Kid Galahad (1962) Movie Script

Thanks, Mac.
Okay, now try it.
What did you do?
The high-tension lead from the coil
had jumped off the distributor, that's all.
You think they might be able to use
a mechanic around here?
I just park the truck here, Mac.
You have to talk to Prohosko.
He don't open until 8:00.
What's the matter with you?
There ain't nothing the matter with me.
Look. See?
Bag of sunbeams every morning.
- Where's Willy?
- He went shopping in the village.
At 7:30 in the morning, he goes shopping?
Well, he says it improves his credit
at Sperling's market.
You see, later in the day
the old man gets tired, and he can be tough.
- Lew, I asked you what's wrong.
- Please, Dolly...
I got 10 human tigers out there
waiting for my fatherly advice.
You know, there ain't nothing worse than a
suspicious dame first thing in the morning.
I'm sorry to barge in like this, ma'am,
but I couldn't get the bell to work.
That's the way it's supposed to be, soldier.
It keeps the guests from throwing punches
at the wrong time.
It's a nice place, you know. Real nice.
- Where?
- Here.
That's what I thought you said.
I was wondering if I could see Mr. Grogan.
He isn't here right now.
Are you a fighter?
No, ma'am. I just got out of the army,
and just happened to drop by.
I see.
Well, he should be back pretty soon.
You want a cup of coffee?
If it wouldn't be too much trouble,
yes, ma'am.
- Sugar?
- Thank you.
I guess I did gulp it down in a hurry,
didn't I?
Either you gulped it down in quite a hurry...
or you're the first two-legged horse
I've seen this year.
How long has it been
since you've had a meal?
It's not like that, ma'am. Honest. I just...
I got in town kind of early this morning.
There was nothing open.
Don't apologize.
Okay, soldier, come on.
The one thing about keeping chickens,
you never run out of breakfast.
You got some food for the army, Maynard?
Why?
Are things that tough at the Pentagon?
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
I'd hate to tell you how long it's been
since anybody did that for me.
There was a captain I knew in the army
used to do it for his wife all the time.
How about some eggs?
Yes, ma'am. Just any style at all. Thank you.
- What's your name, soldier?
- Walter Gulick.
You know, as nice and homey
as this place is...
I thought maybe you were a...
- Mrs. Grogan?
- That's what I was getting at.
Well, not yet, Walter.
You see, actually, I'm Mr. Grogan's fiance.
You haven't told me
why you wanted to see Mr. Grogan.
Well, for one reason,
I could use a job for a few days.
Fresh out of the army and dead broke?
I'm afraid that's about the size of it.
You see, I got in a crap game
with my separation pay...
and it got separated from me, you know.
- How do you happen to know Mr. Grogan?
- Well, I don't really.
It's a funny thing, though,
all my life I've always wanted to come here.
Here?
- To Cream Valley?
- Oh, yes.
- I've thought about it quite a lot.
- I see.
Well, I don't want to sound cynical
or anything, Walter, but why?
- Well, I was born here in Cream Valley.
- You're kidding.
Nobody was born in Cream Valley,
except Rip Van Winkle.
And occasionally you see a robin's egg.
My mother and father are buried here.
- I'm sorry.
- That's me and my folks there.
I was only 14 months old
when they passed away.
I was raised in Lowbridge, Kentucky,
with an aunt.
Oh, Kentucky, well.
Of course, my stopping off here
doesn't mean...
that I don't have plans for what I want to do.
All the time I was working in that motor pool
in Okinawa...
I was just looking forward
to the time when I could...
own my own garage in someplace
where I really belonged, you know?
I was just thinking, if Mr. Grogan
could use a mechanic around here...
it would be like coming home.
- You think there's a chance that...
- I wouldn't count on it, Walter.
You see, the way things have been
for Mr. Grogan...
Right now...
Actually, Harry,
things never looked better at the camp.
Just a matter of waiting for the money
to come in.
- $376.
- Should start rolling in any minute now.
Willy, please. Don't bother.
Since before you was born,
when your father started the camp there...
did I ever say no to a Grogan?
No.
Old friends are the best friends, Harry.
Not that you ain't just as much a bum
in your own right...
as your father was a gentleman.
Harry, listen.
Harry, let's understand one thing...
You'll never solve your problems
betting the horses, Willy.
And I can tell you right now...
I don't like what's going on
in the fight game these days.
I don't like what I read in the papers.
Don't you worry about what you read
in the papers.
I'll lay you 3-to-1 right now
when you understand the facts.
- Mr. Grogan, it's all in the car.
- Thanks, George.
Yes?
Yes, Mrs. Clotman,
I'll be happy to take your order.
Just got a fresh shipment in yesterday.
- Your name is Grogan?
- That's just possible.
- Who are you?
- O'Grady, Self Reliant Finance Company.
- Home office.
- Home office.
Do I have to have you fellows climbing
my back every day for a lousy $150?
I'm giving you the message, Mr. Grogan,
direct from the district manager.
Now, just a minute.
You're a big man, O'Grady. I'll tell you what.
I'll flip you, double or nothing.
We don't do it that way, Mr. Grogan.
Either you get up the dough,
or it's strictly heel and toe.
A poet, yet.
Look, George,
you couldn't have driven around in back?
This is where I always stop
when I make a delivery, Mr. Grogan.
You never complained before.
I never came back from the village
like a sack of potatoes before.
What happened to the convertible?
I loaned it to an Arab.
He was on his way to a picnic,
and his camel had trouble with its valves.
When I ask a simple question, I don't expect
I should have to listen to your lousy jokes.
What's the matter with you?
I got nobody to work out with my boy
this afternoon. That's one thing the matter...
That's because you're too cheap
to pay more than $5 a round.
And your boy thinks every workout is a war.
Here he is. You wait here.
Let me speak to him first.
Thank you.
What's with the soldier?
Who asked for a parade?
Not so loud, honey, please.
He just stopped by to see you.
- Yeah? And what's his angle?
- It isn't like that.
He's just looking for a job, that's all.
I gathered from what he told me,
he's some kind of an automobile specialist.
- A mechanic.
- A what?
You heard me, a mechanic.
Now, all I want you to do
is brush him off lightly.
Okay.
Walter.
Willy, this is Walter Gulick.
- Pleased to meet you, sir.
- I explained to Walter that...
there mightn't be anything available
in his line, especially at this time of year.
That's about it, soldier.
What I mean is, well, nobody ever
called Cream Valley a little Detroit.
I understand what you mean, sir.
About the only job open around here
is a sparring partner for this man's tiger.
- Well, he's the right size, ain't he?
- Oh, lay off, Howie.
For somebody without experience...
the kid could save himself time and trouble
by stepping in front of a train.
I've had experience, Mr. Grogan.
I did a lot of boxing in the army.
Now, wait a minute.
Mercy killings aren't allowed, not even here.
Why didn't you say you wanted
to be a fighter?
Well, it's not that I want to be a fighter,
it's just...
I've had experience,
and I could use the money.
I'm only in position to pay you
$5 a round, sonny.
- I'll take it.
- That's a deal.
- Willy, you can't let him do this.
- It's no skin off me. Talk to Zimmerman.
Man, you have a visitor.
This time it ain't a bookmaker.
- What kind of visitor?
- Otto Danzig.
No, no, no. He ain't up there.
Otto's not that careless.
He's waiting for you in that new motel
down the road.
- Willy.
- Hello.
- Hello, Otto.
- Hello, Willy. Sit down.
Sit down?
Meet some friends of mine, Willy.
Associates, let's say.
Marvin and Ralphie.
They're not New York boys,
so their faces won't be familiar...
to any boxing commissioner who drops by.
They're as legal as a nice game of checkers
in this state, Willy...
and they'll be staying with you for a while.
I'll take the tab for their board and room.
Not with me you don't, Otto. I'm not running
any nursery up here for adult delinquents.
- Sit down, Willy.
- Otto said, "Sit down."
Now, please. We've been in the fight game
a long time together.
You're a sociable fellow.
You like beer and conversation.
Yeah.
Your camp is also a nice place
for people to come calling.
Cops, lawyers, district attorneys.
You like to pick up a dollar,
and you like to talk.
That's an awkward combination.
Went all through that in Washington.
The investigation's over.
Investigations are like the Greyhound bus.
There's always another one coming along.
New York is next,
and that'll be the one that counts.
Grand jury in September.
I can't help that and I'll tell you...
Something else you can't help, Willy:
You're the only one who was in that
steam room with Rocky Virgil.
That's what everybody knows
and what they won't forget.
I don't know who came into that room
and worked over Rocky.
The steam was as thick as split-pea soup.
I couldn't see and I didn't hear.
The only voice I heard was Rocky's voice.
And he was yelling like a stuck pig.
I spelled that out for the committee,
didn't I? As plain as my own name?
Yes, you were beautiful.
That's why Marvin and Ralphie are going
to be with you from now until September.
Just to make sure
you don't change your mind.
Look, Otto...
Otto, I don't want these torpedoes
hanging around my place.
Do I make myself clear?
Well, let me put it this way, Willy.
Rocky Virgil used to talk a lot like you.
Joie, come here.
Here, put this on.
Now listen, Joie,
I want you to take it nice and easy in there.
It's not like we're trying to win
the Olympics from the Russians every time.
You make me laugh. You're always worried.
What you worried about?
How do you want me to work him?
Easy. Keep sticking him. Easy. That's all.
This sort of thing a kid like you
shouldn't do, unless you've got two heads.
Which I ain't sure you ain't got.
Hello, peaches.
You know, you're a real lucky girl.
You're gonna find me available
for the whole season at no extra charge.
I wouldn't have called you at the store,
Rose, honey, unless it was an emergency.
It's hard to talk like this
with customers waiting, Willy.
Less than a month ago I sent you...
What'd you say?
I said, I like to keep a thing like this
in the family...
because, well,
blood is thicker than chowder.
That's what Pop used to say, remember?
Willy, please. This is a bad time for me.
I told you, I've got customers waiting.
All right, then, just put it in an envelope,
but without the lecture.
I wouldn't want to keep you
from your customers.
Okay, thank you.
Time.
Joie, please, take your time in there.
Hey, Walter, in case you want to duck
once in a while...
it ain't against the rules.
- This sort of thing is legal?
- You don't need a license to be stupid.
I'll lay you 3-to-1,
the kid don't last the round.
What happened? Did Joie trip?
Joie, please.
We can't afford to get knocked
out by this zombie.
Joie! Joie, can't you hear me?
I didn't mean to knock him out.
Getting a little uncomfortable in here,
you know.
Do I still get my $5?
About the $5...
Make sure this pigeon don't get away.
- You guys ready to go?
- Sure.
Hey, Joie. Come on.
How are we supposed to sing without you?
What did you hit me with? A bomb?
- Just one of those things.
- Come on, Joie. Let's go.
I think they want you over there.
Come on, why don't you come
and sing with us? Come on.
And you can sing, too?
Come on, let's get a cup of coffee.
These guys are going steady now.
You know, that Walter's a very nice kid.
Never mind how nice he is.
I hear enough of that from Dolly.
I told her the only important thing
about him is...
he's got an ax in his right hand,
and a bowling ball for a head.
How come the punches don't bother him?
Just one of those things, Willy.
He's the kind of guy you hit on the chin
and nothing disconnects.
- Marciano had it, remember?
- Yeah.
You know, he don't even blink
when he's belted.
- Like there was no fuse up there to blow.
- That's what I was thinking.
There ought to be a dollar to be made
with that kind of a knot head.
I'm keeping him around.
I've learned enough about human nature
to know the world's full of jerks...
and they'll love this guy on TV.
Come on, Willy, what's the matter with you?
All he's ever had
was a few lousy fights in the army.
He can't even hold up his hands.
- He can learn, can't he?
- Oh, yeah, "He can learn, can't he?"
Like a calf learns not to walk
on the tracks after it's been hit by a train.
Let's not worry about him, huh, Lew?
Another beer?
Dolly said she was putting a fresh pot
of coffee on.
Okay.
Hey, what'd Dolly say when she heard...
the finance company put the clamp
on your convertible?
She didn't waste much time with that.
She was more teed-off over Otto's
bird-dogs moving in.
- That'll be another dime, Howie, dear.
- Here you go, fatso.
- Howie, where's your fighter?
- He went in the kitchen with Golden Boy.
Oh, it's Ralphie.
I'm sorry. It wouldn't have happened...
but he don't know how to behave himself
with a lady.
- Thanks, Galahad.
- What?
Look. There's one thing
I want to make perfectly plain.
- Who's Galahad?
- Shut up. Who needs him?
You're a big girl now. And when you're
not big enough, you call on me.
Look, you two can have a nice fight later,
all right?
Dolly, please take Eagle Scout away
before Ralphie wakes up and kills him.
- To where?
- Anywhere. Just get him out of here.
Okay, come on.
- How could the army afford to let you go?
- Now, wait a minute.
Willy, be sensible, huh? Maynard.
Howie, you should've seen him.
- What a beautiful right hand...
- Forget it, Joie, go to your room...
before the trouble starts.
Now, like I asked you, who's Galahad?
Howie, didn't you ever go to school
or read a book?
I'm not asking for smart answers
to a simple question.
Besides, I'm paid up here two weeks
in advance.
Galahad was a knight in a tin suit.
A hero with a halo.
You understand that?
Very courteous to broads, as I remember.
Galahad was what they call
a Knight of the Round Table, Howie.
He was also something of a square.
I can't state this as a positive fact,
but he probably died very young.
- It's a real nice place.
- It's nice enough.
I used to work here, singing.
- You did?
- We won't go into that.
Hey, you got a dime?
Look. Go inside Lieberman's here,
there's a phone booth on the right.
The number is Cream Valley 1732.
You get Lew on the phone and
ask him if it's all right if we come back now.
Is that you, Dolly?
- Did you have to sneak up on me?
- You know me, Dolly...
- always minding the store.
- Yeah.
- We missed you, Dolly.
- Thank you, Max.
The same nice families
keep coming up and they all ask:
- "How's Dolly?"
- That's very nice.
Anytime you want to leave
that hooligan down the road...
your old job's waiting for you right here.
I think you know better than that, Max.
It's love, huh?
Well, if that's the right word for it, yes.
I met him right here.
Right here, three summers ago.
It's no different now?
Why kid myself?
It's still just like a ride on a rocket,
whenever he's nice to me.
That young soldier,
they expect to make a fighter out of him?
I imagine they will.
Over somebody's dead body.
Very likely his own.
What's he expect to find in there?
John L. Sullivan?
It's kind of a surprise.
Something I saw earlier.
- Saw what?
- You'll see.
Oh, you mean that thing?
I'll show you. Come on.
Grab a hold of the other one.
- Get out of here.
- Why not?
For two bucks, right down the road...
you can hire a horse, that's why not.
We don't need no horse, Lew.
Come on, let's pull it down.
I want to show you something.
All right, Galahad. Boy, I'm telling you...
Wait a minute.
I'm telling you,
you're not gonna get that thing out of there.
Go down the road, get the horse.
I'll tell you what: Let's try one more time.
If it don't go, we'll get the horse. Okay?
All right, pull.
Horses, huh?
- Hello, Willy.
- Rose.
What goes on? I don't get it.
I took an early train
and then a taxi from the station.
But why? You know I don't want you
hanging around here.
It's not the same as when Pop was alive.
You're not a kid anymore.
Willy, please.
I came up because of what you asked me
on the phone the other day.
- The $200.
- Oh, yeah.
I've been kind of expecting it,
but I figured maybe the mail was slow.
I didn't mail it, Willy.
The more I thought about it,
the more I realized...
that it wasn't the money going down
a rathole, like the Republicans say.
- It was the principle.
- What are you talking about?
I had a talk with Mr. Provardis.
He's in cost accounting at the store.
- Mr. Provardis said for what...
- Mr. Provardis said...
Mr. Provardis said for what you're charging
up here a week, just room and board...
- it's impossible not to make money.
- I don't care what...
Actually, talking with Mr. Provardis,
I decided what we need up here...
- is a complete reorganization...
- Now, wait a minute...
- Don't shout.
- Reorganization. Rose, honey...
Be patient. The fact is...
you couldn't reorganize the part in your hair
unless I drew you a map.
Now the thing for you to do...
while I'm in a nice mood about it,
is to pick up the phone...
and call another cab. That way you
won't miss your afternoon train back.
I'm not going back, Willy.
I took a leave of absence from the store.
- But you can't stay up here.
- I'm sorry.
- I feel I have an obligation.
- You have a what?
Obligation. I own 50% of this place.
- So what?
- Besides, I'm your sister.
So it won't do any good for you
to shout at me.
Look, Rose, baby, let me explain it to you.
How do you like it?
I don't know. What are you gonna do
with that, besides wear it for Halloween?
- It could be beautiful, Lew.
- Beautiful?
Come on, kid,
you haven't taken that many punches.
You just don't know
character when you see it.
This thing has got more character than
anything I've ever seen.
Oh, now it's got character.
I'll be doggoned, a flower vase.
Look at that, Lew.
You think people were different
in those days, huh?
I doubt it.
We were the same kind of stinkers then,
just like now.
What do you expect to come up with now,
a homemade cake?
Don't bother taking it off.
As I was trying to say about the $200, Willy.
It's not as if I was trying to hold out
on my own brother.
I told you it was an emergency, didn't I?
Now look, this...
Dolly, this is my kid sister, Rose.
Rose, this is Miss...
Miss Fletcher.
- How do you do, Miss Fletcher?
- Hello.
Dolly, that is, Miss Fletcher...
sort of helps out sometimes.
She just happened to drop by this morning.
Well, I'm very glad to have met you,
Miss Grogan.
Very nice meeting you.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing. It's love in bloom.
Goodbye. I've watched it bloom before.
Look, Dolly,
this may seem funny to you, but...
the kid doesn't know about us.
I gathered that much. I can even quote you.
"Rose, this is Miss, what's her name.
"She just happened to drop
by this morning."
Were you so scared
you couldn't remember my name?
- Dolly...
- What is there to know about us, anyway?
Am I a lady barber or something?
They've got sex in the Bronx, too,
so what's the mystery?
I'm trying to tell you.
She's only a baby. A protected baby.
Oh, come off it. Babies aren't built like that.
And besides...
if you're such a blue-nosed Puritan
about your sister...
then just forget it.
I didn't know she was coming up here,
understand?
- I just wasn't prepared.
- I know.
You're not prepared for a lot of things.
I'm beginning to get the idea.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, ma'am.
It's all right. I don't scare easily.
- I was looking for Mr. Grogan.
- He's in the kitchen.
Do you work here?
Well, kind of. I more or less get dirtied up
around the place.
- Are you a fighter?
- Not really.
A lot of people have different ideas
about it, though.
I see.
Do you belong up here?
I mean, I've never seen you around before.
I'm Willy's sister.
You are?
What's funny?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Galahad! Hey, Galahad.
- Who's Galahad?
- That's me.
Excuse me.
- Nice to have met you.
- Thank you.
He knows about cars?
Are you kidding?
Like Edison knew about light sockets.
For instance, he could put a carburetor right
up your nose without making you sneeze.
- All right, knock it off.
- Yeah?
Zimmerman says this heap conked
out on him. And he's not out of gasoline.
Okay.
- Rose!
- I'm out here.
- So what's there to see?
- Just the country.
- Things you don't see in the Bronx anymore.
- That's fine.
I'll remember to send you a picture.
Tomorrow you'll be back in the Bronx.
Yeah? Jerry.
Jerry, I'm glad you got back to me.
The reason I called
was about that 10-round television spot...
you've got open next week.
Local, not network.
That's what I figured you.
Willy, let me talk to Zimmerman.
I want to use one of his boys.
Zimmerman?
Now what makes you think you're
gonna need one of those sleepwalkers...
Zimmerman could offer you?
Jerry, I wouldn't try to sell you
a short package anymore than I'd try...
to frame the League of American Mothers.
We've been friends too long for that.
Jerry.
Jerry, I know for a fact
Zimmerman left for Boston half an hour ago.
He's still...
- Good luck in Boston, Joie.
- Thank you, I'll need it.
I'll miss you, Galahad.
What did I tell you about the way
the kid tunes a car, huh?
So it's running, I grant you. Thank you.
What "thank you"? That's all?
He can live on gasoline fumes? Pay him.
It was nothing, Lew, it was nothing.
In a service station,
would they say it was nothing?
- Come on, pay him.
- Stay out of it, Lew.
The kid said it was nothing,
then I'm satisfied it was nothing.
Now there goes a real fast man
with a buck, that Zimmerman.
- Hey, what's this thing?
- A U-bolt I want to retread.
I wonder if Willy's got some tools
I could use.
Tools? The only tools around here
are a can-opener and a shovel. Maybe.
You want to monkey with tools?
You go right down the road to the village...
- Prohosko's garage, tell him I sent you.
- Prohosko's?
Yeah. Peter J. Prohosko.
A very good friend of mine.
I saw it on the way in.
I'll go down there as soon as I clean
up in the barn. Thanks, Lew.
It just happens
there is a big strong kid available.
A big strong kid?
How come I never heard of him?
Where'd he come from?
- Who handles him?
- I'm his manager, naturally.
He's fresh out of the service.
He won 17 straight knockouts.
Seventeen straight knockouts? Where?
Where?
Well, actually,
he did most of his fighting in Australia.
He was stationed in that area for two years.
Rose!
Why would I lie?
Quiet. Both of you. I'm talking business.
Excuse me, Jerry. No, he fights
under the name of Kid Galahad.
No, not Gavilan. Galahad.
That's right, like in the storybook.
You know, it's romantic,
and they'll love him on TV.
Available to you for $1,000.
Well, if you're in a jam, Jerry, I'll let him go
for $750, but not a quarter less.
Albany was always a fair city.
That's right. One week from tonight.
You've got a deal.
Who's he supposed to fight in Albany?
Oh, just some clown.
I'll talk to you about it later.
Wait, let's talk about it now. What clown?
Ezzard Bailey.
Ten rounds at the Capital Casino.
- Willy, how can you do a thing like that?
- Lay off, Lew.
The kid's never had a professional fight
in his life and you know it.
And Ezzard Bailey is no clown.
All right, so I get 33.3%.
It just so happens I can use the money.
Why do you both
have to look at me like that?
He should feel this happy coming back.
- This thing don't ride bad, does it?
- So did Fulton's steamboat.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Suppose somebody sees me in this thing?
Make a fist.
- Too tight?
- No, it feels all right.
- Nervous?
- A little bit. Feel it right here, you know.
Ain't the only place you're gonna feel it.
Will you stop running, Willy?
How can I talk to you?
Jerry, you got a nasty suspicious nature.
It's what's wrong with the world.
Listen, lamb-eyes, how do I know...
you can punch your way
through a cloud of cigar smoke?
- Sixteen knockouts...
- I sent you his records, didn't I?
Yeah, I know. 16 knockouts in Australia.
- I never said that.
- Please, Willy, I'm asking him.
Seventeen straight knockouts in Australia.
I can read, too.
Thanks, Lew. It never hurts to be accurate.
Who did you fight in Australia, kid?
A pack of sick kangaroos?
He fought guys that'd make the skin
stand up on your head.
- Name one.
- Name one.
Elio "Tarzan-Boy" Pincus, for example.
Elio was a sensation until this kid...
Willy, I don't want to hear anymore
of your double talk. You name one.
Don't answer that.
You've got your constitutional rights.
Are you trying to bug my boy five
minutes before he steps into the ring?
You want to take that up
with the boxing commissioner, right now?
- Willy this is my fight...
- And that's my fighter.
A clean-cut American boy,
straight out of the army.
What'd you think when you read
all that phony publicity about yourself?
You mean about the 17 knockouts?
Yeah.
At first, I kind of felt sorry for Willy.
- Sorry for him?
- He's not a bad guy, Lew.
Maybe he's got reasons for being a liar.
- It'd be nice if we could help him out.
- Help him out?
How about you? Look at that.
Suppose you step out there in that ring...
and Ezzard Bailey separates you
from what little brains you got left, huh?
I've been thinking about that, too.
Galahad, you're a bum.
Why don't you go home
and get your shield?
Oh, Galahad!
Oh, Galahad.
Don't let it bug you, kid.
Cream puff from Cream Valley. Go on home.
Rub your shoes in the rosin.
Make it look like
you know what you're doing.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the feature attraction...
the main event of the evening...
ten rounds of boxing...
conducted under the rules of the
New York State Athletic Commission.
Introducing, from the East Side
of New York...
weighing 181 pounds...
wearing black trunks...
Ezzard "Bobo" Bailey!
And his opponent, wearing white trunks,
at 180 pounds...
that promising young newcomer...
from Cream Valley, New York...
Kid Galahad!
- He should be arrested.
- Who?
Your brother, naturally.
He's responsible for this.
And now giving instructions,
your referee, Tommy Hart.
All right, boys.
We've already covered the instructions
in the dressing rooms.
So if there's no questions...
I want you to shake hands now,
go to your corners, and come out fighting.
Now, cover up your head once in a while.
Like I told you,
it's not a disgrace to block a punch.
Good luck, Kid.
Grab him!
Galahad, grab him!
Willy, I'm telling you,
I can't stand to watch this much longer.
Excuse me. Must've slipped down.
Sure. One more slip like that
and he'll bury you.
Five, six, seven...
eight, nine... All right.
- Felix.
- Yeah, Chief.
Get me two boys ready
for an emergency bout.
That lollipop, Galahad, won't last the round.
They'll be screaming for their money back.
Oh, that Grogan.
You wait till I get my hands on him.
Johnny, let's go!
Stop it.
Why can't they stop it now?
One, two, three...
four, five, six...
Get up.
Eight, nine, ten. You're out.
Correction, Jerry. 18 knockouts in a row.
Hello, tiger. Let me see what's left of you.
Well, I've seen fellows look worse
after a fall off a 40-foot ladder.
- Wasn't a bad fight, son.
- Thank you, Mr. Prohosko.
I think everybody enjoyed it
a little better than I did, though.
- The greatest fight I ever saw on TV, kid.
- Thank you.
Five different times
I thought you were dead.
Did you hear where
they introduced him from last night?
You bet I heard it.
- Every single word of it.
- "From Cream Valley, New York...
"Kid Galahad."
Frankly, it did something to me.
Did you get the same feeling, Pete?
I'd be a liar if I said I didn't.
And that goes for me, too.
- Nice going, kid.
- Thank you.
All these other muscle-heads
been training up here, not one of them...
said he was from Cream Valley.
I want to pay you for those re-threads
you let me have last week.
There's no hurry about it.
I figure she'll be ready
for a spray job pretty soon.
I want to know if it'd be all right
for me to use your garage tonight.
For you? Why wouldn't it be all right?
The shop is yours.
Thank you.
Now, there goes my kind of a boy.
Do you mean you're gonna walk right up
to him like bygones was bygones, Max?
Like nothing ever happened?
We live in an age where every dove
of peace has an angle or a proposition.
I think we've got the kind he'll listen to.
- Happy Fourth of July!
- Who's smiling?
If that's going to be your attitude, Willy...
Never mind my attitude.
All of a sudden, after three whole years...
you get democratic enough
to set your foot in my joint? Why?
If you'll kindly shut up long enough,
I'll give you two reasons.
- We can go inside?
- Who's stopping you?
First, as I was about to say, Willy,
it's the 4th of July, a day on which...
I've got no objection
to visiting with a fellow veteran.
Big deal.
Secondly, I am here with Harry,
on behalf of...
- the Cream Valley Chamber of Commerce.
- Another big deal.
From which you would not have been
blackballed, incidentally...
if it had not been
for that investigation in Washington.
- I can stand the loss.
- Willy...
- you better listen to Max.
- So? I'm listening.
A suggestion was made, Willy,
on account of how everybody...
myself included,
seems to like this young Galahad so much.
A suggestion was made...
that this year, over the Labor Day weekend,
we might sponsor a boxing show.
- With Galahad?
- No, with Max Schmeling. Who else?
What the committee has in mind
is Galahad and a suitable opponent...
at the fairgrounds.
We would draw from the whole resort
area, of course, not just from here.
Well, all I can tell you sharpshooters
right now is that Galahad will be expensive.
We didn't expect to pay the boy off
in Green Stamps.
- How about it, Willy?
- I'll take it.
But as I say...
he's gonna cost you.
I just haven't figured out how much yet.
It's pretty, isn't it?
- Hey, Galahad!
- What?
- Hello, Lew.
- You coming to the picnic with us?
Nope. I'm going in that.
In that?
First time I've had her on the road
since her new paint job, Lew.
I thought I'd give this picnic
some real class, you know?
Well, if Rose don't mind looking like
she's sitting in a can of ripe tomatoes...
you know, why not?
All right, we'll see you there.
Hey!
Why did she have to go off
in that beet-juice jalopy with him?
You're asking me?
She could've gone with Maynard and Lew,
couldn't she?
Willy, when you're 21
and you look like Rose...
you don't have to ride
with Lew and Maynard.
What's that supposed to mean?
You want diagrams?
- Now look, Dolly...
- That's just what I'm going to do.
Look at Maynard's corned beef.
I promised I'd put a low flame under it.
Mr. Grogan?
- Mr. Grogan?
- That's right.
My name is Frank Gerson.
I'm a guest of Lieberman's.
What can I do for you?
I also happen to be one of the assistant
District Attorneys for Manhattan.
That's a great help to everybody.
We've got nothing to talk about.
I doubt that.
New York's as curious as Washington
about Otto Danzig.
Sorry. I never knew the answers
in the first place.
If you don't know
who did that job on Rocky...
why are these imported hoodlums
sitting on your front doorstep...
twenty-three and a half hours every day?
Do you mind if I tell you something
off the record?
Please do.
Otto doesn't believe me, either.
Plenty of food, plenty of food.
You think you've eaten lobster before,
Maynard, just wait till you taste this.
Well, Maynard?
I ain't saying this lobster is for the birds...
but I'd rather be eating my own corned beef.
Lobster? I think I'd like some of that.
Is it good?
Fine, Father.
Come on, let's do it again, Galahad.
We're just getting warm.
You get any warmer,
you're gonna melt the guitar.
Walter?
That fight that Mr. Lieberman
and the others...
were talking about
for the Labor Day weekend?
I mean, what's the point of it?
What do you mean, for me,
or for the Chamber of Commerce?
For you, of course.
Well, it means a lot of money.
Do you want to fight?
Get all banged up again,
like you fell down three flights of stairs?
- Is that what you want?
- Nope.
Then don't do it. Tell them no.
Well, there's only one thing wrong with that.
I wouldn't get the money.
- Who cares?
- Me. I care.
I need it. I've made plans.
You think I did all right?
You cooked this great. It cuts real fine.
Let's get one thing settled, Lew.
Exactly what time was it
when you saw Rose leave the picnic?
I told you before. 6:30, 6:45, 6:50...
I didn't make a note of it.
What's all the commotion about?
She was with Galahad, wasn't she?
I know who she was with.
And I'll tell you something else I know...
it's 8:40.
- Could she be safer with the FBI?
- Which way were they going?
I told you that before, too.
Back toward the village.
You're sure?
Man, how could anybody in our racket
not recognize that jalopy?
- It's the same color as a bloody nose.
- Very funny. How would you like one?
Little father.
Few things I wanted to finish
before Lew puts me back in training.
Mr. Prohosko doesn't mind
you coming in here like this...
- and using the place after hours?
- Mind?
Mr. Prohosko?
I wasn't gonna tell you
about Mr. Prohosko yet...
but after September,
we're gonna be partners.
You and Mr. Prohosko, partners?
If everything works out all right, he wants
to retire, so that's why I need the money.
- And no more fights?
- No more fights.
There won't be any need for any.
Well, it's like it had to happen.
- Well, what I'm trying to say is...
- Yes?
What I mean is,
I dropped the bolt. Excuse me.
- What kind of a bolt was it, Walter?
- Quarter inch.
How big was it?
A quarter inch bolt is a quarter inch.
It's about this big.
Walter.
What do you do when you feel like this?
People usually get married, I understand.
It's about the best and safest thing to do.
Picnics are wonderful, Willy.
Good night.
Come here, Galahad.
Who invited you to go cruising
in that jalopy with my sister today?
I'm sorry, Willy. What?
You heard me. Where did you go with her?
Well, for one thing, we went to the picnic.
That's not the one thing I'm concerned with.
Lew and Maynard have been back for hours.
Where else did you go?
- Now, wait a minute.
- I don't expect to wait.
The thing for us to do right now
is get straightened out.
You're here for one reason,
to train for a fight...
and you'll take your orders from me.
One of those orders is:
Keep away from Rose.
I'm sorry you feel that way, Willy.
I think Rose is old enough
to make a decision for herself.
Is she?
So the two of you can sneak off
in that red tin can...
looking for any cabbage patch
the two of you can find?
You've got a dirty mind, Willy.
We were cutting up real wild tonight.
First of all,
we went to Henry's Hamburger Haven...
we held hands on top of the table
for an hour and a half. Is that so bad, huh?
Don't get cute with me, you punk.
- After that we went to Prohosko's.
- Prohosko's?
Did you bother getting out of the car?
You have got a dirty mind.
The important thing for you to know, Willy,
is we decided to get married in September.
Married?
You decided to get married?
We decided, Willy. We.
It's a two-party arrangement, you know.
You've been sniffing
too many gasoline fumes, Galahad.
My sister's not marrying any meatball.
Is that plain enough?
Don't call me a meatball, Willy. I don't like it.
I got plans for what I intend to do,
and it's not stopping punches with my head.
So you wind up a grease monkey
in some broken-down garage.
That's for my sister?
I'm supposed to roll out the champagne?
Roll out the champagne or stale beer.
I don't care what you roll out, that's left
up to you. The rest depends on Rose.
Nobody asked you to come here.
All you had were your empty pockets...
- and a shine on the seat of your pants.
- Don't push me, Willy.
I'm a grease monkey
that won't slide so easily.
How long you think it's taken me
to find out the score up here?
This is a business, Willy.
Feeding yourself from the blood and sweat
of these "meatballs," as you call them?
Is that the smart way, Willy?
With two hoodlums riding you so close...
you can't even scratch
without a written permission?
Running back and forth to a bookie joint
like a scared kid late for school.
- Shut up.
- No, that's not for me, Willy.
If I spill anybody's blood after Labor Day,
it'll be my own.
- One reason, I'm not frightened by work.
- Shut up, I said.
You can't yell loud enough
to make me shut up.
And I'll tell you what I think
of the fight game. I think it stinks.
And when I get out of it what I want,
I'm quitting. I'm through.
No, I'm not marrying Rose
because she's your sister, Willy...
but in spite of it.
I'm waiting, Willy. I'm waiting.
Stop it.
- What's the matter with you, anyway?
- What's the matter with me?
This cream-headed clown wants to marry
my sister. That's what's the matter with me.
At least he's not asking her to hang
around for three or four years, Willy.
Well, Willy?
Look, Marvin, I may be annoyed at this boy,
like I say.
I may have had a real bellyful of all
that's sweet and beautiful about him, but...
I told you.
Galahad's opponent
will be Sugarboy Romero.
How do you know that? Jerry Bathgate's
handling it for the Chamber of Commerce.
Jerry's had his instructions.
He doesn't dare blow his nose
two nostrils at a time...
- unless Otto gives him the word.
- Come off it.
If these two guys were handcuffed together,
Galahad couldn't hit Romero...
with a six-quart bucket of beans.
Then you know about the Sugarboy, huh?
Why wouldn't I know about him?
I saw him out on the coast last year, once
in Los Angeles, another time in Tijuana.
He was handled by his uncle, or somebody.
He's no longer handled by his uncle.
Look...
nobody's trying to hurt your boy,
or kill a golden goose.
All Otto wants is a nice payday
for Sugarboy.
And the chance to cover all the bets the
local sports will want to make on Galahad.
- Now that makes sense, doesn't it?
- Yeah...
- for Otto.
- Otto?
What, are you putting me on, or something?
You're in hock up to your eyebrows
with six bookmakers I can name.
Horses won't pay off for you
the way this thing will.
You put your end of your purse on Romero.
It's your only chance to get even.
Look, Willy,
like it or not, Otto has adopted you.
You're one of the family.
Use the left hook.
That's it. Left, then right.
Hold it. Come over here a minute.
Give me some right crosses.
Just cross your right over here.
Just hold the left there, then the right ones.
Good.
- That's all for today, kid.
- I only went a couple rounds.
Don't worry about it. If you get any sharper,
you're liable to punch yourself in the leg.
Go ahead. Take a shower.
Don't cool it. Run.
Nice going, kid.
I bet you worked up a big appetite.
I've got a steak for you like a...
"Memories of Atlantic City."
Oh, love in bloom again.
Now get out.
Who asked you to come in here
while I was dressing, anyway?
- When did this start?
- Right now.
Why don't you throw something else?
It'll make you feel better.
- I'm all out of cheap souvenirs.
- Look, Dolly...
Never mind, the "look, Dolly."
I've had three years of "look, Dolly,"
and I get more allergic to it every day.
So that's why all of a sudden
you're going back to work for Lieberman?
Just leave well enough alone.
- Get away from me.
- You don't mean it, angel.
This is one song and dance
we will not go into.
- Come on, now.
- Willy, put your hands back in your pockets.
This is no time for your usual shell game.
I've had it too many times.
You know, three years...
Three years ago, when I quit Lieberman's...
we were gonna turn
this miserable cauliflower patch...
into something we'd be proud of.
Be fair. I'm only trying to get on my feet.
You've been on and off your feet
like Humpty Dumpty for three long years.
Come on, will you stop giving me
the same needle.
We were going to turn this place
into another Lieberman's. Remember?
With the added touch
of your sweet Irish charm.
- Yeah.
- But I'll tell you what this place is...
if you must know.
This is Lieberman's.
After the garbage hit the fan.
So I missed the boat a couple of times.
Does that mean it's too late now?
A thousand horse races too late.
All the times you conned me...
so many times we could've papered
this barn with losing tickets.
You don't just throw away
three years like this, angel.
- You don't, huh?
- No.
Well, let me tell you something.
It's already thrown away.
A little sweat and honest effort...
would have been worth
all the speeches and the promises.
And if you haven't had it by now, I have.
Well, a little something I overlooked.
Tijuana, Mexico.
I was your fiance.
Pardon the expression.
Girl in cabin six.
So much for Tijuana.
That's where we first saw Sugarboy Romero.
That's right.
One look at Sugarboy and you can see
why Mexico only needs a small army.
- Very funny.
- Willy...
Willy, I know you're not fond of marriage...
for any member of your family,
but last night...
Last night, when I needed you,
you let me down like a rock.
- I was only trying to tell that young punk...
- I know what you were telling him.
You were so teed off at the idea
of Rose getting married...
that you arranged to have his brains
knocked out by Romero.
It's just that you and marriage
have never learned to mix.
All right.
All right, what?
I lay you 3-to-1, angel,
I never bet on another horse.
What's the matter? What did I do now?
You'll probably never know. Excuse me.
- Sorry, Chuck.
- It's okay, kid.
Time.
When he throws a left hook,
that right of yours is great. It's great.
- Willy, we're just doing great.
- That's fine.
Start working on the left hook.
All lefts. Left jabs.
Time.
Frankly, the kid's much improved.
This way he don't figure to get murdered
by Romero. Just a few weeks in the clinic.
Look at him. Look at that kid work, huh?
Fine.
Garfield.
It wouldn't look right, me going upstairs
in uniform to a bookie joint.
Not this time of the morning, anyhow.
- Maybe yes, maybe no.
- I'd like to bet a few dollars on Galahad.
All right, give it to me later.
You know, everybody in this town
is trying to throw their cash at me.
From the barber to the mayor.
The mayor, too?
- Well, here we are.
- We are?
We talk to him here?
- Fill out the papers and things now?
- I'm pretty sure.
Excuse me. Could we see Father Higgins?
Of course. Won't you come in?
- Please sit down.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Rose Grogan!
Why didn't you say it was you?
Well, you've grown up to be the fine big girl
your father always said you'd be.
Thank you.
Father, this is Walter Gulick.
- Father.
- I know.
I saw the two of you in church
a few times, and I took the trouble to ask.
I've heard them talking about you
all over town, Galahad.
It mightn't hurt if you carried
your shield a little higher.
Father, the reason we dropped in
to see you this morning...
I know the reason you dropped in to see me.
One look at you
and it's obvious you didn't come here...
to make arrangements for a wake. Sit down.
How long have you known him, Rose?
A few months.
Well, that could be too short a time
in some situations...
and too long a time in others.
- When do you plan being married?
- Next month, Father.
It'll take a month, anyhow,
with the publishing of the banns.
- You know what you're getting into, I hope.
- I'm sure I do.
And you know how it is in this league, Rose.
There's no second time around.
You buy a pig in a poke
and you darn well better learn to like pork.
- I love him.
- Well, it's a wonderful motive.
Not the most original, but certainly the best.
I guess we can start filling out the papers.
- You were baptized someplace, I gather?
- Yes, Father.
- I have the certificate with me.
- Where were you baptized?
Right here.
No, you misunderstand me, son.
I asked where you were baptized.
Yes, I know. Right here in Cream Valley.
I don't get it.
All I've heard in town,
in Dolce's Barber Shop, for instance...
where they've got your picture on the wall...
is that you came from some little town
in Kentucky.
Well, that's where I was brought up,
but I was born here, Father.
"Church of St. Stanislaus, August the 14th,
1939, Walter Joseph Gulick."
Well, I'll have to check this with the records,
of course. Meanwhile...
congratulations to both of you.
- And welcome home.
- Thank you, Father.
Keep crowding him, keep crowding him.
Move.
- You know the Model T Ford he fixed up?
- Yeah.
Turned down $1,000 from an antique dealer.
He's gonna be my partner, too.
What?
I'll tell you one thing
about this young Galahad...
a Benny Leonard he ain't, but he's willing.
Yeah, you bet.
That's it. Keep crowding him.
Keep crowding him, kid.
Get it up. Get it up there.
Right up. Keep the right up. All right, time.
Thanks, Orlando. That's all for now.
How was I doing?
You were all right, dancing around
with a welterweight, with speed.
But, now I've got a guy coming into the ring
with six hands and a buggy whip.
It's his job to slap you silly,
until you're really in shape.
What are you talking about, Lew?
You heard what he said,
and he's not kidding.
- Joie!
- Galahad, how are you?
- Just fine.
- Good to see you.
- Great fight in Boston, man.
- Knocked him out in the first round.
I thought I'd come up and help you out
before the big fight.
- You ain't gonna knock me out, are you?
- Let's see what happens.
Let's go. Honeymoon's over. Time.
Joie, throw a left hook.
Oh, no you don't.
This guy did this to me once before.
He's rough.
You better get me a headgear, pal.
- Hey, where did you learn that jab?
- Come on, I'll show you.
You've been doing a lot of work.
So what? These two clowns together
couldn't handle Romero with a baseball bat.
I wonder.
- Well, Father!
- Hello, Father.
- Hello, Max.
- It's Father Higgins!
That's the stuff. Come on, Galahad.
Keep that guard up.
Good boy, Galahad.
Hey, who's working out who here?
Left. Jab left, Galahad.
Now cross. Hit him!
I never knew you were such a fight fan, Max.
Well, it's only...
Well, it's the Chamber of Commerce,
for one thing...
and I happen to like this boy.
It's not like the old days.
Fighters were fighters then, Father.
"KO" Phil Kaplan, Augie Ratner,
Battling Levinsky.
I remember them
like they were here in front of us.
I'm telling you,
even the little men were giants then.
Jack Bernstein, Louis "Kid" Kaplan,
"Ruby" Goldstein, "Corporal Izzy" Schwartz.
I could go back even further, to Abe Attel...
Well?
All right then, "Harlem" Tommy Murphy.
Thank you.
Want another cup of coffee, Lew?
I'm packing in for the night.
This will do for me. Hey, where's Willy?
That's easy. The same place he's been
the last three nights.
- What are you talking about?
- Over at Lieberman's.
Like a big grasshopper,
hidden in the flora and the fauna.
Get out of here. Willy?
He's carrying a torch for Dolly.
Like life ain't worth a chopped chicken
liver sandwich without her.
Maynard, you mean to tell me he goes
over to Lieberman's, sneaks in to see her?
Like I say, he merges with the flora
and the fauna, whatever...
just to get a chance to see her,
to hear her sing a song.
How do you like that?
You know, just between the two of us,
Lew, for a bum like Willy...
I think it's kind of beautiful and sweet.
How do you like that?
- Evening.
- Willy ain't here.
Oh, that's fine.
You're the one I wanted to see.
You've been around this business
long enough...
I don't have to draw any pictures, Lew.
I'm not as smart as you are.
Sometimes I need a picture.
Not for this, you don't.
You know as well as I do
this two-for-a-nickel knight in armor...
can't lick one half of Romero.
So what're you all doing here, then?
Accidents happen.
Some people call them miracles.
Give me a "for instance."
This kid takes a punch like a barn door,
Marvin tells me.
He could get lucky
with a wild punch of his own.
Now, with all the dough that's riding
on this fight...
that's something I couldn't afford.
It gets me right here, Otto.
Just can't tell you how bad I feel.
- So what do you want from me?
- A little insurance, that's all.
- Something you can handle real nice.
- Get out of here. That's out of my line.
How long have you been
handling fighters, Lew?
A long time. Too long.
Mended a lot of cuts in that time,
haven't you?
A fair share, yeah.
Don't be so modest.
You're probably the best in the country.
I've seen you work in the Garden,
St. Nick's, the Stadium.
Why, you could patch the eye
of a monkey on a swing.
- So what about it?
- This about it.
Galahad's got a jaw like a curbstone,
they tell me...
but he cuts and bleeds like anybody else.
After three rounds with Romero,
the referee will have to stop it...
as long as you're not in his corner
to patch him up.
That's your insurance, huh?
Well, let's just say it's part of my business
to see that he bleeds...
a little bit extra.
Here's $500 to help you get lost.
There'll be somebody else in Galahad's
corner, someone who'll know what to do.
Someone who'll make sure that he bleeds...
that will open the cuts,
instead of closing them.
Any bright ideas?
Yeah, I got a bright idea.
It's what you can do with this $500.
Maynard?
Lew?
We've been having a quiet,
kind of professional talk in here, Willy.
What happened, Lew?
Otto was here.
So as I wouldn't be any help to Galahad...
they busted my hands.
Otto?
We're an old established firm
that can't afford to take chances.
Who?
I was never a shy one, Willy.
Look out, Willy.
Thanks.
- You all right, Willy?
- I'm okay.
Lew.
Hey, you didn't hurt your hands, did you?
No, Lew. I didn't hurt them.
Otto! $8,700, so far.
Hey, Garfield. I'm glad I caught up with you,
I missed you at the place.
Well, It's just as well, isn't it?
Considering the way you're into me now.
This doesn't have anything to do
with horses.
- What?
- What I mean is, we can clear that up...
- when the fight's over, but right now I...
- Yeah, Willy?
Right now, I want to put a modest bundle
on Galahad, like $1,800.
- $1,800?
- First sentimental bet I ever made.
You?
Hey, wait a minute.
Oh, man.
- They hurt much, Lew?
- No more than as if seven snakes bit me.
Tie it in the back, Maynard.
- You got 10 minutes, Galahad.
- Where's Willy?
Willy's gone to bet a arm, a leg
and his social security number on Galahad.
On Galahad?
Just to let you know how we feel about it,
kid, he's got Lew's money...
and mine, and another thing...
Hey, keep a clamp on that big lip
of yours, huh?
You mean,
everybody's betting everything on me?
Look, kid, so we went for a couple of bucks.
This doesn't mean you have to carry
the world on your back.
Why, it's a credit to you, kid.
The Mayor says the whole town's gone
in hock...
Holy smokes, Maynard,
keep your big mouth shut!
- Frankly, Mr. Grogan, I almost believed you.
- Suit yourself.
I'm telling you I never did know
who came into that steam room...
and worked over Rocky Virgil.
I couldn't have testified if I wanted to.
But you will testify
to what happened last night?
After what they did to Lew,
I'll sing for you like a bluebird
when the big day comes along.
Right now, if you don't mind, Mr. Gerson...
I got Sugarboy Romero on my mind.
Willy, thanks.
All right, Sugar, knock it off.
If you get any warmer,
we'll have to step on your fuse.
This bum is fat.
He's five or six pounds overweight.
What do you mean, fat?
Shut up.
There's too much money involved for
anybody to get careless or overconfident.
Now Otto's orders to your boy
are simple enough.
If he can't belt out this Galahad
in the first couple of rounds...
he's to cut him up. Freddie will take care
of the rest, so the referee will stop it.
- Comprende?
- Is no contest.
Freddie, get going over to Galahad's room.
Go on, get going.
I don't know why I came, do you?
Because you're in love
and you're going to marry the man.
After what you told me last night,
I know why I came.
I don't know what good we can possibly do.
Well, we can root home a winner.
Mouthpiece, swabs, cotton,
smelling salts, it's all here.
- Hi.
- Hello, Lew.
Otto sent me, Willy.
To take loving care of your boy.
That's nice, it's real nice, Freddie. Thanks.
- Galahad, you're on.
- Come on, let's go.
Freddie, let's check the kit.
Joe, this guy tried to slug me.
Oh, yeah? I'll take care of him.
What's happened to Freddie?
Why isn't he in the ring with them now?
I don't know.
He was on his way five minutes ago.
You seen Marvin and Ralphie?
Are you saying we can't get out of here
on a writ of habeas corpus?
We know as much about habeas corpus
as you know about habeas corpus...
you flat-headed, flat-footed slob.
I realize that, Ralphie.
After all, you've been locked up
in the can a lot more times than me.
Yeah, yeah. But what about the phone call?
... sponsored by the Cream Valley
Chamber of Commerce.
Introducing, from Tijuana, Mexico...
weighing 181 and a half pounds,
Ramon "Sugarboy" Romero.
And in this corner, his opponent...
weighing 178 and a half pounds...
from Cream Valley New York,
our own Kid Galahad!
And the referee, Mushy Callahan,
will now give them their instructions.
You know the rules. Let's have a good
bout. Shake hands now, come out boxing.
Good luck to both you boys. Let's go.
Come on, shake it up.
Good luck, kid.
Well, what can I say?
Keep your left up.
Work some of those punches!
- This kid is human?
- I don't know.
- Glance!
- Kid, keep your right up, keep your right up.
Now, Willy, keep pressure on that cut.
You don't have to take this kind
of a beating.
Win, lose or draw, they're going to pay you.
Win, lose or draw,
you can still buy that lousy garage.
Kid, listen to me.
He's bound to start throwing left hooks
sooner or later. Now, when he does...
straighten him out with a left,
and then cross with your right. You hear?
- All right, seconds out.
- Use that right hand.
Hey, Ramon! Throw a left hook, you bum!
Six, seven, eight...
nine, ten!
Willy! Willy.
- Hello, Dolly.
- Hello, yourself.
I heard what happened last night.
Well, frankly, you clumsy clown,
I couldn't help feeling proud.
- Like old times, isn't it?
- No.
Not like old times.
That's where you're wrong, Willy.
I'll lay you 3-to-1
that we're married before midnight.
- How much did you bet, Father?
- What makes you think I bet?
Oh, Father, I eat a piece of ham
once in a while.
I make a bet once in a while.