Leprechaun's Revenge (2012) Movie Script
There once were some Irish folk,
but sadly, they were quite broke.
So they packed up their crates
and moved to the States,
and their fortune,
they brought in a poke.
Now, their luck, it came fast,
and their fortunes grew vast,
because they stole the
luck of a creature.
But the thing got away,
and their gold turned to hay.
The town was appalled,
and fools they were called,
for ever daring to gain
from the dreaded luchorpain.
But that all came
long before me.
My part in this tale
starts exactly as it ends.
With a bang.
You missed it high right, toots. You're
too good a shot to miss it high right.
Let's adjust that sight.
Life is all about math,
alchemy, and luck.
With us O'Haras, it's mostly luck.
Yeah, you and that lucky boar's tooth.
It's an irrational world.
I don't make the rules.
I just break them.
Do you really believe all that stuff?
You know, luck and fairies and magic?
I certainly do.
No, but really. You really believe it?
There are more things
in heaven and earth, Henrietta,
than are dreamt of in
your philosophy.
- What?
- Exactly.
- You got one in the chamber?
- No.
Put one in.
There it is. Follow me. Come on.
Pop!
- Karen, you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- I thought I told you to follow me.
- I know. I got a little turned around.
You okay? Is she okay? You okay?
She's fine. She just kind of spun around
and knocked down.
Fell down? Honey, sweetheart,
are you doing all right?
You gonna tell me
what happened out there?
I was walking...
How many times have I told you
those damn boars are dangerous!
You don't even have a hunting license,
for Pete's sake!
What the hell do I need
a hunting license for? I know you.
If you knew me, you'd know how pissed off
I'd be if I knew you took her out.
It's one thing to put
your own life in danger.
All right? It's quite
another to put Karen's.
You're crossing the line, old man. What?
She's very capable.
I don't know what you see, okay? But
when I look at her, I see a little girl.
- Well, open your eyes.
- My eyes are open.
And you know what they see?
They see the whole town
saying your pop is a lunatic.
And you know what?
I've been defending you till now.
Because I believe them.
They're right. They're all right.
What? I hurt your feelings? I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
What in the hell?
I should have mowed my cat and dog.
What in the hell?
You want my gold tooth?
Are you sure you're all right?
Dad, I didn't...
Didn't just fall in the woods.
Something attacked me.
Attacked?
What do you mean something attacked you?
An animal?
It got caught in some roots,
I shot it, and it ran.
Well, I'm glad you're safe,
but you've got to make sure you know
what it is you're shooting at, honey.
What?
I'm just glad that Pop's teaching you
to take care of yourself.
Hey, Hap.
Top of the morning to you.
Grab some real estate.
I'll be right with you.
Lucky number seven.
You ready to talk about it,
or I have to wait to number eight?
And don't give me any of that
"we don't talk about that crap."
We don't talk about that crap.
Almost got Karen killed.
What? How?
Hunting. Keening Woods.
Tempting fate hunting over there
all the time. You know that, right?
Haven't found any fairy folk
over there in over 100 years.
But something's wrong.
Don't start with the leprechauns again.
I'm still picking teeth off the floor
from the last fight you started
over those damn things.
Here.
Just be glad you're not old man McHenry.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, his bed-and-breakfast
burned down on Tuesday. Look.
Anybody get hurt?
No, but still...
Luck of the Irish.
No number eights
till you stop with the leprechaun crap.
What can I do for you fine folks?
Starting a bit early, aren't you?
Dad?
Dad?
Hello. Hi, honey.
- God. I think something's in the house.
- You what?
The door's open. The alarm went off.
I think someone's here!
Go to your room right now
and lock the door.
Go. Move. Now. I can't hear you.
- Why aren't you walking?
I can't hear you. -Okay.
Are you there?
Are you... I heard the door.
Are you in?
Sweetie? All right. Now listen to me.
Are you sure about this? Honey?
Yeah.
Okay. Then you do exactly as I say.
You get under the bed right now.
It's the safest place you could be.
Go. Hello?
You're dead, Karen.
You're dead.
You're dead,
and you don't even know it.
Hurry up!
Hey.
Hey. Why didn't you tell me
you weren't coming to school?
Yeah. Sorry.
I only decided a few minutes ago.
What's that?
Some kind of weird plant rash.
Okay. You look weird. What's wrong?
I was attacked.
What? By who?
Some animal out in the woods.
Holy crap, Karen. Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Pop was there. I had my gun.
I shot at it, and it ran.
If you need me to bail,
I totally can.
No, that's fine. Just go to
school, and I'll see you later.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- All right. Feel better.
- Yeah.
Bye.
- Karen, hey.
- Hey, Karl.
Hey. Yeah,
from the Keening Courier.
I also have that blog that I write
called Strange Happenings.
- I have seen it.
- Cool.
You were at the pharmacy.
You're not feeling too good?
Not really, no.
Well, anyway, I was wondering
if you had a minute,
you want to talk to me about that
experience you had out in Keening Woods?
Because I saw the police report
your dad wrote
that you were attacked by an animal,
but you weren't able
to identify it completely.
So, I was just wondering
if you could describe it for me.
No, Karl, I do not feel comfortable
doing that for your blog.
- Okay. Strange creature, huh?
- No.
- Unearthly? Otherworldly?
- No.
- Karl!
- No. Yeah. But, see...
I was doing research on the area
that you were hunting in,
and I just noticed that it was
right next to the Tree of Tears,
and I was wondering
if anything strange happened.
Wait.
What is the Tree of Tears?
It's right smack
in the middle of Keening Woods.
- You heard of it?
- No.
As legend has it, it's...
The town has some dark secrets
that are buried right there.
You sure you don't want to tell me
about this thing you shot?
- I get 100,000 hits a week on my blog.
- No, Karl.
You weren't really
out there hunting boar, were you?
- What?
- You're an O'Hara. Come on.
And what is that supposed to mean?
It's Pops O'Hara, the O'Hara legacy.
Okay, thanks, Karl.
Okay. I get it.
But if you change your mind
and you want to talk to me, call me,
'cause I'm texting you
my number right now.
- Great. Thanks, Karl.
- That was me on the phone.
Great. Who gave you my number?
Bye.
What the heck are you? No! No!
Top of the morning to you.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold it.
I love you, Karen,
but you can't come in here.
Your dad's gonna
shut the place down in a flash.
Come on. When I was 10, you let me
sit there and sing Oh, Danny Boy
for tourists with Pop.
You didn't have a problem with it then.
Sweetheart, that's commerce.
Son of a bitch.
I knew it. You're cheating me,
old man!
Hey. What the hell is the matter with you?
You can't cheat at darts.
You can either throw the dart
in the bull's-eye, or you can't.
The only person who's ever
cheated you was the guy upstairs.
He cheated you out of any brains.
Knock it off, both of you.
It's all right. I got it.
Hey, O'Haras don't hustle.
Get out.
Who the hell are you?
Someone who can have
the Sheriff here in two minutes.
Now leave.
You heard the lady.
Hit the bricks.
You're hustling dart games now?
That's a new low.
Just separating a fool from his gold.
You want to play?
Pop, I...
I have something
I want to show you.
Do you know what that is?
Looked it up.
It says it's an ancient
curse from Ireland.
You pick a red four-leaf clover,
and you release an evil spirit.
If you don't get it in four days,
you're dead.
I picked one yesterday.
So, what do we do?
We're gonna need the luck
of the Irish.
Luck of the Irish?
What the hell does that even mean?
You're always legends and fairy tales,
but now something really real comes along,
and all you've got is the luck of the Irish.
What's the end of this fairy tale?
I don't need luck of the Irish!
I need answers!
Well, Karen...
The burn on your
hand is concerning,
but not nearly so much
as these blood work reports.
Why? What are they?
Your white blood cell count...
Through the roof.
And what does that mean?
It means your body is fighting off
a serious infection,
in this case,
a potentially deadly one.
The strange thing is,
you don't have a fever.
The rest of your blood work
is completely normal.
Are you superstitious?
- Karen, this is serious.
- So am I.
What are you talking about?
I think I'm cursed.
Don't tell me. You've been
listening to your pops again.
Karen, you know the man is...
What? Go ahead. Say it. A drunk.
My pops is a crazy drunk.
Everybody says it. I know it.
Do you know I believed in unicorns
until I was 12 because of him?
And all his stories
about Keening Woods being haunted,
all the goblins and fairy folk,
I'm starting to think he's right.
- I'm cursed.
- Karen...
- Be rational.
- Why? It's an irrational world.
You want to put me in a hospital for
three days, run every test in the book?
I'll be dead on the fourth day.
No, thank you.
Hey, Karen. Hi. Hey.
- Hey, Dax. What's up?
- Nothing.
You weren't in school today.
So, I got your calc homework
for you if you want.
Thanks.
Or, I can...
You need anything?
I can... Do you need...
I'll do whatever.
I... Or if you just
want to talk.
No, I'm fine, but thank you.
Dax, isn't that your closet door?
What? Yeah. Why?
Who's that?
Who's who?
That. Behind you.
Karen, that's not funny. You're freaking
me out a little bit, all right?
Dax, I'm not kidding.
You need to turn around.
There's something there.
Okay, Karen, that's not funny.
You're freaking me out.
- Stop it, all right? Don't do that.
- No, Dax! Get out of there!
I call you to check on you,
and you respond with some weird joke?
Dax, look out!
Hey, sicky, I said I have your calc
homework if you want it.
Good morning.
Good morning.
How are you feeling?
- Yeah? Better? Butter?
- Yeah.
Sweetheart, I want to ask you
a couple questions about the...
The thing that attacked you
in the woods the other day.
I want to know if you
can describe it...
- That's plenty.
- ...at all?
That's plenty of butter.
I don't know. It's hard. I...
I didn't really see it.
It's honey.
I couldn't find the syrup.
- It's gonna take a little time.
- it's good.
Are we talking about
like a wild dog?
A bear?
Wolf?
A person?
You shot a person?
No, not a person.
It was covered in roots.
It came up out of the ground.
Look, it looked like
one of those old drawings
of the guys with the goat feet and...
I sound crazy. I know.
You just sound like
you're traumatized is all.
Eat your waffle.
What's going on?
What is it?
A person went missing
in Keening Woods yesterday.
I'm on my way out there
now to check it out.
You didn't shoot them, too,
did you?
Dad.
The woods are off limits, all right?
Period.
You come home after school until we
find out what the hell this thing is.
All right.
- And eat the waffle.
- Go to work.
Come on, sicky.
Come get in the car.
Hey, Dax, thanks for giving me
my calc homework last night.
Sorry I was being so weird.
Yeah. No worries.
Hey, Karen,
I know you're not feeling too hot,
but would you want to come
and help us
with the float tonight after school?
Please?
I don't know.
Well, as St. Patrick's Day Parade Queen,
I could command you to do it,
but since you're not feeling too hot,
I'll just ask.
Yeah, I'll stop by for a little bit.
Awesome.
Me, too. I love decorating floats.
Cool.
Karen, you all right?
Let me out! Open the car doors!
Let me out now!
All right! All right!
Open the door right now!
I need to get out of the car!
Just open the door, please!
Where are you going?
Karen!
What is the matter with you?
Me? What is the matter with you?
Isn't it illegal to use your cop siren
thing to harass your little brother?
What? It's illegal to
read books in public now?
No. Don't be stupid.
What's wrong with you, huh?
Your phone broken?
No. Why?
Mom's been trying to call you
for three hours.
Well, Mom worries too much.
Yeah, I know, and you make it worse
because when she worries, she calls me,
and I have to drive all around town
looking for your ass...
Hey, search and seizure.
She doesn't have a warrant!
Just to tell you to put
your phone off mute.
All right. Sorry.
What are you reading?
MILF?
What the hell?
It's Medieval Irish Legends
and Folklore. M-I-L-F.
Why do you read
all this fantasy crap anyway?
I don't know.
I like reading the kind of crap where
guys like me actually get the princess.
You are the princess.
"Goblins, fairies,
and mischief makers."
- I'm reading it for a friend.
- Yeah?
Yeah, Karen O'Hara.
The Sheriff's daughter.
Dax, my boss.
You're trying to seduce my boss' daughter
with goblins, fairies, and mischief makers?
I'm not trying to seduce anybody.
I'm...
She's in trouble.
Okay?
So, she's in trouble
with goblins,
and you're trying
to save her with fairies and magic?
At least I don't
have to worry about you seducing her.
Thanks, sis. That's nice. Great sister.
Love you, too. The best.
Unit 169, we've got a possible 382
on Old Forest Road in Keening Woods.
Isn't that... Someone's gone missing?
Maybe. I got to go. Okay?
Yeah. Look who wants to be
the knight in shining armor now.
Very funny. Call Mom, smart-ass.
Call your mom.
That's your mom you're talking about.
Good luck with Karen.
Unit 214 checking in.
Who am I looking for, Carrie?
Molly Morris called in
again about Ian,
said he went missing on one
of his hunting trips yesterday.
Yeah, well, I found his car.
Probably just drunk again.
The Sheriff wants you
to check it out anyway.
Copy that.
I hate Keening Woods.
Ian?
Oh, my God.
Carrie, get the Sheriff
out here right away.
Hey, Karen.
I wanted to come by and check on you,
make sure you're feeling...
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, you didn't have to do that.
I know.
Actually, I wanted to talk to you
about something, if that's all right?
Yeah. Yeah.
It's...
What's that?
You don't remember drawing this?
Well, you did. Right before
you freaked out in the car.
This word, you know what it means?
I connected the letters like this.
L- U-C-H-O-R
P- A-I-N.
Luchorpain.
It's old Gaelic for leprechaun.
- How do you know all this?
- I know, right?
I'm the only kid in the world
who still uses the library.
Yeah. Well, then I must
suck at drawing
because this doesn't look
anything like a leprechaun.
Well, not the kind that we're taught about.
But look at this.
It's the thing
that came at me in Keening Woods.
You must think I'm nuts.
No, I don't.
Well, then you're nuts
for believing me.
Maybe.
Honey, it's a very nice drawing,
but what is it exactly?
A drawing of what came
at me in the woods.
It's what?
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but I think it's a...
I can't believe I'm saying this.
I think it's a leprechaun.
All right. Sweetie, what are
you saying now, okay?
I think Pop was right.
Maybe there's some truth
to the old town legend about the settlers
bringing a leprechaun with them
from Ireland.
Okay, that's great.
But, honey, listen.
You and I both know
that Pop's not altogether there.
But I know what I saw.
I'm sure you do, but could we please just
talk about this later when I get home?
I'm in the middle of it right now.
- Okay. Bye, Dad.
- Bye.
You all right? What's the matter?
What's wrong?
- Get back in the car.
- I'm fine.
- Get out of here.
- I'm okay.
It's Stanley Howarth.
Looks like his body was dragged up
from his fishing spot.
Is that an animal attack?
We haven't had bears
in here for 60 years.
That ain't no boar.
- What's that?
- What?
Is that a goat?
Not unless it walked on two legs.
What?
Look at that track pattern.
It's a two-legged creature.
I'm sorry.
You all right?
What if I told you that I...
That I just saw a leprechaun?
Are you kidding me? I'd say, "What
the hell is wrong with you?"
Yeah, that's about right.
Leslie?
Leslie?
Leslie?
Leslie?
Are you eating something?
Hello?
Hello!
Is somebody there?
Not enough that you never pay me.
Now you're stealing stuff?
Give me a break, Hap.
This thing is bigger than the both of us.
I should call your son,
have him throw you in the tank.
Wouldn't be the first time, would it?
You stealing my lucky horseshoe
to fight another leprechaun, are you?
Kiss my Johnny Belinda, Wally.
And I have even started drinking today.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Bring it back when you're done.
Hey, Jen.
- Not now, Karl.
- What? Jeez. All I said was hi.
We're working here.
You got any questions, ask Sheriff O'Hara.
I did. He sent me to you.
- I don't know anything.
- That's probably why he sent me to you.
- Knock it off, Karl.
- Can I get a quote?
Remember the last time
I gave you a quote?
Yeah, when the tornado brought the
sharks to the lake, sharknado.
It took me two years to live
that stupid headline down.
I see his cufflinks were ripped off.
Very astute of you, Karl.
You should have been a cop.
So should you.
- Shut up.
- You shut up.
The cufflinks were gold.
Perp ran off with them.
That's all I'm giving you.
Right. The cufflink bandit.
That's probably what happened.
Excuse me?
No, no. It's just, I'm
sure you're well aware
of the case of this happening in town
many years ago.
Spit it out, Karl.
What are you trying to tell me?
1874,14 people were
murdered in Keening,
and gold was taken
straight from the victims' bodies.
You telling me this is
a copycat murder?
Or a supernatural creature.
You know the Keening leprechaun
was reputed to have eaten gold
to heal itself and get stronger?
I can't believe
I'm standing here listening to you.
What is wrong with me?
Get out of here. Go.
There's someone or something
out there offing people,
and I've got the right to report it.
Look, we don't know
who's doing this, okay?
Or what.
The last thing the
people of Keening need
is your boogeyman crap
in the paper right now...
- Or online.
- Or online.
So I take it
that's a "no comment" from the police?
Bite me, Karl.
I'm gonna quote you on that.
Good.
Just make sure you spell my name right.
Oh. my God!
They gave you the nice cubicle.
Change your mind about giving me
the story on your strange creature?
No, I just wanted a few answers.
Join the club.
People are dropping
like flies around here,
and your dad and his team are about
as tight-lipped as a mime with tetanus.
"A mime with tetanus"?
That's the best you could come up with?
You want to talk about this thing
or bag on my metaphors?
Similes.
- Sit down.
- Fine.
Tell me what you saw,
and I'll give you everything I got.
I think I shot a leprechaun.
I knew it!
I knew there was something to that...
That whole legend. Did you...
You didn't kill it, though, did you?
No.
Did you get a good look at it?
Not really,
but I got this.
And I got this.
It's the Curse of the Red Clover.
Yeah.
So, how do I beat this?
You're gonna have to
face the leprechaun yourself.
How?
I don't know.
Well, Karl, what do you mean "face it"?
You mean fight it, kill it,
beat it at a game of chess?
The legend is incomplete. I don't know.
Talk to Pops. What does he know?
Same as you, just drunk.
I wish I knew more.
Me, too. Well, thanks anyway, Karl.
And by the way, I don't want
to see this in your newspaper.
- Or my blog.
- That, too.
Hello, Pulitzer.
Here. leppy. leppy. leppy.
Got some yummy gold for you.
Yum, yum, yum.
Nice.
Okay, more to your right.
Your other right.
Okay.
Hey, what about this?
Really?
Come on, honey.
It's been in the family for generations.
It's lucky.
It wasn't lucky for Grandpa McHenry.
Well, sure it was.
Everyone got out of the fire okay,
didn't they?
I don't know, Mom.
I want my throne to be
beautiful, not that.
Hey, lucky is lucky.
And it's like your grandpa always said,
"There's no use fearing the wind
if your haystacks are tied down."
But okay. Suit yourself.
Hey, Karen, how are you feeling?
Do you want to help us
finish up the float?
No, I just wanted to stop by and say hi
and sorry for freaking out
in the car this morning.
You're going crazy. It's cool.
I'm gonna go home and get some rest.
All right. Feel better.
Okay. Here we go.
Now take good care of this.
All the parade queens
have worn it before you.
Lined with gold.
I hereby pardon you.
But for real, feel better.
Stop by later if you want.
I'd love to, but I already promised
my two favorite subjects
that I'd hang out with them
after they finish my throne.
I can walk you home.
I mean, if you want.
Okay.
Son of a bitch.
I just wanted to say thank you
for everything today.
Yeah. I just don't like to
see anybody upset.
So it's not me?
It's the situation?
No. No, it's you.
Come on. You know I've liked
you since fifth grade.
It's pathetic. I know.
What? No, it's not pathetic.
You don't think it's pathetic
that it took you being attacked
by a mythical creature
for me to man up and talk to you?
Fifth grade, though? Seriously?
Yeah. You don't remember?
You kicked Evan Shardoff's ass
when he was picking on me.
Pop was teaching me
how to box that summer.
You are the best.
Who the hell is that?
Come on!
- Is that the horseshoe from our mailbox?
- Yeah.
That's two. Come on. Get in the house.
Get in the house.
I always thought leprechauns were nice
little guys in green with pots of gold.
Yeah, in fairy tales maybe,
but in the real world, they're the
vermin of all the fairy folk.
There's other fairy folk?
There's other fairy folk.
How do you think this town,
founded by a bunch of Irish immigrants,
did as well as it did?
Because of the gold
mine in Keening Gorge.
How do you strike a gold mine in a state
that doesn't have any gold veins?
They captured a leprechaun
in the old country
and then they brought it over with them
when they settled here.
Everyone knows that story.
Yeah, they got its pot of gold, right?
No.
They drained the luck out of it
up at the old gold refinery.
They turned it mean and vicious,
and then it turned on them and escaped.
That's when they hired your
great-great-great-grandfather, Elias,
to hunt it down.
It doesn't sound like
he did a very good job.
He did a great job.
He buried it in the woods
according to Irish legend.
Four horseshoes bound
the leprechaun in place.
They were mounted on compass points.
North, south, east, and
west of the grave.
So, who moved them?
Well, that fire at McHenry's
bed and breakfast dislodged one of them,
and that's when the red clover bloomed.
It's not a boar tooth
on your neck, is it?
No, this was passed down
from generation to generation by Elias.
In case the town forgot,
the O'Haras never would.
So, he buried it in the woods?
That's all we've got to do?
No, that's not all we got to do.
We got to find the four horseshoes,
and then we've got to use
the four horseshoes against him.
We've already got one.
We got two, and they're like
crucifixes to a vampire.
They hate them.
Yeah, I figured that out.
Where are the others?
Well, I think one is at the brewery,
and then the other one is at the fire,
but it's gone missing.
- Then let's go to the brewery.
- No, I'll get the horseshoes.
What you two need to do
is go through the books
and figure out how to attach them
together, so we can lift the curse.
Hey, Pop, when we kill that thing,
I get its tooth.
Deal. I'm gonna get one
for you, too, squirt.
Check this out.
- What the hell is that?
- That is blood.
Green blood? From what?
Exactly. Why don't you get
in there, get a sample?
Yeah, I'll leave that to Forensics.
It looks like whatever this thing was,
it was hiding in the dumpster
when it was wounded.
Sounds like my father.
Why don't you keep it together, boss?
There's a crime scene right there.
It looks like Happy was taking out the
trash when this thing jumped out.
Did we ever get those lab reports
on those prints back from the lake?
Yeah, e-mailed Boston College Zoology.
They said
there's no such hoof in the database.
There's what?
There's no such hoof in the database.
Come on. Hoof!
- What?
- There's no such hoof.
Hoof. And forget your troubles.
Come on. Get happy.
You know it gets weirder in there.
See what I mean?
Yeah. That's weird.
Should I...
Be scared to ask what sort of animal
bleeds dark green,
rifles through a coin case,
and only takes the gold coins?
Yeah.
Yeah, I thought so.
Want to hear a weirder question?
What eats gold coins?
- Sheriff, copy?
- Yeah?
We have a disturbance over on...
Conor, you know, the road by your house.
What?
Witnesses say they heard
a couple of kids screaming,
then a shotgun being fired
by someone in an old Mustang.
That'll be right. All right.
We're on it.
Hello?
Your majesty. Got you.
I'm not that fat!
You realize we're not gonna find any beer.
This place has been shut down for years.
Yeah, but Happy O'Shannon
is using it
to store a whole room full of
gold-leaf green beer for the parade.
This is not
what I thought you meant we were doing
when I offered to hang out
with you guys tonight.
I thought we'd do something, you know,
fun.
With me.
I don't even like drinking.
Yeah, but you're the
one with a car.
Shut up.
F him.
Seriously?
What do you want?
Didn't recognize the car?
I got half a dozen calls saying
shotgun blasts were heard
in front of our house, Pop.
Is that so?
Cut the crap. Where are you going?
I'm going to the brewery.
Why?
Give me the gun.
I got a lot more guns.
I know you do.
Where do you think you got them?
- What are you shooting at?
- I didn't get a good look at it.
No? Really? Well, I did.
What's a leprechaun doing in my town, Pop?
Karen picked the red clover
and released it accidentally.
Now she's cursed.
What do you mean she's been cursed?
Give me the gun back.
I'll get it.
She's got two days.
All we have to do is get it and get it
buried by then, and she'll be okay.
All right. That's all
well and good, all right?
But there's protocol, Pop.
I've got to call for backup here.
I get your backup.
You're in this alone, Conor.
What are you gonna tell your men?
That you're a lepre-cop,
hunting leprechauns?
You'll be the town joke,
just like me.
Face it, pal.
You're in this alone with your dad.
Yeah? Well, fine. All right?
But we're taking my car.
Step away from the vehicle.
Hey, check this out.
- He's called the Green Man.
- Green Man?
Yeah, he's an earth creature.
A lot of these creatures from Irish
folklore, they have different names,
but they're essentially the same.
Wait. Look at this.
You see where they stab him?
Look at this.
See how he heals up?
But wait. Check this out.
Here.
Look familiar?
We're gonna need that fourth horseshoe.
- Nice.
- And you didn't believe us.
Nope. Just didn't care.
Seen beer before.
Have fun, losers.
Dude, check this out.
Did you see those gold flecks?
- Yeah, it's awesome.
- That is crazy.
Ben! You all right? Ben...
Ben!
What are you doing?
What happened? Ben?
Why are we going to the brewery?
To get the third horseshoe.
Where'd the leprechaun go?
I don't know.
- What does it want?
- I have no idea what it wants.
Well, how do you stop it?
You should be ashamed
of yourself, Conor.
Ashamed of myself? For what?
For not knowing your
family history.
Up until yesterday, when I came
face to face with the damned thing,
I thought all this leprechaun stuff
was a bunch of malarkey.
But now, I'm with the program here, Pop,
and you are not telling me anything.
So tell me, how do we kill it?
You can't kill fairy folk, son.
They're immortal.
- They're immortal? I should've known.
- Yeah. Don't be a wise ass.
How do we get rid of this thing?
- First, we find the four horseshoes.
- Okay.
And we put them together
in some kind of ancient configuration,
and it's supposed to stun the leprechaun.
I don't know.
Karen and what's-his-face
are looking it up on the Internet.
It's not like I do this
every day, Conor.
You Okay?
You mean
other than the ancient death curse,
and having to fight
a nature demon
when I don't know
what I'm supposed to be doing,
or you mean having a father
who's completely oblivious
to my blossoming womanhood
and trying to stifle my personal growth
because he can't let go?
Or maybe because my pops, the town drunk
who believes in goblins and fairies,
has actually turned out to be the one
who's completely right this entire time?
Life's a bitch, huh?
Sorry.
No. I'm sorry.
It was a dumb question.
No, it wasn't. It's just...
Who gets haunted by a leprechaun?
What is that?
It's the stupidest thing I've ever
heard of, and it's happening to me.
It's like I'm trapped in some
bad monster movie and can't get out.
And to top it off, this thing's
probably just gonna kill me anyway.
Hey, it's not gonna kill you.
If this was a bad monster movie,
it would kill everybody, but you.
Small consolation.
When somebody gets you down,
it takes 42 muscles to frown,
but it only takes two muscles
if you reach out and pimp-slap them.
Are you suggesting
that I pimp-slap the leprechaun?
Yes. Yes, I am.
But you don't have to do it alone,
because I'm gonna be there
to pimp-slap the leprechaun with you.
It'll be like a double
pimp-slap deal, like...
Okay, I'm done talking. You talk.
You're better at it than me.
You and I make a pretty good team.
Yeah? You think so?
Yeah.
Wood.
What?
I mean a branch, a staff.
A branch, staff for the horseshoes,
for the pimp-slap.
And kissing me made you think of that?
No.
Give me that hammer.
Hey, remember when you were eight,
we went leprechaun hunting?
How could I forget?
I broke my arm that year.
You survived.
Now you wonder why
I don't want you taking Karen hunting.
She's more capable than you think.
And she's a lot less capable
than you think, Pop.
I was disappointed
we never found a leprechaun.
Well, Merry Christmas, son.
There's one now.
O'Hara, radio. Got a 1031 at
the Silver Shamrock Brewery.
We need backup units and EMS.
This is not good.
There's another one.
Unbelievable.
Look at that thing.
- What's that?
- It's bait.
Look at him move.
It's eating it.
Dad!
What are you doing?
Hello?
You all right?
Amanda?
Sheriff O'Hara, honey. It's Karen's dad.
Sweetie, it's...
All right. Let's get her out of here.
Get home safe.
Girl's not doing good,
keeps saying it was a monster.
- What the hell did you see in there?
- A leprechaun.
Lock it up for me, would you? Just...
It's long gone, son.
So how did you know
that sucker back there ate gold?
Well, I'm an O'Hara, Pop.
I'm smart like that.
The book says that the staff has to be
made out of oak, so this should work...
What?
Hey, you're gonna be all right. Okay?
You're not alone.
He's right.
You're not alone.
How are we gonna catch this thing?
There's only one person
I can think of who can help.
Who?
Who do you think?
All right.
So what do we know about this thing?
Well, if we had the fourth horseshoe,
we could use the four-leaf cleaver
long enough to bag it and bury it.
Otherwise, not so much.
Well, we're as ready as we can be.
Don't fear the wind
if your haystacks are tied down.
Wait. What did you just say?
- We're as ready as we can be.
- No, no. The other thing.
Don't fear the wind
if your haystacks are tied down?
I know where the fourth horseshoe is.
Okay. You look beautiful.
Hey. You know you don't have to do this.
Everyone would understand.
I know, but I think I need
it, and the town needs it.
Amanda.
Hey, Mom, do you still
have that horseshoe?
I think I could use some family luck.
Thanks, Mom.
Bye, Mom.
I love you, honey.
- What's this?
- I don't know.
What are you doing here?
I just called it in.
What are you talking about?
It's Mrs. McHenry.
Dad.
The parade.
Out of the way.
Jen!
Get out of here!
You all right?
I'm fine.
Is that thing dead? Are you all right?
- It's stunned.
- Fine. I'm fine.
- How's the kid?
- What's-his-face is dead.
What's-his-face?
He's dead?
Pop!
Where are you going? What are you doing?
That's not a souvenir!
See ya!
- He's taking it to Keening Woods.
- What?
That's where you bury monsters.
Fatality behind Malone's
Market in the alley.
The animal has been captured.
It's being transported
in a 1967 green Mustang.
Proceed with caution. Out of...
What are you...
No, let's go.
No "let's go." Out.
You're weak. You're tired.
Honey, you got a cut.
You probably need stitches.
I am fine. I do not need stitches.
Let's go.
No. What kind of father do you think I am?
Get out of the car.
You always think Pop is crazy
and dangerous, but you know what?
He let me shoot a gun when I was 10.
He let me climb Monroe Rock
without a rope when I was 11.
When I was 12, I was driving his truck.
And you know that boar
he tells everybody he took down? Bessie?
That was me.
He said he did that.
Yeah. Well, he was
afraid you'd be worried.
I...
Look, Pop taught me how to be strong.
But you taught me how to be smart.
Dad, please.
"Dad." Put on your seat belt.
Wait, Karen, before we go out there,
I just want you to know
that you've demonstrated
incredible moral fiber
and great courage, and I'm proud of you.
I know I've treated you
like a little girl,
and I've been way too overprotective
since we lost your mother.
I just want you to know
that you'll always be my baby,
but you are no little girl.
Tell me what happened to her. To Mom.
You said it yourself.
I'm not a little girl anymore.
What happened to her?
You were very young.
It was Black Friday,
the busiest shopping day of the year.
And we left you with Pop,
so your mother and I could buy you
a game console below retail cost.
It was an incredible value.
Dad, what happened to her?
Honey, there were
just so many people, all right?
I was fighting a woman and her son
for the last unit, and
the crowd surged,
and I lost her.
You what?
I couldn't find her.
I went to the lost-and-found,
and there was nothing.
I paged her every day for a year.
What good am I? I am a...
I'm a terrible husband.
I'm a real awful father,
and I am a really bad sheriff.
The whole town is dead,
and I can't even find my wife,
let alone catch a leprechaun, and...
Even a letter on my name tag is missing.
Who's Coner?
I'm Conor. How does that happen?
I don't know, Dad.
If anyone should be dead out there
right now...
Dad! No! Dad!
Dad!
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I should have waited for you two.
Where's your old man?
He's gone.
He's gone.
You need to come with me, okay?
I'm not going anywhere.
You need to save your ass
from that leprechaun.
That old gold refinery
is right down the road.
You got to get him before
he gets there and heals himself.
You've got to come with me.
I'm not leaving you here.
I'm not going anywhere. Here. Take this.
It's good luck most of the time.
I can't take this.
Pop, I can't take this from you.
Pop.
Go on.
Pop.
Pop.
Hey, leppy.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nice.
but sadly, they were quite broke.
So they packed up their crates
and moved to the States,
and their fortune,
they brought in a poke.
Now, their luck, it came fast,
and their fortunes grew vast,
because they stole the
luck of a creature.
But the thing got away,
and their gold turned to hay.
The town was appalled,
and fools they were called,
for ever daring to gain
from the dreaded luchorpain.
But that all came
long before me.
My part in this tale
starts exactly as it ends.
With a bang.
You missed it high right, toots. You're
too good a shot to miss it high right.
Let's adjust that sight.
Life is all about math,
alchemy, and luck.
With us O'Haras, it's mostly luck.
Yeah, you and that lucky boar's tooth.
It's an irrational world.
I don't make the rules.
I just break them.
Do you really believe all that stuff?
You know, luck and fairies and magic?
I certainly do.
No, but really. You really believe it?
There are more things
in heaven and earth, Henrietta,
than are dreamt of in
your philosophy.
- What?
- Exactly.
- You got one in the chamber?
- No.
Put one in.
There it is. Follow me. Come on.
Pop!
- Karen, you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- I thought I told you to follow me.
- I know. I got a little turned around.
You okay? Is she okay? You okay?
She's fine. She just kind of spun around
and knocked down.
Fell down? Honey, sweetheart,
are you doing all right?
You gonna tell me
what happened out there?
I was walking...
How many times have I told you
those damn boars are dangerous!
You don't even have a hunting license,
for Pete's sake!
What the hell do I need
a hunting license for? I know you.
If you knew me, you'd know how pissed off
I'd be if I knew you took her out.
It's one thing to put
your own life in danger.
All right? It's quite
another to put Karen's.
You're crossing the line, old man. What?
She's very capable.
I don't know what you see, okay? But
when I look at her, I see a little girl.
- Well, open your eyes.
- My eyes are open.
And you know what they see?
They see the whole town
saying your pop is a lunatic.
And you know what?
I've been defending you till now.
Because I believe them.
They're right. They're all right.
What? I hurt your feelings? I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
What in the hell?
I should have mowed my cat and dog.
What in the hell?
You want my gold tooth?
Are you sure you're all right?
Dad, I didn't...
Didn't just fall in the woods.
Something attacked me.
Attacked?
What do you mean something attacked you?
An animal?
It got caught in some roots,
I shot it, and it ran.
Well, I'm glad you're safe,
but you've got to make sure you know
what it is you're shooting at, honey.
What?
I'm just glad that Pop's teaching you
to take care of yourself.
Hey, Hap.
Top of the morning to you.
Grab some real estate.
I'll be right with you.
Lucky number seven.
You ready to talk about it,
or I have to wait to number eight?
And don't give me any of that
"we don't talk about that crap."
We don't talk about that crap.
Almost got Karen killed.
What? How?
Hunting. Keening Woods.
Tempting fate hunting over there
all the time. You know that, right?
Haven't found any fairy folk
over there in over 100 years.
But something's wrong.
Don't start with the leprechauns again.
I'm still picking teeth off the floor
from the last fight you started
over those damn things.
Here.
Just be glad you're not old man McHenry.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, his bed-and-breakfast
burned down on Tuesday. Look.
Anybody get hurt?
No, but still...
Luck of the Irish.
No number eights
till you stop with the leprechaun crap.
What can I do for you fine folks?
Starting a bit early, aren't you?
Dad?
Dad?
Hello. Hi, honey.
- God. I think something's in the house.
- You what?
The door's open. The alarm went off.
I think someone's here!
Go to your room right now
and lock the door.
Go. Move. Now. I can't hear you.
- Why aren't you walking?
I can't hear you. -Okay.
Are you there?
Are you... I heard the door.
Are you in?
Sweetie? All right. Now listen to me.
Are you sure about this? Honey?
Yeah.
Okay. Then you do exactly as I say.
You get under the bed right now.
It's the safest place you could be.
Go. Hello?
You're dead, Karen.
You're dead.
You're dead,
and you don't even know it.
Hurry up!
Hey.
Hey. Why didn't you tell me
you weren't coming to school?
Yeah. Sorry.
I only decided a few minutes ago.
What's that?
Some kind of weird plant rash.
Okay. You look weird. What's wrong?
I was attacked.
What? By who?
Some animal out in the woods.
Holy crap, Karen. Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Pop was there. I had my gun.
I shot at it, and it ran.
If you need me to bail,
I totally can.
No, that's fine. Just go to
school, and I'll see you later.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- All right. Feel better.
- Yeah.
Bye.
- Karen, hey.
- Hey, Karl.
Hey. Yeah,
from the Keening Courier.
I also have that blog that I write
called Strange Happenings.
- I have seen it.
- Cool.
You were at the pharmacy.
You're not feeling too good?
Not really, no.
Well, anyway, I was wondering
if you had a minute,
you want to talk to me about that
experience you had out in Keening Woods?
Because I saw the police report
your dad wrote
that you were attacked by an animal,
but you weren't able
to identify it completely.
So, I was just wondering
if you could describe it for me.
No, Karl, I do not feel comfortable
doing that for your blog.
- Okay. Strange creature, huh?
- No.
- Unearthly? Otherworldly?
- No.
- Karl!
- No. Yeah. But, see...
I was doing research on the area
that you were hunting in,
and I just noticed that it was
right next to the Tree of Tears,
and I was wondering
if anything strange happened.
Wait.
What is the Tree of Tears?
It's right smack
in the middle of Keening Woods.
- You heard of it?
- No.
As legend has it, it's...
The town has some dark secrets
that are buried right there.
You sure you don't want to tell me
about this thing you shot?
- I get 100,000 hits a week on my blog.
- No, Karl.
You weren't really
out there hunting boar, were you?
- What?
- You're an O'Hara. Come on.
And what is that supposed to mean?
It's Pops O'Hara, the O'Hara legacy.
Okay, thanks, Karl.
Okay. I get it.
But if you change your mind
and you want to talk to me, call me,
'cause I'm texting you
my number right now.
- Great. Thanks, Karl.
- That was me on the phone.
Great. Who gave you my number?
Bye.
What the heck are you? No! No!
Top of the morning to you.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold it.
I love you, Karen,
but you can't come in here.
Your dad's gonna
shut the place down in a flash.
Come on. When I was 10, you let me
sit there and sing Oh, Danny Boy
for tourists with Pop.
You didn't have a problem with it then.
Sweetheart, that's commerce.
Son of a bitch.
I knew it. You're cheating me,
old man!
Hey. What the hell is the matter with you?
You can't cheat at darts.
You can either throw the dart
in the bull's-eye, or you can't.
The only person who's ever
cheated you was the guy upstairs.
He cheated you out of any brains.
Knock it off, both of you.
It's all right. I got it.
Hey, O'Haras don't hustle.
Get out.
Who the hell are you?
Someone who can have
the Sheriff here in two minutes.
Now leave.
You heard the lady.
Hit the bricks.
You're hustling dart games now?
That's a new low.
Just separating a fool from his gold.
You want to play?
Pop, I...
I have something
I want to show you.
Do you know what that is?
Looked it up.
It says it's an ancient
curse from Ireland.
You pick a red four-leaf clover,
and you release an evil spirit.
If you don't get it in four days,
you're dead.
I picked one yesterday.
So, what do we do?
We're gonna need the luck
of the Irish.
Luck of the Irish?
What the hell does that even mean?
You're always legends and fairy tales,
but now something really real comes along,
and all you've got is the luck of the Irish.
What's the end of this fairy tale?
I don't need luck of the Irish!
I need answers!
Well, Karen...
The burn on your
hand is concerning,
but not nearly so much
as these blood work reports.
Why? What are they?
Your white blood cell count...
Through the roof.
And what does that mean?
It means your body is fighting off
a serious infection,
in this case,
a potentially deadly one.
The strange thing is,
you don't have a fever.
The rest of your blood work
is completely normal.
Are you superstitious?
- Karen, this is serious.
- So am I.
What are you talking about?
I think I'm cursed.
Don't tell me. You've been
listening to your pops again.
Karen, you know the man is...
What? Go ahead. Say it. A drunk.
My pops is a crazy drunk.
Everybody says it. I know it.
Do you know I believed in unicorns
until I was 12 because of him?
And all his stories
about Keening Woods being haunted,
all the goblins and fairy folk,
I'm starting to think he's right.
- I'm cursed.
- Karen...
- Be rational.
- Why? It's an irrational world.
You want to put me in a hospital for
three days, run every test in the book?
I'll be dead on the fourth day.
No, thank you.
Hey, Karen. Hi. Hey.
- Hey, Dax. What's up?
- Nothing.
You weren't in school today.
So, I got your calc homework
for you if you want.
Thanks.
Or, I can...
You need anything?
I can... Do you need...
I'll do whatever.
I... Or if you just
want to talk.
No, I'm fine, but thank you.
Dax, isn't that your closet door?
What? Yeah. Why?
Who's that?
Who's who?
That. Behind you.
Karen, that's not funny. You're freaking
me out a little bit, all right?
Dax, I'm not kidding.
You need to turn around.
There's something there.
Okay, Karen, that's not funny.
You're freaking me out.
- Stop it, all right? Don't do that.
- No, Dax! Get out of there!
I call you to check on you,
and you respond with some weird joke?
Dax, look out!
Hey, sicky, I said I have your calc
homework if you want it.
Good morning.
Good morning.
How are you feeling?
- Yeah? Better? Butter?
- Yeah.
Sweetheart, I want to ask you
a couple questions about the...
The thing that attacked you
in the woods the other day.
I want to know if you
can describe it...
- That's plenty.
- ...at all?
That's plenty of butter.
I don't know. It's hard. I...
I didn't really see it.
It's honey.
I couldn't find the syrup.
- It's gonna take a little time.
- it's good.
Are we talking about
like a wild dog?
A bear?
Wolf?
A person?
You shot a person?
No, not a person.
It was covered in roots.
It came up out of the ground.
Look, it looked like
one of those old drawings
of the guys with the goat feet and...
I sound crazy. I know.
You just sound like
you're traumatized is all.
Eat your waffle.
What's going on?
What is it?
A person went missing
in Keening Woods yesterday.
I'm on my way out there
now to check it out.
You didn't shoot them, too,
did you?
Dad.
The woods are off limits, all right?
Period.
You come home after school until we
find out what the hell this thing is.
All right.
- And eat the waffle.
- Go to work.
Come on, sicky.
Come get in the car.
Hey, Dax, thanks for giving me
my calc homework last night.
Sorry I was being so weird.
Yeah. No worries.
Hey, Karen,
I know you're not feeling too hot,
but would you want to come
and help us
with the float tonight after school?
Please?
I don't know.
Well, as St. Patrick's Day Parade Queen,
I could command you to do it,
but since you're not feeling too hot,
I'll just ask.
Yeah, I'll stop by for a little bit.
Awesome.
Me, too. I love decorating floats.
Cool.
Karen, you all right?
Let me out! Open the car doors!
Let me out now!
All right! All right!
Open the door right now!
I need to get out of the car!
Just open the door, please!
Where are you going?
Karen!
What is the matter with you?
Me? What is the matter with you?
Isn't it illegal to use your cop siren
thing to harass your little brother?
What? It's illegal to
read books in public now?
No. Don't be stupid.
What's wrong with you, huh?
Your phone broken?
No. Why?
Mom's been trying to call you
for three hours.
Well, Mom worries too much.
Yeah, I know, and you make it worse
because when she worries, she calls me,
and I have to drive all around town
looking for your ass...
Hey, search and seizure.
She doesn't have a warrant!
Just to tell you to put
your phone off mute.
All right. Sorry.
What are you reading?
MILF?
What the hell?
It's Medieval Irish Legends
and Folklore. M-I-L-F.
Why do you read
all this fantasy crap anyway?
I don't know.
I like reading the kind of crap where
guys like me actually get the princess.
You are the princess.
"Goblins, fairies,
and mischief makers."
- I'm reading it for a friend.
- Yeah?
Yeah, Karen O'Hara.
The Sheriff's daughter.
Dax, my boss.
You're trying to seduce my boss' daughter
with goblins, fairies, and mischief makers?
I'm not trying to seduce anybody.
I'm...
She's in trouble.
Okay?
So, she's in trouble
with goblins,
and you're trying
to save her with fairies and magic?
At least I don't
have to worry about you seducing her.
Thanks, sis. That's nice. Great sister.
Love you, too. The best.
Unit 169, we've got a possible 382
on Old Forest Road in Keening Woods.
Isn't that... Someone's gone missing?
Maybe. I got to go. Okay?
Yeah. Look who wants to be
the knight in shining armor now.
Very funny. Call Mom, smart-ass.
Call your mom.
That's your mom you're talking about.
Good luck with Karen.
Unit 214 checking in.
Who am I looking for, Carrie?
Molly Morris called in
again about Ian,
said he went missing on one
of his hunting trips yesterday.
Yeah, well, I found his car.
Probably just drunk again.
The Sheriff wants you
to check it out anyway.
Copy that.
I hate Keening Woods.
Ian?
Oh, my God.
Carrie, get the Sheriff
out here right away.
Hey, Karen.
I wanted to come by and check on you,
make sure you're feeling...
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, you didn't have to do that.
I know.
Actually, I wanted to talk to you
about something, if that's all right?
Yeah. Yeah.
It's...
What's that?
You don't remember drawing this?
Well, you did. Right before
you freaked out in the car.
This word, you know what it means?
I connected the letters like this.
L- U-C-H-O-R
P- A-I-N.
Luchorpain.
It's old Gaelic for leprechaun.
- How do you know all this?
- I know, right?
I'm the only kid in the world
who still uses the library.
Yeah. Well, then I must
suck at drawing
because this doesn't look
anything like a leprechaun.
Well, not the kind that we're taught about.
But look at this.
It's the thing
that came at me in Keening Woods.
You must think I'm nuts.
No, I don't.
Well, then you're nuts
for believing me.
Maybe.
Honey, it's a very nice drawing,
but what is it exactly?
A drawing of what came
at me in the woods.
It's what?
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but I think it's a...
I can't believe I'm saying this.
I think it's a leprechaun.
All right. Sweetie, what are
you saying now, okay?
I think Pop was right.
Maybe there's some truth
to the old town legend about the settlers
bringing a leprechaun with them
from Ireland.
Okay, that's great.
But, honey, listen.
You and I both know
that Pop's not altogether there.
But I know what I saw.
I'm sure you do, but could we please just
talk about this later when I get home?
I'm in the middle of it right now.
- Okay. Bye, Dad.
- Bye.
You all right? What's the matter?
What's wrong?
- Get back in the car.
- I'm fine.
- Get out of here.
- I'm okay.
It's Stanley Howarth.
Looks like his body was dragged up
from his fishing spot.
Is that an animal attack?
We haven't had bears
in here for 60 years.
That ain't no boar.
- What's that?
- What?
Is that a goat?
Not unless it walked on two legs.
What?
Look at that track pattern.
It's a two-legged creature.
I'm sorry.
You all right?
What if I told you that I...
That I just saw a leprechaun?
Are you kidding me? I'd say, "What
the hell is wrong with you?"
Yeah, that's about right.
Leslie?
Leslie?
Leslie?
Leslie?
Are you eating something?
Hello?
Hello!
Is somebody there?
Not enough that you never pay me.
Now you're stealing stuff?
Give me a break, Hap.
This thing is bigger than the both of us.
I should call your son,
have him throw you in the tank.
Wouldn't be the first time, would it?
You stealing my lucky horseshoe
to fight another leprechaun, are you?
Kiss my Johnny Belinda, Wally.
And I have even started drinking today.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Bring it back when you're done.
Hey, Jen.
- Not now, Karl.
- What? Jeez. All I said was hi.
We're working here.
You got any questions, ask Sheriff O'Hara.
I did. He sent me to you.
- I don't know anything.
- That's probably why he sent me to you.
- Knock it off, Karl.
- Can I get a quote?
Remember the last time
I gave you a quote?
Yeah, when the tornado brought the
sharks to the lake, sharknado.
It took me two years to live
that stupid headline down.
I see his cufflinks were ripped off.
Very astute of you, Karl.
You should have been a cop.
So should you.
- Shut up.
- You shut up.
The cufflinks were gold.
Perp ran off with them.
That's all I'm giving you.
Right. The cufflink bandit.
That's probably what happened.
Excuse me?
No, no. It's just, I'm
sure you're well aware
of the case of this happening in town
many years ago.
Spit it out, Karl.
What are you trying to tell me?
1874,14 people were
murdered in Keening,
and gold was taken
straight from the victims' bodies.
You telling me this is
a copycat murder?
Or a supernatural creature.
You know the Keening leprechaun
was reputed to have eaten gold
to heal itself and get stronger?
I can't believe
I'm standing here listening to you.
What is wrong with me?
Get out of here. Go.
There's someone or something
out there offing people,
and I've got the right to report it.
Look, we don't know
who's doing this, okay?
Or what.
The last thing the
people of Keening need
is your boogeyman crap
in the paper right now...
- Or online.
- Or online.
So I take it
that's a "no comment" from the police?
Bite me, Karl.
I'm gonna quote you on that.
Good.
Just make sure you spell my name right.
Oh. my God!
They gave you the nice cubicle.
Change your mind about giving me
the story on your strange creature?
No, I just wanted a few answers.
Join the club.
People are dropping
like flies around here,
and your dad and his team are about
as tight-lipped as a mime with tetanus.
"A mime with tetanus"?
That's the best you could come up with?
You want to talk about this thing
or bag on my metaphors?
Similes.
- Sit down.
- Fine.
Tell me what you saw,
and I'll give you everything I got.
I think I shot a leprechaun.
I knew it!
I knew there was something to that...
That whole legend. Did you...
You didn't kill it, though, did you?
No.
Did you get a good look at it?
Not really,
but I got this.
And I got this.
It's the Curse of the Red Clover.
Yeah.
So, how do I beat this?
You're gonna have to
face the leprechaun yourself.
How?
I don't know.
Well, Karl, what do you mean "face it"?
You mean fight it, kill it,
beat it at a game of chess?
The legend is incomplete. I don't know.
Talk to Pops. What does he know?
Same as you, just drunk.
I wish I knew more.
Me, too. Well, thanks anyway, Karl.
And by the way, I don't want
to see this in your newspaper.
- Or my blog.
- That, too.
Hello, Pulitzer.
Here. leppy. leppy. leppy.
Got some yummy gold for you.
Yum, yum, yum.
Nice.
Okay, more to your right.
Your other right.
Okay.
Hey, what about this?
Really?
Come on, honey.
It's been in the family for generations.
It's lucky.
It wasn't lucky for Grandpa McHenry.
Well, sure it was.
Everyone got out of the fire okay,
didn't they?
I don't know, Mom.
I want my throne to be
beautiful, not that.
Hey, lucky is lucky.
And it's like your grandpa always said,
"There's no use fearing the wind
if your haystacks are tied down."
But okay. Suit yourself.
Hey, Karen, how are you feeling?
Do you want to help us
finish up the float?
No, I just wanted to stop by and say hi
and sorry for freaking out
in the car this morning.
You're going crazy. It's cool.
I'm gonna go home and get some rest.
All right. Feel better.
Okay. Here we go.
Now take good care of this.
All the parade queens
have worn it before you.
Lined with gold.
I hereby pardon you.
But for real, feel better.
Stop by later if you want.
I'd love to, but I already promised
my two favorite subjects
that I'd hang out with them
after they finish my throne.
I can walk you home.
I mean, if you want.
Okay.
Son of a bitch.
I just wanted to say thank you
for everything today.
Yeah. I just don't like to
see anybody upset.
So it's not me?
It's the situation?
No. No, it's you.
Come on. You know I've liked
you since fifth grade.
It's pathetic. I know.
What? No, it's not pathetic.
You don't think it's pathetic
that it took you being attacked
by a mythical creature
for me to man up and talk to you?
Fifth grade, though? Seriously?
Yeah. You don't remember?
You kicked Evan Shardoff's ass
when he was picking on me.
Pop was teaching me
how to box that summer.
You are the best.
Who the hell is that?
Come on!
- Is that the horseshoe from our mailbox?
- Yeah.
That's two. Come on. Get in the house.
Get in the house.
I always thought leprechauns were nice
little guys in green with pots of gold.
Yeah, in fairy tales maybe,
but in the real world, they're the
vermin of all the fairy folk.
There's other fairy folk?
There's other fairy folk.
How do you think this town,
founded by a bunch of Irish immigrants,
did as well as it did?
Because of the gold
mine in Keening Gorge.
How do you strike a gold mine in a state
that doesn't have any gold veins?
They captured a leprechaun
in the old country
and then they brought it over with them
when they settled here.
Everyone knows that story.
Yeah, they got its pot of gold, right?
No.
They drained the luck out of it
up at the old gold refinery.
They turned it mean and vicious,
and then it turned on them and escaped.
That's when they hired your
great-great-great-grandfather, Elias,
to hunt it down.
It doesn't sound like
he did a very good job.
He did a great job.
He buried it in the woods
according to Irish legend.
Four horseshoes bound
the leprechaun in place.
They were mounted on compass points.
North, south, east, and
west of the grave.
So, who moved them?
Well, that fire at McHenry's
bed and breakfast dislodged one of them,
and that's when the red clover bloomed.
It's not a boar tooth
on your neck, is it?
No, this was passed down
from generation to generation by Elias.
In case the town forgot,
the O'Haras never would.
So, he buried it in the woods?
That's all we've got to do?
No, that's not all we got to do.
We got to find the four horseshoes,
and then we've got to use
the four horseshoes against him.
We've already got one.
We got two, and they're like
crucifixes to a vampire.
They hate them.
Yeah, I figured that out.
Where are the others?
Well, I think one is at the brewery,
and then the other one is at the fire,
but it's gone missing.
- Then let's go to the brewery.
- No, I'll get the horseshoes.
What you two need to do
is go through the books
and figure out how to attach them
together, so we can lift the curse.
Hey, Pop, when we kill that thing,
I get its tooth.
Deal. I'm gonna get one
for you, too, squirt.
Check this out.
- What the hell is that?
- That is blood.
Green blood? From what?
Exactly. Why don't you get
in there, get a sample?
Yeah, I'll leave that to Forensics.
It looks like whatever this thing was,
it was hiding in the dumpster
when it was wounded.
Sounds like my father.
Why don't you keep it together, boss?
There's a crime scene right there.
It looks like Happy was taking out the
trash when this thing jumped out.
Did we ever get those lab reports
on those prints back from the lake?
Yeah, e-mailed Boston College Zoology.
They said
there's no such hoof in the database.
There's what?
There's no such hoof in the database.
Come on. Hoof!
- What?
- There's no such hoof.
Hoof. And forget your troubles.
Come on. Get happy.
You know it gets weirder in there.
See what I mean?
Yeah. That's weird.
Should I...
Be scared to ask what sort of animal
bleeds dark green,
rifles through a coin case,
and only takes the gold coins?
Yeah.
Yeah, I thought so.
Want to hear a weirder question?
What eats gold coins?
- Sheriff, copy?
- Yeah?
We have a disturbance over on...
Conor, you know, the road by your house.
What?
Witnesses say they heard
a couple of kids screaming,
then a shotgun being fired
by someone in an old Mustang.
That'll be right. All right.
We're on it.
Hello?
Your majesty. Got you.
I'm not that fat!
You realize we're not gonna find any beer.
This place has been shut down for years.
Yeah, but Happy O'Shannon
is using it
to store a whole room full of
gold-leaf green beer for the parade.
This is not
what I thought you meant we were doing
when I offered to hang out
with you guys tonight.
I thought we'd do something, you know,
fun.
With me.
I don't even like drinking.
Yeah, but you're the
one with a car.
Shut up.
F him.
Seriously?
What do you want?
Didn't recognize the car?
I got half a dozen calls saying
shotgun blasts were heard
in front of our house, Pop.
Is that so?
Cut the crap. Where are you going?
I'm going to the brewery.
Why?
Give me the gun.
I got a lot more guns.
I know you do.
Where do you think you got them?
- What are you shooting at?
- I didn't get a good look at it.
No? Really? Well, I did.
What's a leprechaun doing in my town, Pop?
Karen picked the red clover
and released it accidentally.
Now she's cursed.
What do you mean she's been cursed?
Give me the gun back.
I'll get it.
She's got two days.
All we have to do is get it and get it
buried by then, and she'll be okay.
All right. That's all
well and good, all right?
But there's protocol, Pop.
I've got to call for backup here.
I get your backup.
You're in this alone, Conor.
What are you gonna tell your men?
That you're a lepre-cop,
hunting leprechauns?
You'll be the town joke,
just like me.
Face it, pal.
You're in this alone with your dad.
Yeah? Well, fine. All right?
But we're taking my car.
Step away from the vehicle.
Hey, check this out.
- He's called the Green Man.
- Green Man?
Yeah, he's an earth creature.
A lot of these creatures from Irish
folklore, they have different names,
but they're essentially the same.
Wait. Look at this.
You see where they stab him?
Look at this.
See how he heals up?
But wait. Check this out.
Here.
Look familiar?
We're gonna need that fourth horseshoe.
- Nice.
- And you didn't believe us.
Nope. Just didn't care.
Seen beer before.
Have fun, losers.
Dude, check this out.
Did you see those gold flecks?
- Yeah, it's awesome.
- That is crazy.
Ben! You all right? Ben...
Ben!
What are you doing?
What happened? Ben?
Why are we going to the brewery?
To get the third horseshoe.
Where'd the leprechaun go?
I don't know.
- What does it want?
- I have no idea what it wants.
Well, how do you stop it?
You should be ashamed
of yourself, Conor.
Ashamed of myself? For what?
For not knowing your
family history.
Up until yesterday, when I came
face to face with the damned thing,
I thought all this leprechaun stuff
was a bunch of malarkey.
But now, I'm with the program here, Pop,
and you are not telling me anything.
So tell me, how do we kill it?
You can't kill fairy folk, son.
They're immortal.
- They're immortal? I should've known.
- Yeah. Don't be a wise ass.
How do we get rid of this thing?
- First, we find the four horseshoes.
- Okay.
And we put them together
in some kind of ancient configuration,
and it's supposed to stun the leprechaun.
I don't know.
Karen and what's-his-face
are looking it up on the Internet.
It's not like I do this
every day, Conor.
You Okay?
You mean
other than the ancient death curse,
and having to fight
a nature demon
when I don't know
what I'm supposed to be doing,
or you mean having a father
who's completely oblivious
to my blossoming womanhood
and trying to stifle my personal growth
because he can't let go?
Or maybe because my pops, the town drunk
who believes in goblins and fairies,
has actually turned out to be the one
who's completely right this entire time?
Life's a bitch, huh?
Sorry.
No. I'm sorry.
It was a dumb question.
No, it wasn't. It's just...
Who gets haunted by a leprechaun?
What is that?
It's the stupidest thing I've ever
heard of, and it's happening to me.
It's like I'm trapped in some
bad monster movie and can't get out.
And to top it off, this thing's
probably just gonna kill me anyway.
Hey, it's not gonna kill you.
If this was a bad monster movie,
it would kill everybody, but you.
Small consolation.
When somebody gets you down,
it takes 42 muscles to frown,
but it only takes two muscles
if you reach out and pimp-slap them.
Are you suggesting
that I pimp-slap the leprechaun?
Yes. Yes, I am.
But you don't have to do it alone,
because I'm gonna be there
to pimp-slap the leprechaun with you.
It'll be like a double
pimp-slap deal, like...
Okay, I'm done talking. You talk.
You're better at it than me.
You and I make a pretty good team.
Yeah? You think so?
Yeah.
Wood.
What?
I mean a branch, a staff.
A branch, staff for the horseshoes,
for the pimp-slap.
And kissing me made you think of that?
No.
Give me that hammer.
Hey, remember when you were eight,
we went leprechaun hunting?
How could I forget?
I broke my arm that year.
You survived.
Now you wonder why
I don't want you taking Karen hunting.
She's more capable than you think.
And she's a lot less capable
than you think, Pop.
I was disappointed
we never found a leprechaun.
Well, Merry Christmas, son.
There's one now.
O'Hara, radio. Got a 1031 at
the Silver Shamrock Brewery.
We need backup units and EMS.
This is not good.
There's another one.
Unbelievable.
Look at that thing.
- What's that?
- It's bait.
Look at him move.
It's eating it.
Dad!
What are you doing?
Hello?
You all right?
Amanda?
Sheriff O'Hara, honey. It's Karen's dad.
Sweetie, it's...
All right. Let's get her out of here.
Get home safe.
Girl's not doing good,
keeps saying it was a monster.
- What the hell did you see in there?
- A leprechaun.
Lock it up for me, would you? Just...
It's long gone, son.
So how did you know
that sucker back there ate gold?
Well, I'm an O'Hara, Pop.
I'm smart like that.
The book says that the staff has to be
made out of oak, so this should work...
What?
Hey, you're gonna be all right. Okay?
You're not alone.
He's right.
You're not alone.
How are we gonna catch this thing?
There's only one person
I can think of who can help.
Who?
Who do you think?
All right.
So what do we know about this thing?
Well, if we had the fourth horseshoe,
we could use the four-leaf cleaver
long enough to bag it and bury it.
Otherwise, not so much.
Well, we're as ready as we can be.
Don't fear the wind
if your haystacks are tied down.
Wait. What did you just say?
- We're as ready as we can be.
- No, no. The other thing.
Don't fear the wind
if your haystacks are tied down?
I know where the fourth horseshoe is.
Okay. You look beautiful.
Hey. You know you don't have to do this.
Everyone would understand.
I know, but I think I need
it, and the town needs it.
Amanda.
Hey, Mom, do you still
have that horseshoe?
I think I could use some family luck.
Thanks, Mom.
Bye, Mom.
I love you, honey.
- What's this?
- I don't know.
What are you doing here?
I just called it in.
What are you talking about?
It's Mrs. McHenry.
Dad.
The parade.
Out of the way.
Jen!
Get out of here!
You all right?
I'm fine.
Is that thing dead? Are you all right?
- It's stunned.
- Fine. I'm fine.
- How's the kid?
- What's-his-face is dead.
What's-his-face?
He's dead?
Pop!
Where are you going? What are you doing?
That's not a souvenir!
See ya!
- He's taking it to Keening Woods.
- What?
That's where you bury monsters.
Fatality behind Malone's
Market in the alley.
The animal has been captured.
It's being transported
in a 1967 green Mustang.
Proceed with caution. Out of...
What are you...
No, let's go.
No "let's go." Out.
You're weak. You're tired.
Honey, you got a cut.
You probably need stitches.
I am fine. I do not need stitches.
Let's go.
No. What kind of father do you think I am?
Get out of the car.
You always think Pop is crazy
and dangerous, but you know what?
He let me shoot a gun when I was 10.
He let me climb Monroe Rock
without a rope when I was 11.
When I was 12, I was driving his truck.
And you know that boar
he tells everybody he took down? Bessie?
That was me.
He said he did that.
Yeah. Well, he was
afraid you'd be worried.
I...
Look, Pop taught me how to be strong.
But you taught me how to be smart.
Dad, please.
"Dad." Put on your seat belt.
Wait, Karen, before we go out there,
I just want you to know
that you've demonstrated
incredible moral fiber
and great courage, and I'm proud of you.
I know I've treated you
like a little girl,
and I've been way too overprotective
since we lost your mother.
I just want you to know
that you'll always be my baby,
but you are no little girl.
Tell me what happened to her. To Mom.
You said it yourself.
I'm not a little girl anymore.
What happened to her?
You were very young.
It was Black Friday,
the busiest shopping day of the year.
And we left you with Pop,
so your mother and I could buy you
a game console below retail cost.
It was an incredible value.
Dad, what happened to her?
Honey, there were
just so many people, all right?
I was fighting a woman and her son
for the last unit, and
the crowd surged,
and I lost her.
You what?
I couldn't find her.
I went to the lost-and-found,
and there was nothing.
I paged her every day for a year.
What good am I? I am a...
I'm a terrible husband.
I'm a real awful father,
and I am a really bad sheriff.
The whole town is dead,
and I can't even find my wife,
let alone catch a leprechaun, and...
Even a letter on my name tag is missing.
Who's Coner?
I'm Conor. How does that happen?
I don't know, Dad.
If anyone should be dead out there
right now...
Dad! No! Dad!
Dad!
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I should have waited for you two.
Where's your old man?
He's gone.
He's gone.
You need to come with me, okay?
I'm not going anywhere.
You need to save your ass
from that leprechaun.
That old gold refinery
is right down the road.
You got to get him before
he gets there and heals himself.
You've got to come with me.
I'm not leaving you here.
I'm not going anywhere. Here. Take this.
It's good luck most of the time.
I can't take this.
Pop, I can't take this from you.
Pop.
Go on.
Pop.
Pop.
Hey, leppy.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nice.