Legend of the Naked Ghost (2017) Movie Script
1
This is Chipisin
with WTRA Radio.
We interrupt your regularly
scheduled broadcast of Symphony Sid
to bring you this special news buletin.
The local economy
is being strangled
by Kazah Kingcapa...
and his evil goons.
Herr...
has taken control
of our shipping mains and
crippled our means of survival.
Their reign of tyranny
must come to an end.
This has been a public service
announcement brought you
by WTRA radio.
We now return you to
Symphony Sid
already in progress.
Herr Kommandant!
We just seized another
whiskey shipment from
the East Siders.
Excellent work, Sargent.
It is imperative that the surrounding
units stay vigilant.
They may deploy a counter
attack.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
We have secured a perimeter
around the camp.
Ammunition supplies have
just arrived with an extra
battalion of infantry soldiers.
Our main objective is
to secure this island and control
the water surrounding it.
If we see another one of those
whiskey shipments, I want to
attack swift and hard.
Eliminate the crew
and confiscate their materials.
Yes, sir!
We will move our location
to a tower on the south peninsula.
I will personally monitor
the situation from there.
I have received intelligence that
they may use the southern corridor
to send another shipment through.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
One last thing, Sargent.
Let's make sure we don't have
another incident like last time you were
supposed to keep watch.
For your sake.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
Yeah, come in.
Boss, I just got a message
through the telegraph.
The Krauts got us again.
Son of a... Get the crew ready!
Leave me and the Captain here
to do a little chit chatting.
Serve up a round of
drinks for the boys.
We's gonna see what we gonna do
about this little problem here, see? Yeah.
These Krauts want a war?
Then they got a war, see?
Be helpin' you, I be.
That's beautiful, see?
I spit out some false
info out on the streets.
I let the word spread
that I was going to send
my next shipment through
the southern corridor, see? Yeah.
I knew someone would spill
the beans to one of Klinks goons.
That's where your ship comes in.
We're gonna send you ship
through the southern corridor, see?
Because that's where they expect it.
We's gonna draw
all the attention down there.
Then up the northern corridor,
I'm gonna send a rickety row
boat with a couple of barrels of
hooch for my next delivery, see?
They won't suspect a thing.
Those Krauts will have all their guns
and their men on the south side.
Yeah. See, all you need to do is
to stay within firing range
and have a cannon fight with
them to keep their attention.
As soon as my ship makes passage
you'll get a message that
you can turn your ship
back around to safety.
That sounds like a good plan.
Beautiful, see?
I'm gonna give you Nicky the Nose
with his Tommy Gun.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
All of our gun enplacements
have been reinforced.
Are you sure it is a
good idea to concentrate
the bulk of our forces
at the south side?
Don't be a fool.
I have direct intelligence that
this is where they will attack from.
Make sure everyone
stays on high alert.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
Watch out for the sea monster.
Yeah!
Navigation.
Aye, Captain!
Be 15 miles from our
destination, we be.
Quack quizzle!
Sorry! 16 miles from
our destination.
Maintain this course.
Shiver me timbers,
this might just work.
I have spotted something
out of my port side.
This is the shipment I received
the intelligence about.
We must destroy this ship!
Requesting permission to adjust
firing course of cannon.
Permission granted!
Sargent, alert the rest of those other ships,
we have spotted the enemy.
We've got them. It's time.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
They have spotted us.
Fire all cannon!
They made it. Be turnin'
this here ship around.
Pete! No!
Yeah!
Scoop him up. Looks like we have
a little prisoner on our hands.
Excellent!
We need to go back for Pete.
We's gonna sink if
we stick around here.
God damnit, Pete!
Excellent work, gentleman.
We have the prisoner
in our possession.
They won't stop us this time.
Argh! Matey, you may have
gotten your whiskey through
but I lost a crew
member back there.
Yeah, see, we're gonna
get him back.
I've got this plan
I've got, see?
I've got this connection down
in the Columbian Cartel.
I can get them to hook
us up with some heat.
We're gonna need better
guns for this gig, see?
They hang out at Club Adelphi.
Argh! We'll be payin'
them a visit, we be.
- Hey, red ball, corner pocket.
- Yeah.
And that, dear students,
is the last time
Hollywood couple,
Gail Evelyn and Peter Sherwood
ever appeared in front
of a camera.
Wow. For a silent movie,
that was such a turn on.
I didn't even know sex
existed back then.
Well, Miss Collins,
I think you should check
your family tree.
I think you'll find it's been
around even longer than that.
Monument Pictures
must have been devastated.
I mean, losing two
of their biggest stars.
One right after another.
It is a true Tinseltown
love tragedy to be sure.
I mean,
here's Peter Sherwood
and he rises to fame
in the 1930s
in famous costume dramas like
"Kitty Hawk" and "Bull Run."
And then is cast along side
the feisty Gail Evelyn.
The gossip columnists
ate it up.
Called it
the "Monumental Affair."
That's so romantic.
I'm such a sucker
for Hollywood love stories.
Well, unfortunately,
Tabitha,
this one has an unhappy
and mysterious ending.
How so, Professor?
So, just days after
that home movie was shot,
the Private Sherwood was
sent to the Pacific Theater.
Unfortunately, his transport
plane was presumed shot down
over water
and never recovered.
My God.
How awful for her.
She must have been
heartbroken.
More than that,
she went into hiding.
She fired all her help
and she became a total recluse.
She locked herself up
in the mansion
that she and Sherwood
had bought each other.
But what happened to her?
Well, Miss Collins, had you read
Griffith's "Haunted Hollywood"
as I asked you to last week,
you'd know the answer to that question.
I read it. I just must
have skipped that chapter.
I see. All right. Well, I probably
should refresh everyone anyway
as we're going to be spending
the night in her mansion tomorrow.
What? But I thought
that was unobtainable.
Mike, when you and the others
signed up for advanced psychokinesis,
it was the study ESP,
spiritualism,
and, most certainly,
ghostly phenomenon.
- So?
- So despite the fact that this university
is run by
antiquated ghouls,
you're probably not
very likely
to run into any ghosts
here on campus.
Then we're in.
Yes, I did work some magic
and so, we have access
as of tomorrow.
But wait.
What happened to her?
Well, that's just it.
Nobody knows.
When the relatives finally
broke down the doors,
all they found were cobwebs,
some unopened mail,
and this handwritten note
by her.
Which said?
Right. This is just a copy,
you understand?
What's it say?
"My dearest Peter,
I will never let anyone
"break the sanctity
of our honeymoon home.
"I await your return.
"Love forever, Gail."
- Oh. That's so sad.
- Makes me want to cry.
According to the relatives, the only
crying was for help once night fell
and the evil spirit of
Gail Evelyn manifested.
Wait, wait.
You mean this house
is haunted for real?
By a missing-in-action
movie star no less.
The house has been on
the market for more than 60 years
and no one's been able
to spend more than
one or two nights here
without running in terror.
And this is where we're spending
the weekend, you say?
I expect everyone to be
in the quad parking lot
at 2:00 p.m. sharp.
Bring food and your own
pillow if you want
and anything else you think
you might need to survive.
You mean like a crucifix
and holy water?
Couldn't hurt.
Always better to be safe
than sorry.
- We've got them this time...
- Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
They have spotted us.
Fire all cannons.
What are you doing
in there?
The animation station
did their own version
of "Pirates of Penzance."
Yeah, that sounds good.
You should be packing.
As a matter of fact,
it is good.
I'll pack later.
Hey. I was really into that.
Aren't you the least bit
apprehensive
about spending the night
tomorrow in a haunted house?
- To put it bluntly, no.
- And why not?
Candy, you and I have been
in Professor Rand's
supernatural class
all semester.
- True?
- Yeah. True.
Well, in all that time,
can you name one moment,
any moment,
where even the remotest
supernatural event occurred?
Well, there was that one
palm reader.
He knew I put in an application
to "Sexting with the Stars."
Forgive me, honey, but every one
on your Flutter account did also.
That wasn't exactly
a national secret by any means.
So, you're saying
you don't believe?
I'm saying I'm from Jersey.
Now that's the Show Me state.
Let me see with my own eyes
and you got me.
Hmm.
Show me, huh?
That's it.
If I can eyeball it,
touch it, feel it,
you've won me over.
All right, Mr. Skeptic.
So, you ready to touch it?
Feel it?
And I thought
the pirate cartoon was good.
Aah.
I see
you have reservations.
As a matter of fact, we do.
Tomorrow night
at a haunted house.
Not those type of reservations,
silly, silly boy.
Your woman here
has second thoughts
about traveling to
a place that is inhabited
by such a troubled
and restless spirit.
You mean Gail Evelyn?
Yes.
Her burdened soul
is trapped there in that
dank dwelling you speak of.
Awaiting a release
that may never come.
How can you tell all that?
I was born with a gift.
I'd say a couple.
- Mmm.
- So why is she here?
After death, most spirits
rise up to a greater reward.
However, there are those
unfortunate souls
that are forever bound
to this Earth
by, let's say,
unfinished business.
Really? Like, waiting
for a lost love.
Exactly.
Her lover may have moved on
to a greater plane,
but her vow to wait for him
may anchor her
to this mortal coil
for all eternity.
Oh, my gosh.
Maybe we could
actually help her?
- How?
- I don't know.
But if she appears to us,
maybe we can explain?
I don't know about you, doll,
but if she appears to me,
don't go grabbing for the trousers
flying out the front door.
- Why?
- 'Cause I'll be in 'em.
Mike, stop it.
Be serious.
I am being serious.
Any horny ghost shows up,
I'm gone.
Yeah, you say that now.
Wait.
Listen very carefully.
If you do perhaps
make contact with her,
you must first be anointed with
the love wrath for your protection.
The "love wrath"?
What the hell is that?
It is a counter spirit
that will protect you
from all forms of harm.
Great.
And how much is that
gonna cost me?
- Mike!
- What? I'm just asking.
For such beautiful people
as yourselves,
it will be free of charge.
Now, that's the type of price
that I'm talking about.
How do we get started?
Simple. Just kiss
your friend over here.
- Just kiss her?
- Yes.
You know, I think I'm
starting to change my opinion
about mind readers, madame.
So... is that it?
Now you must pass
the love forward.
- You mean kiss him back?
- No, dear.
The love must
pass through me first.
- Really?
- Really.
You do realize we're only
going away for a night,
not an entire month.
Hey, you always want
to be well-prepared.
You'll be thanking me later.
Trust me, babe.
Okay, Mr. Scoutmaster.
It's already five after.
Why are we hanging around?
Yeah, everything seems
ready to go.
We're waiting for
a surprise guest.
- Who's that?
- Let's just say she'll play
a key role in
our paranormal adventure.
"She"? Who's she?
Professor! Professor!
- Will you look at that.
- Get a load of that chassis.
Yeah, and the girls
not bad either.
- She looks familiar, too.
- Hey, she better not look too familiar, buster.
She should look familiar to everyone. She's
the great granddaughter of Dawn Cummings.
Oh, man. That's that chick
from the film yesterday.
She's the one
that was filming.
And she's a dead ringer
for her, too.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
you to meet Samantha Hazel.
Samantha is our special guest
for the weekend.
Samantha, this is...
Tabitha, Mike,
Zane, and Candy.
I feel like I know
you guys already,
thanks to the Professor here.
It's nice to meet you guys.
- Likewise.
- I'll say.
Samantha is the great
granddaughter
of the once famous
movie actress, Dawn Cummings.
Dawn was Gail Evelyn's
best friend.
Pardon me for saying,
but you're a dead ringer
- for that girl in the film.
- Thank you.
She was beautiful, I know.
After Gail disappeared,
in her will,
she left all her possessions
and the house to Dawn Cummings.
My family's owned the house
ever since
and the curse that goes along
with it, unfortunately.
I've been emailing Samantha back
and forth for quite some time.
Now, she's been very helpful
in my studies.
The legend surrounding
the spirit of Gail Evelyn
was something my family
never wanted to talk about.
- So why now?
- I've been writing letters
to Gail's mother
for quite some time,
but she never wanted
to have anything to do
with my paranormal studies.
Fortunately,
Samantha has come of age
and has a different
frame of mind.
But how do we
fit into all of this?
Simple. We're gonna see
if we can't reach across
into the spirit world
and find Gail Evelyn.
Yeah, simple.
Well, if we can somehow
release Gail's soul,
the house can go clean,
and she can rest in peace.
Jeez, the plot thickens, huh?
Can you show some respect
sometimes, would you?
Sorry. No offense meant.
Well, enough of this standing
around yapping.
Let's get this
show on the road.
Excellent idea, Mike.
- Wow.
- This is quite a place.
Even more majestic
than I expected.
- Spectacular.
- I'll say.
If I was a ghost, this is
where I'd come a haunting.
Damn. It really is
creeped out in here.
It's not movie creepy,
real creepy.
I know.
I mean, it feels like,
I don't know, we're being
watched or something.
Candy, don't say stuff like that.
I'm already scared.
Not much like the classroom,
is it, guys?
No, not at all.
You follow me upstairs,
I'll show you to your room.
Upstairs?
Yeah. That's where
the bedrooms are.
And the bathrooms,
too, I hope.
You'll have your choice
of three lavish commodes.
Great 'cause I could
really use a shower.
Zane, why are you thinking about
taking a shower in a place like this?
Because I was cooped up
all day in that van.
- You had air conditioning.
- Not where I was sitting.
Candy, just let him
take a shower.
I'll keep you protected, okay?
Come on, pal. Let's go out
and grab the bags.
That's right, guys. Let's get settled
because I want everybody down here
at 7:00 sharp
for the sance.
You didn't say anything
about a sance.
Well, how were you expecting to
contact the dead, Miss Crane?
- Facebook?
- There's a bunch of dead people on Facebook.
All right, Miss Hazel,
if you will.
Right this way, ladies.
7:00 p.m. sharp.
Now, don't hog
all the hot water.
If there is any.
I've been standing here for 10 minutes
and the thing is still ice cold.
Don't sweat it, ladies.
I just went down to the cellar
and turned on the heater.
You went down there alone?
Yes, I did.
And I'm sorry to report,
no ghost sightings yet.
Know what? It can stay like
that till morning.
What? I thought you were girls were
all about all things paranormal.
Not me.
My boyfriend.
He actually did tell me
that there were no ghosts
and that this
was an easy pass.
So, here I am,
just enjoying the ride.
Well, at least you're honest.
What about you, Tabitha?
Well, I'm doing this
for my dad.
He was a magician in Vegas
for years until he retired.
As a little girl,
I remember him saying
that magic as more
than just an illusion.
That it was a gateway
to places unknown.
After he passed on
last spring,
I decided to do some
investigating on my own.
Just to see if it was true.
Oh. I never knew that, Tabby.
- Are they in there?
- I believe so.
Do you think
they'll make contact?
From what that couple
told me last night,
they've got
a really good chance.
Professor Rand
had amazing success
with supernatural
communication.
Okay, but what good
does that do either of us
if we're stuck out here
when he makes contact?
Do you think it was
just a coincidence
that couple came to my shop last night
to have their palm's read?
- I'm not sure.
- Well, I'm telling you, it wasn't.
It was a sign
from Gail Evelyn herself.
She knows who I really am
and she wants me to be here.
I'm sure of it.
Sure of what, ladies?
Can I help you?
Yes. I'm Sandy Smith.
This is my friend,
Blanch Thompson.
Your neighbors
on either side.
We heard some noise
over here this afternoon
and we were sure
some new folks had moved in.
Ah, the welcome wagon.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
But instead of ringing
the front doorbell
and introducing yourselves,
you thought it best
to sneak in the backyard with some
binoculars and check things out first.
Yeah, that's it.
Totally innocent.
I'm sure it is.
- Look, mister...
- Call me, Zane.
Zane, I know, you know,
we're here trespassing.
But I can assure you
there's a very good reason.
- Which is?
- Well, I met two of your very good friends last night
when they came into my shop
to have their fortunes told.
Hmm. I heard about that
on the drive over
this afternoon.
Sounds like everyone
had a hell of a time.
Well, when they told me
about your plan
to contact Gail Evelyn,
I just had to be here.
- Why's that?
- Personal reasons.
You're gonna have to do
a lot better than that,
- Madame Zolta, is it?
- Yes, that is my professional name.
And this is my colleague,
Selena Protruska.
She's another psychic who occasionally
fills in for me on weekends.
So, you're the moral support.
So, what do you say, Zane?
Could you accommodate
two extra party crashers
- at your little sance tonight?
- I'm not really sure.
Well, I'm sure
the two of us
could make it
worth your while.
You mean...
Would you like
your palm read?
Sure.
Selena, let's take care
of that.
You know, I think I can
predict my own future.
Hey, girl. Don't take too long.
We got the sance coming up.
Oh, just gonna be a minute.
Gotta look good
for the ghosts.
Tabitha?
Tabby?
Is that you?
Hmm.
Hmm. Looking for something?
Oh, hey, Cand, I could have swore
that I packed my favorite blue... whoa!
Hey. Sorry, Cand.
You can look if you want.
So you like my new lingerie?
Yeah. They're amazing.
I mean, it's amazing.
I just thought it would be something fun
to bring on the trip.
Fun for the whole family.
Well, if you like
what it looks like on me...
what about what it looks like
on the floor?
So, what do you think
of those two, Professor?
They seem innocent enough.
Well, to be honest with you,
I'm not thrilled
with either one of them.
Well, I can understand that,
but I think their unexpected
arrival here
may be for the good.
Okay.
It's just that this haunting
has been in my family
for so long, I'm hesitant
to let anyone new in.
I get your point.
But, you know, they might
offer a spiritual guidance
during the sance.
Yeah, that's what
I was kinda afraid of.
Well, I don't
want you to worry
because I have this.
What's that?
That is a
3,000-year-old amulet
meant to worship Osiris.
3,000 years old and
you keep it in your pocket
with your car keys
and your change?
It's pretty cool, though.
What do you use it for?
Well, some say you can
use it to contact the dead.
So, it's kinda like an ancient
cellphone to the dead.
Yeah, I guess
you could say that.
Well, jeez.
Where do you pick up a little
trinket like this, Doc?
I mean, I'm sure they don't give it
away with every camel ride you take.
As a matter of fact,
I bought it off an old fakir.
- An old fucker?
- Fakir. Fakir.
Oh, my God.
- What the hell was that?!
- An earthquake, I hope.
No quake ever sounded
like that.
It sounds like
it came from upstairs.
- Mike, Zane, come with me.
- To the van?
- No, upstairs.
- You think that's a good idea, Doc?
Mr. Crawford, you've been scoffing
at the spirit world all semester,
now's your chance to prove
me wrong once and for all.
Okay, okay.
What the hell is that?
The holy water. You never know.
It's good to have a back up.
Right.
All right, you ladies wait here.
And remember, stay together.
Do not worry.
I will keep
you all safe from evil.
Oh, great. Now I feel
totally secure.
Do not discount the powers
of the great Madame Zolta.
Oh, far be it from me.
- Who goes first?
- Well, Zane,
it sounds like you're
actually becoming a believer.
In some odd way, I think I've
probably done my job as a teacher.
Doc, I can tell you right now,
by dawn, I'll be an out and out convert.
Follow me. Let's see
if this manifestation
doesn't lead us
to Gail Evelyn.
Um, I may have already
been there, done that.
- How do you mean?
- Well, earlier this afternoon,
I may have had a close encounter
with the spirit world.
You mean you felt
her presence?
That's not all I felt.
I don't hear them.
Do you think they found anything?
Oh, God.
I hope not for their sake.
I know one thing,
Gail Evelyn still lives in this house
as she has
for the past 70 years.
And she would not be thrilled
with uninvited guests.
- You mean like us?
- Definitely like us.
Wait. Quiet, everyone.
Selena. Selena,
do you hear that?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Faint,
but growing stronger.
What? What's faint?
More to the point,
what's growing stronger?
Another spirit
approaches this house
from the nether regions.
- Who?
- That is not yet clear.
But we must prepare
for an ectoplasmic
explosion.
Should I get a tarp
or something?
- Is the spirit evil?
- No. Not evil.
It is clean,
but very, very powerful.
All right, let's split up
and search the rooms.
Split up?
That's the worst idea ever.
I say we make it a group thing.
Come on, what do you think?
I say you're scared shitless,
Mr. Crawford.
No. Not in the least.
Well, maybe a tiny bit.
All right, you go down that hall.
Check the master bedroom.
You go down this way and check
the bedrooms. I'll check the bathrooms.
- Right, Doc.
- Beautiful.
Anything more yet?
Yeah, who's the mystery ghost?
We know now that the spirit
poses no threat.
In fact,
he is filled
with great,
positive energy.
Love, if you will.
- Peter.
- Peter?
- Who's Peter?
- Peter Sherwood.
Gail's long lost lover.
He's come to
reclaim his bride.
Oh, how romantic.
How do you do,
ladies and gentlemen?
This is Gregory McGurkin.
Your host for another for
in the series of Evening Chat.
In entertainment news,
Monument Pictures
released the name
of their newest picture today.
It stars Gail Evelyn
and Peter Sherwood...
Samantha.
What are you doing here?
The Prof. told you ladies
to stay downstairs.
Samantha? I do not know
of this name.
Are you all right?
You look a little pale.
Actually,
you're beyond pale, girl.
You're down right
transparent.
Lady, let me outta here.
I'm a believer, I swear.
Nothing can interfere
with the covenant.
Covenant?
What covenant?
The two will finally be together.
Reuniting.
You mean Gail
and her husband?
That's what we came here
today to accomplish.
She has longed for him
for so long.
And now the two
will become one.
Beautiful. I'm all for
romance, trust me, lady,
but can you let me
outta here, please?
And the medium
will be the conduit.
She will bring them together.
You mean Zolta?
Can't be.
She's a quack.
She will bound them together
and complete the circle.
But how? She couldn't tell the future
with a box of fortune cookies.
Her ancestor was a Sherwood.
Her inner light
is bringing him closer now.
So that's why
she showed up unannounced.
She cannot resist our call.
To tell you
the honest truth,
I'm finding you somewhat
hard to resist myself.
I have not felt the passion
of human flesh in so long.
Well, is there any
possible way, you know...
- You could join in?
- Never though I'd be say this, but, yes.
- Please, come.
- I hope to.
Do I please you?
Baby, you're the ghostest
with the mostest.
Oh, hey.
Did you find anything?
- You?
- Nothing.
- Seen Zane?
- No, but... oh, hey. There he is.
What's the matter with you, buddy?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
I did and she had
quite a story to tell.
You mean, you actually spoke
with Gail Evelyn?
No, but I got a mouthful
from her friend, Dawn.
It seems Madame Zolta downstairs
has a long lost relative
of the soldier who got
shot down during the war.
The spirits sent her here
to guide this Sherwood fella
back to his girl.
- That's it, then.
- What?
I'm a fool for not thinking
of this before.
What's that?
When Gail Evelyn wrote
that note to her husband...
You mean the one about not leaving
the sanctity of her home?
Yes.
She may have inadvertently
cursed herself
to eternal imprisonment.
Behind these dark walls.
My God.
Only Sherwood's appearance
here can set her free.
Well, then, I say we get this
sance going and make it happen.
Tabitha!
In here.
My God.
It's happening.
What? What's happening?
Peter Sherwood's finally
coming home to claim his bride.
Oh, my.
Look, there.
It's Gail.
I'd recognize
that beauty anywhere.
She's waiting for his arrival.
Just like us.
He will be here shortly.
Damn. He's gorgeous.
They both are.
Are they really gonna do it?
Wouldn't you
after nearly a century?
I feel like we're intruding.
Come on, everybody. I think we
could all use a cup of coffee.
Remember, honey.
Magic is more
than just illusion.
Daddy?
Daddy, is that you?
What did you say?
Believe in the magic,
sweet heart.
Just believe.
This is Chipisin
with WTRA Radio.
We interrupt your regularly
scheduled broadcast of Symphony Sid
to bring you this special news buletin.
The local economy
is being strangled
by Kazah Kingcapa...
and his evil goons.
Herr...
has taken control
of our shipping mains and
crippled our means of survival.
Their reign of tyranny
must come to an end.
This has been a public service
announcement brought you
by WTRA radio.
We now return you to
Symphony Sid
already in progress.
Herr Kommandant!
We just seized another
whiskey shipment from
the East Siders.
Excellent work, Sargent.
It is imperative that the surrounding
units stay vigilant.
They may deploy a counter
attack.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
We have secured a perimeter
around the camp.
Ammunition supplies have
just arrived with an extra
battalion of infantry soldiers.
Our main objective is
to secure this island and control
the water surrounding it.
If we see another one of those
whiskey shipments, I want to
attack swift and hard.
Eliminate the crew
and confiscate their materials.
Yes, sir!
We will move our location
to a tower on the south peninsula.
I will personally monitor
the situation from there.
I have received intelligence that
they may use the southern corridor
to send another shipment through.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
One last thing, Sargent.
Let's make sure we don't have
another incident like last time you were
supposed to keep watch.
For your sake.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
Yeah, come in.
Boss, I just got a message
through the telegraph.
The Krauts got us again.
Son of a... Get the crew ready!
Leave me and the Captain here
to do a little chit chatting.
Serve up a round of
drinks for the boys.
We's gonna see what we gonna do
about this little problem here, see? Yeah.
These Krauts want a war?
Then they got a war, see?
Be helpin' you, I be.
That's beautiful, see?
I spit out some false
info out on the streets.
I let the word spread
that I was going to send
my next shipment through
the southern corridor, see? Yeah.
I knew someone would spill
the beans to one of Klinks goons.
That's where your ship comes in.
We're gonna send you ship
through the southern corridor, see?
Because that's where they expect it.
We's gonna draw
all the attention down there.
Then up the northern corridor,
I'm gonna send a rickety row
boat with a couple of barrels of
hooch for my next delivery, see?
They won't suspect a thing.
Those Krauts will have all their guns
and their men on the south side.
Yeah. See, all you need to do is
to stay within firing range
and have a cannon fight with
them to keep their attention.
As soon as my ship makes passage
you'll get a message that
you can turn your ship
back around to safety.
That sounds like a good plan.
Beautiful, see?
I'm gonna give you Nicky the Nose
with his Tommy Gun.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
All of our gun enplacements
have been reinforced.
Are you sure it is a
good idea to concentrate
the bulk of our forces
at the south side?
Don't be a fool.
I have direct intelligence that
this is where they will attack from.
Make sure everyone
stays on high alert.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
Watch out for the sea monster.
Yeah!
Navigation.
Aye, Captain!
Be 15 miles from our
destination, we be.
Quack quizzle!
Sorry! 16 miles from
our destination.
Maintain this course.
Shiver me timbers,
this might just work.
I have spotted something
out of my port side.
This is the shipment I received
the intelligence about.
We must destroy this ship!
Requesting permission to adjust
firing course of cannon.
Permission granted!
Sargent, alert the rest of those other ships,
we have spotted the enemy.
We've got them. It's time.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
They have spotted us.
Fire all cannon!
They made it. Be turnin'
this here ship around.
Pete! No!
Yeah!
Scoop him up. Looks like we have
a little prisoner on our hands.
Excellent!
We need to go back for Pete.
We's gonna sink if
we stick around here.
God damnit, Pete!
Excellent work, gentleman.
We have the prisoner
in our possession.
They won't stop us this time.
Argh! Matey, you may have
gotten your whiskey through
but I lost a crew
member back there.
Yeah, see, we're gonna
get him back.
I've got this plan
I've got, see?
I've got this connection down
in the Columbian Cartel.
I can get them to hook
us up with some heat.
We're gonna need better
guns for this gig, see?
They hang out at Club Adelphi.
Argh! We'll be payin'
them a visit, we be.
- Hey, red ball, corner pocket.
- Yeah.
And that, dear students,
is the last time
Hollywood couple,
Gail Evelyn and Peter Sherwood
ever appeared in front
of a camera.
Wow. For a silent movie,
that was such a turn on.
I didn't even know sex
existed back then.
Well, Miss Collins,
I think you should check
your family tree.
I think you'll find it's been
around even longer than that.
Monument Pictures
must have been devastated.
I mean, losing two
of their biggest stars.
One right after another.
It is a true Tinseltown
love tragedy to be sure.
I mean,
here's Peter Sherwood
and he rises to fame
in the 1930s
in famous costume dramas like
"Kitty Hawk" and "Bull Run."
And then is cast along side
the feisty Gail Evelyn.
The gossip columnists
ate it up.
Called it
the "Monumental Affair."
That's so romantic.
I'm such a sucker
for Hollywood love stories.
Well, unfortunately,
Tabitha,
this one has an unhappy
and mysterious ending.
How so, Professor?
So, just days after
that home movie was shot,
the Private Sherwood was
sent to the Pacific Theater.
Unfortunately, his transport
plane was presumed shot down
over water
and never recovered.
My God.
How awful for her.
She must have been
heartbroken.
More than that,
she went into hiding.
She fired all her help
and she became a total recluse.
She locked herself up
in the mansion
that she and Sherwood
had bought each other.
But what happened to her?
Well, Miss Collins, had you read
Griffith's "Haunted Hollywood"
as I asked you to last week,
you'd know the answer to that question.
I read it. I just must
have skipped that chapter.
I see. All right. Well, I probably
should refresh everyone anyway
as we're going to be spending
the night in her mansion tomorrow.
What? But I thought
that was unobtainable.
Mike, when you and the others
signed up for advanced psychokinesis,
it was the study ESP,
spiritualism,
and, most certainly,
ghostly phenomenon.
- So?
- So despite the fact that this university
is run by
antiquated ghouls,
you're probably not
very likely
to run into any ghosts
here on campus.
Then we're in.
Yes, I did work some magic
and so, we have access
as of tomorrow.
But wait.
What happened to her?
Well, that's just it.
Nobody knows.
When the relatives finally
broke down the doors,
all they found were cobwebs,
some unopened mail,
and this handwritten note
by her.
Which said?
Right. This is just a copy,
you understand?
What's it say?
"My dearest Peter,
I will never let anyone
"break the sanctity
of our honeymoon home.
"I await your return.
"Love forever, Gail."
- Oh. That's so sad.
- Makes me want to cry.
According to the relatives, the only
crying was for help once night fell
and the evil spirit of
Gail Evelyn manifested.
Wait, wait.
You mean this house
is haunted for real?
By a missing-in-action
movie star no less.
The house has been on
the market for more than 60 years
and no one's been able
to spend more than
one or two nights here
without running in terror.
And this is where we're spending
the weekend, you say?
I expect everyone to be
in the quad parking lot
at 2:00 p.m. sharp.
Bring food and your own
pillow if you want
and anything else you think
you might need to survive.
You mean like a crucifix
and holy water?
Couldn't hurt.
Always better to be safe
than sorry.
- We've got them this time...
- Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
They have spotted us.
Fire all cannons.
What are you doing
in there?
The animation station
did their own version
of "Pirates of Penzance."
Yeah, that sounds good.
You should be packing.
As a matter of fact,
it is good.
I'll pack later.
Hey. I was really into that.
Aren't you the least bit
apprehensive
about spending the night
tomorrow in a haunted house?
- To put it bluntly, no.
- And why not?
Candy, you and I have been
in Professor Rand's
supernatural class
all semester.
- True?
- Yeah. True.
Well, in all that time,
can you name one moment,
any moment,
where even the remotest
supernatural event occurred?
Well, there was that one
palm reader.
He knew I put in an application
to "Sexting with the Stars."
Forgive me, honey, but every one
on your Flutter account did also.
That wasn't exactly
a national secret by any means.
So, you're saying
you don't believe?
I'm saying I'm from Jersey.
Now that's the Show Me state.
Let me see with my own eyes
and you got me.
Hmm.
Show me, huh?
That's it.
If I can eyeball it,
touch it, feel it,
you've won me over.
All right, Mr. Skeptic.
So, you ready to touch it?
Feel it?
And I thought
the pirate cartoon was good.
Aah.
I see
you have reservations.
As a matter of fact, we do.
Tomorrow night
at a haunted house.
Not those type of reservations,
silly, silly boy.
Your woman here
has second thoughts
about traveling to
a place that is inhabited
by such a troubled
and restless spirit.
You mean Gail Evelyn?
Yes.
Her burdened soul
is trapped there in that
dank dwelling you speak of.
Awaiting a release
that may never come.
How can you tell all that?
I was born with a gift.
I'd say a couple.
- Mmm.
- So why is she here?
After death, most spirits
rise up to a greater reward.
However, there are those
unfortunate souls
that are forever bound
to this Earth
by, let's say,
unfinished business.
Really? Like, waiting
for a lost love.
Exactly.
Her lover may have moved on
to a greater plane,
but her vow to wait for him
may anchor her
to this mortal coil
for all eternity.
Oh, my gosh.
Maybe we could
actually help her?
- How?
- I don't know.
But if she appears to us,
maybe we can explain?
I don't know about you, doll,
but if she appears to me,
don't go grabbing for the trousers
flying out the front door.
- Why?
- 'Cause I'll be in 'em.
Mike, stop it.
Be serious.
I am being serious.
Any horny ghost shows up,
I'm gone.
Yeah, you say that now.
Wait.
Listen very carefully.
If you do perhaps
make contact with her,
you must first be anointed with
the love wrath for your protection.
The "love wrath"?
What the hell is that?
It is a counter spirit
that will protect you
from all forms of harm.
Great.
And how much is that
gonna cost me?
- Mike!
- What? I'm just asking.
For such beautiful people
as yourselves,
it will be free of charge.
Now, that's the type of price
that I'm talking about.
How do we get started?
Simple. Just kiss
your friend over here.
- Just kiss her?
- Yes.
You know, I think I'm
starting to change my opinion
about mind readers, madame.
So... is that it?
Now you must pass
the love forward.
- You mean kiss him back?
- No, dear.
The love must
pass through me first.
- Really?
- Really.
You do realize we're only
going away for a night,
not an entire month.
Hey, you always want
to be well-prepared.
You'll be thanking me later.
Trust me, babe.
Okay, Mr. Scoutmaster.
It's already five after.
Why are we hanging around?
Yeah, everything seems
ready to go.
We're waiting for
a surprise guest.
- Who's that?
- Let's just say she'll play
a key role in
our paranormal adventure.
"She"? Who's she?
Professor! Professor!
- Will you look at that.
- Get a load of that chassis.
Yeah, and the girls
not bad either.
- She looks familiar, too.
- Hey, she better not look too familiar, buster.
She should look familiar to everyone. She's
the great granddaughter of Dawn Cummings.
Oh, man. That's that chick
from the film yesterday.
She's the one
that was filming.
And she's a dead ringer
for her, too.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
you to meet Samantha Hazel.
Samantha is our special guest
for the weekend.
Samantha, this is...
Tabitha, Mike,
Zane, and Candy.
I feel like I know
you guys already,
thanks to the Professor here.
It's nice to meet you guys.
- Likewise.
- I'll say.
Samantha is the great
granddaughter
of the once famous
movie actress, Dawn Cummings.
Dawn was Gail Evelyn's
best friend.
Pardon me for saying,
but you're a dead ringer
- for that girl in the film.
- Thank you.
She was beautiful, I know.
After Gail disappeared,
in her will,
she left all her possessions
and the house to Dawn Cummings.
My family's owned the house
ever since
and the curse that goes along
with it, unfortunately.
I've been emailing Samantha back
and forth for quite some time.
Now, she's been very helpful
in my studies.
The legend surrounding
the spirit of Gail Evelyn
was something my family
never wanted to talk about.
- So why now?
- I've been writing letters
to Gail's mother
for quite some time,
but she never wanted
to have anything to do
with my paranormal studies.
Fortunately,
Samantha has come of age
and has a different
frame of mind.
But how do we
fit into all of this?
Simple. We're gonna see
if we can't reach across
into the spirit world
and find Gail Evelyn.
Yeah, simple.
Well, if we can somehow
release Gail's soul,
the house can go clean,
and she can rest in peace.
Jeez, the plot thickens, huh?
Can you show some respect
sometimes, would you?
Sorry. No offense meant.
Well, enough of this standing
around yapping.
Let's get this
show on the road.
Excellent idea, Mike.
- Wow.
- This is quite a place.
Even more majestic
than I expected.
- Spectacular.
- I'll say.
If I was a ghost, this is
where I'd come a haunting.
Damn. It really is
creeped out in here.
It's not movie creepy,
real creepy.
I know.
I mean, it feels like,
I don't know, we're being
watched or something.
Candy, don't say stuff like that.
I'm already scared.
Not much like the classroom,
is it, guys?
No, not at all.
You follow me upstairs,
I'll show you to your room.
Upstairs?
Yeah. That's where
the bedrooms are.
And the bathrooms,
too, I hope.
You'll have your choice
of three lavish commodes.
Great 'cause I could
really use a shower.
Zane, why are you thinking about
taking a shower in a place like this?
Because I was cooped up
all day in that van.
- You had air conditioning.
- Not where I was sitting.
Candy, just let him
take a shower.
I'll keep you protected, okay?
Come on, pal. Let's go out
and grab the bags.
That's right, guys. Let's get settled
because I want everybody down here
at 7:00 sharp
for the sance.
You didn't say anything
about a sance.
Well, how were you expecting to
contact the dead, Miss Crane?
- Facebook?
- There's a bunch of dead people on Facebook.
All right, Miss Hazel,
if you will.
Right this way, ladies.
7:00 p.m. sharp.
Now, don't hog
all the hot water.
If there is any.
I've been standing here for 10 minutes
and the thing is still ice cold.
Don't sweat it, ladies.
I just went down to the cellar
and turned on the heater.
You went down there alone?
Yes, I did.
And I'm sorry to report,
no ghost sightings yet.
Know what? It can stay like
that till morning.
What? I thought you were girls were
all about all things paranormal.
Not me.
My boyfriend.
He actually did tell me
that there were no ghosts
and that this
was an easy pass.
So, here I am,
just enjoying the ride.
Well, at least you're honest.
What about you, Tabitha?
Well, I'm doing this
for my dad.
He was a magician in Vegas
for years until he retired.
As a little girl,
I remember him saying
that magic as more
than just an illusion.
That it was a gateway
to places unknown.
After he passed on
last spring,
I decided to do some
investigating on my own.
Just to see if it was true.
Oh. I never knew that, Tabby.
- Are they in there?
- I believe so.
Do you think
they'll make contact?
From what that couple
told me last night,
they've got
a really good chance.
Professor Rand
had amazing success
with supernatural
communication.
Okay, but what good
does that do either of us
if we're stuck out here
when he makes contact?
Do you think it was
just a coincidence
that couple came to my shop last night
to have their palm's read?
- I'm not sure.
- Well, I'm telling you, it wasn't.
It was a sign
from Gail Evelyn herself.
She knows who I really am
and she wants me to be here.
I'm sure of it.
Sure of what, ladies?
Can I help you?
Yes. I'm Sandy Smith.
This is my friend,
Blanch Thompson.
Your neighbors
on either side.
We heard some noise
over here this afternoon
and we were sure
some new folks had moved in.
Ah, the welcome wagon.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
But instead of ringing
the front doorbell
and introducing yourselves,
you thought it best
to sneak in the backyard with some
binoculars and check things out first.
Yeah, that's it.
Totally innocent.
I'm sure it is.
- Look, mister...
- Call me, Zane.
Zane, I know, you know,
we're here trespassing.
But I can assure you
there's a very good reason.
- Which is?
- Well, I met two of your very good friends last night
when they came into my shop
to have their fortunes told.
Hmm. I heard about that
on the drive over
this afternoon.
Sounds like everyone
had a hell of a time.
Well, when they told me
about your plan
to contact Gail Evelyn,
I just had to be here.
- Why's that?
- Personal reasons.
You're gonna have to do
a lot better than that,
- Madame Zolta, is it?
- Yes, that is my professional name.
And this is my colleague,
Selena Protruska.
She's another psychic who occasionally
fills in for me on weekends.
So, you're the moral support.
So, what do you say, Zane?
Could you accommodate
two extra party crashers
- at your little sance tonight?
- I'm not really sure.
Well, I'm sure
the two of us
could make it
worth your while.
You mean...
Would you like
your palm read?
Sure.
Selena, let's take care
of that.
You know, I think I can
predict my own future.
Hey, girl. Don't take too long.
We got the sance coming up.
Oh, just gonna be a minute.
Gotta look good
for the ghosts.
Tabitha?
Tabby?
Is that you?
Hmm.
Hmm. Looking for something?
Oh, hey, Cand, I could have swore
that I packed my favorite blue... whoa!
Hey. Sorry, Cand.
You can look if you want.
So you like my new lingerie?
Yeah. They're amazing.
I mean, it's amazing.
I just thought it would be something fun
to bring on the trip.
Fun for the whole family.
Well, if you like
what it looks like on me...
what about what it looks like
on the floor?
So, what do you think
of those two, Professor?
They seem innocent enough.
Well, to be honest with you,
I'm not thrilled
with either one of them.
Well, I can understand that,
but I think their unexpected
arrival here
may be for the good.
Okay.
It's just that this haunting
has been in my family
for so long, I'm hesitant
to let anyone new in.
I get your point.
But, you know, they might
offer a spiritual guidance
during the sance.
Yeah, that's what
I was kinda afraid of.
Well, I don't
want you to worry
because I have this.
What's that?
That is a
3,000-year-old amulet
meant to worship Osiris.
3,000 years old and
you keep it in your pocket
with your car keys
and your change?
It's pretty cool, though.
What do you use it for?
Well, some say you can
use it to contact the dead.
So, it's kinda like an ancient
cellphone to the dead.
Yeah, I guess
you could say that.
Well, jeez.
Where do you pick up a little
trinket like this, Doc?
I mean, I'm sure they don't give it
away with every camel ride you take.
As a matter of fact,
I bought it off an old fakir.
- An old fucker?
- Fakir. Fakir.
Oh, my God.
- What the hell was that?!
- An earthquake, I hope.
No quake ever sounded
like that.
It sounds like
it came from upstairs.
- Mike, Zane, come with me.
- To the van?
- No, upstairs.
- You think that's a good idea, Doc?
Mr. Crawford, you've been scoffing
at the spirit world all semester,
now's your chance to prove
me wrong once and for all.
Okay, okay.
What the hell is that?
The holy water. You never know.
It's good to have a back up.
Right.
All right, you ladies wait here.
And remember, stay together.
Do not worry.
I will keep
you all safe from evil.
Oh, great. Now I feel
totally secure.
Do not discount the powers
of the great Madame Zolta.
Oh, far be it from me.
- Who goes first?
- Well, Zane,
it sounds like you're
actually becoming a believer.
In some odd way, I think I've
probably done my job as a teacher.
Doc, I can tell you right now,
by dawn, I'll be an out and out convert.
Follow me. Let's see
if this manifestation
doesn't lead us
to Gail Evelyn.
Um, I may have already
been there, done that.
- How do you mean?
- Well, earlier this afternoon,
I may have had a close encounter
with the spirit world.
You mean you felt
her presence?
That's not all I felt.
I don't hear them.
Do you think they found anything?
Oh, God.
I hope not for their sake.
I know one thing,
Gail Evelyn still lives in this house
as she has
for the past 70 years.
And she would not be thrilled
with uninvited guests.
- You mean like us?
- Definitely like us.
Wait. Quiet, everyone.
Selena. Selena,
do you hear that?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Faint,
but growing stronger.
What? What's faint?
More to the point,
what's growing stronger?
Another spirit
approaches this house
from the nether regions.
- Who?
- That is not yet clear.
But we must prepare
for an ectoplasmic
explosion.
Should I get a tarp
or something?
- Is the spirit evil?
- No. Not evil.
It is clean,
but very, very powerful.
All right, let's split up
and search the rooms.
Split up?
That's the worst idea ever.
I say we make it a group thing.
Come on, what do you think?
I say you're scared shitless,
Mr. Crawford.
No. Not in the least.
Well, maybe a tiny bit.
All right, you go down that hall.
Check the master bedroom.
You go down this way and check
the bedrooms. I'll check the bathrooms.
- Right, Doc.
- Beautiful.
Anything more yet?
Yeah, who's the mystery ghost?
We know now that the spirit
poses no threat.
In fact,
he is filled
with great,
positive energy.
Love, if you will.
- Peter.
- Peter?
- Who's Peter?
- Peter Sherwood.
Gail's long lost lover.
He's come to
reclaim his bride.
Oh, how romantic.
How do you do,
ladies and gentlemen?
This is Gregory McGurkin.
Your host for another for
in the series of Evening Chat.
In entertainment news,
Monument Pictures
released the name
of their newest picture today.
It stars Gail Evelyn
and Peter Sherwood...
Samantha.
What are you doing here?
The Prof. told you ladies
to stay downstairs.
Samantha? I do not know
of this name.
Are you all right?
You look a little pale.
Actually,
you're beyond pale, girl.
You're down right
transparent.
Lady, let me outta here.
I'm a believer, I swear.
Nothing can interfere
with the covenant.
Covenant?
What covenant?
The two will finally be together.
Reuniting.
You mean Gail
and her husband?
That's what we came here
today to accomplish.
She has longed for him
for so long.
And now the two
will become one.
Beautiful. I'm all for
romance, trust me, lady,
but can you let me
outta here, please?
And the medium
will be the conduit.
She will bring them together.
You mean Zolta?
Can't be.
She's a quack.
She will bound them together
and complete the circle.
But how? She couldn't tell the future
with a box of fortune cookies.
Her ancestor was a Sherwood.
Her inner light
is bringing him closer now.
So that's why
she showed up unannounced.
She cannot resist our call.
To tell you
the honest truth,
I'm finding you somewhat
hard to resist myself.
I have not felt the passion
of human flesh in so long.
Well, is there any
possible way, you know...
- You could join in?
- Never though I'd be say this, but, yes.
- Please, come.
- I hope to.
Do I please you?
Baby, you're the ghostest
with the mostest.
Oh, hey.
Did you find anything?
- You?
- Nothing.
- Seen Zane?
- No, but... oh, hey. There he is.
What's the matter with you, buddy?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
I did and she had
quite a story to tell.
You mean, you actually spoke
with Gail Evelyn?
No, but I got a mouthful
from her friend, Dawn.
It seems Madame Zolta downstairs
has a long lost relative
of the soldier who got
shot down during the war.
The spirits sent her here
to guide this Sherwood fella
back to his girl.
- That's it, then.
- What?
I'm a fool for not thinking
of this before.
What's that?
When Gail Evelyn wrote
that note to her husband...
You mean the one about not leaving
the sanctity of her home?
Yes.
She may have inadvertently
cursed herself
to eternal imprisonment.
Behind these dark walls.
My God.
Only Sherwood's appearance
here can set her free.
Well, then, I say we get this
sance going and make it happen.
Tabitha!
In here.
My God.
It's happening.
What? What's happening?
Peter Sherwood's finally
coming home to claim his bride.
Oh, my.
Look, there.
It's Gail.
I'd recognize
that beauty anywhere.
She's waiting for his arrival.
Just like us.
He will be here shortly.
Damn. He's gorgeous.
They both are.
Are they really gonna do it?
Wouldn't you
after nearly a century?
I feel like we're intruding.
Come on, everybody. I think we
could all use a cup of coffee.
Remember, honey.
Magic is more
than just illusion.
Daddy?
Daddy, is that you?
What did you say?
Believe in the magic,
sweet heart.
Just believe.