Jimmy O. Yang: Finally Home (2026) Movie Script
We come to this place for magic.
We come to the show to laugh, to cry, to care, because we need that.
All of us.
We watch our favorite performers to experience something we've never felt before.
And go somewhere we've never been before.
We're not just entertained, but lost in the moment, together, that indescribable feeling
we get when the lights start to dim.
And the show is about to start.
Shit.
Jimmy out.
Where are you going?
I'm trying to find the stage.
You always get lost.
The stage is over there.
Yeah?
Jimmy out.
Jimmy out.
You are going to do well.
OK?
Yeah?
Even though you are weak, you are short, and that you are lost, and you always make fun of me,
which I don't like.
Where's your pep talk?
What's a pep talk?
It's OK.
Thank you, Dad.
Always get lost.
I'm always so weak.
Don't call it.
Are you ready?
Make some noise.
Give it up for Jimmy.
Oh, yeah.
Give it up, Jimmy.
Give it up.
Give it up, Jimmy.
What's up, Dad?
Oh, my God.
Give it up for yourselves.
Come on to the Coliseum tonight.
I love every single one of you.
Thank you very much.
Pause it again, gang.
How about you tonight?
That was pretty cool, right?
That's like a Beyonce concert.
Hoe play don't have that shit.
Hoe play is just white people singing.
This is much more exciting, people.
I know Hong Kong is all about money, and I know Hong Kong is about money, and I know the whole thing.
I know Hong Kong is about money, and I know Hong Kong is about money.
I know Hong Kong is about money.
Yeah, I know, Hong Kong dollars. It's okay.
$50,000, but see, I'm a good Hong Kong boy.
I'm really good at math, you know.
It's $50,000 one time, but if I do it twice,
it's only $25,000.
You know what I mean? Let's do it.
Let's do it, Hong Kong. It's a Sebastian.
Let's go. Let's go. Okay, okay, okay.
You have to go, Hong Kong, bottom up.
All right, guys, Hong Kong, yo, are you ready?
Give it up! Oh, yeah!
Mustard!
Out of the street.
Yeah, baby!
Okay, stop the fireworks. Stop the fireworks.
Fireworks is $10,000 per second.
Okay? See, Sei Boon, are you gay?
This show already cost me $100,000, okay?
Whoo! Just for this, I'm going to do it one more time for you guys, okay?
I'm going to do it one more time for you guys.
Maybe this time, I'll do like the Mandarin version.
Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm going to do it one more time.
Okay, get me down there. Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go.
You should make sure you're not.
Are you ready?
You're now to have a kind of tintight, a talk-a-show.
Let's give it up!
Oh, yeah! What's up?
Hang on, Sei!
Hang on, Sei!
What's up, Oh, God?
Oh, God.
You know how hard that was to run behind the door?
Oh, my God. I'm very winded. And you know how much that door costs?
How you guys doing, Hong Kong? You guys doing good?
Thank you very much for coming. This is the first show,
first show at Hong Kong. This is my first show in Asia, man.
I love it here. I love it here. Hong Kong people have been showing me a lot of love, man.
I can't even walk outside. Everybody want to take a selfie, which is fine.
Except, like, when, like, older ladies, like, you see, like,
when they take a selfie, they go to this different app,
I don't know what it is like made to with some shit.
And we take a selfie and walk, turn it into AI cartoon characters.
I'm like, there it is. She's 50. She looks 20.
I look like I'm 5.
What is this? Put that away. Just take a regular picture.
Everyone wants to take a selfie. And then what do they say after the selfie?
They don't say thank you, Jimmy. They're like, hey, Jimmy,
fame, I'm the one.
Like, everywhere I go, I even want to renew my Hong Kong ID.
That's right. I was born and raised in Hong Kong. I still got my Hong Kong ID.
I went to Kuntong to renew my Hong Kong ID, right?
Very official building. This immigration officer looked at my ID.
He was like, sir, why didn't you come back early? Your ID's already expired.
I'm like, oh, my God, I didn't know. I didn't realize that. I'm just coming back here for some shows.
And they looked at me. He was like, I know.
I'm going to pay my bill.
When people couldn't get tickets, they keep asking me, like, for tickets.
Jimmy, can you, my friend's up with some tickets, man? I'm like, I really don't have tickets, dude.
I really don't. They got to go fend for themselves, you know? And then they're like, no, no.
They come from a really important family in Hong Kong.
I'm like, I'm going to fuck. Every family's important in Hong Kong.
That's right.
That's right, people. Comedy is for the people. Everyone.
It's not a thing for me.
It's like, you know, you talk a lot on tears.
I take a cable car up there.
It's really nice, man. I feel like tickets are harder to get than Labubus.
I love Labubus. That's also the pride of Hong Kong, right? It's a Hong Kong product.
Now it's going worldwide.
That's right.
The first time I told my mom about Labubus, she was, like, really confused.
And kind of concerned. I was like, Mom, have you heard of Labubus?
And then she looked at me and said, Nizamara, La Tutua!
La Tutua!
La Tutua, for the white people, it means diarrhea, okay?
I love it in Hong Kong. I grew up here until I was 13 years old.
Yeah, I went to Wai-an. Wai-an's you, huh?
Wai-an's, eh?
Awesome, awesome. How's it going, guys? How's it going?
Everybody's very successful. They all got front row seats, you see?
Wai-an, I.T.
Backside, I hold me.
Okay.
Don't kill me.
I just have some local humor. Just some local humor, people.
And St. Joe, they're working in the crew, okay?
I'm just kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
Guys, I'm just kidding. It's a joke. It's a joke.
It's a joke.
Oh, St. Joe, how's it going? How's it going?
Yeah? Okay.
Labubus, how's it going?
St. Joe, how's it going? How's it going?
Come here.
Good. Good, you see?
You switched teams.
He's like LeBron James, you know what I mean?
He used to play for Cleveland.
Now he's playing for the Lakers. Better team.
Better team. Good job. Good job.
I love Hong Kong, man. It's the perfect mix of new and old.
You have some nicest, tallest buildings in the world, but right next to it,
it's in Tongla, Wai.
In English, translated to hitting little people.
Dassio Young. Like, you go under the bridge in Causeway Bay,
and there's a lady hitting small people.
Hitting small people with her sandal.
You guys seen that shit, right?
You guys seen that? It's great.
It's very popular in Instagram.
Like, I want a Dassio Young.
And then this old lady asked me, who is your Sio Young?
You have to think about the name of your enemy, write it down,
and then I will slap the shit out of him.
And then I was like, oh, I actually, I'm very lucky.
I don't have any enemies.
I don't have any enemies.
I don't have any enemies.
It's okay. You don't need an enemy.
I will hit anyone.
It's just good luck for you.
And I'm like, okay, go ahead.
Just hit someone, burn some paper.
I'm gonna fuck.
You know, she started hitting it after like a minute.
She was like, okay, all done.
Your aura is great now.
And I'm like, oh, thank you.
How much?
She was like, $580.
I was like, can you hit one more person for me?
She was like, I thought you don't have any enemies.
I'm like, I have one now.
We got to know how to negotiate in Hong Kong.
It's about the money, man.
I want a Temple Street mew guy to tell you a fortune.
I love it.
There's so many different ways to tell you a fortune
in Chinese culture.
You can look at your palm.
You can tell them your birthday season, batty.
Or they can just look at your face
and see if it's fucked up or not.
But this time, I was smart, right?
I pre-negotiated with her.
I was like, how much to look at my face.
You know a lot of other people pay money to see my face.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
She was like, bingo.
I was like, okay, okay, how much?
She was like, it's $300.
I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Not this face.
How about $100?
And then she said the most Hong Kong thing is complementary
but also negotiating with you at the same time.
She was like, I like, I'm blank time.
She was like, your face is so nice.
You can afford more than 100 bucks.
That's what I knew.
If I underpay her, she's just going to talk shit.
So I'm like, okay, okay, okay.
$300 is full price.
No problem.
No problem.
See, that you should just leave it at that.
She says, my forehead is big, which is great.
It's good luck, right?
You should never ask why.
I think more than one team guy.
Not a total team guy.
A total fat seal.
Hardworking.
Okay.
I think more than one team guy.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
I think he's a little bit too weak.
He's a little bit too weak.
That means I think he's a little bit too weak.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
I'm so excited about him.
Very confused white people in the audience.
white people in the audience.
If you don't know Cantonese, it's okay.
You're in Hong Kong.
Just lean into the person next to you
and just ask,
"'Gong my lung, yeah."
I love Hong Kong, man.
The food, the food's gotta be my favorite, right?
You have like the highest end
of the best of the best Michelin star food
and just the best street food.
Senior example,
gallejutan,
nahwulan fun yudan fun,
kon tau no ho,
see you in my life,
n takai fun, right?
They say,
bao fan me.
I love it, man.
I don't need Michelin stars, okay?
First of all, I don't know if you guys know this.
Michelin stars are created by French tire company.
What do they know about Chinese food?
And let's all just agree,
first of all, French food sucks.
All right, that's right.
I don't know how they became the world voice
of how good food is.
Nobody gives a shit about French food.
If you ask a partner to go out,
you're like,
hey babe, what do you feelin' to eat?
They're usually like Italian Chinese, maybe Japanese.
Nobody's ever like French.
Really feelin' a cock-o-vin tonight.
It's some esco-go.
French food is like an Asian person's worst nightmare.
It's all just dairy and cream and bechamel.
That's gonna give you latoutu, you know what I mean?
You shit your pants.
Who cares, man?
You don't need a French culinary degree
to run a good kitchen.
You just need one Chinese uncle, man.
That's right.
He's not a chef de cuisine.
He's not a saucye.
He's just ummeng.
Ummeng is awesome.
He can make everything, man.
But you should never go to ummeng's restaurant
on a Wednesday.
Cause ummeng is too busy looking at horses.
You should never go eat on Wednesday or Sunday in Hong Kong.
Because all the chefs in the back
are too worried about their horses.
They're all watching the races from Happy Valley
instead of cooking.
They're just like,
Fudya! Fudya! Fudya!
No! Fudya!
That's Hong Kong culture, man.
Good luck racing horses.
Happy Valley.
I want a Happy Valley.
They treated me very nicely.
They were like, it's okay if you lose.
It's for charity.
Very nice people at the Jockey Club.
I actually met the CEO of the horse races.
Very nice guys, like a German guy.
And he looked at me up and down
and he told me he was like,
you know, you make for a great Jockey.
I'm like, sir, thank you.
But I'm doing fine as a comedian.
He was like, yeah, but with your size,
you'll be a great Jockey.
It's great, man.
It's great.
I love like local Hong Kong humor.
It's still very close to my heart.
My favorite movie, Scrolling Up, was like,
I was like, you know what I mean?
Still, man.
It's still some of my favorite things, man.
And then I moved to Los Angeles.
I moved to America, my family, for 25 years.
Yeah.
So a lot of times I'm like torn.
Am I like, Hong Kong?
Am I American?
It gets especially confusing
when I'm watching the Olympics.
Like, who do I roof for?
It depends, you know what I mean?
It depends.
If it's basketball, Team USA, for sure.
But I love the Hong Kong team.
I always try to root for the Hong Kong team.
But Hong Kong is only good at very specific sports.
Hong Kong is only good at, like, wake surfing and fencing.
Yeah, that's right, fencing.
That's right.
We're only good at incredibly expensive sports.
Yeah.
That's right.
So maybe Hong Kong people is not very good at sports at all.
We're just good at making money.
That's our favorite sport.
Everything's about money, man.
We're just really good with our money.
That's why I can't understand how, like, so many athletes
lose so much money, especially, like, NBA players,
like, ball players.
So you guys all heard these stories, right?
Like, Alan Iverson.
And have you guys heard about Shohei Otani?
Yeah, he's a great baseball player, Japanese guy, right?
This guy is, like, the Michael Jordan of baseball.
Shohei Otani.
He's straight up from Japan, 6'4", 210 pounds.
The last time I seen a Japanese man over 6'4".
What's Godzilla?
What's Godzilla?
I didn't even know they made him like that.
Like, it was, he's amazing, dude.
He's so good.
He won the MVP last year in Major League Baseball.
He won the World Series his first year with the Dodgers.
And then he signed the biggest contract in sports history.
$700 million.
Oh, now you guys care.
World Series MVP, whatever.
$700 million?
Oh, yeah, he must be good.
Tonya, how it calls all about the money?
And right after he signed the contract, he got caught.
He got caught gambling on his own sport, which is illegal.
He can't do that.
And then he blamed his translator.
But if you ever seen a Shohei Otani interview,
the man speaks English.
When they asked him about gambling, he just forgot all about it.
He was like, ugh.
No.
Gumburu.
But he's a nice guy, man.
I believed him.
And turns out after some investigation, his translator stole
$15 million from his bank account.
And he didn't even know about it.
I'm like, what kind of Asian are you that you don't see $17 million being gone?
If $5 is gone from my bank account, my mom will call me and warn me like she's fraud alert.
She'll be like, Jimmy, what happened?
What happened to the $5?
I'm like, mom, it's just an ATM fee here, okay?
It's no big deal.
She's like, oh, you're an ATM fee.
Oh, Jimmy, I thought I taught you better than that.
Jimmy, most people take money from ATM.
You are giving money to the ATM.
What's wrong with you?
That's my mom.
Gotta give it up for my mom, man.
She's the inspiration for many jokes.
I guess how much?
She's the best.
She's amazing, man.
She was very nervous in the beginning when I was telling jokes about her.
She was like, I mukko-mo-mo-mo.
Yeah, and now the specials came out.
People love it.
She's like, all right, later I host you.
I'm like, oh, I'm all good.
Thank you, mom.
We're tight with our money, man.
But at the same time, we love to gamble.
Asian people love to gamble.
You know why Asian people love gambling?
It's because it's our only extreme sport.
That's all we got.
White people jump out of planes.
They go bungee jumping.
You know, I guess they're adrenaline pumping.
I don't even like going outside.
It's too hot.
It's too humid, you know what I mean?
The only thing that gets my adrenaline going
is the possibility of losing money to a stranger.
I'm disciplined with my money.
I have a rule, okay?
Even in Vegas, I have a rule.
If I see a Chinese dealer across from me, I walk away.
I don't play.
We're too good.
You know, that's like an Asian on Asian crime.
And also, I feel like other dealers, like white people, you know,
black people, other Asians, Filipino-Japanese,
they are like trained to be pretty nice to you if you lose money.
You know?
They pretend.
They're like, oh my God, I can't believe I got 21 again.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Better luck next time, okay?
Chinese people don't give a fuck if you lose.
If you lose to a Chinese dealer, they show no emotion.
They're just like...
You lose.
18, 20, okay?
Can you do math?
No, do you have more money?
No, ATM is over there.
And that's how I got charged $5 ATM fee.
I love it now.
I've been really nice, man.
The first time is a family coming back like 25 years, you know?
We're still very traditional, very Chinese.
Even in America, we always eat Chinese food when we get together.
And I love eating Chinese food.
The food and also the culture of it.
You pour each other tea, you do a little bit of this,
and you share all the food, right?
It's like the culture.
I think it's a big sharing culture that we have.
See, Chinese people would share everything but the bill.
You have to fight for the bill.
It's not about the money.
It's about fighting for the honor of your family.
That's right.
I've seen my dad get into legitimate MMA fights with my uncle.
Like, just like, no, no, no, no, no.
Rare naked show, no triangle, no.
Got to be fast.
And I think the older you get, the more you fight.
It's about respect.
It's about honor.
Because fighting for the bill always starts off really, really nice, right?
Really respectful.
And then it becomes a competition on who's doing better.
I go to my dad's fighting with my uncle.
They always fight.
Oh, Gary, Gary, Gary.
You pay the last time.
Let me pay.
Let me pay.
Let me pay.
And my uncle Gary's like, no, no, no.
Richard, Richard, let me pay.
You are retired.
And my dad's like, oh, okay.
It's okay.
I'm retired.
But Jimmy's doing very well.
Okay?
That's right.
That's right.
It gets personal.
And my uncle's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Jimmy's okay, you know.
He tells jokes.
My daughter, she's a doctor.
And my dad's like, oh, your daughter is a dentist.
You know what I mean?
It gets personal.
And as they're fighting, my aunt actually stuck to the bathroom and paid for the bill already.
Like a ninja.
Those are the rules, man.
We know the rules.
If you go to the bathroom, you paying the bill.
Right, uncle?
I'll try it.
Those are the rules of engagement.
That's my respect.
That's why I've seen my dad physically stop someone from going to the bathroom.
And my friend tried to get up to go to the bathroom.
And I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Where you going?
Oh, Mr. Oh, yeah.
I just got to go take a leak in the bathroom.
I was like, oh, no, no, no, sit down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
You pee when you get home, okay?
You pee when you get home.
And if they really got to go pee, my dad just sends me after him.
It's like Jimmy, you go with him.
Make sure he doesn't pay.
Like, what am I supposed to do?
It's like, okay, yeah, well, don't take how you wall it, but pull down your pants, okay?
It's a respect thing, man.
That's why a lot of times I still feel like I'm very Chinese.
I'm still very close to my Chinese culture.
Like, I love singing karaoke.
That's my thing, right?
Hang on.
That's our thing, man.
They have karaoke in America, too.
But it's a little different.
Karaoke in America, you got to go to, like, a random bar on a Tuesday night and sign up
for karaoke night.
Every night is karaoke night, you know?
You got to sign up and then sing in front of a bunch of strangers?
It's like America's got no talent.
And I love karaoke machines in Asia.
You have every single song, right?
Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, English.
You have every single song that's ever existed in these machines.
But none of the music videos.
Like, they pay for the songs, but they cheap out on the MVs, you know what I mean?
It's very Hong Kong.
Like, I was trying to sing, like, I can't feel my face by the weekend.
And the music video is just some white guy walking his dog.
I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it.
But I love it.
I can't feel my face when I'm with you.
But I love it.
I love these Chinese karaoke systems, man.
After every song, the machine gives you a score.
That is the most Asian shit.
You get graded after every single song.
I don't even know what kind of technology they use.
Is it AI?
Or just some old Osama in the back judging you?
Like, she's watching you through the kitchen?
72, no.
I love karaoke, man.
I love doing karaoke in my family.
Like, my aunt, she doesn't really speak English.
But she's really good at English songs.
Like, you guys know what I mean, right?
Like, I don't know Korean, but I know Gangnam style.
But she's a little shy.
I always have to force her to sing, right?
She's a little shy, but she's got a great voice.
I was like, Auntie, Auntie, I picked the song for you.
It is for you. You got this.
You got this.
And she's like, I'm talking, I'm talking, I'm talking, I'm talking.
I'm like, come on, Auntie, you got this.
You have a great voice.
You got this.
Null, I told you, I told you, got this.
Yeah, yesterday all my troubles seem so far.
I'm like Auntie, Jaar.
You don't even know what yesterday means, man.
It's so cool.
I love singing karaoke, I love singing all kinds of different songs.
My favorite types of songs are old school songs when I sing I sing old school and when I mean old school
I don't mean like Whitney Houston. I don't mean the temptations. I mean law money
Oh
Oh
All right, cut it cut it cut it cut it cut it bad
Tier almost came down my eye man, that's old school Hong Kong legend
RIP law money
You know you got to pay respect to the people that made Hong Kong what it is man. I
Love old school when I say old school. I don't mean to fuck. I mean one call
Sanseito
He's the god of temple street man. You guys don't know the song
I know more Hong Kong songs than you guys, but you guys know every fucking cold play song
I love Hong Kong songs man and really has a special place in my heart because when I'm in America
Not a lot of times. I don't always have good Hong Kong food. I don't have a lot of close Hong Kong friends anymore
So just these songs that just reminds me of Hong Kong
There's some old school Hong Kong songs just when the beat drops. You just feel like you and Hong Kong
Oh
I
Let's go
Right there dim dim
Thank you, man, that's why I love you guys
My voice is all messed up. I'm not used to singing every night
I can't sing these songs at Carnegie Hall. Nobody will understand. It's just for you guys
Thank you, thank you
This is so hard man, you guys didn't think it was gonna turn into concert
Hope hang on my mouth
Suck pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop up on your face
Some pop on it might just see you all on goa
See you all you got mmm goa dah dah dah dah
It's right
That's great seeing all of you guys here, man, it's really good being back in Hong Kong
Sometimes I can't even like wrap my mind around stupid things that happen in America. It's kind of crazy
Right, they're so ignorant especially when it comes to like Asia and Asian people
Do you guys remember when TikTok got banned in America?
for one day
You guys remember that?
America was like fighting so hard to ban TikTok because they're like that's a Chinese app. It's stealing our information
There's a whole Congress hearing with Americans did they're asking the seal of TikTok. It's like are you Chinese?
I'm Singaporean sir
Well, sir, I've never heard of that country a Singaporean in China
No, it's in Singapore sir
So you Chinese a Japanese I'm Singaporean
How are you a congressman you don't know where Singapore is it's so ridiculous
They fought so hard to ban TikTok because they think Chinese people is listening to them and
Then when TikTok got banned for one day every single American just went on a different Chinese app Sha Hong Su
Red note do you guys use it see what I'm saying?
I've been on Sha Hong Su for like a year and then when I signed up I realized my dad's been on that shit for like three years
My dad's active on Sha Hong Su man
He got like 40,000 followers before I even signed up
Not just because he's my dad, but because he turned into like a full-on like food blogger
Like he's like now eating food making weird faces like how to
He gets a lot of joy from it right because people treat him really nicely because they know like he's reviewing their food
And then it comes home. He's like really excited. He was like this place treat me like VIP
Everything free
And I'm like that I don't I don't want to burst your bubble. Okay, but I'm pretty sure they treat you like VIP
Because they know you're my dad
Yeah, I'm just telling you you gotta be careful out there and he was like no no no they don't know you okay
I
When I was in New York, I took all my best friends out to this Chinese restaurant that my dad recommended
Like literally literally all my coolest Chinese American friends. It was me
Aquafina Ronnie Chang BD Wong MC Jin, you know, we're like gathered the Asian Avengers
That's how much I trust in my dad's opinion, you know what I mean?
And we went to this very very authentic Sichuan restaurant, right?
Made a reservation and we walked in and a waiter was so rude to us
That's how I knew the food was gonna be good
We're like 10 minutes late, right? We're like sorry. We got a reservation with low later. No, we gave you a table away
We gave you a table. I'm like no, we're just having a second. We don't have any more tables sir
Gave you table away. I was like excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. I usually don't do this, but do you know who I am?
And he stopped for a sec
No
It was so embarrassing man, I had to take my friend stone Irish pub next door
The Asian Avengers ended up eating fish and chips for dinner
It was very sad of an experience
I was like never been so angry and embarrassed in my adult life
I went home. I should type up like an angry email and send it to the owner of the restaurant
Because I'm a little bitch. I
Went like full Karen, you know, I start typing this email
I'm like how dare you treat us like that we're only 10 minutes late. You wouldn't even see us
I could expect this kind of treatment and maybe in an average American joint, but an authentic Chinese place
You just treat me like fucking brat pin
Set
So angry and to my surprise the owner of the restaurant email me back right away
Super apologetic. It was like sir. We're so sorry. We couldn't accommodate you. It was our bad
But next time just tell us you are Richard's son
So I guess my dad was right. He's not Jimmy's dad. I'm just Richard's son
Like I said man, I was born and raised here. It's 13 years old and I spent the last 25 years living in America, man
So a lot of times I'm like am I American and my home call?
I don't know and still I feel like I have to try to fit in in
America every day from day one that I was there to now every day is a fight to fit in like for example
When I'm like shopping for clothes in America
I would buy like the smallest size
Like men's extra small slim fit
And it's still way too big for me. I
Have to go to Tom Tom Bo
The kid section and get something with a Pokemon on it
And then I have this friend I have this friend his name is camp very American guy. His dad actually played in the NBA
He's six nine four hundred pounds average American size
But then I'm like camp I never seen someone like as big as you it's pretty impressive
Where do you go shop?
He was like oh, there's actually stores made for me
called big and tall
I'm like what they make a store for you. I've never seen anybody. He's like oh plenty people look like me here
They make a store for me called big and tall. I went to a big and tall store with him. It was like walking into Narnia
I've never been anywhere like this look at this shit man
I'm on two steps of the ladder
And I'm still down as tall as him
This guy that's an 8 XL shirt in America. They make 8 XL up to 15 XL
I'm happy for camp. I'm not like hating on big and tall. I'm just saying I wish there was a store made for me
Call small and cute. I
Feel like they'll sell out man, you know, I mean maybe I should start the small and cute store myself
I'll hire all the employees. Nobody's allowed to be over five feet tall
There's no top shelf you can just reach everything right here and I love him
And I'll make the doors like really short
So you feel like a giant walking through it. He's like oh my god. Oh my god. I hit my head. Wow. Wow so tall today. Whoop. Hey
That'll be awesome
It took me 25 years to figure out my real size in America. It's a women's medium
I know
Ridiculous, but it just fits me so well. I love shopping and anthropology
One day I could shop for Chanel. I
Love wearing women's clothes
The only thing I don't wear I don't wear women's jeans don't get me wrong. They fit me very well
But women's jeans are a little sexist they don't give you guys full pockets
They give you guys half pockets because they expect you to have a purse
That's kind of bullshit, right ladies?
You guys should try on a pair of men's sweatpants
It's an amazing experience a pair of men's sweatpants
about 10% pants and 90% pockets
Our pockets go down to our knees and
Then sometimes you have a zipper behind your calves you can put two Nintendo controllers inside
Plenty of room
I think women's clothing are sexist to be honest right because in order to put on like a nice
Evening dress and gown you guys need help from a friend. You guys need someone to zip you up
Guys we'll never go for that
Can you imagine you and your guy friends
You're new boys about to go out for a drink and like white phone and then you just ask him you're like hey, bro
Bro, come here for a second, man
Come come here for a second
Zip me up man. Come on. Let's go. Let me up. Come on. Let me up
Ask you back. Send me up. Let's go
That's why all zippers in the front
And guys if you ever had a partner in a relationship and girls to you guys don't like
Ask him your partner to zip you up
It's quite cute and intimate right because your girl just spent like an hour or two three four or five
To get ready
And then the cherry on top is when she calls you over from the other room. She's like bad
I'm ready
Come
Zip me up
It's very cute, you know, but guys when we hear it, it's never that cute
We know there is trouble ahead
Because when we walk behind you and we assess the situation
It's never a good
Ramoa zipper
It's always a piece of shit tiny zipper made for Japanese infants
What the fuck is this I can't even grab it with my finger. I gotta grab my finger nails. It doesn't go anywhere
I have like a minute you can't get it going. She's getting on patient
So what do we do fellas? We're trying to make some progress. So we clip the top first as
If we're doing something but now we just made it worse because there's a vagina hole
So now you got to grab it with one hand and try to pull it up with the other one it's fully stuck
You need some WD-40 at this point, you know, you don't all ruin her dress, but you just missed you uber
Everything is fucked up. You're late. You're frustrated. You sweating and all you want to tell her it's just the truth
Which is babe
This dress is too small for you, okay? I
Don't know how to tell you this nicely. I think you're in great shape, but you got a big ass back
Hi, you got a triangular shape like Michael Phelps. Alright, I don't know how to tell you this shit
I don't know what you've been doing to Pilates. You got a very buff back
I don't know if you back meet inside of this shit in a room both of our evenings, okay?
So let's just be honest with ourselves next time. We both know you're not a size double zero
You're a women's medium just like me, okay?
That's right people sometimes in a relationship, you just got to tell the truth
And that's how I became single I
Can tell I can tell my parents really want grandkids
They haven't pressured me. They haven't really asked me directly, but they're signs
They got their first dog
Old Chinese people don't just get a dog. It's not a pet. It's a cry for help
Please need something to nurture and take care of at first my dad didn't want a dog at all
He's a stubborn old Chinese man. He's like no, I don't want a dog dogs are useless
And then we ended up getting the most useless dog of all. We got a pug
That's tough
And my dad loves this dog so much literally that's like his daughter that he never had
dressed her up in like a traditional Chinese thing
Cooks this dog like three meals a day
I'm like that. I'm pretty sure a pug is not supposed to have home sorrow every day
And he's like it's okay. She appreciates it. She loves it more than you did
They even call this dog my sister
Like they used this dog to ask me to come visit them. They're like, oh Jimmy
Your sister misses you
You need to come visit. I'm like a no. I don't think she does
They're saying crazy things these days man my mom my mom pulled me aside one day at her house and she was like Jimmy
Jimmy
you know
You don't need to get married to have a baby
Do you know how crazy that is for an old Chinese woman to say my dad heard and ran out of the kitchen
It was like me sent you finger on the eye
But they desperate man and I was like mom, that's not right if I want to have a baby
I want it to be planned. I don't want it to be an accident and she was like, you know, it's okay. You were an accident
I
And then I realized that this really interesting thing that happened and
I realized I was fully out of touch
With my Chinese side this happened like a year ago
I wanted my parents house to help them clean out their basement, okay?
Found a lot of old toys from when I was in Hong Kong and then I found my old diary that I wrote from when I was nine years old
Yeah, it's all written in Chinese. Look at this
It's all written in Chinese when I was in Hong Kong and I couldn't read a single word of it
Isn't that so embarrassing how is it this my first language?
I can't read it anymore man, and then you know what the worst thing is I have to give it to my dad to translate it for me
So now my dad's looking through my diary just started laughing and he's like oh
Oh
So weak
Who you're gonna hey hey always sick always complaining
He's not wrong see I'm sick here so I'm formula you know I'm a song bang and
In here hey more hot even so I fire you in sick fine young white Thai
Doesn't get more Hong Kong than that. It's just too hot can't eat outside
Come on. So I got a little y'all was like new we are teen
And look at this one this one is good. It's like we went swimming with my dad and my brother and
Then today I can already swim 10 laps
That's not weak. Yeah, good boy. Okay gang. Oh, yeah
I
Can't miss one ten laps now. I almost collapsed after three karaoke songs
So after realizing I really couldn't reach Chinese anymore, I'm like damn
I gotta get in touch with my Chinese sign man, you know I gotta get in touch with Hong Kong my roots
So I decided to fly back to Asia
Like I said, I was a little nervous to come back to Hong Kong. I didn't know how to feel
So I wanted Japan first
Just
Just to see just just to see you know, I mean I just I just want to see
Experience
You guys been to Japan?
It's a nice place. It's a nice place
It's not as international as Hong Kong not everyone speaks English or understands English
But at the same time a lot of Japanese words are just English words what a Japanese accent
In Japanese the word meatballs, it's just meat to butter
Me to bother
But I'm like dude, I'm not gonna go up to waiter and be like, hey, excuse me. Can I get some meat to bother you?
This sounds offensive, you know what I mean
But you have to talk like that or else they don't understand you I
Got out the airport. I got into a Japanese taxi
I was like sir, can you take me to the Ritz Carlton the hotel and he's like hey
I'm like Ritz Carlton. It's a hotel. You're a taxi driver. You must know the Ritz Carlton. He's like, oh
I'm like fine. I took out Google Translate. I put in Ritz Carlton. I showed it to him and then he was like, oh
Leetokoto way
I'm like man, that's what I said, bro
I'm not gonna jump into your cabin and salt. You've been like leetokoto
but
You have to talk like that also. They don't understand you
When we got to the hotel, I was trying to ask the cab driver. I was like sir. Do you take credit cards? He was like, yeah
I was like fine
credit
It's a
Okay, okay
It's a fun place to visit I
Want to see a lot of different sites in Japan. I went to the Japanese temple to pray for my fortune
And if you think my my Hong Kong fortune was messed up my Japanese fortune just had me all the way fucked up
It just says bad fortune
in three different languages
Look don't read the top. Okay. Just read the bottom. It says your request will not be granted
Marriage of any kind of start a trip employment all bad
That was my face man that was a Japanese temple like fuck this place dude
But get out of here
Have me all the way fucked up
Well, it's a fun place man people are really nice in Japan I wanted to a random sushi restaurant this businessman next to me
He had a couple of drinks and they start chatting me up. He was like excuse me
Where are you from?
I'm like, oh, I'm originally from Hong Kong by a live in Los Angeles now and
The cool thing about Japanese people is whatever you say they act really interested
He was like
Los Angeles
What do you do? I'm like, oh, I'm a comedian and I'm also an actor. He was like
Oh
Japanese people love American culture, but sometimes their references are like 10 years behind
Because this is the first question this dude asked me. He was like
Do you know
capital DS?
Amen, I love Cameron Diaz, but I we haven't seen her in anything in like 10 years
I'm sorry. I don't know Cameron Diaz, but you know what? No, I'm actually friends with Drew Barrymore
You know Drew Barrymore and he was like
Oh no
Only come on on this
I'm like, no, no, you don't get it man
If you're a fan of Cameron Diaz, you must be a fan of Drew Barrymore because they're in the same movie together called Charlie's Angels
Man, it was a hit movie here. Check it out. Check it out. This is Drew Barrymore and then he looked at it. He was like
Oh
Drew Barrymore
Through Barrymore and Lucy Lou I'm like, no, that's me motherfucker
I don't look that much like Lucy Lou
Maybe in Japan I do, you know what I mean?
That's bullshit. I was like, I should have never went to Japan, man. This is lame
So finally finally after Japan I decided to come home to Hong Kong
First time in 10 years
And everything just instantly reminded me of home
First of all, Hong Kong is a very specific smell
You can smell it even when you land at the airport. It kind of smells like wet carpet
With a touch of honey from the toss you
They should make that into a perfume
I went to the hotel. I turned on the tv back in the day. Well, he had two channels
Now we have like 60
But see I'm old school. I still watch tv B
And then the music the music
from tv B has not changed
In like 30 years
I was like, man, I'm home
That was my dream
My dream was when I was growing up watching tv B. I wanted to be a tv B reporter
I'll practice in front of mirror most in teensy toy. Oh, yeah, man. It's like both of them
That was my dream to be like a tv B reporter, man
It's very nice very nice to come back here
And everything just started falling into place even my old friends from my elementary schools found me
And then we hung out. Look at this. These are all my old friends from wai yansilha. Yeah, we found it
That's when we went to the jockey club and when the guy called me a jockey, you know
This is actually a recreation of this childhood picture of ours
From when I was 10 years old in Hong Kong, man. How cool is that?
Look at that. Everyone still looks the same, right?
The guy on the right is actually a different guy
That guy moved to Canada and he has kids. That's why he couldn't make it anymore
So we just replaced him with another random Chinese guy
It was very sweet
These guys they took me out to dinner
You know and I thought I would do the right chinese thing. I snuck out to the bathroom
To try to pay the bill
And then the waiter was like, oh, it's already paid for
I was like when
He was like, oh before you sat down
I was like, oh, that's amazing
This is the life I want, you know
It's just very nice, man. Everything just literally started falling into place
I went shopping in Hong Kong
And everything just fit me
Right off the rack
In a men's size large
I
Was like these last 25 years wasn't my problem at all
America's just bunch of fat fucks
I'm actually big and tall in Hong Kong
That's right people
That's right
This thing cost me another $80,000
Just so I can feel tall for a second, okay
This is the exact height of Yao Ming. That's how we built this
I love it, man
Everything just started to fit in place
I felt so good about myself for the first time
When I came back a few months ago
It was just vacation. I took some meetings
And I was here for like a whole month
And I didn't feel homesick once
Because I was finally home, you know what I mean?
It's hard for me not to get emotional man seeing all of you guys supporting me, you know
I didn't know the reception I was gonna get but now it's like dude
I literally feel like Taylor Swift and Hong Kong and it's just so great, you know
And honestly it's been very meaningful the reception I've gotten from the people and even the heroes
That I grew up with
One of the first person I dinner with when I got to Hong Kong was Wong Tiwa
That's my guy, man
Look at him
I bought a DVD and I'm telling you why DVD do you know how hard it is to find a DVD?
I have to go to serve one literally the only store that sells DVD
And I got it. I bought up the whole store of long telling about DVDs and I gave it to Tiwa
I go to sign it and then he looked and he was like
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
But I mean so much to me, man
Maybe he doesn't know this but you know like when I do American interviews like they're like who inspire you to do comedy to do stand up
You know I'll say like maybe Dave Chappelle is something but every time like now I'm like why not say Tiwa?
People should know about Tiwa
That's our guy, man
I
I'm very happy to like sell out five shows here
But Tiwa sold out 25 shows
And I can't believe my first one here Tiwa goes right here
I love you, man
I love you
Thank you
Thank you for truly being my first inspiration here
I
Just very special to get to meet some of my heroes, man. I haven't get to meet Zoe on fun. Fuck all
Look at this. This is like the coolest picture ever taken man. Like if I call when he takes pictures
He grabs the phone from you and he takes it himself
So he knows the optimum angle. There's no bullshit filters
And I'm just like behind him like in this little shadow
You know
It's so cool and I was gonna frame this picture. I think there's like family heirloom quality picture
And I wonder like different restaurants in Hong Kong and I realized everyone had a picture with telly
Literally every single person
Different restaurants he goes on hikes. He's just like the man of the people man
He's so nice and every picture he's taking the selfie, right
Except this one he fell victim to a filter
My love fight girl, man, it was so cool to get to meet him
And it was just so nice to be back in Hong Kong with all the people all my heroes and everyone that's inspired me
Some of whom are here today, you know, so it's really special because my agent's been talking about
You know sending me to asia to do some shows for a long time. They're like, hey, what about singapore?
What about my cow? I was like no my first shows in asia has to be in hong kong
And it has to be at the coliseum hong kong
This place where legends are made man
I think it's just a special Sydney Opera House just a special Carnegie Hall, man
We're gonna put hong kong on the map at this one, okay
I
Love hong kong people
Hong Kong people work hard, but you guys also stay humble
You guys always remind me where I come from and who I am. I want to yut log
Yut log barbecue a very classic barbecue place in hong kong, right?
And then I saw in the restaurant the lady the waitress also has a picture with tellyun fine
But I was pretty excited. I was chatting around. I was like, oh my god
I also took a picture of someone for last week and then she just looked at me. She was like go go on now turn
And I was like no, no, no, no, but mine is different. He actually knew who I was
I'm also an actor and then she looked at me. She was like
They must saw you
I'm like, no, no, that doesn't matter like I I guess that you know, I'm a comedian
I was on the stevie show gusto camale and I was on crazy rich Asians. Maybe you heard of that and she was like, oh,
You know what it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter
I used to come here as a kid after ping pong practice. My last name is oh young
I used to come here every week and then a light bulb suddenly went off in her head
She was like oh, yeah, I remember you you are Richard son
I
Want you guys to buy soul out shows
Just for you take a phone out take a flash on oh, there's the moment. Let's get this
And
Of course
Yes
See for
Hinging
Oh
What are you home is I hope I share a piece of mind with you tonight
Okay
And go up thank you thank you thank you I like all that confidence is up since you're here. Thank you
Thank you
Tell things to come but it's only far like thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you some believable man
And we're not doing it once not doing twice
We're doing it five times
I got one on some song. I'll give a jump. Thank you
Oh
Why don't I go feel fun or they have been just some time so dirty for people
No, yeah
Your happiness keeps increasing it like yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's a very quick essential snack
It's the same as when I was in elementary school
It's you making a dog a little Irish. I mean, I don't know man. Oh, I don't know what I do. Wow. Yeah, it's you sir
Okay, so yeah
Look so you don't look so you enjoy a lot of ideas. Yeah, wow
It's more physically demanding than usual you gotta pop up twice you got a run you got a sing
Got a whole new respect for singers now
But you know they don't call me Hong Kong Taylor Swift and nothing
Thank you, I'm a
Showing the
I
You guys coming out man
It's a good reason for my family to be back together Lord al dum dum dum yuk yuk geng geng
Thank you. Thank you
And there's my mother guess how much the woman behind guess so much. Thank you mom. Thank you, dad
Truly one of my Hong Kong heroes, man. Oh, the big one is even older. Hey, why don't you say you're here? Why don't I?
Well, you see you like a German man. I would have a man. I'm a man second man
You know I'm man dude. Oh
He's watching car door to you. Oh, you see welcome to our house
Bum, I'm a great. I don't really deal. Oh, okay. How are good good good good. Good. Good. Good. Good fine my book
Thank you for all of you guys being here, thank you for the legends in the house.
Thank you for waiting!
Hello!
Thank you for waiting!
I'm so excited to be here with you guys, thank you!
Thank you!
It's the last one for TV and...?
So far!
Damn, it's been!!
Damn!
The dance!
You're good!
I know!
This is an idea!
It's an idea!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god, I'm so...
Whoa!
I'm so happy!
So, how are you doing?!
I know...
Whoa!
Oh!
What a nice one!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, you're eastern shock.
May forej almost tour High.
Oh yeah, that's amazing, man.
This is Hong Kong.
Next time we'll come back to 50, how about that?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Think what does it mean?
Don't take me no time anymore
I won't say no time
Don't let me say no
Though it will be mine
I'll remember you
I'll remember you
You
We come to the show to laugh, to cry, to care, because we need that.
All of us.
We watch our favorite performers to experience something we've never felt before.
And go somewhere we've never been before.
We're not just entertained, but lost in the moment, together, that indescribable feeling
we get when the lights start to dim.
And the show is about to start.
Shit.
Jimmy out.
Where are you going?
I'm trying to find the stage.
You always get lost.
The stage is over there.
Yeah?
Jimmy out.
Jimmy out.
You are going to do well.
OK?
Yeah?
Even though you are weak, you are short, and that you are lost, and you always make fun of me,
which I don't like.
Where's your pep talk?
What's a pep talk?
It's OK.
Thank you, Dad.
Always get lost.
I'm always so weak.
Don't call it.
Are you ready?
Make some noise.
Give it up for Jimmy.
Oh, yeah.
Give it up, Jimmy.
Give it up.
Give it up, Jimmy.
What's up, Dad?
Oh, my God.
Give it up for yourselves.
Come on to the Coliseum tonight.
I love every single one of you.
Thank you very much.
Pause it again, gang.
How about you tonight?
That was pretty cool, right?
That's like a Beyonce concert.
Hoe play don't have that shit.
Hoe play is just white people singing.
This is much more exciting, people.
I know Hong Kong is all about money, and I know Hong Kong is about money, and I know the whole thing.
I know Hong Kong is about money, and I know Hong Kong is about money.
I know Hong Kong is about money.
Yeah, I know, Hong Kong dollars. It's okay.
$50,000, but see, I'm a good Hong Kong boy.
I'm really good at math, you know.
It's $50,000 one time, but if I do it twice,
it's only $25,000.
You know what I mean? Let's do it.
Let's do it, Hong Kong. It's a Sebastian.
Let's go. Let's go. Okay, okay, okay.
You have to go, Hong Kong, bottom up.
All right, guys, Hong Kong, yo, are you ready?
Give it up! Oh, yeah!
Mustard!
Out of the street.
Yeah, baby!
Okay, stop the fireworks. Stop the fireworks.
Fireworks is $10,000 per second.
Okay? See, Sei Boon, are you gay?
This show already cost me $100,000, okay?
Whoo! Just for this, I'm going to do it one more time for you guys, okay?
I'm going to do it one more time for you guys.
Maybe this time, I'll do like the Mandarin version.
Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm going to do it one more time.
Okay, get me down there. Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go.
You should make sure you're not.
Are you ready?
You're now to have a kind of tintight, a talk-a-show.
Let's give it up!
Oh, yeah! What's up?
Hang on, Sei!
Hang on, Sei!
What's up, Oh, God?
Oh, God.
You know how hard that was to run behind the door?
Oh, my God. I'm very winded. And you know how much that door costs?
How you guys doing, Hong Kong? You guys doing good?
Thank you very much for coming. This is the first show,
first show at Hong Kong. This is my first show in Asia, man.
I love it here. I love it here. Hong Kong people have been showing me a lot of love, man.
I can't even walk outside. Everybody want to take a selfie, which is fine.
Except, like, when, like, older ladies, like, you see, like,
when they take a selfie, they go to this different app,
I don't know what it is like made to with some shit.
And we take a selfie and walk, turn it into AI cartoon characters.
I'm like, there it is. She's 50. She looks 20.
I look like I'm 5.
What is this? Put that away. Just take a regular picture.
Everyone wants to take a selfie. And then what do they say after the selfie?
They don't say thank you, Jimmy. They're like, hey, Jimmy,
fame, I'm the one.
Like, everywhere I go, I even want to renew my Hong Kong ID.
That's right. I was born and raised in Hong Kong. I still got my Hong Kong ID.
I went to Kuntong to renew my Hong Kong ID, right?
Very official building. This immigration officer looked at my ID.
He was like, sir, why didn't you come back early? Your ID's already expired.
I'm like, oh, my God, I didn't know. I didn't realize that. I'm just coming back here for some shows.
And they looked at me. He was like, I know.
I'm going to pay my bill.
When people couldn't get tickets, they keep asking me, like, for tickets.
Jimmy, can you, my friend's up with some tickets, man? I'm like, I really don't have tickets, dude.
I really don't. They got to go fend for themselves, you know? And then they're like, no, no.
They come from a really important family in Hong Kong.
I'm like, I'm going to fuck. Every family's important in Hong Kong.
That's right.
That's right, people. Comedy is for the people. Everyone.
It's not a thing for me.
It's like, you know, you talk a lot on tears.
I take a cable car up there.
It's really nice, man. I feel like tickets are harder to get than Labubus.
I love Labubus. That's also the pride of Hong Kong, right? It's a Hong Kong product.
Now it's going worldwide.
That's right.
The first time I told my mom about Labubus, she was, like, really confused.
And kind of concerned. I was like, Mom, have you heard of Labubus?
And then she looked at me and said, Nizamara, La Tutua!
La Tutua!
La Tutua, for the white people, it means diarrhea, okay?
I love it in Hong Kong. I grew up here until I was 13 years old.
Yeah, I went to Wai-an. Wai-an's you, huh?
Wai-an's, eh?
Awesome, awesome. How's it going, guys? How's it going?
Everybody's very successful. They all got front row seats, you see?
Wai-an, I.T.
Backside, I hold me.
Okay.
Don't kill me.
I just have some local humor. Just some local humor, people.
And St. Joe, they're working in the crew, okay?
I'm just kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
Guys, I'm just kidding. It's a joke. It's a joke.
It's a joke.
Oh, St. Joe, how's it going? How's it going?
Yeah? Okay.
Labubus, how's it going?
St. Joe, how's it going? How's it going?
Come here.
Good. Good, you see?
You switched teams.
He's like LeBron James, you know what I mean?
He used to play for Cleveland.
Now he's playing for the Lakers. Better team.
Better team. Good job. Good job.
I love Hong Kong, man. It's the perfect mix of new and old.
You have some nicest, tallest buildings in the world, but right next to it,
it's in Tongla, Wai.
In English, translated to hitting little people.
Dassio Young. Like, you go under the bridge in Causeway Bay,
and there's a lady hitting small people.
Hitting small people with her sandal.
You guys seen that shit, right?
You guys seen that? It's great.
It's very popular in Instagram.
Like, I want a Dassio Young.
And then this old lady asked me, who is your Sio Young?
You have to think about the name of your enemy, write it down,
and then I will slap the shit out of him.
And then I was like, oh, I actually, I'm very lucky.
I don't have any enemies.
I don't have any enemies.
I don't have any enemies.
It's okay. You don't need an enemy.
I will hit anyone.
It's just good luck for you.
And I'm like, okay, go ahead.
Just hit someone, burn some paper.
I'm gonna fuck.
You know, she started hitting it after like a minute.
She was like, okay, all done.
Your aura is great now.
And I'm like, oh, thank you.
How much?
She was like, $580.
I was like, can you hit one more person for me?
She was like, I thought you don't have any enemies.
I'm like, I have one now.
We got to know how to negotiate in Hong Kong.
It's about the money, man.
I want a Temple Street mew guy to tell you a fortune.
I love it.
There's so many different ways to tell you a fortune
in Chinese culture.
You can look at your palm.
You can tell them your birthday season, batty.
Or they can just look at your face
and see if it's fucked up or not.
But this time, I was smart, right?
I pre-negotiated with her.
I was like, how much to look at my face.
You know a lot of other people pay money to see my face.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
She was like, bingo.
I was like, okay, okay, how much?
She was like, it's $300.
I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Not this face.
How about $100?
And then she said the most Hong Kong thing is complementary
but also negotiating with you at the same time.
She was like, I like, I'm blank time.
She was like, your face is so nice.
You can afford more than 100 bucks.
That's what I knew.
If I underpay her, she's just going to talk shit.
So I'm like, okay, okay, okay.
$300 is full price.
No problem.
No problem.
See, that you should just leave it at that.
She says, my forehead is big, which is great.
It's good luck, right?
You should never ask why.
I think more than one team guy.
Not a total team guy.
A total fat seal.
Hardworking.
Okay.
I think more than one team guy.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
I think he's a little bit too weak.
He's a little bit too weak.
That means I think he's a little bit too weak.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
That means he's a little bit too weak.
I'm so excited about him.
Very confused white people in the audience.
white people in the audience.
If you don't know Cantonese, it's okay.
You're in Hong Kong.
Just lean into the person next to you
and just ask,
"'Gong my lung, yeah."
I love Hong Kong, man.
The food, the food's gotta be my favorite, right?
You have like the highest end
of the best of the best Michelin star food
and just the best street food.
Senior example,
gallejutan,
nahwulan fun yudan fun,
kon tau no ho,
see you in my life,
n takai fun, right?
They say,
bao fan me.
I love it, man.
I don't need Michelin stars, okay?
First of all, I don't know if you guys know this.
Michelin stars are created by French tire company.
What do they know about Chinese food?
And let's all just agree,
first of all, French food sucks.
All right, that's right.
I don't know how they became the world voice
of how good food is.
Nobody gives a shit about French food.
If you ask a partner to go out,
you're like,
hey babe, what do you feelin' to eat?
They're usually like Italian Chinese, maybe Japanese.
Nobody's ever like French.
Really feelin' a cock-o-vin tonight.
It's some esco-go.
French food is like an Asian person's worst nightmare.
It's all just dairy and cream and bechamel.
That's gonna give you latoutu, you know what I mean?
You shit your pants.
Who cares, man?
You don't need a French culinary degree
to run a good kitchen.
You just need one Chinese uncle, man.
That's right.
He's not a chef de cuisine.
He's not a saucye.
He's just ummeng.
Ummeng is awesome.
He can make everything, man.
But you should never go to ummeng's restaurant
on a Wednesday.
Cause ummeng is too busy looking at horses.
You should never go eat on Wednesday or Sunday in Hong Kong.
Because all the chefs in the back
are too worried about their horses.
They're all watching the races from Happy Valley
instead of cooking.
They're just like,
Fudya! Fudya! Fudya!
No! Fudya!
That's Hong Kong culture, man.
Good luck racing horses.
Happy Valley.
I want a Happy Valley.
They treated me very nicely.
They were like, it's okay if you lose.
It's for charity.
Very nice people at the Jockey Club.
I actually met the CEO of the horse races.
Very nice guys, like a German guy.
And he looked at me up and down
and he told me he was like,
you know, you make for a great Jockey.
I'm like, sir, thank you.
But I'm doing fine as a comedian.
He was like, yeah, but with your size,
you'll be a great Jockey.
It's great, man.
It's great.
I love like local Hong Kong humor.
It's still very close to my heart.
My favorite movie, Scrolling Up, was like,
I was like, you know what I mean?
Still, man.
It's still some of my favorite things, man.
And then I moved to Los Angeles.
I moved to America, my family, for 25 years.
Yeah.
So a lot of times I'm like torn.
Am I like, Hong Kong?
Am I American?
It gets especially confusing
when I'm watching the Olympics.
Like, who do I roof for?
It depends, you know what I mean?
It depends.
If it's basketball, Team USA, for sure.
But I love the Hong Kong team.
I always try to root for the Hong Kong team.
But Hong Kong is only good at very specific sports.
Hong Kong is only good at, like, wake surfing and fencing.
Yeah, that's right, fencing.
That's right.
We're only good at incredibly expensive sports.
Yeah.
That's right.
So maybe Hong Kong people is not very good at sports at all.
We're just good at making money.
That's our favorite sport.
Everything's about money, man.
We're just really good with our money.
That's why I can't understand how, like, so many athletes
lose so much money, especially, like, NBA players,
like, ball players.
So you guys all heard these stories, right?
Like, Alan Iverson.
And have you guys heard about Shohei Otani?
Yeah, he's a great baseball player, Japanese guy, right?
This guy is, like, the Michael Jordan of baseball.
Shohei Otani.
He's straight up from Japan, 6'4", 210 pounds.
The last time I seen a Japanese man over 6'4".
What's Godzilla?
What's Godzilla?
I didn't even know they made him like that.
Like, it was, he's amazing, dude.
He's so good.
He won the MVP last year in Major League Baseball.
He won the World Series his first year with the Dodgers.
And then he signed the biggest contract in sports history.
$700 million.
Oh, now you guys care.
World Series MVP, whatever.
$700 million?
Oh, yeah, he must be good.
Tonya, how it calls all about the money?
And right after he signed the contract, he got caught.
He got caught gambling on his own sport, which is illegal.
He can't do that.
And then he blamed his translator.
But if you ever seen a Shohei Otani interview,
the man speaks English.
When they asked him about gambling, he just forgot all about it.
He was like, ugh.
No.
Gumburu.
But he's a nice guy, man.
I believed him.
And turns out after some investigation, his translator stole
$15 million from his bank account.
And he didn't even know about it.
I'm like, what kind of Asian are you that you don't see $17 million being gone?
If $5 is gone from my bank account, my mom will call me and warn me like she's fraud alert.
She'll be like, Jimmy, what happened?
What happened to the $5?
I'm like, mom, it's just an ATM fee here, okay?
It's no big deal.
She's like, oh, you're an ATM fee.
Oh, Jimmy, I thought I taught you better than that.
Jimmy, most people take money from ATM.
You are giving money to the ATM.
What's wrong with you?
That's my mom.
Gotta give it up for my mom, man.
She's the inspiration for many jokes.
I guess how much?
She's the best.
She's amazing, man.
She was very nervous in the beginning when I was telling jokes about her.
She was like, I mukko-mo-mo-mo.
Yeah, and now the specials came out.
People love it.
She's like, all right, later I host you.
I'm like, oh, I'm all good.
Thank you, mom.
We're tight with our money, man.
But at the same time, we love to gamble.
Asian people love to gamble.
You know why Asian people love gambling?
It's because it's our only extreme sport.
That's all we got.
White people jump out of planes.
They go bungee jumping.
You know, I guess they're adrenaline pumping.
I don't even like going outside.
It's too hot.
It's too humid, you know what I mean?
The only thing that gets my adrenaline going
is the possibility of losing money to a stranger.
I'm disciplined with my money.
I have a rule, okay?
Even in Vegas, I have a rule.
If I see a Chinese dealer across from me, I walk away.
I don't play.
We're too good.
You know, that's like an Asian on Asian crime.
And also, I feel like other dealers, like white people, you know,
black people, other Asians, Filipino-Japanese,
they are like trained to be pretty nice to you if you lose money.
You know?
They pretend.
They're like, oh my God, I can't believe I got 21 again.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Better luck next time, okay?
Chinese people don't give a fuck if you lose.
If you lose to a Chinese dealer, they show no emotion.
They're just like...
You lose.
18, 20, okay?
Can you do math?
No, do you have more money?
No, ATM is over there.
And that's how I got charged $5 ATM fee.
I love it now.
I've been really nice, man.
The first time is a family coming back like 25 years, you know?
We're still very traditional, very Chinese.
Even in America, we always eat Chinese food when we get together.
And I love eating Chinese food.
The food and also the culture of it.
You pour each other tea, you do a little bit of this,
and you share all the food, right?
It's like the culture.
I think it's a big sharing culture that we have.
See, Chinese people would share everything but the bill.
You have to fight for the bill.
It's not about the money.
It's about fighting for the honor of your family.
That's right.
I've seen my dad get into legitimate MMA fights with my uncle.
Like, just like, no, no, no, no, no.
Rare naked show, no triangle, no.
Got to be fast.
And I think the older you get, the more you fight.
It's about respect.
It's about honor.
Because fighting for the bill always starts off really, really nice, right?
Really respectful.
And then it becomes a competition on who's doing better.
I go to my dad's fighting with my uncle.
They always fight.
Oh, Gary, Gary, Gary.
You pay the last time.
Let me pay.
Let me pay.
Let me pay.
And my uncle Gary's like, no, no, no.
Richard, Richard, let me pay.
You are retired.
And my dad's like, oh, okay.
It's okay.
I'm retired.
But Jimmy's doing very well.
Okay?
That's right.
That's right.
It gets personal.
And my uncle's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Jimmy's okay, you know.
He tells jokes.
My daughter, she's a doctor.
And my dad's like, oh, your daughter is a dentist.
You know what I mean?
It gets personal.
And as they're fighting, my aunt actually stuck to the bathroom and paid for the bill already.
Like a ninja.
Those are the rules, man.
We know the rules.
If you go to the bathroom, you paying the bill.
Right, uncle?
I'll try it.
Those are the rules of engagement.
That's my respect.
That's why I've seen my dad physically stop someone from going to the bathroom.
And my friend tried to get up to go to the bathroom.
And I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Where you going?
Oh, Mr. Oh, yeah.
I just got to go take a leak in the bathroom.
I was like, oh, no, no, no, sit down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
You pee when you get home, okay?
You pee when you get home.
And if they really got to go pee, my dad just sends me after him.
It's like Jimmy, you go with him.
Make sure he doesn't pay.
Like, what am I supposed to do?
It's like, okay, yeah, well, don't take how you wall it, but pull down your pants, okay?
It's a respect thing, man.
That's why a lot of times I still feel like I'm very Chinese.
I'm still very close to my Chinese culture.
Like, I love singing karaoke.
That's my thing, right?
Hang on.
That's our thing, man.
They have karaoke in America, too.
But it's a little different.
Karaoke in America, you got to go to, like, a random bar on a Tuesday night and sign up
for karaoke night.
Every night is karaoke night, you know?
You got to sign up and then sing in front of a bunch of strangers?
It's like America's got no talent.
And I love karaoke machines in Asia.
You have every single song, right?
Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, English.
You have every single song that's ever existed in these machines.
But none of the music videos.
Like, they pay for the songs, but they cheap out on the MVs, you know what I mean?
It's very Hong Kong.
Like, I was trying to sing, like, I can't feel my face by the weekend.
And the music video is just some white guy walking his dog.
I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it.
But I love it.
I can't feel my face when I'm with you.
But I love it.
I love these Chinese karaoke systems, man.
After every song, the machine gives you a score.
That is the most Asian shit.
You get graded after every single song.
I don't even know what kind of technology they use.
Is it AI?
Or just some old Osama in the back judging you?
Like, she's watching you through the kitchen?
72, no.
I love karaoke, man.
I love doing karaoke in my family.
Like, my aunt, she doesn't really speak English.
But she's really good at English songs.
Like, you guys know what I mean, right?
Like, I don't know Korean, but I know Gangnam style.
But she's a little shy.
I always have to force her to sing, right?
She's a little shy, but she's got a great voice.
I was like, Auntie, Auntie, I picked the song for you.
It is for you. You got this.
You got this.
And she's like, I'm talking, I'm talking, I'm talking, I'm talking.
I'm like, come on, Auntie, you got this.
You have a great voice.
You got this.
Null, I told you, I told you, got this.
Yeah, yesterday all my troubles seem so far.
I'm like Auntie, Jaar.
You don't even know what yesterday means, man.
It's so cool.
I love singing karaoke, I love singing all kinds of different songs.
My favorite types of songs are old school songs when I sing I sing old school and when I mean old school
I don't mean like Whitney Houston. I don't mean the temptations. I mean law money
Oh
Oh
All right, cut it cut it cut it cut it cut it bad
Tier almost came down my eye man, that's old school Hong Kong legend
RIP law money
You know you got to pay respect to the people that made Hong Kong what it is man. I
Love old school when I say old school. I don't mean to fuck. I mean one call
Sanseito
He's the god of temple street man. You guys don't know the song
I know more Hong Kong songs than you guys, but you guys know every fucking cold play song
I love Hong Kong songs man and really has a special place in my heart because when I'm in America
Not a lot of times. I don't always have good Hong Kong food. I don't have a lot of close Hong Kong friends anymore
So just these songs that just reminds me of Hong Kong
There's some old school Hong Kong songs just when the beat drops. You just feel like you and Hong Kong
Oh
I
Let's go
Right there dim dim
Thank you, man, that's why I love you guys
My voice is all messed up. I'm not used to singing every night
I can't sing these songs at Carnegie Hall. Nobody will understand. It's just for you guys
Thank you, thank you
This is so hard man, you guys didn't think it was gonna turn into concert
Hope hang on my mouth
Suck pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop up on your face
Some pop on it might just see you all on goa
See you all you got mmm goa dah dah dah dah
It's right
That's great seeing all of you guys here, man, it's really good being back in Hong Kong
Sometimes I can't even like wrap my mind around stupid things that happen in America. It's kind of crazy
Right, they're so ignorant especially when it comes to like Asia and Asian people
Do you guys remember when TikTok got banned in America?
for one day
You guys remember that?
America was like fighting so hard to ban TikTok because they're like that's a Chinese app. It's stealing our information
There's a whole Congress hearing with Americans did they're asking the seal of TikTok. It's like are you Chinese?
I'm Singaporean sir
Well, sir, I've never heard of that country a Singaporean in China
No, it's in Singapore sir
So you Chinese a Japanese I'm Singaporean
How are you a congressman you don't know where Singapore is it's so ridiculous
They fought so hard to ban TikTok because they think Chinese people is listening to them and
Then when TikTok got banned for one day every single American just went on a different Chinese app Sha Hong Su
Red note do you guys use it see what I'm saying?
I've been on Sha Hong Su for like a year and then when I signed up I realized my dad's been on that shit for like three years
My dad's active on Sha Hong Su man
He got like 40,000 followers before I even signed up
Not just because he's my dad, but because he turned into like a full-on like food blogger
Like he's like now eating food making weird faces like how to
He gets a lot of joy from it right because people treat him really nicely because they know like he's reviewing their food
And then it comes home. He's like really excited. He was like this place treat me like VIP
Everything free
And I'm like that I don't I don't want to burst your bubble. Okay, but I'm pretty sure they treat you like VIP
Because they know you're my dad
Yeah, I'm just telling you you gotta be careful out there and he was like no no no they don't know you okay
I
When I was in New York, I took all my best friends out to this Chinese restaurant that my dad recommended
Like literally literally all my coolest Chinese American friends. It was me
Aquafina Ronnie Chang BD Wong MC Jin, you know, we're like gathered the Asian Avengers
That's how much I trust in my dad's opinion, you know what I mean?
And we went to this very very authentic Sichuan restaurant, right?
Made a reservation and we walked in and a waiter was so rude to us
That's how I knew the food was gonna be good
We're like 10 minutes late, right? We're like sorry. We got a reservation with low later. No, we gave you a table away
We gave you a table. I'm like no, we're just having a second. We don't have any more tables sir
Gave you table away. I was like excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. I usually don't do this, but do you know who I am?
And he stopped for a sec
No
It was so embarrassing man, I had to take my friend stone Irish pub next door
The Asian Avengers ended up eating fish and chips for dinner
It was very sad of an experience
I was like never been so angry and embarrassed in my adult life
I went home. I should type up like an angry email and send it to the owner of the restaurant
Because I'm a little bitch. I
Went like full Karen, you know, I start typing this email
I'm like how dare you treat us like that we're only 10 minutes late. You wouldn't even see us
I could expect this kind of treatment and maybe in an average American joint, but an authentic Chinese place
You just treat me like fucking brat pin
Set
So angry and to my surprise the owner of the restaurant email me back right away
Super apologetic. It was like sir. We're so sorry. We couldn't accommodate you. It was our bad
But next time just tell us you are Richard's son
So I guess my dad was right. He's not Jimmy's dad. I'm just Richard's son
Like I said man, I was born and raised here. It's 13 years old and I spent the last 25 years living in America, man
So a lot of times I'm like am I American and my home call?
I don't know and still I feel like I have to try to fit in in
America every day from day one that I was there to now every day is a fight to fit in like for example
When I'm like shopping for clothes in America
I would buy like the smallest size
Like men's extra small slim fit
And it's still way too big for me. I
Have to go to Tom Tom Bo
The kid section and get something with a Pokemon on it
And then I have this friend I have this friend his name is camp very American guy. His dad actually played in the NBA
He's six nine four hundred pounds average American size
But then I'm like camp I never seen someone like as big as you it's pretty impressive
Where do you go shop?
He was like oh, there's actually stores made for me
called big and tall
I'm like what they make a store for you. I've never seen anybody. He's like oh plenty people look like me here
They make a store for me called big and tall. I went to a big and tall store with him. It was like walking into Narnia
I've never been anywhere like this look at this shit man
I'm on two steps of the ladder
And I'm still down as tall as him
This guy that's an 8 XL shirt in America. They make 8 XL up to 15 XL
I'm happy for camp. I'm not like hating on big and tall. I'm just saying I wish there was a store made for me
Call small and cute. I
Feel like they'll sell out man, you know, I mean maybe I should start the small and cute store myself
I'll hire all the employees. Nobody's allowed to be over five feet tall
There's no top shelf you can just reach everything right here and I love him
And I'll make the doors like really short
So you feel like a giant walking through it. He's like oh my god. Oh my god. I hit my head. Wow. Wow so tall today. Whoop. Hey
That'll be awesome
It took me 25 years to figure out my real size in America. It's a women's medium
I know
Ridiculous, but it just fits me so well. I love shopping and anthropology
One day I could shop for Chanel. I
Love wearing women's clothes
The only thing I don't wear I don't wear women's jeans don't get me wrong. They fit me very well
But women's jeans are a little sexist they don't give you guys full pockets
They give you guys half pockets because they expect you to have a purse
That's kind of bullshit, right ladies?
You guys should try on a pair of men's sweatpants
It's an amazing experience a pair of men's sweatpants
about 10% pants and 90% pockets
Our pockets go down to our knees and
Then sometimes you have a zipper behind your calves you can put two Nintendo controllers inside
Plenty of room
I think women's clothing are sexist to be honest right because in order to put on like a nice
Evening dress and gown you guys need help from a friend. You guys need someone to zip you up
Guys we'll never go for that
Can you imagine you and your guy friends
You're new boys about to go out for a drink and like white phone and then you just ask him you're like hey, bro
Bro, come here for a second, man
Come come here for a second
Zip me up man. Come on. Let's go. Let me up. Come on. Let me up
Ask you back. Send me up. Let's go
That's why all zippers in the front
And guys if you ever had a partner in a relationship and girls to you guys don't like
Ask him your partner to zip you up
It's quite cute and intimate right because your girl just spent like an hour or two three four or five
To get ready
And then the cherry on top is when she calls you over from the other room. She's like bad
I'm ready
Come
Zip me up
It's very cute, you know, but guys when we hear it, it's never that cute
We know there is trouble ahead
Because when we walk behind you and we assess the situation
It's never a good
Ramoa zipper
It's always a piece of shit tiny zipper made for Japanese infants
What the fuck is this I can't even grab it with my finger. I gotta grab my finger nails. It doesn't go anywhere
I have like a minute you can't get it going. She's getting on patient
So what do we do fellas? We're trying to make some progress. So we clip the top first as
If we're doing something but now we just made it worse because there's a vagina hole
So now you got to grab it with one hand and try to pull it up with the other one it's fully stuck
You need some WD-40 at this point, you know, you don't all ruin her dress, but you just missed you uber
Everything is fucked up. You're late. You're frustrated. You sweating and all you want to tell her it's just the truth
Which is babe
This dress is too small for you, okay? I
Don't know how to tell you this nicely. I think you're in great shape, but you got a big ass back
Hi, you got a triangular shape like Michael Phelps. Alright, I don't know how to tell you this shit
I don't know what you've been doing to Pilates. You got a very buff back
I don't know if you back meet inside of this shit in a room both of our evenings, okay?
So let's just be honest with ourselves next time. We both know you're not a size double zero
You're a women's medium just like me, okay?
That's right people sometimes in a relationship, you just got to tell the truth
And that's how I became single I
Can tell I can tell my parents really want grandkids
They haven't pressured me. They haven't really asked me directly, but they're signs
They got their first dog
Old Chinese people don't just get a dog. It's not a pet. It's a cry for help
Please need something to nurture and take care of at first my dad didn't want a dog at all
He's a stubborn old Chinese man. He's like no, I don't want a dog dogs are useless
And then we ended up getting the most useless dog of all. We got a pug
That's tough
And my dad loves this dog so much literally that's like his daughter that he never had
dressed her up in like a traditional Chinese thing
Cooks this dog like three meals a day
I'm like that. I'm pretty sure a pug is not supposed to have home sorrow every day
And he's like it's okay. She appreciates it. She loves it more than you did
They even call this dog my sister
Like they used this dog to ask me to come visit them. They're like, oh Jimmy
Your sister misses you
You need to come visit. I'm like a no. I don't think she does
They're saying crazy things these days man my mom my mom pulled me aside one day at her house and she was like Jimmy
Jimmy
you know
You don't need to get married to have a baby
Do you know how crazy that is for an old Chinese woman to say my dad heard and ran out of the kitchen
It was like me sent you finger on the eye
But they desperate man and I was like mom, that's not right if I want to have a baby
I want it to be planned. I don't want it to be an accident and she was like, you know, it's okay. You were an accident
I
And then I realized that this really interesting thing that happened and
I realized I was fully out of touch
With my Chinese side this happened like a year ago
I wanted my parents house to help them clean out their basement, okay?
Found a lot of old toys from when I was in Hong Kong and then I found my old diary that I wrote from when I was nine years old
Yeah, it's all written in Chinese. Look at this
It's all written in Chinese when I was in Hong Kong and I couldn't read a single word of it
Isn't that so embarrassing how is it this my first language?
I can't read it anymore man, and then you know what the worst thing is I have to give it to my dad to translate it for me
So now my dad's looking through my diary just started laughing and he's like oh
Oh
So weak
Who you're gonna hey hey always sick always complaining
He's not wrong see I'm sick here so I'm formula you know I'm a song bang and
In here hey more hot even so I fire you in sick fine young white Thai
Doesn't get more Hong Kong than that. It's just too hot can't eat outside
Come on. So I got a little y'all was like new we are teen
And look at this one this one is good. It's like we went swimming with my dad and my brother and
Then today I can already swim 10 laps
That's not weak. Yeah, good boy. Okay gang. Oh, yeah
I
Can't miss one ten laps now. I almost collapsed after three karaoke songs
So after realizing I really couldn't reach Chinese anymore, I'm like damn
I gotta get in touch with my Chinese sign man, you know I gotta get in touch with Hong Kong my roots
So I decided to fly back to Asia
Like I said, I was a little nervous to come back to Hong Kong. I didn't know how to feel
So I wanted Japan first
Just
Just to see just just to see you know, I mean I just I just want to see
Experience
You guys been to Japan?
It's a nice place. It's a nice place
It's not as international as Hong Kong not everyone speaks English or understands English
But at the same time a lot of Japanese words are just English words what a Japanese accent
In Japanese the word meatballs, it's just meat to butter
Me to bother
But I'm like dude, I'm not gonna go up to waiter and be like, hey, excuse me. Can I get some meat to bother you?
This sounds offensive, you know what I mean
But you have to talk like that or else they don't understand you I
Got out the airport. I got into a Japanese taxi
I was like sir, can you take me to the Ritz Carlton the hotel and he's like hey
I'm like Ritz Carlton. It's a hotel. You're a taxi driver. You must know the Ritz Carlton. He's like, oh
I'm like fine. I took out Google Translate. I put in Ritz Carlton. I showed it to him and then he was like, oh
Leetokoto way
I'm like man, that's what I said, bro
I'm not gonna jump into your cabin and salt. You've been like leetokoto
but
You have to talk like that also. They don't understand you
When we got to the hotel, I was trying to ask the cab driver. I was like sir. Do you take credit cards? He was like, yeah
I was like fine
credit
It's a
Okay, okay
It's a fun place to visit I
Want to see a lot of different sites in Japan. I went to the Japanese temple to pray for my fortune
And if you think my my Hong Kong fortune was messed up my Japanese fortune just had me all the way fucked up
It just says bad fortune
in three different languages
Look don't read the top. Okay. Just read the bottom. It says your request will not be granted
Marriage of any kind of start a trip employment all bad
That was my face man that was a Japanese temple like fuck this place dude
But get out of here
Have me all the way fucked up
Well, it's a fun place man people are really nice in Japan I wanted to a random sushi restaurant this businessman next to me
He had a couple of drinks and they start chatting me up. He was like excuse me
Where are you from?
I'm like, oh, I'm originally from Hong Kong by a live in Los Angeles now and
The cool thing about Japanese people is whatever you say they act really interested
He was like
Los Angeles
What do you do? I'm like, oh, I'm a comedian and I'm also an actor. He was like
Oh
Japanese people love American culture, but sometimes their references are like 10 years behind
Because this is the first question this dude asked me. He was like
Do you know
capital DS?
Amen, I love Cameron Diaz, but I we haven't seen her in anything in like 10 years
I'm sorry. I don't know Cameron Diaz, but you know what? No, I'm actually friends with Drew Barrymore
You know Drew Barrymore and he was like
Oh no
Only come on on this
I'm like, no, no, you don't get it man
If you're a fan of Cameron Diaz, you must be a fan of Drew Barrymore because they're in the same movie together called Charlie's Angels
Man, it was a hit movie here. Check it out. Check it out. This is Drew Barrymore and then he looked at it. He was like
Oh
Drew Barrymore
Through Barrymore and Lucy Lou I'm like, no, that's me motherfucker
I don't look that much like Lucy Lou
Maybe in Japan I do, you know what I mean?
That's bullshit. I was like, I should have never went to Japan, man. This is lame
So finally finally after Japan I decided to come home to Hong Kong
First time in 10 years
And everything just instantly reminded me of home
First of all, Hong Kong is a very specific smell
You can smell it even when you land at the airport. It kind of smells like wet carpet
With a touch of honey from the toss you
They should make that into a perfume
I went to the hotel. I turned on the tv back in the day. Well, he had two channels
Now we have like 60
But see I'm old school. I still watch tv B
And then the music the music
from tv B has not changed
In like 30 years
I was like, man, I'm home
That was my dream
My dream was when I was growing up watching tv B. I wanted to be a tv B reporter
I'll practice in front of mirror most in teensy toy. Oh, yeah, man. It's like both of them
That was my dream to be like a tv B reporter, man
It's very nice very nice to come back here
And everything just started falling into place even my old friends from my elementary schools found me
And then we hung out. Look at this. These are all my old friends from wai yansilha. Yeah, we found it
That's when we went to the jockey club and when the guy called me a jockey, you know
This is actually a recreation of this childhood picture of ours
From when I was 10 years old in Hong Kong, man. How cool is that?
Look at that. Everyone still looks the same, right?
The guy on the right is actually a different guy
That guy moved to Canada and he has kids. That's why he couldn't make it anymore
So we just replaced him with another random Chinese guy
It was very sweet
These guys they took me out to dinner
You know and I thought I would do the right chinese thing. I snuck out to the bathroom
To try to pay the bill
And then the waiter was like, oh, it's already paid for
I was like when
He was like, oh before you sat down
I was like, oh, that's amazing
This is the life I want, you know
It's just very nice, man. Everything just literally started falling into place
I went shopping in Hong Kong
And everything just fit me
Right off the rack
In a men's size large
I
Was like these last 25 years wasn't my problem at all
America's just bunch of fat fucks
I'm actually big and tall in Hong Kong
That's right people
That's right
This thing cost me another $80,000
Just so I can feel tall for a second, okay
This is the exact height of Yao Ming. That's how we built this
I love it, man
Everything just started to fit in place
I felt so good about myself for the first time
When I came back a few months ago
It was just vacation. I took some meetings
And I was here for like a whole month
And I didn't feel homesick once
Because I was finally home, you know what I mean?
It's hard for me not to get emotional man seeing all of you guys supporting me, you know
I didn't know the reception I was gonna get but now it's like dude
I literally feel like Taylor Swift and Hong Kong and it's just so great, you know
And honestly it's been very meaningful the reception I've gotten from the people and even the heroes
That I grew up with
One of the first person I dinner with when I got to Hong Kong was Wong Tiwa
That's my guy, man
Look at him
I bought a DVD and I'm telling you why DVD do you know how hard it is to find a DVD?
I have to go to serve one literally the only store that sells DVD
And I got it. I bought up the whole store of long telling about DVDs and I gave it to Tiwa
I go to sign it and then he looked and he was like
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
But I mean so much to me, man
Maybe he doesn't know this but you know like when I do American interviews like they're like who inspire you to do comedy to do stand up
You know I'll say like maybe Dave Chappelle is something but every time like now I'm like why not say Tiwa?
People should know about Tiwa
That's our guy, man
I
I'm very happy to like sell out five shows here
But Tiwa sold out 25 shows
And I can't believe my first one here Tiwa goes right here
I love you, man
I love you
Thank you
Thank you for truly being my first inspiration here
I
Just very special to get to meet some of my heroes, man. I haven't get to meet Zoe on fun. Fuck all
Look at this. This is like the coolest picture ever taken man. Like if I call when he takes pictures
He grabs the phone from you and he takes it himself
So he knows the optimum angle. There's no bullshit filters
And I'm just like behind him like in this little shadow
You know
It's so cool and I was gonna frame this picture. I think there's like family heirloom quality picture
And I wonder like different restaurants in Hong Kong and I realized everyone had a picture with telly
Literally every single person
Different restaurants he goes on hikes. He's just like the man of the people man
He's so nice and every picture he's taking the selfie, right
Except this one he fell victim to a filter
My love fight girl, man, it was so cool to get to meet him
And it was just so nice to be back in Hong Kong with all the people all my heroes and everyone that's inspired me
Some of whom are here today, you know, so it's really special because my agent's been talking about
You know sending me to asia to do some shows for a long time. They're like, hey, what about singapore?
What about my cow? I was like no my first shows in asia has to be in hong kong
And it has to be at the coliseum hong kong
This place where legends are made man
I think it's just a special Sydney Opera House just a special Carnegie Hall, man
We're gonna put hong kong on the map at this one, okay
I
Love hong kong people
Hong Kong people work hard, but you guys also stay humble
You guys always remind me where I come from and who I am. I want to yut log
Yut log barbecue a very classic barbecue place in hong kong, right?
And then I saw in the restaurant the lady the waitress also has a picture with tellyun fine
But I was pretty excited. I was chatting around. I was like, oh my god
I also took a picture of someone for last week and then she just looked at me. She was like go go on now turn
And I was like no, no, no, no, but mine is different. He actually knew who I was
I'm also an actor and then she looked at me. She was like
They must saw you
I'm like, no, no, that doesn't matter like I I guess that you know, I'm a comedian
I was on the stevie show gusto camale and I was on crazy rich Asians. Maybe you heard of that and she was like, oh,
You know what it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter
I used to come here as a kid after ping pong practice. My last name is oh young
I used to come here every week and then a light bulb suddenly went off in her head
She was like oh, yeah, I remember you you are Richard son
I
Want you guys to buy soul out shows
Just for you take a phone out take a flash on oh, there's the moment. Let's get this
And
Of course
Yes
See for
Hinging
Oh
What are you home is I hope I share a piece of mind with you tonight
Okay
And go up thank you thank you thank you I like all that confidence is up since you're here. Thank you
Thank you
Tell things to come but it's only far like thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you some believable man
And we're not doing it once not doing twice
We're doing it five times
I got one on some song. I'll give a jump. Thank you
Oh
Why don't I go feel fun or they have been just some time so dirty for people
No, yeah
Your happiness keeps increasing it like yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's a very quick essential snack
It's the same as when I was in elementary school
It's you making a dog a little Irish. I mean, I don't know man. Oh, I don't know what I do. Wow. Yeah, it's you sir
Okay, so yeah
Look so you don't look so you enjoy a lot of ideas. Yeah, wow
It's more physically demanding than usual you gotta pop up twice you got a run you got a sing
Got a whole new respect for singers now
But you know they don't call me Hong Kong Taylor Swift and nothing
Thank you, I'm a
Showing the
I
You guys coming out man
It's a good reason for my family to be back together Lord al dum dum dum yuk yuk geng geng
Thank you. Thank you
And there's my mother guess how much the woman behind guess so much. Thank you mom. Thank you, dad
Truly one of my Hong Kong heroes, man. Oh, the big one is even older. Hey, why don't you say you're here? Why don't I?
Well, you see you like a German man. I would have a man. I'm a man second man
You know I'm man dude. Oh
He's watching car door to you. Oh, you see welcome to our house
Bum, I'm a great. I don't really deal. Oh, okay. How are good good good good. Good. Good. Good. Good fine my book
Thank you for all of you guys being here, thank you for the legends in the house.
Thank you for waiting!
Hello!
Thank you for waiting!
I'm so excited to be here with you guys, thank you!
Thank you!
It's the last one for TV and...?
So far!
Damn, it's been!!
Damn!
The dance!
You're good!
I know!
This is an idea!
It's an idea!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god, I'm so...
Whoa!
I'm so happy!
So, how are you doing?!
I know...
Whoa!
Oh!
What a nice one!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, you're eastern shock.
May forej almost tour High.
Oh yeah, that's amazing, man.
This is Hong Kong.
Next time we'll come back to 50, how about that?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Think what does it mean?
Don't take me no time anymore
I won't say no time
Don't let me say no
Though it will be mine
I'll remember you
I'll remember you
You