Kings of Mulberry Street: Let Love Reign (2023) Movie Script
[POPCORN POPPING]
["NOW THAT WE FOUND LOVE"
BY HEAVY D & THE BOYZ PLAYING]
Yeah
Now that we found love
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
- With it?
- With it?
What are we gonna do with it?
One, two, tell me what you got
Let me slip my quarter in your slot
To hit the jackpot
Rev me up, rev me up
My little buttercup
We can tug sheets
Snuggle up and get stuck
Believe it or not
Here comes the brother with glow
A strugglin', bubblin' overweight lover
Hurt prone
So what's it gonna be, me or the TV?
Let me take time
To set your mind and body free
So why don't you just stretch, stretch
For a sec?
Lay down your problems
So I could cop a quick rec
Shake me, shake me
Baby, baby, bake me
No need to fake
Here I am, come on and take me
Now that we found love
What are we gonna do with it?
Now that we found love
What are we gonna do with it?
[SONG ENDS]
[CLANGING]
[DEV] There we go. Madiba time!
[CHUCKLES]
Harold, it's about to start, my boy.
I'm coming.
Come on. The big man
is gonna speak any moment now.
[STATIC ON TV]
[COUGHS]
There's your popcorn.
No, thanks. [SIGHS]
Aren't you hot?
Nope. I think
I'm coming down with the flu.
[SNIFFS, COUGHS]
We better nip this in the bud.
I'll get you some meds.
No. I'll get some lozenges before bed.
[SNIFFS]
Okay.
27 April 1994 is going to be
a momentous day.
It's history in the making.
Wait. Wait. Here we go.
[NEW ANCHOR IN AFRIKAANS]
...President F.W. de Klerk and Mr. Mandela
are about to address the nation.
Let's cross over now.
[CROWD ON TV APPLAUDING]
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" PLAYING]
We have reached the end of an era.
We are at the beginning of a new era.
Let us all grasp the opportunities
that democracy offers.
Ow!
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" CONTINUES]
[MANDELA] Democracy is about empowerment.
Now, together,
we can begin to make
the equality of education
the right of all our children.
About time.
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" CONTINUES]
Whaa!
We can build a society
grounded on friendship
and our common humanity.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings!
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" CONTINUES]
It is a road to a glorious future
in this beautiful country of ours.
Let us join hands
and march into the future.
I thank you.
[SONG ENDS]
This is what we've been waiting for,
Harold, the new South Africa.
Oh, we have so much to look forward to.
Really? Desigan from school, his dad says
the new government is gonna send
all the Indians back to India.
Desigan's dad is a fool.
And he's spreading disinformation.
This is going to open up
so many opportunities
for the historically disadvantaged people.
Yeah, yeah, I know. We're building
a better country, a better life,
rainbow nation, blah-blah-blah.
Okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
You better get yourself off to bed.
Maybe you'll see things more positively
when you're feeling better.
[COUGHS, SNIFFS]
[COUGHS]
[DEV] Harold.
You know, whatever changes happen,
good or bad, we'll deal with it
and get through things together,
like we promised each other.
Okay.
We don't have to think
about all of it right now.
Go sleep. We'll chat tomorrow.
[SIGHS]
- [WHISPERING] Ma, let's go.
- Okay.
Harold?
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey! Howzit, ek s?
Good. And you?
Good, good, good.
Friday, today.
Hey, Ma.
Can I ask a couple of bobs for a skyf?
- Please.
- Hey, Lucky.
Go! Go!
Okay, I'm going.
See you. [CLICKS TONGUE]
Ma, you're looking fine.
Fine like red wine.
- Hey.
- Hey!
Styling, ek s!
Hey.
"Fine like red wine."
What does he mean, Ticky?
Means you're looking sharp, Ma.
- [LUCKY] Styling!
- Sharp.
Hey, where's this guy?
I swear I'll beat him up
if he chickened out.
- Beat up who?
- [HORN HONKS]
Aiybo!
["NOW THAT WE FOUND LOVE" PLAYING]
Now
Ha-ha.
Shake it, shake it
Uh, yeah, yeah, aye, aye
Now
Uh
Here we go
[SONG ENDS]
[IN ZULU] Hey, you!
I'm dressed to impress.
More like cruising for a bruising, ek s.
Why? What's wrong with my outfit?
Hey, Ticky, man.
He looks so cute.
I could bite your cheeks.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings!
if you don't like the way I look,
as long as Leila does.
You don't know girls.
Brah! For your sake... [LAUGHS]
Let's go, hey. Come, Ma.
[HORN HONKS]
[HAROLD] Howzit, Kessie?
- [KESSIE] Howzit, howzit, howzit, man?
- Hello.
[HAROLD AND TICKY] Hello, aunties.
[KESSIE] Hey.
Your friends are too much, I tell you.
- [TICKY] Didn't I warn you?
- [KESSIE] You warned me. I'll tell you.
[LAUGHING] Anyway, let's go.
Ole, ole, ole, ole...
You're gonna mess that nice suit of yours.
You don't wanna smell
like curry now, do you?
Feeling hot, hot, hot...
Woman problems.
You sure you want
to go through with this,ek s?
- [HAROLD] Yes.
- [TICKY] Okay.
Your funeral.
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
- How you feeling?
- Hot, hot, hot
- How you feeling?
- Hot, hot, hot
Hot, hot, hot
Hot, hot, hot
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
[SONG ENDS]
[MAN] Hello, Monty.
- Hello, sir. Looking good.
- Good, yes.
Are we all ready?
Now's my chance to talk to the old fart.
He owes me much more than this lousy job.
Ja, go choon him what's what.
Hey, Russel, my old pal.
Long time since I seen you
around this side. [CHUCKLES]
Who is this clown?
Russel, it's me, your old buddy,
Police Commander Veerasamy
from back in the day.
Eh? [CHUCKLES]
You came to my daughter's wedding.
I went to your daughter's wedding.
Remember?
Oh!
It's this dreadful uniform
that's confusing you, eh?
Uh, Russel,
we need to talk
about this job situation, eh,bru.
Monty, sort out
this little irritation now, will you?
- My pleasure.
- Hey!
- Hey, bru, where's the loyalty?
- [TUTS]
Themba, Thambi?
[IN ZULU] Power!
Is ours.
Ole, ole, ole, ole
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Feeling hot, hot, hot
[SONG FADES OUT]
- Hey.
- Ow, man!
You saw those two boys with that granny?
Which granny?
It's raining grannies here tonight.
There, man.
Those are the two boys that got me fired.
They were in the newspapers and all.
"Local heroes."
Hey!
What's wrong with you?
Those boys got me
into this miserable job, man. Wake up.
Little pests!
I wish I could just grab them
and wring their scrawny, little necks.
These kids make me sick.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
It's not too late.
It's time to seize the moment,ek s.
Carpe diem.
Car pay what?
Eish, this guy!
Kill me now.
She is so cool.
If you weren't my brother
from another mother,
I'd beat you up now.
I owe you.
Big time, brah. Big time.
[SOARING ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC FADES]
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPEAKING INAUDIBLY]
[POP MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]
[CHILDREN GROANING]
["LET'S GET IT ON" PLAYING]
I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feeling
For so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then come on, oh, come on
Whoo
Let's get it on
Ah, baby, let's get it on
Let's love, baby
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Let's get it on, sugar
Let's get it on
Whoo hoo
We're all sensitive people
- [SONG STOPS ABRUPTLY]
- [WHISTLING]
What the hell?
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" PLAYING]
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" FADES OUT]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [TOKENS JANGLING]
- Oh God! I won! I won!
What luck, man!
Kogs. Let's celebrate.
- Oh no, no, man.
- Just one shot, man.
I want to cash out
before I put everything back in.
- And the boys will be waiting.
- Okay.
- You're going now.
- Okay, right.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
- Marlon, copy?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- Marlon, copy?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
[VEERASAMY] Hey, this guy, man.
- Do you hear me, you sillybugger? Copy?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- [MARLON] Where'd you disappear to?
- Hey, don't worry about that. Listen.
Tell the guys your old man is sick,
and you have to take him home.
That's me. I'm sick,
and you have to take me home.
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- [MARLON] Are you sick? What happened?
- Hey, shut up. Just do it.
- [RADIO BEEPS]
Then when you've finished that,
meet me by the slots.
I have a plan.
[RADIO BEEPS]
Fine.
You wasted all your money on chow, ek s.
I'm filling the hole in my heart.
Of all the tracks you could have chosen...
What was that, ek s?
Soul music.
[TICKY] "Soul music"?
More like old music.
And all that "let's get it on" business...
[CHUCKLES]
[TENSE, COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- Hey, this old bag is fast, man.
- [MARLON] Hey, you're telling!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [GRANNY] Hey!
- [MARLON] Don't hurt her.
- [GRANNY] What's happening?
- [VEERASAMY] Shut it!
- [MARLON] Be careful.
- [VEERASAMY] This cow is heavy.
Hey, listen, never mind Leila, ek s.
She's got a couple screws loose, that one.
Yeah. I just want her to give me a chance.
The only thing she wants to give you
is a couple thick ones.
Yeah, I know.
My old man chooned
you're old-fashioned and all...
with all the Bollywood stuff.
I think it's cool.
You're keeping the culture alive,
and you saved my butt.
Hold your horses.
Your old man chooned what now?
Me? Me? I'm old-fashioned?
[TUTS] No. Not, like, in a bad way.
You're overreacting.
I'm overreacting?
Does your old man know
I can do this, this, this, and this?
[HUMS, YELPS]
I just wanna go home.
Ticky?
Ticky, man, stop playing the fool.
[YELPS]
[OWL HOOTING]
[GRANNY IN TAMIL] Hey, you ugly dog!
You will die if I lay my hands on you.
Monkey face! [SPITS]
[VEERASAMY] So, guys.
The divine has brought you
back to me finally.
Do you guys know who I am?
No? Oh.
Let me converse with you
like a civilized man.
So I'm gonna take off these gags.
But you make one noise,
the old bag gets it.
Understand?
This, guys, is karma.
Whatkind, ek s?
Who are you? What you want?
I was Police Commander
Muthia Muthen Veerasamy, a VIP.
"A very important person."
Nobody seems to remember me today.
I seem to have a forgettable face.
Hey, Fatty Boom Boom?
[MENACING MUSIC PLAYS]
- [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- [SIRENS WAILING]
[JAIL CELL DOOR CLOSING]
Oh!
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh! Veerasamy.
Long time no see, Commander.
Yeah. And what's with the abduction
and all?
You buggers think you're heroes, eh?
You got me fired
for concealment and corruption.
And obstruction of justice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's payback time, guys.
Yeah, it's payback time.
What they paying?
You two rascals are gonna help me
settle a score.
What's he chooning? What you chooning?
No rush.
No rush.
First, I wanna tell you
a story.
About my son's dog, Chomp.
Hey, Chomps.
Best dog in the world, eh?
[VEERASAMY] Yeah,
he was like a member of the family.
He was dearly lovedby my son and my wife.
We loved him so much, so, so much.
He was the best dog.
One day, eh,
Chomp bit another of my slippers.
This, you could say,
was the straw that broke the camel's hump.
"Back." It's "the straw
that broke the camel's back."
You didn't tell me the story.
Yeah, and the next day...
It was a lovely summer's day, eh?
I told everyone
I'm gonna take Chomp for a walk.
So him and I went into the cane fields.
And he was running around, having fun,
chasing butterflies and all that.
- [DOG BARKING]
- So then, I pull out my gun...
I took aim...
and pow!
[DOG SQUEALING, WHIMPERING]
You shot Chomp?
- [HAROLD] What kind of monster are you?
- You're evil!
You... you... you told me he ran away.
Hey! Hey! Hey, shut up. Be a man.
You said Chomp ran away,
and you couldn't find him.
Hey, be a man.
Damn it.
So, if we could do that
to our dearest Chomp,
you think I'll think twice
about you two dunces?
I want you
to help me steal
this necklace...
from this ugly geezer.
[LAUGHS] You got jokes, uncle.
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]
Hey! Hey!
You won't be laughing
if your ma is six feet under.
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYS]
Hey, you're talking crazy, man.
Yeah. Have you not noticed
that we're children?
Exactly. That's why
no one will suspect you. Eh?
You are local heroes,
and you always got a plan, isn't it?
Yeah.
[IN AFRIKAANS] A Boer makes a plan,
but an Indian has one.
You give me what I want,
and I give you back what you want, alive.
So what's it gonna be?
What to do?What to do?
Okay, I agree.
We need to tell
Charmaine and Reggie first.
Make them swear an oath.
I think we can trust them.
But your old man,
who thinks I'm old-fashioned and all...
- ...he can't be trusted.
- But why?
Because he will insist
on going to the coppers.
But that's the right thing to do.
'Cause stealing is wrong.
If stealing saves someone's life,
how can it be wrong?
That madman Veerasamy will hurt Ma.
I'm sure of it.
But if we don't tell my dad,
then how will I be able to help?
What you chooning, ek s?
I promised my dad, no matter what,
if something bad happened,
I would tell him first.
I can't lie to him.
Don't lie. Just don't tell him.
You're always the one insisting
that a promise is a promise.
How can you go against that now?
I wanna save Ma, just not in this way.
Okay, all I know is
your old man can't be trusted.
So you go home and shut your trap.
She's my ma, so I'll sort this out my way.
[ROOSTER CROWING IN DISTANCE]
Now, this is our time, boy.
Let this be a lesson to you.
When days are dark,
friends are nowhere to be found.
You the man.
Yes, I am the man, boy.
But you must be a man too.
Be a man.
I am the man.
But...
we're doing all this
so that Mum can come back, right?
S-so that we can be a family again.
Uh...
Yeah, for your mother's sake.
Yeah, of course. Yes, sure. That's it.
And that story about Chomp...
That was just to scare
the boys off, right?
Yeah, obviously.
Chomp is somewhere
as happy as a pig in shit.
Eish! You had me convinced.
You're a good actor.
Now, remember the rules.
Do not fraternize with the enemy.
She's a wicked, old cow, this one.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Cha!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Cha!
Chomp! Ow!
[IMPERSONATING MICHAEL JACKSON]
Shamone! Ow!
Chicka-chicka.
Whoo! Whoo!
Hey, old lady.
No funny business, yeah?
Nobody can hear you scream in here.
Chicka-hee-hee!
Shamone!
Nobody.
[DEV HUMMING]
When we begin, when we begin
Amore
Amore
Di, di, di, di, di
Come on, sleepy head.
Pancakes taste best when they're warm.
And we have sausages, and eggs,
and proper English tea.
[CHUCKLES]
Amore
Amore
Rough night?
[COUGHS, SNIFFS]
[DEV CLEARS THROAT]
Looks like your appetite is still gone.
I'll get you something
from the pharmacy today.
It'll knock that cold right out of you.
Besides, we're not going
to waste this holiday being lazy or sick.
Oh no. We are going to seize the day.
Carpe diem.
"Seize the day"?
[DEV CLEARS THROAT]
Look what came in the post this morning.
What is this?
Private boarding schools.
One's inPietermaritzburg,
and the rest are in Johannesburg.
Your grades are excellent.
And with the new South Africa,
you will have the opportunity too.
I made an appointment for us to check out
one of the schools in Johannesburg.
And I thought we'll make a trip of it,
just to check things out.
So you wanna send me away
to a boarding school?
Well, an amazing, prestigious school
that will set you up
for the rest of your life.
And what about our promise
to be there and take care of each other,
no matter what?
We will.
I'm only looking out for your interests.
So you just made this chow to bribe me?
Well, it won't work.
Bugger your private school
and bugger your new South Africa.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
Why I must park here like this?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Like I've got nothing better to do.
Okay, old lady,
I'll choon you what, right?
Let's have a staring competition.
If you win, then...
then I remove the tape.
[GRANNY GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT]
- You ready?
- [GRUNTS]
All right. Okay. On three, right?
One, two, three.
[INTENSE COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANS, INHALES]
- I wasn't ready.I wasn't ready.
- [GRUNTS]
I wasn't ready.
Okay, best of three, right?
Huh-uh.
Okay, okay. Best out of two.
Huh-uh.
[SIGHS] Okay, okay, fine. A deal's a deal.
But if the old man comes,
then the tape goes back on, right?
[GRANNY GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT]
You, auntie, you got
some good Kali trance skills...
Ow!
[GROANS] What you do that for?
- Payback.
- Payback?
- [GRANNY] Payback.
- Payback? Huh?
Wait. Wait. I'll behave. I'll behave.
You know, I get very angry
when I'm hungry.
If you try another stunt like that again,
it's gonna be tickets for you.
Okay, go and get me
something to eat, please.
Chow? Where I'm gonna get chow from?
What's your name, son?
[HESITATES] Marlon.
Marlon. Nice name, eh?
Marlon, I don't know if you know this,
but if you kidnap someone,
you need to feed them.
That's a law.
You know, if I die here of starvation,
you and your old man
will rot in jail for murder.
You want that?
[TUTS] Never mind.
Do what you think is right.
[GROANS]
I think my sugar level has gone low.
I'm feeling weak.
Okay, okay. W-what you want?
Get me one quarter mutton bunnywith Coke.
Don't forget the salad, eh?
And for my sugar,
get me some burfi or jalebi.
Mutton bunny?
I look like I got macha
for a mutton bunny?
[TUTS] Go. Go. Go.
See what you can do. Please.
Okay.
I'll take the tape off
when I come back, eh?
Don't die, huh? Don't die.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[REGGIE] I'm gonna finish that old man,
ek s, I swear it.
[SIGHS] There must be something we can do.
Veerasamy was very clear.
He said he's got his eye on us.
If he even suspects
we're talking to the cops,
he's gonna finish Ma.
So what we gonna do then?
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
And now? What's your grief?
Have you told them yet?
What's it to you, ek s?
I wanna save Ma, just like you.
Whatever the plan is, I'm in.
Are you gonna change your mind again?
No. I'm in. All the way, bru, I promise.
[SUCKS TEETH] Okay, great.
- Ma?
- Huh?
First, Baboo is in.
He's come to his senses.
Second, we need to know
what we're dealing with.
I think it's time for a stakeout.
[GRANNY GRUNTS]
You satisfied now?
Very. Not mutton bunny,
but it's almost as good as my food.
[SIGHS]
That hit the spot.
[BELCHES]
You want to help me to finish this?
Why your mother left, son?
She...
No.
No talking.
I don't know if you tricked me
into getting this chow.
But I can't fraternize with you.
What that means?
It means no talking.
Hmm. You want to play
that same game again?
No dice.
Marlon.
You know,
mothers are a precious gift from God.
[TUTS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUMBLES]
Huh?
[GRUNTS]
[GRUMBLES] Eish!
[GRUNTS]
Eish!
[GRUMBLES]
[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]
Why you didn't tell us to dress up, Ticky?
I feel so embarrassed.
Yeah, Ticky, why you didn't tell your ma
to wear her best sari
and her Green Cross slippers?
Shut up, Reggie, man. Look at you.
You look like one hobo. [TUTS]
Ek s, these old people
are slowing us down.
- We better launch them.
- How?
Hey, I don't know. Think of something.
I hope the girls are all right
with my sister.
Stop stressing, man.
You're making me tense.
[SIGHS]
Hmm. When was the last time
you held my hand?
When was the last time
you was in a good mood? [SCOFFS]
What?
[MONTY] Thank you, Mr. and Mrs.Mller.
- Such an honor to serve you both, really.
- [BOYS WHISPERING]
You must call again soon.
Don't wait too long.
You mustn't tell anyone,
but you are my very favorite guests.
- [MONTY AND WOMAN LAUGH]
- Thank you, Monty. You're so sweet.
I know. I know. [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- What a kiss-ass.
- Sissy!
Oh God! That manager fella.
Push.
He's coming for Reggie and Charmaine.
- Let's run.
- [REGGIE] Relax. Be cool.
What's going on here?Are you two lost?
Hey, brah, we're just...
We're waiting for someone.
Uh... Okay, fine.
Um...
Mrs. Labuschagne, I'm so glad to catch you
without your husband for a moment.
Has anyone offered you
a complimentary drink at the pool?
Creep.
Hey, whatkind?
We're supposed to be on a stakeout here.
Small hiccup. I handled it.
You blew your cover.
Uncle Reg, I was thinking.
We only have a few hours.
Why don't we split up?
Conduct surveillance separately?
That way, we'll get more ground covered.
And we'll meet you in the food court
in two hours.
Okay.
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
What?
[WHISPERING] Veerasamy is watching.
Don't look.
[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]
[TICKY] Act like you're talking.
[MOUTHING]
[GRUNTING]
[HAROLD AND TICKY LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[WOMAN] Hey! What are you doing here?
- [WOMAN 1] Hey!
- [WOMAN 2] Get out of here!
[HAROLD LAUGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC ENDS]
[CALL TO PRAYER OVER PA]
[REGGIE] What Veerasamy wants
is not possible.
I can't see it happening.
Listen, we have to be tough and brave
for Ma.
We know what's what.
We just have to figure out how.
Ticky, this is getting too serious.
Maybe we should take a chance
with the coppers.
- [REGGIE] I think your ma is right.
- No. It's not an option.
He's off his rockers.
[HAROLD] And he shot his own dog, Chomp.
He's capable of anything.
There might be a way.
Okay, choon.
When we were surveilling the place,
me and Baboo came across this place,
like a theater.
It was a cabaret show, for adults.
What?
Ek s, what you doing? Hey, you!
Sorry. They had clothes on.
[TICKY] Just be quiet.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Anyways, they were having a show.
So I thought, what if we staged
a Bollywood show extravaganza
with this famous Bollywood star
from India?
We could use it as an opportunity
to get Veerasamy that bloody necklace.
But how would we do that?
We don't know any Bollywood stars,
or any Indians from India for that matter.
We don't need to know
the stars from India,
because we could be them ourselves.
[LAUGHING] Hey, Ticky, you take the cake.
Think about it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
all the way from Bombay, India,
I present to you Miss SweetieKi Jawani.
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] I don't know.
It's still a rough plan,
but we can make it work. I'm telling you.
So you're chooning we must pretend
to be Bollywood celebrities
and stage a show?
While that's happening,
we steal the necklace?
Exactly, ek s.
Finally, someone understands.
That's a very crazy idea. Very.
But if we can save Ma, I say let's do it.
- Me too.
- [TICKY CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
Okay, me too.
You know, to have an extravaganza,
you need a variety of talent.
Not a problem.
And to be from India, you need the accent.
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT]
Also not a problem.
[LAUGHS]
[CLEARS THROAT] Ek s...
[WHISPERING] We can dress your ma up
and all.
But she can't dance to save her life,
and a Bollywood star
must be able to dance.
Yeah, that's a problem.
Eish!
[SIGHS]
[KESSIE SINGING]
Howzit, Kessie?
Howzit?
Hey, what happened to y'all
the other night?
Auntie Saras said Ma must have won
a lot of money, 'cause she launched.
Nah, nothing like that.
Just got a small situation. That's all.
Yeah, small situation.
[KESSIE] Huh.
But y'all know me. If y'all need any help,
y'all just bell me.
I'll be there one time.
- For sure, Kessie. For sure.
- Right?
- Baboo?
- Sure.
All right. Let's go. Sit down.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] We're gonna need
a lot of talented guys for this to work.
[TICKY] All sorted, guzzie.
Just follow my lead.
[RAPPING IN HINDI AND TAMIL]
Is that guy lip-synching?
He's Black.
Yeah, so?
He's singing Indian.
[SONG ENDS]
- Whatkind, boys? What y'all say?
- [TICKY] Good, good.
This my guzzie, Baboo.
- [MAN] Whatkind, boy?
- Good.
[TICKY] Stones, still a man of no words?
Hey, my brah is all about
the rhythm and the rhymes, ek s.
No time to conversate.
Listen, guys, I need y'all's help.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[TICKY] One down. One to go.
- [HAROLD] Who we looking for now?
- [TICKY] Lucky.
[LUCKY] Follow the stone.
Follow the stone. Followthe stone.
Where it goes, no one knows.
Lucky? Really?
Hey, Lucky. How's it going?
[CLICKS TONGUE] Hey.
Get away from here.
It's Ticky. Whatkind?
Y'all know this is my grafting place.
Go. I'll check y'all later.
Almost home time. Go.
[TICKY] Come.
Park, yeah.
Why we need this guy?
- Remember those Chappies you bought?
- Yeah.
- They were in your pockets, right?
- Yeah.
Check your pockets.
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- Two cent.
- Lucky!
Hey, come on, man.
I know where you boys live.
Hey, Lucky.
I have a bad feeling about this, ek s.
You wanna teach your ma to dance?
No.
Then this is it, brah.
No, thank you.
You two ruined my party.What do you want?
Uh, sorry about that.
I thought some entertainment
was a good idea at the time.
It was not a good idea.
It was a very, very bad idea.
He said he was sorry.
What you want, blood?
[TUTS, SIGHS]
We need to talk to you privately
about an urgent matter.
If you want to talk to me,
then you'll have to play,
or else you can get lost.
[HAROLD] Hey.
[WHISPERING] This is for Ma.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- Girls.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] We need your help.
[LEILA] What makes you think
I'll help you two losers?
[HAROLD] Because you're
a brilliant dancer,
and we need you to teach Ticky's ma
how to dance like a lady.
- [LEILA] Why?
- She's taking part in a competition.
[LEILA] What competition?
- It's like a show.
- [LEILA] Can I be in the show?
No.
Well, then I guess
there's nothing more to discuss.
Okay. We'll see what we can do.
[LEILA] I'll only help you
if I can be in the show.
Witch! I knew it was a bad idea.
[TUTS] Relax, ek s.
She'll get the job done.
Besides, it'll be nice having her around.
That's why you asked her?
No. I really think she can help.
You better not get distracted, ek s.
I'm chooning you.
You're like a lovesick puppy around her.
[TUTS] You're nuts.
You're cuckoo, cuckoo for Leila. Sis, man!
[CALL TO PRAYER OVER PA]
Harold?
I think the other day
was a misunderstanding.
We don't have to go
to Johannesburg right now.
But how about we visit the school
in Pietermaritzburg tomorrow?
It's closer to home,
and we'll have a good idea
of what these private schools
are all about.
They are having an open day tomorrow,
so I put our names down on the list.
What do you say?
Whatever.
Okay, then.
So I'll get your suit ready
in the morning,
and we can leave by 10:00 a.m.
[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]
[DEV SIGHS]
- Walk.
- Okay.
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[TICKY] Aiyo mother!
Look at her. She can't even walk right.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's dance.
She looks like a drunk monkey
that's been stung by a wasp.
Your girlfriend better do some magic,
'cause Ma's life depends on it.
Stop that right now.
Where are you going?
I can't watch this disaster, ek s.
I'm gonna fix a chow.
- I'll have some.
- I wasn't offering.
Hey, where you found this one?
So bossy, she is.
Don't you have something better to do?
No.
Let's go again.
[DEV] Harold?
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Like that?
Uh-oh. Looks like
someone's in for it today.
[DEV PANTING] Good day, Mrs. Chetty.
Come. We're late for our appointment.
But we can still make it on time
if we get going now.
I'm not going.
If you like that school so much,
then you go by yourself.
Listen, young man, I will not tolerate
you being disrespectful to me.
I will say this one time. Let's go.
Do you want to turn out to be like
these backward simpletons?Do you?
[HAROLD] At least they like me
for who I am.
And not trying to change me
or get rid of me like you.
Reggie!
We got a problem, a big one.
Go play. Go.
[DEV] They don't know
the meaning of self-improvement.
They have no aspirations or dreams.
I told you, Harold.
This is for your future,
a better one than this.
He think we're deaf?
[HAROLD] Leave me alone.
My future is here. Go away.
[CHARMAINE] Hey, Dev.
That's enough.
We're not deaf, and we're not simpletons.
Hey, shut up, you bunch of nincompoops.
Hey! You got a bloody cheek
waltzing in here.
Relax. Wait! It's good that he's here.
Ma doesn't have her pressure tablets.
Listen, yeah, my ma needs this.
Hmm. What luck! [CHUCKLES]
What you mean, "luck"?
So without this,
the old bat will kick the bucket,
without any powwows,
without any cover-ups.
Natural death.
Hey, you hurt my ma, ek s,
I'll beat you so bad
your own mother won't recognize you.
[MOCKINGLY] Ooh.
I'm so scared I'm shaking in my boots.
You should be scared.
You don't know who you're messing with.
Uh, this is none of my business.
I'm just gonna take my son and leave.
[VEERASAMY] This is your business, larney.
Eh. Your kid
and this nincompoop ruined my life.
It's payback time. Karma.
We have to get going.
We have an appointment.
What? You're going past
by the cop shop? Eh? Eh?
Anything can happen to this boy,
especially if someone phones
the welfare people to tell them
that a neglectful father
lets this son run around a casino
with loafers and all that.
You're a journalist.
Don't you think
that will be one heavy story? Huh?
You losers better get
a good plan together.
Or else, it's tickets for that old bat.
We had a deal.
Yeah, she'll stay alive
if you stick to your side of the deal.
Ticktock, ticktock...
goes old granny's big clock.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
Ticktock, ticktock. [LAUGHS]
Ticktock, ticktock,ticktock, dead.
I'm not gonna play with her.
- What in God's name is going on?
- Yeah!
[GRANNY] Hey, Marlon.
Marlon. Marlon. Marlon!
I know you're not sleeping.
Hey, Marlon!
Hey, old lady.
What you want, man?
Anybody ever tell you
you're very demanding?
[SARCASTICALLY] Oh, I'm so sorry for you.
You should have kidnapped
someone less demanding then.
So what now?
Sew buttons.
Ah! Very funny.
Seriously, I'm not joking.
I've got a proposal for you.
- Proposal?
- Yeah.
How about if I give you 1,000 rand,
and you let me go?
One thousand rand?
Where you got 1,000 rand from?
I won it, how.
What the hells? You had this all along?
Oh, I forgot. Old age.
I hope you're not pulling my leg.
I'm not pulling your anything.
- I'm a decent lady.
- [MARLON] Yeah?
So then where's the macha?
[GRANNY] It's not there, man.
So you are lying to me.
No, I'm not.
It's in my brassiere.
Aiyo! Why... why...
why are you telling me this?
Look here, Marlon.
I'll give you 1,000 rand, right?
Then you take the money.
Give it to your mother.
Say it's from your father.
So maybe, you all can get together again.
And then my old man?
Tell him I escaped
when you went to relieve yourself.
Hey, he'll beat me up!
Oh God!
So how much do you love your mother?
Okay, fine. Let's do this fast
before he comes.
Quick. Quick. Okay. Quick.
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[MARLON GRUNTS]
[GRANNY SIGHS]
Muruga, thank you.
[GRANNY CLEARS THROAT]
[SIGHS]
[CRIES IN PAIN]
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you? I'm asking nicely.
[CRIES IN PAIN]
- [GRANNY] Rascal!
- Ow!
- [GRANNY] Take this!
- Ow!
[CRYING IN PAIN]
Take this!
- Tie me up?
- I'm sorry, Ma.
- Who do you think I am?
- I'm sorry.
[IN TAMIL] Bloody fool!
[CRIES IN PAIN]
and you try all this nonsense.
For what?
So that your old man can torture us?
Rascal!
- Ow!
- Rascal!
Give me the keys!
Eish!
[MARLON SIGHS]
[TICKY] So that's the whole story.
Breathe, larney.
Yeah, but we do have a plan
to save Ma too.
[DEV] But you are children.
How can you even allow this?
Have you ever loved someone so much
you'd do anything to save them?
Then you know, ek s.
[HAROLD] I love Ma too.
I'm not going anywhere.
So what do you want to do?
I guess I have no choice but to join you.
Someone needs to watch over you.
We promised each other that.
Hey, larney,
I got the perfect role for you.
[KEYS JANGLING]
You know, Ma,
I'm really sorry.
I didn't wanna do any of this.
But my old man made me do it.
If your old man says you
to jump off a bridge, you'll do that too?
[MARLON] No, but you don't know, Ma.
Since he lost his job,
things have been hectic.
He fights with my ma all the time.
She got so fed up, she even left.
Then why you didn't leave too?
Wh-who will take care of him then?
[GRANNY SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION]
Uh, try the one with the blue mark.
Now you're telling.
[MENACING MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHISPERING] Just look at them.
[EXHALES]
- [HAROLD] Hell's bells!
- You're telling!
But we have to make this work. We have to.
And now, what you want?
My old man sent me here to check on y'all.
You know, keep an eye on things and all.
Your old man can go fly a kite.
[WHISPERING] Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer.
Hmm.
I don't like you, not one bit.
Stay out of our way. You got it?
Yo! Yo!Yo!Yo!
- This guy got one heavy shiner.
- What happened? Your old man hityou?
No.
Your ma did.
[ALL LAUGH]
Ma.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] Aiyo!
Blow.
Eh? Eh?
Hey.
Lucky, I'm sorry to say this,
but you need to clean yourself up.
[SNIFFING]
Why?
Let's jam.
Drop one beat.
Let's go.
[BEATBOXING]
You're supposed to be
an Indian from India.
Say it in an Indian accent, please.
Greetings, I am Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny.
Hey, larney, you're killing me here.
Okay, this Indian thing is not gonna work.
Let's do this.
Let's embrace your inner coconut.
I don't understand.
How? Coconut.
Brown on the outside,white on the inside.
Be a white guy.
A whitey from Great Britain.
[DEV CLEARS THROAT]
[IMITATES BRITISH ACCENT] Greetings.
I am Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny, old chap.
Finally, now we're getting somewhere.
But won't it seem odd?
I'm supposed to be
a Bollywood producer from Bombay.
How, larney, don't you know?
When the English colonized India,
they colonized the people too.
It's history.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Harold?
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello, my dear.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
It's me, Dev.
Sorry for calling so late.
It's been a really long day.
- [WOMAN ON PHONE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- No, no, nothing's wrong.
There's just been a change in plans.
I won't be able
to come up to Johannesburg after all.
I'm so disappointed too,
my pumpkin. [LAUGHS SOFTLY]
Uh, my son has been cast
in this very big show, you see?
At the Plantation Hotel and Casino.
No, no, no. Don't worry about coming down.
I couldn't possibly ask that of you.
And besides,
things with Harold are so hectic,
I wouldn't have much time,
and you, my dear,
deserve my full attention.
Have a good night now, my angel.
Kisses, my cutie pie. Bye-bye.
[HAROLD] Who are you talking to?
You bought pie?
Yes. Yes, I bought pie.
For work. I bought pie for work.
[SIGHS]
[WATER RUNNING]
[TICKY] Relax, larney.
Just breathe.
Everything will be okay. Breathe.
Be a coconut.
Oh, good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Volobuev.
I hope you had a good sleep.
Breakfast is at the pool.
Thank you so much.
[CHUCKLES]
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
[DEV IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Mr. Monty Naicker.
Monty Naidoo.
What a pleasure it is
to finally meet you, Mr. Monty.
- Well, I...
- Great pleasure indeed.
I beg yours. How can I help you, sir?
Oh no, my good man.
We can help each other.
The name's Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny.
All my friends do.
Yes, Mr. Singh, how can I help you?
Well, my good fellow,
you might not know me,
but I only manage and produce some
of the most celebrated Bollywood stars.
You might even know some of them.
Amitabh, Salman, Govinda, Madhuri.
Well, it just so happens that I have
one of India's most popular rising stars
with me,
and she wants to host
her Bollywood extravaganza here,
at your very fine establishment.
Popular rising star? Who?
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHISPERING] Aiyo mother!
What the bloody hell?
Breathe, ek s.
Everything will be cool. Just breathe.
And how do you do, madame?
I'm Monty Naicker... Naidoo,
at your service.
[MONTY CHUCKLES]
[GIGGLING]
Oh, Monty, you're so funny.
Oh, Sweetie, you're so sweet. [LAUGHS]
That's my name.
[MONTY] I know. I know.
Hey, how you made my ma look like that?
You said she must wow.
That's wow.
Anyways, haven't you watched Pretty Woman?
Julia Roberts?
She's so hot.
You're so old-fashioned.
I have a lot of people working under me.
E-everyone in maroon, in fact.
[HAROLD SNIFFS]
[WHISPERING] Lucky.
Hey. Howzit, kid?
You asked me to clean up.
Yeah. Right. Great.
I never clean up,
because women simply can't resist me.
These are yours.
And please, don't hesitate
to call me with...
- [PHONE RINGS]
- One second.
Thank you.
Uh... Oh. Sorry. Put him through.
- Like putty in my hands.
- [BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
Guys.
- The view.
- Look at this place.
- Look at the view.
- Look at the TV.
[TICKY] Three, two, one.
[ALL] Yay!
We did it!
How's this place, ek s?
[SNIFFS]
Guys, look at this place!
Here.
- A TV!
- Hey, top!
Where's the remote?
Ticky.
I think Leila is warming up to me.
[IMITATES KISSING]
Seriously, ek s.
She even touched my hand.
You better stay focused.
Yeah, I will. I promise.
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC CONTINUES]
[TICKY WHISTLES]
Check here. This is not a holiday.
Here's what we're thinking,me and Baboo.
The larney here will MC the entire show.
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Ladies and gentlemen...
We kick the show off with some music.
Sticks and Stones, y'all do your things.
And, Leila, maybe you can perform too.
Of course I will.
I didn't join for nothing.
Then Lucky will get us
the key to Sellers's safe.
[HAROLD] Uncle Reg, you have to park
in the background.
We can't risk Monty recognizing you
from the other day.
Okay. How we know
the big man's even gonna be there?
Mr. Monty confirmed
that he'll be attending.
He apparently has a thing for, uh...
exotic showgirls.
Exotic? This one? [SCOFFS]
We must keep the old geezer
and the creep Monty occupied at all times.
We must never let them out of our sight.
Then that scumbag Veerasamy
will cut the power to the security room.
Got it, jackass?
Yeah. No. No.
You're talking too fast.
I wasn't talking too fast.
You were listening too slow. Wake up, man.
So your old man cuts the power,
Ticky gets the necklace, and we all leave
through the back doors of the theater
once the show is over.
So any questions?
Hey, this guy!
Put your hand down.
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
[IN HINDI] Well done!
[MARLON] Ow!
Mesdames and messieurs.
Mesdames and messieurs.
Mesdames...
Hey, larney, coconut.
Da-da-da-da-da-da. Face.
Da-da-da-da-da-da. Face.
Ticky, check. Here comes the full Monty.
Hey, larney, sort it out there.
- [DEV] Mr. Monty Naicker.
- Naidoo.
We've got so much to talk about.
- [MONTY] We do, but I would love to have...
- Don't worry about Miss Sweetie.
...just two minutes with Sweetie.
Sweetie?
He gone?
What happened?
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
You've outdone yourself, dear chap.
These flowers look simply delightful.
But Miss Sweetie doesn't like
to be interrupted during rehearsals.
You know how these stars are.
A bit of a diva if you ask me,
but hey, that is why
the public love her so.
Well, I was hoping to extend
a personal invitation to Sweetie
to have a private dinner with me.
[UNDER BREATH] Oh God, no!
No?
- [LAUGHS] Of course, yes.
- Yes?
Dinner? You, Miss Sweetie? Of course.
Wonderful. [CHUCKLES]
You're a very, very busy man.
Go about your business now
and don't give it any further thought.
[MONTY] Right. Yes. I shall.
[WOMAN] Dev?
Oh, Dev, it is you.
Nancy?
Is that you?
I didn't think I'd find you this quickly.
[SIGHS] It must be a sign
from the good Lord.
Oh! [LAUGHS]
Aiyo mother!
Uh... Uh...
Hey, back to work.
Show off your leadership skills, ek s.
Go.
[SIGHS]
Uh...
Those are lovely.
Hmm.
Um, who are the flowers for?
Who are the flowers for?
[INHALES SHARPLY] Who are the flowers for?
- They are for you, of course.
- Me?
Oh!
But you didn't know I was coming.
Or did I?
I have a very strong intuition
when it comes to you, my dear.
Oh. [GIGGLES]
Oh, I hope you don't mind that I'm here.
When you mentioned this resort,I thought,
"You know what, Nancy?
You deserve a holiday
and to meet the man
who's captured your heart."
Here I am.
[DEV IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Well, you do know, madam,
the show is on Sunday.
It's a one-night thing,
so be sure to get your tickets ASAP.
If you snooze, you will lose.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I thought I saw a bee.
Oh.
- False alarm.
- I see. [CHUCKLES]
Were you referring to your son's show?
Huh? Yes.
Yes. Yes, I was.
Oh. Okay.
Shall we meet for dinner?
Dinner?
Uh, yes. Sure.
I'll meet you in the loungeat 7:00 p.m.?
That sounds lovely. [GIGGLES]
I'll see you later, Mr. Intuition.
- [GIGGLES]
- [DEV CHUCKLES]
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANS]
Hey, larney.
You all right there, man?
You look a little bit stressed.
Come sit here, boss.
I think I'm having a heart attack.
[SIGHS]
[REGGIE] Catch your breath a bit.
So, uh...
who's your lady friend,
the one you were talking to?
An old friend from Johannesburg.
She's here on holiday.
Oh really?
She looked very happy to see you.
She's not my friend.
I've never actually met
this lady in person before today.
I told her not to come.
But out of the blue, she pitches up here,
and I have no clue what to do.
Hey, ladies today are so forward.
You saw Charmaine
with that short, short shorts and all.
No shame.
That's another story. Eish!
Jesus, she was expecting Indiana Jones.
I could never be Indiana Jones.
Only on the phone, I can be Indiana Jones.
[SIGHS] This is so stressful.
Hey, calm down, larney.
Just now you'll blow a gasket for real.
So you got a girlfriend.
No harm there.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
I met Nancy in the lonely hearts column.
[CHUCKLES]
[DEV] The one from the paper.
I was supposed to take Harold
up to Joburg to meet her.
But I was secretly relieved
when that couldn't happen.
I haven't told Harold about her.
The way he's behaving,
he'll never forgive me.
He'll think I'm betraying his mother.
Sometimes I feel like I am too.
Don't fret, man.
In all my years at AA,
I learned the best way to handle things
is to just own it.
Be a man.
Tell the boy now
before he finds out another way.
But I'm waiting for the right time.
There's no right time, larney.
There's only now.
You know another thing
I learned at AA, ek s?
Hey.
Heavy gas can make you feel
like you're having a heart attack.
True as Bob.
[LAUGHS]
[UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING]
I spend my days
Trying to catch your eye
You got my heart beating overtime
At night I dream
That your love is mine
- [POP SONG FADES]
- [SAD MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, man. [GRUMBLES]
This... [GRUNTS]
Okay, right. Good.
Hello, you good-for-nothing lowlifes.
Your time is running out.
This is just a reminder
of what's at stake for you.
[CHUCKLES]
Don't worry. The old cow isn't dead.
Not yet!
But that depends on you.
Eh?
[LAUGHS]
It's not nice
to see the elderly suffering, eh?
But when you play with fire,
you get burned, guys.
[LAUGHS]
Hey! Hey!Hey!
Hey! Hey, you.
Get down! Get back down! Hey!Hey!Hey!
Ma wouldn't be in this situation
if it wasn't for me.
And me.
I think it's time for reinforcements.
- [KESSIE ON PHONE]Hey.
- Howzit, Kessie?
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Who are all these people, ek s?
Hey, kid.
We know guys who know guys.
Pulled in one, two favors and all.
[LUCKY IN HINDI]
Let's go. Let's go.Let's go.Let's go.
Guzzies from the district.
Never let you down.
Thanks, guys. Looks like we have a show.
Dad?
[OBJECTS FALLING TO FLOOR]
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
[LEILA GRUNTS]
[GASPS ANGRILY]
[NANCY] Dev?
Dev, are you all right?
I waited for you all night.
- [MONTY] Are you still studying the menu?
- Yes. I'm sorry.
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Oh blimey! You will not believe
the technical difficulties
in creating a show such as this.
It's positively monstrous.
Why are you talking like that?
[MONTY] Sonny, naughty boy. [CHUCKLES]
What say we have a spot of tea, my dear?
Jolly good?
Are you mocking me?
Is it because I'm English?
[IN NORMAL VOICE] No, no, no.
It's a long st...
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
It's a long walk to freedom, dear lady.
And one must pass through
the valley of the shadow of death
before we reach
the mountaintops of our desires.
"Desires"? What kind
of a sick pervert are you?
Oh Jesus. What is happening?
I knew Kessie would come through for us.
He's packing the place.
Larney, whatkind, man?
Hey, Baboo, your old man's fretting
so much he's gonna shit himself.
Do something.
Good. Let him suffer.
What's your beef?
[SIGHS]
[TICKY SIGHS]
Mr. Sellers, welcome.
Indian custom.
There you go. So sorry about that.
[BELL RINGING]
[ROUSING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Ladies and gentlemen,
dames en here,
mesdames and messieurs,
namaste.
Good evening
and welcome to the first ever
Spice of India Bollywood Extravaganza,
featuring the queen of Bollywood herself,
Miss Sweetie Ki Jawani.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
Tonight, be prepared to be wowed
by some of India's finest talent.
All the way from Bombay,
please give a warm welcome
to your first act,
the Bombay Razzlers.
- ["MUQABALA MUQABALA" PLAYING]
- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
No, no, no. I'm okay.
Just relieved to have survived that.
Okay. I'm going now.
Y'all know what to do.
- Just stick to the plan.
- Yeah.
["MUQABALA MUQABALA" CONTINUES]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[SONG ENDS]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- Hey!
- Hey! What...
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[DEV] And now, ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
for the great Hindu Houdini,
Danteraj.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE MURMURING DISAPPROVINGLY]
[SITAR MUSIC CONTINUES]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[WOMAN SNORING]
Hey. What now?
- Why did you lie to me?
- [TICKY] About what?
About Leila. I saw you last night.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Oh, really? I saw you kiss her.
What? I didn't kiss her.
She kissed me.
[HAROLD] You're a liar.
[TICKY] Listen, I've had enough
of youand this Leila nonsense.
Now, shut upand help me find the safe.
No! Admit it first.
You stole the love of my life.
You're really working on my nerves.
I'm gonna blow a fuse just now. [TUTS]
[TICKY GASPS]
Key.
- [HAROLD] No.
- What?
You and my father think I'm a fool.
Well, I'm not.
What are you talking about?
You're a big fat liar.
You're supposed to be my friend,
my best friend.
You, my father, and his ugly girlfriend
can all go jump off a cliff.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR LOCKS]
[TICKY] You weakling!
- Open this door and give me the key.
- No.
Not until you realize what you did.
[TICKY] Oh, God!
Firstly, you can't steal
someone's girlfriend
if they're not really your girlfriend.
And secondly, your old man's girlfriend
isn't that ugly close-up.
What do you mean
she's not that ugly close-up?
Oh shit!
The power's back.
Baboo, this is serious.
[HAROLD SIGHS]
[TICKY SIGHS]
Baboo.
I didn't wanna tell you
about the white lady,
because I didn't know what to do.
[WOMAN SNORING]
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Huh?
Sush. Sush, look.
Hey!
Move, Fana! Move!Move!Move!
I wanted my partner back,
like how things used to be,
before that bloody devil Leila.
That was selfish. I know.
I'm sorry, ek s.
I should have told you everything.
Please give me the key.
For Ma's sake.
- [DOOR OPENING]
- [TICKY] Please.
[DOOR CLOSING]
- [FANA] Move!
- [SUSHI] Move! Move!
Hold it right there.
Hands up. Get them up.Get them up.
This is a restricted area.
What are you doing here?
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT]Thank the lords
you are here. Now, I can find my way back.
I was having a heavy load on board.
Huh.
That... that does not explain
what you are doing here
in the big man's room.
Aiyo Rama! What a drama!
You see, sir... Uh, sorry, madam-ji.
I wanted to go number two
in the backstage lavatories.
- You know, the one for the show?
- Uh-huh.
But they all were not working.
So my director-ji, he told me,
"Go upstairs and relieve yourself."
So I went upstairs, and here I am.
Hey. Hey.
Check out the loo, brah.
Make sure everything is safe and clear.
[TICKY] I don't know about safe.
I stunk myself up.
- [PASSES GAS]
- [TICKY GRUNTS]
Let's give it some time to air,
unless you want to check it now.
- No, no. Good idea.
- Hmm.
I'm in agreement, most certainly.
You know, madam-ji,
I don't think I'm done with the lavatory.
[FANA] Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
Let's go!
- Move! Move!
- Move! Move!
Where are the boys?
They're not back?
They should've been here.
It's almost time for the finale.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the act you've all been waiting for,
one of Bollywood's greatest
dancing sensations,
the inimitable Miss Sweetie Ki Jawani.
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- ["JAWANI JANEMAN HASEEN DILRUBA" PLAYING]
[DEV] Harold?
Harold. Harold!
What's going on? Where are you going?
Nowhere. And it's none of your business.
What's wrong? I can see you're upset.
So what? You don't care about me.
You only care about yourself
and your stupid girlfriend from Joburg.
That's why you wanna send me away.
You're a liar, and you're cheating on Mom.
[DEV] I never, ever wanted
to get rid of you, Harold.
I thought I was doing
what was best for you,
what your mum would have wanted.
I miss your mum so much.
Ever since she passed away,
I've been so lonely,
like there's a huge hole in my heart,
you know?
I thought if I had a lady friend,
I wouldn't be so lonely.
I'm so sorry, son.
I wanted to tell you myself,
but I was so scared.
Because you're a coward.
And I'm a coward just like you.
I ruined everything.
What happened?
[HAROLD] I messed up the plan.
Because of me, Ticky got caught,
and we'll never see Ma again.
This is all my fault.
Look at me, Baboo.
Look at me.
We all make mistakes.
That's life.
It's how we fix them that counts.
Right now, we have two choices.
We can either be cowards and run away,
or we can face our fears,
no matter how difficult it is.
What's it going to be?
I wanna do the right thing,
but I don't know how.
We'll figure this out together.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Good. You're here.
I was starting to fret, bru.
There's been a change of plans.
We need your help.
Go with Baboo. He'll explain everything.
Come.
[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
["KOI YAHAN AHA NACHE NACHE" PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT] Brother?
You knowAmitabh Bachchan?
He's a big star, yeah?
Madam-ji.
Play one number there.
I'll show you Amitabh.
["BOOM SHACK-A-LAK" PLAYING]
[TICKY] Balls.
Okay, kid, let's see your moves.
But this is not a Bollywood...
Women them a flex
And the man them a chant...
Okay, okay, never mind.
I'm feeling the beat in my feet. [INHALES]
Boom-shack-a-lak, rude boy
Here when we tell them now, sir
Wine your body, wriggle your belly
Dip and go down in the new stylee
Wine and go up, wine and go down
Bubble and rock
To the new style around
You fe line it up, you fe...
Wine your body.
Do the boom-shack-a-lak
Till the dance hall full up
I say the boom-shack-a-lak
It's the brand-new style
The wicked say it wicked
Jah jah no say it wild
The raggamuffin style
Fe the discipline child
Dip and go down ca it well versatile
You fe move fe your waist
Move fe your back
Wine and go down
Do the shack-a-lak-a-lak
Get in the groove
Ca you are the top-notch
Bubble and wine, gal
Right 'pon the spot
Wine your body, wriggle your belly
Dip and go down...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- [MUSIC SWITCHES OFF]
- [HANDCUFFS CLINKING]
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT]
With compliments of Mr. Sellers
for your loyalty to the Plantation.
Namaste.
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
All done.
Get this back to Lucky.
[REGGIE SIGHS]
Mmm.
Dev. You were amazing.
Your performance is so, so wonderful.
It all makes sense now.
You were in character this whole time.
I'm so sorry I slapped you.
No, no,Nancy.
It wasn't that. It's not you.
I'm not the man you think I am.
I can't explain now, but you have to go.
It's really a matter
of life and death. [SIGHS]
I will explain everything soon, I promise.
But you must leave now.
[SIGHING]
[SUSHI] Mmm.Mmm.Mmm.
- [STOMACH GURGLING]
- [FANA GROANING]
[SUSHI] Mmm.
- [STOMACH GURGLING]
- [SUSHI] Mmm.
- [STOMACH GURGLING]
- [FANA GROANING]
[FANA GROANING]
[STOMACH GURGLING]
- [GROANING]
- [PASSES GAS]
- [GIGGLING]
- ["BOOM-SHACK-A-LAK" PLAYING]
Wine your body, wriggle your belly
Dip and go down in the new stylee
Wine and go up, wine and go down
Bubble and rock
Ca the new style around...
- [STOMACHS GURGLING]
- [BOTH GROANING]
[GASPING]
Do the boom-shack-a-lak
Till the dance hall full up
[MUSIC SWITCHES OFF]
Ticky?
It's clear. Let's go.
Why are you here, ek s?
I thought you hated me.
I'm sorry.
Leave your "sorry." Get the key!
This is all my fault.
I was being a real cake.
I don't know why.
But I know you're my brother,
and I care about you more than that Leila.
You're just saying that.
No. I mean it.
But we gotta get going, like now,
because...
Uh...
And the sweetmeats?
Jamaalgota.
[LAUGHING] Hey. Genius, ek s. Genius.
- ["KOI YAHAN AHA NACHE NACHE" PLAYING]
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- [CHARMAINE GASPS]
- [SONG STOPS]
[MONTY] Sweetie! Sweetie!
Someone call an ambulance.
- [CHARMAINE GASPING]
- [MONTY] Sweetie!
My ankle!
Oh dear Lord!
What have y'all done to my star?
Who put these stairs here?
The owners must be held responsible.
I shall be suing you, this hotel,
your boss, your boss's boss.
I shall leave no stone unturned.
We shall have justice for Miss Sweetie.
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
Sweetie! Sweetie! Sweetie!
My... my... my personal home line.
Call me. You...
[SPLUTTERING] Fine.
She... Um...
[MONTY] Uh, Mr. Sellers, these Indians,
you can't take them anywhere.
Woo-hoo.
What's up, ek s?
Where's the wheelchair?
The necklace is in the wheelchair.
The wheelchair, where is it?
Come on.
[REGGIE] Hey, relax, man.
It's not there.
- It's on your ma.
- What?
Where?
Lucky, you got us so scared for nothing.
Uh, it wasn't me.
I also got skills.
Y'all never bothered to ask.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
[MARLON] Don't get too excited, auntie.
We still have to get Ma back.
Uh, "we"?
[VEERASAMY CHUCKLING]
I knew you boys
were the right buggers for this job.
And right on time too.
'Cause I was going to murder the old bag
with my own two hands.
We kept our side of the deal.
Now, let Ma go.
Give me the necklace first.
[CHUCKLING]
Hey, you.
Where you think you're going to?
I'm going to be with people
who know what family means.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings.
Hey, I'll show you a family.
Bugger off! I don't need you.
I don't need anyone as long as I got this.
Ungrateful dog.
He'll be back. [CHUCKLING]
[REGGIE WHISTLES]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[VEERASAMY] And now?
What's going on?
Y'all came here to fight?
[IN TAMIL] Come, my friend.
[VEERASAMY SCREAMING]
- [BOYS LAUGH]
[VEERASAMY] Hey, Marlon, help!
You bloody coward!
[VEERASAMY SCREAMING IN PAIN]
In there, larney.
This guy messed with the wrong granny!
And he's out!
[SELLERS AND VEERASAMY GRUNTING]
I've never been treated this way.
By women!
- Those are thugs, gangster grannies.
- [SIRENS APPROACHING]
[SELLERS] You are responsible
for this, Veerasamy.
You greedy son of a bitch!
Greedy? Greedy?
You're a miserly, miserable old geezer.
- Shut up!
- That's what you are.
Shut up!
[SELLERS] My lawyer will clear up
this mess for me,
but you, you piece of shit,
you are gonna rot in jail.
Oh really?
You think I'll go down by myself?
I'll take everyone down with me. Yeah.
Old pal.
[SOARING MUSIC PLAYING]
You really want to meet Nancy?
I can call the whole thing off
if you're not ready.
It's okay.
I'll keep any open mind.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
I guess I can't ask for more than that.
I'm okay, Ma.
- You sure?
- Yeah. Thank you.
- Another drink?
- I got it. It's fine.
Thank you.
[CAR APPROACHING]
[BLOWS]
Hey, Ticky boy. Ticky boy.
Where's the chow?
Look at you. You're gonna embarrass Baboo.
- What?
- Come.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Good day, Mrs. Chetty.
This is Nancy. Nancy, this is Mrs. Chetty.
Hey, doll, have some lovely,
spicy samosas.
- Oh.
- You're looking so beautiful.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings!
Come. Sit. Sit.
You're so brave and such a good friend.
Uh, thanks.
You can be my boyfriend if you want.
Nah, that's okay.
I don't need a girlfriend.
But we can be friends if you want.
Yeah. I think that's better.
Hey, larney.
[IMITATING MICHAEL JACKSON] Hee hee.
[HUMMING "BAD" BY MICHAEL JACKSON]
Ice, ice, baby
Let's go, hammer time
Hee hee.
Who's old-fashioned now?
Hee hee.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
Hey.
- When was the last time you held my hand?
- [TUTS]
[MUSIC FADES]
[TENDER MUSIC PLAYING]
[TICKY] Your old man looks happy, ek s.
[HAROLD] Yeah.
I miss my mom so much sometimes.
Maybe that's why I went all cuckoo
on you with this Leila story.
The good news is that the white lady
is not so ugly close-up.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Ticky.
I'm really sorry for being an ass.
Leila can be your girlfriend.
I don't mind.
What is wrong with you, ek s?
Look at all the women in my life.
Do you really think
I need more aggravation?
- You have a point.
- [TICKY] Yes, I do.
And if you parked long enough
the other night,
when Leila tried all that funny business,
you'd have seen me push her in the pool.
Aiybo! No you didn't.
[TICKY] Yes, I did, brah.
Let's make a blood pact,
to never let a girl come between us, ever.
Blood pact? Cutting and all?
Yeah, now that you say it like that,
maybe it's not such a good idea.
[TICKY] Let's make a pact...
with these.
I was saving them for your old man
for calling me old-fashioned and all.
But I can let that go.
Okay, let's do it.
- Bros for life.
- Bros for life.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[BOTH PANTING]
- Water!
- Water!
- Aiyo!
- Aiyo!
[GRANNY CHUCKLING]
[IN TAMIL] Hooligans.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [MUSIC ENDS]
- [ALL SHOUT]
Yes!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
["NOW THAT WE FOUND LOVE"
BY HEAVY D & THE BOYZ PLAYING]
Yeah
Now that we found love
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
- With it?
- With it?
What are we gonna do with it?
One, two, tell me what you got
Let me slip my quarter in your slot
To hit the jackpot
Rev me up, rev me up
My little buttercup
We can tug sheets
Snuggle up and get stuck
Believe it or not
Here comes the brother with glow
A strugglin', bubblin' overweight lover
Hurt prone
So what's it gonna be, me or the TV?
Let me take time
To set your mind and body free
So why don't you just stretch, stretch
For a sec?
Lay down your problems
So I could cop a quick rec
Shake me, shake me
Baby, baby, bake me
No need to fake
Here I am, come on and take me
Now that we found love
What are we gonna do with it?
Now that we found love
What are we gonna do with it?
[SONG ENDS]
[CLANGING]
[DEV] There we go. Madiba time!
[CHUCKLES]
Harold, it's about to start, my boy.
I'm coming.
Come on. The big man
is gonna speak any moment now.
[STATIC ON TV]
[COUGHS]
There's your popcorn.
No, thanks. [SIGHS]
Aren't you hot?
Nope. I think
I'm coming down with the flu.
[SNIFFS, COUGHS]
We better nip this in the bud.
I'll get you some meds.
No. I'll get some lozenges before bed.
[SNIFFS]
Okay.
27 April 1994 is going to be
a momentous day.
It's history in the making.
Wait. Wait. Here we go.
[NEW ANCHOR IN AFRIKAANS]
...President F.W. de Klerk and Mr. Mandela
are about to address the nation.
Let's cross over now.
[CROWD ON TV APPLAUDING]
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" PLAYING]
We have reached the end of an era.
We are at the beginning of a new era.
Let us all grasp the opportunities
that democracy offers.
Ow!
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" CONTINUES]
[MANDELA] Democracy is about empowerment.
Now, together,
we can begin to make
the equality of education
the right of all our children.
About time.
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" CONTINUES]
Whaa!
We can build a society
grounded on friendship
and our common humanity.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings!
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" CONTINUES]
It is a road to a glorious future
in this beautiful country of ours.
Let us join hands
and march into the future.
I thank you.
[SONG ENDS]
This is what we've been waiting for,
Harold, the new South Africa.
Oh, we have so much to look forward to.
Really? Desigan from school, his dad says
the new government is gonna send
all the Indians back to India.
Desigan's dad is a fool.
And he's spreading disinformation.
This is going to open up
so many opportunities
for the historically disadvantaged people.
Yeah, yeah, I know. We're building
a better country, a better life,
rainbow nation, blah-blah-blah.
Okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
You better get yourself off to bed.
Maybe you'll see things more positively
when you're feeling better.
[COUGHS, SNIFFS]
[COUGHS]
[DEV] Harold.
You know, whatever changes happen,
good or bad, we'll deal with it
and get through things together,
like we promised each other.
Okay.
We don't have to think
about all of it right now.
Go sleep. We'll chat tomorrow.
[SIGHS]
- [WHISPERING] Ma, let's go.
- Okay.
Harold?
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey! Howzit, ek s?
Good. And you?
Good, good, good.
Friday, today.
Hey, Ma.
Can I ask a couple of bobs for a skyf?
- Please.
- Hey, Lucky.
Go! Go!
Okay, I'm going.
See you. [CLICKS TONGUE]
Ma, you're looking fine.
Fine like red wine.
- Hey.
- Hey!
Styling, ek s!
Hey.
"Fine like red wine."
What does he mean, Ticky?
Means you're looking sharp, Ma.
- [LUCKY] Styling!
- Sharp.
Hey, where's this guy?
I swear I'll beat him up
if he chickened out.
- Beat up who?
- [HORN HONKS]
Aiybo!
["NOW THAT WE FOUND LOVE" PLAYING]
Now
Ha-ha.
Shake it, shake it
Uh, yeah, yeah, aye, aye
Now
Uh
Here we go
[SONG ENDS]
[IN ZULU] Hey, you!
I'm dressed to impress.
More like cruising for a bruising, ek s.
Why? What's wrong with my outfit?
Hey, Ticky, man.
He looks so cute.
I could bite your cheeks.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings!
if you don't like the way I look,
as long as Leila does.
You don't know girls.
Brah! For your sake... [LAUGHS]
Let's go, hey. Come, Ma.
[HORN HONKS]
[HAROLD] Howzit, Kessie?
- [KESSIE] Howzit, howzit, howzit, man?
- Hello.
[HAROLD AND TICKY] Hello, aunties.
[KESSIE] Hey.
Your friends are too much, I tell you.
- [TICKY] Didn't I warn you?
- [KESSIE] You warned me. I'll tell you.
[LAUGHING] Anyway, let's go.
Ole, ole, ole, ole...
You're gonna mess that nice suit of yours.
You don't wanna smell
like curry now, do you?
Feeling hot, hot, hot...
Woman problems.
You sure you want
to go through with this,ek s?
- [HAROLD] Yes.
- [TICKY] Okay.
Your funeral.
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
- How you feeling?
- Hot, hot, hot
- How you feeling?
- Hot, hot, hot
Hot, hot, hot
Hot, hot, hot
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
- People in the party
- Hot, hot, hot
[SONG ENDS]
[MAN] Hello, Monty.
- Hello, sir. Looking good.
- Good, yes.
Are we all ready?
Now's my chance to talk to the old fart.
He owes me much more than this lousy job.
Ja, go choon him what's what.
Hey, Russel, my old pal.
Long time since I seen you
around this side. [CHUCKLES]
Who is this clown?
Russel, it's me, your old buddy,
Police Commander Veerasamy
from back in the day.
Eh? [CHUCKLES]
You came to my daughter's wedding.
I went to your daughter's wedding.
Remember?
Oh!
It's this dreadful uniform
that's confusing you, eh?
Uh, Russel,
we need to talk
about this job situation, eh,bru.
Monty, sort out
this little irritation now, will you?
- My pleasure.
- Hey!
- Hey, bru, where's the loyalty?
- [TUTS]
Themba, Thambi?
[IN ZULU] Power!
Is ours.
Ole, ole, ole, ole
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Feeling hot, hot, hot
[SONG FADES OUT]
- Hey.
- Ow, man!
You saw those two boys with that granny?
Which granny?
It's raining grannies here tonight.
There, man.
Those are the two boys that got me fired.
They were in the newspapers and all.
"Local heroes."
Hey!
What's wrong with you?
Those boys got me
into this miserable job, man. Wake up.
Little pests!
I wish I could just grab them
and wring their scrawny, little necks.
These kids make me sick.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
It's not too late.
It's time to seize the moment,ek s.
Carpe diem.
Car pay what?
Eish, this guy!
Kill me now.
She is so cool.
If you weren't my brother
from another mother,
I'd beat you up now.
I owe you.
Big time, brah. Big time.
[SOARING ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC FADES]
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPEAKING INAUDIBLY]
[POP MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]
[CHILDREN GROANING]
["LET'S GET IT ON" PLAYING]
I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feeling
For so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then come on, oh, come on
Whoo
Let's get it on
Ah, baby, let's get it on
Let's love, baby
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Let's get it on, sugar
Let's get it on
Whoo hoo
We're all sensitive people
- [SONG STOPS ABRUPTLY]
- [WHISTLING]
What the hell?
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" PLAYING]
["JUMMA CHUMMA DE DE" FADES OUT]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [TOKENS JANGLING]
- Oh God! I won! I won!
What luck, man!
Kogs. Let's celebrate.
- Oh no, no, man.
- Just one shot, man.
I want to cash out
before I put everything back in.
- And the boys will be waiting.
- Okay.
- You're going now.
- Okay, right.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
- Marlon, copy?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- Marlon, copy?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
[VEERASAMY] Hey, this guy, man.
- Do you hear me, you sillybugger? Copy?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- [MARLON] Where'd you disappear to?
- Hey, don't worry about that. Listen.
Tell the guys your old man is sick,
and you have to take him home.
That's me. I'm sick,
and you have to take me home.
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- [MARLON] Are you sick? What happened?
- Hey, shut up. Just do it.
- [RADIO BEEPS]
Then when you've finished that,
meet me by the slots.
I have a plan.
[RADIO BEEPS]
Fine.
You wasted all your money on chow, ek s.
I'm filling the hole in my heart.
Of all the tracks you could have chosen...
What was that, ek s?
Soul music.
[TICKY] "Soul music"?
More like old music.
And all that "let's get it on" business...
[CHUCKLES]
[TENSE, COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- Hey, this old bag is fast, man.
- [MARLON] Hey, you're telling!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [GRANNY] Hey!
- [MARLON] Don't hurt her.
- [GRANNY] What's happening?
- [VEERASAMY] Shut it!
- [MARLON] Be careful.
- [VEERASAMY] This cow is heavy.
Hey, listen, never mind Leila, ek s.
She's got a couple screws loose, that one.
Yeah. I just want her to give me a chance.
The only thing she wants to give you
is a couple thick ones.
Yeah, I know.
My old man chooned
you're old-fashioned and all...
with all the Bollywood stuff.
I think it's cool.
You're keeping the culture alive,
and you saved my butt.
Hold your horses.
Your old man chooned what now?
Me? Me? I'm old-fashioned?
[TUTS] No. Not, like, in a bad way.
You're overreacting.
I'm overreacting?
Does your old man know
I can do this, this, this, and this?
[HUMS, YELPS]
I just wanna go home.
Ticky?
Ticky, man, stop playing the fool.
[YELPS]
[OWL HOOTING]
[GRANNY IN TAMIL] Hey, you ugly dog!
You will die if I lay my hands on you.
Monkey face! [SPITS]
[VEERASAMY] So, guys.
The divine has brought you
back to me finally.
Do you guys know who I am?
No? Oh.
Let me converse with you
like a civilized man.
So I'm gonna take off these gags.
But you make one noise,
the old bag gets it.
Understand?
This, guys, is karma.
Whatkind, ek s?
Who are you? What you want?
I was Police Commander
Muthia Muthen Veerasamy, a VIP.
"A very important person."
Nobody seems to remember me today.
I seem to have a forgettable face.
Hey, Fatty Boom Boom?
[MENACING MUSIC PLAYS]
- [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- [SIRENS WAILING]
[JAIL CELL DOOR CLOSING]
Oh!
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh! Veerasamy.
Long time no see, Commander.
Yeah. And what's with the abduction
and all?
You buggers think you're heroes, eh?
You got me fired
for concealment and corruption.
And obstruction of justice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's payback time, guys.
Yeah, it's payback time.
What they paying?
You two rascals are gonna help me
settle a score.
What's he chooning? What you chooning?
No rush.
No rush.
First, I wanna tell you
a story.
About my son's dog, Chomp.
Hey, Chomps.
Best dog in the world, eh?
[VEERASAMY] Yeah,
he was like a member of the family.
He was dearly lovedby my son and my wife.
We loved him so much, so, so much.
He was the best dog.
One day, eh,
Chomp bit another of my slippers.
This, you could say,
was the straw that broke the camel's hump.
"Back." It's "the straw
that broke the camel's back."
You didn't tell me the story.
Yeah, and the next day...
It was a lovely summer's day, eh?
I told everyone
I'm gonna take Chomp for a walk.
So him and I went into the cane fields.
And he was running around, having fun,
chasing butterflies and all that.
- [DOG BARKING]
- So then, I pull out my gun...
I took aim...
and pow!
[DOG SQUEALING, WHIMPERING]
You shot Chomp?
- [HAROLD] What kind of monster are you?
- You're evil!
You... you... you told me he ran away.
Hey! Hey! Hey, shut up. Be a man.
You said Chomp ran away,
and you couldn't find him.
Hey, be a man.
Damn it.
So, if we could do that
to our dearest Chomp,
you think I'll think twice
about you two dunces?
I want you
to help me steal
this necklace...
from this ugly geezer.
[LAUGHS] You got jokes, uncle.
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]
Hey! Hey!
You won't be laughing
if your ma is six feet under.
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYS]
Hey, you're talking crazy, man.
Yeah. Have you not noticed
that we're children?
Exactly. That's why
no one will suspect you. Eh?
You are local heroes,
and you always got a plan, isn't it?
Yeah.
[IN AFRIKAANS] A Boer makes a plan,
but an Indian has one.
You give me what I want,
and I give you back what you want, alive.
So what's it gonna be?
What to do?What to do?
Okay, I agree.
We need to tell
Charmaine and Reggie first.
Make them swear an oath.
I think we can trust them.
But your old man,
who thinks I'm old-fashioned and all...
- ...he can't be trusted.
- But why?
Because he will insist
on going to the coppers.
But that's the right thing to do.
'Cause stealing is wrong.
If stealing saves someone's life,
how can it be wrong?
That madman Veerasamy will hurt Ma.
I'm sure of it.
But if we don't tell my dad,
then how will I be able to help?
What you chooning, ek s?
I promised my dad, no matter what,
if something bad happened,
I would tell him first.
I can't lie to him.
Don't lie. Just don't tell him.
You're always the one insisting
that a promise is a promise.
How can you go against that now?
I wanna save Ma, just not in this way.
Okay, all I know is
your old man can't be trusted.
So you go home and shut your trap.
She's my ma, so I'll sort this out my way.
[ROOSTER CROWING IN DISTANCE]
Now, this is our time, boy.
Let this be a lesson to you.
When days are dark,
friends are nowhere to be found.
You the man.
Yes, I am the man, boy.
But you must be a man too.
Be a man.
I am the man.
But...
we're doing all this
so that Mum can come back, right?
S-so that we can be a family again.
Uh...
Yeah, for your mother's sake.
Yeah, of course. Yes, sure. That's it.
And that story about Chomp...
That was just to scare
the boys off, right?
Yeah, obviously.
Chomp is somewhere
as happy as a pig in shit.
Eish! You had me convinced.
You're a good actor.
Now, remember the rules.
Do not fraternize with the enemy.
She's a wicked, old cow, this one.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Cha!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Cha!
Chomp! Ow!
[IMPERSONATING MICHAEL JACKSON]
Shamone! Ow!
Chicka-chicka.
Whoo! Whoo!
Hey, old lady.
No funny business, yeah?
Nobody can hear you scream in here.
Chicka-hee-hee!
Shamone!
Nobody.
[DEV HUMMING]
When we begin, when we begin
Amore
Amore
Di, di, di, di, di
Come on, sleepy head.
Pancakes taste best when they're warm.
And we have sausages, and eggs,
and proper English tea.
[CHUCKLES]
Amore
Amore
Rough night?
[COUGHS, SNIFFS]
[DEV CLEARS THROAT]
Looks like your appetite is still gone.
I'll get you something
from the pharmacy today.
It'll knock that cold right out of you.
Besides, we're not going
to waste this holiday being lazy or sick.
Oh no. We are going to seize the day.
Carpe diem.
"Seize the day"?
[DEV CLEARS THROAT]
Look what came in the post this morning.
What is this?
Private boarding schools.
One's inPietermaritzburg,
and the rest are in Johannesburg.
Your grades are excellent.
And with the new South Africa,
you will have the opportunity too.
I made an appointment for us to check out
one of the schools in Johannesburg.
And I thought we'll make a trip of it,
just to check things out.
So you wanna send me away
to a boarding school?
Well, an amazing, prestigious school
that will set you up
for the rest of your life.
And what about our promise
to be there and take care of each other,
no matter what?
We will.
I'm only looking out for your interests.
So you just made this chow to bribe me?
Well, it won't work.
Bugger your private school
and bugger your new South Africa.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
Why I must park here like this?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Like I've got nothing better to do.
Okay, old lady,
I'll choon you what, right?
Let's have a staring competition.
If you win, then...
then I remove the tape.
[GRANNY GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT]
- You ready?
- [GRUNTS]
All right. Okay. On three, right?
One, two, three.
[INTENSE COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANS, INHALES]
- I wasn't ready.I wasn't ready.
- [GRUNTS]
I wasn't ready.
Okay, best of three, right?
Huh-uh.
Okay, okay. Best out of two.
Huh-uh.
[SIGHS] Okay, okay, fine. A deal's a deal.
But if the old man comes,
then the tape goes back on, right?
[GRANNY GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT]
You, auntie, you got
some good Kali trance skills...
Ow!
[GROANS] What you do that for?
- Payback.
- Payback?
- [GRANNY] Payback.
- Payback? Huh?
Wait. Wait. I'll behave. I'll behave.
You know, I get very angry
when I'm hungry.
If you try another stunt like that again,
it's gonna be tickets for you.
Okay, go and get me
something to eat, please.
Chow? Where I'm gonna get chow from?
What's your name, son?
[HESITATES] Marlon.
Marlon. Nice name, eh?
Marlon, I don't know if you know this,
but if you kidnap someone,
you need to feed them.
That's a law.
You know, if I die here of starvation,
you and your old man
will rot in jail for murder.
You want that?
[TUTS] Never mind.
Do what you think is right.
[GROANS]
I think my sugar level has gone low.
I'm feeling weak.
Okay, okay. W-what you want?
Get me one quarter mutton bunnywith Coke.
Don't forget the salad, eh?
And for my sugar,
get me some burfi or jalebi.
Mutton bunny?
I look like I got macha
for a mutton bunny?
[TUTS] Go. Go. Go.
See what you can do. Please.
Okay.
I'll take the tape off
when I come back, eh?
Don't die, huh? Don't die.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[REGGIE] I'm gonna finish that old man,
ek s, I swear it.
[SIGHS] There must be something we can do.
Veerasamy was very clear.
He said he's got his eye on us.
If he even suspects
we're talking to the cops,
he's gonna finish Ma.
So what we gonna do then?
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
And now? What's your grief?
Have you told them yet?
What's it to you, ek s?
I wanna save Ma, just like you.
Whatever the plan is, I'm in.
Are you gonna change your mind again?
No. I'm in. All the way, bru, I promise.
[SUCKS TEETH] Okay, great.
- Ma?
- Huh?
First, Baboo is in.
He's come to his senses.
Second, we need to know
what we're dealing with.
I think it's time for a stakeout.
[GRANNY GRUNTS]
You satisfied now?
Very. Not mutton bunny,
but it's almost as good as my food.
[SIGHS]
That hit the spot.
[BELCHES]
You want to help me to finish this?
Why your mother left, son?
She...
No.
No talking.
I don't know if you tricked me
into getting this chow.
But I can't fraternize with you.
What that means?
It means no talking.
Hmm. You want to play
that same game again?
No dice.
Marlon.
You know,
mothers are a precious gift from God.
[TUTS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUMBLES]
Huh?
[GRUNTS]
[GRUMBLES] Eish!
[GRUNTS]
Eish!
[GRUMBLES]
[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]
Why you didn't tell us to dress up, Ticky?
I feel so embarrassed.
Yeah, Ticky, why you didn't tell your ma
to wear her best sari
and her Green Cross slippers?
Shut up, Reggie, man. Look at you.
You look like one hobo. [TUTS]
Ek s, these old people
are slowing us down.
- We better launch them.
- How?
Hey, I don't know. Think of something.
I hope the girls are all right
with my sister.
Stop stressing, man.
You're making me tense.
[SIGHS]
Hmm. When was the last time
you held my hand?
When was the last time
you was in a good mood? [SCOFFS]
What?
[MONTY] Thank you, Mr. and Mrs.Mller.
- Such an honor to serve you both, really.
- [BOYS WHISPERING]
You must call again soon.
Don't wait too long.
You mustn't tell anyone,
but you are my very favorite guests.
- [MONTY AND WOMAN LAUGH]
- Thank you, Monty. You're so sweet.
I know. I know. [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- What a kiss-ass.
- Sissy!
Oh God! That manager fella.
Push.
He's coming for Reggie and Charmaine.
- Let's run.
- [REGGIE] Relax. Be cool.
What's going on here?Are you two lost?
Hey, brah, we're just...
We're waiting for someone.
Uh... Okay, fine.
Um...
Mrs. Labuschagne, I'm so glad to catch you
without your husband for a moment.
Has anyone offered you
a complimentary drink at the pool?
Creep.
Hey, whatkind?
We're supposed to be on a stakeout here.
Small hiccup. I handled it.
You blew your cover.
Uncle Reg, I was thinking.
We only have a few hours.
Why don't we split up?
Conduct surveillance separately?
That way, we'll get more ground covered.
And we'll meet you in the food court
in two hours.
Okay.
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
What?
[WHISPERING] Veerasamy is watching.
Don't look.
[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]
[TICKY] Act like you're talking.
[MOUTHING]
[GRUNTING]
[HAROLD AND TICKY LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[WOMAN] Hey! What are you doing here?
- [WOMAN 1] Hey!
- [WOMAN 2] Get out of here!
[HAROLD LAUGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC ENDS]
[CALL TO PRAYER OVER PA]
[REGGIE] What Veerasamy wants
is not possible.
I can't see it happening.
Listen, we have to be tough and brave
for Ma.
We know what's what.
We just have to figure out how.
Ticky, this is getting too serious.
Maybe we should take a chance
with the coppers.
- [REGGIE] I think your ma is right.
- No. It's not an option.
He's off his rockers.
[HAROLD] And he shot his own dog, Chomp.
He's capable of anything.
There might be a way.
Okay, choon.
When we were surveilling the place,
me and Baboo came across this place,
like a theater.
It was a cabaret show, for adults.
What?
Ek s, what you doing? Hey, you!
Sorry. They had clothes on.
[TICKY] Just be quiet.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Anyways, they were having a show.
So I thought, what if we staged
a Bollywood show extravaganza
with this famous Bollywood star
from India?
We could use it as an opportunity
to get Veerasamy that bloody necklace.
But how would we do that?
We don't know any Bollywood stars,
or any Indians from India for that matter.
We don't need to know
the stars from India,
because we could be them ourselves.
[LAUGHING] Hey, Ticky, you take the cake.
Think about it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
all the way from Bombay, India,
I present to you Miss SweetieKi Jawani.
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] I don't know.
It's still a rough plan,
but we can make it work. I'm telling you.
So you're chooning we must pretend
to be Bollywood celebrities
and stage a show?
While that's happening,
we steal the necklace?
Exactly, ek s.
Finally, someone understands.
That's a very crazy idea. Very.
But if we can save Ma, I say let's do it.
- Me too.
- [TICKY CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
Okay, me too.
You know, to have an extravaganza,
you need a variety of talent.
Not a problem.
And to be from India, you need the accent.
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT]
Also not a problem.
[LAUGHS]
[CLEARS THROAT] Ek s...
[WHISPERING] We can dress your ma up
and all.
But she can't dance to save her life,
and a Bollywood star
must be able to dance.
Yeah, that's a problem.
Eish!
[SIGHS]
[KESSIE SINGING]
Howzit, Kessie?
Howzit?
Hey, what happened to y'all
the other night?
Auntie Saras said Ma must have won
a lot of money, 'cause she launched.
Nah, nothing like that.
Just got a small situation. That's all.
Yeah, small situation.
[KESSIE] Huh.
But y'all know me. If y'all need any help,
y'all just bell me.
I'll be there one time.
- For sure, Kessie. For sure.
- Right?
- Baboo?
- Sure.
All right. Let's go. Sit down.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] We're gonna need
a lot of talented guys for this to work.
[TICKY] All sorted, guzzie.
Just follow my lead.
[RAPPING IN HINDI AND TAMIL]
Is that guy lip-synching?
He's Black.
Yeah, so?
He's singing Indian.
[SONG ENDS]
- Whatkind, boys? What y'all say?
- [TICKY] Good, good.
This my guzzie, Baboo.
- [MAN] Whatkind, boy?
- Good.
[TICKY] Stones, still a man of no words?
Hey, my brah is all about
the rhythm and the rhymes, ek s.
No time to conversate.
Listen, guys, I need y'all's help.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[TICKY] One down. One to go.
- [HAROLD] Who we looking for now?
- [TICKY] Lucky.
[LUCKY] Follow the stone.
Follow the stone. Followthe stone.
Where it goes, no one knows.
Lucky? Really?
Hey, Lucky. How's it going?
[CLICKS TONGUE] Hey.
Get away from here.
It's Ticky. Whatkind?
Y'all know this is my grafting place.
Go. I'll check y'all later.
Almost home time. Go.
[TICKY] Come.
Park, yeah.
Why we need this guy?
- Remember those Chappies you bought?
- Yeah.
- They were in your pockets, right?
- Yeah.
Check your pockets.
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- Two cent.
- Lucky!
Hey, come on, man.
I know where you boys live.
Hey, Lucky.
I have a bad feeling about this, ek s.
You wanna teach your ma to dance?
No.
Then this is it, brah.
No, thank you.
You two ruined my party.What do you want?
Uh, sorry about that.
I thought some entertainment
was a good idea at the time.
It was not a good idea.
It was a very, very bad idea.
He said he was sorry.
What you want, blood?
[TUTS, SIGHS]
We need to talk to you privately
about an urgent matter.
If you want to talk to me,
then you'll have to play,
or else you can get lost.
[HAROLD] Hey.
[WHISPERING] This is for Ma.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- Girls.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] We need your help.
[LEILA] What makes you think
I'll help you two losers?
[HAROLD] Because you're
a brilliant dancer,
and we need you to teach Ticky's ma
how to dance like a lady.
- [LEILA] Why?
- She's taking part in a competition.
[LEILA] What competition?
- It's like a show.
- [LEILA] Can I be in the show?
No.
Well, then I guess
there's nothing more to discuss.
Okay. We'll see what we can do.
[LEILA] I'll only help you
if I can be in the show.
Witch! I knew it was a bad idea.
[TUTS] Relax, ek s.
She'll get the job done.
Besides, it'll be nice having her around.
That's why you asked her?
No. I really think she can help.
You better not get distracted, ek s.
I'm chooning you.
You're like a lovesick puppy around her.
[TUTS] You're nuts.
You're cuckoo, cuckoo for Leila. Sis, man!
[CALL TO PRAYER OVER PA]
Harold?
I think the other day
was a misunderstanding.
We don't have to go
to Johannesburg right now.
But how about we visit the school
in Pietermaritzburg tomorrow?
It's closer to home,
and we'll have a good idea
of what these private schools
are all about.
They are having an open day tomorrow,
so I put our names down on the list.
What do you say?
Whatever.
Okay, then.
So I'll get your suit ready
in the morning,
and we can leave by 10:00 a.m.
[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]
[DEV SIGHS]
- Walk.
- Okay.
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[TICKY] Aiyo mother!
Look at her. She can't even walk right.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's dance.
She looks like a drunk monkey
that's been stung by a wasp.
Your girlfriend better do some magic,
'cause Ma's life depends on it.
Stop that right now.
Where are you going?
I can't watch this disaster, ek s.
I'm gonna fix a chow.
- I'll have some.
- I wasn't offering.
Hey, where you found this one?
So bossy, she is.
Don't you have something better to do?
No.
Let's go again.
[DEV] Harold?
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Like that?
Uh-oh. Looks like
someone's in for it today.
[DEV PANTING] Good day, Mrs. Chetty.
Come. We're late for our appointment.
But we can still make it on time
if we get going now.
I'm not going.
If you like that school so much,
then you go by yourself.
Listen, young man, I will not tolerate
you being disrespectful to me.
I will say this one time. Let's go.
Do you want to turn out to be like
these backward simpletons?Do you?
[HAROLD] At least they like me
for who I am.
And not trying to change me
or get rid of me like you.
Reggie!
We got a problem, a big one.
Go play. Go.
[DEV] They don't know
the meaning of self-improvement.
They have no aspirations or dreams.
I told you, Harold.
This is for your future,
a better one than this.
He think we're deaf?
[HAROLD] Leave me alone.
My future is here. Go away.
[CHARMAINE] Hey, Dev.
That's enough.
We're not deaf, and we're not simpletons.
Hey, shut up, you bunch of nincompoops.
Hey! You got a bloody cheek
waltzing in here.
Relax. Wait! It's good that he's here.
Ma doesn't have her pressure tablets.
Listen, yeah, my ma needs this.
Hmm. What luck! [CHUCKLES]
What you mean, "luck"?
So without this,
the old bat will kick the bucket,
without any powwows,
without any cover-ups.
Natural death.
Hey, you hurt my ma, ek s,
I'll beat you so bad
your own mother won't recognize you.
[MOCKINGLY] Ooh.
I'm so scared I'm shaking in my boots.
You should be scared.
You don't know who you're messing with.
Uh, this is none of my business.
I'm just gonna take my son and leave.
[VEERASAMY] This is your business, larney.
Eh. Your kid
and this nincompoop ruined my life.
It's payback time. Karma.
We have to get going.
We have an appointment.
What? You're going past
by the cop shop? Eh? Eh?
Anything can happen to this boy,
especially if someone phones
the welfare people to tell them
that a neglectful father
lets this son run around a casino
with loafers and all that.
You're a journalist.
Don't you think
that will be one heavy story? Huh?
You losers better get
a good plan together.
Or else, it's tickets for that old bat.
We had a deal.
Yeah, she'll stay alive
if you stick to your side of the deal.
Ticktock, ticktock...
goes old granny's big clock.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
Ticktock, ticktock. [LAUGHS]
Ticktock, ticktock,ticktock, dead.
I'm not gonna play with her.
- What in God's name is going on?
- Yeah!
[GRANNY] Hey, Marlon.
Marlon. Marlon. Marlon!
I know you're not sleeping.
Hey, Marlon!
Hey, old lady.
What you want, man?
Anybody ever tell you
you're very demanding?
[SARCASTICALLY] Oh, I'm so sorry for you.
You should have kidnapped
someone less demanding then.
So what now?
Sew buttons.
Ah! Very funny.
Seriously, I'm not joking.
I've got a proposal for you.
- Proposal?
- Yeah.
How about if I give you 1,000 rand,
and you let me go?
One thousand rand?
Where you got 1,000 rand from?
I won it, how.
What the hells? You had this all along?
Oh, I forgot. Old age.
I hope you're not pulling my leg.
I'm not pulling your anything.
- I'm a decent lady.
- [MARLON] Yeah?
So then where's the macha?
[GRANNY] It's not there, man.
So you are lying to me.
No, I'm not.
It's in my brassiere.
Aiyo! Why... why...
why are you telling me this?
Look here, Marlon.
I'll give you 1,000 rand, right?
Then you take the money.
Give it to your mother.
Say it's from your father.
So maybe, you all can get together again.
And then my old man?
Tell him I escaped
when you went to relieve yourself.
Hey, he'll beat me up!
Oh God!
So how much do you love your mother?
Okay, fine. Let's do this fast
before he comes.
Quick. Quick. Okay. Quick.
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[MARLON GRUNTS]
[GRANNY SIGHS]
Muruga, thank you.
[GRANNY CLEARS THROAT]
[SIGHS]
[CRIES IN PAIN]
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you? I'm asking nicely.
[CRIES IN PAIN]
- [GRANNY] Rascal!
- Ow!
- [GRANNY] Take this!
- Ow!
[CRYING IN PAIN]
Take this!
- Tie me up?
- I'm sorry, Ma.
- Who do you think I am?
- I'm sorry.
[IN TAMIL] Bloody fool!
[CRIES IN PAIN]
and you try all this nonsense.
For what?
So that your old man can torture us?
Rascal!
- Ow!
- Rascal!
Give me the keys!
Eish!
[MARLON SIGHS]
[TICKY] So that's the whole story.
Breathe, larney.
Yeah, but we do have a plan
to save Ma too.
[DEV] But you are children.
How can you even allow this?
Have you ever loved someone so much
you'd do anything to save them?
Then you know, ek s.
[HAROLD] I love Ma too.
I'm not going anywhere.
So what do you want to do?
I guess I have no choice but to join you.
Someone needs to watch over you.
We promised each other that.
Hey, larney,
I got the perfect role for you.
[KEYS JANGLING]
You know, Ma,
I'm really sorry.
I didn't wanna do any of this.
But my old man made me do it.
If your old man says you
to jump off a bridge, you'll do that too?
[MARLON] No, but you don't know, Ma.
Since he lost his job,
things have been hectic.
He fights with my ma all the time.
She got so fed up, she even left.
Then why you didn't leave too?
Wh-who will take care of him then?
[GRANNY SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION]
Uh, try the one with the blue mark.
Now you're telling.
[MENACING MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHISPERING] Just look at them.
[EXHALES]
- [HAROLD] Hell's bells!
- You're telling!
But we have to make this work. We have to.
And now, what you want?
My old man sent me here to check on y'all.
You know, keep an eye on things and all.
Your old man can go fly a kite.
[WHISPERING] Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer.
Hmm.
I don't like you, not one bit.
Stay out of our way. You got it?
Yo! Yo!Yo!Yo!
- This guy got one heavy shiner.
- What happened? Your old man hityou?
No.
Your ma did.
[ALL LAUGH]
Ma.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[HAROLD] Aiyo!
Blow.
Eh? Eh?
Hey.
Lucky, I'm sorry to say this,
but you need to clean yourself up.
[SNIFFING]
Why?
Let's jam.
Drop one beat.
Let's go.
[BEATBOXING]
You're supposed to be
an Indian from India.
Say it in an Indian accent, please.
Greetings, I am Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny.
Hey, larney, you're killing me here.
Okay, this Indian thing is not gonna work.
Let's do this.
Let's embrace your inner coconut.
I don't understand.
How? Coconut.
Brown on the outside,white on the inside.
Be a white guy.
A whitey from Great Britain.
[DEV CLEARS THROAT]
[IMITATES BRITISH ACCENT] Greetings.
I am Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny, old chap.
Finally, now we're getting somewhere.
But won't it seem odd?
I'm supposed to be
a Bollywood producer from Bombay.
How, larney, don't you know?
When the English colonized India,
they colonized the people too.
It's history.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Harold?
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Hello, my dear.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
It's me, Dev.
Sorry for calling so late.
It's been a really long day.
- [WOMAN ON PHONE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- No, no, nothing's wrong.
There's just been a change in plans.
I won't be able
to come up to Johannesburg after all.
I'm so disappointed too,
my pumpkin. [LAUGHS SOFTLY]
Uh, my son has been cast
in this very big show, you see?
At the Plantation Hotel and Casino.
No, no, no. Don't worry about coming down.
I couldn't possibly ask that of you.
And besides,
things with Harold are so hectic,
I wouldn't have much time,
and you, my dear,
deserve my full attention.
Have a good night now, my angel.
Kisses, my cutie pie. Bye-bye.
[HAROLD] Who are you talking to?
You bought pie?
Yes. Yes, I bought pie.
For work. I bought pie for work.
[SIGHS]
[WATER RUNNING]
[TICKY] Relax, larney.
Just breathe.
Everything will be okay. Breathe.
Be a coconut.
Oh, good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Volobuev.
I hope you had a good sleep.
Breakfast is at the pool.
Thank you so much.
[CHUCKLES]
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
[DEV IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Mr. Monty Naicker.
Monty Naidoo.
What a pleasure it is
to finally meet you, Mr. Monty.
- Well, I...
- Great pleasure indeed.
I beg yours. How can I help you, sir?
Oh no, my good man.
We can help each other.
The name's Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny.
All my friends do.
Yes, Mr. Singh, how can I help you?
Well, my good fellow,
you might not know me,
but I only manage and produce some
of the most celebrated Bollywood stars.
You might even know some of them.
Amitabh, Salman, Govinda, Madhuri.
Well, it just so happens that I have
one of India's most popular rising stars
with me,
and she wants to host
her Bollywood extravaganza here,
at your very fine establishment.
Popular rising star? Who?
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHISPERING] Aiyo mother!
What the bloody hell?
Breathe, ek s.
Everything will be cool. Just breathe.
And how do you do, madame?
I'm Monty Naicker... Naidoo,
at your service.
[MONTY CHUCKLES]
[GIGGLING]
Oh, Monty, you're so funny.
Oh, Sweetie, you're so sweet. [LAUGHS]
That's my name.
[MONTY] I know. I know.
Hey, how you made my ma look like that?
You said she must wow.
That's wow.
Anyways, haven't you watched Pretty Woman?
Julia Roberts?
She's so hot.
You're so old-fashioned.
I have a lot of people working under me.
E-everyone in maroon, in fact.
[HAROLD SNIFFS]
[WHISPERING] Lucky.
Hey. Howzit, kid?
You asked me to clean up.
Yeah. Right. Great.
I never clean up,
because women simply can't resist me.
These are yours.
And please, don't hesitate
to call me with...
- [PHONE RINGS]
- One second.
Thank you.
Uh... Oh. Sorry. Put him through.
- Like putty in my hands.
- [BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
Guys.
- The view.
- Look at this place.
- Look at the view.
- Look at the TV.
[TICKY] Three, two, one.
[ALL] Yay!
We did it!
How's this place, ek s?
[SNIFFS]
Guys, look at this place!
Here.
- A TV!
- Hey, top!
Where's the remote?
Ticky.
I think Leila is warming up to me.
[IMITATES KISSING]
Seriously, ek s.
She even touched my hand.
You better stay focused.
Yeah, I will. I promise.
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC CONTINUES]
[TICKY WHISTLES]
Check here. This is not a holiday.
Here's what we're thinking,me and Baboo.
The larney here will MC the entire show.
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Ladies and gentlemen...
We kick the show off with some music.
Sticks and Stones, y'all do your things.
And, Leila, maybe you can perform too.
Of course I will.
I didn't join for nothing.
Then Lucky will get us
the key to Sellers's safe.
[HAROLD] Uncle Reg, you have to park
in the background.
We can't risk Monty recognizing you
from the other day.
Okay. How we know
the big man's even gonna be there?
Mr. Monty confirmed
that he'll be attending.
He apparently has a thing for, uh...
exotic showgirls.
Exotic? This one? [SCOFFS]
We must keep the old geezer
and the creep Monty occupied at all times.
We must never let them out of our sight.
Then that scumbag Veerasamy
will cut the power to the security room.
Got it, jackass?
Yeah. No. No.
You're talking too fast.
I wasn't talking too fast.
You were listening too slow. Wake up, man.
So your old man cuts the power,
Ticky gets the necklace, and we all leave
through the back doors of the theater
once the show is over.
So any questions?
Hey, this guy!
Put your hand down.
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]
[IN HINDI] Well done!
[MARLON] Ow!
Mesdames and messieurs.
Mesdames and messieurs.
Mesdames...
Hey, larney, coconut.
Da-da-da-da-da-da. Face.
Da-da-da-da-da-da. Face.
Ticky, check. Here comes the full Monty.
Hey, larney, sort it out there.
- [DEV] Mr. Monty Naicker.
- Naidoo.
We've got so much to talk about.
- [MONTY] We do, but I would love to have...
- Don't worry about Miss Sweetie.
...just two minutes with Sweetie.
Sweetie?
He gone?
What happened?
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
You've outdone yourself, dear chap.
These flowers look simply delightful.
But Miss Sweetie doesn't like
to be interrupted during rehearsals.
You know how these stars are.
A bit of a diva if you ask me,
but hey, that is why
the public love her so.
Well, I was hoping to extend
a personal invitation to Sweetie
to have a private dinner with me.
[UNDER BREATH] Oh God, no!
No?
- [LAUGHS] Of course, yes.
- Yes?
Dinner? You, Miss Sweetie? Of course.
Wonderful. [CHUCKLES]
You're a very, very busy man.
Go about your business now
and don't give it any further thought.
[MONTY] Right. Yes. I shall.
[WOMAN] Dev?
Oh, Dev, it is you.
Nancy?
Is that you?
I didn't think I'd find you this quickly.
[SIGHS] It must be a sign
from the good Lord.
Oh! [LAUGHS]
Aiyo mother!
Uh... Uh...
Hey, back to work.
Show off your leadership skills, ek s.
Go.
[SIGHS]
Uh...
Those are lovely.
Hmm.
Um, who are the flowers for?
Who are the flowers for?
[INHALES SHARPLY] Who are the flowers for?
- They are for you, of course.
- Me?
Oh!
But you didn't know I was coming.
Or did I?
I have a very strong intuition
when it comes to you, my dear.
Oh. [GIGGLES]
Oh, I hope you don't mind that I'm here.
When you mentioned this resort,I thought,
"You know what, Nancy?
You deserve a holiday
and to meet the man
who's captured your heart."
Here I am.
[DEV IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Well, you do know, madam,
the show is on Sunday.
It's a one-night thing,
so be sure to get your tickets ASAP.
If you snooze, you will lose.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I thought I saw a bee.
Oh.
- False alarm.
- I see. [CHUCKLES]
Were you referring to your son's show?
Huh? Yes.
Yes. Yes, I was.
Oh. Okay.
Shall we meet for dinner?
Dinner?
Uh, yes. Sure.
I'll meet you in the loungeat 7:00 p.m.?
That sounds lovely. [GIGGLES]
I'll see you later, Mr. Intuition.
- [GIGGLES]
- [DEV CHUCKLES]
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANS]
Hey, larney.
You all right there, man?
You look a little bit stressed.
Come sit here, boss.
I think I'm having a heart attack.
[SIGHS]
[REGGIE] Catch your breath a bit.
So, uh...
who's your lady friend,
the one you were talking to?
An old friend from Johannesburg.
She's here on holiday.
Oh really?
She looked very happy to see you.
She's not my friend.
I've never actually met
this lady in person before today.
I told her not to come.
But out of the blue, she pitches up here,
and I have no clue what to do.
Hey, ladies today are so forward.
You saw Charmaine
with that short, short shorts and all.
No shame.
That's another story. Eish!
Jesus, she was expecting Indiana Jones.
I could never be Indiana Jones.
Only on the phone, I can be Indiana Jones.
[SIGHS] This is so stressful.
Hey, calm down, larney.
Just now you'll blow a gasket for real.
So you got a girlfriend.
No harm there.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
I met Nancy in the lonely hearts column.
[CHUCKLES]
[DEV] The one from the paper.
I was supposed to take Harold
up to Joburg to meet her.
But I was secretly relieved
when that couldn't happen.
I haven't told Harold about her.
The way he's behaving,
he'll never forgive me.
He'll think I'm betraying his mother.
Sometimes I feel like I am too.
Don't fret, man.
In all my years at AA,
I learned the best way to handle things
is to just own it.
Be a man.
Tell the boy now
before he finds out another way.
But I'm waiting for the right time.
There's no right time, larney.
There's only now.
You know another thing
I learned at AA, ek s?
Hey.
Heavy gas can make you feel
like you're having a heart attack.
True as Bob.
[LAUGHS]
[UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING]
I spend my days
Trying to catch your eye
You got my heart beating overtime
At night I dream
That your love is mine
- [POP SONG FADES]
- [SAD MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, man. [GRUMBLES]
This... [GRUNTS]
Okay, right. Good.
Hello, you good-for-nothing lowlifes.
Your time is running out.
This is just a reminder
of what's at stake for you.
[CHUCKLES]
Don't worry. The old cow isn't dead.
Not yet!
But that depends on you.
Eh?
[LAUGHS]
It's not nice
to see the elderly suffering, eh?
But when you play with fire,
you get burned, guys.
[LAUGHS]
Hey! Hey!Hey!
Hey! Hey, you.
Get down! Get back down! Hey!Hey!Hey!
Ma wouldn't be in this situation
if it wasn't for me.
And me.
I think it's time for reinforcements.
- [KESSIE ON PHONE]Hey.
- Howzit, Kessie?
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Who are all these people, ek s?
Hey, kid.
We know guys who know guys.
Pulled in one, two favors and all.
[LUCKY IN HINDI]
Let's go. Let's go.Let's go.Let's go.
Guzzies from the district.
Never let you down.
Thanks, guys. Looks like we have a show.
Dad?
[OBJECTS FALLING TO FLOOR]
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
[LEILA GRUNTS]
[GASPS ANGRILY]
[NANCY] Dev?
Dev, are you all right?
I waited for you all night.
- [MONTY] Are you still studying the menu?
- Yes. I'm sorry.
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Oh blimey! You will not believe
the technical difficulties
in creating a show such as this.
It's positively monstrous.
Why are you talking like that?
[MONTY] Sonny, naughty boy. [CHUCKLES]
What say we have a spot of tea, my dear?
Jolly good?
Are you mocking me?
Is it because I'm English?
[IN NORMAL VOICE] No, no, no.
It's a long st...
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
It's a long walk to freedom, dear lady.
And one must pass through
the valley of the shadow of death
before we reach
the mountaintops of our desires.
"Desires"? What kind
of a sick pervert are you?
Oh Jesus. What is happening?
I knew Kessie would come through for us.
He's packing the place.
Larney, whatkind, man?
Hey, Baboo, your old man's fretting
so much he's gonna shit himself.
Do something.
Good. Let him suffer.
What's your beef?
[SIGHS]
[TICKY SIGHS]
Mr. Sellers, welcome.
Indian custom.
There you go. So sorry about that.
[BELL RINGING]
[ROUSING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT]
Ladies and gentlemen,
dames en here,
mesdames and messieurs,
namaste.
Good evening
and welcome to the first ever
Spice of India Bollywood Extravaganza,
featuring the queen of Bollywood herself,
Miss Sweetie Ki Jawani.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
Tonight, be prepared to be wowed
by some of India's finest talent.
All the way from Bombay,
please give a warm welcome
to your first act,
the Bombay Razzlers.
- ["MUQABALA MUQABALA" PLAYING]
- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
No, no, no. I'm okay.
Just relieved to have survived that.
Okay. I'm going now.
Y'all know what to do.
- Just stick to the plan.
- Yeah.
["MUQABALA MUQABALA" CONTINUES]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[SONG ENDS]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- Hey!
- Hey! What...
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[DEV] And now, ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
for the great Hindu Houdini,
Danteraj.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE MURMURING DISAPPROVINGLY]
[SITAR MUSIC CONTINUES]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[WOMAN SNORING]
Hey. What now?
- Why did you lie to me?
- [TICKY] About what?
About Leila. I saw you last night.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Oh, really? I saw you kiss her.
What? I didn't kiss her.
She kissed me.
[HAROLD] You're a liar.
[TICKY] Listen, I've had enough
of youand this Leila nonsense.
Now, shut upand help me find the safe.
No! Admit it first.
You stole the love of my life.
You're really working on my nerves.
I'm gonna blow a fuse just now. [TUTS]
[TICKY GASPS]
Key.
- [HAROLD] No.
- What?
You and my father think I'm a fool.
Well, I'm not.
What are you talking about?
You're a big fat liar.
You're supposed to be my friend,
my best friend.
You, my father, and his ugly girlfriend
can all go jump off a cliff.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR LOCKS]
[TICKY] You weakling!
- Open this door and give me the key.
- No.
Not until you realize what you did.
[TICKY] Oh, God!
Firstly, you can't steal
someone's girlfriend
if they're not really your girlfriend.
And secondly, your old man's girlfriend
isn't that ugly close-up.
What do you mean
she's not that ugly close-up?
Oh shit!
The power's back.
Baboo, this is serious.
[HAROLD SIGHS]
[TICKY SIGHS]
Baboo.
I didn't wanna tell you
about the white lady,
because I didn't know what to do.
[WOMAN SNORING]
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Huh?
Sush. Sush, look.
Hey!
Move, Fana! Move!Move!Move!
I wanted my partner back,
like how things used to be,
before that bloody devil Leila.
That was selfish. I know.
I'm sorry, ek s.
I should have told you everything.
Please give me the key.
For Ma's sake.
- [DOOR OPENING]
- [TICKY] Please.
[DOOR CLOSING]
- [FANA] Move!
- [SUSHI] Move! Move!
Hold it right there.
Hands up. Get them up.Get them up.
This is a restricted area.
What are you doing here?
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT]Thank the lords
you are here. Now, I can find my way back.
I was having a heavy load on board.
Huh.
That... that does not explain
what you are doing here
in the big man's room.
Aiyo Rama! What a drama!
You see, sir... Uh, sorry, madam-ji.
I wanted to go number two
in the backstage lavatories.
- You know, the one for the show?
- Uh-huh.
But they all were not working.
So my director-ji, he told me,
"Go upstairs and relieve yourself."
So I went upstairs, and here I am.
Hey. Hey.
Check out the loo, brah.
Make sure everything is safe and clear.
[TICKY] I don't know about safe.
I stunk myself up.
- [PASSES GAS]
- [TICKY GRUNTS]
Let's give it some time to air,
unless you want to check it now.
- No, no. Good idea.
- Hmm.
I'm in agreement, most certainly.
You know, madam-ji,
I don't think I'm done with the lavatory.
[FANA] Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
Let's go!
- Move! Move!
- Move! Move!
Where are the boys?
They're not back?
They should've been here.
It's almost time for the finale.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the act you've all been waiting for,
one of Bollywood's greatest
dancing sensations,
the inimitable Miss Sweetie Ki Jawani.
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- ["JAWANI JANEMAN HASEEN DILRUBA" PLAYING]
[DEV] Harold?
Harold. Harold!
What's going on? Where are you going?
Nowhere. And it's none of your business.
What's wrong? I can see you're upset.
So what? You don't care about me.
You only care about yourself
and your stupid girlfriend from Joburg.
That's why you wanna send me away.
You're a liar, and you're cheating on Mom.
[DEV] I never, ever wanted
to get rid of you, Harold.
I thought I was doing
what was best for you,
what your mum would have wanted.
I miss your mum so much.
Ever since she passed away,
I've been so lonely,
like there's a huge hole in my heart,
you know?
I thought if I had a lady friend,
I wouldn't be so lonely.
I'm so sorry, son.
I wanted to tell you myself,
but I was so scared.
Because you're a coward.
And I'm a coward just like you.
I ruined everything.
What happened?
[HAROLD] I messed up the plan.
Because of me, Ticky got caught,
and we'll never see Ma again.
This is all my fault.
Look at me, Baboo.
Look at me.
We all make mistakes.
That's life.
It's how we fix them that counts.
Right now, we have two choices.
We can either be cowards and run away,
or we can face our fears,
no matter how difficult it is.
What's it going to be?
I wanna do the right thing,
but I don't know how.
We'll figure this out together.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Good. You're here.
I was starting to fret, bru.
There's been a change of plans.
We need your help.
Go with Baboo. He'll explain everything.
Come.
[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
["KOI YAHAN AHA NACHE NACHE" PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT] Brother?
You knowAmitabh Bachchan?
He's a big star, yeah?
Madam-ji.
Play one number there.
I'll show you Amitabh.
["BOOM SHACK-A-LAK" PLAYING]
[TICKY] Balls.
Okay, kid, let's see your moves.
But this is not a Bollywood...
Women them a flex
And the man them a chant...
Okay, okay, never mind.
I'm feeling the beat in my feet. [INHALES]
Boom-shack-a-lak, rude boy
Here when we tell them now, sir
Wine your body, wriggle your belly
Dip and go down in the new stylee
Wine and go up, wine and go down
Bubble and rock
To the new style around
You fe line it up, you fe...
Wine your body.
Do the boom-shack-a-lak
Till the dance hall full up
I say the boom-shack-a-lak
It's the brand-new style
The wicked say it wicked
Jah jah no say it wild
The raggamuffin style
Fe the discipline child
Dip and go down ca it well versatile
You fe move fe your waist
Move fe your back
Wine and go down
Do the shack-a-lak-a-lak
Get in the groove
Ca you are the top-notch
Bubble and wine, gal
Right 'pon the spot
Wine your body, wriggle your belly
Dip and go down...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- [MUSIC SWITCHES OFF]
- [HANDCUFFS CLINKING]
[IMITATING INDIAN ACCENT]
With compliments of Mr. Sellers
for your loyalty to the Plantation.
Namaste.
[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]
All done.
Get this back to Lucky.
[REGGIE SIGHS]
Mmm.
Dev. You were amazing.
Your performance is so, so wonderful.
It all makes sense now.
You were in character this whole time.
I'm so sorry I slapped you.
No, no,Nancy.
It wasn't that. It's not you.
I'm not the man you think I am.
I can't explain now, but you have to go.
It's really a matter
of life and death. [SIGHS]
I will explain everything soon, I promise.
But you must leave now.
[SIGHING]
[SUSHI] Mmm.Mmm.Mmm.
- [STOMACH GURGLING]
- [FANA GROANING]
[SUSHI] Mmm.
- [STOMACH GURGLING]
- [SUSHI] Mmm.
- [STOMACH GURGLING]
- [FANA GROANING]
[FANA GROANING]
[STOMACH GURGLING]
- [GROANING]
- [PASSES GAS]
- [GIGGLING]
- ["BOOM-SHACK-A-LAK" PLAYING]
Wine your body, wriggle your belly
Dip and go down in the new stylee
Wine and go up, wine and go down
Bubble and rock
Ca the new style around...
- [STOMACHS GURGLING]
- [BOTH GROANING]
[GASPING]
Do the boom-shack-a-lak
Till the dance hall full up
[MUSIC SWITCHES OFF]
Ticky?
It's clear. Let's go.
Why are you here, ek s?
I thought you hated me.
I'm sorry.
Leave your "sorry." Get the key!
This is all my fault.
I was being a real cake.
I don't know why.
But I know you're my brother,
and I care about you more than that Leila.
You're just saying that.
No. I mean it.
But we gotta get going, like now,
because...
Uh...
And the sweetmeats?
Jamaalgota.
[LAUGHING] Hey. Genius, ek s. Genius.
- ["KOI YAHAN AHA NACHE NACHE" PLAYING]
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- [CHARMAINE GASPS]
- [SONG STOPS]
[MONTY] Sweetie! Sweetie!
Someone call an ambulance.
- [CHARMAINE GASPING]
- [MONTY] Sweetie!
My ankle!
Oh dear Lord!
What have y'all done to my star?
Who put these stairs here?
The owners must be held responsible.
I shall be suing you, this hotel,
your boss, your boss's boss.
I shall leave no stone unturned.
We shall have justice for Miss Sweetie.
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
- Justice for Sweetie!
- Long live!
Sweetie! Sweetie! Sweetie!
My... my... my personal home line.
Call me. You...
[SPLUTTERING] Fine.
She... Um...
[MONTY] Uh, Mr. Sellers, these Indians,
you can't take them anywhere.
Woo-hoo.
What's up, ek s?
Where's the wheelchair?
The necklace is in the wheelchair.
The wheelchair, where is it?
Come on.
[REGGIE] Hey, relax, man.
It's not there.
- It's on your ma.
- What?
Where?
Lucky, you got us so scared for nothing.
Uh, it wasn't me.
I also got skills.
Y'all never bothered to ask.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
[MARLON] Don't get too excited, auntie.
We still have to get Ma back.
Uh, "we"?
[VEERASAMY CHUCKLING]
I knew you boys
were the right buggers for this job.
And right on time too.
'Cause I was going to murder the old bag
with my own two hands.
We kept our side of the deal.
Now, let Ma go.
Give me the necklace first.
[CHUCKLING]
Hey, you.
Where you think you're going to?
I'm going to be with people
who know what family means.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings.
Hey, I'll show you a family.
Bugger off! I don't need you.
I don't need anyone as long as I got this.
Ungrateful dog.
He'll be back. [CHUCKLING]
[REGGIE WHISTLES]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[VEERASAMY] And now?
What's going on?
Y'all came here to fight?
[IN TAMIL] Come, my friend.
[VEERASAMY SCREAMING]
- [BOYS LAUGH]
[VEERASAMY] Hey, Marlon, help!
You bloody coward!
[VEERASAMY SCREAMING IN PAIN]
In there, larney.
This guy messed with the wrong granny!
And he's out!
[SELLERS AND VEERASAMY GRUNTING]
I've never been treated this way.
By women!
- Those are thugs, gangster grannies.
- [SIRENS APPROACHING]
[SELLERS] You are responsible
for this, Veerasamy.
You greedy son of a bitch!
Greedy? Greedy?
You're a miserly, miserable old geezer.
- Shut up!
- That's what you are.
Shut up!
[SELLERS] My lawyer will clear up
this mess for me,
but you, you piece of shit,
you are gonna rot in jail.
Oh really?
You think I'll go down by myself?
I'll take everyone down with me. Yeah.
Old pal.
[SOARING MUSIC PLAYING]
You really want to meet Nancy?
I can call the whole thing off
if you're not ready.
It's okay.
I'll keep any open mind.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
I guess I can't ask for more than that.
I'm okay, Ma.
- You sure?
- Yeah. Thank you.
- Another drink?
- I got it. It's fine.
Thank you.
[CAR APPROACHING]
[BLOWS]
Hey, Ticky boy. Ticky boy.
Where's the chow?
Look at you. You're gonna embarrass Baboo.
- What?
- Come.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Good day, Mrs. Chetty.
This is Nancy. Nancy, this is Mrs. Chetty.
Hey, doll, have some lovely,
spicy samosas.
- Oh.
- You're looking so beautiful.
[IN TAMIL] Love and blessings!
Come. Sit. Sit.
You're so brave and such a good friend.
Uh, thanks.
You can be my boyfriend if you want.
Nah, that's okay.
I don't need a girlfriend.
But we can be friends if you want.
Yeah. I think that's better.
Hey, larney.
[IMITATING MICHAEL JACKSON] Hee hee.
[HUMMING "BAD" BY MICHAEL JACKSON]
Ice, ice, baby
Let's go, hammer time
Hee hee.
Who's old-fashioned now?
Hee hee.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
Hey.
- When was the last time you held my hand?
- [TUTS]
[MUSIC FADES]
[TENDER MUSIC PLAYING]
[TICKY] Your old man looks happy, ek s.
[HAROLD] Yeah.
I miss my mom so much sometimes.
Maybe that's why I went all cuckoo
on you with this Leila story.
The good news is that the white lady
is not so ugly close-up.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Ticky.
I'm really sorry for being an ass.
Leila can be your girlfriend.
I don't mind.
What is wrong with you, ek s?
Look at all the women in my life.
Do you really think
I need more aggravation?
- You have a point.
- [TICKY] Yes, I do.
And if you parked long enough
the other night,
when Leila tried all that funny business,
you'd have seen me push her in the pool.
Aiybo! No you didn't.
[TICKY] Yes, I did, brah.
Let's make a blood pact,
to never let a girl come between us, ever.
Blood pact? Cutting and all?
Yeah, now that you say it like that,
maybe it's not such a good idea.
[TICKY] Let's make a pact...
with these.
I was saving them for your old man
for calling me old-fashioned and all.
But I can let that go.
Okay, let's do it.
- Bros for life.
- Bros for life.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[BOTH PANTING]
- Water!
- Water!
- Aiyo!
- Aiyo!
[GRANNY CHUCKLING]
[IN TAMIL] Hooligans.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [MUSIC ENDS]
- [ALL SHOUT]
Yes!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC FADES OUT]