Ingrid Goes West (2017) Movie Script

Is this real?
Hashtag no filter.
The couple that yogas together,
stays together.
Prayer hands emoji.
A perfect day
for a perfect wedding.
Hashtag perfect
so glad I married this weirdo.
Fluttering heart emoji.
Getting the band back together.
Hashtag all the line.
Yup! That's how we roll.
Princess emoji.
And the festivities begin.
Twin hearts emoji.
Fairy tale wedding.
Hashtag about last night.
Happy to be sharing this day
with all my favorite humans.
Hashtag blessed.
The couple that
yogas together stays together.
A perfect day
for a perfect wedding.
Princess emoji.
Yup! That's how we roll.
All my favorite humans.
Hashtag blessed.
Hashtag all the line.
Hashtag about last night.
Hashtag perfect.
Fairy tale wedding.
- Is this real?
- Hashtag blessed.
I know...
Hi, Charlotte.
--Thanks for inviting me.
- You fucking cunt!
- -Help!
"Dear Charlotte,
I want you to know
how sorry I am
about what happened.
I think having this time apart
has been really good for me.
I'm learning how
to be present...
How to live in the moment...
How to listen.
Sometimes I'll hear a joke
that reminds me of you.
And I'll feel sad because I have
no way of telling you about it.
But, maybe, that's okay.
Maybe, it's good to be alone
once in a while.
I don't what
the future holds for me.
I just know that things
are gonna be different now.
And I guess
I just wanted to say thank you.
You're the only person
who reached out to me
after my mom died.
And, I'll never forget that.
And I hope that someday
you and I can...
Look back on all of this
and laugh.
Your friend always,
You'll freeze to death
if you stay here!
Taylor Sloane
holy shit.
"Live in the sunshine,
swim in the sea,
drink the wild air."
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
My muse.
Hashtag rothko the dog.
There's science,
logic and reason
and then there is, California.
Baby, you're a firework.
American flag emoji.
You're so cool.
Hashtag true romance vibes.
Another day,
another avocado toast.
Prayer hands emoji.
I'm just gonna pay someone.
I'm sick of doing it myself.
Oh, my god,
you're not gonna believe
who I'm looking at right now.
Ingrid thorburn.
She just saw me.
Yeah, I thought she was
in an insane asylum.
I know, right?
I mean, Charlotte had to get
a restraining order against her.
They weren't
even friends.
Charlotte just commented
on one of her instagrams,
and then Ingrid went
full stalker on her.
She looks bad.
She haunts right now.
So dark...
I wish!
Grateful kitchen, actually.
They are the best.
Check it out
next time you're in L.A.
winking face emoji
hi, Taylor.
Thank you.
Yeah, so, you know,
that shit was poppin',
and after a while of me
squeezing on her ass
and rubbin' on it...
We went to the crib
for some netflix and chill.
But you ain't paying
your damn subscription
no, it wasn't nothing like this.
No dude, I gotta' call you back.
Dan pinto.
Nice to meet you.
Thorburn. Ingrid thorburn.
Okay, Ingrid thorburn.
You-- you like the place?
-Are you the landlord?
-Yes, I'd shock you.
I'm the dude who lives next door
which you pay rent to.
The landlord thing is
just a side hassle
so I can get my real shit
up the ground.
You're in movies?
-Anything I've seen?
-Alright, Batman?
-You wrote that?
No, but I'm writing
a spec script.
It's-it's not authorized,
but I think it will be
a nice installment
in a franchise.
How much is this place?
Twenty-nine hundred,
the first two months,
plus the security deposit.
No pets!
But we are 420 fellows,
so, you know.
Do you take cash?
-Are you an escort or something?
-Are you a drug dealer?
Okay, for real what you do?
You got a backpack
full of money.
Yeah, if you really wanna know,
my mom just died
and left me a bunch of money.
I didn't mean to offend.
Like, my condolences. I mean...
It's okay.
It's all there.
-Thank you.
-Fuck off, then.
Alright. Bye.
See ya' later then.
What's your biggest
emotional wound?
-It's our question of the day.
- Oh.
Mine's actually my relationship
with my dad.
- I'm good, thanks.
- -Alright.
Well, in that case,
welcome to grateful kitchen.
My name's Eden.
How can I nourish you today?
You know, I'm actually meeting
a friend for lunch here.
-Have you seen her?
-Oh, yeah, Taylor Sloane.
Yeah, yeah.
She comes in all the time.
- I know.
She was actually here
like an hour ago.
You said
you're meeting her for lunch?
God, I must've gotten
the time wrong,
so stupid.
Do you remember
what she ordered?
Summer chop,
courtesy of the lovely ladies
at the hive, L.A.
New Clare v clutch
got me like... Princess emoji.
"We tell ourselves
stories in order to live"
Joan didion.
Cauliflower samosa.
Game on fleek!
They're totally safe.
I think they're conflict free.
Oh, my god!
That's gorgeous.
And did she
outsource to China?
No I think she makes
Whatever, just be cool.
Just be, mellow!
It's fine.
Cool! I think I'm gonna buy it.
Excuse me, miss?
You can't take that.
Yeah I know, I was just...
Okay, I'll be right out.
--What are you doing?
What are you doing here, baby?
Come here.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
--Thank you very much!
-You're welcome.
-Wow! It's my lucky night.
Oh, god, I hope they brought
cards again...
Oh, I know.
I don't wanna play mafia again.
Shh. Hi, rothko.
Want a treat?
Oh, yeah.
- Oh, good boy.
Shhh. Good boy.
Shh! Shh! Stop.
Quiet. It's okay.
Be quiet.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up!
-- Yo!
- Fuck!
- - Ingrid.
--Shh. It's okay.
- I know you're in there.
- Shut up. It's okay.
- Coming!
- - Come on.
-Yo, what's going on?
What? Did you get
a new haircut or something?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just...
When in California...
Um, did you get a dog?
-'Cause it definitely sounds
-like there's a dog in here.
-Yeah, that's because
I was watching
a movie about dogs.
Oh, watcha' watchin'?
-Wanna watch it the next door?
I mean I got a bubbler,
you know.
I got way more food
than you got here.
Oh, you already have company.
I see!
My friend asked me to dog sit.
What did I ask you to do?
No pets. That's all.
My only stipulation.
I'm allergic to dogs, Ingrid.
Okay. Um, it's just one night.
He won't go near you
and he's leaving tomorrow.
I promise.
You leaving tomorrow,
if he doesn't.
- Hello?
- Hello.
Hi, I'm not sure
if I have the right number.
I'm calling about a lost dog
named rothko.
Babe, we got rothko.
Babe, someone found rothko.
But is he okay?
Yeah, he's... he's good
okay, where do you live?
I'm gonna come there right now
oh, um, you know what, actually?
My-- it's not a good time.
I'm actually running errands,
so, how about I just swing
on over to you guys
and I'll just drop him off,
to mummy and daddy!
Okay? Sounds good?
So I'll be right over.
Okay, okay. Well, wait,
don't you need the address?
Yeah, of course
i need the address.
Let me just get a pen.
Okay, got one.
-Oh, my god! Thank you so much!
-Hi. Oh, it's okay.
-It's okay. It's okay.
You're home.
You're home.
-My god! You're a life saver.
-Good boy.
-Hi, I'm Taylor.
-Thank you so much!
-How's it going?
Where did you find him?
Just a couple of blocks
from here. So weird!
Oh, sorry! Before I forget.
Oh, look, you guys wear
- the same purse!
- It's crazy!
-Oh, my god!
So random.
-I'm naming it down to cash.
-Oh, please, no, I...
I don't want your money.
Oh! No, no, no.
Come on. We insist, please.
- No, really... yes!
- -Are you sure?
Yes. He's so cute.
He was just good company.
I'm just glad he's home.
-Are you sure?
Whoa, we can't let you
go empty-handed.
We're making dinner.
Let us make you dinner.
-Yes! I love that idea.
-It's a good idea.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, you should...
unless have other plans.
Nope. I'm free.
I haven't seen that
in a while.
I do have to apologize because
we've been so stressed out
with rothko being gone that
we haven't had the opportunity
-to go to farmer's market yet.
-Oh, it's fine.
Yeah, I hope you don't mind
if we improvise a little. Huh?
--You know what I mean?
--I don't mind that.
I feel like I'm in a restaurant.
--More like kitchen nightmares.
You wish!
Holy fuck! This is incredible.
This is fucking delicious.
Have we met before?
No, no, definitely not.
'Cause your face,
it looks so familiar.
Can I use your bathroom?
And so
we're learning how to surf...
--...and all of a sudden,
-i got stung by a jellyfish.
I thought it was a man o'war.
And then-- that's right.
-Yeah, i-i-i peed--
-yeah. He had to pee on my leg.
-I peed on her leg.
-Ew! He did not?
You know, it was kinda gross,
but kinda hot, too.
-we don't need to redo it,
but it was actually
not that bad.
Oh, you wanna
reenact it right now?
You wanna--
wanna another glass of "vino,"
-to top it off?
-Yeah, thanks.
Yeah, you gotta' own that baby.
-Anyone wants more of it?
So, what do you guys do
for money?
Ah, I'm a photographer.
Wow! That's amazing
I mean, it's not as glamorous
as it sounds occasionally.
Brands, they pay me
to post things online.
She's really...
She's really good.
-Really good, really creative.
Thanks, baby.
Oh, my god, I know where...
I know where we met.
Um, it was
the echo park craft fair.
And you were selling
those Bolivian Clay pots.
-Right! The pots.
-I bought like, eight.
Not me.
Actually, I just moved here.
Maybe, you're confusing her
with one of your insta-fans.
He's just giving me shit because
I happen to engage
with people on social media
like the rest
of the known universe,
and my husband has
a chronic case of technophobia.
-He still uses a flip phone.
- No!
- -Yeah!
- No, he does not.
-Wow! Okay, alright.
-Okay, first of-- I got--
-can you hear me?
--S-stop. Stop.
I just prefer to keep certain
parts of my life, private.
That's it. That's all.
And-- and let...
You know, just let my work
sort of just speak for itself.
You know, we talked about that.
Ezra is an artist.
What kinda stuff do you do?
Yeah, I guess
you could label it, um...
Pop art. That's what I have kind
of calling it.
But I haven't... there's no...
I don't like labels,
-you know what I mean?
-You do backgrounds as well?
Um, no, no,
those are found objects
from flea markets
across the United States.
- Yeah.
-Are any of these for sale?
-I don't-- not technically--
-yes, they are.
-You know? Yeah, yeah, they are.
How much is this one?
- How much..
-What do we say, 12, $1,200?
-I think it's what he said.
-Ballpark, $1,200.
-Cool. I'll take it.
Do you take cash?
- Oopsy, sorry!
-In those.
-To my baby.
To our new friend, Ingrid.
Rescuer of dogs.
-Patron of the arts.
And... all around
a really great neighbor.
Um, so if you need anything...
Um, transportation.
I can bring it over tomorrow,
-um, I gotta--
-no, I can take it tonight.
-Oh, really?
-Yeah, I'll take it myself.
-Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me.
-What? What's the matter?
- What[S going on?
- Is everything okay?
Yeah, it's fine. It's just that
my friend anish keeps promising
to help me take our trailer,
in the driveway,
to our place in Joshua tree,
and she just flaked at the end.
-It's cool. We'll figure it out.
-Yeah, we'll figure it out.
Who else we know
that has a truck?
Hey. Okay, one second.
Yes? Oh, hey.
Hey, Ingrid. Hey.
-I need to borrow your truck.
-Oh, the bat mobile?
It's chill. Where we going?
Ikea? Home depot?
No, actually,
i need it this Saturday.
Uh, no, no.
No, no can't do.
-Just for a couple of hours.
-No, my table read...
-...For my script
-is this Saturday night. I--
-that's okay, that's okay.
I just need it during the day,
and I'll totally have it back
before your table read
or whatever, I promise.
Or whatever.
-i don't know, Ingrid.
Please, please, please, please.
I'll do anything
It's funny you should say that
cause' the chick who
we got to play catwoman,
she got booked to do
this nickelodeon thing
and I need a replacement so..
You don't have anyone else
who can do that?
Don't you have another truck
you could use?
Come on, catwoman.
Scratch my back.
I'll scratch yours.
Come here Saturday. Be here.
Six o' clock.
Yeah... I like that.
I can't believe you've never
been to Joshua tree before.
-I know.
-Oh, my god,
we should go to integratron
and get a sound bath.
Do you know what that is?
Yeah, it's like,
so healing and re-grounding.
-It's really incredible.
Oh, my god! What is this?
I had no idea you were
so into Batman.
- I'm not.
-Hey, chill. Chill.
-We're good.
Oh, my god.
My brother was like obsessed
with this movie growing up.
-You've a brother?
-Yeah, Nicky.
He's amazing, he's like so funny
and like, genius level smart.
I mean, he had a few rushes
with the law
but he's like totally sober now.
Oh, it's good.
-Maybe you should pull over?
-No, it's fine.
It does this thing
all the time, this gutter.
I'm gonna just see
if there's like, a manual or--
holy shit! Jesus Christ, Ingrid
-oh, my god.
-Oh, my god.
Why do you have a gun in here?
It's not real.
It's-- just close it.
It's just to scare people.
-It's fine, I don't even--
-who is Daniel pinto?
I can't people you didn't
tell me you had a boyfriend.
I know, but it's not serious
or anything, that's why.
Is he your drug dealer?
No. He's--
he's a screenplay writer.
He writes movies.
Oh, my god. A tortured artist.
I love that.
I know. Me too.
How long you guys been dating?
Like a week.
You-- you've been dating a week
and he's already letting
-you borrow his truck
-Why? Is that weird?
-No. Damn, girl.
You just-- you move fast.
That's incredible.
What did you do
to get that one? Shit.
I know.
I just gave him a blowjob.
You're so funny. I love you
so much. You're amazing.
Oh, my god,
you're my favorite person,
I've ever met.
Oh, my god.
You're good to go ladies.
Engine just needed
to cool down a bit.
Oh, my god,
you're a Saint smithy,
- thank you so much!
- -Thank you so much!
Would you mind, actually just
snapping a quick photo of us?
That'd be really great.
- Okay.
-Thank you.
Okay, cheese.
Actually, that smile,
and if you hold your back
down like this,
it might look better.
And even at an angle, maybe.
Okay, here you go.
Thank you.
Sorry, would you actually,
would you mind
just taking a few more?
Maybe, if you got lower,
then you can get
the sign above our heads,
and that would be amazing.
Here you go.
-Thanks, you're the best.
Just do it on your left.
If you get lower,
that would be better.
- You mean on the floor?
- -Yeah, if you can.
Last one.
Should we try one
with the peace sign?
Oh, my god,
i love this time of the day.
I'm just not sure
if we should paint it or not.
I think I like this color.
I think it's perfect.
So nice here.
I mean, you really
should've seen it
when we bought it,
because it was wild.
Then Ezra and I were able to do
all the renovations ourselves,
- which was really special.
He's so great at that.
We should probably
head back soon.
No, are you crazy?
We just got here.
I know something we should do.
-Do you do this a lot?
-Not anymore, really.
I think the last time we did
it was probably burning man.
- Have you been to burning man?
Cause' you could totally
join our camp next year.
It'd be really fun.
Oh, I'm so happy we are here.
Happy's is the best.
I mean, like,
the crowd it is a bit stretch,
but they always have great music
-in the fest as surprise
-Is everything okay?
-Yeah, totally.
-It's Dan checking up on me.
-Oh, that's really sweet.
Ezra never checks up on me.
Come on, hurry up.
Oh, yeah. Now, I'm gonna--
gonna do it too.
I wanna dance, I wanna dance,
i wanna dance, I wanna dance.
- No, to you.
- -No, to you.
Shot, shot, shot, shot,
shot, shot, shot, shot...
Dan's gonna kill me.
Okay, you need to relax,
it's just a scratch.
And I bet
he won't even notice it.
You can buff that right out.
What do you think
i should say happened?
Um... say like,
"look, I made a mistake."
And I'm sure he'll understand.
Now, you really shouldn't let
a little scratch
ruin otherwise perfect night.
Yeah, you're so right.
Can I tell you a secret?
Um... yeah.
Do you see
that house over there?
-Twenty-two, flamingo Lane.
Well, I'm thinking
about buying it.
And this is gonna sound like,
such a crazy idea...
But I have this dream
of opening a boutique hotel
that's filled with like,
everything I love,
and everything in it
is for sale.
I's gonna be like my instagram,
but in real life.
Okay, you have to do that.
Like, now.
--That's amazing.
I'm thinking about calling it...
"Desert door."
-Did you just come up with that?
-No, I mean, i-- I wish.
It's from this Norman mailer
book that I'm obsessed with
called the deer park.
-The deer park?
Could you actually promise
that, um...
Not to say anything to Ezra?
Because I haven't actually
talked to him about it yet.
Yeah. Why?
I don't know. Like, ever since
i convinced him to quit his job
and become an artist full time,
he's just been like,
super-weird about money.
But I thought you said
his paintings were popular.
No, I mean, like,
don't get me wrong.
He is absurdly talented,
but he doesn't
believe in self-promotion,
and just like, thinks...
It's really phony or something.
I'm sorry, I'm like,
talking at you.
You probably think I'm awful.
-You're perfect.
-Yeah, perfectly fucked up.
You are, by far the coolest,
most interesting person
I've ever met.
I'm serious.
My god.
Thank you.
You're a really good friend,
We're missing all
these shooting stars.
- Hmm.
-Come on.
We did it.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
-Oh, and tell Dan
I'm really sorry
about his truck.
But I'm really looking forward
to meeting him.
-Okay. Bye.
Its obviously day,
so I don't know where she is.
- Shit. Shit, shit.
- - I tried calling her...
- Hey.
I apologize to you, guys.
Sorry for wasting your time.
-Yo! Where the fuck were you?
-I'm sorry--
-you sorry?
-Yeah. I'm--
false alarm, guys.
Go on about your day.
-How was the table read?
How was-- I had to cancel it.
No catwoman. No table read.
-What the fuck is this?
-I know. Look, you can probably
-buff it right out.
-Look at my shit!
It was an accident, okay.
I'm sorry.
I'll pay for it, okay?
Some of it.
-All of it, okay?
-Is there anything else
I need to know about Ingrid?
We might have done
all of your cocaine
-that we found in the--
-shut the fuck up.
Thank you, guys. All good.
Thank you for your service.
-What the fuck's wrong with you?
-I'm sorry.
I trusted you.
As you live here.
I called the police
worried about you.
I should've been worried
about my fucking truck.
You're supposed to be catwoman.
You ain't nothing but two-faced.
Here I was looking out for you.
-Fuck that. Don't, watch out.
- It's just a--
-damn me.
Damn all that, man.
Feet on the ground,
head in the skies.
Twin ladies emoji.
"Dear Charlotte,
you're probably wondering
what I've been up to
these last few weeks.
Well, I decided
to give myself a fresh start
in beautiful, sunny Los Angeles.
L.A. is the best."
Yeah, I think we're doing okay.
"I found an amazing house
by the beach,
and I'm making a ton
of new friends.
My best friend Taylor
has been helping me
explore my creative side.
It's a part of me
I never even knew existed."
What's is this? You need this.
You need this in your house.
-It'd like, change everything.
-Yeah, totally.
"I've been getting
really into photography lately.
You should totally
follow me on instagram.
I have almost 1,000 followers
and I'm getting new ones
I have a boyfriend now too.
His name is Daniel
and he's absurdly talented.
He's writing the new
Batman movie.
Pretty cool, huh?
I hope you're doing well.
I know I am.
That's all thanks to you.
So... no hard feelings.
Your friend, always."
- Hey.
- -Hey.
So cute, I love that.
Whose car's parked
- in the driveway?
- - Hey, sis?
- Yeah.
-You float me some cash.
I had to cancel
my credit cards
and I need some clothes
for tonight.
- Okay. Stop it.
I got it.
- Nicky?
- -Yes?
Why don't you have
any clothes, man?
-Who's this?
Oh, sorry, this is Ingrid.
-This is my brother Nicky.
He just flown from Paris
to surprise us.
Wow! Paris.
- Give me my phone.
- Stop!
How long are you here for?
Ah, I was thinking like,
two or three weeks tops.
Ah, i-- sorry--
wha-- two or three weeks?
-It's the best surprise ever.
-Best surprise! Eh-heh!
- Best surprise! Eh-heh!
- -Best surprise!
-Give me my phone. Give it.
-No. No. Huh-uh.
Taylor, I brought some ros!
Oh, my god,
this is such a great bottle.
I know, I thought
you liked that kind.
- Thank you.
- -All right, nice.
-What's your story, "Olga"?
It's Ingrid.
Do you speak French?
So I'm chilling
in the ritz lobby
and I just happen
to strike up a conversation
with this Chinese billionaire
named Bruno;
-which doesn't make any sense...
-Nicky and I both,
we studied mandarin in college.
Yes, we did bullshit back, man.
the next thing I know,
some security guy comes up
and Jacks us up by our throats.
So then I... I decided
it's a good idea
to take a swing at him,
of course, so...
Um, sorry, I thought you were
supposed to be sober, Nicky.
I am, I am.
Anyway, cops came,
I hitched a ride to the airport.
Then I realized
I left my credit card
at the hotel.
-But then, while I'm chilling
at the airport, at de gaulle,
guess who is right next to me?
- Are you serious?
- -Yes.
--Look, I'm done.
I gotta get another drink.
It's a really good racist story.
Keep going.
-Wow! Does that bother you-- ?
-Hey, baby,
can you get another bottle,
and a new brother too.
-Anyway, the little fucked was--
-there's more?
- Yeah.
-I thought you were done.
He was so thankful for me
showing him a good time
that he bought me
a first-class ticket to L.A.
- That's so crazy.
-I watched 12 hours
of family guy.
He gets a hand job
from some fashion chick named
Harley something or other.
-Harley chung?
-Yes. Yes! You know her?
No, not personally, but she's
like, over a million followers.
Well, I'm having dinner with her
tomorrow night, at chateau.
- You wanna go?
- -Um, yes! Obviously.
- Yay! Let's do it.
Except that you can't,
because we are going
to that launch party,
tomorrow night, remember?
- The hats.
- -Right.
I got us on the list.
-Oh, you did.
-Oh, shoot.
-Thanks. I am on list?
No, sorry.
I could barely get us on.
-Right, right.
-Yeah. It's okay,
you guys should totally go.
It sounds like a fun, fun time.
It's gonna be so fun.
Whatever, just never gonna meet
Harley, then?
Hey? Would you mind
if I bail, actually?
'Cause Nicky and I,
we never get to hangout and...
Why don't you just go
without me?
Like, you should totally
bring Dan.
No problem.
You guys, have fun.
And I'll bring Dan. He loves
that kinda stuff anyway.
Hanging with Harley chung
at the littledoe launch party.
Sparkle emoji.
Hey. Oh. Thank you.
- Taylor!
Oh, my god, you made it.
Yeah, duh, I made it.
I invited you. You made it.
Well, alright, alright.
Harley, she knows the designers
so they got us vip passes.
Just really last minute.
-Hi, nice to meet you.
-Hi, nice to meet you.
Oh, god! Where's
your imaginary boyfriend?
You guys were joking
about it too.
No, we were just--
we were saying that
we'd love to meet Daniel.
We haven't met him yet
and he just made a joke
about him being
-your imaginary boyfriend.
-I wasn't joking.
And we know
he is not imaginary.
--I know.
- No, he's not imaginary.
- -No?
He's just busy tonight.
He's a writer so--
oh, really?
Like-- like a ghost writer?
He's a-- come on,
i know it's funny.
I got an idea. Why don't you
come to Harley's house?
She's house sitting
for this super-rich dude
-in the hills.
We're gonna have a pool party,
it will be awesome.
- You can come this weekend.
- -Bring Dan.
- If that's okay.
-This weekend?
-If that's cool.
-That's right, invite everyone.
-I will. I just invited Ingrid
-baby, you should come.
Yeah, so bring
a bathing suit,
lots of sunscreen, a nice hat,
and your boyfriend obviously.
Excuse me, miss?
Can I have your name?
-Can I have your name, please?
-Oh, Ingrid.
-Last name?
Thorburn? There's
no thorburn on this list.
I'm on the list, I've been
on the list for like two weeks.
And you know what, sir,
she's actually with us.
- So, it's totally cool.
- -Yeah, it's cool.
So sorry, we got a full house.
It's a vips only tonight.
Oh, boy.
Oh, my god, I'm so sorry.
He was so mean.
You have to leave.
Oh, really?
Well, how about I just text you
about the weekend
and send you
all the information?
-Okay, cool.
- Okay, bye.
-What do you what?
-Nothing, I just...
Came by to say hi.
That's nice. Hi.
And I got you this.
-What is it?
-Open it.
Nice try, Ingrid.
-What? You don't like it?
-No, of course I love it.
That's why I bought it on ebay
two years ago.
-Good looks, though.
-Right. There's more. Look.
See? Indica.
Anybody who knows me,
knows I only smoke sativa.
And an eight-ball
would've been more appropriate,
don't you think?
Look, I'm trying. Okay?
That jacket cost like $400.
Eight thousand dollars' worth
of damage to my truck.
-I should throw you out.
-Okay, I'm sorry.
I did something really shitty.
I took advantage of you
and I feel really bad about it.
I made a mistake.
Can we please just start over
and pretend it never happened?
Like a reboot?
Yes. Like a reboot.
Can I take you to dinner?
Can I pick the place?
You get Jim carrey
as the riddler...
That has-- that should make
you wanna see anything
kilmer, val kilmer.
He could kill everybody
in this fucking room right now.
Homie Joel? Joel schumacher.
Joel schumacher? Yes, he was
the best Batman, for sure.
-Me too, i--
-no, no, no. He's the director.
You like this place?
-Yeah, it's cool.
-Chill spot. I know I like it.
-Do you come here a lot?
-Way too often.
They would charge me rent,
if they could.
-Hey! Cindy. How are you?
-I'm so good, how are you?
-Good. You're looking well.
-Oh, my gosh,
it's been so long since
I've seen you.
Yeah, you know.
Jus-- just working.
-Well, you're a busy man.
-Well, that means he is--
we're on a date.
-Oh, um, sorry.
Whoa, catwoman has claws.
I like that.
Why do you like Batman so much?
What's not to like about Batman?
I'm sorry, it's just,
i don't understand.
He's just another superhero
like spiderman or superman--
that's where you are wrong.
Batman is the world's
greatest detective.
Nothing radioactive bit him.
He's not from another planet.
He's just like you or I.
All Batman's powers come
from within him.
He had enough will
and enough focus
to make himself greater
than what he was.
He... in the beginning,
before he's Batman,
he loses his parents.
That definitely stuck with me.
As an orphan, I definitely felt
a connection towards him.
Oh, my god. You're an orphan?
I'm so sorry.
It's fine. He made it through.
I'll make it through.
What happened to your parents?
It was a car accident.
It happened when I was a kid,
and I didn't know
how to cope with it.
So, at school,
I'd wear a Batman mask.
Make everybody call me Bruce...
And pretend to be somebody else.
So, it was like...
It happened to somebody else.
What about you?
What about you?
What's your story?
Um, yeah, I don't really
like Batman that much.
No, no.
With your mom?
What's your story with your mom?
What happened?
She had a heart attack.
I mean, she was sick
before that.
You guys were close?
Yeah, we were really close.
We were...
I lived with her.
And um...
It's just been really hard.
Because it was kinda like,
i lost my best friend.
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, my god, I'm so sorry.
-No, don't. Don't.
-Getting too intense. I'm sorry.
You must think I'm the worst.
I'm not.
Listen. Don't worry about that.
Don't even talk about that.
You don't ever have
to apologize to me
about how you're feeling.
It may seem like I don't care.
I put up a front, you know.
But I definitely care about you.
To me, um...
I don't know,
it's just that you have
a different kind
of ring to you
you have a different
kind of shine.
And I just think
somebody needs to appreci--
Fuck me, Bruce.
-Fuck me, Bruce.
-Tell me Gotham needs me.
Gotham needs you.
You were great, by the way.
No one's ever done that
for me before.
You were great too.
Thank you, mama.
Hey, so, my friends are renting
a house this weekend...
They're having like,
a party or something.
Do you wanna come with me?
-Oh, yeah?
Of course, baby.
You're the best.
Hurry up, we're gonna be late.
Do I get to use this shit
buttoned up all the way?
Yes, it looks better that way.
Don't be a baby.
-I'm being a baby.
-Stop that!
Don't do that
in front of everybody.
- Alright, come on.
-Wait, wait, wait, wait.
-A couple of ground rules, okay?
I need you to tell everyone
that you're my boyfriend.
It's a long story,
but I just need you
-to say that to everyone.
-No, no, no, no, no, I get it.
And I see that you dig me,
i dig you.
-I'll be your boyfriend.
-I'll be your boyfriend.
-Okay, whatever.
And also, no Batman talk.
What am I supposed to talk
about? I don't know them.
Something cool, like food
or clothes or Joan didion.
Don't talk about comic books
or anything.
These people don't care
about stuff like that.
-Anything else you might--
-yes. Whatever you do,
-just stay away from Nicky.
-Who's Nicky?
Nicky is Taylor's brother,
and he's a fucking liar,
a drug addict and just
not to be trusted, okay?
-Girl, what's up?
-Who's that?
-This is Dan pinto.
My imaginary boyfriend.
-Dan pinto?
My sister says
you're obsessed with Batman.
-Yea-- yeah.
-Wow, get the fuck out!
Oh, god, why didn't you tell me?
I fucking love Batman.
Nicky. Great to meet ya!
-Anybody needs a beer?
-No beer, bro.
What's your problem with Nick?
Why don't you like him?
I mean, he seem chill.
He's not chill. Okay?
And he doesn't like you.
He's only being nice to you
to fuck with me.
Damn. Excuse me, can he like
me for my personality shit?
-Hey. Is everything okay?
-Yeah everything is chill.
We're just talking about how
amazing this house is, right?
- Yeah. It's a dope spot.
- -Pinto!
Get your ass over her. I got
a cohiba with your name on it.
Alright, for sure, nigga,
I'll be right over.
Just between us, Nicky can't
stop talking about you.
I think, he has like,
a little bit of a man crush.
What the hell is wrong?
What is this?
Why are you acting like this?
-You don't even like these guys.
-I do like them.
Tell me when Ingrid gets here,
hey, where's the hat I give you?
-This is the hat you gave me.
-No, it's not.
Okay, look,
that shit was weak, alright?
I'm-- I'm in this shirt.
You let me roll up the sleeves,
let me get a little bit of Dan
in it, please.
Fine, you can leave on the hat
and go hangout with them
-just don't embarrass me, okay?
-Nigga, I'm gonna go talk
-about some Batman, right now.
-Don't say it.
-Alright. Love you!
-Love you.
So, the other day I was
at this tech startup thing.
They had the most absurd
art on the wall
- that you have ever seen
and I gotta be honest, it kinda
bugged me a little bit because
it's like, "what statement
are you trying to make?"
Is it that, as a company,
that you're trying to say
that you've good taste?
You know, like,
that's fucking bullshit, man.
-You can't acquire taste.
-Come on!
It's something that you have
to earn, you gotta be in pain
over it. Do you have something
you'd like to say, Nicky?
-You wanna share with the class?
-I don't think you'd say that
if they hung one
of your paintings on the wall.
That-- first of all, I would,
because I'm an objective...
--...person. That's not--
and, in fact, it's not what
I'm even talking about.
Abs-- absolutely everything
you were talking about.
Come on, babe, back me up.
Look, i-- I mean,
i kinda agree with Nicky
'cause you always say
that art is subjective.
- Oh, come on, I was--
-where are you going?
I was just being honest
with you, man.
- Ugh!
- That was uncalled for.
I know what you meant.
So, Nicky tells me
you've a place in Joshua tree.
Oh, my god. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Have you been?
but I'm dying to go.
Yeah you should, it's amazing.
I've been thinking of doing
a pop up out there.
For our resort collection.
-Wait. Can I tell you a secret?
I presume it sounds crazy,
but my biggest dream is to buy
the house that's next door to us
and turn it to
this boutique hotel
where everything in it
is for sale.
- Oh, nice.
- Yeah, and I was gonna
- call it "desert door."
-Love it.
-What are you doing?
-Everything okay?
-Yeah, just go over there.
- Hey!
Do you guys need help
with anything?
No. No, I actually think
that we're fine in here.
- Cool.
- -Yeah.
Oh, my god, I wanted to tell you
that I read the deer park.
The book you're obsessed with?
-Yeah. It's great, isn't it?
-It's so good.
-If you ever want to talk--
-oh, my god.
Wait! Why don't you and Nicky
just come out next weekend?
We'll take you to happy's.
The crowd's a little sketchy,
but they have
the best live music
and the greatest desert vibes...
Hey, have you seen my phone?
Can't find it anywhere.
What are you doing?
I want skinny dipping.
You okay?
I'm not an artist.
I'm a fucking charlatan.
No, you're not.
Your paintings are awesome.
You're my only sale.
But Taylor said
they were really popular.
She would say that,
wouldn't she? Yeah.
Everything's the best,
with her.
"Have you been to this new
restaurant? It's the best!"
"Have you tried these...
These new clothes are the best!"
"It's the best! It's the best!
It's the best!"
It's not the fucking best.
It's fucking exhausting.
You know what, I actually kind
of know what you mean.
When we were in Joshua tree,
she told me this secret,
and she told me
not to tell anyone.
But I walked in
on her telling Harley
the same, exact thing earlier.
What secret?
I mean, obviously,
don't tell her I'm telling you,
but, I guess,
she has a plan
to buy the house
next door to you guys,
and turn it into some
hotel slash store.
And she wants
to call it "desert door."
-Desert-- desert door?
It's a reference to her favorite
book, you know, the deer park.
The deer park
is my favorite book.
Taylor's never even read it.
I miss the old Taylor.
Back when she first moved here.
She didn't know anybody.
She was like, this total
preppy, sorority chick.
I miss when it was
just the two of us.
I-- I'm sorry.
I don't mean to burden you.
-No, don't be sorry. It's okay.
-I'm just shit. I'm just...
It's not that I don't feel like,
i really...
Have anyone
that I can talk to...
-You know.
Especially with fucking
Nicky around.
Hey! Olga, come on in.
-Nose beer for the lady?
-I'm good.
Yoop, yoop, yoop, yoop, ugh!
-What's up?
-Nicky, where's my phone?
Huh, phone?
- Come on. I know you took it.
- Did you?
-You caught me!
--Give it back.
No, no.
Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay...
-Come on, just give it back.
Reach towards me.
Sit down.
You know, it's...
Really funny what you can
discover about someone
by just...
Going through their phone.
Oh, here.
Look, this is a...
A picture of you
in my sister's bathroom. Weird.
Here's a picture
of her medicine cabinet.
Here is a picture
of her sleeping.
There are a lot of those.
those are just a joke.
We were messing around.
my favorite things
are the notes.
So you have...
Taylor's favorite brunch spot,
Taylor's favorite books,
Taylor's favorite movie posters.
-Why are you--
-sit the fuck down!
Sit the fuck down.
-What do you want?
Nothing. No, I'm-- I'm just
looking out for my sister.
What do you want?
Look, I'm not
a psychopath or anything.
I just... want to be her friend.
Come on.
Your password to your phone
is my sister's birthday,
for fuck's sake.
That's like,
"single. White, female" shit.
Look, I just moved here.
I don't know anyone,
and Taylor's been so nice to me
telling me all
the best places to go...
I'm not doing anything wrong.
-Okay? So please don't tell her.
-Sorry, all good. But this is...
It's just too good to let go.
I mean...
You're fucked.
I'm gonna make a deal with you.
I'm not gonna give you
your phone back.
But I'm willing
to rent it out to you.
For a very small fee.
-How much?
-Five thousand a month.
Disco Dan told me about your mom
and the sack full of cash.
Fucking ridiculous.
I don't have that kind of money.
-Okay, Taylor!
-Don't do that, please don't.
You're ready to make
a deal then?
Five thousand a month,
and I won't tell her
how much of a fucking loser
you are.
I'll give you five thousand,
that's it.
You don't have any room
to negotiate. I own you.
So tomorrow night,
we'll meet at the whole foods
parking lot.
Gives you twenty-four hours
to get the cash.
And don't worry
about deleting anything.
I already forwarded
all the good stuff to myself.
Oh! This is my favorite part
of the song.
- Fucking dainty flower.
- -Oh, my god
- what the hell's in that?
- -You look really cool
- with that piece of shit.
What are you,
a Barbie doll?
'Cause you got
fucking ripped off.
I don't need to know how much
you paid for that shit.
-Excuse me.
I'll give one of you 200 bucks
if you punch me in the face.
-I'm serious.
-Fuck off.
Oh, okay.
It's cool.
Yeah, that's fine.
If you pussies can't handle it,
that's fine. I'll find
someone else who can.
Dude, come on.
-Alright, fuck it. I will do it.
-I said I'll do it.
-Okay, great.
-Oh, yeah!
-Where's the money?
-You sure about this, right?
As hard as you can.
Punch me.
Really hard, right in the face.
- Fucking--
-oh, shoot!
--Shut up!
- Oh, shit.
You got fucked up.
Alright, I need to know what
happened. I mean, every detail.
When I got home,
i turned the lights on
and Nicky was there.
I swear to god.
He was sitting there
and he was waiting for me,
and he was fucked up on...
Drugs or drug or something,
i don't know.
And I asked him
for my phone back
and he wouldn't give it
back to me.
And then he said
he wanted $50,000.
-Fifty thousand?
I told him that I didn't have
that kind of money,
but he said that...
He said you told him
about the money my mom gave me.
-Is that true?
I don't know.
We were drinking this shitty...
He kept asking me
fucking question.
Damn! Why the fuck
would you do that?
-I told you how dangerous he is.
-It doesn't sound like Nick.
Okay. Well,
you've known him for one day.
-So how would you know?
-I don't know...
I've seen him do dirt, we were
supposed to go to six flags.
Argh. Fuck.
We gotta call him.
-We gotta call him.
-What do you mean, "no"?
-Don't call him.
-We gotta call him.
-Don't call him.
He told me if I told anyone,
he would kill me.
-I don't give a shit.
-You don't know
what he's capable of.
-I don't give a fuck, Ingrid!
Look at your face!
What am I supposed to do?
Shh. Look... shh.
We need to be smart
about this, okay?
I need you to be Batman.
I am Batman.
We won't kill
this dude, right?
No. No. We're just
gonna scare him a little bit.
We're going to take him
out to the desert
and you're gonna tell him
if he doesn't leave me alone,
-you're gonna fucking kill him.
-What if he calls the police.
-No, no.
-If he calls the police...
-Nah, this shit just seems sca--
Keep it together.
I thought you were Batman.
I am Batman.
Batman don't do shit like this.
I arrest people,
take them to arkham asylum,
they possibly get out
a few months later
and the cycle continues.
All right?
He deserves this.
You saw my bruise.
- He fucked me up.
That's right.
He... he fucking hit you.
Tupac said,
"it'll be days like this".
-All right, let's--
Love you.
Don't move.
Did you guys
think this through?
To tell you the truth,
i don't think you did.
'Cause this should be
behind the back.
Just pointing it out.
Sad, but, um, don't worry.
I'm good. I'm gonna stay down.
You know what,
I'm just thinking about this.
Who would really want
to kidnap me?
Ah, there's not many people
except maybe, um... Olga.
Olga, is that you?
Who you got helping ya?
I never knew I get car sick.
Well, I never had
a bag on my head.
-Shut the fuck up.
Oh, shit, really?
God, is this necessary?
Leave Ingrid thorburn
-the fuck alone.
-Okay, come on.
- Do you understand?
-Come on, baby,
-you can do this.
-This is a fucking warning!
You know this bag
is see through, right?
W-wait. No, no, no, no, no.
Don't shoot me.
Why the fuck you didn't stop?
I can kill you. You drag me out
to the fucking desert
- with a fucking paintball gun.
- Hey.
- - Hey.
Um, this is gonna sound weird,
but have you heard
from Nicky at all?
No, why?
Is everything all right?
Not really.
We haven't heard
from him since yesterday.
I think his phone may be dead.
Maybe he flew back to Paris.
Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
I'm just worried about him.
I'm sure he's fine.
But... do you wanna grab
a coffee and talk about it?
No, I can't right now.
Shit. Sorry, my mom's
calling me. I gotta go.
- Okay. Well I'm at--
last minute escape
to j. Tree. Hashtag, blue.
It's five o'clock
Wasn't expecting you.
Where are you guys?
- We're at dinner.
- Oh, cool. Um...
Yeah so, it's so weird.
I know you guys
were in Joshua tree
and actually here, randomly,
on a yoga retreat.
- So I figured we could all--
- we're not
in Joshua tree.
- You're not?
- - Taylor doesn't wanna
see you anymore.
Put Taylor on the phone.
She doesn't want
to talk to you.
Should I call back tomorrow?
Is that a better time, maybe?
Nicky told us everything
about the phone, the kidnapping.
If he hadn't tried
to blackmail you,
you'd be in jail right now.
You understand?
- Ezra, wait.
- - Don't call here again.
- Hello?
You've reached Taylor.
-Leave a message.
Hey, it's Ingrid. So I just had
the weirdest call with Ezra.
And I just feel like,
we should talk about this.
I don't know what
Nicky told you guys,
but the fact is,
he's definitely lying.
I mean, he was probably
drunk or something, so...
I don't know,
but it sounded so insane.
So just call me back
so we can talk about it.
Okay. Please call me back.
It's Ingrid.
Hey. You've reached
Taylor. Leave a message.
--Hey! Me again.
Um, haven't heard back
so I'm starting to worry.
I mean, this isn't like you.
Call me back, okay?
Hey. You've reached
Taylor. Leave a message.
--Hey, it's me, again.
Remember me, Ingrid?
Ingrid, patron of the arts.
Ingrid, with the truck.
Ingrid, who saved
your fucking dog's life.
The least you can do is pick up
your fucking phone, you bitch.
Hey. You've reached
Taylor. Leave a message.
--Hey, it's me.
I was totally kidding
about all those messages
that I just left.
It was a joke.
Yes, I'm so angry at you.
It's me, Ingrid, I'm mean.
I'm just kidding. So...
Anyway, I'm gonna be around
probably for another hour.
So I have one more thing to do.
So give me a call.
Oh, my god,
that's you calling in. Hello?
Listen to me, you psycho.
If you don't stop this shit
right fucking now
I'm calling the fucking cops.
Do you understand?
It's three
in the fucking morning.
-Just leave us the fuck alone.
The voicemail box
you're trying to reach is full
and cannot accept new messages.
Oh, no. No.
You okay, miss?
I'm fine.
Oh, okay.
Well, it's pretty hot out today.
You might want
to get out of your car
-and get inside, you know--
-i said I'm fine.
Okay, alright.
Whatever you say.
You see that house over there...
flamingo Lane.
Which piece of property
is it you're interested in?
-Twenty-two, flamingo Lane.
The people that live next door,
they already put an offer on it.
I've got several other pieces
of property
I'd be happy to show to you.
That's $50,000.
You can count it.
Sorry, but you must have
a credit card or checking
account to open an account.
I already have
an account.
That belonged
to the previous tenant.
- You have to open a new account.
Can you just, please,
give me one more week?
Ma'am, if you don't open
an account in the next 24 hours,
we're gonna have
to shut off your power.
Now, we do offer a payment plan
for those experiencing
a financial hardship.
Fuck you, okay.
Fuck you, asshole.
You piece of shit.
Not enough.
Wanna take something off?
Can't I just have it, man?
Come on, it's Halloween.
- Fine.
Oh, fuck.
Come on.
No. Oh, co-- come on!
What the fuck!
Goddamn it!
So, I got a job back east
and actually we will end up
selling the house.
Yeah. It's gonna be
a concept designer for Levi's.
Well, that's the opportunity.
Watch it, fucking dick!
I-- I literally just saw you.
-The fuck is she doing?
Happy Halloween.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
No fucking way!
This bitch again?
Piece of shit.
I'm calling the cops.
No, you don't-- don't--
you don't have to do that.
I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
I'm not gonna do anything. Okay.
I promise. I just needed
to charge my phone.
You're not welcome here
so get the fuck of my property.
Can we just talk about this?
I literally have nothing
to say to you.
Please, just give me
five minutes. Okay?
And I promise that
I'll leave you alone.
I just...
I just wanna talk about it.
-Let me handle this, okay.
-No, it's fine, baby.
-It's okay.
-Okay, it's fine. You got it.
Five minutes. That's it.
Come on.
Okay, are you going to say
what you wanted to say?
Why are you
acting like that?
It's just me, Ingrid.
I'm sorry. Are you--
are you actually insane?
'Cause you do know Nicky almost
died because of you, right?
I thought we were friends.
-We had so much fun together.
-Oh, my god.
We were never friends
because everything
about you is such a fucking lie.
You just are some weird freak
that found me on instagram.
And that's basically
all this has been.
Everything about me is a lie.
Okay, well...
-Everything about you
is a fucking lie. Okay.
-It is.
Your brother is a drug addict.
Your husband is an alcoholic
who fucking hates you.
And you pretend to be
some cool L.A. chick,
but you're full of shit.
Ezra told me everything, okay.
He told me that
when you moved here,
you were lame and basic,
and you had no friends.
You were just like me.
You know what, Ingrid, um...
I was, uh,
actually never like you...
Because you are
a sad and pathetic,
and very sick person,
and you need professional help.
Game over.
Forgot something.
Sorry about that, everyone.
- Everything's okay.
- Everything's cool.
Hey guys! It's me, Ingrid.
I've never done
this before, but...
I didn't have
anyone else to talk to
so I figured, why not.
I just wanted
to tell you guys that...
Basically everything
I've posted
in the last couple of months
is a total lie.
I haven't been living, some
like, glamorous life in L.A.
I'm just...
A loser.
I'm pathetic.
And I know
there's something wrong with me,
but I don't know how to fix it,
and I don't know how to change.
And I just...
Don't think I can change.
So maybe I'm just...
Maybe this is just who I am.
And maybe I'm just tired...
Of trying to make people
like me.
I'm tired of pretending like,
someone I'm not.
And I'm tired of being alone.
And I'm just...
Just tired of being me so...
I just...
Feel like...
If you don't have anyone
to share anything with,
then what'd the point of living?
Yeah, so I guess
I'm just making this video...
So you guys can see the real me.
At least once.
So here I am.
Ingrid. Ingrid.
Ingrid can you hear me?
There she is.
Where's my phone?
Take it easy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Take it easy.
You've been through a lot.
It's okay.
What all that stuff?
Apparently, you've got
a lot of fans out there.
As a matter of fact,
one of them is here to see you.
Hey, wassup, Ingrid?
Dan's the reason
you're still with us.
He saw your video online
and called 911.
- You're a lucky girl.
- -Batman to the rescue.
The usual.
Can you give us a minute?
Like the new whip?
I know, I'm shining.
This is not the Batmobile,
but it'll do.
I asked for black,
- They-- they out of black.
I like it.
Baby, where did you go?
Why did... why did you leave?
I mean, are you going
to disappear on me again
in another three weeks?
Yeah, yeah.
How you feeling?
-I feel stupid.
-Oh, come on, don't say that.
Why so serious?
Come on,
nobody wants to see this.
I know what'll cheer you up.
Oh, I'm fine. By the way.
Take a look. Go ahead.
Your little suicide video
went viral.
Your face is all over
the Internet.
Look at them.
Thousands, and thousands
and thousands.
You're an inspiration, babe.
You have a hashtag.
Hashtag I am Ingrid.
Feel better soon.
-Praying for your recovery
- amazing.
You're too good to do that
to yourself. I gotta tell you,
-you're fucking beautiful
- you're a hero.
Hashtag I am Ingrid.