Kazaam (1996) Movie Script

#Slide, slide
Slippity slide #
#I do what I do
just to survive #
#Slide, slide
Slippity slide #
# When you're livin'in the city
It's do or die #
- #Roll along #
- # That's what you do #
- #Just roll along #
- # That's right ##
Hey, welcome back, Max.
- Thought you'd get away from us, huh?
- Let go of me!
Don't tell me this is
nothing about lunch money.
It's a math problem.
If we took all the dough...
from a dork on the floor,
would it be enough?
Two dollars and seventy cents?
We're gonna be living large on this.
- If you guys want a
real score-- - Yeah?
It's the wholesale mart.
Fifth and Broadway.
Rolexes, gold chains,
who knows what.
Third aisle,
locker 882, upstairs.
And all you need is...
- We'll be in touch.
- Later... loser.
- Come on, man. Come on, man.
- What a wuss!
Another alien abduction,
They wanted my optic lobes,
but they didn't get a thing.
- The key to the supply closet, Maxwell.
- The key?
To the supply closet.
Oh, I left it in the door,
Mrs. Duke.
And you also left us without enough
time to hear your little presentation.
But I want to hear it anyway,
right here after school!
I'm home!
- Don't tell me.
- You were kidnapped by gypsies
and sold to the circus.
Hey, can I help it if Mrs. Duke is really
a very angry man trapped in a woman's body?
Oh, I see. Another
homework malfunction.
And, gosh,
what a surprise, detention.
But,you know,
the only good news is...
you weren't here...
when we were robbed.
What kind of maniac would steal
the motor to our Hoover?
You were supposed to come home
today and help me clean up, remember?
- It's just Travis.
- What is that supposed to mean?
You told me, men are like buses.
There's always another one.
I never said--
You know that this is the only day
that I don't work a double shift...
and I really wanted the
house to look nice for Travis.
Mom, it's not like
he lives here or anything.
Your feet?
What is this?
What is this? Huh? What have
you got here, dreadlocks?
No, wait, look.
It's a tiny, living creature.
- Who put a squirrel in your shorts?
- Max...
- try and look like this guy.
- I hate that picture.
Max, we have to talk.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey. We're in here.
Looking good, Max.
You're not looking
so bad either.
Max,you ever hear
of a guy named Buster Keaton?
- Isn't he some dead
black-and-white guy? - Apparently.
- But he's a very funny dead guy.
You tell him?- Tell me what?
Max, um...
Travis and I...
want to get engaged.
I thought he was just
coming over for ribs.
- We wanted to wait 'til all
of the papers were signed.
- ''Papers''?
- The divorce papers.
There were some things
left unsigned by your father.
My father? But I thought
you didn't know where he was.
- I didn't.
- Listen, Max...
what matters now is you and your
mom can move on with your lives.
- That's why we want to get engaged.
- Wait, what about me?
- Why didn't you ask me?
- Max--
What about me?
now he knows.
Hey, I want to talk to you!
Get him! Come on, man! Come on!
Come on!
Get over here, man!
- Yeah, go get him!
- Watch it!
Hey, come here,
you little con artist!
There are no gold watches,
no gold necklaces!
We'll get ya!
We got him now!
Understand... you're messing
with my little brother.
Don't tell me. They couldn't
fit the key in the lock?
- There were no lockers.
- And your map was crap.
So there's only one place
this thing's gonna fit.
And it ain't Mrs. Duke's supply closet.
Come on!
Where you going?
Hey, what are you kids
doing in there?
Get outta there!
Where'd he go?
- I'm going around!
Go around!
Let's go!
Let's get him, boys!
Oh, no!
I'm dead. I'm dead.
Come on.
We got him now.
How do I shut this thing off?
- Hi.
- You little turd!
You think
you got skills?
Can we just pretend
this never happened?
Who... dare to wake me?
Ain't gonna make this a mystery.
Don't wanna do time
on your wishes three.
Watch it, boy!
You don't want to dis me!
Or I'll dish out my misery.
Now, who's that sorry wanna-be
that disturbed my z's?
Let's get outta here!
Go on! Go, go!
Get out of my way!
If you want to be number one,
I'm sorry, boy, that's been done!
But if you got the itches
for a sack of riches...
don't matter how avaricious...
I'm the man that
could grant your wishes!
Hey, don't turn
your butt on me!
I'm the man of the ages,
straight out of the pages!
Hang on! I'm contagious,
outrageous, spontaneous!
You can't contain this!
I am Kazaam!
- I'm really happy for you.
- Where do you think you're going?
Make your three wishes, and I'm out of your
face, back in my box and out of this place.
Listen, Mr. Psychopathic
Dork in the Basement...
I don't think
you're ordering anybody!
Do you realize who I am?
I'm your genie!
In that case, I wish I was as
big as you, but not so stupid.
That's not a wish!
That's an insult!
Besides, I don't do those kind
of wishes. I do material wishes.
See? Things. Stuff.
You gotta want something, kid.
Listen, you want to pull the wool over
someone's eyes? Go get a sheep, okay?
Listen, it's only 'cause this world
really, really gives me tension...
that I'm gonna do something
I don't ordinarily do.
I'm going to beg.
- Now, make a wish. Please?
All right, okay.
Give me a car.
Yes! Yes, yes!
- Jaguar? Black?
- XKE.
Jaguar, black.
Better stand back.
I am Kazaam!
- Jaguar, black, right?
- Yeah.
Okay, well, you just stay
here. I'm gonna go now.
- Uh-oh.
Hey, Kazoo?
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
- Kazoo?
Oh, Kazoo.
- Say nighty-night.
Kazoo. Kazoo.
- Come on, you gotta eat.
No, I'm not--
- Please. Look, it's delicious.
- No, I'm really-- Travis, no.
It's very easy.
Come on.
Please. Just hold them
between your fingers like this.
- Travis, I know--
- Squeezea little.
He's in the house.
- Max, honey, is that you? Max?
Hey, hey-- Honey, what
happened to your face?
- I'm okay, all right?
Who did this to you?
- Max, what happened to
your-- - Just leave me alone!
- I'll handle it.
- No, I really think I should.
Max, can I come in?
Wow. That's really
great. You finished it.
Hey, you're not building a
neutron bomb over here, are you?
- That could be a little dangerous.
- Don't touch that.
You okay?
You want to tell me
what happened?
You don't like me
very much, do you?
Listen, Max, I don't intend to
take the place of your father.
It's just that I love your mom,
and I want to marry her.
I'd like us to be friends.
Anytime you want to talk...
I'll be here.
''Tuna. Home at 3:00.''
''Nicholas Matteo. ''
#I'll make your dreams
come true #
# What you want
I will do #
#I'll make your dreams
come true #
# Gonna make your dreams
come true #
- #I'll make your dreams come true #
- #Hey #
#Baby,just me and you I'll
make your dreams come true #
- What the--
- #I'll make your dreams #
# Come true ##
What the--
- Don't you wish you had
one of these? - How did you--
What-- Are you like
really lonely or something?
Hey. Hey, hold your camels.
I've been doing this genie
stuff for about 5,000 years.
- It's not all it's cracked up to be.
- I'm sure.
But I'll tell you what. Why don't
we start off with something small...
and work our way up
to something big?
But let's just
get it done.
- All right?- Why do I get the
feeling you'll never go away?
You live here?
Yeah, I built it
myself too.
Hey, kid!
We're closed!
What's the matter with you?
Can't you read the sign? Beat it!
Beat it!
You want me to turn him into
a dog or a cat or something?
Your wishes are just
so spectacular...
I don't know if I could
bear another one right now.
Oh, back there?
Your first wish? That kind of
thing could happen to any genie.
- I was just a little bit rusty.
- You know...
I bet they really miss you and the
nice building with the padded walls.
Check, check. One.
- This is red with check one, two.
Check one.
- Hey,Julie, I need
some more finishing nails!
Yo,yo,yo. Check one, two.
Bottom, bottom.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I'd like to speak to Mr. Matteo.
Your mother.
I said I wanted the bar stocked
before the sound check!
How much?
- Hello.
Will you hurry up over there?
- Who am I talking to?
Paul Shea, line three.
Mr. Shea, Nick Matteo.
How you doing?
Hey, you're gonna have
to help me out, Mr. Shea.
Look, what I'm saying is
you're gonna have...
the best seat in the house set
aside especially for you tonight.
We'll take good care of you, Paul.
Uh-huh. Yeah, I'll see you tonight.
Cindi, if I wanted pressed turkey,
I would have run over myself.
- Anybody got any gum?
- I do.
- Who are you?
- I'm... Max.
Theo, you call a messenger?
No, I didn't call anybody.
- Psst.
Try downstairs, kid.
Hey, hey, I like it! I'm serious! This
whole, you know, seen-the-street thing.
Tell me,you booked in or you just
come here to scare the hell out of us?
Thank you.
So, tough guy,
who was that loser?
That was my father.
Hey-dee, hi-dee-ho.
Was that guy
really your father?
Acted like he didn't
even know you.
Look, he hasn't seen me
in a long time.
I was two, okay?
- Where did he go?
- Away.
That's a long time away.
I mean, it's not two or three
thousand years, but that's a long time.
Well, he's back now,
all right?
- And things are gonna be different.
- Cool.
So how come you didn't
tell him who you were?
- What do you care?
- Who says I did?
- Why don't you just leave me alone?
- Is that a wish?
Is that all you care about?
Look, you little fart...
you called me
into this mess of a world.
- I didn't call anybody.
- You popped the box, so make a wish!
Wish for a castle,
a fancy chariot!
I don't care what you do.
I gotta obey the rules.
I can't show my magic
to anybody but you...
and I can't get back into my box
until you make your three wishes.
Now, deal with it!
- Deal with this!
- Hey!
My turn.
Whoa! Whoa!
What I gotta do, kid?
Let's go!
You're on my turf now!
You'll be sorry!
Come back here!
Oh, Max.
- Oh, no!
- Remember me? Make your three wishes.
I wish you'd go away!
Leave me alone!
- I'm gonna kick your butt!
- Dream on, loser!
No way I'm losing
this race, buddy.
I'm back! Take a break, kid.
You're gonna need it for this.
Don't get all hysterical.
Say thank you
for your miracle.
- You are a genie!
- What's the matter? Your tongue is broken?
At a time like this,
you should be stokin'.
You know the rules,
now comply.
he got unlimited supply!
You'll give me anything?
Come on, boy,
you're not gonna die.
Open your eyes.
Don't ask why.
Just give it a try.
Then, then,
I wish I had junk food...
- from here to the sky.
- Why not? Higher than high.
Then you got junk food
from here to the sky!
I am Kazaam!
That's it?
A happy meal?
Oh, great.
I'm outta here!
Look out!
So... where's
the hot chocolate?
Two more. Make this a
night you'll never forget.
Wait a second.
You're not telling me
that was a wish?
Like the main man did
with the loaves and the fish.
No, no, no. And stop rhyming!
I wish--
I just wish my mom and dad
would fall back in love.
Love? Kid, I told you,
Kazaam don't do ethereal.
- ''Ethereal''?- Yeah. Love, hope,
talking to God, raising the dead.
Ethereal. But I am Mr. Material,
and my stuff ain't too shabby.
Three-story mansion, a sack of gold,
a whole land of milk and honey...
if that's still in.
How long do I have
to come up with the wishes?
Now would be highly advisable.
- Come on, let's go.
- But I can wait, can't I?
So... until I make
those last two wishes...
I own you, don't I?
Welcome to my life.
And here's a tip:
Lose the pointy shoes.
- I'm hungry.
- I'm not.
- It's lunchtime.
- Not according to my watch.
Hey, my Fossil watch!
How did that happen?
Look, Godzilla,
I wish you'd just--
- Wish I'd just what?
Is that a wish?
Let me make this perfectly
clear. Next time you do that...
I'm donating your brain
to science, okay?
Look, all you gotta do...
is make your last
two wishes...
Mr. Mohammed Ali...
- and I'm outta here.
- Sure.
All right! All right,
that's it! Let's go!
Come on! Let's go right now! Come on!
Your whole way of thinking
really gives me tension, kid.
The name isn't ''kid.''
It's Max.
And another thing:
you're gonna do whatever I want.
And then, only then, will I
make my wish. Do you understand?
- This whole ''I-gotta-get-
- isn't gonna take years, is it?
- Bite me.
I'm really serious about
this getting something to eat.
It feels like
I'm getting shorter.
Stay here and try not
to hurt yourself!.
- Now this puts
the boom in box.
- B.J.!
Hey, B.J.! Line two!
All right.
This isn't a toy store.
you want to play...
- my game.
- Impressive.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
Da Brat!
How are you?
What's up?
We're gonna make the hottest live
recording anyone's ever heard!
Yeah! How you doin'?
Spanky, come over here.
I want you to meet someone.
- I want you to meet my bodyguard, Spanky.
- Yeah, yeah. Bodyguard?
What's up? He kind of
small, don't you think?
I don't need much protection.
- We'll see - Mr. Matteo?
About that. - Get off me!
Mr. Matteo, I found this kid
wandering around backstage.
You? What are you doing
here? What's your name?
- Who let this kid in here?
What's this, an amusement park?
Well, Mack,
the tour is over.
It's not Mack.
It's Max.
- Okay, Maxwell.
- Connor.
Maxwell Connor.
You're my son.
Hey, everybody, quiet down,
quiet down! Check this out!
- This is my boy,
Maxwell Matteo.
- I want you to meet everybody.
This is Cindi.- Hi, Max.
- And this is Frankie over here.
- Hey.
And that's Theo over there.
And you know who this is.
- What's up, little Max?
- Come over here.
And this amazing wonder
is Asia Moon. Son of a gun.
I can't believe it! Look how
big you got! This is my son.
- Champagne?
- What, are you stupid? He's a kid.
Get that outta here. Hey,
don't we have some pizza comin'?
You like pizza, kid? Come over here.
I want you to check something out.
You like music? Come here. Sit
down, sit down. Listen to this.
So what do you think?
Is this place smokin' or what?
- How old are you?
- Twelve.
Where the hell's the pizza?
Three large, two medium. Pizza
'Zaam's here to bust the tedium.
You know him?
- What?
- Maybe a football or a basketball?
I don't think rewarding him
is a very good idea right now.
It's not to reward him.
- Hi, guys.
- It's to straighten him out.
Where have you been, hmm? Not
at school. You are grounded!
- I've really had it this time, Max.
- Hold it, hold it.
- Two days you have not been-- -
Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Alice.
- What?
- Why don't we sit down and talk?
- Because I am not finished.
- I'm a little busy.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
One second, Mr. Connor.
You know, we are going to start
changing the way things work around here.
From now on, you're gonna come home from
school, and you're gonna start doing chores.
- ''Chores''?
- Yes, chores.
What do you mean, chores? Milk the
cows, feed chickens? I don't get it.
- Max, this is exactly the thing...
- All right, all right.
- That is really putting me over the edge.
- Wait a minute. Forget chores.
Forget chores. What we mean
is, we want to help you.
We're gonna get you a tutor, and I'd
like to start picking you up after school.
He's not picking me up after school. I
don't have to listen to you, all right?
You're not my father. You
will never be my father!
- You watch your mouth.
- Watch yours! You lied to me!
You told me my father wasn't
here, but he is! I've seen him!
You're right.
I did lie.
Your father showed up a
couple of months ago and...
I didn't know
what to do.
Why did he leave?
Sometimes things just don't
turn out the way you plan.
I know that I'm not the best
mother in the world, Max...
but I want you
to have a real father...
one who's around,
who you can count on.
- Do you understand that?
- No.
So, tough guy...
- what's ''grounded''?
- Something I'm not!
My dad says it's
the blood that counts.
I'll get a job!
I'll show them!
Maybe I'll even be a personal
assistant! I'll show them all!
Once I know the business and stuff,
I can even have a band myself.
- My dad will manage us.
- Pretty big dreams, kid.
What do you know?
You live in a box!
Boom box, that is. So what?
Every once in awhile,
someone drags me out.
And I do see things.
Like a whole bunch of silly people,
counting on a whole bunch of silly wishes.
Let me be the first to tell you, the
future don't always follow the plan.
Because the plan
sucks big time!
See, I'm making
my future here, Kaz...
and the next step is two all-access
passes to tonight's concert.
# Ooh party people,
Come on make some noise #
#And if you come to jam, baby
Throw up your hands #
# I'm lookin' at 'em, sister
All Bill, Bobs and Janes #
# That's all I see #
#There's nothing
Nothing there for me #
Don't say I didn't
warn you, boys.
I think I'm gonna
wait outside, Max.
No way, man.
This is cool!
Rocky, Bullwinkle,
shall we?
Come on, Rocky.
# That's all I see There's
nothing Nothing there for me #
# Come on, do your thing
If you want it, Mr. Granite #
#A lady on the side Get up,
get up If you can stand #
# Ooh Who's the cutie over
there From another planet #
# Don't just stare Come over here and
let me see you jiggy,jiggy jam it #
Buddy, it's like trying to hide
a tanker behind a sailboat.
- What if they don't like me?
- They already don't like you.
The question is,
what are you gonna do about it?
Get set for my
#Ha-ha,you see what I got So
let me see what you could get #
#The things I seen
Would make you sweat #
#Kings and fools
They're all fish in my net #
- # 'Cause I am Kazaam #
- # Ooh, man #
#I'm more than I seem You all
are lookin' at your dream #
# In your coffee, I'm the cream
One wish, I get extreme #
Oh, Mr. Malik.
Your club--
What a place.
- I knew it was gonna be hot.
- I always deliver...
more than I promise.
Oh! So do I.
I've got lots of clients--
#As Romeo said beforeJuliet #
# Grab four of your friends
We'll have a sextet #
# Hmm, I don't know
He's kind of making me sweat #
# I got your sweat
But can this man slam it #
- #And if your girls are
hungry # - # Uh-huh, and #
# Let's green egg
and ham it #
I'm looking for Mr. Matteo.
All right.
You took this job,
no questions asked!
No, I was hired to record a live
performance, not bootleg a legit album!
- I quit!
- Get over here!
The last one of these tapes was
worth a million dollars to Malik.
- 'Cause piracy's a felony, Nick. I
don't want to be involved. - Oh, r--
What are you doing here? Get outta
here! Let me paint a picture for you, Ed.
- Fine. Go ahead
- You are involved!
- No, I'm not involved.
- I said get out of here!
I quit, Nick!
- Dad--
It's not my problem anymore!
I got 50,000 blanks coming
in our little loading dock!
- You better have that tape ready by 3:00!
- Dad!
- Forget about it, Nick.
- I told you to get out of here!
- I'm tellin' ya, I'm outta here!
- Shut up!
You stay there.
What the hell are you doing
here? Are you looking for trouble?
Dad, I thought it was
just gonna be you and I.
There is no ''you and I.''
- Dad.
- Get out and stay out!
But, Dad,
you don't understand.
I told you Spinderella
would pack the house.
You mean you've done
your job. Good boy.
But what I am really
interested in is this man.
- I don't know who he is.
Just some guy.
You gotta watch
for these things, Nick.
You gotta keep your
eyes open for new talent.
You gotta look
for the sparkle.
Nick tells me
what a good man you are.
I'm counting on it.
Hey, what are you
doing here?
I didn't know Spinderella opened
the show with a dwarf tossing.
- Where'd you find this,
trash dumpster?
- No, I was in there, all right?
- Yeah, I suppose you got...
a key to the studio.
Look, I was all over. I
was in the V.I.P. Section.
I can go wherever I want.
I got pull.
- Oh, he's got pull now. Pull this.
- Yeah.
I'm tellin'the truth. They're doin'a
live recording worth a million bucks.
They're taping it right now. If I wanted
to, I could go straight back in there...
straight to the recording booth
and put the tape in your hands.
you mean that, homie?
Yeah, I do.
Something new on the plate?
Him? He's tall, Malik.
Don't mistake that
for interesting.
I was raised
to find everything interesting.
He's got a secret
bigger than he is.
Know a person's secret,
you own them.
Bring me his.
Kazaam! Hey, Kazaam!
- Malik would like you to join us tonight.
- Would you sign mine?
The thing is...
I'm looking for Max.
He's with Nick. And I think
we'll just be in the way.
Please, my favorite.
- Nubian goat eyes?
- The food of kings!
I haven't had these
in 3,000...
You have old-fashioned taste.
I don't get out much.
That we can change.
No, go around
to the other side.
- You're late!
Come on!
Hurry up!
- What, are you crazy?
All right.
Hey, Shep,
bring it down here!
- Traffic at 2:00 in the morning?
- Yeah.
Come on. It was supposed to already
be here. I told you five minutes ago.
Mr. Matteo, I got the tape!
It's finished!
Wait right here. I'll be right
back down. Close the door.
- What door?- The loading dock
door. Just press the button.
- What button?
- The button on the side!
Hey, wait!
- Downstairs!
Come on!
- Let's go!
- All right, you punks!
All right, let's go!
Let's go!
Come back here, you guys!
Hey, hold it right there!
- Hey!
- Come on back here!
# 'Cause I am Kazaam ##
- # I'm more than I seem #
- Get off me!
- #You are looking at the dream #
- Let me go! Ow!
- # In your coffee I'm the cream ##
- Get off me, you pervert! Ow!
Get out of my bed!
You know, you were right for me to get out
there last night. They totally loved me.
- What are you
doing here anyway?
Look, Virgo.
That wasn't here yesterday.
- Hey, what's this?
- What are you doing here anyway?
- What you looking for?
- Nothing! I'm looking for nothing!
Nothing is good.
What's this, science?
''Polar covalent bonds have an
ionic-- '' You know this stuff?
My mom wishes I did.
Wow. You're a genie too.
You should've seen us last night
in Malik's limo,just chillin'.
Having a good time,
eating goat eyes,just chillin'.
What's that?
You-You smell like
hippopotamus butt!
You know, your father
sure is lucky to work
with Malik. He says I
got a future in the biz.
Is Asia gonna love me
or what?
Especially now. So, you and your
father have a nice night too?
- Nice night?
- French toast!
- Ahh. Ooh.
Rotie francaise?
I love it beaucoup,
beaucoup, beaucoup!
Max. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
That's right,
it's poison.
I figured if I ended your
suffering, mine would end too.
Max. Last night--
don't do that again.
I made your favorite, with
chocolate chips and peanut butter.
- I'm not hungry. Do I have
to have this-- - Max! Please!
For once in your life,
let me have the last word.
So, so sorry.
Max insisted.
He's told me so much
about you.
I- I'm sorry.
H- Have I met you before?
No, ma'am, I haven't had the pleasure.
I am Jefferson Allensworth Lamb.
''Jefferson'' for he who
framed our fine constitution...
''Allensworth'' for he who founded
a community of free blacks...
and ''Lamb'' because I like
to eat lamb chops.
- And you're
a friend of Max 's?
How sweet of you
to call me a friend...
but the school district more
commonly refers to me as a tutor.
A tutor?
Oh, the school got you a tutor?
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I- I didn't hear the door.
Uh, you've
been studying?
Y- Yeah, yeah, I have, inverse
ratios of height to intelligence.
He gets that wit
from me.
Uh, well, Mr. Lamb, would,
uh-- Have you had breakfast yet?
Chocolate and peanut butter
French toast? Heavenly.
Oh, please. Sit down.
What are you doing here?
Get out of here. Get out.
- I'll make some more.
- Don't bother. I'm not hungry.
- Breakfast wars. Yes, you are.
- Not even a little hungry?
- Oh, Max?
- What?
Max, wait up!
So, what did you and
your father do last night?
Uh, lots of stuff.
- ''Stuff'' is good. What kind of stuff?
- Stuff, okay?
Oh. Hmm, I used to do
stuff a long time ago.
Shouldn't you
be going to school?
- I'm not going.
- Say what?
No, I'm not going
to school!
So, what do you think about this
shirt? Do I look cool or what?
what's like the worst thing
you've ever seen in your life?
The destruction of Pompeii.
- That was a wish? That was you?
- Look, I didn't have a choice.
Besides, I did some hard time
under that ash. Try 342 years.
So, like, I mean,
what about you?
You ever take anything
you shouldn't have...
- or somethinglike that,you know?
- Me?
Yeah. Like, what's the
worst thing you've ever done?
Look, can we talk about this later? I
got things I gotta do, people I gotta see.
- What?
- I gotta get ready.
- Ready for what?
- For tonight.
- Tonight?
- I'm gonna perform.
- You?
- Yeah, you said I was cool.
Yeah, well, what are you
gonna rap about?
You're right. The whole
thing is giving me tension.
- I can't even decide what to wear.
- It doesn't matter what you wear.
I mean, but you gotta have
something to rap about, your rhymes.
I mean, you gotta have
something to say.
- Now what do you know about rapping?
- I know a few things.
- Yeah, right.
- My name is Max, so get these facts.
I'm on my heavy B.M.X.,
and I make some tracks.
That's whack!
- That's horrible! Oh, my God, that's awful.
- You do better.
# My name is Kazaam I got the
whole plan So listen to the man #
- # 'Cause I'm the sultan
of sand #
# Is that it
Is that the whole deal #
#You want to be a hit
You better get real #
# I did have this friend
in 1000 B.C. #
# We discovered a bevy
of bathing beauties #
# Hbur looks to me
and I says to he #
#Why don't we jump
in that old Euphrates #
#So that's the whole story
That's all you gotta tell #
#You got to listen to my rap
from bell to bell #
#Those babies had rabies
and we was in Hades #
# 'Cause we moved with the harem
of the Prince Akba d'Karem #
# So it's you and Hbur
in 1000 B.C. #
# Buried to our necks
in sand like the sea #
# By a sultan with a sword
and a lock and a key #
# Ooh, they're in deep
Will they ever get free #
# So, it's me
and Hbur in 1000 B.C. #
- # Praying to the gods #
- #And what do you see #
#A man with a halo
and a nasty decree #
# I'll save your butt
But you gonna serve me #
# I nod to Hbur
He nods to me #
#And when the magic is over
We ain't men #
- #We genie #
- #We genie #
# Bob your head, Max #
#We were buried to our necks
in sand like the sea #
# By a sultan with a sword
and a lock and a key #
#And I looks to Hbur
and he says to me #
#And when the magic is over #
#We ain't men, we genie #
What are we, Max?
#We genie #
- I can't hear you, Max!
I cannot hear you!
What are we?
#We genie ##
Man, it must be great
to be a genie.
Sure, except
you're locked up.
A couple of millennia later,
your lamp breaks.
Oh, you think you're free, but
you're sucked into a compass.
You go down with the ship.
One day, you're salvaged.
You wind up in a radiator, a trombone.
You got it; a broken boom box.
But you can just snap your
fingers and have anything.
Yeah, but I can't
make myself free.
Or make someone
fall in love.
Or even make someone fall in love
with me. I can't even touch destiny.
Well, I just wish I could
change things, you know?
Make things different.
You're not talking about genies.
You're talking about djinn.
What's a djinn?
A djinn is free.
A djinn can do anything.
Love, the future, fate.
The problem is, djinn only
exist in fairy tales...
and I don't believe
in fairy tales.
Yeah, well, I don't believe
in fairy tales either.
- But then again, I don't believe in wishes.
- And look what you got.
- Doesn't your school
have a bell?
Yeah. All right.
I guess I better be going.
- See ya.
- See ya.
- Yo, the business man.
- Yo, what's up, man?
How's it going?
Having fun, Max?
Some cajones, huh?
So, you gotta talk
to your dad.
Tell him if he wants the tape
back, it's gonna cost him.
This is your big chance, man.
Do this, everything changes.
You got money, everybody
looks at you differently.
You don't do this--
You don't want to say no.
Are you all right?
Get up!
Nick, please.
Nick, Nick.
You knew the tape
was worth a million dollars.
What was he thinking?
He was gonna work it off?
I know how much it was worth.
I'll find it.
But what will I find?
My loyal friend...
or a man at the bottom
of the lake?
I'll get it to you
by midnight tonight.
But I still find it curious.
On surveillance tapes...
it looks like we were robbed
by a bunch of little boys.
How could that be?
I don't know.
Neither do I.
Kazaam! Kazaam!
Revere is ready,
but he doesn't have a horse.
So he wishes for the fastest
damn mare in creation.
And what do you know;
a country is born.
Where did you learn
all this, Harvard?
Harvard? I'm way
too intelligent for Harvard.
I experienced my academia
in Upper Mesopotamia.
But nothing is more major
than my studies in Asia.
So how'd you get to work
for a guy like Malik?
- You don't want to know.
- Yes, I do. Try me.
With a talent like yours, you'll
get to know him as well as I do.
But will I get
to know you?
I'll be right back.
- What the--
- Get off the table.
- Kazaam, I gotta make a wish!
- What are you doing? Get off the table.
- Kazaam, I need a wish, okay?
- Right now?
No, in 250 years, stupid! I need a
tape. No, no, I wish I had the tape.
- What kind of tape?
- The master tape of last night's show.
Can't your father
give it to you?
No! Do you have
a problem with this wish?
- No, it's just that it's your second wish.
- So?
- So you want to waste it on a tape?
- I just do, okay?
Just get me the tape!
I mean, come on, you
know the drill. ''I am
Kazaam -- '' Let's go!
That we can do.
Why are we here?
- Just saving you a wish, my man.
- I-It's not here.
How do you know?
I just know, okay?
Why isn't the tape
here, Max?
Why are you stalling? All you ever
wanted was to make my three wishes!
'Cause you're blowing a
whole wish! Something's wrong.
I got a nose
for this kind of stuff.
Talk to me, Max.
I'm your friend.
I don't need a friend, I need a genie!
Now, grant my second wish! I order you!
Your wish is my command.
- I'm outta here.
- Let me assist you.
Four of the republics
of the former Soviet Union--
Uh, Unocal?
Stan the man?
Tell me you
had a wonderful breakfast.
Tell me that you couldn't have
another bite. Tell me everything.
L.S.U. Grad...
professional performer
since he was eight.
Like I said, he's about as
interesting as his pituitary gland.
Come on, Asia.
Give Kazaam another shot,
won't you?
I know there is something
about that boom box...
and I am just dying
to find out.
- Yo,Jake.
- Two hours in detention. That sucks.
Mrs. Duke sucks.
We gotta talk.
See you later, man.
Come on, in the car.
Wait. Max. Max.
Wait. Max. Max, honey,
get out of the car.
Nick, what the hell do
you think you're doing?
This is between me and my boy.
Your boy? You haven't seen him in
over a decade. You have no rights here.
- This has nothing to do with you.
- You want me to call the cops?
- Max, he's not what you think
he is. Get out of the car.- Let go.
- Max.
- Go back to Travis!
Max, no! Max, no!
No, stop!
Fifteen years.
Fifteen years!
Never in my life have I ever
seen something so stupid!
- But Dad, I-I-- - I know what you
stole, you and your punk friends!
Dad, please...
I told you--
Why'd you have to come now?
Mom was gonna marry Travis.
I thought
I'd never see you again.
You must have really
thought I was something.
I never knew what to think.
You were gone.
Listen to me.
You don't want to be like me.
You don't want
to live my life.
You got a choice. I don't.
You understand?
A guy like me,
you can't just walk away...
and pretend all this
didn't happen.
Do you know how many cops
would love to lock me up?
All right, look.
I want to tell you something.
You get no second chances
in life.
You get no second chances.
Remember that.
Go on, get outta here.
Go on, go!
- Wow, look at that!
That's some boom box.
It has nothing to do
with the box.
Well, if you're looking
for this, I found it.
- Start production.
- You got it.
I want the first run packed
and shipped by sunrise.
Nick... stick around.
I want to talk to you
about your son.
#Man of the ages #
#Straight out
of the pages #
#Hang on
I'm contagious #
# Outrageous, spontaneous
You can't contain this #
# I am Kazaam #
# I am Kazaam
I am Kazaam ##
How about it, party people! Put
your hands together for Klass K!
Whoo! Yes! There's about a thousand
people out there, and they loved me!
You look terrific!
just great!
- Kazaam! Kazaam! I got it, I got it!
- What is it?
Kazaam! I need
to make my last wish!
- Say what?- My third wish! I wish
my dad had a second chance.
- Is the kid bothering you?
- Leave me alone. Leave me alone.
- What is it?
Don't you want him back?
- Let me hear you
make some noise!
I wish my dad
had a second chance.
- You know, like a different life.
- No can do, kid.
- Kazaam, you gotta help me!
- We've been over this before.
- New lives, destiny. Kazaam
can't do ethereal-- - Kazaam!
I need this more than anything
I've ever needed in my entire life!
- I mean, can't you even try?
- Believe me, I've been trying all my life.
- Just try harder!
- Look, I can't do it!
Kazaam, I gotta make this wish!
When you gonna learn? Life
ain't about wishin' and dreams.
It's about what you got
and what you can do with it!
Please! This is all my fault!
I'm not some djinn. I just can't
snap my fingers and make you happy.
You just don't want to grant
my third wish, do you?
You've got all this, and now you
don't want to go back in your box!
- I thought
you were my friend!
Friend? Don't you remember?
I'm just your genie!
You're nothing!
- Max! What is it?
- Nothing!
- What's the matter?
- Just leave me alone!
Excuse me.
What's wrong with Max?
- He'll be all right.
- He was really upset.
I know, but listen to this
crowd. They love me. I own them.
- You don't own them!
- Say what?
You don't get it, do you?
Look, look,
look what you have!
Do you know how jealous
you are making me? Huh? Huh?
- I'm just telling my story.
- No, it's much more.
You are--
You have a--
There is an ancient phrase.
''Sultan's gold.''
You speak!
Uh, you know--
You are
the ''sultan's gold''!
You got two minutes.
My box!
- Where's my box?
- Don't worry about the little things.
- Listen.
- We want more!
Your public calls.
Trust me.
This is my world.
Right now,you are
the biggest part of it.
My sultan's gold...
lives in a genie's lamp.
- Get outta here!
- Dad, what happened?
Go! Go!
- At long last.
Look familiar?
Your father's been
very modest...
about your
accomplishments, Max.
That's right. I've got the box,
and you're on your last wish.
Look, Malik, let's stop
playing these games.
I don't know what you're talking
about, and neither does he.
You can't keep all
these secrets from me.
You got your tape.
He's just a boy!
Dad! What are you doing?
You can't--
Make the wish,
I get the genie.
And everything
my heart desires!
And if you
try anything clever...
Dearly beloved Nick...
will wake up...
Klass K! Klass K! Klass K!
Klass K! Klass K!
Your third wish
will be, quote:
''I want Malik to have all
the money in the world.''
Don't you see, I wished for that, but you
can't do that. Because if you do that...
the rest of the world goes broke
and money isn't worth anything!
Then I'll take all the money
and give some of it back!
Make my wish now!
I can't! I can't just say,
''Hey, Kazaam, I need your help,''
and he'll appear
right in front of me.
I can't just say, ''Kazaam!''
Let's get busy, K!
Make the wish...
or your father will die.
I count to three.
One, two, three!
#Trapped in a box #
# Like a premature burial #
- # Used to mull in the space cemeterial #
- Get outta here!
Get out! Get out!
# Suffered a curse
That was more than malarial #
# Lived as a ghost
Granted wishes material #
# Served every Tom, Dick
and Harrial #
- Run!
- What are we gonna do?
Come on! To the right! To the right!
- Stay over here!
Stay over here!
Look out!
#And if you think that's bad
Here's my age #
# Oh, square octogenarial #
# Been there, done that
He's seen it all #
#From the river Nile
to the hills of Nepal #
#Painted with Picasso
and dined with kings #
# Had a lot of riches
and material things #
What is this place?
- Shh!
- Let's go this way.
Oh, here they come.
- Come on! Come on!
- We lost them!
- We can't find--
- Go left! Go left!
# So I peeled that spiel
Got real with the new meal #
# Sucking life down
Like a cutlet of veal #
What are we gonna do?
- All right, wait here.
- What are these?
Black market CDs.
Let's go.
Dad, look out!
Let's run for it!
Go! Go!
#Mystical and him, well, magical #
#Mr. Material
Eat no cereal #
# Man, way mystical
and him, well, magical #
#Magical, magical #
I'm the one with the power.
I'm the one with the genie.
Kazaam, he's my genie.
And as long as I'm standing here,
he'll do whatever I tell him to.
# One snap of my fingers,
Get a scoop of Ben and Jerrial #
# Living so rich
Better watch my arterials #
# Don't get me down with those
thoughts of ethereal #
# I know who I am #
Then I guess
my only problem is...
that you are still standing!
# I'm-- #
#He's Mr. Material #
# They say he's ethereal
Oh, Mr.-- ##
It worked!
be a good genie...
and get into the box.
- I don't understand.
- You've been called.
Where's Max?
has terminated
your contract.
You have a new master.
Now... hop, hop.
- But I haven't granted
his third wish yet.
Trust me, he won't be
asking for any more.
What'd you do with him?
It's begun.
- Ooh!
- No.
- His head
still looks thick.
Not all there,
Klass K? Huh?
Come on!
Come on!
You can't hurt me.
I am your master!
- What?
- I'll never be your slave!
Now... where's Max?
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He fell down the shaft!
- What?
- There was nothing that I could do!
Put me down.
I'm afraid of heights.
Wish not granted.
Ooh! Ahh!
Yeah, that's okay over there.
Bring it over there.
Come on, let's move it aside.
- Get those things moved off to the side,
all right? Over there. - Max, Max, Max --
Lady. Lady, where you goin'?
Now you can't go in there.
I think my son's in there.
- You can't go-- - I
think that my son is in--
Lady, you can't go in there.
Okay, look, I need to
find Travis. He's a fireman.
- Travis?
- Travis O'Neil.
Travis O'Neil
is in there.
Hey, tough guy.
In 5,000 years...
you're the only friend
I've ever had.
And when you
needed me the most...
I wasn't there.
And if I had to spend
another 5,000 years...
in a lamp, a compass...
or even that stupid boom box...
I wouldn't care.
I just wish...
I could have granted
your wish.
I wish I could have
filled your heart.
You-- You are
the sultan's gold, Max.
I am Kazaam.
Do you have to shine
that in my eyes?
You're alive!
You're alive!
Put me down, put me down!
I made a wish,
and I granted it!
- Put me down!
- You're alive!
What was that?
What's happening?
I don't know. This has
never happened before.
You're leaving.
You can't. I haven't
made my third wish yet.
But you did. You wished for a
second chance for your father.
- But wait, I-- - It was a perfect
wish. It was a wish from your heart.
- And now it's done. - But--
No, you don't understand!
- What's happening to you?
- I don't know. I just feel--
I feel...
You-- You're--
- You--
- I'm djinn...
and I'm free.
- Kazaam... you can't.
- You don't need me anymore.
- Don't go!
- In our hearts, we're all djinn...
- and we're all free.
- Kazaam, you can't.
Don't leave me.
- The power...
is in... your heart.
I make a grab like that and you
don't even say, ''nice save''?
- What happened?
- Let's go.
- Max? Is he okay?
- Yeah.
Is he all right?
Max, are you okay?
Max! Oh!
You're all right.
You did okay.
- Travis, get him a blanket?
- Sure.
I was in the building
and Kazaam...
- he was there and he took me...
- Okay, okay. Okay, Max.
- And he flew and then he-- -
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
I got you now.
Okay? It's okay.
I don't know what happened.
All of a sudden, I was free.
Your friend was there.
He said something
about a second chance.
You're a good kid, Max.
You got a good heart.
Look, there's a few things
I gotta take care of.
- Some people I owe.
Excuse me.
Is there a Nick Matteo here?
That'd be me.
Would you just
give me a minute?
Look, when I come back,
I'd like to see you.
We can get together and,
I don't know...
get a couple rods
and go fishing.
Sounds like a plan to me.
If that's all right
with you.
Are you okay
with this, Max?
- Hey, Mom.
- Yeah?
- Can we go home now?
- Sure we can.
- Come on.
- Hey!
You coming or what?
You talkin' to me?
- Are you sure you want to marry this guy?
- Well, that's the plan.
Let me tell you something. I've been dealing
with this woman for 12 straight years.
Now, we're talkin'
three baths a week...
- trash detail, cleaning your room.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Three baths a week?
- Mm-hmm. With soap.
That's cold.
Speaking of which, I could sure
use a nice hot cup of chocolate.
You don't understand.
I'm free!
Free to do what?
- I got plans.
The only plans you got are
to grow old and die with me.
You must not realize who I am.
If you blink, I disappear.
- Get real. You're getting a job.
- Ajob?
Hey, hey, hold on, hold on. Ajob?
I ain't worked in 5,000 years.
Well, th-there's
a first time for everything.
I ain't workin'.
# Groovin'#
# On a summer's afternoon #
# Takin'it nice and easy #
# Groovin'it nice and slow #
# Groovin'#
# Couldn't get away too soon #
# Takin'it nice and easy #
# Well, every day people
are in a rat race #
#People couldn't or wouldn't
just slow down the pace #
#Like a record on a deck
Couldn't switch the speed #
#From 45 down to 33 #
# Oh, nice and slow #
#Sun a-shinin'
Breeze a-blow #
#Ah, nice and easy #
# Oh,just chill with
my friends and family #
#I can't imagine anything that's better #
- #No way #
# The world is ours whenever
we're together # - # That's right #
# There ain't no place
I'd like to be instead of #
# Groovin'#
# On a summer's afternoon #
# Takin'it nice and easy #
# Groovin'it nice and slow #
# Groovin'#
# Couldn't get away too soon #
# Takin'it nice and easy #
# Groovin'it nice and slow #
- # Groovin'#
- # Groovin'#
- # Chillin'#
- # Couldn't get away #
- # Groovin'#
- # Groovin'#
- # Chillin'#
- # Couldn't get away #
- # Groovin'#
- # Groovin'#
- # Chillin'#
- # Couldn't get away #
- # Groovin'#
- # Groovin'#
- # Chillin'#
- # Couldn't get away #
#In the struggle of life
Though I chase success #
#Everyone goes through
Some form of stress #
# The rich man, poor man
beggar man, thief #
#Aye, and the doctor
even the priest #
#Some people take a trip
to the beach #
# To get a little
stress relief #
# Take a picnic
Don't put it off #
# With my children
and missy to heart #
# Oh,yes
I have to confess #
# The summertime life
Is the best one #
#People, people
If you agree #
#About a bad tan
Come follow me #
# Groovin'#
# On a summer's afternoon #
# Takin'it nice and easy #
# Groovin'it nice and slow #
# Groovin'#
# Couldn't get away too soon #
# Takin'it nice and easy #
# Groovin'it nice and slow #
# Groovin'#
# On a summer's afternoon #
# Oh, this is the original
bad tan, man #
- # Chillin'#
- #Summertime vibes Come back again #
# Couldn't get away too soon ##
# Wakin'up in the mornin'#
# To the same old thing #
#Don't seem like anything
is ever gonna change #
#But you got me
and I got you #
#Between the two of us
Ain't nothin' we can't do #
#All that you go
through in your life #
# You should know
that you've got a friend #
#I'm gonna give my best
Put your fears to rest #
# Come on
Put it to the test #
#Don't worry,yeah #
- #Do the best #
- # Ooh #
- #Don't settle for less #
- # Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh #
- #Do the best for me #
- # Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh #
- #Love is what you need #
- # Ooh,yeah #
- #Love is the secret #
- # Oh,yeah Oh,yeah #
- #Do the best for me #
- # Yeah Ooh,yeah #
# This life's not easy
And I'm sure you'll see #
# You've got to give your best
To be where you want to be #
#If you got me
and I got you #
#Between the two of us
There's nothing we can't do #
#For all that you go
through in your life #
# You should know
That you've got a friend #
#I'm giving you my best
Put your fear to rest #
# Come on
Put it to the test #
- # You'll find that you get the best #
- # You get the best #
- #Don't settle for less #
- # Yeah #
- # You get the best of me #
- #I'm giving you the best of me #
- #It's what you need #
- #Everything you need #
- #Love is the secret #
- #I just want to see #
- # You get the best of me #
- # Yeah,yeah,yeah yeah,yeah #
- # You get the best #
- # You get the best #
- #Don't settle for less #
- #Settle #
# You get the best of me #
#Ah, ooh #
- #Ah, ooh #
- # Ooh, baby #
# Ooh,yeah, ooh #
- #Ah, ooh #
- # Ooh-ooh-ooh #
- #Ah, ooh #
- # Yeah #
#La-la-la, la-la-la
la-la-la-la #
# You get the best of me #
#La-la-la, la-la-la
la-la-la-la #
# You get the best of me #
#La-la-la, la-la-la
la-la-la-la #
- # You get the best of me # -
# Ooh-ooh Get the best of me #
- #La-la-la, la-la-la la-la-la-la
# - #Love is the secret #
- # You get the best of me #
- # You and me you and me #
- #La-la-la, la-la-la la-la-la-la
# - #Love is the secret #
- # You get the best of me #
- # Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah #
- #La-la-la You get the best
# - #Love is the secret #
# You get the best of me
Whoo ##