Ladies Book Club (2016) Movie Script

Hey! Bunny!
Oh! Stop!
You're not even supposed
to be here!
You think this is funny?
You think this is funny?
You think this is funny?
No, don't! You're
getting everything wet!
I have company coming! Stop!
You got this. You started
this. You started this.
You did!
I'm getting you back.
I'm gettin' you back...
Gettin' me back by givin'
me third degree burns?
You purposely cut the shower
off while I was still in it.
I was trying to
fix the kitchen sink.
Yeah. You know you
did that on purpose.
To try to be funny.
I didn't even know
you were here!
Then I come out and
Geez is standin' here
with his tongue
hangin' to the floor,
eyes poppin' out, talkin'
about "I didn't see nothin'".
Aw, well, that was an accident.
All right, listen, I had no
idea you was gonna run out
of the bathroom naked.
Who walks around naked?
You do!
Hey, hey, hey!
It is not what you
think, Mrs. Charles.
Well, if it isn't what I think,
then I'll be very disappointed.
Here. Here, take this
from me. Oh! Whew!
See, that's why I don't
like to use my keys,
'cause I know y'all be runnin'
around here, and I was right.
Stop playin'.
Boy, here. Go put on
some clothes, please.
Thank you.
Whew. Whew.
You know...
You two need to cut this out,
and make somethin' happen.
Oh, Mom. Don't start.
You know I'm right.
That Carlyle, he's just too fine
and too nice a man to not...
Oh, wait a minute. Wait.
He isn't gay, is he?
You gay?
What? Okay. I'm
done with that.
F-For now.
I'm just sayin', now you two
have known each other since...
A-And yous kept in touch after,
and you've been livin' together
for six or seven months...
A year.
A year!
Yeah, but to help
each other financially.
Do you argue?
Is he sloppy?
Is he disrespectful
when I'm not around?
Mom, come on.
You know Daddy taught me
how to spot a gentleman.
Well, then what is it?
Carlyle, he's, he's
leavin' in a few weeks.
If somethin's gonna happen,
you need to make it happen now.
Mom, it's complicated.
It's complicated.
You know, you young people,
y'all bring too much
to a relationship.
You know why? Got
too many options.
That's why I agree with
some of those other cultures
when they try and find a
potential wife for the son,
and a potential husband
for my daughter.
Oh, please. If
that was the case,
Daddy would've had me
married off at the age of 12,
with one of his business partner's
sons, like Jack and Jill.
Honey, he's, he's just
looking out for your future.
And you know, those
aristocratic families,
they do it all the time.
Um, correct me if I'm wrong,
but I don't remember Queen
Elizabeth, or the Kennedys
being at any one of
our holiday parties.
The Springers were there.
They're from Detroit.
Yeah, but they're very well off,
and they own a linen company
that makes baby clothes
out of organic cotton.
The way they act,
you would think they
own the plantation.
Bunny. Bunny, please.
Mom, honestly.
Dad picked my debutante,
my senior prom date.
He's not pickin' my husband.
Look at Lavanya and Eugene.
Now, she took him to
your debutante ball,
and her parents picked
him as her escort,
and they got married.
Yeah, well, that
was their choice.
That was the family's plan.
And I really never like
Eugene for Lavanya.
I mean, he was nice, but
he was just too rigid.
You see how that turned out.
You see how that turned out.
Yeah, poor girl.
Yeah, honestly, Mom.
Arranged marriages
end up in divorce
just as much as
any other marriage.
Now, I would like to
have Daddy's approval
of whoever I end up with, but...
I have the final say.
Well, I guess, I guess.
I guess you're right.
After all, it will
the person you spend
the rest of your life with,
but your father and I,
we just want you to
have what we have, baby.
And what better way than to help
to pick out Mr.
And because we love
our daughter so much.
I know.
Love you.
Now, what about this book club?
How is it? Is it like
Avon, or Tupperware?
Well, you know what?
I actually, I saw these
ladies at the coffee shop,
laughing, having a
really good time.
And then I noticed they went
into some deep conversation.
And I thought, "This
would be a really good way
"to get the girls
together once a month."
And we'll talk about the book,
we'll talk about
our favorite parts,
we'll ask questions,
and then, that will
springboard into
some really good conversation,
and just, good bonding.
Uh huh. And then...
maybe just segue-way into some
talk about men and...
What doesn't?
You know what? I need to
call and check on the shop.
Oh, no, no wait. Bunny!
Bunny, unh unh.
Bunny, stop! Put
that phone down.
You opened that
boutique six months ago,
and you haven't taken a day off.
Okay, and this was a
way to help me get my mind
off the shop.
I know. I know.
And you already stopped
by there once today, anyway.
Didn't ya?
Well, yeah, I had to make sure
they put the dresses
in the front.
You see, that's
why you have a staff.
So they can run the
shop when you're not there.
Aren't you handsome?
Ooh, I just love a man
in upscale sportswear.
So fashionable for men.
You should see your father.
Oh, speaking of which...
When Donovan gets back, he's
got a score to settle with you.
Yeah, and I gotta admit, I
got lucky that last round.
18th hole, par 4?
Sank that birdie, one
putt, and usually beats me.
I thought you only played
with my dad once or twice.
No, we play a few times a month.
I mean, we all frequent
the same course,
so we get a few games in.
You knew that, Mom?
Oh, your father, he always
brags when he wins.
You never told me that, Carlyle.
Well, I didn't know I
had to tell you every time
I play golf with your father.
I mean, you don't, but
Dad always tells Mom.
Your father's married. He
has to tell me everything.
Charles, you okay?
Mom, you okay?
Yeah, I'm all
right. I'm all right.
the door! Get the door.
You guys get the
door. I'll be fine.
It's Rona.
Rona who?
All right, you all know I
gotta go, now.
All right. You guys have fun.
All right.
Mm hm.
You know you play too much.
I gotta mess with
you when you come here.
Yeah, lookin' like one
of my babies' daddys,
and you gonna mess with
me at the wrong time,
Tiger Hood.
Hey. Watch that left.
She's known for that jab.
Kenneth Wallace.
Let me tell you.
Kenneth Wallace
used to run around,
grabbin' all the girls booties.
And then Rona and I,
we didn't really know
each other that well,
but we were waitin'
on fifth period.
He walks by, grabs
both of our booties,
at the same time.
I smack him, on the
hand. And he laughs.
Remember that?
Mm hm.
What you do, Rona?
I knocked his butt out.
Yeah. That's when I said,
uh, "I'm hangin' with her".
That's right.
I'll remember that.
Oh, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
You're not stayin'
for the meetin'?
Oh, no, no. Bunny
doesn't want us boys, uh,
up in this one.
No, I want to try it
out with the ladies first.
I'm thinkin', since
I read the book,
she's just afraid that I
might take over the meeting.
Oh, please.
Oh, then you learned something.
I'm still processing it.
Uh huh. Well, you
still processing
not being single anymore?
Ha ha! Good one, Mrs. Charles.
Anyway, Rona, me and the boys,
we gotta, we gotta tee
time in about an hour.
Oh, is, um, Monte golfing, too?
Mm. Maybe he can
teach me his swing.
What? I'm just talkin'
about a little golf.
Uh, he's talkin' about golf.
You sound like you
tryin' to make Mon-tay
your next baby dad-day.
Ooh, I would
for that one. Cute.
I'm gonna slip myself out
of the middle of this one.
You ladies have a good one.
You too.
Hey, ladies!
Hi. Um, where's your dish?
It's pot luck.
Oh, for real?
Oh, my bad, girl.
You know the Evite, it just said
bring the date and
time. I didn't...
If you would've
scrolled, scrolled down,
you would've seen that
it said "potluck",
big as day.
All right, well, next time,
we gonna have it
at my place, okay?
Oh, no.
No, you're not gettin' me with
that one, this time., okay?
I feel like anytime
at your apartment,
you want to do something,
it's like a decoy,
for tryin' to babysit.
Remember last time?
Me, Lavanya, Brittany?
We were supposed to
have movie night?
We ended up watchin' your
kids for three hours.
While you went to
supposedly get some food.
I brought back the food.
You came back with a home
platter from the corner bar.
Well, anyway, it was
Mookie's birthday party,
and I know y'all booggiebutts
wasn't gonna go anyway.
And my kids was good, all right?
Yeah, until little Shana
thought she was a beautician.
My baby want
to be a cosmetologist.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Yeah, it was sweet until she
ruined Lavanya's $2000 weave.
Yes. Had give all
up in her hair.
My baby thought she was
givin' her a perm, honey. Yes!
I would've permed that hinney.
Mom, stop.
I'm old school.
I felt bad, 'cause I was
the one who invited Lavanya.
She definitely didn't
want no kids after that.
At your store opening,
she told me she loved
being around my kids,
and she wasn't the one who said
she didn't want to have 'em.
You know that was all him.
Truth come out when
you be drinkin'.
See? She's not here
to defend her husband.
I'm not speakin' on this.
It's not my business.
All right. So, ladies,
what's on the menu?
Oh, I forgot the
sandwiches in the car.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
B-Bunny, Bunny, Bunny.
Now, you're doin' just
way, way, way, way too much.
I'll take care of all of this.
You go, you go get
the sandwiches.
Okay. Okay. Okay, Ro, can
you help me with the trays?
Thank you.
Rona, I thought
you left the door open.
I thought I did.
Okay. Mom?
Mom, can you open
the door, please?
Mom, could you
please open the door?
Why didn't you use your key?
Well, I didn't want to
put the tray on the...
That's not sanitary.
Oh! Unh-unh! Bunny!
Bunny, why you got the
potpourri, the Febreze,
and the incense goin'
at the same time, girl?
Got my nostrils
all confused. Ugh!
Smellin' like Martha Stewart
doin' her laundry in Jamaica.
I didn't light that.
I did not do that.
Mom? Was, was that you?
I don't know. Maybe Carlyle.
He gets to drinkin' those
protein shakes, and you know,
it gets a little stinky
in there sometimes.
Rona, can you get that?
You're supposed
to ask who it is.
Well, it's somebody
probably comin' to see you.
And what's wrong with
lettin' somebody in
who's been pushin'
all the buzzers
because her man
won't let her in?
Okay? Because he's upstairs
cheatin' with some other chick
in his apartment!
That sounds like it's
from personal experience.
My bad, girl, I had a flashback.
Ooh. Um, I'm sorry, girl.
We didn't order no Chinese food.
You got the wrong place.
I'm Meho.
You a ho?
Hey, everybody, this
Chinese girl talkin' about
she got some Chinese food and
she's givin' away free boot...
Rona, that's
my friend from the shop.
Hey, girl.
Hi. Don't mind her.
Yeah, that's all right.
Thank you.
Well, you was the
one comin' in here
talkin' about you a ho.
I didn't know what was goin' on.
It's Meho. But my
friends call me MeMe.
Oh, see, MeMe.
That's good, because people
could get that confused.
You don't remember meeting
at the opening of my shop?
No, no. I vaguely
remember meeting Rona.
But I do remember
meeting this lovely lady.
Hello, Mrs. Charles.
Oh, MeMe!
The personal trainer.
Mm hm.
Ooh, look at you,
with your cute self.
How are you?
Fantastic, thanks.
And how is that massive
muscle of a man you were with?
Oh, he was a chocolaty delight!
Wait. You were with
that fine young thing?
So, I guess you be
chasin' the brothers, huh?
Actually, the
brothers be chasin' me.
I hear that.
Well, evidently, you
don't mind getting caught.
So, I guess that
make you a slow Meho.
Well, I just, I'm sorry.
I don't know that many
Chinese people, okay?
Neither do I.
But I do know quite a few
Vietnamese, like myself.
Well, what's the difference?
It'll probably take a
while to explain it to you.
Try me.
This is the world.
Here's China.
And here's Vietnam.
You proved my point.
Uh, MeMe.
If you don't mind my asking...
Anything, Mrs. Charles.
Just how many years are
between you and that young man?
Oh, let's just say, he's
over the drinking age.
A sugar mama.
No. I don't date
broke men of any age.
He has to be extremely
well put together.
See, the guys I date?
Mm hm.
They have their own businesses,
and they work for
the corporate world.
I just prefer young because,
hell, it's just somethin'
about a young man wantin' you.
If I can have 'em, why not?
I hear that!
A lot of young men
approach me, too.
I'm sure.
Well, they do.
What? Okay. What do you say?
I just smile, and
maybe I show 'em a little
Oh! Mom!
Your father's
always gettin' compliments
from younger women.
Mr. Charles is a
very handsome man.
You know, he reminds me
of my first baby daddy.
Except he's got a house,
and a car,
and a job.
And a wife?
No, he had a wife.
So, you're a mom.
Yes. A proud mother of three.
That's sweet.
So, how long have
you been married?
Is that a joke?
No. I figured if you had kids,
that you may be married.
Well, I'm not. Okay?
And I know what you're thinkin'.
Just because I'm a
beautiful, young black woman,
doesn't make me a stereotype,
if I got a baby daddy. Okay?
Okay. That's a lot more
information than I was asking for.
And I don't see you
as a stereotype.
A statistic, maybe,
but not a stereotype.
Uh, Bunny.
Was I supposed to cut her?
Because she sounds like
she was tryin' to be snooty
and educational
at the same time,
and she's just got
me all confused.
Okay. Just, just play nice.
That's all I'm asking.
Just for a little bit.
Can you please get the door?
Thank you.
Appreciate you.
Mm hm.
You're my friend.
Uh, you're
supposed to ask who it is.
Whoever this is,
you gotta go back downstairs
to the intercom so
I can ask who it is.
Okay. Just
just open the door.
Oop. Mm-mm.
Oh, Lavanya.
Hi, beautiful.
How are you?
Hey, do you think you
can open this for me?
I chilled it earlier.
It's from my vineyard in Sonoma.
Yes. Yes. This is MeMe.
This is my friend, Lavanya.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Very nice to meet you.
That's a pretty
dress. Like the colors.
Thank you so much.
It's very beautiful.
She always looks nice.
Although, I'd be
honored if she'd wear
one of the dresses
from my boutique.
From time to time, maybe?
Now, you know my style is
traditional, well-bred chic.
Mrs. Charles.
Hey, Lavanya.
Yeah, Bunny.
You know, you don't carry
that in your place, okay?
So, what's that
designer's name, again?
Oh yeah, um, Le Plain Jane.
Uh, at least I support
a sister, Ms. Jackson.
I feel like I haven't
been in here in forever.
Where'd you get this
painting? It's beautiful.
Carlyle. He did that.
Oh, he's really gifted.
It has such a Betye Saar
feel to it. I love it.
It's really nice.
So, how you been?
I'm doin' well.
I left Derwin asleep in
front of the television.
Dozin' off to some
jazz to soothe him.
Listenin' to my kind of blue.
He loves Miles Davis.
Aw. How is he?
He's doing well. He
was sick last night.
His little, he had
a little tummy ache.
You know?
Alena made a special
dish that didn't sit well
with his constitution.
So, I just let him lie down,
and watch him lick himself.
Wait. Did you
say "lick himself"?
Yeah. It makes his
tummy feel better.
You let your man lick himself?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
He's an Italian Bolognese.
Okay, now I see why I
haven't been to Italy.
The people over
there are freaky.
Derwin is her dog, boo boo.
Derwin is not a dog.
Derwin is a Bolognese.
He's family.
Eugene got him for me for
our fifth year anniversary,
and he's been with
us for five years.
By the size of that
ring, I'd say you are
a very lucky woman.
I am.
I can go on forever about
that man, I tell you.
Oh, no, you know,
let's, let's not, uh,
let's not talk
about men right now.
Uh, that must be...
Yeah, that's Brittany.
Ugh. Miss
Whew! God, does everybody
in here have a PhD?
Because if you don't, she's
gonna make you feel like
you need three of 'em.
Oh, come on.
There's nothing wrong
with somebody helping you
with your grammar
from time to time.
Child, the girl
teaches grade school,
and acts like she's the
professor at Harvard.
It's better than
you walkin' around
talkin' about conversates.
I know, that's true.
She just loves
education. That's it.
Brace myself.
Hi! Hello, everyone.
I see we're all
here in attendance.
You must be Meho Nguyen.
Yes. How did you know?
Because I memorized
it. From my contact list.
Oh, good to see you.
So glad you came.
Rona. Darling.
Hey, girl.
Lavanya. Glad to see you.
Good to see you.
Mrs. Charles.
I have some sticky notes for us
to write our names down, okay?
Brittany. Why do
we need sticky notes?
So we all know who
we're speaking to.
Oh yeah, we kinda
already know each other.
Yeah, so sit your
crazy butt down.
Oh, yeah. True.
Um, you know, I think
this is actually a good
time to get started.
Okay. So, I want to thank
everybody for coming
to our first Ladies Book Club.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
I'm really excited,
and I hope that
this isn't our last.
Okay, so, we'll just
jump right on in
with our first book,
"Know Your Man As Well
As You Know Yourself".
Rona, where's your book?
I didn't bring it.
I mean, you know, the kids,
they tore out some of the pages.
I read what was there, you know,
the ones that weren't just
tore out of the thing.
I figured there may
be someone without.
There's always that one.
So, Rona, I brought an extra.
Oh, well...
Here you go.
Thanks. That was
very nice of you.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Why is my name already in here?
Um, you know what?
Before we get into
the actual chapters,
does anybody have any comments
about the book, in general?
Okay, go ahead, Brit.
I do.
Okay, can you
believe that I found,
in this nationally
published literary work,
seven misspelled words,
43 comma splices,
12 dangling participles...
Brittany. Brittany?
We're not editing the book.
We're just, we're here to
express our thoughts, you know?
Thoughts about the
different chapters,
the author's perspective,
just, talk about
things of that nature.
Oh. So, no one noticed the
subject pronoun discriminates?
No one has that much spare
time on their hands, okay?
Spare time ain't got
that much spare time.
Well, I do have
a favorite chapter.
"How Men View Women".
Oh ho ho, yes.
Yes, I found that chapter
very interesting myself.
So, you all agree
that the male gaze
is just a psychological
facade of his fear
of tapping into his femininity?
Well, my chapter was
"Where the Power Lies".
Yeah, I taught my baby, Bunny.
I taught her where the power.
I taught her about
that a long time ago.
Before she was even born.
Preach it, Mrs. Charles.
We need a mature point
of view up in here.
I agree with the
author when he said,
now, this is a
male-dominated world,
and women, we
automatically think that,
so we relinquish our power.
Uh huh. But let me tell ya.
I taught my baby about power
before she was even born,
when she was...
She did.
Let me tell ya.
The house we live in?
I want it.
Family reunion,
hosting it. Power.
Going to Europe.
Super power!
Now, that sounds
like manipulation.
I agree.
A woman is supposed to
rest at her man's feet.
Now, that I don't agree.
Yeah. Like a pet?
No, not under his
feet. At his feet.
A man is the king of the
castle. The bread winner.
Emasculating him
for selfish reasons
usually leads to the
demise of you both.
Oh. Nah-uh.
I believe a man should be
the head of his household,
but I am not going to be a
second-class citizen to no man.
He is to cater to
me as I to him.
Preach it.
How you say it, givin'
my man a smack-down?
That's not my way of deceiving
him to get what I want.
Uh-uh. Lovemaking,
that's what we do,
as a husband and a wife.
But don't get me wrong
now. Don't get me wrong.
If my husband needs
a little nudge,
mama, I pull out
the bulldozer, now.
But, but...
My husband, he got to
sway me a little bit, too,
to get what he want.
Big Daddy, no, he got
to take care of business
to get them, okay?
I guess it's different
between Eugene and I
because we have that
special connection.
We're like soulmates.
We always know what the
other one is thinking,
and we make the
proper accommodations.
You know, I think
this is a perfect time
to segue-way into a
chapter I highlighted,
which is "Are Men
and Women Equal".
Hell, no!
But we know why they
think they rule the world.
Hey girl, I know a
few who clearly know
that what they got
ain't rulin' nothin'.
Their egos make them think
they can rule the world.
Okay, now that I agree with.
I agree with that.
But men do rule everything.
I mean, they're the
heroes in the movies,
the president,
and they can make the babies,
and not even have to
take care of them.
That's one of the
points that he makes.
Honestly, and women,
even if we don't see
it or realize it,
subconsciously, we
do not see ourselves
as equal to men.
We don't.
And until we do, we won't
see a female president.
But as, as for making babies...
Now, they can only
get what we give them.
Yeah, but see, us women, we
still need all that comfort,
you know?
I don't know, ladies.
I have a different perspective.
I think women can get
exactly what they need
from another woman.
Because they understand the
void which needs to be filled.
Now men, on the
other hand, well,
they find satisfaction
in the external things.
You know, the things that
capture their attention,
and supplements that need.
Like a PlayStation.
That sounds like somethin'
a lesbian would say.
Not a lesbian, Rona.
A feminist, who believes
in being empowered.
Yeah, but see, you're
always talkin' all that
women's lib stuff, but you
never talk about any man
that you have
actually liberated.
Yes, because I want to
find a man like my father.
So my standards are high.
But this does not include
finances or accomplishments.
Rather, the kind of man.
I-I must say, it's been an
interesting, but fun, search.
There are a lot of alternatives
to traditional dating.
And honestly, this book
has helped influence that.
Some of you, like
Bunny, may not agree
because we've
discussed it before...
Oh, gosh. Oh, goodness.
Are we talkin'
about online dating?
Yeah, that is crazy.
What's wrong with that?
It's unorthodox.
Yeah, it's...
What she said.
Yeah, it's just really crazy.
Look, even if you meet
someone at the club,
or on the street,
sometimes you don't
find out they're crazy
until you go out with them.
At least, you can look
at someone's profile,
email each other.
You can pick some things up.
However a person deceives you,
if it's gonna happen,
it's gonna happen.
And truthfully, it's just,
it's just not for me.
It's too much. I don't, I
don't, I think it's weird.
Who you signed
up with, Brittany?
Well, how does it work?
You go to a website,
create your profile,
list career, hobbies,
and philosophies,
you know, the things that
people are attracted to,
pay your fee,
and then watch the
requests come in.
So you pay a fee,
there are requests.
So, it's like a web pimp?
No, Lavanya.
Well, show us something.
Okay. Bunny, go
get your laptop.
Oh, okay. Laptop on the way.
This should be very interesting.
You all are in for a treat.
You think so, Mrs. Charles?
You think you could find a
man like Mr. Charles online?
I doubt it.
I know I can't find
a man like Eugene
on an online dating site.
I mean, first of all,
God put us together.
And secondly, Eugene would
never do something so foolhardy.
Okay, come on, Brittany.
Let's see what you...
All right, ladies, gather
around. Come on, gather around.
Ooh. Wait,
wait, wait, wait.
I don't want to miss nothin'.
Don't worry, I'm
just signing in.
Oh! What does that mean?
Wow. 1,000 requests?
Hold on. No, no, no, no.
She got 1,000 requests?
Honey, well, then sign me up.
All they need to do is
look at this boot-tay
and this thang gonna crash!
Ohh, that's a cute picture.
And who is that?
That's James,
a.k.a. Mr. Magic.
He was one of my
dates from last week.
Wait. "One" of them?
Yeah. I did what you
call a date-cation.
So, I went on a date for
breakfast, lunch and dinner
for seven straight days.
So, you mean to tell me that
you ate three times a day,
for seven days straight,
with a different man for
every meal, for free?
Well, honey, you better
just give me that computer now
because, you know,
me and my kids,
we gonna eat all year.
It's not used for evil, Rona.
Brittany, weren't
you worried about stalkers?
Well, you did run into
your borderline psychos,
but I managed to weed out
the possible dangerous ones.
Oh, girl, the stalker I had?
I had to stalk his ass back.
He'd call me, hang up.
So I'd call him, and hang up.
He'd be sittin' in
front of my house,
and by the time he got
up to leave to go home,
I'd be sittin' in house,
waitin' on his ass.
Then once, he went to my job
when I was on my way to his job,
and we sat in the parking lot,
just staring at each other,
calling and hanging up.
So, when did it end?
When I found out he had a wife
'cause she was sittin'
over there in her car,
stalkin' both of us.
So me and him had to
take a restraining order
out on her crazy ass.
Oh, wow. Sheesh.
So, what are these formulas
in the note section here?
Well, that's a
record of each date.
And you see, right here
is date, time and details,
by all the guys, with
an algorithm by them,
to calculate the results
of my hypothesis.
You know, who I
would end up with.
Oh, I was off by one.
Well, I didn't know
you needed a noble prize
in physics to get a date.
You don't, but you at least
need to know how to read,
and have a job.
Hold on, now.
My men do have jobs,
and they can read.
Well, I don't remember
the classifieds, it listing,
"Looking for Felons, Thieves,
"Repeated Offenders,
or Who Dat Watchers".
Who Dat Watchers?
Yeah, you know, the guys
that stand on the corner,
and watch cars go
by, and they're like,
"Who dat?", "Hey, yo,
who dat?"
Girl, bye.
Well, Brittany, thank you for
your online dating tutorial.
I think you've kinda
broadened our horizons.
I'll be signing up.
Hey, Bunny, can you open
another bottle, please?
Oh, I'll
get that. Excusez-moi.
Yeah. You, you're
not finished with that.
But I'll get it. I gotcha.
Hi. I'm
here for the book club.
Oh, um, may I ask who this is?
Shoot. Uh...
Give me one second.
Bunny? I need to speak with you.
Uh, yeah.
There's been a little mistake
with sending out the Evites.
Oh, no mistake.
Everybody's here.
Except for Mary and Yvonne,
but I knew they weren't coming.
Yeah, but when I
sent out the Evites,
I accidentally added a
person on my contact list
from friends I knew
from back in the day.
Because she found
me on Facebook,
and gave me her email address.
So, I just added her
to my friends from
back in the day contact list.
Well, I took those emails,
and then the ones
that you gave me,
and then I created the
book club contact list.
I also added a couple of
people I knew from work,
but I already knew that
they weren't gonna come,
so I just figured I'd
extend the invite anyway.
But could you believe
that out of everyone
that could've come,
it was the one person
that I mistakenly added to
the book club contact list,
from the friends I knew from
back in the day contact list,
well, I didn't know she was
on the book club contact list,
until she just buzzed in...
Okay, stop, please, and tell me
who you're talkin' about
before you're the first
of my friends I have
contacted and strangled list.
No, you know, nevermind...
Uh oh.
Because I'm gonna
find out, what?
Oh, shoot.
Bunny. Hey, girl.
Helema Jones.
Don't sound so shocked.
I mean, that's how
everyone sounds
now that I'm back in the city.
Hey, girls.
Actually, you know
what? I'm sorry.
Before I do my hugs and kisses,
I'm gonna use the bathroom.
Can you point me to where...
Right there. Yep.
great. I'll be back...
You invited her?
That was all Brittany.
I-I-I, it was totally a mistake.
I-I didn't mean it.
What's wrong with
her? She seems nice.
What's wrong is that
she used to date Carlyle
and broke his heart.
Broke? You mean
eviscerated it.
Smashed it.
Incinerated it.
Shredded it.
Mutilated it.
Snatched it out of his chest,
swallowed it down with
a bottle of Patron,
then spit it back out again.
Okay, Rona. I think we get it.
And on top of that, she's
never really liked me
because of Carlyle.
When they were dating, she
always had to find a way
to let me know that was her man.
And then, anytime we were
supposed to hang out,
she would all of
sudden get sick,
or all of a sudden, she
needed him urgently.
And you didn't like her
'cause you both shared
the same name.
Ooh, the same name.
Lucky Carlyle.
So, how did you
get the name Bunny?
Oh, I gave her Bunny,
'cause she was our little
bunny-wabbit when she was a baby.
Yeah. We went to
high school together,
and then we went to State,
and then we decided
to be roommates.
I had to really go by Bunny
'cause I didn't want people
blaming me for all the
crazy crap she was doin'.
I haven't like her
since high school
because she dated
everybody's man.
What? In high school?
She didn't date
any of my boyfriends.
That's because by the
time they got to you,
she had already dated 'em.
Yeah, you had more
rebounds than Charles Barkley.
Not my Marty.
He was sweet and innocent.
He never pressured sex.
Marty the mortician?
He worked at his
father's mortuary.
Brittany, nobody
wanted him, okay?
Look, he had the
cold, clammy hands.
What was that we
used to call him?
Let me guess...
You're talking about Zombie,
a.k.a. Marty the mortician?
Yeah, I slept with him.
In one of his coffins. Yeah.
He even lined up the
bodies, to watch.
Ew, creepy.
Yeah, I had to let him go.
Well, it sounds
like you enjoyed it.
Oh, I did, but he
wanted to bring another
female into the mix.
Uh, one of the dead ones.
I am mortified.
Mrs. Charles!
You look amazing!
Helema! Oh, how are you?
What brings you to town?
Oh, well, you know,
my family still owns the
first house that we have,
and uh, the family that's
living there is moving out.
I'm moving in, getting
situated, and just, you know,
handling some other business.
Is, uh...
Carlyle living here?
Yeah. Yeah, he is.
I guessed right.
I mean, you were so
close in college, and...
there's all the pictures of you
on Brittany's Facebook page.
And you're still here.
Still here.
Yes, I am.
Well, Mrs, Charles, I was
told specifically by my mother
to say hello to you.
And to let you know that the
ladies are just so pleased
that you are doing so well.
It was just a minor scare.
How are your parents?
Oh, they're fantastic.
They both retired
from their practices,
and they're traveling,
but still in Connecticut.
Ah, Stanford.
Oh. Forgive me.
You are The Joneses.
I don't think I've seen your
mother for about five years.
Yeah. Last time I saw...
You was, a picture of you
in that big old photo album
she used to carry and bring to
our regional Herald meetings.
You had on a cute little
cheerleader outfit,
and hugged up with
some football player.
That must have been
the Chargers...
Or maybe the, uh, Eagles.
Or maybe the Dolphins.
I don't know. I was
doing all three.
What team are you doin' now?
Rona, is it?
You are Bunny's
friend from high school,
who used to come up
to college to visit.
Yes, I am.
Yeah. Too bad
you couldn't stay.
Look, I had things to do, okay?
Babies, right?
Like six?
Don't try me. Three.
Well, sorry, I just
couldn't keep track.
I mean, every time I saw
you, you were pregnant.
You've come just in time.
Bunny, here, she was
getting ready to, uh,
introduce the next
topic to discuss.
I want to discuss...
I don't know where
my book, oh...
"The Pact".
Okay. Really not one of
my favorites, in particular,
but okay, Mom.
We'll discuss it.
Well, the pact? It's settling.
Yeah, but, but it's
definitely fitting, Brittany.
I mean, it's about
a man and a woman
who've known each other
for quite some time.
She knows him, he knows her.
And they make a pact.
"If we're still single
after five years,
"then let's just get married."
Bunny, is that what
you and Carlyle have?
No. And Mom, who
does that? Really.
The Branches, from
across the street.
They were friends, and they
found each other after 30 years.
They were 80 years old
when they got married.
They had nobody else.
I mean, they got married on a
Sunday, and died on a Monday.
Did the sex kill 'em?
No, no. The point is,
they didn't die alone.
How about we talk about
"The Three Fs" chapter.
feed him, and fellatio.
Oh my. My, my, my, my.
Yes. Highlighted every page.
Ooh, I think it was
a waste of a chapter.
I mean, my Eugene
despises football,
and our cook prepares our food,
and, uh...
There are some things,
ladies, let's face it,
that just don't
belong in your mouth.
So, you've never?
Oh, no. My Eugene
would never look at me
the same way again.
Well, that's because
you're not doing it right.
Because if you were, his eyes
would be closed and crossed.
No, it just proves that
you don't have to do all that
to keep your significant other.
Well, it's
been proven that most men
fall for the ones who they
have shared interests with.
You know, sports,
habits, hobbies.
That's why I bought a
PlayStation, Xbox, Wii.
So, you know, it's good for
you to be able to beat them.
'Cause it keeps
them around longer.
Their egos just can't
handle losing quietly.
So, they start off as
friends, because, you know,
when you're playing
together all that time,
you start sharing things.
But then, at a certain
point, they realize
that the only thing missing...
is the sex.
And then, you spent
all that time sharing,
now you know how to
satisfy each other.
When the time comes.
I don't know, Bunny. Sounds
like you and Carlyle to me.
Well, you know,
Carlyle always said
him and Bunny have a
special connection.
But, you know, he
couldn't detach from me.
And that's where I got
the PlayStation idea.
Well, you know,
if I'm not mistaken,
word around campus is
you were putting it down,
and out, often.
Oh, rumors. They
do create popularity.
Oh, you were very popular.
Oh, but we both were.
I mean, look at
us. Together again.
The two Helemas.
We were roommates in college.
That had to be
confusing for people.
No, no. They knew
the difference.
Especially Carlyle.
Helema. Oh...
It sounds like you know
the book quite well.
Did you study it?
Oh, no. I, uh...
Well, then how do you
know so much about it?
Well, I dated the author.
Yeah. He would run things
by me, and you know...
Well, I date a lot
of powerful men.
I think you all know that.
Look, come on. Let me take
you on a trip, ladies.
A trip through the phone.
So, here is, uh, James
Harden and I in Italy.
Yeah, they don't call him
Harden for nothing.
Uh, and this is Gronkowski.
You may know him as Gronk.
Mm hm. Yeah, that's
the sound you make.
And, uh, that's us in Tunisia.
Oh, my.
Yeah. And uh, here we have...
Oh, w-w-wait. Go back.
Mm hm?
Who's that?
That's, uh, that's Adrian
Peterson, the football player.
Yeah, you're on
your game. That is AP.
Wait, wait. You dated him?
Well, we're friends.
You know what that means.
Hold it. You have a
category called Snakes?
Is that real?
Oh, very.
Who, who are those guys?
Why can't we see their faces?
What for?
Mom, stop looking.
Ooh, wait, is that one crooked?
If I told you who that one was,
the paparazzi would be
swarming this place.
Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait.
Is that a sexting message
that just came in?
Wha, what you mean like...
s-sex through texting?
I mean, I don't understand.
How do you, how do you do that?
How does that work out?
Ooh, I see.
Oh, you match the words
with the picture. Mm hm.
Well, aren't you gonna respond?
Ugh. Well, you
know, this is Tim.
And he does this every
so often to rile me up,
but I'm just so over it.
You know, we've never
even met in person.
What? What?
So we started seeing each other
when I sent him a text that
was meant for someone else.
And uh, then we just kept
talking through texts,
and then he cheated on
me when he sent me a text
that was meant
for another woman.
So, I dumped his
butt with a text.
You see, Mrs.
Charles, you can have
a full-blown relationship
through texts.
Well, I'll be.
I'm just happy you can't
get pregnant through a text.
Well, you'll find a way.
Excuse me.
Oh! He finished the whole thing?
My baby is so smart.
Oh, he can have
the whole cookie.
Mm hm.
Okay. All right. Okay.
Okay. Bye, Donna. Thank you.
Sorry, that was the sitter.
You have a son?
That's, that's wonderful.
It is, isn't it? Yes.
That's part of the
reason I'm back in town,
to introduce him.
Oh, well, why
didn't you bring him
if you wanted to introduce him?
Well, I didn't know if
his father would be here.
Oh, is his father...
Oh, my goodness!
Carlyle, what happened?
I was practicing my
swing, and accidentally,
the golf club slipped
out of my hand,
and hit Carlyle in the knee.
Yeah, 'cause of them greasy
fries you was eatin', man.
Hey, man, those
garlic fries are good...
Oh, come on, you,
take him over there.
Are you gonna be okay?
yeah. I barely felt it.
Hello, Carlyle.
Uh, Bunny, you didn't
tell me that she was coming.
I didn't know. I didn't know.
I invited her, Carlyle.
And I'm so glad she did.
For what?
To introduce you to your son.
My what?
My son.
Is, is this...
this one of your little
tricks, to get me,
get back in my life?
Helema, how the hell
can you j-just broadcast
somethin' like that on somebody?
Y-You supposed to brace somebody
for somethin' like this.
W-Were you all just talkin'
about it before I came in?
No, no.
I think we need a
private conversation.
It's a little crowded here.
This is the number
and address where I'm staying.
And um...
call me tomorrow.
And thank Mrs. Charles and
Bunny for the catch-up.
Bye, boos!
I need to lay down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks.
Well, that was an
interesting book club meeting.
I think Christopher
will be picking me up
sooner than expected.
Wait, wait, wait.
I-I thought your
husband's name is Eugene.
It was. I mean, it...
It is.
Christopher is my driver.
Hey, uh, Lavanya,
if you don't mind,
I can, uh, give you a ride home.
No, I'm good, Monte.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
W-Well, the least
you could do is let me
stand outside with you.
Can't have a pretty lady like
yourself standin' outside
waiting alone for a ride.
Goodbye, everyone.
Brittany, Brittany, Brittany.
As smart as you think you are,
you can do and say some
very, very dumb things.
I know. I-I wasn't thinking,
Mrs. Charles, is she okay.
Yeah, yeah. She's, she's okay.
She just needs to
be alone a sec.
Mrs. Charles, is she
in love with Carlyle?
I ain't gonna say nothin'.
Boy, help me get
some of this stuff.
Get it together, and help
me get it down to the car.
I ain't gonna say nothin'.
Chapter nine, "Men
Talk More Than Women".
That is true.
He's cute.
Humph. He's a little
too old for you, though.
You really have me confused.
You date young black men.
And it seems, by your little
sidebar comments all night,
that you have a
problem with that.
Or at least with me.
I have a problem
with all of you.
Asian women.
You can't be serious.
My father left my mother for
an Asian woman, all right?
He left and had
four other children.
What does that
have to do with me?
Well, I don't know
too many of you, okay?
So, I'm using you
as a representative
to curse all of you all out!
Wow. You sound like a bunch
of girls in my neighborhood.
You're neighborhood?
Look. I grew up in Bankhead.
You'd never know what
it's like to be Vietnamese
and be called Chinese,
'cause people are too
lazy to ask. Okay?
And then the Chinese
people, pissed at you,
because how dare people
mistake you for Chinese.
You see, Rona, my mother...
went to the States when we
were chased out of Vietnam.
The government put my people
up in black communities.
So that the white folks
wouldn't have to deal with us.
They gave us a
little bit of money,
to open up our stores,
for retribution for
blowing up our country.
But what they didn't tell us
is that it would piss
the black people off
because y'all was still
tryin' to get your share.
And every day,
I had to pay for being
given your share.
We didn't know what you
all had been through here.
Nor do we ask to be scapegoats
so they can find
someone to blame.
The white girls would
call me the black girl
with chinky eyes.
And then the black
girls would tease me
because my hair was different.
But then the black
girls figured,
"Hey, she's not going
anywhere no time soon."
So, they became my friends.
Sounding hip doesn't
make you black, Rona.
I just did what my friends did.
I grew up an American.
I didn't know nothin' else.
I was just a little American
girl with chinky eyes.
So, at the end of the
day, I'm a woman first.
So, my womanly needs
outweigh my ethics on race.
Tell Bunny I said bye.
Oh, whoa, hey.
No, I'm not. Tell
Bunny I'ma call her.
Excuse me. Let
me get that for ya.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
What's up, ma'am?
Hey, guys.
All right. Um...
Looks like I'm all done here.
Um, I'll be going.
Take care of
yourself, girl-girl.
Oh, will do.
All right.
She been takin' care
of herself, all right.
Yo, hey, she had a bunch
of shorties up in here, man.
Man, it's crazy.
Gettin' the drink on.
Need to come more often, man.
Got us a little brew,
somethin' up here.
Give me some wine.
Yeah. I had a beer.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You all right, man?
Yeah, you hit me
real good, though.
Let me get you some ice.
Have a seat there, brah.
Well, you soft?
It wasn't that bad.
Damn garlic french fries
almost took my leg off.
On the knee, on the
knee, on the knee.
I'm sorry there, bud.
Yeah, Monte went to walk that
fine-assed Lavanya downstairs,
and I went to walk that fine-assed Mrs.
Charles downstairs.
Chill, man.
Yo, man, is she like a, a,
a chain-smoker, or somethin'?
Who, Mrs. Charles?
Oh, no. She better
not be smokin'.
I mean, she had a, she had a
cancer scare last year.
Why you ask?
Damn. I mean, 'cause when
I went down to the car,
you know, I went in the trunk
to put the stuff in there,
I moved a few things
around and she had, like,
three cartons of cigarettes
sittin' up in there.
Like, like she was, like, tryin'
to hide 'em, or somethin'.
What'd she say when you saw 'em?
She was inside of the
car. She didn't see me.
Oh, man, well...
I hope she ain't smokin'.
I mean, she, she's been
havin' complications.
Always coughin',
pain in her chest.
They did a bunch
of tests on her,
and they found that she had a...
a mass on her lungs,
or somethin' like that.
The doctors removed it.
The procedure was a success.
And they even got
her into therapy,
to help her quit smokin'.
And she assured us, promised
us, that she stopped.
Bunny ain't gonna take to that.
For sure.
That's messed up.
Speaking of Bunny, man, you, uh,
you think she mad
at you for that?
More disappointed
than mad, I guess.
You know what I mean?
I was irresponsible to someone
who wasn't 100%
for me, you know?
Dude, you ever
fantasize about Bunny?
Like, you know, when
you with somebody else?
No. What's wrong
with you, man?
You don't?
I do.
You got problems.
You got problems.
You know, there was this
chapter in the book, right?
They talked about...
Wait a minute.
Did you say "book"?
Did he just say book?
You read the book?
Yeah, I read the book.
What's wrong with you guys?
All right.
It was layin' around, she
suggested that I read it.
So I read it because I read.
Okay. Uh-huh.
Anyway, there was this
chapter in the book called
"Can Men and Women be Friends".
And there were a
series of questions
at the end of the chapter
that I just couldn't
bring myself around to answer.
Why not?
Because they would
determine if you were...
You guys are asses.
You guys are asses.
Yo, yo, no, no, nope, find
his book. Oh, there we go.
Tell you what.
Here we go.
I'm not playin' your games, man.
Oh, oh, right here, right here.
I'll keep score. Here we go.
All right. Uh...
The list to see if you
are dating your friend.
All right, let's see here. Um...
Oh, here you go.
Do you talk every day?
Mm. Yeah.
Of course.
Do you ever tell each other
when you're goin' on dates?
Nah. Not really.
But you know, we do talk
about the ones we don't like.
Ah, see, see? Okay. Okay.
When was the last time you
had a girl stay over here?
I ain't goin' to that spot.
All right.
Does she prefer maxi
pads or tampons?
Maxi pads.
You answered that a
little too quick, brah.
Way too fast.
All right. The
last guy she dated?
What was his name?
Jonah, or Ron, Mitch,
somethin' like that.
Brought her daisies.
She, she allergic.
But there was this one dude.
His name was, um,
Rashid Kadhir Hassan X,
or somethin' like that.
He was a cool, down-to-earth
dude. You know?
Knowledgeable, respectful.
I thought they could hit it off.
All right, all right.
What was, what was the problem?
Oh, his four wives.
Oh sh...
Oh, damn.
All right. Let's
see whatcha got.
Okay. Two points
for each question.
With a total of...
Mm. Mm.
What's it say?
Well, you're not datin'.
Like a said.
You're married.
Ah, shit!
It's Lavanya, downstairs.
Can you let me in?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh my gosh. Van.
What is goin' on?
You, wait. Okay.
Here, put your arm around me.
No. I know where the couch is.
You okay? Okay. All right.
Where have you been?
What is goin' on?
Um, I read that book.
The book said go out, socialize,
and meet people like you,
so I went out.
Okay. Well, you know what?
I think you might've
misinterpreted what
the author was meaning.
Everything isn't meant for
everybody, in that book.
I was just listening
to all the stuff you guys
were talking about.
You know, about connection,
and havin' fun, and sex.
So, I decided like, I
wanted to live. I feel dead.
I felt like I was
dead, so I went out.
You know, I started
thinking about
what would Eugene say if he knew
I was having these feelings.
What do you think?
You know, he would say nothin'.
He's dead, Bunny.
He died two years ago.
He's dead. It's okay. I said it.
Okay, Van. All right.
Listen. I know
what you guys do.
I can see you do it.
I know you do it because
you love me, you know?
But I also see the way
you look at each other.
I saw your mother's face.
I see the way you look at each
other when I say his name.
You don't want to upset
your widow friend.
I know, but listen.
I went out. I went out.
I went to a bar,
and I met a guy.
And I had drinks.
And then, we went to a motel,
and we had sex.
And then, when it was
over, he gave me his card,
and he left.
Then, I went back
to that same bar,
and I met another guy,
and I went to another motel.
I didn't want to get caught.
And then, I had sex with him.
And then I realized
that I'm still dead.
I died with Eugene, Bunny.
Yes. We collapsed on
that floor together,
and we never came back.
And you know, it's...
it's hard because
he was everything.
He did everything for me.
He was all I knew.
You know...
him and my parents groomed me
to be the perfect wife.
And you know what happens
when the perfect husband dies?
The perfect wife continues
on, like nothin' happened.
And you know what?
I thought I was gonna find
somethin' in those men.
I thought I was gonna find
somethin' in that damn book.
I don't even, I don't have kids,
I don't have a career.
I don't even have
a Facebook page.
And you know what?
I don't even know how to drive.
Oh, it's okay.
It's okay.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You know, I'm just,
I'm angry. So angry.
I'm angry! 'Cause he
left me by myself.
And I'm lonely,
and I see you guys,
and you have fun,
and you go on dates.
And I'm just by myself.
I'm walkin' around here
like a slave with no master,
and I just feel bad.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
We're gonna get
through this, okay?
I promise you.
I'm your friend, okay?
And I'm not gonna let you
go through this alone.
All right?
We're gonna get
you some therapy.
We're gonna get you a counselor,
and we're gonna get to
the bottom of everything.
I promise you. Okay?
But for now, I want you, I
need you to get some rest.
I need to learn how to drive.
Well, you're gonna do that.
We gonna do, we're gonna
get you some driving lessons
and some therapy, okay?
Come on. Let me
take you to my room,
so you can lay down.
Oh, no, no. I can go home.
That's what I got
Christopher for.
No, are you kidding me?
You are staying
here. Okay? Come on.
I'm gonna get up. Ready?
All right.
You got it? This way.
Of course, I've got it.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm just makin' sure,
'cause you look a little
discombobulated right now.
I'll get you some aspirin, and
some water.
I'll get, I'll get that.
Don't worry about it.
This way.
Got you out here all barefoot.
Call out if you
need anything, okay?
I'm sorry, did we wake you up?
Oh, no, no. I can't sleep.
Not with this, not
with this throbbing.
And I need to get
some ice, anyway.
Okay, I was just
gonna get some aspirin.
Oh, it's not there.
Where's the aspirin?
I have to, okay, well, I'll
take her some water first.
Um, I'm sorry about, um...
Helema bein' here.
I don't know how that
happened, honestly.
I guess Brittany
emailed somebody...
Yeah, don't, don't even
worry about it. Okay?
'Cause Helema went
the wrong way,
totally the wrong way
with that. Period.
Are you disappointed in me?
Um, if I was 18...
I would say yeah,
but we're grown.
I know you, I know you really
wanted it to work with her.
I know you cared about her.
Honestly, I'm sorry everything
worked out like this.
I want the best for you.
I really do.
Thank you.
That means a lot.
You know, I feel
like she came here...
I feel like she
came here with...
the idea to just get up
under your skin. You know?
Like, the way she
looks in your face,
a-a-and smiles, a-and
tries to call you friend.
It's as though she's just
always jealous of you.
I don't know why.
I really don't get it because
you two are the ones that dated,
and I'm the one who hooked
you up freshman year.
That is right.
Lunch room.
It was lunchtime
outside in the quad.
I don't know what
I saw in that girl.
She was hot.
Don't get me wrong, though.
I was hot, too.
But I do kinda
remember what happened, though.
She was really tryin'
to get with Mike Krump,
freshman week.
And so, I think he walked
by, and she called him over,
and then she got
flirty, of course,
and I don't know,
for whatever reason,
you okay?
Yeah, yeah, it's just...
For whatever reason, he
wanted to talk to me, and...
For whatever reason?
Yeah, I, whatever.
And she just was actin'
devastated and dramatic,
and I felt guilty.
And then, I saw you walk past.
And I was like, "You know
what? Maybe I could just
"hook her up with Carlyle."
And that's pretty
much how it happened.
I mean, we were lab partners,
so I made up some story about...
Forgetting to write your notes,
which I thought
was suspect because
everyone always goes
to you for notes.
And then, that was your
excuse to come to class,
to see her pretty
much every day.
Well, I will always
appreciate that
because when I was
there waiting for her,
acting like I wasn't
waiting for her,
I got my homework done.
Oh, yeah. You
were always drawing.
Like, that's why your butt got
in so much trouble in class
'cause you were just
sketching all the time.
Sketchin' away.
But, I mean, you know,
it worked out, so...
Thank goodness.
You know...
You really helped me
through freshman year.
You were the first...
first woman, other
than my mother,
that I shared so
much of myself with.
And I have to say
that you're the only man
that I've shared
certain things with
that I never thought I
would share with anybody.
I appreciate your point of view.
I need your point
of view. Thank you.
Yeah. Oh, should I
thank Helema?
I think we both should.
I can't believe that girl
didn't give me no play
until junior year.
That's weird.
I don't...
I don't get that
girl. I really don't.
Oh, you and me both.
I don't get her.
I just, I couldn't stand
how people called us
"the two Helemas".
'Cause we were so different.
I had to nip that in
the bud. I really did.
I couldn't have that.
And what...
And what's really weird is that
I didn't get with Mike
because she liked him so much.
I didn't want to
hurt her feelings.
Man, this competition thing
sat with her for a while.
I really don't know
why 'cause, I mean,
she still slept with him.
You didn't know that?
I didn't know that.
You see, that's the
problem with her.
She's always
chasin' the hot guy.
Isn't there a
chapter in the book
about always wanting
what everybody else has?
You've been readin' the book.
You learned a little somethin'
somethin' from the book.
How about it?
That's funny.
But you were a hot guy.
What are you talkin' about?
Oh, please.
What are you talkin' about?
I wasn't a baller, I didn't
have no money. I was broke.
Oh, true.
What do you mean by true?
You know you was broke.
A little broke.
But, no, you were definitely
one of the hot guys.
I mean, you have your
athletic hot guys,
and then you have
your flashy hot guys,
and then you have you.
And you're just handsome,
and intelligent, and
cool, and different.
All of the guys in your crew.
Y'all were just some cool dudes.
You guys weren't in a frat,
but remember you chartered
your own organization?
And then the frat guys joined
your organization.
Brothers! To
You know, I still
talk to Jason and Rob.
As you can see, I
still hang with Monte.
Yeah, y'all had some
of the livest parties.
Yeah, yeah.
And remember, you still
had time to involve yourself
in community work,
and social work.
I don't know how you did it.
And the, the Frederick
Douglas statue.
That really wouldn't be
there, if it wasn't for you.
You had a lot to do with that.
We were at that all-white school
with the 40% black
enrollment, and then...
And they had all these
statues of white figures,
and no blacks.
That doesn't work.
Had to do somethin' about that.
And that's what you
did. You took a stand.
You made a stand, and that's
what women are attracted to.
Trust me.
You were a hot guy.
Well, thanks a lot.
I never looked at it that way.
That's why I love you, girl.
I love you, too.
I really do.
Now, who the hell
buzzin' my house?
Oh. Hi, Carlyle.
It's Mrs. Charles.
Hey, Mrs. Charles. Come on up.
Hey, how you doin'? Come on in.
Good afternoon.
I don't want to disturb you,
but I'm just bringin'
back those bowls
I took home yesterday.
I told Bunny I'd drop 'em by.
I'll just be a sec.
Yeah, no problem.
Mrs. Charles, when was
the last time we talked?
No, I mean, you know...
talked talked.
You need to borrow some money?
No, no, no, no.
I just wanna know how
my play mama's doin'.
That is so sweet of you.
Well, hey. I'm doin' fine.
I mean, things
couldn't be better.
How are you?
Well, now that I know
what a golf ball feels like,
I'm great.
Can't wait to start work.
Oh, it must be a very good job
for you to leave my
baby daughter here
all alone by herself.
If I knew that Bunny needed me,
I would never leave her alone.
And yes, it's an awesome job.
You know, I'll be
creating a new video game
for the next two years.
And they put a bunch
of really, really great
graphic designers together,
and I'm just so honored
that they considered
me one of 'em.
Especially, freelancing for
the last five long years.
Oh, wow. You deserve it.
Well, thank you.
Well, you look great.
I mean, you enjoying retirement?
Oh, child! Am I? Oh, yeah.
You been by the college lately?
Well, I wanna go, but it's hard.
You know, you see
those students,
you want to come right
back out of retirement.
But, oh, I just try to
keep up after Donovan,
do what I can for Bunny,
and I mentor a few
students at the Herald,
but uh, for the most part,
you just find yourself alone
just tryin' to find
somethin' to do.
Well, I'm sure you're
story's quite a testament
to those young ladies.
I don't share that with them.
Only a few of the old ones know.
Those girls, they look up to me.
Well, that's exactly
why you're, you're,
you're story's so important.
You know, I was so pissed
at my mom when she died.
Her pride killed her.
You know, I vowed that...
I was gonna learn
everything about diabetes
so that I wouldn't die from it.
You know, you are
still young, Carlyle.
You don't understand.
I understand.
I understand that bad habits
are made to be broken.
Like when you were
a smoker. Okay?
You realized...
You realized that you weren't
just hurtin' yourself,
but you were
hurtin' your family.
That was a rough time.
I remember, Carlyle.
We were, we were all so worried
when you went into the hospital.
A-and, and Bunny,
she, she pulled back
on the store opening, and...
Mr. Charles, he cancelled
all of his meetings overseas.
He knew that there was
nothing more important
than losing his wife.
It's a blessing that the
family got through it.
And just God forbid
if anything like that
were to happen again.
You are an amazing
woman, Mrs. Charles.
Cancer survivor.
That is a story that those
young girls should hear.
Hate to leave you out here,
but I gotta go finish
gettin' dressed.
I'll be all right.
I'll let myself out.
All right.
Oh, lord.
Oh. Hey, baby. Hey, baby.
What you doin' home so early?
Uh, my office computer crashed,
so I'm grabbin' my
laptop really quick.
Oh. Okay, I'll talk
to you later, okay?
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,
I'm fine. I'm fine.
I'm just...
I'm just startin' to realize
how much I love your daddy,
and how much I love you,
and how much y'all love me.
I'll see ya later.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, Mom
. I love you.
Hey, Mrs. Charles...
Oh, you're home early.
I, um, I've just gotta
grab a few things.
Office computer crashed.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, um, Helema, she's
comin' by to talk.
Oh. Okay. Well, good.
Uh, let me just, I'll
get a few things,
then I'm just gonna get
out of your way, I guess.
I'll get that, okay?
Let me just get that.
It's Helema.
Hey, just one thing.
Whatever you do,
don't let emotions make
the decision for you, okay?
Helema is who she is.
She's never gonna change, okay?
I should've let her
go freshman year.
And I can't let her
affect me anymore,
so I'm not, I'm
not gonna allow it.
Oh. Bunny.
Were you planning on being
here for this meeting?
No. No, you and
I have closure.
Ah. Since when?
Since now. Excuse me.
Carlyle, you look amazing!
Let's get to why
we're here. Okay?
Is he mine?
You're not even gonna
offer me something to drink?
Not even a glass of wine?
Red or white?
You forgot I like red.
Well, evidently, there's
a lot that I don't remember.
Yes. He's yours.
And if you want
a paternity test,
I'm fine with that.
Well, you're damn right.
'Cause you kept dumpin'
me and comin' back,
whenever you thought
whoever was better.
And when you realized
that they weren't,
you kept comin' back to me.
But you kept letting me back.
That's because that's
what I thought you did
with people you love.
I had to learn that, too.
See, Carlyle,
when I found out I was pregnant,
we were broken up.
And you were going through
financial troubles,
and then I moved, and...
I mean, I could've had
the baby and not told you,
but that wouldn't be fair.
You're an amazing man.
And then I saw baby
Carlyle, and I just,
I knew I missed you, and
that you just needed time.
You figured that
I just needed time?
Well, yes.
That's why this is
more than just about
you being his father.
This is about me and you
having a clean slate,
and starting our lives together,
as a family.
You're kidding.
I'm serious.
Being a mommy changes you.
So, what happens?
What happens when
our son grows up,
and he's on his own?
Is that when the, the
old Helema returns?
Is, is that how it works?
by then, we'll have two or
three more baby Carlyles.
Dammit. Why now?
Why now, Helema?
You did it, didn't you?
You and Bunny. What else?
See, that...
that's, that's always
a thing with you.
It's always been
the thing with you.
Carlyle, I've always had you.
And I can still have you.
Think about it.
You, me, and baby
Carlyle, together
as one happy family.
It's what you've always wanted.
What I've always wanted.
What about you?
It's what I want, too.
Who was a hot boy on campus?
Um, what?
Who was a hot boy,
when we were in school?
Who did you consider
the hot boy?
Mike Krump, Ace, um...
Grant Elliot?
That's funny. That's
exactly what Bunny said.
So? Where do we stand?
I guess I'll see you later.
Why see me later when
you can see me now,
in your room?
I think it will be better
when the judge is there
to tell me what my
parental rights are,
my financial
obligations will be.
Carlyle, are you
seriously turning down
everything I'm offering you?
Didn't ask for it.
Uh, leave that.
That belongs to me.
If you say he is, and everything
in my tells me that he is,
then you won't
mind me keepin' it.
Well, I guess I know where
your heart and your head lie.
You know, that's
the problem with us.
You don't, and never did.
Oh, that was nice, everybody,
but me and my husband,
we gonna call it a night.
It's getting late, so I'm
gonna be goin', as well.
You drivin' yet?
Oh no, I'm still
doin' my lessons,
but in like in two
or three months,
I will be downstairs,
beepin' the horn,
comin' to pick you up.
Aww. I like that.
That's fantastic.
Until then, I've got
good ole Christopher.
All right.
Love ya.
Love you, too.
Hey, Lavanya, I can, uh,
I can give you a ride home,
if you need it.
Uh, no, I'm okay.
I have Christopher.
I mean, you live in
Westchester, right?
I do.
Well, I mean, it, uh,
it'd be a few minutes
before your driver gets
here, and by that time,
we'd be halfway home,
and I'm already
headed that direction.
Plus, I got a dog-sitter
for the night, so...
Oh, you're a dog
lover. What kind of dog?
Um, Italian Bolognese.
What you know about it?
I have one of those.
Oh, okay. Well,
I just got her.
You, uh, you mind givin'
me a few pointers?
Not at all.
Okay. Well, let's go.
All right. All right.
Goodbye, everybody.
All right, goodnight, folks.
Don't go too far.
All right, baby.
I'm outta here. All right.
And by the way, that is a
beautiful dress you have on.
Thank you.
I got it from my girl's shop.
Oh. Mwah!
Goodnight! Thank you!
Look, um...
I don't want you to think
that I'm a bad person,
or a racist,
or anything like that.
It's just...
Me and my father
have so many things
that I just haven't
addressed yet, and...
when you said all
that a month ago,
it just really got to me.
Look, it's not about
an Asian person,
black, white, whatever.
It's about me and my father.
I realize that, and...
for everything
that I said to you,
I apologize for that.
Now knowing the Rona I know,
that's pretty big.
I've held grudges
myself, when I was young,
because I was teased
by black people,
but my mother
always told me that
there are good people and bad,
and that the good
always outweigh the bad.
When she was in Vietnam,
soldiers were
bombing her village.
And the Americans were supposed
to clear the civilians.
Well, there was one they forgot.
A little scared girl in
a bamboo basket. Hidden.
But there was one
soldier who went
to all the different houses,
making sure no one was left.
And there was one
house he went to,
went inside, opened
up the basket,
and my mother looked up,
and there stood
Private Merle Hollis,
a black soldier.
My mom couldn't
pronounce his name,
so she kept callin' him Meho.
So now, you see, Rona,
there are several reasons
why I am the person I am.
Except for the fact that Meho
is an Australian boy's name,
which I found out later.
But it was my mom's
way of sayin' thank you
to Merle Hollis,
for saving her life.
So, apology accepted.
Sorry about that.
It's okay.
Oh, is this some book club love
over here goin' on?
A little bit, a little bit.
Uh, nice, nice.
Thank y'all for comin'.
I really appreciate it.
Great time, as always.
Plus, it's early.
There's some stuff to get into.
Well, I hear that.
So, if you want to hang, Rona,
you can roll with me.
What do you think?
You know, MeMe, I, um,
I got these kids...
Oh, come on.
And I need to
call the babysitter.
One night.
And I'm gonna tell
her to buckle up
'cause I'm hanging with you!
There you go.
Let's do it, girl.
Let's do it. Let's go.
All right.
Hey, hey. Hey, Rona.
You do saki?
Ooh, wait, wait,
wait, wait, no, no, no.
I won't be doin' that little
Asian Fready stuff, okay?
I watch the internet, and I
see what y'all be doin', girl.
No. Rona, saki.
It's a hot alcoholic beverage.
Girl, you're so crazy.
What, wait a minute...
wait, who's gonna be
saki-ing it to me?
It's a hot, alcoholic,
Asian beverage.
It's a Japanese drink.
Oh, okay. Well, in
that case, I'm down.
I didn't know what you
all was talking about.
Okay, but um, I've never ever
had my alcohol hot, okay?
On purpose.
Oh, god. Get out, girl.
If you don't get outta here...
Love ya. See you. Bye.
Oh, okay. What's, what's, uh,
what's that for, Mrs. Charles?
Well, in my session this week,
my therapist told me
to hug five people
that have affected my life.
Thus far, I hugged my
husband, I hugged my daughter,
I hugged my therapist,
I hugged my doctor,
and I hugged you.
Don't you be no stranger.
Oh, I could never be a
stranger to my play mom.
All right.
Thank you, son. Take care.
All right. We gotta get
back on that golf course.
Oh, we will. We will.
We definitely will.
Take care now.
Good seeing you.
Thanks for comin'.
Take care of yourself now.
Bye. Thank you, Daddy.
Oh, you got it?
Yeah, I got it. Don't worry.
Mwah! Kisses. Mwah. No, darling!
Have a great evening!
Be safe.
So, what I sayin'
is that, you know,
if the rest of these
clowns can do a book,
I know I can do a book.
You know what I'm sayin'?
So, wait 'til you
read my, I mean,
I'm not sayin' that
because I'm a clown,
that I could right a book.
I'm just sayin'
that, like, people,
I got stuff to tell people...
Yo! Yo, where'd everybody go?
Where's Monte?
Oh, he left a while
ago with Lavanya.
Yo, he's my ride, man.
See what I'm talkin' about?
Chapter one, "Flaky
Friends". See?
That's in my book.
I'll see ya all later.
Monte! Mr. Charles! One of
you give me a ride home!
Bunny, you good?
You mind if I
chill out for a bit?
Oh, sure. Yeah. That's cool.
Carlyle. Put a movie in?
Yeah. Yeah. The new
ones are on the top shelf.
Okay. Bye, Bunny.
How's the knee?
Oh, yeah. It's, it's
good. It's much better now.
When's the, um, next time
you get to see little Carlyle?
Uh, this week. Yeah, um...
Me and Helema, we've uh,
we're arranging
visitation ourselves.
So, I'm gonna bring him by here
so he can see his Aunt Bunny.
Oh, he's so adorable.
And he's very blessed
to have you as a father.
Bunny, we haven't, um, we
haven't spoken since that night.
I know it's because, uh, maybe
you're busy with the shop,
and you know, I-I'm packin'.
We're both so, so busy...
Avoiding it.
Is that it?
Yeah, we're both
so busy avoiding it.
That's one thing
about you and me.
We can talk about
anything under the sun,
except for you and me.
I mean, don't get
me wrong, though.
I mean, I'm, I'm glad
nothin' happened.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, me too.
You know, it's not like...
Okay, we found ourselves in
what could be called a...
I don't know, sensual,
or sexual, you know...
It was intimate.
Intimate setting.
But that doesn't mean that you
gotta take advantage of it.
I felt like I was breaking
the trust that I have with you.
Even though we've never talked
about what that trust is,
I think it's till there.
I mean, it's like not quite
a brother and sister
feeling, but...
It's like somebody significant.
A special man that I do love,
but I'm not necessarily
in love with.
I don't know. I mean, I don't...
I-I can't explain it.
I really, I can't.
I don't know if we
should be tryin' to
figure it out, if we
should be, you know,
tryin' to label it for
someone to understand,
put in a book.
I mean, I just, you know...
I think there's
some things in life,
special things, that you just
shouldn't fight for
an explanation for.
The heavens,
human existence,
I'm gonna miss you, roommate.
Helema Bunny Charles,
my dearest friend,
I love you.
Carlyle Suggs,
I love you, too.
Hey, if we're not,
if we're not married
in five years,
you wanna just...