Leprechaun Returns (2018) Movie Script

Where's me gold?
Next stop, devil's lake.
Uh, hi, Katie, this is Lila Jenkins.
I'm pretty sure you said
you were gonna pick me up,
but I'm-I'm here at the bus stop,
so I guess I'll just keep waiting.
Please don't come this way.
Please don't come this way.
Do you need a ride?
Uh, no. No, I'm definitely
waiting for someone.
You must be one of the girls
fixing up the old house,
way out there from campus.
You know about that?
Small town.
It's hard not to know
everybody's business.
Not-not that I try to know it,
I just seem to end up knowing it anyway.
Okay, well, I should
keep waiting for my friend.
I don't mind.
I don't usually travel out
that way much anymore, but...
You look like someone I used to know.
Ozzie's taxi.
I need a ride.
- Are you Irish?
- No, no.
Just a fan of the culture?
Not at all.
I... I haven't seen you before.
I'm pretty good
at remembering people. I...
Oh, yeah, no. It's my first year.
Well, I'm not a freshman.
It's my first year at larimore.
I just transferred.
Am I talking too much? I'm sorry,
I'm a little nervous.
Oh, I'm always a little nervous.
You know, I've always wanted
to come here.
- My mom used to live here.
- At devil's lake?
Yeah. Yeah, actually at the house
we're going to.
Her dad... well, my grandfather...
Bought it for her.
But now the university owns it.
You're Tory reding's daughter?
Yeah. Yeah, I am. Did you know her?
- Yeah.
- Is that who you thought I looked like?
How is she?
She passed away last year.
I'm sorry.
She was...
Nice to me.
Well, do you have any stories about her?
I'd like to hear them.
She didn't tell you anything
about the place where you're going?
Well, it's probably because
everything's all right now.
What is?
I didn't realize the house
was so far from campus.
It's far from... everything.
Thank you.
- Everything okay?
- Oh... yeah.
We made sure of it.
But if it's not...
Look in the basement.
Wait, what?
- Are you Lila?
- Yeah.
What are you doing here? I thought
your bus didn't get in until 4:00.
It did.
- It's 4:00?
- It's 5:30.
Oh, that means you had to spend an hour
in a truck alone with ozzie the weirdo.
It's probably for the best, though.
Meredith isn't even back with the car yet.
Who the hell knows
where she went?
Okay, be warned.
Rose has gone all ed begley Jr...
- Who?
- Never mind.
I'm thinking of crushing up some of my
klonopin and spiking her clover juice.
- Oh, I love clover juice.
- Right?
I'm so over Kale.
We found this random clover patch
in the yard a while back.
It inspired us to grow some in the garden.
- Did you pick it up yet?
- Not yet!
Lila's here.
I thought she wasn't getting in until...
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Well, it's good you're here, Lila.
- We need your help.
- She just got here, Rosie.
Lila, do you wanna pee outside
or inside this week?
Uh, inside?
Then it's time to get to work.
Grab that wire.
Okay, Lila, this hose
is gonna be our water line
until we get the pipes in.
Then our water source
will be officially self-contained.
Step one of going off the grid.
Oh, wait, you guys
weren't using the well before?
No, they stopped using it years ago
because they said the water was corrupted,
but I tested it myself and it's totally
fine. Like, perfect.
We should have been done
with this already,
but it took longer because someone
decided to try
and Jerry-rig the solar panels
so she could use it to get Internet.
Dude, we haven't had it for,
like, three days.
Wait, there's no Internet?
Yeah, no Internet.
No power, and no cell service, either,
until we get these frickin'
solar panels installed.
Once this juices up, we'll have water.
- And once Meredith gets back...
- Okay, who's... who's Meredith?
She's... she's the asshole.
Yeah, but she's the only one
at the sorority
that's studying native plant
landscape architecture.
So we need her.
Yeah, well, she loves her native plants.
Think, ozzie.
You had your phone at the bus stop.
You had your phone in the truck.
On the way to the house.
And now you don't.
It's at Tory's.
Darn it.
As long as Meredith is focused
and booze-free she's great.
I brought refreshments.
- Also, I got beer.
- Katie!
Meredith didn't tell me
you were gonna be here.
Didn't I?
Hey. I'm Matt.
I'm Andy's friend.
It's, uh, nice to meet you all.
No, Meredith. No, no, no.
This is not why we're here.
This is not supposed to be
a four-week party,
this is serious.
This is me being serious
with a beer in my hand.
Mm. Ah.
Plus, you told me to find people
that are handy.
That's Matt and Andy.
That rhymed. Weird.
Anyway, it's, like, six.
We can be socially conscious
and get shit-faced.
They aren't mutually exclusive.
Well, actually the sun
doesn't go down until about 7:00,
so, you know, we could work
for a while...
Who's the party killer?
- Oh, uh, hi. I'm...
- That's Lila, Meredith.
Our newest Alpha epsilon sister.
Well, I also got pizza,
but if you guys don't want any...
Fine! But only because I'm starving!
We're still starting early tomorrow!
We're still starting
- super early tomorrow.
- Yes.
Of course she invited Andy.
She always has to start trouble.
Andy and I used to date.
I'm absolutely not going
to sleep with him tonight.
It's just a coincidence.
Just a coincidence.
Oh, god, no!
I eave me alone!
We killed you...
Twenty-five years ago.
You're dead!
Twenty-five years.
You're lookin' a little worse
for wear, my boy.
If you don't take care of your body...
It won't take care of you.
There once was a lad they thought died.
His flesh had melted off his whole hide.
But he escaped from the well,
alive and quite swell.
And now he'll be killing in stride.
Twenty-five years, then?
I've got a lot of killing to make up for.
When did I get better looking?
You guys really going off grid?
By the end of summer, we'll have moved
all our electricity to solar
and all our water to the well.
We'll have grey irrigation and...
And we're raising myotonic goats
for their milk
and soll aerating
because the nitrogen in their...
It's gonna be, like, totally kick ass.
You do have a great ass.
No offense, but you guys might win
nerdiest sorority on campus.
We are actually the only sorority
or fraternity, Matty,
since Rose petitioned to start a chapter.
Relationships are the key
to a successful career.
If you're in a good sorority,
you will have contacts
anywhere you apply for a job.
Hey, Rose?
- What's this for?
- The golden trowel?
I got that for building yurts
out of dralon.
Look, can we stop talking
about work for five minutes?
I wanna learn more
about our new friend, Lila.
I'm sure this can't be easy for you.
Leaving all your friends
at your other school
to hang with some strangers in the dark.
Um, actually I lived at home and commuted,
so I didn't know that many people.
But you had some friends.
No. Um, I spent most of my time
taking care of my mom.
- What was wrong with her?
- Maybe she doesn't wanna talk about it.
No, it's okay.
It's what people do, right?
Um, she had some
mental health issues.
She thought that monsters
were always trying to get her,
so she never left the house.
And then she got cancer.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all that.
Well, I think I'm gonna get another beer.
- Anyone want anything?
- I'll help you.
- 1 got it.
- I'll help anyway.
I love how she's all pretending
she's not gonna screw him later.
"Looks like I'm sleeping
in your room, ladies."
As long as they're up at 6:00,
I don't care what they do.
Lila, I need you
on the rainwater barrels tomorrow.
- Sure.
- I can help you.
Careful, Matt.
Sounds like Lila's mother was crazy
and that shit's hereditary.
She wasn't... she couldn't...
That wasn't very nice.
I think I'm gonna go to bed.
- I'm just kidding, Lila.
- No, really. It's okay. I'm just tired.
Well, goodnight.
Is it just me or is she a little weird?
Only you could make
cleaning look so filthy.
Stop it. I'm trying to clean.
Being super clever won't get you anywhere.
Oh, no.
Oh, my god! Shit! Shit!
This is gonna set us back half a day!
No, no, no, it's okay, it's okay.
Um... I think I got it.
Well, it doesn't matter!
Look at all this water!
Okay, if you can just let me
have the water pump for a couple hours,
I can use it to drain the water in here.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
Yeah, of course.
I spent so much time
taking care of my mother
that I got pretty good at problem solving.
But helpful, friendly hint...
Maybe don't mention
your mother so much.
What are those?
Meredith likes to juice
the fruit and vegetables from the garden.
I had no idea she was
so health conscious.
Please. She infuses them all with vodka.
I love the smell of me gold
in the morning.
Oh, actually you're supposed
to drill it straight down,
otherwise it might get loose.
It's fine to do it this way.
I've done it before.
Me too, and I'm telling you if you...
I knew you were gonna get weird
if we had sex again.
Whoa! Whoa.
First of all, you hit on me, remember?
And second of all,
this is so hot about that.
You're literally just putting it in wrong.
You're being weird.
You know what, you ruined it.
We're not having sex again.
- Mer?
- Yeah?
Are you okay?
Yep. Peachy.
Are you still in your pajamas?
Jesus, mer!
What is the point of you being here
if you're not gonna participate?
Do you even care about
what we're doing here?
Yes, I care.
I care more about these plants
- than any of the a-holes around here.
- Really?
A plant has one job, Rose.
It does it really well.
The right plant in the right place
won't only thrive for itself,
it helps the world around it thrive.
That was kind of lovely.
Also, you can ferment almost
any plant to make alcohol.
Okay, guys, very funny.
Joke's on the new girl.
Uh, sorry, I uh...
I... I came to see if you needed help.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Were you just banging on the cistern?
I don't even know what that means.
- Cis...
- Right, uh, sorry.
The... this thing. The water barrel.
Uh, no.
Hold on, I got an idea.
With no gold these 25 years,
I've lost me knack.
But time and a fresh killing
should help bring it back!
I'm the least handy person.
I'm-I'm good with a camera,
but, uh, don't ask me to fix your sink.
That's okay, I can fix my own sink.
So is that why you wanted to be
a camera person?
Whoa, filmmaker. Way different, but, uh...
Yeah, you know, these days
you have to do it all
like cassavetes or Rodriguez.
Maybe I can film an interview
with you later
- for the documentary.
- Oh.
No, no, I don't have anything
interesting left to say.
You pretty much heard it all last night.
Friendless shut-in.
So, you know, my mom
actually used to live...
Why are you here?
Oh, I'm sorry.
We don't have
to do the interview if, uh...
Oh, no, no, sorry.
I just thought I saw the taxi guy,
but dead.
I don't know why I just said that.
It's fine.
I-I should probably get some last-minute
footage before it gets too dark.
Way to go, Lila.
It's working!
- We have power!
- Well, then it's time to celebrate.
Katie, come on!
All right.
Help! Help me!
Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat,
nor bloom of light can stop
a leprechaun from kill...
What is this?
All better.
Killing is the key to my health
and helps me in finding my wealth.
Oh, that is awful! That is so awful!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
- The hot water just ran out.
- Don't tell Rose, she's gonna flip.
Uh, for snapchat!
I love having Internet again!
See, visually, I was going for, like,
a David lean thing here,
- making the landscape the protagonist.
- Oh, whatever.
All that moving is making me nauseous.
Babe, I think the shots you did
are making you nauseous.
Andy, is that you peeing in the back yard?
What? I thought the John wasn't working.
You're such an idiot.
Wow, Matt, this looks so cool.
Oh, thanks.
Weird? What is that, a rabbit?
Rabbits will eat through
the garden in an hour.
This is literally the worst thing
that can happen right now.
What is this? This wasn't on my playlist.
I should put a temporary fence
around the garden.
- Matt, we should blow up our mattresses.
- Sure thing, man.
Mm, no. I don't know.
I didn't have the right sized
fuses for the circuit box.
I don't think it can handle
that much power at once.
If you want me to sleep with you again
you don't have to make up excuses, okay?
Just say so.
God, I hate you.
She wants me.
Okay, well, um,
I actually have portable speakers
that we could just plug
my phone into, no problem.
I hate it when people try too hard.
Now we'll probably be stuck listening
to the wicked soundtrack all night.
Your bear isn't the only animal
on the endangered list, love.
This can't be real.
Do I look like a figment
of imagination to you?
Fruity, and full-bodied.
With hints of your mother.
You're the thing
my mom always said was real.
She wasn't crazy.
Crazy to think she could get rid
of me forever.
Her and her friends tried.
They watched me melt,
then threw me down the well to rot!
But if you leave a piece
of a leprechaun intact,
then you haven't killed
the leprechaun, no.
And thanks to this piece of gold
taken from my friend's bowels...
I was able to reform
at my discretion.
Now, I want the rest of it.
Give it to me.
I don't know anything about your gold.
Then what's hanging around
that pretty neck of yours?
What kind of trick is this?
It's not a trick.
My mom gave it to me.
She said it would protect me.
It looks as real as me gold.
Now, what did she do with it?
Katie's never gonna let me hear
the end of this.
I told you this was gonna happen.
- I got the fuses you told me to.
- But...
You know what?
I don't care.
Well, this party sucks.
Way to go, dude.
Oh, go film the damn stars, scorsese.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
And welcome to...
I'm here for you, lass.
Or am I here?
Lila, are you okay?
- Matt!
- Forget that hack.
I saw you in the shower.
You've got boobs of tal...
I mean, oodles of talent.
I'll get all your best angles.
Oh, you're disgusting.
But in a sexy way, right? Hal!
Oh, gross.
You give great head.
Lila? You okay?
I'll be right there, Matty.
Wait, no!
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Wait, wait.
Did you see it?
Something ran past me and knocked me down,
like an animal or something.
I caught it on my camera.
No, that wasn't an animal, okay?
It was... it was...
Look, we need to get out of the house.
I'm sure we can set traps in the morning.
It's not exactly the end of the world-
no, it is kind of the end.
Okay, we seriously need to go!
- Um...
- Look, I'm not crazy, okay?
But how would you know that?
You don't know me.
None of you know me,
so of course you think that I'm crazy,
just like everyone thought
my mother was crazy
and Rose told me not to talk
about my mom too much.
We are all so screwed.
Where is everyone?
I don't know.
We need to find them.
God. What an asshole.
Your face.
Why do you have to be such a jerk
all the time?
What's wrong?
Hmm? Hmm?
I think there's another box
of fuses in the barn.
If we don't turn everything on at once.
I think we can get the lights
working again.
Aren't you the smarty pants?
- Stop it.
- Hmm?
I am not.
I'm not gonna keep doing this.
There once
was a lass in college.
Who studied the spirits for knowledge.
She laid hard with the devil,
to rise up a great level.
But no one begrudged her the mileage.
Ah. A golden shower.
I don't care what the others say
about you. You're a keeper.
What do they say?
You know...
I got a glad eye for a fellow tosspot.
I think I'm having alcohol hallucinations.
Don't be selling yourself short.
A walkman and a camera all in one.
What's a walkman?
Forget it.
I'm looking for something and if you tell
me where it is, I won't rip you to shreds.
What're you looking for?
Come a little closer
and I'll tell you.
- Katie?
- Oh, Rose.
Do not tell me something else is wrong.
I filmed an animal in the house.
It's inside?
Everyone needs to close the doors
- when they go.
- Okay, it is not an animal.
It's a leprechaun.
So no animal?
Okay, I am going to try
to explain this calmly
so that you both can see
that this is real.
I went to get my speakers
and the leprechaun
was wearing my bear's head
and it...
It attacked me and then it ran off
when all the lights went out.
Thank god.
Not for you, Lila, for the house.
Oh, for you that sounds...
Mental illness is a really
unfortunate problem.
Maybe she hit her head.
There is a deranged dwarf
obsessed with money in the kitchen!
- What?
- Yeah, I got away
before he could do anything.
See? That's him. I told you.
It could be a crackhead
who got a hold of the wrong stuff.
- It's a leprechaun!
- How did you get that?
Guys, I always thought
that my mom was sick, okay?
I mean, the strange things
that she used to say,
that he would murder anyone for his gold.
Yeah, well, maybe we shouldn't take stock
in the rantings of a crazy person.
She wasn't.
Okay? I mean, I always thought, but...
You know, she wasn't.
Katie and Andy are out back.
We can't leave them.
Guys. Guys, I really don't think
this is a good...
I gotta go take a leak.
No, no, no, no, that's latex
which isn't biodegrade...
I make such bad choices.
Come on, Katie. I don't wanna have
another talk right now, okay?
My sentiments exactly.
The ladies always want to ruin the moment.
That's why I'm fond of
tearing out their tongues.
- What the hell are you?
- I'm a leprechaun
and I've come to get me gold back.
You wouldn't know anything
about that now,
- would you?
- Dude.
You and me.
I've given you something.
Now I want what was stolen of mine.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Let me put it in a way you'll understand.
Tit for tat!
It got me!
My bad, it was just a piece
of hemp grass from the...
What... what's happening?
It's him.
He's shorter in person.
Is that all you've got, you micro freak?
I'll admit, without me gold
I'm not in top form,
but I, unlike you,
still know how to perform.
I'ma stomp your ass!
Andy, just let it go! Get out of there!
Shut up, Katie, I know what I'm doing!
- One for Andy.
- Actually it's one for me
and two of...
I don't have the key on me!
It must be in my room!
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure!
Do you think Andy's dead?
I mean, I know that he was split
down the coronal plane, but he...
Oh, my god, he's dead! Oh, my god!
Why can't we just run?
We-we can get as far away as possible.
Wait, did we lose Rose?
Heel! Heel! Heel!
That's not exactly what I meant.
You vile troll!
Troll? That's just offensive.
Now, why would she go
and do that?
You can't leave perfectly good shoes
just lying about without a care!
- Maybe he ate her.
- No, no, no, no.
Don't think that he's a cannibal.
Well, he could be a cannibal, I mean...
No one cares, Matt!
He seems a little too refined, though.
I mean, he wears that frickin' jaunty hat!
We have to go back for her!
- What?
- Okay.
Babe, don't be mad, okay?
It's the right thing to do.
It's just... it's a little surprising
coming from you.
So we're just gonna go in
like it... like it's nothing?
I ook. We are a bunch of smart women.
Matt, you seem smart, too.
Okay, we can do this.
We can totally figure this out, right?
Probably doing fashion a favor
killing that one.
- They should be on my desk.
- Okay.
He's gone. Come on.
Do you see Rose?
Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.
Why would you do that?
I was trying to quietly
get your attention!
Mission not accomplished!
What're you doing here, anyway?
I needed something.
Where's the lawn gnome?
We lost him,
but we gotta get to the car.
But the house? Everything I've...
We've worked for, we can't just leave it!
It's time to start making
some smart choices, Rose!
You can't save the world
if you're dead, okay?
Come on, let's get to the car.
Meredith and Lila are getting the keys.
Shit! He's coming through the back.
Wait, what? No, no, no. Are you sure?
Yeah, look. He's too close, we're not
gonna make it without him seeing us.
We should hide in the basement,
wait 'til he passes,
- then book it to the car.
- Wait, what? No, no, no.
Meredith, I think this could be
a really bad idea, okay?
I mean, we could get trapped in there.
Will you trust me? We're sorority sisters.
And friends.
No, no, no. Meredith?
Meredith! Come on, what're you doing?
- Let me out!
- He just wants his gold, Lila.
Give it to him
and I'm sure you'll be fine.
No, no, no, Meredith.
Meredith, I don't think
that's how he works, okay?
I mean, you-you saw what
he did to Andy, all right?
You can't trust him.
Come on, you don't know him.
I don't know you, either. None of us do.
No, no, no! Come on!
Meredith, come on! Let me out!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, where's Lila?
- She didn't make it.
- What do you mean?
She's dead! He killed her!
- What?
- We have to go!
We should get out of here.
He's probably really close by now.
That's the car of the future? Sad.
No, no, no, no, get away from me!
What is going on right now?
Are you here to hurt me?
Okay, I'm just gonna go ahead
and I'm gonna guess that you're dead.
Did the leprechaun do it?
I'm sorry.
Are you a zombie?
A ghost?
This should help a little.
Is the leprechaun
how you know my mom?
You guys stopped it together?
I didn't get any of that.
Okay, well, uh, what would be really
helpful is if you knew where his gold was.
It's in one of these boxes?
There's nothing in here.
Tory, Nathan, Alex, ozzie.
A map of gold?
Ozzie, this is amazing!
"Super strength, telekinesis,
really good impressions."
He's like an awful David Blaine.
Or just David Blaine.
Wait, clovers can stop him?
Okay, okay, okay.
We just have to find a way
out of here now.
Uh, ghost ozzie, I can't do that.
Ghost ozzie, a little help here.
All right, time to go for the gold.
Yeah, this would have been
a better first option. Okay.
I'm super drunk.
Did we get away?
Did we just get away?
I don't see him anywhere.
We did it!
And I feel super bad about Lila.
She's getting what she deserved.
Is she still alive? Did you lie?
What? But she's the reason
all of this happened in the first place!
The leprechaun said if I gave her to him
he would let us leave.
- Us?
- Fine, me.
We are sorority sisters!
We stick together!
You think I wanted to be
in a sorority? No.
We need to go back for her.
We aren't even a real sorority!
You literally set it up like a month ago!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, my god.
Ggo faster! Go faster!
I think we've established
it's not going to happen!
Here! Turn here to the right,
to the right!
To the right! To the right!
I think you got him.
Come on.
Do you see the keys?
Katie, look for the keys.
Oh, my god.
Looks like you've hit a dead end.
Oh, my god!
Me gold must be close by,
'cause I'm starting to feel
like me old self again.
A few more kills should do the trick.
I did what you wanted.
I left Lila for you.
You said you wouldn't lay
a hand on me.
I suppose I did.
And a leprechaun always keeps his word.
What the hell are you doing? Meredith!
I made a deal with him.
You wanna make your own deal,
go ahead,
but I'm getting the hell outta here.
Let's go.
I won't lay a hand on you.
We're friends.
Meredith, one. All of you assholes, zero.
You promised! Why are you doing this?
I promised I wouldn't lay a hand on you.
I didn't say I wouldn't kill you.
Now she's one with nature.
Ashes to ashes!
Blood and guts!
- Do you think she's okay?
- Uh, no.
Is everything all right?
Yeah, I think I can get this working
with my phone.
You guys keep going.
Maybe I can slow him down.
You can find Lila, get the power on,
and call the police.
Are you sure?
Not really.
But a great filmmaker
is like the captain of a ship.
If Werner herzog can do it, so can I.
Werner hertzcock would be proud.
- Who's Werner hertzcock?
- How the hell should I know?
Okay. Okay, just keep it together, Lila.
Pied Piper this, douche bag.
I see you, little birdie.
Where the hell are we?
- I was hoping you knew.
- Nope.
What're you doing?
I'm looking for the north star
on my star-gazing app.
Do you see it?
Yeah, look. See? It's that one.
So we're supposed to go north?
Well, technically the sorority house
is south east, but...
I don't know.
Without the proper coordinates,
I don't know exactly where we are, so...
- You have no idea?
- No.
- Shh! Shh!
- It's him!
- We are so dead!
- Be quiet!
You're not dead! Good for you!
Thank you.
What're you doing out here?
I'm looking for his gold.
I thought you said you didn't
know where it was.
Well, I didn't. But now I do. Almost.
Okay. All right. All right.
Oh, shit.
Lights, camera,
Work, goddamnit!
Why you look so sore?
Audiences love lots of Gore.
As long as you don't let it
get to your head.
I tried to warn you.
And now you're dead.
Okay, so my mom
and her friends hid the gold.
I guess they didn't want
anything to do with it,
but they hid it here
in case he came back.
Which, obviously, he did.
- Where'd you find the map?
- 0z.
- Look.
- What if the gold isn't there?
It has to be.
I ook. There.
That seems like a big enough marker,
don't you think?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Um, okay.
- Look, we found it!
- Yeah!
That's what he's trying to kill us for?
That seems a little anticlimactic.
Well, yeah, but if that's what he wants,
then we just...
- We have to give it to him.
- No. You can't give that to him.
That isn't all of it.
How do you know that?
Because I found it months ago, okay?
I didn't know whose it was,
it was just here, just... hidden here.
You stole it?
I only took what I needed
for the house project.
I-I kept a record of it,
so I would know how much to buy back
once I could afford it
after everyone saw what I...
What we did with the house project.
So much for the sorority code.
This is something you should
have mentioned before, Rose!
My god, we're so screwed!
I thought we were gonna get away.
I don't understand, though. I thought
you had a successful gofundme page.
No one really gives a shit
about saving the environment.
The only people that gave money
were my stepmother out of guilt
and some dude from Albuquerque
who asked if I would send
a naked picture of myself in return
for 20 bucks, which I did, by the way.
So I funded it all myself.
But I only took as much as I needed.
I planned on buying it all back
and returning it
from the cash for gold place.
Okay, okay.
How much more was in there
when you first found it?
Not much more.
Well, what does your notebook say?
I guess like...
- Oh, my god.
- So overflowing?
Okay, look. We can just take it back
to the cash for gold place
- and get it back.
- It's all the way in Bismarck.
What have you done, Rose?
Now we have nothing to offer him!
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
he's gonna kill us all.
No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, okay. Look.
If we can't give him his gold, then...
Then there's only one thing left to do.
- Run forever?
- No.
We use his strengths against him.
And we kill him.
Where are you going?
Okay, I don't know, actually.
That just seemed like
the right thing to do,
but we should probably make a plan first.
Okay, well, we know his strengths.
I mean, that's-that's something.
Yeah, but we don't know
what his weaknesses are
and we can't just Google
how to kill a leprechaun.
- Wait, can we?
- If we had power, yeah.
We could just reboot the Internet
and call the police.
Wait, is there a way to turn
the power back on?
I just have to change the fuse.
Lila, why didn't he take
the coin around your neck?
Well, he tried, but it burned his hand
when he grabbed it.
I et me see it.
I think it's fool's gold.
Wait, how can you tell?
Andy tried to pass off this bracelet
he got for my birthday as real gold.
It wasn't.
Lila, fool's good is iron pyrite.
Iron. That's a thing, right?
That sounds like a thing
we can stop him with.
Oh, yeah. And four-leaf clovers.
- How do you know that?
- I just do.
- Where are we gonna get that much iron?
- Guys, I have an idea.
We are so
not going to pull this off.
We can do this. We can do this.
Well, we have to give it to him.
That's easy for you,
you have protection around your neck.
Okay, I thought we said
that we were all gonna stick together?
We have been,
and look where that got us!
If we give it to him,
we're as good as dead.
You don't know
what you're talking about.
Neither do you, Lila.
Just because your mother dealt with this
doesn't mean
you're gonna walk out of it, too.
You're gonna get us all killed.
Well, fine.
Then I'll just give it to him myself.
- Fine. Fine.
- Fine.
A bunch of chirping birds
make for easy pickings.
Two pretty sights in one.
Me gold and the girl whose fate is undone.
You want it? It's yours.
Looks like your friends
didn't agree with your plan.
They didn't want me to give it to you.
But if I didn't, you'd just kill us.
So it's yours, just...
Just take it and leave.
Very wise of you.
Not so fast, lass.
With more gold, I have more power.
Have a seat.
I'll give you a beheading
like times of old.
Or like a few hours ago, for that matter.
Turns out Matt's greatest achievement
was a shuff film.
You're a monster.
I guess it's your time of the month.
I want me gold.
You'll find it in Bismarck, douche bag!
Okay, go!
What have you done?
It's iron.
I et me out!
Okay, come on, okay.
We are broken up! Get over it!
So gross, so gross, so gross!
If you let me free,
I'll Grant you a wish.
You can have anything you want.
I don't want anything from you.
Are you sure?
Do what he says, sweetheart.
I told you, all of this is real.
You have to believe me when I tell you
that if you let him go,
you could wish me back.
These people aren't your friends.
You don't need them.
Not when you have me.
I love you, Lila.
I could really have my mom back?
Just set me free.
That's it.
I wish...
I wish you'd just die already.
One shamrock shake coming up.
I really wish someone heard that one.
Hey, did it work?
Yeah. Yeah, I think it did.
So... now what?
Okay, okay.
Now we have to burn the rest of him,
because he said
if you leave a piece of a leprechaun,
you haven't killed a leprechaun,
so we have to get rid of all of him.
- Like a funeral pyre?
- Yeah, I guess so.
We can get a fire started
in the front yard,
because I never wanna see
that shitty lilliputian ever again.
And no, Rose, we don't wanna hear
how fire releases carbon dioxide
into the air, okay? Okay.
Fine. I'll sweep him up.
What more could possibly happen?
Well, this has been the weirdest
day of my life.
After everything I went through
with my mother,
I didn't think I'd have a weirder day.
Then again, I also never thought
I'd have any friends.
You do have a hard time
keeping them, though.
- Oh, no?
- Uh-uh.
Stupid leprechaun.
Are you kidding?
I'll never get a job at icf now.
You missed a spot.
Oh, no!
Guess you're gonna foot the bill.
Not cool.
Stop, hammer time!
I'll give you geriatrics some hammer time.
I know something you don't nose.
I spent last summer stopping poachers
from killing sea turtles in Costa Rica.
I can handle a bunch
of pocket-sized pixies!
guess she couldn't
dig herself out of that one.
You know what really helps
the environment? Population control.
Please tell me you have
a solution for this.
Um... uh, gold's...
Gold's a conductor, right?
Yeah, but they don't...
Yeah. Yeah, it is!
Looks like I really pulled it together.
Now, give me me gold.
Well, you're the one
who can't keep track of his gold.
Maybe you need to be
more fiscally responsible.
Maybe you...
Need to liquidate!
It's a little too little,
7 little too late.
The best you can hope for...
Is a painful fate.
Hey, you minuscule monster.
It's time to cash out.
Oh, shite!
How's that for energy efficient?
Help me.
We need to go! Come on!
How do we get out?
Are you shitting me? Eco-fiber glass!
And they say
there's no global warming.
Dying in the basement is your best idea?
Okay, Katie, we are not going to die!
Okay. Okay, come on.
Please don't leave me, Lila.
I've got a limerick for you.
Eat a dick, ass Baggins.
Come on, come on!
Oh, my god.
Ow, I think it punctured my trapezius.
- It's okay, I'll be okay.
- Okay.
Okay, um, come on, come on.
We need to go. Come on.
Why you doing that?
What? You don't see...
See what? See what?
Nothing. Nothing.
I don't see anything, either.
Thank you.
What the hell happened here?
Are you girls okay?
We just learned that sometimes
the best green footprint...
Is no footprint.
Actually, you know,
we're probably gonna need a ride
- 'cause I'm losing a lot of blood, so...
- Okay, yep.
Back's open.