Ladies First (2026) Movie Script

[sweeping music playing]
[narrator] This is a story
about a man named Damien.
Damien had it all.
Wealth, sex, power.
Because he was also an arsehole.
-Oh good, you're up.
-[softly] Hey.
I'll get to say goodbye.
["The Man" by The Killers playing]
Last night was incredible.
-[woman] It was. [chuckles softly]
-I ordered you breakfast.
I didn't know what you wanted,
so I got you one of everything.
Housekeeping are dry-cleaning your dress.
But in case you wanted to go home
in something more discreet,
I got you a new outfit.
The receipt's in the bag.
[woman chuckles] Wow.
Anything for the woman
who took my virginity.
You can't break me down
I got gas in the tank
I got money in the bank
[narrator] As we know, in this world,
it's often the very worst people
who seem to have it all.
[Damien] So this is what being
the CEO of Guinness gets you.
-Does he own the whole island?
-[man 1 chuckles] Only the good parts.
Louis is an old friend from Oxford.
He always does business this way.
Surrounded by beauty,
if you know what I mean. [chuckles]
[narrator] But don't worry.
Damien is about to get
exactly what he deserves.
[club thwacks ball]
So, the board are on to me
about "female representation"
Uh-huh.
when they discovered
that Atlas doesn't have
a single creative director who is a woman.
[scoffs] Why the hell should that matter?
Well, I was told
we need to look elsewhere.
[man 1] What?
-Sorry, Fred.
-Come on.
You mean to tell me
that you brought us all the way out here
just to fire us, huh?
Yeah, well, I think a man
should do these things face-to-face.
I'm sorry, but it is out of my hands.
-[Fred] Louis, I--
-No, I I don't know what to tell them.
[Damien] I do.
Your information is out of date.
[club thwacks ball]
We just promoted the most incredible woman
to creative director last week.
And not for the optics,
but because she's
the best person for the job.
Feminism is not a numbers game for Atlas.
-Mm.
-[Damien] Tell that to your board.
-[Louis] Hm.
-[club thwacks ball]
[Fred] So tell me, who is this new female
we appointed last week?
-Oh, sorry. Did I say last week?
-Mm-hmm.
I meant this afternoon.
The time difference always gets me.
You clever bastard.
[both laughing]
-Well, now listen.
-Hm?
Between you and me,
I'm thinking of retiring next year,
but I've already
floated your name past the board.
So, as far as I'm concerned,
you're the next CEO of the Atlas Agency.
You ready for that?
["Pony" by Ginuwine playing]
[chuckling] Stupid question.
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
[woman on phone] Hello, Atlas Agency.
Damien Sachs' office.
Ruby, I've got
a high-priority project for you.
Okay, I've checked with HR,
and you cannot legally make me break up
with one of your girlfriends again.
[Damien] No, no. I would never ask you
to do that. You were crap at it last time.
I need you to compile me
a list of female creatives
so that I can promote one.
Okay. So you want me to categorize
our employees for a promotion
based on gender and/or race?
-[typing]
-[Damien] No. Just on gender.
And don't write that down
in your document.
[Ruby] Mm-hmm.
So who've we got?
-[Ruby] We've got Alexandra Fox.
-Perfect.
Set up a meeting
so I can give her the good news.
Do you even know who she is?
-[elevator dings]
-[Ruby] I was just going alphabetically.
[Damien] Ruby, honestly.
Oh, and move my flight to tomorrow.
I've just identified
three very strong candidates
for a few other positions. [clicks tongue]
[Ruby] You are so predictable.
Thank you.
-Uh, Alex.
-Yes.
Some of the other junior creatives
are meeting up later
at the pub for happy hour, and, uh
[Alex] Oh, wow. Thanks.
But I think my happy hour days
might be long behind me. [chuckles]
Oh, I wasn't inviting you. I was just, uh,
hoping if we left a little early,
you could finish up uploading
the images for the Morris campaign.
Yes, absolutely. Yeah, I'm on it.
[man] Great.
[exhales nervously]
-[Ruby] Alex.
-Oh, Ruby, you look nice.
Just to let you know,
Damien would like to meet with you
tomorrow at 9 a.m. sharp.
-Oh, no. Is something wrong?
-No, actually, the opposite.
[munching]
-A pro-- A promotion?
-Mm-hmm.
[chuckles] So he liked the presentation
I sent on the Guinness campaign.
[gasps] I know it's not my account,
and I didn't want to overstep,
but I had a feeling
he might respond to it.
Yep, that is why.
-[softly] Wow.
-[gasps, laughs]
Oh my God, I'm sorry. Sorry.
I know I've only been here 20 years,
and I don't regret taking time off
to raise my child at all,
but it has been hard coming back,
and everyone being so young,
just with so much energy.
So I'm just feeling proud of myself.
[voice breaking] And, um, I'm excited,
and I I can't believe
that I'm crying at work.
Okay, you absolutely should not do that
in front of anyone else.
-No, I won't.
-[Ruby] Yeah.
-Baby gherkin?
-[breathes anxiously, softly] Yes.
[jaunty music playing]
[exhales]
[inhales, laughs]
[Damien] Hi, Mum.
What? Of course I haven't forgotten.
Happy birthday.
Yeah, I'm in the car right now.
Yeah, I flew back specially.
Um
Yeah, I have got you a present.
[motor revving]
Ruby, remind me what I bought my mother.
[Ruby] You are a terrible son.
-Got you. I did!
-[boy 1] No, you didn't! You're dead!
-[boy 2] You're dead.
-[boy 1] You missed!
[both] Uncle Damien!
-Hi, boys.
-[boy 1] Pew!
[boys] You're dead.
-[boy 1] Watch my dance.
-Watch mine.
[thuds]
Ow!
I didn't touch him!
[boy 2] Yes, you did!
-No, I didn't.
-Chris!
I think your boys need you.
Sunny!
[Sunny] Coming.
-What did you do to him?
-Sunny. You look
-[Sunny] Careful.
-wonderful.
Save the fake compliments
for your conquests.
Hey, Dad.
Oh! You've been
getting some sun, haven't you?
Don't it look like
he's been getting some sun, Chris?
Not really.
Looks the same as he always does.
-Where's Mum?
-Where do you think?
-Okay.
-Do us a favor.
-[Damien] Hm?
-Let her know we need more beer.
-And for me, Damien, mate.
-[Damien] Hi, Mummy.
[excitedly] Oh!
-Sweetheart. You made it.
-[Damien kisses]
-Of course. Happy birthday.
-Oh, thank you.
[gasps] This looks so lovely.
Oh, thank you.
[kisses]
You look sad.
-Well, I'm not sad.
-[chuckling] Oh
-I'm actually extremely happy.
-Are you?
-I've got some very good news, Mummy.
-Mm-hmm?
-Your little boy
-Yeah?
is going to be
the next CEO of the Atlas Agency.
-[gasps] Oh!
-[chuckles]
And no one to share it with.
No, I've got
plenty of people to share it with.
In fact, I shared it with six women
just this last weekend.
-[gasps, chuckles] Oh, you naughty boy.
-[Damien chuckles]
Six in a weekend?
-Yeah.
-Right, service, please.
-[Damien] Can I take that?
-No, no, no. You must be exhausted.
-I am.
-Christopher.
Sunny, your mum needs you in the kitchen!
[young woman] "Guinness.
Love takes time, but it's worth it."
Well, your presentation's
actually really good.
-[tablet clatters]
-Wow, thanks, darling.
I don't know
if I should be touched or offended.
Maybe we could celebrate
by getting me an iPhone.
An iPhone? I think new phones
are your father's domain.
Well, yeah, but now
he spends all his money on Tina.
-[dishes clatter]
-On Tina? What happened to Rebecca?
She turned 30.
Oh, well, poor thing.
Well, it happens to the best of us.
-You think you'll get a new office?
-A new [chuckles] No. No.
No, I haven't earned that yet.
And I I like where I am. I like my desk.
It's good to be in the center of things.
-You always do that.
-[Alex] Do what?
Act like you don't deserve anything.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do.
You need to stand up for yourself.
-[tableware clattering]
-I do stand up for myself.
[sarcastically] Sure you do.
Anyway, I think it's great.
Thank you.
I'm excited. [chuckles nervously]
[breathes deeply]
[pensive music playing]
I'll get that quote off to you, all right?
See you soon.
Oh, hi.
Hello.
After you.
Please. Ladies first.
[exhales]
So you like my presentation?
Mmm.
-I do.
-I'm glad. I put a lot of work in.
Clearly.
I'm looking forward to
a position under you.
-[Damien] Okay.
-[laughs]
I'm ready to do whatever you want.
Are you now?
-And Or if you prefer
-[elevator dings]
-I can take the lead.
-Whatever happened to playing hard to get?
[female automated voice] Welcome to Atlas.
-[Alex] Sorry?
-Felicity, at long last. We're reunited.
Did you miss me?
Welcome back, Damien.
Oh, when are we gonna
give up this ridiculous charade
and run away together? Hm?
-And lose my post of 23 years?
-[Damien] Mm.
-The place would be a shambles. [laughs]
-[Damien] Well
I respect your dedication,
but I will have you some day.
-Yes, I will. I will.
-[laughing] Oh, stop. No.
-Damien.
-[Damien] Hello.
-I've just heard from Guinness.
-And?
Your strategy worked a charm.
-[exhales sharply]
-That's my boy.
-Well, I learned from the best. Thank you.
-[laughs] Good morning, Felicity.
Morning, sir.
[flirtatiously] Mmm. Competition.
["Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?"
by Rod Stewart playing]
-Oh, look.
-[woman] Uh-oh.
-[Damien] Excuse me.
-Uh Uh Uh Uh
Glenda, how is it that you are so small,
yet you're always in the way?
I have no idea. It's a mystery, sir.
-Now move.
-[Glenda] Yes, sir.
You survived the weekend, then? [laughs]
Mmm. Good morning.
Good to have you back, Damien.
Ruby, you've become such a good liar.
I'm very proud of you.
-Alex is ready for you.
-Hm?
-Alex Fox.
-[Damien] Who?
-[Ruby] The woman you just promoted.
-Ah, yeah. Of course, send her in.
Thank you.
Now we're all alone
[music warps, fades out]
Ah. Alex.
Oh. I thought I thought maybe
you hadn't realized who I was.
[snorts] Ridiculous.
Do you know that
I actually handpicked you myself?
Congratulations. I'll see you
in the morning creative meeting?
-[gasps] Absolutely.
-[Damien] I'm excited about this.
[Alex] Thank you.
[Ruby] Please tell me
you didn't hit on her.
Ruby, that's actually
really, really offensive.
She's 20 years too old for me.
Guinness want to increase
their female market share.
So we'll need
a new product name and campaign.
And talking of women, we have a new one.
This is our
new creative director, Alex, um
Uh Um
Fox.
Correct.
And she's gonna be
running point on this pitch with me.
Wow, thank you.
-I wanted to say--
-[Damien] Right. Let's get into it.
-Product name and ideas. Let's go.
-[man 1] Guinness Pink.
-[Damien] Mm.
-Guinness Femme.
Guinness Girl.
[Damien] Love it. Immediately,
women know this is for them.
Above all, women
just want to feel heard, right?
I think they want to be heard.
-That's the same thing. It's what I said.
-[men laughing]
-The research shows--
-[Damien] What do you think, Austin?
[Austin] Okay, there's this girl.
-Incredibly fit.
-Mm-hmm.
She takes a Guinness,
takes a swig, gives her a foam mustache.
Tagline, "Can't grow a mustache."
"Well, Guinness Girl's got you."
'Cause girls can't grow mustaches,
can they?
-[Damien] Yeah, thank God.
-[men laughing]
They They wanted us
to target women, not not girls.
-I've got one. The St. Pauli Girl, right?
-[Damien] From the beer. The German.
-Mit der goldenen Globen, mein Fhrer.
-[men laughing]
Heil Titler.
-[laughing]
-So we create our own Guinness Girl.
-Oh.
-[man 2] But she's so much hotter.
And not Germanic.
-And they make out.
-[Damien] That's good.
And then she and the, uh
the St. Pauli Girl have a pub fight,
and there's Guinness,
and foam, and mustache, and--
Do we want
to tie alcohol to violence, though?
They're fighting. It's skin on skin.
They're ripping each other's clothes--
-[Damien] Yeah, but hold on.
-And it's--
Are we sure we wanna tie
alcohol to violence, though?
-That's smart.
-So true.
-You're right. We That's valid.
-[Damien] Wait, I got it. This is the one.
Two women walk into a pub.
We're shooting them from behind.
And then the camera comes around,
and we reveal
it's actually two blokes dressed as women.
-And they're making out.
-No, that's inappropriate, Alex.
I'm in the middle of an idea,
but it's good to have you in the room.
I appreciate it.
Anyway, so these blokes go to the bar,
and they order,
"Two Guinness Girls, please."
So it's like women,
but we know they're blokes.
-[laughing]
-[Damien] And then comes the tag.
"Guinness Girl. It's so good,
it makes men wish they were women."
-[gasping in awe]
-I love that idea.
-Oh, that's good.
-[man 3] I love that. It's
-[Damien] It's feminist.
-[man 2 laughs] That's epic. That's epic.
Alex, thoughts?
It's
incredible.
Thank you. It's great
to have you in the room.
-Hey.
-Hey.
I thought I was running point
on the Guinness pitch.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, you are.
Just need the new girl
to cover ourselves
in their female perspective, right?
-Got it? All good.
-[Austin] Yeah, got it. Yeah.
-Hi there.
-Hi.
You should know
the "female perspective"
just heard all of that.
[scoffs]
Okay.
As in, I just heard you say
that I'm only here for the optics.
Mm.
Well, you must have already
realized that to some degree. Mm?
No, I didn't, because I'm good at this,
and I deserve the job.
-And--
-Time of the month?
-[Austin snickers]
-What? What did you say?
Look, you got a free promotion
for being a woman.
Just accept that you have it easy.
-[sighs] Sorry, you think I have it easy?
-[Damien] Easier than I do.
Nobody wants to have
a straight male in power anymore.
I have to be 100 times better
than any other candidate.
-The undeniable best.
-Oh, this isn't a joke.
-You're You're being serious.
-[Damien] Yeah, the world has changed.
It's got much better for you
and much worse for me.
Because you have to pretend
you're not a misogynist?
There it is, the M word.
The go-to scapegoat
for everything that's wrong, right?
-You think that's the problem?
-[Damien] Mm-hmm.
I've got news for you.
Please tell.
The problem is you.
[Damien] Oh, really?
Well, unfortunately for you,
I'm not going anywhere.
-In fact-- Uh
-[Glenda] Uh-oh.
-Move.
-[Glenda] Uh.
In fact, sooner rather than later,
I'm gonna be running this place.
So if you've got an issue with that,
then perhaps you should leave.
Okay, then.
[belongings rustle]
I quit.
[scoffs] You what?
Have a smashing life. Good luck.
You know what, I will have
a great life, thanks,
because, unlike you, I'm a good person.
[laughing sarcastically]
[exhales forcefully]
So sorry you couldn't handle the job.
-Oh God.
-Your emotions got in the way.
I'm the one who gave you
an incredible opportunity,
and you just throw it all away.
I have ideas, good ones, maybe even great,
but you won't listen.
You know, I'm not some blow-up doll
that you can wheel out to your meetings
to prove you're evolved.
Don't knock blow-up dolls.
They last longer than you have.
This is exactly why women don't move up.
You're all far too sensitive.
It's called empathy.
You should try it sometime.
-Oh, by the way--
-Hey.
-[Damien] You're fire--
-[clangs, echoes]
['Walk On The Wild Side"
by Lou Reed playing]
[faint female voice] Open your eyes.
There you go. Open your eyes.
[wings flutter]
[pigeon coos]
[voice clears] Can you tell us
what happened, love?
-Are you hurt?
-I just hit my head. I'm okay.
[woman 1] You on any medication?
-The pill?
-The pill?
Side effects can be intense.
Some men can't handle it.
Just need to get back to work.
[woman 2] Is it close by?
We can escort you.
-No, it's just there, I'll be fine.
-[woman 2] Okay.
Make sure you get some ice
on that, yeah?
Yeah, look after
that pretty face, all right?
[music continues]
You will never get out of here.
Never getting out of here.
[elevator dings]
[male automated voice] Welcome to Atlas.
[Damien sighs]
-[telephone ringing in the background]
-[Damien groans]
Damien, are you okay?
What are you wearing?
What am I wearing?
[laughing] What are you wearing?
Oh, you're dressed as a genie.
-That's rude.
-What?
Wait a minute. Ruby, get me an ice pack.
[Ruby, sarcastically] Shall I pick up
your dry cleaning as well?
[Damien] Yes, if it's ready.
What are you doing?
You can't just walk into Alex's office.
Ha, you're surprisingly funny.
And as you probably heard, Alex just quit.
[Ruby snickers] I'm sorry, what?
[Alex clears throat] Did I?
Is this "dress as your boss" day?
Very amusing.
[Damien] No, no.
Why is everyone in fancy dress?
You've come to apologize.
-Go ahead.
-Damien, what are you doing in my office?
Mm. Not really a great apology.
Don't Don't sit there.
Wait a minute, what's all this
Ruby, what have you done
with all my stuff?
Excuse me?
[Fred] Coffee.
Oh, Fred, my cashmere angel.
Fred, what the hell
are you wearing? [laughs]
[Alex] My, you've been working out?
You've got to stop teasing me
in these cardigans.
Don't you know this is a place of work?
I can't afford to be distracted.
All right, Fred.
Don't let her talk to you like this.
-Enough.
-Fred, this is
-Yes.
-No, no, no. Enough.
All right, Damien.
Let's get you back to your desk.
-No, no. This is my desk.
-No, it's not.
-Damien, please.
-[laughing]
Come on, out of there.
-Don't laugh at me.
-Sorry. Please.
[Damien] No, no, stop laughing, Ruby.
-Good Lord, he needs to knock one out.
-[Ruby] Mm-hmm.
[Fred] What is the matter with you?
Is it the promotion? The stress
of being the new male creative director?
Male creative director?
What are you talking about?
-That's my office. She's in my office.
-[Fred] Damien, will you calm down?
The last thing we need is
to give them an excuse to call us mad.
Who's calling us mad?
-Oh, the women.
-[Damien] Who cares about the women?
They can piss off.
You're the bloody CEO of this company!
-That'll come as a surprise to Felicity.
-Felicity is our receptionist!
No, Damien, please don't--
I'm hearing you. Yes.
[Damien] Felicity?
Fuck!
-Damien.
-[Damien] What?
[dramatic music playing]
-Jesus. Is everyone in on this?
-[clatters]
-[indistinct chatter]
-[Damien] Huh? What is this?
-Hello, Carol. How are you?
-[elevator dings]
Did he just leave?
Taxi. Taxi.
Sorry, love. It's rush hour.
What? Give us a smile.
[Damien] What?
[dramatic music builds]
[Damien yells] What the hell is going on?
[music crescendos, trails off]
[easy music playing]
This isn't my home.
What? Who put this here?
Shit.
-Fuck.
-[slams]
"Harriet Potter"?
"Lady of the Rings"?
What? "Donna Quixote"?
-[sofa creaks]
-Oh.
[female reporter] Pope Beatrice III
returns to the Vatican today.
Oh, bloody hell.
[male reporter] Male protesters chanted,
"My sperm, my choice."
-[Damien] What?
-[pop music on TV]
-[Damien] Ugh.
-[remote clatters]
[cat meows]
[purring]
Whose fucking cat is this?
[sinister music playing]
-[Damien] Mummy!
-[door slams]
[female driver] Here we are, darling.
-[panting]
-[boys] Uncle Damien!
Boys, where's Granny and Grandpa?
I think I think
I'm having a nervous breakdown.
Can you plait my hair
like you did last time?
Yeah, and do mine after.
[breathing uneasily] Sunny!
Your boys need you.
There's something wrong with them.
[Sunny shouts] Chris!
[Chris] Coming!
Hello, Damien. You all right?
How you doing, babe? You okay? [kisses]
Oh, what are we doing? Hairdressing?
-[boys] Yeah.
-Okay. You having your hair like Daddy's?
Daddy used to be a hairdresser.
-Mum?
-[mother] Damien.
[chattering on TV]
You look different. You put on weight?
What? N No.
[Sunny] Mm.
What What What's going on?
Damien, go make yourself useful
and help your father out in the kitchen.
And tell him to hurry up. We're starving.
-[Sunny] Hey, Damien.
-Hm?
-[farts loudly, laughs]
-[laughs] That's my girl.
-Oh look. Oh. Oh.
-[Sunny] Oh.
-[mother] Look, he can't do it.
-[Sunny] Oh no!
I can make a bun.
Put a little clip in here.
Do you like this one?
-Yeah.
-Here's a clip.
-[Chris] That's a good clip.
-[dad humming]
-[Damien] Dad?
-[gasps]
-[bowl clatters]
-There he is!
-[Damien] Dad?
-Damien.
-[Damien] What are you wearing?
-Oh, my darling. Just in time.
Come with me. I've made you your favorite.
I know it's naughty.
Homemade mayonnaise.
Dad, it's not naughty.
I don't like mayonnaise.
Please just stop this.
Stop this right now.
And tell Mom and everyone
to just be normal.
-Please, Dad.
-[shushing]
-Please. Please.
-[dad] What's got into you, sweetheart?
It's work, isn't it?
You give too much of yourself to that job.
-You'll never find a wife that way.
-I don't want a wife!
Is it such a crime
for me to want to see your mother
walk you down the aisle
before I die? [sobbing]
['Walk On The Wild Side"
by Lou Reed playing]
[sniffles]
[distant siren wailing]
Do-do-do, do-do
-[clangs]
-[Damien grunts, groans]
[sighs] Bollocks. Still here.
Take me back.
-[yells]
-[clangs]
[grunts]
Aah!
-[alarm beeping]
-[groans]
Ah, fuck it.
[yells] Take me back!
-[clangs]
-[Damien exclaims]
Ow.
[distant siren wailing]
[pigeons cooing]
World is upside down, huh?
-Push off.
-[laughing] I get it.
I miss the real world too.
Men being on top.
Everyone watching men's sport,
rather than women's.
What did you just say?
[laughs gently]
I thought as much. You're a new one.
You had all the classic signs.
Disorientation, denial, distress.
Running headfirst into solid objects.
Wait. You're from the real world too?
Yeah. That's why they call me a lunatic.
-[shouts] 'Cause I speak the truth!
-Wait a minute.
How How long have you been here?
-Uh, what month is it?
-September.
-Nine years.
-Nine Nine years?
-I'm glad you're here, you know?
-[sighs]
Ever since Marcus got sent back--
Got sent back? What do you
What do you mean, got sent back?
-Oh, you don't know how to get sent back.
-No. How do I get the fuck out of here?
Okay. Well, you make a change.
What What does that mean?
You make a change,
and then you become the one in charge.
The one in charge? How do I do that?
So, from what I've observed,
it depends on your situation.
Wherever you work,
you've got to get to the top.
And then, poof, you go back.
[Damien] Hm. Well,
that doesn't sound too hard,
'cause currently,
Atlas is being run by a receptionist.
Should be easy to get to the top.
Thank you, Pigeon Man.
-[distant siren wailing]
-[inciting music playing]
You're welcome!
[alarm clock beeping]
[snoring]
[yelping]
[meows]
You are not my cat!
I don't like you!
["Wouldn't It Be Good"
by Nik Kershaw playing]
-[cat meows, purrs]
-Oi! You're not my cat!
-[huffs]
-[metal scraping]
-I said, go away!
-[clangs]
-[meows]
-[objects clatter]
[Damien] Stop looking at my penis!
Wouldn't it be good
To be in your shoes
-[girl] Hey, Mom.
-Morning, darling.
-[trainer] One, two, one, two.
-Thank you.
[trainer] One, one, two, two.
-Right. Three, three, two, two.
-[girl] Bye, Mom.
Bye, darling. Have a good day.
One, two, one, step.
One, two, one, duck. One, two, one--
Two, three!
-So, you chase dogs here? Hm?
-[purring]
Wow! Saudi Arabia
is allowing men to drive.
In a bold and unexpected move
Thanks, Ronaldo.The Queendom of Saudi
has officially extended
driving privileges to men.
Alexo, play morning playlist.
Wouldn't it be good
To be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day?
Wouldn't it be good
If we could wish ourselves away?
[wings fluttering]
Come on. You can do this.
-Good luck!
-[Damien] What?
-You'll need it.
-[Damien] Thank you.
-[elevator dings]
-[indistinct chatter]
Damien. [chuckles]
How are you? Are you feeling better?
-Yeah, much better. Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
Between you and me,
I'm ready to take this place by storm.
Yes. Now, Damien.
Listen, you've been here for 20 years
and barely made creative director.
Don't do anything stupid. Mm-hmm?
Don't worry, Fred.
It's Felicity. She loves me.
Uh, Da-- Damien, she's busy right now.
-[Damien clears throat pointedly]
-[door closes]
Good morning, Felicity.
-Morning, David.
-Damien.
-Damien Sachs.
-[Felicity] Ah, yes.
This is our new male creative director.
-Dylan.
-Damien.
I'm with Glenda Cartwright,
chair of the Atlas board.
We are in the middle
of something really important.
What do you want?
So sorry to interrupt, but
I just wanna take you away
from all of this,
whisk you away to some
enchanted place where we can
while away the hours.
What do you say?
[chuckles]
What the hell is wrong with you?
Sorry, he just stormed past me.
I'm so sorry.
Um
I mean, what I meant to say is that
out of the whole agency,
I'm the most hardworking,
dedicated, and worthy of a promotion.
Apart from all the people
who are actually working
instead of desperately
trying to sell themselves in my office?
-I will be going back to work.
-[lamp clattering]
Thank you again.
Out.
[Damien] Work, work, work.
Just love, love work.
Sorry, he just stormed past.
[door shuts]
Men.
Tell me about it. [gulps]
Men watching their waistlines
are concerned that a pint of Guinness
is too much of a meal.
So the new CEO is eager to expand
into the wine market.
There is a massive opportunity here
for Guinness wines.
[all applaud and cheer]
-Alex!
-Good work, Alex.
Thank you, Felicity.
Let's get started. What have we got?
So, I've been thinking about--
Okay, hold on, hold on. I've got it.
-How about a bottle shaped like a penis?
-[women] Ooh.
That's bold, and I like it.
No man is gonna put their lips
around a bottle--
Wait a minute. I've got something.
Men sometimes
refer to their testicles as grapes.
-Really?
-No, they do not--
-So we have two gorgeous boys, super fit
-[woman] Mm-hmm. Mmm.
brimming with muscles,
naked in a vat of grapes,
crushing the grapes with their biceps.
-The juices runni--
-And their tight little butt cheeks.
Squeezing them.
But they don't refer to it.
It doesn't work.
Oh, and then there's a sad old man
who looks like Damien.
-[woman] Oh.
-Old?
And he's holding a beer,
watching from the sidelines.
-Can't play in the vat. [laughs]
-[Ruby] Oh, he can't play.
-[women mock-crying]
-"Pick me. Pick me."
-Okay, but--
-[women mock]
Okay, hold on, hold on.
I think Damien's got something to say.
-Was there something you wanted to say?
-Yes, thank you. I appreciate that.
-The fundamental issue here really is--
-[sighs]
Oh my God, I've got it. I've got the tag.
Okay, so we're in the vat with the models,
and then we cut to this glamour shot.
Two enormous, immaculate grapes
hanging on the vine.
-Ooh.
-[Alex] And then comes the tag.
"Guinness."
"We've got the biggest grapes
in the business."
-[women] Oh! Yes!
-But men don't refer--
-Yes.
-Yes!
-Slam dunk!
-[women cheering]
-[laughing]
-Can I finish my sentence, please? Can I--
[intently] Can I finish
the sentence, please?
Damien, you need to relax.
Beg your pardon?
-You need to relax. Calm down.
-[Damien] I do not need to relax.
I need you all to stop interrupting me
so I can do my job.
Okay, don't get emotional.
I'm not-- I'm I'm not emotional.
I'm actually just I'm frustrated.
-Mm.
-Yeah, we can tell, love. [laughs]
[Damien] I'm frustrated
that no one's listening to me,
in that the one person
who understands men in the room
is actually not even being heard.
It's absurd.
-Is it your time of the week?
-What?
I swear to God, if men don't jerk off
at least once a week, they get so aggro.
Just tense.
Fuck me.
Do you need to take care of it now?
Or will you be all right?
I think I'll be okay, thank you.
-[tittering]
-[Alex] Okay.
Good. Well, that was mostly productive.
[inhales] I think we explore the grapes,
and then we reconvene tomorrow.
-[Ruby] Mm-hmm.
-[Alex] Damien?
Yes?
If you're gonna be
as disruptive as you were today,
we don't need you in the room.
["Creep" by Rozzi playing]
I wish I was special
-[woman 1 sighs]
-[woman 2] I like the penis bottle idea.
But I'm a creep
-[Alex] I'm sorry, but he is a nightmare.
-[Felicity laughs]
-He was testerical in the meeting today.
-[Felicity] Well, tell me about it.
I spent half my day
on this meninist cow shit.
Yesterday, I had to sit through
a six-hour training video
because Austin asked me
if I was allergic to nuts.
And I said, "Not yours."
-[both guffawing, snorting]
-[Alex tapping booth]
-Oh my God.
-Quite right.
Yeah, but you know,
we're not allowed to make jokes anymore.
-[laughs, inhales]
-[phone ringing]
[Felicity groans] I better go home.
I'll have to cut up the Amex
before Jonathan buys
any more of those Gucci cock rings.
-You coming?
-Nope.
Not yet.
There's still one more deal
I need to close.
Hm. Nice package.
Go for both. I would.
[jazzy piano music playing]
[Alex] Can I buy you both a drink?
-Sure.
-Sure.
[music fades]
[Damien] Everyone at work, they treat me
like I'm completely invisible.
I mean, how am I meant to be promoted
if nobody actually listens to what I say?
[breathes in] Do you want
my honest answer?
You're my sister. Be completely honest.
No one's gonna promote you
if you're not remotely fuckable.
And 55-year-old postmenopausal men just--
I'm 51, firstly.
And secondly, I am extremely fuckable.
In my experience,
men who succeed in business
put a lot of effort into how they look.
They groom. They work out.
They wear makeup.
They wear the right clothes.
That's what it takes to get noticed.
I don't like it, but it's true.
And if you don't get noticed,
you don't get anywhere.
You're just a another childless cat man.
How do you know about my cat?
[gulps] It's obvious.
You've all got them, haven't you?
-[cat meows]
-Listen, Sunny.
-Yes?
-Would you possibly help me?
I thought you'd never ask.
[upbeat music playing]
-How does this actually work?
-Don't worry about it.
What you've got to understand is this.
See, if you don't look good,
they will dismiss you
without even realizing it.
-Right.
-If you look too good
They will pay you attention,
but are not taking you seriously.
See, you can't be
too unattractive or too attractive.
It's a very small window
in which we're working with.
-That's a nightmare.
-Hello? Hello, friend.
Have you got five,
just to do a measurement?
-Of course.
-My brother-in-law's bollocks.
-[Chris] What are you thinking?
-18G.
Oh, that's generous.
Underwire.
-Mm-hmm. Mm.
-One piece. Or push-up.
-Now, you're an 18B.
-Right.
With the push-up,
we can make you look 20D.
-Let's go with the push-up.
-Yeah?
'Cause it looks like
a couple of golf balls in an old sock.
[man] The premier testicle bra.
[Chris] Oh, I've got those. So comfy.
Take these into the back,
pull on the little toggles.
They'll make your little fellas fly.
[Chris] Lovely.
-Do you need help popping them in, sir?
-[Damien] Absolutely not.
-[upbeat music plays]
-[water trickling]
[gong clangs]
[nurse] What are we gonna do
about that big fat belly.
-What?
-Lipo or high-frequency sculpting.
-Oh.
-That's That's exciting.
-[nurse] Jawline.
-Go for that, Damien.
-Teeth.
-Yes, let's prioritize those teeth.
-[Chris] For sure.
-[Sunny] Full-body hair removal, right?
-Oh yeah. Legs.
-[Chris] Great.
-Chest, tummy, ears.
-[Chris] Definitely.
And may I just
-Oh.
-[underwear snaps]
Full Australian.
Let's get rid of that bush.
-[Chris] Sounds great.
-Fine.
Before I forget, we have a deal
on penile filler this month.
-[Sunny] Ooh.
-Oh. That'll take 25 years off your penis.
-Penile filler?
-[Chris] Come on, Damien.
You're 51. That is ancient in penis years.
I am not having my cock filled.
[both sigh]
The rest you can do.
[swinging jazz music playing]
-[wax strip rips]
-[yelps]
[chattering indistinctly]
[chattering indistinctly]
[Chris] Ding dong.
Someone's getting promoted.
[alarm beeping and playing
"Man! I Feel Like A Woman!"]
[yawning]
I feel like a woman
[Damien] Oh my Geez.
[tsks]
[softly] Here we go.
[sighs]
["Stayin' Alive" by Bee Gees playing]
[grunts]
[grunting with effort]
Well, you can tell
By the way I use my walk
I'm a woman's man
No time to talk
Music loud and women warm
I've been kicked around
Since I was born
And now it's all right, it's okay
And you may look the other way
But we can try to understand
The New York Times' effect on man
Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Feel the city breakin'
And everybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
-[wax strips ripping]
-[yelps in sync with Stayin Alive]
Staying alive
Mmm.
-[ripping]
-[yelping, grunting]
[worker catcalling] Check you out.
-[workers wolf-whistling]
-You're looking tight in that suit.
Did you see the flop on that?
Somebody help me
Somebody help me, yeah
-Are you?
-[Alex] Wow, Damien.
I mean, don't call HR on me,
but it's nice to see
you putting in an effort.
I just rolled out of bed like this.
-Would you?
-No. Too old.
[Ruby] Mm.
-[cutlery clatters]
-And I got pec implants for her.
[munching] I was gonna get some.
She said, "No, you can't."
But I said,
"It's not about you. It's about me."
-Yours look great.
-I actually think they look good.
-I like I like people seeing my nipples.
-Mm.
-[keyboards clacking]
-[indistinct chattering]
[Damien] Are you heading
to the Guinness lunch?
[exhales appreciatively]
-[Damien] Mmm.
-Oh, you look very nice today, Darren.
Damien.
I think, and I could be completely wrong,
that Guinness has got a new male CEO.
It might be a good idea to have
a male member of staff at the table.
Just an idea.
Might be rather good for them to see
that we appreciate the male perspective.
May I please have the iceberg wedge
with no blue cheese dressing and no bacon.
Bone-in, ribeye rare.
Double cheeseburger with onions
and the truffle fries.
I'll have the green salad.
Green salad, good choice.
-Mmm.
-[Felicity] Yeah, it's a good choice.
[Felicity munching] Well,
I think it's time that we
-[moans appreciatively] Mmm.
-[cutlery clatters]
[Felicity] got down to business.
Alex here has come up
with the most terrific pitch
as to how to get men
to be excited about wine.
-And her plan--
-[client] Sorry, but I have to stop you.
We're going to be moving on
to a new agency going forward.
Excuse me?
[client] I wanted to tell you in person,
but our company is entering a new era,
and we need an agency with experience
of focusing on the male marketplace.
-Well, Harry, I can tell you as a man--
-You were nobody's first choice for CEO.
Excuse me?
Everyone knows Guinness
was beset by sexual harassment claims.
So they gave it to a man
to try to change the narrative.
[quietly] Alex.
I think what Alex is
trying to say here is that--
You turn things around
it's luck.
If things keep going badly,
it's because you're unqualified.
And either way, you're too emotional
and aggressive for the job.
That's what everyone
out there is saying, right?
That's right.
[takes a deep breath, exhales]
Being a man in charge is exhausting.
No one listens to you.
And if you ever dare
to express frustration,
you're told you need to relax.
How many times a day
do you hear that phrase?
-A few.
-[Alex] You don't need to relax, Harry.
You need to be able to do your job.
When you're drinking Guinness,
it's not "you need to relax."
You get to relax.
[pensive music playing]
[Harry] You know what?
[clicks tongue] I
[music intensifies]
love that.
[sighs in relief]
-[sultry music playing]
-[table clatters]
[Harry] Alex,
you are seriously impressive.
[Alex and Harry speaking indistinctly]
I liked what you had to say
at the meeting, Dawson.
Damien.
[splutters] Perhaps we should make a date
to discuss your future at Atlas.
I think you have great potential for
significant growth.
I'm very eager to grow. [chuckles softly]
Mm.
How about tonight? My place?
Absolutely.
-Mm. [chuckles]
-Austin will give you the address.
[pensive music playing]
Hm.
Top left, four.
-Partially--
-I've got a question.
-Sorry to interrupt.
-Damien, what--
So if my boss is essentially offering me
career advancement
in return for a few sexual favors,
I should do it, right?
No, that's illegal.
That is literally
the definition of sexual harassment.
Sunny, you're the best.
Good luck, young man.
[door slams]
-That didn't happen, okay?
-Uh-huh.
[jaunty music playing]
Excuse me.
Uh, I hear you have
a special this month on penile filler.
We do, sir.
[jaunty music continues]
[groans in pain]
-[door opens]
-[Damien] Hello? Felicity?
[music trails off]
Darvin.
[hesitates]
Yes, that's my name.
You look just
[breathes deeply] Delicious.
Thank you for meeting so late.
Whatever my CEO desires.
[Felicity] I thought we should investigate
our new Guinness product.
Ah. Then that definitely makes this
a business meeting.
-[glasses clink]
-[laughs] I meant what I said today.
I think you could have
a very bright future at Atlas.
I mean, I should do.
The only reason I haven't
been promoted is because I'm a man.
-[laughs in amazement]
-[Damien laughs politely]
You certainly have got
the confidence to get ahead. [laughing]
[laughing politely]
Ooh. [chuckles]
Mm? Mm.
What else do you have?
Beg your pardon?
[Felicity] What else are you willing to do
to move up in this company?
-Hm?
-Why don't you see what's in that bag?
[chuckles] Okay.
[clicks tongue]
-[Felicity] Put it on.
-[Damien] I don't think that's necessary.
I think you want it as much as I do.
I can make it very easy for you at Atlas,
or very hard.
[whispers] Which will you choose?
Easy.
Could you let go of my balls, please?
-[door creaks]
-[spurs jingle]
[Western theme plays]
Howdy doody? [laughs excitedly]
-Howdy.
-[Felicity] Um
Would you put your hat on your head?
[gasps] Oh, Mama likey.
Now, um, just swing your guns around.
[plastic rattles]
[exhales appreciatively]
Pew pew.
I I I meant all your guns.
So you mean
[laughs flirtatiously]
Mm? [breathes heavily]
[moans]
[moaning louder]
Now, talk to me like a cowboy,
and tell me to take off all my clothes.
-[drawling] Well, ma'am.
-[gasps, drawling] Help.
I reckon you need to take off them
garments real slow-like.
Oh, no.
[Damien] 'Cause I got
an itchy trigger finger.
[gasps] Oh, more,
more, more, more. [moaning]
And I've been in the saddle all day,
and that's made me
stiffer than a sun-dried
[Felicity screams] That's great!
-totem pole.
-[Felicity] Oh, more!
-In fact, folks call me Southern Comfort
-Yes! Yes! [moans]
'cause I'm a real good licker.
-Get it?
-[Felicity] Yes!
[Damien] I'm gonna
head you off at the pass
and pump you full of lead.
[moans exaggeratedly]
[suddenly falls silent]
Pew pew.
Did you enjoy that enough
to give me a promotion, ma'am?
[regular voice] Felicity?
[mournful music playing]
[priestess] And thus
we commit her body to the ground.
-In the name of the mother
-[holy water sprinkles]
-and of the daughter
-[holy water sprinkles]
-[priestess] and of the Holy Ghost.
-[holy water sprinkles]
-[priestess] A-women.
-[all] A-women.
This is the worst day of my life.
It's a sad day for all of us.
No, but mostly for me.
Felicity owed me.
[mourner sobbing]
[sighs] I did something
that I will never ever tell you about,
just so I could get promoted.
And now she's dead,
and it was all for nothing.
-Are you insane?
-[Damien] Hm?
If men could sleep their way to the top,
there would be loads of us there already.
Practically every guy
in the office slept with Felicity.
Mm?
And it got us nowhere.
Don't you dare say a word
about that this weekend.
This This weekend?
The gathering
at Glenda Cartwright's country house
in honor of Felicity.
Well, I guess you weren't invited.
[somber music playing]
[pigeons cooing]
Come on, chin up.
Yes, you killed the CEO.
Bad show there, but silver lining.
Now they need a new CEO.
No, it's already decided.
They've chosen Alex Fox.
And they were never
gonna choose a man anyway.
True.
But at least you've got somewhere to live,
which means that we could
all live together.
-Who? "We"?
-[man] Yeah.
You, me, Pat, Julian, Ramona,
sometimes Ronnie.
Oh, fuck me. I've got to get out of here.
Oh. That's a shame.
Wait.
[inspiring music playing]
I'll go to Glenda's thing.
-Well, who's Glenda?
-[Damien] The chair of the Atlas board.
I'll impress her, and just you watch.
I'll leave there the new CEO.
I love it. Great plan.
When you say "you watch"
Oh, no, no, no. You You're not coming.
-Oh.
-And neither are they.
[pigeons grumble]
[music turns invigorating]
[indistinct chatter]
-Hello. Can I help you?
-[Damien] Yes, you can.
I'm here for the Atlas gathering.
I'm Damien Sachs.
I'm sorry, but this event is
for top executives
and their assistants only.
And I'm afraid I don't have
a Damien Sachs on my list.
Louis?
-Is that you under there? Is it you?
-[disapprovingly] Mmm.
Louis.
-How do you know my name?
-[Damien] You shouldn't be a butler.
You should be running
a top company like Guinness.
-Guinness?
-[Damien] Yeah.
-Me? [scoffs]
-[Damien] Yeah.
-I couldn't possibly.
-[Damien] Yes, you could, Louis.
But the women,
they've convinced you that you can't.
[sighs] Glenda.
[quietly] Louis.
It's time
to fight back.
-[Louis, suspiciously] Mm-hmm.
-For the brotherhood, Louis.
[inspiring music playing]
For the brotherhood.
[music flourishes]
Step this way, Mr. Sachs.
-[suitcase clatters]
-Oh, and let me take that.
Oh, no, no. It's Mm. Fine.
[suitcase rattles]
[Louis] In the name of
[grunting]
[Damien] Come on, Louis.
[bright music playing]
-[door creaks]
-Surprise!
Oh, good God.
I didn't realize
tonight's dinner was casual.
And I thought I had a well-waxed chest.
-Who are you trying to impress?
-You know exactly who.
And by the end of the evening,
she's gonna be
eating out of the palm of my hand.
Damien, you cannot honestly believe
that you are in contention
for the CEO position.
Why not? Because I'm a man?
No, because I am
the highest-ranking executive at Atlas,
Felicity was grooming me for this,
and Glenda loves me.
The whole weekend is a formality.
The job is mine.
-[chuckles]
-What?
You're scared.
Excuse me?
You thought you had this in the bag.
I'm the dark horse
that you didn't count on.
Oh?
You have no idea how to handle me, do you?
And you know what? You should be scared.
Because I'm very, very good at this.
[ambient piano music playing]
-[indistinct chattering]
-[tableware clattering]
To Felicity.
[all] To Felicity.
[Damien] And to you, Glenda.
You look absolutely gorgeous.
[whispering] You smell incredible.
Just imagine if Atlas
had its first-ever male CEO.
The credit you'd get
from the rest of the industry
would be immeasurable.
That's why the next contender
should be chosen for their talents
[piano music halts]
and not just for their gender.
Ha! Sorry. [laughing]
Where'd that pianist get to?
I don't like hearing my own teeth chatter
when I'm eating my pudding.
Please.
Allow me.
[clears throat]
[sighs]
[Damien] Any requests?
Something romantic.
Hmm.
How about this?
[piano chords playing]
I'm just a bachelor
I'm looking for a partner
Someone who knows how to ride
Without even falling off
[piano tempo picks up]
[beatboxing]
If you're horny, let's do it
Ride it, my pony
My saddle's waiting
Come on in, jump on it
If you're horny, let's do it
Ride it, my pony
My saddle's waiting
Come on in, jump on it!
[all cheering and applauding]
[man 1] Bravo. Yeah!
Bravo.
Bravo, Diego.
All right, that's it for dinner.
Thank you, everyone.
I'll see you in the morning.
What a wonderful song.
[Alex sighs]
[Glenda] I had a pony when I was little.
Her name was Buttercup.
Oh. How splendid.
[both laugh]
Listen, I was going to go down to the club
for some after-dinner drinks.
Would you like to join?
I I'd I'd absolutely love to.
As would I.
[Glenda] Fabulous!
["Dopamine" by Robyn playing]
I just need to know
Felicity and I used to get
totally off our tits here.
[Alex and Damien laugh]
-I'm gonna miss my old drinking buddy.
-Aw.
Now, Alex, being CEO requires stamina.
Felicity would always keep up with me.
Question is, can you?
-I'm looking forward to the challenge.
-Wonderful. Let's start with tequila.
-David.
-It's Damien.
[Glenda] Whatever.
Would you like
a ros or a little prosecco?
Uh, actually, I'd love to try a shot.
-Really?
-[Damien] Mm.
-[pecs tapping]
-[Glenda] Lovely jubbly.
[quietly] I know what you're doing,
and it won't work.
[whispers] I'm just getting started.
[Glenda] Bottoms up.
[Damien] Mm-hmm.
["Big Energy" by Latto playing]
[sighs contentedly]
Bad chick, I could be your fantasy
I can tell you got big, big energy
It ain't too many of 'em
That can handle me
But I might let you try it
Off the Hennessy
Make 'em sing
To this thang like a melody
And if your girl ain't right
I got the remedy
It ain't too many of 'em
That can handle me
Bad chick, I could be your fantasy
Tell me how you want it
Three, two, one and I'm on it
Feel good, don't it?
Hood chick, you in a bonnet
Imma bust it on a pole like Onyx
I'm just bein' honest
-Gosh, David.
-Damien.
Whatever. You are game.
Oh. Okay.
[laughing]
Mine in the bank, in the bank
I like what I see
A boss like you need a boss like me
Daddy from the street
So he move lowkey
[patrons cheering]
[chanting] Glenda! Glenda! Glenda! Glenda!
[cheering and whistling]
-[thuds]
-[patrons] Oh.
Oh no. Not again.
Buttercup?
[cheering excitedly]
[sighs in relief]
[Alex] You hold your liquor well
for a man.
And you know what else?
I have the penis of a 25-year-old.
When are you gonna give it back?
[both laughing]
[Glenda groans groggily]
Louis, I love you.
Love you too, madam,
but just just leave just not the hair.
-[Glenda groans groggily]
-[Damien] Mm-hmm. Come on.
And And don't forget madam's booties.
-I've got them. Thank you. Thank you.
-[Glenda] I love you, Louis.
[Louis] You too, ma'am. You too.
[slurred] Okay, now we've got
to get her through the door.
Okay.
-[thuds]
-[Glenda] Ow.
Preferably having opened it first.
-I think you've broken her neck. [laughs]
-[laughing]
-[thudding]
-[Damien] I've broken her neck.
[laughing]
[Damien blows raspberry]
[birds chirping]
[Alex] He is trickier than we realize.
Well, if he's gonna play dirty,
then I'm gonna play fucking filthy.
I'm going to destroy him.
[tableware clatters]
And I'm gonna write a killer presentation.
[inhales] And he won't know
what's hit him.
Hmm.
[suspenseful tone plays]
Good morning, all.
On behalf of the board of Atlas,
who have kindly joined us today,
we are excited to hear your thoughts
on the future of our company.
Who would like to start us off?
Alex.
And Damien.
Well
Gentlemen first, as they say.
[Damien] Mm.
Thank you so much, Glenda.
Change.
Everyone fears it.
And who can blame them?
Change is terrifying.
It's far easier
to keep to the familiar path,
avoiding any risk at all.
But one also avoids the innovation
[uplifting music plays]
that is so fundamental
to true leadership.
So while some women in power may prefer
to keep men beneath them cocooned,
unable to realize their full potential,
other more enlightened females
have the wisdom and the courage to say,
"Bring on change."
[uplifting music flourishes]
[Glenda] Oh!
[exhales in awe]
[gasps] Oh! [chuckles]
[Damien] This little butterfly here
saw in Glenda someone wise
who realizes their potential
is often hidden and locked away.
It just needs to be released.
-And--
-[phone rings]
-[Alex] Sorry.
-Rude.
It's as if you're trying to prevent
Glenda from hearing what I have to say.
No, it's my kid, and they know not to call
unless it's an emergency.
-So, uh
-Come on.
-Um Will you just excuse me?
-[Damien] Can you do this outside?
-[daughter] Mum.
-My God. What has happened to your face?
I was skateboarding with Jack and Mia,
and I chipped my teeth.
Did your father call
the dentist? Dr Um Uh
-[sighs] What's her name?
-Shabtai.
-Shabtai.
-Shabtai.
[daughter] Her office said
she can't see me until Monday.
And Dad called, like,
five other places, and no one can see me.
[Alex] Okay.
Uh
Is everything all right?
-[Alex] Um
-[Damien] I can help.
I'm extremely close
with the best dentist in London.
You are?
[Damien] She's got
a six-month waiting list,
but I can try and see
if she has any availability today.
-[ringback tone]
-Oh, well done, Damien.
I believe interpersonal connections
are often overlooked.
[Sunny] What do you want, dickwit?
Johnny told me you were the one
who taught him the word twat.
-And you paid Tommy to take the blame.
-[laughing] Yes, doctor.
-Hilarious.
-[all laughing]
[Damien] Bit of a dental emergency here.
Colleague's child has chipped their tooth.
We were hoping you could see them today.
[phone locks]
-She can see Charlie this afternoon.
-[all exclaim]
-[Louis] Nice one, Damien.
-Well done, Damien.
Charlie, did you hear that?
There is someone here who knows a dentist
who can get you in this afternoon.
So I will text you the address,
and then I will be there as soon as I can.
-Thank you, Mum. Bye.
-[Alex] Okay, bye.
[phone locks]
I am so sorry,
but I have to be there for them.
Of course.
We understand.
And we'll try our best
to carry on without you, Alex.
Damien, you couldn't maybe come with me?
Help facilitate things with the dentist?
I wouldn't normally ask,
only I know how important
interpersonal connections are to you.
Love to. I really would, but Glenda is
very keen to hear my presentation.
-[Glenda] Nonsense. Go help.
-So, unfor--
We'll be fine here with Mr. Butterfly.
I I'm going to name him Marcello.
-[laughs]
-[chuckles]
Brilliant.
[engine revving]
[shouts] No, no, no.
-[tires screech]
-If you overtake, a little slower, please.
Not in a Porsche. No.
-[tires screech]
-[Damien] Eyes on the road.
Do you genuinely think you could be CEO?
Yes, I do.
Because I'm the best man
person, for the job.
-[laughing]
-Why are you laughing? I am.
If the board had any balls,
I'd be the CEO.
"Had any balls"?
Did you just make that up?
No, it's a popular phrase.
What do you suppose it means?
What do I suppose It means to be a man,
to have balls, to be powerful.
-To be strong.
-Balls?
Yes, balls.
The delicate sacks
that dangle from your body,
where the slightest tap
sends you weeping to the ground?
-Yes.
-[engine revving]
-[tire pops]
-[Alex] Oh shit!
-What do you expect?
-We've got a flat tire.
-[Damien] Thanks for the womansplaining.
-[Alex] It's okay. I'm not gonna crash.
-[seatbelt unbuckles]
-[handbrake ratchets]
-[Alex grunts]
-[engine shuts off]
[groans] Of course this happens now.
[sighs]
Oh, fatherfucker.
God, I haven't changed a tire
since my mum taught me as a teenager.
All right, take a breath.
All right? Aren't I meant to be the one
who's a drama king?
Yeah, and you're making
a pretty good job of it.
-[hood rattles]
-Okay. So careful. Careful.
Can you change a tire?
No, I'm a man.
-[Alex breathes with effort]
-[Damien] Put your back into it, come on.
-There we go.
-[phone rings]
[Damien] Is that your kid?
-[ringing stops]
-No, their father.
[inhales] Basically trying
to give me a hard time.
-[breathing with effort]
-Oh. Sounds like a prize. What happened?
Oh, it was a classic story. He's a model.
-[Damien] Mm-hmm.
-He was gorgeous and sexy and fun.
And then he lied about being on the pill
and knocked me up.
Basically trapped me.
-At least you've got Charlie, eh?
-Yeah.
Yeah, Charlie's great.
You know, I never saw myself as a mother,
but it's actually pretty good.
The kid's really sweet.
I've stopped thinking,
"More, more, more" all the time.
[jack cranking]
It was a wake-up call.
-[phone pings twice]
-[Alex sighs]
-Is that him again?
-[Alex] Probably.
-See.
-[exhales heavily]
This is why I never wanted to get married.
It's this exact scenario.
[metal clicks]
Kid breaks their teeth
while I'm in the middle of a competition
to become CEO
against a far superior candidate.
I'm sorry to keep saying this,
but this is not a competition.
-Oh, I'm aware of that.
-[Alex exhales with effort]
-It's a coronation.
-Oh my God. You're kidding me.
-They don't wanna hire a woman as CEO.
-[laughs dryly]
I have to be undeniably the best
to even be in consideration.
And luckily for me, I am.
-[Damien exhales with effort]
-[hood locks]
What?
Nothing.
It just sounds so much worse
coming from someone else.
[engine revving]
[upbeat music playing]
-[Alex] You all right?
-Yeah.
Let's have a look.
-Oof. That's gnarly.
-[door closes]
-Who are you?
-[Alex] That's Damien, he works for me.
-She'll be working for me tomorrow.
-Ha-ha.
This is nothing.
We'll get these beauties sorted
in time for dinner.
Oh. Well, that's a relief.
[Damien] So, are you gonna head back?
Honestly, it's late,
and we've missed the meeting anyway.
They're heading home in the morning.
I'll wait for Charlie and go home.
Thank God, uh,
'cause I'm completely exhausted.
So, I'm heading home too,
and let's resume
our epic battle in the morning.
-[chuckles] Do you need a ride?
-With you behind the wheel?
I'll be taking the tube. Thank you.
[laughs]
-Oh, Damien.
-Yeah?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
[engine revving]
[pleasant music playing]
Glenda, I've been ready
to take the mantle for years.
Oh, Glenda!
Damien?
-Oh shit!
-Damien!
Don't you dare! [panting]
[Damien] Fuck!
[music grows dramatic]
Bastard!
-Are you joking?
-Are you joking?
-What the hell are you doing here?
-[door closes]
How did you get here so fast?
-I took the train.
-You took the train?
You said you were staying home.
-You said you were staying home.
-Yes, well, I lied.
I'm at a severe disadvantage,
and I need to cheat whenever I can.
This is not a game! This is a job!
And you're just making
your future CEO very, very angry.
Just admit it.
-I'm much better at this than you are.
-Oh yeah?
-I'm kicking your arse.
-You wish you were kicking my ass.
I won't be anywhere
near your stinking arse.
Oh yeah?
[breathing heavily]
[sultry music playing]
[Alex moaning]
Hm. There's a form we need to fill out
at Atlas, saying we both consent.
I consent. I consent.
-On your back.
-[Damien moans]
So, you wanna be on top?
-[breathing heavily]
-[Alex chuckles] I'm always on top.
-[Damien] Well, that's a coincidence.
-Oh! Oh yeah? [gasps]
-[Damien] 'Cause so am I.
-[Alex] Oh.
-You think? Not anymore.
-[Damien grunts]
[buttons pop]
-[whispers] Oh God.
-[Damien chuckles] Come here.
[moaning]
[Damien] I have to warn you.
The last woman I was with
died from pleasure.
[Alex] Oh yeah? Oh!
[Damien] So you're taking your life
into your own hands.
[both moan]
[breathing heavily]
-[Damien] Do you wanna risk it?
-[both grunt]
I do.
[both moaning intensely]
[Alex] Maybe we take turns
being on top.
[Damien moans]
-Ladies first.
-[Alex moaning]
[music trails off]
[rooster crowing in the distance]
[suspicious music playing]
[belt buckle clinks]
[door slams]
Oh!
-What are you doing?
-[Alex] Um
What are you doing?
Are you sneaking out?
No, I'm not sneaking out.
I would not sneak out.
I was gonna leave you a very nice note.
-I was gonna get you breakfast.
-[Damien] I was gonna order you breakfast.
I mean, I am the sneaker.
You're meant to be the sneakee.
-You know, last night was fun.
-[Damien] Mm.
It was actually really fun. It was, like
It was shockingly fun.
Yeah, it was almost like
sleeping with, uh myself.
Same.
But, look, I respect you too much
not to be totally honest. I
I'm not interested in anything serious.
Oh, believe me,
I'm less interested in something serious.
I'm not in the place for a relationship.
No, I am literally
not in the place for a relationship.
You don't have to say that because
you think that's what I want to hear.
No, it's what I want to hear.
There is someone out there
who is looking for
exactly what you're looking for.
And they are so very lucky.
Wow!
Now, that is a great line.
I'm sorry, what?
[Damien] Well, it's complimentary,
it's optimistic,
and it completely shuts everything down.
It's artistry.
Can I steal it?
-Sure.
-I normally give a little gift.
-A little gift?
-Yeah.
Like, uh, an outfit
or an overpriced candle.
You know, a small token of appreciation
for a fun evening.
Uh, here.
Thank you for last night.
Wow. A pen.
-Thank you.
-[softly] You're welcome.
[laughs]
-I mean, this is
-[shoes clatter]
This is the longest conversation
I've ever had with a woman in the morning.
-[laughs]
-Yeah. [chuckles]
I know you don't wanna stay,
but you don't have to leave.
What do we do if we stay?
I don't know.
I'm usually 20 miles away by now.
-[laughing]
-You tell me.
-[phone ringing and vibrating]
-[Alex] Oh.
-Um, be quiet for a minute.
-What, don't moan with pleasure?
[Alex] Glenda, hello.
-[Damien moans lightly]
-[Alex] Understood.
Mm-hmm.
-We'll speak later today.
-[phone locks]
Well, we might need you to sign
that consent form
because you just slept
with the CEO of the Atlas Agency.
But you didn't even pitch.
I had that room in the palm of my hand.
[Alex] I've been impressed
with you this weekend.
-I think there might be an opportunity--
-[Damien] No, no, no. I must be the boss.
[Alex] Whoa.
No, you don't understand.
I need to be the one in charge.
That's not how promotions work.
It's not about who needs anything.
It's not about feelings. It's about
finding the best woman for the job.
Exactly, the best woman for the job.
I never had a chance.
-Of course, you make it about being a man.
-It is about being a man.
Are you so brainwashed,
you don't get that?
I get that you're disappointed.
No, you don't get it
because this whole system works for you.
This company, this world
is one big joke,
and you being made CEO
is the biggest joke of all.
Well, luckily for you,
you don't have to deal
with the company anymore
because my first act as CEO
is to fire you.
Now get out.
[footsteps receding]
["Mad World" by Jasmine Thompson playing]
-Should've been you, Dame.
-Big time.
Alex will never have our support. Never.
Thanks, gents. I appreciate it.
Come on, let's bring it in.
[Louis sighs]
[softly] Okay.
It's a travesty, is what it is.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are
Filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head
I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
-[distant siren wailing]
-[wings fluttering]
I find it kind of funny
They know. Somehow,
the pigeons always know.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
-[employees cheering]
-We love you, Alex!
[all chanting] CEO! CEO! CEO! CEO!
CEO! CEO! CEO!
Mad world
And I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run
[pigeon coos]
Stop it. How would you like it
if I took a shit on you?
Seriously.
[pigeons cooing]
You can hop back on when I come out.
-[door creaks]
-Hi, Mum.
Good heavens, Damien.
What's happened to you?
[Damien] I got fired.
Can I come in?
Oh God.
Chris! Your brother-in-law's
covered in shit!
Oh, what's happened?
I get it now.
Women have been in charge here
since the beginning of time.
The truth is I never had a chance.
I mean, they knew it.
They all bloody knew it.
Well done for trying, love.
-Aw. Thanks, Dad. That's sweet.
-[smooches]
Hey, um, I've got a friend of mine
who's a He's a solicitor.
He He goes to my spin class.
He deals with cases like this.
You wanna talk to him?
[intriguing music playing]
I mean, what we've got here is clearly
a fraudulent vetting process for CEO
coupled with wrongful termination.
At the least, we will get your job back.
Good.
I do have to warn you, though.
These things, they can get ugly.
Are you committed
to holding Atlas accountable
and making them pay?
Absolutely.
[exhales and taps leg]
You are my inspiration.
-[softly] Thank you.
-[softly] I'm inspired.
This is precisely
why we try to avoid hiring men.
[attorney] We need to confirm, Alex,
that there isn't anything
that they could perhaps use against us.
[dramatic music playing]
Nothing inappropriate?
Well, we did have sex once. [chuckles]
Oh God.
-But only once.
-When?
Well, right before I, uh
Bef before I fired him.
Oh, fuck me.
Sorry, I realize now
that was poor judgment on my part.
Poor judgment?
This is the Titanic of bad decisions.
He's got us by the ovaries.
[solicitor] If we're gonna fight back,
we need ammunition.
Is there anything you observed at Atlas
that we could possibly use against Alex?
Any interactions of a sexual nature
with lower-level employees?
[Chris] Tell them, Damien.
-[solicitor] Think, Damien.
-[Chris] Tell them what you told me.
[solicitor] All we need is one instance
of inappropriate behavior,
and there's a good chance we can win this
and get you installed as CEO.
-[Chris] Tell them.
-[solicitor] Can you think of anything?
[Chris] Damien, we have to tell it.
-[solicitor] Anything at all?
-[Chris] Tell them about the secret.
[dramatic music swells]
[music fades]
We've already lost one major client,
and word is there are more on the way.
Glenda, please don't worry
about the clients. I can handle them.
One bright spot is that, for some reason,
their team have yet to bring up the fact
that Alex slept with Damien.
They haven't?
-[attorney] Not a word.
-Why do you think that is?
No idea.
Frankly, it makes no sense.
-[Glenda] Is there nothing to be done?
-[attorney] It's a challenge.
[bright music playing]
[attorney] The public
loves an underdog story.
-[Glenda] Alex?
-Yes?
Thank you for joining us,
but I'm sure, as CEO,
you have other things
you need to be doing right now.
I do.
[breathes nervously]
Thank you.
[uplifting music plays]
Well, well.
Time to make a change.
[door creaks]
-Alex?
-Damien.
[music stops]
What are you doing here?
-We're not supposed to have any contact.
-Why didn't you tell them we had sex?
I don't know.
It would've made your case a slam dunk.
Why didn't you do it?
-[phone rings and vibrates]
-Oh, sorry. Yeah, I've gotta take this.
Glenda. Hi.
-Yes.
-[Chris sighs]
I understand.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
-[phone locks]
-Everything okay?
You have just been made CEO.
-Cool!
-Wow!
CEO?
It's okay. I'm happy for you.
I think. It's complicated, obviously.
I will just have to get used to you
being the one in charge.
The one in charge?
So that means
Wait, I'm not ready to go back yet.
Wait! Wait, I'm not ready to go back yet!
-Please! No, Alex, don't go away.
-[Alex] Damien, what's going on?
Please stay! [yelps]
[dramatic music playing]
[slowed gasping]
[thuds]
['Walk On The Wild Side"
by Lou Reed playing]
[faint male voice] Can you hear me?
-[siren wailing]
-[wings fluttering]
-[faint male voice] What's your name?
-Alex?
[voice clears] Alex?
Mate, get off the pavement.
Do, do-do, do-do,
do-do-do-do, do-do, do-do
Alex?
Do, do-do, do-do,
do-do-do-do, do-do, do-do
Oh my God.
I'm back.
[elevator dings]
[female automated voice] Welcome to Atlas.
Felicity?
-You're alive.
-Of course I am.
-You're alive!
-[Felicity] I'm always here, 23 years.
-[laughing with joy] Oh.
-What's got into you? Oh, darling.
-[chuckles]
-[Damien sighs]
-[chuckles]
-You dirty animal.
What? Are Are you all right, Damien?
You look pale.
Would you like me to get you a cup of tea?
-Alex. Alex?
-[Felicity] Oh dear. He's gone.
[hopeful music playing]
Alex?
-Ruby? Ruby?
-[Ruby] Mm-hmm?
-[Damien] Where's Alex?
-Didn't she just quit very loudly?
Oh, I'm such a dick!
[Ruby, sarcastically] No, you're not.
I'm gonna make it up to you.
You've been my assistant for far too long.
-You need a promotion.
-Damien, are you high?
No, no, no, I promise you
I'm gonna recommend you
to be part of the senior management.
You deserve it.
-Okay.
-But I need a favor.
I need Alex's address.
Right now. It's an emergency, please.
[Ruby] I'll get that for you now.
[typing]
Damien. Damien.
Love the new Guinness campaign.
Rope me in when you come
to audition the girls, yeah?
-You know what I mean? [chuckles]
-I do know what you mean.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
-Got it?
-[Ruby] Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
[hopeful music playing]
[Fred] Damien, what's going on?
-What the fuck's happened to you?
-[Damien] I've grown up, Fred.
Maybe you should too.
Everyone.
I wanna apologize
for being such an arsehole.
I'm gonna try and make things right.
I promise.
-And, Glenda
-Uh-oh.
-[sighs] Thank you for everything.
-Hey?
But you are far too intelligent
to be the cleaner.
Plus, you can out-drink any man alive.
Things are gonna change.
[elevator dings]
-Ooh.
-[typing]
Clearly on drugs at work.
[scanner beeps]
-[toddler babbling]
-[toy squeaking]
-Sorry, is that yours?
-Oh. Yes, thank you.
You're welcome.
[Damien pants]
[exhales]
[purrs, meows]
-[purring]
-Oh, my cat.
-Nice to see you.
-[meows]
Charlie. Thank goodness.
Is your mum in?
Who are you? How do you know my name?
I'm Damien.
Damien from work?
-[Damien] Yes. Yes.
-The one who just fired my mum?
-Well, technically, she quit.
-[Charlie] Sure.
-[Damien] No, don't close the d-- Alex?
-[door slams]
Alex?
-Oh, piss off.
-[Damien] Alex.
-I need you to come back to Atlas.
-[door slams]
-Sorry?
-[Damien] You can't quit.
I need you. We need you.
Atlas needs you.
Please leave. Leave.
Listen, I read
your Guinness pitch. It's brilliant.
It's It's creative and original,
and the copy's simple and elegant.
"Love takes time, but it's worth it."
Why didn't you feel this way this morning?
Well, because I'm a complete arsehole.
I hadn't read it. I lied to you.
But I have now, and it's convinced me
that we would be just so lucky
to have you running the campaign at Atlas.
You disrespected me.
You insulted me.
And you flat-out told me
that I was only there for the optics.
I'm so sorry.
You've never taken me seriously,
and you made me feel invisible.
I was awful, and I was wrong.
And, Alex, I'm gonna make it up to you.
Just tell me
what I need to do
to convince you to come back.
I want Austin to know
that I'll be the one running the campaign.
Done.
And I want the same salary
as the male creative directors.
Absolutely.
-And I want an office.
-Fine.
In fact, I want your office.
The only problem is, I'm in my office.
-[Alex] Right. Come on.
-[Damien] Okay, fine. You can have it.
You You deserve it.
What exactly has happened to you
in the last three hours?
Well, I I hit my head.
And then when I woke up
-I just wanna be a better man.
-[Alex] You hit your head?
So you're concussed right now?
[chuckling] I mean, you
Are you going to remember
any of this tomorrow?
You know what? I'll put it in writing.
[pen clatters]
[hopeful music playing]
[Damien] What is it?
Just sort of
sort of dj dj vu.
[pen taps lightly]
Can we go back to the office
and make it official?
Um
Please. Go for it.
I was gonna go for a skate anyway.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Watch your teeth on that thing, please.
-What?
-Just be really careful, okay?
[chuckles] Sure.
Just
[keys jingle]
-[door creaks]
-I'm bringing mace.
Yeah, that's completely understandable.
It's actually encouraged.
Ladies first.
No, please.
After you.
I feel like
I'm never gonna get this right.
Well, that's a good start.
["Move On Up" by Curtis Mayfield playing]
[narrator] So there we have it.
That is our story.
And the beautiful thing is,
not only did Damien get what he deserved,
so did Alex.
Hush now, child
And don't you cry
Your folks might understand you
By and by
Just move on up
Toward your destination
Though you may find from time to time
Complication
And maybe, just maybe,
living happily ever after.
Well, never mind about all that.
How do I get out of here?
This isn't about you, Fred.
This is about them.
Take nothing less
Than the supreme best
Do not obey rumors people say
'Cause you can pass the test
Just move on up
For peace you will find
Into the steeple of beautiful people
Where there's only one kind
So hush now, child
And don't you cry
Your folks might understand you
By and by
Move on up
And keep on wishing
Remember your dream
Is your only scheme
So keep on pushing
Bite your lip
And take the trip
Though there may be wet road ahead
And you cannot slip
Just move on up
To a greater day
With just a little faith
You can put your mind to it
You can surely do it
[jaunty music playing]
[jazzy music playing]
[music halts]
[mysterious music playing]
[music fades]
[jaunty music playing]
[pensive music playing]
[music halts]
[moody music playing]
[music fades]
[sweeping music playing]
[music halts]
[jazzy music playing]
[music fades]
[sweeping music playing]
[music fades]