Kept Boy (2017) Movie Script
(glass shattering)
(pleasant ambient music)
("Build a Boat" by Stolen Horse)
(rhythmic and pleasant
folk rock music)
- What are you doing?
- Yes, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait!
- Can I open them yet?
- Yes.
(both chuckling over waiter
speaking foreign language)
Cheers.
- Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
- To you, too (laughs).
And we'd all see
what you could do
'Cause if you only rise,
you could make it work
(lips smacking)
To the other land
- OK, are you recording now?
Are you recording?
There, tell them
Everybody's asking of them
And when you get
there, tell them
(muffled chatter from TV)
Everybody's asking of them
Have you seen
the stars today
- Everything that
glitters is gold.
Seems to me
they've gone away
(water splashing)
Opened up like 27
- This is, this is something
I would like to do,
but of course, you know.
And if you're lonely
Then I could
build a boat for you
And then, you'd owe me
And we'd all see
what you could do
'Cause if you only rise
You could make it work
It could take you
to the other land
(cork popping)
And when you get
there, tell them
Everybody's asking of them
And when you get
there, tell them
- [Dennis] Oh my God, we
look so young in these.
Why are you up so early?
- I'm off to Katelyn.
She's such a darling,
but remodeling her house
will take longer
than reconstruction.
- [Dennis] Ooh, this one's
before Mexico, Jesus Christ!
That's my birthday, that's
incredible, look at that!
- You know where I'd
like to go with you?
(sighs) You remember Mexico?
Chichen Itza, that,
uh, El Castillo,
that pyramid in the middle.
- [Dennis] Yeah.
- Yeah, that's where I'd
like to celebrate with you.
Us standing up there,
the sunlight going down.
Beautiful!
Like it?
There is so much work
to do, you have no idea!
I'll be back for the party.
In time, promise!
(footsteps clacking)
(relaxed acoustic guitar)
(water bubbling)
(rhythmic acoustic guitar
music with pleasant vocals)
(water splashing)
(warm acoustic guitar over
pleasant ambient music)
(water splashing and bubbling)
(crowd chattering over
throbbing EDM music)
(water splashing)
- [Partygoer] Hey,
hey, I'll tell you
what I told Travolta,
not in the face!
- Nobody drinks anymore,
it's all about G.
- Yeah, but like, can't you die?
- Only if you do too much.
- Happy birthday!
(slap cracking)
- [Partygoer] Henry!
(partygoers chattering
over throbbing EDM music)
- Hey, hey, uh, Dennis.
- (gasps) All I can taste is
whiskey, where's the sour?
- Right, you know
how Daddy likes it,
if it ain't strong, it's wrong!
Dennis, careful, he's in a mood.
I mean, remember last time?
I'm not getting fired again!
- High kick!
(Javi groans)
- Ah, yeah, not now (sighs).
You're good to go, thanks.
- Well, the ratings
are down everywhere,
I mean, the only thing that's
not going down on it is him.
- Listen, we need a gimmick,
we need a sensation,
something to trigger the show.
Something to survive
the next season--
- I've got a good idea,
have another angioplasty,
or better yet, become
a transsexual--
- Oh, stop!
- No, no, seriously!
- A brain tumor would get us
at least two more seasons.
- [Farleigh] Guys, I'm serious.
- [Tod] Get two
seasons out of that.
- I'm in perfect health, I've
never been in better shape,
'cause when I was sick, you
always stood at my side.
That really showed
me that you loved me.
- Yeah, but that's,
no, no no no.
We, we, we care
about your health,
and we have every
confidence in you,
so why don't we just
take a moment and, uh,
look at some of your new
sketches for the restaurants--
- There isn't much to see, that,
that's the fuckin'
problem (sighs).
- Look, we design interiors,
not stunts for the show.
That's your job.
- Wh-what did you just say?
We do?
So we do wait for the
order of the next season,
and we do pay for all your
nice and pretty things.
- I'll get you
another whiskey sour.
- Yes.
Double!
- You know, we could, uh, up
the flesh factor on the show.
- [Michael] Hey!
(throbbing EDM music)
- What are you doing?
- [Man In White Trunks] Eating.
- Are you new or something?
You don't eat in
front of gay people!
I haven't had chips
since I came out!
You're welcome.
- No-no, you left a
drifter with crotch rot
stick one in?
- No, fucker, I didn't
know he was homeless, OK?
I thought he was from Echo Park!
- Wasn't there a smell?
- No, he had really
nice shoes, OK?
(man on left laughs)
(bag crinkling)
(lighter flicking)
(vaguely ominous
electronic music)
(water splashing)
- How long have you
been standing there?
Uh (clears throat).
(partygoers laughing)
(rhythmic funk music)
(water splashing)
(partygoers gasping and hooting)
Farleigh, Farleigh?
(rhythmic funk music)
Hey, Farleigh!
Farleigh!
(Farleigh groans)
(glass clinking to floor)
(Farleigh sighs)
Thank God, you gave me a scare.
- Very funny.
(groans) I'm just
exhausted (groans).
- [Dennis] Oh, come on!
(rhythmic funk music)
(Farleigh sighs)
- You know, let's
just go to sleep,
I, I have, I have a
really early morning, OK?
(muffled funk music)
- Church?
- [Farleigh]
(chuckles) Yes, church.
No, I'm serious, I
really should sleep.
Good night.
Uh, before I forget it, um,
could you take the Porsche
tomorrow to a car wash?
Thank you.
- I just got it waxed
like a week ago.
- [Farleigh] Yeah, but
it needs to look perfect.
I got somebody who comes by
tomorrow to take a look at it.
- Why?
- (sighs) Because I
agreed to sell it,
and I think I found a buyer.
- [Dennis] Sell it, the Porsche?
- I need to liquidate
some assets, Dennis.
- But what will I drive?
(muffled funk music)
(Farleigh sighs)
- Has it ever occurred
to you to get a job?
- A job?
- [Farleigh] Yeah.
- You're joking.
- No,
no.
(sighs) You live a very
costly lifestyle, my boy.
- Like what kind of job?
- Well, what are you good at,
besides swilling champagne
and going to the gym?
Which, by the way, it lately
seems you've been doing
more of the former and
less of the latter.
(distant partygoers laughing
over muffled funk music)
Why does it have to be so loud?
Can you turn on
the lights, please?
(partygoers shouting)
(pole cracking and rattling)
(water bubbling)
(Jasper sighs)
(pleasant piano music)
(water splashing)
(Jasper gasps)
(water splashing)
(pleasant soft rock music)
(Jasper gasps)
(melody jingling from cellphone)
- [Paulette] Meet
me in the War Room
in a half an hour and
bring me a Xanax or five.
(cellphone beeps)
- Spanker of the
House again or wife?
- The missus has been so good
about staying out
of the picture,
well, she decided to
steal my congressman back.
- How is she
planning to do this?
- Convince him to run
for a second term.
- What, they live
up in Pasadena.
- Well, she wants him
back in Washington
for the next six years.
- Lonnie, do you think
I have crow's feet?
- Dennis, what is with
the fucking crow's feet?
What is wrong with you?
- What about a new someone,
like a new Spanker.
- Are you outta your
goddamn, corn-fed mind?
I'm no spring chicken!
I invested the best years
of my life in that dickwad!
No, it is time to dividend
collecting, my friend,
and it's the same
reason you had to fight
for Diedre fucking
Diamond's aging pussy!
We are not 22 years old anymore,
with the world at our fingertips
and people beating down
our door trying to fuck us!
- Speak for yourself.
- Face facts, wild one.
We made our beds and it's
about time we lied in 'em,
'til our geezers die,
we get their money,
and then we start this
whole cycle all over again
except this time, we're the ones
who get to fuck that hard cock.
Or a tail in your place, Lonnie.
My point is, there's
no guarantee I'll
find another speaker
and even if I do, he'll
probably wanna get married
or have children or
something awful like that.
You may think you look
like you did 10 years ago,
but women, when they
meet men at age 30,
want them to have fucking
careers, not a resume
filled with one-night
stands and party-attending!
- Meow.
- Truth hurts, Gugana.
- You two, queerty,
last time I checked,
the sell by date on
chicken of the twink ass,
it expired around age
24 and you, my friend,
are well past that sell by date.
Crow's feet don't lie.
- Bartender, another
round, please!
- Honestly, I don't give a fuck
if he goes back to Arizona.
I just want my rent and
my Barney's card paid.
- Well, tell him you love him.
- That sounds hard.
- Tell him he doesn't
have to be a congressman
to make you happy, that
you'd rather him retire
and live on a congressman's
small pension to be with him.
- True love, that's
playin' dirty.
- Well, so does he,
if Paulette's stories
are even half true.
He'll respect the hardball
tactic and be flattered
that she's the only woman who
loves him for his real self.
- Dennis, that is either
stupid or fucking brilliant.
Thank you, drinks are on me.
(relaxed
singer-songwriter music)
(siren blaring)
- Farleigh's punishing
you for getting old.
You're not old.
- Oh, no, then why's he taking
the Porsche away from me?
- Maybe he needs to
free up some cash.
- No, bullshit, he's
richer than Zuckerberg.
- So you need a job?
Is there anything you can do?
- I thought boy toy
was gonna be it.
If only I'd gone to
college like you.
Everything that seems
mildly interesting
or even tolerable says
college degree required.
- I thought you went to college?
- Four months at Bard,
then I met Farleigh.
It's been Dicklick
Manor ever since.
- I think you're overreacting.
- No, I don't think I am.
The only job I've ever
had was a swimsuit model.
Two weeks in a banana hammock
qualifies me for nothing.
Call boy seems to be about it.
- Ya fuck for things, not money.
If you fuck for money,
it makes you a whore.
(traffic humming)
- You know what?
- [Lonnie] Hmm?
- Maybe all I need to
do is convince Farleigh
that I'm just as
desirable as ever.
- How you gonna do that?
- Are you free tonight?
(Lonnie chuckles)
(rhythmic hip hop music)
- Hello, anyone home?
Where's Javi?
- A long day?
- Where's Javi?
- I gave him the night off.
- Why, I'm starving!
- Because I thought my
guy needed pizza tonight.
- Pizza, Javi won't let
me eat pizza anymore.
- I know, that's why I
gave him the night off.
- Good boy.
- Seemed like you could use
a little more comfort food
and a little less tofu stir fry.
- You have no idea.
- Would you like some verve,
we're also celebrating.
- [Farleigh] Celebrating what?
- I got a job.
- [Farleigh] Really, where?
- At a travel agency.
- They still have those?
- Yes.
- Are you qualified?
(doorbell rings)
- Not yet.
Dinner first.
- I'm not hungry--
- Oh, lies, you just
said you were starving!
(doorbell rings)
(door rattling)
(scoffs) What in the hell
kind of hot mess are you?
- What, fuck face, you said
Farleigh likes 'em young,
so this is what all
those fags are wearin'!
- That's perfect (laughs)!
My God, it's just
very convincing.
- Can it, homo, your
pizza's gettin' cold.
- Your dream, I'll
be right back.
- Yeah.
- Do you have a few
singles for a tip?
- Yes, sure.
- He's so cute, he
deserves a big one.
- Why, uh, I take it, I take it.
- [Dennis] Listen, you
had it, you had it--
- No, no, lemme get--
- He's cute.
(both chattering)
Whoa!
(Farleigh slams to floor)
What the holy hell's
going on here?
- Hey man, uh, who's this?
- This is my boyfriend,
just what is going on here?
- I'm sorry, I, I
thought you were alone.
- You must be kidding, I
leave you alone for a minute
to go and get change and you--
- I thought you said you
were gonna get changed
into something more comfortable.
- I'm quite
comfortable as it is,
thank you very much.
- I, I'm sorry, I thought, we
had a connection at the door.
Um, you're just, you're very--
- [Dennis] Very what?
- You're very fuckable.
Look, please don't tell
my boss about this!
- [Farleigh] Uh,
wait, wait, wait!
Your tip.
- Yeah.
(door rattling)
- Does that happen often?
- What can I say, I'm fuckable.
(rhythmic hip hop music)
(Farleigh chuckles)
(Farleigh groans)
- [Dennis] Jesus Christ!
- [Farleigh] (groans) My
ankle, I think it's broken!
(Farleigh groans)
- Oh my God, are you OK?
(Farleigh sighs)
- No, I am fucking not OK,
what does it look like?
(panting) You are
your stupid candles!
(groans) Take me
to the hospital!
(Farleigh groaning over
dramatic electronic music)
- I'm sorry.
- [Javi] Now,
Farleigh, slow down.
I have something for ya.
- Oh, really?
- It's been in my
family for generations.
It's not antique, it's vintage!
- First day at work!
Well, aren't you
gonna wish me luck?
- Let's see how long it lasts.
(cane thunking)
Javi, have the impression that
this cane looks from Kohl's.
- [Javi]
No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!
(door rattles closed)
- I'm so sorry, we only
hire PhDs and higher,
including me, as a
doctor of philosophy--
- You know, I'm just bored,
and walking's kind of my gift.
- Absolutely, you're a
legend around here (scoffs).
Wonderkid at 17,
scores sugar daddy
at his first Fashion Week.
(bouncy rock music
with pleasant vocals)
- I'm here to get my
car, but I don't see it.
You know where it might be?
- [Man With Glasses] Is
every OK with Farleigh?
- Sure, why would nothing
be OK with Farleigh?
Wow!
Was I supposed to track that?
- It'd be nice if you
knew where it was.
What lies in store
Something that is lost
- If you need money, you know,
I heard the accounting
department is
looking for people.
- You know, we do have
a program that Starbucks
does pay for your college
tuition when you work with us,
so that's something you can
find out on the website.
Do you have the card?
- Thank you.
(Dennis groaning)
(Dennis grunts)
(distant siren blaring)
(Dennis exhales heavily)
(customers chattering)
- Hey.
- Dude, what--
- I've been lookin'
all over for you.
- Aren't you supposed to be
at a travel agency
or something'?
- I need to borrow some money.
- [Javi] (sniffs)
Are you stoned?
What about this job of yours?
- There is no job.
- You've been lyin' to Farleigh
for the last three weeks?
Oh my God, Dennis.
- [Dennis] Please,
it's just a loan.
- Does it look like
I got any money?
- I'm up shit creek!
- [Javi] Then why don't you hock
some of that jewelry you got?
- But these were gifts.
(customers chattering)
- Gifts?
Wow, true story,
Farleigh was designing a
Standard Hotel on Sunset,
I was takin' a course
to become a life coach.
The Vanity Fair
party was comin' up
and you know that's
everything to me.
And then all of a
sudden, Farleigh
breaks up with me
out of nowhere,
and by what, you ask?
A boy, do you know who
that boy was, Dennis?
That boy was you, everything I
thought I built with Farleigh
was taken away from me, just
like that watch and that ring!
- [Dennis] These
used to be yours?
- Oh, oh, and that $40,000
Tiffany love bracelet,
the one that you leave
layin' around like
fuckin' costume jewelry?
Yeah, that one, too.
- [Dennis] I had no idea--
- Oh, eh-eh, all of a sudden,
I was bein' asked if
I wanted to stay on
as the in-house chef.
Yeah, well this time, that
houseboy job is taken.
- I was your replacement.
You never said anything.
- 'Cause I got class, bitch.
- Do you think
there's someone else?
Some little skater
dude from Venice
with second-grade highlight
and low-riding shorts
that lets his ass whisper,
"Come ride the
innocence out of me?"
- Dennis, you never pay
much attention to his work.
I think he's shootin' today,
why don't you go surprise
him, wish him luck?
- I hate being
around those cameras!
- Dennis, you peacock
around all day anyway,
I don't understand,
what's the problem?
(customers chattering)
- Wait, I need gas money.
- Really, Dennis, really?
(scoffs) God, you're,
here, go, go, bye, bye, bye.
- Thank you.
(Javi sighs)
(traffic humming)
- [Director] Action!
- [Farleigh] And as we all
know, it's been rumored
that she has had affairs with
all of her husband's generals,
quite a party girl.
- Look, Farleigh, this
is a common perception
of Pauline Bonaparte.
What Pauline Bonaparte
is trying to do,
she's just trying to say up
yours to the French nobility.
She's not trying
to act like a pute,
she's trying to be a
revolutionary, you see?
- Yes, I, I, um,
I'm just impressed.
But well, that is when street--
- Meets chic.
- Oh my.
Dennis?
- [Dennis] For you.
- Uh, well, what
are you doing here?
- [Dennis] I just
wanted to wish you luck,
is that so unusual?
- Um, no no no, um, c-can we
take a break here, please?
Can we take?
Oh, well, Dennis, uh, join us!
I would like for
you to meet Jasper.
- [Dennis] The pool boy?
- Yes, uh, Jasper
has been working
in a pool-related capacity.
- What's he doing here?
- (clears throat) I made him
the lead designer
of this project.
- What?
Is this restaurant underwater?
- (chuckles) I love
your sense of humor!
No, I am mentoring him.
- Mentor this, Mr. Chips.
(glass shattering)
- Quite a party, what, what
is the most impressive thing
that you would chose,
that would occur to you
here at this sculpture?
- Um, well, this, this is a,
uh, it's a naked woman
and a, and a child.
Eh.
(dramatic electro rock music)
- [Dennis] I caught
Farleigh with the pool boy.
- What, what pool boy?
- The little Latin shit who
picks leaves out of our pool
is Farleigh's new designer.
- The one you called the
Colombian Keane painting?
Oh, you caught them fucking?
- No, not fucking, designing.
- Well, that's
probably all it is.
- He's on the show.
- Ooh, yeah, that's not good.
- [Diedre] Darling,
I need some help.
- I'm in the foyer!
- And who, pray
tell, is our visitor?
- Uh, it's a buddy
of mine from the gym.
- Hello, ma'am, I'm
Dennis, it's a pleasure.
I've read your column ever
since I was a little boy.
- You're much too kind.
- Eh, Dennis got into a
fight with his boyfriend.
- (gasps) How could
anyone possibly fight
with a young man so
handsome and divine?
Lonnie, darling, let's
get this one a drink.
Perhaps an Arnold Palmer,
they could be so
refreshing in this heat.
- [Lonnie] Sure.
- And Dennis, would
you be so kind.
- Of course.
- You know (sighs), men,
especially the powerful ones
with fragile egos, can be
so difficult sometimes.
Eh, Hilary, Clinton
that is, once told me
after a beau and had
a legendary spat,
"You just need to get
back in the saddle
"and ride them to
the finish line!"
- I'll remember that.
(Diedre chuckles)
I'm very sorry to have
stopped by unannounced.
Clearly, you two are off
to some kind of engagement.
- Oh, it's just some silly gala
raising money for something.
I have won an
award, I do believe.
That's how they force
ya to attend (laughs).
Oh, Lonnie, darling, I
am in dire need of a Kir.
- I should go, I can
talk to Lonnie later.
- Oh, I wouldn't
hear of such a thing!
I do not allow
wounded little birds
back into the wild to be
devoured by the alley cats,
and certainly not one
as adorable as you.
- Oh, I'll be fine.
- You should join
us at the gala.
- I couldn't impose,
besides, I'm hardly dressed.
- That is easily
fixed, you appear to be
about my Lonnie's size.
I'm sure we will
find him something.
Lonnie, darling, we have
a third at the gala!
(crowd chattering over
pleasant piano music)
- [Morley] Did Diedre commit
to posting this story?
- [Betsy] Nope, no such
thing as free press, darling.
- [Morley] The money
goes to a good cause.
It's her boy toy
that's insufferable.
- [Betsy] (scoffs) They
say he's Ivy League.
- [Morley] Ocean League is
more like it (chuckles).
- Diedre says his
cock is huge, oh,
and that other boy, Ethan--
(Morley gasping)
- Did sitting wars
at the charity table
become fashionable?
- (laughs) Paying
for sex, I applaud.
Paying for love,
tragic (chuckles)!
- Excuse me,
like you think
you're so important
because you're ran Fox for
three months in the 1990s.
Who cares, who fucking cares?
I know this guy, and
you're full of shit.
- Let's get outta here.
- What about Diedre?
- [Lonnie] Let's go!
I just can't do this anymore,
like I really do love Diedre!
- [Dennis] I know that.
- I'd give anything to
have an Arnold Palmer
and my Kindle in the Adirondack
chair in the backyard.
- [Dennis] Hold off on the
funeral rites, we still got it.
- [Lonnie] Do we, wanna cut out?
- [Dennis] I don't
wanna go home.
- [Lonnie] Me either, I've got
Diedre's Amex in my pocket.
I think we should go
all out and get a suite.
- [Dennis] Ooh, money bags!
- How the fuck am I supposed
to run this household
if he's runnin' off with my
staff and not tellin' me!
(Javi grunts)
- Isn't it the issue
that he isn't telling me?
- No, no no no, don't
you dare feel defeated!
And don't you dare give up.
Farleigh is your man,
you fight for him!
- You didn't.
- Yeah, well, I didn't
love him, did I?
Not like you do.
(Javi grunts)
He loves you, you have history.
- He does?
- He left you a note.
(water bubbling from faucet)
(paper rustling)
- Why are you helping me?
- Because we have history.
Go take a nap, you
look like shit!
- [Maitre D] Good
evening, darling.
- Good evening, how are you?
- [Maitre D] Specialty,
always on us.
- Thank you, sir.
- [Maitre D] I think
you'll care to love.
- Well, I should
be seeing as I do.
Good evening, how are you?
- [Man With Glasses] Good.
- How are you?
- Excuse me, thank you.
(patrons chattering over
rhythmic blues music)
- [Farleigh] You
know, and do you see?
- It's classy.
- And do you see the
reflection of the moon
on, on, on the roof?
(Jasper snickers)
Dennis, you remember Jasper?
- Yes, of course.
- Come.
- Yes, of course.
- So, it's time for you boys
to get to know each other.
Jasper is the one who is
going to be the breakout star
of Hard Nock Design and you,
you are and you always
will be, my muse,
so it is imperative to
me that you get along.
- Dennis, I hope you don't mind,
we, uh, we already
ordered the wine.
I hate red and they have,
what, two bottles of French?
Farleigh, here, can't live
without the Marlborough
Sauvignon Blanc.
- Yes, I know.
- What's your, uh, what's
your story, Dennis?
- I went to college and never
finished, how about you?
- I tried to convince him to
continue it and finish, but--
- The point of going to
Santa Monica City is, what,
to be an assistant accountant?
Can't do anything
important there.
- Where does one do
something important, Dennis?
- I don't know.
One of the Ivys, Brown maybe.
- No, I think we're going to go
with the Sonoma
Sauvignon Blanc, please?
- Good choice.
- Thank you.
- You seem very precocious
for a barrio boy.
- Dennis, that was both
racist and class-elitist.
- No, it's OK, I don't mind.
It's, uh, I'm very
proud of my background.
It may not be what you
value, but it's real.
That's enough for me.
- (snickers) Oh,
you're so generous.
- So tell me again, how did, um,
Jasper show you
his authenticity?
- Well, it was
actually at the pool.
- Ah, your favorite spot
to display your talent.
- Well, Farleigh, here,
was having a little trouble
with the entrance and, uh--
- That's never been
your problem with me!
- The entrance of the
restaurant, come on!
(Jasper laughing)
The stone, the stone wall,
the facade was just
too oppressive!
- It's true, yeah, he through
a pencil into the pool.
I've never seen him so riled up.
- (chuckles) And he fished
it out and started to sketch,
and he, he brought that, that,
that creativity that he changed
the, the rhythm of the stone
that made it weightless,
and that was the moment.
That was the moment when I
realized it would be a crime
not to take the boy out of
the hood and into my show.
- So where did you develop
this talent, Jasper?
Your parents still
live in East LA?
- Uh, no, I never, never
met my parents, actually.
They died when I
was very young, so.
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- It's OK, it happens, eh?
- You always tell me
that I inspire you,
but I know that I could never
be your creative partner.
It's, pff, I can't
create anything.
You're talented and smart.
If it helps Farleigh and
the show then I support it,
no matter the cost.
- Sometimes I realize
why I love you, Dennis.
- That's sweet (laughs).
Who's ready to order, huh?
- [Farleigh] So, did
you like the food?
- [Jasper] Si, it's fantastic.
- Yes, it was excellent.
Oh, there he is, all right.
(engine idling)
I'll give Jasper a lift.
Jasper, you drive?
- [Jasper] Nice
seeing you, Dennis.
Hope to see you again
soon sometime, eh?
- No worries, I'll
be right back home.
(engine rumbles away)
(moody indie rock music)
(yearning electronic tones)
(birds chirping)
(cane tapping on floor)
- [Dennis] Got Jasper home safe?
- [Farleigh] I did.
- It's six a.m.
Are you sleeping with him?
Do you love me?
(birds chirping)
- Dennis, um--
- I love you.
(birds chirping and whistling)
(uneasy whooshing tones)
(expressive rock music)
- [Lonnie] Somebody got married!
- Get the fuck outta
here, how did that happen?
- Well, I didn't come home,
and yesterday morning
when I stumbled in,
Diedre was out of
her mind with worry.
She thought I left
her after her friends
treated me like shit, anyhow,
she was so relieved that
I got back that she, uh,
immediately proposed marriage,
and, yeah, we did
it at the Caesars.
- All right, man,
congratulations!
- Thanks.
- You need a houseboy?
- [Lonnie] What are
you talkin' about?
- My days are numbered.
Farleigh's fucking the pool
boy, a.k.a. the lead designer
on the new cycle of his TV show.
- Honey, we have to get
Farleigh out of the house,
you can work him a lot better
without that pool slut around.
- That's not a bad idea.
- They are shutting
down next week
while they wait on
building inspectors.
- Perfect, give him a gift.
- A romantic getaway.
- You'll have to leave
that pool slut in charge
for a little while, you don't
need much time with Farleigh.
You got this!
- I think I'm losing.
- Dennis, you're one
hot piece of ass,
and you're charming
as all get out.
- Damn straight!
- Farleigh loves you,
seduce him again.
- There's just one problem.
- Aw, baby, those crow's feet
are barely even noticeable!
- That's not what I'm
talking about, bitch,
my problem is I'm broke.
I don't have any
money to be able
to book a romantic getaway.
- OK, well, we got ya covered.
- Farleigh knows I
don't have any money.
- How 'bout that travel
agency ruse you pulled?
Just tell him you gotta
go look at a property.
- Where?
- [Paulette] Yeah, where?
- My wife and I,
we have a place.
(chuckles) It's gonna
be all right, darling.
(plane engines roaring
over pleasant Latin guitar)
(pleasant Latin guitar
over cars honking)
- Excellent,
already medium rare.
- I need a boat.
(boatman speaking
foreign language)
Uh, yes, now, please.
(boatman speaking
foreign language)
- [Javi] That's like two hours!
- Javi, I have this, thank you.
- I told you to let me
handle the arrangements!
(boatman speaking
foreign language)
(women chattering)
- I'm going in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa,
I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha.
Looks like you two
ladies could use a hand.
- Why, yes, I think we could.
(Heather chuckles)
- Baggage, huh, who needs it?
- So, are you coming or going?
- Uh, coming.
- Oh, good, us, too (giggles)!
- I hear you got the last boat.
- Yeah, you looking for a ride?
(Heather laughs)
So I work in social media
and Wall Street Journal,
and I got it basically--
- [Heather] Amazing,
so I have to talk
about it a little bit.
- [Brittny] And then drunk
shopping is basically
number one destination.
- [Heather] Oh my God, totally!
- [Brittny] I set out an
entirely separate budget
and set up a different bank
account just for this trip.
- [Farleigh] Thank you,
ladies, for the ride.
- [Brittny] Girl,
blow the fuck off!
- [Heather] I am!
- [Farleigh] Thank
you, thank you.
- [Dennis] Hey, come on.
(women laughing)
You have it, your bags?
- I'm good.
- I have a twisted
ankle, I'm not dead.
- [Dennis] Keep
that still, please.
Gentlemen, can we have
someone help this guy, please?
You OK?
One more.
- [Javi] Let's get
this bag off the boat.
- [Dennis] Thank you.
- [Javi] Tell me we're gonna
have more service here!
(relaxed and
pleasant rock music)
(door rattling)
- Can't be less worse,
this better be Xanadu.
(Farleigh panting)
Oh my Lord, is this the house
of that shrew Diedre Diamond?
- I don't know,
she must've rented
this place out
through my agency.
- If it was, I don't
know what to say.
A weekend spent in this
debris of a storied career!
This is camp heaven,
will you look at this?
Diedre Diamond with the stars
of yesteryear, there's, uh--
- Looks like you're happy
I stole him away from LA.
- Jack Lemmon (laughs),
Tony Danza, Tony Dana.
Oh, Bill Clinton,
yeah, of course!
- Should we find the
liquor and go step outside?
- I could look at these forever!
- You know I hear the
beach is clothing optional.
(rhythmic R&B music)
Say you love me
To my face
No need to mourn
While in your embrace
- And this is like, this is--
Just say you want me
That's all it takes
Hearts gettin' torn
From your mistakes
'Cause I don't
wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try
But all that I've
been thinkin' of
Is maybe that you're mine
Babe, it looks as though
We're running out of words
To say
And love's floatin' away
Just say you love me
Just for today
And don't give me time
'Cause that's not the same
(can rattling on floor)
(Farleigh muttering)
- I understand, but whose idea
was that freestanding
oyster soleil bar?
And where is Jasper now,
then go find that little fuck!
(phone beeps)
- Something the matter?
- Yes, something's
the matter (scoffs)!
Gordon told Jasper that he
wanted that oyster soleil,
fucking Jasper thought
it was a brilliant idea
to change all plans and
install a freestanding bar,
which, of course, had to fail
the final inspection of the ADA!
- ADA?
- Americans with
Disabilities Act,
'cause in this country,
even if you are crippled,
it is your God-given
right to sit
at the oyster bar.
(Farleigh grunts)
Fuckin' Jasper!
- Well, what does this
have to do with Jasper?
- Gordon Ramsey's gonna have
a fit when he's been told
that his celebrity opening
has been postponed,
and we don't have anyone
to tell him on camera!
I'm here and fuckin' Jasper
has gone missing, vanished!
God knows where!
Christ, I should have
never allowed him
to take so much responsibility!
(breathing heavily) Dennis,
this season has to be the best.
If not,
(sighs) the show is what runs
my business, you understand?
Even if I make it
back in time, I, I, I,
I don't know if I can
reassemble the crew.
- Can you call a
friend to go on camera?
Nate Berkus?
- That ugly queen?
Over my dead body!
Javi, get me back on the next
flight to America, wherever!
- But what about our trip?
- Do, uh, excuse me?
Haven't you heard, you are
not the Queen of England,
and unless you
have a private jet,
the next available flight
is the day after tomorrow.
Now, you need some sunscreen.
(rhythmic Latin jazz music)
- [Farleigh] OK, OK,
what's the update?
- [Man On Phone]
So we weren't able
to get Gordon with
the camera team--
- No, the camera
team is not enough.
If Gordon Ramsey, if
Gordon Ramsey yells
and there's no one
there to be humiliated,
how can this be reality TV?
No, I'm, I'm in the
middle of a swamp!
- [Boatman] You
like my boat, huh?
- I've been eaten by snakes!
(phone beeping)
(sighs) Very nice here.
- Dennis, oh my fucking God!
(Heather chuckles)
- Hello, ladies!
- You guys have to join
us, we just got here.
- Brit, they're busy!
Their dad's not gonna
wanna take shots with us!
(Farleigh slaps table)
- Rubbish!
Look, Brittny,
maybe you're right.
(clears throat) I lately
turned into a killjoy.
So, what do you say,
let the adventures start
and order some margaritas!
(Heather laughs)
- Yes, oh my God!
- I know we gonna have
some talk up there!
(all chattering over
pleasant Latin guitar)
- [Brittny] OK, so he's
here visiting family.
- No, girl, he's here for work.
- OK, yeah, we meet
him at the ATM.
- [Heather] Oh my
God, he's so hot!
- Uh-huh, oh my God!
He's here, he said
he might join us!
- (scoffs) Yes!
I think he might be from,
like, Europe or something.
- Oh, now I'm even
more intrigued!
I love playing gay European.
- [Farleigh] I'd
love to see him, too.
- He's not European, he's
like a Colombia person.
- Well it doesn't, ooh!
- Oh!
- Well, Dennis, here's
our Colombiano now!
- Jasper?
- What,
wait!
- I'll handle this, excuse me.
- You know him?
- This is so twisted,
did he follow us?
- Will you explain
what's going on?
- That pool boy
is a homewrecker.
- (scoffs) I told
you he was a mo.
Wait, and what are you
doing cheating on Dennis?
- I'm not, that's
Dennis' boyfriend.
- Your dad?
- Oh my God, should we leave?
No, no no, you can't.
Brit, phones down.
OK, here's the deal.
We all love chasing men
who don't want us, right?
I mean, it makes the
indifference that much sexier.
Listen, you have
to give Farleigh
a chance to come chase you!
I mean, you have to trust
that he's gonna come back.
(relaxed Latin guitar)
(quietly tense and
uneasy ambient music)
- Come on, let's go in.
(cane crunching into sand)
- So are you planning on
telling me what's going on?
- Ah, it all seems
rather complicated.
- No doubt.
- He said he freaked out.
- About what?
- The job, the show,
what it would mean,
and when he screwed up
that oyster bar inspection,
it seems to have
hit him all at once.
- So he followed us down here?
- No, his uncle lives
right outside of Cartagena.
- What?
- His uncle, uh,
wanted to see him,
and with the pretext of
a long-overdue visit,
he's got an airline
ticket from him.
- Bullshit, that's about as
real as your reality TV show.
- Dennis, Javi got us tickets
to the next available flight.
We'll be back in Los
Angeles day after tomorrow.
Set my chair up here.
(objects thunk to the ground)
- I'm not your manservant.
(Farleigh sighs)
For fuck's sake!
(chair slams into sand)
There.
(uneasy acoustic guitar over
ambient electronic music)
(water splashing)
(uneasy acoustic guitar over
ambient electronic music)
- [Jasper] Can I have a smoke?
- Get your own.
- Come on, Dennis, we can
make this work, can't we?
- I'd like to meet your uncle.
I have some questions I'd
like to ask him about you.
- Don't, don't worry
about my uncle, please.
(Dennis chuckles)
- (sighs) You're
hiding something.
(crickets chirping)
- Dennis, I'm not
hiding anything,
I just have to make things
right with Farleigh, you know?
- Mm, I'll say!
I've never seen him
so worked up (scoffs)!
You're good for him,
much better than me.
Did you check on him
when he got back?
- You've been drinking, Dennis.
- Answer the fucking question!
- No, no, I didn't check on him.
- He depends on you,
and when you leave him
to fester like
that, it torches--
- What?
- If you hurt Farleigh
in any way at all,
I will kill you.
- [Jasper] Good night,
Dennis (grunts).
(water splashing)
(Jasper gasping)
(slightly uneasy
electronic music)
(door rattling)
- I thought we might all go
see Jasper's uncle today.
(clears throat)
It's beautiful out,
good day for a visit,
don'tcha think?
- What do you think
you are doing, Dennis?
- Me?
- He's taken ill.
- Really.
- Yes, pushing him in
the pool, excuse me!
(Jasper sighs)
Oh, look who woke up!
How do you feel, my boy?
- (groans) I didn't mean,
(groans) didn't
mean to get so sick.
I'm sorry if I ruined your day.
- [Farleigh] It's
not your fault.
We need to play it
very easy and slow,
so we have you back on set
as a normal,
functioning human being.
- [Jasper] Yes, thank you.
- [Farleigh] Yes.
- Wow!
(Jasper sighs)
Well, someone ought
to enjoy the day.
(rhythmic acoustic guitar)
(Dennis speaking
foreign language)
(Dennis sighs)
(Dennis speaking
foreign language)
- Allow me.
My name is Peter,
care for a cigarette?
- Gracias.
(lighter flicking)
(Dennis grunts)
How did you know this
is just what I needed?
- I've spent enough
time in Tangiers to know
the look of a man
who needs tobacco.
(Dennis laughs)
- [Dennis] You spent
time in Tangiers?
- That's one of those
places, you know?
Hard to avoid.
- Do you live around here?
- Here, (clicks tongue)
I am just visiting.
- I'm Dennis.
- The pleasure is mine.
Do you have a lover?
- I'm not sure anymore.
- How's it that you aren't
sure you have a lover?
One tends to have one or not.
- Affairs of the heart.
- This person is,
no doubt, a fool.
- I think I'm the fool.
- Life is cruel.
- [Dennis] Hmm.
- Hey, would you like to
see where I'm staying?
- I would.
- [Peter] It's a
delight to play host.
- So, is this your place?
- [Peter] In a way.
- Why are you so vague?
- [Peter] You're a charming guy,
but I want to present
myself carefully.
I would find it gross
to flaunt wealth
or possessions in front of you.
- I'm from Los Angeles where
that's a ritual mating call.
- Wealth is so unimportant
in the long run.
That's why I don't
want to play that game.
- Only rich people say that.
- (scoffs) Yeah, but maybe
they know it to be true.
- And what, pray tell,
is more important?
- Beauty,
perhaps, if there is
such a thing, love.
- You don't believe in love?
- I think it's a bit like God.
You'll never really know
he's real until you know.
- And how do you know?
- You meet him.
(water splashing)
(Dennis coughs)
(tableware clanking)
(Dennis sighs)
I'd like you to stay, and
not just for the night.
The one who is waiting,
does he love you?
(birds chirping)
- I don't know anymore.
- I could love you.
Stay with me.
Tomorrow, I have to take
care of some personal things
in Cartagena, but after that,
we can stay here forever.
- I would like that,
but I can't.
- Why not?
- Well, because
I still love him.
- Go, then, try to find God.
(pleasant guitar over
dreamy electronic music)
(waves gently crashing)
(crickets chirping)
- You back?
- [Dennis] I am.
Where is everybody?
- Asleep, we'll all be going
to Jasper's uncle
tomorrow morning.
- We are?
- Yes.
He just wanted to cancel it,
but I told him he can't do
that, that's very impolite.
His uncle wouldn't stand for
such a thing, and me neither.
- Sounds good, I'll
make sure to shave.
(Farleigh sighs)
(crickets chirping)
(lips smacking)
- You better go to sleep,
it's going to be a
long day tomorrow.
- Aren't you coming?
- Perhaps in a bit, I,
I still have some work to do.
(Dennis sighs)
(distant siren blaring
over humming traffic)
- [Javi] Are you sure this
is your uncle's neighborhood?
- (sighs) I should've never
brought you guys here.
I should've come on my own.
- Under no circumstances
would I have allowed
you to come here alone.
- I would've been fine.
- You would've been abducted!
- If only!
- Turn here.
- [Farleigh] Here we go.
- Does anybody see
this long-ass gun?
(Enrique speaking
foreign language)
(Farleigh speaking
foreign language)
- Wh-what's his name?
- Enrique, it's me, Jasper.
(Enrique speaking
foreign language)
- [Farleigh] So can we go, OK.
(Enrique speaking
foreign language)
(Uncle speaking
foreign language)
- [Jasper] I want to, uh,
introduce you to my friends.
This is Farleigh, Javi.
(group chattering)
In the back is Dennis.
- [Uncle] Have a seat.
- [Farleigh] Thank you, gracias.
- I didn't know you were
traveling with friends!
- [Jasper] Si, si.
- [Dennis] (clears throat) Hola.
- [Peter] And I
welcome the unexpected.
Please excuse the
dramatic arrival,
but these days, one must
take extra precautions.
- You're Peter Cardones.
I recognize him from his work.
He's one of the most influential
South American artists
to have emerged since the 1990s.
- You have quite
an educated eye.
- His sculptures
and installations
draw on architecture
and geography to explore
the psychological, biological,
and economic aspects
of urban oppression.
- [Peter] Yeah, that's right.
- [Farleigh] Well, he's
been to every major museum
in the world, and so--
- [Peter] So, what have
you been up to, my boy?
- Ah, the question of the hour.
- I, I've been designing.
I'm even, uh, even going
to be on his TV show.
- Hard Nock Design?
- (chuckles) Well, uh,
didn't know I had a following
in Colombia, thank
you, I'm flattered.
- I don't think, uh, a
reality show is a great idea.
- Oh, we are very excited
to have Jasper on board,
to have him take the lead
on all of our project.
- It's true, Tio, I mean, this,
this show can change
my whole career.
Eh, it's, the
exposure from a show
like this, it's, it's priceless.
- But you won that
big award at college!
What was it called again?
- You went to college?
- I, I think that college
might be overstating
it a little bit.
- Overstating it?
Jasper is a graduate from the
Rhode Island School of Design.
- You went to RISD?
- So you haven't
answered my questions.
Why do you need to be on TV?
- I want access to
a bigger clientele.
A TV show is like, it's
like a big commercial.
- Or a soap opera?
- (chuckles) Sir, I
take offense on that.
My TV show is as authentic
and artistic as your work,
just in a different way.
- I mean, Tio, I've tried
many avenues of work,
but it's (sighs), I mean,
you know how difficult it is
to get your material recognized.
- Now that's the trouble
with your generation.
You wanted instant
applause, instant approval.
- Tio, it's like you and
your privileged friends
worked very long before
you found success.
- We changed this country.
We showed passion--
- But that's a luxury
where there is--
- You have to show passion,
aggression, revolution!
You are an artist!
- If the world were upholstery,
I'm just an interior
designer, that's it!
(slap cracking)
- Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
I must insist that you do
not put your hands on him.
(tense and uneasy
electronic music)
(tense and uneasy
electronic music)
- You are being extremely rude!
- You make my boy think he
can fuck his way to greatness?
You are pathetic,
that's what you are!
To fuck an old man is to
trade youth for possession,
but youth is more precious,
it cannot be bought!
- I don't have to listen
to you, you are pathetic!
You are
an outdated cabron!
- Not good enough for your
nephew, but good enough for me?
(tense and uneasy
electronic music)
- Because you are damaged,
you will never grow
or know what love is.
- Beg your pardon?
- I won't let my Jasper
get involved into this!
He will not sleep
his way to the top!
That's for whores,
that's for actors!
- Javi, let's go.
- Tio, you think you love
me, but you obviously don't.
We have to go, Dennis.
- Of course, I love you!
- No, it's time to go, Dennis.
- Listen, I gave up
my life to raise you.
I let you fulfill your dreams!
I let you go to America!
- [Jasper] You let me?
- Si, I let you!
(shove thudding)
(punch thwacking)
(men grunting over tense
and uneasy acoustic guitar)
- Let's go!
(gun cocking)
- Get your faggot
asses out of here!
(group chattering over
tense acoustic guitar)
- [Farleigh] It's a
Philippe Starck lamp!
- [All] Go, go, go, go!
- [Javi] Run (groans).
- [Farleigh] It's a piece
of art, don't shoot!
(men chattering in
foreign language)
- [Dennis] This
is nuts (groans)!
(taxi driver speaking
in foreign language)
- [Javi] Go, go, go!
(all chattering over
tense acoustic guitar)
- Let's go, let's go, come on!
- What in goddamn hell was that?
What in goddamn hell was that,
you could've gotten us killed!
- I know, I'm sorry!
- And not only did you
put us all in danger,
you're a liar!
- I know, I'm a complete shit.
- Why deny your past,
there's nothing to
be embarrassed of.
- I didn't deny anything!
I came in here in
street clothes,
and you start
speaking Spanish to me
and creating this story, OK?
I just didn't correct you!
- I didn't need a story.
- [Jasper] You wouldn't have
let me on TV without a story.
- I would have.
- [Jasper] But the
producers wouldn't have.
(Jasper sighing and gasping)
- Come on, my boy.
I know it's not
your fault, I know.
Everything will be fine now.
He can't hurt you anymore, huh?
Huh?
(Jasper groaning)
OK, yes.
- I can't believe this happened!
Have your bags
packed by seven a.m.,
the water boat will be here,
and if you're not down
at breakfast by six,
you do not get a fruit cup!
(dramatic piano)
- It's all right.
(sighs) Gimme a hand.
(Dennis sighing over rhythmic
acoustic guitar music)
(cane tapping)
(relaxed acoustic guitar
music with pleasant vocals)
(picture cracks on counter)
(motorbike engine sputtering)
(dog yawning)
(expressive but
pleasant ambient music)
- How's the eye?
- (sighs) It's fine.
Jerk.
- Excuse me?
- I saw you laugh
when I got punched.
- It was funny,
and long overdue.
- It was your fault.
(couch creaking)
(Dennis sighs)
(urine bubbling)
(expressive acoustic guitar)
- I'm gonna shower,
wash off the grime.
(rhythmic electronic music)
- Brittny, hi, it's Dennis.
I need to borrow your
hotel room at 6:30.
No, you guys can't be there.
I need to show Farleigh the
parasite that Jasper really is.
He hasn't seen what I've seen.
(shower hissing)
Hey.
I called Nate Berkus, he's gonna
cover the show with Gordon.
- [Farleigh] Ah,
no, not him (sighs).
- Don't be mad.
The girls invited
us to their hotel.
Jasper and I are gonna meet
them for a sunset cocktail.
I don't care if I
lose everything,
I don't care if I lose Farleigh,
if that's the kind of bullet
I have to take, I will.
I'm not gonna see Farleigh hurt.
- [Farleigh] You're
going with Jasper?
- I'm trying to be nice.
- [Farleigh] It becomes you.
- And leave us some tequila.
Remember, seven sharp!
Ready to go, I told the
girls I'd meet them early.
- What about Farleigh?
- They'll meet us.
(townsfolk chattering)
(rapping on door)
Brittny, Heather?
(door rattling)
Guess they're running late.
- Should we go
back to the lobby?
- Oh, look, tequila!
(Jasper sighs)
They said meet 'em for a drink.
- I, I don't know I should
be drinking their tequila.
(liquid sloshing)
(Jasper snickers)
(Jasper gasps and coughs)
It's good, it's strong.
(quiet and airy ambient music)
- Since we've found
ourselves alone,
I suppose I'll say my piece.
(clicks tongue) I want
to ask your forgiveness.
- Excuse me.
- I've treated you horribly.
- I, I, I wouldn't say that
you've treated me horribly.
- I have, it's just, you know,
I'm jealous (chuckles).
- Y-you're jealous of me?
- Your beauty,
your intelligence.
- Um, well, Dennis, this
stuff about RISD, I--
- Hey, I think that's
cool, it sounds fun.
Wish I did college (scoffs).
Maybe then Farleigh
and I could communicate
the way you two do.
(distant chattering)
Woo (scoffs),
this humidity!
Don't wanna ruin my
shirt before dinner.
- Yeah, it's nice
(clears throat).
- I suppose I should just
come out with it already.
I'm stepping aside.
Farleigh clearly loves
you, and you him.
- I, I don't think that you,
that you understand, Dennis.
- No, I do, I do, it's fine.
Seriously, it's fine.
Farleigh and I had a great run.
(laughs) What's funny is
it's just I'm beginning
to understand what
Farleigh sees in you.
I can't help but
see it for myself.
(rhythmic, quietly
tense percussion)
I suppose after all
this time, I'm...
a little bit in
love with you, too.
(rhythmic, quietly
tense percussion)
- I can't believe
you just said that.
What time is
Farleigh coming back?
- 7:30.
(Jasper panting)
(energetic thumping percussion)
(belts jingling)
(lips smacking)
(Jasper panting)
(wrapper crinkling)
(lips smacking)
Slow down, slow down!
Slow down, slow down!
- Why, why?
- Slow down!
- I don't wanna slow down.
(rhythmic percussion)
(both moaning over
energetic hand claps)
(lips smacking)
(both moaning and gasping
over energetic hand claps)
(expressive vocal choir)
(Jasper sighing)
- This is, um, unexpected.
- (chuckles) You could say that.
- What about Farleigh?
- What about Farleigh?
- You were after him.
- Farleigh has to be,
what, 50 years old?
I'm not after Farleigh.
- But that night,
after the party,
Farleigh spent the night.
- He spent the night, it's
not like he didn't try, but,
hey, you are the
one that I want.
- I'm the one you want?
- Yes.
- Why?
- Because every time I'm with
you, my heart goes crazy.
- My plan was to ruin you.
(Jasper sighs)
Get dressed, get dressed.
- What?
- Farleigh's gonna
be here any minute.
(water bubbling over
pleasant ambient music)
Jasper and I--
- Slept together.
- I'm sorry.
- Why?
- Because I did it to hurt you.
Are you angry?
- Jealous, maybe.
- Jealous.
- I wish you had
ever looked at me
the way I've seen
you look at him.
- But I don't love Jasper.
- The first time he
came to our place,
I knew I would lose you to him.
- Then why did you hire him?
- Because I thought I
could still have him first.
- I'm not ready to leave you.
I love you.
- I know, and I loved you.
I do love you.
You know,
(expressive piano)
(scoffs) people
always told me that
I was a fool to keep you.
But, um, I was the young boy
who could not grow up, I
you were keeping me.
(Farleigh laughs)
(water splashing)
(unsettling and ominous
electronic music)
(slaps cracking)
- Hey, hey, Farleigh?
Hey!
(unsettling and ominous
electronic music)
Javi, can you call,
uh, 911, please?
(uneasy pulsing
electronic tones)
(pleasant but vaguely
uneasy ambient music)
- What you wanna hit, is
desire, in season six--
(voices become muffled and airy)
Shut, shut the fuck
up for a second.
Remember that it's
designed for life
and no, this isn't art.
I cared about Farleigh
as much as anybody,
so just give me a
smile, something to, OK.
You good?
- Si.
(door alarm beeping)
- Here we go.
(crowd chattering)
I don't know why they have,
this has happened so many times.
(crowd chattering)
I beg your pardon.
(crowd chattering over
uneasy acoustic guitar)
- [Paulette] I saw that.
(relaxed but vaguely
uneasy piano music)
- Been inside?
- I have, it's a madhouse.
I hear they're giving
your boy Jasper the show.
Out with the old,
in with the new.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--
(horns honking)
So how's life in probate?
- I have to find a
new place to live.
- [Paulette] I thought
he left you everything?
- Farleigh was up to
his eyeballs in debt.
It's no wonder he was
wanting me to get a job.
- Did you get anything?
- Couple hundred thousand.
Stashed it away in
some sort of trust.
- See, he did love you!
What are you going
to do with it?
- I applied to college, I
wanna teach art history.
- Good for you, you
always were the smart one.
(horns honking)
How's the kid doing?
- He keeps leaving messages.
I can't return the calls,
but I can't just seem to
delete the messages, either.
- You are smitten, I can tell.
- Don't tell Lonnie, OK?
He thinks I love him.
(Paulette chuckles)
- [Paulette] Come
on, it's starting.
Hey, you don't have to do this.
Come on, lemme take you home.
- [Javi] Damn, the fuck is this?
- I've watched you
do this for 10 years.
Trust me.
(pleasant acoustic guitar)
I can't help but feeling guilty.
- We've been through this,
it wasn't your fault.
- I didn't want all
this, not without him,
and yet, here I am.
(envelope rustling)
(pleasant acoustic guitar)
- Farleigh left me the,
the deed to the house?
- No, I'm giving it to you.
- You don't want it?
- It's a mausoleum now,
it was always Farleigh's.
I want something that's mine.
I know you want it,
you and Farleigh built
this house together.
It really should be yours.
- [Javi] We have
history you know.
(pleasant acoustic guitar)
(Javi gasps)
(pleasant ambient music)
(Dennis sniffles)
(footsteps clacking)
(water bubbling over
relaxed folk rock music)
- I miss you.
(wine bubbling)
(relaxed folk rock music)
- [Jasper] There you are.
I was hoping I'd at least
get to see you tonight.
- I'm sorry I left.
- Well, meanwhile, the network
wants to replace Farleigh
with Nate Berkus,
so I'm out of a job.
- Javi's looking
for a new pool boy.
- You know, Dennis, you weren't
the only one that loved him.
I miss Farleigh, too.
- I got you something,
don't you wanna know
what it is, Jasper?
Jasper, Jasper!
(water splashing)
(Jasper laughs)
- What?
- A job, I convinced
the producers
to keep you on as
Nate's assistant.
It's not much, but it's
better than pool boy wages.
- Dennis.
- Yes.
- (sighs) I love you.
- You don't understand love.
- I, but I mean it.
- Hold your breath.
(water bubbling)
("Temporary Tattoos"
by Stolen Horse)
Oh, take me out to see
And plunge me
into this I see
With you arms around
'Cause I'm too
scared I might drown
And I'll back out
'cause I'm fragile anyhow
Can't you see that it's new
And it's not in your head
That I'd rather
be that instead
Temporary tattoos
My arms run black and blue
When I'm around you
And with everything we do
It's still not breaking news
That I'd like you to
Can't you see that it's new
And it's not in your head
That I'd rather
be there instead
(pleasant folk rock music)
She looks out for him
While he's off broken
And distracted
by other things
And would she
bite her tongue
(pleasant ambient music)
("Build a Boat" by Stolen Horse)
(rhythmic and pleasant
folk rock music)
- What are you doing?
- Yes, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait!
- Can I open them yet?
- Yes.
(both chuckling over waiter
speaking foreign language)
Cheers.
- Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
- To you, too (laughs).
And we'd all see
what you could do
'Cause if you only rise,
you could make it work
(lips smacking)
To the other land
- OK, are you recording now?
Are you recording?
There, tell them
Everybody's asking of them
And when you get
there, tell them
(muffled chatter from TV)
Everybody's asking of them
Have you seen
the stars today
- Everything that
glitters is gold.
Seems to me
they've gone away
(water splashing)
Opened up like 27
- This is, this is something
I would like to do,
but of course, you know.
And if you're lonely
Then I could
build a boat for you
And then, you'd owe me
And we'd all see
what you could do
'Cause if you only rise
You could make it work
It could take you
to the other land
(cork popping)
And when you get
there, tell them
Everybody's asking of them
And when you get
there, tell them
- [Dennis] Oh my God, we
look so young in these.
Why are you up so early?
- I'm off to Katelyn.
She's such a darling,
but remodeling her house
will take longer
than reconstruction.
- [Dennis] Ooh, this one's
before Mexico, Jesus Christ!
That's my birthday, that's
incredible, look at that!
- You know where I'd
like to go with you?
(sighs) You remember Mexico?
Chichen Itza, that,
uh, El Castillo,
that pyramid in the middle.
- [Dennis] Yeah.
- Yeah, that's where I'd
like to celebrate with you.
Us standing up there,
the sunlight going down.
Beautiful!
Like it?
There is so much work
to do, you have no idea!
I'll be back for the party.
In time, promise!
(footsteps clacking)
(relaxed acoustic guitar)
(water bubbling)
(rhythmic acoustic guitar
music with pleasant vocals)
(water splashing)
(warm acoustic guitar over
pleasant ambient music)
(water splashing and bubbling)
(crowd chattering over
throbbing EDM music)
(water splashing)
- [Partygoer] Hey,
hey, I'll tell you
what I told Travolta,
not in the face!
- Nobody drinks anymore,
it's all about G.
- Yeah, but like, can't you die?
- Only if you do too much.
- Happy birthday!
(slap cracking)
- [Partygoer] Henry!
(partygoers chattering
over throbbing EDM music)
- Hey, hey, uh, Dennis.
- (gasps) All I can taste is
whiskey, where's the sour?
- Right, you know
how Daddy likes it,
if it ain't strong, it's wrong!
Dennis, careful, he's in a mood.
I mean, remember last time?
I'm not getting fired again!
- High kick!
(Javi groans)
- Ah, yeah, not now (sighs).
You're good to go, thanks.
- Well, the ratings
are down everywhere,
I mean, the only thing that's
not going down on it is him.
- Listen, we need a gimmick,
we need a sensation,
something to trigger the show.
Something to survive
the next season--
- I've got a good idea,
have another angioplasty,
or better yet, become
a transsexual--
- Oh, stop!
- No, no, seriously!
- A brain tumor would get us
at least two more seasons.
- [Farleigh] Guys, I'm serious.
- [Tod] Get two
seasons out of that.
- I'm in perfect health, I've
never been in better shape,
'cause when I was sick, you
always stood at my side.
That really showed
me that you loved me.
- Yeah, but that's,
no, no no no.
We, we, we care
about your health,
and we have every
confidence in you,
so why don't we just
take a moment and, uh,
look at some of your new
sketches for the restaurants--
- There isn't much to see, that,
that's the fuckin'
problem (sighs).
- Look, we design interiors,
not stunts for the show.
That's your job.
- Wh-what did you just say?
We do?
So we do wait for the
order of the next season,
and we do pay for all your
nice and pretty things.
- I'll get you
another whiskey sour.
- Yes.
Double!
- You know, we could, uh, up
the flesh factor on the show.
- [Michael] Hey!
(throbbing EDM music)
- What are you doing?
- [Man In White Trunks] Eating.
- Are you new or something?
You don't eat in
front of gay people!
I haven't had chips
since I came out!
You're welcome.
- No-no, you left a
drifter with crotch rot
stick one in?
- No, fucker, I didn't
know he was homeless, OK?
I thought he was from Echo Park!
- Wasn't there a smell?
- No, he had really
nice shoes, OK?
(man on left laughs)
(bag crinkling)
(lighter flicking)
(vaguely ominous
electronic music)
(water splashing)
- How long have you
been standing there?
Uh (clears throat).
(partygoers laughing)
(rhythmic funk music)
(water splashing)
(partygoers gasping and hooting)
Farleigh, Farleigh?
(rhythmic funk music)
Hey, Farleigh!
Farleigh!
(Farleigh groans)
(glass clinking to floor)
(Farleigh sighs)
Thank God, you gave me a scare.
- Very funny.
(groans) I'm just
exhausted (groans).
- [Dennis] Oh, come on!
(rhythmic funk music)
(Farleigh sighs)
- You know, let's
just go to sleep,
I, I have, I have a
really early morning, OK?
(muffled funk music)
- Church?
- [Farleigh]
(chuckles) Yes, church.
No, I'm serious, I
really should sleep.
Good night.
Uh, before I forget it, um,
could you take the Porsche
tomorrow to a car wash?
Thank you.
- I just got it waxed
like a week ago.
- [Farleigh] Yeah, but
it needs to look perfect.
I got somebody who comes by
tomorrow to take a look at it.
- Why?
- (sighs) Because I
agreed to sell it,
and I think I found a buyer.
- [Dennis] Sell it, the Porsche?
- I need to liquidate
some assets, Dennis.
- But what will I drive?
(muffled funk music)
(Farleigh sighs)
- Has it ever occurred
to you to get a job?
- A job?
- [Farleigh] Yeah.
- You're joking.
- No,
no.
(sighs) You live a very
costly lifestyle, my boy.
- Like what kind of job?
- Well, what are you good at,
besides swilling champagne
and going to the gym?
Which, by the way, it lately
seems you've been doing
more of the former and
less of the latter.
(distant partygoers laughing
over muffled funk music)
Why does it have to be so loud?
Can you turn on
the lights, please?
(partygoers shouting)
(pole cracking and rattling)
(water bubbling)
(Jasper sighs)
(pleasant piano music)
(water splashing)
(Jasper gasps)
(water splashing)
(pleasant soft rock music)
(Jasper gasps)
(melody jingling from cellphone)
- [Paulette] Meet
me in the War Room
in a half an hour and
bring me a Xanax or five.
(cellphone beeps)
- Spanker of the
House again or wife?
- The missus has been so good
about staying out
of the picture,
well, she decided to
steal my congressman back.
- How is she
planning to do this?
- Convince him to run
for a second term.
- What, they live
up in Pasadena.
- Well, she wants him
back in Washington
for the next six years.
- Lonnie, do you think
I have crow's feet?
- Dennis, what is with
the fucking crow's feet?
What is wrong with you?
- What about a new someone,
like a new Spanker.
- Are you outta your
goddamn, corn-fed mind?
I'm no spring chicken!
I invested the best years
of my life in that dickwad!
No, it is time to dividend
collecting, my friend,
and it's the same
reason you had to fight
for Diedre fucking
Diamond's aging pussy!
We are not 22 years old anymore,
with the world at our fingertips
and people beating down
our door trying to fuck us!
- Speak for yourself.
- Face facts, wild one.
We made our beds and it's
about time we lied in 'em,
'til our geezers die,
we get their money,
and then we start this
whole cycle all over again
except this time, we're the ones
who get to fuck that hard cock.
Or a tail in your place, Lonnie.
My point is, there's
no guarantee I'll
find another speaker
and even if I do, he'll
probably wanna get married
or have children or
something awful like that.
You may think you look
like you did 10 years ago,
but women, when they
meet men at age 30,
want them to have fucking
careers, not a resume
filled with one-night
stands and party-attending!
- Meow.
- Truth hurts, Gugana.
- You two, queerty,
last time I checked,
the sell by date on
chicken of the twink ass,
it expired around age
24 and you, my friend,
are well past that sell by date.
Crow's feet don't lie.
- Bartender, another
round, please!
- Honestly, I don't give a fuck
if he goes back to Arizona.
I just want my rent and
my Barney's card paid.
- Well, tell him you love him.
- That sounds hard.
- Tell him he doesn't
have to be a congressman
to make you happy, that
you'd rather him retire
and live on a congressman's
small pension to be with him.
- True love, that's
playin' dirty.
- Well, so does he,
if Paulette's stories
are even half true.
He'll respect the hardball
tactic and be flattered
that she's the only woman who
loves him for his real self.
- Dennis, that is either
stupid or fucking brilliant.
Thank you, drinks are on me.
(relaxed
singer-songwriter music)
(siren blaring)
- Farleigh's punishing
you for getting old.
You're not old.
- Oh, no, then why's he taking
the Porsche away from me?
- Maybe he needs to
free up some cash.
- No, bullshit, he's
richer than Zuckerberg.
- So you need a job?
Is there anything you can do?
- I thought boy toy
was gonna be it.
If only I'd gone to
college like you.
Everything that seems
mildly interesting
or even tolerable says
college degree required.
- I thought you went to college?
- Four months at Bard,
then I met Farleigh.
It's been Dicklick
Manor ever since.
- I think you're overreacting.
- No, I don't think I am.
The only job I've ever
had was a swimsuit model.
Two weeks in a banana hammock
qualifies me for nothing.
Call boy seems to be about it.
- Ya fuck for things, not money.
If you fuck for money,
it makes you a whore.
(traffic humming)
- You know what?
- [Lonnie] Hmm?
- Maybe all I need to
do is convince Farleigh
that I'm just as
desirable as ever.
- How you gonna do that?
- Are you free tonight?
(Lonnie chuckles)
(rhythmic hip hop music)
- Hello, anyone home?
Where's Javi?
- A long day?
- Where's Javi?
- I gave him the night off.
- Why, I'm starving!
- Because I thought my
guy needed pizza tonight.
- Pizza, Javi won't let
me eat pizza anymore.
- I know, that's why I
gave him the night off.
- Good boy.
- Seemed like you could use
a little more comfort food
and a little less tofu stir fry.
- You have no idea.
- Would you like some verve,
we're also celebrating.
- [Farleigh] Celebrating what?
- I got a job.
- [Farleigh] Really, where?
- At a travel agency.
- They still have those?
- Yes.
- Are you qualified?
(doorbell rings)
- Not yet.
Dinner first.
- I'm not hungry--
- Oh, lies, you just
said you were starving!
(doorbell rings)
(door rattling)
(scoffs) What in the hell
kind of hot mess are you?
- What, fuck face, you said
Farleigh likes 'em young,
so this is what all
those fags are wearin'!
- That's perfect (laughs)!
My God, it's just
very convincing.
- Can it, homo, your
pizza's gettin' cold.
- Your dream, I'll
be right back.
- Yeah.
- Do you have a few
singles for a tip?
- Yes, sure.
- He's so cute, he
deserves a big one.
- Why, uh, I take it, I take it.
- [Dennis] Listen, you
had it, you had it--
- No, no, lemme get--
- He's cute.
(both chattering)
Whoa!
(Farleigh slams to floor)
What the holy hell's
going on here?
- Hey man, uh, who's this?
- This is my boyfriend,
just what is going on here?
- I'm sorry, I, I
thought you were alone.
- You must be kidding, I
leave you alone for a minute
to go and get change and you--
- I thought you said you
were gonna get changed
into something more comfortable.
- I'm quite
comfortable as it is,
thank you very much.
- I, I'm sorry, I thought, we
had a connection at the door.
Um, you're just, you're very--
- [Dennis] Very what?
- You're very fuckable.
Look, please don't tell
my boss about this!
- [Farleigh] Uh,
wait, wait, wait!
Your tip.
- Yeah.
(door rattling)
- Does that happen often?
- What can I say, I'm fuckable.
(rhythmic hip hop music)
(Farleigh chuckles)
(Farleigh groans)
- [Dennis] Jesus Christ!
- [Farleigh] (groans) My
ankle, I think it's broken!
(Farleigh groans)
- Oh my God, are you OK?
(Farleigh sighs)
- No, I am fucking not OK,
what does it look like?
(panting) You are
your stupid candles!
(groans) Take me
to the hospital!
(Farleigh groaning over
dramatic electronic music)
- I'm sorry.
- [Javi] Now,
Farleigh, slow down.
I have something for ya.
- Oh, really?
- It's been in my
family for generations.
It's not antique, it's vintage!
- First day at work!
Well, aren't you
gonna wish me luck?
- Let's see how long it lasts.
(cane thunking)
Javi, have the impression that
this cane looks from Kohl's.
- [Javi]
No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!
(door rattles closed)
- I'm so sorry, we only
hire PhDs and higher,
including me, as a
doctor of philosophy--
- You know, I'm just bored,
and walking's kind of my gift.
- Absolutely, you're a
legend around here (scoffs).
Wonderkid at 17,
scores sugar daddy
at his first Fashion Week.
(bouncy rock music
with pleasant vocals)
- I'm here to get my
car, but I don't see it.
You know where it might be?
- [Man With Glasses] Is
every OK with Farleigh?
- Sure, why would nothing
be OK with Farleigh?
Wow!
Was I supposed to track that?
- It'd be nice if you
knew where it was.
What lies in store
Something that is lost
- If you need money, you know,
I heard the accounting
department is
looking for people.
- You know, we do have
a program that Starbucks
does pay for your college
tuition when you work with us,
so that's something you can
find out on the website.
Do you have the card?
- Thank you.
(Dennis groaning)
(Dennis grunts)
(distant siren blaring)
(Dennis exhales heavily)
(customers chattering)
- Hey.
- Dude, what--
- I've been lookin'
all over for you.
- Aren't you supposed to be
at a travel agency
or something'?
- I need to borrow some money.
- [Javi] (sniffs)
Are you stoned?
What about this job of yours?
- There is no job.
- You've been lyin' to Farleigh
for the last three weeks?
Oh my God, Dennis.
- [Dennis] Please,
it's just a loan.
- Does it look like
I got any money?
- I'm up shit creek!
- [Javi] Then why don't you hock
some of that jewelry you got?
- But these were gifts.
(customers chattering)
- Gifts?
Wow, true story,
Farleigh was designing a
Standard Hotel on Sunset,
I was takin' a course
to become a life coach.
The Vanity Fair
party was comin' up
and you know that's
everything to me.
And then all of a
sudden, Farleigh
breaks up with me
out of nowhere,
and by what, you ask?
A boy, do you know who
that boy was, Dennis?
That boy was you, everything I
thought I built with Farleigh
was taken away from me, just
like that watch and that ring!
- [Dennis] These
used to be yours?
- Oh, oh, and that $40,000
Tiffany love bracelet,
the one that you leave
layin' around like
fuckin' costume jewelry?
Yeah, that one, too.
- [Dennis] I had no idea--
- Oh, eh-eh, all of a sudden,
I was bein' asked if
I wanted to stay on
as the in-house chef.
Yeah, well this time, that
houseboy job is taken.
- I was your replacement.
You never said anything.
- 'Cause I got class, bitch.
- Do you think
there's someone else?
Some little skater
dude from Venice
with second-grade highlight
and low-riding shorts
that lets his ass whisper,
"Come ride the
innocence out of me?"
- Dennis, you never pay
much attention to his work.
I think he's shootin' today,
why don't you go surprise
him, wish him luck?
- I hate being
around those cameras!
- Dennis, you peacock
around all day anyway,
I don't understand,
what's the problem?
(customers chattering)
- Wait, I need gas money.
- Really, Dennis, really?
(scoffs) God, you're,
here, go, go, bye, bye, bye.
- Thank you.
(Javi sighs)
(traffic humming)
- [Director] Action!
- [Farleigh] And as we all
know, it's been rumored
that she has had affairs with
all of her husband's generals,
quite a party girl.
- Look, Farleigh, this
is a common perception
of Pauline Bonaparte.
What Pauline Bonaparte
is trying to do,
she's just trying to say up
yours to the French nobility.
She's not trying
to act like a pute,
she's trying to be a
revolutionary, you see?
- Yes, I, I, um,
I'm just impressed.
But well, that is when street--
- Meets chic.
- Oh my.
Dennis?
- [Dennis] For you.
- Uh, well, what
are you doing here?
- [Dennis] I just
wanted to wish you luck,
is that so unusual?
- Um, no no no, um, c-can we
take a break here, please?
Can we take?
Oh, well, Dennis, uh, join us!
I would like for
you to meet Jasper.
- [Dennis] The pool boy?
- Yes, uh, Jasper
has been working
in a pool-related capacity.
- What's he doing here?
- (clears throat) I made him
the lead designer
of this project.
- What?
Is this restaurant underwater?
- (chuckles) I love
your sense of humor!
No, I am mentoring him.
- Mentor this, Mr. Chips.
(glass shattering)
- Quite a party, what, what
is the most impressive thing
that you would chose,
that would occur to you
here at this sculpture?
- Um, well, this, this is a,
uh, it's a naked woman
and a, and a child.
Eh.
(dramatic electro rock music)
- [Dennis] I caught
Farleigh with the pool boy.
- What, what pool boy?
- The little Latin shit who
picks leaves out of our pool
is Farleigh's new designer.
- The one you called the
Colombian Keane painting?
Oh, you caught them fucking?
- No, not fucking, designing.
- Well, that's
probably all it is.
- He's on the show.
- Ooh, yeah, that's not good.
- [Diedre] Darling,
I need some help.
- I'm in the foyer!
- And who, pray
tell, is our visitor?
- Uh, it's a buddy
of mine from the gym.
- Hello, ma'am, I'm
Dennis, it's a pleasure.
I've read your column ever
since I was a little boy.
- You're much too kind.
- Eh, Dennis got into a
fight with his boyfriend.
- (gasps) How could
anyone possibly fight
with a young man so
handsome and divine?
Lonnie, darling, let's
get this one a drink.
Perhaps an Arnold Palmer,
they could be so
refreshing in this heat.
- [Lonnie] Sure.
- And Dennis, would
you be so kind.
- Of course.
- You know (sighs), men,
especially the powerful ones
with fragile egos, can be
so difficult sometimes.
Eh, Hilary, Clinton
that is, once told me
after a beau and had
a legendary spat,
"You just need to get
back in the saddle
"and ride them to
the finish line!"
- I'll remember that.
(Diedre chuckles)
I'm very sorry to have
stopped by unannounced.
Clearly, you two are off
to some kind of engagement.
- Oh, it's just some silly gala
raising money for something.
I have won an
award, I do believe.
That's how they force
ya to attend (laughs).
Oh, Lonnie, darling, I
am in dire need of a Kir.
- I should go, I can
talk to Lonnie later.
- Oh, I wouldn't
hear of such a thing!
I do not allow
wounded little birds
back into the wild to be
devoured by the alley cats,
and certainly not one
as adorable as you.
- Oh, I'll be fine.
- You should join
us at the gala.
- I couldn't impose,
besides, I'm hardly dressed.
- That is easily
fixed, you appear to be
about my Lonnie's size.
I'm sure we will
find him something.
Lonnie, darling, we have
a third at the gala!
(crowd chattering over
pleasant piano music)
- [Morley] Did Diedre commit
to posting this story?
- [Betsy] Nope, no such
thing as free press, darling.
- [Morley] The money
goes to a good cause.
It's her boy toy
that's insufferable.
- [Betsy] (scoffs) They
say he's Ivy League.
- [Morley] Ocean League is
more like it (chuckles).
- Diedre says his
cock is huge, oh,
and that other boy, Ethan--
(Morley gasping)
- Did sitting wars
at the charity table
become fashionable?
- (laughs) Paying
for sex, I applaud.
Paying for love,
tragic (chuckles)!
- Excuse me,
like you think
you're so important
because you're ran Fox for
three months in the 1990s.
Who cares, who fucking cares?
I know this guy, and
you're full of shit.
- Let's get outta here.
- What about Diedre?
- [Lonnie] Let's go!
I just can't do this anymore,
like I really do love Diedre!
- [Dennis] I know that.
- I'd give anything to
have an Arnold Palmer
and my Kindle in the Adirondack
chair in the backyard.
- [Dennis] Hold off on the
funeral rites, we still got it.
- [Lonnie] Do we, wanna cut out?
- [Dennis] I don't
wanna go home.
- [Lonnie] Me either, I've got
Diedre's Amex in my pocket.
I think we should go
all out and get a suite.
- [Dennis] Ooh, money bags!
- How the fuck am I supposed
to run this household
if he's runnin' off with my
staff and not tellin' me!
(Javi grunts)
- Isn't it the issue
that he isn't telling me?
- No, no no no, don't
you dare feel defeated!
And don't you dare give up.
Farleigh is your man,
you fight for him!
- You didn't.
- Yeah, well, I didn't
love him, did I?
Not like you do.
(Javi grunts)
He loves you, you have history.
- He does?
- He left you a note.
(water bubbling from faucet)
(paper rustling)
- Why are you helping me?
- Because we have history.
Go take a nap, you
look like shit!
- [Maitre D] Good
evening, darling.
- Good evening, how are you?
- [Maitre D] Specialty,
always on us.
- Thank you, sir.
- [Maitre D] I think
you'll care to love.
- Well, I should
be seeing as I do.
Good evening, how are you?
- [Man With Glasses] Good.
- How are you?
- Excuse me, thank you.
(patrons chattering over
rhythmic blues music)
- [Farleigh] You
know, and do you see?
- It's classy.
- And do you see the
reflection of the moon
on, on, on the roof?
(Jasper snickers)
Dennis, you remember Jasper?
- Yes, of course.
- Come.
- Yes, of course.
- So, it's time for you boys
to get to know each other.
Jasper is the one who is
going to be the breakout star
of Hard Nock Design and you,
you are and you always
will be, my muse,
so it is imperative to
me that you get along.
- Dennis, I hope you don't mind,
we, uh, we already
ordered the wine.
I hate red and they have,
what, two bottles of French?
Farleigh, here, can't live
without the Marlborough
Sauvignon Blanc.
- Yes, I know.
- What's your, uh, what's
your story, Dennis?
- I went to college and never
finished, how about you?
- I tried to convince him to
continue it and finish, but--
- The point of going to
Santa Monica City is, what,
to be an assistant accountant?
Can't do anything
important there.
- Where does one do
something important, Dennis?
- I don't know.
One of the Ivys, Brown maybe.
- No, I think we're going to go
with the Sonoma
Sauvignon Blanc, please?
- Good choice.
- Thank you.
- You seem very precocious
for a barrio boy.
- Dennis, that was both
racist and class-elitist.
- No, it's OK, I don't mind.
It's, uh, I'm very
proud of my background.
It may not be what you
value, but it's real.
That's enough for me.
- (snickers) Oh,
you're so generous.
- So tell me again, how did, um,
Jasper show you
his authenticity?
- Well, it was
actually at the pool.
- Ah, your favorite spot
to display your talent.
- Well, Farleigh, here,
was having a little trouble
with the entrance and, uh--
- That's never been
your problem with me!
- The entrance of the
restaurant, come on!
(Jasper laughing)
The stone, the stone wall,
the facade was just
too oppressive!
- It's true, yeah, he through
a pencil into the pool.
I've never seen him so riled up.
- (chuckles) And he fished
it out and started to sketch,
and he, he brought that, that,
that creativity that he changed
the, the rhythm of the stone
that made it weightless,
and that was the moment.
That was the moment when I
realized it would be a crime
not to take the boy out of
the hood and into my show.
- So where did you develop
this talent, Jasper?
Your parents still
live in East LA?
- Uh, no, I never, never
met my parents, actually.
They died when I
was very young, so.
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- It's OK, it happens, eh?
- You always tell me
that I inspire you,
but I know that I could never
be your creative partner.
It's, pff, I can't
create anything.
You're talented and smart.
If it helps Farleigh and
the show then I support it,
no matter the cost.
- Sometimes I realize
why I love you, Dennis.
- That's sweet (laughs).
Who's ready to order, huh?
- [Farleigh] So, did
you like the food?
- [Jasper] Si, it's fantastic.
- Yes, it was excellent.
Oh, there he is, all right.
(engine idling)
I'll give Jasper a lift.
Jasper, you drive?
- [Jasper] Nice
seeing you, Dennis.
Hope to see you again
soon sometime, eh?
- No worries, I'll
be right back home.
(engine rumbles away)
(moody indie rock music)
(yearning electronic tones)
(birds chirping)
(cane tapping on floor)
- [Dennis] Got Jasper home safe?
- [Farleigh] I did.
- It's six a.m.
Are you sleeping with him?
Do you love me?
(birds chirping)
- Dennis, um--
- I love you.
(birds chirping and whistling)
(uneasy whooshing tones)
(expressive rock music)
- [Lonnie] Somebody got married!
- Get the fuck outta
here, how did that happen?
- Well, I didn't come home,
and yesterday morning
when I stumbled in,
Diedre was out of
her mind with worry.
She thought I left
her after her friends
treated me like shit, anyhow,
she was so relieved that
I got back that she, uh,
immediately proposed marriage,
and, yeah, we did
it at the Caesars.
- All right, man,
congratulations!
- Thanks.
- You need a houseboy?
- [Lonnie] What are
you talkin' about?
- My days are numbered.
Farleigh's fucking the pool
boy, a.k.a. the lead designer
on the new cycle of his TV show.
- Honey, we have to get
Farleigh out of the house,
you can work him a lot better
without that pool slut around.
- That's not a bad idea.
- They are shutting
down next week
while they wait on
building inspectors.
- Perfect, give him a gift.
- A romantic getaway.
- You'll have to leave
that pool slut in charge
for a little while, you don't
need much time with Farleigh.
You got this!
- I think I'm losing.
- Dennis, you're one
hot piece of ass,
and you're charming
as all get out.
- Damn straight!
- Farleigh loves you,
seduce him again.
- There's just one problem.
- Aw, baby, those crow's feet
are barely even noticeable!
- That's not what I'm
talking about, bitch,
my problem is I'm broke.
I don't have any
money to be able
to book a romantic getaway.
- OK, well, we got ya covered.
- Farleigh knows I
don't have any money.
- How 'bout that travel
agency ruse you pulled?
Just tell him you gotta
go look at a property.
- Where?
- [Paulette] Yeah, where?
- My wife and I,
we have a place.
(chuckles) It's gonna
be all right, darling.
(plane engines roaring
over pleasant Latin guitar)
(pleasant Latin guitar
over cars honking)
- Excellent,
already medium rare.
- I need a boat.
(boatman speaking
foreign language)
Uh, yes, now, please.
(boatman speaking
foreign language)
- [Javi] That's like two hours!
- Javi, I have this, thank you.
- I told you to let me
handle the arrangements!
(boatman speaking
foreign language)
(women chattering)
- I'm going in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa,
I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha.
Looks like you two
ladies could use a hand.
- Why, yes, I think we could.
(Heather chuckles)
- Baggage, huh, who needs it?
- So, are you coming or going?
- Uh, coming.
- Oh, good, us, too (giggles)!
- I hear you got the last boat.
- Yeah, you looking for a ride?
(Heather laughs)
So I work in social media
and Wall Street Journal,
and I got it basically--
- [Heather] Amazing,
so I have to talk
about it a little bit.
- [Brittny] And then drunk
shopping is basically
number one destination.
- [Heather] Oh my God, totally!
- [Brittny] I set out an
entirely separate budget
and set up a different bank
account just for this trip.
- [Farleigh] Thank you,
ladies, for the ride.
- [Brittny] Girl,
blow the fuck off!
- [Heather] I am!
- [Farleigh] Thank
you, thank you.
- [Dennis] Hey, come on.
(women laughing)
You have it, your bags?
- I'm good.
- I have a twisted
ankle, I'm not dead.
- [Dennis] Keep
that still, please.
Gentlemen, can we have
someone help this guy, please?
You OK?
One more.
- [Javi] Let's get
this bag off the boat.
- [Dennis] Thank you.
- [Javi] Tell me we're gonna
have more service here!
(relaxed and
pleasant rock music)
(door rattling)
- Can't be less worse,
this better be Xanadu.
(Farleigh panting)
Oh my Lord, is this the house
of that shrew Diedre Diamond?
- I don't know,
she must've rented
this place out
through my agency.
- If it was, I don't
know what to say.
A weekend spent in this
debris of a storied career!
This is camp heaven,
will you look at this?
Diedre Diamond with the stars
of yesteryear, there's, uh--
- Looks like you're happy
I stole him away from LA.
- Jack Lemmon (laughs),
Tony Danza, Tony Dana.
Oh, Bill Clinton,
yeah, of course!
- Should we find the
liquor and go step outside?
- I could look at these forever!
- You know I hear the
beach is clothing optional.
(rhythmic R&B music)
Say you love me
To my face
No need to mourn
While in your embrace
- And this is like, this is--
Just say you want me
That's all it takes
Hearts gettin' torn
From your mistakes
'Cause I don't
wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try
But all that I've
been thinkin' of
Is maybe that you're mine
Babe, it looks as though
We're running out of words
To say
And love's floatin' away
Just say you love me
Just for today
And don't give me time
'Cause that's not the same
(can rattling on floor)
(Farleigh muttering)
- I understand, but whose idea
was that freestanding
oyster soleil bar?
And where is Jasper now,
then go find that little fuck!
(phone beeps)
- Something the matter?
- Yes, something's
the matter (scoffs)!
Gordon told Jasper that he
wanted that oyster soleil,
fucking Jasper thought
it was a brilliant idea
to change all plans and
install a freestanding bar,
which, of course, had to fail
the final inspection of the ADA!
- ADA?
- Americans with
Disabilities Act,
'cause in this country,
even if you are crippled,
it is your God-given
right to sit
at the oyster bar.
(Farleigh grunts)
Fuckin' Jasper!
- Well, what does this
have to do with Jasper?
- Gordon Ramsey's gonna have
a fit when he's been told
that his celebrity opening
has been postponed,
and we don't have anyone
to tell him on camera!
I'm here and fuckin' Jasper
has gone missing, vanished!
God knows where!
Christ, I should have
never allowed him
to take so much responsibility!
(breathing heavily) Dennis,
this season has to be the best.
If not,
(sighs) the show is what runs
my business, you understand?
Even if I make it
back in time, I, I, I,
I don't know if I can
reassemble the crew.
- Can you call a
friend to go on camera?
Nate Berkus?
- That ugly queen?
Over my dead body!
Javi, get me back on the next
flight to America, wherever!
- But what about our trip?
- Do, uh, excuse me?
Haven't you heard, you are
not the Queen of England,
and unless you
have a private jet,
the next available flight
is the day after tomorrow.
Now, you need some sunscreen.
(rhythmic Latin jazz music)
- [Farleigh] OK, OK,
what's the update?
- [Man On Phone]
So we weren't able
to get Gordon with
the camera team--
- No, the camera
team is not enough.
If Gordon Ramsey, if
Gordon Ramsey yells
and there's no one
there to be humiliated,
how can this be reality TV?
No, I'm, I'm in the
middle of a swamp!
- [Boatman] You
like my boat, huh?
- I've been eaten by snakes!
(phone beeping)
(sighs) Very nice here.
- Dennis, oh my fucking God!
(Heather chuckles)
- Hello, ladies!
- You guys have to join
us, we just got here.
- Brit, they're busy!
Their dad's not gonna
wanna take shots with us!
(Farleigh slaps table)
- Rubbish!
Look, Brittny,
maybe you're right.
(clears throat) I lately
turned into a killjoy.
So, what do you say,
let the adventures start
and order some margaritas!
(Heather laughs)
- Yes, oh my God!
- I know we gonna have
some talk up there!
(all chattering over
pleasant Latin guitar)
- [Brittny] OK, so he's
here visiting family.
- No, girl, he's here for work.
- OK, yeah, we meet
him at the ATM.
- [Heather] Oh my
God, he's so hot!
- Uh-huh, oh my God!
He's here, he said
he might join us!
- (scoffs) Yes!
I think he might be from,
like, Europe or something.
- Oh, now I'm even
more intrigued!
I love playing gay European.
- [Farleigh] I'd
love to see him, too.
- He's not European, he's
like a Colombia person.
- Well it doesn't, ooh!
- Oh!
- Well, Dennis, here's
our Colombiano now!
- Jasper?
- What,
wait!
- I'll handle this, excuse me.
- You know him?
- This is so twisted,
did he follow us?
- Will you explain
what's going on?
- That pool boy
is a homewrecker.
- (scoffs) I told
you he was a mo.
Wait, and what are you
doing cheating on Dennis?
- I'm not, that's
Dennis' boyfriend.
- Your dad?
- Oh my God, should we leave?
No, no no, you can't.
Brit, phones down.
OK, here's the deal.
We all love chasing men
who don't want us, right?
I mean, it makes the
indifference that much sexier.
Listen, you have
to give Farleigh
a chance to come chase you!
I mean, you have to trust
that he's gonna come back.
(relaxed Latin guitar)
(quietly tense and
uneasy ambient music)
- Come on, let's go in.
(cane crunching into sand)
- So are you planning on
telling me what's going on?
- Ah, it all seems
rather complicated.
- No doubt.
- He said he freaked out.
- About what?
- The job, the show,
what it would mean,
and when he screwed up
that oyster bar inspection,
it seems to have
hit him all at once.
- So he followed us down here?
- No, his uncle lives
right outside of Cartagena.
- What?
- His uncle, uh,
wanted to see him,
and with the pretext of
a long-overdue visit,
he's got an airline
ticket from him.
- Bullshit, that's about as
real as your reality TV show.
- Dennis, Javi got us tickets
to the next available flight.
We'll be back in Los
Angeles day after tomorrow.
Set my chair up here.
(objects thunk to the ground)
- I'm not your manservant.
(Farleigh sighs)
For fuck's sake!
(chair slams into sand)
There.
(uneasy acoustic guitar over
ambient electronic music)
(water splashing)
(uneasy acoustic guitar over
ambient electronic music)
- [Jasper] Can I have a smoke?
- Get your own.
- Come on, Dennis, we can
make this work, can't we?
- I'd like to meet your uncle.
I have some questions I'd
like to ask him about you.
- Don't, don't worry
about my uncle, please.
(Dennis chuckles)
- (sighs) You're
hiding something.
(crickets chirping)
- Dennis, I'm not
hiding anything,
I just have to make things
right with Farleigh, you know?
- Mm, I'll say!
I've never seen him
so worked up (scoffs)!
You're good for him,
much better than me.
Did you check on him
when he got back?
- You've been drinking, Dennis.
- Answer the fucking question!
- No, no, I didn't check on him.
- He depends on you,
and when you leave him
to fester like
that, it torches--
- What?
- If you hurt Farleigh
in any way at all,
I will kill you.
- [Jasper] Good night,
Dennis (grunts).
(water splashing)
(Jasper gasping)
(slightly uneasy
electronic music)
(door rattling)
- I thought we might all go
see Jasper's uncle today.
(clears throat)
It's beautiful out,
good day for a visit,
don'tcha think?
- What do you think
you are doing, Dennis?
- Me?
- He's taken ill.
- Really.
- Yes, pushing him in
the pool, excuse me!
(Jasper sighs)
Oh, look who woke up!
How do you feel, my boy?
- (groans) I didn't mean,
(groans) didn't
mean to get so sick.
I'm sorry if I ruined your day.
- [Farleigh] It's
not your fault.
We need to play it
very easy and slow,
so we have you back on set
as a normal,
functioning human being.
- [Jasper] Yes, thank you.
- [Farleigh] Yes.
- Wow!
(Jasper sighs)
Well, someone ought
to enjoy the day.
(rhythmic acoustic guitar)
(Dennis speaking
foreign language)
(Dennis sighs)
(Dennis speaking
foreign language)
- Allow me.
My name is Peter,
care for a cigarette?
- Gracias.
(lighter flicking)
(Dennis grunts)
How did you know this
is just what I needed?
- I've spent enough
time in Tangiers to know
the look of a man
who needs tobacco.
(Dennis laughs)
- [Dennis] You spent
time in Tangiers?
- That's one of those
places, you know?
Hard to avoid.
- Do you live around here?
- Here, (clicks tongue)
I am just visiting.
- I'm Dennis.
- The pleasure is mine.
Do you have a lover?
- I'm not sure anymore.
- How's it that you aren't
sure you have a lover?
One tends to have one or not.
- Affairs of the heart.
- This person is,
no doubt, a fool.
- I think I'm the fool.
- Life is cruel.
- [Dennis] Hmm.
- Hey, would you like to
see where I'm staying?
- I would.
- [Peter] It's a
delight to play host.
- So, is this your place?
- [Peter] In a way.
- Why are you so vague?
- [Peter] You're a charming guy,
but I want to present
myself carefully.
I would find it gross
to flaunt wealth
or possessions in front of you.
- I'm from Los Angeles where
that's a ritual mating call.
- Wealth is so unimportant
in the long run.
That's why I don't
want to play that game.
- Only rich people say that.
- (scoffs) Yeah, but maybe
they know it to be true.
- And what, pray tell,
is more important?
- Beauty,
perhaps, if there is
such a thing, love.
- You don't believe in love?
- I think it's a bit like God.
You'll never really know
he's real until you know.
- And how do you know?
- You meet him.
(water splashing)
(Dennis coughs)
(tableware clanking)
(Dennis sighs)
I'd like you to stay, and
not just for the night.
The one who is waiting,
does he love you?
(birds chirping)
- I don't know anymore.
- I could love you.
Stay with me.
Tomorrow, I have to take
care of some personal things
in Cartagena, but after that,
we can stay here forever.
- I would like that,
but I can't.
- Why not?
- Well, because
I still love him.
- Go, then, try to find God.
(pleasant guitar over
dreamy electronic music)
(waves gently crashing)
(crickets chirping)
- You back?
- [Dennis] I am.
Where is everybody?
- Asleep, we'll all be going
to Jasper's uncle
tomorrow morning.
- We are?
- Yes.
He just wanted to cancel it,
but I told him he can't do
that, that's very impolite.
His uncle wouldn't stand for
such a thing, and me neither.
- Sounds good, I'll
make sure to shave.
(Farleigh sighs)
(crickets chirping)
(lips smacking)
- You better go to sleep,
it's going to be a
long day tomorrow.
- Aren't you coming?
- Perhaps in a bit, I,
I still have some work to do.
(Dennis sighs)
(distant siren blaring
over humming traffic)
- [Javi] Are you sure this
is your uncle's neighborhood?
- (sighs) I should've never
brought you guys here.
I should've come on my own.
- Under no circumstances
would I have allowed
you to come here alone.
- I would've been fine.
- You would've been abducted!
- If only!
- Turn here.
- [Farleigh] Here we go.
- Does anybody see
this long-ass gun?
(Enrique speaking
foreign language)
(Farleigh speaking
foreign language)
- Wh-what's his name?
- Enrique, it's me, Jasper.
(Enrique speaking
foreign language)
- [Farleigh] So can we go, OK.
(Enrique speaking
foreign language)
(Uncle speaking
foreign language)
- [Jasper] I want to, uh,
introduce you to my friends.
This is Farleigh, Javi.
(group chattering)
In the back is Dennis.
- [Uncle] Have a seat.
- [Farleigh] Thank you, gracias.
- I didn't know you were
traveling with friends!
- [Jasper] Si, si.
- [Dennis] (clears throat) Hola.
- [Peter] And I
welcome the unexpected.
Please excuse the
dramatic arrival,
but these days, one must
take extra precautions.
- You're Peter Cardones.
I recognize him from his work.
He's one of the most influential
South American artists
to have emerged since the 1990s.
- You have quite
an educated eye.
- His sculptures
and installations
draw on architecture
and geography to explore
the psychological, biological,
and economic aspects
of urban oppression.
- [Peter] Yeah, that's right.
- [Farleigh] Well, he's
been to every major museum
in the world, and so--
- [Peter] So, what have
you been up to, my boy?
- Ah, the question of the hour.
- I, I've been designing.
I'm even, uh, even going
to be on his TV show.
- Hard Nock Design?
- (chuckles) Well, uh,
didn't know I had a following
in Colombia, thank
you, I'm flattered.
- I don't think, uh, a
reality show is a great idea.
- Oh, we are very excited
to have Jasper on board,
to have him take the lead
on all of our project.
- It's true, Tio, I mean, this,
this show can change
my whole career.
Eh, it's, the
exposure from a show
like this, it's, it's priceless.
- But you won that
big award at college!
What was it called again?
- You went to college?
- I, I think that college
might be overstating
it a little bit.
- Overstating it?
Jasper is a graduate from the
Rhode Island School of Design.
- You went to RISD?
- So you haven't
answered my questions.
Why do you need to be on TV?
- I want access to
a bigger clientele.
A TV show is like, it's
like a big commercial.
- Or a soap opera?
- (chuckles) Sir, I
take offense on that.
My TV show is as authentic
and artistic as your work,
just in a different way.
- I mean, Tio, I've tried
many avenues of work,
but it's (sighs), I mean,
you know how difficult it is
to get your material recognized.
- Now that's the trouble
with your generation.
You wanted instant
applause, instant approval.
- Tio, it's like you and
your privileged friends
worked very long before
you found success.
- We changed this country.
We showed passion--
- But that's a luxury
where there is--
- You have to show passion,
aggression, revolution!
You are an artist!
- If the world were upholstery,
I'm just an interior
designer, that's it!
(slap cracking)
- Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
I must insist that you do
not put your hands on him.
(tense and uneasy
electronic music)
(tense and uneasy
electronic music)
- You are being extremely rude!
- You make my boy think he
can fuck his way to greatness?
You are pathetic,
that's what you are!
To fuck an old man is to
trade youth for possession,
but youth is more precious,
it cannot be bought!
- I don't have to listen
to you, you are pathetic!
You are
an outdated cabron!
- Not good enough for your
nephew, but good enough for me?
(tense and uneasy
electronic music)
- Because you are damaged,
you will never grow
or know what love is.
- Beg your pardon?
- I won't let my Jasper
get involved into this!
He will not sleep
his way to the top!
That's for whores,
that's for actors!
- Javi, let's go.
- Tio, you think you love
me, but you obviously don't.
We have to go, Dennis.
- Of course, I love you!
- No, it's time to go, Dennis.
- Listen, I gave up
my life to raise you.
I let you fulfill your dreams!
I let you go to America!
- [Jasper] You let me?
- Si, I let you!
(shove thudding)
(punch thwacking)
(men grunting over tense
and uneasy acoustic guitar)
- Let's go!
(gun cocking)
- Get your faggot
asses out of here!
(group chattering over
tense acoustic guitar)
- [Farleigh] It's a
Philippe Starck lamp!
- [All] Go, go, go, go!
- [Javi] Run (groans).
- [Farleigh] It's a piece
of art, don't shoot!
(men chattering in
foreign language)
- [Dennis] This
is nuts (groans)!
(taxi driver speaking
in foreign language)
- [Javi] Go, go, go!
(all chattering over
tense acoustic guitar)
- Let's go, let's go, come on!
- What in goddamn hell was that?
What in goddamn hell was that,
you could've gotten us killed!
- I know, I'm sorry!
- And not only did you
put us all in danger,
you're a liar!
- I know, I'm a complete shit.
- Why deny your past,
there's nothing to
be embarrassed of.
- I didn't deny anything!
I came in here in
street clothes,
and you start
speaking Spanish to me
and creating this story, OK?
I just didn't correct you!
- I didn't need a story.
- [Jasper] You wouldn't have
let me on TV without a story.
- I would have.
- [Jasper] But the
producers wouldn't have.
(Jasper sighing and gasping)
- Come on, my boy.
I know it's not
your fault, I know.
Everything will be fine now.
He can't hurt you anymore, huh?
Huh?
(Jasper groaning)
OK, yes.
- I can't believe this happened!
Have your bags
packed by seven a.m.,
the water boat will be here,
and if you're not down
at breakfast by six,
you do not get a fruit cup!
(dramatic piano)
- It's all right.
(sighs) Gimme a hand.
(Dennis sighing over rhythmic
acoustic guitar music)
(cane tapping)
(relaxed acoustic guitar
music with pleasant vocals)
(picture cracks on counter)
(motorbike engine sputtering)
(dog yawning)
(expressive but
pleasant ambient music)
- How's the eye?
- (sighs) It's fine.
Jerk.
- Excuse me?
- I saw you laugh
when I got punched.
- It was funny,
and long overdue.
- It was your fault.
(couch creaking)
(Dennis sighs)
(urine bubbling)
(expressive acoustic guitar)
- I'm gonna shower,
wash off the grime.
(rhythmic electronic music)
- Brittny, hi, it's Dennis.
I need to borrow your
hotel room at 6:30.
No, you guys can't be there.
I need to show Farleigh the
parasite that Jasper really is.
He hasn't seen what I've seen.
(shower hissing)
Hey.
I called Nate Berkus, he's gonna
cover the show with Gordon.
- [Farleigh] Ah,
no, not him (sighs).
- Don't be mad.
The girls invited
us to their hotel.
Jasper and I are gonna meet
them for a sunset cocktail.
I don't care if I
lose everything,
I don't care if I lose Farleigh,
if that's the kind of bullet
I have to take, I will.
I'm not gonna see Farleigh hurt.
- [Farleigh] You're
going with Jasper?
- I'm trying to be nice.
- [Farleigh] It becomes you.
- And leave us some tequila.
Remember, seven sharp!
Ready to go, I told the
girls I'd meet them early.
- What about Farleigh?
- They'll meet us.
(townsfolk chattering)
(rapping on door)
Brittny, Heather?
(door rattling)
Guess they're running late.
- Should we go
back to the lobby?
- Oh, look, tequila!
(Jasper sighs)
They said meet 'em for a drink.
- I, I don't know I should
be drinking their tequila.
(liquid sloshing)
(Jasper snickers)
(Jasper gasps and coughs)
It's good, it's strong.
(quiet and airy ambient music)
- Since we've found
ourselves alone,
I suppose I'll say my piece.
(clicks tongue) I want
to ask your forgiveness.
- Excuse me.
- I've treated you horribly.
- I, I, I wouldn't say that
you've treated me horribly.
- I have, it's just, you know,
I'm jealous (chuckles).
- Y-you're jealous of me?
- Your beauty,
your intelligence.
- Um, well, Dennis, this
stuff about RISD, I--
- Hey, I think that's
cool, it sounds fun.
Wish I did college (scoffs).
Maybe then Farleigh
and I could communicate
the way you two do.
(distant chattering)
Woo (scoffs),
this humidity!
Don't wanna ruin my
shirt before dinner.
- Yeah, it's nice
(clears throat).
- I suppose I should just
come out with it already.
I'm stepping aside.
Farleigh clearly loves
you, and you him.
- I, I don't think that you,
that you understand, Dennis.
- No, I do, I do, it's fine.
Seriously, it's fine.
Farleigh and I had a great run.
(laughs) What's funny is
it's just I'm beginning
to understand what
Farleigh sees in you.
I can't help but
see it for myself.
(rhythmic, quietly
tense percussion)
I suppose after all
this time, I'm...
a little bit in
love with you, too.
(rhythmic, quietly
tense percussion)
- I can't believe
you just said that.
What time is
Farleigh coming back?
- 7:30.
(Jasper panting)
(energetic thumping percussion)
(belts jingling)
(lips smacking)
(Jasper panting)
(wrapper crinkling)
(lips smacking)
Slow down, slow down!
Slow down, slow down!
- Why, why?
- Slow down!
- I don't wanna slow down.
(rhythmic percussion)
(both moaning over
energetic hand claps)
(lips smacking)
(both moaning and gasping
over energetic hand claps)
(expressive vocal choir)
(Jasper sighing)
- This is, um, unexpected.
- (chuckles) You could say that.
- What about Farleigh?
- What about Farleigh?
- You were after him.
- Farleigh has to be,
what, 50 years old?
I'm not after Farleigh.
- But that night,
after the party,
Farleigh spent the night.
- He spent the night, it's
not like he didn't try, but,
hey, you are the
one that I want.
- I'm the one you want?
- Yes.
- Why?
- Because every time I'm with
you, my heart goes crazy.
- My plan was to ruin you.
(Jasper sighs)
Get dressed, get dressed.
- What?
- Farleigh's gonna
be here any minute.
(water bubbling over
pleasant ambient music)
Jasper and I--
- Slept together.
- I'm sorry.
- Why?
- Because I did it to hurt you.
Are you angry?
- Jealous, maybe.
- Jealous.
- I wish you had
ever looked at me
the way I've seen
you look at him.
- But I don't love Jasper.
- The first time he
came to our place,
I knew I would lose you to him.
- Then why did you hire him?
- Because I thought I
could still have him first.
- I'm not ready to leave you.
I love you.
- I know, and I loved you.
I do love you.
You know,
(expressive piano)
(scoffs) people
always told me that
I was a fool to keep you.
But, um, I was the young boy
who could not grow up, I
you were keeping me.
(Farleigh laughs)
(water splashing)
(unsettling and ominous
electronic music)
(slaps cracking)
- Hey, hey, Farleigh?
Hey!
(unsettling and ominous
electronic music)
Javi, can you call,
uh, 911, please?
(uneasy pulsing
electronic tones)
(pleasant but vaguely
uneasy ambient music)
- What you wanna hit, is
desire, in season six--
(voices become muffled and airy)
Shut, shut the fuck
up for a second.
Remember that it's
designed for life
and no, this isn't art.
I cared about Farleigh
as much as anybody,
so just give me a
smile, something to, OK.
You good?
- Si.
(door alarm beeping)
- Here we go.
(crowd chattering)
I don't know why they have,
this has happened so many times.
(crowd chattering)
I beg your pardon.
(crowd chattering over
uneasy acoustic guitar)
- [Paulette] I saw that.
(relaxed but vaguely
uneasy piano music)
- Been inside?
- I have, it's a madhouse.
I hear they're giving
your boy Jasper the show.
Out with the old,
in with the new.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--
(horns honking)
So how's life in probate?
- I have to find a
new place to live.
- [Paulette] I thought
he left you everything?
- Farleigh was up to
his eyeballs in debt.
It's no wonder he was
wanting me to get a job.
- Did you get anything?
- Couple hundred thousand.
Stashed it away in
some sort of trust.
- See, he did love you!
What are you going
to do with it?
- I applied to college, I
wanna teach art history.
- Good for you, you
always were the smart one.
(horns honking)
How's the kid doing?
- He keeps leaving messages.
I can't return the calls,
but I can't just seem to
delete the messages, either.
- You are smitten, I can tell.
- Don't tell Lonnie, OK?
He thinks I love him.
(Paulette chuckles)
- [Paulette] Come
on, it's starting.
Hey, you don't have to do this.
Come on, lemme take you home.
- [Javi] Damn, the fuck is this?
- I've watched you
do this for 10 years.
Trust me.
(pleasant acoustic guitar)
I can't help but feeling guilty.
- We've been through this,
it wasn't your fault.
- I didn't want all
this, not without him,
and yet, here I am.
(envelope rustling)
(pleasant acoustic guitar)
- Farleigh left me the,
the deed to the house?
- No, I'm giving it to you.
- You don't want it?
- It's a mausoleum now,
it was always Farleigh's.
I want something that's mine.
I know you want it,
you and Farleigh built
this house together.
It really should be yours.
- [Javi] We have
history you know.
(pleasant acoustic guitar)
(Javi gasps)
(pleasant ambient music)
(Dennis sniffles)
(footsteps clacking)
(water bubbling over
relaxed folk rock music)
- I miss you.
(wine bubbling)
(relaxed folk rock music)
- [Jasper] There you are.
I was hoping I'd at least
get to see you tonight.
- I'm sorry I left.
- Well, meanwhile, the network
wants to replace Farleigh
with Nate Berkus,
so I'm out of a job.
- Javi's looking
for a new pool boy.
- You know, Dennis, you weren't
the only one that loved him.
I miss Farleigh, too.
- I got you something,
don't you wanna know
what it is, Jasper?
Jasper, Jasper!
(water splashing)
(Jasper laughs)
- What?
- A job, I convinced
the producers
to keep you on as
Nate's assistant.
It's not much, but it's
better than pool boy wages.
- Dennis.
- Yes.
- (sighs) I love you.
- You don't understand love.
- I, but I mean it.
- Hold your breath.
(water bubbling)
("Temporary Tattoos"
by Stolen Horse)
Oh, take me out to see
And plunge me
into this I see
With you arms around
'Cause I'm too
scared I might drown
And I'll back out
'cause I'm fragile anyhow
Can't you see that it's new
And it's not in your head
That I'd rather
be that instead
Temporary tattoos
My arms run black and blue
When I'm around you
And with everything we do
It's still not breaking news
That I'd like you to
Can't you see that it's new
And it's not in your head
That I'd rather
be there instead
(pleasant folk rock music)
She looks out for him
While he's off broken
And distracted
by other things
And would she
bite her tongue