Johns (1996) Movie Script
John once told me that the only
true friend you really have in the world
is the money in your pocket.
That, I know,
is complete bullshit.
All of the following hustler stories,
however, are true.
My tale begins and
ends with shoes.
John's shoes.
Shit!
What time is it?
7 a.m.
No!
You alright, son?
What do you think, old man?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas?
Fuck Merry Christmas!
Al, Al, Al.
It's John. Where's Donner?
I know it's fucking early,
but it's important, you cocksucker.
I'm kidding.
What?
You're kidding, you did?
- Al...
- Hi, sport.
- Come here.
- Al, I got a date. I got to go.
I got to run.
Got to, got to, got to.
Listen, if you hear from Donner,
if you see him, tell him I'll be by soon.
- Okay? I really do.
- Go!
Man, I am starving.
I'm so fucking hungry.
I'm famished.
It's not been what you call
a gregarious morning, man.
I mean, look.
Some motherfucker stole...
just stole my sneaks
this morning, man.
My lucky sneaks at that.
Hello.
Good, good morning
to you, too, baby.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I wasn't expecting
this, either. Listen...
I'm going into the office
for a little bit here.
We got that rock 'n' roll movie
coming up next month,
and I want to look at a few
of those contracts.
I beg your pardon?
Yeah, I'll hold. Sure.
Yeah, I'll hold.
So nothing bad's ever happened to me
as long as I was wearing them sneaks.
You know, I had
them two fucking years.
Shit, they were my lucky charms.
They was gonna take
me places, those sneaks.
And plus I...
Plus I hid my money in them.
So now I'm dead broke.
And I'm really fucking hungry,
and tomorrow's my birthday.
Hello?
- So, I...
- It's, uh, 7:35 right now.
I should be, uh...
Yeah, it should be
another half hour or so.
I gotta come up with a whole lot of
money for my birthday party, man.
Like, uh, have you ever stayed
at the Park Plaza Hotel?
Oh, honey, I got that three o'clock tee time.
Um...
make sure everything's
ready for us, will you?
Bye.
Rock'n'roll movie, huh?
I can really act.
I really can, really.
You know, maybe I could do some acting
for you now, like an improper audition.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Please. Please.
I'm gonna be a big fucking star
one of these days, man.
A big star.
For sure.
Sure you want to get
a little something to eat?
You hungry?
Me?
Me?
You can't panhandle from me, man.
I'm homeless.
Look at me!
Look!
Homeless people can't panhandle
from other homeless people, man.
I mean, what's that?
It's gotta be give
and take, man.
And you can't fucking take
from a taker, man.
You gotta take from a giver.
Not another taker.
You understand
what I'm saying, right?
Ah, fuck this, you mute.
You certainly are
relentless, man.
You do not fucking
give up, do you?
I like that. It's the only way
to survive a day out here.
Here you go. Now, I don't want
to see you around here no more.
- Thanks, I was...
- No!!
Don't!
Don't! Don't!
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to know you.
Because believe me,
I do not care.
People come and people go, man.
The only thing that stays
the same is the boulevard.
The boulevard never dies.
Yo, what time is it?
See you later, mute.
I think I'm late.
Merry Christmas!
Hello?
Uh, this is Mr. John...
the actor.
We spoke yesterday on the phone.
Yes.
Um...
I've...
let's just say, run into some budgetary
difficulties beyond my immediate control.
All my vital stuff was stolen.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Well, now it seems I must first
take care of these overt problems.
It seems like everyone's
looking for John this morning.
I know, and he
ain't even that cute.
Thank you. I appreciate
your excellent concern.
What's your name?
Paul.
Well, thank you, Paul.
Could you hold on a second?
I'm on the fucking phone here!
- We know that.
- We know that.
Listen, um...
so I'll be in there
at one o'clock,
take care of my reservation,
settle up in cash.
Listen, um...
Paul...
I was wondering about the room.
Jimmy the Warlock is up the street
looking for your sweet ass,
and he's only about
three blocks from finding it.
Could you just hold
on a second, Paul?
You're kidding, right?
And Nikki's looking for you, too, honey.
Full diva! Wait till Nikki gets here.
No, no, no, fuck, Nikki!
Where's Jimmy?
Paul, could I, um...
I'll see you at one o'clock
and take care of
everything in cash.
Okay. Thank you.
Listen, can you
guys stall Jimmy?
Tell him you need warlock advice
on Christmas shopping.
- Tell him something. Thanks.
- You better run, bitch!
You better run right now,
if you know what's good for you.
Donner.
Donner.
Donner!
Donner, Donner,
Donner, Donner, Donner.
Leave me alone.
Ah, you don't mean that.
It's time, dick.
Get up!
Oh, man.
Did you just come in here to harass me,
or do you want something?
What the fuck happened to you, man?
Me? Look at you, son.
What'd you do, roll a clown
this morning, or what?
Must you always change
the subject, Donner?
Nothing. Nothing, nothing.
Ahh.
Nothing?
Nothing, nothing?
- No.
- Shit.
Nothing really, like,
all that tragic.
Just last night, this, uh...
I met this very weird,
weird gentleman.
Not gentleman. Date.
Okay, date.
Very, very weird...
weird date.
He asked me to go up to
his house in the hills with him.
And?
He had this long hallway
in his house in the hills.
And...
at one end, he had this
big bucket of grapefruits.
All these big
yellow grapefruits.
And he went to the
opposite end of the hallway.
And he dropped his pants.
And he bent over and
he showed me his ass.
And he had this big, fucking
white, awful hairy ass.
It was so nasty.
And then he wanted me
to pitch that citrus at him.
At his fucking hairy ass.
While he got off.
Can you believe it?
You can imagine I just started
laughing and laughing and laughing.
I mean...
First of all...
I throw like a girl. I probably
couldn't even hit him if I wanted to.
And then...
just the thought of throwing...
grapefruits at this
guy's hairy, white ass.
It's gonna hurt.
So anyway,
I'm just laughing and
laughing and laughing.
And this guy says
that I'm ruining his high.
He said, "You're
ruining my high."
What fucking high?!
- What?
- So, I was still laughing.
And he fucking...
This guy comes up to me
and throws me against the wall,
and starts whacking
me upside the head.
God!
And then he beats
the shit out of me.
And then I stop laughing.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Okay, but I'm hungry.
Look out!
Look at the way
you're dressed, Donner.
I'm fucking homeless
and I look better than you.
- Yeah, I know, I know. You got...
- Seven shirts and seven pants.
And you change for
every day of the week.
My, my.
Hey, you should go back home.
You're not cut out
for the streets, man.
You don't have
the deposition for it.
You mean disposition.
No, I mean deposition.
Legal talk.
Fine, alright, what do you
fucking want from me?
Money.
How much?
Three hundred bucks, man.
Some motherfucker
stole my sneaks.
I don't got it.
My lucky sneaks, man, you know.
That's the ones that we're
gonna take you places.
Fuck!
Fucking golf shoes!
Can't trust anyone
around here, the thieves.
You're one to talk.
What the fuck's that
supposed to mean?
I heard you sold drugs for Jimmy
the Warlock and then kept the money.
I don't wanna talk
about it, man.
Why'd you do it for, son?
You know Jimmy works for the Popeye.
I said I don't wanna
fucking talk about it, okay?
Shit, here comes Eli.
You're dead!
And a fine good
morning to you, too, Eli.
Stole from the Popeye, huh?
Fuck, man! Does everybody know my
fucking business around here or what?
"Or what."
- Shit!
- I told you the Popeye's serious, son.
Popeye's bullshit.
There's no fucking Popeye.
No Popeye?
No Popeye, right, John? Yeah.
- Yeah, no Popeye.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, no Popeye, right?
Who else drives his beat-up auto
up and down the boulevard?
John, huh?
Checking out his world, huh?
Who else but the Popeye, John?
Bullshit fairytale stories, man.
I don't fucking buy it.
Popeye is just like
fucking Santa Claus, man.
And nobody's ever
seen either one of them.
At least together.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, check it out.
Popeye's out here, bro.
Just like the cops, man.
Yeah, yeah, the cop,
cop, cop, saying...
I don't wanna
hear it again, Eli.
Not the fucking cops.
You gotta watch out
for the cops, bro.
- Gotta be careful of the cops. All the fucking cops.
- Thanks for that. I see you later.
Listen, we gotta
get to work, alright?
Yeah, John. You're dead.
All the fucking cops, bro!
You're dead, man!
I don't know why I do this.
Because you've been
out here like six weeks.
Seven!
And you're still screwing up, man.
If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead already.
Oh, how could I
ever live without you?
You gotta watch out
for yourself, man.
Yo, tell me the first thing
you do to protect yourself
when you get picked up.
Alright.
The first thing I do...
is I ask them if they are in any way
affiliated with the L.A. Police Department.
Right.
I still don't see why I gotta do that, son.
I mean, they're not gonna say yes.
Just to get it on the record, man.
What record?
The record!
It's legal.
How do you know so
much about the law?
I date a lot of
lawyers, man, I know.
And then what?
Alright.
Then I kiss 'em...
or ask 'em to touch
my dick, right?
Right.
Because it's legal?
Right.
Cops... they can't touch your dick.
They're taping everything.
If they touch your dick, you can
get them for sexual molestation.
I wouldn't exactly call touching
my dick sexual molestation.
I touch my dick all the time.
Give them your best shit, man.
Excuse me.
Are you a prostitute?
Moi?
I'm not a prostitute.
I'm an entertainer.
Alright, just one more, folks.
Alright, everybody. Come on,
move, move, move, move, move.
Move.
Move. Now squeeze together.
Squeeze, squeeze,
squeeze, squeeze.
Oh, that is nice.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Before we continue, I'm compelled
to ask you folks a question.
Are any of you in any way affiliated
with the Los Angeles Police Department?
No.
Good. Would you please
touch my...
Cheese!
Thanks for the 20 bucks, man.
Bye-bye. So glad
I can entertain y'all!
You look right with the
family around you, man.
Stop it with all this family shit, son.
Everybody's got a family.
I never had no family.
You got me.
Oh, shouldn't I get
some of that?
No.
Come on, I think
I deserve at least half.
Consider it part of your
birthday present to me.
It's your birthday?
It's tomorrow.
On Christmas Day?
So?
So, I just... I didn't
know that, son.
Yeah, I never tell anyone, man,
because I'm usually so disappointed on my birthday.
Not tomorrow, man.
Tomorrow's gonna be different.
Tomorrow I turn 21.
Tomorrow's just another day.
Oh...
No.
Not for me.
I got me a room
at the Park Plaza Hotel.
I got me some heaven.
One day and one
night of doing it right.
Drinking champagne,
eating burgers,
watching cable TV.
I'm gonna be somebody for a day.
So... rich.
Yeah.
Supposed to check in
early, nine o'clock.
You know, I wanted
a full day, right?
Then my money
and my lucky sneaks...
Sorry.
I told the hotel I'd be there
with the money at one o'clock.
Well, I'll go with
you if you want.
I'll do anything I can
to help you.
You don't have to do that.
- But I want to, okay?
- No, I mean, touch me.
What time is it?
It's, uh, 10:30.
Alright, I'll meet
you here at 12.
Alright, don't be late.
Me? Late?
Never.
Fuck.
Nikki, baby,
give me a fucking kiss,
you sexy little thing.
Don't you baby me, you fucking smooth-talking,
ass-licking, bleach-blonde motherfucking freak!
Oh, I love when you talk dirty to me.
Where the fuck were you last night?
We had plans, man.
Business, darling, business.
Yeah, always business.
I expect a big, big Christmas
present this year, John.
- Oh yeah, baby?
- Yeah.
Big, baby.
So what did you get me then?
Fuck, Nikki.
I can't tell you that shit.
I want to, I really do, but,
you know, Christmas ain't till tomorrow
and it wouldn't be no surprise then.
I can hardly wait.
I can hardly wait.
- I gotta go, baby.
- Why?
Business. Listen, uh...
- What?
- I'll see you later, okay?
Okay?
What time is it?
I'm so sick of you always asking
me the fucking time, you know?
"What time is it?"
"Fucking what time is it?"
I don't know what
fucking time it is, man!
Alright, Nikki, if that's the
way you want to play it...
Sorry, baby, it's 11:15.
Alright, come here.
I'll see you later, okay?
I want you...
so bad!
You wanna go for a ride?
Do you a cop?
A cop?
Would a cop do this?
How do I know it's real?
Oh, oh, that's real.
And so is this.
I like your style.
I'm in.
But I'm in a hurry, Mr. Poppers,
so let's get a move on.
Hey, where you running from
today, Donner? The cops, right?
From nothing, I guess.
You can say that again.
You really need some
fucking help, bro, don't you?
No, thanks, I'm alright.
Ah, man.
Hey...
could I borrow a buck
for a little trim, bro?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah?
How do you make money?
How do you make money out here?
I hustle.
What the fuck do you think, man.
You?
Yeah.
People pick me up.
I gotta fake it sometimes,
though, you know.
Fake what?
It.
I can't...
So...
I gotta fake it.
Really?
Now check this out.
Alright?
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh!
Oh!
Slow down, dude. I don't wanna
fucking die on Christmas Eve.
Jesus Christ.
Okay, okay, okay.
So, I want you to stand up here,
I want you to put your dick in my mouth.
Okay?
Okay, okay, okay.
I want you to put your dick
in my mouth while I'm driving.
You crazy motherfucking shit.
Yeah, crazy, right. Come on.
You're fucking with me, right?
No! I want you to put your fucking dick
in my mouth while I'm driving, okay?
Man, how the fuck am I supposed to
do that? It's broad daylight out here.
C'mon, man!
Dude, you better fucking slow down!
You're gonna get us fucking killed, man!
Yo, yo, YO!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
That's fucking great.
That's not bad, eh?
It's great.
You got that buck, bro?
Oh yeah.
Friendship ends where
money begins, right?
Hey, what are you doing
for Christmas, Donner?
Nothing, I'm Jewish.
It's still Christmas. It doesn't
matter if you're Jewish, dude.
It's still fucking Christmas.
Well, what are you doing?
Man, I'm gonna...
spend some quality time
with myself.
You know...
get to know me a little better.
- You know what I mean?
- Right.
That's...
Are you crazy, man?!
You could have fucking killed us.
What the fuck?!
I don't wanna fuck.
Ah, fuck you, man!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, shit!
Miss Thing, over here.
Come on, little bitch!
C'mere!
Hurry up, bitch.
We ain't gonna wait all day.
Hey.
- Hey, guys.
- What are you doing?
Just waiting for John as usual.
Is he late again?
You're correct, David.
Miss Thing, you are
so thin. Look at you.
You are not a supermodel.
That is not cute, uh-uh.
Doesn't John feed you?
Are you two, uh...
you know... fucking...
hole?
Me and John are just friends.
- You're just friends?
- We're best friends!
- Ain't that nice.
- That's nice.
That's really nice.
Have you boys seen Jimmy around?
The Warlock?
- Yeah.
- No.
Why?
I'm looking for him.
Aren't you scared?
Do I look scared?
All I know is that girl
is scary, scary, scary.
Ooh, here comes
your husband, honey.
What's up?
- Girl, you're bleeding.
- Sorry, I'm late.
You are bleeding.
Yeah, it's just a flesh wound.
My last trick got all shady
on me and shit.
But...
I still got 100 on me.
- I am good.
- Oh, my God!
- Are you hurt?
- I am so good.
You sure you know
what you're doing, man?
Of course I do.
I used to wanna be
a nurse, you know.
I did. I...
I fell in love with, like, those
white outfits that they wear.
Like, they got all those little white caps
and white stockings and all that stuff.
My dad's a doctor.
Your father's a doctor?
A doctor?
You guys must be rich, man.
He'll probably send you
Christmas money, no problem, right?
The last time I saw my father,
he told me I was dead,
as far as he's concerned.
What'd you do?
I told him I was gay.
Put on your
Saturday outfit, son.
Let's get the hell out of here.
We gotta get you to heaven.
This is it!
Are you sure you wanna do this?
I have to.
Okay, but I don't know, man.
- I don't know if it's a...
- Shh.
Don't worry.
I'll make it all work out.
I am a hustler after all, right?
Oh God, this is it.
Uh...
Hi.
What can I do
for you today, sir?
Uh, Paul?
It's Mr. John. We spoke a
couple of times on the phone.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Mr. John, of course.
How are you, sir?
Well...
hasn't been the most righteous of days
so far, as you know, Paul, but...
that's life.
There is always tomorrow, right?
That's right.
Wow.
Uh...
I'm doing this big
rock 'n' roll movie.
It's for Paramount.
We're both actors.
And, uh...
we're what you call
in character right now, right?
I understand.
Yeah, I play the lead singer.
And he plays the guitar player.
Well, that sounds just
wonderful, Mr. John.
Listen, Paul.
Uh, just between you and me...
I was only able to come
up with part of the money.
Uh, there's this whole
mix-up with Western Union.
You understand how
that shit happens, right?
Of course.
Oh, no.
That's not necessary.
I insist.
No, sir, you can pay your bill
at the cashier when you check in.
Listen, Paul...
this is what we call good faith.
You do good by me,
I do good by you.
You know, the studio's trying to
work things out right now, but...
it's Christmas, and
everybody leaves early.
But I don't want you to have
to worry about that, Paul.
Listen, I'm gonna
take care of that, okay?
I'm sure you will.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
Why don't I put the money
in an envelope?
And I'll write your name
and the room number on it.
Is that alright, sir?
I'd really appreciate
that, Paul.
Lead singer in a
rock 'n' roll movie?
Yeah, right.
It's all up there.
How much more do you need?
Like 200 bucks,
and the sooner the better.
We should be able to make
that no problem together.
Just call your parents, Donner, and get the money.
No.
Come on, please, for me.
Come on.
Come on.
The phone's around the corner.
Go.
Thanks.
I'm gonna look around.
Camelot.
No way!
Why not?
Because I'm not moving to some
place called Camelot. That's why!
It's not just some place.
It's a Renaissance theme park.
What are you talking about?
It's got all these rides and horses
and people dressed up like knights and shit.
What?
It's back out east in Branson, Missouri,
where all these stars play.
It's like Vegas,
but without all the gambling.
And that's where your parents want
you to go? To a fucking theme park?
Well...
My mom told me to call my cousin Dale,
who's one of the managers in Camelot.
And so I did,
and he said that he would set me up
with a room and a job just like that.
And then I told him about you
and how I couldn't imagine leaving you here,
and that we were a team and everything,
and he said you could come.
Are they gonna
send you any money?
Not unless I go home.
And my mom said my dad won't
let me back if I'm still gay, so...
Camelot.
Oh.
Anyway, it's all really, really exciting.
We're gonna be lifeguards.
No, no, I can't swim, and I
hate the water, so just forget it.
Listen, I'm real sorry.
I know, I know, I know.
I promised to help you get
the money for your hotel room,
and I'm sorry about that.
John, it's just a room.
In Branson, we'll have a room
for a long fucking time.
Fuck you!
"Fuck you!" That's a start.
At least we're communicating now.
Come on, John,
we could get off the street.
You could study your acting.
I could save up money for school.
We wouldn't have to deal
with any of this shit anymore.
- It'd just be me and you.
- Oh, no, fuck that, man.
Fuck Camelot. Fuck you.
Again with all the fuck you's.
I wish I had counted on me.
I fucking know better.
People always let you down.
How about if I get the
money for both of us?
We can both stay in
the hotel room tonight,
and we'll both leave for
Branson in the morning.
Leave me alone.
Just go by your fucking self.
I can't. I need you.
Fuck you!
Fuck it all, with all the fuck you's.
I know you care about me.
Are you fucking crazy, man?
I don't give a shit about you.
I use you.
Just fuck off.
Leave me alone.
I'm not gonna leave you alone, John.
You're my best friend.
Are you fucking crazy?
You're not my
fucking best friend!
I don't have any friends!
- Got it?
- John...
John, I...
Leave me alone!
I don't fucking need you!
I don't need anybody, okay?
Christ's blood fuels
this fire even now.
It's warming the loneliest, woeful,
and wandering soul at Christmastime.
Manny.
It's John.
Are you alone?
Can I help you, sir?
I'm sorry, I don't have
any money or anything.
I see.
Thank you, sir.
How much would two
one-way tickets to Branson be?
$260?
Alright. Thanks.
So nice to see you, John.
It's nice to be seen, Manny.
Where are the wife and kids?
Last-minute shopping.
Slow down.
Slow down.
I mean, what if they come back?
You know...
I do not need any
more drama today.
I mean...
trust me on that, Manny.
It has been quite a fucking day.
We have plenty of time.
Stop it, Manny!
You're bad!
Oh, shit!
Manny, I am so tired.
I've been running
all fucking day.
I'm famished.
I got you a little
Christmas present, John.
You didn't have
to do that, Manny.
But I wanted to, John.
Go get it, Manny.
Okay, John.
Actually, Manny, I just came by
to ask you for a little favor.
Merry Christmas, John.
Thank you, Manny.
But...
really, the reason I came by today is
because I have to ask you for a big favor.
What, John?
I need to borrow some money.
You know, I'll pay you back
or I could work it off.
Is this some kind of
a blackmail scheme?
No, it's my birthday tomorrow.
Because if this is some kind of a blackmail scheme,
I will not have it in my house.
I will not have it!
It's not blackmail, for
God's sake, Manny.
I'm just... I'm in a bind.
I need to borrow some money.
You know, just a
couple hundred bucks.
I don't want to hear any more
of this. Please, no more.
Now open the present.
- Manny...
- Open the present.
Open the present.
Open the present. Open the present!
Oh...
God. Hold on.
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Round yon virgin...
Merry Christmas, everybody!
Come on, please,
sing out. Sing out.
Mother and Child
Where are you going?
Well, I'm already late
for my next delivery, sir.
...so tender and mild
See my new watch?
It says 3:09.
And I was supposed to
be somewhere at 3:04.
But...
- don't we have some unfinished business?
- Oh, no. No.
Your wife already
took care of it, sir.
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Where's my fucking hat?
Where are my fucking shoes, man?
I want my goddamn hat back!
Yeah, I want my
goddamn hat back!
Asshole!
John, John, John, John.
Jimmy!
Come on, man.
- What's up, Mix?
- Come on.
Fellas!
I hope you kill the
fucking asshole!
Frick!
You been doing this long?
Yeah, long enough.
Huh?
I said long enough.
Oh.
I like 'em fresh.
Are you in any way affiliated with
the Los Angeles Police Department?
What?
Are you a cop?
What the hell kind
of question is that?
Why would I be a cop?
Come on, Jimmy! You know what?
You took money, man.
You took money...
that wasn't yours.
And that's bad, I know.
It's really bad, man.
You must be joking, Jimmy.
No, I never take anything
that isn't mine, Jimmy.
You know that.
I'm not scandalous like that.
I try to keep good karma.
It keeps me all alive and shit.
Karma?
No, see, you don't talk to
Jimmy about karma, man.
I'm a fucking
Buddhist, remember?
I mean, Jimmy knows
all about karma, right?
Fuck, yeah.
Then you know what I'm
talking about then, Jimmy.
No. The one thing I know...
is that...
you're gonna take off
your shoes.
What?
Come on, man,
take your shoes off.
My shoes?
I'll take my shoes...
- See now...
- Where are you going?
Everybody knows that you keep your
fucking money in your shoes, John.
Now come on, come on, please.
Don't fuck with Jimmy no more.
Either you take them off...
or Mix will.
Aren't you a bit,
shall we say...
long in the tooth
to be doing this?
Never too old to be doing this.
And what exactly is this?
I wanna spank you.
Oh, what?
Spank you.
You're joking, right?
No joking.
Well, I'm sorry, sir, but I don't
go in for that kinky sort of stuff.
What do you mean?
You're a prostitute!
What in the Sam hell
do you go in for then?
For one thing,
I am not a prostitute.
I'm an entertainer.
And for two, I do
not enjoy violence.
Screw that.
Pull over.
No.
I won't ask again.
Well, then don't.
Let me out!
Shut up!
- I really...
- I said shut up!
Here I am.
I thinking that
we're friends, John.
I mean, why fuck me?
Why take money...
that's not yours?
I mean, am I bad?
I mean, am I?
No.
You owe the man...
$300.
Now, the man is all business.
He don't give a fuck about
what you're going through.
He just wants his fucking money.
You know?
It's on the Boulevard, man.
I'm getting it.
When?
Tomorrow.
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
See...
the Popeye wants
his money today.
Today?
- But, man...
- No buts, man.
Now, you got till
12 o'clock tonight.
The end of the day.
And that's it.
You're done.
But Jimmy,
it's Christmas tomorrow.
Tonight!
And you better have
my other 280, man.
What?
I only owe you 180, man. I'm...
I owed you 300.
You just took 120.
Huh?
That means I only
owe you 180, man.
Yeah...
You owe us, um...
What?
You sure, man?
Yeah, I'm sure, man.
You fucking better be sure, man.
Look, uh...
you just better
have it, alright?
And that's all Jimmy
can tell you, man.
Either you have it...
or you're done for, man.
Are you hungry?
I'm starving to death, man.
What's your name, man?
John.
Oh, man.
What do you know?
We're both Johns.
Merry Christmas...
John.
Eli!
Eli!
Nah!
Eli, over here!
John.
You ain't dead yet?
No, man, not yet!
Soon.
Soon, bro!
Where's Donner?
And don't forget
about the fucking cops!
Where's Donner?
You need him?
Yeah.
Around the corner.
Around the corner!
Thanks, bro.
Oh, man.
What the fuck happened?
What happened to you?
Are you alright?
Yeah.
Yeah. Um...
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Look at you, you're a mess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
I'm sorry.
You don't gotta apologize
to me about the way you look.
No, no, no, man.
Look that way or
something. Just for...
you know.
I'm sorry...
about the stuff I said to you.
I didn't mean it, man.
I didn't think you did either.
Let's get out of here.
- Okay, where are we going?
- Where do you think?
Home?
Camelot.
The bus leaves for Branson at,
uh, about 7:30
tomorrow morning, so...
and the tickets
are like 130 each.
And I figure we need, like...
about $300 just to cover a
little extras and everything.
And then we'll be on
our way to Branson.
Missouri.
Very good, Missouri.
And before you know it,
we're gonna be
sitting by the pool,
sipping pia coladas, mon ami.
Not while we're working, man.
It's just an expression, son.
Yeah.
Anyway, we're gonna be the best
damn lifeguards they ever had in Camelot.
You bet. Sure, as we
learn how to swim.
Right.
How much money you got saved?
I only got, like, uh...
20 bucks.
Well, that's 20 more
bucks than I got.
Hey, what about Jimmy
the Warlock and the Popeye?
I don't worry about Jimmy.
I already paid him 120.
It's my problem.
It's our problem.
It's you and me now, right?
Right.
And you're staying here
until I get the money.
Fuck that.
Forget about it, man.
What time is it?
About the time I gave you
your Christmas present, son.
Now?
What's that?
What? What's so funny?
Oh, nothing.
Now maybe you'd
be on time for once.
Shit.
Thanks, man.
Thanks a lot.
But, you know,
you don't have to worry.
You know me.
I'm always right on time.
Yeah, right.
Mr. John.
Are you all set
to check in, sir?
Uh...
unfortunately, I'm not gonna
be able to stay here tonight.
I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't hear what you said.
Unfortunately, Paul...
I'm unable to stay here tonight.
Sorry to hear that, sir.
Yeah, me too.
I know, um...
You must be
shooting on location.
What?
I take it that you're shooting
your movie on location.
And that's why you'll be unable to spend
the night here. Isn't that right, sir?
Right, right.
Uh...
I'm shooting on location.
In a place called Camelot.
Oh, that sounds mythical, sir.
Uh... no.
Actually, Paul,
it's a theme park.
The place is back east
and all the stars go there.
Well, I take it that you'll
be needing this, sir.
Whoa, no.
No, that's a down payment, Paul.
I don't expect that back.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, sir. You gave this to me in good faith,
and that's how I'm returning it.
- In good faith.
- Thank you.
I just...
really wish I could've enjoyed
your hospitality here tonight.
I really do.
I understand.
- Thanks.
- And I hope that you'll come and visit us...
when you have the chance.
When you finish
shooting the movie.
I will do that, Paul.
I will definitely do that.
- Open up! Open the door!
- Hold on, man.
No, they're after
the Cuban girl!
Nikki!
- What's up?
- Baby!
What's up?
Listen...
Listen, uh...
I really...
Listen, I gotta work.
You always gotta fucking work, you know.
You never got time for me. Never ever!
Fuck your work, man!
- Come on, Nikki.
- Fuck your work for one fucking time!
- Fuck your work!
- Listen, just not now, you know.
There's always not now.
There's always not now.
Just kiss me.
Listen, listen...
I really gotta do this.
It's for Donner.
Fuck that little faggot, man!
He can fuck himself, man!
Come on now, Nikki.
He's my friend, you know.
- Merry Christmas, man. Merry Christmas.
- Hold the fuck on here.
Hey, listen to me, though.
Come on, Nikki. I can't
do this. Not now, you know.
Well, then...
Fuck you, man!
- Don't fucking hit me, Nikki.
- Fuck you, man!
Go fuck yourself!
- I've paid a lot of money for that, man!
- Nikki, it's a watch.
I've paid a lot of money
for that, man!
- You fucking asshole, man!
- Come on, baby.
- What?
- Fuck you, man!
- Nikki!
- Oh, man! Fucking Christmas to you, man!
- Oh, it's beautiful.
- Go home, motherfucker!
Come on, Nikki.
Look, I'm putting it on.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Nikki, look at this watch!
I heard you was
looking for Jimmy.
I need to talk to...
to... to you.
Yes?
Alone?
Jimmy is alone.
Come into Jimmy's office, man.
Hey!
That's right.
I just wanna tell you, uh...
This is my first time.
First time for what?
Cruising, fucking Santa Claus?
No, it is.
It's... it's my first time.
Wow.
Congratulations.
What's your name?
Rex.
What's yours?
John.
Hey, Rex...
you ever stay at the
Park Plaza Hotel, Rex?
No. Why?
Ah, forget it.
Okay.
Shit, Rex, I'm hungry.
Maybe we can stop and
get something to eat first?
Yo, Rex!
Could you maybe, like,
pick me up an orange drink?
Yeah.
And, uh, maybe, like,
a pack of smokes for yourself?
I'm just gonna watch the car!
John Wayne?
Okay, I got...
John's money for you, Jimmy.
The money he owes to Popeye.
Oh, that's good.
That's real good.
Where'd you get this
money for Jimmy?
From a friend.
Must be a good one.
180, right?
No.
It's 300, man. He stole 300.
John said he already
paid you 120. That means...
he only owes you...
Do I look like I give a
fuck about what John says?
I said 300.
You understand that? Huh?
- But it's 180.
- But it's 180!
Hey, shut up!
Don't talk when
I'm talking to you!
Fuck!
Man, dude...
Your face is toe-up, man.
You know what I mean?
I don't think you need any more help, but I might
be able to do a little something on the other side.
You know what I mean?
I tell you what, I'm just gonna
grab the rest of the money, huh?
You like that?
Now leave John alone!
John is my best friend!
Tomorrow's a big day for him.
You leave him alone.
Get the fuck out
of my face, boy.
And John's even with Jimmy.
But you...
yeah...
you better get the
fuck on up out of here.
Oh, you're pretty...
pretty lucky to be alive.
We need to talk, Rex.
Okay, shoot.
Listen,
I don't have a lot of time to explain here,
and I'm really sorry about that, but...
I'm gonna have to
ask you for your money.
Sure, I expect to
pay you, I know that.
No, no.
I mean right now.
All of it.
What? I don't know.
What are we talking about?
Listen, don't make me get rough.
John.
John?
John, John, John.
John, John, John,
John, John, John, John.
John Wayne?
Fuck!
Pull over, man.
Oh, I'm soaked.
I'm fucking soaked.
Oh, shit!
Get out of the fucking car and
don't get fucking stupid on me, man.
I don't fucking
believe this, man.
Look at this.
These were supposed to be my
Saturday and Sunday clothes, man.
I'm so sick of this, man.
All day I've been fucking up
my fucking clothes.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
Great. "I'm sorry."
Fuck you!
- Give me your wallet.
- No, listen...
I'm real sorry about messing
up your clothes, okay?
Just relax.
I'll...
If you want,
I'll buy you a new pair.
I don't think you fucking get it,
John Wayne from Glendale.
What do you think your friends and family
would say if they knew you were out here
cruising...
Christmas Eve looking for a
little stocking stuffer, huh, buddy?
You must be joking.
Do I look funny, man?
Huh?
Listen, I need a lot of money.
A lot, a lot of money.
I gotta get me and a friend to a Renaissance
theme park, so give me your fucking wallet.
Fuck!
I'm sorry, John.
Just...
42 bucks?
42 fucking dollars?
42 fucking...
I don't believe this!
That's all I brought.
Fuck!
Shit!
I need a lot of
fucking money, man!
A lot of fucking money!
I'm running out of time, John.
Fuck!
Eli!
Fucking cops.
Leave me alone!
Father fucking God.
Silent night...
Holy night...
Donner?
What the fuck are you doing down here
with all these fucking strawberry tarts, man?
Just taking care of
some business, that's all.
You?
Business?
These motherfuckers will kill
you for your fucking shoes, man.
Not me.
Not me? Are you feeling okay?
Never better.
Never better.
What kind of business were you
taking care of down here, bitch?
Look at you, son. What did you do?
Did you piss in your pants?
Don't fucking try to
change the subject, Donner.
Don't get all pissy on me...
just because you pissed in your pants.
I didn't fucking
piss in my pants.
Fuck!
Oh, man, forget about it.
We are almost there, man.
One more date and we are set.
Why? How much you got?
140 bucks.
Me too.
What?
I do.
I hustled it just like you.
You fucking hustled that?
- I'm proud of you, son.
- We got it, man.
I'm proud of you.
I taught you good shit.
I told you I'd turn
you into a hustler.
There it is, baby.
Mr. John's last date.
Come on, John.
Let's just get out of here.
We got enough for today.
Let's just get out of here.
Nah, man, not yet.
We need a little more.
So we can do it right.
Let me take it. I'll go.
Nah, man.
Listen, I really...
I want to do this.
- John, I want to.
- Come on, it's mine.
I want to.
Nah, man, I got to
do this for both of us.
Listen...
take the money.
Go buy the tickets.
I'll meet you back at the
Chesterfield at 12 o'clock.
I swear to God.
John, don't go. Come on.
There's some stuff I want to talk to you about.
About Jimmy and
this morning. There's...
a bunch of stuff.
Man, we don't have to
worry about that shit anymore.
We don't have to worry
about any of this shit anymore.
And we'll have plenty of time
to talk on the bus ride to Branson.
Alright, 12 o'clock.
Hey, don't be late.
Me? Late?
Never.
You don't have to
worry about me, man.
I am always right
on time, right?
Yeah, right.
Goodbye.
This is the most fortuitous
night for you, my friend.
You are my last date forever.
That makes it historical.
People be talking
about this shit for years.
John's last date.
What do you think about that?
How...
How much?
200?
Believe me, man, I am worth it.
You're my last date, man.
That means it's
gonna be special.
So what's your name?
John.
Jesus, Johns are goddamn
everywhere tonight.
What happened to your...
head?
I fell over my shoes.
John Wayne?
Are you...
You related to...
John Wayne?
Get out of those
wet clothes, pilgrim.
I love True Grit.
Grit.
Do I look like I'm
related to John Wayne?
I don't know. You...
Maybe.
Really?
No.
It's not that John Wayne.
It's just some
dude I met tonight.
Some... Some
dude you met tonight.
Don't you mean some dude...
you fucked tonight?!
Right?
Right?
Right?
No, I didn't fuck him.
Dance!
What?
I want you to dance.
No way.
What?
I... I can't dance.
Oh, fuck that!
You can dance.
You're a fag.
Dance!
For 200 bucks...
I'll dance.
I'll dance.
Don't.
Don't.
No, don't.
That's good, baby.
I'm not...
I'm not a fag.
Right?
- Neither am I.
- I'm not...
I'm not, not a faggot.
No.
I'm not a faggot.
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
Shit.
Hey, have you seen John?
Who's John?
Never mind.
Hey, uh...
have you seen
somebody named John?
What?
This guy named John,
he's got a...
teardrop tattoo
right here and...
- blonde hair.
- He's in there.
He's in here?
He's in there!
Upstairs.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me, John.
I took your money, John.
I took your shoes.
Because I didn't
want you to get killed.
I didn't want Jimmy to kill you.
Why did you take
that date, John?
I told you not to take it.
What am I going to do now, John?
The world treat
You mean, Lord;
The world treat me mean, too.
But that's how
things is down here,
we didn't know t'was You.
Sweet little Jesus Boy,
they made you be
born in a manger.
Sweet little Holy Child,
didn't know who You was.
Like I said in the beginning...
my story ends with John's shoes.
From now on,
his lucky sneaks are with me.
Forever.
Sweet little Jesus Boy,
they made you be
born in a manger.
Sweet little Holy Child,
didn't know who You was.
Didn't know you
come to save us, Lord;
to take our sins away.
Our eyes was blind,
we couldn't see,
we didn't know who You was.
Long time ago,
you was born.
Born in a manger low,
Sweet little Jesus Boy.
The world treat You mean, Lord;
they treat me mean, too.
But that's how
things be down here,
we didn't know
t'was You.
t'was You.
true friend you really have in the world
is the money in your pocket.
That, I know,
is complete bullshit.
All of the following hustler stories,
however, are true.
My tale begins and
ends with shoes.
John's shoes.
Shit!
What time is it?
7 a.m.
No!
You alright, son?
What do you think, old man?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas?
Fuck Merry Christmas!
Al, Al, Al.
It's John. Where's Donner?
I know it's fucking early,
but it's important, you cocksucker.
I'm kidding.
What?
You're kidding, you did?
- Al...
- Hi, sport.
- Come here.
- Al, I got a date. I got to go.
I got to run.
Got to, got to, got to.
Listen, if you hear from Donner,
if you see him, tell him I'll be by soon.
- Okay? I really do.
- Go!
Man, I am starving.
I'm so fucking hungry.
I'm famished.
It's not been what you call
a gregarious morning, man.
I mean, look.
Some motherfucker stole...
just stole my sneaks
this morning, man.
My lucky sneaks at that.
Hello.
Good, good morning
to you, too, baby.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I wasn't expecting
this, either. Listen...
I'm going into the office
for a little bit here.
We got that rock 'n' roll movie
coming up next month,
and I want to look at a few
of those contracts.
I beg your pardon?
Yeah, I'll hold. Sure.
Yeah, I'll hold.
So nothing bad's ever happened to me
as long as I was wearing them sneaks.
You know, I had
them two fucking years.
Shit, they were my lucky charms.
They was gonna take
me places, those sneaks.
And plus I...
Plus I hid my money in them.
So now I'm dead broke.
And I'm really fucking hungry,
and tomorrow's my birthday.
Hello?
- So, I...
- It's, uh, 7:35 right now.
I should be, uh...
Yeah, it should be
another half hour or so.
I gotta come up with a whole lot of
money for my birthday party, man.
Like, uh, have you ever stayed
at the Park Plaza Hotel?
Oh, honey, I got that three o'clock tee time.
Um...
make sure everything's
ready for us, will you?
Bye.
Rock'n'roll movie, huh?
I can really act.
I really can, really.
You know, maybe I could do some acting
for you now, like an improper audition.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Please. Please.
I'm gonna be a big fucking star
one of these days, man.
A big star.
For sure.
Sure you want to get
a little something to eat?
You hungry?
Me?
Me?
You can't panhandle from me, man.
I'm homeless.
Look at me!
Look!
Homeless people can't panhandle
from other homeless people, man.
I mean, what's that?
It's gotta be give
and take, man.
And you can't fucking take
from a taker, man.
You gotta take from a giver.
Not another taker.
You understand
what I'm saying, right?
Ah, fuck this, you mute.
You certainly are
relentless, man.
You do not fucking
give up, do you?
I like that. It's the only way
to survive a day out here.
Here you go. Now, I don't want
to see you around here no more.
- Thanks, I was...
- No!!
Don't!
Don't! Don't!
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to know you.
Because believe me,
I do not care.
People come and people go, man.
The only thing that stays
the same is the boulevard.
The boulevard never dies.
Yo, what time is it?
See you later, mute.
I think I'm late.
Merry Christmas!
Hello?
Uh, this is Mr. John...
the actor.
We spoke yesterday on the phone.
Yes.
Um...
I've...
let's just say, run into some budgetary
difficulties beyond my immediate control.
All my vital stuff was stolen.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Well, now it seems I must first
take care of these overt problems.
It seems like everyone's
looking for John this morning.
I know, and he
ain't even that cute.
Thank you. I appreciate
your excellent concern.
What's your name?
Paul.
Well, thank you, Paul.
Could you hold on a second?
I'm on the fucking phone here!
- We know that.
- We know that.
Listen, um...
so I'll be in there
at one o'clock,
take care of my reservation,
settle up in cash.
Listen, um...
Paul...
I was wondering about the room.
Jimmy the Warlock is up the street
looking for your sweet ass,
and he's only about
three blocks from finding it.
Could you just hold
on a second, Paul?
You're kidding, right?
And Nikki's looking for you, too, honey.
Full diva! Wait till Nikki gets here.
No, no, no, fuck, Nikki!
Where's Jimmy?
Paul, could I, um...
I'll see you at one o'clock
and take care of
everything in cash.
Okay. Thank you.
Listen, can you
guys stall Jimmy?
Tell him you need warlock advice
on Christmas shopping.
- Tell him something. Thanks.
- You better run, bitch!
You better run right now,
if you know what's good for you.
Donner.
Donner.
Donner!
Donner, Donner,
Donner, Donner, Donner.
Leave me alone.
Ah, you don't mean that.
It's time, dick.
Get up!
Oh, man.
Did you just come in here to harass me,
or do you want something?
What the fuck happened to you, man?
Me? Look at you, son.
What'd you do, roll a clown
this morning, or what?
Must you always change
the subject, Donner?
Nothing. Nothing, nothing.
Ahh.
Nothing?
Nothing, nothing?
- No.
- Shit.
Nothing really, like,
all that tragic.
Just last night, this, uh...
I met this very weird,
weird gentleman.
Not gentleman. Date.
Okay, date.
Very, very weird...
weird date.
He asked me to go up to
his house in the hills with him.
And?
He had this long hallway
in his house in the hills.
And...
at one end, he had this
big bucket of grapefruits.
All these big
yellow grapefruits.
And he went to the
opposite end of the hallway.
And he dropped his pants.
And he bent over and
he showed me his ass.
And he had this big, fucking
white, awful hairy ass.
It was so nasty.
And then he wanted me
to pitch that citrus at him.
At his fucking hairy ass.
While he got off.
Can you believe it?
You can imagine I just started
laughing and laughing and laughing.
I mean...
First of all...
I throw like a girl. I probably
couldn't even hit him if I wanted to.
And then...
just the thought of throwing...
grapefruits at this
guy's hairy, white ass.
It's gonna hurt.
So anyway,
I'm just laughing and
laughing and laughing.
And this guy says
that I'm ruining his high.
He said, "You're
ruining my high."
What fucking high?!
- What?
- So, I was still laughing.
And he fucking...
This guy comes up to me
and throws me against the wall,
and starts whacking
me upside the head.
God!
And then he beats
the shit out of me.
And then I stop laughing.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Okay, but I'm hungry.
Look out!
Look at the way
you're dressed, Donner.
I'm fucking homeless
and I look better than you.
- Yeah, I know, I know. You got...
- Seven shirts and seven pants.
And you change for
every day of the week.
My, my.
Hey, you should go back home.
You're not cut out
for the streets, man.
You don't have
the deposition for it.
You mean disposition.
No, I mean deposition.
Legal talk.
Fine, alright, what do you
fucking want from me?
Money.
How much?
Three hundred bucks, man.
Some motherfucker
stole my sneaks.
I don't got it.
My lucky sneaks, man, you know.
That's the ones that we're
gonna take you places.
Fuck!
Fucking golf shoes!
Can't trust anyone
around here, the thieves.
You're one to talk.
What the fuck's that
supposed to mean?
I heard you sold drugs for Jimmy
the Warlock and then kept the money.
I don't wanna talk
about it, man.
Why'd you do it for, son?
You know Jimmy works for the Popeye.
I said I don't wanna
fucking talk about it, okay?
Shit, here comes Eli.
You're dead!
And a fine good
morning to you, too, Eli.
Stole from the Popeye, huh?
Fuck, man! Does everybody know my
fucking business around here or what?
"Or what."
- Shit!
- I told you the Popeye's serious, son.
Popeye's bullshit.
There's no fucking Popeye.
No Popeye?
No Popeye, right, John? Yeah.
- Yeah, no Popeye.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, no Popeye, right?
Who else drives his beat-up auto
up and down the boulevard?
John, huh?
Checking out his world, huh?
Who else but the Popeye, John?
Bullshit fairytale stories, man.
I don't fucking buy it.
Popeye is just like
fucking Santa Claus, man.
And nobody's ever
seen either one of them.
At least together.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, check it out.
Popeye's out here, bro.
Just like the cops, man.
Yeah, yeah, the cop,
cop, cop, saying...
I don't wanna
hear it again, Eli.
Not the fucking cops.
You gotta watch out
for the cops, bro.
- Gotta be careful of the cops. All the fucking cops.
- Thanks for that. I see you later.
Listen, we gotta
get to work, alright?
Yeah, John. You're dead.
All the fucking cops, bro!
You're dead, man!
I don't know why I do this.
Because you've been
out here like six weeks.
Seven!
And you're still screwing up, man.
If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead already.
Oh, how could I
ever live without you?
You gotta watch out
for yourself, man.
Yo, tell me the first thing
you do to protect yourself
when you get picked up.
Alright.
The first thing I do...
is I ask them if they are in any way
affiliated with the L.A. Police Department.
Right.
I still don't see why I gotta do that, son.
I mean, they're not gonna say yes.
Just to get it on the record, man.
What record?
The record!
It's legal.
How do you know so
much about the law?
I date a lot of
lawyers, man, I know.
And then what?
Alright.
Then I kiss 'em...
or ask 'em to touch
my dick, right?
Right.
Because it's legal?
Right.
Cops... they can't touch your dick.
They're taping everything.
If they touch your dick, you can
get them for sexual molestation.
I wouldn't exactly call touching
my dick sexual molestation.
I touch my dick all the time.
Give them your best shit, man.
Excuse me.
Are you a prostitute?
Moi?
I'm not a prostitute.
I'm an entertainer.
Alright, just one more, folks.
Alright, everybody. Come on,
move, move, move, move, move.
Move.
Move. Now squeeze together.
Squeeze, squeeze,
squeeze, squeeze.
Oh, that is nice.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Before we continue, I'm compelled
to ask you folks a question.
Are any of you in any way affiliated
with the Los Angeles Police Department?
No.
Good. Would you please
touch my...
Cheese!
Thanks for the 20 bucks, man.
Bye-bye. So glad
I can entertain y'all!
You look right with the
family around you, man.
Stop it with all this family shit, son.
Everybody's got a family.
I never had no family.
You got me.
Oh, shouldn't I get
some of that?
No.
Come on, I think
I deserve at least half.
Consider it part of your
birthday present to me.
It's your birthday?
It's tomorrow.
On Christmas Day?
So?
So, I just... I didn't
know that, son.
Yeah, I never tell anyone, man,
because I'm usually so disappointed on my birthday.
Not tomorrow, man.
Tomorrow's gonna be different.
Tomorrow I turn 21.
Tomorrow's just another day.
Oh...
No.
Not for me.
I got me a room
at the Park Plaza Hotel.
I got me some heaven.
One day and one
night of doing it right.
Drinking champagne,
eating burgers,
watching cable TV.
I'm gonna be somebody for a day.
So... rich.
Yeah.
Supposed to check in
early, nine o'clock.
You know, I wanted
a full day, right?
Then my money
and my lucky sneaks...
Sorry.
I told the hotel I'd be there
with the money at one o'clock.
Well, I'll go with
you if you want.
I'll do anything I can
to help you.
You don't have to do that.
- But I want to, okay?
- No, I mean, touch me.
What time is it?
It's, uh, 10:30.
Alright, I'll meet
you here at 12.
Alright, don't be late.
Me? Late?
Never.
Fuck.
Nikki, baby,
give me a fucking kiss,
you sexy little thing.
Don't you baby me, you fucking smooth-talking,
ass-licking, bleach-blonde motherfucking freak!
Oh, I love when you talk dirty to me.
Where the fuck were you last night?
We had plans, man.
Business, darling, business.
Yeah, always business.
I expect a big, big Christmas
present this year, John.
- Oh yeah, baby?
- Yeah.
Big, baby.
So what did you get me then?
Fuck, Nikki.
I can't tell you that shit.
I want to, I really do, but,
you know, Christmas ain't till tomorrow
and it wouldn't be no surprise then.
I can hardly wait.
I can hardly wait.
- I gotta go, baby.
- Why?
Business. Listen, uh...
- What?
- I'll see you later, okay?
Okay?
What time is it?
I'm so sick of you always asking
me the fucking time, you know?
"What time is it?"
"Fucking what time is it?"
I don't know what
fucking time it is, man!
Alright, Nikki, if that's the
way you want to play it...
Sorry, baby, it's 11:15.
Alright, come here.
I'll see you later, okay?
I want you...
so bad!
You wanna go for a ride?
Do you a cop?
A cop?
Would a cop do this?
How do I know it's real?
Oh, oh, that's real.
And so is this.
I like your style.
I'm in.
But I'm in a hurry, Mr. Poppers,
so let's get a move on.
Hey, where you running from
today, Donner? The cops, right?
From nothing, I guess.
You can say that again.
You really need some
fucking help, bro, don't you?
No, thanks, I'm alright.
Ah, man.
Hey...
could I borrow a buck
for a little trim, bro?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah?
How do you make money?
How do you make money out here?
I hustle.
What the fuck do you think, man.
You?
Yeah.
People pick me up.
I gotta fake it sometimes,
though, you know.
Fake what?
It.
I can't...
So...
I gotta fake it.
Really?
Now check this out.
Alright?
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh!
Oh!
Slow down, dude. I don't wanna
fucking die on Christmas Eve.
Jesus Christ.
Okay, okay, okay.
So, I want you to stand up here,
I want you to put your dick in my mouth.
Okay?
Okay, okay, okay.
I want you to put your dick
in my mouth while I'm driving.
You crazy motherfucking shit.
Yeah, crazy, right. Come on.
You're fucking with me, right?
No! I want you to put your fucking dick
in my mouth while I'm driving, okay?
Man, how the fuck am I supposed to
do that? It's broad daylight out here.
C'mon, man!
Dude, you better fucking slow down!
You're gonna get us fucking killed, man!
Yo, yo, YO!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
That's fucking great.
That's not bad, eh?
It's great.
You got that buck, bro?
Oh yeah.
Friendship ends where
money begins, right?
Hey, what are you doing
for Christmas, Donner?
Nothing, I'm Jewish.
It's still Christmas. It doesn't
matter if you're Jewish, dude.
It's still fucking Christmas.
Well, what are you doing?
Man, I'm gonna...
spend some quality time
with myself.
You know...
get to know me a little better.
- You know what I mean?
- Right.
That's...
Are you crazy, man?!
You could have fucking killed us.
What the fuck?!
I don't wanna fuck.
Ah, fuck you, man!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, shit!
Miss Thing, over here.
Come on, little bitch!
C'mere!
Hurry up, bitch.
We ain't gonna wait all day.
Hey.
- Hey, guys.
- What are you doing?
Just waiting for John as usual.
Is he late again?
You're correct, David.
Miss Thing, you are
so thin. Look at you.
You are not a supermodel.
That is not cute, uh-uh.
Doesn't John feed you?
Are you two, uh...
you know... fucking...
hole?
Me and John are just friends.
- You're just friends?
- We're best friends!
- Ain't that nice.
- That's nice.
That's really nice.
Have you boys seen Jimmy around?
The Warlock?
- Yeah.
- No.
Why?
I'm looking for him.
Aren't you scared?
Do I look scared?
All I know is that girl
is scary, scary, scary.
Ooh, here comes
your husband, honey.
What's up?
- Girl, you're bleeding.
- Sorry, I'm late.
You are bleeding.
Yeah, it's just a flesh wound.
My last trick got all shady
on me and shit.
But...
I still got 100 on me.
- I am good.
- Oh, my God!
- Are you hurt?
- I am so good.
You sure you know
what you're doing, man?
Of course I do.
I used to wanna be
a nurse, you know.
I did. I...
I fell in love with, like, those
white outfits that they wear.
Like, they got all those little white caps
and white stockings and all that stuff.
My dad's a doctor.
Your father's a doctor?
A doctor?
You guys must be rich, man.
He'll probably send you
Christmas money, no problem, right?
The last time I saw my father,
he told me I was dead,
as far as he's concerned.
What'd you do?
I told him I was gay.
Put on your
Saturday outfit, son.
Let's get the hell out of here.
We gotta get you to heaven.
This is it!
Are you sure you wanna do this?
I have to.
Okay, but I don't know, man.
- I don't know if it's a...
- Shh.
Don't worry.
I'll make it all work out.
I am a hustler after all, right?
Oh God, this is it.
Uh...
Hi.
What can I do
for you today, sir?
Uh, Paul?
It's Mr. John. We spoke a
couple of times on the phone.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Mr. John, of course.
How are you, sir?
Well...
hasn't been the most righteous of days
so far, as you know, Paul, but...
that's life.
There is always tomorrow, right?
That's right.
Wow.
Uh...
I'm doing this big
rock 'n' roll movie.
It's for Paramount.
We're both actors.
And, uh...
we're what you call
in character right now, right?
I understand.
Yeah, I play the lead singer.
And he plays the guitar player.
Well, that sounds just
wonderful, Mr. John.
Listen, Paul.
Uh, just between you and me...
I was only able to come
up with part of the money.
Uh, there's this whole
mix-up with Western Union.
You understand how
that shit happens, right?
Of course.
Oh, no.
That's not necessary.
I insist.
No, sir, you can pay your bill
at the cashier when you check in.
Listen, Paul...
this is what we call good faith.
You do good by me,
I do good by you.
You know, the studio's trying to
work things out right now, but...
it's Christmas, and
everybody leaves early.
But I don't want you to have
to worry about that, Paul.
Listen, I'm gonna
take care of that, okay?
I'm sure you will.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
Why don't I put the money
in an envelope?
And I'll write your name
and the room number on it.
Is that alright, sir?
I'd really appreciate
that, Paul.
Lead singer in a
rock 'n' roll movie?
Yeah, right.
It's all up there.
How much more do you need?
Like 200 bucks,
and the sooner the better.
We should be able to make
that no problem together.
Just call your parents, Donner, and get the money.
No.
Come on, please, for me.
Come on.
Come on.
The phone's around the corner.
Go.
Thanks.
I'm gonna look around.
Camelot.
No way!
Why not?
Because I'm not moving to some
place called Camelot. That's why!
It's not just some place.
It's a Renaissance theme park.
What are you talking about?
It's got all these rides and horses
and people dressed up like knights and shit.
What?
It's back out east in Branson, Missouri,
where all these stars play.
It's like Vegas,
but without all the gambling.
And that's where your parents want
you to go? To a fucking theme park?
Well...
My mom told me to call my cousin Dale,
who's one of the managers in Camelot.
And so I did,
and he said that he would set me up
with a room and a job just like that.
And then I told him about you
and how I couldn't imagine leaving you here,
and that we were a team and everything,
and he said you could come.
Are they gonna
send you any money?
Not unless I go home.
And my mom said my dad won't
let me back if I'm still gay, so...
Camelot.
Oh.
Anyway, it's all really, really exciting.
We're gonna be lifeguards.
No, no, I can't swim, and I
hate the water, so just forget it.
Listen, I'm real sorry.
I know, I know, I know.
I promised to help you get
the money for your hotel room,
and I'm sorry about that.
John, it's just a room.
In Branson, we'll have a room
for a long fucking time.
Fuck you!
"Fuck you!" That's a start.
At least we're communicating now.
Come on, John,
we could get off the street.
You could study your acting.
I could save up money for school.
We wouldn't have to deal
with any of this shit anymore.
- It'd just be me and you.
- Oh, no, fuck that, man.
Fuck Camelot. Fuck you.
Again with all the fuck you's.
I wish I had counted on me.
I fucking know better.
People always let you down.
How about if I get the
money for both of us?
We can both stay in
the hotel room tonight,
and we'll both leave for
Branson in the morning.
Leave me alone.
Just go by your fucking self.
I can't. I need you.
Fuck you!
Fuck it all, with all the fuck you's.
I know you care about me.
Are you fucking crazy, man?
I don't give a shit about you.
I use you.
Just fuck off.
Leave me alone.
I'm not gonna leave you alone, John.
You're my best friend.
Are you fucking crazy?
You're not my
fucking best friend!
I don't have any friends!
- Got it?
- John...
John, I...
Leave me alone!
I don't fucking need you!
I don't need anybody, okay?
Christ's blood fuels
this fire even now.
It's warming the loneliest, woeful,
and wandering soul at Christmastime.
Manny.
It's John.
Are you alone?
Can I help you, sir?
I'm sorry, I don't have
any money or anything.
I see.
Thank you, sir.
How much would two
one-way tickets to Branson be?
$260?
Alright. Thanks.
So nice to see you, John.
It's nice to be seen, Manny.
Where are the wife and kids?
Last-minute shopping.
Slow down.
Slow down.
I mean, what if they come back?
You know...
I do not need any
more drama today.
I mean...
trust me on that, Manny.
It has been quite a fucking day.
We have plenty of time.
Stop it, Manny!
You're bad!
Oh, shit!
Manny, I am so tired.
I've been running
all fucking day.
I'm famished.
I got you a little
Christmas present, John.
You didn't have
to do that, Manny.
But I wanted to, John.
Go get it, Manny.
Okay, John.
Actually, Manny, I just came by
to ask you for a little favor.
Merry Christmas, John.
Thank you, Manny.
But...
really, the reason I came by today is
because I have to ask you for a big favor.
What, John?
I need to borrow some money.
You know, I'll pay you back
or I could work it off.
Is this some kind of
a blackmail scheme?
No, it's my birthday tomorrow.
Because if this is some kind of a blackmail scheme,
I will not have it in my house.
I will not have it!
It's not blackmail, for
God's sake, Manny.
I'm just... I'm in a bind.
I need to borrow some money.
You know, just a
couple hundred bucks.
I don't want to hear any more
of this. Please, no more.
Now open the present.
- Manny...
- Open the present.
Open the present.
Open the present. Open the present!
Oh...
God. Hold on.
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Round yon virgin...
Merry Christmas, everybody!
Come on, please,
sing out. Sing out.
Mother and Child
Where are you going?
Well, I'm already late
for my next delivery, sir.
...so tender and mild
See my new watch?
It says 3:09.
And I was supposed to
be somewhere at 3:04.
But...
- don't we have some unfinished business?
- Oh, no. No.
Your wife already
took care of it, sir.
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Where's my fucking hat?
Where are my fucking shoes, man?
I want my goddamn hat back!
Yeah, I want my
goddamn hat back!
Asshole!
John, John, John, John.
Jimmy!
Come on, man.
- What's up, Mix?
- Come on.
Fellas!
I hope you kill the
fucking asshole!
Frick!
You been doing this long?
Yeah, long enough.
Huh?
I said long enough.
Oh.
I like 'em fresh.
Are you in any way affiliated with
the Los Angeles Police Department?
What?
Are you a cop?
What the hell kind
of question is that?
Why would I be a cop?
Come on, Jimmy! You know what?
You took money, man.
You took money...
that wasn't yours.
And that's bad, I know.
It's really bad, man.
You must be joking, Jimmy.
No, I never take anything
that isn't mine, Jimmy.
You know that.
I'm not scandalous like that.
I try to keep good karma.
It keeps me all alive and shit.
Karma?
No, see, you don't talk to
Jimmy about karma, man.
I'm a fucking
Buddhist, remember?
I mean, Jimmy knows
all about karma, right?
Fuck, yeah.
Then you know what I'm
talking about then, Jimmy.
No. The one thing I know...
is that...
you're gonna take off
your shoes.
What?
Come on, man,
take your shoes off.
My shoes?
I'll take my shoes...
- See now...
- Where are you going?
Everybody knows that you keep your
fucking money in your shoes, John.
Now come on, come on, please.
Don't fuck with Jimmy no more.
Either you take them off...
or Mix will.
Aren't you a bit,
shall we say...
long in the tooth
to be doing this?
Never too old to be doing this.
And what exactly is this?
I wanna spank you.
Oh, what?
Spank you.
You're joking, right?
No joking.
Well, I'm sorry, sir, but I don't
go in for that kinky sort of stuff.
What do you mean?
You're a prostitute!
What in the Sam hell
do you go in for then?
For one thing,
I am not a prostitute.
I'm an entertainer.
And for two, I do
not enjoy violence.
Screw that.
Pull over.
No.
I won't ask again.
Well, then don't.
Let me out!
Shut up!
- I really...
- I said shut up!
Here I am.
I thinking that
we're friends, John.
I mean, why fuck me?
Why take money...
that's not yours?
I mean, am I bad?
I mean, am I?
No.
You owe the man...
$300.
Now, the man is all business.
He don't give a fuck about
what you're going through.
He just wants his fucking money.
You know?
It's on the Boulevard, man.
I'm getting it.
When?
Tomorrow.
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
See...
the Popeye wants
his money today.
Today?
- But, man...
- No buts, man.
Now, you got till
12 o'clock tonight.
The end of the day.
And that's it.
You're done.
But Jimmy,
it's Christmas tomorrow.
Tonight!
And you better have
my other 280, man.
What?
I only owe you 180, man. I'm...
I owed you 300.
You just took 120.
Huh?
That means I only
owe you 180, man.
Yeah...
You owe us, um...
What?
You sure, man?
Yeah, I'm sure, man.
You fucking better be sure, man.
Look, uh...
you just better
have it, alright?
And that's all Jimmy
can tell you, man.
Either you have it...
or you're done for, man.
Are you hungry?
I'm starving to death, man.
What's your name, man?
John.
Oh, man.
What do you know?
We're both Johns.
Merry Christmas...
John.
Eli!
Eli!
Nah!
Eli, over here!
John.
You ain't dead yet?
No, man, not yet!
Soon.
Soon, bro!
Where's Donner?
And don't forget
about the fucking cops!
Where's Donner?
You need him?
Yeah.
Around the corner.
Around the corner!
Thanks, bro.
Oh, man.
What the fuck happened?
What happened to you?
Are you alright?
Yeah.
Yeah. Um...
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Look at you, you're a mess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
I'm sorry.
You don't gotta apologize
to me about the way you look.
No, no, no, man.
Look that way or
something. Just for...
you know.
I'm sorry...
about the stuff I said to you.
I didn't mean it, man.
I didn't think you did either.
Let's get out of here.
- Okay, where are we going?
- Where do you think?
Home?
Camelot.
The bus leaves for Branson at,
uh, about 7:30
tomorrow morning, so...
and the tickets
are like 130 each.
And I figure we need, like...
about $300 just to cover a
little extras and everything.
And then we'll be on
our way to Branson.
Missouri.
Very good, Missouri.
And before you know it,
we're gonna be
sitting by the pool,
sipping pia coladas, mon ami.
Not while we're working, man.
It's just an expression, son.
Yeah.
Anyway, we're gonna be the best
damn lifeguards they ever had in Camelot.
You bet. Sure, as we
learn how to swim.
Right.
How much money you got saved?
I only got, like, uh...
20 bucks.
Well, that's 20 more
bucks than I got.
Hey, what about Jimmy
the Warlock and the Popeye?
I don't worry about Jimmy.
I already paid him 120.
It's my problem.
It's our problem.
It's you and me now, right?
Right.
And you're staying here
until I get the money.
Fuck that.
Forget about it, man.
What time is it?
About the time I gave you
your Christmas present, son.
Now?
What's that?
What? What's so funny?
Oh, nothing.
Now maybe you'd
be on time for once.
Shit.
Thanks, man.
Thanks a lot.
But, you know,
you don't have to worry.
You know me.
I'm always right on time.
Yeah, right.
Mr. John.
Are you all set
to check in, sir?
Uh...
unfortunately, I'm not gonna
be able to stay here tonight.
I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't hear what you said.
Unfortunately, Paul...
I'm unable to stay here tonight.
Sorry to hear that, sir.
Yeah, me too.
I know, um...
You must be
shooting on location.
What?
I take it that you're shooting
your movie on location.
And that's why you'll be unable to spend
the night here. Isn't that right, sir?
Right, right.
Uh...
I'm shooting on location.
In a place called Camelot.
Oh, that sounds mythical, sir.
Uh... no.
Actually, Paul,
it's a theme park.
The place is back east
and all the stars go there.
Well, I take it that you'll
be needing this, sir.
Whoa, no.
No, that's a down payment, Paul.
I don't expect that back.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, sir. You gave this to me in good faith,
and that's how I'm returning it.
- In good faith.
- Thank you.
I just...
really wish I could've enjoyed
your hospitality here tonight.
I really do.
I understand.
- Thanks.
- And I hope that you'll come and visit us...
when you have the chance.
When you finish
shooting the movie.
I will do that, Paul.
I will definitely do that.
- Open up! Open the door!
- Hold on, man.
No, they're after
the Cuban girl!
Nikki!
- What's up?
- Baby!
What's up?
Listen...
Listen, uh...
I really...
Listen, I gotta work.
You always gotta fucking work, you know.
You never got time for me. Never ever!
Fuck your work, man!
- Come on, Nikki.
- Fuck your work for one fucking time!
- Fuck your work!
- Listen, just not now, you know.
There's always not now.
There's always not now.
Just kiss me.
Listen, listen...
I really gotta do this.
It's for Donner.
Fuck that little faggot, man!
He can fuck himself, man!
Come on now, Nikki.
He's my friend, you know.
- Merry Christmas, man. Merry Christmas.
- Hold the fuck on here.
Hey, listen to me, though.
Come on, Nikki. I can't
do this. Not now, you know.
Well, then...
Fuck you, man!
- Don't fucking hit me, Nikki.
- Fuck you, man!
Go fuck yourself!
- I've paid a lot of money for that, man!
- Nikki, it's a watch.
I've paid a lot of money
for that, man!
- You fucking asshole, man!
- Come on, baby.
- What?
- Fuck you, man!
- Nikki!
- Oh, man! Fucking Christmas to you, man!
- Oh, it's beautiful.
- Go home, motherfucker!
Come on, Nikki.
Look, I'm putting it on.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Nikki, look at this watch!
I heard you was
looking for Jimmy.
I need to talk to...
to... to you.
Yes?
Alone?
Jimmy is alone.
Come into Jimmy's office, man.
Hey!
That's right.
I just wanna tell you, uh...
This is my first time.
First time for what?
Cruising, fucking Santa Claus?
No, it is.
It's... it's my first time.
Wow.
Congratulations.
What's your name?
Rex.
What's yours?
John.
Hey, Rex...
you ever stay at the
Park Plaza Hotel, Rex?
No. Why?
Ah, forget it.
Okay.
Shit, Rex, I'm hungry.
Maybe we can stop and
get something to eat first?
Yo, Rex!
Could you maybe, like,
pick me up an orange drink?
Yeah.
And, uh, maybe, like,
a pack of smokes for yourself?
I'm just gonna watch the car!
John Wayne?
Okay, I got...
John's money for you, Jimmy.
The money he owes to Popeye.
Oh, that's good.
That's real good.
Where'd you get this
money for Jimmy?
From a friend.
Must be a good one.
180, right?
No.
It's 300, man. He stole 300.
John said he already
paid you 120. That means...
he only owes you...
Do I look like I give a
fuck about what John says?
I said 300.
You understand that? Huh?
- But it's 180.
- But it's 180!
Hey, shut up!
Don't talk when
I'm talking to you!
Fuck!
Man, dude...
Your face is toe-up, man.
You know what I mean?
I don't think you need any more help, but I might
be able to do a little something on the other side.
You know what I mean?
I tell you what, I'm just gonna
grab the rest of the money, huh?
You like that?
Now leave John alone!
John is my best friend!
Tomorrow's a big day for him.
You leave him alone.
Get the fuck out
of my face, boy.
And John's even with Jimmy.
But you...
yeah...
you better get the
fuck on up out of here.
Oh, you're pretty...
pretty lucky to be alive.
We need to talk, Rex.
Okay, shoot.
Listen,
I don't have a lot of time to explain here,
and I'm really sorry about that, but...
I'm gonna have to
ask you for your money.
Sure, I expect to
pay you, I know that.
No, no.
I mean right now.
All of it.
What? I don't know.
What are we talking about?
Listen, don't make me get rough.
John.
John?
John, John, John.
John, John, John,
John, John, John, John.
John Wayne?
Fuck!
Pull over, man.
Oh, I'm soaked.
I'm fucking soaked.
Oh, shit!
Get out of the fucking car and
don't get fucking stupid on me, man.
I don't fucking
believe this, man.
Look at this.
These were supposed to be my
Saturday and Sunday clothes, man.
I'm so sick of this, man.
All day I've been fucking up
my fucking clothes.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
Great. "I'm sorry."
Fuck you!
- Give me your wallet.
- No, listen...
I'm real sorry about messing
up your clothes, okay?
Just relax.
I'll...
If you want,
I'll buy you a new pair.
I don't think you fucking get it,
John Wayne from Glendale.
What do you think your friends and family
would say if they knew you were out here
cruising...
Christmas Eve looking for a
little stocking stuffer, huh, buddy?
You must be joking.
Do I look funny, man?
Huh?
Listen, I need a lot of money.
A lot, a lot of money.
I gotta get me and a friend to a Renaissance
theme park, so give me your fucking wallet.
Fuck!
I'm sorry, John.
Just...
42 bucks?
42 fucking dollars?
42 fucking...
I don't believe this!
That's all I brought.
Fuck!
Shit!
I need a lot of
fucking money, man!
A lot of fucking money!
I'm running out of time, John.
Fuck!
Eli!
Fucking cops.
Leave me alone!
Father fucking God.
Silent night...
Holy night...
Donner?
What the fuck are you doing down here
with all these fucking strawberry tarts, man?
Just taking care of
some business, that's all.
You?
Business?
These motherfuckers will kill
you for your fucking shoes, man.
Not me.
Not me? Are you feeling okay?
Never better.
Never better.
What kind of business were you
taking care of down here, bitch?
Look at you, son. What did you do?
Did you piss in your pants?
Don't fucking try to
change the subject, Donner.
Don't get all pissy on me...
just because you pissed in your pants.
I didn't fucking
piss in my pants.
Fuck!
Oh, man, forget about it.
We are almost there, man.
One more date and we are set.
Why? How much you got?
140 bucks.
Me too.
What?
I do.
I hustled it just like you.
You fucking hustled that?
- I'm proud of you, son.
- We got it, man.
I'm proud of you.
I taught you good shit.
I told you I'd turn
you into a hustler.
There it is, baby.
Mr. John's last date.
Come on, John.
Let's just get out of here.
We got enough for today.
Let's just get out of here.
Nah, man, not yet.
We need a little more.
So we can do it right.
Let me take it. I'll go.
Nah, man.
Listen, I really...
I want to do this.
- John, I want to.
- Come on, it's mine.
I want to.
Nah, man, I got to
do this for both of us.
Listen...
take the money.
Go buy the tickets.
I'll meet you back at the
Chesterfield at 12 o'clock.
I swear to God.
John, don't go. Come on.
There's some stuff I want to talk to you about.
About Jimmy and
this morning. There's...
a bunch of stuff.
Man, we don't have to
worry about that shit anymore.
We don't have to worry
about any of this shit anymore.
And we'll have plenty of time
to talk on the bus ride to Branson.
Alright, 12 o'clock.
Hey, don't be late.
Me? Late?
Never.
You don't have to
worry about me, man.
I am always right
on time, right?
Yeah, right.
Goodbye.
This is the most fortuitous
night for you, my friend.
You are my last date forever.
That makes it historical.
People be talking
about this shit for years.
John's last date.
What do you think about that?
How...
How much?
200?
Believe me, man, I am worth it.
You're my last date, man.
That means it's
gonna be special.
So what's your name?
John.
Jesus, Johns are goddamn
everywhere tonight.
What happened to your...
head?
I fell over my shoes.
John Wayne?
Are you...
You related to...
John Wayne?
Get out of those
wet clothes, pilgrim.
I love True Grit.
Grit.
Do I look like I'm
related to John Wayne?
I don't know. You...
Maybe.
Really?
No.
It's not that John Wayne.
It's just some
dude I met tonight.
Some... Some
dude you met tonight.
Don't you mean some dude...
you fucked tonight?!
Right?
Right?
Right?
No, I didn't fuck him.
Dance!
What?
I want you to dance.
No way.
What?
I... I can't dance.
Oh, fuck that!
You can dance.
You're a fag.
Dance!
For 200 bucks...
I'll dance.
I'll dance.
Don't.
Don't.
No, don't.
That's good, baby.
I'm not...
I'm not a fag.
Right?
- Neither am I.
- I'm not...
I'm not, not a faggot.
No.
I'm not a faggot.
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
I'm not a faggot!
Shit.
Hey, have you seen John?
Who's John?
Never mind.
Hey, uh...
have you seen
somebody named John?
What?
This guy named John,
he's got a...
teardrop tattoo
right here and...
- blonde hair.
- He's in there.
He's in here?
He's in there!
Upstairs.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me, John.
I took your money, John.
I took your shoes.
Because I didn't
want you to get killed.
I didn't want Jimmy to kill you.
Why did you take
that date, John?
I told you not to take it.
What am I going to do now, John?
The world treat
You mean, Lord;
The world treat me mean, too.
But that's how
things is down here,
we didn't know t'was You.
Sweet little Jesus Boy,
they made you be
born in a manger.
Sweet little Holy Child,
didn't know who You was.
Like I said in the beginning...
my story ends with John's shoes.
From now on,
his lucky sneaks are with me.
Forever.
Sweet little Jesus Boy,
they made you be
born in a manger.
Sweet little Holy Child,
didn't know who You was.
Didn't know you
come to save us, Lord;
to take our sins away.
Our eyes was blind,
we couldn't see,
we didn't know who You was.
Long time ago,
you was born.
Born in a manger low,
Sweet little Jesus Boy.
The world treat You mean, Lord;
they treat me mean, too.
But that's how
things be down here,
we didn't know
t'was You.
t'was You.