Lair of the Killer Clowns (2023) Movie Script

1
(eerie music)
(crows cawing)
(eerie music)
(crows cawing)
(eerie music)
(switch clicks) (static white noise)
(dial turning)
(static white noise continues)
(creepy music)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(eerie vocalizing)
(creepy music continues)
(eerie vocalizing)
(creepy music continues)
Hey, you! I can see you.
I'm watching you.
I know you're daydreaming again.
Always daydreaming, always
daydreaming, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Paulina, we see you
Paulina, we're waiting for you.
Come on out. It's a beautiful day.
(laughs maniacally)
You'll never want to leave.
(laughs maniacally)
You may not be able to leave. Hmm.
Well, well, well, look
who's daydreaming again.
(laughs maniacally)
Paulina, why do you daydream so much?
Do you think we can't see you? We see you.
You've been very, very
naughty, haven't you, Paulina?
You can't hide.
What makes you think you
can hide from your blood?
Now get on with it! (clanking)
(creepy music continues)
(crows cawing)
(crows cawing) (flies buzzing)
(crows cawing)
(flies buzzing)
(flies buzzing)
(crows cawing)
(creepy circus music)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
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(intense music)
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(eerie music)
(vehicle approaching)
(suspenseful music)
(engine idling)
(suspenseful music continues)
(crows cawing)
(crows cawing)
(flies buzzing)
(crows cawing)
(inhales) What am I
doing out here, Paulina?
Last time you told me to go to hell
was about four years ago.
Remember that?
I found my brother's journal.
You still having that
daydreaming problem?
You know there's a medical term for it.
Maladaptive daydreaming.
I looked it up.
Basically, it means you're nuts.
Did you ever get that fixed?
I can find him.
It's all in here.
Everywhere he want.
And where did you get that?
Craigslist. - (scoffs) Craigslist.
You're kidding me.
It's probably fake.
You're never gonna find him, ever.
I have to.
You just don't understand.
Look, I know you had a
crap fest of a childhood,
but you're a grown-up now, so grow up.
Mommy's dead, Daddy's dead,
and your psychopath brother is
either dead or on death row.
The last thing I remember
is asking you out to dinner
and swiftly getting kicked in the nuts.
Not figuratively, literally
kicked in the nuts.
I'm sorry. It's complicated.
I mean, come on.
You were trying to show me that weird thing
with the finger puppets.
That was kind of creepy.
(scoffs) Before I accept your apology,
where exactly does this
journal say he's at?
Somewhere in the
Devil's Playground desert.
The Devil's Playground.
It's a bitch of a desert.
Let me guess. You need a four
by four and an outdoor guide.
Is that what this is all about?
My episodes are getting worse. Way worse.
Worse, you were a maxed
out nut job then. Worse.
Look, I just need closure.
I can't take this anymore.
Please. I need your help.
You know, we all have our own
dysfunctional family history,
but your maladaptive daydreaming plea.
I think it's bullshit.
Apology declined.
(Paulina sighs)
(Drake breathes sharply)
(Paulina groans)
So, tell me, Drake,
why did you answer my call?
(soft dramatic music)
(soft dramatic music continues)
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(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
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(eerie music continues)
(horn honking)
(suspenseful music)
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(suspenseful music continues)
(shovel clacks)
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(suspenseful music continues)
(footsteps pattering)
(suspenseful music continues)
(metal detector buzzing)
(metal detector buzzing)
(metal detector clacks)
(buzzing intensifies)
(buzzing continues)
(ominous music)
(buzzing continues)
(suspenseful music)
(shovel scraping)
(suspenseful music continues)
(shovel scraping)
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(shovel scraping)
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(shovel scraping)
(shovel scraping)
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(suspenseful music continues)
(bottle clinks)
(shovel scraping)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(bone clinks)
(shovel scraping)
(intense music)
(creepy laughing)
(creepy laughing continues)
(shovel scraping)
(suspenseful music)
Jesus, man!
It's just a finger.
(eerie music)
(shovel scraping)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(shovel scraping)
(intense music)
(creepy music)
(dirt pattering)
(dirt pattering)
(creepy music continues)
(dirt pattering)
He was here.
(eerie music)
(creepy music)
(soft dramatic music)
(soft dramatic music continues)
(soft dramatic music continues)
(eerie vocalizing)
(crackling)
(soft dramatic music continues)
(soft dramatic continues)
(soft dramatic music continues)
(creepy music)
(creepy music continues)
(distorted laughing)
[Clown] Well we all float down here.
(laughs maniacally)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(fridge door creaking)
(items rustling)
(can scrapes)
(Drake sniffs and sighs)
You spend too much time on those things.
Is there anything else you'd like to say?
(scoffs) Yeah, you were right.
And it doesn't mean he's still alive.
No, he's out there.
I can feel him.
That trail could lead anywhere.
Well, I guess we'll just
have to follow the bodies.
Hey, at least we know the stories are true.
Look. (sighs)
Paulina, I know this is some
sort of family affair for you,
but the chances of
finding your serial killer
clown asshole brother are very, very thin.
How old were you when he abandoned you
and your mother anyways?
Two?
You don't even know him.
You're welcome to leave, Drake.
(exhales sharply)
Where to next? (exhales)
(eerie music) (creepy laughing)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(creepy music)
(crackling)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
What a shithole.
Looks like big brother's
a real winner, huh?
Come on, Paulina.
You're a grown-up, right?
(eerie music)
(insects chirping)
(metal clattering)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(crackling)
(creepy laughing)
(eerie music continues)
(crackling)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(creepy vocalizing)
(creepy vocalizing continues)
(creepy music)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(distorted laughing)
(creepy laughing)
(eerie vocalizing)
(eerie music)
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(boot thuds and scrapes)
(metal creaking)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(Drake exhales)
(eerie music continues)
(hat rustling)
Nothing. This place is a dead end.
What do you say we ditch
this little expedition?
Big brother's long gone.
Besides, who wants to meet
a serial killer, anyway?
Especially a crazy clown serial killer.
Drake, I know your only
intention is to fuck me,
but I'm not that easy.
If you're want your face between these,
you're gonna have to earn it.
(scoffs) Hopeless.
It's hopeless.
(creepy music)
(creepy music continues)
(footsteps approaching)
I think we should split up.
Sure.
Split up.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(ominous music)
(eerie music)
(intense music)
(haunting music)
(insects chirping)
(haunting music continues)
(haunting music continues)
(walkie-talkie dings)
Drake, you there?
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
(walkie-talkie dings) Hey Drake,
I found something I think
you're really going to love.
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(walkie-talkie dings)
Drake?
Hello?
Hmm.
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(walkie-talkie dings)
Drake?
(insects chirping)
(eerie music continues)
(haunting music)
(vehicle approaching)
(engine whirring off)
(door opens)
(door closes)
(book tapping)
(haunting music)
(wind whistling)
(haunting music continues)
(haunting music continues)
(haunting music continues)
(tent unzips)
(wind humming)
(footsteps pattering)
(tent rustling)
(wind whistling)
(tent rustling)
(spoon scraping)
(wind whistling)
(wind humming)
(intense music) (mug clacks)
(wind whistling)
(haunting music)
(clown laughing)
We all float down here.
(laughs maniacally)
(creepy music)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(clown laughing maniacally)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(haunting music)
(haunting music continues)
(haunting music continues)
(haunting music continues)
(wind whistling)
(haunting music continues)
(haunting music continues)
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
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(eerie music continues)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(flies buzzing)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(rattling)
(eerie music)
(footsteps tapping)
(floor creaking)
(Paulina sighs)
(floor creaking)
(creepy music) (distorted voices)
(distorted groaning)
(distorted voices)
(creepy music continues)
(distorted voices)
(clown laughing)
(water dripping)
(clown laughing)
We all float down here. (laughs maniacally)
(distorted shrieking)
(tunnel creaking)
(tunnel creaking)
(tunnel creaking)
(creepy music)
(footsteps pattering)
(wind whistling)
(footsteps pattering)
(birds chirping)
(wind whistling)
(creepy music)
(creepy music continues)
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(machine clattering)
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(crackling)
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(creepy music continues)
Sit. She'll be out in a moment.
(machine clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(machine continues clanking)
(suspenseful music)
(eerie music)
(machinery continues clanking)
(upbeat accordion music)
Well, you're exactly what I expected.
I'm looking for my brother.
Shh. Hush.
The lady is speaking.
(upbeat music continues)
(Morty clapping)
(creepy circus music) (Morty clapping)
(creepy circus music) (Morty clapping)
(creepy circus music) (Morty clapping)
(creepy circus music) (Morty clapping)
(creepy circus music) (Morty clapping)
(creepy circus music) (Morty clapping)
(creepy circus music) (Morty clapping)
(creepy music continues)
Well, what shall we do with you?
She's after her brother.
I know that, Morty.
I can smell her blood.
The question is, where will your quest end?
Listen, I'm not here to trouble you.
I just wanna find him.
So if you could please help me?
(chuckles) Well, that's presumptuous.
She doesn't understand the situation.
She isn't properly informed.
Little bitch.
Yes, she is a little bitch, isn't she?
As you know, your brother
was a clown, a bad clown.
A very bad clown.
And you've got the blood,
don't you, Paulina?
I don't like your attitude.
So thank you and goodbye.
You are in my house.
Sit down little girl.
It's story time.
Story time.
(creepy music) I'm the happy one,
I'll tell you the happy part.
Clowns are glorious.
Clowns are glorious because
they expose what's within.
Clowns are glorious because we expose you.
The real you.
You can't hide from a true clown.
Isn't this a wonderful story?
This is where my part ends.
Underneath masks, the
makeup, that round red nose,
you're beautiful, ugly, evil, and good.
You will kill and you will create.
You're all of these things here and now.
No matter the color of your lipstick. Huh!
(creepy music continues)
(clanking)
And now I'll tell you the sad part.
Your brother was bad, very bad.
And he left because he knew
what he was going to do.
And he wanted his little sister to be good.
However, he was a fool.
Because you are blood.
And now here we are.
And you can never leave
because you are in my house.
(laughs maniacally)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(Paulina breathes deeply)
(footsteps pattering)
(wind whistling)
(footsteps pattering)
(birds chirping)
(intense music)
(creepy circus music)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(eerie vocalizing)
(creepy music continues)
(eerie vocalizing)
(creepy music continues)
(eerie vocalizing)
(chains jangling)
(creepy music continues)
(chains jangling)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
Ah. (mimics plane flying)
(Cornelius chewing)
Uh! Uh!
(Ellie chuckles) (spoon clinks)
(Cornelius chewing)
Ah.
(Cornelius slurping)
(spoon tapping)
(Cornelius sighing)
Mm.
(Cornelius slurping)
Ah.
Ooh. Uh! (mimics plane flying)
Mm.
(Cornelius chewing)
(chains jangling)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(Cornelius chewing)
- Um.
- Um.
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(intense music)
Come out, come out.
Dinner is served.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(chains jangling)
(suspenseful music continues)
Well, (sighs) look at this.
Please, come in, my dear.
Hmm, oh...
Don't mind the mess.
We're quite grateful to have it.
Ellie here's not much of a housekeeper.
(sighs) Sit.
Join us
Cornelius.
Mm, oh.
I haven't heard that name
quite some time.
Please, sit.
Join us. (breathes uneasily)
(floor creaking)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
You are Cornelius. Yes?
(chuckles) I am Maximillion the Great.
Or was or am.
None of that matters. (sighs)
And who do we have in our lair?
No. No.
What's interesting is
that you're here, my dear.
Oh yes.
It was no small feat to get you here.
Quite an adventure indeed.
Yeah.
(Cornelius sighing)
Strange scene, isn't it? Yes?
I am captive.
You can relax.
I can't reach you.
(Ellie laughing)
Mm.
(fly buzzing)
(Cornelius gasping softly)
(swatter clattering)
(fly continues buzzing)
(fly continues buzzing)
(swatter whacks)
(Cornelius breathes heavily)
Mm-hmm. (sighs)
(slurping) Mm.
Mm. (slurping)
(chuckles) Yummy.
So, you found me.
Blood is blood.
"Blood is blood."
Shut up! (fist pounds)
"Shut up!" Give it a break, clown.
(intense music)
(elbow whacks) (hand slaps)
(gasps softly) It's so
great to have you here.
Welcome.
You know, I've been trapped
with this beast here
for a very long time.
And some more girl power
sure would be great.
Now, you're probably wondering
where you are. (laughs)
Think of this place as
kind of a clown purgatory.
We could be here forever. Who knows?
Now, the fact that you've
managed to find your way here
suggests that you have been very naughty.
But then, we're all of the same blood.
So we've all probably done a lot
of the same things, right, sister?
Hmm. Go away, Ellie.
"Go away." Wouldn't that be nice?
Shall I tell her what she is,
oh great Maximillion
the fucking clown? (Cornelius sighing)
Did you bring your clown costume?
Did you bring your mask
to show your brother?
(Cornelius grunting)
(Cornelius sighing)
Don't worry about her. (chuckles)
She'll be back in the morning.
I can't get rid of her. (inhales)
Well, you found me.
I should have known. (sighing)
"You can't change people, Cornelius.
People will people."
After Dad died, you abandoned us.
Do you know how much
pain you put Mom through?
Silence! Your words are annoying.
(laughs) Oh, so you found me.
My plan failed. Oh dear. (sniffs)
You are pathetic.
Oh, ouch!
That hurt. (laughs)
(Paulina exhales angrily)
Why? Why did you abandon me?
(Cornelius exhales)
I tried to save you.
From what?
From you!
From your blood.
(scoffs) I know what we are.
How many masks have you created, Paulina?
How many lies?
How much makeup have you
covered your face in?
What colors did you choose? Huh?
Blue, red, yellow?
What are you even talking about?
Do you realize how much I suffered?
(Cornelius scoffing)
Do you realize the pain
you put Mom through before she died?
No.
Ah, this disgusting man I'm looking at
is the root of my hell.
(Cornelius laughs and sighs)
Well, did you come here
to kill me then? Huh?
Because you're a little
too late for that. (laughs)
(Cornelius raspberries)
(Paulina gasps and groans) (Ellie laughing)
(intense music)
(walkie-talkie dings)
Drake, you there?
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(walkie-talkie dings) Hey Drake,
I found something I think
you're really going to love.
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(walkie-talkie dings) Drake?
Hello?
Hmm.
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(walkie-talkie dings)
Drake?
(suspenseful music continues)
(bag rustling)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(Drake exhales)
(suspenseful music continues)
(sickle hacking)
- Ah!
(flesh squelching) (blood squirting)
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
(Paulina snarling)
(floor creaking)
(sickle whooshes and clanks)
(creepy circus music)
(chains jangling)
(Paulina gasps softly)
(creepy music continues)
(creepy music continues)
(upbeat accordion music)
(upbeat music continues)
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