Lady Killer (1933) Movie Script

- Count off.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
At ease.
Now, men, Mr. Jeffries
has something important to say to you.
Boys, I've been managing
picture theaters for a long time.
This is the neatest and best-drilled
company of ushers I've ever seen.
But some are not measuring up... the necessary standards
of discipline that I insist upon.
I won't mention any names.
This is merely a friendly warning
that any usher caught chewing gum...
...during the performance of duty
will be dismissed.
I also have a report that a certain usher
is making a habit...
...of using the men's lavatory on the
mezzanine floor for dice and crap games.
This must stop.
I think I've made myself clear.
That's all.
Keep an eye on them, Seymour.
Company, attention.
Fall out for five minutes.
Oh, Quigley.
Come here.
I've already warned you
a couple of times this week.
Look at yourself.
Well, what's your excuse this time?
Walking around on my knees
to give my arches a rest.
Let me see your hands.
Ever try using soap and water?
Let me see the other one.
I thought so.
You heard what Mr. Jeffries said.
That's your last warning.
If you're late again you'll be dismissed.
Feature goes on in 15 minutes.
Seats in the balcony only.
Stairway to the right, please.
"Coming: Edward G. Robinson
in Dark Hazard. "
- We've gotta get a load of that guy.
- Yeah, he's not bad.
You got a Mickey Mouse
on the bill today?
No, not today.
What, no Mickey Mouse?
- No, no Mickey Mouse.
- Why?
He's making a personal appearance
in Jersey City.
Oh, you're trying to kid somebody, huh?
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Come on, Slug, let's get our dough back.
I'm sorry,
but you can't take the dog inside.
- Fido wouldn't make a bit of trouble.
- Sorry, but it's against the rules.
I'll have you understand
I'm not a madam.
Well, I wouldn't know about that.
I'm sorry.
- Take your hands off me.
- What's the trouble here?
- The lady has a dog.
- You needn't have been so rude about it.
Poor Fido, did he hurt-um?
- May I take your dog?
- No.
I'll give him back to you
after the performance.
You're sure you'll take good care of him?
- Certainly.
- Thanks.
That's the second complaint I've had
in five minutes.
- I must be slowing up.
- I think we can get along without you.
- Aw, you hurt me.
- Turn in your uniform.
Listen, Fido,
this guy's got a wooden leg.
Try it sometime.
I dub you lieutenant.
Uh-huh. Did it again.
That's four pairs in a row.
If this keeps up,
I'm gonna buy you a fur coat.
- What kind do you want?
- Mink.
You'll take rabbit and like it.
And that's no...
Am I aggrieved.
Well, better luck next time.
What lovely weather we're having.
Excuse me, I've gotta see a patient.
- Taxi?
- Uh...
No, no, uh...
That dame just dropped this purse.
- Well, I'll see that she gets it.
- Uh-uh, uh-uh. Ha-ha.
No, I think she'd like me to have it.
What is it?
Yeah, you're the doll.
You dropped this in the Randolph Hotel.
- I tried to catch you, but you were too fast.
- Oh, thank you.
I didn't miss it until I got home.
I wondered where I lost it.
Won't you, uh, come in a minute?
Who could say no?
Oh, it's all there.
All I wanted was the card.
I didn't mean it that way.
I was looking for a reward for you,
but I'm afraid I haven't got enough.
Who said anything about dough?
Well, uh, at least sit down
and have a drink.
Why not make it two? One for you.
- Well, I'll have a little one.
- Good. Heh.
How much?
Oh, about two ounces.
One for each kidney.
Oh, uh, chaser?
- Always have been.
- Oh...
Funny fella.
I beg your pardon.
I didn't know you had company.
Oh, that's all right. I lost my purse
and this gentleman returned it.
Oh, uh, what did you say your name was?
Well, I guess I can tell it here.
Dan Quigley.
- Irish?
- That's the rumor.
Well, Mr. Quigley, I want you to know
my brother-in-law, Mr. Maddock.
- Pleased to meet you.
- Same to you.
You've got a game going on in there.
Yes, just a five-cent ante,
three of the boys from my lodge.
Do you mind if I kiss myself in,
make it five-handed?
Not at all.
New customer might change my luck.
All right, swell.
Sorry, but you know how it is.
- Go ahead.
- May make the price of a fur coat.
Who can tell? Ha-ha-ha.
A pair of queens for Quigley
and an ace showing for me.
Beat the queens.
I'll fold.
- Not for me.
Here goes my stack.
That last ace came in handy.
That cleans me. I'll be drifting along.
- Too bad you had rotten luck.
- You can't draw tough cards all your life.
You played a good game,
but you just didn't have them.
Well, better luck next time, Quigley.
- No squawk. Be seeing you.
- Any luck?
- Yeah, plenty. All bad.
I think I'll stick to checkers.
Well, thanks for returning my purse.
- Come up again sometime.
- You mean when I can stay longer?
All right, baby.
Keep a light burning in the window.
- So long.
- Goodbye.
Uh, pardon me.
Does Miss Myra Gale live on this floor?
Why, yes, she lives right in there.
But she's not in now.
Anything I can do?
I'm her brother-in-law.
Well, I found her purse.
She lost it in a florist shop on
Fifth Avenue, so I came to return it.
Yes, I see. That's nice of you.
Well, I'll be glad to take it
and give it back to her.
And I'll see that you get a reward.
No, no, thanks. That's all right.
I'm glad to have been of service.
- You'll see that she gets it?
- Oh, yes, yes.
- I sure will.
- Thank you.
- Wouldn't you like to leave your name?
- No, that's all right.
All right.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Hello. You dropped your purse.
Played me for a sucker, huh?
Trying to pull a fast one.
I'm wise to you.
Kick back with my dough.
Don't get excited. Let's talk.
Talk nothing over. Your game is crooked.
I want my dough.
You lost your money in the game,
now get out of...
Kick back with my 50 bucks or I'll
fold your joint up like an accordion.
I'll squawk my head off
to every cop in town. Come on.
- Miss Myra Gale?
- Yes.
You dropped your purse
coming out of the beauty parlor.
I picked it up, called to you,
but I guess you didn't hear me.
Oh, that was sweet of you.
Thank you...
Oh, won't you come in for a moment?
Thank you.
All right, there's your 50 bucks.
Now get out of here.
No, I don't think I will.
Listen, boys,
I've got a little proposition to make.
There's another sucker out there
with another purse and a bankroll.
And I'm here.
What's it worth
to have me keep my trap shut?
- You've got your dough, now scram.
- Mm-mm.
I'm staying. You kick in with 10 percent
of what you take that chump for...
...or I'll go out and tip him off.
You'll keep your trap shut or...
Put that away
or I'll jam it down your throat.
Come on now, get smart.
You got a sweet racket here.
Maybe I can show you
a few new wrinkles.
Cut me in on the profits. I'll guarantee
a thousand dollars a week for your take.
What do you say?
Smart little guy, ain't you?
I've been around.
Okay. It's a deal.
Who was that at the door, sis?
Oh, I beg your pardon.
I didn't know you had company.
Oh, that's all right.
I lost my purse
and this gentleman returned it to me.
- Oh, what did you say your name was?
- Rowland. J.B. Rowland.
- Mr. Rowland, my brother...
- Pleased to know you, sir.
How do you do? I'm glad to know you.
I've just been playing
nickel ante with friends.
More laughs than a barrel of monkeys.
All right, Pete, Smiley, Duke and Myra.
Pick it up. It's all yours.
Open one month
and we're doing all right.
Yeah, not a bad racket.
And we got a perfect cover-up too.
Lucky day for you
when you dropped that purse.
It was lucky for all of us.
Well, kept my promise, didn't I?
Promised you a thousand
and got you 10. That's not bad.
It's all in knowing your stuff.
Gotta have ideas.
Think you could learn?
Right here.
Hey, Dan, you ought to see the dame
I just let in here.
She's covered with rocks
from head to foot.
- What's her name?
- Mrs. Wilbur Marley.
Marley? Marley?
Seems to me I read something about her.
You probably did.
Her husband died about a year ago...
...and left her six or seven skyscrapers
and a steamship company.
Yeah? Come here, take a gander at her.
Did you say gander?
I wonder how she'd go for a goose.
George, see about that young man.
I think he's hurt.
I saw the accident from down the street.
I'm Dr. Crane. Can I be of any assistance?
Well, I'm quite all right,
but that young man.
Oh, surely.
Don't touch him. Don't move him.
Let me see what we have here.
If there was only someplace
I could take him...
...where I could make
a more complete examination.
Well, this is my home. I'm Mrs. Marley.
- You can take him in there.
- Oh, that's fine. Thank you.
Will you help me? There. Come on.
Quiet, now. Easy.
Doctor, you're sure he'll be all right?
Well, he's pretty badly shaken up.
If he could remain here for a while
and rest, I'm sure he'll be all right.
I'll have him removed to a hospital later.
By all means.
Anything you think necessary.
This young man should be very grateful
to you, Mrs. Marley.
Not at all. It was very fortunate for him
that you came along.
Come, George.
And for goodness' sake, do be careful.
- Well, how did it go?
- Duck soup.
Dan's in the house
and Mrs. Marley's gone out.
- Great work, doc.
- Give us a cigarette, Myra.
- Okay, driver, step on it.
- Oh, boy.
I'll get it.
Yeah, I get you.
Okay. In 15 minutes.
Come on.
You tell Mrs. Marley
that everything's all right.
We're taking this man
to the hospital for an x-ray.
Yes, sir.
- Thank you for your trouble.
- Not at all, sir.
- Will you take these, sir?
- Oh, yes. Thank you.
- What's the dope? Let's have it.
- Here it is.
Right here's the living room.
There's the library.
A door here, and three windows here.
On the right side of the library
is a fireplace.
Over the fireplace is an oil painting of
some ape in a costume holding a sword.
And behind the oil painting
is the wall safe.
It couldn't be helped. The dame
started to yell. I had to knock her cold.
Sure, those things happen.
Nothing to worry about.
Plenty to worry about.
If that maid croaks, we're all sunk.
- Who knows about us?
- I suppose every cop is a dumbbell.
Nobody ever did a rap for murder.
Answer that, will you?
Oh, hello.
Go on with your game.
We're just looking around.
Say, isn't your name, uh, Quigley?
- Dan Quigley?
- Yeah.
Weren't you mixed up
in an auto accident...
...over in Roslyn, Long Island,
a few days ago?
- Uh-huh. But it didn't amount to much. -
The butler said they took you to a hospital.
No, I couldn't afford it.
Had the doctor take me home instead.
Is that so?
What was the doctor's name?
I don't know, I never saw him before.
All I know was he charged me 10 bucks.
- Well, how do you feel now?
- All right.
Hmm. Funny thing, that house they carried
you into was robbed the same day...
...and the maid has a fractured skull.
- Oh, that's a shame.
A swell-looking gal too.
Well, uh, how about a little drink?
No, we just dropped in
to see how you were getting on.
- Don't get in any more accidents.
- Ha-ha.
I'll try not to.
They don't know anything about us, huh?
They're getting ready to knock us off.
Easy. If they had anything on us,
they'd have made the pinch.
What's the matter,
are you getting yellow?
...getting smart.
Well, what are you squawking about?
Pete, Smiley and I take the chances
while you wait...
...for something to happen, ladyfingers.
- Dan.
- Stop it, Dan. We've no time for that.
Hold it, Duke.
Let go.
Go to work on that guy. We need him.
Hot stuff is hard to get rid of.
Seventy-five hundred is the best I can do.
Oh, come on, Charlie, open up.
That ring alone's worth 10 grand.
- Sure, the paper said it was 12 carats.
- I'm taking an awful chance.
If the bulls hook me up
with you, I'm sunk.
- Ah...
Oh, come on, come on.
Take the 7500 and call it a deal.
Get rid of that stuff.
You're robbing us at that price,
but wrap it up.
All right.
There's your dough.
- Give me a buzz when you get more stuff.
- Yeah.
- Pete get back yet?
- No.
What's the matter?
You're shaking like a hophead.
- We gotta work fast. We're in a jam.
- What?
The district attorney's office
is bearing down on us.
- What for?
- Well, that butler we slugged...
...on the Crosby job croaked.
Murder, huh? You were warned before
to lay off that rough stuff.
- Now you put us all in a spot.
- Ah, lay off.
What's the use of arguing about it?
The DA's office has been sweating Pete.
Suppose he cracks?
Suppose he can't take it? Then what?
Then somebody goes to the electric chair,
and it won't be me.
Putting the finger on jewelry is one
thing, but bumping people off is another.
And I don't want any part of it.
I warned you before, and now I'm through.
This is the finish.
You gonna start crying again?
Every time anybody gets a tap on the head,
you wanna play Red Cross nurse.
Oh, shut up.
Say, maybe we all better
take a powder out of town.
Scram up to Montreal
and hide out in the woods for a while.
What happened at the DA's office?
- Did you spill anything?
- No.
They didn't have a thing on me.
Asked me a few questions and let me go.
What do you mean, let you go?
Come on, spill it.
What questions did they ask you?
Well, you know, they said:
"What do you know about
knocking over that joint...
...and what do you know about
knocking over this joint?"
And I said, "I don't know a thing. "
- You're a liar, Pete. You're lying.
- No.
Honest, Duke, you got me wrong.
You rat.
They broke you.
You squealed to save your own neck.
- You put the rap on me.
- On the level, Duke.
I didn't tell them nothing, honest.
Stay where you are. Keep your seats.
Remain quiet. Come on, boys.
The coppers are crashing the joint,
they're busting in now.
- So you didn't squeal, huh?
- Duke...
Well, come on, let's get out of here.
What are you waiting for?
That mug's been walking up and down
outside of here for the last five minutes.
Looks like a copper to me.
He couldn't be a cop.
His feet aren't flat enough.
Besides, who knows we're in Chicago?
There's always the telegraph, dumbbell.
Listen, here.
You pay the check.
I'll meet you at Dearborn Street Station
in a half-hour.
I'll see if I can shake this guy.
She has the check.
Come on. Come on.
Spill it, what's on your mind?
Could you let me have a dime
for a cup of coffee?
Here's a buck,
buy yourself a percolator.
Thanks, mister.
I had you sized up for a regular guy
when I spotted you in the restaurant.
Yeah, yeah.
All aboard. All aboard.
An awful lot of places to go.
- Wanna go to Europe?
- That's out.
You can't get out of this country
without paying your income tax.
Mm. That income tax.
I wish I had a piece of that racket.
- Hey, what about Florida?
- Uh-uh.
Too many hurricanes.
Blow you right out of bed.
Wake up in the morning
and find a boat in your lap.
Ah. California.
"Land of eternal sunshine. Ideal
climate, year round. No fog. No rain. "
- Let's go out there and get sunburned.
- Let's see what else they've got.
Aha. "Sunkist oranges, lemons, prunes,
figs, grapefruit... "
Uh-huh. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I got an idea.
Let's try a little roulette.
"Los Angeles. " Ha-ha-ha.
I crown you.
And away we go.
Sunny California, huh?
This looks like way down east.
This is unusual weather, sir.
Mighty unusual weather.
Just a high fog.
- That's all?
- I read where it never rains out here...
...but they sometimes have nine
or 10 feet of dew.
Here. Here's four bits.
Split it between you.
- Check those bags, will you?
- Yes. Thank you.
- Don't forget me, son.
- I won't forget you.
There's a couple of dicks
looking for somebody.
Here, here, take this and scram.
And check in at the Alexandria Hotel.
I'll see you there. Go ahead.
Just a minute.
- Your name Quigley?
- Yeah.
- How do you like Los Angeles?
- Ha-ha.
Should be swell if it ever stops raining.
Well, we're on the city
reception committee.
The chief asked us to meet you,
kind of a little welcome.
- Sorry we haven't got a band.
- Oh, that's all right.
I hate music. What's the beef?
Well, the chief would like to have
a talk with you.
Hope you don't mind riding
in an open car.
Why, no, not at all.
Got an extra pair of oars?
Here, driver. I'm getting out here.
- Myra, what are you doing here?
- Ducking the cops, same as you.
- Where's Dan?
- They grabbed him at the station.
- Got him for a few questions.
- Yeah?
They're wise out here already?
That's not so good.
- How'd you squirm out of New York?
- Jumped bail.
Beat it by plane. Just got here.
Things are plenty hot back home.
What's your reason
for coming to Los Angeles?
Oh, just globetrotting.
Conditions a little bit unhealthy
back east, eh?
Yeah, my asthma was bothering me.
So I thought I'd run out here and get some
of this nice California sunshine of yours.
I have a wire from New York authorities
requesting us to hold you in custody...
...pending the outcome
of an investigation.
- What's the charge?
- Suspicion of grand larceny.
You'll never make it stick.
I haven't done a thing.
That's not the question. Lock him up.
Now, listen, sugar...
...I've never steered you wrong before.
They got Dan sewed up.
Now, you stay away from that guy
or the cops will grab you too.
What'll we do?
Beat it out of the country.
Duke and Smiley are in Montreal.
The quickest getaway for us is Mexico.
- How much dough have you got?
- Fifty-five hundred.
Oh, but that belongs to Dan.
Oh, forget that chump.
If the cops grab us, they'll lock us up
and throw the key away.
Now, listen, kid,
we can take that money...
...and go down to Mexico City
and have a swell time.
No cops, no worries.
Just you and me
lapping up good liquor all the time.
Going to bullfights.
We might even take a trip to South America
if we get tired of the tamales.
What do you say?
Hello? That you, Myra?
Yeah. I'm still in the can.
Yeah, they're holding me
on a trumped-up larceny charge.
I've got a mouthpiece here
who can spring me if I put up bond.
Yeah, it's gonna take 5 grand.
You hop in a cab
and bring that dough down here, will you?
- Mm-hm, all of it.
- All right, honey. Uh...
Just a minute. It's Dan.
We can't run out on him.
He needs the money for bail.
You're off your nut. You take my advice
and stay away from that guy.
- You go there, they'll grab you too.
- Shh.
Hello. Oh...
- What's the mat...?
- Hello, Dan.
I just happened to think, if I show my
face down there they'll put me in too.
Maybe you're right. Well, listen, I'll
send my lawyer over for it right away.
Have it ready for him, will you?
Yeah, right away. All right.
Listen, go over to the Alexan... Uh...
The Alexandria Hotel and ask for Myra Gale.
- She's got the dough.
- Okay.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Give me one of your cards.
- Is that him?
- Yeah.
All right, go ahead, quick. Oh...
All right.
Hello, Quigley?
That girl you sent me here to see,
she ain't here.
- What do you mean?
- The clerk tells me she checked out...
...just a few minutes ago.
Yes, with her boyfriend.
- It's all your fault.
- Wait a minute.
Take him back and let him cool off.
You're pretty lucky.
New York couldn't quite
get the goods on you.
I told you that in the first place.
What are you gonna do when you walk
out of here? Got any money?
Oh, I'm all right.
Besides, I've got a job promised.
I'll give you just 48 hours to get that job.
And if you haven't got one
by that time... better get out of town.
Yeah, and if you're picked up
on the street after that...
...we'll run you in as a vag.
That'll mean 30 days in the tank.
Now you've got your tip, so run along.
Come on, let's take a look in there.
- Look. You see that guy over there?
- Yeah.
Get him.
Hey. Hey, you.
Hey, wait. Hey, I wanna talk to you.
Grab him.
Here, here, wait a minute.
What's your hurry?
I wasn't in any hurry.
I just didn't see you, that's all.
What's your name? Where do you live?
Danny Deaver.
- It's all right. We wanna talk to this guy.
- Who are you?
I'm from the National Studios
in Hollywood.
- Oh, yeah.
- We're looking for types.
New faces,
tough guys for a gangster picture.
Do you want a job?
- Doing what?
- Acting in pictures.
- Who're you trying to rib?
- Do you want it or don't you?
- Well, what's in it?
- Three bucks a day and a box lunch.
- I'm on.
- Okay.
Be at the National Studios
at 7:00 tomorrow morning.
Give this slip to the casting director.
Now, listen, don't change your clothes.
Don't shave, don't wash.
Leave that pan just as it is.
- You mean I mustn't doll up?
- That's it.
Say, buddy, I'm off duty tomorrow.
Can't you use me?
Okay, 7:00, made up as a cop.
Come on, Clif.
- Looks like things are looking up.
- Yeah.
All ready, everybody on the set.
Don't look at me. I said on the set.
Come on, fellas, let's go to work.
Let's go.
Come on, boy.
Now, listen, everybody,
this is very important.
I want your undivided attention.
Now, get this,
this is a prison break scene.
When I give the signal,
you all start work on this rock pile.
When I blow my whistle,
this prisoner will sock a guard.
- That's you.
- Okay.
- Sure.
- Yeah, you sock this guard. Understand?
- Yeah.
- That's a signal...
...for you to make a break for the walls.
Those guards up there will start firing.
And you.
When you hit this guy,
make it look real.
Let him have it right on the chin.
But pull your punch, don't hurt him.
Do I make myself clear?
Do you understand?
- Yeah.
- Say, did you ever hit a guy on the chin?
- Yeah, once.
- All right, let's try it.
All right, let's take it.
- Are you ready?
- All ready.
Okay, start your action.
Cut. Cut. Cut.
Hey, you, come here.
- Me?
- Come here.
That was awful. Terrible.
The punch looked fakey.
You missed him that far.
I thought you said you knew how to hit.
We'll take it again.
This time put something into it,
make it look real. Turn him around.
Set him up for the punch. Lay it in there.
He can take it. Lay it in there.
Mr. Williams.
- What is it?
We'd better get a doctor.
This bird's out cold.
All right, turn around.
Under the arm.
All ready. Everybody onto the scene.
Come on, all you cowboys.
All you Indians. All you settlers.
Come on, snap it up. Snap it up, boys.
Hurry up. Get in places here.
Come on, boys, get rid of that lead.
Get rid of that lead.
- Come on, come on, boys.
- Are you ready?
Start your action.
Go. Come on.
Give it all you have got.
Ride. Ride.
Give me the feeling. Give me the tempo.
Give me the movement.
Attaboy! Come on!
Don't fall off of the horse.
You are chief of the Indians.
Come on! Attaboy!
Okay. Cut.
Fifteen minutes for lunch.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Uh, may I come in?
Yeah, sure, sure.
Come right in, honey, come right in.
- Park it any place.
- I, um, hope I'm not intruding.
No, no, not at all.
- You working in this horse opera too?
- Uh-huh.
What are you made up for?
Big Chief Es Tut Mir Vai Im Toches.
- What language is that?
- Sioux.
- Sioux?
- Yeah. Sue you for anything.
Say, this racket's the bunk.
Three bucks a day and a box lunch
that would kill a horse.
How long you been in it?
Oh, about eight years.
Eight years? And still doing extra work?
What's held you back?
Oh, that's all right, Marie,
put it down here.
That's very nice. Very, very nice.
Uh, bring me one of those, will you?
Never mind.
Won't you have some of this?
- What's the matter, on a diet?
- Miss Underwood...
- Yes? Mm-hm.
- Oh. Could I see you a minute, please?
The Publicity Department's waiting to
take stills of you for the fan magazines.
Will you send my chauffeur around
about 4:00 to pick me up?
Okay. Have you seen
the new issue of Film Play?
- No.
- Nice picture of you on the cover there.
- Very flattering. Thanks.
- Well, goodbye, Miss Underwood.
- Goodbye.
- Well, what's the matter with me?
I never rapped to you.
You're Lois Underwood.
That blond wig and that sun bonnet
had me stopped.
If I'd known this was your place,
I wouldn't have busted in.
That's all right. Let's eat.
No, no, no. I'll take this
on outside and eat it there.
- Thanks very much, anyway.
- No, I don't wanna eat alone. Let's divide it.
You're changing my idea
of what movie stars were like.
I always thought they were sort of,
uh, you know, high-hat.
Not me. I consider myself lucky
to have gotten where I am.
- How'd you get started in this business?
- Thanks.
I won a beauty contest in Atlantic City.
A movie producer saw me in a one-piece
bathing suit and gave me a screen test.
That guy was no fool. Ha-ha-ha.
He knew what he was doing.
Oh, no.
I just happened to get a good part.
Public seemed to like me, fan mail started
coming in. Could happen to any girl.
I don't consider myself particularly
beautiful or talented.
You underestimate yourself.
You've got everything.
How long have you been in the business?
Four days.
Which just about makes me a supervisor.
Hey, everybody on the set. On the set.
On the set. You too.
Oh, that's me. I gotta be going.
Well, thanks very much.
You know, you've been so nice...
...I've sort of forgotten all about
the sore eppes. Ha-ha-ha.
Thanks again.
Have I forgotten anything?
- No. Well, goodbye. And thanks.
- Goodbye.
We've gotta have new faces
in our pictures...
...especially new leading men.
The public is tired of handsome,
curly-haired leading men.
They got as much sex appeal
as a clothing-store dummy.
The rough-and-ready type
is what women go for nowadays.
How about that fellow who did the bit in
the prison scene? He's been coming along.
- You mean Quigley?
- Yeah.
He's got possibilities.
And you should see the fan mail
he's been getting.
Between 2 and 300 letters
every week.
And after all,
he's only played bits and small parts.
- He gets that much fan mail?
- Yes.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Here, listen to this.
Fan letter from a girl in Omaha.
"Why don't you feature Dan Quigley?
If I could see him in every picture you'd
find me at the movies seven nights a week.
A group of my girlfriends
are forming a Dan Quigley club.
Please send a large autographed
photograph for our club room.
Very truly yours, Peggy Kelly. "
This Kelly girl writes at least
one letter every week.
Well, how many you got there now?
- Over 200.
- That ought to hold them for today.
I'll tell you what you do.
Hop in your car and mail some from
Long Beach, Santa Monica and Pasadena.
You know anybody in San Francisco,
Portland, Seattle, those places?
- Yeah, I got some friends there.
- Mail some to them.
Have them mail them back.
That gives me a hunch.
Isn't there a club that mails
letters from all parts of the world?
There's the mailing bureau
for stamp collectors.
That's all I wanted to know.
We're joining up. Ha-ha.
I gotta branch out on my fan mail.
Thanks a lot, darling.
Don't bother to come in,
I'm in a terrific hurry.
Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You can't get away with that.
I gotta get dressed.
Wait a minute.
When am I gonna see you?
Tomorrow. I'm having an open house.
- Why the open house?
- Nothing special.
- Tomorrow's my birthday.
- Aha. We're having birthdays.
Well, I've gotta get you something.
I don't take birthdays seriously.
Don't give me that.
I've gotta get you something. Name it.
- Well, if you insist, a
cage full of monkeys. - Mm-hm.
- What else?
- Oh, let me see, um...
- Tyrollean yodelers.
- Yodelers in Hollywood? That's a cinch.
May I suggest something big?
Something big and colossal.
I know, an elephant.
- Goodbye, darling. See you tomorrow.
- Ha-ha.
You'll be surprised.
One crate of monkeys
for Miss Lois Underwood. Sign here.
I beg your pardon. There must be
a mistake. We didn't order monkeys.
We were told to deliver these hot or cold.
- We didn't order any monkeys.
- Say, don't give me an argument.
- I just told you...
- Say, I...
Why, this monkey won't sign
for these monkeys.
Oh, look at the cute little monkeys.
Oh, look at the monkeys.
What's going on here?
Dan, you fool.
I was only kidding yesterday
when I asked you to bring me monkeys.
I don't know from nothing.
I just took you at your word.
You asked for one dozen,
so I got you two.
- Will you take these out?
- You're being unappreciative and silly.
Think of all the fun you could have.
And besides, it'll add a little life.
For heaven's sake, will someone
take these monkeys out of my house?
Hello, police department? Please send help
to 2411 Roxbury Hills Drive.
We've got a house full of monkeys.
Oh, my word.
They've completely wrecked my house
and ruined my party.
Don't complain. You asked for monkeys
and monkeys you've got.
You asked for yodelers
and yodelers you've got.
Dan, you've got to get these out.
They're in my bedroom,
bathroom, icebox. They're all over.
- I beg your pardon.
- Yes?
There's a gentleman at the door
with an elephant.
What's the matter, Dan?
Something on your mind?
You're certainly not enjoying yourself.
No, as a matter of fact, I'm not.
Oh, it has nothing to do with you,
It's that review that Blair wrote
on our last picture. Have you seen it?
Those are written about everybody.
You shouldn't pay attention.
Well, I don't, but this guy's gone out
of his way to be nasty.
Here, get his first line.
"From 'slumdom' to stardom. "
He probably thought that was very clever.
I didn't mind, he's done that before.
But here, he takes a personal slap at you.
Then down at the bottom
he finishes off his column...
...with a cheap laugh at your expense.
That burned me up.
Forget it. You'll get that
from now on. Get used to it.
Excuse me.
- Mr. Blair.
- Hello, Quigley.
- Thought I'd say hello.
- Do you know Miss Johnson?
- Oh, how do you do?
- How do you do?
Oh, Mr. Quigley,
would you autograph this menu for me?
Be glad to. May I have your pencil?
Oh, Mr. Blair, may I speak to you
for a moment, alone?
- Uh-huh.
- There you are.
- Oh, thank you. Thanks, thanks so much.
- You'll excuse us, won't you?
- Surely.
Won't you step into my office?
- You wrote this review yourself, didn't you?
- Certainly, my name's on it.
Why do you guys always try to be
...and make reputations for yourselves
by writing cheap, nasty drivel... the expense of other people?
- I'll write what I like.
Yeah, write what you like.
But write it about motion pictures...
...and lay off the private lives.
I have a right to my opinion.
Sure you have a right to your opinion.
I'm gonna let you keep it.
Know what you're gonna do?
You're gonna eat it.
Don't be silly.
Right where you are.
Now... your mouth and close your eyes.
- You can't get away with this.
- Open your mouth.
Now chew. Chew hard.
Now swallow.
All right, let me see.
All right.
I wish I had another one. Come here.
If you write any more cracks
about Lois Underwood...
...I'll cut your ears off
and mail them to your folks.
What a cozy place you have here.
- Like it?
- Oh, I do, very much. It's grand.
I had the interior decorator
of the studio do it for me.
Of course, he did it all from my ideas.
Here's something I wanted to show you.
Come here.
Private speakeasy.
- Care for that?
- Oh, it's perfect.
Cute, huh? We'll have a drink as soon
as you've seen the rest.
Come on, there's something else
I wanna show you.
Oh, uh, you can't go in there now.
- The decorator hasn't finished it.
- Let me look, I might have ideas.
It's all torn up.
The beds aren't made or anything.
- Don't be silly. I insist on having a look.
- No, no. Oh, please, if...
I see.
Lovely decorations you have.
I know what you're thinking,
but just give me a chance to explain...
It's all right, Dan.
You don't have to explain.
I understand perfectly.
Your, uh, decorator's waiting for you.
Be reasonable.
I can straighten this thing out.
But I tell you I understand.
The bed isn't made.
Good night.
- And how did you get in here?
- Easy.
I gave the bellboy 5 bucks
and told him I was a friend of yours.
Moved in, huh?
- Planning on staying a while? - Mm-hm.
I think it'll be nice for both of us.
- Aren't you gonna give me a hug?
- Uh-uh.
No, I don't see any point in it.
That's very pretty.
You weren't nice to me.
When they threw me in the cooler...
...and I had a chance to get out on bail,
what'd you do?
You skipped.
That was not a very nice thing to do.
I wouldn't have done that to you.
No, sir. Mm-mm.
Not under any circumstances.
Don't change the subject.
So your old friends
aren't good enough for you anymore?
Let me give you a tip.
You know, I can change
all this good luck of yours.
If I ever whisper in a cop's ear
what I know about you...
Say, I think you better start
being nice to mama.
You're still going out.
Let me go.
You son...
Some gentlemen outside
to see you, sir.
- Who are they?
- I don't know, sir.
You don't know?
And you let them in?
They walked right in, sir.
Walked right in?
Hello, Danny. How are you, my boy?
- How are you?
- Hello, Dan.
Hello, Duke.
- Spade.
- Glad to see you.
- Smiley.
- Hello, Dan.
You should have passed this fruit, Spade.
Where are your manners?
No. Let me help you.
Thank you.
You like fruit, that I know.
Nice place you have.
You've been doing all right for yourself.
Yeah, doing all right, Spade.
Hey, looking swell, Dan.
Cute little mustache you got.
We've been reading all about you
in the fan magazines.
Friend of yours?
You been rubbing noses with all
the big shots in the picture business.
Well, call it noses if you like.
Can I get you a drink?
- Miss Gale?
- Oh, please.
Duke? You have yours. Spade? Right.
Imagine our little Danny being invited to
all the weekend parties at Malibu beach...
...and the big social doings in Beverly Hills.
- You never get out of that soup and fish.
Couldn't you arrange to get your old
friends a look in at one of them shindigs?
We'd like to see the sights.
No, no, that'd be impossible, Smiley.
If the cops got one look at me
with you, I'd be sunk.
Oh, we know that.
We wouldn't wanna see that happen to you.
We're proud of you.
We're always glad to see a pal
make good.
Now, listen, Dan.
What Smiley meant was this:
That we thought maybe you could invite
us to the homes of the movie stars... we could kind of look around.
And with an introduction from you,
that'd be all we'd need.
Uh-huh. An introduction from me, huh?
Well, now listen to this,
and listen carefully.
I've been doing all right in this
movie racket, and I'm still on the climb.
And I did it all myself
without any help from you.
When I did need your help, and badly,
what'd you do?
You blew town with my 5000 bucks.
Well, I don't need you now.
So my advice to you
is to get out of town and get out quick.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We're gonna stay and operate.
You're gonna help us and like it.
You play ball or we'll bust your bubble
so quick it'll make your head spin.
- And there's nothing you can do about it.
- Oh.
There's nothing I can do about it, huh?
Well, I'm telling all four of you
to haul your freight...
...or I'll have the cops on your neck.
Go on, get out of here.
The cops'll have as much on you
as they have on us. We'll see to that.
You better see it our way, Dan.
...I'll tell you what I'll do.
I've got 10 grand.
That's all I have in the world.
And you can take it all,
if you promise me one thing.
- What is it?
- That you'll get out of town and stay out.
We'll take you up on that.
Just as a favor to an old pal.
- You mean for auld lang syne.
- Yeah.
Uh... Where would you like us
to go from here?
Need I say?
- Thank you.
- When are you leaving?
- As soon as we cash the check.
- Mm-hm.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, dear.
- Thanks, Danny.
- So long, Dan.
If you ever come back east,
look us up.
Good morning, Lady Agatha.
You're looking very lovely this morning.
Are you feeling any better
after last night? Mm!
You're not.
Oh, come on,
now, be reasonable, will you?
- Give a guy a chance to explain.
- Will you please go away?
I don't know how that dame got in.
I threw her out
two minutes after you left.
Will you believe me?
She doesn't mean anything to me.
I don't wanna hear any more about her.
And please, please go away.
All right.
If that's the way you feel about it.
I'm sorry.
Let us think of your characterization.
You're a lovely English lady
of charm and sweetness.
You are married and you have taken
to yourself a lover, an Italian lover...
...that has swept you off your feet.
He is in your thought, even now.
You are expecting him to come to see you
on this lovely garden.
You are thrilled even to think
that he'll be near you.
Presently, he enters.
As he comes toward you,
you rush into his arms...
...and he seizes you in a tight embrace.
He has just come from dinner
given him by his countrymen.
The food is heavily seasoned with a lot
of spices and garlic. Lots of garlic.
By the first kiss,
you are overcome by the odor.
The second kiss,
romance and love fly out of the window.
And in the third kiss,
you want to go back to your husband.
Now, that's the scene
we're going to take.
- Property man.
- Yes, sir.
Give me a piece of garlic, quick.
- You're not gonna use real garlic.
- Yes, real garlic.
In all my pictures
everything must be real.
Here's your garlic.
Thank you.
Are you ready?
We'll take it. Light the moon.
Are you ready?
Start your action.
- Does your husband know?
- He suspects nothing.
Oh, darling, we can't go on like this.
If I but knew that you loved me,
I might have the courage to carry on...
...but to see you for so short a time
brings torture to my heart.
I live only for you.
I breathe only for you.
And why do you turn away?
Oh, do tell me that you love me.
This is all so sudden I can hardly speak.
You cry when we are so happy?
It's the moonlight...
...the fragrance of the night... overwhelms me.
Cut. Very good.
Hey, look at that.
Come on,
we're going to learn something.
How are you, mister?
- How do you do? Can I show you around?
- Why, yes.
We thought we'd like to see
the homes of the film stars...
...before we go back east.
- We're from Youngstown, Ohio.
- Is that so?
I can show you the houses
of all the picture stars.
They live in Beverly Hills.
Any particular one you'd like to see?
No, no, we just thought
we'd like to see them all.
My kid sister here
just got out of boarding school.
She's kind of sweet on Dick Barthelmess.
Ain't you, sis? Ha-ha-ha.
Well, all the girls at school are.
A bunch of tourists I took out this
morning got a flash of Lupe Alvarez, uh...
...taking a sunbath.
- Come on.
- Yeah?
- Is that right?
- This is...
Pardon me.
- Hi.
- Oh, hello, Joe.
I thought that touch was familiar.
Do you know anything about this?
- Why ask me?
- Well, this job has all the earmarks...
...of that gang you were mixed up with
in New York.
I don't know a thing.
I've got it pretty straight that Spade
Maddock and Duke and Smiley are in town.
And I've got a hunch that some finger man
is tipping them off.
- Have you seen any of them?
- No.
Do you know where they're hiding out?
- Same answer.
- I think you're lying.
You know more than you're telling.
Now, listen, you had me on the carpet
a year ago:
I told you then I was on the level.
I still am.
Now, lay off me, will you?
All right, you don't need to
get sore about it.
Watch that chandelier, now, Mike.
You mind if I tell how sweet you look?
Calling Car 61. Calling Car 61.
Go to Sunset and Harper. Pick up a drunk.
He's annoying passersby. That is all.
- Who is it?
Well, how do you do?
- Where are they?
- Where's who?
Calling all cars. Calling all cars.
Investigate holdup
at 2411 Roxbury Hills Drive.
See Miss Lois Underwood.
Bandits escaped in Buick sedan,
color: Black, yellow wheels.
License number 5J, J like in June, 4651.
Take no chances. The bandits are armed.
That is all.
Ha. It was a cinch.
Worth 15 grand if it's worth a nickel.
- Get over there.
Come on.
Back up.
And put that down.
I thought you said
you were leaving town.
I believe there was some talk about that.
We made an agreement
and you didn't keep it.
This is a showdown.
With you guys in town
I'm due to take a fall.
And I'm not gonna take it alone.
Wrap that up.
Wrap it up!
Give it to me.
I'm gonna return this...
...and then I'm coming back.
And if you're still here,
it's gonna be you or me.
You want those guys in there.
- You're wasting a lot of time.
- Come over here, you.
Come on.
All right, all right, I admit all that.
You found me in their joint with a gun.
But I had nothing to do with the job.
This stolen stuff was in your possession.
I admit that too. I was trying
to return it to Miss Underwood.
Miss Underwood,
was this man at your house this evening?
No, I left him. He was to join me later.
Then you don't know
where he was at that time?
With your record
and early connection with this mob...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I have no record.
Get that through your thick copper nut.
I know you're looking
for someone to take a fall.
Because those guys got away,
you're trying to pin it onto me.
You're not gonna get away with it.
- I'll spend every nickel I've got to beat it.
- Listen, Quigley, you're under arrest.
And you're in this mess up to your neck.
This stuff was found on you.
And one of my men was killed
trying to round up your gang.
And that's enough for us. Lock him up.
Thompson, stop all advertising,
exploitation and publicity on Quigley.
Prepare a statement
explaining this company's attitude.
We can't back up Quigley
in a scandal like this.
- But we've got to stand by him, help him.
- Listen, Lois, it's no use.
Now, you stay away from him
or you'll be dragged into the mess.
It'll ruin your career.
I don't care. His bond is $ 10,000,
and I'm gonna put it up.
Get a load of this.
We've gotta stop that guy
from spilling his guts to the DA.
If he squawks,
he only makes it tougher on him.
What's he got to lose?
He's washed up in the picture business.
He'll do anything to get even.
If he talks and gives the police
the lowdown, it's curtains for all of us.
- I'm telling you, we gotta shut his mouth.
- But he's in the can.
How are you gonna shut his mouth?
- His bail's set for 10 grand, ain't it?
- Yeah.
Well, we'll do him a favor.
We'll bail him out and knock him off.
What? Kick in with 10 grand of our
hard-earned dough just to knock a guy off?
- Why, that don't make sense.
- Ah, shut up, you dope.
It's worth that to keep out of any jail.
You're getting some fresh air, Dan.
Somebody just put up bail for you.
- Who was it?
- I don't know.
A friend of yours, out there.
- That's him.
- Oh, hello, Dan.
You put up my bail?
No, I didn't, but Myra did.
- Why?
- Oh, I don't know.
- I guess she had her reasons.
- Uh, where's Duke and Spade?
Oh, they blew town.
They couldn't stand the heat.
But, uh, Myra's outside waiting for you.
Uh-huh. I see.
I'll tell you what you do. You go ahead.
I'll be with you in a few minutes.
All right.
- What'd he say?
- Everything is okay. He's coming right out.
Hi, Dan.
Well, it was very nice of you
to do this for me.
But why?
Come on, get in
and I'll tell you all about it.
- Oh, I'm to go with you?
- Yeah, come on.
You're sure you want me
in the car with you?
- Of course, why not?
- I don't know.
I had the feeling you didn't like me.
Oh, quit it, Dan. Come on, get in.
I'll tell you all about it as we go along.
Well, all right.
Say, um, you still crazy
about that Lois Underwood?
- Yeah, sure I am. Why?
- Nothing. I just wondered.
I'm sorry, Miss Underwood.
He was released about five minutes ago.
- I think some friends bailed him out.
- Oh.
- Dan?
- Yeah.
- I gotta tell you something.
- Go ahead, what is it?
You know you're going for a ride.
Yeah, I thought so.
I'm not kidding. The gang's
following us in that black sedan.
When we get out on the highway,
they're gonna let you have it.
Why are you tipping me off?
I just don't wanna see you get it.
You know what this means?
Putting me wise?
Sure, they'll give it to me too.
Don't worry.
They're not gonna give it to anybody.
- They're walking right into it themselves.
- What do you mean?
I figured they'd try to pull something
like this, so I tipped off the cops.
There's a whole carload of them
back there...
...behind Spade and the boys.
Come on, we'll give them a run
for their money. Let me have that wheel.
Look at that. She's tipped him off.
Come on, Lou, step on it.
There's a carload of bulls trailing us.
We've been framed.
All right, Smiley.
- I'm all right, put me down.
- You all right? Sure?
Come on, duck.
You hold this end.
I'll take care of the cops.
Drop it, Spade.
Come on, drop it.
All right, now reach. High.
- Happy?
- Terribly.
But why go to Yuma to get married?
Why not Hollywood?
You seem to forget, California law
requires that you wait three days...
...after you take out a license
before you get married.
I can't wait that long.