
You've scorched enough.
Do you toast this with a
blowtorch? I don't like it.
I don't know how the captain
puts up with you.
I'll bring it up
to him myself.
Put your hat on before you get
into trouble. Listen to my idea.
I'm in a hurry.
This is visitor's day.
But it's doomsday for me.
What kind of crack is that?
You know what I'm talking about. Today there's
gonna be hundreds of people on board this boat.
I know that. There's gonna be
entertainment, dancing, maybe the rumba.
So? Everybody'll have a good time but me.
Why? Patty Andrews is comin'
on board with her sisters.
When she finds out that I'm nothing but a
baker, I hate to think what's gonna happen.
I told you I was
working on that.
You've been telling me that
for two weeks.
I straightened out that Tommy
and Dorothy affair! I helped ya.
Yes, but I'm gonna
straighten out yours. How?
How would you like
to go to sick bay?
Look, sick bay or Dead Sea,
it's all the same to me.
Nothing's gonna help.
This will.
You report
to the hospital.
A baker in pajamas looks
just like an admiral.
Oh, that's a swell idea.
Certainly!
It ain't gonna work. These
doctors are terrific. Why not?
They'll know there's nothing
wrong with me. They always do.
There will be something wrong
with you after you drink that.
What's that?
A sleeping solution.
One teaspoonful and you
pass out just like that.
Like that?
Just like that!
I do get to wake up?
Certainly.
Okay.
For you, Patty.
Not now! Take the captain's
breakfast to him first.
I've got to take the captain's
breakfast first. Go ahead.
Smokey, you're wonderful.
You embarrass me.
There's still work to be done.
I'll be seeing you.
There's a pal
if I ever did see one.
Now, for the captain's breakfast.
Oh, there you are.
Captain wants
to meet you.
This orange juice
is great stuff.
They sent me down to fix the
old man's communicator. Okay.
Come in.
Smokey, the captain's asleep.
He is asleep.
Must be overworked.
Drank a whole glass of orange juice.
Went to sleep just like that.
Like that?
Just like that.
Shh. Why, you dope!
You've doped the captain.
Yeah. Who?
You.
I didn't dope nobody. Are
you crazy? Somebody did.
We'd better call the police.
Call somebody! What do you mean?
Don't get excited.
Call somebody!
Take it easy. Calling the
police. Calling all cars.
The captain's been doped.
That thing's out of order.
This thing's out of order.
No use talking to you.
Put that down. That's what
Dynamite sent me down here to fix.
I know, but the captain.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I've got an idea.
I've just made you the captain. Good.
I'm the captain.
Could you tell us
where we could find...
Girls.
Pardon us, please.
Hello, Smokey.
How are you, girls?
I've got orders to take you
to the captain's quarters.
The captain's quarters?
Well!
The captain?
Yep. Come on.
We don't know the captain.
Is he expecting us?
Oh, uh, these are guests
of the captain.
All right.
Go right in.
Welcome, girls.
Captain Pomeroy Watson
at your service, miladies.
Is this on the level?
Won't you be seated?
Thank you. It's very
comfortable here.
You must enjoy your quarters.
Money means nothing to me.
Be seated, please.
I have duties to arrange.
Ahem.
Running a ship
is very, very hard.
Captain Pomeroy Watson
speaking.
I don't want to be disturbed for
an hour... maybe two. Aye, aye, sir.
And in the meantime, batten down all
the hatches and furl the mainsails...
and gudgeon the pintles.
Aye, aye, sir.
That's nautical terms.
You gotta talk all that
nautical stuff on a boat.
Everything is shipshape.
Make yourself at home.
Captain Watson?
Call me Pomeroy, Patty.
Pomeroy,
I owe you an apology.
Tush, tush.
That's all...
Somebody's knocking
at the door.
I'll go answer it.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Message for the captain.
That's me.
Message for the captain.
Messages, messages, messages!
That's all I get all day long.
It's enough
to drive you crazy!
Aren't you gonna read it?
It might be important.
Sure, Pomey.
Sure, Pomey.
I'll find out who it's from
and see what it's all about.
Don't be afraid.
That's the only thing this is
good for, opening up letters.
It might be
very important.
Uh-oh.
The admiral.
It's important, all right. May I read it?
I've always wanted to read
official messages. Thanks, Pomey.
Oh, how exciting!
What does it say?
It's from the admiral
in command, Pacific fleet,
to Captain Richards,
commanding U. S...
Captain Richards?
That's code.
Richards,
that's my code name.
Every time they send something,
it's in code.
Oh, of course.
"Committee aboard flagship question
maneuverability of battleships of Alabama class.
Please provide a demonstration
at your earliest possible convenience. "
How thrilling! Can we watch
you commanding your ship?
Please, Pomey.
Come on.
It would be wonderful. We've always
wanted to see something like that. Please.
Sure, okay.
Captain Watson speaking.
Order the engine room to
get up steam. Aye, aye, sir.
And stand by your post.
Standing by, sir.
Adams, didn't I tell you to fix
the captain's communicator?
I'm working on it.
Fix it later.
I've got something
more important for you to do.
Come on.
Get this heliograph together
quick as you can.
There's something
we can fix.
Give me a hand and we'll
splice this up. Swell.
Hey, you kids,
get away from there.!
Never mind the kids.
Just keep working.
You don't understand.
Keep working.
That's fixed. Let's go find something else.
Here's the glass.
Thanks, Pomeroy.
Thank you.
Courtesy of the captain.
I guess the steam's up by now.
Let's go out on deck and see.
Wait a minute.
What's the matter with you? You
can't go out there. It ain't safe.
But the other visitors...
the deck is full of them.
Yeah?
I'll fix that up.
I'll show you
a thing or two.
- I'm the captain. Attention, the bridge!
- Aye, aye, sir.
Send all guests below
and clear the decks for action.
Aye, aye, sir.
The guy must be
a ventriloquist, and clever!
Pass the word.
All visitors below decks.
All hands stand by to get underway.
Clear ship for action.
All visitors below decks. All
hands stand by to get underway.
Clear ship for action.
Weigh the anchors.
Full speed ahead.
Captain Richards certainly got
his ship underway fast, Admiral.
Thank you, Senator.
Duty calls.
How's the longitude?
Take course, north.
Northeast by northeast.
Hey, fellows, look out!
- Attention, the bridge. Port the helm.
- Port the helm.
Starboard the helm.
Aye, aye, sir.
Starboard the helm.
Do something.
Port the helm.
Aye, sir.
Port the helm.
Well, sir? I never saw anything
like it in my life, Admiral.
How would like to see us
go into some real action?
We'd love to, Pomeroy!
Sure.
Attention, the bridge. Man
battle stations. Launch aircraft.
Prepare torpedoes.
All guns, load.
Proceed under forced draft.
Course, due south.
Did you notice the way Richards
launched his planes? Incredible!
Looks like he's heading
straight for us.
Don't worry. Richards is one
of our most able officers.
- Bridge calling the captain.
- What do you want?
My respects for the captain, but we're heading
directly for the flagship at full speed.
Who's running this boat?
You are, sir.
I'll run it. You obey orders.
Do as you're told. Aye, aye, sir.
Attention, the bridge.
Full speed astern.
- We're going full speed ahead.
- Don't argue! Full speed astern.
Aye, aye, sir. Full speed
astern. Aye, aye, sir.
Full speed... Full speed astern!
Full speed astern!
Look out! Look out! We're
gonna get hit. Pomeroy.
Turn the boat! Turn the boat! Pomeroy.
Man overboard! Man overboard! Pomeroy.
All right.
Pull yourself together.
Man overboard. Szzz!
What happened?
Oh, boy! All right. Come out of it.
It's Smokey.
Yes, I'm here.
Did you see it? Torpedo. Szzz. What?
Airplane!
Everything's all right.
Come here.
Don't worry.
Come here. Pull yourself together. Smokey!
What's wrong with you?
The boat's sinking!
Here, here. Come on.
I'm gonna hit the flagship.
Here, here.
What's the matter? Why, you
dope. You doped yourself.
Sure! Who?
You did.
Ah, come on.
Get it together.
Fix yourself up. Get ready
for the entertainment tonight.
I've just had enough
entertainment for a lifetime.
Lifeboats, boats,
airplanes, torpedoes...
For the hundredth time,
Mr. Russ Raymond, I...
The name is Tommy Halstead. Whatever it is!
My boss promised to
destroy the negative.
He double-crossed you,
not me. Yes, of course.
Very well, don't believe me.
I don't and I won't.
All I know is, that due to
your clever camera work,
I'm back in the spot I joined
the navy to get away from.
If I got you out of that spot,
would you forgive me?
Sure.
All right.
Those women are only
running after you because...
they think there's one chance
in a million to land you.
Cut the odds down to nothing.
What do you mean?
They won't run after
a married man, Mr. Stupid!
Oh, I see.
Do you?
Where do you think
you're going... Mrs. Stupid?
Next time, take a picture
of the good side of my face.
Star light
Star bright
First star I've seen tonight
Wish I may
Wish I might
Have the wish
I make tonight
Star light
Star bright
Send me my love tonight
If you will, if you do
That's my wish come true
In my mind, my ideal
Is a creature so supreme
Let me find that she's real
And not just a lovely dream
Star light
Star bright
First star I've seen tonight
Find my love so I might
Hold her in my arms tonight
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you kindly embark
in the boats waiting for you?
Thank you.
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
will get it in the neck
So, gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
We're in the navy
Watchdogs of liberty
We're in the navy
Scrappy, happy-go-lucky
sons of the sea
First in line
and set to clear the deck
Any galoot who wants a dispute
will get it in the neck
So, gangway
Don't cross our bow
We're in the navy now
I'll bet you thought
it was gonna go off.