Kaptn Oskar (2013) Movie Script

How long is this gonna take?
The bed is shaking.
It takes a while. I have to concentrate
and somehow it's not that easy.
Is there something I can do?
Not within our agreement.
But you can just lie
there and watch me...
...then I won't feel so lonely.
Weird, right?
Thank you for doing this for me.
You are very understanding.
I thank you for doing this for me.
Can you do like this?
Thank you for coming.
Good morning!
Morning ... Hey!
You're an indian.
- Yeah, great!
I'm not even properly awake.
A big city indian...
Did you sleep well?
Listen, are you bonkers?
Are we in a Kindergarten or what?
I can't go out of
the house like this!
You don't have to.
Don't you wanna tell
her about me sometime?
My daughter or my wife?
Your wife.
Does she have the same
phone number as you?
The important question is: How
can I actively design my life?
Absolutely. But you know, you also have
to leave some space for me to design mine...
Currently you're designing my life with yours
and I'd like to have a say in that as well.
But you could also make
a compromise for once!
Yes, but what does it look like? I mean...
What if, you weren't part of my life
at all ... I mean, would that work?
It's difficult for me to claim that
what you're saying doesn't hurt at all.
Well, you know ... hitting me and setting
my flat on fire also hurts a little bit.
I'd like to see you coming even
close to the point ...
.. of letting your inhibition go enough
so that you're actually at that point!
That is the ultimate exaltation.
I understand that. I can relate to that...
I'd like to swap places with you for a while...
... and at the same time I wouldn't.
- Mhm.
What was your favorite moment with me?
There were lots of favorite moments.
- Give an example!
I liked when you were sleeping,
you were always so peaceful then.
So are you doing well?
- Of course!
I'm actively designing my life.
- I can see that.
Wanna go get tattoos?
I'd rather not.
How bout an alternative suggestion
for once? An active one?
Did you have fun?
- Did you have fun!?
- Yes? ... Good.
On a scale from one to five:
How good was I?
That's not what it's about... is it?
Just take it for what it is,
and everything's okay.
And what is it exactly?
Wanna start a family with me
or why are you sleeping with me?
Stupid question...
Listen, I gotta go ... okay?
Is it ok, if I use it too?
- Mhm.
By the way, it's okay
to hug me.
Like this?
A little closer maybe.
Can I put my hand ...?
- Mhm.
Is this ok?
- Mhm.
Do you leave the lights on for sleeping?
- No.
Will you stroke me?
- Where precisely?
Like this... then I'll fall
asleep really fast...
... if you do kind of
circular movements.
I'll try it.
Like this?
- Yes.
A little softer.
I enjoyed sleeping here.
You can sleep here again tonight.
- Ok.
And tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow.
I don't like being alone neither.
But I just said that
you can sleep here.
I'll sleep here as often
as you want.
Scared to come in or what?
Is this mouldering?
- No.
You need bedsheets as well.
Look, we don't have to
hang together all the time.
Just most of the time.
I used to do horse gymnastics
as a child.
Tell me about your childhood!
- You know what that is? - Certainly.
You tell me about your childhood.
We never moved...
... my parents are still together ...
... I only went to one school ...
... I was never beaten ...
... I was never molested ...
... I was good in maths.
- My childhood was also nice.
Everything fine?
- Super! All good.
Can I offer you a drink?
- Oh, I'm ok, thank you.
Just wanted to see how
you're doing.
To be honest, I'm doing better.
- Were you not doing well with me?
I was, it was very nice as well...
... and um ... I don't know ...
Look, I just wanted ... I
really just wanted ...
Stop backing away!
I just thought we could meet
up sometime ... what do you think?
Ha ha, madam, tell me! Did
you find someone else!?
To be honest I did. I fell
in love again...
... and I am over you.
- I don't believe you.
But it's true ... and she is great ...
... she is pretty ...
I mean, you're pretty too.. but ...
... she doesn't hit me.
- You have to acknowledge ...
... I am a completely
new person ... ok?
... a completely new person!
But if you have a new one,
then ...
... get happy, you know,
fuck yourself!
Fuck the fanny and um ...
... have fun with it,
you wiener!
Go on!
I just wanted to say, 'cause I said
we shouldn't kiss ...
... and shouldn't sleep with each
other, whether that ... if that... um ...
... generally ... well ...
what's your stance on that?
What's my opinion, that we
don't kiss ... or ...?
Whether we leave it at that
agreement or whether we ...
... put it up for discussion
again? ... just wanted to ask.
Never mind.
I thought that was your idea?
I'm an idiot, forgive me.
Do something!
I'm coming.
Look I have breasts. - Huh?
- I have breasts.
You can touch them for as long as you
want now, and then I want silence forever!
I really don't get what's the deal
with breasts for you guys.
It's as if I said:
"Oh gee, I have arms!!"
Don't you find
a penis fascinating?
I find a penis disgusting.
It's not fun to touch the breasts
when there is an end to it.
Well, we can arrange a
weekly breast-day for you.
Just one more boat, okay?
- Okay.
I don't get it. Usually
there are always so many!?
Well maybe it was the last
boat for today.
Aren't you getting cold?
- No.
I can show you my boat,
if you want.
You have a boat?
- I have a giant boat!
- Alex!
Open up!
Please leave me alone!
- Dude, just open the door!
Can you please go away just like that?
- I got something for you!
Have you ever caught
a foul beer?
Not yet, but I already had
a lot of bad luck with other things.
Relationships for example.
But you can change those.
Well, yes... if they're not
broken to pieces, then yes...
... you can change those
- Do you know how I imagine it?
No, how?
- We are like Kurt and Courtney...
... we are like curry and chutney.
But Kurt killed himself!?
- Yeah, yeah ... but ...
And your other bimbo?
The little blossom?
Well, she's actually quite kind.
I just got my pussy waxed.
That's cruel! That is
not fair!
Does blossom also have a naked pussy?
- I haven't seen it yet.
Do they fit?
- Ouch!
Ouch, not so tight!
You are too fast!
I think you're so great, 'cause
you're so good on roller-skates!
It's called inline-skates!
- Oh, inline-skates.
We can go to your place now
and sleep with each other.
Yes we can, but we won't.
- Oh, I see.
You know what I don't understand?
- What?
I just don't understand what
you want from me.
Well, most people who sleep in
the same bed for some time ...
... eventually also sleep
with each other.
Somehow it's in the air.
Maybe we could just do it once...
... like ... as a test.
You don't even wanna kiss me.
You don't even hug me properly...
How do you plan to ...?
You kiss me as if ...
... as if I was a cucumber
that you had to kiss ... or ...
... a kohlrabi, something dull.
Slightly better.
- Yes?
What is she doing?
She's eating a carrot, I think.
Come, let's go to my place.
I don't want you to
worry about that.
Then report her!
I can't report her,
that would be pointless!
I don't have any evidence. And she's
not sick enough for forced hospitalization.
It's weird that you don't report her, although you don't like her and she set your flat on fire.
Do you love me? - Yes.
- Ok.
I think.
You're like a small
boy right now.
You're like my mama.
I'd enjoy being your mama...
... then you wouldn't constantly try
to get into my pants.
Of course! Especially then.
- You're disgusting.
Me too.
I'm freezing. I'm gonna catch a cold.
Where is the lighter?
You don't want the towel anymore or what?
- I'm dry now anyway!
I'm gonna look for the lighter now,
and if I drown it'll be your fault.
Or do you still have it?
- I don't have it.
I don't have it. - Where is it?
- Stop, it's in the water!
What is it that you want from me?
What do you want?
Oh, hello! S'up?
What are you guys working on?
Please sit. Can I offer you anything ... um ...
... Masha .. Alex.
Am I disturbing?
- I'm gonna go get some ...
- Nope, all good.
Everything ok with you two?
- Everything ok with you?
Your house plant is quite
snotty towards me.
So do you live around here?
Where do you live in what district?
I live just around the corner.
- Oh!
So what's on today's
schedule for the two of you?
We wanted to go fly a kite.
Yes, but we only have one kite.
- Aha.
And how did you meet each other?
At a public toilet ... She
lent me her syringe.
And what do you do together?
Do you study together or what do you do?
We do what you do, when you're a couple.
- When you're a couple!?
Well, we pretend to be a couple,
like .. we're not a couple.
And why does she say
that you're a couple?
She's just nuts.
So you're a couple?
Since when?
Hello, hello, hello, hello!?
Will you ever talk with me or what?
What's up? - Please stay polite!
- Why? I wanna talk ...
... and she keeps blocking me!
- Please calm down!
Are you trying to ... ? - Please calm down!!!
- What do you all have against me!?
Nobody has anything against you!
- Why are you so weird?
Just stay on the ground for fuck's sake!
- She started it!
Masha, please apologize!
Well, well.
So ...
I am sorry, okay?
Would you like climbing back
again, so we can move on?
And if I don't
let you leave?
I'm not gonna let go of you!
- Come on now!
Come on, don't be childish.
What are you doing here?
Take off your boots.
No hitting, please.
Why are you here anyway?
- I missed you.
Yeah? - Yes.
- Yeah, really?
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
It burns! It burns!
Say that you missed me!
- I missed you.
Say that you will stay with me!
- I will always stay with you.
Do you mean it? - Uh huh.
- Yes? - Yes.
How much do you love me?
You're an asshole.
Do you love me?
- Yes.
Will you come again?
I don't think so.
Why not?
It's not good for us.
Well fortunately ... I found
someone in you ...
... who can judge
that very well.
I don't like it, when
you're being so cynical.
I don't like it, when
you're such a phlegmatic dick.
I didn't come to argue
with you again.
Instead? To steal my time?
Just you, you're so egoistic.
I'll go now.
- Do that.
One last kiss?
- Nope.
Stop it now,
it's enough!
It was very nice with you,
but don't ruin everything! Masha, please!
That's it. Get out!
One more time!
One more gulp of vodka?
I'll wait for you!
What's happening?
Can I lie on top of you?
- No!
I see.
Now it's weird.
Can you turn the
light back on?
What's up?
What are you thinking?
That it's not enough for you.
- It is.
It's completely okay.
I'll just masturbate.
- Ok.
What, should I or what?
If you have to. I don't know
what it's like for guys.
If it means I can sleep better
and you too.
I won't watch either.
- What?
Till tomorrow.
Is it breast-day tomorrow?
Wednesday is breast-day.
Can we just push it ahead a few days?
- Nope.
Show me!
But beware, I will become
faster ... and sharper!
You tricked me quite a few times,
but one day I will hit you so hard ...
... you won't be coming out of
your hole anymore.
You with your tiny, pretty
face ... gonna smash right at it.
Make it all kaputt.
There will be nothing left of it.
- I'm sorry.
Do you want some vodka?
- Yep.
Good morning.
- Good morning, rabbit.
Did you also sleep well?
- Mhm.
And what did you dream?
About a mermaid.
- About a mermaid, aha.
And what did she do?
She was swimming...
... to the starfish ...
... kindergarten.
Let's get out of town sometime.
I like it in the city.
- Yes, it's good for inline skating, but...
... to somehow...
... really be ... myself, and ...
... also somehow ... to properly
be with you ...
... I really need some different surroundings.
Tell me, Oskar...
... what came over ya, that ya
take ma out into the nature?
Well, I just thought to ma self,
that it would make you happy.
You thought quite right there, my friend.
- Yea.
I hadn't thunk nothing else about it.
You mean 'thought'.
- thought.
We'll treat ourselves to two nice days, aight?
- three.
- Or seven... I dun know.
Let's see where the wind might take us, aight?
- Aight.
We're completely free!
- Free like a birds!
I don't speak no bavarian not,
but who cares.
We are two happy free
sparrows, we are.
You cheeky sparrow!
Pay some attention ... !
- Yes, I see it!!
It's just 60 here, aight Seppel!
- Seppel!?
Oh my! Seppel, with you
I would go anywhere!
With you I would
steal horses, aight!
If you'd want that.
Now listen up, ok!?
Now we'll stop and you'll
receive a good beating.
Here we are!
In with you!
I can't open the fart sack.
Come on in, nature boy.
Today is breast-day, right?
I'd prefer you making fire.
I can't make no fire.
Ou! Ouch! Fuck! ... Shit.
Come, let's go to
a different lake.
What why?
- I think we can find a lovelier one.
I think it's lovely here.
Or do you want to stay here?
To be honest I don't care.
We can also stay here. As you wish.
The main thing is that you like it.
Don't you like it here?
- Yes, of course.
I just think in terms of the mood,
you know .. of the ...
... atmosphere, of the place.
I think we can find something ...
... lovelier.
I do think it's a
bit nonsense though.
You just gotta say it. If you
wanna stay we stay. But I mean ...
... we're on vacation. It's
supposed to be lovely, you know.
How do you close this?
You can't open it. You can't close it.
I'm tired.
Me too.
I'm trying to read something in
your eyes, but there's nothing there.
I mean, if this doesn't suit you,
If I don't suit you, then ...
... then just leave!
Nobody's forcing you to stay
with me, if you're bored...
... if I'm pulling you down... or...
I'm not bored by you at all.
Well, what is the problem then?
Is there even a problem?
It could all be so nice,
but with you everything is so hard.
Everything ok with you?
I can't sleep.
Are you coming back to the tent?
I feel so alone there.
How old were you then?
And do you remember him?
Do you visit him sometimes?
I can't stand graveyards.
But do you miss him?
I think I'll kill myself anyway someday.
I'm not gonna die just like that.
I thought the same at your age.
And did you ever try it?
- No.
My brother's girl killed herself,
and my best friend.
After that I was fed up with it.
How did they kill themselves?
He took his headphones, heard Supertramp and laid down on train tracks near Freiburg.
My Dad hung himself.
In the shower.
How old were you?
Three years ago.
Fooled you!!
- Iiih!!
You are one ... you
sneaky beast!
Come on!
You're soppy.
When I said 'no splashing'
I meant it!
Do you know these machines,
at gas stations?
One always sticks so much money in
them and never gets anything back.
But sometimes when you're lucky,
they go like this.
Actually you always lose.
You can say stop.
- Stop!
I didn't even start yet!?
- Well I've had enough!
I think we shouldn't see
each other anymore.
Now you're lying.
No, I just conclusively
realized it.
I'm not good for you,
and you're definitely not good for me.
I'm totally good for you!
I'm gonna drive you home now.
You're acting!
You're a small child and you need a daddy.
And I'm not gonna be that for you.
I didn't mean it like that.
But ... it's still true.
I'd like to go to the car now, and if
you could refrain from making a scene ...
... we'll be home right away.
In memory of ...