Jamie Foxx: Take Care of Yourself (2026) Movie Script

[audience chanting]
Jamie! Jamie! Jamie! Jamie!
Jamie! Jamie! Jamie! Jamie!
[announcer]
Oakland, California, are you ready?
-[air horn blaring]
-[audience cheering]
[announcer] Coming to the stage,
Jamie Foxx, y'all!
[audience cheering and applauding]
["Mary Jane" by Rick James playing]
Come here, baby
Oakland!
[cheering and applause]
Let's turn up! I love you!
What you say?
-Doot do-do-do
-What?
[audience singing] Mary Jane
[Jamie Foxx] Oh, my God!
[singing] I'm in love with Mary Jane
She's my main thing
She makes me feel alright, huh
She makes my heart sing
And when I'm feeling low
She comes as no surprise
Turns me on with her love
Takes me to...
Paradise
What?
Do you love me, Mary Jane?
Yeah
Whoa-oh-oh
[record scratching]
-[music stops]
-Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
-Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
-[air horn blaring]
-[breathing deeply]
-[audience cheering]
The motherfucking Adderall just hit.
[audience cheering]
You know what?
When you-- When I take that Adderall,
it seemed like I could hear Busta Rhymes
in my head. I'll be like...
Let's go
'Cause I'm feelin' like I'm runnin'
and I'm feelin' like I gotta get away
Get away, get away
Better know that I don't
and I won't ever stop
'Cause you know I gotta win
everyday-day
-See, they really, really wanna pop me
-Blow
Just know that you will never flop me
And I know that I can be
a little cocky
-No
-You ain't never gonna stop me
Every time I come, a nigga gotta set it,
then I gotta go
Then I gotta get it, then I gotta blow,
and then I gotta show that
Any little thing a nigga think that
he be doin' 'cause it doesn't matter
-'Cause I'm gonna da-da...
-Alright, alright, alright.
-[record scratching]
-[music stops]
Late-- Sister, stop looking at me
like that and judging.
I-- I don't-- I don't do--
I didn't do the Add-- Adderall.
Y'all like, "Hmm. Mm-mm.
Something look off."
[audience laughing]
"Messing with that Adderall.
"He sh-- No, that's for
the white people, Jamie.
"That's probably why he got sick.
Look at him."
[audience laughing]
You know, Black people
always got a conspiracy.
"That's what it did.
It was the adrenaline that did it to him.
"That's why he went to the hospital.
"I could see it on his spirit from here.
"I could see it. It's in his retinas.
"It's right in his retinas and his--
"and his incisors.
"He shouldn't be doing no adrenal--
or whatever that is,
"Afrofol or whatever.
"That's what Michael had. Afrofol or
Profo-something. Somebody fell."
[audience laughing]
"Somebody-- But Jamie, don't do that.
"You gonna end up back in the hospital.
"Leave the Adderall. L-- Uh-huh.
That's for the white people."
Y'all-- Y'all on your conspiracy, huh?
Ah, I don't do that shit.
I'm just fucking around.
[audience laughing]
[singing] Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
-[laughing]
-[audience cheering]
Nah, nah. I don't mess with the Adderall.
They said my last special wasn't funny,
especially all the comedians.
Comedians was really give-- giving me
a hard time on my last special,
especially Katt Williams.
[audience clamoring]
No, I didn't mind.
You know, Katt always gets you.
You know, it's-- It don't-- I don't mind.
Katt was like,
[impersonating Katt Williams]
"Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx wasn't funny.
"What had happened was
it wasn't funny, nigga.
"I don't think that shit was funny.
"That shit wasn't funny at all, sir.
That wasn't funny, Jamie Foxx."
[audience laughing]
[normal voice]
And I don't mind gettin' Katt Williams
-'cause Katt gets everybody. Am I right?
-[audience member] Yeah!
Like, you saw him on that
Shannon Sharpe interview, right?
[impersonating Shannon Sharpe]
"Oh, come on, Katt. No, come on.
"Katt, come on, Katt. Oh, come on,
now, Katt. Come-- Katt!
Really? Why?"
[audience laughing]
[normal voice] Shannon Sharpe didn't do
no follow-up questions. He said,
[as Shannon] "Katt, come on.
"Katt!
"Katt. Katt, Katt, Katt, Katt.
"Skip, skip, skip, skip, skip.
"Come on, Katt.
"Really? Why?
No, Katt. Come on, now, Katt."
[audience laughing]
[normal voice] Nigga, are you gonna
ask a follow-up question?
[as Shannon] "Katt, come on. Katt!"
[audience laughing]
[normal voice] With them teeth.
[audience laughing]
I don't want Shannon Sharpe
chasing me with them teeth.
[as Shannon] "Come on, now, Jamie.
[chomping] Come on, Jamie."
[audience laughing]
[normal] He got them new teeth.
Them-- Them new teeth.
Like, see, these? This is the '90s. Look.
[audience laughing]
These are '90s teeth.
Them 2000 teeth
is 2,000 teeth.
[audience laughing]
You see these new motherfuckers,
they're like, "God damn!"
Everybody teeth as big as fuck.
[as Shannon] "Oh, come on now, Katt.
Katt, Katt, come on.
"Katt. Really? Why?
Katt!"
[audience laughing]
But Katt was just gettin' everybody.
Remember when he said,
"Now, now, Katt, the thing is,
"now, Katt, you started with C-Cedric.
[stammering] Cedric the--"
[audience laughing]
"You started off with
Cedric the Entertainer, Katt.
"Now you guys are at odds with each other.
"So-- So, Katt, I'm just trying to get
to the bottom of it, Katt.
"So, what happened with you and Ced?
"If you were to see Cedric
right now, Katt,
what would you say?"
[as Katt] "I say I'll bust his stomach."
[audience laughing]
[as Shannon] "Really? Why?"
[audience laughing]
[as Katt] "Nigga lookin' like a walrus."
-[Jamie chuckles]
-[audience laughing]
[as Shannon] "Oh, come on now, Katt.
"Really? Why?
Katt, really? Why?"
[as Katt] [laughing maniacally]
"Lookin' like a walrus."
[normal voice] And then, Cedric called me.
Cedric called me. He was like,
[impersonating Cedric the Entertainer]
"Hey, hey, what's-- Hey, hey,
"what's up, Foxx? What's up, Foxx?
"It's Cedi-Ced.
What's-- What's happenin' with it, Foxx?
What's happenin'?"
[normal] I said, "What's up, Ced?"
[as Cedric] "Ah, oh man, I'm just calling.
"I'm sitting here just, uh-- uh--
Uh, did you see that Katt--
that Katt interview?"
-I said," Yes, I did."
-"What you think?"
I said, "You should be doing
some sit-ups."
[audience laughing]
Shannon Sharpe now is a--
is a-- is a star now,
and some people are messing with him
about his sexuality and stuff.
-[audience murmuring]
-[audience member giggling]
-You haven't heard that?
-[audience] Yeah.
Yeah, I heard-- Yeah.
They've been--
They've been questioning, like,
is-- if he's-- i-if he's LG...
uh...
-[audience member] Lock in.
-BT--
That's a lot of letters. I--
[audience member] All the acronyms.
Yeah, I-- you-- I-- You know what?
I don't do all them letters.
I just shorten it. I just make it French.
I say, "La'Gi Boutique."
[audience laughing]
It's easy for me, "La'Gi Boutique."
There was a question if he's--
if he's "La'Gi Boutique"?
I make it French.
-[audience laughing]
-You know what it is? We--
We don't know where gay comes from.
I know that stopped you
in your track, right?
That's what it is,
is that our whole society is trying
to figure out what it is.
You know, we love everybody,
but sometimes we question where does it--
I remember when I was eight years old
and I was in Texas, you know, Bible belt.
And I'm sitting there
and it's Thanksgiving.
And the whole family's having a question,
a-a-a conversation about where
does gay come from?
You know, 'cause someone says something
about the choir director or something,
and...
[audience reacting]
[audience laughing]
So, the conversation is like,
"Where does gay come from?"
And all of a sudden, my Uncle Harold
just says some wild shit
that just stopped everybody
in their tracks.
"Gay is in you."
[audience laughing]
-"What?"
-"Gay is in you.
"It could just lay dormant.
And sometimes it just flares up."
-"What the fuck?"
-"It could just--
"It could just flare-- It could flare--
You could be layin',
"and you-- You walking around straight
and then it flares up
and then you're sucking somethin'."
[audience laughing]
What the fuck is Uncle Harold
talking about?
"It's in you.
It's in you, too, little nigga.
"It'll be in there, and one day
it'll just flare up on your ass
and there you are."
And then he just walked out.
I said, "Oh shit."
[scattered laughter]
So, I was scarred.
But then, you know,
my crazy mind, I'm like,
"What if that was the case?"
What if gay is in us
and it just flares up?
So, I'm thinking like, "Yeah, man,
we about to go hoop."
"Yeah, let's go. Where's Speedy?"
-"Uh, he don't wanna go."
-"Why?"
"His gay is flaring up."
[audience laughing]
"He said he don't wanna accidentally
suck everybody dick at the court.
Again."
-[audience laughing]
-[audience members groaning]
You know, I take it further. I'm like,
"What if your favorite celebrity--
"What if your favorite celebrity
is walking around
"and their gay flared up?
What if Dave Chappelle was walking
around and his gay flared up?"
[as Dave Chappelle] "Damn, it's crazy.
I was talking about trans
and all of a sudden
I'm sucking a cock. Damn!"
[audience laughing]
"Damn, Wu-Tang, nigga, pow!"
[audience laughing]
What if Denzel Washington...?
[audience gasping]
What if his gay flared up?
[impersonating Denzel Washington]
[laughing] "Alright. Okay.
"Okay. Alright. Uh-huh.
Okay. Alright. You got that dick for me?"
[audience clamoring]
[normal voice] That sound crazy, huh?
[as Denzel]
"Alright. Okay, you got the dick, huh?
"You think you can do this shit to me?
Ding-dong ain't got shit in me!"
[audience laughing]
[normal] What if Al Pacino...?
What if his gay flared up?
[impersonating Al Pacino] "Ah!"
[audience laughing]
"Ahhh.
"Ahh.
"Ahhh.
Haa."
[audience laughing]
"Haa?"
[Jamie laughing]
"Haa!
Ha!"
[normal voice]
What if LeBron James is on the court
and his gay flared up?
[audience laughing]
[audience laughing]
[audience cheering]
[cheering and applause]
Ests escuchando?
[audience reacting]
Ests escuchando?
Where are my Latinos?
I've been on that Bad Bunny.
-[audience cheering]
-You fuck with the Bad Bunny?
["Tit Me Pregunt"
by Bad Bunny playing]
[audience cheering]
-[record scratching]
-[music stops]
You remember in the Super Bowl
that motherfucker turned aroun--
[audience cheering]
He turned that shit-- He turned around.
Motherfucker's walking on.
And I was in the audience.
I didn't know what he was saying.
[singing gibberish]
-[audience laughing]
-[continues singing gibberish]
"Da, da--" We in my section like,
"Damn, we should have took
some Spanish classes.
I don't understand.
I don't know what the fuck he saying."
[singing gibberish]
-[audience laughing]
-[continues singing gibberish]
I say, "I think he's singing
about nachos."
[audience laughing]
And then he-- he looked
right in the camera.
You see how he looked?
Motherfucker had that little
Janet Jackson...
[audience laughing]
He had that little bitty-ass
Janet Jackson starter kit. He was--
And then he-- he spoke to 'em.
And I'm glad he stuck to his guns.
He didn't speak English.
He stuck to his guns.
[cheering and applause]
He spoke Mexican.
[audience laughing]
That motherfucker spoke Mexican.
[audience laughing]
Spanish, I know. I know, but--
But, you know, niggas don't know.
He's speaking Mexican.
But then he spoke to 'em.
He said, "Duerme."
-[audience member] What?
-[audience laughing]
That's all I know how to say.
Duerme.
-[audience member] Ay!
-Huh? Huh?
[in broken Spanish]
Duerme con los angelitos negritos.
[audience laughing]
I had to put that nigga shit in there.
[in broken Spanish]
Duerme con los angelitos negritos.
Porque tambin existen.
Sexy as fuck with that shit, ay?
-[audience clamoring]
-Don't make me put that mariachi on you.
[singing in Spanish] Duerme con
[audience cheering]
Los Angelitos
Negritos
Porque tambin
Existen
Duerme con los
Aaaa!
[audience laughing]
You know how them motherfuckers
always hit that shit at the...
Duerme con los aaaa!
Sing that with me.
Duerme con los...
[Jamie and audience] Aaaa!
You gotta shake your head.
Aaaangelitos!
Negritos porque tambieen
[audience clamoring]
Existen
[audience cheering and laughing]
They thought Bad Bunny
was gonna wear a dress.
That's what they were worried
about at the Super Bowl.
You know, 'cause he'll pop out
with a skirt on for no reason.
[audience laughing]
But he didn't. He didn't.
He-- He kept it cool.
But if you look at
the background dancers...
You see them two dudes
that kind of did this?
And then they bumped nuts? I said, "Ooh."
Oye!
[audience laughing]
Coo!
Huevos!
-[Jamie chuckles]
-[audience laughing]
You see that? They was like, "Oh!"
I said, "Oh shit!"
And then the camera shot off.
'Cause they knew white people
in Nebraska was gonna be like,
"Oh, they're homoin'."
[audience laughing]
"There they are homoin'."
[audience laughing]
Everybody in my section didn't
know what was going on.
You know, I was-- I was there. I had--
I had-- I had great seats.
[audience member] Whoo!
I'm Jamie Foxx.
[audience laughing]
No, I was there, but everybody was mad.
I don't-- Them white people,
"I don't understand it!"
[breathing heavily, seething]
"I don't understand what he's saying!"
I said, "Man, just drink your drink,
nigga, and smoke
and enjoy the goddamn game, man."
Why you mad at Latinos, man?
They the best.
Give it up for our Latino
brothers and sisters, man.
-[cheering and applause]
-Goddamn.
"Well, Jamie, I don't understand."
I said, "You don't understand
Italinanons."
[audience laughing]
Italian-- Italians.
You know what the fuck I was saying.
We don't understand that either,
but we rock to that shit.
You don't know what Andrea Bo--
uh... Bocelli is saying.
[singing in Italian] O sole mio
I saw some Negroes
You don't know.
[audience laughing]
Trump didn't like that shit.
Donald Trump did not like
that halftime shit.
It's like, "Trump, did you
like the halftime?"
[impersonating Donald Trump]
"I don't like the angry rabbit."
[audience laughing]
"He's an angry--
"He's an angry rabbit.
I don't like the angry rabbit."
["Tit Me Pregunt"
by Bad Bunny playing]
[audience laughing]
Why do-- Hey, why does Trump
just start dancing?
[as Trump] "I don't like..."
[audience laughing]
[Jamie chuckles]
They said, "Trump, he got
142 million people watching."
[as Trump] "'Scuse me. 'Scuse me.
"'Scuse me.
"Fake views.
Fake views. Fake views."
[audience laughing]
[normal voice]
Donald Trump didn't vote for himself.
Let that sink in.
[audience reacting]
Oh, y'all got tight.
Y'all got-- He didn't vote for hisself.
Eighty million people
voted for Trump.
So, everybody trying to get mad at him.
He just doing him.
[as Trump]
"Hey, I just-- I don't like it. Uh..."
[normal] He ain't got a care in the world.
That motherfucker just...
[audience laughing]
I think Donald Trump just
getting some money, right?
He just making some bread.
He-- He doing what--
He doing what we would do.
I'd just make some money up in this bitch.
Four years, I'm finna stack my chips.
Am I right?
I'm not saying that's a Black thing to do,
but that's a Black thing to do.
-[audience laughing]
-Wouldn't you do the same?
I'd be like, "Nigga let's get
this bread, man. Fuck it.
We got four years."
I knew Trump was about his money
when he was selling cars
on the White House lawn.
Remember that? He was like,
[as Trump] "I love a Tesler."
[audience laughing]
[normal] Did he say "Tesler?"
[as Trump] "I love a great Tesler.
"I like a great Tesler.
"Elon makes a great car. Look at this car.
"It's a really nice car.
"It's really nice Tesler.
"I like the white Teslers.
"They're safe.
"They're privileged.
"They're privileged and safe.
I like a good, safe, white Tesler.
"I don't like the brown Teslers.
"They're bringing drugs.
"They're bringing crime.
"They're eating pets.
"They're eating dogs.
"I don't like the brown Tesler.
"I like the black Teslers. They're fast.
"Shika-- Shakuri? Uh, Sh-- Shakariki.
"Richardson drives a great black Tesler.
"I like Chaka-Khan-ariki.
"I love a black Tesler. They're strong.
You give 'em one charge
and they'll run for 400 years."
[audience clamoring]
[normal voice] I bet you get your ass
to the polls next time, won't you?
[cheering and applause]
Ests escuchando?
[audience cheering]
Shout out to my Latinos. Fuck ICE.
[audience cheering]
Fuck ICE.
Fuck ICE, am I right?
-[audience member] Fuck ICE!
-[audience cheering]
That's too much.
That's too much on y'all, man.
Y'all ain't built for that kind of shit.
And I-- I'm-- I'm-- I'm happy and sad
about the situation.
I am. I'm-- I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
I'm sad that you guys
are going through it.
But I'm happy that
we ain't going through it!
[audience cheering]
Black folks, we good!
Hadn't it been good?
It's been so free.
I've been driving
my motherfucking ass off.
I was driving up here
a thousand miles an hour,
went right past the cops.
They was like,
"Go on, nigger! We're not looking for you.
Go on, nigger."
[audience laughing]
Hey, I tried to told y'all.
Hey, Black people tried
to tell y'all don't-- Hey!
'Cause sometimes y'all
try to act like you're white.
I said, "Don't." And they would
never believe me.
I said, "Man, when them cops
on your ass it's a m--"
"Ah, come on, bro, you're--
you're exaggerating."
I said, "I don't know."
Now...
Oye!
[audience laughing]
Now they fucked up.
My Latino friends said, "Jamie,
you're not going to believe this."
-"What happened?"
-"They stopped me with no probable cause."
I'm like, "Get the fuck out."
[audience laughing]
[as Shannon Sharpe] "Really? Why?"
[audience laughing]
"I had my ID and everything, bro,
and they still Tased me."
"What in the George Floyd are you saying?"
[audience laughing]
"You gotta be Rodney King-ing me."
[audience laughing and clapping]
[audience clamoring]
When you come to Oakland to do business,
what kinda business do you do?
[audience] Town Business!
I live in an all-white neighborhood, so...
-I'm good. [chuckles]
-[audience laughing]
Matter of fact, this is the most
niggas I've seen in a long...
[audience laughing]
Nigga, I live away from y'all.
I am nowhere close to this.
I am in the whitest...
I don't see none of these hairstyles.
I don't see none of th--
I don't see a press comb, no--
I'm in whitey-land.
I live in Westlake,
the whitest place in the world.
And it's so white and safe.
-[audience laughing]
-I feel safe.
And I don't know about you, but I chuckle.
I chuckle. When I'm around
my white friends, I chuckle.
"Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
[audience laughing]
"Ha-ha-ha! Bob, you're so silly.
Ha-ha-ha!"
Y'all don't do that?
Y'all know y'all chuckle at y'all job
with them corny-ass jokes,
them white people jokes.
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Stanley, you're so silly.
Ha-ha-ha!"
I be chuckling in my white Rolls-Royce.
"Ha-ha-ha!"
But I keep it real, though.
I'm still a nigga.
When I'm driving through
my white neighborhood,
you know I got my motherfuckin'
system in my car
turned all the way up.
And you know what song I'm playing.
["Gang Gang Gangland"
by Chef Boy playing]
Get up! Get up!
I be outside with my gang,
I'm from the Deuce
The Fo', the Bix, the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo',
the Bix, the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo'
The Bix, the Eight, the Nine,
I'm from the Deuce
The Fo', the Bix, the Eight...
[Jamie rapping]
And I be slidin' down Rosecrans
-With my close friends
-With my what?
Bitch, I ain't no kid, I'm a grown man
And I don't need yo' cash,
got my own bands
But they call me Mr. Break-a-bitch
in Japan and I'm with gang, gang
-Gang, gang
-Yeah, gang, gang
Big dog shit, dog tag,
let them chains hang
-Bitch, I'm from the Deuce
-Deuce
Bitch, I'm from the Fo'
-Enterprise Park, some--
-Somewhere you can't go
That's on Roy, that's on Roy
I'ma go nuts, go nuts like Almond Joys
Bitch, I'm from the Deuce,
bitch, I'm from the Fo'
-The Fo'
-Enterprise Park
-Somewhere you can't go
-And I be yellin' out, "Gang, gang"
-What?
-Do you gang bang?
I be outside with my gang, gang
Show yo' gang signs if you gang bang
-I be out--
-I be outside with my gang
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo',
the Bix, the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo'
The Bix, the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo', the Bix--
-Stop, stop. I love the song.
-[record scratching]
The first part of it,
I feel like a gangster.
-[audience laughing]
-Am I right?
That first part, I feel like I could just,
"Shit, I'll... Nigga, what?"
I'm in Beverly Hills,
walking all fuckin'...
[audience laughing]
On Rodeo, nigga, holding a cat.
-Nigga just...
-[audience laughing]
[Jamie laughing]
Trying to hold onto some shit.
I don't know.
But the first part of the song
is gangster.
But that part where the dance is,
when that come up,
I look like a little bitch.
-[audience laughing]
-I'll be like,
And I be yelling out, "Gang, gang"
Do you gang bang?
I'll be outside with my gang, gang
Show your gang signs if you gang, gang
I'll be outside with my gang
I'm from the Deuce, the four...
[audience laughing]
Deuce, the four, the B...
I'm from the Deuce, the four, the Bix
Say the Deuce, the two bits,
the four bits, the six bits
A dollar, the Deuce, the four--
I look like a little bitch!
-[audience laughing]
-Change the dance, nigga.
I'm from the Deuce, the four, the--
[audience laughing]
I'm from the Deuce, the four,
the Bix, the eight, the--
[audience laughing]
My white neighbors don't know what
the fuck to do when I play that shit.
"Wow, such a spirited song."
[audience laughing]
I'ma be honest with you,
a gangbanger really pulled up on me.
I was at Nobu.
[audience reacting]
Yes, the whitest of whitest places.
And I'm in there, I'm right by the water,
and I'm with my white friends.
I'm chuckling.
[chuckling] "Isn't this great?
We're away from all of 'em."
[audience laughing]
And I'm chuckling and shit.
I'm in mid-chuckle and a real
gangbanger walked up on me.
It was like,
"Nigga, what's brackin' with it, Jamie?"
I said, "Oh, shit."
[audience laughing]
"What's brackin', homie?
You gang banging?"
I said, "No, I chuckle."
[audience laughing]
"Ha-ha-ha!" And it-- This is real. That--
This ain't even part of my joke.
He walked in,
"What's brackin'?"
And I'm looking, I said, "Oh, my God."
I haven't seen a gangbanger
in the wild, in a long time.
No, so I was out of practice.
He was pressing,
"Nigga, what's poppin' with it, nigga?
What's brackin',
Jamie Foxx in this bitch?"
I said, "Oh, how did you get in here?"
[audience laughing]
No, 'cause there's levels of security.
I'm like, "Nigga, they had
to say something."
His shirt was open.
The nigga was fresh off some dips.
"What's up nigga? What's brackin'?"
My white friends didn't know
what was going--
-"Is this your cousin?"
-"No, this is danger."
[audience laughing]
"This is danger, nigga. It ain't good."
'Cause, you know, in the '90s,
they were-- I knew. I knew how
to handle it in the '90s.
This new gangbanger--
And I've been with-- around white people,
I was off my game.
He said, "Nigga, I'ma ask you again.
Nigga, what's brackin' with it, homie?"
I was so shocked.
I just gave him the items on the menu.
-[audience laughing]
-"What's brackin'?"
I said, "Well, they got
the baked crab hand roll."
[audience laughing and cheering]
"They got a lobster roll.
"They got edamame.
Do you-- Do you have any, uh,
allergies, Master Loke?"
-[audience laughing]
-[Jamie chuckles]
And then-- And then I forgot
my gang affiliation.
I didn't know what he was.
He kept saying, "What's brackin', nigga?"
I said, "Oh, my goodness, let me think."
[audience laughing]
"What is bracking?
Where is he from?"
And then it came to me, I said,
"Well, they have the California roll."
He said, "Yeah, nigga.
Let me get a Balifornia roll."
I said, "Oh."
[audience laughing]
"What's up, Blood?
Or Crip?!"
I be yelling out gang, gang
Do you gang bang?
I be outside with my gang, gang
I'm from the Deuce, Deuce
The Fo', Fo', the Bix,
the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo',
the Bix, the Eight, the Nine
-I'm from the Deuce--
-[record scratching]
I'm from the Deuce. The four. The four...
[audience laughing]
Ain't no way you could gangbang
in that section.
[audience laughing and clapping]
When you come to Oakland for business,
what kind of business do you do?
[audience] Town Business!
-I made it.
-[audience member] Whoo!
April 11th, a few days ago, was my
three-year anniversary of me making it.
-It's--
-[cheering and applause]
-I cannot tell you.
-[air horn blares]
I cannot tell you how great it feels
to be in front of you, Oakland.
-[audience cheering]
-It feels amazing. I made it.
And I-- I-- And I--
I don't take it for granted.
[audience member] We love you!
I-- I love you back.
-[audience cheering]
-I wanted to come here and just do jokes.
You know what I'm saying?
But I gotta-- I gotta tell--
I made it. And the thing is, is like
when I was going through it,
it was weird, it was like--
It's like, I don't know if you
ever thought about, like,
what would people do if you died?
And so, that's what I went through.
It's like-- It's like I--
It's like I could see-- It's like--
It's like I died and I could see
the results of my death,
what it did to my family,
what it did to my friends.
And I didn't like that. I said, "God,
give me another chance. Come on, man."
And He did. He gave it.
[cheering and applause]
But you know, my family is crazy, too.
My family is funny.
So, some of my family members
couldn't wait for me to get my shit right
so they could make fun of me.
Especially my pops.
Like, my dad, he couldn't wait.
He couldn't wait to fuck with me
because he started living
with me 20 years ago
and he's from Texas.
But when he moved in,
I gave him that California shit.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey,
"fuck all that fried food you eatin'.
"This is California.
"Okay, this is gluten--
gluten-free."
[audience laughing]
This is veget-- Vege-to-tables.
With all that fried--"
'Cause he would--
Pops would just fry everything.
He'll fry a tennis racket.
He don't give a fuck. He's--
And I said, "You'll-- You'll--
You'll do the right-- This is a te--
"Look at my body. I'm a temple.
"I'm a temple.
So, you eat the right foods.
"You'll have a glass of wind
in the morning
and a cup of air at night."
[audience laughing]
"'Cause I'm a temple.
This body, I put only the best in it."
And then I stroked out.
Stroked the fuck out.
He couldn't wait for me to get right
so he could fuck with me.
And you know, he smokes
and he stutters. He was like...
[inhales sharply, stammering indistinctly]
-[audience laughing]
-[continues stammering]
"Uh, shit, you could have been
eating bacon the whole time, nigga."
[audience laughing]
"Talking about, uh, glute--
gluten-free and shit.
All of a sudden, you looking like this..."
[audience laughing]
"[stammering] Shit, nigga,
you-- you need fried food. Shit.
"Get-Get-Get-- Get you some chicken
in your goddamn body.
Some fried chicken
and some hog maw and shit."
[audience laughing]
"Your-- Your grandmother lived to 96.
"She ate pork chops...
[stammering]
-[Jamie chuckles]
-[audience laughing]
"...every motherfucking day
talking about, uh, yo-- your temple,
look at your temple."
[audience laughing]
And you know my pops stutter,
but, you know,
the only time my pops doesn't stutter...
is when he talk to a girl.
Pops will be like talking shit.
"[stammering] I-I'm-- I'm telling you,
M-Michael Jordan a-and...
[stammering indistinctly]
Hello, sweetheart."
[audience laughing]
"Fine, fine. How are you?
"Yes, we're just sitting here having a...
"Had a bit of a-- a bit of a chat.
How are you?
"Good, good, good. Alright.
"Okay, then. Yeah.
"I'll talk to you. Good deal. Okay.
Bye."
[stammering indistinctly]
[audience laughing]
Now my pops has gotten older,
he's obsessed with dying now.
He thinks he's dying all the time.
And it's sad. I feel bad.
And he just, he's-- He's Fred Sanford
from Sanford and Son.
He's just constantly dying.
He walked past me, he says,
"Uh... [stammering]
I think I'm coming down with that stroke."
[audience laughing]
I said, "Pops, you can't 'come down'
with a stroke. It's not COVID."
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You gave me that shit.
[inhales, exhales sharply]
"You gave me that shit. You little--
little old nigga, you did, you--
you-- you rubbed up against me
and my whole left side went numb."
[audience laughing]
"Little old nigga."
[Jamie chuckles]
He just thinks he's dying all the time.
And every day I see him,
it's getting just closer and closer.
I said, "Pops, how you feel today?"
"Won't be long now.
"I'll be on my way to glory.
Be on my way to glory. Won't be long."
I said, "Come on, Pops,
it's not like that."
Literally, a few days ago I said,
"Pops, how you feeling?"
He said, "I got 30 minutes left."
[audience laughing]
"Thirty good minutes.
Thirty good minutes before I go--
"[stammering] go-go-go-go-go-go...
Go to glory."
And then two days ago, I said,
"Pops, how you feeling?"
He said, "Ten, nine,
eight, seven, six."
[audience laughing]
We got nominated for my special.
-[audience cheering]
-And I went to the Golden Globes.
[audience member] Whoo!
I haven't been to the Golden Globes since
this little movie named Ray.
[cheering and applause]
I went to the Golden Globes
and I'ma be honest with you,
I didn't recognize nobody there.
And it wasn't because I ain't in the--
in the-- in the mix.
It's just them white people
and the plastic surgery.
[audience laughing]
Everybody had different faces.
I said, "Ooh, y'all two-faced."
-Three-faced.
-[audience member] Whoo!
Four-faced.
I don't like to say Black people
be doing this
and white people be doing that,
but in the--
in the case of plastic surgery,
that is true.
Like, we're very different in our taste
when it comes to what we want
to augment and change, right?
Am I right? Like, Black people
will get a BBL, right?
-[audience murmuring]
-[audience member] Whoo!
[audience laughing]
Come on, now.
So, y'all ain't got no BBL out there?
Some of y'all look like y'all
sitting on five booties.
[audience laughing]
Sitting way the fuck up here. Some--
Somebody got a BBL in this motherfucker,
y'all too tall.
Sitting on nine asses.
[audience laughing]
Them early BBLs is what I like, though.
Them motherfuckers was... [hand smacking]
-[audience member] Solid.
-...solid.
Remember the early ones?
Now they all gushy.
But that first one, I said-- I met a girl,
that motherfucker was...
I was like, "Goddamn. Yeah, this shit..."
I was on the back of that shit.
I just started doing the pommel horse
from the Olympics.
[audience laughing]
"If Foxx sticks the landing,
he will go ahead of the Russians."
-[foot thudding]
-[audience laughing]
White women get they whole face changed.
They do the whole face
and expect you to remember...
[audience member] Right?
...what they used to look like.
I'ma be-- This is a story.
Uh, it-- Years ago, I was in Miami
and I met this white lady.
[audience clamoring]
Sh-- It was back before I rehabilitated.
[audience laughing]
Fuck y'all. Let me grow!
-[audience clamoring]
-Let me grow. I told you, just let me--
This was years-- It was years ago.
Give me a pass!
[audience clamoring]
Give me one pass, Black women, goddamn.
Damn! Damn, twin. Like, shit.
Damn, twin, I couldn't help--
That white bitch was on me, though.
That white-- That old white bitch
was on me, though.
It really happened.
I ran into this older lady.
She was like 60s,
and it was, you know, she was--
And she was on her,
like, third face, right?
[audience laughing]
And you know how some of them--
It wasn't a thing.
It was like she wanted the--
the experience.
We weren't gonna date. She just--
You know how white women, "I just wanna...
"feel like I'm in the jungle.
Take me to Wakanda."
[audience laughing]
You know, she wanted
an adventure that night.
"I want an adventure, Jamie.
Take me to the Black Panther."
[audience laughing]
And I was like, "Shit, I could..."
[vocalizing]
[singing gibberish]
[audience member] Yeah!
[singing gibberish]
[audience laughing]
It happened. It was-- I took her to the--
I took her to the jungle.
[singing gibberish]
-[audience laughing]
-[continues singing gibberish]
[clicking tongue]
[continues singing gibberish]
-[audience cheering]
-[continues singing gibberish]
[trilling tongue]
[mimicking animals chirping]
Shit, she walked out that motherfucker,
"Thank you!"
[audience laughing]
But three years later,
she ran back up on me
in Miami,
but she had changed her face.
She was like, "Jamie!"
[audience laughing]
"Jamie." I said, "Ma'am."
"Jamie, it's me, Elizabeth."
I said, "I don't think I ever met you."
"Are you fucking serious?"
[audience laughing]
"You ravished me in the foyer
of the Delano."
I said, "I don't remember that."
"Are you fucking serious?
"You couldn't keep your little
niggra hands off of me
in the foyer of the Delano."
I said, "Ma'am, I think you got me
mixed up with Chris Rock.
I don't know who the fuck..."
"Are you fucking serious?
"Speedy was there.
"Everybody was there.
You couldn't keep your little--
"Remember Wakanda...
[speaking gibberish]
...in the foyer of the Delano?"
I said, "Ma'am, I don't think
I remember, uh, any of that."
"Are you fucking serious?"
[audience laughing]
"We were all there in the foyer
of the Delano."
I said, "Ma'am, I-- I seriously think
you got the wrong Black celebrity."
[audience laughing]
"I do not have the wrong Black celebrity.
It was you. I remember your big hands."
[audience laughing]
"And you've ravished me...
[audience clamoring]
...in the foyer of the Delano."
So, she pressing me. I'm like,
"I don't remember this motherfuck--"
And my security was over there.
So, you know how you-- you yell,
but you whisper?
And I was like, "Hey, man, come--"
[audience laughing]
And we say, "Come get this bitch," right?
"Come get this bitch."
[audience laughing]
And if it's real serious, you say,
"Nigga, come get this bitch," right?
"Nigga!"
[audience laughing]
"Come get this bitch."
Say it with me. What?
[all together]
Nigga, come get this bitch.
So, when I looked at my security,
she clocked it. She was like...
[audience laughing]
"Oh, I'm the problem now?
"Oh, I'm the fucking problem?
I wasn't a problem
in the foyer of the Delano."
[audience laughing]
And then the security came over
and grabbed her arm. She said,
"No, un-- No, let me get my phone.
"Un-ass me. Un-ass me.
"Don't you put your fucking...
"Cuban hands on me.
"Don't put your hands on me. Let me--
Let me get my phone."
[audience laughing]
[laughter and applause]
You know your face is fucked up
when even Siri don't know
who the fuck you are.
[audience laughing]
[laughter continues]
I made jokes about Halle Berry.
I had to...
I had to-- I had to ask her
if everything was okay.
And I hit Halle. I said, "Halle, we good?"
She said, "Oh, you so silly. Go ahead.
"You're so silly, Jamie.
Your little jokes. I'm glad--
You so silly."
I was like, "Damn, Halle, thank you."
But I did have a bone to pick with Halle.
No, I did. I didn't--
I don't like that, um,
that menopause commercial she doing.
[scattered laughter]
Did anybody see that?
She says, "Hey, ladies."
I like that part.
"Hey ladies, I'm Halle Berry."
I like that part.
She says, "I know it gets hot and then
your menopause, and thing--"
And then she says,
"And I know sometimes it feels like
you got razor blades in your vagina."
I said, "Oh!"
[audience laughing]
This is the actual commercial.
She said, "You got razor blades in your--"
I said, "Oh, shit."
But I told her, I said, "I don't care."
[audience laughing]
Am I right? We still hitting.
I don't care. I'll take the chance.
I'm like, "Halle, I don't care if you
got a lawnmower in there."
[audience laughing]
"I'm trying to hit."
I said, "I don't care if you got
Edward Scissorhands in there."
[audience laughing]
"I'm trying to hit."
[audience laughing]
I said, "Halle, I don't care if you
got a ceiling fan on high.
I'm trying to time that shit."
[mimics fan blades rattling]
[mimics fan revving]
[mimics fan blades rattling]
-[mimics fan revving]
-[audience laughing]
[mimics fan blades rattling]
[mimics fan revving]
-[mimics fan blades rattling]
-[audience laughing]
[mimics fan revving]
[mimics fan rhythm increasing]
[exhales heavily]
["Halle Berry (She's Fine)"
by Hurricane Chris playing]
-Halle Berry
-Halle Berry
She walk it like a--
-[record scratching]
-[music stops]
That shit is funny, nigga. I don't care.
I'm not gonna put it in the special.
I'ma cut it.
[audience laughing]
No, I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that. I'm not.
Yeah, this is for y'all.
[audience laughing]
Take care of yourself.
[audience members] Love you!
[cheering and applause]
Take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself.
[audience member] That's right!
Don't you hate that now?
Now that we old.
That's what niggas say to you now.
"Take care of yourself."
The fuck?
[audience laughing]
What do you mean?
"Take care of yourself."
That's what they say now we old
and got gray and shit.
"Take care of yourself."
Every time a little nigga say,
"Take care of yourself."
"What the fuck you keep
telling me that shit?"
Is it-- That-- I hate that shit.
You remember back in the day
we used to celebrate?
Oh, we won the championship.
And, oh-- oh we used to celebrate,
I got a brand new car.
Now you know what you celebrate?
Blood pressure readings.
[audience laughing and clapping]
"122. Yeah, great.
Take care of yourself."
Back in the day,
we was talking about hoes.
Now we're talking about hip replacements.
"Did you go over or under the muscle?
Goddamn! Take care of yourself."
I don't wanna get old. Fuck that.
I'm not-- I'm not buying into that shit.
"Take care of yourself."
Remember back in the day, we used to be
like, "Nigga, what's happenin'?
You good?" It was young.
Now, it's... "Take care of yourself."
Fuck!
Old. And I even get old gigs now.
Back in the day, I used to get gigs like,
"Uh, uh, we gon' have you come
open the club in-- in Vegas."
I said, "What you gonna pay me?"
"We're gonna pay you in--
in cocaine and bitches."
"Ooh!
Yum!"
[audience laughing]
Now you know what kind of gigs I get?
Prostate cancer.
"We need your voice."
[audience laughing]
Diabetes.
"We need your voice."
You know what? I got a gig
for an Alzheimer's charity.
They didn't remember
a motherfucking thing.
[audience laughing]
But they remembered to tell me,
"Take care of yourself."
[audience laughing]
[laughter and applause]
Get your prostate checked.
[audience member] Whoo!
[audience members cheering]
I hate telling you that,
'cause that means we old.
Fuck it. But you gotta get
your prostate checked.
-Fuck.
-[audience member] Yep.
I hate that shit.
Get-- Get it checked, though.
The first doctor that came in,
his knee was off.
[audience laughing]
And-- And his hand was hooked.
I'm like, "What the fuck?"
I said, "You ain't going up in--
You ain't coming in here, though.
You ain't coming up in this."
I said, "Hey, hey, hey,
y'all give me a better-looking doctor."
And they did. It was a dude.
He came in 6'2"...
you know, light-skinned.
He had almond-- almond-shaped eyes.
[audience laughing]
He was pleasant.
And he talked nice to me, too.
He was nice. He was--
He was talking nice, seen all my movies.
I said, "Wow, you...
You keeping up, huh?"
And then he-- he-he-he-- he lit a candle.
[audience exclaiming]
No, he lit a candle in the corner.
I was like...
[sniffing]
"Is that Sandalwood?"
He's like, "Yeah." I said,
"Ni-- Nice choice."
So-- So now--
Now, it's the moment of truth.
He says, "Okay, take your clothes off."
I-- So, I took my clothes off.
There I am, Django.
You know what I'm saying?
The "D" ain't silent,
but I'm taking my clothes off
and I'm-- I'm like this.
And he says, "Okay, bend over."
And I said, "Okay, whoom, I'm there."
Then he says,
"Could you bend over a little more?"
I said, "Hey, look here, um, uh, cowboy...
[audience laughing]
"...if you can't get to it
from this angle,
"we're not gonna have
this procedure today.
"I'm already bent over.
I'm skiing. I'm..."
-[audience laughing]
-[audience member] Yeah! Yeah!
So, now as I'm skiing,
I'm in the position and he leans over
in my ear and he says,
"Don't get hard, Dan."
[audience reacting, scattered laughter]
I said, "Man, my name ain't Dan."
He said, "No,
my name's Dan."
[audience groaning]
I just wanna let you know
that I'm cancer-free.
-[cheering and applause]
-[air horn blaring]
But as I was walking out the door,
you know what he said to me?
-[audience] Take care of yourself.
-Take care.
[audience laughing and clapping]
But I'm trying not to be old.
I even-- I-- I fucked around
and went to a young club.
You know the little young motherfuck--
I knew I shouldn't have been in there.
'Cause you remember back in the day
-when you see the old...
-[audience member] Yep.
...old nigga in the club
with the manicured gray beard and shit
and the-- and the-- and the, uh, uh...
jazz fest, uh...
What they call that shit?
What's the crinkle shit?
[audience member] Linen. Linen.
Linen! Remember them old niggas?
I said, "What the fuck is this
old nigga doing in here?"
[audience laughing]
"Uh, hey, there. How y'all--"
[laughing]
I'm that now.
[audience laughing]
I'm the old motherfucker.
And I went to this young club
and I knew I shouldn't of went,
but I knew I was old when
I was getting dressed.
I put on a mock neck.
[audience laughing]
Not a turtleneck, but a mock neck.
I put on a mock neck
and my sister's watching me like,
-"What you doing?"
-"I'm putting on a mock neck."
-"To do what?"
-"I'm going to the club."
[audience laughing]
And then I put on some slacks.
She said, "Nigga, you look old."
"No. I look presentable."
[audience laughing]
And I got in my old Rolls-Royce.
It was a old-- It's a 2008 Rolls-Royce.
And I got in that.
And I don't know about y'all,
but why is it when the car get old,
the steering wheel get bigger?
I got in that motherfucker,
I was like...
[audience laughing]
And the blinker was loud.
[mimics loud car blinker]
So, I drive this goddamn old-ass car
to this young club,
and the YNs is pulling up in Lamborghinis
and Ferraris and shit.
And I'm like, "Alright, guys.
About to turn in."
[mimics loud car blinker]
And my top is down and I heard
one of them young niggas say,
"Yo, who's driving
the black refrigerator?"
[audience laughing]
"Oh, is that geared towards me?"
[audience laughing]
I fell in the club.
[audience laughing]
-I fell.
-[audience member] Oh.
Not too long ago, I fell.
I said, "Oh shit, I'm really old.
I fell in the motherfucking club."
And what I don't tell people
is that my dizziness from my situation
still happens, so--
But I don't want to tell nobody.
I'm-- I'm--
I'm Jamie Foxx.
So, I don't want to tell nobody, but I'm--
I'm in the-- I'm at-- I'm at F1 in Miami.
It's-- It's incredible.
It's a packed club and it's,
Timothe Chalamet was in there and--
and-and Kendall Jenner
and-and all the Kardashians
and some niggas.
[audience laughing]
You know that anytime
you see some Kardashians,
there'd be some niggas,
you know what I'm saying?
They-- They get that shit poppin', huh?
Like, Kim-- Kim was in there,
Kim Kardashian.
I-- You know what? I--
She always pulls 'em.
I-- I got a crazy theory
of why she's good at it.
-Should I-- Should I s--
-[audience] Yeah.
She was speaking sexy mosquito.
[mimicking mosquito buzzing]
[audience laughing]
[continues mimicking mosquito buzzing]
Ladies, that's what you gotta do.
Speak mosquito to your man.
I'm fucking with you.
[mimics mosquito buzzing]
[audience laughing]
So, I'm in the club and I fell.
So I fell in there, and--
But here's the thing, but--
But the club was packed, you see.
It had Timothe Chalamet,
Kendall Jenner,
the Kardashians...
[mimics mosquito buzzing]
...and some niggas.
But I'm sitting there
and I didn't want to,
you know, I didn't want to tell nobody
that I was kinda dizzy.
And then, I didn't realize that...
I had reached a different level of age.
'Cause, uh, while I was in there,
Jordan Clarkson,
the basketball-playing nigga,
he's like 6'9".
He ran up on me, and he said,
"What's up, Triple OG?"
I said...
[audience laughing]
"Triple?"
[audience laughing]
"How the fuck I turned into a Triple OG?"
"Yeah, triple." And he had a chair.
He said, "Triple OG, I--
Man, I saw your special, man.
Yo, you okay in here?"
I said, "Yeah, but how do--"
"No, Triple OG,
I was just checking on you."
And I said, "What is that you got?"
He said, "I got a chair."
"You got a chair for me? Nigga, what?"
He said, "Yeah." I was like... [scoffs]
[audience laughing]
[laughter and applause]
That motherfucker came at the right time.
My back was killing me.
Am I right?
When you get old, that back go out?
My back was singing like Pavarotti.
[singing gibberish operatically]
-[audience laughing]
-[continues singing operatically]
But I said, "I ain't gon' sit here.
I ain't gon' sit here and just get old."
I said, "I'ma get in this Formula One
party in Miami."
And it was packed and I had my drink.
And it was Timothe Chalamet
and, uh, uh, uh, Kendall Jenner, and...
[mimics mosquito buzzing]
...and then the gang of niggas.
So, I'm walking and shit,
but my dizziness happens
whenever someone says my name
-and I jerk my head too fast.
-[audience member] Oh.
So, I'm went-- I'm-- It's packed,
but somebody said, "Jamie!"
And I did this. I turned around,
I said, "Oh shit, I'm falling.
"I'm finna fall.
Django going down."
So, I said, "I'm finna fall."
And I'm like this, and it was so packed,
I would've fell earlier,
but it was so many motherfuckers,
I was just... bouncing into niggas.
I bounced into Timothe Chalamet,
bounced into Kendall Jenner,
bounced into...
[mimics mosquito buzzing]
...bounced into the niggas.
And then, at one point I said,
"Fuck it, Foxx, you got to go."
I said, "I'm finna go."
And I started to fall,
but it was a white girl in front of me,
little white girl in front of me.
I said, "I know what I'm gonna do.
"I'm gonna brace myself
on this little white girl
and break my fall."
So, I leaned on this white girl,
but she ain't never
worked out in her life.
[audience laughing]
She gave way. I said, "Ah."
She said, "Ah!" Now, I'm-- I'm--
I'm laying on this--
leaning on this little young white girl.
She don't know who I am.
She's like, "Fuck, who's this Black...
[audience laughing]
Who's this old Black per--"
I'm like, "No, it's-- I'm Django-- Um...
I don't know how to tell-- tell it. No--"
So, I'm leaning on her and I said,
"Lean on your friend."
And she leaned on her friend
and her friend ain't ever worked out.
So, we all falling.
We all falling.
As I'm falling--
But as I'm falling, I looked--
I saw the-- the table.
I said, "There it is, J.
"Break your fall.
"Put your hand on that table
"and save yourself, Django.
"'Cause everybody's looking at you.
"Timothe Chalamet, Kendall Jenner...
[mimics mosquito buzzing, chuckles]
...the niggas."
So, I went to put my hand on the table.
It was wet.
[audience groaning]
I said, "Ah!" I said, "Fuck it. Fuck it."
So, I just went, "Jack."
I just went "Jack" from Titanic.
[audience laughing]
I just laid on these little white girls.
I said, "Fuck it, I'm sorry."
And they-- they don't know who I am.
"Who the fuck is on me?"
I said, "Yeah, I'm-- I've--
"I did movies before you were--
I don't know, I-- Fuck, just lay--"
So, I just laid on top of these
three little white girls.
And all of a sudden, in the back,
I heard my hero say,
"Triple OG!"
[audience laughing]
And it was Jordan Clarkson.
And he came over
and grabbed me
and lifted me up off of these
little white bitches.
-He lifted me up. He saved me.
-[audience applauding]
The only problem is that
when he lifted me up,
I had on drawstring pants.
So, the way he grabbed me was...
[audience laughing]
I said, "Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold, wait."
"I got you, Triple OG."
"Wait, wait, wait, wait."
And then he say, "I got you!"
[audience laughing]
"I got you."
[laughter continues]
And then I said, "Dan?"
-[audience member] Dan?
-[audience laughing]
"Dan, is that you?"
[audience laughing]
It's gotta be Dan.
No one else has been in there.
Why is it so easy?
"Goddamn Dan, that ring finger."
So, Jordan Clarkson now picks me up
and has me on the end of his finger.
And he's 6'9".
He walks me past Timothe Chalamet.
He walked me past Kendall Jenner.
He walked me past...
[audience mimicking mosquito buzzing]
He walked me past the niggas,
but the niggas was tall,
so he had to lift me up.
And I was like this...
[audience laughing]
I said, "Wow, I've never seen
the club like this before,
from this angle."
You know what it was like?
It was like the Macy's Day Parade.
You ever seen the Macy's Day Parade?
I was like that, but it's a windy day.
So I was like, "Go that way.
No, go that way.
Go that way. Go that way."
[audience laughing]
And he had me on the end of his finger,
and then he rested me safely
in the chair that he brought me.
[panting heavily]
[laughter and applause]
[audience members cheering]
[continues panting]
-"You okay, Triple OG?"
-"Yeah."
-"You know you fell?"
-"I did. I seen it."
[audience laughing]
[clicks tongue]
"You know everybody saw you?"
"I know it. I saw.
Who saw me?"
He said, "Uh...
Timothe Chalamet."
[audience laughing]
-"Yeah."
-"Kendall Jenner."
[Jamie and audience
mimicking mosquito buzzing]
"And the niggas."
[audience laughing]
[sighs heavily] "Yeah. Well...
[sucks teeth]
"...it had to happen, I guess.
I shouldn't have been in here, anyway."
-[scattered laughter]
-[Jamie sighs]
"I know, Triple OG.
It's probably time you stop
coming to these functions."
[audience laughing]
"You got a point, Jordan Clarkson.
[sighs]
Have you ever thought about
going into the medical field?"
[audience laughing]
He said, "Nah."
[inhales sharply, clears throat]
And then, he walked out of the club.
But just as he was leaving,
he looked back at me and said,
"Hey, Triple OG..."
[audience] Take care of yourself.
"...take care of yourself."
[cheering and applause]
["Gang Gang Gangland"
by Chef Boy playing]
Do you gang bang?
I be outside with my gang, gang
Chunk yo' gang signs if you gang bang
I be outside with my gang
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo',
the Bix, the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo', the Bix,
the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo',
the Bix, the Eight, the Nine
I'm from the Deuce, the Fo', the Bix,
the Eight, the Nine
And I be slidin' down Rosecrans
With my close friends
-Bitch, I ain't no kid, I'm a grown--
-[record scratches, music stops]
[audience cheering]
[audience member] Yes, Jamie!
Oakland, I can't thank you enough.
[audience cheering]
[gentle piano music playing]
[audience members] Whoo!
[singing] Gang, gang
[audience laughing]
[gentle piano continues]
Gang, gang

Gang, gang
Gang, gang!
[audience member] Whoo!
While they yelling out, "Gang, gang"
I don't gang bang
I'm yelling out love
[audience cheering]
I'm yelling out love
Oh, gang, gang
-Gang, gang
-[audience cheering]
Gaaang, gang
[audience member] Yeah!
While they yelling out, "Gang, gang"
I'll be yelling out love
[audience member] Whoo!
-[R&B music playing]
-While they yelling out, "Gang, gang"
Ay, yay
I'm, I'm yelling out
I'm yelling out love, oh, oh
O-Town, 510
[audience cheering]
While they yelling out, "Gang, gang"
I'll be yelling out love
While they yelling out, "Gang, gang"
I'll be yelling out love
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
Hee-yee-yee-yee
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yelling out love
The Bix, the eight, the nine,
from the Deuce
The four
The Bix, the eight, the nine
That's on Roy
I don't know who Roy is
[audience laughing]
I don't know who Roy is
But while they're yelling out
Gaaang, gang
I'll be yelling
I'll be yelling out love
[audience cheering]
I'll be yelling out love
[fingers snapping]
I won the comedy competition
on this stage in 1991.
[cheering and applause]
I was a kid.
But now I have a kid.
She carries a guitar.
[guitar strumming]
[cheering and applause]
[cheering and applause continue]
Give it up for Annalise, my sweetie,
my beautiful daughter.
What can you make the crowd rock to?
'Cause, you know.
Oh, you got some stuff? You--
You got something?
You got something?
[guitar rock music playing]
That's my baby! Turn that shit up.
[band playing R&B music]
Throw them hands up!
This is what it's all about, Oakland.
[R&B music continues]
Say, "O-Town."
[singing] O-Town
Say, "Town Business"
Say, "Town Business"
-Alright.
-[music stops]
I see you grabbed that guitar again.
You gonna make 'em sing?
[audience cheering]
Let's see if they can sing to something.
[playing "Sweet Thing"
by Chaka Khan and Rufus]
-Can y'all sing that?
-[audience cheering]
Let me hear you.
[audience singing]
I would love you anyway
Sing it!
[audience] Even if you cannot stay
I think you are the one for me
Here is where you ought to be
I just want to satisfy you
Though you're not mine,
I can't deny you
Come on, Oakland.
-Don't you hear me talking, baby?
-We're just vibing.
Love me now, or I'll go crazy
[Jamie] What is it?
Oh, oh, sweet thing
Don't you know you're my everything?
Oh, oh, sweet thing
-Give it up, Annalise.
-[cheering and applause]
One thing we are in, we are in Oaktown.
[audience] Yeah!
-And they like to get hyped.
-[audience] Yeah!
You gonna get 'em hyped? Let's do it.
[playing "Blow the Whistle"
by Too Short]
[audience cheering]
-[Jamie] What's my favorite word?
-[audience] Bitch!
Why they gotta say it like $hort?
-[audience] Bitch!
-[Jamie] Yeah!
Give it up for Annalise Foxx right now!
-[audience cheering]
-[whistle blowing]
["Blow the Whistle" continues playing]
Take care of yourself.
-[audience] Yeah!
-Take care of yourself.
And if we in Oakland for business,
what type of business is it?
[audience] Town Business!
-[mic thudding]
-[audience cheering]
I go on and on
Can't understand how I last so long
I must have super powers
Rap 225 thousand hours
Get it calculated, do the math
I made a thousand songs that
made you move your ass
For the last 300 months
I made 16 albums with me on the front
And they bump
Where you get your beats?
I heard 93 rappers say
bitch like me...