Iron Sky (2012) Movie Script
Roger that, be adviced radio stato cognent
roger that 710
....
Seven, three, eleven
Looking good. Landing vector optimum
touch down in t-minus 12
nsr now drop the banners
-All set
-Must we?
-The Eagle has landed baby.
-Please keep that fool
off the main frequency
Are getting a reading on you end too,
Sanders?
Mission control I can confirm vast
quantity of Helium 3
and the reading are stronger this way.
-You're breaking up, please be adviced
you may be nearing meteor shower
Adjust to communicate....
No fucking way
Hey Sand, what do you do with that thing
hopping around over there?
I thought you suppose to be
taking some photos of me
Washington, have you got a visual on ...
- What was that, Houston?
-Hey Washington, it's Helium 3,
-What?
It's Helium 3 mine. Get over here!
Hey there's something over here
you need to see
No, Sanders! Sanders!
Oh god
Houston!, Houston! Son-of-a-bitch
I need to get out of here
In English, now
Where are we from?
-Siegfried.
-They earth
and when did we leave?
-Brunhild
-1945.
-And where did we go?
-The dark side of the moon.
Brilliant
THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON DC
Don't try to play dumb with me
It was your bad idea to send
those idiots to the moon
-Talk about disaster
-Not to be contradicting madam president
but i'm pretty sure it was your idea
It was my great idea have they succeeded,
now it's your stupid idea. Got it?
I didn't hire you for stupid ideas
I hire you because of your midas touch
Now my ratings are in the toilet
and that election is just weeks away
You dropped the ball Vivian,you
Now, I need a miracle.
Get me a miracle
Actually how was sending those 2
astronauts to the moon, supposed
to getting me re-elected?
We havent been to the moon for
fifty years. One of them was black.
-Thought it would look good
-Look good how?
Like I said one of them was black
Just think of the opportunity we wasted
years ago with that errand boy, Alan Powell?
-Colin Powell.
-That was close
-And where are you going?
-The UN, to do my job
The Great Dictator
by Charlie Chaplin.
It is one of the worlds most
famous short films.
which illustrates in ten minutes his
wish that one day, the entire world
will be held in the great
fuhrer's wise and gentle hands
-Any questions?
-I have a question.
In my classroom we are here to strictly
form a manner of addressing one another
To what do we owe the honor
of this visit?
-We captured an earthling.
-Your expertise is required
I love me some sauerkraut.
And Volkswagen.
huh...volvicnuggen
German words right
Where I come from we speak
German too you know what im saying
Your gonna be sorry
you did that white boy
You are a knock-out
How do I get out of here?
Thanks lady.
Have a nice day
No...
That is the air lock
No.
You might wanna cover up a bit
All good?
I know a lot of important people.
alot of very important people
i even know the President of America.
If you kill me, then thats just
a really fucked up situation
You know the president of U.S.A?
Thanks homie
Ill talk to you later babe
Question, what is this apparatus?
Look man, how would I know?
I'm just a model.
-A model what? Citizen?
-No man, a model model...
Damn, what's wrong with you two?
you blind or something?
-Shit, I'm pretty.
-Are you part of the shock troops
before the invasion?
Invasion? Man, you all must be trippin
What is your mission?
Look dude, I just follow the paycheck,
you know what I'm saying?
-What is this device?
-That's my kick-ass cellphone
-and a computer.
-What?
that's not a computer.
This is a computer.
No, dat's ancient history homie
UNTIED WORLD CONFEDERACY, NY
I am telling you once again..
One moment we receive conformation
that the ship has landed successfully
on the moon
The next, all communication stopped
as though it had simply vanished
-Or you're hiding something from us?
Yeah, we are hiding something on
the dark side of the moon
I still find it very difficult to believe
that entire purpose of the mission
to promote your president's
re-election
Well believe what you like, we had
the senators spend
hundred-of-millions on campaigns
to get her elected the dog-shit-post
But Mr Secretary, the expenses
involve this time only makes
sense if it were a military purpose
Okay, lets get this clear
The united state has no
military activity on the moon
What about natural resources activity?
We know how the US sometimes
mixes the two up
-Is there any chance that you are
looking for Helium 3 up there?
Helium 3?
You just made that up didn't you?
That's so silly
PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN HQ, NY
I assume these are just
preliminary ideas?
Sir, we have a very small
delivery window
-Sir?
-Yes, sir.
Ma'am, and this is all.
Anyone who is not the head of a
department, should leave
You idiots.
You morons!
That's an insult to morons
What is this shit?
I have a meeting with the President of
the United...fucking States of America.
tomorrow fucking morning
Not with the President of Zambia.
Not with the President of the
fucking Janitor's Union
But with the president of the fucking
country you all happen to be living in.
you pieces of hellacious shit.
What am I suppose to tell her?
That my employees are not
intelligent enough
to be fucking morons
Are you willing to work with the fuhrer ...
in the name of the fatherland,
stand behind the Wehrmacht.
This decision does not resolve all of us ...
Thank you.
I thought my ears were gonna bleed
You're welcome
May I ask what you name is?
James Washington.
-What yous?
-Renate Richter.
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington
James Washington.
What's wrong with your skin?
Come on now please, you have
met a brother before, right?
-No, I'm an only child.
-No, I didn't mean like that
I meant a black man
No and this continues to confuse me
because you are much blacker
then when i first encountered you
Okay girl, look either i'm black
or you're blind
Look, what is going to happen to me?
I mean, what's with this guy
sticking needles in me?
-What about that angry dude?
-My fathers sticking needles into you?
That freaking scientist guy?
That your dad?
And what about you know....
Mr. Nachrichtenbermittlungs-
Oberfhrer Adler?
-I'm sorry, what?
-Klaus Adler.
He's going to be the next fuhrer.
And my husband.
Did you lose a bet or
something? I mean....
hey, Lucky you
Actually, lucky him
-I shouldn't even be here
-You cannot leave me tied up like this
-Please do me a favor.
-What?
-Play a Nazi
-And if I don't?
-They will eliminate you.
-Oh great
Is there a different radio station?
With the upcoming war ...
He's back.
hey man i dont like the look of this
With the prisoner now being one of us
we go down to the earth.
Hell help us to find more
telephone computers,well return
And then get Gotterdammerung flying.
UPSTATE, NEW YORK
-Can you smell that?
-No. We dont have time to waste
Take me to that president of yours
What? The President?
Come on man, I thought you want me
to take you to Mac store or something
You said that you know the President
of These United States of Americas
Right, of course
That President.
May I meet this President too?
Hey, Miss Richter, welcome to my planet.
-Get the hell out of my property
-You got to get out of here
Hold on there Boss man
That may not be the sharpest move
Let me go talk to the brothers
They know me, Im one of them
Are you with me?
Now you're talking
Now
I am happy to see you all man
You all know me.
-Washington.
-I mean ...
That ain't one of yours, is it?
look man you aint got to
bring that shit out
I'm a peace loving brother
-fuck it man
-Are you alright?
-Do i fucking look alright to
you miss crazy fucking nazi?
What the hell just happen?
You know..
No, mother-effin way
what you sick sons of bitch's do to me?
-I should've told you
-What? That I look like a
fucking polar bear?
You two really know how to fuck
up a guys christmas
quiet you fool.
what is wrong with you
We made you Aryan, you are
one of us now
-You should be thanking us
-Thanking you?
What I should have done is let those
brothers come here with there size 15s
put a foot so far up your ass you
can taste the toe nail for 2 weeks
Klaus.
Bring me to your leader,
James Washington.
Hey, what the fuck?
Excuse me
Get your hands off me,
you mother...
-You can use her to get to your boss?
-Yes, she's the cheese
-And she knows the president?
-oh yeah yeah,they real tight
Come on.
you fucking bastards.
Do you know who I am? huh?
You just kidnapped the wrong woman
The wrong fucking woman
I hope your having a good time
Im gonna kick your fucking ass.
Excellent.
My turn.
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich
We are based on the moon
I'm told you know the president
of these United States of the Americas.
You will take us to that
the President, because ...
-I have a very special present for him
-him?
Well he'll love that
He just loves presents.
As soon as my mission
is accomplished
Nazi invasion forces
will be called in under
my directions
and we will end the good
times for the bad people
And just how do you propose
to do that?
-Well simply eliminate them.
-What?
-Sorry, that is not what we are told
-Renate, I do not think that you ...
Yeah. Why not?
Why tell you this woman why we are here
like you keep telling your pupils
I would love to do that
You see...
the National Socialist Party is the party
is the people's party, nothing more...
We wish to return to earth
with our message of
peace and unity
love through virtue
and kindness, for example.
We are healthy,
in mind and body.
Our spirits are brave and true
We achieved, because we are strong,
and disciplined in our cause
There is simply no believe
that they can match ours
because peace and unity is the gift
that we bring to all mankind.
What you and all earthlings
need to know ...
-Yeah, I get it
This is good.
This is going to work.
You, I need
And you ...
I want
Alright, lets go meet the president
Madam President ...
here's the miracle
you asked for.
-Who is that man?
-He will lead the campaign troops
Renate, please ...
this is very simple
The world is sick ...
and we are the doctors.
The world is anemic
and we are the vitamin.
The world is weary,
but we are the strength
We are here to make
the world healthy once again.
With hard work ...
with honesty, with clarity,
with decency.
We are the product of
loving mothers and brave fathers.
We are the embodiment
of love and bravery.
We are the gift of both
God and science.
We are the answer to the question.
We are the promise delivered to all mankind
For that we raise our hand,
to one nation.
We step to the beat of one drum
....of this world
We are the people that carry children
on our shoulders.
the same way as our fathers
carry us and their fathers carried them
We are the one people united and strong
We are the one people with certainty
moral certainty
We are invincible
and we have no fear
Because the truth makes us one.
The moon Nazis are coming. What's wrong
with you people, can't you see?
Look, I've been there.
I'm telling you.
They have all this moon base
and this space thing,
and they comin to take over
You must listen because
the Nazis are coming.
They coming to get us all. Why
don't you listen to me? I mean ...
Renata
Washington.
James Washington.
I'm so glad to see you alive.
Look i got one,
this is the bitch that made me white
as a fucking snowflake
Come on people, help me.
Help me.
I saved your life
So, you're a formerly
dead, black model ...
who is now suddenly
a living white hobo
after spending the weekend
on the moon. Is that correct?
-Yes, that's correct
-So I was listening
And you are Neil Armstrong after
after the sex change operation...
Is this correct?
No, that is not correct
You were not listening at all.
My name is Richter.
Renate Richter.
I tried to save this mans life and
I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful
ok ask Miss Moon-Nazi here, was I,
or was I not on the
dark side of the moon
Yes, Mr. James Washington was
on the dark side of the moon.
There, what did I tell you
I am black, but now I'm white.
I went to the dark side of the moon
but i'm now back.
The Nazis are coming to kill us all
And you guys are going to be so sorry
that you didnt listen to me.
Mr Washington James,
Why are you so upset and angry?
-Get lost.
-But I do not understand
We made you white
We taught you the National Socialist
message about peace and unity
You people have robbed me of everything.
My race, my identity, my career.
And Im beginning to think
my flipping mind too,
I mean just everything
Do you know this?
Yes.
Come on in. I will explain it to you
Then you'll understand it.
you are one strange broad,
ill give you that
oh you know your buying
popcorn right?
man...What bullshit
It was ...
-It was so long.
-They coulda edited down a bit
He was mocking the fuhrer
Im getting the sense theres alot
about nazis you don't know...
-But I am a Nazi
-Yeah, I know but you not like...
Well like them
A bunch of stupid bullies
No, I'm sure they're good boys
and loyal to the Reich
and their mothers
look, they are wearing the symbol of love
The swastika?
Yeah.
I have never heard they call that before.
No.
What we got here, blond hair, blue
eyes, nice rack
Even Hitler will get a hard-on
-Look guys, we don't want any trouble
-Get lost hobo
-I got a funny story to tell you
your not gonna believe this...
-Stop that, that is enough
What she needs is a good war
A war always make a president popular.
well I might be able to
help her out there
how do you mean?
One word from me, and the
invasion from the moon begins
-You never break character do you?
-No.
I can never be broken
-You smell so good.
-The time has come
I will show you my plans.
Come back here.
Look Ive maped out somethings
Oh big fella
All work and no play?
Now listen , don't you think
if I asphyxiate the president ...
Will the troops stand in line with us?
thats when i will order the moon invasion
It will be Choirless bloodshed.
ill eliminate the moon fuhrer.
Klaus Adler.
So Klaus, is the clown joining us?
what...did you all buy tickets?
ok...so do you want to
introduce me to your friends
Get your hooks off me you
crystal mouthed piece of shit
i can make it worth your while,
just please let me go
Im here to tell you that I
have nothing with you and your plans
You Nazi-piece-of-shit
he fell for the old
one last blowjob offer
god...Nazis are stupid.
i commend you on your marksmanship
Shame. She was such a nice girl
Just have to kill her later
So, it was real?
-All this time.
-Never doubt a Nazi, beautiful woman.
farewell, fasionista
I have a planet to conquer
Ill just... grab this
Bye
Good luck with the rest of your life.
Un...be...fuckin...lievable
Thank you, Kelly.Moments ago
New York has come under attack
Witnes' claim to have seen 100s of UFO's
appearing suddenly over the
city and opening fire
Billy get that
Are you getting that?
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across
I'm seeing what appears to be
a weapon of some-kind dangling down
Oh my god it's opening fire
I'm going to hide
There is little information.
but heres what we know at this time
-Ok you see the thing is, Klaus
-I know it was your doing.
-It's wonderful
-It's wonderful?
It's brilliant. I'm a wartime
president now.
All presidents that start
war in their first term of office
always get re-elected, I thought,
I was going to have to
bomb Australia or something
No, you bring me real
-Who are these guys anyway?
-Nazis.
-from the moon.
-Real live Nazis?
Holy shit, this just getting
better and better
Your a miracles work of thing.
They are the only guys we actually
manage to beat in a fair fight
I'm just like Franklin D. Roosevelt.
only no, I'm not a spastic.
I knew youd be excited
If youre Roosevelt, who is your
General Patton or MacArthur.
Mister secretery of Defense.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
Send her.
-Me?
- Hey you're the miracle worker.
Apparently you dodge bullets too
-I wouldn't know...
-What to wear? Youll think of something
you always do
Madam President ...
Ready to face the music?
Escape from the Nazis.
Take us upstate
We need to go back to the moon
We?, we rhymes with me.
and i ain't going
-They got a Gotterdammerung all around the moon.
-I couldnt give a good damn what they have
-I'm not going back to that place.
no way.-You want to look like that for
the rest of your life?
oh Great, now this is my fault
-Let me in
-I am no hero, James.
I need you.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
Well can't be any different
than playing 'wing commander'
Lets try..
I swear we do not have
nothing on the moon
-Japan?
-It is not ours
-China?
-It is not us
It's bloody well not ours
-I confess
-Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
The spaceships are ours.
Our beloved leader designed
and built them himself
-What is so funny?
-All right, North Korea. Sit down.
-So, it was you India, I knew that
-No, no this is a sign of peace
That is the sign of peace
These thugs are Nazis
I mean the real mcCoy.
They have been hiding
on the moon just waiting to pounce
My question is, what
are yall planning to do about it?
because we happen to have a little
something up our own sleeve
And I'm sure theyll
be thankful for it
May I present you to tomorrows
exploration ship the USS George W Bush.
Good work, take it to Officer Tyler please.
This is trajectory, whats our status
on the orbit window
Commander on deck
The hostile fleet have launched
a full scale aerial attack
against the United states
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they
are operating fully within the thermosphere
Each of them approximately carry 200
enemy vessel and are extremely...
Hell have no fury, heil Adler.
Alright kiddies lets get
this show on the road
Vivian, you look great.
How is it going up there?
Madam President, I couldn't be better
I am packing dozens of mega tonnes
of nuclear warheads
which I am going to carefully
place up Klaus' kraut ass
just as soon as i get him in my sights
-Carry on, kick butt
Let them see what that baby can do
Working at optimum capacity
Ammo consumption within tolerance
We going under extremely heavy fire
Were gonna need reinforcements right now
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Good day mate this Australian ship,
dundee Indurain 1,Ready to kick ass
Spitfire reporting in
Hang in there W
Canada joining the battle
this is a direct violation of
international space treaty
that you all signed, every single
one of you
Ready to join the battles
That is supposed to be destroyed
this is an outrage, your all
liers just like my ex ex-husband
-Calm down lady, calm down
-Don't you lady me, pinko
Okay who didn't arm their spaceships?
Great, great. That's just great
-You all gave me your word
-but you broke yours
We always break ours,
thats just what we do
Okay fine fine fine
Let just beat the shit out of
these pricks, and talk about
the details later
This is beautiful
-Where the hell are we going?
-To the Gtterdmmerung.
I think Klaus will be there.
What did you think of that adler
Alright, what about this moon business
what do you say we head on over
and slap them around abit
Klaus, baby I coming to get you.
-What the hell is this place?
-This is the Gtterdmmerung.
It will liberate the earth
Actually
It is the biggest war
machine ever created
-This is the bridge. Thats where I'm going
- I need to find your father, so...
-Where you think he at?
-I think you will find him over there
Try to sneak in, and please
paralyze the engines
-Or otherwise the earth is destroyed.
-Note to self, paralyze the engines
got it
No. You be careful
-I mean you know...
-What?
-Because you like me.
-Right...
Oh, come on, a little
You like me....
We have a visual on the
Nazi fortress, commander
Obviously and overstated
as usual Klaus
Alright, everyone,
let get those nukes in action
-Im declaring this fortress
a free-fire-zone.-But there are
woman and children down there
The United States of America
does not negotiate with terrorists.
-Prime warhead on secondary armament
-Roger that
-Prepare all available warhead on ground
-Fire the fucking nukes
Nukes away
Job well done
hey quack, remember me?
The moon spook you
turn into snowflake
Oh shit, it's alive
He must have the smallest
dick in the universe.
Time
to fuck back.
Everyone, take position around
this fat fallasand wait for
my command to open fire.
Offensive ground confirmed
-Let her rip
-Washington, do you hear me?
-You need to shut down the engines
-I'm working on it.
holy crap
congratulations
High five
Well that was disappointing
Do you think he suffered?
Even just a little?
Vivian, I knew you could do it.
foxy and salacious, all the way.
Congratulations.
-What's Helium 3'?
-Helium
Did you say Helium 3?
Yes, there like 15 to 20 giant towers
that appear to be full of the stuff
-That's ours.
-It is? Why?
Helium 3, will make the U.S.
independent of all energy needs
for the next thousand years
Yes, it's ours.
Hear me out
The moon is American soil
moon flag, star and stripes
Who beat the moon Nazis?
We did, well...
Well you helped out here and there
but ultimately it is just like WWII
and who won that?
We did
-You lied.
-Don't believe me?
Watch the movie.
Movies don't lie
Not the shoe, jesus
Vivian, this is the secretery of Defense.
-Defend and hold Helium 3 at all costs.
-but against who?
Against everybody
Unfortunately that's the
story of revenge,its messy
Never really works out the way
you wanted it to
I feel lonely.
Allowing our hearts,
or we will burn ...
burn in hell,
burning in eternal damnation.
Renata
Washington.
You are alive.
It's okay
And you are the way
your meant to be
Are you aware you are
kissing a black man?
I guess we have alot of
work cut out for us
roger that 710
....
Seven, three, eleven
Looking good. Landing vector optimum
touch down in t-minus 12
nsr now drop the banners
-All set
-Must we?
-The Eagle has landed baby.
-Please keep that fool
off the main frequency
Are getting a reading on you end too,
Sanders?
Mission control I can confirm vast
quantity of Helium 3
and the reading are stronger this way.
-You're breaking up, please be adviced
you may be nearing meteor shower
Adjust to communicate....
No fucking way
Hey Sand, what do you do with that thing
hopping around over there?
I thought you suppose to be
taking some photos of me
Washington, have you got a visual on ...
- What was that, Houston?
-Hey Washington, it's Helium 3,
-What?
It's Helium 3 mine. Get over here!
Hey there's something over here
you need to see
No, Sanders! Sanders!
Oh god
Houston!, Houston! Son-of-a-bitch
I need to get out of here
In English, now
Where are we from?
-Siegfried.
-They earth
and when did we leave?
-Brunhild
-1945.
-And where did we go?
-The dark side of the moon.
Brilliant
THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON DC
Don't try to play dumb with me
It was your bad idea to send
those idiots to the moon
-Talk about disaster
-Not to be contradicting madam president
but i'm pretty sure it was your idea
It was my great idea have they succeeded,
now it's your stupid idea. Got it?
I didn't hire you for stupid ideas
I hire you because of your midas touch
Now my ratings are in the toilet
and that election is just weeks away
You dropped the ball Vivian,you
Now, I need a miracle.
Get me a miracle
Actually how was sending those 2
astronauts to the moon, supposed
to getting me re-elected?
We havent been to the moon for
fifty years. One of them was black.
-Thought it would look good
-Look good how?
Like I said one of them was black
Just think of the opportunity we wasted
years ago with that errand boy, Alan Powell?
-Colin Powell.
-That was close
-And where are you going?
-The UN, to do my job
The Great Dictator
by Charlie Chaplin.
It is one of the worlds most
famous short films.
which illustrates in ten minutes his
wish that one day, the entire world
will be held in the great
fuhrer's wise and gentle hands
-Any questions?
-I have a question.
In my classroom we are here to strictly
form a manner of addressing one another
To what do we owe the honor
of this visit?
-We captured an earthling.
-Your expertise is required
I love me some sauerkraut.
And Volkswagen.
huh...volvicnuggen
German words right
Where I come from we speak
German too you know what im saying
Your gonna be sorry
you did that white boy
You are a knock-out
How do I get out of here?
Thanks lady.
Have a nice day
No...
That is the air lock
No.
You might wanna cover up a bit
All good?
I know a lot of important people.
alot of very important people
i even know the President of America.
If you kill me, then thats just
a really fucked up situation
You know the president of U.S.A?
Thanks homie
Ill talk to you later babe
Question, what is this apparatus?
Look man, how would I know?
I'm just a model.
-A model what? Citizen?
-No man, a model model...
Damn, what's wrong with you two?
you blind or something?
-Shit, I'm pretty.
-Are you part of the shock troops
before the invasion?
Invasion? Man, you all must be trippin
What is your mission?
Look dude, I just follow the paycheck,
you know what I'm saying?
-What is this device?
-That's my kick-ass cellphone
-and a computer.
-What?
that's not a computer.
This is a computer.
No, dat's ancient history homie
UNTIED WORLD CONFEDERACY, NY
I am telling you once again..
One moment we receive conformation
that the ship has landed successfully
on the moon
The next, all communication stopped
as though it had simply vanished
-Or you're hiding something from us?
Yeah, we are hiding something on
the dark side of the moon
I still find it very difficult to believe
that entire purpose of the mission
to promote your president's
re-election
Well believe what you like, we had
the senators spend
hundred-of-millions on campaigns
to get her elected the dog-shit-post
But Mr Secretary, the expenses
involve this time only makes
sense if it were a military purpose
Okay, lets get this clear
The united state has no
military activity on the moon
What about natural resources activity?
We know how the US sometimes
mixes the two up
-Is there any chance that you are
looking for Helium 3 up there?
Helium 3?
You just made that up didn't you?
That's so silly
PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN HQ, NY
I assume these are just
preliminary ideas?
Sir, we have a very small
delivery window
-Sir?
-Yes, sir.
Ma'am, and this is all.
Anyone who is not the head of a
department, should leave
You idiots.
You morons!
That's an insult to morons
What is this shit?
I have a meeting with the President of
the United...fucking States of America.
tomorrow fucking morning
Not with the President of Zambia.
Not with the President of the
fucking Janitor's Union
But with the president of the fucking
country you all happen to be living in.
you pieces of hellacious shit.
What am I suppose to tell her?
That my employees are not
intelligent enough
to be fucking morons
Are you willing to work with the fuhrer ...
in the name of the fatherland,
stand behind the Wehrmacht.
This decision does not resolve all of us ...
Thank you.
I thought my ears were gonna bleed
You're welcome
May I ask what you name is?
James Washington.
-What yous?
-Renate Richter.
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington
James Washington.
What's wrong with your skin?
Come on now please, you have
met a brother before, right?
-No, I'm an only child.
-No, I didn't mean like that
I meant a black man
No and this continues to confuse me
because you are much blacker
then when i first encountered you
Okay girl, look either i'm black
or you're blind
Look, what is going to happen to me?
I mean, what's with this guy
sticking needles in me?
-What about that angry dude?
-My fathers sticking needles into you?
That freaking scientist guy?
That your dad?
And what about you know....
Mr. Nachrichtenbermittlungs-
Oberfhrer Adler?
-I'm sorry, what?
-Klaus Adler.
He's going to be the next fuhrer.
And my husband.
Did you lose a bet or
something? I mean....
hey, Lucky you
Actually, lucky him
-I shouldn't even be here
-You cannot leave me tied up like this
-Please do me a favor.
-What?
-Play a Nazi
-And if I don't?
-They will eliminate you.
-Oh great
Is there a different radio station?
With the upcoming war ...
He's back.
hey man i dont like the look of this
With the prisoner now being one of us
we go down to the earth.
Hell help us to find more
telephone computers,well return
And then get Gotterdammerung flying.
UPSTATE, NEW YORK
-Can you smell that?
-No. We dont have time to waste
Take me to that president of yours
What? The President?
Come on man, I thought you want me
to take you to Mac store or something
You said that you know the President
of These United States of Americas
Right, of course
That President.
May I meet this President too?
Hey, Miss Richter, welcome to my planet.
-Get the hell out of my property
-You got to get out of here
Hold on there Boss man
That may not be the sharpest move
Let me go talk to the brothers
They know me, Im one of them
Are you with me?
Now you're talking
Now
I am happy to see you all man
You all know me.
-Washington.
-I mean ...
That ain't one of yours, is it?
look man you aint got to
bring that shit out
I'm a peace loving brother
-fuck it man
-Are you alright?
-Do i fucking look alright to
you miss crazy fucking nazi?
What the hell just happen?
You know..
No, mother-effin way
what you sick sons of bitch's do to me?
-I should've told you
-What? That I look like a
fucking polar bear?
You two really know how to fuck
up a guys christmas
quiet you fool.
what is wrong with you
We made you Aryan, you are
one of us now
-You should be thanking us
-Thanking you?
What I should have done is let those
brothers come here with there size 15s
put a foot so far up your ass you
can taste the toe nail for 2 weeks
Klaus.
Bring me to your leader,
James Washington.
Hey, what the fuck?
Excuse me
Get your hands off me,
you mother...
-You can use her to get to your boss?
-Yes, she's the cheese
-And she knows the president?
-oh yeah yeah,they real tight
Come on.
you fucking bastards.
Do you know who I am? huh?
You just kidnapped the wrong woman
The wrong fucking woman
I hope your having a good time
Im gonna kick your fucking ass.
Excellent.
My turn.
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich
We are based on the moon
I'm told you know the president
of these United States of the Americas.
You will take us to that
the President, because ...
-I have a very special present for him
-him?
Well he'll love that
He just loves presents.
As soon as my mission
is accomplished
Nazi invasion forces
will be called in under
my directions
and we will end the good
times for the bad people
And just how do you propose
to do that?
-Well simply eliminate them.
-What?
-Sorry, that is not what we are told
-Renate, I do not think that you ...
Yeah. Why not?
Why tell you this woman why we are here
like you keep telling your pupils
I would love to do that
You see...
the National Socialist Party is the party
is the people's party, nothing more...
We wish to return to earth
with our message of
peace and unity
love through virtue
and kindness, for example.
We are healthy,
in mind and body.
Our spirits are brave and true
We achieved, because we are strong,
and disciplined in our cause
There is simply no believe
that they can match ours
because peace and unity is the gift
that we bring to all mankind.
What you and all earthlings
need to know ...
-Yeah, I get it
This is good.
This is going to work.
You, I need
And you ...
I want
Alright, lets go meet the president
Madam President ...
here's the miracle
you asked for.
-Who is that man?
-He will lead the campaign troops
Renate, please ...
this is very simple
The world is sick ...
and we are the doctors.
The world is anemic
and we are the vitamin.
The world is weary,
but we are the strength
We are here to make
the world healthy once again.
With hard work ...
with honesty, with clarity,
with decency.
We are the product of
loving mothers and brave fathers.
We are the embodiment
of love and bravery.
We are the gift of both
God and science.
We are the answer to the question.
We are the promise delivered to all mankind
For that we raise our hand,
to one nation.
We step to the beat of one drum
....of this world
We are the people that carry children
on our shoulders.
the same way as our fathers
carry us and their fathers carried them
We are the one people united and strong
We are the one people with certainty
moral certainty
We are invincible
and we have no fear
Because the truth makes us one.
The moon Nazis are coming. What's wrong
with you people, can't you see?
Look, I've been there.
I'm telling you.
They have all this moon base
and this space thing,
and they comin to take over
You must listen because
the Nazis are coming.
They coming to get us all. Why
don't you listen to me? I mean ...
Renata
Washington.
James Washington.
I'm so glad to see you alive.
Look i got one,
this is the bitch that made me white
as a fucking snowflake
Come on people, help me.
Help me.
I saved your life
So, you're a formerly
dead, black model ...
who is now suddenly
a living white hobo
after spending the weekend
on the moon. Is that correct?
-Yes, that's correct
-So I was listening
And you are Neil Armstrong after
after the sex change operation...
Is this correct?
No, that is not correct
You were not listening at all.
My name is Richter.
Renate Richter.
I tried to save this mans life and
I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful
ok ask Miss Moon-Nazi here, was I,
or was I not on the
dark side of the moon
Yes, Mr. James Washington was
on the dark side of the moon.
There, what did I tell you
I am black, but now I'm white.
I went to the dark side of the moon
but i'm now back.
The Nazis are coming to kill us all
And you guys are going to be so sorry
that you didnt listen to me.
Mr Washington James,
Why are you so upset and angry?
-Get lost.
-But I do not understand
We made you white
We taught you the National Socialist
message about peace and unity
You people have robbed me of everything.
My race, my identity, my career.
And Im beginning to think
my flipping mind too,
I mean just everything
Do you know this?
Yes.
Come on in. I will explain it to you
Then you'll understand it.
you are one strange broad,
ill give you that
oh you know your buying
popcorn right?
man...What bullshit
It was ...
-It was so long.
-They coulda edited down a bit
He was mocking the fuhrer
Im getting the sense theres alot
about nazis you don't know...
-But I am a Nazi
-Yeah, I know but you not like...
Well like them
A bunch of stupid bullies
No, I'm sure they're good boys
and loyal to the Reich
and their mothers
look, they are wearing the symbol of love
The swastika?
Yeah.
I have never heard they call that before.
No.
What we got here, blond hair, blue
eyes, nice rack
Even Hitler will get a hard-on
-Look guys, we don't want any trouble
-Get lost hobo
-I got a funny story to tell you
your not gonna believe this...
-Stop that, that is enough
What she needs is a good war
A war always make a president popular.
well I might be able to
help her out there
how do you mean?
One word from me, and the
invasion from the moon begins
-You never break character do you?
-No.
I can never be broken
-You smell so good.
-The time has come
I will show you my plans.
Come back here.
Look Ive maped out somethings
Oh big fella
All work and no play?
Now listen , don't you think
if I asphyxiate the president ...
Will the troops stand in line with us?
thats when i will order the moon invasion
It will be Choirless bloodshed.
ill eliminate the moon fuhrer.
Klaus Adler.
So Klaus, is the clown joining us?
what...did you all buy tickets?
ok...so do you want to
introduce me to your friends
Get your hooks off me you
crystal mouthed piece of shit
i can make it worth your while,
just please let me go
Im here to tell you that I
have nothing with you and your plans
You Nazi-piece-of-shit
he fell for the old
one last blowjob offer
god...Nazis are stupid.
i commend you on your marksmanship
Shame. She was such a nice girl
Just have to kill her later
So, it was real?
-All this time.
-Never doubt a Nazi, beautiful woman.
farewell, fasionista
I have a planet to conquer
Ill just... grab this
Bye
Good luck with the rest of your life.
Un...be...fuckin...lievable
Thank you, Kelly.Moments ago
New York has come under attack
Witnes' claim to have seen 100s of UFO's
appearing suddenly over the
city and opening fire
Billy get that
Are you getting that?
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across
I'm seeing what appears to be
a weapon of some-kind dangling down
Oh my god it's opening fire
I'm going to hide
There is little information.
but heres what we know at this time
-Ok you see the thing is, Klaus
-I know it was your doing.
-It's wonderful
-It's wonderful?
It's brilliant. I'm a wartime
president now.
All presidents that start
war in their first term of office
always get re-elected, I thought,
I was going to have to
bomb Australia or something
No, you bring me real
-Who are these guys anyway?
-Nazis.
-from the moon.
-Real live Nazis?
Holy shit, this just getting
better and better
Your a miracles work of thing.
They are the only guys we actually
manage to beat in a fair fight
I'm just like Franklin D. Roosevelt.
only no, I'm not a spastic.
I knew youd be excited
If youre Roosevelt, who is your
General Patton or MacArthur.
Mister secretery of Defense.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
Send her.
-Me?
- Hey you're the miracle worker.
Apparently you dodge bullets too
-I wouldn't know...
-What to wear? Youll think of something
you always do
Madam President ...
Ready to face the music?
Escape from the Nazis.
Take us upstate
We need to go back to the moon
We?, we rhymes with me.
and i ain't going
-They got a Gotterdammerung all around the moon.
-I couldnt give a good damn what they have
-I'm not going back to that place.
no way.-You want to look like that for
the rest of your life?
oh Great, now this is my fault
-Let me in
-I am no hero, James.
I need you.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
Well can't be any different
than playing 'wing commander'
Lets try..
I swear we do not have
nothing on the moon
-Japan?
-It is not ours
-China?
-It is not us
It's bloody well not ours
-I confess
-Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
The spaceships are ours.
Our beloved leader designed
and built them himself
-What is so funny?
-All right, North Korea. Sit down.
-So, it was you India, I knew that
-No, no this is a sign of peace
That is the sign of peace
These thugs are Nazis
I mean the real mcCoy.
They have been hiding
on the moon just waiting to pounce
My question is, what
are yall planning to do about it?
because we happen to have a little
something up our own sleeve
And I'm sure theyll
be thankful for it
May I present you to tomorrows
exploration ship the USS George W Bush.
Good work, take it to Officer Tyler please.
This is trajectory, whats our status
on the orbit window
Commander on deck
The hostile fleet have launched
a full scale aerial attack
against the United states
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they
are operating fully within the thermosphere
Each of them approximately carry 200
enemy vessel and are extremely...
Hell have no fury, heil Adler.
Alright kiddies lets get
this show on the road
Vivian, you look great.
How is it going up there?
Madam President, I couldn't be better
I am packing dozens of mega tonnes
of nuclear warheads
which I am going to carefully
place up Klaus' kraut ass
just as soon as i get him in my sights
-Carry on, kick butt
Let them see what that baby can do
Working at optimum capacity
Ammo consumption within tolerance
We going under extremely heavy fire
Were gonna need reinforcements right now
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Good day mate this Australian ship,
dundee Indurain 1,Ready to kick ass
Spitfire reporting in
Hang in there W
Canada joining the battle
this is a direct violation of
international space treaty
that you all signed, every single
one of you
Ready to join the battles
That is supposed to be destroyed
this is an outrage, your all
liers just like my ex ex-husband
-Calm down lady, calm down
-Don't you lady me, pinko
Okay who didn't arm their spaceships?
Great, great. That's just great
-You all gave me your word
-but you broke yours
We always break ours,
thats just what we do
Okay fine fine fine
Let just beat the shit out of
these pricks, and talk about
the details later
This is beautiful
-Where the hell are we going?
-To the Gtterdmmerung.
I think Klaus will be there.
What did you think of that adler
Alright, what about this moon business
what do you say we head on over
and slap them around abit
Klaus, baby I coming to get you.
-What the hell is this place?
-This is the Gtterdmmerung.
It will liberate the earth
Actually
It is the biggest war
machine ever created
-This is the bridge. Thats where I'm going
- I need to find your father, so...
-Where you think he at?
-I think you will find him over there
Try to sneak in, and please
paralyze the engines
-Or otherwise the earth is destroyed.
-Note to self, paralyze the engines
got it
No. You be careful
-I mean you know...
-What?
-Because you like me.
-Right...
Oh, come on, a little
You like me....
We have a visual on the
Nazi fortress, commander
Obviously and overstated
as usual Klaus
Alright, everyone,
let get those nukes in action
-Im declaring this fortress
a free-fire-zone.-But there are
woman and children down there
The United States of America
does not negotiate with terrorists.
-Prime warhead on secondary armament
-Roger that
-Prepare all available warhead on ground
-Fire the fucking nukes
Nukes away
Job well done
hey quack, remember me?
The moon spook you
turn into snowflake
Oh shit, it's alive
He must have the smallest
dick in the universe.
Time
to fuck back.
Everyone, take position around
this fat fallasand wait for
my command to open fire.
Offensive ground confirmed
-Let her rip
-Washington, do you hear me?
-You need to shut down the engines
-I'm working on it.
holy crap
congratulations
High five
Well that was disappointing
Do you think he suffered?
Even just a little?
Vivian, I knew you could do it.
foxy and salacious, all the way.
Congratulations.
-What's Helium 3'?
-Helium
Did you say Helium 3?
Yes, there like 15 to 20 giant towers
that appear to be full of the stuff
-That's ours.
-It is? Why?
Helium 3, will make the U.S.
independent of all energy needs
for the next thousand years
Yes, it's ours.
Hear me out
The moon is American soil
moon flag, star and stripes
Who beat the moon Nazis?
We did, well...
Well you helped out here and there
but ultimately it is just like WWII
and who won that?
We did
-You lied.
-Don't believe me?
Watch the movie.
Movies don't lie
Not the shoe, jesus
Vivian, this is the secretery of Defense.
-Defend and hold Helium 3 at all costs.
-but against who?
Against everybody
Unfortunately that's the
story of revenge,its messy
Never really works out the way
you wanted it to
I feel lonely.
Allowing our hearts,
or we will burn ...
burn in hell,
burning in eternal damnation.
Renata
Washington.
You are alive.
It's okay
And you are the way
your meant to be
Are you aware you are
kissing a black man?
I guess we have alot of
work cut out for us