Liar, Liar, Vampire (2015) Movie Script

- DAVIS'S THOUGHTS: Moving vans
and boxes.
Packing and unpacking.
That's pretty much been my life
for as long as I can remember.
My name is Davis Pell.
Because of my mom's job,
we've had to move around a lot.
I only just moved to America
from Australia.
When you're always
the new kid,
it's pretty hard
to make friends.
Most of the time,
it's just me hanging by myself.
Never having a chance to settle
down can be a bit lonely,
but I've found ways
to keep things--
- MAN: Uh-aw!
- DAVIS: --interesting.
Couldn't be.
- MAN: Oh-ah!
- [grunting]
- Ah!
- Oooh!
- Rayzon, you followed me
to America?
- I would go anywhere
to finally destroy you,
Davis Pell.
Even suburban Seattle.
- Let's end this.
- [grunting]
It's possible
I'm not the coolest guy
in the world.
In fact, most people would say
I'm kind of a dork.
And you know what?
They might have a point.
I mean, look at this.
I'm having an imaginary fight,
and I'm losing.
But not anymore.
I'm at a new school.
Heck, I'm in a new country.
Things this year
will be different.
I'm going to have friendS.
I'm gonna be popular.
Maybe I'll even get
a girlfriend for once.
Whatever it takes.
Starting this year,
Davis Pell isn't
going to be a loser anymore.
- [applause]
- I think you got 'em.
- You didn't see
all of that, did you?
- I think I can safely say
I didn't see much as you
and Rayzon did.
- [nervous laughing]
- Yeah.
- Yeah. live next door?
- No, just a big fan
of porch swings.
Travelling the country
porch swing to porch swing.
- I hope
that works out for you.
- Wait!
Don't move!
There was one behind you.
- Thanks, Katniss.
- No charge.
- Hey, I was wondering.
Maybe because I'm new in town
and all that,
that maybe you could--
- Uh, uh, uh, turn it around,
ninja warrior.
I don't date boys
who play make-believe.
- Right, got it.
You're probably wondering
about the kaleidoscopes.
My mom gets me one
every time we move.
Told you we moved a lot.
I've been collecting them
since I was a kid.
I don't know
what it is about them.
I guess I just like having
something to show
for all the places
that I've lived.
You also might have noticed
that sometimes
I like to imagine stuff the way
I'd want it to be
instead of how it really is.
You know, like daydreaming.
Let's just say that my daydreams
are little more colorful
than most.
- [knocking at door]
- Hi, honey.
- Hey, mom.
- Are you excited to meet all
your new classmates tomorrow?
- Excited?
Um, have we met before?
- [laughs]
I'm sure you could have
plenty of mates if you tried.
- Yeah.
Let me guess,
if I just be myself.
- [laughs] Oh, honey,
it's high school.
Nobody's really themselves yet.
- Mm.
- Things will look brighter
in the morning.
- Yeah, you're right.
Things do look much brighter.
- [laughs]
Here's your lunch.
- Weird health food?
- With all your allergies, yes.
Oh, and...
- [groans]
- Your lucky
first day sweater.
- No, mom,
I thought you burned that.
- You've worn it
on your first day
for the last five years.
- And every year
has been a complete disaster.
It kind of defeats the purpose
of having a lucky sweater,
now doesn't it?
It's horrible,
and it's too small, ma.
I can't wear it.
- No, it's not.
It's perfect.
Your grandmother made it.
- And Nana is legally blind.
Mom, okay, I'm not wearing it.
I'm not.
- Can I help you?
- I'm supposed
to get a schedule.
- I'll pull it up for you.
- Hi, everyone,
I'm Caitlyn Crisp,
reminding you that Forksley High
is recycle friendly.
We can save the planet.
We only have one Earth,
you guys.
So let's all pitch in
and treat it right.
The Earth likes you,
and I like you, too.
- What's that?
- Your schedule.
You just asked for it.
- Thank you.
- [thunder rumbles]
- Pull it together, Davis.
You can do this.
Sorry, Nana.
- CAITLYN: Hi, everyone.
It's Caitlyn Crisp again.
And on this edition
of "Caitlyn's World,"
I'll be talking about
the hottest event
of the season--
this fall's Sweetheart Dance
at Forksley High.
You don't want
to miss a minute of it.
- What's the matter?
That last blog that you posted
on your site was amazing.
- I know.
And I love that people
love my videos.
But still, I can't help but feel
like there's something missing.
- What do you mean?
- People in this school
look to me
to make their life
more fulfilling.
And I just keep giving them
more of the same.
There's got to be something new.
- [struggling]
- I want adventure.
- Uh!
- Excitement.
- [thunder rumbles]
- Maybe even danger.
- [struggling]
- DAVIS: Okay.
Let's do this.
- CAITLYN: I don't
know what it is.
But I do know one thing.
It's out there waiting for me.
- [thunder rumbles]
- [door squeaks open]
- [gasps]
- [thunder rumbles]
- [electricity buzzes]
- Who are you?
- I'm new.
- Oh, the new guy.
You care to introduce yourself
to the rest of the class?
- No.
- Good, take a seat.
- [heavy breathing]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [gulps]
- Here, let me help.
- Thanks.
- Cool accent.
Is it real?
- Why would I fake an accent?
- To sound cool.
- You think I sound cool?
- See you around.
There's definitely something
interesting about him.
- GIRL: Love the accent.
- [bell rings]
- [sighs]
- [giggles]
- [sighs]
- How did you do that?
- Do what?
- Hey.
Who are you?
- I--I--see ya.
- Who was that guy?
- I don't know.
- [heavy breathing]
- CAITLYN: How did he get
all the way down there?
- A vampire?
- I'm telling you.
He didn't have a reflection.
I didn't see it
with my own eyes.
He could be exactly
what I'm looking for.
- What about Bon?
- The Bon's
a little bit simple.
Not you, Bon, another Bon.
He's so mysterious.
- Look at him
trying to eat human food.
- ALL: Aw.
- [gasps]
I have an idea.
- Bon, does that pizza
have garlic in it?
- Yeah.
- Perfect.
I saw you weren't
enjoying your food.
You should have this instead.
- Wow, that's really nice
of you and all,
but I--I can't
actually eat that.
I'm allergic.
- To the garlic?
- Uh, well...yeah,
and the cheese
and the yeast and--
basically the whole pizza.
- Yeah, but one little bite
can't hurt.
- Yeah, I mean, one bite
can't hurt that much.
I mean, how allergic
can I really be?
- Mm-hmm.
- [kids laughing]
- was delicious.
- No, I don't like it.
- What, Bon?
- The poster, I don't like.
- Uh, yeah,
I don't like it either.
- Well, I guess you guys
don't need me here for this.
I'm just gonna head out.
- [laughing]
- We should take it down.
- Yeah.
- Wait, wait, guys.
We can talk about this, right?
We can talk about this, please.
- Did you see how he reacted
to the garlic?
- Everybody saw!
- [squeals]
What happened
to Bon and the guys?
Oh, no!
- [indistinct chatter]
- [laughing]
- [gasps]
- Oh my gosh.
- O-M-G, he's sparkling.
Pics or it didn't happen.
- [gasping]
- You have to send that to me.
- Oh my gosh.
- Wow.
- [doorbell rings]
- DAVIS'S THOUGHTS: Oh, please.
Kill me now.
- Come with me.
- DAVIS'S THOUGHTS: Looks like
I'm gonna get my wish.
She does plan on killing me.
Probably leave my body
in the woods.
- Do you feel
like you can be honest with me?
- Uh...sure.
- You're pale
and you dress strangely.
- Oh, you're starting
with the honesty.
- Tell me what you are.
- What do you mean?
- You're awkward.
You really don't say anything
- Oh, you should be
a motivational speaker.
- But I find myself
drawn to you.
- What was that?
- You don't have a reflection
in the mirror.
You can't eat normal food.
And you sparkle
in direct sunlight.
- I sparkle?
I'm sparkling.
- Say it.
- Say what?
- I know what you are.
- You do?
- Yes, I do.
Say it out loud.
- Uh, I--I--I'm pale.
No reflection.
Uh, a vampire.
- Uh!
It's true?
- Sure.
- [gasps]
Please promise to meet me
by the first tree
at the school entrance
at 8:30 tomorrow.
- Okay.
- [squealing with joy]
- [sighs]
Oh, boy.
I'm dead.
- [sighs]
You look so cool.
- Thanks.
- Let's go in.
- We just walk in
like in front of everyone?
- Mm-hmm.
Come on.
- [indistinct chatter]
- CAITLYN: Oh, hi, Bon.
- BON: No way.
- [indistinct chatter]
- Is it true?
- Is it true?
What do you think?
- This is totally
the most amazing thing
to ever happen at this cool.
It's true, Davis Pell
is a really, actually...
a vampire.
- Psst.
Does this happen to you a lot?
Do you go to new schools
and people think
you're a supernatural creature?
Oh, were you Rocky Raccoon
at your last school?
- What makes you think
I'm not really a vampire?
- You act like you're 14,
not 400.
You go out during the day,
which pretty much goes against
the most basic tenant
of vampire lure.
And you are in no way suave.
Oh, yeah,
and vampires aren't real.
Don't worry,
I'm not going to say anything.
- Why not?
- Because you're making
everybody look like idiots.
I kind of love that.
But some advice.
You're going
to have to step up your game
if you want to keep this up.
- Ah!
This isn't working.
Wah, wah, ha, ha!
Ugh, no, no.
- [phone beeps]
- Hey, Vi.
Thanks for helping me out
with this.
You know, I've been up all night
trying to figure
this vampire thing out.
- Well, I decided if you're
going to make a mockery
of my school's social order,
then I want in.
And you definitely need my help.
- That's true.
- Now, I'm going
to get you looking the part,
but you've got to get yourself
sounding the part.
Talk to me
like you're really a vampire.
- Okay.
[in accent]
I'm totally a vampire.
- What was that?
- It was a vampire.
- For someone
who already has an accent,
you're terrible at accents.
- Okay, well, first off,
I'm not the one with an accent.
You are.
- Oh.
- And secondly,
just tell me how I should sound.
- Okay.
The modern vampire
is more of a cross between
a constipated model
and a freshman poetry major.
- What?
- Okay, repeat after me.
You wouldn't understand.
- You wouldn't understand.
- More like you don't want
to deal with anything.
- Should it really be
this much work
to seem like I don't care?
- For you, yes.
- Thanks for helping me
pick out all these clothes.
- No charge, Edward Cullen.
Okay, how's
the vampire voice coming?
- Oh.
[clears throat]
You wouldn't understand.
- [giggles]
Not bad.
- Yeah?
So what else is there to know
about vampires?
Like I know
all the regular stuff
like wooden stakes and sunlight
and all that stuff.
But what else?
- There's a couple things.
For instance, vampires
are terrified of rabbits.
They're incapable
of singing "Happy Birthday."
Oh, and this is
an important one.
If you beat a vampire
in a staring contest,
it renders them powerless.
- A staring contest?
- Mm-hmm.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't believe you.
- Fine, you don't
have to believe me.
Here's proof.
- Doh!
- [laughing]
- Okay, you win.
But seriously, we really
need to figure a way
we can sell this at school.
- Don't worry.
I have a few ideas.
Now you got the hair
and the clothes.
Okay, let's start
with the basics.
Wear these at all times.
- Perfect.
- [yawns]
- He showed me his fangs.
- GIRL: It's just
like Edward.
- Oops.
- GIRL: Oh my gosh,
he's so cute.
- Okay, vampires' eyes
are always changing colors.
So you're going to need
to wear these contact lenses.
- GIRL: There he is.
Turn around.
Look at his eyes.
- [laughs]
- And on this edition
of "Caitlyn's World,"
Forksley High's
very own bloodsucker Davis Pell.
- VI: Some vampires can fly.
So we've got to get you
off the ground.
- Look!
- [laughs] Oh, yeah.
- [indistinct chatter]
- There's no way.
- [indistinct chatter]
- How did he do that?
- CAITLYN: Today
on "Caitlyn's World,"
I have a story you can
really sink your teeth into.
Davis Pell,
undead and loving it.
How old are you?
- [laughing] for those
waiting to die.
- So true.
So true.
And this week's winner of
the smile contest is Davis Pell.
Thanks to all my new followers
for logging on to vote.
Looking towards the future,
will you be attending
Forksley High's annual
Sweetheart Dance?
- If you'll be my date.
- Of course.
So get your game on
Get, get your game on
So get your game on
Get, get your game on
- This guy comes
into our school,
steals are girls, our friends,
our pizza slices.
Because he's a vampire.
Well, I'm a quarterback.
And I was here first.
- Yeah!
Let's go, baby!
- I was more complaining.
It wasn't really anything
to get excited about.
- You were using
your huddle voice.
- Is that what I sound like?
- Hey, I have an idea.
I have this uncle
who's way into vampires.
He can maybe help us.
- Call him.
- Okay.
But I have to warn you.
He's a little weird.
- Call him!
- [phone ringing]
- Hello?
- BOY: Uncle Derrick?
- Oh?
- Is this...Baron Von Awesome?
- [giggles]
If what you're saying is true,
and I have been noticing
a number of signs indicating
just such an occurrence,
I will stalk the monster
and I will kill it.
- How do we know you can do it?
What's your story?
- My story?
I was born in a graveyard
at midnight.
- Whoa.
- And still an infant,
I was abandoned.
I found myself nursing
from a mother emu.
She took me in, and her family
raised me as her own.
They taught me how to hunt.
And how to kill.
- What does any of this
have to do with vampires?
- My skills are vast,
I assure you.
I have the yellow belt in nine
different forms of "ka-ra-tay,"
which technically makes me
a third degree black belt.
And I've defeated
the game Castlevania,
every version of it.
And I have seen the movie
"Van Helsing" 47 times!
And I hated that movie.
- That--that's all great,
but how is it going to help you
get this guy?
- [laughs]
Mark my words.
I will hunt this creature down
to the ends of the world.
There is nowhere he can hide.
- Finding him
won't be a problem.
- Excellent.
- Which one is he?
- He's right there.
- Excellent.
- So, what's your plan?
- This container
is filled with water
caught from the base
of the Carpathian Mountains.
It is renowned for
its vampire-killing properties.
When I spill it on him,
it's going to be poof...
goodbye, vampire boy!
- [laughing]
- Sssh, sssh, sh, sh.
- Can I help you?
- Yeah.
I am the water delivery person.
And I'm here
to deliver the water.
- TEACHER: No water here.
You probably want
the teacher's lounge.
- Or perhaps--or perhaps
it was right here!
- [gasps]
- Ah!
Evil creature!
[manically laughing]
Drink this up you nasty,
smelly thing from beyond!
[unintelligible] terror.
- Mm.
I guess we're gonna need a mop.
- Hey, Vi.
- So, this is what
your lair looks like.
I expected more candelabras
and flowy curtains.
- Ha, ha, very funny.
- [laughs]
- do I look?
- Not to feed your already
rapidly growing ego,
but you do look relatively
presentable tonight.
- [laughs] You're so sweet.
- Mmm.
So...what's with
all the telescopes?
- They're kaleidoscopes.
- Why do you have all of them?
- Oh, well, my mom gets me one
every time we move.
- Wow, you do move a lot.
- [laughs]
Yeah, I know it's weird, but it
makes my mom happy, so...
and actually,
I--I kind of like them, too.
They're pretty much
the only things I really have
from all the places
that I've lived.
- I don't think
they're weird at all.
I like them.
They're cool.
- Thanks.
- So...
You got your dancing shoes on?
- [chuckles] I don't know
about that one.
- Oh, of course.
Get over here.
- What? Why?
- I'm going to teach you
how to slow dance.
- What makes you
think that I--?
I don't know how to slow dance.
- [giggles]
Okay, so you're going
to put your hands there.
- Yeah.
- And I'll put my hands there.
You rock back and forth.
You can start to spin.
- Okay.
- And you can occasionally
look at the girl.
[laughing] Yeah.
- [laughing] Yeah.
Am--am I doing it right?
- Yeah.
- [horn honks]
- MOM: Davis,
your girlfriend's here.
- Bye.
- Hey.
You should come
to the dance tonight.
- Definitely not my scene.
- There's a good chance
I might make a fool of myself.
- Slightly more tempting.
- [laughs]
- But alas,
I don't have anything
quite darling enough
to wear to such an occasion.
- Well, I'm sure you'd look good
in anything you wore.
Anyways, see ya.
- CAITLYN: You look great.
- DAVIS: Thanks.
You, too.
- [engine starts]
- [indistinct cheering]
- [applause]
- Let's go sit down.
- You are the most beautiful
girl I have ever seen.
- In all your lives?
- [laughs] Yes.
In every single one of 'em.
- [giggles]
- That's not fair.
That's my girl.
- Okay.
You know I am
the head cheerleader.
- Quiet, Not Caitlyn.
- Ugh!
- Hey, hey.
Check it out.
- [whistling]
- Oh, hey.
Have you see Davis?
- No.
- Hello, everyone, can I have
your attention, please?
It is now time to announce
the Sweetheart Couple.
Now there were a lot of
really cute couples this year.
But unfortunately,
there can only be one.
This year's
Mr. and Miss Sweetheart are...
Caitlyn Crisp and Davis Pell!
- [crowd cheering]
- And now
for the spotlight dance.
- [applause]
- [music changes]
- Ooh, my gosh,
I love this song!
I have to go get the girls.
Buckle up
and hold on tight
All abroad on this
endless ride to forever
Until forever
Every night I feel so alive
These are the signs
of the endless night
Until forever
- [cheering]
- Why aren't you
doing anything?
- This guy is a clever one.
My plan is to study him
and then destroy him!
- Oh, you are so fired!
Until forever
And ever
And ever
- [crowd cheering]
- [laughing]
- CAITLYN: Tonight
was so much fun.
- Yeah, it was the best.
Caitlyn, there's something
I need to talk to you about.
- Oh, no, not tonight.
Uh, I'm exhausted.
Let's talk about it tomorrow,
- No, no, no.
It's important.
And I've been meaning to tell
you this for a while now,
I just didn't know how.
- You want to make
our relationship official?
- No.
No, I mean, yes, of course I do.
It's just that--
- No, no, no, no.
I'm too excited.
I have to go tell the girls.
Come over to my house on Friday,
and we'll go over everything,
- Yeah.
Okay, great.
- GIRL: Do you really think
that Caitlyn's
going to go through with it?
- Why wouldn't she?
Wouldn't you?
- GIRL: Totally.
It's like the coolest
thing to happen to anyone.
- I can't believe Davis Pell
is going to turn Caitlyn Crisp
into a vampire.
I'm so jealous.
- Caitlyn is telling everybody
that you're going to turn her
into a vampire on Friday.
- What?
Oh, come on, she can't
actually believe that.
- Uh, you're talking about
the girl that already believes
you're a real-life vampire.
She's expecting you
to bite her on the neck
and turn her into a vampire.
You can't let this go on.
It's too far.
- I tried to tell her.
- But you didn't.
- I thought we were having fun.
- Davis, you're the only one
who's having fun anymore.
- Oh, I see now.
You're jealous.
- [giggles]
You think I'm jealous
of Caitlyn?
- No.
I think you're jealous of me
for being popular.
Why would you be jealous
of Caitlyn?
- No reason.
No reason at all.
Have a great time Friday night.
Okay, here we go.
- [knocking on door]
know what I'm worrying about.
I mean, she likes me, right?
I can just confess,
and we can just put
all of this behind us.
Hey, Caitlyn.
I've got something
to confess to you.
I'm not really a vampire.
- Oh, Davis.
I don't care about that.
I like you for you.
Now kiss me.
Davis, hold it together.
Just tell her the truth,
and everything will be fine.
Besides, she can't really think
I'm going to turn her
into a vampire.
It looks like
you've got a nice place here.
If I could
actually see anything.
- Come.
- Caitlyn,
there's--there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
- Bite me.
- Uh, see,
there's something
that I really need to tell you.
- Ssh, don't spoil the moment
with your talking.
Just do it.
- Okay.
Ugh, Caitlyn, there's
a whole bunch of people here.
- Mm-hmm.
Better not disappoint.
- I have to pee.
- [groans]
- Ready?
- Mm-mm.
- [screams]
- How does it feel?
- It doesn't really
feel like anything.
- Uh, that's how
it's supposed to feel.
That means it's working.
That means it's working!
- GIRL: You didn't
even bite her.
- He can't turn her.
- May--maybe
it just didn't take.
I'll try again.
Let me try again.
- [gasps]
- It's ketchup.
I knew it.
He's a liar!
He's a faker!
- DAVIS: Dude,
it was just a joke.
Guys, it's just me Davis.
It's just me Davis, guys.
It's just me Davis.
Guys, I was joking.
It was a joke.
We can talk about this, right?
Can't you take a joke?
- [crowd oohs]
- [gasps] I guess he
wasn't a vampire after all.
Come on.
- That is just what
he wants you to think.
His time will come.
- Hey, honey.
- DAVIS: [groans]
- You okay?
- [sighs] Yeah.
I'm just gonna go to bed.
- Are you sure
you're all right?
- DAVIS: Yes, mom, I'm fine.
- [sighs]
I know it's tough on you
with all the moving
and the changes.
I am sorry you have
to go through that all the time.
- Okay.
- Do you know why
I get you a kaleidoscope
every time we move?
- Why, mom?
- Because you look in it,
and it's beautiful.
But the slightest
turn of the wheel...
can change everything.
Thing is, that change
can be beautiful, too.
Sometimes maybe
even more beautiful
than it was before.
- This change stinks.
- I know.
You know, with everything that's
happened since you arrived,
I'm sure there's something here
you think is beautiful.
- [indistinct chatter]
Have you ever really
not wanted to go to school?
Like you have a zit or a test
you didn't study for?
- Loser!
like all those times combined.
- Liar!
Times like 40 billion.
- Jerk!
- Okay, it sounds great.
- Okay, stop it right there.
Yeah, no, add that
to the second clip.
- Like a vampire.
- It's true?
- Yeah.
- CAITLYN: Play it back.
Please promise to meet me by
the first tree--
- Hey, Caitlyn.
- What are you doing here?
- I don't remember
there being any cameras there.
What are you working on?
- Nothing.
It has nothing to do with you.
- I'm not too sure that's true.
- Would you just go?
I can't even look at you.
- [sighs]
- DAVIS: Okay, I just--I just
wanted to tell you
that what I did was wrong,
and I'm a complete goon.
And...I'm sorry.
- No, Davis,
I'm sorry...for you.
You're a sad person,
and you should go.
- Yeah.
- CAITLYN: Get back to work.
I'm gonna check my site.
[gasps] Oh my gosh!
Ten thousand subscribers!
I've gone national!
- [cheering]
- Oh, I just lost one.
- [sighs]
- Psst, hey.
- What do you want?
Need more footage of me
acting like a jerk?
- No, I've got plenty of that.
I want to give you something.
- What is it?
- Just watch.
It'll help you, believe me.
- Why are you helping me?
- [sighs]
I too know what it's like to try
to be someone you're not
for a woman's affections.
- For Rita?
- I like her,
but I hate video cameras.
- Cut.
Did you get that?
- BOY: Yeah, I got it.
- You better have, because
I'm not doing it again.
- DAVIS'S THOUGHTS: Here it was,
the ugly truth.
And no daydream
could ever cover it up.
What I saw in that video
was so shocking,
so mind blowing,
so life altering,
if I ever hope to show my face
at that school again,
I had to show everyone
what I had just seen.
I had to fix everything.
But how?
- MAN: Whoo-ha-ha-ha!
set a plan in motion
for the Creepy Carnival.
And I had
just the right costume.
Actually, it was
my only costume.
- Ooh.
Now it was go time.
But first things first.
- Dracula?
- Don't be afraid.
I'm not actually a vampire.
- I gotta get back
to the haunted house.
- No, wait.
I just wanted to tell you that
when I started
doing all of this,
all this pretending...
I thought it'd be the only way
that I'd finally
get some real friends.
- I'd say you made plenty.
- No.
Just one.
Here, I want you to have this.
Anyways, I'll--I'll
talk to you later.
"Sometimes I pretend things
are what they really aren't.
"But with you,
I don't need to pretend.
"You make real life way
better than make believe.
- [applause]
- Hi, everyone.
And welcome to Forksley High's
Creepy Carnival.
Tonight, we'll be showing
"The Revenge of the Creature
from the Black Lagoon."
- [crowd booing]
- What are you doing here?
- [crowd booing]
- Everyone, I've got something
to tell you.
I have something to show you.
- [booing continues]
- Liar!
- Liar!
- Loser!
- Loser!
Those are all names
that I deserve to be called.
And those are just the Ls.
I owe all of you
a sincere apology.
Except for one person.
Caitlyn Crisp.
- [crowd gasps]
- Caitlyn Crisp has used and
lied to every single one of us.
And I have proof.
This is what Caitlyn Crisp
really is.
- [crowd ahs]
- [woman screams]
- [indistinct chatter]
- Okay, that's--that's
obviously not Caitlyn Crisp.
That is the Creature
from the Black Lagoon.
Looks pretty good.
- I don't know what this
hurtful liar is trying to prove,
but we can all agree
it's pathetic.
- [audience agrees]
- Cut.
Did you get that?
- BOY: Yeah, I got it.
- Is that thing off?
- BOY: I turned it off.
- Good.
You know, I just can't stop
thinking about all these idiots
who actually believe
this vampire stuff is real.
What a bunch of boosers
and followers.
- What?
- Are you helping Davis
take down Caitlyn?
- Kinda.
- I didn't think
you had it in you.
- Of course all the students
at school are sheep
who will do anything
I say anyway.
Oh, no, no, no.
Bon, stop him.
- [phone ringing]
- Wait.
- It's Bon, again.
Oh, no.
When are you going to realize
you're just
high-school arm candy?
What an idiot.
End call.
- This is your beloved Caitlyn.
She has made a fool
out of all of us.
- CAITLYN: That's not true.
The great thing
about high school
being a popularity contest--
the rules are
written by the winners.
That's not what I meant.
Oh, stop it!
- [crowd laughing]
- I don't know how he did this.
But you guys know I would never
say anything bad about you.
You're all my friends,
and I adore you.
- [crowd booing]
- Hey, guys.
Hey, listen!
- [booing stops]
- This is high school, okay?
No one really knows
who they are yet.
And we're all still
trying to figure things out.
I mean, you guys hated me
like two minutes ago.
And I don't blame you.
Because I pretended
to be something I wasn't
so that you would like me,
and I'm so sorry.
But take a look at yourselves
for a second.
Is it any different for you?
I mean, Caitlyn Crisp is no more
Miss Perfect than I am a--
- Bloodsucker!
- Look, that's
our water delivery guy.
- Who are you?
- I am your arch nemesis.
- Okay.
- I'm Baron Von Awesome,
a vampire hunter.
- Dude, that's, uh,
Stewart's uncle.
He still thinks
you're a vampire.
He wants to kill you.
- What?
I think it's been
pretty well established
that I'm not an actual vampire.
I was getting
way meaningful down here.
- [evil laughing]
It is not wise to ignore me,
Especially when...
I have your girlfriend.
- Vi!
- [evil laughing]
- Where does that door go?
- Uh, the roof.
- Come, demon, face your fate!
- What are you talking about?
There's no way
I could get up there.
- Use your dragon wings.
- This whole not really being
a vampire thing
just isn't sticking with you,
is it?
- Uh, enough of your treachery,
I am coming down.
- [crowd gasps]
- Bloodsucker!
- I told you,
I'm not a vampire!
- At last!
With such speed and agility,
how can you claim
to not be a vampire?
- You got me.
- [laughs]
- I'm the real deal,
and I'm real dangerous.
And right now, I'm real mad.
So I'd advise you
not to challenge me.
Give up now.
- Arm yourself!
- [crowd gasps]
- Okay.
- Ah!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
this is pointless, slayer.
You know that
there's only one way
to render a vampire powerless.
- Of course.
A staring contest.
- Exactly.
And I accept your challenge.
On the count of three.
One, two--
- Three!
- [crowd cheering]
- [crying]
- You fought bravely, human.
- I see.
There's humanity,
even in the undead.
I will spare your life.
I will spare his life!
- [crowd cheering]
- Uh, thanks.
I forgot Vi!
- Oh, move, out of the way!
- Go get her, Dracula!
- [crowd cheering]
- You just made the team.
- Finally.
- You're welcome.
- So are you
going to untie me now?
- Well, maybe.
But I'm thinking you're probably
blaming me for all of this,
and that you might
actually hit me.
- That's true.
- [laughs]
- But I might also be grateful
that you saved me
and give you that kiss
you've been looking for.
- You don't need arms for that.
- [crowd cheering]
- [laughing]
[continued laughing]
- So cool.
- I'm really sorry
for everything that I said.
- Yeah.
- [indistinct chatter]
- Oh, oh, psychic.
- So, we're like a couple now,
- Yeah, don't get used to it.
You're not even my type.
- How's that?
- Well, I'm more
into werewolves.
- BOTH: [laughing]
- Oh, by the way.
Thank you for the kaleidoscope.
- You're welcome.
- [crowd cheering]
- DAVIS: Oh, let me
show you how to dance.
- VI: Now this is my scene.
- Hold on tight
All aboard
on this endless ride
I'm not the coolest guy
in the world, but who cares.
I made some friends,
and I got the girl.
The right girl.
And they all seem
to like the real Davis.
And you know what?
That's pretty cool to me.