Let's Kill Ward's Wife (2014) Movie Script

Okay, everybody!
Thanks for coming.
Um, so this is
a really big day for me.
Uh, I guess. Well, duh.
'Cause it's
my only son's baptism.
Yay. Ooh-ooh!
I love paper.
I do. It's, like, my passion.
And I've always wanted
to own my own papiere.
Not that you care,
because I don't...
I don't tell people that, because
people steal ideas all the time.
It's happened to me
numerous occasions with... what?
Huh? What did you say?
You just said something. What?
I didn't say anything.
Yes, you did. You made, like,
a noise or something. I...
- God, um...
- You were saying?
I know what I'm saying!
I know what I'm saying.
Just let me say it.
I had this whole thing prepared
about god and paper and love
and godparents,
and it was all tied in together.
Now I can't do it now.
I can't do it now.
So, um...
You know what?
You can say something.
Say it. Okay. Okay.
I'll just plate the cake.
We would like to thank...
no, not "we," ward.
I wanted to say something,
and you ruined it.
You didn't let me say it,
so now it's on you.
You can fucking say something,
you asshole.
Thank you all for coming. Uh...
I thought that we
could be so much more
we've got cake! Right.
I just wanna smash
her fucking face
right in that fucking cake.
I put my heart into that
speech, and you ruined it.
Honey, I didn't say...
you gonna let her up?
I wouldn't. Fuck her.
Are you sure
it's not in your bag?
Yeah, honey, I'm sure. You said
you saw it in the bathroom?
I never said that.
You're nervous.
No, I'm not... I'm not
nervous, I'm excited.
I mean, it's robin peters,
you know?
I don't even remember
the last thing she was in.
How does she look these days?
Well, here.
Pretty good.
Do you think she has implants?
Maybe I should get implants.
Maybe her, not you.
Well, it looks like it.
See if you can tell,
but don't be obvious.
Can you give me a break?
Babe, I checked there.
Well, thank you.
All right.
I love you.
I will see you later.
I love you too.
Maybe we can do
some loving tonight?
Yeah. Okay.
Lily, come on, honey.
We gotta move.
Hello? Y... oh.
Sorry. Hey.
Uh, yeah, yeah. I got it all.
Got her lunch, her snack,
got all her shit.
What? She can't hear me. She's
in the other room. Shh, shh.
I'm right here.
She just rounded the corner.
We got it. We'll be there.
Traitor. Potty mouth.
Honey... again!
Chicken wrap, all white,
no tomato, salsa... extra salsa.
On the side!
Christ! On the side!
On the side. I got it, babe.
Morning. Morning, Stacy.
Apparently I'm
your number one neighbor.
You got a tough one there, my friend.
Late start for you, huh?
Nah, I just forgot my shades.
Oh, there you go.
You know, you got
a brake light out there, ward.
Yep. Brake light is out.
I'm gonna need to see
you driver's license
and registration.
Okay. I got...
hold it. Give me a second.
Ward. Yeah?
I'm kidding. I'm your neighbor.
You have a good day, my friend.
Thanks, Bruce.
You know what the fucking problem is?
Good morning.
Every fucking morning,
I spend nearly $3
for my iced coffee, mind you,
which is the same as the drip,
which is given to you at the
counter, where you pay.
But is my iced coffee
given to me at the counter?
I am guessing no.
Do you know how long it takes
to make a blended drink?
Uh, seven hours.
Fuck you. A long fucking time.
These people move
with the urgency of a glacier.
Hold on. Hey, you need a hand?
Oh, I got it. You sure?
Mm-hmm. How's your iced coffee?
It's the best one yet.
You like it creamy?
I'll see you tomorrow.
Who was that? The chick
that works the counter.
Wow. You really let her know how you feel.
Fuck you. She's cute.
She sucks at her job,
but she's fucking cute.
Hey, are we still on for Sunday?
Yeah, we better be.
Good. A father's day golf
is just what the doctor ordered.
Of course, I'll spend my day
hitting tour-quality shots
while pussy ward
thins every iron
and somehow manages
to end up on the green.
Oh, hey, I'm pulling up
to robin peters.
Oh, dude, that's today?
Yeah. I'll fill you in later.
W-w-wait. Tell her she
sucked in prairie girl.
Ms. Peters, I'm so sorry I'm late.
Tom Bradford, ego magazine.
Mr. Bradford,
I've been doing interviews
for over two decades now,
and not once have I had
to wait for the interviewer.
I'm... I'm so sorry I'm late.
You are seven minutes late.
Sit down.
Thank you.
Sorry. We, uh... we were...
we just got a muffin.
We stopped, and the line was...
I've actually never seen
a line that long.
Sure. Hey, tootsie. Sorry.
Why don't you
go into your classroom,
and we'll be right there, okay?
Go on inside, okay?
Go on. Run, run.
What does that mean, "sure"?
Can you take lily this weekend?
You can't do this weekend?
I was just hoping we could
switch weekends is all.
I mean, if it's a big deal,
No. I can help you out.
Thanks. You're welcome.
You got a hot date? Or... no?
Nothing? You just... you
just wanna be alone?
Get some alone time?
It's not like a Vegas girl's weekend...
can you switch with me or not?
Look, I'm just trying to have
an adult conversation here.
Is that what this is?
You're being super defensive,
so, uh...
so I guess I'll take that
as you have a new lover.
I will hit you.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god. Mom!
Hi. I am so sorry.
I don't mean to bother you.
It's okay. Is it okay if I
take a picture with you?
Sure. You don't mind?
No, not at all. Would you mind?
I'm coming in. Okay.
Thank you. Sure.
Thank you so much. Uh-huh.
I'm just such a huge fan
of west end medical.
Oh, yeah? I miss Bryce.
Yeah. Me too.
So what are you up to now?
Eh, not ripe yet.
Oh, yeah! Oh, shit.
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Robin peters.
Hey! How'd it go?
She is fantastic.
Really? Fantastic.
The interview, however... Why?
A two-time academy award
nominee, right? Mm-hmm.
Couldn't get arrested after pole dance.
She claws her way back.
Bit part here,
supporting part there.
Oh, man, but her tits in brick layer.
I know.
I know. Real, I think.
That reminds me.
I gotta call Geena. Hey, remind me
to call Geena. All right, boss.
Okay, so she claws her way back.
Yes. Right.
And so, this movie now
is getting some real traction.
So I show up and ask her
what the readers of our magazine
really wanna know.
You are cute
and easy to talk to.
Oh, thank you.
You must be good at your job.
Oh, please.
Well, you can put me at ease.
Well, you're easy. Am I?
Okay, on that note, I do have
some questions for you.
We have some business. There's some
business we have to attend to.
Business. Business, yes.
Very serious stuff here.
Um, all right.
Well, the readers
of the magazine
would like to know, uh...
What would your readers
like to know?
They wanna know about your dog.
About Sloopy.
It's a puggle, right?
Her dog? It's a pug?
You know who it is. Just
give me a second, all right?
Hey, babe.
Around 5:00.
So how... how... how's the baby?
Oh, really. So, look,
what I think you should...
yeah, you do whatever you think.
At the end of the day, you're the mommy.
Whatever you wanna do.
I love you. Hello?
Everything okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's, uh...
she's just a little upset
'cause the baby's cranky,
and I'm not around.
Because you're working. Yeah.
But I'm not there
for her and the baby either.
Because you're at work.
I know.
Just a really tough time
right now.
Maybe you can
have Stacy call Geena.
Maybe they can go
to the park or something,
get the kids out of the house
for a little while. Really?
That'd be okay with Geena?
Are you kidding?
Oh, she'd love that.
Maybe, um... maybe Sunday
while we're at golf.
You didn't tell her about golf?
I'm gonna. I promise. I am.
Look, it's really rough
right now with the kid.
You know I have a baby, too, right?
David... he's got a kid.
I'll tell her tonight.
For our champion, bunny!
Uh, do these go with your pants,
or are they workout gear?
So pants? That's what they are.
Hey, honey? Honey?
So the guys are going golfing
for father's day,
and I was wondering
if I could go with them?
If you don't wanna spend father's day
with your son, that's up to you.
No, I always wanna
spend time with him.
Obviously you don't, ward.
You just told me
you wanna spend it
with the guys playing golf.
I'm stuck here every day, but...
I'm sure tom wants to spend it
with his wife and child.
No, babe. Tom's going.
Yeah, it was his idea.
He's playing golf.
Don't pass the blame.
You're responsible for your own actions.
All right?
Not tom or Ronnie or any of
your other idiot friends.
How's he doing?
Yeah. He's such a good boy.
Man, if I'm exhausted,
you've just gotta be beat, huh?
He's a full-time job.
I'm okay.
I'm almost back
to my pre-baby weight.
I know, and you look great.
You want a piece of this?
Yeah. Yeah, you know I do.
I'm just so tired, babe.
Oh... Come on. I'm so tired.
Okay? Yeah.
Night. Night.
Uh, you don't have
a cappuccino machine, do you?
Big D! What'd you get?
Wow. You look like a fool.
Hey, can I get a, uh,
breakfast sandy, no mayo?
Reminds me of cum.
You know, uh, make that
two, and a froot loops.
Brought your kid? Yeah.
Amanda needed, uh...
I don't know. Something.
Whatever. You know, I'm
not pulling my punches.
She's heard it all before.
Oh, I've got some new shit.
I doubt that.
Yeah. Where you at?
Hey, man, how's it going?
You here?
Look, I'm not gonna
make it today.
What are you talking about?
It's fucking father's day.
That's the thing.
What a pussy. Aagh!
Sorry. Christ. Hit another.
She says her relationship
with her father is strained.
You're hitting three. Shut up.
Sorry, honey.
Sorry. You know what?
I'm just gonna go ahead
and talk in your back swing from now
on if it doesn't make any difference.
I mean, do they even talk?
What's that mean, "strained"?
I don't know. It means
he's a fucking pussy.
Tour quality.
She says that father's day
reminds her of how bad
her relationship is with her
father, and that she needs him.
Needs him? Yep.
She hates him.
She spends her whole day
terrorizing and berating
that pussy.
I mean, not that he doesn't
deserve some of it, but fuck.
Not bad. You'll be okay. Yeah.
At least he's laying one.
Did you tell her she sucked
in prairie girl?
Yeah, Ronnie, I did. I told robin
peters that she sucked in prairie girl.
You know what?
She's top three for me.
You just put me in a room with her,
I would close that deal so fast.
I met her a couple times. We
used to have the same publicist.
I think last time I saw her
was in a gifting suite.
What the fuck is that?
That's my point, Ron.
You will never close
with somebody like that
because you need a connection,
an introduction.
Tom, buddy? No way. Never.
All right. How about this?
If I sink this putt,
it'll happen.
You sink this putt,
I will shit in the cup.
Na na na na na na na...
Oh, god.
Hey, I think you
owe me some poo.
Is that good?
Ward. He wants to know
who's ahead.
Radio silence. Yeah, no way.
No sac, no scores.
Daddy, what's a sack?
It's a bag of doughnuts.
Uh, ward didn't show up
with the bag of doughnuts, so...
I mean, seriously, tom, you know,
there's not rocking the boat,
and then there's sacrificing
your entire fucking...
sorry. Your entire existence.
I get it. Which sometimes has
to occur when you have a kid.
Yeah. Little bit.
Christ, we haven't seen him
since the christening.
What? Me neither.
Yeah. He won't let us
come over. Germs.
I miss that pussy.
Daddy. I know.
I know, honey. Um, just, uh...
can you go get us some M&M's?
I mean, come on.
We joke about it, right?
We joke about it, but ward's
always been easy to be bullied.
She's a fucking bully!
I mean, ever since she got
pregnant, she's got him.
He's fucking trapped. He called
me before the baby was born.
She was, like, four or
five months pregnant.
He was in tears.
"I'm a horrible husband.
I can't make her happy.
I treat her badly."
What? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
She's got him believing that all
of her problems stem from him.
How his parents hate her
and all this fucking bullshit.
We should just kill her.
Sure. Wife.
But you gotta think about the kid
growing up without a mother.
I wouldn't do that to a kid.
It's better than
growing up with that
troll as your mother.
That's so true. That's true.
Or we could kill him. Ramone?
What? Dude.
No, war... you don't kill
a fucking baby.
Ward. I'd do that for him.
I'd do that for him.
It's a mercy killing.
Mm-mm. Fuck that, because then the
kid's gotta grow up with her.
I wouldn't do that to the kid. Not
even one I'm not allowed to see.
Besides, if ward's not here,
who am I gonna wreck
on the golf course, huh?
David. Mm-mm. It's too easy.
Oh, yeah?
How's being separated?
Go fuck yourself.
Point made.
There's a theory
that everybody gets one.
One what? One murder.
Okay. How do you do it
and not get caught?
Well, she's got no friends.
Mom died. Dad doesn't
seem to care, I'm sure.
It's true...
no one would miss her.
What'd you do,
eat me for breakfast?
You should think of murder
at every address.
So what's the distance?
I don't know. 180, 190.
I should go pro.
Do you hear that?
Do you hear it?
Now that you woke our baby up,
you're gonna get me
a foot-long sub.
Double meat, double cheese.
Or are you gonna keep doing
nothing for your family
because it's father's day?
Jesus! Are you sick?
Good times today, boys. It was.
Definitely. Lovely.
I miss our black friend.
We could kill her, you know?
Sure, buddy.
You know what?
That sounds like a plan.
Now that you've been killed off
your last three TV shows
and your wife moved out, you got all
the time in the world to plan it out.
All right. A...
that's just a trial separation.
We're just trying to work things out.
Okay. Sure, sure.
What's B?
Nobody loves you.
Hey, there he is.
Hi, Bruce. How are ya?
Good. How are you?
Good. How was golf?
Oh, I didn't make it today.
It's father's day, so I'm gonna
spend it with my family.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My kids called me earlier.
They're in Arizona, right?
Very good. Scottsdale.
With their mother.
Hey, I was thinking, next time
you guys go hit the links,
maybe I could dust off my clubs
and, uh, play a round with you?
I'll let you know. All righty.
You know, I got a badge.
I flash that thing,
we're gonna get
a hell of a discount.
Okay. All right.
I will see you later.
Good times, man. I know.
It's okay to have
a life, you know.
I mean, have something
outside of your family.
That balance is important.
I know. I just wish...
I wish Stacy had
something else to focus on
other than just Ramone.
Like a hobby or a friend.
Just something.
Please. She's a dick.
Yes, I know. I know she is.
I'll need backup.
Okay. Great idea.
Oh, my god. You look great.
Who picked this place?
The parking sucks!
Really? I found
a spot right away.
Huh? It doesn't seem that full.
Yeah, well, it was full for me,
and he hates elevators,
and the stairs
smell like piss, and...
Where's Larry?
Your kid.
I-I thought you said you didn't
want us to bring the kids.
Yeah, like a girls' lunch.
Should we go home now? No.
- No!
- Yes.
And just know, it does
get better every day.
I know everybody says that,
but it's true.
And when they start to talk,
it's so cute.
Yeah, but when they start to
talk, they don't shut up, right?
I... I know for me,
once Charlie started
sleeping in his own room,
things got a little better.
Oh, Ramone doesn't sleep
in his own room.
No, the only place he can
fall asleep is here, on me.
Yeah, but then you put him in his
bed after he's asleep, right?
Yeah, so he can wake up
and cry? No.
You're not afraid you're gonna roll
over on him in his sleep or something?
Some days I wish I would.
I'm kidding.
No. Years ago, I trained myself
to be a back sleeper, you know?
'Cause ward's a spooner, and...
I can't even stand the
thought of him touching me.
I miss spooning.
I'm sorry you guys
are having such a tough time.
It's just hard for me to be with
someone who has no direction
or no passion.
We don't connect, and...
It's tough. On me, on lily.
I know how you feel.
I mean, it's different.
We connect. We just...
We don't, um,
have that spark, you know?
What's that smell?
Do we smell that?
Mm. I think it's, uh...
Yeah, it's not me who took
the big dump in his pants,
it's Ramone.
Do you wanna go change him?
He doesn't mind a dirty diaper.
Unless you do?
What's up? Hey.
So I've been looking into it.
Into what?
What's up, ken? What's up, Ron?
What we were talking about
with ward's wife.
Uh, I don't know. You know.
No, I don't know. If I knew,
I would've said,
"oh, yeah, right. I know."
What the fuck you talking about?
About killing her.
Hey, Ashley. Hi, Ronnie.
Do you have a fucking wire loose?
We were kidding.
I'm just saying that... that, uh,
the conversation inspired me.
That kind of shit
fascinates me, you know?
The mind of a serial killer.
Bro, she's an asshole, right?
Yeah. And when people are assholes,
we talk about wanting them dead,
but we don't actually
want them fucking dead.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Hey, Tina. Hi, Ron.
Do you know everyone here?
Is that...
How do you think
I make a living?
I train all these people.
I'm at work right now, bro.
You train all these people?
Not yet.
That's how it starts.
I do a couple push-ups,
I sit here in a beater.
They're like, "oh, hey, hi.
You're a trainer?
Oh, my god, I'm so fat.
I totally needed a trainer."
Next thing you know, they're
paying me two hundo an hour
to, uh, basically teabag them
while they bench press.
And there's something wrong
with me?
Hey, man, I'm a pervert. I'm not talking
about trying to fucking kill somebody.
Oh, shit.
It's not like I'd do it.
It just...
it's just interesting to think
about how you'd get away with it.
That's all.
I could love you
you could love me
don't forget my dreams
hi, daddy.
Hello. Hello.
Can you believe it? Like,
it's been a year. It's crazy.
I know. It's crazy, right?
It's like he was born last week.
Time flies when you're
not stuck at home
every day for the baby.
Yeah, but... but it's fun.
Sure. We have fun
when daddy abandons us.
Right? We have fun.
What's wrong with you?
Are you sick?
No, I'm fine.
You make my baby sick, and...
I'm not sick.
It's cake time, ward.
Wrap it up.
It's cake time, guys, so...
Dude, what the hell? What?
She's crazy. She's just
worried about the baby,
that's all.
Howdy, neighbor.
Hey, Bruce, how's it going?
Good. Thank you for coming.
Thank you for having me. Yeah.
I'm sorry. Tom.
Good to see you, man.
Hey, guys. How are you? Ronnie.
You met Geena, right? Yes, yes.
Good to see you.
You too. Ward keeps threatening
to take me golfing with you guys.
Next time you go out,
you gotta let me know.
Yeah. We'll do that.
I play from the tips.
Yeah, yeah. Cake time.
Stop it. It's half a Benadryl.
He'll be fine.
I understand that. I've done it before.
He'll be fine.
I just don't think
it's really...
- Hello?
- Is this tom?
Speaking. Hey.
You don't know who this is.
No, I'm sorry. I don't.
Well, we had
a really nice meal together
a little while ago,
the result of which was
a fairly bland article
in your magazine.
Yeah, of course. Um...
It's work.
Robin? Robin peters?
Am I interrupting something?
No, you're not interrupting anything.
Hi. How are you?
A little out of
my comfort zone, actually.
I was waiting
for you to call me,
and when the call never came...
Uh, well, I-I, uh...
I thought that we had
a really nice time together.
We did have a nice time.
Yeah, I enjoyed it.
You enjoyed it?
I really liked it, actually.
Did you think
about it afterwards?
Of course. Yeah. I mean, uh...
I thought that we made
a real connection.
Yeah. I felt it.
Uh, the connection.
Well, I think we should
see each other again.
I'd like that...
to see you again, yeah.
Maybe for a more
in-depth interview?
Definitely. Something deeper.
This is my cell.
Call me on Tuesday.
Okay. I will.
I'll... I'll call you Tuesday.
Good-bye, tom. Good-bye.
You got a hot date, tom?
You scared the shit out of me.
Oh! I'm sorry. What'd you say?
A hot date. Tuesday, was it?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I wouldn't blame you.
I never thought you and Geena
would make it, you know.
She's too, uh,
boring and desperate.
Not that those
are bad qualities, but...
Okay. Time out. That was work.
You're just different.
Not good different.
Not like me and ward.
We're good different.
We make it work. But, you know,
maybe that's because
he's not a cheater.
Ward's too much of a pussy
to be a cheater.
But what do I know?
I never thought you were
a cheater either.
Listen. Come here.
I thought about cheating too.
And you know what?
Maybe I've already done it.
It's fun, right?
Secret phone calls...
"I'll see you Tuesday"...
We're a lot alike. Mm-mm.
You and me, tom...
we could do it now.
We could cheat now.
Maybe... maybe there's
some advantages
to being with people
as naive, stupid
as Geena and my little ward.
I wonder what Geena
would think of that phone call.
What the fuck?
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, shit.
Okay. Okay.
Let me ask you a question...
That was quite a call. Yeah.
Your wife says
you're almost out of diapers.
Really? Yeah.
Okay. Um, you guys will be
here when I get back, right?
You know I will be.
We should probably get going.
Yeah. We'll be here.
We'll be here.
All right. See you in a sec.
Is everything okay?
You're lying. Big-time.
I just wanted to mash her face
in the cake, you know?
But then she slipped, and...
I don't know.
Tom! Holy shit, dude.
Yeah, I know. She's dead?
But... but it was
an accident, right?
I mean... wait.
Is that icing on her neck?
Well, yeah.
She was bleeding all over,
and she still had a pulse,
so I... so you strangled her?
I don't know.
Maybe. Yeah. Yeah.
I think she's probably put on six or
seven pounds since I saw her last.
No, I think that's just the cake.
No, I...
on her face.
I thought that earlier.
So what do we do?
Well, we could've called 911
and said she slipped or something,
but now that you strangled her, I...
no. I couldn't risk her waking up and
saying I smashed her face in the cake.
No, I know. I know that. They'd
know that she was strangled?
Yeah. Look at her neck.
That'll tell everything.
I'm an idiot. Fuck! Hey.
So I'm sorry... can we just
focus for a second, please?
My best friend's dead wife
is lying in a pool of blood,
covered with cake
on his kitchen floor!
I got diapers!
Got the last pack. Whew!
Hey, man.
Dude, we didn't need diapers.
Where's Ramone? Fuck!
You killed my wife, and
you left my baby outside?
I did not leave your kid outside.
Oh, my god!
I'll take a look.
I know what to do.
We're in the kitchen!
What? Holy shit!
I know. Jesus!
She dead? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Your hair looks great!
You like it? I'm not sure.
Yeah! Really great.
All right, we need your help.
Oh, this is crazy.
Ah, anyway, uh... When I was researching
how to dispose of her body,
I came up with a bunch
of possible solutions.
When? What?
When were you researching
how to dispose of her body?
Just when Ron called. No. No.
You didn't know she was
dead when he called.
I-I knew that... I knew that...
Uh, not her... body.
Not your lovely wife.
I, uh... that's what was
so crazy about all this,
is I... have been doing
all this research
about how to get away
with murder.
For a role
that I'm preparing for.
You guys planned this.
No, I never intended
to kill your wife.
I did not.
We had talked... not seriously...
about Stacy dying,
about killing her.
You serious? Gross!
Fuck, dude, shut up! Well, we had.
We had talked about it.
What the fuck? Look, I...
no, it's... I'm sor...
we were passing time on
the golf course, okay?
It wasn't serious!
It was guys talking.
Obviously, it was serious.
Because fucking
Harvey Keitel here...
Thank you. Has researched and
compiled what... what is this?
Three pages of copious notes
on how to kill my wife?
Not how to kill your wife.
How to dispose of her body.
That's completely different!
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
I'm sorry that we... we talked
about killing your wife.
Even as a joke, it's not cool.
Yeah, me too. Right.
Okay, let's get started.
I got a few options.
A few different ways
of doing this.
Of course I have my favorite,
but I think ultimately
this is a decision that we
should come to as a group.
Agreed. If it's cool with ward?
Why not? Fuck it. Beautiful!
There is the basic
burial method.
Either whole or dismembered.
We take the body
to a remote location,
dig a hole, or holes,
and bury this bitch.
I'm sorry.
Um, if we do choose this way,
it is better to dismember
the body into six pieces.
We want to go head,
torso, four limbs,
put each in a garbage bag,
fill them with bleach.
Now, the bleach not
only disguises
any scent for any
wandering animals, or uh,
or search parties... but it also
begins the breakdown
process of the flesh.
Wow. Uh!
Okay, then we just... we just
go to different locations,
and we just bury her there.
That makes sense.
I think so.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
But... what about DNA?
What about...
what about dental records?
What about fingerprints?
Good question! Thank you.
Regardless of any method,
and I got a few more,
we want to cut off and burn
the tips of her fingers,
pull out her teeth...
if we can't pull them out,
grind them all the way down.
We just want to get rid
of any easy identifiers.
What about her face? That too. We got
to make it totally unrecognizable.
All right.
I'm gonna need some more wine.
Will you get wine? Yeah.
I'm just gonna keep going. Here's
the guy Ritchie method. Now.
I looked this up,
and I couldn't really find
any concrete documentation
on it,
but it sounds really cool.
Having her eaten by pigs.
Ooh! Oh!
Now we'd have to get
her weight right
so that I can get the
appropriate number of swine.
Well, did you know
what she weighed?
Um... between 133 and 134.
Oh, that is way low!
Yeah, way low.
Women are brutal.
We don't have any fucking pigs.
I know. That's why
there's the ocean.
We weigh her down,
take her out to sea.
Now, you do run the risk
of her washing ashore
unless you just jam her into an oil
drum and just pack it with concrete.
Yeah, but we don't have a boat.
We can always rent a boat.
I'd love to go on a boat.
Me, too. A cruise. Really?
Yeah. What, and then at some
point we just tell the captain,
"hey, uh, can you stop for a second while
we just drop some shit overboard?"
Whoa. What we could do is
chop her up into tiny pieces,
and throw her over bit by bit.
He'd never see that.
What, like chum?
Yeah. It'd be like Shawshank, when Andy
would take pieces from his cell wall
and sprinkle 'em in the yard.
I love that movie.
There's no women in that movie.
Isn't that weird?
We could go big
and do a wood chipper.
Oh, I love that movie, too.
I mean, you shove her
right into the teeth,
it's almost impossible to trace.
Yeah, but well, no. You could
trace the wood chipper
through the rental, though. Yeah.
You would have to use cash,
um, use a fake name
or a disguise.
That's a pain in the ass.
It is.
Oh! This is good. All right.
Now, depending on what type of equipment
you've got here in the house,
we could grind her
almost completely down.
Like just, send her on down the sewer.
Right down into the drain.
It's gonna take a little longer.
You do run the risk of alerting
the neighbors to the noise,
uh, of the machinery,
or the smell...
but, we would keep it
all in the house.
You don't like that one. No.
He doesn't like that.
All right.
Is that it? I mean, unless
anybody knows anyone with access
to an incinerator. No, I don't.
I... no.
Well, then, that's it. I am partial
to dismembering and burying.
I think it's the easiest, especially
if we separate the pieces.
It will just be
the hardest to trace.
I agree. I agree. Ladies?
Go with the first choice.
Oh, good.
Ward? Yeah. Totally agree.
Okay. We should chop
her up and bury her.
Great. That's what
I wanted to hear. Okay.
So tomorrow we're gonna
reconvene here before golf...
You're playing golf tomorrow?
We have a 3:00 tee time.
Everything needs to appear
completely normal
so that when we alert the police
to the fact that
Stacy's disappeared,
we'll have no questions.
I can't remember the last time
I played golf with these guys.
It is gonna be fun. Cool.
Right, now tom,
you go buy some bleach.
The more the better. Pay with
cash and throw away the receipt.
We'll move Stacy
into the bathtub,
bleed her out,
then clean this place up.
Tomorrow we'll cut her up
and bag her before golf.
You ladies will do...
Whatever it is that you
do while we're at golf.
We'll each take a bag.
Get me out! Fuck!
Get me up! Oh!
Fuck, man!
I'm out of shape.
I'll rinse these. Okay.
Uh, kitchen.
Got to make sure there's no
trace of anything in there.
Got to get on our knees,
No blood, no anything that could
point a finger in our direction.
Just keep your eyes
on the task at hand...
and you should be golden.
Looks pretty great!
Definitely doesn't look like
somebody was killed in here,
that's for sure.
Hey, man. I'm really sorry
I killed your wife.
I know. I know you are.
You guys are like family to me.
We always have been.
Ramone, too.
We love you guys.
I haven't seen your kid
in months, man!
There he is.
He's beautiful. So beautiful.
- Thanks.
- So peaceful. So innocent.
Fuck! What?
We forgot to bleed her out.
Oh, shh. Come on, come on.
Okay. Umm... Ch-ch-ch-ch...
Oh. Honey, could you go in the
kitchen and grab me a knife?
Okay, guys, we have to remember that
we need to bury all our clothes
in a bag.
What? I love these shoes.
This good? That's perfect.
Thank you.
Uh, yeah. Tom.
Take it. So what
I need you to do is, uh,
"cut the thigh diagonally...?"
Uh, now make sure you get deep
enough to hit the femoral artery,
so you gotta go in pretty good.
Give it a good whack.
You can do it, honey.
Come on. You strangled her with your bare
hands, you can cut her fuckin' thigh.
I thought you said
she hit her head.
She did hit her head.
Yes. And then...
I did. I strangled her. Yes.
What the fuck? I know. I
know, I'm so sorry. I am.
Go ahead. Cut her up.
You can do it.
Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, fuck! Yeah.
Yeah, that's not
a really sharp knife.
- We don't have a sharpener.
- That's really dangerous,
you know? Dull knives? The number one
cause of injuries in the kitchen.
Okay, be careful, honey.
Okay... okay, I just...
Oh, no!
I think you got to go deeper.
That's a big fucking thigh.
Maybe try... try the other one.
Pretty fuckin' deep here, man!
Wife! I'm an idiot!
I'm a total idiot.
We got to pump it out.
Do chest compressions.
Apply suction to the atria using
the spring from the ribcage.
Okay. Yeah.
Like CPR?
I think so.
I'm pushing pretty hard here.
You got to do it harder.
I'm pushing pretty hard here, man. If you
want to give it a shot, be my guest.
Fuck it.
Jesus! That's it.
Eww! Oh!
Yeah! Yeah.
Yah! Eww!
Okay, okay!
That's enough, that's enough!
And that's how
you bleed a body out!
All right. Tomorrow mo...
what? Who the fuck is that?
Hide. Hide!
Come on.
Now! Hide, hide!
They can see the fireplace.
Hey, ward, it's Bruce!
Ward! What?
Get the door.
Deal with it. Yeah.
Hey, ward! Hey, Bruce.
Hey, buddy. How are you?
I'm great.
Umm... What's goin' on?
Oh, I was getting ready for bed.
Oh. Okay.
Um, I believe that I left my
shades in your backyard earlier.
I was gonna go around myself
and, uh, check it out,
but uh, trespassing is illegal, so...
Yeah, it is.
I thought I'd knock. Okay.
All right? So if
you wouldn't mind...
You want to go
through the house?
Well, that's how you
get to the back yard.
Right. Um... What's goin' on?
You okay?
Everything's fine. Look...
What was that? Uh...
Nothing. Okay.
You should probably go around
the side of the house.
Outside? What's
going on? You okay?
Everything's fine. It's just that
Ramone is sleeping right now.
And Stacy gets really weird when I
have company while he's asleep.
She doesn't want anybody to come
in the house. Ah, the baby.
I get that. Right.
I understand.
We're playing golf tomorrow.
Yeah? I was wondering
if you were interested.
Yes. Yes! I would
love to join you.
Absolutely! Are you kidding me?
I could dust off the old clubs.
That would be great!
Okay? So, uh, tee time is 3:00.
3:00 p.m. 3:00 p.m.
Right. So you could come
back tomorrow. Great.
Okay. 3:00 p.m.
And I didn't see your shades around back,
but you're more than welcome to look.
I just need you to go around.
I'll do that. Hey, you
know, from the tips.
That's wonderful.
From the tips!
You have a good night.
Oh, shit. Blinds.
Holy shit!
Dude, what the fuck? What?
You invited him to play golf?
What was I supposed to do? I'm sorry.
I panicked. I panicked!
It's fine. We'll deal
with him tomorrow.
Be here, 9:30. We'll finish
the job, we play golf.
See you guys tomorrow. Yeah.
I got it.
I don't blame you, you know.
No? Mm-mm.
I wanted to just mush her fucking
face in that cake all day long.
What did it feel like?
I don't know.
I mean, I was nervous. But...
Did it feel good?
I watched you today.
What do you mean? When?
You were cleaning
in the kitchen.
With your hands on your knees.
And your jeans were
pulling around your...
around my pussy?
That's hot. It was hot.
You talked about putting
your hands around her neck.
I got jealous...
And wet. Really?
You said pussy, and I
went hard in a second.
Oh, god!
I was impressed. You took
control of that situation,
and things could have
gotten really hysterical,
but they didn't, and it just...
You did good.
Lily asleep?
She's right here, next to me.
Bad dream.
You don't mind taking her
while I golf tomorrow?
Of course.
And maybe afterwards,
uh, we could take lily
to a mini-golf.
With all of us.
I should get to bed.
Good job today.
Thanks. Good night.
Good night.
Mothers will cry
And teardrops will fly
Little man, take care
it's grown
What you need
Do what you need
Hey. Hey.
You look like shit. You okay?
I hated her as much as anybody, okay?
But this is way fucked up, you know?
Yeah. Morning!
- What's up?
- This is fucked up.
This is way fucked up.
It is. It's totally fucked up.
And hey, it's all my fault.
Yeah, no shit.
But look. After today, it's done.
Right? Right?
Right. Right! Done.
And I feel horrible. I mean,
look, I never wanted...
well, I wanted to, but...
he feels really bad.
You do?
I do. Yeah.
Me too.
I feel really bad.
I know you do.
Let's go cut her up.
Come on!
Hey, we're in here, guys.
Good morning.
How was the night?
Slept till seven!
Pretty impressive. Wow! Wow.
Just finished
our first egg, and...
Where's Amanda?
Uh, she's with lily.
She didn't want to
bring her. You know.
She sends her love,
wishes us all the best.
Listen. We were
talking outside.
Umm... Yeah, I just...
this is really fucked up,
man, you know? It's...
Really fucked up!
It is. I mean...
- I killed your wife.
- I know.
And you guys have all been
great, and especially you, ward.
Thanks. No, thank you.
Oh, hey. Stacy and I
hooked up, and...
She got pregnant, but thank god.
Although I hate his name.
Ramone's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
That name is awful.
It's like a busboy pimp.
Yeah, it's really bad.
But it's just a name.
At the end of the day,
it's just a name.
And... she was
a not-nice person
whose only happiness came
from her being not-nice.
She was a bad mom, too.
Yeah. She was selfish,
and she was mean.
I'm gonna be honest
with you guys. I'm...
I'm glad she's, uh...
I just want to be happy.
Power tools in the garage?
Really? What, what, what?
I snapped a blade.
Right. I got another one
in the garage. Be right back.
You ready? Here we go.
Hey, man.
How's it goin' in there?
We snapped a blade,
but we're almost done.
How's it goin' here? It's good.
All right.
I haven't had a cigarette
in seven years.
I started again last week.
It's my first one. Ever?
I feel like Denzel Washington.
All right, okay, all right...
ah, that tastes so good.
Tastes so good.
You guys know what
that shit does to your body?
Ah, fuck it, give me one.
So Amanda and I were
talking last night.
Good for you guys.
Tee time is 3:00,
that gives us...
A little over two hours
to find a place,
bury the body,
get to the course.
Right? We don't tell
each other where we're going.
The less each of us knows, the better.
Geena's going to stay with the kids.
Thank you very much.
Ward, when you get home,
call the cops. Say that you came home
to find the baby, but Stacy was gone.
Say that she's been gone a day or two
before, but never without Ramone.
Can't file a missing persons
report for 48 hours. So.
You guys think
this is gonna work?
Yeah. They'll just... they'll just think
that she's left for a little bit.
She doesn't come back, you file it,
police won't make any mention of it.
Hey buddy, I can watch
Ramone whenever you need.
Yeah. Me-me too.
Appreciate it. Well, well, well.
Howdy, howdy.
Nosey fucker.
You guys are already
dressed for golf.
I thought we weren't leaving
till 3:00.
Yeah, 3:00. We just...
we came by to help clean up
after the party.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, I saw that.
So I was thinking maybe, uh,
I'd grab my clubs,
throw 'em in your trunk, ward.
The two of us drive together.
Why take two cars?
That makes perfect sense, what
with you guys being neighbors.
That's what I was thinking.
Yeah. Sure.
Um, I got a couple errands I
need to run, but absolutely.
2:30? 2:30. Yeah. Sure. 2:30.
All right. I'll be here.
See you there.
See you then. Okay.
From the tip! Yeah!
What the fuck?
Don't worry about it.
All it means is you gotta double
back and pick him up. It's fine.
Listen to me.
Hey, you'll be fine.
Come here.
Let's do this.
You wanna fuck? Yeah.
Piece of shit.
Mm, I like the new you.
All it took was a murder.
So where are you
gonna bury them?
I was thinking along the ridge?
Mm, good idea.
See you later. Yo.
Did you do yours yet?
Uh, almost. I, uh...
I just remembered.
Do you have the head?
What? The head. Do you
have the beast's head?
We forgot to disfigure it.
Ah, hold on.
No. I got a torso and an arm.
Uh, left arm.
Shit. All right. Damn it.
I gotta call Ronnie.
Get it done.
Yo, do have the head? What?
The head. Do you have the head?
I don't fucking know.
Well, check, all right?
We gotta disfigure the face
in case anybody finds it.
What? What's the problem?
Are you crying?
This isn't my responsibility,
This is not my responsibility.
Okay, look, all right, Ronnie?
Nobody likes this, okay?
But there was a situation here. There was
an accident, kind of, but we can help.
We can help everybody out here.
We can help tom.
We can help ward.
We can help Ramone, all right?
Just check the bag.
Check the fucking bag. Okay.
Okay, okay. Okay.
Please, please, David,
don't make me do this.
Look... Jesus fucking Christ.
Check the fucking bag.
All right. Fuck!
Yeah, I have it.
Okay. All right. Well, you
got to, uh, you know.
You gotta cut her face off
or something, man.
Fuck you!
What do you mean?
You have to do this, Ronnie.
No. No, please!
You have to do this.
No fucking way, man.
All right. Where are you?
God! Fuck!
I'm not supposed to say.
No. If you did what you were
supposed to do, then you don't say.
If I have to come finish your
fucking job, then you have to say!
Now, where are you?
I'm at the ridge.
Great. I'm coming.
The ridge.
You're going under
what seems to be real
to a man or to me
no way. I thought for sure
I'd be the only one here.
This is crazy.
You okay? What happened?
I can't fucking do this.
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about?
You killed her.
We cut her up
into little fucking pieces.
What... what do you mean,
what am I talking about?
Yeah. Look, I know this sucks, right?
But we gotta do this.
We have to do this now, okay?
You know what? Look, it's all right.
I'll take yours.
You already dug a hole. I'll
just put her in and cover it up.
No, you can't. Yeah, I can.
No. It's... it's...
it's the head.
All right. Well,
whatever it is, I'll just...
David said you gotta cut the
fucking face off or something.
Aw, shit. Right. Right.
Uh, okay, okay.
Um... okay.
You know what, man?
This is fucking bullshit.
This is all my fault.
I shouldn't have called David
in the first place.
You should've taken it.
For all of us.
I didn't do this.
I didn't...
I-I didn't fucking do this.
I have a kid, Ron.
She had a fucking kid, tom!
Hey, she wasn't
doing the right things.
That kid would be a lot
further along developmentally
if she had been a better mother.
All right. You don't understand this
because you don't have a kid yet.
But Ramone is almost one,
and he's barely crawling.
What? Yeah.
She was still breast-feeding.
Exclusively, Ronnie.
It's a huge thing.
What does that even mean?
It means she was a shitty
mom, not to mention
the kind of wife she
was, all right?
You said it yourself,
probably more than anyone.
But you don't do that
to somebody, tom.
You don't fucking kill somebody
because they're a fucking bitch.
I mean, that doesn't make
any fucking sense.
Is that why you killed her?
'Cause she's a bitch?
No, I didn't...
I didn't kill her because...
That's not it. No.
Really? You're both here?
Why'd you kill her?
Who gives a shit
why you killed her?
Everybody wanted her dead.
Ward most of all.
What's fucking done
is fucking done.
This it? Yeah.
All right.
Oh, here we go.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait for what, dude?
We got a 3:00 tee time.
I gotta tell the
starter that we're gonna
play as a five-some.
I know. What...
No fucking way, man.
I am not fucking doing this!
No, no.
We don't have time for this shit.
No, he's doing it.
No, just give me the club
and let me beat the bag.
No. I killed her.
You cut her up. You came up with the plan.
He hasn't done anything.
Are you crazy?
I cleaned up blood and fucking cake
for three fucking hours last night!
I'm as much of an accomplice
in this as he is.
He's right, man.
You gotta do it, Ronnie.
I don't know if I can trust you
to keep your mouth shut.
I got a family, Ron. Me too.
We've been friends for 20 years.
You really think that I'm...
Fine. Give it to me. Mm-hmm.
You might wanna turn it over
so you get the...
he knows how to hit a 7 iron.
Oh, no. You gotta...
you gotta hit the bag.
Come on. You can do it.
Again, dude. We really
gotta fuck her face up.
Ohh! Oh, god.
I think it got caught
in her mouth.
Just pull it out
and do it again.
That's good, Ronnie.
Yeah, that's good. You got it.
Ronnie! Ronnie, whoa!
Aahh! You're good.
Ronnie, you got it.
Ronnie? No! Fuck!
Oh, that's good.
You owe me.
I owe you.
That was dramatic.
Yeah. All right. Let's bury
the rest of this shit.
Yeah. I'll go get
the bags from my car.
You know what?
Give me a couple gloves.
I don't have any gloves.
Golf gloves.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not a word, you hear me?
Not a word.
We got a real problem
here, ward.
This is not smart, ward.
You are all over this.
Do you understand me?
Look, I get it, right?
You had a party.
Your trash was overflowing.
Right? The trash trucks
don't come for three days.
I get that. But, hey, if
somebody wants to look in here,
your name is all over this.
Is that smart?
It's against the law, ward.
Aw, ward, if you need to use
some cans, you can use my cans.
You and your kinky friends.
Lesson learned, huh?
Lesson learned.
All right. That's good cake.
Oh, yeah. That was...
Money. Yeah.
I'm gonna take a leak.
Hey, ward. Huh?
Come here.
The fucker followed me!
He followed me! I know, I know, I know.
I saw him.
He pulled the bags... it's okay.
It's okay. Relax. Relax.
He was watching us last night
when we left your house.
I think he's a pervert.
I thought he might...
I don't know. But I got to
your place early this morning,
and just in case, I took a
couple of bags from your trash.
I switched them out.
I put them in your trunk.
I figured if he tried something,
if he followed one of us,
it'd most likely be you.
Where's your phone? It's in the cart.
I'll go get it.
D-d-d-d... that's perfect.
Hey, it's me. Yeah. Thanks.
Hey. I'll see you later.
Who the hell was that?
That's Stacy's ringer.
Ward! Your phone's ringing!
It's your wife!
Tell him to answer it.
Uh, could you answer that for me?
I'll be right out!
Much better.
I told her you'd be right out.
She hung up on me.
Really? Yeah.
She sounded pissed too.
Ah, you got your hands full
with that one.
I snapped a blade.
There you go.
Thanks for doing this.
You ready to go eat?
My ball's back there.
Ron hasn't said
one word all day.
He'll be fine. He'll be great.
Take a little time. Yeah.
That's tour quality.
Second best 7 iron
he's hit all day.
- Come on.
- Still hitting!
Great shot, buddy. Great shot.
Thanks for waiting. Mm-hmm.
I don't think I'm gonna
play from my tips next time.
When did you, uh,
speak to her last?
Um, earlier today.
I think I was actually probably the
last person to speak with her.
I picked up his phone when we were
on the golf course earlier today.
Uh, a little after 3:00.
So you spoke to her
this afternoon?
I did.
Time can pass
like a stranger
if you don't stop and see
I want a cigarette.
Me too.
I'll go get 'em.
There are changes
you can make
you look fucking great.
Okay, just keep
your shoulders...
move your shoulders back.
Hit is straight. Go.
Hit it. Hit it. Hard. Go.
Yeah! That was awesome.
See? Wait.
Give me five. Give me ten.
You're not gonna
give me a lesson?
You need to keep
your body still.
You guys! Mom, just hit.
Okay, okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Just hit, just hit.
Yes! Did you see that?
No, we missed it. I did it.
I don't believe you.
You came up with forgiveness
it's getting in the way
where there's luck
there is danger
don't be afraid to say
I hope there's
somebody out there
there you go.
Thank you.
But even if
it takes us a long time
I'm gonna wait
for something that's real
miss peters?
This is who I wanna be
May I? Please.
Thank you.
How I feel
I hope there's
somebody out there
who understands
the way that I feel
and even if
it takes us a long time
I'm gonna wait
for something that's real
now I see
this is who I wanna be
I know there's
somebody out there
who understands
the way that I feel
and even if
it takes us a long time
I'm gonna wait
for something that's real
below a ways
I'm passing time
days pass quick and
cows tow the line and
see how clear
the ocean appears
from this point of view
the same should be true
in the light
if you peek through the veil
see that you're only
biding your time
between struggling
and fine in a moment
you are only
the sunlight breaks through
time's a cruel mistress
and she's not done with you
try as you might
or fight as you may
the fates will just laugh
moving in as they say
with a grin
once again
if you peek through the veil
see that you're only