Incredible Burt Wonderstone, The (2013) Movie Script
I'm gonna kill you!
Why you running away
I got you a birthday present.
Thats ok you didn't have to get me anything
I got you some bark and your gonna eat it
Cool, I was gonna eat bark anyway
No you weren't
Yeah see, all the things you were gonna give me
I was already planning on doing it.
Hmm. so good
Were you planning on not being able to breathe?
Yes
Listen to me winselstein
Nobody likes you, Nobody will ever like you
Do you understand that?
Come on lets split.
Goodbye loser
Mom I'm home
Mom?
Happy birthday little man
I had to work a double shift again
But i love you very much, mom
Ps. dinner is in the fridge and i got you your favorite cake
its on the counter
combine the mix of 2 tsb of oil and 2 eggs.
We're out of eggs, so you need to go get them.
Preheat the oven to 350...
Grease some flour on 9x13 inch cake pan.
And then pour the batter into the pan.
Careful not to spill.
Hello my young friends.
I'm Rance Holloway
You've probably seen me on the Murph Griffith show.
Or live on stage at the fabulous resort and casino in Las Vegas.
That's were I perform such tricks as..
Skateboarding ghost.
The amazing cordless telephone.
And my very famous mouth burn solution.
Wow.
Hahahaha
Do you like that?
Of course you did.
That trick just blew your mind because that's what magic does
It blows peoples minds.
Welcome to the amazing world of magic.
The world were you can ashtonish and enchant those around you.
Because everyone loves a magician.
And if you follow my instrcutions. They'll love you too.
Lets begin now with a simple illusion.
Where we pull pennies out of our nose.
Alakazam!
How did you do that?
A magician never tells his secrets
Oh, OK.
It's a rubber thumb.
Oh, cool!
I'm Anton Marvelton
Burt Wonderstone
You're that kid always in the nurses office right?
Not always.
Sometimes they send me to the hospital.
What are those for?
This one is for my allergies
and this one is for my asthma.
and this is testosterone.
My doctor says i'm dangerously close to being a girl.
Do you know any other tricks?
I have a whole magic kit at home.
Behold.
and empty top hat.
perfectly normal.
Alakazam!
Wow!
Your like a boy witch.
Thank you.
Hey
Why won't you put a plastic bag of water
In the hidden compartment?
Water would come out instead of confetti.
Do you want to be my parter?
More than anything.
Ok,
I think we should star writing down our trick ideas.
Like in a notebook.
Yes!
Like an enchanted notebook with leather and buckles.
All I have is a regular notebook.
That will work.
So then our first trick should be...
Awesome!
Tada!
Burt.
Burt
I want you to come work for me.
here at ballys.
But i need you to do one thing for me.
I need you to dump Anton.
He's on his own leave
No offense.
None taken.
I'm sorry Doug, Anton and I are a team.
Always have been.
Always will be.
Fair enough.
Welcome to ballys boys!
Congradulations.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The incredible Burt and Anton.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Burt Wonderstone.
and I'm Anton Marvelton
But of course
you already knew that
What you may not know
is that Burt and I have been magical friends and partners since we were young boys
We always knew there was always something a lttle bit different about our friendship.
Remember our game of hangman Burt?
I sure do Anton but we didn't play it quit the way the other kids did
Ladies and gentlemen our beautiful assistant Nicole.
Hold on, Hold on Anton.
We're here to do magic not Nicole.
Right now its time for
"Hangman"
And that's why we call it
a magical friendship
Night after night! after night!
Is like a magic hell.
Taking anymore time to switch out of there.
Stand out there and cloak like an asshole.
Give me a break Burt
I've been doing the switch the same way every night for the last 10 years.
You're just impatient.
I am impatient! Anton
because I have to share clothes with a sweaty walrus man.
You're just impatient becuase you want to get the show over with.
Can we get a towel for him please? Dab it down.
Well i sweat because i work hard.
Take my phone!
You think it's easy putting on your safety harness in the dark?
would you rather I let the noose just snap your neck off.
Ok, can we do this one show without this bitchfest.
Oh I'm sorry, are we hurtting your performance as a walking manikin?
That's it you know what?
i quit
quit
quit
I quit.
Go get a job a circus so lame!
Dammit Burt that's the second one this month.
Oh it's not like they are hard to replace?
case in point you.
Yes you, what is your name?
Jame.
You know the tricks?
Yes why do you need something?
From now on you're NIcole.
Oh, wow Mr. Wonderstrone that is a tremendous honor.
but I really don't think I'm ready to take on that
If I'm not really rehersed I wouldn't be several years.
That is not an outfit!
You're gonna be great.
Don't worry.
I have a fear.
That is tight!
What she has no ribs?
You took her hair?
You know folks? When you grow up as a magician.
The 1st escape you learn is generally from a school locker.
The jocks hated us
because we always stole their girlfriends away from them
using the power of magic
I like the blonde.
Makes you look cute.
Thanks.
So i finally got this new bed that I ordered.
What? sorry i'm just trying to concentrate. Behind you
it's an uptupple king biggest bed in Vegas. Easily sleeps 2 dozen adults.
If the phone rings and I'm on the other side of the bed
I can't get to it. There's no way.
Ah! God that was close.
Point is it's a huge bed.
and I was wondering would you like to see it tonight?
Nakedly.
Oh, I don't think that is such a good idea. Since we just started working together.
Listen Nicole.
It's Jane
Now that you know this is your first show and this is all very new and exciting.but when you have done this 5000 times.
You will find that having sex with me is the only way to mitigate the miserable drudgery of your existence.
My point is this lets just have sex.
It's not gonna happen.
Are you a lesbian Nicole?
Is every women who doesn't sleep with you a lesbian?
No I've slept with plenty of lesbians.
Wow, I've worshipped you for 10 years and you just made me hate you in 60 seconds.
Right there.
Looks like I'm the one who scored this time you dumb jock.
Ladies and gentlement our most famous illusion.
You'll know where we are going with this one
The one we call.
Man head. Lady body.
Alright, here we go, here we go.
In order to accomplish this impossible feat of impossibility.
We are going to need a female volunteer from the audience.
Female volunteer.
Lets see who we have?
Anyone?
Who will it be?
Man head.
Lady body.
Would you care to join me on stage?
How bout a round of a plause.
I can't beleive I'm really making out with Burt Wonderstone.
It's suppose to be a thrill of a lifetime for you.
Your place is so beautiful.
This is not my place.
This is my place.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, it's so beautiful.
Yes it is, Look at you? Look at me.
My god look at your costume. Yes.
Posters.
Oh my god there you are. And here I am.
Yes come with me please.
Would you do me a kindness and jump up on the bench please. Legs facing that way.
arms as if your holding a giant pumpkin.
Good
So Miranda, what are your hopes and dreams?
I'd really love to own my own hair salon. Thats great your intresting follow me please.
There will be no biting or scratching anything that can leave a mark
This is a standard release form acknowledging that you are over 18 years of age.
and you are willingly consenting to the sex acts that we are about to commit.
That's alot of paper work.
There's alot of sex acts.
Oh my god It's huge!
biggest bed in Vegas.
Hey Jimbo
Hey almost sprinkled the infield there.
You've done such a great job today, I just want to reward you for your excellent service today with this $100
Your just gonna turn it into a $1 bill when i take it.
I don't even know where thats coming from. Who would do that?
That's mean.
A $1 bill is a horrible tip, I'm giving you $100
Oh my gosh you got me again. Yes I did. You never learn. He never learns.
I'm sorry
Hey Jim, I think you got something in your pocket.
Thank you Mr. Marvelton.
Oh look who's here Burt.
Anton, Lucius Belvedere, Rick the Implausible
This is a retreat. I can't remember the last time i saw you two together off stage.
We're both busy thats all.
We see each other everyday.
So how's the show going? Not so good. Good.
Pretty good. Its OK.
I'm in the lobby doing the 2-2:30 shift.
Wednesdays through well just Wednesdays plus i'm doing some webisodes drum up business that way.
What the hell is a webispode?
Are you being serious?
It's a show that you do on the internet
Just like being on TV or movie except you don't go through all the hassle
with people seeing it.
What happen to your hand?
Oh one of my bengal tigers have been getting a little bitty lately.
That's why we're comedy magicians not a big cat magician I wanna kill on stage.
Not have some tiger rip my hand, I don't wanna get killed. I wanna kill on. You know what? Just forget it.
It's tough, It is tough. it's tough. It was funnier in my head.
If i spend more than an hour away from my cats. They forget who I am and attack me.
Sounds like my wife and kids.
If my wife and kids you know I meant my ferrets.
You know if I had a wife and kids you know I wasn't just home alone.
What's going on out there?
eating popsicle after popsicle
I don't know we should probably go check it out right like a group, a bunch of friends.
Appreciate it, seems like an open mided crowd.
but things are about to happen out here that may be difficult for you to process.
If you're at all screamish.
I encourage you to shelter inside the casinos.
Move along.
or just turn it off.
Now give me a moment.
Congradulations.
Truly brave.
I only hope your ready to face the fire!
Get it off!
He totally nailed you with that fireball.
Sorry.
Guilty pleasure.
You're a really good sport.
Whatever that means.
Would you like to help me with a trick?
Sure.
Ooh, now he done it.
Who is this hot mess?
It's Steve Grey, the street magician.
That guys a magician?
He doesn't even have a costume.
Pick a card.
Show it to the crowd, then you.
Now take the marker from your pocket.
and write your mother's name on that card.
But I don't have a...
Oh snap!
Pen.
What's with all the cameras.
He's shooting his cable show, Steve Grey brain rapist.
Brain rapist?
Yeah.
You live in a bubble or something?
Come on, come on.
Dorothy, his mother's name is Dorathy.
Pretty name.
I'm gonna take Dorothy and slide her to the center of the deck.
and put her back in my pocket.
Now punch me in the face.
What?
Punch me in the face as hard as you can.
Not gonna do that.
Of course.
Sometime the roles we're force to play in life are difficult to understand.
Like your mother Dorothy...
Who for the good of sailors everywhere
lived the life of a whore.
Whorothy, that's what they called her.
Surrender whorothy!
You're not in Kansas anymore, whorothy.
No,No,No,No.
Jesus!
Is that a real plant?
That looked like a real punch.
It's OK!
I've already forgiven him.
I provoked him, in the weakest pain body.
Wow, that swelled up pretty quick.
Better let the pressure off.
Better.
Seems like there's something in there.
Let me just...
I wonder what this could be?
It's the card!
Oh thats nuts!
As it was in the beginning...
so shall it be in the end.
I tried to warn them.
That's crazy man.
No, No!
Hello, I haven't seen you around.
I don't beleive I have had the pleasure.
We caught your thing out on the street, and uh...
it was disgusting, pretty good.
Good, bad...
I don't eat from that tree.
Hey, any chance I could get you to sign something for me?
Oh, I don't ususally sign autographs but i suppose i can make an acception.
It's a release form.
Just in case we caught you in the background.
I don't want to pixelate your face.
Do I need to sign a release form?
No I can just pixelate your face.
So anywho, we have a show over at Ballys...
And I could get you some comps if you would like to take a look at our acts.
We do this one trick its a man head lady body.
Tell you what...
Pretend I''m still here and tell me all about it.
From Chicago "Brain rapist"
The world record for stairing was 24 hours.
but I've been doing it for over 3 days now.
And frankly I'm bored.
So I'm gonna spice things up with a little pepper spray.
Bring it.
You see me blinking?
I'm not blinking
For a very long time.
He's like a god, a god of pepper spray.
He certainly is not human.
He broke the record!
Here at Ballys, you'll be pamperd like an enormous baby.
There's a hair dryer and ironing board in every room.
And if you like steak houses.
You'll love Ballys signature steak house.
Ballys steakhouse.
And after dinner check out The Incredible Burt and Anton.
In their own Burt and Anton Theatre.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Burt Wonderstone.
And I'm Anton Marvelton.
Of course you already knew that.
In order to achieve this incredible feat of impossibility...
We will need a female volunteer from the audience
who will that be?
Who will the female volunteer be?
Alright.
Nope.
Your a dude.
Yes 2 million dollars.
OK, I'm sorry about that guys.
How are ya?
I am incredible.
Wow, look how big Judus got?
Yeah.
How old is he now?
I dont know.
But I tell you what.
That kid, that kid is your biggest fan.
Wow, love it!
Unfortunate I'm starting to think he's your only fan.
What?
Your ticket sales suck.
Well, we have the following.
You need a younger crowd, OK?
Have you heard of this Steve Grey guy?
Oh god, let me tell you about Steve Grey.
All that guy does is mumble and cut himself anybody can do that.
My niece does that.
But he's getting the national following between the ages of 25 and 45.
They're calling him the future of magic.
Would you like to see his latest stunt?
Alright.
"Rapist"
For 12 long days he's held his urine.
No!
Be there for the final hour of Steve Gray's incredible stunt.
"Holding it in"
Is there a fountain over there?
seriously could we turn that off?
Thats not fair.
Live on intense TV.
I'm sure this is normal but my legs are shutting down.
What is going through your mind, right now?
I really have to pee, Richard.
He's made it this far, but will he last?
He should be dead right now he's got more urine than blood.
so join us this Friday at 9/8c live on intense TV.
A magician? You call that a magician? You actually enjoy that?
I don't enjoy any of this shit.
Alright, Burt...
This is the brochure for my new signature hotel.
now this hotel is the same as all the other hotels, but
I'm going to be charging 70% more for everything.
You know why I can do that?
Because it's shinier?
Shut up.
Because its new.
and people love new.
And when people love something it becomes valuable.
So new equals value.
Do you understand whai I'm saying?
You've been doing the same shit since i hired you.
You even come on stage to that same goddam song
It's called "Abracadabra" and it is considered a modern classic.
It's shit.
I agree with him, Burt
there's no reason we couldn't do something big, headline grabbing.
I am not holding my piss!
Steve Gray already did that!
He owns that, he owns it, you need to do something else something fresh.
I suppose I could hold my poop.
I'll have a large meal, I'll eat some yogurt and granola and I'll hold my poop, for 24 hours.
What is wrong with him?
"Will Burt poop?"
"Will it happen?"
"Will he crap his pants?"
I think I've got something.
Now why do you call it the "Hot Box?"
Well the Vegas sun effectively turn the pexy glass box into an oven.
we estimate the interior temperature may hit 200 degrees.
And you and Burt Wonderstone plan to stay in the box an entire week?
That's right,reporter, hello.
Excuse us.
What are you wearing?
My magician's costume because I am a magician.
The whole point of this is to update our act.
You need to go change
No this is Vegas baby. Look at this crowd.
This is what I'm talking about.
This is awesome I wish I could come up there with you.
You don't want to do that son, it will smell like acid.
Ok guys, we're ready for you.
Your gonna wear that?
Yes.
It's velvet fur.
Your gonna die.
That's better.
Ladies and gentlemen we give you Nicole!
Remember all you have to do is nothing.
Alright,
I just realized I wont be having sex for a week.
What are you doing?
Breathing exercises, I've been doing them all week.
Your practicing breathing?
Yes.
OK,
Thats a nice view.
Its a little smaller than I thought it would be.
OK, maybe if you'd have come to even one rehersal...
"maybe if you'd come to one rehersal'
Maybe you need to reherse in a box Anton I don't.
Fine.
Not this guy.
I can't breathe!, I can't breathe!,I can't breathe!
Yes you can, yes you can.
Its so small.
Relaxe its only been 20 minutes.
Don't touch me!
We're just having fun!
Burt! Stop it!
PLease, you have to calm down.
Your gonna break the box.
You dare me to break the box!
Help us!
Help me, help me.
Burt!
Help me, I'm slipping.
This is the best trick ever!
Breathe Burt!
Don't panic!
Shut up!
Lower the crane!
What are you doing!
No, I'm climbing
Wait,not there!
Your killing me!
Pull me up!
No, Burt!
Ouch, my ankles are broken.
Your face got me right in the knee,
I told you this was a bad idea.
This wasn't a bad idea Burt!
It was a good idea,
screwed up like a puppies ass.
Oh, really?
This partnership is over, I quit
What? Just because a couple of broken ankles?
Some of his ribs are also broken.
You are so selfish!
Me!?
I can't beleive I put up with you for so many years!
Know what? I don't need you.
Nobody comes to you anyway.
That's why the call it "The Increcible Burt and Anton"
Not "The Incredible Burt and The Increcible Anton!"
The Incredible applies to both of us!
That is a hateful thing to say!
Whatever!
You're welcome to it!
Good Luck, you incredible asshole!
Your gonna be alright.
We don't know that yet.
Your the asshole.
Thats it?
Ladies and gentlemen...
the hockbocks
Uh?
Come on! Jr move your little ass.
Burt, are you here?
Oh hello Nicole, I'm taking a tub.
It's Jay and I'll just wait till your done.
No, no, no, its a bubble bath, you can't see anything.
Come on in.
OK, I just think we need to talk about everything cause I just...
Oh my god!
Burt!
The bubbles have seem to dissipated.
There, thats not better.
Listen I just wanted to talk to you about the show.
The show goes on.
Well, its called "Burt and Anton a magicial friendship"
Yes and?
Anton is gone.
So?
How are we gonna do your show without your partner?
Nicole...
Gee.
Let me explain something to you
I dont need a partner, I never needed a partner certainly not Anton.
He was just a weight around my legs.
What did he ever bring to the equation?
business, ideas, and friendships.
Better off without him.
You really think you can handle it on your own?
Why won't you give it a shot because I can't watch this.
I don't need him, and I don't need you!
Well good because you don't have either of us!
And another thing, why don't you get in the tub?
Oh god!
Ladies and gentlemen I'm Burt Wonderstone.
But of course you already knew that.
Now what you may not know...
Is that i've been magical friends with..
each other since I was young boys.
I've always known that there was something different
about my friendship...
with myself.
Hey remember my games of "Hangman?"
I sure do.
But I played them a little differently then the other kids.
Hold on, hold on
cloak.
That was shit, that was shit.
I think that went pretty damn well.
It was a train reck!
Thats is it! I'm pulling the plug!
What are you talking about?
You said you were going to do a new show.!
That was the same show just wothout Anton!
You can't be magical friends with yourself!
Fine! Any hotel in Vegas would kill to have
Burt Wonderstone.
Really?
And besides I've put away a ton of money.
You put away almost nothing.
What are all these works? This is gobble-dee-gook,
What about all my investments?
Yes, Ok good, what about them? Here you go.
There's your imported Mexican spring water "Agua de Leche"
That was a very classy product, high in packaging.
Its mexican water Burt.
You were selling the promise of diarrhea for $3 a bottle.
And how bout that millions you put into
that hair brain theme restaurant?
James Cameron's Titanic Cafe was a great idea.
Our only mistakes were...
A - Made the floor too slanty food kept sliding off the plates,
and B - Did not get James Cameron's permission.
Got to get the permission right? We talked about that.
its your lavish lifestyle don't you understand Burt?
You spent $75,000 last month on bed sheets
Are you telling me that I don't have any money?
You have a savings bond here.
$200 that my nana gave to me.
Yea $200 in 1973
Today is worth...
$248
Burt?
Hello Nicole, how are you? Thats great.
I had to give up my suite...
So I was wondering if I might be able
to crash at your place for a couple of nights
Thats probably not a good idea.
Well heres the thing, I have not eaten in 24 hours,
because it turns out that room service does not deliver outside the hotel.
Yeah thats pretty standard.
I guess you could stay here for a night.
Do you know where I live?
I am in need of rabbit food anf bird seed.
Wow you really were hungry.
I almost ate one of my rabbits.
But their riddle with lice
Look at me Burt Wonderstone the greatest magician in the world.
sitting in this crummy little apartment eating slop.
What is this?
Its pan roasted tilapia with squash blossoms.
Horrible gruel, I'd imagine this is what prisoners eat.
I'll get it, let me get that.
Thank you.
Oh thats not...
OK.
Andale porfavor
Thats me and my grandmother she was a showgirl.
I use to come visit her in Vegas and that's when I 1st saw your show
with the golden nugget.
It so good.
I knew right then and there that I wanted to do magic.
Really?
Yes.
Do you know what time is it?
Its...
Very good, give it back please.
I already did.
Fine, you can do a little slight of hand.
Oh you wallet.
Oh god you really are broek $5?
I actually need that.
don't cumble it.
I have millions of ideas for tricks Burt.
Do you really think I wanted to be a magicians assisstant?
Yes.
No! Burt!
Make me your partner.
Poor sweet Nicole.
My name is Jane.
My act...
is incredible intricate. It is the product of years of studying and trainingand...
no offense but you are a girl.
You gotta be kidding me?
Not that girls can't do magic, its just that men are better at it.
You know what I don't want you staying here.
And I don't want to work with you.
What? Just because I said men are better than women?
I said no offense, therfore you can not be offended.
Legally.
When I saw you 10 years ago, you loved what you did.
I could feel it all the way in the back row and now your...
just a sad pathetic shell of what you once were.
and I don't want any part of it.
What are you doing?
Did I misread the situation?
Yes, badly, just get out!
Fine.
I have many options.
Great.
It's so small!
No i'm saying this bed is a size a dog would use or a small child.
I need a bigger bed.
This is your town Burt, tomorrow you take it back
Steve Win please.
Burt Wonderstone.
Do you know when he'll be out of the meeting?
Shhh, trying to talk to Steve Win.
Would you tell the Hilton family that Burt Wonderstone called.
Well can you have Mr. Trump call me back?
I don't care which Hilton Nickie will do.
Well can you have Mrs. Trump call me back?
Mr. Luxor please.
I don't understand.
I don't think so Burt, I'm not looking for a partner.
I've been a solo act for a million years and it's going pretty good.
David, how long have we been friends?
We're not friends.
But if we teamed up it could bring your career to the next level.
Well I have a star on the Hollywood walk of fame.
Imagine this...
"The Incredible Burt and David"
No.
Alright.
Thank you, I can make alot of liquid disappear...
but nothing makes liquid disappear better then Bounty paper towels.
They're the quicker picker-upper, 2 roles for $2.99.
Alright, Burt.
This should do it.
Thank you Terry, If I can do anything else for you, you have my card.
Got it.
My cell phone number is on there.
I will leave my ringer on vibrate.
"Escape to What?"
I'm sure you've seen people walk on red hot coals.
But I doubt you've seen anyone.
spend the night.
On red hot coals.
You know what I say when I see a bed of...
red hot coal?
Bring it!
Lucky guess!
Now what your smelling is not BBQ ladies and gentlemen.
It is my actual flesh.
Jesus!
See you in the morning!
Somebody get me a wake up call or I'll sleep right through!
under the 0 62.
This is the common room, where you will be doing the majority of your shit.
What kind of people end up here?
Well most of them were performers on the strip.
loud singers, strippers...
B-1 baby
celebrity impersonators
So this is where old entertainers go to and die.
And some not so old.
Hello, how are you?
Whats your name?
Grace.
Grace, I'm Burt.
Thats a lovely bracelet you have.
May I see that for a minute?
Take your time.
The clasps is in the back.
Yes.
Oh, there we go.
Ooh, thank you.
Now watch this.
Where did it go?
I don't know.
My grand daughter gave that to me.
What have you done?
No, Its right here.
I have it, I have it, Its right here.
Oh.
I'm a magician.
I should have explained it to you earlier.
Oh my god.
Its alright.
So Earl, if you could do me a kindness and select 1 card only from this deck.
He's forcing it on you.
Show the cards to the other but do not show me the card.
Don't do it, hes a hack.
Put the card back in the deck do not show me the card.
I will cut the deck once.
He already knows that card.
Is this your card?
No.
Really hmmm thats odd.
Part of the bid is you got to guess wrong twice
and then tell you the card is in your pocket.
Thank you sir for ruining the trick.
Thank you for being so terrible.
Hey pal, cartigan.
What's your problem?
I don't have a problem but you do.
Your shower shuffle is sloppy.
Your lips move when you do the Elmsley count.
and your pattern is boring and sad.
You want to try to dazzle people
not put them to sleep for God's sake.
Really what else?
People want to think what they're seeing is real magic
not a magic show.
If you don't believe what your doing
how are they going to believe it?
You got no joy in you son.
You got no passion.
You may have seen these tricks a thousand times before
but they haven't.
Oh my God.
Your Rance Holloway.
I had your magic kit as a kid, your the reason I became a magician.
I'll give you your money back.
Well I don't think you understand.
I am Burt Wonderstone.
I gather from that, I'm suppose to pass
out now?
Well I head lineded Ballys for the past 10 years.
I'm very very famous.
Well I quit the business and I don't read the trades.
And I'm late for my coma.
Perhaps we could just talk for a couple of minutes.
Bye.
This could win it!
Tonight on the "Brain Rapist"
Will there be blood?
And that brings us to our profile tonight.
A man who left behind the glits and glamour of Las Vegas stardom.
to follow a different path.
His name is Anton Marvelton.
"Combodia"
I started operation "Presto" because I saw
how much suffering there was in the world.
I got to the places were the children have neither food, nor clean water...
And I give them magic.
And you also give them food and clean water?
Well no, I'm a magician I bring magic.
H kids!
Here you go.
Thats for you.
Here you go young man.
and for you.
Lets see that smile.
Don't worry I have plenty for everybody.
What have we here?
Presto!
That's not all.
Hey, here you go.
How about that?
Hola seorita.
there you are.
Thats for you , and you.
They should have fresh rabbit to practice magic with
don't you agree?
This area of the world is so troubled.
Not only is their life in proverty and no fresh eater.
but the locals are also hooked on a powerful drug called "Kratom leaf"
And that knocks them unconscious for an hour.
I'm trying to get them off of Kratom and hook on magic instead.
Now your here in part because you had falling out with your longtime
magic partner and best friends Burt Wonderstone.
He was my best friend.
He was like a brother to me.
And i'll always be greatful to him for showing me my first trick.
Do you remember what that was?
A disappearing handkerchief.
Its the 1st trick everybody learns, but I tell you what
when Burt did it that day.
It really blew my mind.
Rance, lets do some tricks.
Rance
Ah!
What are you doing here?
I wanna do some tricks.
What are you doing in my room?
Look what I brought, remember that?
I don't care.
I thought that we could do some tricks together.
The whole point of the kit was so you could do
the tricks without me.
Ooh, the dangling knot.
And the rings, remember the rings?
How do these work again?
If I show you how to do the rings will you leave me alone?
We'll see.
Find out how I need to get the fingers, and there.
No good I can see the corner of the card.
Really?
Yeah?
and there?
Yeah, but squeeze your fingers tighter.
Tighter!
How in the hell did you ever perform
in the Las Vegas stage?
I did't really use card tricksI mostly worked with
big giant props.
Big giant props.
Do you mind if I ask you something?
If you feel you should.
What happen? I mean one day you were
headlining at Ballys
the next day you just disappeared.
Pass me the salt.
Do you remember why you became a magician?
Because everybody loves a magician.
right.
How?
How'd?
What your feeling right now.
That sense of awe that sense of wonderment.
that sense that anything in the universe is possible.
Thats why you became a magician.
Thats why I became a magician.
Thats and the women.
Thats and the women.
So why did you just walk away?
I was on the stage one day and all of a sudden
it become roast...
it becomes mechanical
and I didn't like that feeling.
So I walked away and never looked back.
Honestly, how did you do that with the bird?
It's partially deboned.
Hello?
I'll be right there.
Burt, Burt how are you?
Doug.
Come here.
How you holding up?
Very well.
Have a seat.
So, like I said I wanted to talk to you about performing.
Yes, yes so what do you think?
Triumphant return to Ballys?
or perhaps a new show at your new hotel?
actually I had something else in mind.
Alright.
See Judah is turning umm...
I don't know.
He's turning something and we are having a little birthday party
over at the house.
and when I asked him who he would like to perform at the party.
He told me he wanted you.
Really?
I know, I didn't believe it either I...
I offered him Miley Cyrus, and Justin Beiber and...
Amandy patinket but no, no he told me he wanted you the great and wonderful
Burt Wonderstone.
For 10 years I played the biggest room in Vegas.
I traveled the world, I dined with kings
and now!
I'll pay you $500 bucks.
I will do it!
Good.
Doug Munny asked me to perform at his kids birthday party
are you gonna do it?
I will if you'll be my partner.
I don't know I'll have to shave.
Come on Rance it will be fun.
I see it in your eyes,when you do a tric. Its like your
I want to show you something that I think will change your mind.
I'm 75.
Ladies and gentlemen the human piata!
Now this morning I ate a thousand peices of hard candy.
And I've got to get them out or I will surely die.
What is this an escape?
I wouldn't count on it.
Come on hit me as hard as you can.
Yeah, is that all you've got?!
Oh Jesus! This is disgusting!
Can I be a magician when I grow up?
Maybe if you get good grades.
This is what they call "Magic" these days?
This is some kine of terrible shit.
Ladies and gentlemen Steve Gray.
Nicole?
Jane.
Goddam that's the worst thing I ever saw in my life.
And I saw my kids being born.
Holy mackerel are you kidding me, Burt?
You never told us you were friends with the famous Rance Holloway.
It is an honor sir.
Your too kind.
Mr. Holloway.
Wjhat in the hell happen to you?
I work with cats, large cats.
I went on a date last night, and one of them got jealous and
ripped my face.
God damn.
Oh my girlfriend got it worst.
They said this was a magicians bar.
What are you doing in here?
Mr. Gray.
What you do is not magic.
It is monkey porn.
I understand, its natural for a dying leaf to be frighten
by the autumn wind.
Its not about pulling a rabbit out of your hat anymore.
Its about pulling your heart out of your chest.
What the hell is that suppose to mean?
It means I take peoples nightmares and turn them
into dream realities.
What in the fuck is a "Dream Reality?"
And you are?
Hold on there Steve Gray,
your telling us you don't know who Rance Holloway is?
never heard of him.
We owe this man everything,and you don't know who he is.
I didn't say I didn't know who he is.
I said I never heard of him.
Your skin makes me cry.
Thats a very sick hombre.
Well when do we start rehearsing our kid show?
You ready?
Lets give it a try.
Say would you like to go golfing?
Sure!
There you go.
He must be golfing?
Rance Holloway!
Thank you.
This is my handkerchief.
Thank you very much.
Burt?
Hey what are you dong here?
I came to visit my grandmother.
Hi.
Hello darling.
Grace is your grandmother?
Yeah, what are you doing here?
I entertain the residence.
I haven't seen her this happu in ages.
We're having an affair.
I don't get it
I don't understand how you can work for Steve Gray.
You are so much better than that
You didn't thikn of that when I asked to be your partner.
Well that was a different time. Women didn't have the same
freedom as they do now.
It was a month ago.
Listen, I know he sucks, I need a job.
and I don't have to defend myself to you.
No, I know you don't Jane.
Thank you.
Did you just actually call me by my real name?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that i've been suck a jerk to you.
and that I was so unprofessional.
and that I always called you Nicole even though I knew
your name was Jane.
There's a hundred more things on my internal check list.
OK...
that I objectified you and I always stood too close to you
and that I yelled at you,
and that I tried to make you feel uncomfortable...
And that I...
OK, you can stop don't hurt yourself.
So whatever I did that was insensitive and stupid, I'm sorry.
Well on the behalf of all the Nicoles for the last 10 years
I accept your apology.
Thank you Nicoles.
We were I don't know 10 or 11...
and there was this one kid in class who was always mean to us
always picking on us.
So we tricked him into pulling flash paper out of a wond.
It exploded in his face and the whole class laughed.
Oh that must of been a good day?
It was the best.
The next day not so much.
The kid came back, beat Anton almost to death.
Oh, No
He was alright.
Well at least you had Anton.
Yes.
I had imaginary friends and even they were mean, so...
a life of a child magician.
Yes try being a girl magic magician, they called me magic bitch.
They did?
Yes.
They called me magic bitch.
No!
Well now
Do you have any gigs coming up?
As a matter of fact, I have a very important international
galla
Known as Doug Mummy's kid birthday party.
Oh, thats.
Pathetic I know.
No, I was gonna say cool.
Kids love magic right?
Right.
I know your probably busy but...
I was thinking maybe you could be there.
I am busy.
but I'll be there.
Your so lucky.
Rance, its Burt the party is today.
just a gentle reminder call me.
You made it.
Well I love cake so...
You ready?
I think i'm ready but Rance isn't here yet so...
Rance is not here
Don't worry.
You'll be fine.
I'm not nervous thank you.
Right.
Good Luck.
I don't need luck I need Rance.
He'll be here.
Alright.
OK.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I want to thank you all for celebrating my sons...
How old are you?
My son's 10th birthday.
Judah...
my love...
my life...
my dreams
happy birthday.
Thanks dad.
Now Judah's birthday isn't the real reason
I invited you all out here today.
as many of you know my new hotel Doug will be opening soon
and in a few weeks I myself will be hosting a showcase of Vegas
hottest acts.
and which ever entertainer dazzles me the most...
will get a 5 year contract as Dougs headliner
how bout that huh?
and I am very pleased to announce that we have have our first official
entrance into that competition.
right here with us today he's a world famous magician
ladies and gentlemen...
Steve Gray!
Good to see you Steve, thanks for coming.
and i'll see you nect month at the showcase.
alright ladies and gentle now to entertain the children.
Burt Wonderstone, thank you.
I have a question for you.
Don't you wish you had a quarter for every time your parents
told you to clean behind your ears?
Yes.
Well there's one.
That's great!
and yes there's another one!
and the birthday boy.
When was the last time you cleaned behind your ears?
Never.
I didn't think so.
because Judah has the grostest ears of all!
You are rich my friend.
Thats so cool.
Amazing.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Wait!
You kids want to see some real magic?
I pulled my thumb off.
Thats not it.
Steve, what are you doing? Your not
suppose to be performing today.
Just giving the people what they want.
Hey guys, check this out.
You know if your like me, your probably thinking
that coin trick.
that was a, tasty little orderve.
but my inner child is hungry...
and crying out for something more nourishing.
What have you got on the grill?
Oh my God!
Whats he doing?
What is he doing?
You see that?
You see what i'm doing here?
Look at that, look at it!
Now look at this.
"Happy birthday"
In cursive.
That is a terrible trick to do for children. What
if they try and copy you?
I'll sue them.
Its my trick
Hey guys, have you ever been to a party and someone has on the
exact same outfit?
Yeah
Sure.
Well here is a solution for that.
Thank you.
Wonderstone.
Boring!
Here's how I hammer a nail.
You need anything worked done around the house near
know my summer cotage that way.
ALright very good, very good indeed but this is a classic.
meaning its been done.
Judah what is your favorite animal?
a mole? sloth? a puppy?
a puppy
Lets make a puppy for judah birthday shall we?
There you go a puppy
Its not really that cute is it?
It sort of a lame puppy I think I can do better
I'll start again.
Alakazam
There you go my friend, happy birthday Judah.
Thanks I'm going to call him Wonderstone.
Can I see Wonderstone for a second?
Hey everybody what this everyone
What an adorable little life form.
You know I bet I can make him even smaller.
and a little less adorable.
Stop it, stop it!
Give me the dog.
Give me the dog!, Give me the dog!
Give him to me!
Wow!
Wonderstone has disappeared
I wonder where he went.
Probably where all Wonderstones go eventually
into obscurity
Daddy, daddy he crushed my dog!
Are you sure about that Judah?
Are you sure about anything?
because I think I hear something moving
in this box right over here
go ahead and open that
wonderstone! your OK.
Thats a different dog you sick bastard, where's the other one?
don't you worry about it.
He's in a very safe place.
Top that puppy pants.
God damn you,
Happy birthday Judah
Chin up Burt, bad thing don't happen to us, they happen for us.
Why couldn;t you let him do just one show?
cause I want that gig at Doug
Not really I don't care.
I want it.
What is wrong with you?
Nothing is wrong with me.
everything is in perfect alignment
I worked too long and too hard to get where I am
and no one is going to stop me not Wonderstone, not you
not even me
the future belongs to Steve Gray
and incase you haven't noticed...
I'm Steve Gray
Well Steve Gray you are a terrible human being
and whats worst your a really bad magician
so I quit
Nice exit but i'm still here
What your gonna do now?
walk off in a half
excellent
women
they are a mystery Judah
Burt?
He put a dog in my pants, Jane
I see
He put a live dog in my pants
I'm sorry
No one has ever done that to me before.
I hope not.
he was teething.
So gross.
Hello?
What?
Rance
I missed the show
Don't worry about that
This is Jane
Hi Jane, Rance Holloway
Of course I know who you are
What happend?
I had a stroke
I don't recommend it either it is not as much fun as they
tell you in the brochures
How'd it go did you do the tricks?
Oh it was fine
Did they laugh were they amazed
they loved it it was great
great
If i've known how much fun it would be to work with a partner
I would have done it years ago
Its time for my final disappearing act
goodbye Burt
where did he go?
he has gone to a better place
goodbye Rance
he's under the bed.
I know.
Hey Winselstein
You came back
and what about your work with the poor?
Yeah they didn't actually want magic
They wanted food and clean water
the fools
please
so..?
so...?
so good to see your face
would you like an onion ring?
I've missed you so much.
Oh, Burt
I just missed you so much
I've missed you too.
After what I did to you I didn't think you would ever be my friend
I can't understand you
I didn't think you would want to be my friend
Oh I will always be your friend
And I'll alays be your friend
I can't tell you what that means to me
Yes you can
It means alot
Your friendship means more to me than anything in the world
Burt stop
So happy
So happy
I promised myself I wasn't going to do this
I promised myself I was going to do this
Now there it is
The enchanted notebook
I've always kept it with me.
There are some really great ideas in here.
What about raising storm? Who did it?
Arsinian 91
What about stinky stinky 2x4?
That one is really hard on my back.
Oh yes.
Listen guys we just need oncebig trick for Munny's showcase some kind of
grand illusion that would really blow peoples minds
Hey wait minute? What's the disappearing audience?
That was the 1 trick we could never crack.
Yes
How would you make an entire audience disappear
without them being in on it?
You'd have to knock them all out or something.
No....
Krotom
That thing
What?
Its a leaf they chew in Combodia it knocks them right out
We would have to drug a thousand people without
their consent?
Guys no
What? No you can't be serious
That would be dangerous an also illegal
She has a point
yeah
We should test it first
You think this batch is ready?
I don't know check it
You think this batch is ready?
I don't know check it
OK, is everybody knowing what they're doing?
I'm ready.
Me too but I am a little nervous
Anton what could possible go wrong?
Somebody could die, we could go to prison
See when you say it out loud it doesn't sound so bad
Jane, Anton and I have been talking
and if we get this gig we would like you to join us
I'd love to.
Not as our assistant
As our opening act
We think your a hell of a magician
and we would like you to be our partner
alright
Ok i'm just gonna head out
I'm happy for you guys
Sorry, sorry, I forgot my sweater
Ok, bye
Happy for you
Alright
I believe that this was yours?
Very good
Oh you have something in your ear.
"Trojon Condoms"
Very nice
Thank you
Unfortunately that wont work for me
"Magnum Condoms"
Really?
No it's just a trick.
Ok
Your catching me where it doesn't feel good
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
OK, OK, yea that was something
Ok get out
Yeah
Sorry about that
Next up a man who lives on the cutting edge
and the burning edge
and the gouging edge of magic
You may know him from his TV show "Brain Rapist"
So prepare to have your brains raped
Ladies and Gentlemen Steve Gray!
Thank you
But i'm not here for applause
I'm a little bit different from the other magicians you'll
see here tonight
In fact i'm not planning on doing any magic
at all
Instead I want to do a little thing I call
Drilling a hole in my head
Now according to my research there is a narrow angle
where one can drill
into the skull
missing all the vital parts of the brain
now I've been informed by my nedical team
That I may lose 1 of my senses
leaving me with only 5
and no longer be special in any way
Yes, just like one of you
so...
cross your fingers for me
oh and parents if you have small children with you
you might want lift them up so they can see better
alright without further delay
lets change everyting
Tada!
That was amazing!
Thank you
Do it again!
Hey when did you guys get here?
Oh I lost my drill, I lost my drill out there
Ooh boobies
And that's why he's a star ladies and gentlemen
Steve Gray.
Lets hear it!
Thank you
I feel bad for anyone who has to follow that act
and now to follow that act...
Burt Wonderstone and Anton marvelton ladies and gentlemen...
Yes!
Thank you, thank you very much
Good evening, for 15 yearsAnon and I did a little show
called Burt and Anton a magical friendship
as some of you may know we recently had a falling out
yeah, we fell right out of a hot box
you see ladies and gentlemen
along the way we forgot the most important thing of all
and that is that Burt needs Anton and
ANton needs Burt
because that is what a magical friendship is all about
tonight we offer you the one illusion that we dreamed about
as kids but never dared performed until now
I guess you could say that this tricked started
I was given a Rance Holloway magic kit
and I watched the instructional video for the very 1st time
Hello my young friends, I'm Rance Holloway
You've probably seen me on the Murph Griffith show
Or live on stage
or at the fabulous startdust resort and casino in Las Vegas
magic is the art of making people believe something they know
can't possible be true
for example if I were to say to the man in the 2nd row isle C
that is the ugliest God damn sweater I have ever seen
you might be astonished
because theres no way I could have known what he'd be wearing
when I recorded this 30 years ago right?
well let me tell you something folks
you aint seen nothing yet
No, you aint seen nothing yet
because now Burt and Anton are going to make all of you
everyone in this audience man, women, and child
disappear from this very theatre
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Thank y ou! Thank You!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank You!
We did it Anthonu
We sure did Albert
Burt Anton congratulations!
You got the gig. I don't know how you did it
this was one hell of a trick
Thank you Doug
and I was sure this was gonna be a disaster
Oh just one thing
Though your gonna make the audience reappear again
after dark again right?
not a problem
Cause now i'm gonna make a shit load of money
in the casino
alright
Very proud of ya
Not bad but wait till they see what I have planned
I'm gonna drill a hole in my head right here
ahead of my time
Why you running away
I got you a birthday present.
Thats ok you didn't have to get me anything
I got you some bark and your gonna eat it
Cool, I was gonna eat bark anyway
No you weren't
Yeah see, all the things you were gonna give me
I was already planning on doing it.
Hmm. so good
Were you planning on not being able to breathe?
Yes
Listen to me winselstein
Nobody likes you, Nobody will ever like you
Do you understand that?
Come on lets split.
Goodbye loser
Mom I'm home
Mom?
Happy birthday little man
I had to work a double shift again
But i love you very much, mom
Ps. dinner is in the fridge and i got you your favorite cake
its on the counter
combine the mix of 2 tsb of oil and 2 eggs.
We're out of eggs, so you need to go get them.
Preheat the oven to 350...
Grease some flour on 9x13 inch cake pan.
And then pour the batter into the pan.
Careful not to spill.
Hello my young friends.
I'm Rance Holloway
You've probably seen me on the Murph Griffith show.
Or live on stage at the fabulous resort and casino in Las Vegas.
That's were I perform such tricks as..
Skateboarding ghost.
The amazing cordless telephone.
And my very famous mouth burn solution.
Wow.
Hahahaha
Do you like that?
Of course you did.
That trick just blew your mind because that's what magic does
It blows peoples minds.
Welcome to the amazing world of magic.
The world were you can ashtonish and enchant those around you.
Because everyone loves a magician.
And if you follow my instrcutions. They'll love you too.
Lets begin now with a simple illusion.
Where we pull pennies out of our nose.
Alakazam!
How did you do that?
A magician never tells his secrets
Oh, OK.
It's a rubber thumb.
Oh, cool!
I'm Anton Marvelton
Burt Wonderstone
You're that kid always in the nurses office right?
Not always.
Sometimes they send me to the hospital.
What are those for?
This one is for my allergies
and this one is for my asthma.
and this is testosterone.
My doctor says i'm dangerously close to being a girl.
Do you know any other tricks?
I have a whole magic kit at home.
Behold.
and empty top hat.
perfectly normal.
Alakazam!
Wow!
Your like a boy witch.
Thank you.
Hey
Why won't you put a plastic bag of water
In the hidden compartment?
Water would come out instead of confetti.
Do you want to be my parter?
More than anything.
Ok,
I think we should star writing down our trick ideas.
Like in a notebook.
Yes!
Like an enchanted notebook with leather and buckles.
All I have is a regular notebook.
That will work.
So then our first trick should be...
Awesome!
Tada!
Burt.
Burt
I want you to come work for me.
here at ballys.
But i need you to do one thing for me.
I need you to dump Anton.
He's on his own leave
No offense.
None taken.
I'm sorry Doug, Anton and I are a team.
Always have been.
Always will be.
Fair enough.
Welcome to ballys boys!
Congradulations.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The incredible Burt and Anton.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Burt Wonderstone.
and I'm Anton Marvelton
But of course
you already knew that
What you may not know
is that Burt and I have been magical friends and partners since we were young boys
We always knew there was always something a lttle bit different about our friendship.
Remember our game of hangman Burt?
I sure do Anton but we didn't play it quit the way the other kids did
Ladies and gentlemen our beautiful assistant Nicole.
Hold on, Hold on Anton.
We're here to do magic not Nicole.
Right now its time for
"Hangman"
And that's why we call it
a magical friendship
Night after night! after night!
Is like a magic hell.
Taking anymore time to switch out of there.
Stand out there and cloak like an asshole.
Give me a break Burt
I've been doing the switch the same way every night for the last 10 years.
You're just impatient.
I am impatient! Anton
because I have to share clothes with a sweaty walrus man.
You're just impatient becuase you want to get the show over with.
Can we get a towel for him please? Dab it down.
Well i sweat because i work hard.
Take my phone!
You think it's easy putting on your safety harness in the dark?
would you rather I let the noose just snap your neck off.
Ok, can we do this one show without this bitchfest.
Oh I'm sorry, are we hurtting your performance as a walking manikin?
That's it you know what?
i quit
quit
quit
I quit.
Go get a job a circus so lame!
Dammit Burt that's the second one this month.
Oh it's not like they are hard to replace?
case in point you.
Yes you, what is your name?
Jame.
You know the tricks?
Yes why do you need something?
From now on you're NIcole.
Oh, wow Mr. Wonderstrone that is a tremendous honor.
but I really don't think I'm ready to take on that
If I'm not really rehersed I wouldn't be several years.
That is not an outfit!
You're gonna be great.
Don't worry.
I have a fear.
That is tight!
What she has no ribs?
You took her hair?
You know folks? When you grow up as a magician.
The 1st escape you learn is generally from a school locker.
The jocks hated us
because we always stole their girlfriends away from them
using the power of magic
I like the blonde.
Makes you look cute.
Thanks.
So i finally got this new bed that I ordered.
What? sorry i'm just trying to concentrate. Behind you
it's an uptupple king biggest bed in Vegas. Easily sleeps 2 dozen adults.
If the phone rings and I'm on the other side of the bed
I can't get to it. There's no way.
Ah! God that was close.
Point is it's a huge bed.
and I was wondering would you like to see it tonight?
Nakedly.
Oh, I don't think that is such a good idea. Since we just started working together.
Listen Nicole.
It's Jane
Now that you know this is your first show and this is all very new and exciting.but when you have done this 5000 times.
You will find that having sex with me is the only way to mitigate the miserable drudgery of your existence.
My point is this lets just have sex.
It's not gonna happen.
Are you a lesbian Nicole?
Is every women who doesn't sleep with you a lesbian?
No I've slept with plenty of lesbians.
Wow, I've worshipped you for 10 years and you just made me hate you in 60 seconds.
Right there.
Looks like I'm the one who scored this time you dumb jock.
Ladies and gentlement our most famous illusion.
You'll know where we are going with this one
The one we call.
Man head. Lady body.
Alright, here we go, here we go.
In order to accomplish this impossible feat of impossibility.
We are going to need a female volunteer from the audience.
Female volunteer.
Lets see who we have?
Anyone?
Who will it be?
Man head.
Lady body.
Would you care to join me on stage?
How bout a round of a plause.
I can't beleive I'm really making out with Burt Wonderstone.
It's suppose to be a thrill of a lifetime for you.
Your place is so beautiful.
This is not my place.
This is my place.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, it's so beautiful.
Yes it is, Look at you? Look at me.
My god look at your costume. Yes.
Posters.
Oh my god there you are. And here I am.
Yes come with me please.
Would you do me a kindness and jump up on the bench please. Legs facing that way.
arms as if your holding a giant pumpkin.
Good
So Miranda, what are your hopes and dreams?
I'd really love to own my own hair salon. Thats great your intresting follow me please.
There will be no biting or scratching anything that can leave a mark
This is a standard release form acknowledging that you are over 18 years of age.
and you are willingly consenting to the sex acts that we are about to commit.
That's alot of paper work.
There's alot of sex acts.
Oh my god It's huge!
biggest bed in Vegas.
Hey Jimbo
Hey almost sprinkled the infield there.
You've done such a great job today, I just want to reward you for your excellent service today with this $100
Your just gonna turn it into a $1 bill when i take it.
I don't even know where thats coming from. Who would do that?
That's mean.
A $1 bill is a horrible tip, I'm giving you $100
Oh my gosh you got me again. Yes I did. You never learn. He never learns.
I'm sorry
Hey Jim, I think you got something in your pocket.
Thank you Mr. Marvelton.
Oh look who's here Burt.
Anton, Lucius Belvedere, Rick the Implausible
This is a retreat. I can't remember the last time i saw you two together off stage.
We're both busy thats all.
We see each other everyday.
So how's the show going? Not so good. Good.
Pretty good. Its OK.
I'm in the lobby doing the 2-2:30 shift.
Wednesdays through well just Wednesdays plus i'm doing some webisodes drum up business that way.
What the hell is a webispode?
Are you being serious?
It's a show that you do on the internet
Just like being on TV or movie except you don't go through all the hassle
with people seeing it.
What happen to your hand?
Oh one of my bengal tigers have been getting a little bitty lately.
That's why we're comedy magicians not a big cat magician I wanna kill on stage.
Not have some tiger rip my hand, I don't wanna get killed. I wanna kill on. You know what? Just forget it.
It's tough, It is tough. it's tough. It was funnier in my head.
If i spend more than an hour away from my cats. They forget who I am and attack me.
Sounds like my wife and kids.
If my wife and kids you know I meant my ferrets.
You know if I had a wife and kids you know I wasn't just home alone.
What's going on out there?
eating popsicle after popsicle
I don't know we should probably go check it out right like a group, a bunch of friends.
Appreciate it, seems like an open mided crowd.
but things are about to happen out here that may be difficult for you to process.
If you're at all screamish.
I encourage you to shelter inside the casinos.
Move along.
or just turn it off.
Now give me a moment.
Congradulations.
Truly brave.
I only hope your ready to face the fire!
Get it off!
He totally nailed you with that fireball.
Sorry.
Guilty pleasure.
You're a really good sport.
Whatever that means.
Would you like to help me with a trick?
Sure.
Ooh, now he done it.
Who is this hot mess?
It's Steve Grey, the street magician.
That guys a magician?
He doesn't even have a costume.
Pick a card.
Show it to the crowd, then you.
Now take the marker from your pocket.
and write your mother's name on that card.
But I don't have a...
Oh snap!
Pen.
What's with all the cameras.
He's shooting his cable show, Steve Grey brain rapist.
Brain rapist?
Yeah.
You live in a bubble or something?
Come on, come on.
Dorothy, his mother's name is Dorathy.
Pretty name.
I'm gonna take Dorothy and slide her to the center of the deck.
and put her back in my pocket.
Now punch me in the face.
What?
Punch me in the face as hard as you can.
Not gonna do that.
Of course.
Sometime the roles we're force to play in life are difficult to understand.
Like your mother Dorothy...
Who for the good of sailors everywhere
lived the life of a whore.
Whorothy, that's what they called her.
Surrender whorothy!
You're not in Kansas anymore, whorothy.
No,No,No,No.
Jesus!
Is that a real plant?
That looked like a real punch.
It's OK!
I've already forgiven him.
I provoked him, in the weakest pain body.
Wow, that swelled up pretty quick.
Better let the pressure off.
Better.
Seems like there's something in there.
Let me just...
I wonder what this could be?
It's the card!
Oh thats nuts!
As it was in the beginning...
so shall it be in the end.
I tried to warn them.
That's crazy man.
No, No!
Hello, I haven't seen you around.
I don't beleive I have had the pleasure.
We caught your thing out on the street, and uh...
it was disgusting, pretty good.
Good, bad...
I don't eat from that tree.
Hey, any chance I could get you to sign something for me?
Oh, I don't ususally sign autographs but i suppose i can make an acception.
It's a release form.
Just in case we caught you in the background.
I don't want to pixelate your face.
Do I need to sign a release form?
No I can just pixelate your face.
So anywho, we have a show over at Ballys...
And I could get you some comps if you would like to take a look at our acts.
We do this one trick its a man head lady body.
Tell you what...
Pretend I''m still here and tell me all about it.
From Chicago "Brain rapist"
The world record for stairing was 24 hours.
but I've been doing it for over 3 days now.
And frankly I'm bored.
So I'm gonna spice things up with a little pepper spray.
Bring it.
You see me blinking?
I'm not blinking
For a very long time.
He's like a god, a god of pepper spray.
He certainly is not human.
He broke the record!
Here at Ballys, you'll be pamperd like an enormous baby.
There's a hair dryer and ironing board in every room.
And if you like steak houses.
You'll love Ballys signature steak house.
Ballys steakhouse.
And after dinner check out The Incredible Burt and Anton.
In their own Burt and Anton Theatre.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Burt Wonderstone.
And I'm Anton Marvelton.
Of course you already knew that.
In order to achieve this incredible feat of impossibility...
We will need a female volunteer from the audience
who will that be?
Who will the female volunteer be?
Alright.
Nope.
Your a dude.
Yes 2 million dollars.
OK, I'm sorry about that guys.
How are ya?
I am incredible.
Wow, look how big Judus got?
Yeah.
How old is he now?
I dont know.
But I tell you what.
That kid, that kid is your biggest fan.
Wow, love it!
Unfortunate I'm starting to think he's your only fan.
What?
Your ticket sales suck.
Well, we have the following.
You need a younger crowd, OK?
Have you heard of this Steve Grey guy?
Oh god, let me tell you about Steve Grey.
All that guy does is mumble and cut himself anybody can do that.
My niece does that.
But he's getting the national following between the ages of 25 and 45.
They're calling him the future of magic.
Would you like to see his latest stunt?
Alright.
"Rapist"
For 12 long days he's held his urine.
No!
Be there for the final hour of Steve Gray's incredible stunt.
"Holding it in"
Is there a fountain over there?
seriously could we turn that off?
Thats not fair.
Live on intense TV.
I'm sure this is normal but my legs are shutting down.
What is going through your mind, right now?
I really have to pee, Richard.
He's made it this far, but will he last?
He should be dead right now he's got more urine than blood.
so join us this Friday at 9/8c live on intense TV.
A magician? You call that a magician? You actually enjoy that?
I don't enjoy any of this shit.
Alright, Burt...
This is the brochure for my new signature hotel.
now this hotel is the same as all the other hotels, but
I'm going to be charging 70% more for everything.
You know why I can do that?
Because it's shinier?
Shut up.
Because its new.
and people love new.
And when people love something it becomes valuable.
So new equals value.
Do you understand whai I'm saying?
You've been doing the same shit since i hired you.
You even come on stage to that same goddam song
It's called "Abracadabra" and it is considered a modern classic.
It's shit.
I agree with him, Burt
there's no reason we couldn't do something big, headline grabbing.
I am not holding my piss!
Steve Gray already did that!
He owns that, he owns it, you need to do something else something fresh.
I suppose I could hold my poop.
I'll have a large meal, I'll eat some yogurt and granola and I'll hold my poop, for 24 hours.
What is wrong with him?
"Will Burt poop?"
"Will it happen?"
"Will he crap his pants?"
I think I've got something.
Now why do you call it the "Hot Box?"
Well the Vegas sun effectively turn the pexy glass box into an oven.
we estimate the interior temperature may hit 200 degrees.
And you and Burt Wonderstone plan to stay in the box an entire week?
That's right,reporter, hello.
Excuse us.
What are you wearing?
My magician's costume because I am a magician.
The whole point of this is to update our act.
You need to go change
No this is Vegas baby. Look at this crowd.
This is what I'm talking about.
This is awesome I wish I could come up there with you.
You don't want to do that son, it will smell like acid.
Ok guys, we're ready for you.
Your gonna wear that?
Yes.
It's velvet fur.
Your gonna die.
That's better.
Ladies and gentlemen we give you Nicole!
Remember all you have to do is nothing.
Alright,
I just realized I wont be having sex for a week.
What are you doing?
Breathing exercises, I've been doing them all week.
Your practicing breathing?
Yes.
OK,
Thats a nice view.
Its a little smaller than I thought it would be.
OK, maybe if you'd have come to even one rehersal...
"maybe if you'd come to one rehersal'
Maybe you need to reherse in a box Anton I don't.
Fine.
Not this guy.
I can't breathe!, I can't breathe!,I can't breathe!
Yes you can, yes you can.
Its so small.
Relaxe its only been 20 minutes.
Don't touch me!
We're just having fun!
Burt! Stop it!
PLease, you have to calm down.
Your gonna break the box.
You dare me to break the box!
Help us!
Help me, help me.
Burt!
Help me, I'm slipping.
This is the best trick ever!
Breathe Burt!
Don't panic!
Shut up!
Lower the crane!
What are you doing!
No, I'm climbing
Wait,not there!
Your killing me!
Pull me up!
No, Burt!
Ouch, my ankles are broken.
Your face got me right in the knee,
I told you this was a bad idea.
This wasn't a bad idea Burt!
It was a good idea,
screwed up like a puppies ass.
Oh, really?
This partnership is over, I quit
What? Just because a couple of broken ankles?
Some of his ribs are also broken.
You are so selfish!
Me!?
I can't beleive I put up with you for so many years!
Know what? I don't need you.
Nobody comes to you anyway.
That's why the call it "The Increcible Burt and Anton"
Not "The Incredible Burt and The Increcible Anton!"
The Incredible applies to both of us!
That is a hateful thing to say!
Whatever!
You're welcome to it!
Good Luck, you incredible asshole!
Your gonna be alright.
We don't know that yet.
Your the asshole.
Thats it?
Ladies and gentlemen...
the hockbocks
Uh?
Come on! Jr move your little ass.
Burt, are you here?
Oh hello Nicole, I'm taking a tub.
It's Jay and I'll just wait till your done.
No, no, no, its a bubble bath, you can't see anything.
Come on in.
OK, I just think we need to talk about everything cause I just...
Oh my god!
Burt!
The bubbles have seem to dissipated.
There, thats not better.
Listen I just wanted to talk to you about the show.
The show goes on.
Well, its called "Burt and Anton a magicial friendship"
Yes and?
Anton is gone.
So?
How are we gonna do your show without your partner?
Nicole...
Gee.
Let me explain something to you
I dont need a partner, I never needed a partner certainly not Anton.
He was just a weight around my legs.
What did he ever bring to the equation?
business, ideas, and friendships.
Better off without him.
You really think you can handle it on your own?
Why won't you give it a shot because I can't watch this.
I don't need him, and I don't need you!
Well good because you don't have either of us!
And another thing, why don't you get in the tub?
Oh god!
Ladies and gentlemen I'm Burt Wonderstone.
But of course you already knew that.
Now what you may not know...
Is that i've been magical friends with..
each other since I was young boys.
I've always known that there was something different
about my friendship...
with myself.
Hey remember my games of "Hangman?"
I sure do.
But I played them a little differently then the other kids.
Hold on, hold on
cloak.
That was shit, that was shit.
I think that went pretty damn well.
It was a train reck!
Thats is it! I'm pulling the plug!
What are you talking about?
You said you were going to do a new show.!
That was the same show just wothout Anton!
You can't be magical friends with yourself!
Fine! Any hotel in Vegas would kill to have
Burt Wonderstone.
Really?
And besides I've put away a ton of money.
You put away almost nothing.
What are all these works? This is gobble-dee-gook,
What about all my investments?
Yes, Ok good, what about them? Here you go.
There's your imported Mexican spring water "Agua de Leche"
That was a very classy product, high in packaging.
Its mexican water Burt.
You were selling the promise of diarrhea for $3 a bottle.
And how bout that millions you put into
that hair brain theme restaurant?
James Cameron's Titanic Cafe was a great idea.
Our only mistakes were...
A - Made the floor too slanty food kept sliding off the plates,
and B - Did not get James Cameron's permission.
Got to get the permission right? We talked about that.
its your lavish lifestyle don't you understand Burt?
You spent $75,000 last month on bed sheets
Are you telling me that I don't have any money?
You have a savings bond here.
$200 that my nana gave to me.
Yea $200 in 1973
Today is worth...
$248
Burt?
Hello Nicole, how are you? Thats great.
I had to give up my suite...
So I was wondering if I might be able
to crash at your place for a couple of nights
Thats probably not a good idea.
Well heres the thing, I have not eaten in 24 hours,
because it turns out that room service does not deliver outside the hotel.
Yeah thats pretty standard.
I guess you could stay here for a night.
Do you know where I live?
I am in need of rabbit food anf bird seed.
Wow you really were hungry.
I almost ate one of my rabbits.
But their riddle with lice
Look at me Burt Wonderstone the greatest magician in the world.
sitting in this crummy little apartment eating slop.
What is this?
Its pan roasted tilapia with squash blossoms.
Horrible gruel, I'd imagine this is what prisoners eat.
I'll get it, let me get that.
Thank you.
Oh thats not...
OK.
Andale porfavor
Thats me and my grandmother she was a showgirl.
I use to come visit her in Vegas and that's when I 1st saw your show
with the golden nugget.
It so good.
I knew right then and there that I wanted to do magic.
Really?
Yes.
Do you know what time is it?
Its...
Very good, give it back please.
I already did.
Fine, you can do a little slight of hand.
Oh you wallet.
Oh god you really are broek $5?
I actually need that.
don't cumble it.
I have millions of ideas for tricks Burt.
Do you really think I wanted to be a magicians assisstant?
Yes.
No! Burt!
Make me your partner.
Poor sweet Nicole.
My name is Jane.
My act...
is incredible intricate. It is the product of years of studying and trainingand...
no offense but you are a girl.
You gotta be kidding me?
Not that girls can't do magic, its just that men are better at it.
You know what I don't want you staying here.
And I don't want to work with you.
What? Just because I said men are better than women?
I said no offense, therfore you can not be offended.
Legally.
When I saw you 10 years ago, you loved what you did.
I could feel it all the way in the back row and now your...
just a sad pathetic shell of what you once were.
and I don't want any part of it.
What are you doing?
Did I misread the situation?
Yes, badly, just get out!
Fine.
I have many options.
Great.
It's so small!
No i'm saying this bed is a size a dog would use or a small child.
I need a bigger bed.
This is your town Burt, tomorrow you take it back
Steve Win please.
Burt Wonderstone.
Do you know when he'll be out of the meeting?
Shhh, trying to talk to Steve Win.
Would you tell the Hilton family that Burt Wonderstone called.
Well can you have Mr. Trump call me back?
I don't care which Hilton Nickie will do.
Well can you have Mrs. Trump call me back?
Mr. Luxor please.
I don't understand.
I don't think so Burt, I'm not looking for a partner.
I've been a solo act for a million years and it's going pretty good.
David, how long have we been friends?
We're not friends.
But if we teamed up it could bring your career to the next level.
Well I have a star on the Hollywood walk of fame.
Imagine this...
"The Incredible Burt and David"
No.
Alright.
Thank you, I can make alot of liquid disappear...
but nothing makes liquid disappear better then Bounty paper towels.
They're the quicker picker-upper, 2 roles for $2.99.
Alright, Burt.
This should do it.
Thank you Terry, If I can do anything else for you, you have my card.
Got it.
My cell phone number is on there.
I will leave my ringer on vibrate.
"Escape to What?"
I'm sure you've seen people walk on red hot coals.
But I doubt you've seen anyone.
spend the night.
On red hot coals.
You know what I say when I see a bed of...
red hot coal?
Bring it!
Lucky guess!
Now what your smelling is not BBQ ladies and gentlemen.
It is my actual flesh.
Jesus!
See you in the morning!
Somebody get me a wake up call or I'll sleep right through!
under the 0 62.
This is the common room, where you will be doing the majority of your shit.
What kind of people end up here?
Well most of them were performers on the strip.
loud singers, strippers...
B-1 baby
celebrity impersonators
So this is where old entertainers go to and die.
And some not so old.
Hello, how are you?
Whats your name?
Grace.
Grace, I'm Burt.
Thats a lovely bracelet you have.
May I see that for a minute?
Take your time.
The clasps is in the back.
Yes.
Oh, there we go.
Ooh, thank you.
Now watch this.
Where did it go?
I don't know.
My grand daughter gave that to me.
What have you done?
No, Its right here.
I have it, I have it, Its right here.
Oh.
I'm a magician.
I should have explained it to you earlier.
Oh my god.
Its alright.
So Earl, if you could do me a kindness and select 1 card only from this deck.
He's forcing it on you.
Show the cards to the other but do not show me the card.
Don't do it, hes a hack.
Put the card back in the deck do not show me the card.
I will cut the deck once.
He already knows that card.
Is this your card?
No.
Really hmmm thats odd.
Part of the bid is you got to guess wrong twice
and then tell you the card is in your pocket.
Thank you sir for ruining the trick.
Thank you for being so terrible.
Hey pal, cartigan.
What's your problem?
I don't have a problem but you do.
Your shower shuffle is sloppy.
Your lips move when you do the Elmsley count.
and your pattern is boring and sad.
You want to try to dazzle people
not put them to sleep for God's sake.
Really what else?
People want to think what they're seeing is real magic
not a magic show.
If you don't believe what your doing
how are they going to believe it?
You got no joy in you son.
You got no passion.
You may have seen these tricks a thousand times before
but they haven't.
Oh my God.
Your Rance Holloway.
I had your magic kit as a kid, your the reason I became a magician.
I'll give you your money back.
Well I don't think you understand.
I am Burt Wonderstone.
I gather from that, I'm suppose to pass
out now?
Well I head lineded Ballys for the past 10 years.
I'm very very famous.
Well I quit the business and I don't read the trades.
And I'm late for my coma.
Perhaps we could just talk for a couple of minutes.
Bye.
This could win it!
Tonight on the "Brain Rapist"
Will there be blood?
And that brings us to our profile tonight.
A man who left behind the glits and glamour of Las Vegas stardom.
to follow a different path.
His name is Anton Marvelton.
"Combodia"
I started operation "Presto" because I saw
how much suffering there was in the world.
I got to the places were the children have neither food, nor clean water...
And I give them magic.
And you also give them food and clean water?
Well no, I'm a magician I bring magic.
H kids!
Here you go.
Thats for you.
Here you go young man.
and for you.
Lets see that smile.
Don't worry I have plenty for everybody.
What have we here?
Presto!
That's not all.
Hey, here you go.
How about that?
Hola seorita.
there you are.
Thats for you , and you.
They should have fresh rabbit to practice magic with
don't you agree?
This area of the world is so troubled.
Not only is their life in proverty and no fresh eater.
but the locals are also hooked on a powerful drug called "Kratom leaf"
And that knocks them unconscious for an hour.
I'm trying to get them off of Kratom and hook on magic instead.
Now your here in part because you had falling out with your longtime
magic partner and best friends Burt Wonderstone.
He was my best friend.
He was like a brother to me.
And i'll always be greatful to him for showing me my first trick.
Do you remember what that was?
A disappearing handkerchief.
Its the 1st trick everybody learns, but I tell you what
when Burt did it that day.
It really blew my mind.
Rance, lets do some tricks.
Rance
Ah!
What are you doing here?
I wanna do some tricks.
What are you doing in my room?
Look what I brought, remember that?
I don't care.
I thought that we could do some tricks together.
The whole point of the kit was so you could do
the tricks without me.
Ooh, the dangling knot.
And the rings, remember the rings?
How do these work again?
If I show you how to do the rings will you leave me alone?
We'll see.
Find out how I need to get the fingers, and there.
No good I can see the corner of the card.
Really?
Yeah?
and there?
Yeah, but squeeze your fingers tighter.
Tighter!
How in the hell did you ever perform
in the Las Vegas stage?
I did't really use card tricksI mostly worked with
big giant props.
Big giant props.
Do you mind if I ask you something?
If you feel you should.
What happen? I mean one day you were
headlining at Ballys
the next day you just disappeared.
Pass me the salt.
Do you remember why you became a magician?
Because everybody loves a magician.
right.
How?
How'd?
What your feeling right now.
That sense of awe that sense of wonderment.
that sense that anything in the universe is possible.
Thats why you became a magician.
Thats why I became a magician.
Thats and the women.
Thats and the women.
So why did you just walk away?
I was on the stage one day and all of a sudden
it become roast...
it becomes mechanical
and I didn't like that feeling.
So I walked away and never looked back.
Honestly, how did you do that with the bird?
It's partially deboned.
Hello?
I'll be right there.
Burt, Burt how are you?
Doug.
Come here.
How you holding up?
Very well.
Have a seat.
So, like I said I wanted to talk to you about performing.
Yes, yes so what do you think?
Triumphant return to Ballys?
or perhaps a new show at your new hotel?
actually I had something else in mind.
Alright.
See Judah is turning umm...
I don't know.
He's turning something and we are having a little birthday party
over at the house.
and when I asked him who he would like to perform at the party.
He told me he wanted you.
Really?
I know, I didn't believe it either I...
I offered him Miley Cyrus, and Justin Beiber and...
Amandy patinket but no, no he told me he wanted you the great and wonderful
Burt Wonderstone.
For 10 years I played the biggest room in Vegas.
I traveled the world, I dined with kings
and now!
I'll pay you $500 bucks.
I will do it!
Good.
Doug Munny asked me to perform at his kids birthday party
are you gonna do it?
I will if you'll be my partner.
I don't know I'll have to shave.
Come on Rance it will be fun.
I see it in your eyes,when you do a tric. Its like your
I want to show you something that I think will change your mind.
I'm 75.
Ladies and gentlemen the human piata!
Now this morning I ate a thousand peices of hard candy.
And I've got to get them out or I will surely die.
What is this an escape?
I wouldn't count on it.
Come on hit me as hard as you can.
Yeah, is that all you've got?!
Oh Jesus! This is disgusting!
Can I be a magician when I grow up?
Maybe if you get good grades.
This is what they call "Magic" these days?
This is some kine of terrible shit.
Ladies and gentlemen Steve Gray.
Nicole?
Jane.
Goddam that's the worst thing I ever saw in my life.
And I saw my kids being born.
Holy mackerel are you kidding me, Burt?
You never told us you were friends with the famous Rance Holloway.
It is an honor sir.
Your too kind.
Mr. Holloway.
Wjhat in the hell happen to you?
I work with cats, large cats.
I went on a date last night, and one of them got jealous and
ripped my face.
God damn.
Oh my girlfriend got it worst.
They said this was a magicians bar.
What are you doing in here?
Mr. Gray.
What you do is not magic.
It is monkey porn.
I understand, its natural for a dying leaf to be frighten
by the autumn wind.
Its not about pulling a rabbit out of your hat anymore.
Its about pulling your heart out of your chest.
What the hell is that suppose to mean?
It means I take peoples nightmares and turn them
into dream realities.
What in the fuck is a "Dream Reality?"
And you are?
Hold on there Steve Gray,
your telling us you don't know who Rance Holloway is?
never heard of him.
We owe this man everything,and you don't know who he is.
I didn't say I didn't know who he is.
I said I never heard of him.
Your skin makes me cry.
Thats a very sick hombre.
Well when do we start rehearsing our kid show?
You ready?
Lets give it a try.
Say would you like to go golfing?
Sure!
There you go.
He must be golfing?
Rance Holloway!
Thank you.
This is my handkerchief.
Thank you very much.
Burt?
Hey what are you dong here?
I came to visit my grandmother.
Hi.
Hello darling.
Grace is your grandmother?
Yeah, what are you doing here?
I entertain the residence.
I haven't seen her this happu in ages.
We're having an affair.
I don't get it
I don't understand how you can work for Steve Gray.
You are so much better than that
You didn't thikn of that when I asked to be your partner.
Well that was a different time. Women didn't have the same
freedom as they do now.
It was a month ago.
Listen, I know he sucks, I need a job.
and I don't have to defend myself to you.
No, I know you don't Jane.
Thank you.
Did you just actually call me by my real name?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that i've been suck a jerk to you.
and that I was so unprofessional.
and that I always called you Nicole even though I knew
your name was Jane.
There's a hundred more things on my internal check list.
OK...
that I objectified you and I always stood too close to you
and that I yelled at you,
and that I tried to make you feel uncomfortable...
And that I...
OK, you can stop don't hurt yourself.
So whatever I did that was insensitive and stupid, I'm sorry.
Well on the behalf of all the Nicoles for the last 10 years
I accept your apology.
Thank you Nicoles.
We were I don't know 10 or 11...
and there was this one kid in class who was always mean to us
always picking on us.
So we tricked him into pulling flash paper out of a wond.
It exploded in his face and the whole class laughed.
Oh that must of been a good day?
It was the best.
The next day not so much.
The kid came back, beat Anton almost to death.
Oh, No
He was alright.
Well at least you had Anton.
Yes.
I had imaginary friends and even they were mean, so...
a life of a child magician.
Yes try being a girl magic magician, they called me magic bitch.
They did?
Yes.
They called me magic bitch.
No!
Well now
Do you have any gigs coming up?
As a matter of fact, I have a very important international
galla
Known as Doug Mummy's kid birthday party.
Oh, thats.
Pathetic I know.
No, I was gonna say cool.
Kids love magic right?
Right.
I know your probably busy but...
I was thinking maybe you could be there.
I am busy.
but I'll be there.
Your so lucky.
Rance, its Burt the party is today.
just a gentle reminder call me.
You made it.
Well I love cake so...
You ready?
I think i'm ready but Rance isn't here yet so...
Rance is not here
Don't worry.
You'll be fine.
I'm not nervous thank you.
Right.
Good Luck.
I don't need luck I need Rance.
He'll be here.
Alright.
OK.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I want to thank you all for celebrating my sons...
How old are you?
My son's 10th birthday.
Judah...
my love...
my life...
my dreams
happy birthday.
Thanks dad.
Now Judah's birthday isn't the real reason
I invited you all out here today.
as many of you know my new hotel Doug will be opening soon
and in a few weeks I myself will be hosting a showcase of Vegas
hottest acts.
and which ever entertainer dazzles me the most...
will get a 5 year contract as Dougs headliner
how bout that huh?
and I am very pleased to announce that we have have our first official
entrance into that competition.
right here with us today he's a world famous magician
ladies and gentlemen...
Steve Gray!
Good to see you Steve, thanks for coming.
and i'll see you nect month at the showcase.
alright ladies and gentle now to entertain the children.
Burt Wonderstone, thank you.
I have a question for you.
Don't you wish you had a quarter for every time your parents
told you to clean behind your ears?
Yes.
Well there's one.
That's great!
and yes there's another one!
and the birthday boy.
When was the last time you cleaned behind your ears?
Never.
I didn't think so.
because Judah has the grostest ears of all!
You are rich my friend.
Thats so cool.
Amazing.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Wait!
You kids want to see some real magic?
I pulled my thumb off.
Thats not it.
Steve, what are you doing? Your not
suppose to be performing today.
Just giving the people what they want.
Hey guys, check this out.
You know if your like me, your probably thinking
that coin trick.
that was a, tasty little orderve.
but my inner child is hungry...
and crying out for something more nourishing.
What have you got on the grill?
Oh my God!
Whats he doing?
What is he doing?
You see that?
You see what i'm doing here?
Look at that, look at it!
Now look at this.
"Happy birthday"
In cursive.
That is a terrible trick to do for children. What
if they try and copy you?
I'll sue them.
Its my trick
Hey guys, have you ever been to a party and someone has on the
exact same outfit?
Yeah
Sure.
Well here is a solution for that.
Thank you.
Wonderstone.
Boring!
Here's how I hammer a nail.
You need anything worked done around the house near
know my summer cotage that way.
ALright very good, very good indeed but this is a classic.
meaning its been done.
Judah what is your favorite animal?
a mole? sloth? a puppy?
a puppy
Lets make a puppy for judah birthday shall we?
There you go a puppy
Its not really that cute is it?
It sort of a lame puppy I think I can do better
I'll start again.
Alakazam
There you go my friend, happy birthday Judah.
Thanks I'm going to call him Wonderstone.
Can I see Wonderstone for a second?
Hey everybody what this everyone
What an adorable little life form.
You know I bet I can make him even smaller.
and a little less adorable.
Stop it, stop it!
Give me the dog.
Give me the dog!, Give me the dog!
Give him to me!
Wow!
Wonderstone has disappeared
I wonder where he went.
Probably where all Wonderstones go eventually
into obscurity
Daddy, daddy he crushed my dog!
Are you sure about that Judah?
Are you sure about anything?
because I think I hear something moving
in this box right over here
go ahead and open that
wonderstone! your OK.
Thats a different dog you sick bastard, where's the other one?
don't you worry about it.
He's in a very safe place.
Top that puppy pants.
God damn you,
Happy birthday Judah
Chin up Burt, bad thing don't happen to us, they happen for us.
Why couldn;t you let him do just one show?
cause I want that gig at Doug
Not really I don't care.
I want it.
What is wrong with you?
Nothing is wrong with me.
everything is in perfect alignment
I worked too long and too hard to get where I am
and no one is going to stop me not Wonderstone, not you
not even me
the future belongs to Steve Gray
and incase you haven't noticed...
I'm Steve Gray
Well Steve Gray you are a terrible human being
and whats worst your a really bad magician
so I quit
Nice exit but i'm still here
What your gonna do now?
walk off in a half
excellent
women
they are a mystery Judah
Burt?
He put a dog in my pants, Jane
I see
He put a live dog in my pants
I'm sorry
No one has ever done that to me before.
I hope not.
he was teething.
So gross.
Hello?
What?
Rance
I missed the show
Don't worry about that
This is Jane
Hi Jane, Rance Holloway
Of course I know who you are
What happend?
I had a stroke
I don't recommend it either it is not as much fun as they
tell you in the brochures
How'd it go did you do the tricks?
Oh it was fine
Did they laugh were they amazed
they loved it it was great
great
If i've known how much fun it would be to work with a partner
I would have done it years ago
Its time for my final disappearing act
goodbye Burt
where did he go?
he has gone to a better place
goodbye Rance
he's under the bed.
I know.
Hey Winselstein
You came back
and what about your work with the poor?
Yeah they didn't actually want magic
They wanted food and clean water
the fools
please
so..?
so...?
so good to see your face
would you like an onion ring?
I've missed you so much.
Oh, Burt
I just missed you so much
I've missed you too.
After what I did to you I didn't think you would ever be my friend
I can't understand you
I didn't think you would want to be my friend
Oh I will always be your friend
And I'll alays be your friend
I can't tell you what that means to me
Yes you can
It means alot
Your friendship means more to me than anything in the world
Burt stop
So happy
So happy
I promised myself I wasn't going to do this
I promised myself I was going to do this
Now there it is
The enchanted notebook
I've always kept it with me.
There are some really great ideas in here.
What about raising storm? Who did it?
Arsinian 91
What about stinky stinky 2x4?
That one is really hard on my back.
Oh yes.
Listen guys we just need oncebig trick for Munny's showcase some kind of
grand illusion that would really blow peoples minds
Hey wait minute? What's the disappearing audience?
That was the 1 trick we could never crack.
Yes
How would you make an entire audience disappear
without them being in on it?
You'd have to knock them all out or something.
No....
Krotom
That thing
What?
Its a leaf they chew in Combodia it knocks them right out
We would have to drug a thousand people without
their consent?
Guys no
What? No you can't be serious
That would be dangerous an also illegal
She has a point
yeah
We should test it first
You think this batch is ready?
I don't know check it
You think this batch is ready?
I don't know check it
OK, is everybody knowing what they're doing?
I'm ready.
Me too but I am a little nervous
Anton what could possible go wrong?
Somebody could die, we could go to prison
See when you say it out loud it doesn't sound so bad
Jane, Anton and I have been talking
and if we get this gig we would like you to join us
I'd love to.
Not as our assistant
As our opening act
We think your a hell of a magician
and we would like you to be our partner
alright
Ok i'm just gonna head out
I'm happy for you guys
Sorry, sorry, I forgot my sweater
Ok, bye
Happy for you
Alright
I believe that this was yours?
Very good
Oh you have something in your ear.
"Trojon Condoms"
Very nice
Thank you
Unfortunately that wont work for me
"Magnum Condoms"
Really?
No it's just a trick.
Ok
Your catching me where it doesn't feel good
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
OK, OK, yea that was something
Ok get out
Yeah
Sorry about that
Next up a man who lives on the cutting edge
and the burning edge
and the gouging edge of magic
You may know him from his TV show "Brain Rapist"
So prepare to have your brains raped
Ladies and Gentlemen Steve Gray!
Thank you
But i'm not here for applause
I'm a little bit different from the other magicians you'll
see here tonight
In fact i'm not planning on doing any magic
at all
Instead I want to do a little thing I call
Drilling a hole in my head
Now according to my research there is a narrow angle
where one can drill
into the skull
missing all the vital parts of the brain
now I've been informed by my nedical team
That I may lose 1 of my senses
leaving me with only 5
and no longer be special in any way
Yes, just like one of you
so...
cross your fingers for me
oh and parents if you have small children with you
you might want lift them up so they can see better
alright without further delay
lets change everyting
Tada!
That was amazing!
Thank you
Do it again!
Hey when did you guys get here?
Oh I lost my drill, I lost my drill out there
Ooh boobies
And that's why he's a star ladies and gentlemen
Steve Gray.
Lets hear it!
Thank you
I feel bad for anyone who has to follow that act
and now to follow that act...
Burt Wonderstone and Anton marvelton ladies and gentlemen...
Yes!
Thank you, thank you very much
Good evening, for 15 yearsAnon and I did a little show
called Burt and Anton a magical friendship
as some of you may know we recently had a falling out
yeah, we fell right out of a hot box
you see ladies and gentlemen
along the way we forgot the most important thing of all
and that is that Burt needs Anton and
ANton needs Burt
because that is what a magical friendship is all about
tonight we offer you the one illusion that we dreamed about
as kids but never dared performed until now
I guess you could say that this tricked started
I was given a Rance Holloway magic kit
and I watched the instructional video for the very 1st time
Hello my young friends, I'm Rance Holloway
You've probably seen me on the Murph Griffith show
Or live on stage
or at the fabulous startdust resort and casino in Las Vegas
magic is the art of making people believe something they know
can't possible be true
for example if I were to say to the man in the 2nd row isle C
that is the ugliest God damn sweater I have ever seen
you might be astonished
because theres no way I could have known what he'd be wearing
when I recorded this 30 years ago right?
well let me tell you something folks
you aint seen nothing yet
No, you aint seen nothing yet
because now Burt and Anton are going to make all of you
everyone in this audience man, women, and child
disappear from this very theatre
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Thank y ou! Thank You!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank You!
We did it Anthonu
We sure did Albert
Burt Anton congratulations!
You got the gig. I don't know how you did it
this was one hell of a trick
Thank you Doug
and I was sure this was gonna be a disaster
Oh just one thing
Though your gonna make the audience reappear again
after dark again right?
not a problem
Cause now i'm gonna make a shit load of money
in the casino
alright
Very proud of ya
Not bad but wait till they see what I have planned
I'm gonna drill a hole in my head right here
ahead of my time