It Happened to Jane (1959) Movie Script

Sam, you know that's the girls' side.
You bad boy, you.
Come on, Billy, open the trap door.
Hurry up.
There you are, buddy.
Mom, why does Sam
always wanna go in the girls' side?
Homer, I've got a manifest here
for you to sign.
- What are these doing here?
- I don't know, but they're there.
- Here's the manifest, so sign.
- I ain't signing no manifest.
- Not till I talk to Janey.
- What do you mean you're not signing?
- I can't.
- You can't make a phone call...
with a train standing here.
What's the matter with you?
I don't care anything about your train.
I'm calling Janey first. Hello?
Homer Bean called and said
you'd better get right down there.
- The lobsters just came back.
- What?
Oh, no!
Janey, I'm sorry.
Why? Homer, how could this happen?
You know I checked everything.
The train schedules, the running time.
I've kept lobsters in seaweed...
for as long as it would take
your slowest freight to go 2,000 miles.
They lived then. Why would they die now?
All I know is the Marshalltown Country Club
refused shipment Monday.
They were supposed to be there Friday.
They arrived in Marshalltown
Friday afternoon at 4:00...
Homer, it's not my fault.
It's the railroad's fault.
They let them lay there dying till Monday,
that's what they did.
Will you sign it, Homer?
Can't they see what it says here?
"Notify consignee immediately."
It's not fair.
Janey, Harry Foster Malone proved that
two days after he took over this railroad.
I heard he was going to put bleachers
in the freight cars...
and use them for commuter trains.
Now, that ain't a man to talk to
about what's fair and what ain't fair.
Homer, I'm not gonna talk.
- What'll it be today, Janey?
- Nothing, Aaron.
Uncle Otis, tell me
what you think of this thing, will you?
"Mr. Claude Fullerton, Editor,
High River Gazette, High River, Maine.
"Dear Mr. Fullerton, as a Democratic
candidate for first selectman in Cape Anne...
"I'm asking for the endorsement
of your newspaper in the..."
I'm reading a letter to you.
Will you listen to me?
- I heard it. It's the same as last year's letter.
- It's not the same as last year's.
"The issues demand..." What's the matter?
- The E&P murdered my lobsters.
- They're murdered?
They're down at the station. Dead.
- All 300 of them.
- Wait a minute...
- They lay in the tubs like they were coffins.
- Wait a minute. How?
Those lobsters arrived in Marshalltown
Friday afternoon...
and the E&P
just let them sit there till Monday.
- But that's impossible.
- Anything's possible with the E&P.
- My first order. George, I need that money.
- Well, you're gonna get the money.
- Tires for the car, clothes for the kids...
- Calm down and listen to me.
You'll get the money
because you're right. Do you hear me?
- Do you have the bill of lading?
- You got a case at last, boy.
- Don't you have something to do?
- I'm retired.
- I've got a client, Uncle Otis.
- Okay, boy. Bye, Janey.
Good luck, lawyer.
You'll need it if you're looking to get money
from Harry Foster Malone.
- What does he mean?
- We're gonna get the money.
- Do you have the bill of lading?
- It's at the house.
- We'll go back and get it.
- All I know is that they went out Thursday...
on the fast freight,
and they came back dead on old 97.
We're going to write the railroad...
- I worked so hard.
- The railroad is going to have to pay you.
It's an open-and-shut case.
- Are you sure?
- Cub Scout's honor.
Oh, boy.
The comfort station in Providence, General.
Don't call me "General." I was a General
for exactly eight weeks.
I spent those two months
buying ski poles for mountain troops.
I'd like to know why a man who's supposed
to know how to ski has to use poles.
- What about the comfort station?
- Danning said they need to be painted.
You're confirmed on Flight 677
to Boston, Mr. Malone.
Miss Beardsley, I run a railroad.
Don't book me on airplanes. Use your head.
Miserable broad.
Doesn't know what she's doing out there.
I don't intend to paint any comfort station.
Tell Danning if he wants to paint...
he can paint them himself.
On his own time with his own paint.
- What else?
- The Memorial Day posters, General. Harry.
No broads. You need broads.
Get a couple of them. Bikinis.
How do you expect to sell tickets with that?
Get those two from...
Where were they from?
All right, get them for me.
- What else?
- Harry, our overall earning situation...
in the 16 months
since you assumed control...
Took control.
Took control is excellent.
I'm afraid we're headed for trouble.
You must be nuts. I took this Yankee-boiled
dinner you call a railroad apart...
put it together again, and made it pay.
You're telling us we're heading for trouble.
After all, I am the general counsel
for the E&P...
and I have some knowledge
of the public psychology.
You can't continue to run roughshod
over the consumer.
This hollandaise tastes like burnt almond.
What consumer?
Get it outta here, will you?
Here's a case in point, Harry.
Mrs. Jane Osgood of Cape Anne, Maine...
owner of Mail Order Lobsters in Months
with no R, Inc.
She shipped 300 live lobsters
to Marshalltown.
They were to be delivered on arrival.
You'll remember, Harry,
that last month you cut agent service...
- at several points on our west branch.
- What about it?
The shipment arrived on Friday afternoon.
There was no agent there to receive it.
- The lobsters died on our siding.
- Do you have to tell me now?
I'm sorry.
- Take this out of here, will you?
- We are liable, Harry.
Pay them. What are you bothering me
with all this jazz for?
We thought it might be wise,
in the public relation sense...
if I accompanied Harris to Cape Anne
and delivered the check in person.
Both of you?
- Goodwill, Harry.
- Spread your "Goodwill, Harry" in one day.
I don't want more expense accounts
with hotel suites.
You boys are gonna learn
to pay for your own booze.
There's no more per diem on this ball team.
Eugene, give me some coffee.
Excuse me, young lady,
is this the Osgood home?
I'm sorry. Hello, I'm Jane Osgood.
How do you do, Mrs. Osgood?
My name is Selwyn Harris.
- This is Mr. Crawford Sloan.
- How do you do?
General Counsel of the
Eastern & Portland Railroad.
That's Sam. He's really very harmless.
Turn the television set off,
would you, please?
But, Mom, it's Rinty.
Mother has to talk business
with these gentlemen.
I want you to go downstairs and go to bed.
You can read.
- Read?
- Betty, come now, say good night.
- Good night.
- Won't you please sit down?
- Thank you.
- I don't really board lobsters.
He's the children's pet. They just love him.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Good night, sweetheart.
- I'm so sorry. Please sit down.
- Thank you.
Mr. Sloan has made this journey
especially to satisfy your claim.
That's wonderful. Thank you.
- Mrs. Osgood signs just below you, sir.
- Yes, of course.
- All right, Harris. The check, if you please.
- Yes, sir.
We have here a check in the amount
of $700...
Yes. The retail price of the lobsters.
If you would be good enough to sign here
in the three places.
Mr. Sloan, my loss is much more than $700.
Why, your railroad killed
more than my lobsters.
It probably killed my chances
for a successful season.
- Mrs. Osgood...
- I'm sorry.
- I only want what is right.
- Exactly.
We're here in good faith, Mrs. Osgood.
The railroad believes you should...
- Mom.
- Up here, sweetheart.
Mom, I've passed my electricity elective.
I've earned my Silver Arrow point.
Haven't I, Akela?
You should have seen him.
He was really something.
George, Mr. Harris and Mr. Sloan
of the E&P Railroad.
- Gentlemen, my attorney, George Denham.
- Oh, yes.
George, these gentlemen want me
to accept $700.
Aren't you forgetting
the damage to Mrs. Osgood's business...
- and her reputation?
- That's right.
Marshalltown Country Club wrote and said
they would never order my lobsters again.
They said that I ruined their Calcutta,
and they'll tell all the other country clubs.
They've already told Epicure magazine,
and I can't advertise in there anymore.
They said I misrepresented...
George wrote and told them in the letter.
- That's right.
- Did you hear from counsel, Harris?
- Of course he did.
- There was a rather odd communication.
"As the Democratic candidate
for first selectman in Cape Anne...
- "I'm asking for the endorsement"...
- Same as last year's letter.
- I want you to go right to bed.
- I must have put the wrong letter...
- in the right envelope.
- George, really.
I apologize.
Our station agent informs me that
you are a widow trying to support yourself...
and your two children.
Believe me, I'm speaking now
as one not unfamiliar...
with the guiding spirit
of the Eastern & Portland Railroad.
- Take this check.
- I will not.
Including myself, the legal staff
of our organization numbers 26 men.
In the past year, thanks to the incandescent
personality of the man we serve...
the E&P has been the defendant
in 314 litigations.
Of those, we lost one.
It involved an upper berth...
an untimely addition
to the population of New Hampshire...
and a recalcitrant conductor.
You, as a lawyer at the bar,
I think, will agree with me...
that a newly-born baby
weighs more heavily with a jury...
than those crustaceans
your client is involved with.
Will you excuse us for one moment?
I think you should take the money.
Did you hear what he said? They're big-time
lawyers. They got nothing to do...
but go to court.
That's why they're paid. Take the money.
George, why can't you...
Gentlemen, I will not take the money.
I'm sorry, George.
- Harris, are you licensed in this state?
- Yes, sir.
Good, I'm taking the Limited
back to New York.
Mrs. Osgood, I'm terribly sorry
we could not settle this matter amicably.
Good evening.
Good evening. See you in court.
There goes $700.
- You said you wouldn't take this.
- I know what I said.
I know what you said.
- Want some coffee?
- No, because I've got to go up to High River.
- Patience Parsons promised to letter...
- Parsons what?
- Promised to letter some posters for me.
- She can do it tomorrow.
I just sent $700 out of this house...
and I'm not about to drink coffee by myself.
- You coming?
- Yes, I'm coming. One cup.
You of all people
telling me to accept that offer.
Me of all people. It's the sworn duty
of counsel to advise his client, isn't it?
I advised you to take the money because
the E&P is a very tough outfit to lick...
but that doesn't categorically make me
a spy for Harry Foster Malone.
George, I understand that.
I just don't understand
why you don't understand.
It's the principle involved.
I'm right, they are wrong.
I only want what is due me. That's all.
Janey, let me tell you something.
The distance between the right...
Distance between the right and the practical
is a continuing shame to the human race.
- Are you listening?
- Yes, I am.
The E&P is an outfit involving
millions of dollars and thousands of people.
You are an enterprise involving four people.
- Four?
- Betty and Billy and you...
Four people and no dollars. You've just
got to learn to face the facts of life.
I suppose you do?
You're as blind to the facts of life
as you say I am.
For one thing, you're campaigning
for first selectman again, aren't you?
- Well, of course.
- And you know and I know that Cape Anne...
automatically elects Aaron Caldwell
every year.
He's been first selectman
as long as I can remember...
and he will probably always be
first selectman, but you keep trying.
- Now why do you do this, George?
- Why do I...
Because Aaron Caldwell is still living
in the 18th century.
He thinks a town must show a profit
at the end of the year...
as if it were a business or something.
Primarily, because the people of this town
are not getting...
the kind of government that they deserve.
Our schools are on half-day sessions.
That's a terrible thing.
That skinflint won't even spend $1
to get a fire engine for this town...
or what about a snowplow?
I know his answer to that one.
"The month of May...
"is cheapest snowplow on the market."
Unless the people of this town...
Do you want to know something?
I could absolutely shake you.
Why didn't you talk like that
at the rally last week?
Nobody came.
If you had something to say,
they would come.
Except the Cub Scouts.
Where's my cup of coffee?
You better take the bit between your teeth.
Do you remember how Hank...
Janey, Hank Osgood could talk the birds
out of the trees and you know it.
He had that wonderful quality
like some people and the ability to...
So do you, George.
I don't know.
Do you remember when we were kids?
The time that we sold the smoked glass
to watch the eclipse.
You remember?
I pinched the storm window from Uncle Otis.
And I spent my week's allowance
buying the glass cutter.
I smoked the glass. I built the fire.
And I sat in front of the bank and sold them.
Yeah, and Hank got all the money.
Oh, it's true.
Well, he did take us to the movies.
Want some sugar?
- Got any cream?
- I'm sorry.
I forgot him.
- That's the girls' side.
- For heaven's sake.
What's so funny?
Another five minutes out of salt water...
and Sam would have been a dead duck.
It'd be my...
Billy always puts him to bed
before he goes to bed. What happened?
I'm sorry, George. I did it.
I put Sam in the kitchen.
Then I chased Billy off to bed.
I wasn't mad at Billy.
I was mad at those lawyers.
How I ever got started in this business,
I'll never know. Lobsters!
Honey, you'll make it.
Takes time for any business to get started.
I know what you need.
Come here.
You need a partner.
And I'm gonna see you get one.
First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna
mortgage my house. Fresh capital.
You see?
You don't see. I mortgage my house.
We become partners...
It's very sweet of you and I appreciate it.
But we are not starving.
- Janey, I'm gonna do it...
- You are not doing it and I'm going to bed.
I do not understand you.
There is no other possible way to...
No. See you in court, George.
One thing you forgot. You didn't mention
that I haven't one single...
The District Court of Damariscotta County,
the Honorable Loring Johnson presiding...
is now in session.
Bailiff, summon the jury.
You forgot to mention that I haven't had
a single order since.
- Don't worry.
- But I do worry. What if they win?
I have a pretty strong case.
Mrs. Foreman, have you reached a verdict?
- We have, Your Honor.
- What is your verdict?
We find for the plaintiff...
in the amount of $2,500 and costs.
George, we won. Thank you, Alice.
Thank you, everybody.
- Your Honor...
- Mr. Harris, you did just fine.
- When do I get the money?
- Janey, court isn't adjourned. Sit down.
- Honor, I move for a non obstante veredicto.
- Denied.
Court's adjourned.
- I want to certify the record for appeal.
- Of course.
Mr. Harris, when do I get the money?
- There isn't any money, Mrs. Osgood.
- What?
There is no money.
You see, this was a hometown decision.
We expected you to win here.
But I should remind you that we have
the entire appellate structure...
of the State of Maine before us.
Now, Mr. Sloan tried to warn you.
Harry Foster Malone is not a philanthropist.
You really should have accepted our offer.
Denham. See you in court, Mrs. Osgood.
George, they can't do this.
- Just what I expected.
- George, they can't.
I'm sorry. I should have gotten that money.
They are wrong and I'm right.
- Will you wait a minute till I get my...
- What's the matter?
It's just not fair.
Those lobsters represented
months of hard work to me.
Now I'm supposed to wait until...
the Supreme Court in Augusta
says Malone should pay.
- But that's the law.
- I'd like to see what would happen...
if I took a ride on Harry Foster Malone's
old railroad and didn't pay.
He'll haul you into petty claims court, get
a judgment against you, garnish your salary.
- Salary? I don't have a salary.
- He can hold your property.
- What property, George?
- Your house, your station wagon.
- How?
- How what?
How can they do it?
It's the simplest thing in the world.
You get a writ of execution.
- Take it to the...
- Where do you get the writ?
You could get a writ
from Judge Johnson. Why?
- Judge Johnson, wait a minute.
- What are you...
- Get out of the car.
- What?
- Come on.
- For heaven's sake.
Judge Johnson, please wait a minute.
Homer, I was expecting the Limited
about now.
- This is old 97 coming in.
- Yeah. The Limited's late again.
You going to Boston, Wilbur?
I haven't left the county in 34 years.
- You expecting somebody?
- Nope.
What you waiting for then?
"I do solemnly swear or affirm
that I will support and defend...
"the constitution of the United States...
"and the constitution of the State of Maine
against all enemies, foreign and domestic...
- "and that I will bear true faith..."
- You ain't going to tell me, are you?
- Want me to check on the Limited for you?
- Don't bother.
It's getting late and I'm getting hungry.
Old 97 will have to do.
Homer, I hereby serve you...
- $4.
- Not for me.
- Bow out.
- I'm finished.
- I'll see you.
- You raising?
- Aces and sixes.
- I've got three jacks, sir.
You sure, Weaver?
Yes, sir, I've got three jacks. I was lucky, sir.
Cards, please.
I'm going to tell you something
about those commuters of yours.
Every time one of your crummy commuters
gets on my train, it costs me 4 cents.
The ICC says I gotta carry him,
so I carry him.
But that club car idea is out.
Next thing you'll want is a floor show
with the Rockettes.
- Well, deal, all right?
- 50 cent ante, boys.
- It'll be draw poker. Jacks or better.
- What's wrong with five-card stud?
- I believe it's dealer's choice, Harry.
- All right.
- Five-card stud.
- Yes, sir.
Chicken's cheap this week.
Get it in all the diners.
- $1.
- Let's go in order, Harry.
This is the order. Purchasing,
what about those clocks I asked you to buy?
I relayed your message
to the manufacturers.
I managed to obtain a 25% discount,
I'm happy to say.
I'm not happy.
Five hundred and forty clocks
and you get a crummy 25%. Forget it.
- I've already given him the order.
- Give him the un-order.
I'll buy the clocks
and get a decent discount. $2.
- I'm out.
- Your $2 and $2.
- Just a moment, please.
- $2 more.
- For you, boss.
- Here we go.
Five of clubs.
- Ace of hearts.
- Harry Foster Malone.
The whole shooting match.
Well, get the coal out of the tender, stupid.
What's the bet?
What happened in that...
Osgood action today, Harris?
It was a hometown jury, sir.
We'll appeal, of course.
- I'll see your last bet.
- You do.
What happens while we appeal?
Why, nothing, sir. We're in pendente lite.
That's what you think.
We may be in pendente...
flush whatchamacallit,
and we may be in left field.
I just talked to the agent at Cape Anne.
That broad has served a writ of execution
on old 97.
Didn't you ask for a stay of execution?
It just never occurred to me
that she would...
You and your legal brain. Shut up and deal.
Miserable broad.
Hey, come on up here.
- Janey showed the E&P, didn't she?
- I don't like it.
- She sure ain't afraid of Malone.
- I am.
I'm afraid of Malone. The same as I'm afraid
of hurricanes, cyclones, floods...
or any other force of nature.
- Blower pipe.
- Check.
Sprinkling valve lever.
- Injector starting valve lever.
- Right.
- Throttle.
- That's her, boy.
That's what makes the wheels go round.
Did you drive the old 97, Uncle Otis?
No. Not this girl. Her sister, 35 years.
I took Teddy Roosevelt
from Boston to Bangor in six hours.
Said it was the best ride he ever had.
Bully, he said.
President of the United States.
Let's go back and look at the coach.
Gotta look over the whole train, don't we?
Boy, you're going to make
a great engineer someday.
I can see you on the flyer now.
Here we go. Yes, sir,
you're part of a locomotive already.
- I tell you, it's a menace.
- When do you think I'll get some money?
Oh, I don't know. These things take time.
George, I wish you would be definite,
just once.
The law is always definite.
It's people that aren't.
That boy of yours
certainly knows his engines.
- I sure do, I know every part.
- You do? Bully for you.
Hey, that's what Teddy told Uncle Otis.
- Teddy who?
- Teddy Roosevelt.
I took him from Boston to Bangor
in six hours.
You can't call him Teddy. Mr. Roosevelt
was President of the United States.
Yeah, a Cub Scout is always respectful.
- I'm sorry.
- That's all right. Come here.
I'm gonna petition
the National Scout Council...
to see if they'll admit railroading
as a Silver Arrow elective.
- That'll be cool.
- Boy, isn't that swell?
I'd better go home and fix supper.
Come on, kids.
- Can I stay a little longer?
- I'll watch the boy.
You wanna stay more than he does,
don't you?
Maybe I do, at that.
Okay, sweetheart, don't be late. Bye.
Let's have a dry run, Uncle Otis.
- Are you coming?
- Yeah.
Jane Osgood, you should have given me
this story last night.
It's true, huh? It must be.
Here's 97 and you in it.
We'll give a party, a masquerade
and I'll come as a conductor.
Listen, I want the facts.
From the beginning. Shoot.
We don't want any publicity.
We just want to get this thing settled.
Why don't you run back
behind the switchboard?
Because I'm a newspaperman first,
that's why...
and Clarence is very efficient.
One more scoop like that two-headed calf
over in High River...
and I know the Mirror will put me on steady.
Look, Matilda. It's really very simple.
We sued the E&P, we won...
and they wouldn't pay.
Yeah, and they're appealing,
which is their right.
- So I took their train.
- You levied execution.
- That's what I did.
- The bums, serves them right.
- Go on, Janey.
- That's the whole story.
- What will you do with old 97?
- Good question.
I'm gonna make them pay, Matilda.
Good girl. Give it to them.
Boy, this ought to put me on straight salary.
Get out of my chair.
And stop drinking my beer.
There's no community property
in this state, you know.
Clara. Give me a trunk to New York.
No, I'd better hold.
Hit me. Eight?
You've got to have that cat spayed.
They're gonna eat you
out of house and home.
New York? Bangor, this is my trunk.
Hello, New York. This is Cape Anne, Maine...
calling the New York Daily Mirror collect.
Murray Hill 2-1000 will speak to anyone
on the city desk.
Matilda Runyon, correspondent.
After this, buy your own.
Are you telling me
she's got one of Harry Malone's trains?
Now, listen, Mr. Russell,
I can dictate this story to you right now.
I'll hire the photographer for the pictures.
You just give me rewrite.
Hold on to your hat.
What's the nearest airport?
Good. Now listen carefully.
I want you to get to this Osgood woman.
Stay with her. Sit on her if you have to...
but don't let her talk to anyone
until my man gets there. Got that?
Yes, sir.
Hall, Michaels.
Come on, Clarence, climb up here.
- Matilda, honey?
- One can.
Take a cab to the Teterboro Airport
in New Jersey.
I'll charter a plane for you.
The closest airport to Cape Anne is Bangor.
- You'll rent a car there. And, Larry?
- Yes, Jim?
I'm going to hold the front page open.
That means you file by 10:00 tonight...
and get an eight-hour beat
on the whole country.
shoot the train, shoot the widow,
shoot her kids. Then drive to Bangor.
There's a wire photo transmitter there.
How about some lobster shots?
I can get all the lobsters I need
at the Fulton Fish Market. Now move it.
- Anything else, boss?
- No.
- Good night, boss.
- Yeah.
It was that courageous young widow...
who refused to bow
before the Goliath of big business...
and here in Cape Anne,
fired a shot heard around the world...
like her ancestors before her
in this glorious state of Maine.
- Massachusetts.
- No, Betty, we're in Maine.
We're in Maine, but the shot heard around
the world was fired in Massachusetts.
- Concord, Massachusetts.
- I knew that, smarty.
Of course you did. We all did.
Thank you very much, Betty and Billy.
Now let's talk to a man who 35 years ago...
- They were the Minutemen.
- So they were, Betty.
...took old 97 out of Boston.
"On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five
"Hardly a man is now alive"
Thank you. As we were saying, folks,
here before our television camera...
is an old hand in railroading,
Otis Denham, retired engineer.
- How are you, Otis?
- As fit as she is.
Raring to go. Say, isn't old 97 a little dated?
Dated? She's better than those coffeepots
they're using now.
She's got a boiler that'll give you 350
pounds of pressure as long as you ask her.
She's a lively girl, mister.
- You seen Janey around?
- Not this morning, George.
- George who?
- My nephew, George Denham.
- He's Janey's lawyer.
- Hi. How are you?
- She's not at home.
- You're the young fellow...
Here's a scoop. Standing beside
his Uncle Otis is George Denham...
the young backcountry lawyer who brought
a huge corporation to its knees.
Millions of little people
just like yourself are waiting...
to hear from your own lips, your own story,
the story that proves...
once again, the eternal glory of America.
The story of equal opportunity for all
where no man is bigger than his neighbor.
Would that my voice could carry behind
the Iron Curtain, ladies and gentlemen.
For here, in this tiny village,
beneath the rock-bound coast of Maine...
the eternal drama of America
is being enacted before your very eyes.
There he goes, folks. Too modest to talk.
Too brave to bow
before Harry Foster Malone.
I'd like to see that man's
war record some day.
Old 97.
Billy Osgood!
Where's your mom? Do you know?
The man with the pipe came and got her
this morning.
Man with the pipe? Oh, the reporter.
- Where did they go, do you know?
- He asked her to show him the town.
Thank you.
George Denham sits there. You met George?
Yes, I met George.
Hank sat here. Hank was my husband.
- And this is the Boyd pew.
- Boyds?
- I was Jane Boyd. The last of the Boyds.
- The last?
Mother died when I was born
and that left Dad and me.
Dad was the town historian.
A Boyd helped settle Cape Anne.
A Boyd built this church.
I envy you.
It must have been fun growing up here.
It was, Mr. Hall, it really was.
This is where the choir sits, right here.
I'll never forget
I got my first proposal right here.
- Are you sure you want to hear all this?
- I want to know all about you.
- Go on. Who proposed to you?
- George.
Yes, he asked me to marry him
between hymns.
I think we were 11 at the time.
Now, Hank, that was a different thing.
He didn't ask me. He told me.
We were out clamming one night,
and he said to me:
"We're getting married tomorrow,
and I've arranged everything."
- I was so mad, I hit him with a clam.
- Why should you be mad?
Well, I wanted an engagement ring.
So he arranged that, too.
Took the car keys off the key ring,
put the key ring on my finger, and said:
"Okay, now you're engaged."
Hank's the one we couldn't find
when we played run-sheep-run.
Where did he hide?
Here. Right under there.
- Hi, Mr. Lowe.
- Hi, Janey, good fishing today.
"Who here rests in eternal peace...
"was born here and left his family to fight
for freedom in the war of the Revolution...
"and who returned and died here.
July 14, 1792."
Thank you, Mr. Boyd.
- How about the town hall? Like to see it?
- All right.
It's right over here.
Hi, Mr. Lowe.
She was here, George. Nice-looking fellow.
- Wanna see where you are right now?
- Yeah.
That's Cape Anne, and that's the town hall,
right there.
Did you know Cape Anne
is one of the few places left in America...
or in the whole world, for that matter...
where every person still votes
on every single thing? Did you know that?
- No, I didn't know that.
- Well, it is.
Once a year,
we all come here to the town meeting.
By the way, next Thursday at 4:00...
the whole place will be filled with every
man, woman and child in Cape Anne.
Of course, the kids don't vote,
but boy, they listen and they learn.
Town meeting will now come to order.
Billy Osgood, you know the rules
about animals. Remove that lobster.
- Who's that, Sam?
- That is.
And who are you?
Me? I'm Aaron Caldwell, first selectman.
- Aaron Caldwell.
- Yeah.
He also runs the grocery store in town.
He's been first selectman
as long as I can remember.
And George Denham's
always the defeated candidate?
Not always. It used to be my dad.
Of course, he came pretty close
a couple times to being elected...
but never quite made it.
Well, I guess he was just too idealistic.
Fighting for lost causes. You better watch
your head when you come down.
I've a feeling you're a lot like your dad.
- I hope so.
- I know so.
Why, you've declared war on Goliath.
You and your slingshot.
- What?
- You fight for what you believe in.
I like that. I'd like to believe I'm like that.
That's the reason
I became a newspaperman.
The thin voice of principle
may sound corny those days, but...
Not to me.
Nor to me.
What about Hank? It was Hank, right?
- Yes, it was Hank.
- What was he like?
There was only one Hank.
Janey. Boy, have I been looking...
- Do you know what these are?
- Bills?
Bills! They're everything but bills.
There's real money here.
These are all orders for lobsters.
- What?
- Hi, there, Hall.
Janey, for some reason...
every TV show in the country
seems to want you as a guest.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Listen, read this.
This is real vindication here.
Malone's paying public
is behind you. Listen:
"Hang on, girlie. Mallet-head Malone
has been asking for it." Signed, a commuter.
- Read the orders.
- Wait, I'm getting to them.
There's a very important one here,
there it is.
"Willing to let bygones be bygones.
"Send 250 lobsters immediately."
Marshalltown Country Club.
Isn't that the deal
that started this whole thing?
- I love them.
- Isn't that decent?
"Can you furnish 100 lobsters
for County Cork Night?
"Hibernian Brotherhood, Bronx, New York."
One hundred!
It's the publicity.
You're the most famous gal in America.
That slingshot turned into quite a weapon.
What do you mean, a slingshot?
Larry said that I was David
and Harry Foster Malone was Goliath.
- I never thought of it.
- How many is that altogether?
It's over 500. I haven't counted yet.
What do you bet there'll be more?
- George doesn't gamble, do you?
- I don't believe in it.
You ought to try it sometime.
Nothing like winning.
- Except losing.
- This is no time to talk about losing.
I've got to call my paper on this,
then I'm clear.
How about dinner tonight?
We can celebrate this.
- She's busy.
- I am, Larry.
The Wolf pack is coming over tonight
for a cookout and since I'm den mother...
Hey, guess what we're having?
- I love lobster.
- Do you?
- Can I use your phone, young lady?
- Well, if you reverse the charges.
George. Come on.
That's quite an outfit you're wearing, Akela.
How do you get those stockings
to stay up? Willpower?
- Ain't no girls allowed!
- It's dark. I'm afraid to sit there by myself.
- Now, Billy, the cookout is over, dear.
- But it isn't over. Akela promised.
Billy, it is 8:00.
Now, come on, all you boys.
It's time you headed for home.
- George, get them.
- All right.
Come on, kids.
Everybody gather around.
All right. Quiet down.
Quiet down. Now, everybody be good.
We have to be gentlemen.
We're going to sing our song.
Be prepared
Help an old lady cross the street
Be prepared
Always be sure your room is neat
Be prepared
Get up and give someone your seat
And you'll be a real good scout
Be prepared
Carry a girl's books home from school
Be prepared
Don't lose your temper, play it cool
Be prepared
Always obey the Golden Rule
And you'll be a real good scout.
So listen to your dad and mother
Oh, your mother
And learn that one good turn
deserves another
Be prepared
Help with the dishes every night
Be prepared
Try shaking hands and stop a fight
Be prepared
Remember two wrongs don't make a right
And there isn't any doubt
That you'll be a real good scout
Be prepared
Light up a fire with just two sticks
Be prepared
Find something broken you can fix
Be prepared
Smile at the teacher just for kicks
And you'll be a real good scout
Be prepared
Like everybody, every place
Be prepared
Whatever color, creed, or race
Be prepared
If they're from Earth or outer space
And you'll be a real good scout
Just love thy neighbor like a brother
Like a brother
You'll find that one good turn
deserves another
Be prepared
Always be kind to dogs and cats
Be prepared
All of our doors have welcome mats
It's great to be alive
and that's something to sing about
It's fun to be a real good scout
All right, boys. Come on.
Get your coats over here.
Here you go, come on.
Where's my little girl?
Oh, I forgot about you.
Oh, hello, Homer. Good to see you.
- Has your raccoon come home yet?
- No.
Matilda Runyon told me...
that Clara Kolter over at High River,
she heard her cat yowling the other night.
He always did like to frisk with cats.
But Clara told Matilda...
that when she went outside,
there was nothing but the cat.
Well, he'll come home, Homer.
He always does.
- How about some lobster?
- No.
- Lemonade, maybe?
- No, thanks.
- I already had my supper.
- Oh, you did?
I only got a minute, Janey.
I want to take Cynthia here
up on the cliffs. He might get a...
Well, what's new, Homer?
Honey, you'd better go to bed now.
Mommy'll be up in a minute.
Well, I'll tell you.
Well, what's the matter?
- It's Mr. Malone, Janey.
- What about him?
He wants rent.
- Rent?
- For what?
For the tracks where old 97 is sitting.
Well, it's his tracks, all right.
Yeah, he says he wants a $1 a foot,
starting today.
That'll be $230 by tomorrow.
I'm sorry, Janey. I'm awful sorry for you.
Well, good night. Come on, Cynthia.
Now, look. This settles it.
I'm gonna mortgage my house,
and I'm not taking no for an answer.
We're gonna incorporate
and we'll pay Malone.
- In the meantime, we'll fill in today's orders.
- How?
I'll deliver the lobsters
in your station wagon.
George, you wouldn't get to High River
in that station wagon.
Air freight's too expensive,
truck freight is too slow.
Look, I've got it. A fund in the Mirror.
Like a Christmas fund
or a summer camp fund.
"Mothers Against Malone."
Every morning on the front page.
- We'll get your rent.
- You mean a charity kind of thing?
- No, not exactly.
- I will not accept charity.
- It'll make a great story.
- I'm sorry, I will not...
I'm going to New York
and have it out with Harry Foster Malone.
No offense, Denham,
but Malone would eat you alive.
Look, I know who is going to New York.
All those offers
to appear on television programs.
You'll carry your case to the people
and get paid for it.
- She is not going to New York.
- Will you wait a minute?
Maybe Malone has the power,
but you've got...
What do you think...
She's not gonna go to...
I'll do it. I'm gonna go to New York.
I'm gonna take you to New York.
I don't know who's taking me,
but I'm gonna... Wait a minute.
- I do the TV shows, I get paid?
- Right.
And I give it to Malone?
What about the kids?
Well, I'll only be there a day or two, George.
Well, they love you. They're used to you.
Don't worry. She'll be in good hands.
I'll get her a room in my hotel.
You'd better get packed.
We can still catch that night flight.
All right.
- I'll call New York and set things up.
- I'll hurry.
There's a YWCA in New York.
She's quite a gal.
She's a widow with two children.
- They're wonderful kids.
- Listen, old boy.
Now wait a minute, you listen, Denham.
I'm getting a bit weary
of your warnings and insinuations.
Have you got some claim on her?
- A claim? Me? No.
- All right. Every man for himself.
George, would you bring my suitcase?
It's in the garage over the mulcher.
I'm coming!
Of course, that's when he started
charging rent for the tracks.
All right, Jim.
While I applaud your independence
and admire your combative spirit...
I'm afraid I fail to see where defendant
herein has transgressed the legal bounds...
which are the constitutional right
of all citizens.
Harry Foster Malone transgressed
when he murdered my lobsters.
Murdered her lobsters.
I know where he can get a job.
Well, Jim, what's your question?
Actually this, sir. Mrs. Osgood, are you not
invoking sympathy for your cause...
on purely emotional and feminine grounds?
Bright boy.
- What has that got to do with the facts?
- Precisely.
Let's hear from Lois.
The preceding panelist was obviously
obfuscating the issues involved here.
A not-uncommon masculine gambit
in 20th-century America.
Stupid little broad.
Mrs. Osgood, how can I help?
Left hand? Are you telling me
there are southpaw lobsters?
Oh, yes. Certainly there are.
You see, all lobsters, as you know,
have two large front claws.
Now, one is very heavy
and has blunt teeth...
that's the powerhouse claw, and the other
is smaller and has sharp teeth...
Naturally, I'm nervous, George.
You don't know what it's like to be on TV.
If it hadn't been for Larry,
I don't know what I would have done.
Where is good old Larry?
Well, the poor boy
is just about ready to collapse.
You don't know what he's been through.
Now they want me to do The Big Payoff.
Well, you're a most
persuasive young woman.
Walt Framer has agreed to break precedent
just this once...
which means the cash value of the prizes
that your knight in shining armor...
has won for you, will be sent
to Harry Foster Malone as rent...
immediately following the program.
Now then, panel...
I am not gonna ask this lady
to reveal her correct name to us...
because if we knew her name,
we'd know her secret.
So we will simply call her Miss X.
Now, Miss X, if you'll whisper your secret
to me, we'll reveal it to the folks at home.
I must say ordinarily we would not accept
such a secret on our show...
but I've been talking
a lot to this lady backstage...
and I tell you, by golly, I think she's right.
I want that man
barred from my railroad for life.
Now, we'll start the questioning
with Bill Cullen, please.
Ma'am, this male that you're involved with,
is he human?
He certainly is not.
Is it something like a snake
or a baboon or something like that?
I tell you, we've got trouble.
This, newspapers. You can't...
Get this. I'm 52 years old, and I was born
on the Lower East Side in a cold-water flat.
I wasn't lucky enough
to get to college or law school.
I'm a slob that came up the hard way.
But let me give you a chunk of information.
Anybody who gives trouble
to Harry Foster Malone gets trouble.
Got that?
- Have it your way, Harry.
- Yeah, I will.
Now, every time we stop at Cape Anne,
it costs us money. Right?
Yeah. Watch this bit. Look out.
All right, let's go to Henry Morgan, please.
It isn't me, is it?
Yes, Harry?
Miss Beardsley, get me Garry Moore on CBS.
Yeah, right now. Be sure to tell him it's me.
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me, panel, just a moment.
Hello, this is Garry Moore.
Hey, that's great. Yeah, I'll tell everybody.
Garry, I know who it's gotta be.
You can take your blindfold off.
I've just this moment talked to Mr. Malone...
president of the E&P Railroad.
He is canceling her rent
and he is giving her the train.
Akela, the train is ours.
We got a train, Akela.
Isn't it wonderful?
- We get to keep it.
- All right!
Your call, madam.
- You mean I can take it here?
- Pick it up, Jane.
Thank you.
Hello, George. Hi.
How are the children? Oh, that's good.
We're in the most beautiful
restaurant you've ever seen.
It's the... Wait a minute. What is it?
- Le Chevalier Mauve.
- Whatever that means.
- Purple Knight.
- The Purple Knight. We're celebrating.
George, I'm drinking champagne.
- And spending another night in New York.
- And spending another night in New York.
You're spending another night in New York?
She's spending another night in New York.
I think you'd better come home, dear.
Say hi to Mommy.
- Hi, Mommy.
- That's it. Say hi to your mommy.
Those are your children, dear,
and they are getting hungry.
- George.
- I'll call you later.
But, Akela, we're not hungry.
- Your mother's acting like a...
- Your mother's acting like a what?
Nothing, dear. Just pour the tea.
I'm warning you, stupid.
Matilda, I'm asking you.
Please ring the hotel just once more.
I gotta talk to the room clerk.
Good night, Larry.
Good night, folks.
He's just seeing me to the door.
Boy, am I tired.
Thank you very much, Larry. Good night.
Don't worry.
Wild horses couldn't drag me
through that door tonight.
Ordinarily they couldn't have kept me out.
Janey, I'm 33 years old.
I took up with girls about the time
I smoked my first cubeb.
I've liked girls ever since.
Lots and lots of girls.
Some of them I wanted to love...
but it never happened.
Now it's happened. I love you.
- Larry, no.
- Larry, yes.
I love you, Janey Osgood,
and I want to marry you.
My full name is Lawrence Claiborne Hall,
and I've told you how old I am.
I am gainfully employed.
I've got $1,166 in the bank.
I come from sturdy stock,
and I'm all alone in the world.
I'll try to be a good father to your children
and a good husband to you.
- So will you marry me?
- Larry, I can't.
Why not?
I don't know you.
Yes, you do.
- But, Larry, I don't love you.
- I know.
I thought of that, but you will.
I've got enough to go around.
Besides, after a while, it's contagious.
Meanwhile, you need somebody.
I'm that somebody.
This is so sudden.
I knew you'd say that.
- I have to think.
- I knew you'd say that, too.
Good night.
Thanks a lot, Clarence.
Hey, I'm home.
Kids! George!
Oh, just put it right there.
- Glad you're home.
- Thanks a lot. Nice to be home.
- Say hello to Matilda.
- I sure will, goodbye.
Hey, where is everybody?
- Hi!
- Hi. Back so soon.
I took an early train. Are the kids all right?
Yeah, they're outside playing. They're fine.
I've been feeding them, caring for them,
and lying to them about their mother.
- What do you mean?
- Where were you last night?
- I told you on the phone...
- You told me.
- We were celebrating.
- Celebrating. Wonderful. Where?
The last time I called your room,
it was 3:00 in the morning.
I was with Larry.
- You admit it.
- Admit what?
Do you...
You do.
Well, I think you'd better go.
I intend to.
Obviously, you've forgotten
that there's a town meeting...
which I'm late to already
because of you and your early plane.
"There being no further business,
the meeting was adjourned at 8:30 p.m.
"Respectfully submitted,
Claire Christ, Secretary."
I move the committee report
be accepted as read.
I'll second the motion.
Motion made and seconded
that committee report be accepted as read.
- All in favor?
- Aye.
None opposed, motion carried.
Now, we will have...
I move committee be appointed
to buy a new fire engine for Cape Anne.
- Who's watching the switchboard?
- Patience Parsons.
Out of order, Otis.
Motion has been made and seconded
that a committee be appointed...
to look into fire engine...
Clarence did not say look into.
He said to buy.
Read the motion exactly as Clarence said.
It's foolish to buy something
without looking into the situation first.
I understand how you feel, but you should
read the motion exactly as he said it.
Motion made by Clarence Runyon...
seconded by George Denham...
that a committee be appointed
to buy a fire engine.
- All in favor?
- Aye.
- Opposed.
- No.
- Motion defeated.
- Feel better?
Hear the report of parking meter committee.
Chair recognizes Amy Caldwell.
Total revenues from parking meter for year:
Operating expenses: $3.15.
For purchase of new collection bag.
Net revenue: $441.29.
What about the parking meter
in front of your store, Aaron?
Out of order.
- Mr. Chairman...
- Out of order.
Chair will hear a motion accepting report
of parking meter committee.
I move that the town meeting accept
the report of the parking meter committee.
- Second.
- All right.
Motion made and seconded report
of parking meter committee be accepted.
- All in favor?
- Aye.
- Opposed?
- No.
Motion carried.
Mr. Chairman.
Chair recognizes Otis Denham.
How about fixing the parking meter
in front of your store?
- Out of order.
- All right.
I move that the broken parking meter
in front of Caldwell's store...
which has never worked,
so that anyone who wants to park there...
and maybe spend some money
in Caldwell's store...
can do so without paying the parking fee,
be repaired.
- Second.
- You went too fast.
I'll repeat the motion.
I move that the broken meter
in front of Caldwell's store...
be made to operate by money
instead of a swift kick.
- Yeah, second.
- Point of discussion.
Chair recognizes Matilda Runyon.
You've kept that parking meter busted
on purpose ever since it was installed.
We know it, and you know it.
But before we vote on this motion,
I think we ought to remember one thing.
Just about everybody in Cape Anne goes
to Caldwell's store just about everyday.
He's got canned goods, dry goods,
fruit, vegetables, and he's got beer.
Now wait a minute.
If we vote
to have that parking meter repaired...
we'll just be taking money
out of our own pockets.
Any more discussion on the motion?
- All in favor?
- Aye.
- Opposed?
- No.
Motion defeated.
All right.
A little order, everybody.
I'd like to have it part of the record
that last night when Janey got old 97...
she put Cape Anne on the map
for the whole country to see.
- That's your opinion?
- It sure is.
Well, Otis, I'm glad you brought that up...
because I intended
saying something about that.
You see, I don't think that Janey Osgood
put Cape Anne on the map last night.
I think she wiped it off the map.
She just cast Cape Anne adrift, voters.
That's all she did.
- What are you getting at, Aaron?
- I'm coming to that, too.
- Homer?
- Yup.
What time did the Limited
go through today?
How long did it stop?
It didn't stop. It ain't going to stop.
No more Limited. No more nothing.
Malone's canceled train service
in and out of Cape Anne.
- He can't do that. The ICC won't let him.
- He's done it, lawyer.
But we're cut off here. We might as well be
a million miles from nowhere.
I ain't blaming Jane.
Now Jane's a woman and alone,
except for you.
But you're her lawyer, and you didn't settle.
I don't think that Malone's fight
is rightly with Cape Anne.
I think his fight is with the candidate
for first selectman of Cape Anne...
who's responsible for making
this community a disaster area.
George is not responsible, Aaron.
It's all my fault.
- He wanted to settle, and I wouldn't let him.
- Have it your way, Jane.
But now, maybe you can tell Olive Coe how
she's going to get to Bangor on Saturday...
to get the Limited to Boston
to visit her mother.
Olive Coe can drive.
Can you drive, Olive?
I can drive, but I ain't got a car.
Well, now, maybe you can get Eli Spalding
to take you.
- What do I want to go to Bangor for?
- To fetch meat.
Unless you want to close
your butcher shop.
Of course,
you can pay truck delivery charges.
That's what John Wheelright
is gonna have to do to get his lumber.
You don't mind that, do you, John?
- It's a pretty expensive proposition, Aaron.
- Of course it is.
I'm going to have to raise my prices.
Everybody is.
Of course, we'll get our mail all right.
Uncle Sam will see to that.
We might have to wait a day extra.
Maybe two.
And there might be times
when Otis Denham there, for one...
might like to have his pension check
then and now.
Not tomorrow or day after tomorrow.
How many of you women here
use bottled gas for cooking?
All right.
Now you get your bottled gas
from Sam Trowbridge.
Sam, where you gonna get that bottled gas?
You know, I think we should take a vote
on that suggestion of Otis Denham's.
Claire, just what was it that he said?
- I like to have it part of the record...
- Please.
Please, wait.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know that this could happen.
It seems to me
you're just about a week late, Jane.
But I'll give the train back to Mr. Malone.
I don't want it.
I only wanted what was coming to me and...
He don't want it, Janey.
I got orders from him this afternoon.
You got 48 hours
to get old 97 off his tracks.
But how? I don't know how to do it.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Proceed to election of first selectman.
- No.
- Out of order.
- Proceed to election of first selectman.
- You've proceeded far enough.
I wish to be recognized!
All right. Chair recognizes George Denham.
I don't understand it. I'm sorry,
I just do not understand you people...
how you can behave this way.
The only person in this room that I have
any respect for is Aaron Caldwell.
He is wrong, but he's wrong out loud.
He doesn't sit and mutter
out of the side of his mouth like you.
Now, you all talk like Janey Osgood
did something wrong to you on purpose.
The only thing that Janey Osgood did
was try to get for herself...
what she righteously, morally,
and legally deserved.
She did not stop the rail service,
and you know it.
Harry Foster Malone did that.
He's your villain and not Jane Osgood.
Where am I?
I'm not in Cape Anne.
You remember Cape Anne in 1949
and the big hurricane?
All you people, you took 104 survivors off
the Atlantic Ocean right into your homes.
And I don't remember any talk then
about the almighty dollar...
or "what's in it for me," or "my problems."
Not then.
Bottled gas.
There's hardly a home in Cape Anne
that doesn't have a fireplace...
where your female ancestors cooked
three meals a day, 365 days a year.
And those women
that were cooking those meals...
had one hand on a skillet
and one on a musket.
An Indian happened to slip by the men
in the fields...
he had every female in this town
to contend with.
They tell me supper was hardly ever late.
What is the matter with you people?
Don't you know where you are?
Don't you realize? You're in a town meeting.
And this is one of the last places
on this sweet earth...
where the democratic process
is still going on.
This is really America...
or was.
And the very soul of our system...
is the dignity of the average American.
The dignity and the inalienable right to
stand up and fight for what he believes in.
Do you realize that Jane Osgood's
great-great-great grandfather...
founded your town,
and that he fought the Kennebunk Indians?
Her great-great grandfather
built this town hall...
where you're sitting here now
having your meeting.
And he helped stop the redcoats
at Ogunquit so they couldn't get here.
And now, today, Jane Osgood has a fight
with Harry Foster Malone.
And she's fighting for what she believes in.
That's her right.
And what happens? You, the townspeople,
her neighbors, her friends.
Do you line up beside her
and help her fight?
No, you drop your muskets and you run.
You run.
Well, run.
I can't take it. I'm getting outta here.
You can sit and feel sorry for yourselves.
What are you going to do, George?
Aaron, it seems to me you wanted to vote
for first selectman of Cape Anne.
I think we're ready.
Let's go home.
- We're going to live in New York.
- I'm not. I want my train.
Will you please stop it?
I don't want to hear one more word
about that train, understand?
You go on. We'll walk.
What's this about New York?
We're going to live there, that's what.
You mean you're giving up?
You're gonna let that bunch of...
You're running away.
- Don't care.
- Well, I care.
I don't like a quitter.
You started this whole thing in your
living room the day you told off the E&P...
and you'll finish it if I have to
drag you every inch of the way myself.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
- I'm sick and tired of speeches.
- I'm not making speeches.
I want you to know
how I feel about a quitter.
I don't care.
"I don't care."
Can't you say anything but that?
What do you want me to do?
I want you to stand up and fight.
Get your back up and fire at will.
It's "fire when ready."
- What?
- It's not "fire at will." It's "fire when ready."
What's the difference?
The point is we're not through yet.
Will you please be realistic just this once?
What do you want me to do?
Why don't you get in the car?
Come on.
Well, first of all,
what about the orders for lobsters?
What good are they?
You heard what Aaron Caldwell said.
There's no train service, George.
Wait a minute.
Who said there wasn't any train service?
Where are those orders?
- I don't want to see another lobster again.
- You're gonna see another lobster.
You're gonna pack every mother, son
and daughter of them...
- and they're gonna go to market.
- How?
I gotta verify those orders.
Is your phone bill paid?
- Yes, but...
- Good.
Now we gotta get Uncle Otis, a fireman.
But that's me. I can shovel...
- Coal. Where am I going to get coal?
- Akela.
I know where there's some coal.
- Where?
- Down at Four Mile Creek.
The coal trains drop some
when they go around the curve there.
There isn't enough coal there
to get steam out of a tea kettle.
- I'd better get Uncle Otis.
- Will you please tell me what you are...
Hey, here comes George!
Here's our new first selectman.
George, you finally got elected!
How about a little speech, George?
I'm very happy.
And I'm proud.
Because when you voted for me,
you voted for Janey, also.
And she needs your help.
Listen, all of you...
tomorrow we're gonna take
Janey's lobsters...
put them on old 97, and take them to market.
Every blessed one of them.
- Will you help us?
- Yeah!
- Have you still got your license?
- You're darn tooting.
You're at the throttle. Where's Homer?
I need a routing from the E&P.
You get it for us.
And the rest of you, we need coal.
- You'll get mine.
- Wonderful. We'll take it.
- What is it, Billy?
- What about Four Mile Creek?
Listen, that's a good idea.
Tell your kids that are Cub Scouts
to report to Billy Osgood for coal collection.
Get the coal down to old 97.
We gotta get out early in the morning.
I don't care how you get it there
but just get it there.
Three hundred?
That's wonderful. Thank you very much.
It may be wonderful for you, Mrs. Osgood.
You do not have to prepare them.
I need those lobsters here in Marshalltown
by 5:00 this afternoon.
Yes, sir.
It's only 7:00 here now. I'll be there by noon.
Keep her coming, Al.
It's up to 60,
and I need 125 pounds to move her.
Where the devil is that nephew of mine?
I wish you'd tell me how you expect
to go traipsing around the countryside...
- stopping wherever you please.
- We won't traipse.
We'll get into your train,
which is a common carrier...
- and deliver your lobsters.
- That's Sam!
You see what could happen to you,
you dope?
- I told you to stay out of the girls' side.
- Jerk.
- Mommy, it's Larry.
- Where?
On the telephone in New York.
He wants to talk to you.
What does he want?
I guess he wants to ask some questions.
He is a reporter, George.
Didn't he ask enough questions
the other night?
Oh, here.
It is now 28 hours and 11 minutes
since I let you go home to think.
Have you thought?
I've been so busy.
You know the orders that came through?
We're delivering the lobsters ourselves.
And we're leaving in just a few minutes.
You're what? How?
Well, we're taking the old 97...
and Uncle Otis is going to be the engineer,
and George is going to be the fireman.
What towns, Janey?
Well, we have about eight deliveries, Larry,
from Marshalltown to the Bronx.
I'll catch the first plane and I'll be waiting
at the station for your answer.
Wear something blue.
Our hands are tied.
She asked for a routing.
We have to give her one.
We use the tracks of other lines
and they use ours.
- We have to route her, huh?
- Absolutely.
Wait a minute.
I think we can route the little lady.
- Harris.
- Yes, sir.
Send this to Cape Anne.
Routing of 97.
Cape Anne to Boston
via Middleboro, Kingsville, Loomis.
- But that's west, sir.
- Shut up.
- Dow City, Malcolm, Petrie...
- But they don't want to go...
Harris, get out of here!
That's exactly what I intend to do.
- Weaver.
- Yes, sir.
Send this routing.
Cape Anne to Boston
via Middleboro, Kingsville, Loomis...
Dow City, Malcolm, Petrie.
We're getting there, boy. Pour it on.
- Hi, First Selectman.
- Hi, Clarence.
- Say, George.
- Yes.
While in New York, see if you can pick up
a good fire engine, will you?
Sure, Clarence.
- Have a good trip now, George.
- Yeah.
Here's your orders.
- Thanks, Homer.
- 119.
Middleboro, Kingsville?
- Homer, blast you!
- 125, Uncle Otis. She's got to go.
- What's the matter?
- George, read these.
Cape Anne via Boston, via...
What do you mean Middleboro?
- We're not going to Middleboro.
- Sure are.
- That's west. We can't go that way.
- Can't go any other way.
I'm running this operation.
You head for Marshalltown.
You listen carefully.
The flyer's coming down that track.
We gotta get out of here.
This ain't blind man's bluff, boy.
- 130, Uncle Otis.
- What can we do?
Get out of here
before we burn all the coal in that tender.
Here is a bulletin, ladies and gentlemen.
A copyrighted story by Lawrence
Claiborne Hall in the New York Mirror...
says that Jane Osgood,
the lobster lady from Maine...
whose running battle
with Harry Foster Malone...
has excited the admiration and sympathy
of an entire country...
has loaded her lobsters onto old 97
and is taking them to market.
Go to it, Janey.
It's your railroad, but I don't think...
Wilson, notify Middleboro
to let that slow freight go through 97.
Pour it on there, boy.
Come on there, George. Give it to them.
Let me see that new routing.
I quit.
Harry Foster Pharaoh
and his seven plagues.
How come this was never fixed before?
No reason to. There hasn't been a train
over this branch in three years.
And here's the latest progress,
or rather, lack of progress report...
on Jane Osgood's fight for independence.
Old 97 has just established a world's record.
It's taken her 5 hours and 48 minutes
to travel 72 miles...
thanks to Harry Foster Malone...
who is routing the train
through every whistle stop in New England.
Just a moment.
It's a report from Johnson, sir.
He's the station agent at Holgate.
The 97 train is in and they request water.
Not a drop.
Tell Johnson not a drop.
No, sir, I won't,
because I no longer work here.
Get on the phone and tell Johnson that
under no circumstances is he to give any...
Well, mister, here it is.
Malone said that if I give you
a drop of water, I'm fired.
- He did?
- Yeah, that's what the man said.
Sonny, when I get on top there,
you turn on that faucet.
- What's he doing?
- We got the water!
More steam.
- What are you doing in here?
- I'm sorry, Harry. Sir.
But there's a whole army of reporters
out by my desk.
- I'm not seeing anybody.
- Just a moment, Miss Beardsley.
Will you please tell the press
Mr. Malone is preparing a statement?
- Yes, sir.
- No, sir!
- Now, wait a minute!
- No, you wait a minute.
I've got a few things to say to you, Harry.
Either you are going to listen to me,
or in precisely four seconds...
which is the time it will take me
to walk through that door...
you will be left without an ally
in the English-speaking world.
For the past several weeks...
you have,
with your usual devotion to detail...
managed to undermine
what I, as Chief Counsel for the E&P...
consider the most flourishing railroad
in the country.
- Undermine?
- Yes, undermine.
From the moment
that Jane Osgood attached old 97...
you've been acting as if you were in a fight
with an organization...
approximately the size
of the federal government.
Harry, our antagonist
is one young, attractive widow.
Whom you, by your stubbornness,
have made the most popular American...
since Charles A. Lindbergh flew the Atlantic.
Now, you listen to me.
- More steam!
- All right, I'll give you more steam.
Boy, we'll be lucky
if we get to New York by Christmas.
Is Larry going to be in New York?
I'm afraid Larry's gonna be
in Marshalltown, sweetheart.
Why is Larry going to be in Marshalltown?
He's waiting for me
to answer a question, that's what.
What kind of a question?
It's a wonderful question
if the right man asks it.
You wait right here for Mommy.
Don't go away.
- George!
- What?
I'm going to get married today.
I said, I'm getting married today.
Don't be silly.
I am not being silly.
What are you talking about?
- More steam!
- What?
Lawrence Claiborne Hall
is waiting for me in Marshalltown...
and I am going to marry him.
Just like that?
No, not just like that, George. He asked me.
George, more steam!
After knowing you for four days,
he asked you to marry him?
I think he's probably asked every girl
he ever knew to marry him.
He's neurotic or something.
If you remember correctly,
I asked you to marry me 21 years ago.
- Yes, but you haven't asked me since.
- What?
I'm a woman,
and I'm supposed to be married.
I'm a mother, and I need a man
to take care of me and my children.
You don't have to go to Marshalltown
to find one.
- Don't I, George?
- No.
Where can I find one?
You don't have to go anywhere.
You can stay right in Cape Anne.
- Can I, George?
- Well, you know you can.
Do I?
Well, say it.
- What?
- Why don't you just say it?
- Say what?
- Just say anything.
Why can't you be neurotic like Larry
and say you'll marry me?
You know I will.
George, you proposed!
More steam!
You did.
Get down here and shovel that coal!
- George, I love you.
- I love you.
- What coal?
- More steam!
There's no coal!
- George, I love you.
- I love you.
Steam! We gotta have more steam!
Yeah, that's what I said, Kelso.
Give 97 train number one track.
Yeah, clearance all the way through.
Oh, no!
Why haven't you got somebody there
who can straighten it out?
All right, I'll send somebody up there.
You and your sympathetic nerves.
That cuckoo broad's
got the entire line from...
- Miss Beardsley.
- Yes, sir?
Get a hold of Harris...
Peterson, Smythe...
Never mind. I'll go myself.
- Get me LaGuardia Airport.
- Airport?
The airport.
- Anybody lays one finger on that train...
- I don't know nothing about law...
but please,
let me push you to the next town.
And leave me there
with 1000 lobsters to deliver? No.
But you're holding up 1000 passengers.
The passengers will live. The lobsters won't.
George, look.
- There's the old man himself.
- Now we're getting some action.
Where's the broad?
Hey, Malone, we want to go home.
- You must be Mrs. Osgood.
- That's right.
- And you're Malone.
- Yes. Malone.
Well, what seems to be the trouble?
He won't move unless we sell them coal,
Mr. Malone.
- He won't even push them in...
- The law specifically states that the train...
- You're the young lawyer?
- That's right.
- That's a good point, Sloan.
- Yes.
That's well taken, son.
He's right. It is your train.
- It's mine.
- Yes.
Listen, Mrs. Osgood.
You raise lobsters, you're in business.
And you're in business, and I'm in business.
Both in business, see?
You can't discuss business in a field.
Now, we take your train
and push it to the next station.
- Then we discuss...
- No.
- Lady, I'm warning you...
- And I'm warning you, you tyrant.
We wouldn't be here if you hadn't sent us
on this sightseeing tour...
and run us out of coal.
What if I ruin another Calcutta?
- Calcutta?
- Yes.
I'll sue you for every dime...
- you've ever made in your life.
- Listen to me.
I wouldn't dare go into court against them.
- You wouldn't?
- No.
- Just what do you want?
- A tender full of coal.
Cash on the barrelhead.
You'll get your cash when we deliver
those lobsters to Marshalltown.
We want an express track to the Bronx
and back to Cape Anne.
You got it.
And then you can take this can
and dump it in the Atlantic Ocean.
My train? You said it was my train, Mommy.
You can't take my train
and dump it in the Atlantic Ocean.
Don't you touch him.
It's just a figure of speech, son.
Now, is that all?
- Is that all, George?
- That's all.
- Then we can get this show on the road?
- It's a very good idea.
All right, move that iron garbage!
Get those trains moving!
- Let's go, Janey.
- Wait a minute, George.
Not without him. Not after what he's done.
I wouldn't trust him out of my sight.
Hold it, Malone!
As soon as we leave,
he's liable to cancel the coal.
- You're going with us.
- What, going with you? Come on, Sloan.
I think you'd better go.
You're kidding.
Why are you so mean?
- Okay, Otis, she's full.
- Okay, Schmitty.
- What's your reading, Billy?
- 120.
- No, you mean 220.
- No, Uncle Otis, it's 120.
George is exhausted.
We'll never get enough steam out of him
to get to Marshalltown.
- Are you all right? You look awful.
- I'm doing the best I can.
You gotta do better than that.
We gotta have steam.
I know you gotta have steam.
I'm going to come up there and help you.
- Don't be silly.
- Somebody's got to come up there.
It can't be you. Now, please stay out of here.
George, it's Larry.
- What do we tell him?
- We're not telling him anything.
One picture's worth a thousand words.
Get it?
Yeah, I got it.
- You fellows from the Country Club?
- That's right.
We've got your lobsters.
Come on and help us get them quick.
We got a lot of stops to make.
What happened to Malone?
I thought he was going to be here.
Friends and neighbors of Cape Anne...
this is a happy day for our town,
and a happy day for me.
After 24 years, I'm finally swearing in
a first selectman I voted for.
George, repeat after me.
I, George Denham, do solemnly swear...
Hey, George! We finally got a fire engine!