Incognito (1997) Movie Script

The stolen painting
by Rembrandt van Rijn,
newly discovered
only last week,
continues to elude police.
A massive manhunt
has been mounted,
for the murderer
of noted Japanese
art collector, Tomado Agachi.
Police have issued warnings
to be on the lookout
for an American.
Harry Donovan,
believed to be their
chief suspect in the case.
According to
Chief Inspector, Deeks,
of the Metropolitan Police,
Mr. Donovan is said to have
seized the painting
in an argument with Mr. Agachi
who was then shot and killed
as Mr. Donovan escaped
with the priceless
work of art.
Highlight. Mid-20th century.
Permanent collection,
Kunsthaus, Munich.
Study of Alene.
Mid-19th century.
Permanent collection,
Cambridge Institute
of Fine Arts.
Flowered Mind.
Privately owned
on permanent loan
to the Bergen
National Gallery.
Boulevard of Peasants.
Late-19th century.
And the Ice Cream Man...
That's...that's great.
Thank you, John.
I think we've seen enough.
So everything
one of these copies
was done by the same man?
Excuse me, they're not copies.
They're all quite original.
But they are all fakes.
Ah, remarkable.
And all painted
by the same man...
Harry Donovan.
Why haven't we
heard of him before?
Because he's clever.
He doesn't do big names
like Leonardo and van Gogh.
So it's third or fourth
tier names
that don't attract attention.
He flies under the radar.
Well... He is amazing.
Well, you asked for the best.
And he's considered
to be the best in the world.
Which leaves
just one final question...
Where do we find him?
LECUYER: Hey, enjoy yourself.
LECUYER: Fantastic.
Nice to see you.
Joel, you made it.
And you promise to buy
some paintings, okay?All right.
Nice to see you.
You're looking well.
You're looking great.
Harry, guy,
what're you doing here?
I got something for you.You're kidding.
Why would I kid you?
No, I mean,
it's... It's marvelous.
Look, I've got a gallery
full of people. Uh...
Is there any way
we can do this tomorrow?
No, I'm busy tomorrow.
You want this or not?
Yeah, okay.
It's beautiful. Exquisite.
Well, Harry,
Your fakes are better,
aren't they?
Maybe that's part of
your problem.
Part of my problem is
I'd like my money.
Maybe you want to count it.
No, I trust you.
Hey, could you do
another one for me?
Because I'm doing
my own stuff.
Because you're light.
You're light.
We said 3,500.
No, you said 3,500.
I said 4,000.
Since I know
you wanna turn it for 90.
Erm, hey, look. Wait.
Wait. Hey, here.
Hey, if you have
anything else, call me, okay?
Hey, Picasso.
Where's my rent?
Oh, live it up, Trump.
Is that it?Yeah.
You're late.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna have to
bill you for the hour.
I've been waiting.
HARRY: I'll give you
50 for the wait.
Are you ready?
Forget it.
I'm finished.
We haven't even started.
Do you want to work later?
Please leave.
Harry Donovan, I presume?
We deal primarily
in 20th century artists.
Now, one of our clients,
a private collector
from Korea...
HARRY: Hey...
Not very polite.
...from Korea.
Recently made a number of
purchases from us.
They were minor works
by modern masters.
So what?
So my clients retained me
to find an important work
by an old master.
Well, is there any other kind?
As you can imagine,
there's very little
available to buy.
Most old masters
are locked away
in the permanent collections
of a few museums.
Well, you got a big
problem there.
Good luck to you and good bye.
We're here because
we want the best.
And we're prepared
to pay for it.
$50,000 US.
You speak English.Against $500,000 on delivery.
$500,000 for what?
Mr. Donovan...
I want you to paint
me a Rembrandt.
Only Rembrandt
can paint Rembrandt.
[CHUCKLES] Yes, well,
under the circumstances.
Can you help me?No.
Why not?
HARRY: Because with
modern testing,
it's almost impossible.
That and...
Hey, I'm not a shoemaker.
I don't deal with
slobs off the street.
I work with people
that I know.
You can leave now.
It's a circular problem...
Do I have to knock
your ass down stairs?
No, no, gentlemen...
Um, we'll be staying
at the Carlyle
until next Sunday.
Think it over.Watch your fingers.
HARRY: You ever hear
of these men,
Alistar Davies, Iain Ill.
Lascelles Gallery.
They're big art dealers.
You're in some
pretty fancy company.
They want me for a job.
Rembrandt, huh?
I'm moving up in the world.
that's a matter of opinion.
You think I shouldn't do it?
It's not a question of
The question is that,
you promised me
you're gonna get rid
of this forgery shit.
That's the point.
Yeah, well, these guys
are real art lovers,
and 500,000
is a nice round number, so...
Can I ask you a question?
What about your own show?
Remember that?
"My own show."
What the hell do you want?
I'd like to see
an original Harry Donovan
hangin' in the Prado one day.
Not in your lifetime.
I can sit down,
for Christ sakes!
I'm not a child.
[SIGHS] Now...
The Prado, in my opinion,
is maybe...
The greatest art gallery
in the world.
All the world goes to Madrid
to see the Prado,
and the only way you're
gonna hang in that place is,
if you're dead.
I mean, Rembrandt
even had to be dead.
Then I'll have to settle
for five days on the beach
in Puerto Rico.
What would you do with
half a million dollars, Dad?
That's not the point.
You don't think I could do it.
No, no, that's not the point.$500,000 is the point.
No, it isn't.
I'll tell you
what the point is.
Maybe it's my fault.
Maybe I should've
told you...
Dad......sooner. All right.
What I'm trying
to say is...
I don't know,
the point is that
Harry Donovan should
have gone to Italy,
and he should have looked
at da Vinci,
he should have looked
at Lippi he should've
looked at Caravaggio,
he should have
let the sculpture
of Donatello,
he should've seen them,
he should've done
something, right?
You know why you don't?
You don't have eyes.
What's going on here, Dad?
Why're you beating me up?
I'm not beating you up.
I'm just trying to say that
even Rembrandt had to study.
Rembrandt never laid
a foot in Italy.
If there was an exhibition
of one of the greats
within a 100 miles
of Amsterdam,
Rembrandt was there.
I'm not Rembrandt, Dad.
You're not even Harry Donovan.
Then you show me.
I said, you teach me.
Why don't you
take me to Italy?
You show me all that stuff.
Christ, you're a better
painter than I am.
Oh, no. Not anymore.
I can get a car.
We'll drive around Italy.
We'll go to Venice,
we'll go to Florence,
we'll go to Rome.
Then Caravaggio, Michelangelo,
Raphael, all of them.
And we'll stay
in fancy fuckin' hotels.
Those paupers
could never afford.
And that's how we do it.
We can do that now.
I'm fine.
I'm fine, Harry.
HARRY: Here's the number of
my account in Zurich.
When my first 50,000 clears,
that's when I start.
ALISTAR: Is there anything
else I can do for you, Harry?
HARRY: Not unless
you know a Rembrandt
that's getting restored
anywhere in the world.
ALISTAR: One might imagine
that'll be your job.
HARRY: Didn't think so.
From now on, don't call me,
I'll call you.
HARRY: The age of Romanticism
raised you to cult status.
"The greatest genius ever
to put brush to canvas,"
they called you.
But by the Age of Reason,
they considered you
an outcast,
your promise unfulfilled.
Chiaroscuro, light from dark.
Delacroix said you were
greater than Raphael.
Renoir said
"I sniff the gravy,
he chews the meat."
And another Dutch painter,
who would die penniless,
said you left him staggering.
Vincent said you must have
died several times
to paint like that.
A case like this,
There's only one way to move.
Not to make up something new
but to discover something
the experts are already
expecting someday to discover.
Something recorded, but lost.
His most moving paintings
were self-portraits.
Like an autobiography,
they tell a wordless story.
A story of genius and sorrow.
Now one of Rembrandt's
most famous sketches
is of an old man
who appears blind.
It's speculated he did
it in preparation
of a full oil portrait
and that portrait
has never been found.
It may not even exist.
But according to the inventory
at his bankruptcy,
Rembrandt sent two canvasses
to Spain by sea.
It's recorded only
as a portrait of a man.
No name.
We know the dimensions
were 92 by 71 centimeters.
We know the price was
800 Dutch florins.
But the picture disappeared.
Maybe lost at sea,
maybe stolen, no one knows.
The trail goes cold
and it's been cold now
for 350 years.
ALISTAR: Disappeared? How?
HARRY: Who knows?
Lost at sea. Burned.
Stolen by
Napoleon's generals.
Nobody knows.
That's where the trail stops.
The trail stops where?
Somewhere off the
northern coast of Spain.
The only record we have
is by Van Delenberg,
he was the leading
Dutch expert at the time.
He saw the painting
before it left Holland.
Described it as
the most moving portrait
he'd ever seen.
It's a blind man believed
to be Rembrandt's father.
The irony being stunning...
The master of light,
son of a man who couldn't see.
So I'm going to discover
Rembrandt's greatest portrait.
And I'm going to paint it.
I am sorry.
Someone pushed me...It's okay.
Oh!Forget it. Forget it.
I needed some coffee.
I was falling asleep.
Well, I'll get you one.No, no, no.
Please.No, no, no.
Please. Are you sure?I'm okay. Yeah.
Are you an artist?
Er... No, I'm a student.
Ah, me too.
How do you like the book?
I don't like books.
Just look at the pictures?
Yeah, ever since
I was a little boy.
Well, should I tell
you something funny
about that book?
Well, there's
nothing funny about
a 900-page book.
Any author that needs 900
pages to get to their point
shouldn't be allowed
near a typewriter.
Well then,
maybe you shouldn't read it.
Yeah, well...
I have to. Homework.
Well, study hard.
Thanks for that coffee.
Excuse me. Oui, monsieur?
Do you speak English?Yes, I do.
This painting?It was removed this morning.
HARRY: Where is that?On the mezzanine.
Yeah. Er... Tringham.
Yeah, I have to meet
some people in there.
I didn't know that.
It's impossible. No, no, no.The painting...
Er...they said that
it was gonna be here.[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
They said it's gonna be...
Is there someone else here
I can talk to?
The supervisor is not here.
HARRY: Look, I've come
all the way from America...
WOMAN: You must go now.[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
I will have to call security.
Bonjour, madam.
Hey, excuse me?
Yeah, hi, hi...
Hello... Monsieur,
monsieur, monsieur.
Cafe, right?
Remember me from the cafe?
Can you do me a favor?
I must get in this room...
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH] see a painting
being restored.
I'm having a little trouble
with my credentials.
Oh, well, come with me,
I'll take you...
Thank you.You're welcome.
She said you were
a professor?
Hi. You...
Are staff here, Marieke?
No, no. A student.
And you?
I'm working
on a book.
Oh. [CHUCKLES] I thought
you don't like books.
I hate my work.
What's your book about?Dutch masters.
What aspect?
HARRY: Has it been retouched?
No, no.
It's still untouched.
What do you feel?
About what?The painting.
It's not bad.
Not bad?
Come on, Professor,
you can do better
than that.
What do you feel?
What do I feel?
It's one of the last
great paintings by one
of the last great painters.
It sold for 80 bucks,
while he died broke,
in debt, alone...
Unable to even buy
one of his own paintings.
That's what I feel.
What do you feel?MAN: Marieke.
Excuse me.
MARIEKE: Harry? Here.
Come have a drink
with us.
Oh, no. I got...
Come on.
You know what Fromentin
said to a class once?
He said that
"Rembrandt doesn't have
"anything like
the attraction of a van Dyck,
Frans Hals or even Rubens."
You're right. At first sight,
his work can be
very displeasing.
I remember,
that just before
he died, Fromentin,
you know what he said?
He said that Rembrandt
has all the subtlety
of a dull guillotine.
[CHUCKLES] Don't you agree,
Actually, I think Fromentin
didn't know what the fuck
he was talking about.
I beg your pardon?
I just don't understand why
you guys have to sit here
and piss on other people,
let alone Rembrandt.
Professor Scheerding
proved the painting
"The Man with
the Golden Helmet"...
Is just a cheap fake.
you know that in 1930
there were over 800
supposed Rembrandts.
And now we're down to 241,
thanks to you
and your friends.
And dropping.
So, bully for you.
Every school kid's
favorite picture is now junk
because some self-appointed
windbag said so.
The problem is,
in 10 years time,
there's not gonna be
any Rembrandts,
just a pile of theses.
We said something
to offend you?
Me? I'm never offended
by flatulence.
I just move away
from its smell. Bye.
An American asshole.
It must feel good
to get rid of all that, huh?
All that what?Anger.
I'm not angry.
Just something
out of your childhood?
No, just some fun.
That's a sad way
to have fun.
Now is this why you followed
me all the way out here
to tell me about my
sad childhood?
But I wonder why
you act like one.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sure you have
better things to do
with your time.
Such as?
Listen, it's not...
Now, I'm hungry.
Want to get
something to eat?
Oh, merde,
I forgot my keys again.
We won't get in my room
if he doesn't wake up.
Where're you going?
I have to go.
I'm so late.
HARRY: Are you married
or something?
[CHUCKLES] Married?
But I have to
be in Venice, like,
this afternoon.
I hope you realize
this is not my...
Nightly routine.
I think maybe you're teasing.
HARRY: No, I'm not.
You want to have some dinner?
I can't.
I have to rush.
You just leave
the key at the desk.
It's beautiful,
isn't it?
It's terrible,
but I love this frame.
Harry Donovan.
I can have some
of these resins
for you tomorrow.
Raw umber, burnt sienna.
It's no problem.
But for damar,
or sandarac...
I need them all
by Friday.
I also need a complete
chemical breakdown
on these varnishes.
Okay. Anything else?
I need 20 grams
of lead white.
Lead white?And it has to be
over 160 years old.
So the radioactive half-life
is down to zero.
Can you get it for me?
You know, this kind of order
will raise a lot of eyebrows.
Half now.
Half on delivery.
"Red lakes, cochineal,
lead-tin yellow.
You have here vermillion?
Pure vermillion.
No extenders.
No one uses it.
Very difficult.
For azurite pigment...
Cobalt blue is okay?
HARRY: No. No cobalt blue,
no blue manganese.
Very, very old stuff.
It was cheap 300 years ago...
How much?
50 grams for...
600 marks.
HARRY: Done.
CHEMIST: You should be able
to extract 20 grams worth
of lead white from this.
HARRY: I need genuine,
badger hair brushes.
Two dozen in this size.
Ox hair, squirrel hair
and a half-dozen
in these red sable.
MILTON: Where are you?
HARRY: Amsterdam.
MILTON: Oh. How is it?
HARRY: Expensive.
MILTON: I was in Amsterdam.
I think it was...
It was 1951...
And I remember
the guilder was 4.8
to the dollar.
I'm getting 1.7
MILTON: You're lucky
you're getting something
besides cheese from the Dutch,
you know that?Yeah.
How's it going?HARRY: Good. Yeah.
Painting away.
You being straight
with me?
HARRY: Yeah.
Miss you, Dad.
You what?HARRY: Miss you, Dad.
Yeah, well,
you know I'm... [STUTTERS]
I'm sorry.
Sorry for what?Nothing. Nah, I just...
I'm a little tired,
you know, these things
cost a lot of money,
these phone calls.
So why don't we just...
So let's kind
of break them up.
Gimme a call
in a few days, okay?
All right, I'll see you.
ALISTAR: So, 350 years later,
we pick up the trail
of Rembrandt's
lost masterpiece.
The boat sailed
from Rotterdam
to San Sebastian, Spain.
So, we were within
a 40-mile radius
of where the trail
might've gone cold.
Do you have
a local farmer?
Taken care of.
So, let's see what
he's going to find
in his cellar, shall we?
It's been baked
at 225 degrees,
three times.
Rembrandt usually
did three versions
of the same painting,
one on top of the other.
That'll show up on the X-rays.
Which is exactly what
they expect to find,
exactly what they're
dying to find.
It's incredible.
It's stunning!
It's payday.
I love the little rip, Harry.
Great touch.
You've thought of everything,
except one thing.
The signature?DAVIES: Exactly.
I thought of it.
I thought better of it.
Oh, why was that?
'Cause it's too obvious.
Rembrandt didn't even
sign half his stuff,
and every idiot con man
around the world
signs all his fakes.
They're looking for that.
It's smarter not
to give it to them.
Smarter for you
but dumber for us.
I mean, the signature
alone's worth $5 million
if the painting is any good.
And you'd rob Fort Knox
for $100 million
and still bend over
to pick up a quarter,
which is dangerously dumb
and I hate working
with the dumb.
The only reason
you won't sign it
is because until you do,
you've committed no crime.
Well, I'm not here
to smooth your exit.
Now, sign the painting!
I've done hundreds of fakes,
all over the world.
Signed, dated, initialed,
unsigned. I know art experts.
You don't tell them
what you have.
You let them tell you.
Call Richard Bright
and Andrew Westerbrook.
Invite them to Spain
at my expense
to see my new find.
Tell them we suspect
it may be an uncatalogued...
Diaz de la Pena.
Now let's go see
our Spanish tiller
of the earth.
What's his name?Juan Del Campo.
Make a deal with him.
A generous 40 bucks.That's right.
ALISTAR: There you have it,
peasant fantasy day.
50,000 pesetas
for selling us
an oil painting
he never had,
found in his cellar.
Where's my 50,000 pesetas?
Let's see what our
London experts say first,
shall we?
If it passes muster with them,
you'll be paid in full.
Cash on delivery.Of a Rembrandt.
But I don't have
a Rembrandt yet,
there's no signature.
Until somebody
tells me otherwise,
I have a bloody
Diaz de la Pena, don't I?
Are you still teaching?
But it might be an early,
uncatalogued Diaz de la Pena.
Yes, an uncatalogued
de la Pena would
be wonderful, wouldn't it?
Hello. Welcome.
Where's the champagne?Behind you, Alistar.
Thank you.
Gentlemen, good health.
Cheers.Good health.
ALISTAR: Everybody ready?[LAUGHS]
That's not de la Pena.
It's not?
Where did you say
you bought this?
Thought I might've
discovered an old Spaniard.
Well, it is
a discovery.
It's not an old Spaniard.
It's Dutch.
This is a Rembrandt.
IAIN: Are you serious?
No way.
you'll get paid on approval.I don't get paid on approval!
I get paid on delivery,
which is now!
My client's not going
to pay $5 million
for a Rembrandt
without a Dutch opinion.
Don't worry, Harry.
As soon as we
get back to London,
you'll be paid in full.
Provided we have
favorable opinion.
This is the second time
in my entire career,
that have I participated
in a discovery
of this magnitude.
The van Dyck
in Goteborg.
No, that was Pieneman.
I authenticated the Triptych
in the Basilica de Fieschi.
You aren't going
to believe this.
Shall we telephone my client?
No bloody way.
We won't sell it to your
Korean friend for 5,000,000
when we can make
30,000,000 at auction.
Well, I know
they'll recommend it but...
A public auction's dangerous.
I think we'd be putting
our reputation at risk.
Really. Is that
what you were thinking?
Well, Iain, my reputation
isn't worth 30,000,000.
How much did you think
yours was worth?
Why do you let him
abuse you so?
Well, it's called discipline.
[CHUCKLES] He disciplines you?
Oh, no, no.
I'm biding my time.
I'm happy to let him think
he's in control.
When the time's right,
he's gone.
Then we can do
our gallery in Tokyo.
You got your passport ready?
We are 48 hours from Italy.
No, I'm not kidding.
I have the tickets
right here in my hand.
That's great.
HARRY: Dad? We're going
to do it all.
We'll do everything.
All right.
Bye bye.
Wednesday's a bank holiday
in Switzerland.
So you can wire the money
into my account
on Tuesday.
That'll be fine.
Where's the fourth?
You said there
was going to be four.
I have no idea.
We're still waiting.
Well, screw him.
First come, first served.
We're gonna be down
to ginger ale and bread soon.
MARIEKE: Sorry I'm late,
we've been circling Heathrow.
IAIN: Well, you're here now.
Don't worry about it.
Hello. Hi.
ALISTAR: Enchanted.
MARIEKE: You're here. Hi.
Oh, my God!
It's magnificent.
As soon as I layed
eyes on it, I knew.
Jan thought it might be Bol...
I was only eliminating
other possibilities.
Incredible, isn't it?MARIEKE: Truly, it is.
Do you have any doubts?MARIEKE: Well...
MARIEKE: Based purely
on connoisseurship, I'd say...
It's brilliant.
MARIEKE: But it's
not Rembrandt.
I don't feel it's Rembrandt.
IAIN: Why?
I don't know.
I don't have
any objective criteria
to base it on.
I just don't quite get
the same feeling
as when I look at others.
I disagree. It strongly
suggests Rembrandt's own hand.
consistent with the artist's
early Leiden period...
It's stunning.
I'd like to think
it's authentic.
But I feel it's not. But...
I wouldn't want
to go on record
until I'd seen the results
of chemical analysis
and X-ray testing.
We asked you here for your
considered artistic opinion,
based on your connoisseurship.
We'll be pleased
to provide you with all
the data you desire.
I don't want to take up
more of your time.
No, no. Heavens no.
I'm sure you
must be exhausted.
Aaron, will you see
the professor
to a taxi?
Well... Sorry I
have to rush again.
It's really unfortunate.
You have my mobile number.
Well, gentlemen,
more champagne?
IAIN: I understand
what she's saying.
Well... A student?What?
You told me
you were a student.
I told you the truth.The truth?
You're M.M. Van Den Broeck,
you phony.
Which you neglected to mention
when I saw you in Paris
reading your book
for the 15th time.
It was the finish
of my father's research.
Yeah, yeah,
but you wrote it.
You song and danced me
at the musee.
I was a student in Paris.
I was studying
art restoration, professor.
I never said
I was a professor.
You did.
What happened in Paris
was a mistake.
I'm sorry.
I must go now.
I'm late
for Covent Garden.
What, the fucking opera?
You breeze in for two minutes
to see Rembrandt
then 4 hours at Rigoletto?
La Boheme.
And sadly I can't even
stay for all of it
because I have
to catch my train back
to Venice tonight at 10:00.
Will you listen to me?
Alistar Davies knew this was
a Rembrandt all along.
He sent me to do research.
He knew it wasn't
a Diaz de la Pena.
He just used that line
to steal the painting away
from the Spaniards.
The only reason
he's got you all here
is to make him look honest.
But I'm not so sure
it is a Rembrandt.
If it's not a Rembrandt,
what is it?I don't know.
Maybe a student, maybe
someone from his circle.
Maybe a nobody.A nobody?
What do you mean
a nobody?
Look, it's too perfect.
Composition, eyes, texture,
brushwork, everything.
But I feel something missing
that makes me doubt it.
But mine is only one opinion.
You have three others.
That's enough
to get you to auction.
What do you mean, auction?
Covent garden.
What do you mean, auction?
I know it's disappointing.
That's three out of four.
That's none out of 4.
It's one opinion.
It's the one that counts,
you idiot!
She's the expert's expert.
She's chief consultant
to the Rembrandt committee!
We're dead!
Harry, what're you doing?
HARRY: I signed on
for private placement,
not public auction.
Why not go for 30,000,000
instead of five?
Because going public
is for pigs, like you.
That, and asking every fool
to stick his nose up
the ass of this thing.
Doesn't your work
bear scrutiny?
If I thought it was smart
to go public, I wouldn't need
a fucking middleman, would I?
You're a middleman.
Any idiot can paint a picture,
it takes genius to sell it!
You wouldn't know art,
if Michelangelo stuck
his mall stick up your ass.
Oh, really?
You filthy pimp.
Just give me the painting.
IAIN: Harry, don't!
You are a worm
in the stomach of every
painter that ever lived.
[SHOUTING] You bastard!
Ring the police!
Harold Donovan?
What do you want?
Inspector Deeks.
We'd like a moment
of your time,
if you don't mind
I mind.
Where were you, sir,
at approximately 9:00
this evening?
Right here.
Do you know
Mr. Alistar Davies, sir?No.
Have you been
in the Lascelles gallery
at any time tonight?
That's not what
Mr. Davis says, sir.
Nor what
a Mr. Iain Ill says.
Nor what a professor
Marieke Van Den Broeck says.
What'd she say?
That you were there
observing a Rembrandt.
She said Rembrandt?
Among other things.
Well, you got me confused.
Which means
I'm drunker than I thought.
Cancel that last
Guinness, please.
Will you step outside with us,
please sir?
It's raining.It's stopped.
We'd like to talk to you about
the contents of that tube.
Talk away.
But the tube's mine.Not according to
Mr. Alistar Davies.
He's full of shit now,
ain't he?
Put the tube down
and turn around.
What for?
Please, turn around.
[SIGHS] Hello.
So now it's a Rembrandt.
I never said it was.
Can you do me a favor, keep
this intuition bullshit to
yourself for a couple of days?
What?Just two days.
I need to sell this painting.
The police pulled me
out of the opera...
They want to bust me for
stealing, which I didn't do.
Aren't you leaving
something out?What?
The man you shot
in the gallery.
[SCOFFS] What?
Who did I shoot?
Please tell me it was Davies.
You killed that man.
You murdered that
Japanese art dealer.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.No, I did not! Hey!
I'll miss my train.
No, you won't.
Excuse me, sorry.
Anyone who can help us...
Hang on.What's the matter now?
Have you got my passport?No, you've got
the passports.
PORTER: Tickets, please.
PORTER: The breakfast bell
will be rung at 8:00.
Ah. Right sir,
have a nice journey.
Don't do that!Or you'll kill me?
I didn't kill anyone.
I don't have a gun. I don't
want to hurt you...
But I will.
Now, I'm gonna sell that
because as far as the world
is concerned it's a Rembrandt,
and the only person
that thinks that
it's not, is you.
So you give me 48 hours
before you kill it.
Two days, then you're free.
You'll never be
able to sell it.
Okay, Professor.
That's great!
We have full alert at
all the airports, ferries
and train stations.
We contacted the FBI for
anything they've got on him.
DEEKS: Shit! Sergeant,
get that!
What is it?
MARIEKE: If you're really
innocent, you'd be stupid
to run like this.
HARRY: I didn't murder anyone!
Don't tell me,
tell the police.
Let justice run its course.
If justice ran its course...
...van Gogh wouldn't
have died broke
in a nut house...
...while Irisessold
for 50,000,000 to some
insurance company.
So, van Gogh gives you
the right to steal this
picture and sell it.
No, Doctor.
What gives me the right is
I didn't steal it.
I painted it.What?
I said, I painted it.
I don't believe you.
I don't care what you believe.
What are you saying?
I'm saying, it is my painting
because I painted it.
So I'm gonna sell it.
I see, all that, that gallery,
this picture, this is just
one big fraud.
When will you realize all of
this art crap is a fraud?
Otherwise how could the same
piece be worth $10 million or
zip based on a signature?
Rembrandt is priceless,
Donovan is worthless.
That's not art.
That's autographs.
DEEKS: It has been known for a
gallery owner to arrange
to have a picture
stolen for himself.
ALISTAR: To what possible end
may I ask?
The insurance money perhaps.
Ridiculous. It's not insured
at all. We're out of pocket
More importantly,
we've lost our closest
colleague, Mr. Agachi.
There's evidence.
Donovan and
Van Den Broeck knew
each other previously.
At least as far back
as a month ago in Paris.
My God.
They're in collusion.To do what, sir?
To fleece us.
By calling it a fake,
I'd have to sell it at
pennies on the pound...
Then they'd sell
it at full price.
And failing that, Donovan
simply stole it and...
Murdered Tom
in cold blood...
Right in front
of us like some maniac.
Professor Van Den Broeck
said she was unconvinced of
the painting's authenticity.
Inspector, if it weren't
absolutely genuine,
then why would they steal it?
Excuse me sir, may I see
your passport, please?
Porter, why is the train
We're backed up sir,
Police search, sir.
I'll take this one.
Porter! Come unlock this door.
Two days. Two days.
Could I get two pints, please?
Two pints, you say? Right.
Do you have a telephone?
A phone? [LAUGHING]
You've come to the
right place for a phone.
I'll tell you that.
We have here the original
restored phone box,
used by Lord Mountbatten
to call Winston Churchill
on the very night that
Field Marshall Montgomery
received his command.
There's a plaque.Where is that?
Around and behind.
All right. Come on.
I have a collect call
for Felix Dermes
from Harry Donovan.
Go ahead, please.
Felix, yeah, look I got
something for you.
A once-in-a-lifetime thing.
Dutch master.
FELIX: Can you get
it here to Geneva?
Look are you interested?
FELIX: We'll be happy
to have a look.
No, Felix, hold it.
Open up!
Stop it!
You bastard.
MARIEKE: Be careful.
You bloody Yank bastard.
Destroyed a bit
of England's history!
Come here!
Welcome, ladies.
Just don't mind.
Now, my dear, that was rude.
I was in the middle of a
phone call. Are you trying
to get us killed?
What are you doing with me?
I'm in this paper
like some criminal.
You don't believe
I killed that guy.
It's easier than believing
that you painted that picture.
Oh, right,
you are the expert,
aren't you.
I didn't paint the Rembrandt,
it isn't the Rembrandt.
I killed the guy,
that I didn't kill.
Oh, and we didn't make
love in Paris.
Not to mention you killed
Mr. Churchill's phone box.
It seems the door was stuck.
Wasn't it?
And I tell you.
If that happens again,
I'll ruin you.
It's going to take a life time
to clear your name because,
I'll tell them you were in it
with me from the beginning.
I swear to God, I'll turn
your precious reputation
into dog shit.
What?Dog shit! Poo-poo.
Get it?
From now on, we are friends.
Let's act that way.
You don't have any friends.Oh, yeah, why's that?
You're an ogre.
You don't like people.What?
You don't like people.Oh, I like people.
Name one.
I like people.
One more day with me, while
I fence this painting.
You spend one more
day with the ogre.
MARIEKE: I'm shivering,
I'm so cold.
Come on, move along here!
Did nobody ever tell you
about stealing?
What's that rule again?
You all right?Great.
You feel hot.
Do you have any money?
Why, you want to steal it?
Yes.Too bad, 'cause I... I lost
my purse in the train.
MariekeThank you.
Kid's got talent.
Are you sure that's
It's killing me to part
with it.
So, what are you
asking for it?
DEEKS: Good. Yeah, thanks.
[LAUGHS] Guess what?
Classic car.
Austin-Healy stolen,
STEED: Did they get
a license plate?
HARRY: It's ampicillin V.K.
500 milligrams, so just take
one every four hours.
You know a lot about
My grandfather.
He was a pharmacist?Yeah.
MARIEKE: Your father too?
No, a painter.
Ashcan School.
Sloan, Bellows, Hopper.
He taught me how to draw.
I taught me how
to make a living.
When did you first
make a living?
My mother had died, and my
father was scraping by
illustrating auto manuals.
Painting when he could.
He did in oil.
Workers in a machine shop.
It was quite a painting.
Couldn't sell it for 10 bucks.
So one day, I took it.
I fooled around with
it for a couple of hours.
I took it downtown and sold
it that day for a grand.
MARIEKE: How did you feel?
I think he knew.
Then why didn't you quit?
Because I was young.
Money. Denial.
I don't know.
I met the wrong guy
at the right time.
Friend of my dad's.
Not a very good painter,
but quite a hustler.
He taught me every style
in the world.
Except your own.
Is everything fake?
ALISTAR: His work's been
hanging in the Scottish
National gallery
for 3 years and...
Excuse me.
We have some good news
for you, sir.
Come through.
We confirmed your
accounted picture
was uninsured.
So, where's my painting?
We believe he's
still got it, sir.
You believe.
Apparently, they got off the
French-bound train last night
just ahead
of our own people.
We believe they're
still in Britain.
But for all we know, sir,
he could mail it anywhere
in the world at any time.
It's a Rembrandt.
He'd never mail it.
I'll mail it to you.
DIMITRI: It's hotter than
a pistol, Harry.
Nobody will touch it.
HARRY: Oh, come on...
Are you telling me...
Every time they steal
the Mona Lisa
there's 100 people
waiting in line to buy it.
You telling me this
is hotter than that?
DIMITRI: Every time they stole
theMona Lisa
they never killed anybody.
Yeah, but Dimi...
Don't call me again, Harry
I don't want
to buy your problem.
There's a million dollars
out there for this picture
and that prick Davies
has fixed it.
The entire legitimate,
and semi-illegitimate
market is dead to me.
You know you're
losing your mind.
You're as ravenous
as the vultures you hate.More.
Stop pretending to be
some martyr outside of it.
Because you are it.You're finished?
With all this outrage,
you could be signing
your own name.
My father signed
his own name.Shut up.
This is the only thing
I have to give him.
You're not doing this
for your father, Harry.
You blame your father
for your failure.
What do you know
about failure, Doctor?
You inherited your racket.
You were given
your library gigs.
So, what do you know
about failure?Maybe nothing.
Maybe I'm exactly
what you say I am,
a woman stuck in a book,
a safe place.
That's right.Failure's a safe place
for you, Harry.
Doing your own work.
That's a risk.
But you don't use
your talent.
You simply don't
have the guts!
Coming from the woman
who never took a risk
in her life.
I'm taking one right now.
I'm not an artist, Harry,
but I love art.
Will you do me a favor?
Don't talk to me about art,
don't even say it.
Art was my dog's name.
That's obvious.
There's no real beauty
in you. Not really.
You're in it
for the paycheck.Who isn't?
You think the garbage man
ain't in it for the paycheck?
'Cause he sure as hell
ain't in it for the garbage.
You're talking
about a job, Harry.
I'm talking
about a gift.
BARMAID: Right, if you're
going to London, drink up!
The bus is leaving
in two minutes.
Yes or no, Colin?
COLIN: There's a fellow
in Birmingham, name of Offul.
He'll fence just
about anything,
but he cuts pretty deep.
How deep?
COLIN: 100,000.
Thames bridge. Midnight.
for a Rembrandt?
COLIN: [SCOFFS] Dollars.
Thames bridge. Midnight.
I'll tell you what.
I'd rather burn it,
you son-of-a-bitch.
If I get caught, I want you
to mail this for me.
BARMAID: The London bus
is leaving right now.
Give me 12 hours
before you blow the whistle.
Give you 12 hours?Yeah.
I kissed you on a bridge.
We made love under one.
I think you could trust me.
That's not what I...
That's not what I said.
Excuse me, love,
how much for the painting?
WAITRESS: What? That?
It's not for sale.
It's me dad's, isn't it?
Well, pick
a high number, dear.
You like it that much?
50 quid, then.
Rembrandt van Rijn, I presume.
You got the money?
May I see the goods, my dear?
I owe you 100,000.
Did we say dollars or pounds?
What the hell,
let's make it pounds.
It's a Rembrandt, after all.
May I owe you
a million pounds?
Settle the debt.
It's not a bloody Rembrandt!
It says,
You stupid ass!
Franz Richard Unterberger.
Belgium School.
One of his most
important works.
Outside of Belgium.
Ha! If only you'd stuck
to Belgian masters.
Hello, John.
Hello, Harry.
It's been a while.
How's your dad?
How's Milton?
Not great.
You know, I always
maintained that you were
the most brilliant I ever saw.
I got to lay off
this painting, John.
I'm sorry, Harry.
You're like Moses.
You can see
the promised land, but...
You can't set foot in it.
Yes, I can.
Oh, come on, Harry.
This is chess.
The grand masters
never play it out.
I am not leaving with nothing.
You may leave
with less than nothing.
Pray for nothing.
I've got
to tell you something.
I was the one
who put Davies onto you.
I hoped for the best.
I never imagined
it would turn out like this.
Forgive me, please.
Harold Donovan...
You're under arrest
for murder!
You son-of-a-bitch.
Go get him.
The painting.
Get that painting!
TURLEY: We'll prove
that the defendant,
Mr. Harold Donovan,
attempted to participate
in the brokerage
of a Dutch master portrait.
That when he realized
he would be excluded
from the transaction,
he became enraged.
That when he realized
he'd be left with nothing,
he stole the masterpiece
using violence.
He killed
one of his former partners.
He resisted arrest.
Assaulted a policeman.
He fled.
And we recovered
a Lincoln-Levenson
photographed and dusted it
for fingerprints.
And were there
any fingerprints
on the handgun?
My Lord,
I really must
ask Mr. Turley
kindly to stop leading
the witness.
I will rephrase the question.
What did you find on the gun?
A thumb smudge
on the barrel belonging
to Mr. Alistar Davies
and a clear right forefinger
on the trigger
and trigger guard
belonging to Mr. Donovan.
WOMAN: He's not answering.
Would you like
to leave a message?
Yeah, yeah.
Please tell him
that his son called
and that I...[DIAL TONE]
Who was in the gallery?
Tom, Iain and I.
We had just decided
to go ahead
with our plans
for a private sale
to a client of Tom's
in Korea,
when suddenly,
Mr. Donovan burst in
and demanded the Rembrandt.
Naturally we all protested,
but he took the painting.
That's utter bullshit.
Mr. White,
would you please
exercise some control
over your client?
TURLEY: Professor Westerbrook.
You have had an opportunity
to examine
the painting in question,
have you not?
I have.And as Regius professor
of Fine Art
at St. Matthew's college,
and as an advisor
on old masters
to her majesty, the Queen,
what conclusions
have you reached?
In my opinion,
the work is indisputably
Rembrandt van Rijn.
It's a fake.
Is it possible
you might have
a personal reason
for not being
entirely truthful
on behalf of the defendant?
You've said he handcuffed you
and kidnapped you.
Although, at the time
of his apprehension,
I don't believe
anyone remembers you
wearing handcuffs.
Are you in love with him?
Really, my Lord,
perhaps my learned friend
could explain
the relevance of this...My lord,
it is entirely relevant,
concerning, as it does,
the witness's motives
in giving evidence here today.
You must answer
the question, please.
I did not love him
when I first saw
and pronounced
this painting not genuine.
And you had no involvement
with him before
you saw the painting
for the first time?
When were you last
in Paris,
professor Van Den Broeck?
Four months ago.And where did you stay?
L'hotel Lyons.
My lord,
with your permission,
I would like to admit
this note into court.
Written to the defendant
and signed by the witness.
Professor Van Den Broeck,
would you be so kind
as to read that note
aloud to the court?
"I had to go..."
We cannot hear you, professor!
I suspect, also,
the members of the jury
may be having a little trouble
with your delightful accent.
Yes, please.
Speak up.
"I had to go.
"You were wonderful.
"To R.V.R. Marieke."
Will you tell us, please,
what R.V.R. means?
Rembrandt van Rijn.
Thank you, professor.
Professor, I submit that
your evidence is worthless
and your credibility
highly questionable.
Is my learned friend
or is he making a speech?
Call Moritz Scheerding.
She said he was a friend.
He was a patronizing,
arrogant bore.
And I can tell you,
he does not know
his art from his ass.
And, tell us,
what were they doing
in the bar?
Translation, please!
Making the beast
with two backs.
And what does that mean?
Sexual congress, my Lord.
No, no, no.
They were fucking.
When Mr. Agachi
stepped forward to prevent you
from stealing the painting,
did you fire the gun
at Mr. Agachi?
But I didn't kill him.
I was trying to make a point.
Look, I had a studio
in Amsterdam
and I can prove all this,
that...You'll prove what?
That you didn't kill him,
it's all part of a conspiracy?
A conspiracy for what?
TURLEY: A conspiracy to commit
armed robbery.
Of what?
Rembrandt's portrait
of his father.
Except that it's my portrait
of my father.
Now, look, I...
They took it away,
but I had a picture.
And if you could see it,
you'd be able to see that...
TURLEY: What?The eyes.
That I gave it
my father's eyes.TURLEY: Mr. Donovan,
The portrait may have
but the eyes...
No, I painted my father's eyes
and I distorted it.
I painted it over and over
in the same way
that Rembrandt would.
If you take a look
at the X-rays, you'd be
able to see that.
Have you any idea
how many men
step forward each year
to claim credit for Hamlet
or Beethoven's ninth symphony?
Do you know how many people
are convinced they are
the Tsar's long lost nephew?
Even Jesus Christ?
Well, I'm not Jesus.
But I painted that painting.
TURLEY: No more
questions, my Lord.
What a day! What a day!
What a monumental day!
You know, Harry,
you were absolutely right.
Signing that painting
would've been
a grievous error.
Please accept
my sincere apology.
I do hope you know
how much I truly admire
your work.
Well, not enough
to pay for it, but then...
It's all
a pile of shit anyway,
isn't it?
And as for the public,
you see, they're told
what's art...
By me.
And you forgot that, Harry.
Or you never knew it.
When this yen-soaked tycoon
couldn't wait
to throw his money away...
It was because
I said the painting
was a steal at 5,000,000.
What in the world
were you thinking
when you took my Rembrandt?
You could've had
half a million...
And a towel at the beach.
Instead, you're here.
Like all the others.
So van Gogh sat in a room
in a mental hospital
painting sunflowers.
You can cut off
both your ears...
But unless I say
you're a genius...
You're just another lunatic.
Oh, by the way...
This is old news...
I'm sure he died
a proud father.
The last time I was with him,
he yelled at me.
You know,
I should've taken the time.
I didn't get it.
He was sick in his heart.
He never judged me.
Never, ever was anything
less than beautiful to me.
He loved you.And I betrayed him.
He had a gift for me
and I didn't
see it in time.
I missed it.
No. What you see now
is his gift to you.
We have one last chance.
One thing to do.
My Lord, the defense
requests permission
to have the defendant,
Mr. Harold Donovan,
demonstrate his expertise
here, in open court,
by reproducing
the disputed painting.
My Lord, we have just heard
from five scientists
and other experts.
Having the defendant now,
here in court, paint
wouldn't be evidence
of anything!
It would be evidence
of artistic expertise,
my lord.
By recreating the picture
in his own hand,
Mr. Donovan can support
his claim to authorship
of the disputed Rembrandt.
My Lord, even if he
reproduced Whistler's Mother
here in court,
would that make him Whistler?
My Lord, there is
ample precedent for this
in the 1947 trial
of the Dutch master forger,
Han van Meegeren.
He reproduced his counterfeit
Vermeer paintings
in open court.
TURLEY: That was
in Holland, my Lord.
I really can't see
the relevance of the country.
I will permit it.
But, my Lord...
I'm tired of hearing
about all this. I want
to see it for myself.
Court will adjourn
while you prepare
this demonstration.
BAILIFF: All rise.
You can forget
your membership at my club.
Now we're screwed.
Calm down, you idiot.
Nobody's screwed.
If he succeeds,
the painting's worthless.
The whole thing's
falling apart.
It took him a whole month
to paint it
under perfect conditions.
The best he's gonna
come up with now is a sketch.
He's going to prove
the case for us, Iain.
You know,
when I went to the gallery,
there were three of you.
Now there are two.
I guess pretty soon
there'll only be one.
One can't be too careful.
Court is now in session.
Is the defendant ready,
Mr. White?
He is, my Lord.
Very well.
Let him begin.
What happened
to your own show?
Remember that?
You promised you're gonna
get rid of this forgery shit.
That's the point.
You're not even Harry Donovan.
Harry, come on,
please. Go on.
What are you doing?
Has your client finished,
Mr. White?
Only Rembrandt
can paint Rembrandt.
See, Iain?
Nothing to worry about.
We were lucky.
I make my own luck.
JUDGE: Yes, Mr. Turley.
Call Mr. Iain Ill, please.
Now get up there.
And try not to make
too big a fool of yourself.
Mr. Ill,
will you tell us, please,
in your own words,
what happened
on the night in question?
There was a dispute
over the sale
of the Rembrandt.
Alistar wanted
to cut Mr. Donovan
out of the deal.
There was an argument.
Mr. Donovan tried
to take the painting.
Alistar pulled out a gun.
There was a struggle.
Mr. Donovan got hold
of the gun.
He humiliated Alistar...
Fired a shot...
Over Tom Agachi's head...
Missing him...
Stole the painting and ran.
Are you okay, Tom?
Then Alistar
picked up the gun...
Covered it
with a handkerchief...
Tell the police
there's been a robbery.
And a murder.
Who shot Mr. Agachi?
Alistar Davies.
You son-of-a-bitch!
You bastard!
You bastard!
You epitome
of fucking wretchedness!
You son-of-a-bitch!
I'll kill you, you bastard!
Clear the public gallery![GAVEL BANGING ]
Officers, bring that man
before the court!
You understand that
you will be held
in contempt of court
for this very serious
and prejudicial outburst.
My Lord,
we will request a retrial
based on the nature
of this eruption
and its effect
on my client's attempt
to exculpate himself.
Yes, Mr. White, we will hear
those arguments tomorrow.
My Lord,
it would be interesting
to know why
Mr. Ill found it necessary
to make false statements
during the original
police inquiry.
Because I was terrified.
I've always been
afraid of Alistar.
Always. I'm the only witness
to the murder he committed.
I know it would only be
a matter of time
before he got rid of me, too.
Alistar Davies,
I understand that you
have been placed
under arrest by the police.
You will be taken
from this building
in their custody.
And in my view,
you should be held
without bail until your trial.
Mr. Turley, in view
of these developments,
do you still
seek a conviction
in front of this jury?
We do not, my Lord.
Members of the jury,
I will shortly invite you
to enter formal verdicts
of not guilty
on all outstanding charges.
And Mr. Donovan,
you will be free
to leave this court.Thank you.
Clerk, we will take
the verdict.
Sold! At 375,000.
Lot 22.
Portrait of a Blind Man
by Rembrandt
Harmenszoon van Rijn.
Subject believed to be
the artist's own father.
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
I'll start the bidding
at 4,000,000.
gentleman on the aisle.
HARRY: Yeah, will you
tell her I called?
I mean, I've tried everywhere,
I don't...
Well, tell her I'm here
and I'll wait.
But, you know,
tell her to come.
Ten million,
the gentleman
on the aisle over here.
10,500,000 for the lady
in the second row in back.
the lady on the aisle
at the back.
the gentleman
in the front row.
Could you wait for me, please?
The gavel just fell.
Sold to
a Hong Kong hotel chain.
Guess where
all the money goes?
Don't tell me.
The owner
of the Lascelles gallery
of Fine Art, Iain Ill.
I guess he goes home
a very rich man.
What do you mean, "Maybe"?
Did you, uh, mail
that letter for me?
What about it?
"Maybe" sometimes
means maybe not.
IAIN: Ladies and gentlemen...
My lords,
ladies and gentlemen,
a little bit of hush,
a little bit of hush,
please, please.
Um, it gives me great joy
to welcome you all here
on this wonderful evening.
As our great, good friends
of many years,
you've seen us
through some difficult times.
We'd like to invite you all,
in a few weeks,
to the opening of our
exciting new gallery in Tokyo!
Of course, we seem
to have run out
of Rembrandts.
But there's still a lot
of fabulous paintings to buy.
So, enjoy yourselves.
Cheers, everyone!
Tom, come.
Come meet E.L. Hale,
my solicitor.
Thank you.
E.L., meet Tom.
Tom, this is E.L.,
my solicitor.
Uh, we've...we've got
a problem.Oh?
Does the name Juan Del Campo
ring a bell?
Del Campo?
Nineteenth century
The farmer in whose cellar
the Rembrandt was discovered.
Oh, yes, I remember him.
He got an anonymous letter
saying you cheated him.
He apparently hired
himself a lawyer.
Under Spanish law,
the government of Spain
has the right
to match the purchase price
of any painting
deemed a national treasure.
Which this painting
now has been deemed.
Oh, olefor Spain.
forget pounds,
I'm quite happy to take
it in pesetas.
[CHUCKLES] It's not
as simple as that, Iain.
The Spanish courts have
ruled he's the painting's
true owner.
And he gets all the money.
This is insane.
They can't void a sale
just like that.
You're my lawyer,
you've got to do
something about it.
That painting was sold.
It remains sold.
It's just your money,
you see,
which faces transfer
back to Spain.
All of it.
Very practical.
Thanks to you.
My grandfather
remembers you here
a few months ago.
Of course,
when you sent the letter.
He says you are an angel
of our family.
Of the 7,000,000,000 pesetas,
the government took
And the church took
another half.
But without the letter,
he wouldn't have anything.
He wants to give you half.
600,000,000 pesetas.
That's very generous.
He wants to embrace you.
You are the angel
of the people here.
HARRY: Chico!
Where's the Rembrandt?
In Madrid.
In el Prado, of course.
Think it's a...
What do you ask me for?
Just want to know
what you feel...
I'm not sure.
It's not signed.