Lavender Hill Mob, The (1951) Movie Script

- Is this your first visit to South America?
- Yes.
I wish I could stay longer.
It's a pleasant place.
Senor, congratulations.
A wonderful party. Thank you, senora.
The president himself told my husband
it was the occasion of the year.
Oh, senora. I was going to send you this
for your subscription list.
The, uh, victims of the revolution.
Perhaps I may be allowed
to give it to you now.
Thank you, senor.
Always so generous. Oh.
The wife of Martin Gallardo,
the frozen meat king.
Very decent couple. Oh, excuse me.
Pity you can't stay till sunday.
I've got a horse
in the Jockey Club stakes.
You... Rode...
A very good race.
A very good race.
Racing's not quite straight
out here.
Still, I do believe I've helped
to raise the standard a little.
Ah, Chiquita! Chiquita!
I hoped I'd see you. Mm.
You run along and get yourself
that little birthday present.
Oh, but how sweet of you.
Thank you!
You seem to have accomplished
quite a lot in one year.
One superb year.
Just when I was beginning to believe
I'd never achieve it.
For 20 years,
I've dreamed of a life like this.
For 19 of those years,
fate denied me the one contact...
Essential to the success
of all my plans.
Still, I never quite lost sight
of the goal.
as it often seemed to me...
When I was merely a...
Merely a nonentity...
Among all those thousands
who flock every morning into the city.
Most men who long to be rich know inwardly
that they will never achieve their ambition.
But I was in the unique position of having
a fortune literally within my grasp.
For it was my job to supervise
the deliveries of bullion...
From the gold refinery
to the bank.
- Lucky I saw that.
- Yes, very lucky.
Mr. Richards, with gold
at 240 shillings per fine ounce,
That particle,
estimating its value at, uh, .025,
Would entail a loss
of approximately six shillings.
Well, I've got a bit more out here
for you to check.
One hundred gold bars,
weighed to the value of 495,987!
Well, Mr. Richards, your deposit...
Will be returned in the usual way,
as soon as the gold enters the bank.
You are both armed?
I was well aware they all ridiculed me
for the way I fussed and worried.
That was precisely what I had striven
for years to achieve.
Here we go again.
There's a car been following us.
- That one, sir?
- No, of course not.
A black Chrysler, THX-375.
It's gone on ahead.
No sign of it now, sir.
It's probably waiting for us
around the next corner.
Go and have a look...
and leave me your gun, meanwhile.
Nobody could say that my precautions
were not fully justified.
Many a rascal would have
risked his all for half a million,
Not realizing that gold,
in the form of bullion,
Is useless without a method
of smuggling it abroad.
To find that method was my last
remaining problem. Come in.
I gave the bank their gold.
- Oh, thanks, Holland.
Everything quite in order?
- Yes, sir.
Silly question. Twenty years,
and nothing's ever been out of order yet.
Er, that will do, Holland.
Why don't you give
that poor old devil a chance?
Surely, after all this time,
he deserves a leg up.
Oh, I'm afraid
it wouldn't work, sir.
His one and only virtue
is honesty.
He has no imagination,
no initiative, sir.
I was a potential millionaire.
Yet I had to be satisfied with eight pounds,
fifteen shillings, less deductions.
A weekly reminder
that the years were passing,
And my problem still unsolved.
Until my ship came home,
I was obliged to live...
At the Balmoral private hote
in Lavender Hill.
Ah, Holland!
The man of millions.
What did you get away with today?
Got any spare ingots for an old pal?
You'll be the death of me,
I sincerely trust so.
Ah, Mr. Holland.
Always punctual.
I smell oxtail soup again.
Oh, dear.
Now, let's see.
Where did we get?
Duke Milligan was about to take a gander
at Nicky the Greek's hideout.
Oh, yes.
Now, here we are.
"I handed my fedora
to a hat-check girl...
"with all that Venus de Milo had got,
and then more,
"and I was admiring the more
when I glimmed something...
"in the back of this frail
that set my underwear...
Creeping up on me like it had legs."
I know that feeling well.
"A guy had soft-shoed out of the door
from the gaming room...
"as quiet as a snake on tip-belly.
"and I didn't need my case history
of smiling Ed Montana...
To know that Sonny boy was his
number-one triggerman, Ricci the Filipino."
I thought it was little boy Schultz
who carried the rod for Mr. Montana.
It was, Mrs. Chalk.
But surely you remember?
Montana found Schultz
taking liberties with that redhead.
Yes, yes.
They took him for a ride.
Only last night, wasn't it?
Oh, I must be getting old.
Read on, Mr. Holland.
"If ever I felt like putting up
a new high for the mile of the century,
This was the time."
"And then I thought again
of those 10,000 smackeroos..."
Mr. Holland,
you're not concentrating.
So sorry.
Evesham must be upstairs.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
Tricky business,
this moving, isn't it?
- You've got a lot of stuff here.
- Yeah.
Can I give you a hand?
Oh, that's very civil of you.
My name's Pendlebury.
Holland. Yeah.
If you wouldn't mind
taking "motherhood"...
Good evening, Mr. Pendlebury.
Welcome to Balmoral.
How very nice to see you.
Oh! Mr. Pendlebury!
I knew you were
an artistic gentleman, but really!
- Take all this.
- Oh! Thank you.
I thought I'd made myself quite plain
when I phoned, miss Evesham.
I'd... I'd no idea it would mean...
But there's no place
to put it all!
- What about the stable?
- I suppose it could go there.
Mind your toes, miss Evesham.
Back shortly, Mrs. Chalk.
Oh, this is capital.
A ready-made studio!
A thing I wanted all my life.
Why, it's even
got a north light, too.
Mr. Pendlebury, just one moment.
The terms of my lease...
Oh, I say! Steady, steady, steady.
So sorry.
Oh, it's all right. I had to g...
had to cast her in gilding metal.
It's a little delicate, you know?
Mr. Pendlebury...
I did it in my factory.
You must see it one of these days.
Mr. Pendlebury!
Ooh, these walls!
Oh, an admirable background
for my canvases.
Mr. Pendlebury!
Let me inform you here and now...
That no business occupation
may be performed on these premises.
Oh-ho, my dear lady. This is not
my business occupation. I wish it were.
No, these are my wings.
My escape after the cares
of the day are over.
My business occupation
is something unspeakably hideous.
I'm in the "Presents from" trade.
You know, "Presents from Brighton,"
"Souvenir of Tunbridge Wells."
Yes, if tourists only realized,
they could save themselves
a lot of luggage space...
By applying to us direct
for their holiday memories.
And the irony of it,
Holland, the irony is...
I must design them
all myself.
I propagate
british cultural depravity.
Look at this.
Anne hathaway's cottage...
for keeping string in.
Wouldn't you infinitely prefer
the comparative purity of an old biscuit tin?
Southend pier!
Oh, I... I've thought for years
to cut loose from it all,
But I never had the courage.
"Of all sad words
of tongue or pen,
"the saddest are these:
'It might have been'".
Forgive me.
Come and see the casting room.
We're busy at present on one
of our export lines. Paperweights.
We ship a thousand a week
over to France.
Here's a little... speciality.
Quite a simple process, really.
Pour the molten lead into the mold,
allow it to harden.
As soon as it's cool,
it's sprayed with gold paint...
And then it's ready
to be shipped to France.
"Slave, I have set my life
upon a cast."
Richard III.
I believe it's turning
into a self-portrait.
I shall call him
"the slave."
Oh, my dear Holland, I'm so sorry.
You're still feeling bad.
The heat of that place. I always forget.
No, it wasn't the heat.
I'm used to that in my job.
Oh, really?
Your place is very similar to a refinery.
Really? I had no idea.
We turn gold into bars,
you turn lead into Eiffel Towers.
That's the only difference. Only!
If I had gold to deal with...
- Yes?
- Ah, an idle dream.
- Must be a big responsibility.
- No, not really.
If anyone did rob our van, well,
it's virtually impossible to dispose
of stolen bullion,
In this country, at any rate.
Yes. Oh, yes, I imagine so.
But if it could be smuggled abroad...
What a hope. Well, I wouldn't say
it's out of the question.
Saying one had the means
of melting the stuff down.
In the kitchen stove?
What a job.
Oh, of course not.
It would mean taking
on a partner.
Ah, Risky.
Bringing other people in.
That would be essential,
in any case.
No one person could rob
our van unaided.
You mean,
he'd need accomplices?
A gang.
A gang?
Not so easy to come by.
Oh, I don't know.
With gold sitting
on the continental black market...
At two and a half times
its standard price?
I mean, quite a few people
would be willing to chance an arm
for half a million.
Yes, but how...
How would you get your gold
across to the continent?
Supposing one had
the right sort of partner,
In the form of, uh, shall we say...
Eiffel Tower paperweights?
By Jove, Holland, it's a good job.
We are both honest men.
It is indeed, Pendlebury.
Come in.
Oh, there you are, Holland.
Come in and sit down.
Well, Holland, you've been quite
the subject of discussion lately.
Don't look so worried, man.
I've managed to persuade
the chief cashier to give you a leg up.
A leg up, sir? Promotion.
You're going up
to foreign exchange.
No more uncomfortable journeys
in that dreary van.
But, sir... now, now,
nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.
Don't bother to thank me, man.
I told abercrombie that you can start
with him next monday.
- But I can't, sir!
- Why not?
Because, um...
Because... I'm too old
to change my views now, sir.
Ah, one's never too old
to better oneself.
Think what you can do
with an extra 15 shillings a week!
But sir, I like the bullion office.
It holds all I ever wished for.
The trouble with you, Holland,
if I may speak frankly,
Is that you
haven't enough ambition.
When a good opportunity comes along,
grab it with both hands!
It may not occur again.
Very good, sir.
I'll follow your advice.
So it's now or never.
Friday's delivery. This week.
Three days to go.
Two desperadoes to find.
- Bait.
- Bait?
I said, bait. Trap 'em!
Mr. Pendlebury?
- Hello, Mr. Pendlebury!
- Hello!
Why, good evening. Ha!
By Jove, what a bit of luck!
Just the man I wanted to see.
What's the trouble? That safe in my office.
Something's gone wrong with the lock.
I'll send a man round tomorrow.
I wish you would. It worries me a little,
Leaving the staff wages there overnight.
You know the address: "Gewgaws, limited."
"Gewgaws, limited."
You know, the back of rathbing place, there.
Fancy leaving all that money there.
Why, anybody could break
into the place tonight,
And help themselves!
Come on, number five!
You've done it.
Stay there, me beauty, stay there!
One never knows.
Somebody may have been listening.
I suggest we give them till midnight.
- Where are those guns?
- Guns?
Yes. It's essential that we're armed.
Here they are.
Here's yours. Is it loaded?
Yes. It's a present from Margate.
It fires a stick of rock.
The safe's in the office, over there.
You squeeze behind that bench,
and surprise anyone making for the safe.
I'm going over here, to prevent
an escape through the packing room.
- What's that?
- Cramp.
- What?
- Pins and needles.
Reach for it.
Don't shoot, Guv. Don't shoot.
I won't give no trouble.
Please don't be 'ard on me.
I got a wife and six kids.
I never done
nothing like this before.
- Is that true?
- Yes, Guv. I'm on the level.
May I drop dead if I lie.
I been honest all me life.
It was just the temptation.
- This is your first crime?
- Yes, Guv. I swear it.
And I'll never
go wrong no more.
Suppose we asked you
to do a job for us. I'd do it.
That's all I want. A chance
to turn an honest penny.
Well, supposing it wasn't exactly
an honest penny.
Careful now, careful. We don't want
anyone who's going straight.
In any case, we need someone far bigger. Mm.
Such as me?
Who are you? Who are you?
Oh, take those things away.
I'm not hungry.
Name of Lackery Wood.
Otherwise known as Sawdust Steve,
the wandsworth boy.
Two convictions for 'ousebreaking,
one for larceny of the person.
Total 18 months only,
in 10 years' work.
Here you are... some cuttings,
if you'd like to see 'em.
How long have you been here?
Just long enough to hide
when I heard you comin' in.
Thought I'd been taken for a mug!
Me! What's the job?
Never worked nothing else
but single-handed.
Very sensible.
Just the same meself.
Kept on me Jack Jones
ever since Nobby Curtis got me done...
- For that job at Bellamy's.
- Bellamy's in Bromley?
That's right. Last June, twelve month.
I was casing that joint...
The night you got pinched!
Well, what do you know?
I'm shorty fisher.
Ah, nice to have met ya.
Excuse me, I... I may be slow,
but do I understand...
That you two are, in fact,
Both professional criminals?
What else do you take us for?
Ruddy snoopers? What's the setup?
Just a moment, Pendlebury.
We require a team,
And if these two gentlemen
insist on working alone...
Wait a minute. You make it worth our while,
cock, we'll work in with the band of hope.
Eh, shorty? You said it.
Well, in that case,
if you would both join us in the office,
My friend Mr. Holland
will outline what we have in mind.
I must apologize, gentlemen,
for the somewhat informal manner...
In which we effected
our introduction.
But my colleague and I
have a certain proposition...
Which we'd like to put to you.
I might almost call it
a "gilt-edged proposition,"
Although, paradoxically,
it does entail a measure of risk.
However, when I quote
the anticipated dividend,
I'm sure that you will both agree
with me that the...
Not another one, surely.
Tell him we're suited.
- Everything all right here, sir?
- Yes, thank you, officer.
My, uh, my partner
and I are busy stock-taking.
- Only I saw the window open, you see?
- Oh, yes, yes.
I'll close it. Thank you very much.
Good night, officer.
Good night, sir.
And, um, here's the order
for tomorrow's consignment.
Somewhat larger
than I expected: 212 bars.
That won't worry me, sir.
Dependable to the last.
I'm going to miss you, Holland.
You're very kind, sir.
I shall always have the happiest memories
of the dear old bullion office.
Has Mr. Abercrombie spoken to you
about your holiday?
Yes, sir. I'm going to Paris. Paris, eh?
You're stepping out, Holland.
Wonderful, isn't it,
what a little extra money will do.
Yes. It's going to make a big difference to me.
Oh! Have a go-round out on your own now.
Thank you, mate. That's it.
And how are you getting on?
No, you must show some sense of proportion.
Look at that seagull.
It's bigger than the funnel.
- Can't I do something else, Guv?
- Sell matches, or boot laces.
No, no. Mr. Holland specified
a pavement artist,
And a pavement artist
it's got to be.
Come on, try again.
It's coming slowly.
You're teaching the wrong man.
Well, I had to change them over.
Shorty can't ride a bicycle.
Doesn't look as if he can,
We're learnin' him.
Why couldn't you Learn shorty?
Because Lackery's color-blind.
- What's that got to do with it?
- Oh, my dear Holland,
Do use your intelligence;
if a policeman were to come along
and see a green sunset...
Over a purple sea... all right, all right.
Spare me the details.
- Is everything else fixed?
- Yes, the map's in the office.
Come along, this is the setup.
Uh, Mr. Fisher will be sitting here.
The van will stop in front of him at 4:30.
A minute later, the guard
will appear round this corner,
And you, Pendlebury, will detain him
for at least half a minute.
Ask him for a light, ask him anything,
but keep him there.
We must have those 30 seconds.
I beg your pardon?
Isn't one supposed to say that
when one's being briefed?
On my rare visits to the kinema...
the word is "Roger."
Oh, Roger! How silly of me.
To continue.
As soon as we've captured the van,
Mr. Wood and Mr. Pendlebury...
Will proceed straight to the warehouse.
Bit risky, isn't it?
Making Mr. Pendlebury go there,
after the guard's seen him?
It's a risk we must take.
We need everyone.
We've more than 200 bars to move,
and I must have my alibi.
You've got to gag me, bind me,
tear my clothes, roll me in the dust.
We can't afford to waste one second.
Okay. You're the boss.
Yes, that's right. I am.
Two hundred and eleven,
Two hundred and twelve.
Ah, Mr. Richards. Your deposit
will be returned in the usual way...
As soon as the gold
enters the bank.
Uh, you're both, uh...
- Here, no you don't.
- Don't what?
I saw you pinch it. Good gracious,
whatever must you think of me.
I think you're the bloke what pinched
my "monarch of the glen" last week.
Oh, no, I assure you.
Pinch a landseer, me?
Well, you better come quiet.
- If you'll have five minutes' patience,
I'll explain.
- Five minutes?
Oi, Charlie, get on the blower.
Come on,
come along with me.
He's picked
a wrong one this time.
No, no, no! It's all a ghastly mistake,
officer. I'm completely innocent.
- Did you see that car?
- Yes, sir. Police car.
What? Nothing to be afraid of there, sir.
Bloke was a copper.
I... It's some trick.
I'm sure it's the same car
that followed us the other day.
- You want me to go
and look round the corner, sir?
- Yes.
It's all a mistake, officer.
You got a flat tire there, mate!
Help! Help!
- Help! Help! Police!
- What's happened?
The van! They've pinched the van!
What's this?
Our van. Stolen. Load of bullion.
Kidnapped the boss.
Hoi! Stop, thief!
Stop, thief!
Hello, M2GW, from one-four.
Urgent me...
Urgent message begins.
Maroon-colored van,
LKL238, containing bull...
Containing bullion,
value one million pounds,
Believed stolen in the vicinity
of Queen Victoria Street.
Hello, all cars from M2GW.
Message number 4-8 begins.
Maroon-colored van, LKL638,
Containing bullion,
value one million pounds,
Stolen from the vicinity
of Queen Victoria Street.
Cor, what a weight!
The others will be here soon.
Hoi! Hoi, shorty.
- They got Mr. Pendlebury. The cops, of course!
- Who has?
I saw a crowd down there.
The driver of the van's there.
There's two cops,
and they're holding him.
Will he grass?
Will he squeal? Will he split?
Then it don't matter.
We can deliver the stuff as arranged.
We don't need him.
Come on.
Sergeant Wilson,
you take your men and search...
The east end of the street,
moving down towards the center.
Sergeant Cripps, you take the west end
and move down here to meet Sergeant Wilson.
Rose, come with me. We'd better
have a look at those warehouses.
That's all right. Leave the rest.
Blimey, guv'nor, why?
Help my alibi.
Turn it up, Guv.
There's 75,000 quid in there.
I said, leave it.
A ruddy waste.
There's many a starving bloke'd
be glad of that lot.
Come on, now.
Fix me up. No, behind you.
Left-hand pocket. Well, stand still.
What's that?
You turn. It's easier.
Other way. Okay.
Hey! Look!
Hey. Hey!
- Come on! Scram!
- Wait! Wait!
Mess me up! Mr. Fisher!
Mr. Wood! Mess me up!
It's essential!
Wait! Wait! Stop!
Wait! You can't leave me like this.
Wait. Wait, stop.
Help! Help!
Can you see from down there?
Sir! Inspector Talbot! Sir!
- I'll get you!
- Fight going on over there.
Purely an oversight, officer.
I had something on my mind.
Three pictures in a week
I missed from there.
You can't accuse him of taking
those others, too. I should think not.
I'm no thief, officer.
My character's an open book.
Well, you might as well know. I was lying.
I am a thief.
It was madness to attempt it.
We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.
We? My partner and i.
Your partner?
If you're working with a fence
who's got them other pictures...
Shh. Carry on.
Oh, I make no excuses.
All my life it's been my ambition
to surround myself with rare
and beautiful things.
Suddenly faced
with this golden opportunity... here.
You call that picture of mine
rare and beautiful?
Since you will keep on interrupting me,
you ought to know...
It's a charming example of an early rochet,
While he was still
under the influence of Corot.
Oh, yeah.
How much is it worth?
Ten pounds,
to those who can afford it.
Oh, Blimey.
I've got it marked up at five Bob.
- Here, what about this charge?
- Let him go.
I've got to get back
before they sell that picture!
Your lucky day, it seems.
All right. Case dismissed.
Off you go.
Yes, about five minutes ago.
Who, sir?
Oh, yes, we've got him, all right.
He's here now,
giving us a statement.
Yes, he's told us
quite a lot already.
Go on. Hop it.
Yes, you can depend on that, sir.
We'll get all we can out of him.
I see.
Yes, he stood it pretty well.
Yes, we'll look after him
all right, sir.
We're fixing him up
with some dry clothes now.
Yes, I agree, sir. We're up
against some very tough customers.
- Here, what are you doin'?
- They'll have to put a new floor in.
He'll be able to afford it.
Get on with the job.
You make me sick.
What's happened?
She only just made it.
Here! I thought you was pinched.
No, it's Holland they've got.
Holland? I was in the police station
when they brought him in, under arrest.
- You sure of that?
- Of course I'm sure!
He was all dripping wet.
There were two policemen holding him.
They must have seen everything.
We gotta blow.
Nah, wait a minute.
Can they connect you with him?
I don't know.
We both live at the same house, but...
The map! What?
The map showing the route
from here to the warehouse.
- Holland took it home with him.
- Now we are done for.
No, we're not.
You finish the job.
Come on. Where to?
Your place.
If they ain't searched his room yet.
Too late.
Helmets in the hall.
You'll have to go in alone, Guv.
Might be somebody I know.
But they're there already. They're still
a chance they haven't found it yet.
Go on, get weaving.
But surely you must have
some suspicion.
Who work the hoist rackets
in this territory?
Beg pardon, lady? Oh, really,
I can't make myself much plainer.
Which hoodlums around here
specialize in toby jobs?
Determination, pluck and fortitude
worthy of the highest praise.
Come along, now.
We mustn't keep him waiting.
Star, news or standard!
Star, news or standard!
Star, news or standard!
Pretty, isn't it?
I could watch it all night.
Three pence an ounce
up again today.
"Gold is the sovereign
of all sovereigns". Proverb.
Holland... Holland!
These plain-sided crates are filled
with the lead towers
made by the daytime staff.
They must never be touched.
This "R" stands for "reserve stock."
These crates will remain in our Paris warehouse.
I've sent instructions
to our young lady over there,
she's never to use anything...
From a crate marked "R"
till I give the authority.
So, these are
the ones I work on. Exactly.
Get rid of the contents
and refill with, um...
How long do you think
it'll all take?
Oh, I estimate about two weeks here.
And then a week in Paris,
To find our market, then three months
back here till it all blows over...
That'll bring us to the end of the year...
an excellent time to retire.
Blimey, you're not going to the bank
after the stuff's left the country, are you?
Certainly. It would look most suspicious
if I gave up my job immediately.
Ah-ha. "Patience is a virtue."
Our firstborn.
Oh, yes. That's the man
you describe in your statement...
As having a snake tattooed
on his wrist. Uh, yes.
Oh, and I should mention that, uh,
one of them had a distinct foreign accent.
Come on, china!
Get weaving!
Scotland Yard are searching
the Rogues' Gallery...
In the hunt for the criminals,
and helping them is the bank clerk hero...
Plucky little Holland.
There is no doubt that this robbery
is the work of a mastermind.
The police of every county
have instructions to leave...
No stone unturned
in their nationwide search.
Every possible clue
is being investigated,
However small and unimportant
it may appear on the surface.
The yard are confident
of ultimate success,
Because anyone who traffics
in stolen gold...
will find it's
too hot to handle.
Scientific research reinforces
the man on the beat.
All the big guns are on the side
of the law. Link by link,
A chain of cast iron
evidence is forged.
Men who might be able to assist
the police in their inquiries...
Are being sought
in all likely hideouts.
It is expected that a charge
will be made within 24 hours.
Meanwhile, the yard chiefs
continue to work in calm
and imperturbable harmony.
A spirit of complete
confidence prevails.
The gold has Not
left the country. Ach!
I hope you're right. If it has,
we'll never see one grain of it again.
Ports are being watched
as they've never been watched before.
We're counting the matchsticks.
Gewgaws, limited. Souvenir models,
Eiffel Tower in lead...
Okay. As usual.
And in view
of rising public anxiety,
Can he assure the house
that this very large sum of money...
is not irretrievably lost
to the nation?
Yes, sir, I think
I may give that assurance.
Measures have been taken
which render it virtually impossible...
For any substantial quantity of gold
to be removed from this country.
Souvenir de la Tour Eiffel, en plomb.
Oui. Ca va?
Ca va. Bon.
this time tomorrow where shall I be
not in this old found-a-ry
Now that it's all over,
I suppose I may dare say...
It's been
a most remarkable coup.
The biggest job since One-Eyed Dobson
got away with the G.I.'s pay packets.
Two million dollars,
Grosvenor Square, '45.
That was before devaluation,
and this is one million pounds.
Well, that's right. Blimey. We got the record!
Is that you, Lackery?
- What's the matter?
- Trouble.
Nothing serious, I hope.
I can't go.
- Why not?
- The missus won't let me.
Can't-can't you say it's in connection
with an important business deal?
I told her.
She won't wear it.
Birmingham, Glasgow, Manchester...
Bob's your bloomin' uncle.
- Paris?
- No.
You know we can't pay you
till we get to Paris?
I'll settle for a half a dozen of these.
I know a safe fence.
- Out of the question!
- Are you mad?
Leave vital evidence
on this side of the channel?
Why, if anything went wrong,
the police would be on to us in no time.
Ah, you can't ask a thing like that, mate.
I suppose. I'm sorry, Guv. I wasn't thinking.
I'm a little upset.
Here! I'll tell you what!
I didn't like to say so, but I don't
really fancy goin' to Paris meself.
Why? A friend of mine,
he pinched a couple of tickets...
For the test match, see?
I wouldn't half like to see that. Right!
Now, you're both coming straight back here
once you've flogged the stuff.
Okay, just smuggle our money
over inside your socks.
I'll lend you a false-bottom bag!
You mean, you both trust us?
Oh, come off it, Guv.
You're as straight a pair of gentlemen...
- As I ever worked for.
- Hear, hear!
Well, that seems an excellent solution.
Thank you, boys.
Just let me nail this down...
I've got a little surprise for you all.
for days of auld lang syne
for auld lang syne, my dears
for auld lang syne
we'll take a cup of kindness yet
for days of auld lang syne
Work it up to me. Here.
Good. Come on. Shh!
You naughty men.
Waking us all up at this hour.
A thousand pardons.
Wipe your feet.
A little celebration.
Your holidays don't start
until tomorrow.
Today is tomorrow.
"Oh, polished perturbation! Golden care!
Shh! Shh! That keep'st the ports
of slumber open wide!"
Henry IV, part two.
Good night, you naughty men.
Don't forget to switch off!
Night, miss Evesham.
Pendlebury? Yeah.
Pendlebury? What?
May I call you alfred?
Alfred? Call me Al.
And I'll call you... Henry, isn't it?
A name I never cared for. Mm-mm?
No. Mm...
Call me "Dutch."
Dutch. Yes!
Good night, dutch.
Good night... Al. Mm.
"Ah, gay, sprightly land
of mirth and social ease."
Holland, the world is ours.
Look, you'll lose your hat
if you're not careful.
Our train leaves
in twenty minutes!
Un souvenir de Paris avant de partir, no?
Ah, madame!
Oh, mais bonjour, monsieur Pendlebury.
Thank you.
My friend, Mr. Holland.
Ah, monsieur! Enchante.
How do you do?
How did that get here?
I told you never to use
a crate marked "R".
But that is not an "ah",
monsieur, it is an "air".
It's an "R" in english!
How many have you sold from that case?
Six, monsieur.
To the little english girls.
Don't sell any more! I'll be back.
Wait! Stop!
Stop! Wait!
Come on!
Stop! Wait!
Wait! Wait, dutch, wait!
What do we care?
We've still got all the others.
We mustn't let them
get back to England! We'll be traced!
Who's to know they're gold?
We can't afford to take any chances!
Dutch! Wait!
Dutch! Wait for me!
There's nothing to laugh at.
Stop! Wait!
Taxi! Hey! Hey!
Suivez. Suivez!
Vos billets, s'il vous plait.
Non, vous etes trop tard.
Le train pour calais est deja parti.
No. Come on. It's no good.
The train has gone.
Get the rest out of the warehouse
and disappear with them.
With half the police in the world
looking for us?
To Calais.
Calais! The warehouse.
Oh, face the facts, man!
You'll have to change your plan.
Rubbish. It's a perfect plan.
- What's the french for "faster"?
- I'm not gonna tell you.
For heaven's sake. Do you want
to be a hunted man all your life?
- Darlings, you have a good time in Paris?
- Yes. Yes.
Did you all enjoy yourselves?
There they are!
Vos billets, s'il vous plait.
Pas voyager!
- Vous ne pouvez pas monter
sans billets, messieurs.
- See some friends.
Achetez vos billets.
Vous avez le temps.
Oh, non, non, non!
Tsk. Tickets.
Billets! Billets!
Il faut aller par la.
Non, non, non. Par la. Billets!
Il faut aller par la.
Vous m'en ecoutez... oh!
We'll never do it. We must.
Which way? Here. In here.
Dover! Dover! Deux, deux.
Deux. Vite, vite, vite!
Et voila. Ah. Merci.
Et votre change!
Pardon, monsieur. D'abord
les passeports. Non. Les billets.
Non, non. Passeports d'abord, par la.
What? Passports.
What? Passports!
Thank you. Merci.
- Al. Al!
- I thought I had it.
Got it!
Oh! Vite, vite, vite, s'il vous plait!
Bien, monsieur, bien.
Depechez, je vous en prie!
Mais oui.
Merci. Voila.
Merci. Got it!
Oh, Pendlebury!
I'm sorry. I couldn't find it.
Pardon, messieurs.
La douane, s'il vous plait, par la.
Oh! Customs!
Hey! Hey, hey!
Hey. We've bought nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Nothing.
Vous n'avez rien a declarer?
Des cigarettes? Non, non.
Tissues? Bijoux? Non, non, non.
- Cognac?
- Non, non, non, non!
Non, non, non! Oh! open. Open.
Oh! Eh, eh, eh, eh!
L'argent. oh! Sadists! Torturers! Money.
No foreign currency? How much do you have?
There! Count it!
Yes? I'd like to see Mr. Holland.
Mr. Holland's in Paris. In Paris?
Yes. He's gone there for a fortnight's holiday.
Oh. He never told me.
Have you his address?
I haven't. I'm sorry.
He didn't know where he'd be staying.
I see. All right. Thank you.
Pleased to be of help.
Why, Mr. Holland?
What is the meaning of this?
Transport strike in Paris
made things too difficult.
And Mr. Pendlebury, is he with you?
He's flying back tomorrow.
He had some important business
to see to.
- You have dined, I hope.
- I'm afraid not.
Good evening.
Oh. Good evening, inspector.
It's bad luck about your holiday.
It is, isn't it?
Should have informed us
you were going abroad.
You're our most important witness.
Oh. So sorry.
Anything I can do?
We've traced four vans...
Seen near the warehouse
at the time of the robbery.
It's just possible you may have got
a glimpse of one.
Um, a blue van with the name
"loveday and bone" on the side.
No. It all happened so quickly.
They never gave me a chance.
Well, you never know.
A white van. "The blackheath spotless laundry."
No, I'm afraid not. Another blue one.
"The spring song mattress company".
No. Uh, as I told you...
A green van.
"Gewgaws, limited".
Does that ring a bell?
It was definitely none of them.
You can't say that for certain
if you didn't see it, can you?
Ha. Silly of me.
Thank you very much. You'll be
available now if we want you again?
Good night, Mr. Holland.
Good night, inspector.
John, how lovely to see you.
Dutch! Hello there.
Nice of you to come and meet me.
I took the crates back to the warehouse...
how well you're looking.
Say nothing. Just smile. What did you say?
Nothing like a change I always say.
Smile now. The police may be watching.
The police? Ha.
They suspect your van was involved.
Oh! I told you it was madness
to come back.
Good thing we did. This makes it
more important we get hold of those towers.
Oh, I was a fool
to let you persuade me.
You're acting like a fool now.
Suspicions aren't evidence.
Once we get those out of reach...
We've got to get Ourselves
out of their reach.
I'm going after those towers.
Are you?
Well, I'm going back to Paris.
Very well.
But remember, if I fail,
you're for it too.
Did you trace those girls
Yes. St. Christopher's school, Hendon.
Come on.
Don't waste any more time.
harrow may be more clever
rugby may make more row
but we'll row, row forever
steady from stroke to bow
and nothing in life shall sever
the chain that is round us now
and nothing in life shall sever
the chain that is round us now
twenty years hence this weather
will tempt us from office stools
we may be slow on the feather...
Shh. Sit down girls.
These gentlemen are from the firm
that makes the Eiffel Tower models...
That some of you bought in Paris.
It appears that, by a mistake,
you were sold a new experimental type...
Which they're anxious to have back.
They'll exchange them for others equally good.
Also... and I consider this most generous...
They will give ten shillings...
To each girl who helps them in this way.
Here you are. And for you.
There's yours.
And that's for you. Thank you.
One, two, three, four, five.
Only five.
Who bought the sixth one?
Who bought the sixth?
June Edwards bought one.
You have one,
too, have you dear?
Where is it, June? In here?
Now, don't be silly, June, dear.
Wouldn't you like to have ten shillings...
Another one just as nice?
Oh, come, come. Think of all
the sweeties you could buy with this.
There we are.
Just as pretty, isn't it?
Really, June. Look at them together
and you'll see.
There's no difference, is there?
Now, come on. Tell us.
What's the difference?
That one is mine.
Well, I'm sorry.
I can't force the child to give it up.
- Does the odd one really matter?
- Indeed, it does, madam.
Were it to fall into the hands of...
a business rival...
But that won't happen.
We've kept you too long as it is.
Thank you very much.
But, but I... but... what?
Oh. That's interesting.
I bought a pyramid stud box
in Cairo during the war.
I suppose that was made here too.
I suspect so.
We send stuff all over the world.
Just finished, sir.
Good. You don't keep a record
of where the van goes?
Anyone takes the blooming thing
when they feel like it.
Away for a week,
just recently, it was.
No recollection of who
had it that particular afternoon?
Well... I've an idea it was the boss.
Mr. Pendlebury. Mr. Pendlebury.
But I'm not really sure, and I can't ask him
'cause he's away in Paris.
In Paris?
Oh, well. Thanks.
All right. Hendon.
But, dutch, robbing a child...
It won't be robbing her.
It'll simply be a swap.
If only you had let me talk to that woman.
I couldn't, Al.
She was getting suspicious
as it was.
Isn't george here today?
No. I'm taking his place today.
Your boyfriend's on duty in there.
Exhibition's straight ahead, sir.
Straight ahead
for the exhibition, sir.
...on the steering wheel
of a car stolen last night in Picadilly...
And abandoned two hours later
near Croydon.
In the west gallery, you will find a display
from the criminal records office...
Containing, for example,
The actual dossier of a man
now serving a sentence for housebreaking.
It contains all his known
aliases and nicknames...
And those of
his relatives and friends.
Next door, a fingerprint expert
is ready to take...
Hello. Hello.
Where have you been all this time?
I've been to Paris,
and I brought this back for you.
I say, that is nice of you.
What a beautiful present.
It's a paperweight.
Put it on those papers.
Thank you very much indeed.
- Cheerio.
- Bye-bye.
- Now what do we do?
- Tell him the same story.
Excuse me.
One moment, sir.
...a demonstration
of police scientists...
That work on an actual case...
The recent big gold robbery.
C.I.D. officers have taken samples of dust
from four different vans...
- Take your fingerprints, sir?
- No.
We are testing those samples
for gold content.
- Had the van repaired?
- Yes. Completely new floor.
The dust is being placed
in nitric acid,
Which will dissolve any metal
with the exception of gold.
That's funny. I've just come from the place
where they make these things.
Pretty, isn't it? My little girlfriend
brought it back from Paris.
- Try this.
- Come on. Let's get out here.
No! The evidence!
- Run, dutch! Run!
- Stop those men!
Stop those two! Break it up!
Stop those men!
- Stop that woman!
- Where'd they go?
- There they are!
- Stop that woman!
Stop them, Charlie!
Stop him, Charlie!
Stop them!
Stop the men! Stop them!
Which way did they go?
Attention, everyone, please.
Attention, everyone, please.
Two dangerous men
are at large in this building.
There he is!
You can assist the police
by keeping the gangways clear.
Now keep calm
and avoid crowding.
Do not panic.
Attention, everyone, please. The men
are now believed to be in the east gallery.
Cut them off that way!
Help the police by leaving
the gangways clear.
Keep calm. Avoid crowding.
Don't panic.
The public can assist the police
by keeping the gangways clear.
Now keep calm,do not panic
and avoid crowding.
Keep calm. Avoid crowding.
Don't panic. Don't panic!
I-i can't drive.
Hello. M2gw from hpc. Urgent message begins.
Vicinity of police college.
Two men wanted for questioning...
In connection with theft of bullion.
Hello. All cars from M2GW.
Two men wanted in connection
with bullion theft. Last seen...
Last seen escaping from police college
on foot, but may have stolen car. Over.
Better call them up. Put them on a false scent.
- What's our number?
- This must be it. "U3."
- Put them on to that one.
- Hello. M2gw from u3.
Men answering your description are reported
to have stolen gray vauxhall, DLH436. Over.
Hello. U3 from M2GW.
Your message received. Over.
All cars from M2GW.
Must be somewhere ahead.
Yes. But why isn't U3 chasing them?
There they are.
Yes, it was a police car all right.
But the driver was wearing a top hat.
No. It was a top hat.
Point duty constable reports peculiar
individual wearing top hat...
Seen driving wireless car jyn888, sir.
That's u4's number. They must've stolen that.
Hello. M2GW from U4.
Have apprehended two men in clerical attire.
Switch it off. That proves it.
They're giving us false description.
Urgent call to all cars.
U4's been stolen.
Hello. All cars from M2GW.
Urgent call begins.
Men wanted in connection with gold theft
have stolen police wireless car U4.
The number of this car
is JYN888. Over.
You said this car was U3.
That's right.
They've got it all mixed up.
They haven't. They're onto us.
Step on it.
GMG928. Oh.
That's not the one then.
They've turned off.
Hello. M2GW from U3.
Am in pursuit of stolen police car.
Proceeding west along Portobello Road. Over.
Let them sort that one out.
Hello. U3 from M2GW.
Your message received. Over.
Both U5 and U6 are
in that area.
Tell them to cut them off
at Junction Road.
Hello. U5 from M2GW.
Stolen police car proceeding
westalong Portobello Road.
Intercept at Junction Road.
Hello. U6 from M2GW.
Stolen police car proceeding west
along Portobello Road.
Intercept at Junction Road.
Am proceeding east
towards Junction Road. Over.
Am proceeding west
towards Junction Road. Over.
Bring in everything we've got.
Am now proceeding north
towards Junction Road. Over.
Am proceeding south
towards Junction Road. Over.
Old McDonald had a farm
And on his farm
he had some turkeys E-I-E-I-O
With quack quack here
and a quack quack there
Here a quack, there a quack
everywhere a quack quack
Old McDonald had a farm
And on this farm
he had some sheep E-I-E-I-O
With baa-baa here
and a baa-baa there
Here a baa, there a baa
everywhere a baa-baa
Old McDonald had a farm
And on his farm
he had some turkeys E-I-E-I-O
Would you mind giving me a lift
to the police box? They're flashing for me.
Everywhere a gobble gobble
Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had some pigs
Nice to have music when you're driving,
isn't it? With a here
There here a there a
Everywhere a old McDonald had a farm
We sing that in our choir down at the station.
Well, thank you very much, sir.
Hello. All cars from M2GW.
Stolen police car...
Drive on!
Quick, Al! Out!
Dutch! Dutch! Run!
Run, dutch! Run!
Stop! Oi! Stop him!
Instead of changing
as usual at charing cross,
I came straight on
to Rio de Janeiro,
"Gay spritely land of mirth
and social ease."
Plus six Eiffel Towers.
- How much did they fetch?
- 25,000 pounds.
Enough to keep me for one year
in the style to which I was,
um, unaccustomed.
Hello there. By Jove, that was a party
you gave the other evening.
We should give a few like it
at the embassy, what?
Your excellency is very kind.
Done a lot for our prestige out here.
Worth a battleship. Jolly good show.
Well done.
Ready? ready.