Kombucha (2025) Movie Script
1
Mom.
Rachel, where are you?
I'm still at work.
We're supposed to
get dinner before the show.
I had to stay
for a late meeting.
Again?
You know, if you don't stop
working so much,
it's going to kill you.
Mom, they're gonna replace me.
Are you kidding me?
After all you've done
for them, then I'd say
good riddance to them.
Rachel, are you okay?
Mom, I gotta go.
Rachel, no, no, no.
There you are.
Hey, Kelsey.
Everyone's waiting for you.
I just need a
little liquid courage.
It's just a routine
pulse check with HR.
What do you think they're
gonna do? Come on.
Rachel, have a seat.
Are we ready to get started?
You know what?
I quit.
Rachel?
No, no, no!
No, no, no, no!
No, no, no, Rachel!
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, that's it for me tonight,
y'all. Thank you.
Yeah. Oh my God, babe,
you did so good tonight.
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
What is it?
That record
label guy didn't show.
Oh.
It was all for nothing.
I'm sorry, Luke. It's worth it
to me to see you play.
Where does that get me?
Luke, my man.
Andy? Is that you?
It's me.
What the fuck?
What's up, man? Good to see ya.
-How are you?
-I'm great.
This is my
girlfriend, Elyse.
Hey, what's going on?
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. I'm Andy.
Yeah, Andy and I,
we were in a band together
back in school.
Pocket change.
Whoa.
Uh, yeah.
That was the band's name.
Gotcha.
Can I get you a beer?
Yeah. Absolutely.
Yeah.
-See ya.
-Be right back. Yeah.
So I was in LA for a few years,
and I was with some promising
bands, but they never took off.
And eventually I just got
worn out from the grind.
It's funny, though.
I don't miss it.
Really?
Yeah.
Man, gotta say,
it's weird seeing you
wind up in the corporate world.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
But this company I'm with,
it's, like, a perfect fit
for people like us.
Smart, creative types
with unrealized ambition
who just don't know what
they're doing with their lives.
Okay.
And I'm a lot happier knowing I
don't have to scramble for gigs
just to make rent every month.
And the whole frustration
with not making it in music,
that's all gone.
Well, hey, man.
I'm happy for you.
We're always
looking for new people.
Oh.
I can put in
a good word for you.
Uh, what's the pay like?
Entry level starts at 100K.
No experience required.
Mm-hmm.
It's good to see you, Luke.
Yeah, yeah. You too.
Think about it.
Babe, are you
coming to bed soon?
Yeah, as soon as I finish this.
Luke, I've got to be
up in five hours.
Yeah, I'll be quick.
Do you think you'll follow up
with Andy about that job?
Uh, is this your way of
telling me you think I should?
I don't know, it just
sounded like a good opportunity,
don't you think?
And what about my music?
You could still
do it on the side.
How much drawing
have you done
since you started
working at the lab?
I'm gonna get
back to it soon, okay?
Yeah. You've been
saying that for years.
I haven't really
had the time, you know.
But my job is what lets me
afford this apartment,
which you seem to be enjoying
more than yours right now.
Okay.
I'm sorry, I just--
I think I'm in a bad mood
from the record label guy
flaking, okay?
Okay. It's not just
tonight, though, is it?
What do you mean?
Look, I get that
music is your dream,
but it doesn't seem
to make you happy.
It really just makes you
hard to be around.
I can't help it that I want
more out of life than...
this.
This?
I'm sorry. Do you have
any idea how hurtful
that is to say to me?
I didn't mean
you, obviously.
No, it's not obvious, Luke.
You know, I think I need a break
from you right now.
I think you should
go back to your place.
Come on. Let's just--
Let's talk about this, okay?
El!
Fuck. Fuck.
Okay.
Fuck.
-Hi. Welcome.
-Hey.
Welcome to the team.
It's so nice to meet you.
Thank you. Nice to
meet you as well.
Have a look around
if you'd like.
Wow.
Can I grab you anything?
Water? Kombucha?
I'm good, but thank you.
Someone will
be with you shortly.
Sounds good.
"Success starts
with a symbiotic culture,
like our original SCOBY
for our designer kombucha."
Ugh. It's like living mucus.
She's beautiful, isn't she?
Uh, yeah, you could say that.
You know, legend has it
she's descended from a SCOBY
the Dalai Lama gave Jesuit
missionaries over 300 years ago.
Or maybe the Jesuits stole it
from the Dalai Lama.
I can never remember.
Kelsey Rhodes, managing director
of our consulting team.
Luke Merritt. Nice to meet you.
Shall we?
Yeah.
So, this is our space.
Thank you.
Please, sit.
Yeah.
We are so thrilled to
have you join the Symbio team.
Oh, wait, I thought--
Don't I have to,
like, interview?
Andy's recommendation
is enough for me.
We like to start with a one-
month probationary period,
but candidates with referrals
almost always blend right in.
You can start today,
assuming that our terms
are to your approval.
Uh, yeah. Wow, that's--
This is amazing.
Excellent. We can
finish the paperwork later.
Now, how much has Andy told you
about what we do here?
Uh, not much.
He just said this is
a great place for the smart,
creative type.
Mhm. One of the great
tragedies of our time is how
the underemployed liberal arts
majors are toiling away
in menial jobs,
distracted by dreams of stardom,
when they really have
no chance of success.
Meanwhile, the corporate world
is run by finance and
engineering majors
with zero imagination
or empathy.
But we've cracked the code
on how creatives can thrive
and inject new life
into stagnant businesses.
And we practice what we preach.
Okay, so what
exactly will I be doing?
As a culture consultant,
you'll diagnose the deficiencies
in our clients'
existing cultures.
Then you'll prescribe a blend
of our proprietary work rituals
to suit their needs and,
of course,
sell them on
our secret weapon.
Secret weapon?
You've already seen it.
Our in-house, designer kombucha,
which started as someone's fun
side project until we realized
the incredible benefits.
Imagine:
Every employee working with
peak energy and laser focus,
with no jitters or crashing.
Their gut biome and body
chemistry perfectly synced
from drinking kombucha designed
just for their company.
Team unity at a cellular level,
a true symbiosis
between employees
and their organization--
no matter what major
they had in college.
But what if they
don't like kombucha?
Believe it or not,
we've never run into
that problem before.
Everybody gets
on board eventually.
Do you partake?
I don't. Uh...
Those floating SCOBY things
kind of freak me out.
Okay, well, don't worry.
You'll get over that.
Do you know
what SCOBY stands for?
Uh, no.
Symbiotic culture
of bacteria and yeast.
A natural, harmonious
partnership.
Really nothing to be afraid of.
I think I'll stick with this.
We'll see about that.
So, this is your desk.
Oop. Sorry.
This was supposed
to be cleared out.
All yours. Andy will be
your onboarding buddy,
and he can fill you in on
your first assignment. Andy?
On it, boss.
Ma'am, you can't be in here.
No, I want to talk to her now.
You...
You killed my daughter.
Excuse me.
Hi. We need security
in the lobby right now.
You. You're next.
This place is cursed!
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
Get out while you still can!
Okay. That's enough.
Don't touch me!
Man.
Downtown just keeps getting
crazier and crazier, huh?
Yeah.
Let's get you started
on this pitch deck.
Oh.
Okay.
Calling without
a text first. That's bold.
I wanted to hear your voice.
And to tell you,
I decided to take the job
at Andy's company.
Oh. You did?
Yeah.
Wow.
Is that a good wow?
Like we should
celebrate tonight wow?
I'm really
happy for you.
I just need some time
to think about things.
Yeah. Okay.
Absolutely. I understand.
I'll let you get back to
whatever you were doing.
I'm just still at work
finishing up this report
that's going to
shut down a construction site
due to toxic mold.
Oh, fuck.
These mobbed-up construction
guys might make me disappear.
Maybe you could
leverage your findings
into a lucrative bribe instead.
Look at you, sounding
like a business bro already.
See, look, I'm a changed man.
All right,
well, I gotta go. Bye.
Yeah, all right. Bye.
Fuck.
Gabi.
Hey!
Yeah. How you doing?
Oh, you went
corporate, huh?
Hey.
You know, health insurance
is a thing. I get it.
Yes, it is.
So, you done with music or?
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not done with music.
Still going to make music. Just
taking a little break right now.
I hope so. You have
something special.
Thanks, Gabi.
It means a lot coming from you.
-Well.
-All right. I should get going.
Uh, are you gonna...
spread some love around?
-Oh, shit. Absolutely.
-If you feel like it.
No, I feel like it. I'm just not
used to having money on me.
-Oh, new feeling?
-Yeah, absolutely.
Okay, well, hope
we play together soon.
Yeah. Me too.
Good luck with this.
Thanks.
Hey, Luke.
Hey.
Hey, so the client meeting
got pushed up to 9:00
tomorrow morning,
so I need to see where you're at
on that pitch deck now.
Oh.
Can't let go of those
music dreams, huh?
We don't need bums here.
Come on. Get out of here!
- Get out of here.
- Ugh.
It's not working
out too well for her, huh?
Okay, I'm leaving.
I'll get that pitch deck
to you ASAP.
I work fast
when I get my coffee in me.
Ah! You know what?
Now would be a great time
to try Mother's Secret.
It works wonders.
Yeah, I'm just
really not a kombucha guy.
Well, you know, there's
no SCOBY in bottled kombucha,
if that's what's stopping you.
I'll stick with
my coffee. Thanks.
You know what?
This is not a great start
to your probationary period.
I'm going to do the deck myself.
Uh...
And Luke?
Schedule a performance check-in
with me for tomorrow morning.
Performance check-in?
What happened?
Dude, all I said was
I didn't feel like I wanted
to drink the kombucha.
I didn't know it was gonna
be that big of a deal.
I thought it was
silly at first, too,
but then I tried it, and
I haven't missed a KPI since.
The idea of it is just so gross.
You know, I pulled a lot
of strings to get you this job.
You're really
making me look bad.
I'll think about it. Okay?
You made the right choice.
Oh, hey. Um...
Yeah, I was gonna do the do.
Go on, take a sip.
It's just so fun seeing
people's first reactions.
Uh, okay. Sure.
Look. I actually
used to be an actress.
Isn't that silly? But I could
never make it work financially.
So then I committed to Symbio,
and this became my dream.
Maybe you'll survive
here after all.
Kelsey, are you okay?
Yes. It's just allergies.
Back to work.
Okay.
All right.
Oh...
Holy shit.
This stuff really works.
Hey.
Maybe I was wrong about you.
Luke, do you have a minute
to chat about the deck you sent?
The Lumanova deck
that you sent me yesterday.
Oh, don't worry,
it's just working its magic
in your microbiome.
Uh, excuse me, I need to--
It might be rough for a couple
days, but you'll get used to it.
Luke, Luke! There you are.
Kelsey's freaking out
out there, man.
Something about your pitch deck.
Did she say
what the problem was?
No. You better get out there.
Okay, okay.
Gotcha.
Luke, you have already
hit a milestone that lets you
participate in one of our very
most important rituals.
Your incredible pitch deck
has put us over the top
for a half-million-dollar
contract with Lumanova.
So the honor is yours
to ring the gong.
I'm okay. Thank you, though.
Luke.
Luke, Luke, Luke.
Luke, Luke, Luke.
Luke, Luke, Luke,
Luke, Luke, Luke!
Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke!
Psst. And let's not forget
the icing on the cake.
Your 1% share of the deal
that you just landed us.
Because at Symbio...
Serve the
job, and the job serves you.
5K for a PowerPoint?
Mm-hmm. Crazy, right?
And the work is actually kind of
interesting too. It's basically
making dysfunctional corporate
cultures more cohesive.
Okay. How does that work?
Yeah. So, we have all these
rituals we've developed
that help bring teams together.
It's actually kind of fun.
Rituals? Sounds a little culty.
I haven't even told you
about the kombucha yet.
What?
Yeah, so, each client
gets their own
unique strain that helps
everyone get in sync.
It's all over the office, too.
Are you telling me
you drink kombucha now?
Who even are you?
I mean, I was pretty
skeptical about it at first,
but then I tried it
and got crazy productive.
It did give me a terrible
case of the shits, though.
That can happen when
you introduce new probiotics.
Mm-hmm.
Well, how's your boss?
Um, Kelsey. Yeah.
She's kind of intense,
-but I like her.
-Okay.
There's one weird
thing, though.
Uh...
My first day, she, like,
took me to that desk that had,
like, a memorial for the girl
that had it before me.
Oh my God. Do you,
like, know what happened?
No. But then a crazy lady
who must have been her mom
came in screaming
about how Kelsey killed her.
Wait. Your boss
got accused of murder?
Luke, this company sounds
kind of fucked up.
You wanted me to take this job,
and now you're
giving me shit about it?
I can't win with you.
Look, I just want you
to be happy, okay?
But that doesn't mean you
have to work at this place.
I am happy working there.
If you say so.
Here you go. Enjoy.
Thank you.
Luke, I know this is
your first engagement,
but I want you to co-lead
this one with Andy.
It'll mean some extra hours,
but that's the fastest
way to learn.
Are you up for that?
Definitely.
Terrific. Then let's check in on
your diagnostic plan tomorrow.
All right. I'll be back in five.
I'm gonna grab some more 'booch.
Uh, I'll come with you.
Thanks.
Yo. When you started
drinking this stuff,
did you get any weird
side effects?
Side effects? Like what?
Amazing boners?
What? No, no, I mean,
like, stomach stuff.
Weird dreams.
I had really
weird shits early on,
but since then,
I've felt terrific.
I haven't even
had a sick day yet.
Yeah, plus, amazing boners.
No weird dreams, though?
I can't even remember
the last time I had a dream.
Oh, shit.
You good?
Oh, yeah. I guess kombucha
doesn't cure allergies.
-Am I right?
-Uh-huh.
-I'm gonna go clean up.
-Okay.
I'll see you in a few. Yeah.
Oh...
Oh!
Whoa, fuck!
Tammy? I'm Elyse.
Want some honey-garlic?
It's good for the immune system,
and it keeps the scaries away.
No. I'm good, thank you.
Can you tell me more about what
happened to your daughter?
Rachel.
She was a theater kid who
moved to the city after college
and got some parts in plays
and did some local commercials
but always had to wait tables
just to stay afloat.
And I told her that she needed
to get a job with benefits
before she turned 26.
My insurance wouldn't cover her.
So she ended up at Symbio.
I was thrilled at first,
but then I started noticing
changes.
Like what kind of changes?
The changes
seemed good initially.
She seemed motivated,
really interested in her work,
um, became a health nut,
kept trying to convince me
to start drinking kombucha.
But then she became
more and more distant.
On edge.
And she didn't want to
talk about work much anymore.
What do you think happened?
I think she found out
what they were up to
and wouldn't go along with it.
She drank a cup full of bleach
instead of joining them.
Did you go to the police?
They were no help.
Just said it was suicide.
And then Symbio twisted
everything around on me too.
How?
They gave me this.
They said that what
Rachel was struggling with
was her relationship with me.
But we were always so close
until they pulled her
away from me.
And she always called me
"Mom," not "Mother."
I'm so sorry.
I think they're a bunch of
filthy bloodsuckers
draining the life
from their employees.
It sounds like
a toxic place to work.
No. They are
literal bloodsuckers.
Vampires.
Um, I have to go.
I know what it sounds like.
And there are things
I can't explain,
like how they go out
in the daylight.
But I looked at that boss bitch,
Kelsey, right in the eye,
and I've never been
as sure of anything.
She's not human.
Look, thank you for your time.
This boyfriend of yours...
Do everything you can
to get him to quit.
And if he won't,
tell him not to drink
the kombucha.
I think they lace it
with something.
Now, we found that
the biggest gap in their culture
were around bringing
their whole selves to work
and thinking outside the box.
They also had substandard rates
of circling back.
And low circle-back rates
just kill morale.
We think that adding rituals
of enforced vulnerability
at these key points
in their workflow
will help maximize psychic
transference across the team.
Uh, any feedback before
the presentation?
Yeah, I have some feedback.
My only concern is that you
have set the bar so high,
they're going to expect a grand
slam on everything from now on.
Great work, everybody.
See you back here
at two for the call.
All right.
Hey, Luke.
Do you have a minute?
Uh, yeah.
What's up?
Your progress
since you've joined us
has been simply astounding.
Thank you. I hate to admit it,
but things really started
clicking for me
after I started drinking this.
And I love
to say, "I told you so."
Okay.
But seriously,
your performance has me thinking
about a promotion for you.
-Oh, wow. Really?
-Mm-hmm.
I mean, that's amazing.
But, if I'm going to champion
you at this early stage,
I need to know
a little more about you.
What's your favorite bar
in the city?
Uh, Maria's, I guess.
Great. Let's go tonight,
and we can talk about what your
future might look like here.
It's a date.
Wait, I didn't mean a date.
I meant, like, a calendar date.
No, no. It's okay. It's okay.
I won't tell HR.
Yet.
Ready when you are.
Wow. You look--
Thanks. Shall we?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry. One second.
Hey. Uh, what is it?
Hey, you said
we could talk today.
Yeah, I have a work
thing I need to go to.
Well, where is it?
I'll meet you afterwards.
What? No, no, no.
Luke, it's important.
It's about Symbio.
We need to talk tonight.
Uh, it's at Maria's.
I'll text you
when I'm done, okay?
Okay. Talk to you later.
Everything okay?
All good. Let's get out of here.
Okay.
Luke, you made it back!
Hey. Yeah.
Guess you're not
playing tonight.
No, just enjoying the show.
Have a great set, Gabi.
Always do.
It's so fun seeing
where you came from.
Already feels like a past life.
Wait. Stop. Is this
what I think it is?
You might be more
hooked than me.
Maybe.
Uh, I'm gonna use
the bathroom.
-Okay.
-Be right back.
What are you doing here,
El? I said I was gonna text you.
You told me you
had a work thing,
then I find you here on a date.
It is a work thing.
That's my boss, Kelsey.
She basically forced me
to be here.
So what is so urgent for you
to show up here like this?
So I did some research on Symbio
and then I found Tammy,
that dead girl's mom.
So then I met up with her.
-You met up with her?
-Yeah.
She seems crazy.
Okay, she's out there, but
her daughter drank bleach
instead of going along with
whatever shit Symbio was doing.
Luke, that place
is dangerous.
You have to quit.
Okay, now you seem crazy.
I'm just--I'm worried about you.
El, it's just a company.
All right.
It's a little weird, sure,
but it's not a cult or
whatever you're imagining.
It's just projects, meetings,
emails, reports. That's it.
What's that?
It's nothing.
It's just some kombucha.
Tammy said that's
how they lure people in.
That shit is addictive, Luke.
That's ridiculous. Okay.
It's no different than drinking
coffee or an energy drink,
but it's more, uh,
healthy and natural.
Luke, what the fuck?
You were talking then you just,
like, disappeared.
I don't know. I think I just--
Oh my God, your eye.
Oh, uh, it's...
It's just allergies probably.
You have to stop
drinking that shit.
Gotta go.
Hold on.
I'm trying to talk to you.
You broke up with me, okay?
So just fuck off, please.
Fuck!
Hey.
So who was that?
My ex.
Oh. That's awkward.
You wanna get out of here?
Absolutely.
I've got the normal kombucha.
See some yeast,
a little bacteria.
Looks normal.
Now the Symbio kombucha.
Whoa.
My God, are those...
So this is my place.
Is that your ex again?
Yeah.
You want to
get rid of her, right?
Uh...
Luke, there's blood
in the kombucha.
You've gotta stop drinking it.
Oh my God. Hey.
You sound really
crazy right now,
and Luke's pretty freaked out,
so please never contact
him again. Okay?
What? No.
She won't bother you again.
Fuck.
This feels familiar.
You know, H.R. would
kill me for saying this,
but the whole work-life balance
thing is a crock of shit.
If you love what you do,
then it should seep into
every aspect of your life.
So when I'm here
I can focus on work.
And when I'm at work,
I feel like I'm at home.
Yeah.
Shall we?
Cheers.
I have a confession to make.
Uh, what's that?
Don't be freaked out,
but I filled out a relationship
disclosure form
before we went out tonight.
Just... I mean,
I didn't submit it,
but, I don't know,
I just felt like
maybe there was
something between us.
I don't know.
That's so embarrassing.
No, I think
you're really amazing.
Really?
Good. I think
you're amazing too.
You make me want to be a mother.
Uh, um... what?
Is this okay?
Uh, yeah.
Oh.
Then give me your seed.
Give the seed to Mother.
Oh...
Awesome. Great job, Luke.
Kelsey?
Hey, uh, what are you doing?
Are you okay?
What the fuck?
Mother will be so happy.
Look who finally woke up.
Uh, where is it?
Where's what?
The...
The baby.
The what?
This morning...
Hey.
Yeah.
I think maybe my dirty talk
got in your head a little bit.
It's okay. It's all in good fun.
Why don't you go home
and clean up?
Do you want a smoothie
for the road?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Hey, stranger.
-Hey, hey. What's up?
-Hi.
Uh-oh. Did I catch you
reminiscing about last night?
Cause that's all I've been
doing this morning.
Uh, yeah.
You caught me.
Well, I've got
some exciting news.
I floated your promotion
to the CEO.
She's going to be in town
this weekend.
She wants to meet you
on Saturday.
How's that sound?
-That sounds good. Great.
-I know, right?
Can you put together
a quick presentation for her?
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Ahh. Awesome.
Hey. We're going to do
great things together.
Luke, Luke.
Luke, what do you think?
About what?
About slide four.
Should we cut it?
Uh, sure. I think
we should cut it.
You okay, Luke?
You look a little queasy.
No. All right.
Uh, yeah. Um...
I'll... I'll be back in a few.
All right. Come on.
Get it together.
You're okay.
Focus, focus, focus.
Okay. Okay. Come on,
come on, come on.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh, what? Are you okay?
What's going on?
Uh, I don't know.
I think I saw something.
I'm okay, I think.
Okay. Well,
you don't look so good.
So why don't you take
a car home and rest up
and drink some kombucha?
That'll sort you out.
And we can meet back here
tomorrow morning.
Okay.
Back to work, everyone.
Luke, hey.
Shit, you don't look good.
Oh my God. Okay.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm good.
I just-- I got a car.
-This is them.
-Okay, I got it, I got it.
Okay, okay.
Get in.
Go home and get some rest.
No job is worth dying for. Okay?
Hey, what's going on back there?
You better not be taking a shit.
I already cleaned up
one shit this week.
It's a $100 fee if you shit
in my car, buddy.
Mother can't wait to hold you.
Okay, okay.
Okay. Okay.
Uh...
What are you doing here?
You told me to fuck off, and
then your new boss or girlfriend
or whatever blocks me.
And you think--you think
you can just show up here?
Please, I--
I need your help, El.
Please.
Yeah. Here. Come inside.
And I saw him again in the car.
This other me.
I think I know
what they're gonna do now.
They're gonna replace me.
You were right.
It's the kombucha.
Can you say something?
So it's not just addictive then,
it's giving you
paranoid hallucinations.
You don't believe me.
I believe that stuff
is poisoning you.
But, Luke, the idea
that there's another you
out there that's going to
replace you...
That's not real.
We need to
get you to a hospital.
No. Then they'll
know where to find me.
This is the only place
I feel safe.
If your withdrawal is anything
like detoxing from opioids,
you are gonna be sweating
and puking your ass off.
So I'll get you some
chicken soup and electrolytes
to keep you hydrated.
And then some
antibiotic cream for the sores.
Thanks, El. I mean it.
You know, this doesn't
mean we're back together.
I know, I know.
Maybe after you
get straightened out,
we can talk about it.
I'd like that.
Oh, if you're gonna puke,
do it in the trash can.
Ahh!
-Hey.
-It's okay, Luke. I invited her.
I just need to check your eyes.
You're her mom, aren't you?
I remember you
from the office. Oh--
And they gave you Rachel's desk
like she was never there.
This is Tammy.
Okay. Yeah, well,
I'm sorry what--
about what happened to her.
Okay.
Well, the good news is I don't
think you're a vampire yet,
but you might be turning.
What? Vampire?
Can we cool it
with the vampire talk?
You're the one who
found blood in the kombucha.
Blood?!
So what's your theory?
Well, I don't know
that I have a better one,
but he's been talking about
Mother when he's sleeping.
Like, "Don't let
Mother take me."
Stuff like that.
Before Rachel died,
she was writing all kinds of
fucked-up stuff about Mother,
and that bitch Kelsey
said it was about me,
but I know you don't mean me.
So who's Mother?
I don't know.
Ahh!
It's the SCOBY.
Shit. That's right.
I've heard people
call it the kombucha mother.
Yeah, they call the
kombucha Mother's Secret.
A head vampire.
That's a SCOBY, huh?
Oh, oh, oh. Ah!
Okay. Uh, something
doesn't feel right.
I've got something
that might help.
Unless you have any other ideas.
Garlic's good for the stomach.
And if you keep it down,
at least we know
you're not a vampire.
Okay. Yeah, that
smell makes me nauseous.
Just try a little.
Can you back off?
We need to know.
It was Mother.
It was Mother.
She was calling to me.
Well, what did she say?
I don't know. I don't know.
It wasn't like words or like
ones I could understand.
It was just like a feeling.
She was telling me to come home.
This doesn't sound
like normal withdrawal.
It's like he's got a,
like, a neural bond
with this thing.
Please help her
get her out of my head.
We need to go to the source.
-We've got to kill the mother.
-Yeah.
That's our best chance
of saving you.
Yeah. How?
- Well...
- Wait, I've got an idea.
So even though this is some
fucking mutant SCOBY,
it's still mostly just
bacteria and yeast,
and we can kill that.
Your lab.
Hey!
You've reached
Luke's voicemail.
Leave a message after the beep.
Are you sure
you're okay with this?
Yeah. Yeah, it's the only way.
At least like this,
I know I won't be able to
get any kombucha.
We'll be back as soon as we can.
Be careful, okay?
We will.
Are you ready to go to the lab?
No. Um, I'll meet you at Symbio.
I need to stop by
my place first.
Are you serious?
All right, but one hour.
Don't be late.
Okay.
All right.
Luke.
Luke?
Luke!
Luke, it's me, Kelsey.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Luke, are you home?
Where are you?
Jackpot.
For the bacteria.
And for the yeast.
Tammy, you're late.
Sorry. Took longer
than I thought
to round everything up.
What is this?
Insurance.
For the last time,
they're not vampires, okay?
Luke sure didn't seem to
like that garlic in his face.
Yeah. Did you see what
was crawling out of his mouth?
Can you just ditch the bag
and let's go inside?
I'm not ditching anything.
You might think it's stupid,
but I'm the one who lost
my daughter to these fuckers.
And I'm gonna do whatever it
takes to make sure they don't
get anybody else,
including Luke.
No matter how ridiculous I look.
All right, fine.
We try my way first,
though. Okay?
-Okay.
-All right.
All right.
Come on.
Oh. Remember to be quiet.
The CEO is supposed to
come in later,
so there's people working.
What kind of asshole
works on a Saturday?
It's an ugly mother.
Let's start
with the biocide.
Fungicide. Quick!
Hey!
What are you doing?
We have to get out of here.
There's gotta be
another way out.
I'll hold them off.
No, I'm not leaving you.
I'm warning you.
Come any closer and things
are gonna get serious.
Go now!
No, stop!
Or I'll unleash the power
of Christ on your ass.
Oh, hate to
burst your bubble,
but the power of Christ
can't hurt us.
Ow!
Power of Christ for the win.
Grab her!
You took Rachel.
But at least I'll die knowing
I got your precious Mother.
There's just one problem.
That isn't Mother.
What?
Tammy!
You. You're with me.
You. Clean this mess up.
She's over here somewhere.
Oh.
I see you've met Mother.
She's over here!
I miss my old life.
I just want to make music.
I just want to play music.
Come on. You got this.
Elyse? Tammy? Is that you?
Aww.
Hi, Luke.
You're supposed
to be at work.
I'm not...
I'm not coming back. I quit.
Aw. Your resignation
is not accepted.
You did something to me!
To my mind, my body.
And that fucking baby...
That fucking worm baby.
That was real, wasn't it?
All I did was give you a chance
at an extraordinary life.
To be a better version
of yourself.
To be part of a team
working in perfect harmony.
Yeah, is this your idea
of a better version of myself?
Huh?
You don't see
the bigger picture.
But I'll help you.
Your body is almost ready.
All you need is one more
glass of Mother's Secret.
We got rid of it all.
It's all gone.
And I'm not fucking you.
Don't worry. I always
bring some with me.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Fresh always tastes best.
It's your choice.
Join us and live a life you
never could have dreamed of,
or go back to being
a fucking loser.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
It's your choice.
Mm-hmm.
Doesn't that feel better?
Let's get you ready
for that promotion.
It's too bad she
wasn't Mother's type.
You, on the other hand...
Don't worry.
Everything's fine.
Come on.
There he is.
The man of the hour.
Congrats on the
promotion, buddy.
Couldn't have
done it without you.
Luke, what are you doing?
You said the CEO would be here.
She is.
You already know.
No, no, no, no, no.
No...
You're not gonna
want to miss this.
She's been
taking care of our baby.
Do you want to meet him?
What the fuck is this?
Aww. Are you scared?
You can join us if you like.
Mother likes you. You must
have that creative spark.
All you have to do is drink.
I'm not drinking that shit.
Okay, well,
whether you do or not,
Mother can make use of you.
What are you gonna do to him?
We all repay
the gift Mother gave us.
What do you mean, "repay"?
Luke, you don't
have to do this!
Luke, no, please!
Let's get him started
on the reintegration process.
Mother needs time to feed
and recuperate.
Can I watch this one?
Uh, yes, reintegration it is.
It actually feels really
great when she absorbs you.
It's like crawling back
into the womb.
But you'll find out soon enough.
Ugh.
Hey, could you
go grab him a mug?
His fine motor isn't
quite there yet.
You bet.
Oh.
You'll feel like yourself soon.
Luke, please! Snap out of it!
Oh, oh...
Ah! Luke!
Come on!
Hold on!
Luke!
Oh, okay.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
All right,
let's get the fuck out of here.
Better. Again.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
You'll be leading calls
in no time.
Keep practicing. I'm gonna go
serve Mother her second course.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
They got out.
Mother must be starving.
Find them now!
What's wrong?
He can feel
where I am.
Go, go, go, go.
I'll draw him away.
You go get help.
What? No.
We're leaving together.
I have to end this.
I'll be right behind you.
Let's go, let's go.
Come on, asshole.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Where do you think you're going?
Oh, ahh, ah!
What did you do to me?
God!
Oh my God. Garlic
kills bacteria and yeast.
You were right, Tammy.
Luke!
Hey, asshole!
It's you or me.
So let's figure this shit out.
Get out of here now.
We're ending this.
What are you even
fighting for, huh?
You were miserable
in your old life
with your pathetic dreams!
Ahh!
I got to play music
that made people feel something.
What are you gonna do
with my life? Huh?
I'll unlock synergies you
couldn't possibly imagine!
What the fuck does that mean?
This should tide you over
till your next meal.
No, no! You'll kill her!
I could have
created so much value.
I should have
never referred you.
Oh, oh,
oh, oh...
In private equity,
you try your best.
You do your due diligence
on companies that you might
want to invest in,
and sometimes
you miss something.
Fair to say, with Symbio,
we missed something.
Understatement.
Yeah.
Obviously, we'd like to
keep what happened quiet,
and we'd appreciate
your cooperation with that.
To make it worth your while,
we'd like to offer you both
jobs with BC Ventures.
Oh, uh, thanks,
but we're not interested.
Yeah, we're really not about
the corporate life anymore.
Plus, we have our own plans that
we're trying to align
on right now.
Okay, well, why don't
you just look at my terms?
Honestly, we're good. But...
Just in case
you can be more good.
Um...
Yeah. Nah.
We need to save as much cash
as we can from this mess.
Liquidate everything
that isn't bolted down.
Everything.
Mom.
Rachel, where are you?
I'm still at work.
We're supposed to
get dinner before the show.
I had to stay
for a late meeting.
Again?
You know, if you don't stop
working so much,
it's going to kill you.
Mom, they're gonna replace me.
Are you kidding me?
After all you've done
for them, then I'd say
good riddance to them.
Rachel, are you okay?
Mom, I gotta go.
Rachel, no, no, no.
There you are.
Hey, Kelsey.
Everyone's waiting for you.
I just need a
little liquid courage.
It's just a routine
pulse check with HR.
What do you think they're
gonna do? Come on.
Rachel, have a seat.
Are we ready to get started?
You know what?
I quit.
Rachel?
No, no, no!
No, no, no, no!
No, no, no, Rachel!
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, that's it for me tonight,
y'all. Thank you.
Yeah. Oh my God, babe,
you did so good tonight.
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
What is it?
That record
label guy didn't show.
Oh.
It was all for nothing.
I'm sorry, Luke. It's worth it
to me to see you play.
Where does that get me?
Luke, my man.
Andy? Is that you?
It's me.
What the fuck?
What's up, man? Good to see ya.
-How are you?
-I'm great.
This is my
girlfriend, Elyse.
Hey, what's going on?
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. I'm Andy.
Yeah, Andy and I,
we were in a band together
back in school.
Pocket change.
Whoa.
Uh, yeah.
That was the band's name.
Gotcha.
Can I get you a beer?
Yeah. Absolutely.
Yeah.
-See ya.
-Be right back. Yeah.
So I was in LA for a few years,
and I was with some promising
bands, but they never took off.
And eventually I just got
worn out from the grind.
It's funny, though.
I don't miss it.
Really?
Yeah.
Man, gotta say,
it's weird seeing you
wind up in the corporate world.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
But this company I'm with,
it's, like, a perfect fit
for people like us.
Smart, creative types
with unrealized ambition
who just don't know what
they're doing with their lives.
Okay.
And I'm a lot happier knowing I
don't have to scramble for gigs
just to make rent every month.
And the whole frustration
with not making it in music,
that's all gone.
Well, hey, man.
I'm happy for you.
We're always
looking for new people.
Oh.
I can put in
a good word for you.
Uh, what's the pay like?
Entry level starts at 100K.
No experience required.
Mm-hmm.
It's good to see you, Luke.
Yeah, yeah. You too.
Think about it.
Babe, are you
coming to bed soon?
Yeah, as soon as I finish this.
Luke, I've got to be
up in five hours.
Yeah, I'll be quick.
Do you think you'll follow up
with Andy about that job?
Uh, is this your way of
telling me you think I should?
I don't know, it just
sounded like a good opportunity,
don't you think?
And what about my music?
You could still
do it on the side.
How much drawing
have you done
since you started
working at the lab?
I'm gonna get
back to it soon, okay?
Yeah. You've been
saying that for years.
I haven't really
had the time, you know.
But my job is what lets me
afford this apartment,
which you seem to be enjoying
more than yours right now.
Okay.
I'm sorry, I just--
I think I'm in a bad mood
from the record label guy
flaking, okay?
Okay. It's not just
tonight, though, is it?
What do you mean?
Look, I get that
music is your dream,
but it doesn't seem
to make you happy.
It really just makes you
hard to be around.
I can't help it that I want
more out of life than...
this.
This?
I'm sorry. Do you have
any idea how hurtful
that is to say to me?
I didn't mean
you, obviously.
No, it's not obvious, Luke.
You know, I think I need a break
from you right now.
I think you should
go back to your place.
Come on. Let's just--
Let's talk about this, okay?
El!
Fuck. Fuck.
Okay.
Fuck.
-Hi. Welcome.
-Hey.
Welcome to the team.
It's so nice to meet you.
Thank you. Nice to
meet you as well.
Have a look around
if you'd like.
Wow.
Can I grab you anything?
Water? Kombucha?
I'm good, but thank you.
Someone will
be with you shortly.
Sounds good.
"Success starts
with a symbiotic culture,
like our original SCOBY
for our designer kombucha."
Ugh. It's like living mucus.
She's beautiful, isn't she?
Uh, yeah, you could say that.
You know, legend has it
she's descended from a SCOBY
the Dalai Lama gave Jesuit
missionaries over 300 years ago.
Or maybe the Jesuits stole it
from the Dalai Lama.
I can never remember.
Kelsey Rhodes, managing director
of our consulting team.
Luke Merritt. Nice to meet you.
Shall we?
Yeah.
So, this is our space.
Thank you.
Please, sit.
Yeah.
We are so thrilled to
have you join the Symbio team.
Oh, wait, I thought--
Don't I have to,
like, interview?
Andy's recommendation
is enough for me.
We like to start with a one-
month probationary period,
but candidates with referrals
almost always blend right in.
You can start today,
assuming that our terms
are to your approval.
Uh, yeah. Wow, that's--
This is amazing.
Excellent. We can
finish the paperwork later.
Now, how much has Andy told you
about what we do here?
Uh, not much.
He just said this is
a great place for the smart,
creative type.
Mhm. One of the great
tragedies of our time is how
the underemployed liberal arts
majors are toiling away
in menial jobs,
distracted by dreams of stardom,
when they really have
no chance of success.
Meanwhile, the corporate world
is run by finance and
engineering majors
with zero imagination
or empathy.
But we've cracked the code
on how creatives can thrive
and inject new life
into stagnant businesses.
And we practice what we preach.
Okay, so what
exactly will I be doing?
As a culture consultant,
you'll diagnose the deficiencies
in our clients'
existing cultures.
Then you'll prescribe a blend
of our proprietary work rituals
to suit their needs and,
of course,
sell them on
our secret weapon.
Secret weapon?
You've already seen it.
Our in-house, designer kombucha,
which started as someone's fun
side project until we realized
the incredible benefits.
Imagine:
Every employee working with
peak energy and laser focus,
with no jitters or crashing.
Their gut biome and body
chemistry perfectly synced
from drinking kombucha designed
just for their company.
Team unity at a cellular level,
a true symbiosis
between employees
and their organization--
no matter what major
they had in college.
But what if they
don't like kombucha?
Believe it or not,
we've never run into
that problem before.
Everybody gets
on board eventually.
Do you partake?
I don't. Uh...
Those floating SCOBY things
kind of freak me out.
Okay, well, don't worry.
You'll get over that.
Do you know
what SCOBY stands for?
Uh, no.
Symbiotic culture
of bacteria and yeast.
A natural, harmonious
partnership.
Really nothing to be afraid of.
I think I'll stick with this.
We'll see about that.
So, this is your desk.
Oop. Sorry.
This was supposed
to be cleared out.
All yours. Andy will be
your onboarding buddy,
and he can fill you in on
your first assignment. Andy?
On it, boss.
Ma'am, you can't be in here.
No, I want to talk to her now.
You...
You killed my daughter.
Excuse me.
Hi. We need security
in the lobby right now.
You. You're next.
This place is cursed!
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
Get out while you still can!
Okay. That's enough.
Don't touch me!
Man.
Downtown just keeps getting
crazier and crazier, huh?
Yeah.
Let's get you started
on this pitch deck.
Oh.
Okay.
Calling without
a text first. That's bold.
I wanted to hear your voice.
And to tell you,
I decided to take the job
at Andy's company.
Oh. You did?
Yeah.
Wow.
Is that a good wow?
Like we should
celebrate tonight wow?
I'm really
happy for you.
I just need some time
to think about things.
Yeah. Okay.
Absolutely. I understand.
I'll let you get back to
whatever you were doing.
I'm just still at work
finishing up this report
that's going to
shut down a construction site
due to toxic mold.
Oh, fuck.
These mobbed-up construction
guys might make me disappear.
Maybe you could
leverage your findings
into a lucrative bribe instead.
Look at you, sounding
like a business bro already.
See, look, I'm a changed man.
All right,
well, I gotta go. Bye.
Yeah, all right. Bye.
Fuck.
Gabi.
Hey!
Yeah. How you doing?
Oh, you went
corporate, huh?
Hey.
You know, health insurance
is a thing. I get it.
Yes, it is.
So, you done with music or?
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not done with music.
Still going to make music. Just
taking a little break right now.
I hope so. You have
something special.
Thanks, Gabi.
It means a lot coming from you.
-Well.
-All right. I should get going.
Uh, are you gonna...
spread some love around?
-Oh, shit. Absolutely.
-If you feel like it.
No, I feel like it. I'm just not
used to having money on me.
-Oh, new feeling?
-Yeah, absolutely.
Okay, well, hope
we play together soon.
Yeah. Me too.
Good luck with this.
Thanks.
Hey, Luke.
Hey.
Hey, so the client meeting
got pushed up to 9:00
tomorrow morning,
so I need to see where you're at
on that pitch deck now.
Oh.
Can't let go of those
music dreams, huh?
We don't need bums here.
Come on. Get out of here!
- Get out of here.
- Ugh.
It's not working
out too well for her, huh?
Okay, I'm leaving.
I'll get that pitch deck
to you ASAP.
I work fast
when I get my coffee in me.
Ah! You know what?
Now would be a great time
to try Mother's Secret.
It works wonders.
Yeah, I'm just
really not a kombucha guy.
Well, you know, there's
no SCOBY in bottled kombucha,
if that's what's stopping you.
I'll stick with
my coffee. Thanks.
You know what?
This is not a great start
to your probationary period.
I'm going to do the deck myself.
Uh...
And Luke?
Schedule a performance check-in
with me for tomorrow morning.
Performance check-in?
What happened?
Dude, all I said was
I didn't feel like I wanted
to drink the kombucha.
I didn't know it was gonna
be that big of a deal.
I thought it was
silly at first, too,
but then I tried it, and
I haven't missed a KPI since.
The idea of it is just so gross.
You know, I pulled a lot
of strings to get you this job.
You're really
making me look bad.
I'll think about it. Okay?
You made the right choice.
Oh, hey. Um...
Yeah, I was gonna do the do.
Go on, take a sip.
It's just so fun seeing
people's first reactions.
Uh, okay. Sure.
Look. I actually
used to be an actress.
Isn't that silly? But I could
never make it work financially.
So then I committed to Symbio,
and this became my dream.
Maybe you'll survive
here after all.
Kelsey, are you okay?
Yes. It's just allergies.
Back to work.
Okay.
All right.
Oh...
Holy shit.
This stuff really works.
Hey.
Maybe I was wrong about you.
Luke, do you have a minute
to chat about the deck you sent?
The Lumanova deck
that you sent me yesterday.
Oh, don't worry,
it's just working its magic
in your microbiome.
Uh, excuse me, I need to--
It might be rough for a couple
days, but you'll get used to it.
Luke, Luke! There you are.
Kelsey's freaking out
out there, man.
Something about your pitch deck.
Did she say
what the problem was?
No. You better get out there.
Okay, okay.
Gotcha.
Luke, you have already
hit a milestone that lets you
participate in one of our very
most important rituals.
Your incredible pitch deck
has put us over the top
for a half-million-dollar
contract with Lumanova.
So the honor is yours
to ring the gong.
I'm okay. Thank you, though.
Luke.
Luke, Luke, Luke.
Luke, Luke, Luke.
Luke, Luke, Luke,
Luke, Luke, Luke!
Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke!
Psst. And let's not forget
the icing on the cake.
Your 1% share of the deal
that you just landed us.
Because at Symbio...
Serve the
job, and the job serves you.
5K for a PowerPoint?
Mm-hmm. Crazy, right?
And the work is actually kind of
interesting too. It's basically
making dysfunctional corporate
cultures more cohesive.
Okay. How does that work?
Yeah. So, we have all these
rituals we've developed
that help bring teams together.
It's actually kind of fun.
Rituals? Sounds a little culty.
I haven't even told you
about the kombucha yet.
What?
Yeah, so, each client
gets their own
unique strain that helps
everyone get in sync.
It's all over the office, too.
Are you telling me
you drink kombucha now?
Who even are you?
I mean, I was pretty
skeptical about it at first,
but then I tried it
and got crazy productive.
It did give me a terrible
case of the shits, though.
That can happen when
you introduce new probiotics.
Mm-hmm.
Well, how's your boss?
Um, Kelsey. Yeah.
She's kind of intense,
-but I like her.
-Okay.
There's one weird
thing, though.
Uh...
My first day, she, like,
took me to that desk that had,
like, a memorial for the girl
that had it before me.
Oh my God. Do you,
like, know what happened?
No. But then a crazy lady
who must have been her mom
came in screaming
about how Kelsey killed her.
Wait. Your boss
got accused of murder?
Luke, this company sounds
kind of fucked up.
You wanted me to take this job,
and now you're
giving me shit about it?
I can't win with you.
Look, I just want you
to be happy, okay?
But that doesn't mean you
have to work at this place.
I am happy working there.
If you say so.
Here you go. Enjoy.
Thank you.
Luke, I know this is
your first engagement,
but I want you to co-lead
this one with Andy.
It'll mean some extra hours,
but that's the fastest
way to learn.
Are you up for that?
Definitely.
Terrific. Then let's check in on
your diagnostic plan tomorrow.
All right. I'll be back in five.
I'm gonna grab some more 'booch.
Uh, I'll come with you.
Thanks.
Yo. When you started
drinking this stuff,
did you get any weird
side effects?
Side effects? Like what?
Amazing boners?
What? No, no, I mean,
like, stomach stuff.
Weird dreams.
I had really
weird shits early on,
but since then,
I've felt terrific.
I haven't even
had a sick day yet.
Yeah, plus, amazing boners.
No weird dreams, though?
I can't even remember
the last time I had a dream.
Oh, shit.
You good?
Oh, yeah. I guess kombucha
doesn't cure allergies.
-Am I right?
-Uh-huh.
-I'm gonna go clean up.
-Okay.
I'll see you in a few. Yeah.
Oh...
Oh!
Whoa, fuck!
Tammy? I'm Elyse.
Want some honey-garlic?
It's good for the immune system,
and it keeps the scaries away.
No. I'm good, thank you.
Can you tell me more about what
happened to your daughter?
Rachel.
She was a theater kid who
moved to the city after college
and got some parts in plays
and did some local commercials
but always had to wait tables
just to stay afloat.
And I told her that she needed
to get a job with benefits
before she turned 26.
My insurance wouldn't cover her.
So she ended up at Symbio.
I was thrilled at first,
but then I started noticing
changes.
Like what kind of changes?
The changes
seemed good initially.
She seemed motivated,
really interested in her work,
um, became a health nut,
kept trying to convince me
to start drinking kombucha.
But then she became
more and more distant.
On edge.
And she didn't want to
talk about work much anymore.
What do you think happened?
I think she found out
what they were up to
and wouldn't go along with it.
She drank a cup full of bleach
instead of joining them.
Did you go to the police?
They were no help.
Just said it was suicide.
And then Symbio twisted
everything around on me too.
How?
They gave me this.
They said that what
Rachel was struggling with
was her relationship with me.
But we were always so close
until they pulled her
away from me.
And she always called me
"Mom," not "Mother."
I'm so sorry.
I think they're a bunch of
filthy bloodsuckers
draining the life
from their employees.
It sounds like
a toxic place to work.
No. They are
literal bloodsuckers.
Vampires.
Um, I have to go.
I know what it sounds like.
And there are things
I can't explain,
like how they go out
in the daylight.
But I looked at that boss bitch,
Kelsey, right in the eye,
and I've never been
as sure of anything.
She's not human.
Look, thank you for your time.
This boyfriend of yours...
Do everything you can
to get him to quit.
And if he won't,
tell him not to drink
the kombucha.
I think they lace it
with something.
Now, we found that
the biggest gap in their culture
were around bringing
their whole selves to work
and thinking outside the box.
They also had substandard rates
of circling back.
And low circle-back rates
just kill morale.
We think that adding rituals
of enforced vulnerability
at these key points
in their workflow
will help maximize psychic
transference across the team.
Uh, any feedback before
the presentation?
Yeah, I have some feedback.
My only concern is that you
have set the bar so high,
they're going to expect a grand
slam on everything from now on.
Great work, everybody.
See you back here
at two for the call.
All right.
Hey, Luke.
Do you have a minute?
Uh, yeah.
What's up?
Your progress
since you've joined us
has been simply astounding.
Thank you. I hate to admit it,
but things really started
clicking for me
after I started drinking this.
And I love
to say, "I told you so."
Okay.
But seriously,
your performance has me thinking
about a promotion for you.
-Oh, wow. Really?
-Mm-hmm.
I mean, that's amazing.
But, if I'm going to champion
you at this early stage,
I need to know
a little more about you.
What's your favorite bar
in the city?
Uh, Maria's, I guess.
Great. Let's go tonight,
and we can talk about what your
future might look like here.
It's a date.
Wait, I didn't mean a date.
I meant, like, a calendar date.
No, no. It's okay. It's okay.
I won't tell HR.
Yet.
Ready when you are.
Wow. You look--
Thanks. Shall we?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry. One second.
Hey. Uh, what is it?
Hey, you said
we could talk today.
Yeah, I have a work
thing I need to go to.
Well, where is it?
I'll meet you afterwards.
What? No, no, no.
Luke, it's important.
It's about Symbio.
We need to talk tonight.
Uh, it's at Maria's.
I'll text you
when I'm done, okay?
Okay. Talk to you later.
Everything okay?
All good. Let's get out of here.
Okay.
Luke, you made it back!
Hey. Yeah.
Guess you're not
playing tonight.
No, just enjoying the show.
Have a great set, Gabi.
Always do.
It's so fun seeing
where you came from.
Already feels like a past life.
Wait. Stop. Is this
what I think it is?
You might be more
hooked than me.
Maybe.
Uh, I'm gonna use
the bathroom.
-Okay.
-Be right back.
What are you doing here,
El? I said I was gonna text you.
You told me you
had a work thing,
then I find you here on a date.
It is a work thing.
That's my boss, Kelsey.
She basically forced me
to be here.
So what is so urgent for you
to show up here like this?
So I did some research on Symbio
and then I found Tammy,
that dead girl's mom.
So then I met up with her.
-You met up with her?
-Yeah.
She seems crazy.
Okay, she's out there, but
her daughter drank bleach
instead of going along with
whatever shit Symbio was doing.
Luke, that place
is dangerous.
You have to quit.
Okay, now you seem crazy.
I'm just--I'm worried about you.
El, it's just a company.
All right.
It's a little weird, sure,
but it's not a cult or
whatever you're imagining.
It's just projects, meetings,
emails, reports. That's it.
What's that?
It's nothing.
It's just some kombucha.
Tammy said that's
how they lure people in.
That shit is addictive, Luke.
That's ridiculous. Okay.
It's no different than drinking
coffee or an energy drink,
but it's more, uh,
healthy and natural.
Luke, what the fuck?
You were talking then you just,
like, disappeared.
I don't know. I think I just--
Oh my God, your eye.
Oh, uh, it's...
It's just allergies probably.
You have to stop
drinking that shit.
Gotta go.
Hold on.
I'm trying to talk to you.
You broke up with me, okay?
So just fuck off, please.
Fuck!
Hey.
So who was that?
My ex.
Oh. That's awkward.
You wanna get out of here?
Absolutely.
I've got the normal kombucha.
See some yeast,
a little bacteria.
Looks normal.
Now the Symbio kombucha.
Whoa.
My God, are those...
So this is my place.
Is that your ex again?
Yeah.
You want to
get rid of her, right?
Uh...
Luke, there's blood
in the kombucha.
You've gotta stop drinking it.
Oh my God. Hey.
You sound really
crazy right now,
and Luke's pretty freaked out,
so please never contact
him again. Okay?
What? No.
She won't bother you again.
Fuck.
This feels familiar.
You know, H.R. would
kill me for saying this,
but the whole work-life balance
thing is a crock of shit.
If you love what you do,
then it should seep into
every aspect of your life.
So when I'm here
I can focus on work.
And when I'm at work,
I feel like I'm at home.
Yeah.
Shall we?
Cheers.
I have a confession to make.
Uh, what's that?
Don't be freaked out,
but I filled out a relationship
disclosure form
before we went out tonight.
Just... I mean,
I didn't submit it,
but, I don't know,
I just felt like
maybe there was
something between us.
I don't know.
That's so embarrassing.
No, I think
you're really amazing.
Really?
Good. I think
you're amazing too.
You make me want to be a mother.
Uh, um... what?
Is this okay?
Uh, yeah.
Oh.
Then give me your seed.
Give the seed to Mother.
Oh...
Awesome. Great job, Luke.
Kelsey?
Hey, uh, what are you doing?
Are you okay?
What the fuck?
Mother will be so happy.
Look who finally woke up.
Uh, where is it?
Where's what?
The...
The baby.
The what?
This morning...
Hey.
Yeah.
I think maybe my dirty talk
got in your head a little bit.
It's okay. It's all in good fun.
Why don't you go home
and clean up?
Do you want a smoothie
for the road?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Hey, stranger.
-Hey, hey. What's up?
-Hi.
Uh-oh. Did I catch you
reminiscing about last night?
Cause that's all I've been
doing this morning.
Uh, yeah.
You caught me.
Well, I've got
some exciting news.
I floated your promotion
to the CEO.
She's going to be in town
this weekend.
She wants to meet you
on Saturday.
How's that sound?
-That sounds good. Great.
-I know, right?
Can you put together
a quick presentation for her?
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Ahh. Awesome.
Hey. We're going to do
great things together.
Luke, Luke.
Luke, what do you think?
About what?
About slide four.
Should we cut it?
Uh, sure. I think
we should cut it.
You okay, Luke?
You look a little queasy.
No. All right.
Uh, yeah. Um...
I'll... I'll be back in a few.
All right. Come on.
Get it together.
You're okay.
Focus, focus, focus.
Okay. Okay. Come on,
come on, come on.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh, what? Are you okay?
What's going on?
Uh, I don't know.
I think I saw something.
I'm okay, I think.
Okay. Well,
you don't look so good.
So why don't you take
a car home and rest up
and drink some kombucha?
That'll sort you out.
And we can meet back here
tomorrow morning.
Okay.
Back to work, everyone.
Luke, hey.
Shit, you don't look good.
Oh my God. Okay.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm good.
I just-- I got a car.
-This is them.
-Okay, I got it, I got it.
Okay, okay.
Get in.
Go home and get some rest.
No job is worth dying for. Okay?
Hey, what's going on back there?
You better not be taking a shit.
I already cleaned up
one shit this week.
It's a $100 fee if you shit
in my car, buddy.
Mother can't wait to hold you.
Okay, okay.
Okay. Okay.
Uh...
What are you doing here?
You told me to fuck off, and
then your new boss or girlfriend
or whatever blocks me.
And you think--you think
you can just show up here?
Please, I--
I need your help, El.
Please.
Yeah. Here. Come inside.
And I saw him again in the car.
This other me.
I think I know
what they're gonna do now.
They're gonna replace me.
You were right.
It's the kombucha.
Can you say something?
So it's not just addictive then,
it's giving you
paranoid hallucinations.
You don't believe me.
I believe that stuff
is poisoning you.
But, Luke, the idea
that there's another you
out there that's going to
replace you...
That's not real.
We need to
get you to a hospital.
No. Then they'll
know where to find me.
This is the only place
I feel safe.
If your withdrawal is anything
like detoxing from opioids,
you are gonna be sweating
and puking your ass off.
So I'll get you some
chicken soup and electrolytes
to keep you hydrated.
And then some
antibiotic cream for the sores.
Thanks, El. I mean it.
You know, this doesn't
mean we're back together.
I know, I know.
Maybe after you
get straightened out,
we can talk about it.
I'd like that.
Oh, if you're gonna puke,
do it in the trash can.
Ahh!
-Hey.
-It's okay, Luke. I invited her.
I just need to check your eyes.
You're her mom, aren't you?
I remember you
from the office. Oh--
And they gave you Rachel's desk
like she was never there.
This is Tammy.
Okay. Yeah, well,
I'm sorry what--
about what happened to her.
Okay.
Well, the good news is I don't
think you're a vampire yet,
but you might be turning.
What? Vampire?
Can we cool it
with the vampire talk?
You're the one who
found blood in the kombucha.
Blood?!
So what's your theory?
Well, I don't know
that I have a better one,
but he's been talking about
Mother when he's sleeping.
Like, "Don't let
Mother take me."
Stuff like that.
Before Rachel died,
she was writing all kinds of
fucked-up stuff about Mother,
and that bitch Kelsey
said it was about me,
but I know you don't mean me.
So who's Mother?
I don't know.
Ahh!
It's the SCOBY.
Shit. That's right.
I've heard people
call it the kombucha mother.
Yeah, they call the
kombucha Mother's Secret.
A head vampire.
That's a SCOBY, huh?
Oh, oh, oh. Ah!
Okay. Uh, something
doesn't feel right.
I've got something
that might help.
Unless you have any other ideas.
Garlic's good for the stomach.
And if you keep it down,
at least we know
you're not a vampire.
Okay. Yeah, that
smell makes me nauseous.
Just try a little.
Can you back off?
We need to know.
It was Mother.
It was Mother.
She was calling to me.
Well, what did she say?
I don't know. I don't know.
It wasn't like words or like
ones I could understand.
It was just like a feeling.
She was telling me to come home.
This doesn't sound
like normal withdrawal.
It's like he's got a,
like, a neural bond
with this thing.
Please help her
get her out of my head.
We need to go to the source.
-We've got to kill the mother.
-Yeah.
That's our best chance
of saving you.
Yeah. How?
- Well...
- Wait, I've got an idea.
So even though this is some
fucking mutant SCOBY,
it's still mostly just
bacteria and yeast,
and we can kill that.
Your lab.
Hey!
You've reached
Luke's voicemail.
Leave a message after the beep.
Are you sure
you're okay with this?
Yeah. Yeah, it's the only way.
At least like this,
I know I won't be able to
get any kombucha.
We'll be back as soon as we can.
Be careful, okay?
We will.
Are you ready to go to the lab?
No. Um, I'll meet you at Symbio.
I need to stop by
my place first.
Are you serious?
All right, but one hour.
Don't be late.
Okay.
All right.
Luke.
Luke?
Luke!
Luke, it's me, Kelsey.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Luke, are you home?
Where are you?
Jackpot.
For the bacteria.
And for the yeast.
Tammy, you're late.
Sorry. Took longer
than I thought
to round everything up.
What is this?
Insurance.
For the last time,
they're not vampires, okay?
Luke sure didn't seem to
like that garlic in his face.
Yeah. Did you see what
was crawling out of his mouth?
Can you just ditch the bag
and let's go inside?
I'm not ditching anything.
You might think it's stupid,
but I'm the one who lost
my daughter to these fuckers.
And I'm gonna do whatever it
takes to make sure they don't
get anybody else,
including Luke.
No matter how ridiculous I look.
All right, fine.
We try my way first,
though. Okay?
-Okay.
-All right.
All right.
Come on.
Oh. Remember to be quiet.
The CEO is supposed to
come in later,
so there's people working.
What kind of asshole
works on a Saturday?
It's an ugly mother.
Let's start
with the biocide.
Fungicide. Quick!
Hey!
What are you doing?
We have to get out of here.
There's gotta be
another way out.
I'll hold them off.
No, I'm not leaving you.
I'm warning you.
Come any closer and things
are gonna get serious.
Go now!
No, stop!
Or I'll unleash the power
of Christ on your ass.
Oh, hate to
burst your bubble,
but the power of Christ
can't hurt us.
Ow!
Power of Christ for the win.
Grab her!
You took Rachel.
But at least I'll die knowing
I got your precious Mother.
There's just one problem.
That isn't Mother.
What?
Tammy!
You. You're with me.
You. Clean this mess up.
She's over here somewhere.
Oh.
I see you've met Mother.
She's over here!
I miss my old life.
I just want to make music.
I just want to play music.
Come on. You got this.
Elyse? Tammy? Is that you?
Aww.
Hi, Luke.
You're supposed
to be at work.
I'm not...
I'm not coming back. I quit.
Aw. Your resignation
is not accepted.
You did something to me!
To my mind, my body.
And that fucking baby...
That fucking worm baby.
That was real, wasn't it?
All I did was give you a chance
at an extraordinary life.
To be a better version
of yourself.
To be part of a team
working in perfect harmony.
Yeah, is this your idea
of a better version of myself?
Huh?
You don't see
the bigger picture.
But I'll help you.
Your body is almost ready.
All you need is one more
glass of Mother's Secret.
We got rid of it all.
It's all gone.
And I'm not fucking you.
Don't worry. I always
bring some with me.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Fresh always tastes best.
It's your choice.
Join us and live a life you
never could have dreamed of,
or go back to being
a fucking loser.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
It's your choice.
Mm-hmm.
Doesn't that feel better?
Let's get you ready
for that promotion.
It's too bad she
wasn't Mother's type.
You, on the other hand...
Don't worry.
Everything's fine.
Come on.
There he is.
The man of the hour.
Congrats on the
promotion, buddy.
Couldn't have
done it without you.
Luke, what are you doing?
You said the CEO would be here.
She is.
You already know.
No, no, no, no, no.
No...
You're not gonna
want to miss this.
She's been
taking care of our baby.
Do you want to meet him?
What the fuck is this?
Aww. Are you scared?
You can join us if you like.
Mother likes you. You must
have that creative spark.
All you have to do is drink.
I'm not drinking that shit.
Okay, well,
whether you do or not,
Mother can make use of you.
What are you gonna do to him?
We all repay
the gift Mother gave us.
What do you mean, "repay"?
Luke, you don't
have to do this!
Luke, no, please!
Let's get him started
on the reintegration process.
Mother needs time to feed
and recuperate.
Can I watch this one?
Uh, yes, reintegration it is.
It actually feels really
great when she absorbs you.
It's like crawling back
into the womb.
But you'll find out soon enough.
Ugh.
Hey, could you
go grab him a mug?
His fine motor isn't
quite there yet.
You bet.
Oh.
You'll feel like yourself soon.
Luke, please! Snap out of it!
Oh, oh...
Ah! Luke!
Come on!
Hold on!
Luke!
Oh, okay.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
All right,
let's get the fuck out of here.
Better. Again.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
You'll be leading calls
in no time.
Keep practicing. I'm gonna go
serve Mother her second course.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
Let me circle back
to you on that.
They got out.
Mother must be starving.
Find them now!
What's wrong?
He can feel
where I am.
Go, go, go, go.
I'll draw him away.
You go get help.
What? No.
We're leaving together.
I have to end this.
I'll be right behind you.
Let's go, let's go.
Come on, asshole.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Where do you think you're going?
Oh, ahh, ah!
What did you do to me?
God!
Oh my God. Garlic
kills bacteria and yeast.
You were right, Tammy.
Luke!
Hey, asshole!
It's you or me.
So let's figure this shit out.
Get out of here now.
We're ending this.
What are you even
fighting for, huh?
You were miserable
in your old life
with your pathetic dreams!
Ahh!
I got to play music
that made people feel something.
What are you gonna do
with my life? Huh?
I'll unlock synergies you
couldn't possibly imagine!
What the fuck does that mean?
This should tide you over
till your next meal.
No, no! You'll kill her!
I could have
created so much value.
I should have
never referred you.
Oh, oh,
oh, oh...
In private equity,
you try your best.
You do your due diligence
on companies that you might
want to invest in,
and sometimes
you miss something.
Fair to say, with Symbio,
we missed something.
Understatement.
Yeah.
Obviously, we'd like to
keep what happened quiet,
and we'd appreciate
your cooperation with that.
To make it worth your while,
we'd like to offer you both
jobs with BC Ventures.
Oh, uh, thanks,
but we're not interested.
Yeah, we're really not about
the corporate life anymore.
Plus, we have our own plans that
we're trying to align
on right now.
Okay, well, why don't
you just look at my terms?
Honestly, we're good. But...
Just in case
you can be more good.
Um...
Yeah. Nah.
We need to save as much cash
as we can from this mess.
Liquidate everything
that isn't bolted down.
Everything.