Joy to the World (2025) Movie Script
1
Live from
our studio in New York City,
Another Cup with Liza Brown.
And here she is!
Welcome to Another Cup
with Liza Brown.
Hi!
Our guest host this week
is none other than lifestyle
guru and author
of Volume 1 through 12
of Joy to the World.
Please welcome, Joy Edwards.
Great to have you, Joy.
Oh, it's great to be here, Liza.
You know not only write about
the perfect lifestyle,
you live it. Are you a perfectionist?
Absolutely not.
As long as everything
is exactly as it should be,
I'm totally flexible.
Speaking of perfect,
your country home, Goose Lane!
Ooh!
Oh, it's almost too good to be true.
Unreal. Tell us about
Christmas at Goose Lane.
Well, for me, the holidays
are all about family.
I mean, we trim the tree,
we hang the stocking.
And of course, those long,
romantic walks
to the refrigerator.
Your fans love you so much
because we feel like we know
you and your family.
Tori and Tommy, they're 8 and 13 now.
Oh, where does the time?
Oh, your mom and dad. Will we
ever get to meet them all?
Uh, well, not if I'm going
to continue selling books.
No, they're as wonderful
as you would expect.
But privacy is important to us.
At least tell us your recipe
for a happy marriage.
I'm not sure there's a recipe for that.
But I will say to all
the ladies out there...
No matter how long it takes,
pick the right guy.
Find the one that ruins your
lipstick, not your mascara.
You heard it form the source,
folks. She writes about it,
she lives it. Now, let's see her cook it!
If you set the table
and put it on a nice plate,
even bad food tastes better.
Girl, I'm going to
your house for Christmas.
Well, I'll set an extra plate.
If you're looking for
a last minute holiday gift,
look no further than "Joy to the World:
Christmas at Goose Lane".
We'll be back with more Joy Edwards
after these messages. Santa's watching,
so be nice and stay tuned.
Oh.
Reset the island, please.
This is great. Your Insta is blowing up.
Is the week over yet?
It's Monday, Joy.
Yeah, I don't know how
I'm going to keep this up.
Hey, are you kidding? You're a natural.
Yeah, that's what scares me.
Yeah, you know what scares
me? Plummeting sales.
I meant what I said, Josh,
this is my last book.
I need a life.
Okay, Joy, sweetie,
you have an SUV and a chauffeur
waiting in the freezing cold
to drive you home. This is a life.
We need you
in a second here, okay?
One second. I need a real life.
Trust me, it's overrated.
Merry Christmas!
Miss Edwards.
Hey, that was a cute accent.
Thank you.
Thought I would spice things up a bit.
Caught the show. You were
brilliant as always.
Oh, really? I was so nervous.
Although you did steal my line about
romantic walks to the fridge.
Sorry.
It's all good. I'll let you slide.
Besides, now I can tell my
patrons I've been quoted on TV.
Um, a food show.
I'll leave that point out.
So, drive-thru?
Spicy burritos and iceberg shakes.
- Ice fire sauce?
- Chili fries.
Thank you for doing this.
It's so embarrassing.
Hey, come on, who hasn't
used as a fake chauffeur
now and then?
Well, tomorrow, I'm taking an Uber.
Yeah, Uber my dead body.
Hey, come on, it's the least I can do.
You've been letting me crash
in your guest house
since Thanksgiving.
You know you can stay here
as long as you like.
Well, thank you, but like I said,
I'll be outta your hair
before the holidays.
Holidays? What holidays?
Oh, hold on.
Ooh, Redhead. That's new for you.
Yeah, she works at the bakery.
I went in for coffee a few
times. I was... cordial.
- You know me.
- Huh. You are a cordial guy.
Well, I think she misread my cordiality.
Ha. Just another person
who finds you irresistible.
No, it's just you.
Pfft! Ha!
Come on, you named your
fake husband after me.
It was another Max.
- What other Max? What, Mad Max?
- No.
- Max Mercury?
- No.
- Max Schmeling?
- Who's Max Schmeling?
Heavyweight champion
of the world, 1930.
Uh, it was another Max.
Yeah.
You had your chance.
You remember that bad diner you
used to work at?
I remember you pretending
to like the food.
Yeah, it took me four bowls of that stew
to work up the courage to ask you out.
You gave me heartburn
and a broken heart.
I did not break your heart.
How do you know?
Y-you had a string of girls
waiting in the wings.
Just like always.
Yeah, but think of all the bad dates
you would have spared me
if you hadn't decided
that we were just better off as friends.
So, the bad dates are my fault now?
Yeah.
Well, we are still friends.
Well, a Goose Lane friendship,
Volume 17.
See you in the morning.
Yup.
Max von Sydow.
The old priest in The Exorcist.
Well, we tried.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Oh, Marta! How many times
are you gonna do that?
Never gets old.
And why do I bother making your bed
when you sleep down here every night?
It's not every night,
and I make my own bed.
Ha! It is, according to my count.
- Oh, well, stop counting.
- And vacuuming.
In fact, just take the day off!
You gave me the day off
yesterday and you
have a show tomorrow.
Oh.
Did you make coffee?
It's your turn. And not so strong.
Aren't you gonna ask
me if I saw the show?
Because I did.
Dodged another bullet, if you ask me.
Which I'm not.
You could solve all your problems
by putting a stop to this.
Which I plan to, after Christmas.
You said that last Christmas.
Look, Mr. Merriman's
really counting on this book.
You said that
last Christmas, too.
Keep this up, you'll be alone
for the rest of your life.
I'm not alone, I have you.
And Mr. Handsome out there
in the guest house.
He's a friend, Marta.
Then what's he still doing here?
- I don't know.
- His loft has water damage.
Whatever you say.
And don't wear that
red lipstick on camera.
It's not your color.
You need a little Christmas in this place.
Oh, hey Sabrina.
Hi, Joy. Just delivering
the wrapping paper you ordered,
14 rolls.
Wow, I thought I ordered two?
Not according to my records.
That's $146 including tax.
PayPal, Venmo or Zelle?
Come on in. Wait, aren't you
supposed to be at school?
It's winter break.
Right. Okay, so you said 140?
146, including tax.
Right.
My parents are spending the holidays
with some very important
clients in Aspen.
Oh. Are they leaving you guys alone?
- No, our nanny's here.
- She lets us do whatever we want.
Oh, and I have a new Christmas demo.
I really hit the high notes this
year. I'll airdrop you.
Okay, great. I can't wait to hear it.
Hmm, aggressive.
Oh, yeah. She tried to sell
me a $30 glass of lemonade
- last summer.
- Hmm.
What now?
You know.
Oh, come on! You knocked
over my reindeer.
Watch this, dude.
No. What did I tell you about
skateboarding in my yard, Henry?
- I don't go by Henry anymore.
- It's "Hawk" now.
Oh. Okay, Hawk, well fly off
or I'm going to call your parents.
No you're not. You said that last time.
Uh, could you help me with
the reindeer, maybe?
Flying away, like you told me to.
Come on.
It's open.
Morning!
Good morning.
Oh, Max, I love it!
Notice the gooses?
I think it's "geeses".
Well, these geeses are going
above your fireplace.
Oh, come on, I couldn't.
Well, consider it an early
Christmas present.
Thank you.
I gotta find a new bakery.
Wouldn't it be just more
cordial to message her back?
I have.
I just wanted a cup of coffee.
And it wasn't even coffee,
it was decaf.
Anyway, you ready to roll?
Hey, you heard from
the Frankie Vinny Gallery.
Standard form rejection letter.
Aw, I'm sorry. It's their loss.
Pretty sure it's mine.
They're the second best
gallery in the city.
Yeah, but you're not gonna
settle for second.
You're gonna get the best.
Whoa.
All right.
The best, huh?
Good morning, Freddie.
Good morning, Joy.
Just some bills. I'm sorry.
I'm uh, I'm glad I caught
you before the holidays.
Ooh.
Oh wow, a cup of coffee for me?
- Yes, for you.
- Oh, wow.
And... for you, dear sir.
Oh, Joy.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Big plans for Christmas?
Uh no, the usual.
You having um, dinner with your son?
I'm by myself this year.
He took a job in California, 94123.
Ah.
Thanks for this.
- You deserve it.
- Okay.
See ya.
Above all, cooking should be fun.
Gingerbread open house, made by
my daughter, Tori.
I think real estate's in her future.
You see this castle?
Designed by her brother, Tommy.
Ooh! Wow!
You see the moat? He's going
through a privacy phase.
And don't forget, when you sit
down to Christmas dinner,
try everything. You don't want
to look back and think
oh, I could have eaten that.
We'll be back with more
Joy Edwards
after these messages.
Camera 3, hit mark.
Let's see. All right,
that's it. That's good.
This has been the longest week ever.
Tell me it's Friday.
Tell me it's not still Thursday.
- Merriman's here.
- What?
Joy.
Mr. Merriman.
Oh, how wonderful to see you.
It's been too long.
- Oh, not that long.
- Volume 11, Goose Lane Easter.
Well, many meals ago.
You know I've always thought of you
as the daughter I never had.
- Thank you.
- That means so much to me.
And I don't need to tell you,
sales have been a little disappointing.
But I'm happy to report
they've been up considerably
since you've been on the air.
Oh, that's great!
Uh, actually, I've been
meaning to talk to you.
Um, I think it might be time
to end the book series.
Well, I had a feeling this was coming,
and in anticipation of the inevitable,
Merriman Publishing
has made special plans
to promote this book.
If this is going to be your last,
we're going out with a bang.
Just thank you for always supporting me.
I know.
I imagine it's time for you
to start a new chapter,
and spend more time
with your family, no doubt.
Thank you.
Uh, I'll save you a piece of gingerbread.
Go. Break a leg.
Okay, thank you.
All right, 10 seconds, people.
So, don't break mine.
It's been great having
you here this week, Joy.
Oh, has it been a week already?
Yes, I'm afraid so. But before we go,
I have a surprise for our audience.
We're all going to
Goose Lane for Christmas!
- What?
- Yes, that's right,
Joy will be broadcasting
live from her country home
on Christmas Eve.
Our cameras will join Max,
the kids, and of course, Joy's parents,
the entire Edwards family
for their traditional
Christmas Eve dinner
with all the trimmings.
Joy, any last words before we sign off?
My goose is cooked.
- Josh.
- Expense it.
- Josh.
- Yeah? Ahem.
What have you done?
- It was Merriman's idea.
- He was very insistent.
- But why didn't you...
- Oh, there's my little star.
That was so good. You are a natural.
- I will see you soon, okay?
- Okay.
This is a nightmare.
Or.
An opportunity.
Remember when you came to me
with that cute, little family cookbook,
completely unmarketable. Why?
Because you didn't have a family.
I made you into a brand.
- You turned me into a liar!
- You did go along with it.
Yeah, but I didn't think
it would get this far.
Was Colonel Sanders
really a colonel? No.
He was a businessman.
Was Mrs. Fields married to Mr. Fields?
Newsflash, they're divorced,
but that would sell way less cookies.
Dr. Seuss, number one children's author
of all time, wasn't even a doctor,
and he didn't have any kids.
Which is why we don't go to their house
for fried chicken and bedtime stories.
Oh, God. Please fix this.
I can't.
Christmas Eve is in
three days. That's 72 hours.
- You'll think of something.
- You are Joy Edwards.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
'Tis the se...
Awful.
It's open.
Hey.
Hey.
I found nutcrackers.
Ice cream. Please.
I was just thinking about
when I first saw this place,
half a roof, broken windows,
peeling paint,
a family of geese on an overgrown lawn,
and I knew this was it.
This was gonna be the place
I called home.
A real home.
And now I guess I have
to move to another planet.
Whatever happens, you'll get through it.
Maybe I should just call Mr. Merriman
and get this over with.
But you know he thinks
of me as a daughter?
Children disappoint their
parents all the time.
Oh, he's gonna be crushed.
And the publishing house.
I mean...
Christmas is all about book sales.
Let's not forget about the birth of Jesus.
Oh.
- I'm a horrible person.
- You're not.
I invented a husband,
and kids, and a chicken coop,
to sell Christmas books.
Like, I don't even have a Christmas tree.
Well, too bad you made me your driver.
Could have made me
your husband. Heh.
What did you just say?
Too bad you made me your driver.
No, after that.
You could have made me your husband.
That could work.
What?
Well, nobody saw your face.
You had a hat on, and sunglasses.
That's it!
I just have to get through one
dinner, like a couple hours.
Turkey, pie, and they're out the door,
then I can bow out gracefully,
Mr. Merriman won't be mad at me,
and then
it would just be like assembling
a gingerbread house
with little people inside.
Joy, now you're starting to worry me.
I'm going to put together
the perfect family:
mom, dad, kids, adoring husband.
I mean, who wouldn't want
to spend Christmas Eve
pretending to be a fake family on TV?
Uh, people with real lives.
Opening presents with Tommy and Tori.
Mom and Dad sipping eggnog
by a roaring fireplace.
Your fireplace doesn't work!
I can borrow chickens, kids.
- Kids?
- Kids. How do I get kids?
Oh, I'll hire actors.
But what if I hire a mother
who goes on to star in a movie
as someone else's mother?
Yes, because that's highly likely.
No, it's just, it's got to be
somebody I can trust
or have something over.
What do you have on me?
Just tell me you'll do it.
Be my husband.
- Is this a proposal?
- Because if it is, it needs work.
Come on. You already have the name.
Yeah. What about all the other Maxes?
Nobody knows me like you do.
You're the only person in the world
- who really gets me.
- Do we need a prenup?
I don't, if you don't.
- Can we kiss on camera?
- I suppose.
- Can we practice now?
- Let's just wing it.
Okay. I'm in.
- Really?
- Yes, I will marry you
and stay married to you until
dessert do us part.
Ha, ha, ha!
Mr. Joy Edwards, you've just
made me the happiest
- woman on earth.
- You're welcome.
Huh.
Good morning, Marta!
You made coffee. It was my day.
Too strong. Again.
Do you have a minute?
We have a situation.
Ha, ha, no, you have a situation. I saw it.
All of this phony-baloney stuff,
I knew it would catch up with you.
Okay, I appreciate your concern,
but I think we can get through this.
Again, no "we".
What are you doing on Christmas Eve?
My brother and his wife
are having a party.
But you don't like your brother.
Because he's a mooch.
And his wife is a social climber.
But they have an indoor pool.
I have a better offer.
I'm listening.
Yeah, it might not seem better at first,
it's more of a favor
I want you to be my mother.
- What?
- For the show.
One night. N-not even a night. A dinner.
Now who's gonna believe I'm
old enough to be your mother?
Uh, you had me when
you were very young.
And if I do this, what's in it for me?
A raise.
A raise won't be necessary.
Because I'd like to retire.
Oh. Yeah, of course.
Um, yeah, if that's what you want.
With a generous holiday bonus
and a retirement package
for my years of devoted service.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh, no, no.
Let's put it in writing.
After all these years, you don't trust me?
I don't trust anyone.
But we're practically family.
In that case, you can do the dishes.
Henry.
It's Hawk.
Is that the name on your driver's license?
Is that the name
on your driver's license?
Ah, I didn't know they
were giving those out
to 15-year-olds.
Your dad must be so proud.
And so generous of him to be
letting you drive his car
while he's out of town.
Oh, Aspen, isn't it?
Look, I'm sorry for knocking
over your Christmas display.
And I'll stop skateboarding in your yard.
If you cut me some slack,
I will shovel your driveway
for the rest of the winter.
Hmm. Did your nanny put you up to this?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
That won't be necessary.
That is so chill.
I swear, you'll never see me again.
Oh, no, no, no. Not so fast.
In an hour, bring your sister.
All right, let's just cut to the chase.
I am hosting a live TV special
here on Christmas Eve,
and I need you to pose as my family.
I'm going to be on TV?
Well, it's the Home Cooking Channel.
Recurring or guest shot?
Just one night.
- But it can turn into more.
- Like a spin-off?
Why aren't you using your real family?
You're on a need-to-know basis, kid.
Uh, it's okay.
Uh, the truth is, I don't have one.
You're pulling a con job? Cool.
What? We're all thinking it.
I was raised in
foster homes. A lot of them.
I've basically been on my own ever since.
I'm so sorry, Joy.
Oh no, it was a long time ago.
I thought I'd have a family,
I wanted a family,
and then there was a book,
and then there was another book,
and another book and...
And now you're caught?
Just like you, driving without a license.
You took Dad's car again? I'm telling.
Go ahead. You wear Mom's makeup.
Hey, there is no fighting
at the Edwards house.
Dude, you really haven't
been around a real family.
It's not "dude", it's "Mom".
Question, who's our dad?
Me and the old ball and chain here,
I mean your lovely mother,
we gotta run down some deets,
so listen up.
Sabrina, you will be our
adorable daughter, Tori.
I could work with that.
And you will be our
thoughtful son, Tommy.
Tommy? Can't I get a cooler name?
No. And you're 13, so you'd better shave.
Thirteen?
Mom, you taught me my first recipe.
And Dad, you put up with Mom.
Uh, what's our relationship like?
Strained.
Just like my first marriage.
I'm not surprised.
This is starting to
sound like a real family.
- Yep.
- Mm-hmm.
I remember the first time we met.
We were 19 years old.
It was love at first sight.
Well, for her anyway.
Took me a little longer.
Wheeled up to Maui. Got hitched
right there on the beach.
Sorry, Mom, Dad, you
were there in spirit.
I would have liked to have been invited.
But you saved us from
shelling out for the wedding.
My wife and I may bicker from
time to time, but
that's only 'cause we
love each other so much.
Oh, and uh, ha, ha,
we're the kinda couple
that can't keep our hands off each other.
Gross!
Uh, okay, and
you are going to learn
the highlighted sections
with your names, because
we got three days to make this right.
You have a visitor.
Oh, who is it?
- Josh!
- Okay, well,
it took some convincing and
if I'm being completely honest,
some money and a free air fryer but
my family is yours for the holiday.
- What?
- Now, my brother is single
and a bit socially awkward but he
agreed to be your husband,
as long as he
- doesn't have to talk.
- Josh...
Don't need to thank me.
A few caveats, my mom could be
a bit critical,
and Dad suffers from dysphagia, so...
Josh, I've got this.
- You do?
- She does.
I do.
Okay, whew! 'Cause my
family's friggin' nuts.
Oh no, that means I get
them for Christmas Eve.
Happy Holidays, Josh.
Please take them.
I'll give you an air fryer.
Look at the snow!
See ya in the new year.
I've decided against renting chickens,
but I definitely am going
to need brown eggs
from Rhode Island Reds.
What about red eggs
from Rhode Island Browns?
I need to clean out the coop.
I need to get a dining room
table. I need to get kids' bedroom sets.
I need to get dollhouses, and footballs.
Oh, my God, how am I gonna
fill an entire
house in a few days?
You don't need to fill the entire house.
We've got the living room.
Close off the whole house
like a crime scene.
- Yeah.
- Hmm, this is why
- I fake married you.
- Love, ain't it grand?
Soil, pots, winter vegetables, flowers,
- stocking stuffers.
- Stocking stuffers?
Yeah, unfortunately
we have to make them.
Unless we buy premade gifts
that look like they were handmade.
What am I getting?
Needlepoint.
Oh.
I found these old pictures of us.
- How'd we look?
- Young.
- Hmm.
- Do you remember
when we went to that Christmas party
and you were wearing a velvet suit?
Yeah. Yeah, you had the, the big hair.
And that black dress. We spent
the whole night
in that old arcade
playing the Ms. Pac-Man.
Whatever happened to Ms. Pac-Man?
Oh well, I mean, she got married.
To Mr. Pac-Man?
One can only hope.
To Mr. and Mrs. Pac-Man.
Oh, I forgot,
I have something for you.
You shouldn't have. I didn't.
It's an old earring hoop.
It may turn your finger green,
so don't get it wet.
I do.
You think it's big enough?
It's tradition. The Edwards family
always gets a ten-foot tree,
a live ten-foot tree,
that they plant in the yard
after New Years.
Oh, I forgot wreaths.
Go ahead, I got this.
Max?
Hey, there uh
you.
I've been messaging.
Yeah, you have. Um,
so, I'm sorry. I-I've just
been really busy, so.
Thought we had a connection?
Yeah. Look you were really sweet.
Oh, my God. Is that a wedding ring?
No. Well, I mean, yes, but
it's really just an earring.
What, you would just take it off
before you came to the bakery?
Uh.
No. It's complicated?
You're unbelievable.
Hmm... should I ask?
Rather you didn't.
Do these look homemade to you?
And I was thinking we'd bring in the table
from outside for dinner.
You mean that rotted ping-pong table?
Well, which will be covered
with a festive tablecloth
from the Joy Edwards Holiday Collection.
Chairs?
Drape the lawn furniture
and give the room a neo-classical
boho Christmas feel.
You're really good at this.
Thank you.
- Let's get some takeout.
- No, I'm cooking.
Oh yeah.
Can I ask you something?
Anything.
Back in the city, you go out a lot?
I've had my share of first dates.
And second dates?
Still looking for that second date girl.
But how can you tell in just one date?
I could tell in the first ten
seconds if it's right or not.
- Ten seconds?
- Yeah!
Look, I don't want to waste
anyone's time anymore.
When you know, you know.
Don't look at me. I mean,
I'm married and raising kids.
Excuses, excuses.
Are they?
Excuses?
- What do you mean?
- Maybe there's a possibility
that you went along with this
fake family thing
to avoid having a real one?
No, it was to sell books.
What did you think would happen?
Well, I didn't think anything
would happen.
I didn't think I'd sell any.
Well, I mean, before the books, though,
you were always too busy working.
The famous Joy friend-zone corner.
I'm sorry, I don't know
what I'm talking about.
No, you're right.
In my experience, every time I let myself
get close to somebody,
they just get taken away.
So, let me get this straight.
You only have relationships
with people you don't feel anything for?
They can't hurt me.
Not everybody can be as lucky
as Mr. and Ms. Pac-Man.
Joy.
I uh.
I just um
what I wanted to say was.
I wanted to tell you that um...
I really
Hold on.
Tell him you're having
dinner with your husband.
Just...
Tell me you're calling to say
that the show's been cancelled?
Nope, I'm calling to tell you
that Merriman's coming
to Goose Lane tomorrow night!
What? Why?
He wants to make sure
everything's on track
with you and the family.
It is, isn't it?
Uh, I'd call it more of a winding road.
Get it on track.
You can do this. You're Joy Edwards.
Oh, God, I'm really starting
to hate Joy Edwards.
Okay, what were you saying?
Doesn't matter.
Okay, well, I'll go rinse these.
What about dessert?
There'll be dessert tomorrow.
I'm really starting
to hate Joy Edwards, too.
Oh, oh, oh, you brought
coffee on my day?
I made it for myself.
There was extra.
Since when do you sew?
Marta, you know I do.
It's been so long, it must
have slipped my mind.
Good morning.
Hello, here, let me take that.
I brought some extra
Christmas decorations for you.
Are you sure your parents won't mind?
They're not back until New Years.
Anybody home? Up here.
Hey, why is this place called
Goose Lane?
I've never seen a goose around here.
Well, when I first bought the place,
there was a whole family.
Then when I started
the renovations, they flew away.
And I thought when the house
was ready,
they'd come back but they never did.
- Grandpa's here!
- Hi, Grandpa.
You guys, thank you so much
for doing this.
I know that decorating
for Christmas goes way beyond
the scope of family.
Actually, it is what families do.
Pfft, not ours.
We used to. Now they hire people.
Well, the Edwards do it
differently. Let's do this.
How am I doing?
- You are doing great.
- You are a natural, dear.
Oh, thank you.
I'm gonna go get the others.
All right.
Boom.
Might as well try it.
Ready?
Yes!
Okay, let's turn it off.
Okay...
Perfect.
Here. Okay.
Does this look homemade to you?
I guess.
What's this?
Uh, a cell phone holder. I think.
Or a golf tee holder.
In your books, you
make all the stocking stuffers.
Yeah, that was before.
Before you became
really important?
Oh, well here's the thing, Sabrina...
Tori. I'm in character.
Right.
Sometimes when you're
creating yourself,
you might lose a little of yourself, too.
Well, I'm going to be just like you.
Pretty sure you can find
a better role model.
Oh, do you want to see the pictures?
Yes!
Oh, come on. Ha, ha!
You might want to put this
one up front. It's my head shot.
Oh, you look so grown up.
Thank you.
You don't want to grow
up too fast, though.
Hey, have you ever made pine
cone napkin holders?
You're in for a treat.
All right.
So, what does she have on you?
What do you mean?
She's got dirt on you, right?
No dirt.
Then why are you doing this?
Sometimes you do things for people.
Ah, I get it.
There's nothing to get.
Sure there isn't, dude.
We're friends.
Gotcha, friends.
Yeah, what do you know? You're 13.
- Fifteen.
- Yeah, well,
you stay in your lane.
If my math is correct,
I've delivered Joy's mail
over 1,800 times.
And I've cleaned this house for six years.
Minus weekends and days off,
plus Wednesdays
and Fridays when it's Joy's turn.
You get Wednesdays, Fridays,
and weekends off?
- Mm-hmm, I do.
- I'm in the wrong business.
Feel free to take my place. I'm retiring.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Right after Christmas dinner.
And I am not doing the dishes either.
Although, I rarely do. That's Joy's job.
I have thought of retiring.
I just don't know what I'd do with myself.
Well, I'm moving someplace warm.
Oh, if I might make a suggestion, 33195,
85701, and 92234.
What are those?
Zip codes, Miami, Tucson, Palm Springs.
All right, whoever
collects the most pinecones
in 30 seconds wins. One, two, three, go!
You know, when I first started,
she did everything herself
the gardening, the chickens,
the decorating.
And she cooked like a dream.
- Why'd she stop?
- No one to cook for.
You can't exactly have people
over, under the circumstances.
Yeah, well, things in our
life, have a way of
are nothing if have no one
to share them with.
Do you have someone?
I used to.
I did, too.
Hey, I just realized,
we're actually getting along.
Yeah.
Do you think we're
gonna be friends one day?
Maybe in like, 20 years.
Maybe I won't tell Dad you drove his car.
Thanks.
But he can still check the odometer.
I only went around the block.
No you didn't, you went by
Glenna Green's house
- three times.
- Did not!
Yes, you did. Her little brother saw you.
Well, he's wrong.
Do you think Max and
Joy are just friends?
Huh, are you kidding?
The dude's like, totally in love
with her. You see the way
he looks at her when he thinks
she's not looking?
- That's how you know.
- Interesting.
I thought I saw her look at him like that
but then she just
pretended she was knitting.
Old people are weird. If I
liked a girl, I'd just tell her.
That's not true. You like Glenna Green
and you barely talk to her.
I don't like her.
Yes, you do. You wrote her name
in your notebook, with a heart.
So, now you're snooping in my room?
Now? I've been doing
it since I was three.
Got another one.
I think we need more.
We don't want to look like cheapskates.
Well, on the other hand,
we don't want to look like
the kind of parents who spoil our kids.
No, we would never spoil our kids.
That's true. So what, five more boxes?
Hmm, ten more.
Big ones!
Super close. Like, huddle together.
Get super, super close. Yes!
No, I can't, my back is killing...
Here we go. Bend down.
Bend down, I can't see you. I can't see.
Grandpa, get closer to Grandma.
Now listen, you guys, I know
what I'm doing here, okay?
I want the kids in the...
I don't think that...
Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!
Okay, I think...
Okay, all right, all right,
so we've got a frame.
All right, guys. Guys, five seconds.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Ready? All right, stay.
Five, four, three, two, one...
Merry Christmas!
That was so lovely.
Right?
Yes.
Hey, Hawk!
What's on your shirt?
Oh!
Dude! Dude, it's on!
Hey, hey!
Ow!
Uh-oh.
Oh, my God, Mr. Merriman is here.
Mr. Merriman.
Hi!
Hi, Mr. Merriman.
So, this is Goose Lane, huh?
I'm surprised I've never been here.
I wasn't expecting you this early.
Nah, I should have called.
The good news is, you're featured in
the Times food section tomorrow.
Wow!
Mm-hmm.
So, this must be Mr. Edwards?
- Ah, call me Max.
- Nobody calls me Mr. Edwards.
Literally.
Uh, will you excuse me for
a minute? I'm gonna... yeah.
Hey! Shh!
- Look, I apologize.
- They're not usually like this.
No, they remind me of my own family.
My kids are grown now,
but I would have missed
those times for anything.
Hmm.
Now, I know that I sprung
this show on you
but I think you're going to do just fine.
Oh, oh, oh!
Well, I've seen all I need to.
Are you sure you don't want to come in?
No, my driver's out front.
I only have today to find
my wife the perfect gift.
If I might offer some advice?
There is a crack in everything, Joy.
That's how the light gets in.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas!
Hey, were you up all
night? I saw the lights on.
I brought you some...
What is this?
Your gallery.
You mean the Mr. Joy Edwards gallery?
By appointment only. Soon to
be seen by a TV audience.
A cooking show audience.
A hungry audience.
- Thank you.
- I should be thanking you.
Okay.
You two are gonna have excellent
on-screen chemistry.
Uh, Max, you should pick up
the desserts
'cause the bakery
closes early on the holiday.
Bakery by the tree lot?
Oh.
Don't worry. I got it.
Can I drive? I have my permit.
Show it to me.
You ever drive before?
Whenever his parents are out of town.
I'm good. They just never let me.
Let's go, kid.
Create some recipes and start
some tradition.
You'll find your meals
and your life improving.
Who said that?
You did, Volume 1.
Wow! You memorized that?
You know, you're like the only person
who isn't being paid to be with me.
Oh, that can't be true.
My parents are always with clients.
They FaceTime me every morning
to tell me they love me,
but they're never around.
Well, of course they love
you. How could they not?
You're an amazing young lady.
Really?
Yeah. If I had a daughter,
I'd want her to be just like you.
Oh.
Let's get in and out 'cause I wanna drive.
Uh, let's get the food
home first and then I'll find
a parking lot and you can drive around.
That's not driving.
Well, it's all the time I have.
You sound like my dad.
Hey, hey, hey come here...
You drive home.
- Deal?
- Deal.
All right, kid.
Whoa!
What are you doing?
Sorry. Uh
it's already ordered,
two pies, cake, and a yule log.
Yeah, I know that.
- You've got it.
- Let's go get it.
No.
Why not?
Just there's someone in
there I don't want to see.
Okay, who?
Oh, it's your girlfriend, isn't it?
- No.
- Yeah? Well who could it be?
It's a girl. It's a, it's a girl.
She...
Remember when I said stay in
your lane? This is the time.
Stay in your own lane or you
lose driving privileges, okay?
So, you can go get that food,
or I'll stick you in the parking lot.
All right, go, just...
Yeah, go get the food.
Huh.
What are you chatting, kid? Come on!
Chatting her up.
Got it.
- There was...
- You forgot your yule log.
- Hey.
- You.
- Oh, sorry. That's also mine.
- Oh, it's all yours?
Just put it right there on top.
Dad, let's go!
You have a kid, too?
- It's the neighbor's kid.
- Are you kidding me?
- Dad, come on!
- Run. Go. Go, go, go!
You disgust me! I can't believe you!
- You're a horrible man.
- Oh.
I hope you have a lousy Christmas!
You know what? Does
your wife know about this kid?
Hey, slide over.
You said I could drive.
Right. You're right, you're right.
Okay? I hope that yule log
falls in the fire or something!
Okay.
Okay.
All right. Ooh, we are doing this!
Yes, we are. Got the stuff.
- Great. Where's Max?
- He's getting dressed.
Ah, yeah. You guys should go
get ready too, actually.
- They're going to be here soon.
- You got it.
These aren't half bad.
Hey, don't be talking with
your mouth full. Now, scoot!
In the kitchen.
Hi, Mom.
Wow! Oh, you look beautiful!
Looking good, mamacita.
And I'm still not sure
about that lipstick, Joy.
Marta, leave
- the girl alone.
- Yes, dear.
Wow.
You look better
than the family in my books.
Yeah, those posers don't
hold a candle to us.
You don't think I look washed
out without makeup?
Oh, you look beautiful!
I shaved.
You know, just slouch a little.
Nah, we'll just tell them
you had a growth spurt.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Okay, the cameras are going
to be here soon,
so everybody just be yourselves.
But don't.
Oh, God.
- Joy.
- Yeah.
- We can do this.
- We can.
Nothing's gonna go wrong.
Nothing.
Let's go.
Hi! Where can I touch up my glam?
Almost done with your mic.
You ready, Steve? Yeah.
All right, Joy, it's show time.
Let's go, Steve.
I hope you're ready, world,
because we're getting
a behind-the-scenes look
into the magical Christmas world
of Joy Edwards. Come on!
Coming!
- Liza!
- Hello!
Welcome, welcome to Goose Lane.
- Thank you.
- Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas. Come in.
Oh, Joy, it's just as you described it.
Oh, well, I wouldn't make it up.
What a treat.
- Come on in.
- Okay.
We like to grow our own
winter vegetables,
some of which we'll be eating tonight.
Oh, so fresh.
Finally, the beloved
Goose Lane chicken coop.
Oh, you'd better stay back.
The reds get uh, feisty
around the holidays.
All right.
Ooh, angry chickens.
Wow!
Oh!
Ooh! Whew!
All right.
Wow.
Yes. So, these eggs will be
found in the stuffing
and my holiday scramble
on Christmas morning.
It doesn't get any fresher than this.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
Ah!
The secret to my turkey
brining. I do it for two days.
Oh.
Well, looks like we have company, huh?
- Yeah.
- Hey, honey.
Um, Max is the guinea
pig for all my recipes.
- Oh.
- And I'm still alive.
As long as you don't mess
up cutting the turkey.
Oh.
You two are just like newlyweds.
Well, it's like we were married yesterday.
Um, why don't we go meet
the rest of the family?
And this is Tommy and Tori.
A pleasure to be on the
show, Liza. I'm a big fan.
Thank you, Tori.
Tommy, how old are you?
Thirteen.
Really?
I grew four inches last week.
Month. Year.
And of course, what would Christmas be
without Mom and Dad?
From what I've read, you two live close?
Uh, Dad's always been very
fascinated with zip codes.
And I still married him anyway.
Well, nothing moves the mail quicker,
especially around Christmastime.
That's enough, dear.
Oh, wow!
My husband painted everything here.
Now, this one, I love.
Thank you.
Max Strandland?
Oh, that's his maiden name.
I would love one of these in my home.
- Well, you can have one.
- Everything here is for sale.
Well, except the one over the mantel.
Max painted that one for me.
I'll paint you another one.
Look, anything you like, if you see it,
I'll take it off the wall,
put it right in your car.
- Oh!
- Right now.
Joy, your earrings are gorgeous.
Oh, thank you. You know, they
get so heavy, I need a break.
Oh, I get it.
So, this is my favorite part.
We open presents
on Christmas morning.
Mm-hmm.
But it's a longstanding
tradition that we exchange
handmade gifts on Christmas Eve.
Oh, that is beautiful. Can I help?
Yes, please. Thank you.
Wow.
A hand-knit scarf?
Oh, same here!
Him too?
Just what he needs for those
long, neighborhood walks.
Yeah, well maybe you'll come
with me next time... dear. Hmm.
Nice beanie.
All my favorite recipes.
All right.
Fancy paintbrushes.
Okay, I didn't make them but
I saw them and I thought of you.
I love them.
You haven't opened your
stocking yet, Joy.
Yeah, open it.
Let's see what they got ya.
Okay.
Oh! A chopstick holder.
It's just what I wanted.
Whoa, hey, hey, just wait
a second, son, would you?
Interesting gift.
Sorry, Mom, we were just
messing with you since
you're always on us about laundry.
Naughty and nice, you know,
that's, that's kids for ya.
You guys are the best parents I ever had.
Expecting company?
It's a little early for Santa.
- Uh, I got it.
- Oh, no, no, no. Let me.
Why don't you take everyone
to the table?
Okay. Who's hungry? I know I am.
Okay.
You know, it's probably a neighbor
bringing some holiday cheer.
Are you Max's wife?
Uh, it is so sweet of you to stop by.
As one woman to another,
I should tell you,
he's come into the bakery several times
- without his wedding ring.
- What's in a ring?
Five golden rings
- He also lied about your son.
- Said he was a neighbor's kid.
Uh, didn't you hear what I'm saying?
Um, your husband...
And what better time for
forgiveness than Christmas?
You deserve each other.
Aw, thank you.
Thanks again for the poinsettia... Ginger!
- Is she joining us?
- No, she's vegan.
Oh.
She's done it again.
Joy Edwards, this looks beautiful.
Oh, thank you!
And while it looks like a lot
of work was put into this
it was.
The truth is, it doesn't
matter how or where
we celebrate the holiday.
We could be sitting on lawn
furniture eating takeout.
The important thing is that
we're all together.
Aw.
Merry Christmas
from the Edwards family.
Merry Christmas!
Yes!
There we go.
No idea what you're
missing out on.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I would love some gravy, thank you.
It's her specialty.
Hey, have I ever told you guys
about the first Christmas
I spent with your mom?
- Don't think so.
- I'm sure you have.
- I've never heard it.
- No, no, you've heard it.
Me neither.
You've heard it.
- Nope, never.
- Mom and Dad.
- Dad, tell us.
- Well, enquiring minds
want to know, don't you? Don't you?
- We're enquiring, yeah.
- I do.
Mm-hmm.
Listen, it was a winter
night, just like this one.
Snow's fallin' down.
I'm walking down the sidewalk,
then I saw her.
And she's coming my way.
Hideous Christmas sweater.
Reindeer clips up in her hair.
But I'll tell you, she was so beautiful.
The first ten seconds, I knew
that she was gonna be in my life forever.
Well, you never told me that.
Yeah, you know us artists
got an eye for detail.
Hmm.
Besides
you're pretty hard to forget.
How touching.
Can you pass the yams?
So, we have a uh,
pumpkin pie, a Dutch apple,
a Christmas cake,
and my signature yule log.
Oh.
Oh, the turkey!
I got it. I got it.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.
That's our Tommy. And uh yes,
- that is a ping-pong table.
- It's okay, buddy.
Because who doesn't love a DIY project?
That's right. Uh, nothing
goes to waste,
here at Goose Lane.
We preach that.
Uh, so Tori, you remember that
song you were singing earlier?
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year
What's all this? Sabrina? Henry?
Mom, you're supposed to be skiing.
Your father twisted his ankle.
Is that Frederick, our mailman?
Ahem, I've taken early retirement.
Okay, you're coming with me. Now.
Kill the cameras.
I'm sorry, I can't. We're live.
Keep the cameras rolling,
fellas. This is TV gold.
Uh, like so many of you out there, uh,
we are a blended family.
Tommy and Tori have two sets
of parents, so that means
it's double Christmases, and
what could be better than that?
Okay. Um, I don't know what's
going on here but um, it's over.
Come with me.
My name is Sabrina Swinton
and I'm currently seeking
representation. You can...
Sabrina!!
I'm sorry, Joy.
Me too, honey.
I mean, we gave it a shot.
I'll uh, I'll be by tomorrow
to pick up my cheque.
Bye Mom, bye Dad!
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, well, empty nest syndrome.
I mean, we knew it was gonna
happen, just not so soon.
Joy, we tried. It's over.
Not until we dig into that yule log.
Excuse me.
Gotta love live TV.
Joy, I know this is
probably the worst time
for this but the water damage in my loft,
it's been fixed for weeks.
Yeah.
I'm still here because I don't
want to be your friend.
I don't want any more first
dates or last dates.
I know who I want to be with.
Max, please just not now.
Why not now?
What are we waiting for?
You told me not to settle for
second best. I love you, Joy.
Always have, always will.
You just say the word
and we'll go back out there together.
Joy?
Joy?
Okay.
Ah.
- Hello.
- Hi.
So, who wants dessert?
Could you give me one minute?
- Of course.
- Thank you. One minute.
Bill, are you getting all of this?
Max! Max!
Max!
I guess it's obvious by now
that those weren't my kids
or my parents.
Max isn't my husband.
The sounds you heard
from the henhouse, YouTube.
The eggs are from the market.
The plants from the nursery.
The pies from the bakery.
Even the name "Goose Lane" is a lie.
There has not been a goose
here since I moved in.
Everything you saw here tonight
was fake. Most of all, me.
The truth is, I've never had a family.
I don't even know what one is.
At least, I didn't until
these last few days.
I am sorry for pretending
to be someone I'm not.
The real Joy Edwards, me
is a fraud
is a mess,
and alone.
No!
Well
happy holidays from Goose Lane.
That's a wrap.
I'm sorry, Joy.
Okay. Where is my phone?
Come on.
Oh, here it is.
Okay, please, please, please,
Max. Please, please.
Hey. Hey, are you
up yet? Where are you?
Hey, I'm in here.
Merry Christmas.
What are you two doing here?
Well, you didn't think I was
gonna leave you
with all this mess.
Special delivery.
On Christmas Day?
Yeah, well, I know people.
Oh.
You guys, thank you.
No, thank you.
For giving us a family at Christmas
so we wouldn't have to be alone.
I know that I complained
every now and then
but I consider myself lucky
to have worked all these years
with someone I consider a daughter.
Oh, Marta.
Even though I am way too
young to be your mother.
Oh, Marta.
Oh, and I have not forgotten
about your retirement package.
Oh, no rush.
I'll be travelling.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Freddie and I are going to be
wintering in the 33427 area.
- That's Boca Raton.
- Marta has a timeshare.
Whoa, wait, a timeshare?
Honey, you've been
overpaying me for years.
Well, I'm glad something
good came out of all this.
Oh, God. What.
Okay, you pull yourself
together, go get the door.
I got the dishes.
I'll dry.
Oh.
Merry Christmas, Miss Edwards.
Oh, we're wait past
Miss Edwards, Sabrina.
And I owe you a huge apology, Grace.
No, I actually owe you an apology, Joy.
We've been so wrapped up in work,
it took seeing you
with the kids to realize that
they need parents who are going
to be there, and that's exactly
what we're going to be from
now on. So, thank you.
Do you want to come
in for some leftovers?
Oh, another time?
Sabrina and I are going to
make gingerbread houses today.
And we're going to make all
the recipes you gave me, too.
And my dad's going to take
me for a driving lesson.
Oh, that sounds like
the perfect Christmas.
Yeah. You have a great Christmas, too.
Bye-bye. Bye.
Max, hey, it's me. It's like
my tenth call before noon.
Um, call me back.
'K, bye.
Just...
Max.
Max! Max!
Mr. Merriman.
I uh, think we should
probably talk. Don't you?
Look, before you say anything,
I just want to tell you
how sorry I am for ruining
your Christmas and possibly
your whole company.
I'm going to make a statement
saying you knew nothing about this.
I really didn't mean to lie.
It just snowballed and I didn't
know how to stop it.
I know.
I've known since the beginning, dear.
We vet all our authors.
It's just part of business.
I've always gone with my gut.
When you first came to me with
that book, so original,
so full of promise,
I saw something in you.
How could I turn that down?
I'm guessing you wish you had now.
Your books are about
family and togetherness.
That message means something.
Whether you have one, or not.
I've watched you all these
years, hoping you'd find
real love along the way.
I thought doing this show, maybe
you'd see what you were missing.
So, you risked embarrassing
the whole publishing house for me?
Everything's a risk in this
business, and in life.
That's what makes it so rewarding.
Look, I don't know what
to say, Mr. Merriman.
Well, I do.
Online sales went through
the roof last night.
The viewers loved you.
Because you're not perfect.
You're on the other side of perfect,
just like the rest of us.
And if you feel like writing
this next chapter,
Merriman Publishing would be
happy and honored to publish it.
No need to make the decision
now. I'm guessing you have uh,
a few things to sort out.
Might be too late for that.
No, it's never too late.
Especially on Christmas.
Well, I'm due for some
Christmas caroling,
although I have the worst
voice in the family.
Oh, wait, before I forget.
- For you.
- Thank you.
They're bookmarks.
Handmade tassel, metallic
and cotton embroidery.
Volume 3.
I'll treasure them.
Merry Christmas.
You too, Joy.
Bye.
You answered.
Yeah. Sorry, I've been
trying to think of what to say.
I'll be in to clear out my
paintings in just a little bit.
Well, where are you? Out back.
Max!
Down here.
The one above the fireplace is yours.
I told the Manfried Gallery
it's not for sale.
Wait, the Manfried Gallery? Isn't that...
The best gallery in New York.
Oh, my God! Wait, they're
taking you. That's amazing!
Apparently Manfried's a foodie.
He saw the show and
he's giving me a window
and he even bought one for himself.
Ah! Oh, that's so good.
It's because of you. And um
you're a great friend, you know?
What's wrong with being
great friends, right?
We'll get coffee.
No, I don't want to get coffee.
And I can't be your friend.
And all that stuff I said
before, and mostly
what I didn't say
the first ten seconds when I saw
you walking down the sidewalk,
I thought, hmm, now there's someone
who could break my heart.
So, I just kept walking.
Right, I didn't name my
fake husband after the guy
in The Exorcist, I named him after you.
Because it's the only
time that I've ever let myself
picture a future with someone,
it's been with you.
I love you.
I always have and I always will and...
Live from
our studio in New York City,
Another Cup with Liza Brown.
And here she is!
Welcome to Another Cup
with Liza Brown.
Hi!
Our guest host this week
is none other than lifestyle
guru and author
of Volume 1 through 12
of Joy to the World.
Please welcome, Joy Edwards.
Great to have you, Joy.
Oh, it's great to be here, Liza.
You know not only write about
the perfect lifestyle,
you live it. Are you a perfectionist?
Absolutely not.
As long as everything
is exactly as it should be,
I'm totally flexible.
Speaking of perfect,
your country home, Goose Lane!
Ooh!
Oh, it's almost too good to be true.
Unreal. Tell us about
Christmas at Goose Lane.
Well, for me, the holidays
are all about family.
I mean, we trim the tree,
we hang the stocking.
And of course, those long,
romantic walks
to the refrigerator.
Your fans love you so much
because we feel like we know
you and your family.
Tori and Tommy, they're 8 and 13 now.
Oh, where does the time?
Oh, your mom and dad. Will we
ever get to meet them all?
Uh, well, not if I'm going
to continue selling books.
No, they're as wonderful
as you would expect.
But privacy is important to us.
At least tell us your recipe
for a happy marriage.
I'm not sure there's a recipe for that.
But I will say to all
the ladies out there...
No matter how long it takes,
pick the right guy.
Find the one that ruins your
lipstick, not your mascara.
You heard it form the source,
folks. She writes about it,
she lives it. Now, let's see her cook it!
If you set the table
and put it on a nice plate,
even bad food tastes better.
Girl, I'm going to
your house for Christmas.
Well, I'll set an extra plate.
If you're looking for
a last minute holiday gift,
look no further than "Joy to the World:
Christmas at Goose Lane".
We'll be back with more Joy Edwards
after these messages. Santa's watching,
so be nice and stay tuned.
Oh.
Reset the island, please.
This is great. Your Insta is blowing up.
Is the week over yet?
It's Monday, Joy.
Yeah, I don't know how
I'm going to keep this up.
Hey, are you kidding? You're a natural.
Yeah, that's what scares me.
Yeah, you know what scares
me? Plummeting sales.
I meant what I said, Josh,
this is my last book.
I need a life.
Okay, Joy, sweetie,
you have an SUV and a chauffeur
waiting in the freezing cold
to drive you home. This is a life.
We need you
in a second here, okay?
One second. I need a real life.
Trust me, it's overrated.
Merry Christmas!
Miss Edwards.
Hey, that was a cute accent.
Thank you.
Thought I would spice things up a bit.
Caught the show. You were
brilliant as always.
Oh, really? I was so nervous.
Although you did steal my line about
romantic walks to the fridge.
Sorry.
It's all good. I'll let you slide.
Besides, now I can tell my
patrons I've been quoted on TV.
Um, a food show.
I'll leave that point out.
So, drive-thru?
Spicy burritos and iceberg shakes.
- Ice fire sauce?
- Chili fries.
Thank you for doing this.
It's so embarrassing.
Hey, come on, who hasn't
used as a fake chauffeur
now and then?
Well, tomorrow, I'm taking an Uber.
Yeah, Uber my dead body.
Hey, come on, it's the least I can do.
You've been letting me crash
in your guest house
since Thanksgiving.
You know you can stay here
as long as you like.
Well, thank you, but like I said,
I'll be outta your hair
before the holidays.
Holidays? What holidays?
Oh, hold on.
Ooh, Redhead. That's new for you.
Yeah, she works at the bakery.
I went in for coffee a few
times. I was... cordial.
- You know me.
- Huh. You are a cordial guy.
Well, I think she misread my cordiality.
Ha. Just another person
who finds you irresistible.
No, it's just you.
Pfft! Ha!
Come on, you named your
fake husband after me.
It was another Max.
- What other Max? What, Mad Max?
- No.
- Max Mercury?
- No.
- Max Schmeling?
- Who's Max Schmeling?
Heavyweight champion
of the world, 1930.
Uh, it was another Max.
Yeah.
You had your chance.
You remember that bad diner you
used to work at?
I remember you pretending
to like the food.
Yeah, it took me four bowls of that stew
to work up the courage to ask you out.
You gave me heartburn
and a broken heart.
I did not break your heart.
How do you know?
Y-you had a string of girls
waiting in the wings.
Just like always.
Yeah, but think of all the bad dates
you would have spared me
if you hadn't decided
that we were just better off as friends.
So, the bad dates are my fault now?
Yeah.
Well, we are still friends.
Well, a Goose Lane friendship,
Volume 17.
See you in the morning.
Yup.
Max von Sydow.
The old priest in The Exorcist.
Well, we tried.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Oh, Marta! How many times
are you gonna do that?
Never gets old.
And why do I bother making your bed
when you sleep down here every night?
It's not every night,
and I make my own bed.
Ha! It is, according to my count.
- Oh, well, stop counting.
- And vacuuming.
In fact, just take the day off!
You gave me the day off
yesterday and you
have a show tomorrow.
Oh.
Did you make coffee?
It's your turn. And not so strong.
Aren't you gonna ask
me if I saw the show?
Because I did.
Dodged another bullet, if you ask me.
Which I'm not.
You could solve all your problems
by putting a stop to this.
Which I plan to, after Christmas.
You said that last Christmas.
Look, Mr. Merriman's
really counting on this book.
You said that
last Christmas, too.
Keep this up, you'll be alone
for the rest of your life.
I'm not alone, I have you.
And Mr. Handsome out there
in the guest house.
He's a friend, Marta.
Then what's he still doing here?
- I don't know.
- His loft has water damage.
Whatever you say.
And don't wear that
red lipstick on camera.
It's not your color.
You need a little Christmas in this place.
Oh, hey Sabrina.
Hi, Joy. Just delivering
the wrapping paper you ordered,
14 rolls.
Wow, I thought I ordered two?
Not according to my records.
That's $146 including tax.
PayPal, Venmo or Zelle?
Come on in. Wait, aren't you
supposed to be at school?
It's winter break.
Right. Okay, so you said 140?
146, including tax.
Right.
My parents are spending the holidays
with some very important
clients in Aspen.
Oh. Are they leaving you guys alone?
- No, our nanny's here.
- She lets us do whatever we want.
Oh, and I have a new Christmas demo.
I really hit the high notes this
year. I'll airdrop you.
Okay, great. I can't wait to hear it.
Hmm, aggressive.
Oh, yeah. She tried to sell
me a $30 glass of lemonade
- last summer.
- Hmm.
What now?
You know.
Oh, come on! You knocked
over my reindeer.
Watch this, dude.
No. What did I tell you about
skateboarding in my yard, Henry?
- I don't go by Henry anymore.
- It's "Hawk" now.
Oh. Okay, Hawk, well fly off
or I'm going to call your parents.
No you're not. You said that last time.
Uh, could you help me with
the reindeer, maybe?
Flying away, like you told me to.
Come on.
It's open.
Morning!
Good morning.
Oh, Max, I love it!
Notice the gooses?
I think it's "geeses".
Well, these geeses are going
above your fireplace.
Oh, come on, I couldn't.
Well, consider it an early
Christmas present.
Thank you.
I gotta find a new bakery.
Wouldn't it be just more
cordial to message her back?
I have.
I just wanted a cup of coffee.
And it wasn't even coffee,
it was decaf.
Anyway, you ready to roll?
Hey, you heard from
the Frankie Vinny Gallery.
Standard form rejection letter.
Aw, I'm sorry. It's their loss.
Pretty sure it's mine.
They're the second best
gallery in the city.
Yeah, but you're not gonna
settle for second.
You're gonna get the best.
Whoa.
All right.
The best, huh?
Good morning, Freddie.
Good morning, Joy.
Just some bills. I'm sorry.
I'm uh, I'm glad I caught
you before the holidays.
Ooh.
Oh wow, a cup of coffee for me?
- Yes, for you.
- Oh, wow.
And... for you, dear sir.
Oh, Joy.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Big plans for Christmas?
Uh no, the usual.
You having um, dinner with your son?
I'm by myself this year.
He took a job in California, 94123.
Ah.
Thanks for this.
- You deserve it.
- Okay.
See ya.
Above all, cooking should be fun.
Gingerbread open house, made by
my daughter, Tori.
I think real estate's in her future.
You see this castle?
Designed by her brother, Tommy.
Ooh! Wow!
You see the moat? He's going
through a privacy phase.
And don't forget, when you sit
down to Christmas dinner,
try everything. You don't want
to look back and think
oh, I could have eaten that.
We'll be back with more
Joy Edwards
after these messages.
Camera 3, hit mark.
Let's see. All right,
that's it. That's good.
This has been the longest week ever.
Tell me it's Friday.
Tell me it's not still Thursday.
- Merriman's here.
- What?
Joy.
Mr. Merriman.
Oh, how wonderful to see you.
It's been too long.
- Oh, not that long.
- Volume 11, Goose Lane Easter.
Well, many meals ago.
You know I've always thought of you
as the daughter I never had.
- Thank you.
- That means so much to me.
And I don't need to tell you,
sales have been a little disappointing.
But I'm happy to report
they've been up considerably
since you've been on the air.
Oh, that's great!
Uh, actually, I've been
meaning to talk to you.
Um, I think it might be time
to end the book series.
Well, I had a feeling this was coming,
and in anticipation of the inevitable,
Merriman Publishing
has made special plans
to promote this book.
If this is going to be your last,
we're going out with a bang.
Just thank you for always supporting me.
I know.
I imagine it's time for you
to start a new chapter,
and spend more time
with your family, no doubt.
Thank you.
Uh, I'll save you a piece of gingerbread.
Go. Break a leg.
Okay, thank you.
All right, 10 seconds, people.
So, don't break mine.
It's been great having
you here this week, Joy.
Oh, has it been a week already?
Yes, I'm afraid so. But before we go,
I have a surprise for our audience.
We're all going to
Goose Lane for Christmas!
- What?
- Yes, that's right,
Joy will be broadcasting
live from her country home
on Christmas Eve.
Our cameras will join Max,
the kids, and of course, Joy's parents,
the entire Edwards family
for their traditional
Christmas Eve dinner
with all the trimmings.
Joy, any last words before we sign off?
My goose is cooked.
- Josh.
- Expense it.
- Josh.
- Yeah? Ahem.
What have you done?
- It was Merriman's idea.
- He was very insistent.
- But why didn't you...
- Oh, there's my little star.
That was so good. You are a natural.
- I will see you soon, okay?
- Okay.
This is a nightmare.
Or.
An opportunity.
Remember when you came to me
with that cute, little family cookbook,
completely unmarketable. Why?
Because you didn't have a family.
I made you into a brand.
- You turned me into a liar!
- You did go along with it.
Yeah, but I didn't think
it would get this far.
Was Colonel Sanders
really a colonel? No.
He was a businessman.
Was Mrs. Fields married to Mr. Fields?
Newsflash, they're divorced,
but that would sell way less cookies.
Dr. Seuss, number one children's author
of all time, wasn't even a doctor,
and he didn't have any kids.
Which is why we don't go to their house
for fried chicken and bedtime stories.
Oh, God. Please fix this.
I can't.
Christmas Eve is in
three days. That's 72 hours.
- You'll think of something.
- You are Joy Edwards.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
'Tis the se...
Awful.
It's open.
Hey.
Hey.
I found nutcrackers.
Ice cream. Please.
I was just thinking about
when I first saw this place,
half a roof, broken windows,
peeling paint,
a family of geese on an overgrown lawn,
and I knew this was it.
This was gonna be the place
I called home.
A real home.
And now I guess I have
to move to another planet.
Whatever happens, you'll get through it.
Maybe I should just call Mr. Merriman
and get this over with.
But you know he thinks
of me as a daughter?
Children disappoint their
parents all the time.
Oh, he's gonna be crushed.
And the publishing house.
I mean...
Christmas is all about book sales.
Let's not forget about the birth of Jesus.
Oh.
- I'm a horrible person.
- You're not.
I invented a husband,
and kids, and a chicken coop,
to sell Christmas books.
Like, I don't even have a Christmas tree.
Well, too bad you made me your driver.
Could have made me
your husband. Heh.
What did you just say?
Too bad you made me your driver.
No, after that.
You could have made me your husband.
That could work.
What?
Well, nobody saw your face.
You had a hat on, and sunglasses.
That's it!
I just have to get through one
dinner, like a couple hours.
Turkey, pie, and they're out the door,
then I can bow out gracefully,
Mr. Merriman won't be mad at me,
and then
it would just be like assembling
a gingerbread house
with little people inside.
Joy, now you're starting to worry me.
I'm going to put together
the perfect family:
mom, dad, kids, adoring husband.
I mean, who wouldn't want
to spend Christmas Eve
pretending to be a fake family on TV?
Uh, people with real lives.
Opening presents with Tommy and Tori.
Mom and Dad sipping eggnog
by a roaring fireplace.
Your fireplace doesn't work!
I can borrow chickens, kids.
- Kids?
- Kids. How do I get kids?
Oh, I'll hire actors.
But what if I hire a mother
who goes on to star in a movie
as someone else's mother?
Yes, because that's highly likely.
No, it's just, it's got to be
somebody I can trust
or have something over.
What do you have on me?
Just tell me you'll do it.
Be my husband.
- Is this a proposal?
- Because if it is, it needs work.
Come on. You already have the name.
Yeah. What about all the other Maxes?
Nobody knows me like you do.
You're the only person in the world
- who really gets me.
- Do we need a prenup?
I don't, if you don't.
- Can we kiss on camera?
- I suppose.
- Can we practice now?
- Let's just wing it.
Okay. I'm in.
- Really?
- Yes, I will marry you
and stay married to you until
dessert do us part.
Ha, ha, ha!
Mr. Joy Edwards, you've just
made me the happiest
- woman on earth.
- You're welcome.
Huh.
Good morning, Marta!
You made coffee. It was my day.
Too strong. Again.
Do you have a minute?
We have a situation.
Ha, ha, no, you have a situation. I saw it.
All of this phony-baloney stuff,
I knew it would catch up with you.
Okay, I appreciate your concern,
but I think we can get through this.
Again, no "we".
What are you doing on Christmas Eve?
My brother and his wife
are having a party.
But you don't like your brother.
Because he's a mooch.
And his wife is a social climber.
But they have an indoor pool.
I have a better offer.
I'm listening.
Yeah, it might not seem better at first,
it's more of a favor
I want you to be my mother.
- What?
- For the show.
One night. N-not even a night. A dinner.
Now who's gonna believe I'm
old enough to be your mother?
Uh, you had me when
you were very young.
And if I do this, what's in it for me?
A raise.
A raise won't be necessary.
Because I'd like to retire.
Oh. Yeah, of course.
Um, yeah, if that's what you want.
With a generous holiday bonus
and a retirement package
for my years of devoted service.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh, no, no.
Let's put it in writing.
After all these years, you don't trust me?
I don't trust anyone.
But we're practically family.
In that case, you can do the dishes.
Henry.
It's Hawk.
Is that the name on your driver's license?
Is that the name
on your driver's license?
Ah, I didn't know they
were giving those out
to 15-year-olds.
Your dad must be so proud.
And so generous of him to be
letting you drive his car
while he's out of town.
Oh, Aspen, isn't it?
Look, I'm sorry for knocking
over your Christmas display.
And I'll stop skateboarding in your yard.
If you cut me some slack,
I will shovel your driveway
for the rest of the winter.
Hmm. Did your nanny put you up to this?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
That won't be necessary.
That is so chill.
I swear, you'll never see me again.
Oh, no, no, no. Not so fast.
In an hour, bring your sister.
All right, let's just cut to the chase.
I am hosting a live TV special
here on Christmas Eve,
and I need you to pose as my family.
I'm going to be on TV?
Well, it's the Home Cooking Channel.
Recurring or guest shot?
Just one night.
- But it can turn into more.
- Like a spin-off?
Why aren't you using your real family?
You're on a need-to-know basis, kid.
Uh, it's okay.
Uh, the truth is, I don't have one.
You're pulling a con job? Cool.
What? We're all thinking it.
I was raised in
foster homes. A lot of them.
I've basically been on my own ever since.
I'm so sorry, Joy.
Oh no, it was a long time ago.
I thought I'd have a family,
I wanted a family,
and then there was a book,
and then there was another book,
and another book and...
And now you're caught?
Just like you, driving without a license.
You took Dad's car again? I'm telling.
Go ahead. You wear Mom's makeup.
Hey, there is no fighting
at the Edwards house.
Dude, you really haven't
been around a real family.
It's not "dude", it's "Mom".
Question, who's our dad?
Me and the old ball and chain here,
I mean your lovely mother,
we gotta run down some deets,
so listen up.
Sabrina, you will be our
adorable daughter, Tori.
I could work with that.
And you will be our
thoughtful son, Tommy.
Tommy? Can't I get a cooler name?
No. And you're 13, so you'd better shave.
Thirteen?
Mom, you taught me my first recipe.
And Dad, you put up with Mom.
Uh, what's our relationship like?
Strained.
Just like my first marriage.
I'm not surprised.
This is starting to
sound like a real family.
- Yep.
- Mm-hmm.
I remember the first time we met.
We were 19 years old.
It was love at first sight.
Well, for her anyway.
Took me a little longer.
Wheeled up to Maui. Got hitched
right there on the beach.
Sorry, Mom, Dad, you
were there in spirit.
I would have liked to have been invited.
But you saved us from
shelling out for the wedding.
My wife and I may bicker from
time to time, but
that's only 'cause we
love each other so much.
Oh, and uh, ha, ha,
we're the kinda couple
that can't keep our hands off each other.
Gross!
Uh, okay, and
you are going to learn
the highlighted sections
with your names, because
we got three days to make this right.
You have a visitor.
Oh, who is it?
- Josh!
- Okay, well,
it took some convincing and
if I'm being completely honest,
some money and a free air fryer but
my family is yours for the holiday.
- What?
- Now, my brother is single
and a bit socially awkward but he
agreed to be your husband,
as long as he
- doesn't have to talk.
- Josh...
Don't need to thank me.
A few caveats, my mom could be
a bit critical,
and Dad suffers from dysphagia, so...
Josh, I've got this.
- You do?
- She does.
I do.
Okay, whew! 'Cause my
family's friggin' nuts.
Oh no, that means I get
them for Christmas Eve.
Happy Holidays, Josh.
Please take them.
I'll give you an air fryer.
Look at the snow!
See ya in the new year.
I've decided against renting chickens,
but I definitely am going
to need brown eggs
from Rhode Island Reds.
What about red eggs
from Rhode Island Browns?
I need to clean out the coop.
I need to get a dining room
table. I need to get kids' bedroom sets.
I need to get dollhouses, and footballs.
Oh, my God, how am I gonna
fill an entire
house in a few days?
You don't need to fill the entire house.
We've got the living room.
Close off the whole house
like a crime scene.
- Yeah.
- Hmm, this is why
- I fake married you.
- Love, ain't it grand?
Soil, pots, winter vegetables, flowers,
- stocking stuffers.
- Stocking stuffers?
Yeah, unfortunately
we have to make them.
Unless we buy premade gifts
that look like they were handmade.
What am I getting?
Needlepoint.
Oh.
I found these old pictures of us.
- How'd we look?
- Young.
- Hmm.
- Do you remember
when we went to that Christmas party
and you were wearing a velvet suit?
Yeah. Yeah, you had the, the big hair.
And that black dress. We spent
the whole night
in that old arcade
playing the Ms. Pac-Man.
Whatever happened to Ms. Pac-Man?
Oh well, I mean, she got married.
To Mr. Pac-Man?
One can only hope.
To Mr. and Mrs. Pac-Man.
Oh, I forgot,
I have something for you.
You shouldn't have. I didn't.
It's an old earring hoop.
It may turn your finger green,
so don't get it wet.
I do.
You think it's big enough?
It's tradition. The Edwards family
always gets a ten-foot tree,
a live ten-foot tree,
that they plant in the yard
after New Years.
Oh, I forgot wreaths.
Go ahead, I got this.
Max?
Hey, there uh
you.
I've been messaging.
Yeah, you have. Um,
so, I'm sorry. I-I've just
been really busy, so.
Thought we had a connection?
Yeah. Look you were really sweet.
Oh, my God. Is that a wedding ring?
No. Well, I mean, yes, but
it's really just an earring.
What, you would just take it off
before you came to the bakery?
Uh.
No. It's complicated?
You're unbelievable.
Hmm... should I ask?
Rather you didn't.
Do these look homemade to you?
And I was thinking we'd bring in the table
from outside for dinner.
You mean that rotted ping-pong table?
Well, which will be covered
with a festive tablecloth
from the Joy Edwards Holiday Collection.
Chairs?
Drape the lawn furniture
and give the room a neo-classical
boho Christmas feel.
You're really good at this.
Thank you.
- Let's get some takeout.
- No, I'm cooking.
Oh yeah.
Can I ask you something?
Anything.
Back in the city, you go out a lot?
I've had my share of first dates.
And second dates?
Still looking for that second date girl.
But how can you tell in just one date?
I could tell in the first ten
seconds if it's right or not.
- Ten seconds?
- Yeah!
Look, I don't want to waste
anyone's time anymore.
When you know, you know.
Don't look at me. I mean,
I'm married and raising kids.
Excuses, excuses.
Are they?
Excuses?
- What do you mean?
- Maybe there's a possibility
that you went along with this
fake family thing
to avoid having a real one?
No, it was to sell books.
What did you think would happen?
Well, I didn't think anything
would happen.
I didn't think I'd sell any.
Well, I mean, before the books, though,
you were always too busy working.
The famous Joy friend-zone corner.
I'm sorry, I don't know
what I'm talking about.
No, you're right.
In my experience, every time I let myself
get close to somebody,
they just get taken away.
So, let me get this straight.
You only have relationships
with people you don't feel anything for?
They can't hurt me.
Not everybody can be as lucky
as Mr. and Ms. Pac-Man.
Joy.
I uh.
I just um
what I wanted to say was.
I wanted to tell you that um...
I really
Hold on.
Tell him you're having
dinner with your husband.
Just...
Tell me you're calling to say
that the show's been cancelled?
Nope, I'm calling to tell you
that Merriman's coming
to Goose Lane tomorrow night!
What? Why?
He wants to make sure
everything's on track
with you and the family.
It is, isn't it?
Uh, I'd call it more of a winding road.
Get it on track.
You can do this. You're Joy Edwards.
Oh, God, I'm really starting
to hate Joy Edwards.
Okay, what were you saying?
Doesn't matter.
Okay, well, I'll go rinse these.
What about dessert?
There'll be dessert tomorrow.
I'm really starting
to hate Joy Edwards, too.
Oh, oh, oh, you brought
coffee on my day?
I made it for myself.
There was extra.
Since when do you sew?
Marta, you know I do.
It's been so long, it must
have slipped my mind.
Good morning.
Hello, here, let me take that.
I brought some extra
Christmas decorations for you.
Are you sure your parents won't mind?
They're not back until New Years.
Anybody home? Up here.
Hey, why is this place called
Goose Lane?
I've never seen a goose around here.
Well, when I first bought the place,
there was a whole family.
Then when I started
the renovations, they flew away.
And I thought when the house
was ready,
they'd come back but they never did.
- Grandpa's here!
- Hi, Grandpa.
You guys, thank you so much
for doing this.
I know that decorating
for Christmas goes way beyond
the scope of family.
Actually, it is what families do.
Pfft, not ours.
We used to. Now they hire people.
Well, the Edwards do it
differently. Let's do this.
How am I doing?
- You are doing great.
- You are a natural, dear.
Oh, thank you.
I'm gonna go get the others.
All right.
Boom.
Might as well try it.
Ready?
Yes!
Okay, let's turn it off.
Okay...
Perfect.
Here. Okay.
Does this look homemade to you?
I guess.
What's this?
Uh, a cell phone holder. I think.
Or a golf tee holder.
In your books, you
make all the stocking stuffers.
Yeah, that was before.
Before you became
really important?
Oh, well here's the thing, Sabrina...
Tori. I'm in character.
Right.
Sometimes when you're
creating yourself,
you might lose a little of yourself, too.
Well, I'm going to be just like you.
Pretty sure you can find
a better role model.
Oh, do you want to see the pictures?
Yes!
Oh, come on. Ha, ha!
You might want to put this
one up front. It's my head shot.
Oh, you look so grown up.
Thank you.
You don't want to grow
up too fast, though.
Hey, have you ever made pine
cone napkin holders?
You're in for a treat.
All right.
So, what does she have on you?
What do you mean?
She's got dirt on you, right?
No dirt.
Then why are you doing this?
Sometimes you do things for people.
Ah, I get it.
There's nothing to get.
Sure there isn't, dude.
We're friends.
Gotcha, friends.
Yeah, what do you know? You're 13.
- Fifteen.
- Yeah, well,
you stay in your lane.
If my math is correct,
I've delivered Joy's mail
over 1,800 times.
And I've cleaned this house for six years.
Minus weekends and days off,
plus Wednesdays
and Fridays when it's Joy's turn.
You get Wednesdays, Fridays,
and weekends off?
- Mm-hmm, I do.
- I'm in the wrong business.
Feel free to take my place. I'm retiring.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Right after Christmas dinner.
And I am not doing the dishes either.
Although, I rarely do. That's Joy's job.
I have thought of retiring.
I just don't know what I'd do with myself.
Well, I'm moving someplace warm.
Oh, if I might make a suggestion, 33195,
85701, and 92234.
What are those?
Zip codes, Miami, Tucson, Palm Springs.
All right, whoever
collects the most pinecones
in 30 seconds wins. One, two, three, go!
You know, when I first started,
she did everything herself
the gardening, the chickens,
the decorating.
And she cooked like a dream.
- Why'd she stop?
- No one to cook for.
You can't exactly have people
over, under the circumstances.
Yeah, well, things in our
life, have a way of
are nothing if have no one
to share them with.
Do you have someone?
I used to.
I did, too.
Hey, I just realized,
we're actually getting along.
Yeah.
Do you think we're
gonna be friends one day?
Maybe in like, 20 years.
Maybe I won't tell Dad you drove his car.
Thanks.
But he can still check the odometer.
I only went around the block.
No you didn't, you went by
Glenna Green's house
- three times.
- Did not!
Yes, you did. Her little brother saw you.
Well, he's wrong.
Do you think Max and
Joy are just friends?
Huh, are you kidding?
The dude's like, totally in love
with her. You see the way
he looks at her when he thinks
she's not looking?
- That's how you know.
- Interesting.
I thought I saw her look at him like that
but then she just
pretended she was knitting.
Old people are weird. If I
liked a girl, I'd just tell her.
That's not true. You like Glenna Green
and you barely talk to her.
I don't like her.
Yes, you do. You wrote her name
in your notebook, with a heart.
So, now you're snooping in my room?
Now? I've been doing
it since I was three.
Got another one.
I think we need more.
We don't want to look like cheapskates.
Well, on the other hand,
we don't want to look like
the kind of parents who spoil our kids.
No, we would never spoil our kids.
That's true. So what, five more boxes?
Hmm, ten more.
Big ones!
Super close. Like, huddle together.
Get super, super close. Yes!
No, I can't, my back is killing...
Here we go. Bend down.
Bend down, I can't see you. I can't see.
Grandpa, get closer to Grandma.
Now listen, you guys, I know
what I'm doing here, okay?
I want the kids in the...
I don't think that...
Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!
Okay, I think...
Okay, all right, all right,
so we've got a frame.
All right, guys. Guys, five seconds.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Ready? All right, stay.
Five, four, three, two, one...
Merry Christmas!
That was so lovely.
Right?
Yes.
Hey, Hawk!
What's on your shirt?
Oh!
Dude! Dude, it's on!
Hey, hey!
Ow!
Uh-oh.
Oh, my God, Mr. Merriman is here.
Mr. Merriman.
Hi!
Hi, Mr. Merriman.
So, this is Goose Lane, huh?
I'm surprised I've never been here.
I wasn't expecting you this early.
Nah, I should have called.
The good news is, you're featured in
the Times food section tomorrow.
Wow!
Mm-hmm.
So, this must be Mr. Edwards?
- Ah, call me Max.
- Nobody calls me Mr. Edwards.
Literally.
Uh, will you excuse me for
a minute? I'm gonna... yeah.
Hey! Shh!
- Look, I apologize.
- They're not usually like this.
No, they remind me of my own family.
My kids are grown now,
but I would have missed
those times for anything.
Hmm.
Now, I know that I sprung
this show on you
but I think you're going to do just fine.
Oh, oh, oh!
Well, I've seen all I need to.
Are you sure you don't want to come in?
No, my driver's out front.
I only have today to find
my wife the perfect gift.
If I might offer some advice?
There is a crack in everything, Joy.
That's how the light gets in.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas!
Hey, were you up all
night? I saw the lights on.
I brought you some...
What is this?
Your gallery.
You mean the Mr. Joy Edwards gallery?
By appointment only. Soon to
be seen by a TV audience.
A cooking show audience.
A hungry audience.
- Thank you.
- I should be thanking you.
Okay.
You two are gonna have excellent
on-screen chemistry.
Uh, Max, you should pick up
the desserts
'cause the bakery
closes early on the holiday.
Bakery by the tree lot?
Oh.
Don't worry. I got it.
Can I drive? I have my permit.
Show it to me.
You ever drive before?
Whenever his parents are out of town.
I'm good. They just never let me.
Let's go, kid.
Create some recipes and start
some tradition.
You'll find your meals
and your life improving.
Who said that?
You did, Volume 1.
Wow! You memorized that?
You know, you're like the only person
who isn't being paid to be with me.
Oh, that can't be true.
My parents are always with clients.
They FaceTime me every morning
to tell me they love me,
but they're never around.
Well, of course they love
you. How could they not?
You're an amazing young lady.
Really?
Yeah. If I had a daughter,
I'd want her to be just like you.
Oh.
Let's get in and out 'cause I wanna drive.
Uh, let's get the food
home first and then I'll find
a parking lot and you can drive around.
That's not driving.
Well, it's all the time I have.
You sound like my dad.
Hey, hey, hey come here...
You drive home.
- Deal?
- Deal.
All right, kid.
Whoa!
What are you doing?
Sorry. Uh
it's already ordered,
two pies, cake, and a yule log.
Yeah, I know that.
- You've got it.
- Let's go get it.
No.
Why not?
Just there's someone in
there I don't want to see.
Okay, who?
Oh, it's your girlfriend, isn't it?
- No.
- Yeah? Well who could it be?
It's a girl. It's a, it's a girl.
She...
Remember when I said stay in
your lane? This is the time.
Stay in your own lane or you
lose driving privileges, okay?
So, you can go get that food,
or I'll stick you in the parking lot.
All right, go, just...
Yeah, go get the food.
Huh.
What are you chatting, kid? Come on!
Chatting her up.
Got it.
- There was...
- You forgot your yule log.
- Hey.
- You.
- Oh, sorry. That's also mine.
- Oh, it's all yours?
Just put it right there on top.
Dad, let's go!
You have a kid, too?
- It's the neighbor's kid.
- Are you kidding me?
- Dad, come on!
- Run. Go. Go, go, go!
You disgust me! I can't believe you!
- You're a horrible man.
- Oh.
I hope you have a lousy Christmas!
You know what? Does
your wife know about this kid?
Hey, slide over.
You said I could drive.
Right. You're right, you're right.
Okay? I hope that yule log
falls in the fire or something!
Okay.
Okay.
All right. Ooh, we are doing this!
Yes, we are. Got the stuff.
- Great. Where's Max?
- He's getting dressed.
Ah, yeah. You guys should go
get ready too, actually.
- They're going to be here soon.
- You got it.
These aren't half bad.
Hey, don't be talking with
your mouth full. Now, scoot!
In the kitchen.
Hi, Mom.
Wow! Oh, you look beautiful!
Looking good, mamacita.
And I'm still not sure
about that lipstick, Joy.
Marta, leave
- the girl alone.
- Yes, dear.
Wow.
You look better
than the family in my books.
Yeah, those posers don't
hold a candle to us.
You don't think I look washed
out without makeup?
Oh, you look beautiful!
I shaved.
You know, just slouch a little.
Nah, we'll just tell them
you had a growth spurt.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Okay, the cameras are going
to be here soon,
so everybody just be yourselves.
But don't.
Oh, God.
- Joy.
- Yeah.
- We can do this.
- We can.
Nothing's gonna go wrong.
Nothing.
Let's go.
Hi! Where can I touch up my glam?
Almost done with your mic.
You ready, Steve? Yeah.
All right, Joy, it's show time.
Let's go, Steve.
I hope you're ready, world,
because we're getting
a behind-the-scenes look
into the magical Christmas world
of Joy Edwards. Come on!
Coming!
- Liza!
- Hello!
Welcome, welcome to Goose Lane.
- Thank you.
- Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas. Come in.
Oh, Joy, it's just as you described it.
Oh, well, I wouldn't make it up.
What a treat.
- Come on in.
- Okay.
We like to grow our own
winter vegetables,
some of which we'll be eating tonight.
Oh, so fresh.
Finally, the beloved
Goose Lane chicken coop.
Oh, you'd better stay back.
The reds get uh, feisty
around the holidays.
All right.
Ooh, angry chickens.
Wow!
Oh!
Ooh! Whew!
All right.
Wow.
Yes. So, these eggs will be
found in the stuffing
and my holiday scramble
on Christmas morning.
It doesn't get any fresher than this.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
Ah!
The secret to my turkey
brining. I do it for two days.
Oh.
Well, looks like we have company, huh?
- Yeah.
- Hey, honey.
Um, Max is the guinea
pig for all my recipes.
- Oh.
- And I'm still alive.
As long as you don't mess
up cutting the turkey.
Oh.
You two are just like newlyweds.
Well, it's like we were married yesterday.
Um, why don't we go meet
the rest of the family?
And this is Tommy and Tori.
A pleasure to be on the
show, Liza. I'm a big fan.
Thank you, Tori.
Tommy, how old are you?
Thirteen.
Really?
I grew four inches last week.
Month. Year.
And of course, what would Christmas be
without Mom and Dad?
From what I've read, you two live close?
Uh, Dad's always been very
fascinated with zip codes.
And I still married him anyway.
Well, nothing moves the mail quicker,
especially around Christmastime.
That's enough, dear.
Oh, wow!
My husband painted everything here.
Now, this one, I love.
Thank you.
Max Strandland?
Oh, that's his maiden name.
I would love one of these in my home.
- Well, you can have one.
- Everything here is for sale.
Well, except the one over the mantel.
Max painted that one for me.
I'll paint you another one.
Look, anything you like, if you see it,
I'll take it off the wall,
put it right in your car.
- Oh!
- Right now.
Joy, your earrings are gorgeous.
Oh, thank you. You know, they
get so heavy, I need a break.
Oh, I get it.
So, this is my favorite part.
We open presents
on Christmas morning.
Mm-hmm.
But it's a longstanding
tradition that we exchange
handmade gifts on Christmas Eve.
Oh, that is beautiful. Can I help?
Yes, please. Thank you.
Wow.
A hand-knit scarf?
Oh, same here!
Him too?
Just what he needs for those
long, neighborhood walks.
Yeah, well maybe you'll come
with me next time... dear. Hmm.
Nice beanie.
All my favorite recipes.
All right.
Fancy paintbrushes.
Okay, I didn't make them but
I saw them and I thought of you.
I love them.
You haven't opened your
stocking yet, Joy.
Yeah, open it.
Let's see what they got ya.
Okay.
Oh! A chopstick holder.
It's just what I wanted.
Whoa, hey, hey, just wait
a second, son, would you?
Interesting gift.
Sorry, Mom, we were just
messing with you since
you're always on us about laundry.
Naughty and nice, you know,
that's, that's kids for ya.
You guys are the best parents I ever had.
Expecting company?
It's a little early for Santa.
- Uh, I got it.
- Oh, no, no, no. Let me.
Why don't you take everyone
to the table?
Okay. Who's hungry? I know I am.
Okay.
You know, it's probably a neighbor
bringing some holiday cheer.
Are you Max's wife?
Uh, it is so sweet of you to stop by.
As one woman to another,
I should tell you,
he's come into the bakery several times
- without his wedding ring.
- What's in a ring?
Five golden rings
- He also lied about your son.
- Said he was a neighbor's kid.
Uh, didn't you hear what I'm saying?
Um, your husband...
And what better time for
forgiveness than Christmas?
You deserve each other.
Aw, thank you.
Thanks again for the poinsettia... Ginger!
- Is she joining us?
- No, she's vegan.
Oh.
She's done it again.
Joy Edwards, this looks beautiful.
Oh, thank you!
And while it looks like a lot
of work was put into this
it was.
The truth is, it doesn't
matter how or where
we celebrate the holiday.
We could be sitting on lawn
furniture eating takeout.
The important thing is that
we're all together.
Aw.
Merry Christmas
from the Edwards family.
Merry Christmas!
Yes!
There we go.
No idea what you're
missing out on.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I would love some gravy, thank you.
It's her specialty.
Hey, have I ever told you guys
about the first Christmas
I spent with your mom?
- Don't think so.
- I'm sure you have.
- I've never heard it.
- No, no, you've heard it.
Me neither.
You've heard it.
- Nope, never.
- Mom and Dad.
- Dad, tell us.
- Well, enquiring minds
want to know, don't you? Don't you?
- We're enquiring, yeah.
- I do.
Mm-hmm.
Listen, it was a winter
night, just like this one.
Snow's fallin' down.
I'm walking down the sidewalk,
then I saw her.
And she's coming my way.
Hideous Christmas sweater.
Reindeer clips up in her hair.
But I'll tell you, she was so beautiful.
The first ten seconds, I knew
that she was gonna be in my life forever.
Well, you never told me that.
Yeah, you know us artists
got an eye for detail.
Hmm.
Besides
you're pretty hard to forget.
How touching.
Can you pass the yams?
So, we have a uh,
pumpkin pie, a Dutch apple,
a Christmas cake,
and my signature yule log.
Oh.
Oh, the turkey!
I got it. I got it.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.
That's our Tommy. And uh yes,
- that is a ping-pong table.
- It's okay, buddy.
Because who doesn't love a DIY project?
That's right. Uh, nothing
goes to waste,
here at Goose Lane.
We preach that.
Uh, so Tori, you remember that
song you were singing earlier?
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year
What's all this? Sabrina? Henry?
Mom, you're supposed to be skiing.
Your father twisted his ankle.
Is that Frederick, our mailman?
Ahem, I've taken early retirement.
Okay, you're coming with me. Now.
Kill the cameras.
I'm sorry, I can't. We're live.
Keep the cameras rolling,
fellas. This is TV gold.
Uh, like so many of you out there, uh,
we are a blended family.
Tommy and Tori have two sets
of parents, so that means
it's double Christmases, and
what could be better than that?
Okay. Um, I don't know what's
going on here but um, it's over.
Come with me.
My name is Sabrina Swinton
and I'm currently seeking
representation. You can...
Sabrina!!
I'm sorry, Joy.
Me too, honey.
I mean, we gave it a shot.
I'll uh, I'll be by tomorrow
to pick up my cheque.
Bye Mom, bye Dad!
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, well, empty nest syndrome.
I mean, we knew it was gonna
happen, just not so soon.
Joy, we tried. It's over.
Not until we dig into that yule log.
Excuse me.
Gotta love live TV.
Joy, I know this is
probably the worst time
for this but the water damage in my loft,
it's been fixed for weeks.
Yeah.
I'm still here because I don't
want to be your friend.
I don't want any more first
dates or last dates.
I know who I want to be with.
Max, please just not now.
Why not now?
What are we waiting for?
You told me not to settle for
second best. I love you, Joy.
Always have, always will.
You just say the word
and we'll go back out there together.
Joy?
Joy?
Okay.
Ah.
- Hello.
- Hi.
So, who wants dessert?
Could you give me one minute?
- Of course.
- Thank you. One minute.
Bill, are you getting all of this?
Max! Max!
Max!
I guess it's obvious by now
that those weren't my kids
or my parents.
Max isn't my husband.
The sounds you heard
from the henhouse, YouTube.
The eggs are from the market.
The plants from the nursery.
The pies from the bakery.
Even the name "Goose Lane" is a lie.
There has not been a goose
here since I moved in.
Everything you saw here tonight
was fake. Most of all, me.
The truth is, I've never had a family.
I don't even know what one is.
At least, I didn't until
these last few days.
I am sorry for pretending
to be someone I'm not.
The real Joy Edwards, me
is a fraud
is a mess,
and alone.
No!
Well
happy holidays from Goose Lane.
That's a wrap.
I'm sorry, Joy.
Okay. Where is my phone?
Come on.
Oh, here it is.
Okay, please, please, please,
Max. Please, please.
Hey. Hey, are you
up yet? Where are you?
Hey, I'm in here.
Merry Christmas.
What are you two doing here?
Well, you didn't think I was
gonna leave you
with all this mess.
Special delivery.
On Christmas Day?
Yeah, well, I know people.
Oh.
You guys, thank you.
No, thank you.
For giving us a family at Christmas
so we wouldn't have to be alone.
I know that I complained
every now and then
but I consider myself lucky
to have worked all these years
with someone I consider a daughter.
Oh, Marta.
Even though I am way too
young to be your mother.
Oh, Marta.
Oh, and I have not forgotten
about your retirement package.
Oh, no rush.
I'll be travelling.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Freddie and I are going to be
wintering in the 33427 area.
- That's Boca Raton.
- Marta has a timeshare.
Whoa, wait, a timeshare?
Honey, you've been
overpaying me for years.
Well, I'm glad something
good came out of all this.
Oh, God. What.
Okay, you pull yourself
together, go get the door.
I got the dishes.
I'll dry.
Oh.
Merry Christmas, Miss Edwards.
Oh, we're wait past
Miss Edwards, Sabrina.
And I owe you a huge apology, Grace.
No, I actually owe you an apology, Joy.
We've been so wrapped up in work,
it took seeing you
with the kids to realize that
they need parents who are going
to be there, and that's exactly
what we're going to be from
now on. So, thank you.
Do you want to come
in for some leftovers?
Oh, another time?
Sabrina and I are going to
make gingerbread houses today.
And we're going to make all
the recipes you gave me, too.
And my dad's going to take
me for a driving lesson.
Oh, that sounds like
the perfect Christmas.
Yeah. You have a great Christmas, too.
Bye-bye. Bye.
Max, hey, it's me. It's like
my tenth call before noon.
Um, call me back.
'K, bye.
Just...
Max.
Max! Max!
Mr. Merriman.
I uh, think we should
probably talk. Don't you?
Look, before you say anything,
I just want to tell you
how sorry I am for ruining
your Christmas and possibly
your whole company.
I'm going to make a statement
saying you knew nothing about this.
I really didn't mean to lie.
It just snowballed and I didn't
know how to stop it.
I know.
I've known since the beginning, dear.
We vet all our authors.
It's just part of business.
I've always gone with my gut.
When you first came to me with
that book, so original,
so full of promise,
I saw something in you.
How could I turn that down?
I'm guessing you wish you had now.
Your books are about
family and togetherness.
That message means something.
Whether you have one, or not.
I've watched you all these
years, hoping you'd find
real love along the way.
I thought doing this show, maybe
you'd see what you were missing.
So, you risked embarrassing
the whole publishing house for me?
Everything's a risk in this
business, and in life.
That's what makes it so rewarding.
Look, I don't know what
to say, Mr. Merriman.
Well, I do.
Online sales went through
the roof last night.
The viewers loved you.
Because you're not perfect.
You're on the other side of perfect,
just like the rest of us.
And if you feel like writing
this next chapter,
Merriman Publishing would be
happy and honored to publish it.
No need to make the decision
now. I'm guessing you have uh,
a few things to sort out.
Might be too late for that.
No, it's never too late.
Especially on Christmas.
Well, I'm due for some
Christmas caroling,
although I have the worst
voice in the family.
Oh, wait, before I forget.
- For you.
- Thank you.
They're bookmarks.
Handmade tassel, metallic
and cotton embroidery.
Volume 3.
I'll treasure them.
Merry Christmas.
You too, Joy.
Bye.
You answered.
Yeah. Sorry, I've been
trying to think of what to say.
I'll be in to clear out my
paintings in just a little bit.
Well, where are you? Out back.
Max!
Down here.
The one above the fireplace is yours.
I told the Manfried Gallery
it's not for sale.
Wait, the Manfried Gallery? Isn't that...
The best gallery in New York.
Oh, my God! Wait, they're
taking you. That's amazing!
Apparently Manfried's a foodie.
He saw the show and
he's giving me a window
and he even bought one for himself.
Ah! Oh, that's so good.
It's because of you. And um
you're a great friend, you know?
What's wrong with being
great friends, right?
We'll get coffee.
No, I don't want to get coffee.
And I can't be your friend.
And all that stuff I said
before, and mostly
what I didn't say
the first ten seconds when I saw
you walking down the sidewalk,
I thought, hmm, now there's someone
who could break my heart.
So, I just kept walking.
Right, I didn't name my
fake husband after the guy
in The Exorcist, I named him after you.
Because it's the only
time that I've ever let myself
picture a future with someone,
it's been with you.
I love you.
I always have and I always will and...