Killer Party (1986) Movie Script
1
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[indistinct prayer]
(Father) ...of whom may we seek for succour
but of thee, O Lord
who for our sins art justly displeased.
Thou knowest Lord, the secrets of our hearts
shut not thy merciful ears to our prayer
but spare us, O Lord, most holy
O God, most holy, O holy and merciful savior.
'And so we commend Annabel Pitswolly Couslove'
'to the dust whence she came.'
Always keeping in mind the words of advice given
to the tin-man by the Wizard of Oz.
That the size of your heart should be measured
not by how much you love
but by how much you are loved by others.
'Annabel is mourned by her sister Causima'
'by her lifelong friend and companion Mr. Canes.'
'By her loving son Daniel'
'and by her loving daughter-in-law, Stephanie.'
[sobbing]
[clearing throat]
That's it.
[sobbing]
[sobbing continues]
Try to have a nice day.
[sobbing]
Imbecile.
- Try to have a nice day. - Thanks, Padre.
Could I, would it be alright
if I went back and said a word to her?
Stephanie, really I--
I think she would like that very much.
Well, I'll go warm up the car then.
I think it's very nice..
Mrs. Couslove?
Mom?
I hope..
I hope you rot in hell, you old witch.
I hope you rot in hell. Do you hear me in there?
Do you hear me?
[coffin creaking]
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
[screaming continues]
[Stephanie screaming]
(female #1) 'Oh God. This movie's going to be weird.'
[Stephanie screaming]
I can't.
April, just...tell me what you want.
- Popcorn. - Now?
I'll get some for ya.
(male #1 in movie) 'Oh my God. There's somebody in there.'
(male #2 in movie) 'Get her out. Get her out. She's burning.'
(male #1 in movie) 'Don't touch her.'
(male #2 in movie) 'We can't leave her.'
[intense music]
Hello?
Anybody home?
[machine beeping]
I just want some popcorn.
[door slamming]
Is this some kind of joke?
Customer here.
This is your last chance.
Thank you, come again.
Check it out, Stosh, freebies.
Stosh?
(male #3 in movie) 'Back off. Get away from there.'
(male #4 in movie) 'I can't.'
Gotcha.
(male #3 in movie) 'Get outta there.'
(male #4 in movie) 'She's got me.'
'Oh, my God. She's just pulling in.'
'I'm burning. I'm burning up.'
[hissing]
[dramatic music]
[screaming]
[upbeat music]
[White Sister singing "April You're No Fool"]
[glass shattering]
You're not like the rest you're cut from the pack
You groove to moves you know you never liked
I just can't understand
Why you need to be this way
[groaning]
Along for the ride is something inside
It holds you for ransom you can't decide
Believin' a false promise
That's a small price to pay
You want somethin' for nothin'
That's what you're goin' through
You got your backseat against the wall
Now the joke's on you
April
April why do you play the fool
April
April you're no
You're no fool
April
April why do you play the fool
April woa-oh April
You're no
[rock music]
April
April why do you play the fool
April
April you're no you're no fool
April
Woa-oh April why do you play the fool
April woa-oh April
["April you're no fool" playing on TV]
April
April why do you play the fool
April
(female #2) "Phoebe, Jennifer is here.'
Minute, mom.
(Phoebe's mom) 'Jennifer's here.'
Thanks, mom.
Woo, woo. Hi.
Hi.
- Mmm, want some breakfast? - No, I ate at the dorm.
Oh, come on, have a danish. Hey, where's Vivia?
Oh, I don't know. She's out on the driveway.
Phoebe, I'm suddenly not sure
the sorority thing is such a hot idea.
Are you for real?
Sigma-alpha-pie is the wet dream of this college.
(Phoebe's mom) 'Won't you girls be late for class?'
Uh, finished, mom. Thanks. Bye.
Come on, let's go.
Hiya, Viv'.
Don't talk to me. I'm communicating with this machine
and it demands all of my powers of concentration.
- Your chain broke. - I can fix it.
- Damn. - Come on. Hop on.
Hang on.
- Here we go. - Alright.
[both screaming]
(Vivia) 'Phoebe!'
[screaming]
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Everyone you meet
Today is on their way
They know this was
Up and down the streets smiling faces seem to know
What you're looking for
Don't ask us why
But there's something for everyone
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, girls. Come on, join the party, y'all.
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Hi, girls.
Life has come, pledges.
Everybody knows Sigma-alpha-pie blows.
Bet your sweet ass. Specially you, Goldilocks.
[all laughing]
[instrumental music]
[dramatic music]
Think long and you think wrong.
[music continues]
Ah!
This is a big mistake.
Don't you see it, Phoeb?
Don't you feel it?
This is bad.
This is the last step.
You came this far, Jenn.
You just don't throw it all away.
Go on, get out of here.
Are you gonna quit?
I don't know. I have to go to class.
[music continues]
Well?
- They gave us an errand. - You mean you're stayin'?
- Yeah. - Alright!
One more day and this will all be ours.
I can smell the clout.
[upbeat music]
[girls giggling]
Bye, Mrs. Henshaw. We're goin' to miss you.
Oh, bye, Pam. Bye, girls. I'll miss you, too.
Still, it's time to move on.
Miss. Henshaw?
Any word on the old frat house?
Are they really gonna re-open it?
That house is still off limits.
Veronica, I want you all to be good Sigma-alpha-pies.
Stay out of there.
Mrs. Henshaw?
I want you to know I'm gonna miss you.
Oh.
[music continues]
[whistling]
- Yes, may I help you? - Delivery.
Hold it.
- Hey, anybody order soda? - Champagne, toots.
I got a case of bubbly for the Sigma-alpha-pie house.
Champagne? Who ordered champagne?
Well, this is the Sigma-alpha-pie house, isn't it?
Yes.
Well, bring it in.
Kelly, did you order champagne?
No.
Hey, did you guys order champagne?
Hey, did anyone order a case of champagne?
(female #3) 'No, uh-huh.'
(female #4) 'No, we didn't.'
Well, everyone else is out back.
- I got an order right here. - Oh.
Well, alright. Uh, just put it right there.
Okay.
Sign there by the two x's.
Okay.
- So, hell night, huh? - Uh-huh.
Well, I guess you girls are gonna have some fun.
Uh-huh.
Well, I guess that's it.
Well, thanks.
[knocking on door]
It's all set.
[indistinct chatter]
Hurry up.
(female #5) 'I wonder what Mrs. Henshaw is gonna do now?'
(female #6) 'Go to New York. For sex and drugs.'
(female #5) 'No, really.'
- Here, let me throw. - Dude, wait.
Come on, man, I set this whole thing up.
- Right, right, right. - What a set up.
Now, I'm gonna break it up.
(female #5) 'Twenty years with the rooms open and everybody else'
'barking their brains in.'
'She must be hornier than you.'
(female #6) 'Pam, your brains are where you sit.'
(Pam) 'That's why I only date ass men.'
(female #6) 'That's disgusting.'
Bees. Bees!
[screaming]
Oh!
Oh!
[girls screaming]
Oh! Heaven help me. Oh! Oh!
[screaming continues]
- Open the door. - Open the door, Melanie.
I can't open it. The door knob's missing.
- Open the door, Melanie. - Oh, my God.
[screaming]
[bees buzzing]
Help me, Mrs. Henshaw.
Ah! Oh.
[boys applauding]
- We're gonna call the police. - Please, Sandy.
[cheering]
You son of a..
[whistling]
[cheering]
[intense music]
A-Allan?
'Uh, A-Allan.'
'Uh, Allan. They are going to use the house. Mm-hmm.'
'The girls are holding their goat night here tomorrow.'
But, I suppose they're just laughing away
at having put one over on me.
But, that Veronica, she's so sweet, so sincere.
So-so sorority.
How could I say no?
Oh, Allan.
It was an accident.
It's time to forget.
Now, I'm just going in to check the place out
and make sure it's all safe.
Bye.
[heavy breathing]
[door creaking]
[music continues]
[step cracking] Oh!
[music continues]
[music continues]
[heavy breathing]
[creaking]
Wh-what are you doing here?
Eh! Uh!
[screaming]
[indistinct screaming]
Okay, we're here. I can't stop.
Look out. Oh, God.
Thank you. Thank you.
Strange.
[indistinct chatter]
- What was that? - What was what? Jennifer?
Over there in the shrubs.
Jennifer, if you're so bugged about that old house
why'd you pledge the sorority?
Because of you guys. I want us to stay together.
- Well, me, too. - Me, too, three.
(Veronica) 'Okay, slime-buckets, listen up.'
The phrase for today
is, "I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber."
'Let's hear it.'
(all together) I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber.
I can't hear you.
(all together) I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber.
Hey, girls.
I've got a big fat cucumber.
Where would you prefer it?
Get lost, losers.
Screw you.
Oooh.
Lovely, girls. Just lovely.
Vivia.
(Veronica) 'Can you ditch those glasses? They're awful.'
I can't see without them.
Can you see your ankles?
- Yeah. - Then grab 'em!
(Veronica) I, uh, hate to tell you this, four eyes.
But, umm, for your own good
don't turn in your meal pass tomorrow.
Get up.
(Veronica) 'Get up on your feet!'
Okay, listen up.
You're all goin' over
to Billions and Trillions this afternoon.
We are? Uh, yes, Pledge Mistress.
The three of you would look so chic Beta Tau t-shirts.
'I want you to steal some to go with mine.'
Beta Tau. Alright.
But we have class.
Yeah, we couldn't--
It's Beta Tau t-shirts or bare back.
It's entirely up to you.
Well, what are you lookin' at, slime-bucket?
You see a black ball coming down?
Come on, let's go to class.
Beta Tau.
There are few simple pleasures
that can compare with the curling up in bed
with a nice big book.
Would you stop it? Just be quiet.
[Jennifer and Phoebe whispering]
Jennifer Beatty.
[whispering] Talk later.
(professor) 'How are you, Jennifer?'
'I was telling the class'
'about what a pleasure deep reading can be.'
Have you, Jennifer, ever curled up in bed
with a nice big book?
Umm..
...I, myself, prefer a big, fat cucumber.
[all laughing]
I suppose this is what comes of wearing
one red sock and one white one.
There are people who'd get rid of them today if they could.
But they can't.
So, Miss Beatty, I must content myself
with getting rid of you.
(professor) 'You are excused.'
But, Doctor Zito, it's just a joke.
You are excused. Please vacate.
Wait a minute, you two, sit down.
I said Ms. Beatty was excused. Don't you go through that door.
Would anyone else liked to be excused?
(all together) Yeah.
Wait a minute.
I have a question about the sub-text of sexuality
in "Madam Bovery."
Go away, Martin.
[laughing]
[dramatic music]
Will you come out here?
Now. Now remember, when he asks us
what we're doing here Phoebe goes in her act
and the two of us act...available.
[doorbell ringing]
Oh, well.
[doorbell ringing]
- Uh, that's great. - Let's go.
[dramatic music]
- Anybody home? - Shh, shh, shh.
What? Do you have any better ideas?
Couldn't we just make our own shirts?
I guess not.
Phoebe and I are going to go check upstairs.
Okay, right. Wait, we are?
I think that I'm just gonna stay here and be embarrassed.
Look around a little bit, will ya?
- Where? - Everywhere.
[music continues]
Huaa!
(Jennifer) 'What are you doin' in that mask?'
I'm a sea monster.
- Really? - For Halloween.
Oh.
I'm Blake. Billions and Trillions.
Who're you?
Jennifer. Sigma-alpha-pie.
So, what are you doing here, Jennifer?
Oh, we have a message from Veronica, our Pledge Mistress.
We're supposed to leave...a kiss.
Oh, which I guess was really meant
for what's his name, you know, umm, Harrison.
I'll take it.
Oh, okay.
Good, that's a big load off my mind
'cause you just don't know how strict Veronica can be.
Uh, we'll wait outside, okay?
[giggling]
Hi.
(both) Oh, here she comes. Here she comes.
I just don't believe it.
Well, you better believe it, girls, 'cause here they are.
Large, extra large, and macho man.
- Blake is gorgeous. - He's okay.
(both) 'What you talking about?'
[indistinct chatter]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[door rattles]
Who's there?
[music continues]
[exclaiming] Uh!
Hi, Jennifer. How you doin' there?
Who, who are you?
Martin.
From freshmen comp.
I sit behind you.
Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't notice.
- I know. - What are you doing by my door?
Nothin'.
I wanted to talk to you alone and you're always with someone.
- So. - I'm, uh, pledging a sorority.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Here, um, you dropped it.
Oh, this is how you found me?
Well, uh, I thought you'd want it back.
Thank you.
Can I come in?
Well, no. See, I have to go.
Well, okay. But, just for a little while.
Sure.
How about that Madam Bovery, huh?
What a nut.
You know, it's nice talking to you like this.
Well, I mean, I knew it's gonna be nice.
Gee whiz, that's why we're here, right?
Sittin' on the bed.
Nice bed.
Martin, you are the only one sitting on the bed.
Oh, yeah.
- You free for a movie tonight? - Martin, tonight is goat night.
Oh, that's right. What about tomorrow night?
Why does this have to be so complicated?
Martin, you know, in the name of civility
we always hide the deadly truth and..
...and slowly torture each other to death.
Instead of just, you know, doing a clean swish.
Do you know what I'm sayin'?
I think that's pretty deep.
Okay. Fuck it.
I'm gonna go.
Oh, Martin, please. I, uh, don't be mad. I..
I don't think you should go tonight.
There's a tombstone in the backyard of that place.
You know that guy was a pledge.
Uh, you can get in big trouble, you know.
Well, alright. Forget it.
Do you have Vivia's room number?
Maybe you should just speak to her in class.
Okay. Listen, I still don't think--
Martin, look. I'm rushing. You have to go.
Oh god. Please see me through this night.
[insects clittering]
Tonight, Jennifer, Phoebe, and Vivia
are slime-buckets.
Tomorrow, they will be goats.
[all bleating]
A box will be passed among you.
In it are three goats eyes.
Place one in your mouth and swallow it..
...without chewing.
[eerie music]
[all bleating]
[all bleating]
[all bleating]
Remove your blindfolds, goats.
A long, dark night beckons the goats.
Sister Melanie. Sister Sandy.
Tell the new goats I'd like some eggs.
What the..
[all screaming]
Are you okay?
Yeah.
An omen, I suspect.
Move it, goats. I want my eggs.
(Veronica) 'Woe unto the goat who brings the fewest eggs.'
'Woe unto you.'
Okay, goats, let's see 'em.
Baa.
Baa.
Jennifer Beatty.
Assume your position.
[girls chuckling]
[banging]
[girls screaming]
That came from downstairs.
Someone's here.
Someone's in the basement.
The campus cops.
[glass shattering]
[girls screaming]
Everybody, it's alright.
Everybody, come near me.
[girls screaming]
Anyone there?
[roaring]
[whirring]
The front door is locked from the outside.
I can't open it.
[rattling]
[girls screaming]
Settle down.
Wait a minute! Just wait a minute.
Let's just figure out what we've got going on here.
Now, if there was a burglar, he's gone.
But if it was the Beta Taus..
Well, I wanna see their faces. Don't you?
- 'No!' - 'You kidding!'
And what if it really is haunted?
Then we'll write a paper.
I'm going down.
(all together) No! Vivia! Stop, stop.
(Vivia) 'Jennifer? Jennifer, help me out.'
'Oh my god! It's got me.'
- 'Jennifer, help me out!' - Vivia!
- Jennifer, what are you doing? - We've got to help her.
Okay, but we all will. We all will.
- Watch it. - Vivia.
- Easy now. - Vivia, where are you?
(Jennifer) Vivia, Vivia.
There's a light somewhere on the left.
- Vivia. - I got it.
Vivia!
Don't move, please. He's got me all rigged up.
[all screaming]
Did I scare anybody?
(Veronica) 'You're in trouble, goat.'
[indistinct chatter]
- Ooh! - It's great.
(Mrs. G) 'I still don't understand how you made the table shake.'
- Little matters. - From a science project.
See, I cannibalized the whole robot.
And the guillotine?
Yeah, where'd you get a guillotine?
- Box tops. - Ha ha.
[horn honking] Oh, that will be Martin.
- Guy sure works fast. - Room to room.
He's got my stuff from last night.
- Let's go. Thanks, Mrs. G. - See you, Mrs. G.
What you got in the box?
Somethin' for me?
What the hell is that?
[tires screeching]
[tires screeching]
- 'Be careful!' - 'Moron!'
- What is that? - Oh, it's me.
I know that.
I like your face a lot. But not in a box.
- 'Idiot.' - Real mature.
Don't you just love him?
- 'Yeah.' - We think he's so cute.
- Yeah, we do. - 'Ha ha.'
Come on, give us a kiss. Come on, Martin.
[girls laughing]
Oh, you guys are a riot. You're a real riot.
- Thanks. - 'Ha ha.'
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Your boxes are on the mantle.
If you get a goat's eye, come on back and join us.
If you get a black ball, get lost.
Good luck.
Thanks.
They wouldn't go through all the trouble
to package a black ball this nicely, would they?
These are all goat's eyes.
There are no black balls here.
Oh, please, God. I'll be good forever.
Aah! Ha ha ha.
You next, Jenny.
- Yeah. - Aah!
Okay, Viv, fingers and toes.
Oh, please. Oh, please. Oh, please.
Stop, Phoebe. Come on, Vivia, open it up.
I don't know.
I don't think there's a disgusting
little goat's eye in here for me.
Oh, will you hurry? I'm getting a Charlie horse in my pinkies.
- Baa. - Aah! Ha ha.
Oh, come on now, let's go. Let's go.
Vivia!
Uh, you two go on.
(Phoebe) 'Uh, catch you later, Viv.'
Yeah, okay.
- Congratulations, goat. - Oh, thanks.
I've decided to hold next spring's
April Fools party in the old frat house.
- Mm-hm. - We're hosting for Beta Tau.
It'll be a masquerade.
'I can't think of a better place for you to set up your prank.'
'Can you?'
Oh, well, I couldn't possibly.
Ah-ha, it's the only reason you're here, sweetie.
[instrumental music]
(Albert ) 'Veronica.'
Thank you, Albert.
Is there a tack on it?
- You wound me. - Do I?
Shall we get this committee meeting going?
Now, is there any new business?
Any old business?
No, good.
Well, we'll dispense with the minutes
and get to the point.
I'll be stepping down
as Greek Letter Faculty Advisor this term.
(all) 'Aww.'
'Thank you, I know you will all continue to flower'
'under your new advisor, Professor Archibald Zito.'
Doctor Z.
[all booing]
Thank you.
Thank you. Ahem.
No one is more delighted than I
at the great rebirth of the Greek Letter Society.
'I was there the night the fraternity brother died.'
It was at one of our April Fool parties
that we had that unfortunate accident with the guillotine.
Missing. That guillotine is still missing
from the warehouse.
- Really? - 'Make a note.'
- Ahem, now the fact is-- - Make...a note!
No gesture, no memorial of any kind
can bring that brother back to us.
We must forge ahead.
Only that...can keep his memory alive.
And now, your yearly film on the dangers of hazing.
[classical music]
[girls screaming]
Wait a minute.. What, what film is this?
Oh!
(male #1) 'I'll take the shy one in the green towel.'
[girls screaming]
[laughing]
(Professor Zito) Uh, stop it. Turn off this film.
Stop that projector.
[everyone applauding]
[laughing]
[door opening and shutting]
Shut up, you old wind bag!
[whispering] All clear. Come on, let's go.
Come on.
[door creaking]
I hate this house.
For years after that pledge died
there were reports of all sorts of strange phenomena.
'He was under the occult.'
'The evil side.'
There was even testimony at the enquiry that
he stirred something up in this house.
Things that go bumping at night?
Come on, Jennifer.
Don't you think you're getting a little carried away with this?
It was my haunting, remember?
Bo ka bo ka bo.
Hey, come on, you guys. Knock it off.
This place can be rather frea-ky-ee..
Some people have come into this house and never been seen again.
- That is a camp story-- - No, it's not. It's true.
I read it in the school newspaper.
I looked it up in the microfilms.
- There've been disappearances. - Hey, you guys.
Has anyone seen a postcard from Mrs. Henshaw lately?
Phoebe, I don't think that's funny.
[glass shattering]
- Oh god! - The kitchen.
If this place has rats..
[thumping]
- Guys, that's not a rat. - Vivia!
It's not me, either. Come on.
[door creaking]
- Haa! - Aah!
- Hi, Blake. My god.. - Oh God, I hate Beta Taus.
I hate 'em, I hate 'em, I hate 'em.
Here.
Here, let me get that.
So what do you think of my costume?
They said, a, uh, a beach or spring motif.
I figured I'd be a little different.
I thought you liked masks.
I hate them.
Me, too.
Here, let me get that.
Harrison asked me to come here and get these lights working.
I'm in the middle of the fuse box downstairs.
So, uh, you need any help, you give me a yell.
Aah!
[clucking]
Just kidding.
Jennifer, I think the creature likes you.
- I think he likes to scare me. - Aww.
(Blake) 'Uh, Jennifer, I left my flashlight upstairs.'
'Will you bring it please?'
Ahem, I told you.
What say we come back in...an hour?
Ciao!
You guys don't set one foot outside this house.
I've got one, Blake.
[laughing]
Well, well, well.
[door creaking]
(male #1) 'Jennifer.'
Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming.
- 'Jennifer.' - Blake?
[gasping]
- Was that you? - Was what me?
- What did you say? - I said bring my flashlight.
Blake, what..
Never mind.
- Where's the fuse box? - Over this way.
God, look at this place.
It's worse in the light.
So, uh, what you doing later?
Nothing...really.
You wanna do it with me?
Sure.
Great.
(Pam) Bye, Mrs. Henshaw. We're going to miss you.
(Mrs. Henshaw) Oh, goodbye, Pam.
Goodbye, girls. I'll miss you, too.
[Martin moaning and kissing]
- Mmm, Vivia. - Martin.
- Vivia. Mmm. - Martin.
- You taste so...sensuous. - I gargle with musk.
- What you doing? - What do you want?
I don't know. I didn't know I get a choice.
Let me think.
Oh, Martin, you're so sexy.
I know.
Oh, Martin, Martin, touch me, touch me.
Touch me, touch me here.
- Where? - Here.
- There? - Yes.
- Now? - Now, now.
[disco music]
Martin. What are you doing?
Jennifer must be studying.
That her room?
Martin.
Do you know..
...what the largest room in the world is?
No. What?
The room...for improvement.
[intense music]
[door creaking]
[door slams]
[heavy breathing]
What are you doing?
[disco music]
[indistinct chatter]
Electricity is in the air
And everywhere us lovers
My emotions waken from their sleep
I can't keep them undercover
Tonight you got the power to love me baby
Tonight my heart says yes but my mind says maybe
I lose control..
- Ta-da-da-tan. - Oh, that's great.
Jennifer.
- Who are you? - Madam Bovery.
I'm sneaking him in.
- Vivia! - Come on, in, in, in.
- 'Vivia?' - Yes.
You should be in the basement.
Um, right, right, yeah.
- Uh, Phoebe? - Hi.
- Kitchen. - Bye.
- Hey, Martin. - Well, hello.
You work here?
Until something better comes along.
That would be a good story.
- Ta-da! - Phoebe!
Oh, thank goodness for goats. Listen, do me a big favor.
Take care of this mess, will you? Thanks.
Sure. Don't mention it.
I had.. Ugh.
I had nothing better to do anyway.
It's okay.
Veronica, where do you want this stuff?
Oh, um, here. Um, come here.
- Come on. - Been carrying them forever.
Sure. Here.
- Hello. - Oh, hello.
- The nutcracker? - The grocery man?
You want some help?
Yeah, sure. You need help.
Nice..
- Hi. - Hi, Martin.
You wanna dance?
- Sure. - Great.
May I?
Big man!
[scoffs] Big man.
Take a cold shower, Martin, will you?
Say, you're getting a lot of mileage out of that..
...delivery offer, aren't you?
I'll take it as far as it'll get me.
[laughing]
Now, how come you're not wearing a costume?
Well, I had so much to do with the food and the drink
and I got held up at the market, so, uh..
What the hell? I came dressed up as a fraternity boy.
How do you like it?
Actually, uh..
...masquerade parties make me a little self-conscious.
Oh, well, they shouldn't.
I mean, they used to make me self-conscious, too, but--
Do you wanna dance?
[Laura Branigan singing "The Lucky One"]
You can break away
Or you can stay
You choose your life
You're free to fly
[creaking]
Go o-o-on and fl-l-y-y
Go on and fl-l-y
She had it in her all the time
To get away and try to find
Somewhere to go
To run
She saw the world through open eyes
And never let a soul inside
Don't come too close
So close
Baby thinks she's smart
But what about her heart
Like a wild bird of prey
Like a thief in the night
If I do, will you love me forever?
I'll love you as long as I can.
And you won't change a thing
You're the lucky one
Oh, the lucky one
[knock on door]
(female #7) 'Anybody up here? Get downstairs.'
'Veronica's making a presentation.'
- Let's go. - Let's not.
If we don't, we're gonna miss the highlight of the party.
[sighs] I thought I was the highlight of the party.
[laughs] Well, so far.
Okay, but I'm gonna get you sooner or later.
[all applauding]
And now following tradition and this
our 25th annual Sigma Alpha Pi-Beta Tau
April Fools' party.
A triumphal return to this house in 20 years
of wilderness in this university..
[indistinct chatter]
Cards will be passed among you to vote for King and Queen.
Thank you. April fool.
But now, Harrison..
[all applauding and cheering]
First, a toast to the old Delta Sigma House.
Wherever the hell that is.
And to all the men of the Trident. Living and dead.
Whoever the hell they are.
(all) Beta Tau!
[all cheering]
[women screaming]
[creaking]
[women screaming]
[all screaming]
(Harrison) Come on, let's get out of here. Come on, move.
Look, look, don't panic.
Let's go out this way. Come on, come on, come on.
[all screaming]
Oh, God, we're locked in. The door's locked.
(male #2) Jennifer Beatty.'
Oh, no, not me.
Who is it? Who's down there?
Who's there? What do you want?
- Blake, what's happening? - Jen, sshh.
Well, if we can't get out, then we're coming down.
(male #2) 'Jennifer Beatty.'
Somebody help me.
- Blake, give me a hand. - Are you crazy?
Let's get the hell out of here.
[laughing] We did it.
Oh, Vivi, I could've used pads.
Would you go to the fuse box?
- Okay, I'm ready. - No! Not until I tell you.
I know that.
How did you do that voice?
(Vivia) 'I didn't do any voice.'
Hold it.
Now, there's a girl down there who needs our help.
If you wanna be a hero, go ahead and be one.
We're not even supposed to be here.
- Leave him. Stop. - Phoebe!
- Stop! Stop! - Phoebe.
Not until we get the girl.
[all clamoring]
Stop it!
[women screaming]
Would you both stop it?
Unh!
[all screaming]
Oh, stop it.
- 'Somebody call the police.' - 'Call the police.'
[crying]
What is going on up here..
April fool.
- 'Alright.' - Bastard.
[all cheering and applauding]
Where were you? You missed it. We were great.
You should have been there.
Nice party. Who's the entertainment director?
[laughs]
- Wanna cop a feel? - Oh, yeah.
Veronica's staying. Melanie's staying.
- Your friend, Phoebe's staying. - I'm not.
Give me one good reason.
Blake, this whole thing was so stupid.
I'm sorry. I guess we just got carried away.
- It's not just that. - Well, then, what is it?
I don't know. It's like..
We stirred something up in this house.
Something we shouldn't have.
- What something? - I don't know, Blake.
I have to go.
Do you want to die?
You see where Jennifer just went?
No.
- 'Pam, have you seen Jennifer?' - No, I haven't.
[heavy breathing]
Please, no more jokes.
[Pam screams]
- 'Bye.' - See you guys later.
- 'Hey, Blake!' - Have you seen Jennifer?
No, but I just heard somebody downstairs.
[water flushing]
(Jennifer) 'Blake.'
- Jen? - 'Come on in, will you?'
'I decided to stay.'
- In the bathroom? - 'Come on, will you?'
Really? Yeah.
See, Vivia had the..
...blade hooked up to the fuse box over there.
So that when..
...she threw the switch..
Zap.
Except you guys have to be quicker.
And harder.
(Veronica) 'Phoebe..'
...could I see you for a minute?
Alone, please?
I'm gonna make this short and sweet.
What? I can take it.
Stay away from Albert Harrison.
Is that all, huh?
No, that's not all.
I found this in the kitchen.
Now, throw it out somewhere
before one of these drunks hurts himself.
[bleating]
And stay away from Albert Harrison
before you hurt yourself.
You goat.
Ouch! Shit.
Oh, my God!
[floorboards creaking]
[heavy breathing]
You wouldn't have a hammer in that pouch, would you?
[heavy breathing]
Is that you inside there, Blake?
Okay, tough guy.
Alright, alright, I give up. End the joke.
Blake, get me the hell out of here, you're gonna get it.
Blake!
[thudding]
[creaking]
[door closes]
Melanie? Come on, I heard you.
- Hi, Sandy. - Hi, Melanie.
- Have you seen Virgil? - No. Why?
He promised me he'd be here ages ago. I can't find him anywhere.
Some delivery boy!
- What a party! - Yeah. Look.
They broke the tombstone.
Bum me out, but that did it. I'm leaving.
I'm leaving soon, too.
- Everybody's drunk. - 'See you later.'
Bye.
Hi.
Martin, you scared the shit out of me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I can't find Vivia.
I can't find Jennifer.
All my pretty girls.
- All left me. - Well, you want a lift?
I want you.
[laughs]
Play coy, eh?
[Sandy screaming] 'Martin, no!'
'Martin!'
Aah!
[both laughing]
I got drunk.
'Three 9's.'
You look like you're gonna barf.
Martin?
[door opens]
[gasps]
[gasps] Ah!
Phoebe!
Veronica, where are Phoebe and Jennifer?
[gasps]
- Phoebe. - Wait, wait, wait.
- We've gotta get out here. - Wait, wait..
There is someone in the house and he's killing everybody.
Vivia, that isn't very funny.
Would you please come with me? Come on.
Vivia, if this is an April fool joke..
Oh, April..
Aah!
Come on, we have to hurry. Come on.
- What am I doing? - What's going on?
Bathroom. Where's the bathroom window?
- What? - Move it.
Oh, my God.
[both screaming]
Phoebe, listen, listen to me.
There are a lot of people that are dead. Maybe everybody.
- Wait, where's Jennifer? - I don't know.
Then you don't know she's dead!
Phoebe, there is a maniac. He could still be in the house.
- I've gotta find her. - No, no.
If you go out there, you could be next.
Come on. Please. Listen to me, please.
We've gotta, we've...okay, okay, shit.
We'll look for her. Come on.
We'll find her.
Shit!
Where now?
You stay down here. I'm gonna go check upstairs.
- Oh, God, don't leave me. - Okay. Alright, I won't.
I like that better anyway.
Oh.
[crying]
- Oh, God, what's that? - What?
What can you see?
Oh, God, the flashlight. Shit.
'Oh, shit.'
The flashlight. Fuck!
Everybody's dead.
Jennifer, are you alright?
- He killed everybody. - Are you okay?
I looked everywhere. I couldn't find you.
Who killed everybody?
Come on. We've got to get out of here.
Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
We're gonna walk right out that front door.
How do you know he's not out there?
Oh, come on let's get of here.
[growling]
(Jennifer as Alan) Alrighty.
[growling]
[door slams]
(Jennifer as Alan) I've been waiting 20 years for this.
April fool, assholes.
[growling]
[gasping]
[growling]
The stairs.
My house, bastards, my house.
[grunting]
[screams]
[hissing]
[growling]
Vivia, run.
[growling]
[screaming]
Vivia, look out.
Vivia, jump.
Are you okay?
[snarling]
[grunting]
Vivia, listen to me.
- No. He's not in me now. - Who is it?
- 'You can get out that way.' - Which way?
Come on, you're talking to a freaking lunatic.
Get help!
Oh, God.
Oh, shit. Come on. Come on.
Oh, shit. Forget it.
[growling]
(Jennifer as Alan) Phoebe, he's not in me now.
'Where are you?'
Jennifer, I'm here.
I can't see you.
I'm here.
Come on.
(Jennifer) 'Phoebe.'
[Jennifer crying]
'Help me, please.'
[Jennifer crying]
Phoebe, no, don't. That is not Jennifer.
I don't know who it is, but it's not her.
Get one of these. Come on.
(Jennifer as Alan) 'Go, Phoebe. Keep going.'
'He's coming back! Hurry. Keep going.'
[growling]
[screaming]
Are you okay? Can you stand?
I don't know.
- Oh, Phoebe, don't leave. - I won't.
Sshh.
[groaning]
- Okay, come on. Come on. - Phoebe, I can't.
- 'Phoebe.' - Jennifer.
(Jennifer) 'Get out.'
'Hurry, Phoebe, get out. Hurry. Ha ha.'
'Get out, get out.'
(Vivia) 'Phoebe, look there's a window'
Oh, my God, we made it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[groans] Just a second.
[groans]
Aah. Wait a minute. Careful.
Aah!
- Whoa! - Sshh.
Okay, okay, okay.
- Aah! Okay. - Sshh.
I think I got it.
Okay.
[screaming]
[screaming]
Vivia!
[growling]
[screaming]
[Vivia groaning]
[growling]
No! No! No!
Vivia!
Vivia!
Vivia, help me.
I can't. My legs.
[growling]
Don't, Phoebe. No, Phoebe, don't.
It's me, it's Jen.
I'm alright. You drove him out. He's gone.
It's me.
[growling]
Phoebe, do it.
Do it, Phoeb.
[crying]
Phoebe, Phoeb.
- Here, we can-- - No. No!
Don't, don't. Just, just stay with me, okay?
Why? Why Jennifer?
Why? Why? Why?
- Why? - I don't know.
Maybe..
[panting] ...because she was the..
...the only one who didn't wanna be here.
You shouldn't have done it, Vivia.
You got him mad with all that haunting stuff.
Vivia..
...he took your best friend.
And he made you pay.
[growling]
[groaning]
(Phoebe as Alan) You raised a demon, Vivia.
[growling]
[siren blaring]
Damn poor kids. They were told to stay out of this house.
That's it, that's it. It's all over now. It's all over.
- Come on now. - No, no, no. No!
No!
[crying]
Okay, people, let's move it back.
Come on, back, back, back.
Take it easy, take it easy.
Where's Phoebe?
No. Please. Don't put me in the ambulance.
Please don't put me in there with her.
No. Please. Get me out. Please. Please. No!
'Please don't. Get me out of here.'
'Please get me out.'
'Please. Please don't leave me with her.'
'Please. Get me out!'
'Please don't leave me here.'
'Get me out! Please!'
'Please.'
[Vivia screams]
["Best Times"]
We've been waiting for this day to come along
For so long
We have finally found a place where we belong
We can't go home
Now we're on our own
Letting our feelings show
This is how you know
We're finally letting go
And you know
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Everyone we meet is on their way
They know the score
Up and down the streets smiling faces need to know
What you're looking for
Don't ask us why
But there's something for everyone
How the time does fly
When you're having fun
We've just begun Oo-oo
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives..
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[indistinct prayer]
(Father) ...of whom may we seek for succour
but of thee, O Lord
who for our sins art justly displeased.
Thou knowest Lord, the secrets of our hearts
shut not thy merciful ears to our prayer
but spare us, O Lord, most holy
O God, most holy, O holy and merciful savior.
'And so we commend Annabel Pitswolly Couslove'
'to the dust whence she came.'
Always keeping in mind the words of advice given
to the tin-man by the Wizard of Oz.
That the size of your heart should be measured
not by how much you love
but by how much you are loved by others.
'Annabel is mourned by her sister Causima'
'by her lifelong friend and companion Mr. Canes.'
'By her loving son Daniel'
'and by her loving daughter-in-law, Stephanie.'
[sobbing]
[clearing throat]
That's it.
[sobbing]
[sobbing continues]
Try to have a nice day.
[sobbing]
Imbecile.
- Try to have a nice day. - Thanks, Padre.
Could I, would it be alright
if I went back and said a word to her?
Stephanie, really I--
I think she would like that very much.
Well, I'll go warm up the car then.
I think it's very nice..
Mrs. Couslove?
Mom?
I hope..
I hope you rot in hell, you old witch.
I hope you rot in hell. Do you hear me in there?
Do you hear me?
[coffin creaking]
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
[screaming continues]
[Stephanie screaming]
(female #1) 'Oh God. This movie's going to be weird.'
[Stephanie screaming]
I can't.
April, just...tell me what you want.
- Popcorn. - Now?
I'll get some for ya.
(male #1 in movie) 'Oh my God. There's somebody in there.'
(male #2 in movie) 'Get her out. Get her out. She's burning.'
(male #1 in movie) 'Don't touch her.'
(male #2 in movie) 'We can't leave her.'
[intense music]
Hello?
Anybody home?
[machine beeping]
I just want some popcorn.
[door slamming]
Is this some kind of joke?
Customer here.
This is your last chance.
Thank you, come again.
Check it out, Stosh, freebies.
Stosh?
(male #3 in movie) 'Back off. Get away from there.'
(male #4 in movie) 'I can't.'
Gotcha.
(male #3 in movie) 'Get outta there.'
(male #4 in movie) 'She's got me.'
'Oh, my God. She's just pulling in.'
'I'm burning. I'm burning up.'
[hissing]
[dramatic music]
[screaming]
[upbeat music]
[White Sister singing "April You're No Fool"]
[glass shattering]
You're not like the rest you're cut from the pack
You groove to moves you know you never liked
I just can't understand
Why you need to be this way
[groaning]
Along for the ride is something inside
It holds you for ransom you can't decide
Believin' a false promise
That's a small price to pay
You want somethin' for nothin'
That's what you're goin' through
You got your backseat against the wall
Now the joke's on you
April
April why do you play the fool
April
April you're no
You're no fool
April
April why do you play the fool
April woa-oh April
You're no
[rock music]
April
April why do you play the fool
April
April you're no you're no fool
April
Woa-oh April why do you play the fool
April woa-oh April
["April you're no fool" playing on TV]
April
April why do you play the fool
April
(female #2) "Phoebe, Jennifer is here.'
Minute, mom.
(Phoebe's mom) 'Jennifer's here.'
Thanks, mom.
Woo, woo. Hi.
Hi.
- Mmm, want some breakfast? - No, I ate at the dorm.
Oh, come on, have a danish. Hey, where's Vivia?
Oh, I don't know. She's out on the driveway.
Phoebe, I'm suddenly not sure
the sorority thing is such a hot idea.
Are you for real?
Sigma-alpha-pie is the wet dream of this college.
(Phoebe's mom) 'Won't you girls be late for class?'
Uh, finished, mom. Thanks. Bye.
Come on, let's go.
Hiya, Viv'.
Don't talk to me. I'm communicating with this machine
and it demands all of my powers of concentration.
- Your chain broke. - I can fix it.
- Damn. - Come on. Hop on.
Hang on.
- Here we go. - Alright.
[both screaming]
(Vivia) 'Phoebe!'
[screaming]
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Everyone you meet
Today is on their way
They know this was
Up and down the streets smiling faces seem to know
What you're looking for
Don't ask us why
But there's something for everyone
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, girls. Come on, join the party, y'all.
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Hi, girls.
Life has come, pledges.
Everybody knows Sigma-alpha-pie blows.
Bet your sweet ass. Specially you, Goldilocks.
[all laughing]
[instrumental music]
[dramatic music]
Think long and you think wrong.
[music continues]
Ah!
This is a big mistake.
Don't you see it, Phoeb?
Don't you feel it?
This is bad.
This is the last step.
You came this far, Jenn.
You just don't throw it all away.
Go on, get out of here.
Are you gonna quit?
I don't know. I have to go to class.
[music continues]
Well?
- They gave us an errand. - You mean you're stayin'?
- Yeah. - Alright!
One more day and this will all be ours.
I can smell the clout.
[upbeat music]
[girls giggling]
Bye, Mrs. Henshaw. We're goin' to miss you.
Oh, bye, Pam. Bye, girls. I'll miss you, too.
Still, it's time to move on.
Miss. Henshaw?
Any word on the old frat house?
Are they really gonna re-open it?
That house is still off limits.
Veronica, I want you all to be good Sigma-alpha-pies.
Stay out of there.
Mrs. Henshaw?
I want you to know I'm gonna miss you.
Oh.
[music continues]
[whistling]
- Yes, may I help you? - Delivery.
Hold it.
- Hey, anybody order soda? - Champagne, toots.
I got a case of bubbly for the Sigma-alpha-pie house.
Champagne? Who ordered champagne?
Well, this is the Sigma-alpha-pie house, isn't it?
Yes.
Well, bring it in.
Kelly, did you order champagne?
No.
Hey, did you guys order champagne?
Hey, did anyone order a case of champagne?
(female #3) 'No, uh-huh.'
(female #4) 'No, we didn't.'
Well, everyone else is out back.
- I got an order right here. - Oh.
Well, alright. Uh, just put it right there.
Okay.
Sign there by the two x's.
Okay.
- So, hell night, huh? - Uh-huh.
Well, I guess you girls are gonna have some fun.
Uh-huh.
Well, I guess that's it.
Well, thanks.
[knocking on door]
It's all set.
[indistinct chatter]
Hurry up.
(female #5) 'I wonder what Mrs. Henshaw is gonna do now?'
(female #6) 'Go to New York. For sex and drugs.'
(female #5) 'No, really.'
- Here, let me throw. - Dude, wait.
Come on, man, I set this whole thing up.
- Right, right, right. - What a set up.
Now, I'm gonna break it up.
(female #5) 'Twenty years with the rooms open and everybody else'
'barking their brains in.'
'She must be hornier than you.'
(female #6) 'Pam, your brains are where you sit.'
(Pam) 'That's why I only date ass men.'
(female #6) 'That's disgusting.'
Bees. Bees!
[screaming]
Oh!
Oh!
[girls screaming]
Oh! Heaven help me. Oh! Oh!
[screaming continues]
- Open the door. - Open the door, Melanie.
I can't open it. The door knob's missing.
- Open the door, Melanie. - Oh, my God.
[screaming]
[bees buzzing]
Help me, Mrs. Henshaw.
Ah! Oh.
[boys applauding]
- We're gonna call the police. - Please, Sandy.
[cheering]
You son of a..
[whistling]
[cheering]
[intense music]
A-Allan?
'Uh, A-Allan.'
'Uh, Allan. They are going to use the house. Mm-hmm.'
'The girls are holding their goat night here tomorrow.'
But, I suppose they're just laughing away
at having put one over on me.
But, that Veronica, she's so sweet, so sincere.
So-so sorority.
How could I say no?
Oh, Allan.
It was an accident.
It's time to forget.
Now, I'm just going in to check the place out
and make sure it's all safe.
Bye.
[heavy breathing]
[door creaking]
[music continues]
[step cracking] Oh!
[music continues]
[music continues]
[heavy breathing]
[creaking]
Wh-what are you doing here?
Eh! Uh!
[screaming]
[indistinct screaming]
Okay, we're here. I can't stop.
Look out. Oh, God.
Thank you. Thank you.
Strange.
[indistinct chatter]
- What was that? - What was what? Jennifer?
Over there in the shrubs.
Jennifer, if you're so bugged about that old house
why'd you pledge the sorority?
Because of you guys. I want us to stay together.
- Well, me, too. - Me, too, three.
(Veronica) 'Okay, slime-buckets, listen up.'
The phrase for today
is, "I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber."
'Let's hear it.'
(all together) I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber.
I can't hear you.
(all together) I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber.
Hey, girls.
I've got a big fat cucumber.
Where would you prefer it?
Get lost, losers.
Screw you.
Oooh.
Lovely, girls. Just lovely.
Vivia.
(Veronica) 'Can you ditch those glasses? They're awful.'
I can't see without them.
Can you see your ankles?
- Yeah. - Then grab 'em!
(Veronica) I, uh, hate to tell you this, four eyes.
But, umm, for your own good
don't turn in your meal pass tomorrow.
Get up.
(Veronica) 'Get up on your feet!'
Okay, listen up.
You're all goin' over
to Billions and Trillions this afternoon.
We are? Uh, yes, Pledge Mistress.
The three of you would look so chic Beta Tau t-shirts.
'I want you to steal some to go with mine.'
Beta Tau. Alright.
But we have class.
Yeah, we couldn't--
It's Beta Tau t-shirts or bare back.
It's entirely up to you.
Well, what are you lookin' at, slime-bucket?
You see a black ball coming down?
Come on, let's go to class.
Beta Tau.
There are few simple pleasures
that can compare with the curling up in bed
with a nice big book.
Would you stop it? Just be quiet.
[Jennifer and Phoebe whispering]
Jennifer Beatty.
[whispering] Talk later.
(professor) 'How are you, Jennifer?'
'I was telling the class'
'about what a pleasure deep reading can be.'
Have you, Jennifer, ever curled up in bed
with a nice big book?
Umm..
...I, myself, prefer a big, fat cucumber.
[all laughing]
I suppose this is what comes of wearing
one red sock and one white one.
There are people who'd get rid of them today if they could.
But they can't.
So, Miss Beatty, I must content myself
with getting rid of you.
(professor) 'You are excused.'
But, Doctor Zito, it's just a joke.
You are excused. Please vacate.
Wait a minute, you two, sit down.
I said Ms. Beatty was excused. Don't you go through that door.
Would anyone else liked to be excused?
(all together) Yeah.
Wait a minute.
I have a question about the sub-text of sexuality
in "Madam Bovery."
Go away, Martin.
[laughing]
[dramatic music]
Will you come out here?
Now. Now remember, when he asks us
what we're doing here Phoebe goes in her act
and the two of us act...available.
[doorbell ringing]
Oh, well.
[doorbell ringing]
- Uh, that's great. - Let's go.
[dramatic music]
- Anybody home? - Shh, shh, shh.
What? Do you have any better ideas?
Couldn't we just make our own shirts?
I guess not.
Phoebe and I are going to go check upstairs.
Okay, right. Wait, we are?
I think that I'm just gonna stay here and be embarrassed.
Look around a little bit, will ya?
- Where? - Everywhere.
[music continues]
Huaa!
(Jennifer) 'What are you doin' in that mask?'
I'm a sea monster.
- Really? - For Halloween.
Oh.
I'm Blake. Billions and Trillions.
Who're you?
Jennifer. Sigma-alpha-pie.
So, what are you doing here, Jennifer?
Oh, we have a message from Veronica, our Pledge Mistress.
We're supposed to leave...a kiss.
Oh, which I guess was really meant
for what's his name, you know, umm, Harrison.
I'll take it.
Oh, okay.
Good, that's a big load off my mind
'cause you just don't know how strict Veronica can be.
Uh, we'll wait outside, okay?
[giggling]
Hi.
(both) Oh, here she comes. Here she comes.
I just don't believe it.
Well, you better believe it, girls, 'cause here they are.
Large, extra large, and macho man.
- Blake is gorgeous. - He's okay.
(both) 'What you talking about?'
[indistinct chatter]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[door rattles]
Who's there?
[music continues]
[exclaiming] Uh!
Hi, Jennifer. How you doin' there?
Who, who are you?
Martin.
From freshmen comp.
I sit behind you.
Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't notice.
- I know. - What are you doing by my door?
Nothin'.
I wanted to talk to you alone and you're always with someone.
- So. - I'm, uh, pledging a sorority.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Here, um, you dropped it.
Oh, this is how you found me?
Well, uh, I thought you'd want it back.
Thank you.
Can I come in?
Well, no. See, I have to go.
Well, okay. But, just for a little while.
Sure.
How about that Madam Bovery, huh?
What a nut.
You know, it's nice talking to you like this.
Well, I mean, I knew it's gonna be nice.
Gee whiz, that's why we're here, right?
Sittin' on the bed.
Nice bed.
Martin, you are the only one sitting on the bed.
Oh, yeah.
- You free for a movie tonight? - Martin, tonight is goat night.
Oh, that's right. What about tomorrow night?
Why does this have to be so complicated?
Martin, you know, in the name of civility
we always hide the deadly truth and..
...and slowly torture each other to death.
Instead of just, you know, doing a clean swish.
Do you know what I'm sayin'?
I think that's pretty deep.
Okay. Fuck it.
I'm gonna go.
Oh, Martin, please. I, uh, don't be mad. I..
I don't think you should go tonight.
There's a tombstone in the backyard of that place.
You know that guy was a pledge.
Uh, you can get in big trouble, you know.
Well, alright. Forget it.
Do you have Vivia's room number?
Maybe you should just speak to her in class.
Okay. Listen, I still don't think--
Martin, look. I'm rushing. You have to go.
Oh god. Please see me through this night.
[insects clittering]
Tonight, Jennifer, Phoebe, and Vivia
are slime-buckets.
Tomorrow, they will be goats.
[all bleating]
A box will be passed among you.
In it are three goats eyes.
Place one in your mouth and swallow it..
...without chewing.
[eerie music]
[all bleating]
[all bleating]
[all bleating]
Remove your blindfolds, goats.
A long, dark night beckons the goats.
Sister Melanie. Sister Sandy.
Tell the new goats I'd like some eggs.
What the..
[all screaming]
Are you okay?
Yeah.
An omen, I suspect.
Move it, goats. I want my eggs.
(Veronica) 'Woe unto the goat who brings the fewest eggs.'
'Woe unto you.'
Okay, goats, let's see 'em.
Baa.
Baa.
Jennifer Beatty.
Assume your position.
[girls chuckling]
[banging]
[girls screaming]
That came from downstairs.
Someone's here.
Someone's in the basement.
The campus cops.
[glass shattering]
[girls screaming]
Everybody, it's alright.
Everybody, come near me.
[girls screaming]
Anyone there?
[roaring]
[whirring]
The front door is locked from the outside.
I can't open it.
[rattling]
[girls screaming]
Settle down.
Wait a minute! Just wait a minute.
Let's just figure out what we've got going on here.
Now, if there was a burglar, he's gone.
But if it was the Beta Taus..
Well, I wanna see their faces. Don't you?
- 'No!' - 'You kidding!'
And what if it really is haunted?
Then we'll write a paper.
I'm going down.
(all together) No! Vivia! Stop, stop.
(Vivia) 'Jennifer? Jennifer, help me out.'
'Oh my god! It's got me.'
- 'Jennifer, help me out!' - Vivia!
- Jennifer, what are you doing? - We've got to help her.
Okay, but we all will. We all will.
- Watch it. - Vivia.
- Easy now. - Vivia, where are you?
(Jennifer) Vivia, Vivia.
There's a light somewhere on the left.
- Vivia. - I got it.
Vivia!
Don't move, please. He's got me all rigged up.
[all screaming]
Did I scare anybody?
(Veronica) 'You're in trouble, goat.'
[indistinct chatter]
- Ooh! - It's great.
(Mrs. G) 'I still don't understand how you made the table shake.'
- Little matters. - From a science project.
See, I cannibalized the whole robot.
And the guillotine?
Yeah, where'd you get a guillotine?
- Box tops. - Ha ha.
[horn honking] Oh, that will be Martin.
- Guy sure works fast. - Room to room.
He's got my stuff from last night.
- Let's go. Thanks, Mrs. G. - See you, Mrs. G.
What you got in the box?
Somethin' for me?
What the hell is that?
[tires screeching]
[tires screeching]
- 'Be careful!' - 'Moron!'
- What is that? - Oh, it's me.
I know that.
I like your face a lot. But not in a box.
- 'Idiot.' - Real mature.
Don't you just love him?
- 'Yeah.' - We think he's so cute.
- Yeah, we do. - 'Ha ha.'
Come on, give us a kiss. Come on, Martin.
[girls laughing]
Oh, you guys are a riot. You're a real riot.
- Thanks. - 'Ha ha.'
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Your boxes are on the mantle.
If you get a goat's eye, come on back and join us.
If you get a black ball, get lost.
Good luck.
Thanks.
They wouldn't go through all the trouble
to package a black ball this nicely, would they?
These are all goat's eyes.
There are no black balls here.
Oh, please, God. I'll be good forever.
Aah! Ha ha ha.
You next, Jenny.
- Yeah. - Aah!
Okay, Viv, fingers and toes.
Oh, please. Oh, please. Oh, please.
Stop, Phoebe. Come on, Vivia, open it up.
I don't know.
I don't think there's a disgusting
little goat's eye in here for me.
Oh, will you hurry? I'm getting a Charlie horse in my pinkies.
- Baa. - Aah! Ha ha.
Oh, come on now, let's go. Let's go.
Vivia!
Uh, you two go on.
(Phoebe) 'Uh, catch you later, Viv.'
Yeah, okay.
- Congratulations, goat. - Oh, thanks.
I've decided to hold next spring's
April Fools party in the old frat house.
- Mm-hm. - We're hosting for Beta Tau.
It'll be a masquerade.
'I can't think of a better place for you to set up your prank.'
'Can you?'
Oh, well, I couldn't possibly.
Ah-ha, it's the only reason you're here, sweetie.
[instrumental music]
(Albert ) 'Veronica.'
Thank you, Albert.
Is there a tack on it?
- You wound me. - Do I?
Shall we get this committee meeting going?
Now, is there any new business?
Any old business?
No, good.
Well, we'll dispense with the minutes
and get to the point.
I'll be stepping down
as Greek Letter Faculty Advisor this term.
(all) 'Aww.'
'Thank you, I know you will all continue to flower'
'under your new advisor, Professor Archibald Zito.'
Doctor Z.
[all booing]
Thank you.
Thank you. Ahem.
No one is more delighted than I
at the great rebirth of the Greek Letter Society.
'I was there the night the fraternity brother died.'
It was at one of our April Fool parties
that we had that unfortunate accident with the guillotine.
Missing. That guillotine is still missing
from the warehouse.
- Really? - 'Make a note.'
- Ahem, now the fact is-- - Make...a note!
No gesture, no memorial of any kind
can bring that brother back to us.
We must forge ahead.
Only that...can keep his memory alive.
And now, your yearly film on the dangers of hazing.
[classical music]
[girls screaming]
Wait a minute.. What, what film is this?
Oh!
(male #1) 'I'll take the shy one in the green towel.'
[girls screaming]
[laughing]
(Professor Zito) Uh, stop it. Turn off this film.
Stop that projector.
[everyone applauding]
[laughing]
[door opening and shutting]
Shut up, you old wind bag!
[whispering] All clear. Come on, let's go.
Come on.
[door creaking]
I hate this house.
For years after that pledge died
there were reports of all sorts of strange phenomena.
'He was under the occult.'
'The evil side.'
There was even testimony at the enquiry that
he stirred something up in this house.
Things that go bumping at night?
Come on, Jennifer.
Don't you think you're getting a little carried away with this?
It was my haunting, remember?
Bo ka bo ka bo.
Hey, come on, you guys. Knock it off.
This place can be rather frea-ky-ee..
Some people have come into this house and never been seen again.
- That is a camp story-- - No, it's not. It's true.
I read it in the school newspaper.
I looked it up in the microfilms.
- There've been disappearances. - Hey, you guys.
Has anyone seen a postcard from Mrs. Henshaw lately?
Phoebe, I don't think that's funny.
[glass shattering]
- Oh god! - The kitchen.
If this place has rats..
[thumping]
- Guys, that's not a rat. - Vivia!
It's not me, either. Come on.
[door creaking]
- Haa! - Aah!
- Hi, Blake. My god.. - Oh God, I hate Beta Taus.
I hate 'em, I hate 'em, I hate 'em.
Here.
Here, let me get that.
So what do you think of my costume?
They said, a, uh, a beach or spring motif.
I figured I'd be a little different.
I thought you liked masks.
I hate them.
Me, too.
Here, let me get that.
Harrison asked me to come here and get these lights working.
I'm in the middle of the fuse box downstairs.
So, uh, you need any help, you give me a yell.
Aah!
[clucking]
Just kidding.
Jennifer, I think the creature likes you.
- I think he likes to scare me. - Aww.
(Blake) 'Uh, Jennifer, I left my flashlight upstairs.'
'Will you bring it please?'
Ahem, I told you.
What say we come back in...an hour?
Ciao!
You guys don't set one foot outside this house.
I've got one, Blake.
[laughing]
Well, well, well.
[door creaking]
(male #1) 'Jennifer.'
Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming.
- 'Jennifer.' - Blake?
[gasping]
- Was that you? - Was what me?
- What did you say? - I said bring my flashlight.
Blake, what..
Never mind.
- Where's the fuse box? - Over this way.
God, look at this place.
It's worse in the light.
So, uh, what you doing later?
Nothing...really.
You wanna do it with me?
Sure.
Great.
(Pam) Bye, Mrs. Henshaw. We're going to miss you.
(Mrs. Henshaw) Oh, goodbye, Pam.
Goodbye, girls. I'll miss you, too.
[Martin moaning and kissing]
- Mmm, Vivia. - Martin.
- Vivia. Mmm. - Martin.
- You taste so...sensuous. - I gargle with musk.
- What you doing? - What do you want?
I don't know. I didn't know I get a choice.
Let me think.
Oh, Martin, you're so sexy.
I know.
Oh, Martin, Martin, touch me, touch me.
Touch me, touch me here.
- Where? - Here.
- There? - Yes.
- Now? - Now, now.
[disco music]
Martin. What are you doing?
Jennifer must be studying.
That her room?
Martin.
Do you know..
...what the largest room in the world is?
No. What?
The room...for improvement.
[intense music]
[door creaking]
[door slams]
[heavy breathing]
What are you doing?
[disco music]
[indistinct chatter]
Electricity is in the air
And everywhere us lovers
My emotions waken from their sleep
I can't keep them undercover
Tonight you got the power to love me baby
Tonight my heart says yes but my mind says maybe
I lose control..
- Ta-da-da-tan. - Oh, that's great.
Jennifer.
- Who are you? - Madam Bovery.
I'm sneaking him in.
- Vivia! - Come on, in, in, in.
- 'Vivia?' - Yes.
You should be in the basement.
Um, right, right, yeah.
- Uh, Phoebe? - Hi.
- Kitchen. - Bye.
- Hey, Martin. - Well, hello.
You work here?
Until something better comes along.
That would be a good story.
- Ta-da! - Phoebe!
Oh, thank goodness for goats. Listen, do me a big favor.
Take care of this mess, will you? Thanks.
Sure. Don't mention it.
I had.. Ugh.
I had nothing better to do anyway.
It's okay.
Veronica, where do you want this stuff?
Oh, um, here. Um, come here.
- Come on. - Been carrying them forever.
Sure. Here.
- Hello. - Oh, hello.
- The nutcracker? - The grocery man?
You want some help?
Yeah, sure. You need help.
Nice..
- Hi. - Hi, Martin.
You wanna dance?
- Sure. - Great.
May I?
Big man!
[scoffs] Big man.
Take a cold shower, Martin, will you?
Say, you're getting a lot of mileage out of that..
...delivery offer, aren't you?
I'll take it as far as it'll get me.
[laughing]
Now, how come you're not wearing a costume?
Well, I had so much to do with the food and the drink
and I got held up at the market, so, uh..
What the hell? I came dressed up as a fraternity boy.
How do you like it?
Actually, uh..
...masquerade parties make me a little self-conscious.
Oh, well, they shouldn't.
I mean, they used to make me self-conscious, too, but--
Do you wanna dance?
[Laura Branigan singing "The Lucky One"]
You can break away
Or you can stay
You choose your life
You're free to fly
[creaking]
Go o-o-on and fl-l-y-y
Go on and fl-l-y
She had it in her all the time
To get away and try to find
Somewhere to go
To run
She saw the world through open eyes
And never let a soul inside
Don't come too close
So close
Baby thinks she's smart
But what about her heart
Like a wild bird of prey
Like a thief in the night
If I do, will you love me forever?
I'll love you as long as I can.
And you won't change a thing
You're the lucky one
Oh, the lucky one
[knock on door]
(female #7) 'Anybody up here? Get downstairs.'
'Veronica's making a presentation.'
- Let's go. - Let's not.
If we don't, we're gonna miss the highlight of the party.
[sighs] I thought I was the highlight of the party.
[laughs] Well, so far.
Okay, but I'm gonna get you sooner or later.
[all applauding]
And now following tradition and this
our 25th annual Sigma Alpha Pi-Beta Tau
April Fools' party.
A triumphal return to this house in 20 years
of wilderness in this university..
[indistinct chatter]
Cards will be passed among you to vote for King and Queen.
Thank you. April fool.
But now, Harrison..
[all applauding and cheering]
First, a toast to the old Delta Sigma House.
Wherever the hell that is.
And to all the men of the Trident. Living and dead.
Whoever the hell they are.
(all) Beta Tau!
[all cheering]
[women screaming]
[creaking]
[women screaming]
[all screaming]
(Harrison) Come on, let's get out of here. Come on, move.
Look, look, don't panic.
Let's go out this way. Come on, come on, come on.
[all screaming]
Oh, God, we're locked in. The door's locked.
(male #2) Jennifer Beatty.'
Oh, no, not me.
Who is it? Who's down there?
Who's there? What do you want?
- Blake, what's happening? - Jen, sshh.
Well, if we can't get out, then we're coming down.
(male #2) 'Jennifer Beatty.'
Somebody help me.
- Blake, give me a hand. - Are you crazy?
Let's get the hell out of here.
[laughing] We did it.
Oh, Vivi, I could've used pads.
Would you go to the fuse box?
- Okay, I'm ready. - No! Not until I tell you.
I know that.
How did you do that voice?
(Vivia) 'I didn't do any voice.'
Hold it.
Now, there's a girl down there who needs our help.
If you wanna be a hero, go ahead and be one.
We're not even supposed to be here.
- Leave him. Stop. - Phoebe!
- Stop! Stop! - Phoebe.
Not until we get the girl.
[all clamoring]
Stop it!
[women screaming]
Would you both stop it?
Unh!
[all screaming]
Oh, stop it.
- 'Somebody call the police.' - 'Call the police.'
[crying]
What is going on up here..
April fool.
- 'Alright.' - Bastard.
[all cheering and applauding]
Where were you? You missed it. We were great.
You should have been there.
Nice party. Who's the entertainment director?
[laughs]
- Wanna cop a feel? - Oh, yeah.
Veronica's staying. Melanie's staying.
- Your friend, Phoebe's staying. - I'm not.
Give me one good reason.
Blake, this whole thing was so stupid.
I'm sorry. I guess we just got carried away.
- It's not just that. - Well, then, what is it?
I don't know. It's like..
We stirred something up in this house.
Something we shouldn't have.
- What something? - I don't know, Blake.
I have to go.
Do you want to die?
You see where Jennifer just went?
No.
- 'Pam, have you seen Jennifer?' - No, I haven't.
[heavy breathing]
Please, no more jokes.
[Pam screams]
- 'Bye.' - See you guys later.
- 'Hey, Blake!' - Have you seen Jennifer?
No, but I just heard somebody downstairs.
[water flushing]
(Jennifer) 'Blake.'
- Jen? - 'Come on in, will you?'
'I decided to stay.'
- In the bathroom? - 'Come on, will you?'
Really? Yeah.
See, Vivia had the..
...blade hooked up to the fuse box over there.
So that when..
...she threw the switch..
Zap.
Except you guys have to be quicker.
And harder.
(Veronica) 'Phoebe..'
...could I see you for a minute?
Alone, please?
I'm gonna make this short and sweet.
What? I can take it.
Stay away from Albert Harrison.
Is that all, huh?
No, that's not all.
I found this in the kitchen.
Now, throw it out somewhere
before one of these drunks hurts himself.
[bleating]
And stay away from Albert Harrison
before you hurt yourself.
You goat.
Ouch! Shit.
Oh, my God!
[floorboards creaking]
[heavy breathing]
You wouldn't have a hammer in that pouch, would you?
[heavy breathing]
Is that you inside there, Blake?
Okay, tough guy.
Alright, alright, I give up. End the joke.
Blake, get me the hell out of here, you're gonna get it.
Blake!
[thudding]
[creaking]
[door closes]
Melanie? Come on, I heard you.
- Hi, Sandy. - Hi, Melanie.
- Have you seen Virgil? - No. Why?
He promised me he'd be here ages ago. I can't find him anywhere.
Some delivery boy!
- What a party! - Yeah. Look.
They broke the tombstone.
Bum me out, but that did it. I'm leaving.
I'm leaving soon, too.
- Everybody's drunk. - 'See you later.'
Bye.
Hi.
Martin, you scared the shit out of me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I can't find Vivia.
I can't find Jennifer.
All my pretty girls.
- All left me. - Well, you want a lift?
I want you.
[laughs]
Play coy, eh?
[Sandy screaming] 'Martin, no!'
'Martin!'
Aah!
[both laughing]
I got drunk.
'Three 9's.'
You look like you're gonna barf.
Martin?
[door opens]
[gasps]
[gasps] Ah!
Phoebe!
Veronica, where are Phoebe and Jennifer?
[gasps]
- Phoebe. - Wait, wait, wait.
- We've gotta get out here. - Wait, wait..
There is someone in the house and he's killing everybody.
Vivia, that isn't very funny.
Would you please come with me? Come on.
Vivia, if this is an April fool joke..
Oh, April..
Aah!
Come on, we have to hurry. Come on.
- What am I doing? - What's going on?
Bathroom. Where's the bathroom window?
- What? - Move it.
Oh, my God.
[both screaming]
Phoebe, listen, listen to me.
There are a lot of people that are dead. Maybe everybody.
- Wait, where's Jennifer? - I don't know.
Then you don't know she's dead!
Phoebe, there is a maniac. He could still be in the house.
- I've gotta find her. - No, no.
If you go out there, you could be next.
Come on. Please. Listen to me, please.
We've gotta, we've...okay, okay, shit.
We'll look for her. Come on.
We'll find her.
Shit!
Where now?
You stay down here. I'm gonna go check upstairs.
- Oh, God, don't leave me. - Okay. Alright, I won't.
I like that better anyway.
Oh.
[crying]
- Oh, God, what's that? - What?
What can you see?
Oh, God, the flashlight. Shit.
'Oh, shit.'
The flashlight. Fuck!
Everybody's dead.
Jennifer, are you alright?
- He killed everybody. - Are you okay?
I looked everywhere. I couldn't find you.
Who killed everybody?
Come on. We've got to get out of here.
Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
We're gonna walk right out that front door.
How do you know he's not out there?
Oh, come on let's get of here.
[growling]
(Jennifer as Alan) Alrighty.
[growling]
[door slams]
(Jennifer as Alan) I've been waiting 20 years for this.
April fool, assholes.
[growling]
[gasping]
[growling]
The stairs.
My house, bastards, my house.
[grunting]
[screams]
[hissing]
[growling]
Vivia, run.
[growling]
[screaming]
Vivia, look out.
Vivia, jump.
Are you okay?
[snarling]
[grunting]
Vivia, listen to me.
- No. He's not in me now. - Who is it?
- 'You can get out that way.' - Which way?
Come on, you're talking to a freaking lunatic.
Get help!
Oh, God.
Oh, shit. Come on. Come on.
Oh, shit. Forget it.
[growling]
(Jennifer as Alan) Phoebe, he's not in me now.
'Where are you?'
Jennifer, I'm here.
I can't see you.
I'm here.
Come on.
(Jennifer) 'Phoebe.'
[Jennifer crying]
'Help me, please.'
[Jennifer crying]
Phoebe, no, don't. That is not Jennifer.
I don't know who it is, but it's not her.
Get one of these. Come on.
(Jennifer as Alan) 'Go, Phoebe. Keep going.'
'He's coming back! Hurry. Keep going.'
[growling]
[screaming]
Are you okay? Can you stand?
I don't know.
- Oh, Phoebe, don't leave. - I won't.
Sshh.
[groaning]
- Okay, come on. Come on. - Phoebe, I can't.
- 'Phoebe.' - Jennifer.
(Jennifer) 'Get out.'
'Hurry, Phoebe, get out. Hurry. Ha ha.'
'Get out, get out.'
(Vivia) 'Phoebe, look there's a window'
Oh, my God, we made it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[groans] Just a second.
[groans]
Aah. Wait a minute. Careful.
Aah!
- Whoa! - Sshh.
Okay, okay, okay.
- Aah! Okay. - Sshh.
I think I got it.
Okay.
[screaming]
[screaming]
Vivia!
[growling]
[screaming]
[Vivia groaning]
[growling]
No! No! No!
Vivia!
Vivia!
Vivia, help me.
I can't. My legs.
[growling]
Don't, Phoebe. No, Phoebe, don't.
It's me, it's Jen.
I'm alright. You drove him out. He's gone.
It's me.
[growling]
Phoebe, do it.
Do it, Phoeb.
[crying]
Phoebe, Phoeb.
- Here, we can-- - No. No!
Don't, don't. Just, just stay with me, okay?
Why? Why Jennifer?
Why? Why? Why?
- Why? - I don't know.
Maybe..
[panting] ...because she was the..
...the only one who didn't wanna be here.
You shouldn't have done it, Vivia.
You got him mad with all that haunting stuff.
Vivia..
...he took your best friend.
And he made you pay.
[growling]
[groaning]
(Phoebe as Alan) You raised a demon, Vivia.
[growling]
[siren blaring]
Damn poor kids. They were told to stay out of this house.
That's it, that's it. It's all over now. It's all over.
- Come on now. - No, no, no. No!
No!
[crying]
Okay, people, let's move it back.
Come on, back, back, back.
Take it easy, take it easy.
Where's Phoebe?
No. Please. Don't put me in the ambulance.
Please don't put me in there with her.
No. Please. Get me out. Please. Please. No!
'Please don't. Get me out of here.'
'Please get me out.'
'Please. Please don't leave me with her.'
'Please. Get me out!'
'Please don't leave me here.'
'Get me out! Please!'
'Please.'
[Vivia screams]
["Best Times"]
We've been waiting for this day to come along
For so long
We have finally found a place where we belong
We can't go home
Now we're on our own
Letting our feelings show
This is how you know
We're finally letting go
And you know
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
Everyone we meet is on their way
They know the score
Up and down the streets smiling faces need to know
What you're looking for
Don't ask us why
But there's something for everyone
How the time does fly
When you're having fun
We've just begun Oo-oo
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives
These are the best times
These are the best times of our lives..