Is This Thing On? (2025) Movie Script

1
We need to call it, right?
I think so too.
-Hey. Hey, hey.
-What?
Hey.
They're sleeping.
I know.
Do you think that--
Should I pack a bag
and check into a hotel?
No, no. That's dramatic. What?
No, I know, just with the...
-Or I could--
-What?
I could make up a bed
down on the couch too,
-if that's gonna be...
-No, no, no.
-Really?
-That's not necessary.
Let's just...
-Okay, what--
-Oh...
-Hey, buddy,
-TESS: Hey. Hey, buddy.
-What are you doing up?
-Are you guys fighting?
-No.
-No. No, no, no.
No, actually, we're not--
we're not fighting at all.
We never fight.
That's true.
Go back to bed, baby, okay?
Come here, Charlie.
Come on. Outside.
Come on, Charlie. Charlie, come.
Come on, Charlie, let's go.
-Our last hurrah.
-What?
-You know, just with the--
-Yeah, yeah.
The other day,
we were watching this, like,
just one of those
doomsday docs, right?
You know, meteors,
the Earth, wars,
-everything, all that stuff.
-Uh-huh.
And so,
you know, he had
the weirdest look on his face.
And at the end of the doc,
I looked at him,
and I said, you know,
"How do you feel about that?
Does that bother you? Does it--"
You know,
fully expecting him to be like,
"Hey, what--
What do we do about this?"
Nothing.
He's perfectly fine
with the world coming to an end.
He literally said,
"Well, you know, I've had
a good life up until now.
What's there to be sad about?"
Jalen, my 17-year-old boy.
First of all,
he's brilliant, right?
He excels at everything
he puts his mind to.
But I just thought,
"What kind of mindset is that?"
My body does not say it,
but I still feel...
like I'm 24 years old, at best.
Thank you, babe.
Shut up, Stephen.
But, you know,
seriously, though.
I'm not ready
for shit to end, right?
-Are you? No?
-No.
Well, because he lives
in a world with the likelihood
that we may blow ourselves up
at any moment.
What?
But that's nothing new.
We all grew up
during the Cold War.
Guys, it isn't that.
Yeah, but remember,
we were scared.
It's not that. He's alive.
You know? He just goes.
He goes for it every day.
He crushes it every day.
-That's true.
-Mm. Yeah.
And he's
in joy because of it.
How 'bout joy?
I mean, it's beautiful.
Not giving a fuck about trying
to be like other people
or trying to be a grown-up.
Uh! Fuck!
Wait, are you
talking about me?
No, somebody alive!
-Shit.
-Jesus.
-I was joking!
-Also dead.
Just joking.
You are so alive, darling.
-Hey, I found it!
-"Darling"?
Yes.
-Oh, shit!
-Oh, my God!
-Oh, my gosh.
-Are you all right?
You all right?
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
-Oh, the rug. I'm sorry--
-Fuck. What the absolute fuck?
-Balls!
-I'm sorry!
I'll go. No, no, no, it's okay.
-No, no! There's milk in it!
-I'll get more. I'll get more.
-Balls. No.
-It's right around the corner.
-She doesn't need it.
-Stay, it's fine.
-It's like every week.
-I'm sorry. Sorry.
God.
Don't cry
over spilled oat milk, okay?
Yeah, this is fine for you.
-Jesus.
-Oh, my God.
-It's literally everyday.
-Balls, it's perfect.
-Thank you.
-You all right?
Uh, yeah. I'm a little... I'm
just, like, a little nervous.
-Yeah, you seem it.
-'Cause, uh...
one of the guys is, uh...
not gonna be there
next Saturday matinee,
so if you wanna come...
Oh, wow. Shit.
Do you know all his lines?
His lines? Yeah,
I know all the disciples' lines.
-Of Christ?
-Yeah.
I'm just so grateful
I can grow such a hefty beard.
You know what I mean?
Do I look like a disciple?
-Babe, what? What?
-Am I doing it wrong? I'm sorry.
No? I'm sorry.
-Oh, my God.
-This always happens.
Half of me is always
living in the play.
-Jesus.
-Yeah.
It's the burden
of my beautiful wife.
Oh, God.
You got it, St. Paul.
Mm. Living with an artist, guys.
Living with an artist.
By the way, Oyster Bay?
-Yeah?
-We call the primary.
Wait, you can't call it
this far out.
Yes, we just did actually.
Why not?
Let them.
What do you mean?
It's not forever.
Let them. Babe,
they're literally newlyweds.
Plus, y'all two always take
the love shack attic anyway.
It's actually perfect.
I love it.
-Hey, you wanna know why?
-Yeah.
Because we made Jalen there.
We're not making
any more babies.
-Yeah.
-No.
Well, you never know--
Oh no, that's true.
You didn't even make
your first two that way, right?
Okay, wow.
-Dude.
-That's enough.
-No, please. Babe, stop, stop.
-All right. It's okay.
-No, but you have to have sex.
-Please stop talking.
Okay. Sorry, sorry.
We have sex,
we just didn't--
You know what, you guys,
maybe we should just
kinda wrap this thing up?
Wait, you did have sex
to make--?
Yeah, yeah.
You know what? We gotta--
That's too much gardening
for you, please.
I thought that they put it-- No,
I thought you created a zygote.
-I'm so tired.
-Christine.
-What?
-You baking your cookies?
Oh, um...
Why? Why?
Does it smell like cookies?
Mm-hmm.
Really?
No, I just-- I think my kitchen
just always smells like that.
You know?
And you know what? Also, I was
heating the food in the oven.
Do you want dessert?
-We called an Uber.
-We have fortune cookies.
Do you remember
Macaulay Culkin?
When they came back,
he was changed forever.
-And I believed it.
-Babe. Let's walk them out.
You asked her
about it specifically?
Yeah. She lied.
Oh...
She was hiding 'em
till after we'd all gone.
When they get even
higher as fuck. Right?
And Christine,
when she's not high?
-So grumpy.
-Ugh.
Good thing we didn't tell 'em.
Would've been too much
for them to take.
Maybe I laid it on
a little too thick.
Too thick?
What?
Why, 'cause one time
you called me darling?
That's like...
I mean, if that's your idea
of laying it on too thick,
I mean, that's--
Okay, okay!
You took one?
Fuck yeah.
When I went to the bathroom,
I was stealing it.
It's gonna make you
really fucking high.
That's the idea.
Mm.
Fuck it.
You ate more than I did.
Oh shit, that was
probably really stupid.
I love it.
Oh, my God.
Wait. What are you doing?
Oh, my God. What am I doing?
Sorry. Shit.
Oh!
Shit.
Hey. Hey!
You okay?
Are you gonna be okay?
-I think so.
-Yeah?
You're okay?
Yeah. The cookie
hasn't hit me yet.
I'm gonna be okay.
I'll be okay.
Holy shit.
What's up?
I just wanna come in
and get a drink.
Yeah, 15 buck cover.
-To get a drink?
-It's comedy.
Is it funny?
It's 15 bucks, man.
Yeah, you already said that.
Look, man, I don't have
any money on me.
Yeah, I don't know
what to tell you.
-Hey.
-Yo.
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
How come she didn't
have to pay 15 bucks?
She put her name down.
Well, you're welcome.
All right. Alex Novak,
downstairs in two minutes.
That's me.
Well, you better
head down there, then.
-Where?
-Just straight behind you.
Down the stairs.
Hey, hey. Hey.
Why don't you leave that right
over there with the other ones?
-Right here?
-Yeah. They'll watch it.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
It's completely different.
Like, you cannot have
casual sex with a woman.
Okay? You can't do it.
You have to buy her dinner,
um, at least.
With men, I am the dinner.
It's easy. It's easy.
It's simple. It's simple.
-Sorry.
-What up, man?
-They called me.
-Yeah.
When you see the light,
just get off, all right?
There you go.
Just talk to 'em, have fun.
...orgasm from
a man who embarrasses you.
No, I'm leaving.
I'm leaving. I'm going.
Okay.
That's Rolo, everybody!
That was really funny.
Alrighty, I got a lot
of familiar names on here,
but I'm gonna shake it up a bit.
Uh, let's put your hands
together for Alec Novak?
Alec Novak.
Alec Novak, everybody.
Alec!
Um...
I don't have a ton of jokes.
And, uh...
Actually my name is
Alex Novak, uh, for that lady.
It's okay.
My parents won't be mad.
Um...
What do I tell ya?
Um...
I think I'm getting a divorce.
Yeah.
What tipped me off was that, uh,
I'm living, um,
in an apartment on my own.
Yeah.
And my wife and kids
don't live there. So...
That was probably the--
the biggest clue.
Um...
I was, uh... Well,
I was married for 20 years.
Yeah.
Uh, engaged--
Uh, engaged for two years.
Dated for three.
And... met a year before that.
So, 26 years.
Which makes sense...
now, because my wife used to say
being married to me
was like running a marathon.
I don't really know
what happened, um...
to my marriage.
Uh...
I came home one day, um...
and my...
I guess, still wife, but...
Uh, Tess was her name.
Her name is still Tess.
I plan on, uh, letting her
keep that in the divorce.
Um...
Yeah, I-- I came home,
and, um...
there was a conversation,
I remember, and somebody said...
It, um...
"Should we end this thing?"
And then there was an agreement.
Um, I'm pretty sure she said--
This is what she meant
about not paying attention.
Yeah, she-- I came home.
And, uh...
I guess we both agreed
it was over.
Which is awesome...
that at least we agreed on that.
It was less awesome
for our two kids.
Yeah.
It's okay. They're ten.
The-- They're not--
They're not twins.
They're Irish twins.
Which is...
...why I pulled an Irish goodbye
when I left.
Oh, come on.
I thought you guys told--
I thought this
was a comedy...
...show.
Anyway, um...
I think I earned my keep here.
Um...
What do I say? My name's Alex.
Alex Novak, everybody.
Sorry.
Is there a bathroom here?
Wow. All right,
let's hear it for Jill McKenzie.
There she is. There she is.
Keep it going for Kemp,
you guys. Kemp rules.
What's up?
The side part
is the skinny part. Agreed?
Now, the skinny part,
the side part-- same part.
Same size, same part.
You know what I'm talking about?
You take it out and--
Allez, allez, allez
Allez, allez, allez
You have to favor a labia?
We've conquered
All of Europe
We're never gonna stop
Allez, allez, allez
Allez, allez, allez
because she wants me
to feel good.
Like, for instance,
she's like a hot girl.
You know what I mean?
Like, she has the vagina
that fits the little underwear,
okay?
She goes... And she...
What was the advice she gave me?
Oh, she said, "Boundaries?"
You guys know
about these boundaries?
You guys talk
about these boundaries?
-She goes...
-First time?
She goes, um, "You need to learn
how to set boundaries."
Yeah.
Stick around.
Support your fellow comics.
"I told my boyfriend
he has to text me
every night before bed,
'Goodnight, I love you'
or it's over."
And she goes, "Now, he texts me
every night before bed,
'Goodnight, I love you.'
And now everything's great."
And I was like, "Oh, thank--
thank you. Thanks."
If I said that to any man I've
ever dated, they would be like,
"Oh, perfect.
I was on the fence anyway.
Get the fuck outta here, bitch."
You know what, I'm not
fucking calling in favors.
With me in a relationship,
it's me going, "No, dude."
I... I gotta date better men.
I have to.
My girlfriends are dating men
who are, like,
running 10Ks
on the weekends for fun.
My ex wouldn't let me touch his
Magic: The Gathering cards
'cause he was worried
that I would bend them.
They didn't say nothing
about my sister's new ass.
Not even a warning.
Just a warning
would have been nice.
Something. Anything.
"Hey Reggie, go in the kitchen.
Meg Thee Stallion is in there."
Now, I don't feel bad for
looking at my sister's new butt.
...on PS5. Kung fu game.
Got it right now?
So, what happens now?
Between, you know,
Mom and you?
What do you mean?
Well, you know, you guys
told us that you separated?
Yeah.
Does that mean you're
going to get divorced?
Well, I...
-Remember that dragon?
-What dragon?
At the... at the assembly.
The school assembly.
The big red dragon.
You mean the lion?
Was it a lion?
Looked like a dragon.
It only had two people in it.
Huh.
What does a dragon
have to do with anything?
-It was a lion.
-Whatever it was,
-lion or dragon.
-Lion.
It was big and it was brave,
and that's what I need
you guys to be.
That's not it at all.
The lion chews up the lettuce,
and that brings us wealth
and prosperity for the new year.
Right. That's it.
That's exactly it. Right.
Are you going
to feed the lion, Dad?
Me? I don't know, I...
Are you?
I fed it because I have goals
this year I want to achieve.
Do you have goals, Dad?
No, of course I do. Of course--
-Dad, you should have goals.
-We have goals.
Good night, guys.
-Settle in.
-Dad--
Settle in. All right.
-Love you.
-Love you, too.
Get down there. Get down there.
All right, you guys.
Good night, guys.
-No talking, all right, guys?
-Okay.
I haven't told your father.
What?
Entre nous.
No, Mom, there is no entre nous.
We don't have any secrets.
The boys know everything.
You don't have to whisper.
Well, you don't have
to embarrass me.
I just told you
your father doesn't know.
-Okay--
-What doesn't Grandpa know?
That Mom and I are splitting up.
Oh.
Think you should tell him, Dada.
-Great.
-Yes, son, that's up to you.
It's got nothing to do with me.
Yeah, well tell that
to our marriage.
Look how you're going on.
And stop being jealous
of my friendship with Tess.
I adore her. I love her so much.
-Dad! Dad?
-Yeah. I know it. What?
-And you know something?
-Dad!
Look, you two have always
been very different.
Yeah, and you
and Dad are twins?
Dad? Dad?
Your father is an immigrant
to this country.
-I know that.
-And I've always been a woman
who wants the taste
of the exotic.
-And that's what makes it work.
-Mom! Jesus, Mom.
I'm just saying this
in front of the children...
Can I have another apple juice?
-I already said no.
-...because there's no secrets,
-so... Just pick a lane, okay?
-I know.
-Why not?
-For crying out loud.
Felix, it's your turn.
Mom, do you have any...
Do you have any more
of those juice boxes?
Your father drank them all.
It's got little pretzels on it.
They're all individual pretzels?
They all started individual,
and then I, uh, glued
most of them together.
Oh, oh.
There's one or two separate.
And you have the mustard
and the ketchup there, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But the guy's got the day off.
You know?
He's got the day off
like the rest of the town.
Everybody's taking today off.
She thinks I don't know,
but I know.
Here, put that there.
And, uh...
For me, it's no big deal.
Well, it is kind
of a big deal, Dad.
I think that we're
gonna get divorced.
Ah, okay. Slow down.
Slow down.
Clean your plates everyone.
Grandma,
do you have any Jell-O?
-In the fridge.
-Okay.
That's not what's
going on. Nobody cheated.
Yeah, well,
so what is the problem then?
I don't know, it's...
...complicated.
It's complicated.
You don't have to tell me that.
Is Dada going to be okay?
Of course. What do you mean?
I don't know,
he's just out there. On his own.
But he's not alone.
He loves when you boys
stay with him.
-But he sleeps on the couch.
-Huh?
We sleep in his bed.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Great.
For fuck's sake.
Hey there, I'm Alex Novak.
How you doing tonight?
Once again I didn't want
to pay the 15 bucks,
so... here I am.
No, I'm joking, and...
No, no, no, I'm joking. I, uh...
I didn't pay last time, but
I was willing to pay this time,
but I wanted to, uh...
I said, uh,
I wanted to have fun.
Wanted to have fun here tonight.
Anybody else wanna have fun?
Yeah?
You know, I recently got fired.
It's the fucking fifth time
I've been fired.
I've only had three jobs.
That means I've gotten fired
from two jobs fucking twice.
Funny how things change...
Bathroom's straight down
and to the right.
No, I think I'm next on the...
How things
become cool and uncool.
They called my name.
I drive a Tesla.
And, um...
I just have one question.
Can you stop keying
my fucking car?
So, a couple months into it,
they bring my folks in
for like a parent's day.
They kind of catch them up
on our progress, you know?
I'm-- I'm a teenager
at this point and, uh...
So they come in and,
and Pete says, you know,
"Alex has been great.
He's opened up,
and this is what's going on,
and this is how
he feels about this
and this dynamic
that's going on at home."
My parents just kind of listen.
We're driving home,
little while later.
And I remember this so clearly.
I was in the back seat
of my mom's station wagon.
But my dad was driving.
Doesn't matter.
If my Dad was in the car,
he was always driving,
even though it was
my mom's station wagon.
And I remember her being
in the passenger seat
and spinning around,
and looking at me and saying,
"How dare you tell this stranger
all our family secrets."
And I was like,
"You made go talk to the guy.
You literally paid the guy
to listen to the problem.
You set this up.
You drove me there."
That's insane.
That would be like...
That would be like--
That'd be like your partner
driving you to an orgy...
...and then saying,
"I can't believe
you fucked all those people."
"That was the point
of being there in the--
You knew where I was going.
I was naked in the car."
Anyway, uh, this is, uh...
Boy, this is starting
to actually get good
and now my time is up.
This is so awesome.
I will see you next time.
Same place. I'm coming back.
We'll meet here, all right?
We'll all meet here.
All right, I've been Alex Novak.
Thank you so much.
Sad guy, you hanging out?
Everyone's hanging out
in the back booth to the right.
We got
some actually funny people
-coming to the stage next.
-Okay, thank you.
Good.
It takes the pressure off.
That's how I feel about my dog.
Hey.
-Cool to sit down here?
-Yeah.
-Look who's back.
-Just talked to Rolo upstairs.
Hey, I remember you
from my-- Yeah.
-What up? Dan. What up?
-Alex.
How'd it go?
I'm surprised you back.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-That bad?
-Yeah, I mean...
-It wasn't bad.
-It wasn't.
-What do you even do?
-Just say it.
-He's gonna ask for a job.
-Come on, what is it?
I work in finance.
If you wanna do it again,
I'll tell you the website.
Just DM me.
-All right.
-Yeah. Just...
All the mics in the city,
badsaliva.com.
And just, keep going up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta
go up five, six times a week.
-Yeah.
-Five or six times?
No, sometimes we go
five a night.
On long nights, yeah.
If you have like a bit
you wanna work out,
you go five times
by the end of the night.
You got a spot.
Five minutes around the corner.
-I'm Alex.
-Lovely.
That's the manager,
and this is the one--
-Oh.
-So, yeah, I have--
Don't make eye contact
with her. Jesus.
-Yeah, look down.
-Shut up.
-I have four rooms.
-Sorry.
You can see downstairs
where you just were.
Yeah.
Stop showing off
in front of your friend
with Laverne
and Shirley back there.
Fuck you!
-We got jobs.
-I'm Laverne. I'm Laverne.
What's your name again?
-Alex.
-Alex, come here.
-Hey man, that's my white slave.
-Shut up.
You can have him.
Take him.
Come talk
to some real comedians.
What's up, man?
Yo, you hold my pocket
when we leave.
You can't treat comedy
like prison, man, Dan.
He's Scared Straight -ing him.
-Dan, don't Scared Straight him.
-He's scared straight.
He's scared white.
You gonna be all right.
How often are you getting up?
I don't know, man.
Tonight was my second time.
I put it to you like,
my pop used to let me
watch Def Jam when I was six,
but he would act like he
was telling me not to watch it.
"Hey, me and your stepmom
are watchin' the program.
It's on HBO. Go upstairs
and watch something else."
And then wink at me.
And I'll be like, "Oh, shit."
I actually got caught by my dad.
I was trying to watch porn.
You know, like, the,
the late night HBO,
the Taxicab Confessions
or whatever.
-Oh, yeah. Real Sex.
-I was trying to watch porn,
and it was Def Comedy Jam,
and I saw Greer Barnes on stage
doing a joke about Mike Tyson
and Arnold Schwarzenegger
sharing a jail cell together.
I was dying laughing,
and I asked my dad,
I was like, "Is that a job?"
And he was like, "Yeah.
You gotta go to college first."
-Been doing jokes ever since.
-Gotta get up everyday.
Open that diary,
Anne Frank. Get to it.
What? What's wrong?
You guys just
write stuff down all day?
I said to open up his diary
if he gonna write any jokes.
-You gotta write.
-Work on your craft.
You gotta write.
Just-- I was just watching CNN,
and they say it's official,
according to scientists...
No. According to scientists,
it's official,
guys get hotter with age.
Big win.
Then we convinced them,
you know what's really hot?
Dad bods.
You kiddin' me? We're on a roll.
It's like, we're playing
with house money now.
What else--
What else can we get away with?
You know what's super hot?
Being poor.
-He stole it.
-You can't take--
-Hello. Good morning. Hi.
-He doesn't even need it.
-Hey. Hi.
-Hey.
Hey. Look who's here?
-Hi, guys! Hi! Hi, guys.
-Dad?
I thought Mom
was taking us to school.
-Yeah, me too.
-Yeah, I know.
But maybe
there's a surprise outside
and maybe this
has something to do with it.
Is that a new car?
I don't know if the term "car"
really does it
any kind of justice.
-Alex.
-Let's go. It's right outside.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Come check it out.
Hold on!
We're eating breakfast here.
Come on, here we go.
-This is sick.
-Look at that!
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
-Hey! Hold on a second!
-Whoa, this is cool.
-Hang on. Let me get your mom.
-Whoa. This is cool.
-What? What did you do?
-I am gonna immortalize
the first moment that you
lay eyes on this beauty.
This is not
how it's gonna work.
Look at this thing.
This gives you the morning off.
From what?
The morning off from what?
I don't know. The Olympics
are here in two years.
What?
Who knows
what you're capable of?
-What did you say?
-All right.
The fucking Olympics?
Does he think that's funny?
Fuck him.
I mean, does he think
this is about me?
No, 'cause it's not.
No, he didn't say it.
He never says anything.
I mean, isn't that typical?
My God, you should know,
you're his mom!
Marilyn!
-Hey.
-I rang the doorbell.
I hate the phone.
I just wanted to see you.
-Come inside. You're sweet.
-No, no, no.
Jan doesn't even know
I left the house.
I gotta get right back.
-Okay.
-I just...
You're both in shock.
-Yeah.
-That's all.
It's okay.
And I just wanted
to tell you one thing.
-Okay.
-Well, two things.
One...
Give yourself the grace...
to feel what you feel.
Unfiltered.
And number two...
The Olympics are here
in two years.
Oh, my God.
Marilyn, fuck you!
-But I get it.
-Do you?
I get it.
I think so. Come here.
Are you gonna start fucking?
Immediately.
Yes!
New dick. That's what you need.
Some new deep dickin' too.
No pity fucks.
Maybe that's what you need.
It's like the one good thing
Balls and I have left.
Really?
Y'all ever fuck sober?
No. I hate him too much
to be able to do that.
Well, that's a red flag.
No duh.
Hey.
I'm gonna play
for a club team, again.
And I've been reaching out
to people about coaching.
-I just worry.
-About what?
Look, you have a full life.
You're not defined by this
one amazing thing you did.
So, I just hope...
that enough time has passed that
you can re-enter this world,
without giving it
too much meaning.
Yeah, but I'm not gonna
be able to do that
now that you said it out loud.
I'm just reminding you, babe,
you have done
other amazing things.
Like?
Like being a mother.
Like this house.
I don't give a fuck
about volleyball. You're great.
Come on, puppies.
Come on, babies.
Come on, Charlie.
Charlie, come to me.
Come, Charlie. Yeah.
Yes, baby.
Come on. Come on.
Yeah.
-Don't move.
-Hi, Mom.
-Hey.
-Are you lice free yet?
-Yeah, I mean, I got it, but...
-Mom. Mom, mom, mom!
This guy's good.
I'm just checking this guy.
We're probably gonna have
to check each other.
-He's gonna give you lice.
-Ew, that's disgusting.
I gotta see if we...
I can't tell if that's
dandruff or...
You got
some more paper towels?
I do have more paper towels.
Just did a Costco run.
There should some
in the bedroom in the back.
All right.
-Dad, why do you have--
-See what I mean?
Why are they
in a doctor's office?
So, you...
using our old armoire?
Yeah, I took it out of storage
until I get some more furniture.
Why, you want me
to put it back?
Immediately.
No, it's just that hadn't talked
about that kind of stuff.
Yeah. Sorry. Probably
should have asked first.
It's fine.
So, what do you think
about your new style?
You know what,
I gotta get more paper towels.
I think we should
just go with this.
-All the time.
-Don't move. Don't move.
-All right?
-Don't move.
You're lice-free,
and we'll just keep this look.
I think I might have lice.
Hmm.
Any-- Aren't you seeing it
jump off me? Why are you--
Yeah, let's get you
in the chair.
I think that's what we gotta do.
Yeah, you look--
One just crawled in between--
-No--
-Mom's pregnant.
-You are so pregnant.
-What?
You hooked up with a bug.
-All right, guys, enough.
-Guys.
But Dad, that's how
you said you get lice.
-Yeah... yeah.
-Oh, is that how you said it?
No. It's bec-- It was a joke,
because the video said
we're looking
for baby eggs, all right?
It was a joke.
-Did you hook up with a bug?
-No.
-Well, you've got lice so...
-Yeah, you did.
-You hooked up with a bug
-You promised not to tell them.
-You have lice, too.
-Yeah, sorry. I couldn't resist.
All right, you know what?
You guys need to rehearse.
-Let's go. Let's go.
-Okay.
-Get busy.
-I already know it.
-Keep the volume down, too.
-Turn the volume up? Okay.
No, not up.
Keep the volume down.
Dad, do you know where
the loudspeaker is?
I'm serious about the volume
So you're really
not seeing anything?
-There's no little bites or...
-I don't think so.
To be honest, just looking--
Now, it's making me itch.
I think I--
I must have it.
Would you check me?
Sure.
You can get
like little bites or...
Yeah, make sure to really check.
Yeah.
"Under Pressure"?
Oh. That's what that is.
You didn't recognize it?
No. The first 40 million times
I didn't recognize it.
They're obsessed.
It's all they talk about.
That performance
is so far from now too.
I wonder where they get
their work ethic from.
Mm. Poor boys.
Just check one more in here.
I'm gonna dip my toe
into the coaching world.
Is that why you were
in the city?
No. I was in the city
'cause you called me.
Oh. I just figured
you were in the city,
because you said
you'd come right over.
Yeah. I wanted to see
the halfway house
our kids are living in
part time.
I'm glad you got
the vibe that I'm going for.
Yeah, you did great.
I haven't talked
to any programs yet, just...
I think that's great.
Any program would die
to have you, I'm sure.
Yeah.
I think it's great, too.
Um, I think you're good.
Good. Okay.
Do you wanna
take a shower with--
and rinse off with some of that
special shampoo?
Oh, oh...
-Might as well.
-Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bathroom's right down there
on the left.
You got this.
So I read
that the number one
fantasy for guys...
-Can I help you?
-Hey, man.
Yeah, I'm here for the open mic.
Yeah, right here. Just write
your name down there.
Okay.
You're next.
-I'm next?
-Yup, be ready.
Fuck.
I'm getting the light,
so I gotta go.
Oh, the light. The light.
The light. Yeah, the light.
Ladies and gentlemen...
-Yo, man. What's up?
-Hey.
I was actually hoping
that I could just,
you know,
watch and hang tonight?
-Yeah.
-Yeah? I got 15 bucks on me.
Nah. Keep your 15 bucks.
Get yourself something nice.
-Go on in.
-Thanks, man.
You got it-- Just... Yeah, just
finish that before you go in.
-Finish it?
-Yeah.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-There he is.
-Make yourself comfortable.
Am I okay here?
-Yeah. No one's sittin' here.
-You're fine.
How was your night?
It was pretty good.
I went and did
a different open mic and...
Yeah.
You know, I've been
doing this for 25 years.
You know what I mean?
And I love it.
I wouldn't wanna be
anywhere else.
But what I like about you
is you're so innocent.
You're not naive,
you're innocent.
And that's why it works.
So that's good.
It comes outta your head,
you put it on a piece of paper,
and you get up there.
It's like therapy.
But, people can relate to that.
-I don't know what it is.
-You don't know anything.
But I just do know
that coming here
-has ended up making me feel...
-Yeah. It's a safe space.
-Well, a lot better.
-Yeah.
You are good--
I mean, you're bad at stand-up,
but you're good.
You have a good heart.
You seem like a pure...
like I believe you that
you just found this thing,
and now you're in love
with stand-up.
Other than the fact that
I'm really insulted, thank you.
But you're bad.
You're really bad.
Okay.
So I was waxing.
It didn't hurt, right?
And then she finished
really quickly,
like I didn't even
know what happened.
And I was like, she goes,
"Your triangle's done." Okay.
"Your triangle's done."
What she gave me...
Okay, wait.
Can I use your napkin?
What I was expecting was this.
This is what,
what I was expecting. Okay?
You see this?
Reasonable. Reasonable.
What she gave me...
...is this.
-It is ridi-- Look at this.
-No!
Look at what I'm showing you.
I'm not-- This is not--
It is tiny.
Well, I brought
my drink up. Um...
-It's okay.
-Is that all right?
Hang on. Do you guys mind?
I'm gonna put this right here.
Use it!
You okay? I'm watching it,
all right? So, don't--
Oh, please roofie me.
Oh.
Please, I'd love
to get roofie'd tonight.
Please!
Hey, is it true that you do
magic? Is that a true story?
Yes. That is my day job.
One of my kids,
he's obsessed with-with magic.
-Oh, no.
-Yeah, his birthday's coming up,
and his mom's
doing this thing,
and I want to kinda
add something to it.
Would you ever consider doing
something like that? Is that...?
-Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah?
-I'd be down. Sure.
-Okay.
The driveway's okay?
Okay in front of the driveway.
They're not going anywhere.
Shit doesn't even look gold.
I should have picked
the balloons.
What?
-Hey!
-Hey. Hey.
What are you doing out here?
The door was open.
I didn't know
what the protocol was.
What? Get in here.
You guys all right?
Wow.
-It's gonna be so good.
-You really went all out.
Hey, will you help me actually
put some more food out?
Crudits in the fridge.
-There's two of 'em.
-Okay.
I just really need the carrots
because they have
not touched one vegetable.
Hi, buddy. Oh, hey. Hi, hi, hi.
You having fun?
-Yeah.
-Yeah? How's the magician?
-Good.
-Yeah?
Your father's sorry
he couldn't make it.
-He's on one of his walks.
-Okay.
Hey! There he is.
Hey, Charlie doesn't like
to be picked up.
Is that his name?
Yeah. Did you really
not know Charlie's name?
No.
-After all this time?
-Dude, you look so good.
-For real?
-Yeah, yeah.
Is that-- You look--
Did you lose weight?
Is that a new sweater?
Honestly, no,
I've had this sweater for...
Well, you should
keep wearing it.
It's the guilt
eating away at you, I'm sure.
-The guilt?
-Christine.
-What?
-Don't say that.
What?
Guilt about what? What are you
talking about, Christine?
Is that your name?
Christine, have I done
something to offend you?
Because if I have, or like upset
you or something, then I'm--
No, no, no. You know what?
Forget it.
I'm not going to Oyster Bay.
Don't apologize to me. What?
-Guys.
-Why not?
-It's a birthday party.
-Because.
Go! Run, run, run!
Go Judey, go Judey, go Jude!
Oh, you got my... She got my...
You're gonna be
part of this trick, okay?
-All right.
-Can all three of us do it?
-Yeah.
-Yeah,
all three of you can do it.
Okay.
-I think I took too much.
-Honey. Oh.
I didn't... I didn't know
I was holding the dog.
Well, this is pretty good.
I'm not the reason you're
not coming to Oyster Bay, am I?
Oh, God, no. Not at all.
I mean, 'cause we can all go.
It doesn't have to be awkward.
Right?
No... you mean like it is now?
Hey, sorry that
I just kinda lost it earlier.
I felt really attacked
by all those guys.
Yeah.
I mean, why are we even talking
about Oyster Bay now at all?
-I know.
-It's so far away.
-They're crazy.
-Those guys,
you know they're psychos
when it comes to planning.
Yes.
All I know is we made
a couple wonderful boys.
Right?
Yeah.
Happy birthday, dear Jude
Happy birthday to you
-You got it all over you.
-I know! I--
You got it all over you, too.
What does that have to do
with, like, opening wine?
-Hi.
-Hi.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you so much
for having me.
You were awesome.
-Yeah, I really appreciate it.
-The kids loved it.
-Hey, that was amazing.
-Thank you. Thank you.
Oh. My balance is off.
-Nice to meet you.
-You okay?
-This is my buddy.
-Nice to meet you.
Balls.
-Balls?
-Yeah.
Cool. Okay.
Happens every time.
Don't make my mom do that.
-What happens every time?
-Nothin'.
Okay, what's the deal?
You mean with
why you still have that beard
even though the play's
been over for two months?
I can't choose
when the character leaves me.
Characters, you mean.
Actually, I feel like
maybe it's providing,
like, a new thing
for casting directors,
now that I'm working again.
Thank you for coming by the way.
Twice. I came twice.
And you didn't even go on
the second time.
I know.
It's because that asshole Paul
said he was gonna be sick
and then he showed up anyway.
But I was psyched because
he got St. Paul sick,
and I went up
for two weeks straight.
-It was amazing.
-Yeah, that's a bonus.
And people said
that I was, like...
-Yeah.
-...better.
-Than him?
-Yeah.
Yeah. I bet.
-I got recognized on the street.
-Did you?
Somebody literally thought
I was a disciple. It was great.
But I think maybe they were,
like, a Jesus freak. But...
They're not a fan
of the play necessarily.
Well, they saw the play a lot.
I think they saw the play almost
all the two weeks that I did it.
So, I didn't really tell them
that I was the understudy.
-But anyway, this is about you.
-Right.
Don't fucking... Don't fucking
change the subject.
Let me rephrase it.
What's the deal, man?
Yeah, I don't know what to
tell you, man. There is no deal.
Okay.
You don't want to tell me
her name?
All right.
If I tell you something, you
promise you won't tell anybody?
No. Keep going.
What's her name?
I've been doing stand-up.
Oh.
I don't know who that is.
That's a crazy handle.
What? Is she famous?
No, no, no. Dude,
I've been doing stand-up comedy
on stage downtown.
Okay.
What?
Is it like a hobby?
Well, I'm not about to
quit my job and go on tour.
Okay.
Yeah. It's just,
I-I mean, I love it, man.
It's great. I-- You know,
it's actually pretty amazing.
And it's terrifying,
but I love every aspect of it,
and it's something
I look forward to.
-Fuck.
-What?
I knew it.
Knew what?
Just like...
You've always been the funniest
guy in the room forever, right?
Ever since college,
and now that you're actually
fucking pursuing it...
I'm not pursing anything.
You're gonna kill it.
It's inevitable.
And it kills me that I hate it
so much because I-I have...
...always gotten comfort
in knowing that you settled.
That you're a settler.
And I-I'm the guy who...
Even though, you know, is
going for it. That's my thing.
Jesus, Balls.
I know. It's been a lot
for me to carry around.
Just so nothing
gets misconstrued,
I don't have a girlfriend.
-Oh, you do whatever you want.
-I don't.
Look, it doesn't matter.
You don't have to
justify yourself.
You're famous now, anyway.
So, whatevs.
What are you
talking about, man?
Look, you don't have
to justify yourself.
Listen to me. To anybody.
Not to Tess, not to anybody.
Just like Tess doesn't
have to justify herself to you.
Justify what?
Nothing.
-Is Tess seeing someone?
-No.
I mean, is she open to it?
I wouldn't know.
I don't think so.
But is she? Yeah. Maybe.
Did Christine say something?
Who?
Christine?
Ab-About what?
About Tess seeing somebody.
No. Did she?
I'm asking you.
-What are you--
-Well, did you hear anything?
What did Christine say about it?
What did she say?
Dude, I'm asking you.
Hey, Olga? I just
put a bunch of trash there.
-Is there anything else?
-No. All good. Thank you.
Good. Okay. Thank you.
Hey.
-Yeah?
-Are you leaving?
I was just finishing
cleaning up.
Yeah, I-I gotta go.
How you doing?
All right.
Oh, man. I'm Alex.
How's everybody feeling tonight?
Good. I'm feeling pretty good.
I, uh-- I'm recently separated
from my wife.
No. Oh, thank you.
And, uh, I think that
she's maybe seeing someone.
Yeah, I just found out
the possibility
that she's seeing someone,
and I'm handling it just fine,
I think.
Right? And, uh...
So I just made up
a list of, uh...
possible worst case scenarios,
which I think is really healthy.
Number one.
This guy is a radiologist.
Because that would mean
he's knowledgeable,
he's noble,
and he makes a ton of money.
Terrible. So, that's number one.
Number two. He surfs.
Because surfing
is so fucking cool,
and those guys seem like
they're really cool,
and that they, like,
can do anything,
and they drive old trucks.
You know, and they don't care,
they never wear shoes.
And, uh, they never met a jar
they couldn't open.
You know what I mean?
And they don't need to cut
their hair, or do anything.
And they're always suntanned.
Um...
And they look like they got
really strong forearms,
you know?
Which is, thinking about, um,
someone you love,
like a lady you love,
with a guy with
really strong forearms.
Uh, my forearms
are basically atrophied. Um...
No, that's not true. I actually
do work out a fair bit.
I've got, um,
what I would describe as, um,
and a lot of ladies would
describe, as a dad bod.
By the way, it occurs to me that
men have done a really good job
of convincing women
that dad bods are a good thing.
You know? Like, we go, like,
"Oh, he's got a dad bod."
We're like, "Okay." It's like we
all got together and conspired.
You know what I mean? Anyway.
Um...
So, yeah, so...
radiologist, surfer.
Nightmare if he was
a surfing radiologist.
Because that would be...
that would be...
It would, like-- Like, what,
he's gonna pull up to my house
with his dumb,
beautiful Porsche.
Um, and take her out
on-- on a date?
I mean...
Jill, this is where I got stuck.
Keep-- Keep going?
Yeah, I don't... Okay.
This is the...
What did I write
on my thing after...?
You wrote--
What did I say
after I take them, uh...
I take them on a date?
It's right there on the thing.
It says "I have small penis."
It does not say
I have a small penis!
"I have a very small penis."
Oh, I follow them.
I follow them. I follow them.
Thank you very much.
-You're welcome.
-That's my friend Jill
who's very helpful, um...
By the way,
if I had a small penis,
I wouldn't need
to remind myself.
I feel like I would, um...
By the way, I don't.
Anyway.
I don't know. Uh...
And...
So, anyway...
I-I left you a little something.
Just to for you to remember
to have confidence.
The folder is unacceptable.
Bright yellow?
Why? This is where
I keep everything organized.
It's just, "I'm a dad
coming to--" We don't do that.
We have it in here, like adults.
I like the way that you
even wrote it in uppercase
just to make sure that
it looks like I wrote it.
-Like a dude wrote it.
-Yeah, yeah.
I embossed it.
I matched your handwriting.
It's untraceable. To me.
I think we should fuck.
I think we should fuck.
-You and me?
-Yeah.
Is that crazy?
I think we should fuck.
Is that crazy?
We're gonna fuck.
Are you a nurse?
No, I'm a comedian.
Are you a fucking nurse?
Don't let my cat out.
Jill?
And don't
answer my buzzer.
I understand it now,
so I'm good.
Same.
No, you don't
understand it now, dude.
Yes, I do, anyways.
You guys gonna crush this
"Under Pressure" thing or what?
-Gonna crush it.
-You're screwing me up.
-Dad?
-Yeah?
-Are you sad?
-No. Why, do I look sad?
Hey! No, hey, hey.
What the fuck, guys?
Sorry.
Guys, where'd you find this?
-By your bed.
-By your bed.
Like where the stand is.
Okay. You're not supposed to
touch other people's stuff.
But it was like,
right on your side table.
-I know, I know, I know.
-It's right where I sleep.
I know, but when peop--
It was right next to
where we sleep.
I know,
but when people leave stuff--
When it's other people's
personal property
that's obviously their property,
you don't touch it, okay?
Like, that's just like
a rule in life.
Yeah, but it's weird.
Like, really weird.
Okay, I know. But it's just...
It's just a joke book, okay?
Jokes?
No, more like... just maybe...
jokes that
I've been thinking about.
You know, like, like made up...
-funny stories.
-They aren't funny, Dad.
You write about so much stuff,
like... radio-ologist.
And surfer.
-What's a radio-ologist?
-And talk about us and Mom.
I know, I know, but you guys--
you guys are real.
And me and your mom are real.
And the radiologist is made up.
He's a kind of doctor.
And the surfer...
The surfer's made up.
Those are just characters, okay?
And-- and it's like, I'm...
It's like I'm making up stories,
you know,
because a lot of stuff
is changing.
Right? And it's-- and it's
kind of a way to process it all.
-Do you know what I mean?
-Mm-hmm.
Oh, no. Come on.
Come on, come on. Hey, hey.
Hey, listen. Hey, hey.
No, listen, none of it's real.
That's all made-up stuff, okay?
Come on. Come on.
It's just made up.
None of it's real life,
really. Okay?
You know how sometimes
you use your imagination...
to make up stories, you know?
And games and stuff?
It's like that.
It's like the grown-up version
of that.
And I'm-- I'm just--
I don't know what I'm doing.
But you can ask me anything
and I'll tell you
the truth, okay?
Okay, but it's weird, Dad.
I know. Life's weird.
-Hey, Kemp.
-Hey. I got a set for you.
O-Okay.
It's so weird.
-Like an open mic thing?
-No, no, no, guest spot.
-Really?
-Yep.
Wow. Okay.
-When? Is...
-Tonight, 8:00.
-Tonight, as in today, tonight?
-Yeah.
No, I don't know.
I don't know if I can--
I don't know if I
can really step-- step away.
No, no. Wait. Sorry. Sorry.
No, no, no. Wait.
I'll do it. I'll do it.
Fuck it. I'll do it. I'll do it.
-Hey. Hey.
-Hey.
What's going on?
Is everything okay?
Yeah, everything's great.
Everything's great.
Everything's good.
-Are the boys okay?
-Yeah, the boys are great.
Hey, listen, do you mind
if I drop them off here
for a couple hours?
-I know it's last minute, but--
-What the fuck?
No, no, I--
Listen, Tess, please--
Listen, don't ambush me
like this in front of the boys
as though they can't come home
whenever they want.
Like I'm trying to keep them
from being inside?
Come on. That sucks.
-Look--
-You suck.
You suck!
-What the fuck?
-Hey, where are you going?
You know, I got it covered.
-No, where are you going?
-No, no, forget it. Forget it.
-Hey, Lucy! No!
-Yeah. Good.
Let's go, Charlie, let's go!
-No, Charlie, stay!
-No, I got 'em all.
-What?
-I got it covered.
You don't even have leashes.
No, it's okay.
I got my own leashes.
I got lots of leashes.
Okay.
-Hi, Grandma!
-Puppy dogs!
-Hi, darlin's.
-I'm sorry. Sorry about this.
I know it's last minute.
Come on.
Please. I'm so happy
that you thought of us.
Are you kidding?
Who else would we think of?
-Please do not feed the dogs.
-Hi, Grandpa.
Okay.
-Hey, Dad. Hi. Hey.
-Hey, son. Hi.
No, no, no.
-I can't stay for dinner.
-What?
-I gotta go back to the city.
-Well, yes, you can.
It's not good to run around
on an empty stomach.
Read between the lines, Marilyn.
He's got a hot date.
-Dad, don't--
-Hot date?
-You can stay for a quick bite.
-Dad has a hot date?
No, I can't stay
for a quick bite.
-I gotta get back to the city.
-Do you have any Jell-O?
I told you--
No, no, no. I have to go--
If you must know,
I gotta get changed
and I'm going to a comedy club.
What? Well, you can go later.
You know, you want to go later,
because they usually
put the guys
who ain't so funny
at the beginning,
and then... so the pros
look better later on.
No, I can't--
I can't be late because I'm...
-I'm one of the guys going up.
-What?
I've been doing
open mic nights.
-What's an open mic?
-I just-- And, they--
I just got a call that
one of the comics
who's emceeing
at the club tonight,
they agreed to give me
ten minutes on stage.
I'm one of the acts.
One of the comedy acts.
-You?
-Yeah, me.
Well-- so, I don't know--
What do you do, you tell jokes?
I mean, sort of.
Well, kind of...
more like funny stories
about my life.
-Oh, honey.
-What's funny about your life?
I had no idea
your life was so bad.
No, no, no, it's not so bad.
-This is why she threw you out!
-What's funny about your life?
-She threw you out?
-Nobody threw me out, guys.
No, I love her.
Mom, what are you doing?
Nobody threw me out.
Nobody threw me out.
-I left by mutual consent.
-She threw you out?
No. Everybody knows that.
I left by mutual consent.
And, by the way, I'm not
in a bad place. I'm happy.
And doing this,
it makes me feel good.
-You know? It helps.
-How? How does it help
to have a roomful of people
laughing at you?
-They're not laughing at me.
-Son. Son.
And it's not bad
to have them laugh.
Son, you know what this is?
This is a mid-life crisis.
-That's what it is.
-Oh, Dad...
So, why you... Just go
get yourself a motorcycle.
I don't know. A leather jacket.
No. Dad, listen.
I love you very much.
-I love you all. Love you guys.
-Come on.
I will see you in the morning.
Thank you so much.
Remember to pick us up
on your new motorcycle!
Nobody's getting a motorcycle.
No, it is definitely not a date.
Because he has a wife,
and he's had children.
They've been together for ages.
Yes, yes. Always just friends.
He called because
he heard that
I was putting out feelers
about coaching.
Okay.
-Hey. I'm meeting...
-Hi, welcome.
I see him right there.
Thank you.
Excuse me. Hey.
How you doing?
"We're gonna need that hand,
Roche!"
Stop.
I used to slam the floor
so fucking hard
and pretend it didn't hurt.
Look, that's what made you
a champion.
Your singular focus,
your dedication.
That's why I heard
you wanted to get into coaching,
I had to reach out.
It's very flattering.
I was really excited
you reached out.
Half the US Women's
volleyball team
has come out of our program.
And the truth is,
I've been missing it
every single day
since I retired.
I just...
Yeah, I knew coaching
would be a great way back in.
I guess part of me
didn't want to accept
that I wasn't a player anymore.
You know, so much of my identity
was wrapped up in it and...
I get that. But I'm telling you,
coaching fills that void
for you.
It forces you to shift gears.
You stop using the phrase,
"Hey, back when I played..."
Right.
You learn
to make everyone better
without comparing them
to yourself.
Right. Amazing.
Is-- Is it frustrating?
-Yes! Absolutely frustrating.
-Oh. Okay.
That's just a given.
I think it'll always
be that way.
But for me, I can't tell you
how gratifying it is
to be part of a sport as
it evolves, despite not playing.
-Wow.
-That's what does it for me.
The best part, my three
daughters, they love it.
They actually
think their dad is cool.
Hey, how's Tracy?
What a beast she was.
She's good.
She's, uh, in Salt Lake,
doing her thing.
Oh, yeah. Is she skiing or...?
Polygamy.
Oh!
Yeah, look. It threw us
for a loop. Don't get me wrong.
But... it's all worked out.
-I-I didn't know you'd split.
-Seven years now.
I have to admit,
being single
in your mid-to-late-forties
is, uh...
What's the word here?
Interesting?
-Okay?
-Is that the word?
But...
I'd be lost without coaching.
It-- It saved me.
So... All right.
Enough about me.
Alex. How's he doing?
-Two boys, right?
-Two boys.
-How are they?
-They are great.
Well, adjusting, 'cause, uh,
Alex and I decided
to take a little break.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry. I hadn't heard that.
Yeah. No, it's...
Wait, it's not a break.
We split. He moved out.
-Wow.
-Uh, it's over. Yeah.
Wow. Okay.
Yeah, it's actually good.
I gotta admit, I'm shocked.
You two just seemed like
a perfect fit to me.
Yeah. Me too, but, um...
I guess we just...
...slowly grew away
from each other.
If that makes any sense.
I get that.
Jeez, Tess, I'm...
I'm glad I reached out.
Yeah.
Are you tired? 'Cause I'm not.
I'm not tired. Absolutely not.
My buddy says
there's a great place
right around the corner,
actually.
Oh. Amazing. I'm gonna just...
-Yeah. Okay.
-...use the restroom and...
Be right back.
Yeah.
Fuck it.
-All right. Following you.
-Okay.
Sounds fun.
No, I'm not gonna do it, but...
Absolutely not.
-They letting you go up tonight?
-Yeah.
We'll see.
I'm a little bit late.
-Fuck. Cutting it close.
-Sorry.
I got held up. I'm sorry.
I was starting to think
you were bailing on me.
What? No, no, no. No.
-Whatever, I just--
-You want a drink?
-No, no, no. I'm good.
-Okay.
Oh, my God, I need a beer.
Big night.
-Big night tonight.
-Oh, my God.
-You're gonna kill it.
-I know, I know.
Then we'll see.
I'll meet you up here.
I'll meet you back here
when we're done.
I needed to know where
The river came out, come on
Uh, Sam Jay has the light.
You have two minutes.
Okay.
You're gonna be great.
We can't just fuck and
make a kid. We can't do that.
So it's like,
how we gonna do it?
Someone's gotta go buy nut
and I'm not buying nut.
I'm not.
I'm not goin' to the nut store,
ask nobody for no nut.
And she got upset
when I told her that.
She's, like, "You're an asshole.
We don't just have to buy a nut.
We can just adopt."
I'm like, "All right." Now
we're going to the baby store
and buying a whole one, so...
Hey, my name's been Sam Jay.
Thank you so much.
Yeah!
You guys,
give it up for Sam Jay!
I hope
there's somebody else.
-She was great.
-She was great.
-This is so fun.
-It's cool, right?
Love it.
Next comedian
coming to the stage...
I'm glad we're here.
...first time on this show.
Yeah, so I need you guys
to give him a lot of energy.
Start clapping,
make a lot of noise...
All right.
Somebody else coming.
...and give it up
for Alex Novak!
How you doing?
Oh! How you guys doing tonight?
Yeah! Give it up for our host.
-Wait.
-He's doing great, huh?
What the fuck is happening?
Give it up for me.
I'm doing great!
I can promise you,
I did not know...
I don't--
My personal life's
in the shitter...
-Does he do--?
-No!
Yeah, I mean, I'm paying rent
on a shitty apartment
and mortgage on a house
I don't live in anymore.
You know? It's fine.
And one of my teeth hurts.
And I don't even know
where my dentist is.
My ex used to handle all that.
But other than that,
you know... Hey...
I had sex with a woman.
Yeah, so like I said,
I'm doing great.
Yeah.
I never thought I'd get applause
for having sex with a woman.
Like, "You finally did it!"
Yeah!
Uh, yeah. No, I had sex
with a... with a woman, um...
after, you know, being married
for a number of years.
And... and it was...
...scary.
Yeah.
But at least
I was not very good at it.
I think that after-- I think
after 20 years of marriage,
you know, you just get used to
doing things a certain way.
You know what I mean?
Like, sex with your wi--
It's-- It's fine.
It was great with my--
It's like, you know
when you go to an Airbnb,
and you go into the kitchen, and
it kind of looks the same, like,
but it's just
a little bit different?
Like, certain spoons
are in different drawers?
So you're kind of
looking around,
you're opening stuff up,
and you're like--
And I was doing that
on a human body.
I don't know, I feel like
sex now has really changed
since back when
I was out there in the game 20--
I never cheated on my wife,
so this is the first--
And it feels like now...
Are you sure
you don't want to leave?
...there are so many noises
-that she was making.
-No.
-...so animalistic.
-I don't want to go anywhere.
And it just felt like
two apes fucking.
Obviously,
apes do not make love, right?
Nobody imagines
that apes are like this,
staring in
each other's eyes, saying,
"I love you. And
let's come at the same time."
Apes don't do that shit.
Apes are doing it, fucking,
you know, dog-style.
Or ape-style.
Whatever the fuck it is.
I don't know.
I gotta tell you,
the whole experience,
to be honest,
made me miss my wife.
It really did. Yeah.
Which was, um,
surprising because...
we had a lot of fights.
Listen... And, um...
And I actually kind of ended up
missing some of our fights, too.
Yeah, they were...
Our fights were...
Uh...
...psychological?
Do you know what I mean?
Do you know what I mean by that?
All the dudes know what I mean.
They're like,
"Yeah. Every interaction
is a fucking
psychological minefield."
You know when your wife
or your partner
gets really, really quiet,
and now you gotta
guess what's wrong?
So, you have to ask
a blanket, like, question.
Keep it really gener--
I remember one time,
my ex-wife and I were driving,
coming home
from a friend's place.
And she is so quiet.
She's so quiet, like...
Do you remember Jacob's Ladder?
It was like that. Right?
I'm sort of dating myself
a little bit, but it was...
It was like I was questioning
my own existence on the planet,
it was so quiet.
Just the two of us, in the car,
and I'm so scared
of what she's gonna say.
So I just go...
I muster up the courage.
"Honey, are you mad at me?"
And she looks at me
and she goes,
"You know, sometimes I just
wish that you'd talk to me
the same way that you talk
to your friends."
And I go, "Okay."
"Dude,
my wife is driving me crazy."
Awesome.
You guys have been so great.
Thanks so much.
I've been Alex Novak.
All right, guys, thanks so much.
Good night.
Let's go.
You guys,
give it up for Alex Novak!
Oh, my God!
Alex, that was fantastic!
Yes! You were so good!
Hey, can I get some water,
please?
Absolutely, man. Yeah.
-Yeah.
-This is Laird. Sorry.
I'm Nina. Nice to meet you.
Good to see you.
Good to-- Yeah, we're gonna...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I get it.
-It's a lot.
-All right.
You guys ready for this
next comedian? Say, "Hell yeah."
Hell yeah!
Start clapping right now.
Give it up right now
for the legend, Mr. Dave Attell!
Wow! What a night!
-Hey! How was it?
-It was so good.
-Was it good?
-I'm so proud of you.
-I just opened for Dave Attell!
-You ballsy motherfucker.
Yeah, you just did that set
in front of your wife.
-I respect that.
-What are you mean?
Tess is here with Laird.
The tall--
What do you mean, Tess?
Tess is here now?
What are you talking about?
Where?
Yeah, just saw them.
They went outside.
Did you not invite them?
No, I didn't
fucking invite them!
Jesus Christ.
-Holy shit. Okay.
-'Cause I said so.
-Take it easy there, bruh.
-Whoa!
-What?
-You found a sitter?
No, I got them working
at the falafel place right here.
They're at your folks' place?
Yeah.
-What the fuck are you--?
-What the fuck?
What the fuck, me?
What the fuck are--?
You've been moving on, huh?
Me, moving on?
You show up with fucking Laird?
Who I just said goodbye to.
Okay, but Laird,
of all fucking people.
What the fuck do you care?
How long have you
been fucking him?
For years.
-No.
-No.
Oh, fuck.
How long you been doing...
-stand-up comedy?
-No, I only did that one time.
-Jesus Christ.
-Oh.
Mmm.
Sorry, I thought you...
Yeah, stand-up
I've been doing for a while.
So I'm the only one
who doesn't know you do this?
Actually, tonight
was kind of a big night.
I mean, it's obviously
bigger now that...
I usually only do
open mic nights,
and they're, like,
half the crowd, and...
I don't know
why I never told you.
I haven't even really
told myself
that it's becoming a thing,
you know?
It's hot.
Really?
Give me a drag.
Mmm.
Hey, will you pass me my smokes?
I think they're
on the table there.
If you hit the light.
The button's right on the...
You got it.
I think the lighter's there
too, right?
Yeah.
Thanks.
What's with all the smoking?
I feel like we're
in our twenties again.
Mmm.
Mmm.
I'm just, you know...
allowing myself the grace to...
-Marilyn?
-Yeah.
Let's talk about Marilyn.
Sorry.
What the absolute fuck?
Oh, my God.
Look, I think we're just gracing
the shit out of each other.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry...
Sorry.
I promise
I won't bring my mom up again.
No, it's hot. No.
Oh.
Hey.
What about the boys?
Like, we can't tell anybody.
-No. No, of course.
-Right?
We can't confuse them.
'Cause, I mean, yeah.
This is confusing.
Yeah. No.
Of course. Yeah, it is.
It is confusing.
I'm sleeping over.
-Okay. Yeah.
-Yeah.
Uh, there's, like, boxers
and T-shirts
in that top drawer there.
-Here?
-Yeah.
I feel shaky.
Fuck.
I can't believe
you fucked somebody!
Oh, my God.
Did you fuck her right here?
In front of our armoire?
Come on. I never would have
done it in front of our armoire.
Do-- Do you know how
sick and twisted that'd be
if I did it
in front of the armoire?
That was fucking insane.
That was fucking insane.
Mmm.
You kept looking at me.
I always do.
Have you upped your parenting
since we split?
Out of necessity.
Well, yeah, that.
But, I mean, like...
Do you find that you'll, like...
Do you find that you'll, like...
I don't know. You'll-- You'll...
get off your phone
if the boys are around,
thinking that maybe they'll
see you on it less than me?
Just, like, you know--
being more attentive
to be better than me?
To, like...
to beat me at parenting?
Yeah. But I always do that.
Yeah, but, I mean,
isn't that ridiculous?
Yeah.
But I always want to win.
Yeah, of course.
Fuck.
Yeah. I knew you'd say that.
Unbelievable.
The passive aggressive.
My mom said
that she didn't want to, uh,
meddle in-in my marriage.
Which is exactly
what meddlers say...
before they meddle
in your marriage.
Uh... My kids, um...
My kids though, I know...
They'd probably be happy to know
that we're together. You know?
I mean,
I think this would make them...
But we cannot tell 'em.
Because what if the wheels
come off this particular bus?
That's what I'm worried about.
But until then, I'm just
enjoying this wild ride...
of...
...having an affair
with my ex-wife.
Hey, man,
just came down on my break.
I wanted to watch your act.
It's good. Getting better.
-Come on. One more time!
-Thanks, man.
Excuse me.
Well, well, well.
I heard you crushed the other
night with some new material.
You smoked my weed
and you owe me money.
Just gonna go out
on a limb and say I think--
Novak, let me get it straight.
So, your main is your side
and your side is the main.
The new main.
-The new main.
-Yeah.
That's like going to Popeyes
and gettin' chicken
and chicken on the side.
"Let me get wings
with a side of wings."
My grandma used to say
gettin' back with a ex
is like taking a shit and trying
to put it back in your asshole.
-Fuck you guys.
-Just let go!
Fuck you too, Novak!
Hey, love you, young Novak.
Yeah. Here we go!
Ready? Cover, cover!
Wait, you aced five.
I mean, she could not pass
the float serve.
And our hitter was on fire, too.
Well, you had
that great last swing.
You're nuts!
-What are you doing?
-What?
You drove all this way from
the city just to drive me home?
It's a 47-minute drive.
It's not a big deal.
This is scary.
But fuck, it's fun.
Yeah.
-Is that Mom?
-Is that Mom?
-Yeah.
-Whoa! That's cool.
What do you think?
Pretty cool.
That's really cool, yeah.
Is that when
she was in the Olympics?
Yeah. What do you think?
It's pretty awesome right?
-Yeah.
-Hi, Mom.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
Just like every year.
There he is.
Oh!
I thought you guys
didn't make it.
I was looking at all the--
-Hey, buddy.
-Hey, hey, hey!
Somebody actually fell asleep on
my shoulder while I was there.
-Hey.
-Hey. Can I give you a hand?
No, man, I got these.
They're light.
How are you?
-I'm good. How are you doing?
-Great.
-You like my 'stache?
-Yeah. What's with the look?
The look? I've got a...
I got a fourth callback
of a ranch hand
in a western TV series.
-What? No!
-Good.
-Yeah.
-It's a strong 'stache.
-Yeah, yeah. I'm just grateful.
-Nice.
-Here.
-Thanks, man.
Shotgun!
Yeah, I know where it is.
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Jesus. Wow.
I'm just excited.
What do you want me to say?
-Yeah, all right.
-Wow, thrilling.
What do you know?
Jesus.
Where's she at?
Hey!
Welcome to Oyster Bay!
-Hey!
-Whoo!
My God.
I can't believe
it's been a year already.
-I know.
-Did that Hopkins thing.
-You've been working hard.
-Learn it 250 times.
You're in the attic, of course.
-Great.
-I'm so happy to be back here.
Geoffrey, Stephen,
you guys are in the primary.
Game night tonight still?
-Are we still doing that?
-Yeah.
-For sure.
-What are we playing?
Alex, you want
something to drink?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Same thing we play every year.
-Why don't we play...
-Same thing we...
Why don't we do Bananagrams?
-I got all the--
-What?
-What did you say?
-Are you unhappy wi--
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We know what game we're playing.
I'm just saying, why
don't we start with Bananagrams?
No!
Why would we change it?
What are you talking about?
It's the best game in the--
It's why we come here.
Okay.
Hey, hey, hey...
Hey guys, wait,
don't start without me.
Come on, y'all.
None of this fighting shit.
Come on.
Fun weekend. Let's go.
Come on, honey.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Remember what I said.
-I know.
-Jesus.
-Did they start without us?
-No. I told them not to.
-Okay.
-Yeah, so, it's our time to ask.
-All right.
Obviously I meant...
Are you sure? Okay.
Look, I have four left.
Well, you think.
Wait, wait.
I can't see. I can't see.
I-- Ho--
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Mm-mmm.
-Hold on.
God, I'd love to know
what this process is.
Second floor-- I know! Gosh!
I know. What?
-Does this person--
-Guys, we gotta get serious now.
Does your person hold on
to library books
past their due date?
Yes!
-That's a good one!
-Yes, yes.
-No, no, no. No.
-No. That's a librarian.
-Yeah.
-Keep her up.
-No.
-You know, every year,
-this does not end well.
-No.
-No. Does not keep it past the--
-These two.
This person does not.
No. It's this person does.
It's this person,
it's this person.
Okay, we're ready to
make a guess.
Okay. Is your person...
-...Joan?
-Joan.
Joan! Oh my God!
Yes! Yeah!
How good was that!
How good was that!
Hey.
-Hey, man.
-What are you doing?
Just having a smoke.
-Sit with you?
-Yeah.
Starting to rain.
Not gonna ask me
what I was doing
coming out
of the fucking darkness?
Sorry, man. What were you doing?
I just want to say...
I gotta hand it to you.
-You do?
-Yeah. You look happy.
Happier than
you've been in a... long time.
Okay.
If anything,
you're an inspiration.
I mean, you're proof positive
that it's never too late
for a man of a certain age to
turn his life around, you know?
Make a fresh start.
Find out who you really are.
Thank you, man.
Right.
Which is why I'm gonna
ask Christine for a divorce.
What?
Yeah.
No. I hear ya.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna take control.
No, what are you
talking about, man?
I just told you.
You inspired me.
No, no, no.
I didn't inspire you...
Yeah. You did.
I've been unhappy
for such a long time.
I was just too chicken-shit
to ever do anything about it.
No. Don't do this, man.
-Don't do it.
-Why not?
Our son's going to college.
If I get this job,
it shoots in Texas.
I've never auditioned
for anything outside the city
'cause I never wanted
to be away from Jay.
That's over.
I want to be happy.
Okay, that's fine.
But that doesn't mean that you--
-Don't you want me to be happy?
-No, of course I do, man.
Look...
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't.
'Stache feels right. Feels good.
-Sorry. Kinda small, right?
-Hmm.
You need more blankets?
-No. I think I'm--
-Are you sure?
This one's kinda old.
No, they seem,
they seem okay. That's--
-Okay. Any more pillows?
-I'm good.
Anything?
No, this is great. Thank you.
Sorry. I know it's not
the biggest couch in the world.
It's gonna be fine. Thank you.
You want to know my secret?
Do I?
Yeah.
The real reason I despise you.
Yeah, I guess.
It's because you remind me
of myself.
Surprise.
And watching you
wither away all these years
just keeps reminding me
of how hot you used to be.
How funny you were.
Just, magnetic.
I was even attracted to you
back in the day.
And I'm not hitting on you,
I'm just making a point.
Watching you disappear
in front of my eyes
has just been
this fucking reminder to me.
That marriage
doesn't fucking work.
I mean, it didn't work
for my parents.
I literally watched it
kill them.
And then it killed you.
And now it's doing
the same thing to me.
And I wake up every day,
and the first thing I feel
is anger.
I'm just fucking angry
all the time.
So, yes, when I see you,
I see me.
And I just fucking lash out,
you know?
I'll deny
we ever had this conversation.
Okay.
But I'm glad we talked.
It's like we needed it, maybe?
Yeah. Get some sleep.
Amazing grace
Morning.
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch
Like me
I once was lost
But now am found
Was blind
But now I see
Ooh.
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch
Like me
How'd you sleep?
-Amazing.
-Yeah?
-Really good.
-Did you?
-The couch is good.
-Is it?
I got it.
Was blind, but now...
-Yeah.
-You know?
I know it's been
a difficult time for... some.
A lot of change.
But that's okay.
Um... You know, I read a line
in a book once.
I don't remember
exactly how it goes,
but it was something like,
"People change.
But love always stays the same."
Anybody?
Mmm. Yeah, I don't see how
that relates exactly, but okay.
-No. I loved it. I loved it.
-It's really nice.
-I think it's nice.
-Actually,
since you brought it up.
I have my own toast
that I would like to make
to a very special
friend of mine.
Oh, thank you.
-Her name is Tess.
-Oh.
Um, as you all know,
she recently returned
to her life's passion.
Mmm. Okay.
And even though
she's only been at it
for a short period of time...
What, like a few months?
Yeah, but--
No, this is amazing.
She has already been asked
to be the assistant coach
for the US Women's Team,
-LA '28!
-What?
-What? Oh my God!
-No decisions, guys.
No. It's just...
-You! Get up here!
-No.
-Yes, please.
-Come here. Oh, my God.
That is so...
Okay. So, it was not supposed to
go down like that.
Don't worry about it.
It's totally fine.
I'm really sorry
she announced it.
She happened to be
at the house.
It's okay. It's great.
It's great news!
It's just such a big deal
to tell you.
-I know.
-But it is a big deal.
-It's big-- a huge deal.
-Right? That they asked me.
That's so-- You deserve it, too.
But I have no idea
if I want to do it.
-You should.
-It would be a lot.
It would be a lot. You know.
And the boys. And...
-Actually, you know what?
-I don't know how I feel.
I don't even know
what it would be like,
-or what the commitment is.
-Look at, look at this.
-What?
-Something funny I just--
Look at that.
-That's you.
-Wait. Where is this?
That's--
I found that photo of you
and I blew it up and I put it
on the wall of my apartment.
'Cause I wanted the boys to see
what a fucking legend
their mom is.
Why didn't you pick a photo of
me with the kids for your wall?
No, because I got a photo of you
at the height of your power.
Look at you.
Look how high you are.
That is sick!
I mean, are you kidding?
Just be like... Smash! You know?
Like, that's unbelievable.
It's their favorite thing.
I love it, too. I think--
That photo is awesome.
It's not me now.
Yeah, it is.
No, it isn't.
Here.
Do you have to sleep till like
two fucking thirty every day?
Why? Did people wake up already?
Oh, my God.
What are we looking at? Oh!
I'm not sure
what's happening right now.
I'm upset.
That's what's happening.
Okay.
You can upset me,
and I can upset you.
Right?
It's what happens
in a relationship.
I never said that we
couldn't get upset.
I know you were trying
to do a nice thing.
It hurt my feelings.
Let's go in.
Are you... Do you still want me
to come to the attic tonight?
What?
What about this?
That's fine.
-Space?
-Okay. Jesus.
I'm starving.
Well, why don't you use a spoon
like a person?
Oh. Well, I don't want to dirty
any more dishes.
Well, we can wash them
in the morning.
Oh, okay.
It's so good with my fingers.
Shouldn't have done
that one thing, you know?
Jesus Christ.
House is busy tonight.
Anybody see you come up?
No, everybody was
kind of in their own world.
I was watching this video of
a therapist talking to couples,
and had them,
as a healthy exercise,
ask each other what they
don't like about each other.
That you slept with somebody,
for starters.
Well, I only did
because I thought you were
and I was jealous.
How you never respond
to photos I send you.
Photos you always ask for.
I always send a thumbs-up
or a heart emoji or something.
I'm sitting there,
rushing around,
trying to get some perfect angle
of a photo for them.
Just so that... You know,
I just felt like a psycho.
Feel like an idiot,
knowing you could care less.
I love getting those photos.
That's not true.
How quiet you got at home.
As if you were
a different person
than you are
with everybody else.
That drove me crazy.
Well... no, first...
Jeez, you're good at this game.
First that confused me.
Then made me sad,
then drove me crazy.
As if we clearly weren't
interesting enough for you.
I wasn't.
It was like
you weren't even there.
I wasn't there?
-You checked out.
-Me?
Just like you would
after a loss.
Except for
I wouldn't know the cause,
and so I'm just like, alone.
Well, good thing
we aren't together.
Aren't we?
Well, I don't think us hiding is
us back together.
Well, what do you care
what anyone thinks, anyway?
Maybe I'm embarrassed.
By what?
-Me.
-Why?
'Cause I don't know
if you even love me.
You love some idea of me,
hanging on your wall.
But not the woman
you're looking at right now,
-in front of you
-Don't tell me
-in this moment.
-how I feel and think.
That's not--
I mean, maybe I don't love you.
I don't know.
Maybe I fucked you
because you fucked that woman,
or 'cause it felt good
to hear you say
you missed me
in front of strangers,
-which is... embarrassing.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It was a stupid fucking thing
I did, and I hate myself for it.
Why? We had no responsibility
to each other.
Even now,
there's no real commitment.
-Of course there is.
-To what?
To making each other happy.
Because we're doing things
that make us happy
as individuals now.
And if we're happy, that's it.
Then we make
the people we love happy too.
That's it?
What are you, eight years old?
A real relationship
is finding somebody
you can also be unhappy with.
Somebody who has your back.
We stopped
having each other's backs.
I always tried to have
your back. Are you kidding me?
There just wasn't enough room
because had to
have your own back.
There wasn't any room left
on your back.
Trust me, I heard.
"Alex, he loves it so much.
He's always there for you.
He goes to everything.
He loves it."
-I did.
-Yeah? And when I retired?
When I let go of the thing
I loved since I was 11?
You shut off.
You said you felt alone?
Baby, you left me alone
years ago in this relationship.
Okay, you want to
know the truth?
Yes.
I wasn't the downer.
You were.
You're right. I was a downer.
After years of dedicating myself
to a thing,
I thought I could just stop.
And have my own children,
and you be the replacement.
I did.
Never acknowledging
that it was the end
of this whole other life,
or where I was gonna
put all those feelings.
And then I was doing
six years of in vitro,
and injecting myself
full of all those chemicals,
whatever that was doing.
And by the way,
and I love that challenge.
But I was having trouble
with you and them
being the only thing
fulfilling me.
And you knew I was struggling.
But that I was too proud
to ever ask for help.
You hid behind that.
And I felt relieved.
That you never asked.
Because then
I could avoid it too.
I couldn't ask you that.
-Of course you could.
-No!
-Of course you could.
-Baby, baby...
You left me alone.
I left you alone?
You checked out.
You think
that was fun to be around?
I don't want to go back to that.
I won't!
-So what are you saying then?
-What I'm s--
Fuck! Oh, fucking stupid--
What the fuck?
Jesus fucking Christ,
Christine!
Why don't you mind your own
fucking business for once?
Whoa.
Maybe take care
of your own shit first.
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
...comedy,
make some noise right now!
For my main man, the one
and only, Alex Novak everybody!
Fucking relationships suck.
And I don't mean that they--
they're like a downer.
I mean, they fucking suck.
I don't think you're fucking
hearing what I'm trying to say.
I'm telling you
that relationships suck.
Like, if you are in
a relationship with somebody,
they are literally
trying to suck
the fucking life out of you.
Okay? They're fucking vampires.
And the moment that
you're happy, fucking look out.
The moment that
you are fucking happy,
they see that as pure,
unfiltered fucking blood,
and they will suck it
right out of your fucking body
until you are gaunt
and fucking drained.
And they will take
every fucking morsel of it out.
Because you know why? Because
happiness is the sun to them.
Okay? Happiness is like a stake
to the fucking heart.
They don't want it.
They don't want you
to be fucking happy.
And there are only two ways out
of this fucking
bleak, miserable existence.
You either become one of them
or you fucking die.
Well, I don't want it.
I don't wanna be
a fucking vampire. Okay?
I don't want it.
Dad.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
Son, uh...
Well, I just came down
to see what the fuss is.
Jesus...
You... really yelled
at those guys.
Yeah, sorry, I don't really know
what that all was.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't say
it was funny, but it was, uh...
...a bit dangerous.
-Dad, look--
-Son.
-No, Dad, listen--
-Son.
You're a decent man, Alex.
And you can give yourself
the grace to
work through all of this.
You know?
Mom.
Yeah, well, we rub off on
each other. That's a good thing.
Your mother and I,
we're lucky like that.
It's rare.
It's really rare.
You understand?
Okay.
It's okay. Come on.
Come on.
Hey.
There you go.
Now.
I'm sorry... I'm sorry about...
You-- You don't have to
be sorry about anything.
Life happens to us, you know?
What we have to do is recognize
where we stand
and what's good about it.
It's gonna be okay.
Yeah? You work it through.
As for this, next time...
a few more jokes.
-See you.
-See ya.
I'll add a joke.
Hey, man. I got bagels.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
So, they didn't say it,
like, outright,
but my agent did tell me
that production
called them,
like, several times.
Maybe they want their hat back.
Will you just let me dream, bro?
No, you're probably right.
Look, man, I think
it's great that you got the job
and that you had
that experience, but...
I don't know,
now that you're back in town,
don't you think maybe
it's time that you face reality?
I have no delusions. Okay?
I know they killed my character,
but just think about it.
What if they bring him back
as a ghost seeking revenge?
I sketched out
this little storyline
I'm gonna send to production.
But I'm definitely gonna
give the hat back first.
But you never know.
I'm a good writer.
I was talking about
your marriage.
Oh.
What about it?
Well, I mean, just, everything,
you know, with Christine
and you leaving her
and all that.
Oh, no, no, no. No, we're good.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. We talked it out.
Yeah.
She said her piece--
...which was hard to hear,
was good.
And then I said mine
and then, yeah. Yeah.
Oh. Check this out.
She wants me to go back
more than I do.
Yeah, she keeps saying,
"You should just write them.
They need to bring back
your character."
-Is that crazy?
-Mmm.
Yeah.
Hey, man, is there, um...
Is there a chance that she's...
I don't know,
that she wants you to...
I don't know, she wants
to get some time away from you?
Why?
You'll be out of town or...
She came with me to Texas.
-Really?
-Yeah.
She did?
Yeah. She was there
all nine days.
It was her idea
to steal the hat.
Yeah, she's like,
thinks I look...
you know, really handsome.
Wow, I'm confused.
Yeah, well, confused is good.
I'm confused most of the time.
I just like being confused
with her.
Who would have thought Jalen...
I love that guy...
but going away would
be actually good for us?
-Hmm.
-What is that behind me?
-That's a picture of Tess.
-Oh.
I can't see her face.
Well, yeah,
the photo's taken from behind.
Yeah, well, you should just
turn her around.
Yeah, I don't think--
I don't think they can do that.
Someday.
She's competed
every single night
of her college career.
She doesn't have as much
international experience,
but to be able to grind
through the Big Ten season
and make a big run
in the tournament...
-She's got what it takes.
-Played for John Cook too.
-John Cook.
-Exactly.
Is that Rachel,
who Arch
was saying came out of UVA?
-Hi.
-Hey.
-Uh, is everything--
-Everything's fine, yeah.
I just dropped the boys off
at school,
but I wanted to come by here
before I drove back
to the city--
I'm just in the middle of it
-with the coaching staff, so I--
-Okay. Okay, I just want--
I just wanna show you something
really quick.
-Look at that.
-What is that, Alex?
It's you. It's you.
First time you saw the minivan.
Look how unhappy you are.
It's my favorite thing.
I see that.
I realize that I was the one
who was unhappy.
I was unhappy in our marriage.
I wasn't unhappy
with our marriage.
I wanna be unhappy with you.
Let's be unhappy together.
Fuck!
I'll think about it.
Pressure
Pushing down on me
Pressing down on you
No man ask for
And in that moment,
I stood up and I said,
"Hey. Your mom
is not going anywhere...
till she helps me
open this jar."
That's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming
"Let me out!"
Pray tomorrow takes us higher
Pressure on people
People on streets
Mmm.
Okay
Chippin' around
Kick my brains
'Round the floor
These are the days
It never rains, it just pours
People on streets
People on streets
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming
"Let me out!"
Pray tomorrow
Takes us
Higher, higher, high
Pressure on people
People on streets
Turned away from it all
Like a blind man
Sat on a fence
But it don't work
Keep coming up with love
But it's so slashed and torn
Why, why, why
Love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
Insanity laughs under pressure
We're cracking
Can't we give ourselves
One more chance?
Why can't we give love
That one more chance?
Why can't we give love
Give love
Give love, give love,
Give love, give love...
'Cause love's
Such an old-fashioned word
And love dares you
To care for
The people on
The edge of the night
And love dares you to change
Our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure