Kill Ben Lyk (2018) Movie Script

Yes, my lord.
Oh, yeah. Fuck me!
I'm fucking you!
Fuck me like King Arthur!
Fuck me like King Arthur.
- He was about 80, wasn't he?
- Was he? Then...
Fuck me like Sir Lancelot.
Oh, yeah!
That's more like it!
I am Sir Lancelot,
knight of the fucking round
Come on, Lancelot!
You can do it!
Come on!
Who the hell are you?
Are you Ben Lyk?
- No...
- Jesus, Ben,
don't lie to him, he's got a
Did his wife send you?
Oh, God!
You've made a mistake.
My wife has been away
on business a lot, I was lonely.
I've never been in trouble
I drive a Prius!
You have me mistaken
with somebody...
- How do you spell your name?
- What?
How do you spell your name?
Hi gang, Ben here...
Hey peeps,
got some big news for you...
I've got... No, it's...
This is Benji, coming at you with
some more news...
Just be genuine.
Hey "Lykers", it's me.
Sorry if I'm not myself today
but something terrible has happened.
It's not everyday
that you check the news to discover
you have been murdered.
Shot in the head.
Same name, same city, at home.
For a split second
I actually thought I'd been killed.
And was married.
Really shacking me up, guys.
As it would.
And I'm not sure how
I'm supposed to feel.
How would you feel, "Lykers"?
How would you feel
if your namesake had been killed?
So I want you to get in touch,
I want to hear what you've got
to say about all this.
I want you to get in touch,
I want to hear what you've got
to say about all this.
I don't know
what you're worried about.
I'll play it again, shall I?
You look fine!
A bit tired.
I'm not worried about that.
Hey, "Lykers", it's me.
Sorry if I'm not myself today...
- No, not tired...
- Not tired?
- Tired and sexy?
- Yeah!
Like an exhausted Ryan Gosling
kind of thing?
- No, not exactly...
- I can live with that.
what if the killer made a mistake?
Like he was aiming for the knees
and got him in the face?
No... As in he got the wrong
Let me paint a scenario for you,
I'm a hitman and I get an email
saying "kill Ben Lyk in London".
Or something to that effect.
I have no idea,
I've never ordered someone dead.
I'm not that smart.
I google "Ben Lyk London".
I pick the first Ben Lyk on the list.
And bang!
I've waisted the wrong man.
I'm not sure they'd be
emailing each other about all this.
What if the bullet was meant for
You know: "somewhere there's a
bullet with your name on it".
if I'm being totally honest...
- Yeah, please.
- With you...
your videos aren't always...
that amazing. But...
Do you deserve to die?
Work on your manners.
A little sympathy would be nice.
My namesake's just been killed.
Honestly, Robbie!
Sorry for your loss?
That's better.
- Was it Confucius or was it Tao...
- Hey, Ben!
Hi, there!
You see that?
People are starting to know who I am.
No, that was Anna.
She's your neighbour.
I know
but there's something different
about the way she's saying
- There's a glint in the eye.
- No.
I reckon she's seen my videos.
- She's a neighbour!
- She's a "Lyker".
Do you know
how many hits I've got, now?
Come on, lads! It's only four nil.
You can still make it!
Or not!
What to do
when West Ham loses against Chelsea?
What to do
when you're stuck in Paris...
Anyway, let's say hello
to my new companion, here.
Hi there!
How long have you been waiting?
Dave, this bloke's trying it on.
- Oh, no!
- That's my wife.
It's perfectly alright.
I'm a vlogger, don't worry.
I've noticed an accent,
where are you from?
That's my wife!
But people keep hurting you, no?
Yeah, well... It's a niche.
It might hurt a bit,
but you've got to admit it's working.
Is it?
People are watching, Robbie!
I'm telling you. Soon, everyone's
gonna want a piece of Ben Lyk.
Two in two days!
Both in London.
This is not a coincidence.
No, no, no.
This could be a miracle.
A miracle?
A miracle is turning water into wine!
Show me where in the Bible it says:
"And lo, Jesus did pull
"a semi-automatic from his loincloth
and blow a man's face off."
New Testament?
You're high.
Let's just try to focus, okay?
Please, I need you right now.
I'm sure there's
a simple explanation for all this.
Like what?
Someone probably texted the
- The same instructions twice.
- Can you not yawn?
- At a time like this!
- It happens all the time!
My mum once texted me:
"Don't forget you dad's heart pills"
seven times!
- How is your dad?
- After the heart attack? God...
Still hasn't forgiven me.
These are professionals, not
Even if
someone is killing all the Ben Lyks,
what makes you think
they're gonna come for you next?
The name of my YouTube account
is "IAmBenLyk".
There's videos of everything.
My street, my flat. Me doing
press ups on the toilet.
- What?
- People don't like a show off.
"How to exercise in a small flat"
got over 200000 views!
Delete the account.
No, I'm not deleting the
I've got over 5 million hits!
No way!
I can't.
My fans would think I'm a coward!
And if there's one thing I'm not,
it's a coward.
Please, don't kill me!
My name is Ben Lyk,
but I didn't choose it!
My parents did!
If it's anyone fault, it's theirs!
Don't kill them either.
Not my mum, anyway. My dad...
He can be annoying
but he doesn't deserve to die!
Please, go easy on my.
Actually, you know what?
If you're a female,
I can tell you now I am more
than willing to pay with my body.
I will do literally anything.
Anything except...
Put it this way...
I'm not good with pain.
But otherwise, I'm good to go.
Please, just...
Please, please!
I don't know what else to say.
Just don't kill me.
I need your help.
Two Ben Lyks have been killed
in the last two days.
And I might be next.
I went to the police
but they just turned me away.
Coincidence, they said.
Now, I don't know what to do.
I need protection.
I can't go outside,
I'm too scared!
if anybody thinks they can help,
private message me.
My life depends on it.
A bit dramatic!
- What do you think?
- I'll tell you what I think...
My video's had over a million views,
this only had 2000.
That's not competition.
I know! What I'm saying is...
He obviously needs help
and I reckon I'm the man.
We can join forces.
Make a mega video.
- That'll draw more attention to you.
- Exactly the point!
Think of it! It'll be like Band Aid
but for people called Ben Lyk.
Police are bound to respond
if it goes viral.
You're gonna make a music video?
Yes, please!
Hi, Ben!
- Thanks for responding.
- Hi! I'm Roberto.
You're all right then, aren't
- Yeah, good, thanks!
- Don't worry about him, he's stone.
Look, Ben. I saw your video
and I just want you to know
I'm right behind you, mate.
Not in the cowardly way,
like I'd use you as body armour.
- In "I'm on your side, body" way.
- Right.
I saw a couple of your videos,
Oh, great. Cool!
Always happy to welcome a new fan!
What did you think?
Let's just say same name,
different sense of humour.
So you liked them?
No! I thought it was shit.
I get it.
You're under a lot of pressure.
So am I. I'm in the same position.
Go back after all this is blow over
and look at them again.
They're not as shit as you think.
They're really not.
Has anyone ever pointed out
what an ego you have?
Oh my fuck!
Oh, my God!
- He killed him!
- He killed him in the face.
I mean, he was a bit of an arsehole,
but there's no need for that. Fuck!
- Fuck. Unnecessary.
- What shall I do?
Have a smoke?
No! You know how paranoid I get!
- You mind if I...
- This isn't about you, Robbie!
- My life's in danger!
- Alright, alright.
Go to the police.
You coming?
No, I'll stay here,
chill out...
You can't stay here, Robbie.
The killer will think you're me!
- Right!
- I need your help!
Please, just do something!
Stay away from the window.
I'll make sure the coast is clear.
That's something people do, isn't it?
Stop yelling, for once in your
Fuck, Ben!
- Hurry up!
- Alright...
Well, I won't be long...
I'm not gonna die,
I'm not gonna die...
I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna die!
I'm gonna die!
I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!
Is it clear?
You want to fuck with...
No, get off me!
I'm not a Ben Lyk.
- Coming!
- Please, let me in.
Hi. I'm your neighbour.
I live right above you.
Great. We're a bit busy right
Can I come in for a minute?
Were we being too loud?
We're being too loud?
Oh, that? No, I've only heard you
like 3 or 4 dozen times.
I'm glad you're having fun.
I just need to come in for a
- Who's this?
- He says he lives upstairs.
- I think it's about the screaming.
- Does he wanna join in?
I don't know. You wanna join in?
I'd love to. I'd be delighted, yes.
Thank you!
- Wait a minute, you're not Ben Lyk?
- What?
We keep getting your post.
- Sorry.
- Get away, you're dangerous!
Don't you watch the news?
- Please!
- Pack some clothes.
- You're not safe here.
- You're the police?
Oh, God!
Thank you, officer! Thank you!
You took your time! Hi, guys!
You brought your friends, thank you!
Less chatting, more packing.
I've already packed,
but can I just do a video?
- Let's go.
- God, you are crabby!
Really crabby.
And I don't use that word often!
What to do when you're in a police
van on your way to God knows where?
What did you say?
I just said for a policeman,
you've got lovely hair.
It's quite oily.
It gives it shine.
I'm gonna be away for a little while,
so I may not be able to communicate.
What are you saying?
I just talk to myself
when I'm nervous, okay?
Well, don't.
- I just paid you a compliment.
- And I said thank you.
- Now, shut up!
- Cool.
It does have a nice shine,
Alright! Thank you!
Conversation over!
This is police brutality. I only
asked where you kept your truncheon.
It was a genuine question.
Still, you didn't use you taser,
so I should be thanking you for that.
Okay, let's get you inside.
Thank you.
This is Chiswick, isn't it?
You taking me all the way to the...
Come on, then. Don't hang about!
This is gonna be home for a while.
I wanna take it all in.
Shut up!
This is nice, isn't it?
You must be chuffed to bits
to be working here!
Does it belong to the police
or do you rent it?
It's a safe house.
Your room's up here.
Second on the left.
It's my parents' anniversary soon,
that can be a perfect spot for them.
Home sweet home.
Yeah, this is great!
I'll take it.
How old are you?
How old do I look?
Come on...
Everybody's waiting.
Inspector Talisker.
Welcome, Mr Lyk.
You can join the others, now.
Just this way.
First of all, I would like to
It's great to have you all here!
I only wish it was
under nicer circumstances.
A music recital, something like
This is Scott, my...
I want to say "assistant".
- Second in command.
- Exactly.
So if you need anything,
don't hesitate to ask.
If it's urgent.
Yes. If you have an urgent need
for some tea. Coffee.
- If you're in trouble or any danger.
- Precisely.
You may run out of toilet
Or have a headache. I know this
has been very stressful for you.
Now, I'd like to apologize
on behalf of the Metropolitan Police
for taking so long to get to you.
Although it really is
the first Ben Lyk, who made the video
who we ought to apologize to.
I'm happy to accept the apology.
Given that he was
so brutally murdered.
After watching his video,
we began our investigation in earnest
and we've come to the conclusion
that the three murders are indeed...
How many hours did that take?
All we know at the moment is that
three people have murdered in London.
All by the name of Ben Lyk.
We're not sure there'll be another,
but as a matter of precaution,
Scotland Yard decided to gather
all Ben Lyks to protect them.
You're the eight
we were able to locate.
Call me sexist, a lot of people do
but I've got to ask.
Who's the girl?
Ben Lyk...
Language, if you don't mind.
Why would I lie? That would mean
I want to be in here with you.
My dad was drunk at the Christening.
He said Ben instead of Bee.
- What a wally!
- He's an alcoholic.
A very tragic wally.
The killer is looking for a guy,
is it necessary for me to be here?
- We're not taking any chances.
- Thank you Scott, I've got this.
We're not taking any chances.
- Sorry.
- Fuck off.
- I have to get this, it's urgent.
- Urgent?
What's going on, here?
Call me paranoid,
but it could be anyone of us.
Yeah. He's right.
We might be better off apart.
I wouldn't mind getting out of here.
I've got a date tonight.
- Guys...
- I was...
halfway through baking a loaf
when your dudes burst in.
Soda bread is no easy, you know.
There's something I need to say.
- You're the murderer.
- Actually...
I was going to suggest that we
I'm Father Lyk and...
it would mean a lot to me if we could
say a prayer at this time of need.
- Our father...
- Alright, put her on.
Hallowed be thy name.
Hello sweetie pie!
What would you like? The Three Bears
or Billy Goat's Gruff?
"Once upon a time..."
This is ridiculous!
God is not gonna help us.
If you open yourself up,
He will listen.
- I have a therapist for that.
- Dude...
No disrespect but you look
more like a scrum-halk than a vicar.
- Fly-half, actually.
- Okay.
The Bishop's got a team.
What if we're being targeted because
we've all done something wrong?
Skeletons in the closet?
Not me.
I stick to the rules.
Never stolen a towel from a hotel?
Why does it have
to be something we did?
Maybe it's just
a psychopath getting his kicks.
I'm a banker,
I work with loads of guys like this.
So it's someone you know?
No. They don't kill people.
I understand how worried you are
but I want you to rest assured that
whilst you're under our protection...
You'll be safe. He's right.
How long will this take?
Because I've got a date
tomorrow night as well.
And Thursday. And Friday.
I mean...
Saturday's free.
Yeah, alright Casanova. We get
Still waiting about Sunday,
I'm losing money every time I breath,
and the more anxious I get,
the faster I breath so can you
at least let me get my computer back?
No computers, no phones, no Internet.
You must have no access
- to the outside world.
- No, you must be joking!
I can't survive without it.
I need it for a medical condition.
Just need to get this.
Do you chaps
have any bulletproof vests?
Green if possible.
Green is the new black.
I mean, don't...
It's cold! Can you get
someone to warm this up, please?
For what we are about to receive,
may we be truly thankful.
It's deep crust pastry.
It's not the body of Christ.
I could be on a date right now.
Where were you taking the date?
Pizza Hut.
Hi. Are you okay?
Yeah. I just don't like
Me neither.
I hate them, it's disgusting!
It reminds me
of a video I did, actually.
"What to do when your house
smells like fish?"
- Maybe you've seen it?
- No. I've seen another video.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Was it "How to pretend you don't
recognise an Internet sensation"?
No. You were actually crying.
And begging.
Something like:
"Please don't kill me".
Right, sure. That was...
That was for the audience, though.
Because they like drama. Intrigue.
I can't tell you how many videos
there are of me laughing...
You know...
In one of your videos,
you were offering your body.
Is that right?
Why? Are you interested?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Let's go up to my room.
You can do whatever you want to
Just don't tell the vicar.
Come on.
Great, I can do that!
God, you move quickly!
- I go before you and you follow me?
- Yeah, even better.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, God, there is a goodness
to this thing, isn't there?
Come off it.
I like men, not cry babies.
- Mate she cannot get enough of you.
- Yeah, well...
Joke's on her actually.
I was teasing.
Oh, my God!
What's wrong with you?
The pizzas are fucking poison!
They're trying to kill us!
We have a problem.
- Are you okay?
- No.
I'm fucking not okay.
- Feeling better?
- Yes, thanks.
- Drink this.
- Thank you. Cheers.
It's a good thing
I didn't eat any of my pizza.
I don't know what it is,
I have this innate survival instinct
that just comes out
every time I sense danger.
- I share that with the Baboon.
- Shut up.
- They have these cheeks and...
- Shut up!
Yes, sir.
No, it's okay.
It's a false alarm, sir.
Yes, I think it was just food poisoning.
No, we're all good here, sir.
It's nothing we can't handle.
Everything's under control.
Thank you, sir.
The dose of cyanide.
- It was not enough.
- We were just testing the waters.
Police have done us a favour.
It's gonna be much easier,
now they're all together.
No more mistakes.
Not bad.
Pretty good, actually.
The pizzas were poisoned.
Which means they know we're all here.
I think we should be armed.
For the food to be poisoned,
there'd have to be an intruder.
Which is impossible
since we have cameras everywhere.
How can you be sure
it's not one of your guys?
I chose this team myself.
And I don't make mistakes.
Scott has been with me
for five years.
What if it's one of you guys?
Fuck off! You said it yourself.
- Bankers are all psychopaths.
- Yeah...
I don't really care what you
See? Classic psychopath!
No fucking empathy!
- Nobody's accusing anybody here.
- I am!
Just relax, okay?
Everything's under control. We're
doing all we can to protect you.
I can look after myself.
- Can you get him some water?
- Wait!
- What did you eat?
- Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth
as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily
You fucking Pinocchio, you
I'm so sorry!
Your face!
Oh God, that was funny!
Fucking moron.
I want them dead.
You understand that?
All of them.
What are you wearing?
Workout clothes.
Are you working out?
No? Then take them off.
Take them off!
Everything. Don't be shy.
Here we go.
That's good.
What a beast!
I'm gonna try and get some
Yeah. If you need anything,
just knock on my door.
Oh, and if you need anything,
- then just knock on the door.
- Oh, yeah...
Should I come fully naked
or in my underwear?
As you wish...
I'm not bothered.
Good night.
I know a man when I see one.
Oh, thanks.
I'm trying my best.
- She's a tough nut to crack.
- No, no.
I mean her.
Pretty sure she's got a cock!
I would know.
Thailand's my second home!
Okay. And this is based on...
A holiday, presumably. Or...
Trust me.
Take a look at the Adam's apple.
Right there. It's big
like a fucking foot ball.
Do you know what I mean?
It's only gonna be weird
the first time, eh?
It'll be like that.
Just getting into your fucking
She's a woman.
- Keep your voice down. She's there.
- Less of a... More of a...
- Do you know what I mean?
- I get it, she has a penis!
I get it, she has a penis.
Please, can you just go to bed?
- Please.
- Alright. Good night.
Nice one!
This is ridiculous!
How am I meant to run
a business without a phone?
I'm supposed
to be getting married next week.
What's so odd about that?
I don't know...
- You're old.
- Fuck off!
I'm not too old
to get us out of here.
We might as well
be targets on a firing range, boy.
When I was in the Falklands,
I was in charge of a company.
We got trapped in a disused factory.
The enemy was advancing on all sides.
There was nowhere to turn.
We were sitting ducks.
First thing you do in a situation
like this, is you split up.
Alright. That makes sense.
And what happened?
In the factory.
The whole company was killed.
- Shit!
- I was the only one who got away.
But... Weren't you in charge?
So if I can survive that,
I'm sure as hell gonna survive this!
I've seen where the fuse box is.
We disable the security cameras.
Giving us time to clear off.
Then we head to the nearest village.
You on my team, boy?
You mean, like in the Falklands?
If that's what you want... Yeah!
It's just...
I don't want to end up
like the rest of your company.
Yes! Of course I'm fucking in!
Have you got any coke?
What to do when you're locked up
with 7 people who have the same name
and one of them is beautiful?
But possibly a man.
What to do when you're stuck
in the attic of horror with...
It's not actually a joke, is it?
"My, what big teeth you've got,
Not you.
When no one gives a shit
where you are or who you are...
What's going on?
Hang on, sweetie.
Go and check the power.
Check the power. Over.
Copy that. Over.
Someone's already cut them!
That's not good, is it?
It's the Falklands all over
Oh, God.
Oh, God!
Are you okay?
I'm ex commando.
I've outrun a leopard before now.
You just stick with me!
Bloody hell!
Stop! Who are you?
Shit, it's you!
I'm so sorry!
Why were you running into the
You just shot me!
It bloody hurts!
And this is a very nice jacket!
What the fuck!
What the hell are you doing?
Sorry, you should have knocked!
You've made that clear!
You just bulled me in the face!
Did you hear gunshots?
- Why did I come here?
- Because you're scared.
- No, to protect you!
- Well, this isn't a mouse problem.
What is that supposed to mean?
It means our lives
might be in danger, so come on!
No, no, no!
I really think we ought to...
We ought to
let the police handle this.
What? No, if we're under attack,
I'd like to know!
Okay, all clear.
Let's get back to our rooms. Come on.
No, you go. I'm gonna find out
what's happening outside.
- Nothing.
- What are you looking at?
Nothing! Nothing at all.
- Is there something on me?
- No, no!
- I don't think so.
- What do you mean?
- Either there is or there isn't!
- Alright, look...
It's stupid, I know
but earlier today, Ben...
Casanova, he was saying something about
Adam's apple being big...
It's a joke, obviously,
but I think...
- And you believe him, do you?
- No.
Obviously not.
But the story you said
about your name...
I thought maybe
you might have made it up.
Okay, you know what...
Touch them.
- What?
- Touch them!
- Authentic enough for you?
- Yeah, good. Really good.
I'm not a doctor and surgery
can work wonders, these days...
- For fuck sake! How about this?
- Okay.
You're a girl. I get it.
Don't look at me like that!
This is your fault!
It's not that.
It's just the fear that comes.
I get really turned on
by dangerous situations.
- You do?
- Yeah!
I really wanna know what's going on,
but I'd love to sleep with you.
Oh yeah?
We could toss for it.
Not that you're my type.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
But you know, you're here.
We're here...
The danger...
How are you with velcro?
What? You're joking!
I knew you were joking!
You can't pull the wool over my
Come on. Come on!
Wait, what do you mean, "come on"?
Don't go towards the gunfire!
Okay, wait for me!
You dark beauty!
What's that, over there?
Check the perimeter.
- We should check their pulses.
- Really?
You never know.
- He's alive!
- Really?
- Holy shit! What the fuck?
- Halt!
- We heard gunshots.
- Do you always run toward gunfire?
- We thought we were under attack.
- Leave this to the professionals!
Is that what you told them?
Stay here.
I'm taking these two back inside.
- Tell us what happened first.
- You're not safe in the garden.
- Go back inside.
- What the fuck is going on?
I heard gunshots.
Are you people volunteers?
I demand to speak
to a real police officer!
Don't panic.
Go back inside.
Go to your rooms.
We're taking care of this.
The security cameras
will be back on again shortly.
- They were off?
- Alright, enough!
Go, go!
Did you see the old man?
He was skewered like a kebab.
If we get out of here alive,
I'm suing those bastard police.
I'm gonna...
I thought
they took everybody's phones.
Wait, Ben...
Where is it coming from?
Whose room is this?
Ben Lyk's.
A Ben Lyk that likes guns!
It must be the killer's.
Let's hide and wait for him.
Or call for help?
Oh, my God!
What did you do?
I didn't mean to.
That was cold.
What the fuck just happened?
I saw him
coming out of his room with a gun.
He pointed it at me
so I jumped on him.
He hasn't got a gun!
He must have dropped it
in the corridor.
What's going on?
- Wait, it's not mine!
- Drop it!
- Where did you get it?
- It was on the floor, out there.
I heard gunfire and...
What's going on?
Is he dead?
It was an accident.
Who's that?
We found a phone and a gun in the bag
and we were waiting for the killer.
- The killer's here?
- The old guy and the banker died!
- What happened?
- We don't know!
Whose room is this?
- It's not mine!
- It's not mine!
Mine's across the hallway.
He wardrobe is way too small.
Why are you all looking at me?
- Because I'm black?
- No, we didn't say that!
I didn't even notice!
Everyone's black!
It was his room.
I'm gonna be sick.
That's it!
No one gets out until we find out
whose room this is! Understood?
Okay, got it.
Just to be clear, it's not mine.
Where are we with the video
surveillance? Can you fix it?
Almost there. Surveillance screens
should be back on
in a few minutes.
Oh! That is just...
Take everything out of the bag.
A rugby top.
- That's definitely his room.
- No, that's hair gel and shampoo!
He was bold!
Don't move!
Did you?
It's yours, isn't it?
Okay, that's the living room back on.
Let's try the garden.
Lock all the doors.
Back up is on the way.
I feel all in charge!
You are in charge.
First things first.
No, no, no!
There's no need for that.
He's gonna talk. Aren't you?
Why are you trying to kill us?
Fuck off.
Look, I don't have to take this
- Police! Help!
- Shut up!
Okay, look. Not you.
Maybe you should just
put that on the floor, for now.
That was an accident. Alright?
An accident with severe consequences.
But an accident nevertheless!
What the hell is wrong with you?
Get her away from me!
Get her away from me!
- Not until you speak!
- Sorry!
I didn't mean it, alright?
"Sorry"? You fucking idiot!
You just shot me!
No need for insults!
What do you wanna know?
Why are you trying to kill us?
My name's not Ben Lyk.
It's Paul Leonard.
I killed and took the place
of the only black Ben Lyk in London.
I made a fake ID and I took his
before the police rounded us all
Why would you do that, dude?
Are you weird?
There's a gang war in London.
It's been in the news all this
The four big bosses have been
The people I work for
killed the last one a few days ago.
O'Sullivan was his name.
So sorry,
what's that got to do with us?
Someone called Ben Lyk
witnessed O'Sullivan getting
He filmed the whole thing.
Including the people who'd done
But not before
dropping his gym membership.
So my boss looked up
all the Ben Lyks in London.
And in order not to take any
he told me to kill them all.
So we're locked in a house with the
very person we're trying to avoid!
Wait. So it's a guy.
That means I can go.
Let me get this straight.
We're here
because some dickhead with a
couldn't keep his nose
out of other people's business!
I'm a little tea pot short and
Here is my handle, here is my spout,
When I get...
Wait a minute!
That camera's not on.
Something's not right.
We need to get up there.
Call you back, sweetie!
- So you killed all five Ben Lyks.
- Just the first three.
The killings here are someone
Then you must have an
I work alone.
- Don't bullshit me!
- He's probably like me.
- Murderers are self-employed.
- Judging by the mess you've made,
- he's probably hired someone else.
- It's irrelevant now.
One thing
he doesn't tolerate is a snitch.
So either way,
I'm as dead as the rest of you.
Open the door!
Open this fucking door!
What's going on?
- He's poisoned himself!
- What?
We should try CPR!
Mouth to mouth!
Taking the positive
from this dreadful series of
at least we know who killed
the first three Ben Lyks and why.
And taking the negative
from this dreadful series of events,
- we know he's not the only killer!
- He may be lying.
Why would he do that?
He's a murderer!
They're not known for their honesty.
- That's right, Scott. Very good.
- You're all ignoring the real issue!
- It's staring you right in the face.
- What's that?
The video! If whoever took the video
would just hand it over to the gang,
we could put an end to this.
It's very cowardly that
they haven't step forward already.
Cowardly or cautionary?
Yes, we shouldn't be
doing deals with criminals.
She's got a point, though.
That video might give us some clues.
But that would require
one of you to step forward.
I know it's hard. You are responsible
for the deaths of eight people
and the use of over 100000 pounds
worth of police time.
But I can assure you,
you will be protected.
It was probably the vicar.
Well, it wasn't me.
Hi, you've reached Roberto.
Leave me a message.
Robbie, it's Ben.
I need you to do something for me.
It's very important.
Come on Robbie!
Listen to the message!
Robbie, it's Ben.
I need you to do something for me.
It's very important.
- Fuck sake!
- I need you to go find...
Ben, you twat!
Robbie, pick up the phone!
- Let me in.
- Why?
What the fuck!
Just let me in!
There's something up
with the hipster.
Yeah, he's a twat.
I was looking in his room
and he's making something.
Probably a green bubble hat
to match his stupid trousers.
I don't know about you,
but I'm not taking any more risks.
As far as I'm concerned,
everyone out there is guilty.
- I agree!
- Great. Then give me the gun.
No, no way!
- Give me the gun!
- I'm not giving a gun to a murderer!
- It was an accident!
- It wasn't an accident.
A ploy, is what it was. To disguise
the fact that you're the murderer.
Ben... I might think you're a
but I don't want you dead.
Which bit of that
is even a compliment?
I'm not falling for that one again,
Are you coming?
What did I ever do to you?
This is abuse!
Please don't kill me.
I promise, I'm not...
Get out of your rooms!
We're leaving the house!
- Thank god. Help!
- Shut up!
Thank God! Jesus!
You ain't gonna believe
what I've just found.
An apology for that awful shirt you're
Take this video down.
It ain't gonna be easy.
People have already shared it.
Press has probably seen it, by
- He only posted one video?
- Yeah.
The account just got created.
And the name is Ben Lyk?
We must have missed one.
That is exactly
what he wants us to think.
I don't like to take chances.
When I say "kill all the Ben Lyks",
I mean...
Kill them all!
- Which one do you prefer?
- What's he doing?
I wanna look good
if I'm gonna die. That one?
I love the blue one.
I'm so sick and tired
of talking to you, right now.
- Just make a decision.
- Put your jacket on.
- Everybody out!
- Hurry up!
I want a bulletproof vest!
We'll see what we can do
but you have to come out!
We're leaving now!
And I want a helmet
and two armed bodyguards.
It'd be great
if they could wear denim.
That's probably not gonna
I want them just for me.
- I don't trust anyone anymore.
- He's buying some time!
He's one of them.
I saw you making something!
See? People are spying on me.
- He was making something!
- No, I wasn't.
Yes, you were! I saw you,
you were sawing. What are you up to?
I was wanking.
Yes, sir.
How many units did you send?
Yes, they're getting ready.
Thank you, sir.
I've got something to show you.
I don't have time.
Back up is almost here.
The video of O'Sullivan's
Where did you get that?
Give me a second.
There's nothing else I can do.
She doesn't want to sleep
and I don't have time for this!
Kill them all.
Officer, may I? Please?
- For a moment.
- I don't think that's a good idea.
Ben, it's Ben.
Listen, I think you...
Actually, listen all of you.
You've got nothing
to worry about anymore.
It was me.
I filmed the murder and I couldn't
deal with the guilt anymore.
So I've posted the video online.
The whole world can see it now
so there's no reason
to kill us anymore.
We're all safe!
I am no coward!
- You what?
- I really have to take this.
The place was a bugger to find
but I'm outside.
I thought
I could film all this for you.
For your channel.
Robbie, that is adorable.
So all this is your fault?
You're the reason they want to
kill us and you didn't say anything?
- I'm a victim, too!
- You didn't need to involve us.
- We didn't do anything.
- But we never would have met!
I'm going to kill you!
How was I supposed to know
they would kill all the Ben Lyks?
You should have
told the police straight away!
I was scared!
Until she pointed out it was cowardly
and I'm not a coward!
You're a prick!
How could you do that, Ben?
You put us all in danger!
She's right, you're a prick!
I've tried everything.
There's only so many times
I can march the Duke of York
up to the top of the bloody hill!
- Ma'm?
- Hang on, Clive.
- Who else has a tattoo like that?
- I don't know...
David Beckham?
Okay, okay!
Let me go, I'm done!
You're just as bad as them,
if you're trying to kill me!
Enough! Enough!
Get off him!
- What happened?
- This.
- They're back!
- It came from the garden.
- Alright! That's it!
- Okay.
I'm handing him over to them
so they let us go.
I shouldn't have gotten these
Come on. Come on.
Come on!
Come on! We're going downstairs
- Can I at least take my bag?
- No!
Come on, let her take her bag.
I said no!
Now fucking downstairs, now!
- Go now!
- Alright, got it!
It's no luck, is it?
Statistically, it would be a bit odd:
- a safe house full of murderers.
- Listen,
you should leave this to us.
We know what we're doing.
- What the fuck!
- Shit.
What the fuck is going on?
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
This way.
We're gonna die here
because of you!
- I said I'm sorry.
- That's not gonna help!
I know. Sorry.
If I'd know today was gonna be
my last day on earth,
I would have shagged you
That's your loss.
We both know it's your loss.
Fair enough.
You're actually
a really nice boy, Ben Lyk.
You're not so bad yourself, Ben
- You are very difficult to read!
- Can I tell you something?
It's now or never.
My real name isn't Ben.
- I know, it's Bee, right?
- No.
It was Ben and now it's Melissa.
You've lost me.
Six months ago, my name was Ben.
Now it's Melissa. I'm here because
I forgot to update my passport.
Do you remember what Casanova
Oh, fuck!
Well, nobody's perfect.
Kill him!
Get closer to him!
How are we supposed to survive
if even the police
are trying to kill us?
Do you think he's alone?
I don't know.
How many are you?
As many as it takes.
Who do you work for?
Scotland Yard.
Could you please get him
to tell us who he works for?
Yep. Alright, come on!
Okay, okay.
I work for O'Sullivan.
- What?
- What?
He's dead!
O'Sullivan is dead!
- Can I shoot him now?
- No.
No, wait. He's not dead.
It was a set up.
So he could disappear, retire
and let his organisation
take over London.
So who did I see getting murdered?
That was some homeless bloke.
It was easy.
With my contacts in the police,
we were able to officially
identify the body as O'Sullivan's.
O'Sullivan had the three main bosses
in London killed.
And he staged his own death.
So that nobody could
take revenge on him and his crew.
And with all the other gangs
confused and disorganised,
his crew can
quietly take over the city
as they've been
planning to for years.
There's one thing I can't
Why a man with the name
is French.
Where are your accomplices?
- Everywhere.
- We've established that. But where?
- Can I shoot him, now?
- No, wait!
Maybe we can me a deal.
Fuck me!
I told you to wait!
Sorry, I just got a bit nervous.
- Bloody hell...
- Yes! Come on!
What the fuck!
Who the fuck are these guys?
He killed the whole fucking
Okay, go. Go!
Give me the keys.
- I'm driving.
- No. Really?
- You can't even fire a gun!
- Get in the car!
Go! Go!
- Go!
- I'm a virgin.
- A virgin?
- Yeah.
- You mean as a man, or as a woman?
- Stop it!
I'd really like you
to be my first time.
I don't think
now is the actual time for that.
- We should focus on getting out...
- Don't be such a coward, Ben!
- I am not a coward!
- I'm just asking.
I just went upstairs
and blew a guy's brain!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to yell.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realise you felt this way.
Look, Bee... Melissa!
You're the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.
I haven't felt this way
since I watched Mulan, okay?
And yes...
Yes, I will take your virginity.
I will be your first.
Of course I will!
- I fucking love you! Okay?
- Yeah?
So no need to cry.
- What?
- Every fucking time!
You bitch! I knew it!
How do you keep doing this?
Fuck you, Scott!
Just let it go!
No, Scott! Please!
Please, don't kill me!
I'm not worth it, I swear!
I won't say anything
about what I saw here!
No one is even
gonna remember who I am!
What do you want?
I've got 2000...
2000 pounds in my building
I'll be sure to text you my
I am begging you, Scott.
So it's done.
Not quite.
What do you mean?
Where is Scott?
Scott's dead.
But not only that.
Take a closer look.
Please don't kill...
The police found Scott's body.
But the video guy wasn't there.
He was
nowhere to be seen in his place.
But he'd been there recently.
His friend Roberto
told me everything.
Before he so...
tragically passed away.
Nice guy, though.
Shame I had to take care of him.
He'd seen his friend being
Decided he should help.
So he picked up
the first gun he could find
and followed Scott.
He found his friend
just as Scott was about to kill him.
Robbie! Not that arm!
- You killed him!
- What are we gonna do with him?
Hand him over
to real police officers!
Come on, let's go.
What happened to your arm?
Watch out!
Mate, we have to go.
- Stop touching my arm!
- He's dead.
Wait, I've got an idea.
I want you to film me.
Now is not the time
to make a video.
Robbie, just trust me, okay?
Take the camera and film me
as if you were him, okay?
Robbie, look.
Point the camera at me,
fire the gun in the air
and I'll pretend like I'm dead, okay?
- Alright.
- Come on, mate.
Okay, wait, wait.
Okay. Alright. Now...
Please don't kill me...
- Cut!
- Right.
A little help?
What's the plan, now?
I'm gonna get
as far away from here as possible.
Your Grandma's in Liverpool,
that's not a bad move.
No, I was thinking
somewhere a bit further than that.
Yeah. Birmingham.
Hello! I'm Michel Girard!
What to do when it has not rained
in paradise for the last 50 days?
You will need your fitting
And of course
your local girl
to apply the sunscreen.
And here she is now.
In all her beauty.
- Hello my darling, how are you?
- Sexy!
Thank you very much.
What can I say?
- They love me here.
- Very sexy!
Thank you so much.
To all my fans around the world,
I say:
Thanks and goodbye.
See you soon!
He's changed his name.
To Michel Girard.
Then kill all the Michel Girard.
Oh, God!
And take your shirt off.
Okay, it's over.
You pay me now.
I know,
but you said I could have 20 minutes.
- You pay me now!
- Okay, I understand!
I will!
Alright, Jesus Christ!
Just give me my towel back!
- Now!
- Jesus, alright! Fine!