Is That a Gun in Your Pocket? (2016) Movie Script

- How's the baby thing coming?
- Nothing yet.
What are the odds two
latinos can't get pregnant?
We're gonna go see a specialist.
Get some fertility drugs.
- You know a woman
in Houston did that,
and she had septuplets.
- Septuplets, holy shit.
- Yeah.
- How many is it?
- Seven.
- Seven holy shit.
- Yeah each of them
weighed 18 ounces.
- I eat steaks bigger than that.
- Psst, 7 'o clock.
I get first shot.
Morning deer.
- I thought it was on vibrate.
- Louis.
- I'm sure he'll
be here any minute.
- He's got the truck mom.
It wouldn't kill you to
go somewhere without him.
- I go lots of
places without him.
- Right.
- All right let's just go.
Lance get off the
rv we're leaving.
Come on.
- Trying to figure out
where to put the dish.
- We're not
getting a satellite dish.
- Ah come on mom they're free.
- Nothing's free Lance.
Now get down before
you break your neck.
- There it
is, man oh man.
- Oh not this grace
land shit again.
Cyrus rockford is not the king.
- He's the king around here.
Presley Tennessee.
- Well rockford ain't
exactly Memphis.
You think he's really dead
and people are just pretending
he's alive.
- Elvis?
- Cyrus.
- That is such a
ridiculous rumor.
- Yeah but no one's
seen the guy in years.
I mean isn't that strange?
- Yeah of course it's strange.
Maybe he's got one of those
Howard Hugh things going on.
- All that money must
just rot your brain.
- Oh shit.
- Would you stop that?
It's getting old.
- You get a much closer
view through this thing.
Oh yeah.
- Quit it perv.
- Thank you buddy.
- Yep.
- I'm sorry hun,
I lost track of the time.
- Yeah I know hunting
is Glenn time,
but you really need to--
- I texted you.
- Yeah I know you texted me
when the game was over.
- Hey did we win?
- 13, nine.
Kieth recorded it.
- All right.
Well I can watch it back later.
- I drew a bath for you.
- It's Sunday honey.
Supposed to be a day of rest.
And you know you're
not supposed to call me
when we're hunting.
- But I'm in the
middle of my cycle.
My eggs are ready.
- So are mine.
- Didn't you have
breakfast this morning?
- Yeah about two hours ago.
I mean it's almost
I feel like a piece of meat.
- I'm hungry.
Ooh oh there he is.
- I was thinking since
we're not going to break up
in the next three weeks,
why do we have to wait?
- We've been going out
for over 11 months kieth,
what's three more weeks?
- Exactly.
- I told you I wanted to wait
until we'd been
going out for a year.
You can wait a little longer.
Maybe I can tide you
over for a while.
- Oh yes.
- You'll wake my parents.
- Thanks hun.
- Breakfast Sandy.
- I'll pick something up later.
- Sit down and eat Sandra.
- Mom.
- I know what goes on with
you girls and your dieting,
no daughter of mine is
going to be anorexic.
- I'm not anorexic.
You're so clueless.
- She's definitely not anorexic.
I've seen her naked.
- Lance you're not helping.
- Lance close your
mouth when you chew
for gods sake.
You sound like an
air compressor.
- Later.
- All right the three
branches of the us government,
what are they?
- Republican, democrat
and independent.
- Those are three
political parties.
Executive, legislative,
and judiciary.
All right, all right.
Let's start with
the legislative.
What two bodies make up
the legislative branch?
- Men and women.
- Kristen I'm starting to
think you fell out of the crib
when you were a baby.
Now come on someone's
got to know this.
How about you Sandy?
Come on keely.
20 years ago I took this
same class with your momma,
and by the way she was
a straight a student.
Some of her must have
rubbed off on you now.
- Well I sure hope not,
otherwise I'd be at home
now making my brothers bed.
- What up Lance?
- What up Timmy.
- You bring it?
- I couldn't find the key.
- So full of shit.
- Dude I'm telling you,
he got it in a gun show
in Dallas last week
- I'll believe it when I see it.
Besides how hard is it
to find the key anyway?
I know exactly where
my dad hides his.
- Well I think my mom hid it.
- Doesn't make it tougher.
Probably in their room.
- Come on get a
wiggle on ladies.
- Or in the kitchen.
- The kitchen.
- We're
talking today about how
to keep the romance
alive in your marriage.
- Have an affair.
- Maybe we should
turn the TV off.
- Let's just wait
for the commercial.
- To pick up the
kids from soccer practice,
why not make
appointments for romance.
- Great more crap we gotta do.
- You must not
like it very much?
- Like what?
- Sex.
- Honestly I'd rather just
have a banana boat from the dq.
- I used to love getting
the high hard one.
- Mother.
- Oh stop being such
a prude, Shirley.
You could probably use a
little action yourself.
- I do just fine
thank you very much.
- Oh yeah,
how often do you and bill do it?
- Not that it's any of
your business mother
but since we're airing
our dirty laundry,
I'd say at least once a
month or every three weeks.
- That sucks.
- It's not the quantity,
it's the quality.
- I'm sure that sucks too.
You should be a
shamed of yourself.
I don't think a day
went by for 50 years
that your father and I,
god rest his soul,
didn't fuck each other silly.
- I think I'm gonna be sick.
- Okay Jenna it's your turn.
Fess up how often you and Glenn
have sex?
- I thought we were going to
discuss sense and sensibility.
And anyway Glenn's
going to be home soon,
I gotta get supper started.
- Oh it's that bad huh?
- A couple times a week.
- Respectable.
- But.
Do you like it.
- Well yeah.
- Good lord that's a
ringing endorsement.
- No I wish it was
more spontaneous.
You know the way it used to be.
- How about we start a website,
I bet we'd make a fortune.
- You'd make a lot more with
- oh wow yeah.
- Lance asleep?
- Ah-huh.
- And Sandy.
- She's on the phone with kieth.
I really don't
think it's healthy
for her to be spending
so much time with him.
- Oh they're teenagers,
that's what it was all about,
- I'm dreading her coming
to us saying she's moving
to San Antonio with kieth,
instead of going to college.
- She's a smart kid.
She'll make the right decisions
- well I just don't want
her to look back later
and have regret.
- Hey you know what I heard
through the grapevine today?
- What?
- They're gonna make me a vp.
- Oh honey that's great.
- And I was thinking that
we can you know celebrate.
- Did you now?
I saw this expert
on TV talking about
keeping the passion
alive in your marriage,
he was suggesting an exercise.
Where we just keep
touching each other.
- And then?
- And then we get all
excited wanting each other.
- And.
- And then nothing.
- Nothing.
- Right.
- Then what's the point?
- Just for something different.
- What's wrong
with what we have?
- Nothing's wrong
with what we have.
I just thought we could
mix things up a bit.
- Look if you're
not in the mood,
just say you're not in the mood.
- No I am in the mood.
I thought it might be fun.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- Okay.
Okay stop, you
know I'm ticklish.
- Hey if I have to endure
the torture of this exercise,
so do you.
- Stop, stop lets just have sex.
- Whoa.
- Told you.
A mauser c96.
- Holy
shit is it loaded?
- No.
- Let me see it.
- Whoa dude what are you doing?
You'll get us busted.
- Jesus.
They killed Otis.
- Well luckily it's
just a flesh wound.
Otis must have passed out
when he saw all that blood.
I guess the buttocks is the
meatiest part of the body,
but the real issue here is,
this could have been
much, much worse.
- Are you listening Lance,
you could have killed someone.
- Yes ma'am.
- All right then,
as long as we
understand each other.
- Thanks sheriff.
- Thanks sheriff.
- Thanks bill.
- I'm going to have to
suspend him for a while folks.
- We understand.
- Lance what on earth
were you thinking?
- I just wanted to
show Timmy the gun.
- Well you know we can't have
something like that in school,
especially will all
these shootings nowadays.
It is a beauty though.
- Yeah.
- Whee that grip is sweet.
- Rosewood.
- Bet that put you
back a few peso's huh?
- Oh just a few.
- Well again we can't
have 'em in school.
- We understand.
- You young man aught to know
better than to take a fire arm
anywhere without checking
the chamber first.
- I tell him that
a thousand times.
- Kids.
We all good?
- Thanks Eric.
- Doctor said you should be
out of here in about a day
or two at the most.
- I told you that
intersection was dangerous.
- You were shot dad,
you weren't hit by a bus.
- This time.
- Hey Barb.
Hey Otis, hey Stan.
- Sorry mrs Archer.
- How you feeling there big guy?
- I'd be a lot better
if someone brought me my
cheery jello.
- Good lord he's fine.
- I'm so sorry about this.
Lance is not allowed
out of the house
until he graduates.
- I'm just glad he's
not a better shot.
- Got your ass pretty good.
- He just wants to
be like you Glenn.
How would you have felt
if Timmy were over here
and Lance accidentally shot
him with one of your guns?
Or shot himself.
- I would have felt terrible.
- But it's not going to happen.
- But it could.
I wanna get rid
of the guns Glenn.
Everyone keeps saying how
somebody aught to do something
about all those
shootings out there.
Well you know what,
every avalanche
starts with a single snow flake.
Maybe, maybe I'm that snowflake.
- You're just a plain flake
if you think I'm
giving up my guns.
Hunting with the boys
is my only outlet.
- Killing defenseless
animals is your only outlet.
- I don't get a great book club.
- What kind of an
analogy is that?
- First one that came to mind.
- Then how about you just
get rid of your hand guns?
- I love my hand guns.
Hey no come on.
Hun, honey no need
to fight about this.
It has been a rough day.
I will talk to Lance
again tomorrow.
- Lance.
- Well
what did you expect?
- I don't know,
be listened to for one.
- Asking men in rockford
to give up his gun
is like asking him to
cut of his.
- Oh hey Wally.
- Hey Jenna.
Oh I heard about
Lance shooting Otis,
nasty business.
- You know I needed
to ask you a question,
as the mayor.
- Oh wait let me put
on my mayors hat.
Excuse me.
- I was wondering about
maybe getting rid of
some of the guns in town.
- What do you mean?
- Well I don't know really.
I was hoping you being
the mayor and all,
you might have some ideas.
- Well one idea might
be to lock up your guns,
so your kids can't get to 'em.
- Well what if people
forget to lock 'em up,
or what if the
kid finds the key.
Like mine did.
- Well we can't plan for
every eventuality can we?
Anything else?
- No.
- 10's or 20's?
- 20's are fine.
- Okay.
I gotta go.
I have to get some.
I'll call you okay.
- Hey Jenna.
- Hey Byron.
- Missed a spot.
- So did you.
In your underwear.
- Weed.
- Quit it bitch.
- To you'll what?
Shoot me.
- Yeah I know.
Yeah I have it right here.
- Answer the phone.
- But I'm talking,
just hold on a second.
- Chop, chop.
- Piece of shit.
Damn piece of shit.
Pretty cool car huh.
- I really don't understand
why you're getting
so bent out of shape
about all this.
- You know I don't
ask you for much,
but I am asking you now.
- I'm sorry hon,
can't we just agree to disagree.
- No.
- All right I'll make you a deal
you get everyone in town
to give up their guns
I will too.
- You know that's
not gonna happen.
- Then why should
it happen for me.
- Fine, but if you
won't do things for me,
I'm not gonna do things for you.
- Fine.
Like what?
- Like cooking for you.
- I didn't starve to death
before we were married,
I can fend for myself darling.
- Well I hope you can do
other things by yourself too.
- Meaning?
- Meaning,
I'm not gonna have sex
with you until you do this.
- Really?
- Really.
- I'm not gonna be forced
into doing something
that I don't wanna do.
And if you don't wanna have sex,
suit yourself.
I can go just as long
as you can without it.
- Guns or pussy, sort of poetic.
- Mother must you be so prude?
- Well.
- You got guts girl,
I'll give you that.
But Jen honey I hope
you didn't do it for me.
- I know that Barb,
the truth is i
did it for my kids
and everyone else's kids.
I don't want anyone
else to get hurt.
You could join me.
- Join you how?
- Like in a protest.
No not a protest,
like a crusade.
You all could join me.
- What kind of crusade?
- To rid rockford of
every gun in town.
- I'm sorry but she's crazy.
- What exactly do
you have in mind?
- We get every woman
in town to agree
not to sleep with any man,
until they get
rid of their guns.
- I don't know sugar,
I like having my gun
around for protection.
I mean you don't expect
your house to catch on fire,
but you still have
a smoke detector.
- Come on Shirley,
when was the last time
anyone in this town
needed a gun?
- Yeah but honey, it
just ain't about need,
I like my guns.
- So does everyone else,
but they're just too dangerous.
- I'm trying to
have a baby Jenna.
- Connie this is for your baby.
- Yeah but even
if we all agreed,
I mean how are we going to
get everyone else on board?
I know a lot of
women in this town
that won't go along with this.
- We'll just have to try
to change their minds too.
- Well I do love me
my Smith and Wesson
but if getting rid of them
means I don't have to have sex
with Stan anymore, sign me up.
But how would we, you know,
monitor the situation?
- We help each other.
Every woman in town becomes
part of a support system.
- When you say no sex,
what do you mean exactly?
- What are you Bill Clinton?
- She's right we've got to be
specific about these matters.
I'd say no bjs.
Or ass fucking either.
- Oh how.
- What about cuddling?
- Cuddling, oh please
men don't give a rats
ass about cuddling.
That's just paying the toll
to get into the tunnel.
- I don't see how the five of us
are going to make a difference.
- Well every avalanche starts
with a single snowflake.
- I always loved that saying.
- Well now we have a chance
to make it mean something.
What do you say?
You with me?
- Well I already told you,
I'm in.
- I'm in.
- Shirley?
- Sheriff bill will have a cow.
- What the hey, I'm in.
- Yes.
- The truth is,
even if I say I would do it,
I don't know if I can.
- Why not?
- Because I love sex, damn it.
I really love it.
Because of the baby too.
- I think I have the answer
to your dilemma, honey.
- That's it.
No I'm leaving.
- Good lord I always thought
that thing was a candle stick.
- Throbzilla.
I defy any man to keep
up with this puppy.
Call 800 number by 5 pm if
you want over night delivery.
- May I?
Maybe I'll give it a whirl.
- Yeah that and a nickname.
- Glenn, what the
hell did you do?
- I stood up for my rights.
Our rights.
- Well we're in a heap
of shit right now,
bill told me that Shirley won't
go to bed with him neither.
This this is spreading Glenn,
it's like a god damn plague.
- I'm still getting laid.
- That's because you're single.
- Maybe that's what
y'all got to do.
Dump your wives.
- It's not that simple Dex.
Look I'm sure in a few
days this whole thing's
just gonna blow over.
- All right I wish
they'd fix something else
to stop doing.
Like talking.
- You know what screw 'em.
Let's go to the gun
show this weekend.
- Which one?
- Cabrito, we can get ribs
on the way up there.
- Cabrito it is.
All right?
- All right.
- all right Sandy let's go.
- Jen?
- Oh hi cherise.
- I just want you
to know that I'm in.
- Glad to have you on board.
- You bet ya.
- You go girl.
- Hold up Jenna.
- Oh hi Gladys.
- I don't know if this idea has
a shot in hell of succeeding
but I sure do fire
you for trying.
- But are you in?
- Oh I'm in.
- There she is,
she's a trouble
maker right there.
- Mom what is going on here?
- hey.
- Hey.
- How long you grounded for?
- A month, how about you?
- Six weeks.
- First day out the house.
- Tell me about it.
My eyes are still
adjusting to the daylight.
Well see ya.
- Yeah see ya.
- Sandy.
- All day I've had to listen
to kids tease me about you.
Do you have any idea how
ridiculous you look to people?
I have never been so
humiliated in my life.
- Well you're only 17,
you've got a lifetime of
humiliation ahead of you.
- Oh sure go ahead, make jokes.
But you're only
embarrassing yourself
and the rest of the family.
Why can't you just get
a job or something?
- I have a job.
I'm raising you.
- Well in case you
haven't noticed I'm
not a child any more.
- You're right i
haven't noticed.
- Not so easy taking
a stand is it dad?
- No.
- Sorry about all this mess dad.
I should have never taken
the gun in the first place.
- I know.
That was super dumb.
But this is bigger
than the gun now.
This is about the
battle of the sexes.
And we have to win this one.
Or the balance of
power could shift,
the fabric of our society
will be destroyed.
Like the fall of
the Roman empire.
Or the Dallas cowboys.
Do you understand?
- Not really.
- You will son,
believe me one day you will.
Did you just moan?
- Excuse me?
- You did that on purpose.
- Did what?
- You totally did
that on purpose.
- Jackass.
- Oh wait let me see it again.
- Gorgeous right?
It better be for what i
paid for that bad boy.
- Glenn, great idea.
- You are welcome.
- Italian dressing.
- Is it low fat?
- Mhmm, those ribs
didn't stand a chance.
And it looks you got
some for later too.
- Uh huh thank you.
- Is there anything
else I can get you sir?
- Yeah actually can
you get me some stevia
for my lemonade.
- I'll check.
- What?
Why do you think they
call tomato a fruit?
I mean I understand
apples, oranges, raisins.
But tomato's not even sweet.
I mean how do they
get away with that?
- That's a good question.
- I think it might have
something to do with
them having seeds.
- So cucumber's a fruit?
- I believe so.
- That doesn't seem right.
- Y'all work at a fruit plant,
how do you not know this shit?
- The point is that we're
all having a good time
without our women.
Am I right?
- How about an avocado?
- Jenna keely has
something to say.
- Thanks.
Look we all pretty
much know each other
in this town,
we feel safe here.
We feel like bad things only
happen out there somewhere else
to other people.
My son Lance did a
really careless thing
that could have had
tragic consequences.
Now I know many of
you love your guns,
but it's time to decide.
Which do you love more,
your guns or your family?
- Family.
- I don't see how
getting rid of our guns
is going to do anything.
- Did you know that in the
18 months that followed the
newtown Connecticut
massacre there were
74 more school shootings.
- This isn't a gun issue.
It's a mental illness issue.
- That's right.
- Really Byron.
You think America's
got the market
cornered on mental illness?
What about all those other
places that don't have
these mass shootings?
Do you think they've
got less crazy people?
They have less guns.
- Anyway you slice it,
this is a darn fool thing
you girls are doing.
And Barb Archer you
get on back home
where you belong.
- Okay y'all know where
my daddy was shot,
so obviously he's
been brain damaged.
We're not here to
debate gun use.
We are here to eliminate it.
- Ladies, ladies.
We need your help.
Join us.
We have the power.
You have the power.
There isn't anything in
this whole wide world
more powerful than pussy.
- That's going to have
to be it for today.
- Oh I'm not finished bill.
- Well I'm afraid you are.
Because ladies this is
an unlawful assembly
on public ground.
- All right everybody let's go.
- Bill parson,
you let my mother
finish her piece.
Or so help me god not only
won't I have sex with you
but I'll never
speak to you again.
- That's a little
embarrassing honey.
All right I guess
another couple of minutes
won't hurt anybody.
- We're not giving
up our guns Wally.
- Well I'm not
suggesting that Glenn.
- Well what are we
supposed to do then?
- Well why don't we beat
'em at their own game?
I mean we can go
without having sex
for as long as they can,
can't we?
Well I for one honestly
don't understand
why y'all can't
control your women.
- Well of course we
can control our women,
but who needs all
this aggravation?
Besides who wants to grovel
every time you wanna have sex?
- Like that don't happen now.
- Shut up Dex.
- Well what do
you want me to do?
- How about we ban
'em from protesting?
- That's a good idea.
- Well I'm no lawyer but I'm
pretty sure we can't, Stan?
- They have a constitutional
right to assemble.
- Well I doubt our
founding fathers
had this no sex thing
in mind when they wrote
that stupid crap.
- Can't we just get a
judge to make them perform
their wifely duties?
- No judge is going to
force a wife to have sex
with her husband.
- Especially when
they see his ugly ass.
- Hey what are you
doing here anyway?
I thought you was getting laid.
- Well it seems the
rivers have dried up boys,
if you catch my drift.
- Jesus.
- Oh my god.
- She ruined my ak.
I can't ever use it again.
- You could use it
in San Francisco.
- This is no joke damn it.
What the hell are we
going to do about this?
- Well I suggest that
we all just go home
and ride this thing out.
They're gonna cave in.
They're weaker than we are.
Got it?
- Man am I catching hell
about this no sex thing.
- You are.
- Yeah.
Everyone's saying I better
hope the apple falls far
from the tree.
And shit like that.
- That's what you're
worried about?
That you might not
have sex with me.
- No, I just think you
should try and talk
your mom out of this.
- Why?
- 'Cause it's dumb.
That's why.
- You saying my mom's dumb?
- No, no not her.
Just this idea.
No one's going to give
up their guns Sandy.
- People said Columbus
was stupid, you know.
That he was going to fall
off the face of the earth.
- Your mom's not going to fall
off the face of the earth,
she's just going to
fall on her face.
- At least she's doing
something she believes in.
Why is everybody so
threatened by that?
- I'll talk to you later.
- Hey, you okay?
- Yeah fine just,
I'm sick of
everybody razzing me.
- I think what your
mom's doing is great.
- You do?
- Yeah I do.
And you can tell her I said so.
- All right everybody
family meeting.
You're all in here.
You're really not going
to cook for me anymore?
- You're hands aren't broken.
At least I hope not.
For your sake.
- Very funny.
- I don't get it.
- Quiet.
And you should be standing
by me as well young man.
- I was standing by you,
but then I got hungry.
- All right, obviously
things are getting
a little tense around town,
not to mention a little
tense around here as well.
What if I were willing
to give away my m16.
Maybe even the mauser.
- No that's not
good enough Glenn.
They all have to go,
and there's no giving
them away to your friends.
- When did you become
such a damn liberal?
- Since when did you
become such a damn idiot?
- Oh that's very nice.
You think it's right to
call me an idiot in front
of our kids.
That's what you wanna
teach your daughter?
How to belittle her husband?
Lance make sure your wife
never calls you an idiot
in front of your kids.
- What if his kids aren't there?
- Is this really
worth destroying your
family over, Jenna?
- Who do you think I'm
doing this for Glenn?
- Maybe you've got
a point to prove.
Maybe some crazy idea you got
from one of them talk shows.
- Did it ever occur to
you that I might be able
to come up with my own ideas?
That I'm not just
an extension of you.
- Is that what this is about?
You resent me for
giving up work,
or not going to law school?
Go back to work if you want.
Go to law school, just
stop acting so ridiculous.
- You're behaving
like a neanderthal.
What's wrong with you?
- They're gonna get
divorced because of me.
- Look you may be a moron,
and you may have
screwed up royally.
But if mom and dad
ever get divorced
it won't be because of you.
You're just a little pawn,
totally insignificant.
- You really think so?
- I know so.
- Thanks Sandy.
- You don't like the oreos?
- Too fattening.
- I don't know how they can
go so long without having sex.
- I know.
If I had a pussy
I'd be sticking things
up it all day long.
- Yeah,
that'd be the only way
I'd get my daily allowance
of fruits and vegetables.
- Anyone wanna
bowl another game?
- I didn't wanna
bowl the last game.
- What's it
past your bedtime?
- Oh my god.
- What?
- Ah nothing.
- Come on you don't
get to do that.
Say oh my god and say nothing.
What's it say?
- It's a personal text.
- Well come on we
won't say anything.
- Baby I'm lying in
front of the mirror
on my stomach,
I'm so wet right now,
I'm touching myself.
- What?
- I'm so wet right now,
I'm touching myself.
I am picturing you
fucking me from behind.
I can feel you inside of me
and I'm all, o o o o,
extra h, extra h,
exclamation, exclamation,
smiley face and I,
is that a cat emoji?
- What?
- I guess it means pussy.
- Is that the new iPhone?
It's just really big text.
- Shut the fuck up, Dex.
- Look she's just
messing with you.
- What are you doing
out here so late?
- Reading.
- I'm sorry.
For giving you such a hard time.
And for acting all...
- Bitchy?
- Yeah I guess so.
- You're a good girl Sandy.
You're smart, you're beautiful,
you're a natural born leader.
I see the way the other
kids look up to you.
You can be anything you want,
you know that.
- Dad always says
I'm just like you.
And he thanks god
for it everyday.
- I just want
what's best for you.
- I know you do mom.
If I wanted to help
out with the cause,
what would you want me to do?
- Well basically the
same as the rest of us,
I would want you to convince
all the girls at school
not to fool around
with any of the boys
until all the guns are gone.
I know you and I haven't
talked much about sex Sandy,
and I'm sure it's a conversation
that's way passed due,
but if you and kieth--
- mom.
- Well I was never able
to talk to my mother
about these things and I want
you to be able to talk to me.
- We agreed to wait until
our one year anniversary.
- When's that?
- Tomorrow.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- If he loves you
Sandy, he'll wait.
- You can't be serious.
I've waited a whole year.
- So what's another week or two?
- Rockford's not going
to give up their guns
in a week or two Sandy.
They'll probably never
give up their guns.
- You could help you know.
Try to talk people into it.
- Listen I don't wanna
sound like a jerk Sandy but
I may not be able to wait.
- Fine, don't wait.
Go find someone else.
Maybe I will too.
- Who?
- I could hook up with any
guy I want to right now
and he'd gladly wait for me.
- You don't love me.
- Stop being such a baby kieth.
Of course I do.
And if you love me you'll wait.
- And if you loved
me you wouldn't.
- I can not believe you.
Come on.
- All right
now come on everybody.
- Aside from our
god given rights,
it is also our
constitutional right
for a person to bare arms.
It's written right there
in the second amendment.
- Where?
- What?
- Where in the second
amendment does it say that?
I'll tell you where,
it's no where.
- She's absolutely right.
- The second amendment only
talks about state militias,
before the supreme court
fabricated it in 2008,
there was no such thing
as an individuals right
to bare arms.
In anyway Byron this
isn't about your rights,
it's about what is right.
It's about keeping
our kids safe.
- That's right.
- Yes it is.
- Having my guns make the
kids a whole lot safer.
- Now you can keep your
guns if you want to,
you just can't make
love to us if you do.
- All right hold on.
Now the good book says love's
not supposed to be conditional.
- Amen.
- Does it really say
that in the Bible?
- No it's men are from Mars,
women are from Venus.
- That was great.
- All right.
Hold on.
It looks like maybe you
ladies are just being
a little over zealous.
Why don't we let cool
heads prevail here?
I think the compromised
solution here
would be no assault weapons.
- Wally that's, no.
- All right hold on.
- Hell no Wally
it's all or nothing.
- There you see.
- See you can't
even give an inch.
- All right that's enough.
Hold on.
Hold on, you listen to me,
I think I can safety say
that I speak for the majority
of the men in this
town and quite frankly
we don't appreciate being
held hostage like this.
- Wally, I don't
have to remind you
that elections
are in four weeks,
more than half of the
registered voters in this town
are women.
That sounds more like it.
Are you going to support
this gun initiative or not?
- Shirley this initiative
is over reaching.
And you've hastily written,
I'm not--
- you're all gonna
have to decide.
How bad do you wanna play with
the little man in the boat?
- Who's the little
man in the boat?
- You gotta decide Wally.
Yes or no.
- No.
- Then I hereby nominate
Jenna keely for mayor.
- Oh...
No Shirley that's real nice
but I don't think that--
- hang on a minute.
All right now wait
just a minute here.
Jenna's got a home to run
and right now she's got
her hands full with that.
- I accept the nomination.
- Power Jenna.
- Asshole.
- Oh yeah.
- Look I just don't
understand why I can't sleep
in the same room
with you anymore.
- Because i
don't trust myself.
- Well doesn't that
tell you something?
Don't you wanna try
- Louis Alberto
That is hitting below the belt.
- So is this.
- I thought you
didn't care about sex.
- It's only an issue when
you're not having any.
It's a little rude to be
brushing your teeth right now.
- My son Lance did
a really careless thing
that could have had
tragic consequences.
Now I know many of
you love your guns,
but it's time to decide.
- Hey folks we
have a blue light special
on beer in the fridge section
so grab yourself a cold one.
- Now I know many
of you love your guns,
but it's time to decide
which you love more,
you're guns or your family.
Well thank y'all for
coming out tonight
and thank you harland for
offering up your room.
- Happy to help, happy to help.
Just make sure y'all
lock up when y'all leave.
- Okay.
Well welcome to wag.
Women against guns.
We're here tonight
to strategize.
To figure out a way we
can win this battle,
so I'd like to open it
up now for discussion.
Anybody have any ideas?
- Well it seems to me,
we all know where the
men keep their guns.
Why not just take them
while they're sleeping?
- Well I think the idea
Gladys is to get them to
do it voluntarily
otherwise they'll just
go get new guns.
- Maybe the thing to do is we
raise the stakes a little bit
you know turn up the heat.
- How?
- Bam, bam, bam.
- You want us all
to become lesbians?
- No, make it
unbearable for them.
You know sexting wasn't
working so we dress sexy.
- Short skirts and cleavage.
Show off those gams and titties.
Like proper sluts.
- And we start talking nasty,
you know make 'em
want it real bad.
- Geez Tina, Louise why didn't
i think about this before?
- What, think off what?
- Teresa darling you still
got that closing shift
at the relax hall?
- Ain't been fired yet.
- Okay and y'all still
sell those boner pills?
- We sure do.
- Okay.
Oh it's good.
- More coffee bill?
- Yes please.
Why are you so
cherry this morning?
- Why not.
- A town divided,
not by nuclear power plants,
toxic waste or economic crisis,
but by politics, sexual
politics that is.
The women of this small
town named after reclusive
billionaire Cyrus rockford,
are waging a war against
their male counter parts.
Rid rockford of all guns
or no sex.
You heard right.
- Howdy ma'am.
I just wondered if you
could move your camera
away from this store front
because the owner doesn't,
the owner doesn't want,
gee thanks.
- Are you getting this?
- That is kinda hard to miss.
Pun intended.
- Oh hi Dex.
- Morning Connie.
- What can I do for you?
Would you like to
make a deposit?
- Oh no.
It's the shorts.
Excuse me.
- Bye dexie.
- no one's going
to pay attention
to a bunch of
crazed house wives.
- They're withholding
sex from their husbands.
- We're gonna have to
send a support team.
I want you to
spearhead this thing.
I swear every time some
idiot shoots somebody
in a school all the other
idiots have to go on about
gun control.
Do whatever you need to do,
but just make this
thing go away.
- Yes sir.
- All right look everybody
in favor of going on strike
raise your hand.
- A strike?
- Why not?
It's not about the sex,
it's about the principle.
And I hate to say it guys but
they're a lot more organized
than we are.
- Well what are you
suggesting we do?
- When Arlene asks
you to wash the car,
you say can't do it.
When Connie asks you to
fix the garbage disposal
you say, can't do it.
- No I can't do that anyway.
- All right point is
whatever they ask us to do
we can't do it.
We have to hang tough.
- I'm sick of jerking off.
- Why don't we get
some blowup dolls?
- I'm sick of airheads too.
- All right what
about the strike guys?
- All right look all those
in favor of going on a strike
raise your hand.
Gentleman we are now
officially on strike.
Hold on, hold on.
Any other order of business?
- Just one.
Seems to me everybody
here's a bit frustrated
and tense.
- Who the hell are you?
- Elias Jones from the
national gun organization.
Dwayne lafontein asked me
to come down here personally
to see just how we
could be of help.
- Send us some hookers.
- How many?
- Hey we're in church buddy.
- Oh I think god'll understand.
After all the way your
ladies are behaving
that's awful unchristian like.
- I've never paid for
sex in all my life
and I'm not about to start.
- We'll foot the bill.
- A brunette with dd please.
- Give me a break the
closest you ever got
to a dd is in flashlight.
- Fellas we want you to know
you're not alone
in this struggle.
Now if they're gonna tell you
you can't have guns,
what's next?
Poker night?
Football Sunday?
Hell this is immoral fellas.
- He's right.
This here is a moral issue.
Bring on the hookers.
- Some of us are married.
- Some of us aren't.
- What about the law?
- Well before I do anything
I gotta see something first.
Lately you know my eyes
haven't been too good.
- It's probably all
the jerking off.
- Boys I can't be
a part of this.
- Yeah I can't either.
Hell hath no fury
like a latina scorned.
- Fellas I'm not
suggesting you do anything
you don't want to.
Okay god knows I'm
not the one to judge,
but I do know that what
your women are doing
is wrong.
And in like you have
to pay the consequences
for your actions.
This here's about freedom.
And our forefathers really
fought hard for that freedom.
And now the battle's
come to rockford.
So for those of you who
wanna stand up and fight
for your freedom,
there will be dozens of
beautiful ladies here
tomorrow night at eight.
God speed gentleman.
Oh, oh and boys please remember
it's our little secret.
- Meeting ajourned.
- Getting a bit
out of hand, huh.
- A bit.
But there's always
a silver lining.
- What's the silver
lining with a sex rink?
- Keeps you from sleeping
with my daughter.
- Okay so I'm here.
- I got you something.
- Thank you.
It's a striking resemblance.
What's it for?
- I wanted to apologize.
I'm sorry ant what I said.
You know about your mom
and about not wanting to wait.
I love you Sandy.
I wanna be with you.
No matter what that is.
- I am so gonna make
it worth the wait.
- Oh can I get one
of them red things?
- A rose?
- Yeah roses are good.
- Hot date?
- I hope so.
- Well she must be real special.
- Oh I'm sure she is.
- It's nice to see people
still courting each other
even though there's no,
well you know.
- Yeah.
What's courting?
- You know good
old fashion dating.
- Oh yeah.
- So what's her name?
- Who?
- The girl you're
buying the flowers for.
- Oh, I have no idea.
- Ah blind date.
- In a sense yeah.
But I'm not at Liberty
to discuss it though.
- Discuss what?
- Oh the two truck loads of
hookers coming in tonight.
Did I say hookers?
- Yeah.
- Because I meant
something else.
Thank you very much.
You keep the change.
- Right here.
Drivers license and
registration please.
Can you remove it from
the plastic holder please?
Why so nervous, Gus?
- No reason.
- Officer Archer?
- Sheriff.
- Can you check out
the other truck?
- Copy that.
- Would you mind stepping
out of the vehicle sir?
- Is something wrong?
- That's what we're
here to find out?
What brings you to rockford Gus?
- Just delivering some goods.
- That wouldn't be
contraband would it Gus?
- No ma'am just ordinary goods.
- At 8 pm on a Sunday Gus.
You been drinking Gus?
- No ma'am.
- Put your arms out to
your side like this.
Now touch the tip of
your nose with each hand.
Put your right foot in.
Put your right foot out.
Put your left foot in.
Now shake it all about.
- Excuse me?
- You know the hokey pokey Gus?
- I'm afraid I don't.
- Let's look in the truck.
Open her up.
Cherries huh.
- What time you got?
- About five minutes after
the last time you asked me.
- Must have got lost.
- Yeah rockford's
really hard to find.
- Where'd you tell
Barb you were going?
- I don't think she's much
interested in my where abouts.
- Well I'm only
waiting one more hour.
And that's it.
- Mrs Parsons.
- Oh hi Owen.
- What in blazes are you doing?
- Making a citizens arrest.
- What you're not even cops.
You better let us go right now.
- I'll handle this sir.
Ladies I'm gonna need
all those uniforms back.
It wasn't very nice
of you to take 'em,
what if there was some emergency
and I had to show
up on the scene
in nothing but my skivvies?
- I'm sorry about that Owen
but desperate times call
for desperate measures.
- That's true.
- We'll return them
to you straight away.
In the meantime they're
gonna spend the night here.
Courtesy of the fine
citizens of rockford.
- You can't keep us here.
We have rights.
- Tell it to the judge pimp.
- Does your husband
know about this?
- We're not communicating
to great these days.
But I'll be sure
and leave him a note
when I get home.
- Where are the ladies?
- What ladies?
- Day 39 of the
rockford sex strike
was marked by
controversy as two men
allegedly hired by the
national gun organization
were arrested last night
for transporting prostitutes
into this sleepy little town.
- Son of a.
- Sheriff William Parsons
has remained tight lipped
about the incident, refusing
to comment on the veracity
of the allegations.
As we get set to enter
day 40 of the sex strike
both sides are digging
in their respective heels
and no one appears
to be yielding.
- Why is this happening?
- I don't know what all
the ruckus is about,
I mean household
cleaning products
can be just as dangerous
to a child as a gun.
- Look terrorists
from around the world
can buy a 50 caliber
rifle at any gun show
across the country.
That's crazy.
- Well it's better they
by them guns from us
than out sourcing
them jobs to China.
- Shut up Dex.
- Usa.
- Dick head.
- Usa.
- Like I need my gun
for self defense.
- Is there a lot of
crime in rockford?
- Oh hardly any,
but that's because
everybody has a gun.
The only way to stop
a bad guy with a gun,
is a good guy with a gun.
- My son is 12 years old,
he's hardly a bad guy.
- Look guns don't kill people.
People kill people.
- This is crazy,
now guns shoot
people by themselves?
Where did you get your top?
I really like it.
- Well at the end of the day,
it's all about our Liberty.
- Liberty?
They said the same crap
with the seatbelt laws,
and the smoking in public thing,
and now it's the guns.
I gotta breath your secondhand
cancer for your freedom.
A kid's gotta die in
school for your Liberty.
Fuck them and their Liberty.
Punk ass mother fuckers.
- All I know is this
strike is reeking havoc
on this community.
You know this used to
be a nice place to live.
- No everyone in town
shares Glenn keely's
pessimistic view.
Especially his wife Jenna keely
who is now running for mayor.
- 40% of all guns
purchased in the us
are bought without
a background check
and gunshots are the
leading cause of death
among young people today.
It's unforgivable.
- You look really good mom.
- Thanks honey.
- This is
Patricia valdez goodbye.
- Is it true about the guns?
You know about it being the
main cause of death for kids?
- Afraid so Lance.
- Glenn
keely please report
to mr rockford's office.
Glenn keely report to
mr rockford's office.
- Hi Gladys.
- Glenn mr rockford
will see you now.
- Have a seat.
I find incense very calming.
Don't you?
- Yes sir.
It's very nice.
- Got
this batch in India.
Ever been?
- No sir, can't say I have.
- Too bad.
Although you probably saved
yourself from some vicious
fudgy squirks.
I'm there right now
with an ash shrine,
meaning of life's journey
and all that good crap.
Anyway enough small talk,
I hear your wife's
stirred up quite a
hornets nest down there.
- Yeah I guess that's true.
- I'll get
right to the point.
Productivity is down
significantly this month,
people have had their
heads so far up their asses
I can hear them gasping for air.
How do you think
this is gonna end?
- I don't really
know mr rockford.
- I do.
It's gonna end with
people loosing their jobs.
These are the cold,
hard facts keely.
I'm not going to keep
this factory open
just to dole out paychecks.
Look at me.
You understand what I'm saying?
- I understand.
- Good.
- 101.
Can I get you anything else?
- No this is great.
Why are you being so nice?
- Easy to love someone
when you love 'em.
Loving someone
when you hate 'em,
that's the real deal.
- I love you too you know.
- I know.
I wish we could
end this craziness.
- I want nothing more.
- Then do it.
- I could say the same to you.
- They're laying people off.
- Yeah Cyrus isn't happy
with productivity dropping.
It's bound to happen,
I mean half the company's not
talking to the other half.
- Better make myself scarce.
- Good idea.
- Hey Dax.
Hey wait up.
What happened?
- Old man rockford fired me.
- Ah shit.
I'm sorry man, I didn't know.
He said that after this
strike thing is over
maybe he can hire some
people back, but...
He fired me on Skype.
That's kind of weird.
- Hey listen man
if you need help,
I got a little money saved.
- That's all right Glenn,
thank you though.
Thank you.
Take care now.
- Yeah.
- Thanks so much
for your support,
we really appreciate
you coming out.
Since when do you smoke?
- After five weeks without sex,
I am lucky I am
not smoking crack.
I miss my man.
I miss sharing my
feelings with him
while he stares at
me like a zombie.
And that vibrator,
whatever that throbzilla
doesn't have arms
to put around me.
- You'll survive Connie.
- It's not only that Jenna.
I'm scared.
I'm scared with all these lay
offs that Louis might be next.
I'm not sure this
whole thing's worth it.
- I don't know if
anything will come of this
but give it your best shot.
- Thanks Gladys.
Mr rockford?
I'm Jenna keely.
Glenn's wife.
If you're listening,
I'm pleading with you to
give people their jobs back.
And not to fire anyone else.
- We're going to offer these
girls 10 million dollars
to preserve freedom and
the American way of life.
- 10 million dollars
is an awful lot.
How about we just give every
gun owner that stays the course
a free ak47?
- You think that's gonna fly
with these nampy pampy
politicians in Washington,
especially after
your hooker fiasco?
No, 10 million dollars is safer.
- You're the boss.
- Where are you going?
- Campaign meeting.
- You're pretty dressed up
to go to a campaign meeting,
don't you think.
- Well just think if you
weren't being so stubborn
maybe I'd be getting
this dressed up for you.
Or maybe I wouldn't be
getting dressed at all.
- Ha, ha very funny.
Oh damn it Jenna.
How you doing sport?
- Okay.
- I was gonna grab some
pizza at ,
do you wanna come?
- No thanks.
- You sure you're okay?
You can tell your dad, you know.
- I never meant to hurt anybody.
- I know that.
- I wish I never picked
up that stupid gun.
I wish I never
picked up any gun.
- I'll bring you
back a couple slices.
- Okay.
- You look great.
- Oh thanks.
- Would you like
something to drink?
- A glass of wine might be nice.
- Red or white?
- You choose.
- I saw you sitting here.
May I join you?
- Please.
- How goes the battle?
- Still raging.
- It is amazing to me
how depriving men of sex
can cripple a whole town.
- It can cripple
the whole world.
But then again so
can depriving women.
- You think so?
- You don't?
- Tell me something,
if you had to do
it all over again
would you do the same thing?
- I'm not really sure.
- I think a lot of women in
this town would say that's
a start mr keely.
- I suppose they would.
And it's Glenn.
- I'm just so tired of it all.
I'm tired of
fighting with Glenn.
Tired of dirty
looks from people.
I'm tired of pretending
to be strong.
- You are strong.
That's why you're
getting the dirty looks.
- I guess we are giving them
a run for their money, huh.
- 10 million buck from the ngo,
you bet your ass.
You are ruffling some feathers.
- I guess one more
couldn't hurt.
- It's a little late
don't you think?
- We had a lot to discuss.
- I'll bet.
- What's that suppose to mean?
- I called Connie and Barb.
They didn't know anything
about a campaign meeting.
- I expect this from Sandy,
not from her mother.
- And I expect this
from my father,
not my husband.
- You been drinking?
- I had a glass of wine or two.
- Where were you?
- With Harlan.
He's my campaign advisor.
- And he took all this
time to advise you?
- You're not jealous are ya?
- Jealous of what?
Some nerdy high school teacher
wants to get into
my wives pants.
- Just because your
mind works that way
doesn't mean his does.
- Yeah right.
- Did you kiss him?
- Did you kiss her?
- Who, the sleazy reporter
with the fake boobs.
- They're fake.
- Please she could stand on her
head and they wouldn't move.
Well did ya?
- No.
Did you?
- No, but we did have
sex in the parking lot.
- Are you sure nothing happened?
- There's something
i gotta tell you.
- Baby.
- No, no.
- What?
- Glen he's gay.
- You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
- No I promised
I'd keep it quiet,
but I don't want you
wondering about this
for the rest of your life.
- Oh man.
That's the first gay
guy I've ever known.
- Not exactly.
- Who else?
- His boyfriend.
- Yeah.
- No I can't say,
just let it go.
- How could you keep
something like that from me?
- Okay promise you
won't say a word.
- Promise.
- Byron.
- My Byron?
- I hope not.
- But he owns the gun shop.
- Well think how tough
he's had it at home.
- Oh man.
Everything's all upside down
and inside out.
I've never loved you as much
as I love you right now.
- Even after all this.
- Especially after all this.
- Why?
- You're doing something
you believe in.
No matter what
people think or say.
No matter what i
would think or say.
I don't have the
guts to do that.
- we can't do this.
- Yeah right.
- What's going on?
- What do you mean?
- With you and dad?
- Nothing.
- Mom.
You didn't.
- Didn't what?
- Sandy why don't you
drive Lance to school.
Take my car.
- So what now you're just gonna
lay around the house all day
and not go to work?
- Sandy, take a hike.
- I am very disappointed
in you mother.
- We'll talk about it later.
- I don't understand
anything in this house.
- All right.
Hold on.
Come on now.
Please settle down.
Please settle down, ladies.
Ladies the plain fact is
that if you continue on
with this strike rockford stands
to loose 10 million dollars.
- Ladies please.
Please ladies.
Ladies, ladies.
Think of how our town could
benefit from this money.
I mean new schools, new buses,
new community centers.
- That's Cyrus rockford.
- Think of all the...
- Evening.
- Holy shit.
I'm gonna sit down.
- So 10 million
dollars to the town
and everything goes
back the way it was,
is that about it mr lafontein?
- That's about it mr rockford.
- But something doesn't
seem quite right to me,
you come waltzing into our town,
waving all that money and
you act like you got a dog
in this fight.
- We all do.
It's called Liberty.
- Amen.
- No it's called lobbying.
You know what you are Dwayne?
You're a walking,
talking, breathing gun.
A hired gun.
You're job is to make sure
that the manufacturers
can make and sell as
many guns as possible.
You're no different from
a corner drug dealer
pushing crack for a cartel.
So I'm gonna offer this
town 10 million dollars
if the men of rockford
will dispose of their guns.
- Now hold on, hold on.
Mr rockford we had always heard
that you are an avid hunter,
that no animal in Africa
was safe from you.
- Yes I have done
my share of killing,
but now I don't believe in
harming any sentient being.
- Mr rockford you are the
name sake of this town,
would you rather have it turned
into the peoples Republic
of New York City?
- Better that, than
a monastery full
of angry blue-balled monks.
- Make it 11 million.
- There we go.
- 11 it is.
I feel like I'm on shark tank.
- 12.
- Oh come on.
- Yeah.
- No you are starting
to aggravate me son.
I am trying to reach.
Oh son of a bitch,
it's gonna take me 10
lifetimes to get there.
Dwayne, I'm gonna see your
12 and raise you three.
That's 15 million dollars.
What say you now?
- I have to make a phone call.
- Yeah, I'll wait.
- Wally.
I would like to make
a statement if I may.
For the first time
in a long time
I remember why my marriage was,
is so important to me
and while I'm honored
that so many of you
want me to run for mayor,
I feel I can be more effective
continuing this fight
without having to run rockford.
Well the truth is I may not
be worthy of your trust.
Last night Glenn and I...
- Glock 22.
- Jesus what the?
- It feels good,
but you know what some how
it doesn't feel as good
as it used to.
And no where near
as good as my wife.
And darling you wanna be mayor,
hell you be mayor.
You got my vote.
Mr rockford.
That's just one gun,
but it's a start.
And every avalanche starts
with a single snowflake.
Right baby?
I'll be at home destroying
the rest of them.
See you later.
- Traitor.
- Wait a minute
where are you going?
- I miss my wife Jake,
we were trying to make a baby
before all this craziness.
I'd like to keep trying.
- Wait a minute guys
where where you going?
Come on don't wimp out now.
We're down to the home stretch.
If we cave in now they win.
Oh come on, Wally.
- Hey it's 15 million dollars
and jobs back Jake.
- You can have the jobs back,
but just so we're clear
you don't get the 15 until
all the guns are gone.
- Oh yeah that's clear.
- What about bb guns?
- And they say there's no such
thing as a stupid question.
- Is that a no.
- That's a no.
- I liked him better
when he was dead.
- Hello champ.
What you doing out here?
- Thinking.
- Listen I wanted to thank you,
for talking to me yesterday.
Telling me how you
felt about things.
I know that isn't always
an easy thing to do.
And I want you to
know it affected me.
A lot.
One of the reasons
i gave up my guns.
- But how about the
balance of power shifting
and all that?
- Well Lance the power of
power isn't as delicate
a thing as you might think.
See having the guts
to be vulnerable
and admit that you're wrong,
that's a sign of strength,
not weakness.
You understand?
- I think so.
- Good.
- Is sex really the most
important thing to us men?
- Absolutely son.
- 44 days after the sex
strike of rockford began
the strike appears to
be unofficially over.
All but 252 citizens have agreed
to dispose of their firearms.
Towns people say they
are still working
on convincing those holdouts.
95 of whom are women
to join the converted.
In the meantime all
indications are that things
I rockford are returning
back to normal.
- Honey I'm home.
oh damn.
These are for you.
- And this is for the flowers.
- What about a vase?
- Are you a stallion or are
you a little bitch mare?
Want me to whip you
in terms of shape?
You want me to whip
you into shape,
you little shit?
What the hell kind
of sound is that?
You sound like an old woman
coughing up a hair ball,
you little shit.
- bill
- god damn liberals,
what the fuck.