Librarian : Quest For The Spear, The (2004) Movie Script
I can't find the translation
for any of these hieroglyphs.
That's because you're focusing
on the Fourth Dynasty...
...while these particular glyphs are derived
from Third Dynasty regional variants.
"And so through these stones,
we summon down the powers of the gods. "
Slow down. Slow down.
A square on every level.
No more than. 01 percent error
in any of these walls.
As Napoleon himself exclaimed:
And for 4000 years,
until just 100 years ago...
...it stood as the tallest
structure on Earth.
Look at those support stones
along the edge.
If even one of these stones
was but an inch out of alignment...
...the entire Great Pyramid
would come crashing down.
How did they do it?
How did these primitives...
...unlock the majesty...
...the mystery of trigonometry...
...and calculus...
...engineering centuries ahead
of their time?
The answer?
They reached past themselves...
...and they touched the divine.
Summoned the muse.
Forged what is indeed
the greatest...
...of the original
Seven Wonders of the World!
Sorry. Somebody spill a mochaccino?
Yeah, right over there.
Thanks.
Hey, Flynn, you wanna stop fricking posing
and join the rest of the students?
Bravo!
Well done!
I want to thank...
I want to thank you all
for a great semester.
And despite what the naysayers
have been spouting...
Yes. We will show, for the first time...
...at perfect one-twentieth scale,
using real pyramid stones...
...exactly what
the Great Pyramid looked like...
...complete with its missing capstone.
Right. Right.
Let's go back to work, shall we?
Well done.
- Professor.
- Yes?
I've been doing some thinking.
I think I might be more useful
managing the translation team.
- Yes.
- They don't seem to grasp...
Alas, Flynn...
...you won't be continuing on
with the pyramid project.
Sorry.
But I'm your best student.
That's the problem.
You are my best student.
You are everyone's best student.
You've never been anything
but the best student.
Honestly, Flynn, I'd be doing you
a disservice to let you continue.
Well, that's unfair and confusing...
You already have, what,
four degrees in Egyptology?
Flynn, do you really need a fifth?
I'm weak on the Second Dynasty,
and I'm relatively useless on the Sixth.
How many degrees
do you have in total, Flynn?
- Not that many.
- I checked your transcript.
You have 22.
Professor, school is what I know.
It's what I'm good at.
It's where I feel most like myself.
You've been in this class
with these kids for three months now.
Do you even know their names?
- Of course I do.
- Oh, come on.
That's insulting.
Okay, I don't know anybody's name.
The reason is because
we all use nicknames.
Yes.
Hey.
Sweater guy.
Freak.
Right back at you.
You're a professional student, Flynn.
You're avoiding life.
This is a serious problem
that I will no longer enable.
Professor, I have a very full life...
Oh, come on, don't give me that.
Have you ever been out of the city?
When was the last time
you went dancing or to a ball game?
Okay, wait a second now!
- What is it exactly that you're doing...?
- You need to find a job, Flynn!
To get some real-life experiences.
Flynn, I've already spoken
with the administration.
- And I have signed off on your degree here.
- No, no.
Congratulations.
- It's the middle of the semester!
- Yes, it is.
- I can't sign up for a program for months.
- Exactly.
No, no. Please, no. Don't.
All I wanna do is learn.
We never stop learning, Flynn. Never.
It's only where we learn that changes.
And it's about time you started doing it
in the big, bad real world.
- Professor...
- Sink or swim, Flynn.
- Professor...
- No, no, look ahead, that way.
Come on.
Good luck.
Off you go.
My brilliant boy has returned
from a long day of getting more brilliant.
Mom, please.
Not today.
Come in.
More books?
These aren't just books.
This is Aristotle. Voltaire. Jung.
These books are slices
of the ultimate truth...
...from the greatest thinkers of all time.
And they speak to me.
They speak to you?
Like nothing else.
Do they tell you to do bad things?
- I'm going out.
- Do they tell you to set fires?
Don't listen to the books
if they tell you to set fires...
...or to hurt small animals.
Wait. Wait.
Where are you going?
I'm going to the bookstore.
Oh, good, she's here.
- Who?
- She's a nice girl. You'll just say hello.
And one more thing,
don't do what you always do.
Come in. Come in.
Debra, Flynn.
Flynn, Debra.
You two look great together.
I'll leave you two kids alone.
Would you like to sit down?
- No, thanks. Carbs.
- No?
- How did my mom...?
- Friends with my mom.
They're so obsessed with
getting us into relationships.
Yes, exactly.
You'd think that we were just sitting
in our houses, locked in our rooms.
I know, right? It's...
So tell me, Debra, what do you do?
I'm a social worker.
Really?
Oh, well, that's great.
Do you work with kids
or old people or...?
No, no. Convicted felons.
Killers, mainly. What do you do?
Actually...
...I'm a student.
You've been a college student
your entire...?
- I like to learn. Is that a crime?
- No.
I mean, so what? I've spent most,
if not all, of my adult life in school.
Maybe I've missed out on
some "extracurricular" activities.
- That doesn't make me a freak, does it?
- Of course not.
- I understand.
- You do?
Sure. You like to learn.
- Yes.
- And you're in your 30s and still in school.
- Exactly.
- And you live with your mother...
...and you're okay with that.
- Yes.
No. No.
Wait.
I have to change my life.
- I would.
- Anyone thirsty?
Yeah, I wish I could stay,
but I really have to get back to work.
You're going?
So soon?
It was nice meeting you all.
I hope things work out for you.
Thank you.
Mom, can you please
not do that anymore?
I just want my boy to find love.
Is that so terrible?
I will.
One day.
When it's right.
The things that make life worth living...
...you know, they can't be thought here.
They must be felt here.
Maybe you don't know so much.
"Assistant data processor. "
"Fry cook. "
You have been selected to interview
for a prestigious position...
... with the Metropolitan Public Library.
Now, how did you do that?
How may I help you, sir?
Next!
Next!
I've never been treated so badly
in my entire life.
This is ridiculous.
Next!
Next!
I'm not... I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna...
Where do you think you're going?
Yes, you. Get in here.
What makes you think
you could be the Librarian?
Well, I've read a lot of books.
Don't try to be funny.
I don't do funny.
I'm sorry.
What makes you think
you could be the Librarian?
I know the Dewey decimal system,
Library of Congress...
...research paper orthodoxy, web searching.
I can set up an RSS feed.
Everybody knows that.
They're librarians.
What makes you think
you're the Librarian?
I know other stuff?
Mr...
..."Flynn Carsen"...
...stop wasting my time.
Tell me something you know that nobody
else who has walked in here could tell me.
You have mononucleosis.
Your marriage broke up two months ago,
you broke your nose when you were 4...
...and you live with three cats.
Is that what you had in mind?
Swollen parajugular lymph nodes
and distended eyelids are clearly mono.
It takes three months for an indentation
on the ring finger to completely disappear.
Yours is approximately two-thirds gone.
Your surgeon gave you
a terminus paralateral scar...
...which is given to children
under the age of 6.
And I can clearly see three
distinct types of cat hair.
A white Himalayan, a tortoiseshell
and an orange-striped tabby.
I didn't break my nose till I was 5.
What's more important than knowledge?
- Where did that come from?
- Just answer the question.
More important than...
The things that make life worth living
can't be thought here...
...they must be felt here?
The interviews are over.
Send everyone home.
Not you.
There will be a six-month trial period.
If you don't screw up...
...then you will officially be the Librarian.
Until then, if you are one minute late,
I will dock your pay.
If you break anything,
I will dock your pay.
- Got it?
- Yeah. Tell me what I said...
...that was good so that I know
for the next time.
Mr. Carsen.
There isn't going to be a next time,
Mr. Carsen.
You are about to begin a wondrous
adventure, from which...
...you will never be the same.
Welcome to the Library.
I'll show you where you'll be working.
I've never worked in a library before, but
isn't this a lot of security for some books?
This is the most secure place in the world.
Soon you'll see why.
If we shadows have offended...
...think but this...
...and all is mended.
That we have but slumber'd here...
...whilst these visions did appear.
- Very good.
- Shakespeare.
A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Isn't that what the Army does
with nuclear weapons?
Where do you think
the Army got the idea?
You're about to see something that
few men in the world have ever seen.
It's 2 and a half cubits in length.
Setim wood. Gold overlay.
That is an exact replica
of the Ark of the Covenant.
It's not a replica.
Don't touch it or you'll be electrocuted.
Or as they used to say, "smote down. "
Am I on TV?
Is this one of those
hidden-camera shows?
Trust me, Flynn, this...
This is your destiny.
You are now the guardian
of all these great treasures.
What's hanging in the Louvre?
Well, you don't really think we'd let
the real one hang in a public museum.
We are very careful...
...about who we allow
to be the Librarian.
There are those who would kill
for the treasure we have here.
This box once belonged to a girl
named Pandora.
She opened it one day...
...and evil controlled the land
for 1000 years.
So I think it's best not...
Not to repeat her mistake.
This is all impossible.
Cell phone?
You talk in here...
...and someone far away hears you.
No wires.
Impossible.
Even 20 years ago,
this would have belonged in the Library.
Three hundred years ago, you would've
been burned at the stake for it.
Some of the items in the Library violate
the known laws of science.
But that is only because
our brains are so small...
...we haven't come up with laws to...
To explain them.
This cannot actually be Excalibur.
Only the worthy can release
the sword from the stone.
- Try it.
- No, no, no.
Not worthy, trust me.
How do you know if you don't try it?
Because I'm still not exactly sure
why it is that you chose me.
We scour the educational system,
both public and private...
...from a hundred countries.
We read essays, doctoral theses.
We even read those accursed
online blogs.
So there's a system.
Oh, there's a system
for finding candidates.
When it comes to choosing the Librarian...
...well, that has an odd kind of way
of working itself out.
Flynn, you've been studying all your life.
This is why.
The apple from the Garden of Eden.
No, actually, this is an apple I left here
a couple days ago.
This is incredible!
Oh, my goodness,
I cannot wait to tell my mom about this.
I mean, she is going to...
You are now part
of a very special community.
The secret of the Library has been kept
for thousands of years.
The sword is floating.
Neck.
Help.
You cannot tell anyone
anything about this.
The Librarians are the only ones
who know that this even exists.
Give Flynn some time.
You'll like him.
I got it, I got it, I got it!
It usually takes a new Librarian
four hours to fire up the jetpack.
You did it in three.
Congratulations.
The Holy Grail.
I broke the Holy Grail?
I broke the Holy Grail on my first day?
Did you?
Yeah, it takes a bit more than a knock
to the floor to destroy a legend.
I believe in you, Flynn.
I think there's a possibility
that you could be a great Librarian.
As great as the...
As Eldred the Truly Wonderful.
Eldred the Truly Wonderful.
Well, I would settle for
Flynn the Not So Embarrassing.
Flynn the Rather Pleasant at Parties.
Edward Wilde.
He... Oh, he must've been
the last Librarian.
Yes. Yes, he was.
God rest his soul.
Hey.
My boy has a job! Let's celebrate!
Oh, I made your favorite cake.
- You shouldn't have done that.
- This is a big day.
Now tell me...
Tell me about your new job.
Sixteen years of college,
all those fancy degrees.
What are you doing?
Librarian.
Librarian?
Mom, I have finally found my place.
Sixteen years of college,
and you're putting books on shelves.
Well, there's a little bit
more to it than that.
In fact, I'm not exactly allowed to say
exactly how much more to it there is.
But if you knew...
...Mom...
...you would be so proud of me.
I am proud of you.
Now go get yourself
a big piece of cake.
Everything went exactly as you said.
After all that, you gonna tell us
what we stole?
The realization of a 5000-year-old dream.
7:01.
You're late. You're gonna have to
dock your own pay.
Coffee?
Oh, I hate a kiss-ass.
Why is this door open?
Oh, my...
- No.
- Are you all right?
I think he's up.
The surveillance tape.
They knew about the fail-safe.
They only had time to take one item.
They...
...took the Spear of Destiny.
Do you know about the Spear of Destiny?
It's the spear that...
...supposedly pierced the side
of Jesus on the cross.
An ancient talisman reported
to have mystical powers.
Whoever controls the Spear,
controls the fate of the...
...world.
- For thousands of years...
...whoever had the Spear,
from Charlemagne to Napoleon...
...became the greatest conqueror
in the world.
Well, that's just a fragment of the Spear.
The Spear was too powerful
to remain intact.
But since you can never
completely destroy the Spear...
...the Librarian hundreds of years ago
broke it into three pieces...
...and scattered the three pieces
in secret places around the world.
Well, with the Spear all broken up...
...it can't still be a threat, can it?
Hitler had only one piece.
One can only imagine how powerful
all three are.
The Serpent Brotherhood.
Serpent Brotherhood?
What, did these guys play a lot
of Dungeons & Dragons?
They were a splinter group...
...back when the Library was
in Alexandria in ancient times.
They were scholars too, but they wished
to use the powers of the artifacts to rule.
They got their name from the serpent
that brought knowledge to Adam and Eve.
Disagreement led to hatred,
hatred led to a secret war.
They incited the riot that led
to the destruction of the first Library.
Well, then we better call the police.
Oh, yeah, call the police.
Tell them about the Spear of Destiny,
the golden goose, the lost Ark.
Enjoy your stay in the psych ward.
I understand Thorazine
comes in vanilla now.
Right.
Nobody can understand the mysteries of the
Library tradition unless they experience it.
You are the only one who can
bring the Spear piece back.
No. No, no.
There's gotta be somebody
more qualified.
Flynn, you are the only one for the task.
You are the only one on Earth
for the task.
Look at it this way...
...if you come back, you'll be a hero.
Well, that sounds very...
- If I come back?
- Things aren't as bad as they look.
When she says, if I come back,
I'm hearing I'm not coming back.
I don't wanna go if I can't come back.
They didn't take the book.
If you ever wanna hide something,
hide it in plain sight.
This book contains all the clues you'll need
to locate the other two pieces of the Spear.
The only thing that I know
for certain is that...
...the second piece is somewhere
in the Amazon jungle.
Well, good, that narrows it down
to about 3 million square miles.
Okay.
Time is money. Come on.
- Is this the Language of the Birds?
- Yes.
Mankind's universal language.
That is, before God decided that man
should speak many tongues...
...after the Tower of Babel.
This has been a dead language
for thousands of years.
There's nobody alive that
knows how to read it.
So you better get cracking.
Even with the Rosetta stone, it took
hundreds of Egyptologists 17 years...
...to decipher the Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Well, you have considerably less time.
You know this is my first day,
and I don't even have a parking place.
You should have a parking place before
you get assigned to fight an evil conspiracy.
If the Serpent Brotherhood should ever
get their hands on the three pieces...
...trust me, it would be horrible.
But just remember one thing,
the most valuable object in the world...
...is not here in the Library.
It's right here.
The fate of the world is in my hands?
That is just so...
...sad.
Oh, God, help us all.
Excuse me. Can I help you, sir?
Your seat's back there.
Thanks.
- This way.
- Here, let me help you with that.
Oh, one more thing I forgot to tell you.
Trust no one.
And guard the book with your life.
Did anybody else...?
Nobody saw...?
The vowels are Akkadian, but the
consonants are both early Sumerian...
...and Indian and Hebrew.
The genders are Sanskrit,
the phonemes are Etruscan, with certain...
Certain semantic features of Vteli.
Sorry, I was just...
...thinking out loud.
It was sweet of you to let me watch from
the cockpit, but I think I should take my...
I was hoping to have the aisle seat.
One sec.
I'll come visit later. I promise.
Any time.
Believe it or not,
this is actually my first plane flight.
Let's stop for a moment and consider.
I am way out of your league. Way out.
If your league were to explode...
...I wouldn't hear the sound
for another three days.
So for everybody's sakes,
let's just enjoy a companionable silence.
I did it.
I did it. I just learned the...
I just learned the Language of the Birds.
Didn't even have a Rosetta stone.
I just did it in...
...seven hours and 26 minutes.
Sorry, sorry.
Go back to being radiant.
The golden ratio.
- The golden ratio...
- You're about to say the ratio of 1.618-1...
...has been proven to be the key to
everything in nature that we find beautiful...
...and that my face is the most perfect
example you've ever seen of that ratio.
How could you possibly know that?
Because every geek I've ever met
has tried to hand me that line.
I'd love for you to join us in the cabin,
see the sunrise over the Amazon.
Of course you would.
I would...
"Of course you would. "
"Of course you would. "
We're at 11,000 feet
and starting our descent.
Excuse me. We have a problem.
Are you the air marshal?
Yes, I am.
That's the Librarian?
Don't underestimate him.
Sorry. I just need to get past you.
I need to use the bathroom.
Hey.
Hey.
Again, not impressed.
- Who are you?
- Would love to talk...
...but really don't have the time.
- Who are you?
- The woman who's trying to save your life.
Get him! Get him!
What are you doing?
We're going out.
Don't tell me you're afraid of heights!
It's just that I know that the odds...
...of an untrained guy like me
surviving a jump from 11,000 feet...
...is 7-2 against.
What are your odds now?
He brilliantly lowers our expectations
and then jumps without a chute.
Remarkable!
Don't look down.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Who in the hell are you?
Don't get your knickers in a twist, Carsen.
Judson told me to look out for you.
Well, Judson told me to trust no one.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm Nicole Noone.
No one.
Didn't they tell you to expect me?
No. Nobody told me anything.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Really?
No, no calls. They'll use the signal
to triangulate our location.
Well, that's against the law.
They tried to kill you. You think they care
about breaking phone-tapping regulations?
They didn't just try to kill me.
They just wanted to inject me with sodium
pentothal so I'd tell them where I hid...
...the book.
- Who'd have thunk it?
You know, if you really wanna
hide something...
...you do it in plain sight.
How did you get that on the airplane?
Me, they confiscate my nose-hair clipper.
Where the hell are we?
I have no idea.
Well, you're the brains
of the operation. Figure it out.
Oh, you think I can't?
I could just climb that tree right there.
In a matter of seconds, I can
tell us exactly where we are.
Well, I'm not stopping you.
That tree.
Do you need a hand?
I'm fine.
You go get them, monkey boy.
Let's hear it, genius.
All right.
Okay.
Well...
That...
...is an extremely rare blue condor.
Found only within a 100-mile radius
of the Amazon's Purus tributary.
The only mountain tall enough
to have a snowcap...
...this time of year in that radius
is Mount Prto Velho.
We are at minus 5.2 degrees latitude
and minus 64.6 degrees longitude.
English?
We need to go 24.7 miles...
...that way.
Isn't this...?
So how'd you do that?
Just your basic geography,
biology, botany.
That, and I memorized the Earth.
You're kidding, right?
You need to get out more.
Yeah, people keep telling me that.
- You always travel with a machete?
- I'm well-prepared.
- That, or maybe you're a violent sociopath.
- You say the sweetest things.
How many miles have we walked anyway?
Five? Ten?
- Maybe one.
- Hello.
Another person here.
A little consideration, please.
Hey.
Unknown plant phylum.
I can't believe it.
If you're nice, I'll name it after you.
Be still, my heart.
Ficus narcissus.
Hey.
You're supposed to be
the best tracker in the Amazon.
Get tracking.
See, anything is possible
in the world of books.
I guess that makes me a dreamer.
My mother said that my father
was a dreamer.
He died when I was little.
I guess I've subconsciously tried
to make up for his absence by...
Hey.
By behaving like him as
much as I possibly could.
I can't believe I never made
that realization before.
Sorry, did you say something, cupcake?
I figure that since we're gonna be spending
so much time together, we might as well...
...get to know each other a little bit.
You seem like the observant type.
I like to think so.
Then you must've observed that I'm not the
type who's suddenly gonna open up to you.
How long have you worked
for the Library?
And yet you keep trying.
I just want to get to know the Nicole
below the surface arrogance.
Peel back the layers.
What do you think's below
the surface arrogance?
More arrogance.
And then perhaps a few
delicious layers of flaky disdain...
...all around a creamy sweet
center of homicidal rage.
What do I have to do
to get you to shut up?
Okay, I won't ask you
any more questions.
So how long have you
worked for the Library?
- Five years.
- Well, do these...
...jumping-out-of-airplane-jungle-adventure
things happen to you often?
What happened to the last Librarian?
You don't need to know about me.
I don't need to know about you.
We just need to work together.
So...
...nothing good, then.
It's the only way across.
There is no way.
Look.
The support beams, they're decomposed.
This wood is completely rotted.
There is no way that this bridge
can structurally support our weight.
Nicole.
Nicole!
Take a chance, big boy.
Don't look down.
Why?
Why do I always do that?
Focus on something else.
You must have a girlfriend, right?
Big glasses, dirndl skirt? Makes you
watch a lot of subtitled documentaries.
- I'm between girlfriends at the moment.
- I had the feeling.
Have you figured out exactly
where the second piece is yet?
You know, most of the clues
are pretty self-explanatory.
Except for this one.
To get inside...
...you must know the time it takes
a bird to become a bird again.
Any idea what that means?
You, brains. Me, brawn.
I cannot believe that I was wrong
about this bridge.
I really didn't think that this
would support our...
Flynn!
Flynn! Flynn!
Take my hand!
Reach. Reach for my hand!
Come on, that's it.
Keep coming.
That's it, come on.
Keep reaching. There you go.
Well, I hope you're having fun.
Actually, I am.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
- Run!
- I told you!
I told you this bridge couldn't
support our weight!
Less talk! More running!
Jump!
So, what do you do for fun?
I can kill a man 57 different ways.
That's good. Let that out, that sensitive
soul inside of you that's yearning to be free.
You may know everything in the world, but
you have no idea what sets my soul free.
Really?
To get inside...
...you must know the time it takes
a bird to become a bird again.
Time it takes a bird to become a bird again.
Bird, bird, bird.
That's gotta be some kind of metaphor.
Usually the bird stands for reaching
some sort of unattainable height...
...like a mountain or...
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was.
Nobody talks about the Librarian like that.
Not even the Librarian.
Okay.
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have
any toilet paper anywhere...
...on your body, would you?
Knock yourself out.
Nicole. Come here.
- Serpent Brotherhood.
- Do you think they saw us?
- No, but just to be safe...
- Should we go, or are we staying?
They wouldn't dare make
that climb till morning.
You can go to the bathroom.
Lost the urge.
Chilly without that fire.
Wind-chill factor.
Yeah.
We're gonna have to do something
pretty desperate to keep warm.
This is where you tell me the only way we'll
survive is if we huddle together for warmth.
Well, if you insist.
- Body warmth only. Got it?
- Got it.
That's Sheliak...
...and Terebellum, Cassiopeia.
Don't tell me you memorized
the universe.
Well, the known universe.
Nicole.
What happened to the last Librarian?
He died.
End of story.
- I'm no good at remembering details.
- You're the type that remembers everything.
You don't know anything about me.
You're the youngest of three siblings
and the only girl.
Your mother's English, your father's South
American, Argentinean, but you never...
You never bothered to learn Spanish.
You never had any pets.
Your favorite stone is jade.
And you wish more than anything that
you could forget half of what you've seen.
But you can't.
- Well, I could do the same thing about you.
- Be my guest.
Nerd.
Fair enough.
The last Librarian...
...Edward Wilde.
Edward was charming.
Handsome.
Absolutely brilliant.
We spent two years working together.
Two incredible years.
But he wasn't just smart.
He was generous, kind.
He could look into your eyes...
...and see right into your soul.
And I did the one thing I'm
not supposed to do on this job.
I fell in love with him.
And because of that, he's dead.
We were in the Antarctic.
We were sleeping in an igloo
that he built.
When I woke up in the morning,
he wasn't there.
And I ran outside just in time to
see the Serpent Brotherhood...
...cutting off his head.
I had one job...
...protect the Librarian, and I failed.
We're surrounded.
I don't see anybody.
Oh, them.
There have been rumors of headhunters
operating in this area.
Now is not the time to panic.
Tell that to him.
- Talk to them. What are they speaking?
- I can't quite make out their dialect.
It has elements of Kugapakori...
...the syntax of the Yanomamis,
maybe even the Amahuacas.
You push me one more time with that...
Don't piss them off.
That's not a good idea.
It was just Portuguese.
I was overthinking it.
Oh, they're doing a mongo dance.
I did a master's thesis
on native mating rituals.
This is a huge honor for us.
It appears that they think
that we're some kind of couple.
Well, we wouldn't want to offend them.
So...
- I'll sleep over there.
- Bingo.
- What? What does that look mean?
- Nothing.
It's not your fault.
The last Librarian.
I mean, we're human beings.
We can't control
who we fall in love with.
Look, you've done a great job
keeping me alive...
...and I know that that hasn't been easy.
I appreciate that.
What is that? Please tell me
you forgot to take your medication.
Come on, admit it,
it's getting you a little hot, isn't it?
No, hot's not exactly the word I'd use.
You know, these mating rituals,
they look a little ridiculous...
...but these natives
really know their stuff.
Over there. Now. Go.
Pretend like it's not
getting to you a little.
Good night, Flynn.
Good night, Nicole.
Oh, yeah.
She wants me.
Good night.
Flynn?
Where's the funny guy I was with?
They are here.
Flynn!
Move. Come on.
Move! This way, through the hut.
The book!
I know, I know. I got it, I got it.
They're right behind us. Move.
Flynn, run.
They're right behind us.
- Flynn, come on, stop looking back. Move.
- Nicole, wait.
Bad guys chasing behind us.
Don't ever leave my sight again,
understand?
What is this, Slap the Librarian Day?
Oh, I get it, you're just being professional.
It isn't as if you genuinely care for me.
Shut up.
Why are you smiling?
I don't like it when you smile.
That means you're about
to do something dangerous.
Oh, you know me so well.
Don't look down.
Did you see that?
That Librarian is incredible.
Flynn.
Flynn, take my hand.
- Nicole!
- Come on!
Flynn!
Flynn!
- Nicole. Nicole.
- I got you.
According to the book, we take this river
and follow the sun until it ends.
And I do believe the sun has ended.
All right. Now we're close.
All we have to do...
...is walk the circumference
of the Earth...
...divided by the length
of the Fortress of Ollantaytambo.
Oh, yeah? And how the hell
are we gonna figure that out?
Seven hundred and ninety-two yards.
That way.
One, two, three, four.
Five, six.
Seven hundred and ninety, 791, 792.
Well, there's nothing.
You must have got something wrong.
I don't get facts wrong.
It's everything else I screw up.
When the Toltecs invaded Chichn Itz...
...it was rumored
that a group of Mayan priests...
...fled Mexico with their entire treasury.
As the story goes...
...they built a Mayan temple deep
in the Amazon jungle to hide the treasure...
...never to be heard from again.
So how do we get inside, genius?
Those are Mayan numbers.
Mayan priests were obsessed
with numbers.
- Oh, you'd fit right in.
- The time it takes a bird to become a bird.
To get inside you must know the time
it takes a bird to become a bird again.
- The procession.
- Yay! What is that?
The time it takes the constellations,
what Mayans called "birds of heaven"...
...to make a complete revolution
around the galaxy, 25,765 years.
The Mayans were the first to discover it.
All right.
Twenty-five thousand.
Seven hundred.
Sixty-five.
Watch out!
Where are we?
I am not sure.
We are in a Mayan death chamber.
Escape is granted only to those
who can solve the secret of the room.
Yep.
The only way out...
...is that doorway on the other side.
Okay, so how do we get to that door?
That's the secret.
That's not good.
We have to find a way to get
to that doorway on the other side...
...before the wall pushes us
into the abyss.
- Oh, really?
- Yep.
- Any clues in that book of yours?
- No, no.
- Okay, we're on our own.
- So now what?
I'm not sure.
Now would be a damn good time
to come up with something brilliant.
"Sure, Flynn, just figure it out.
That's why you're on the mission. "
Focus. Big mission. Fate of the world.
- Nothing's coming to me.
- Great. Choking, just like I knew you would.
Hey. Oh, I get it, reverse psychology.
- Good.
- No, not reverse psychology.
- Anger, annoyance.
- Okay, I got it.
This is an exact replica
of their Great Temple of Teotihuacn.
Three hundred quahuitls by 20 quahuitls.
There is a place in this chamber
where all priests...
...could receive salvation no matter what,
and that place would be...
...there?
That's midair, Sherlock.
You trust me?
You only live once.
- Unless you believe in Buddhism or Sikhism.
- I hate you.
Well...
Optical illusion. Mirrors.
The Mayans were the first tribe
in the Americas to use them.
Good.
There it is.
- There's the second piece.
- No.
Well, it's an exact rhythm.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
- Why does that sound so familiar?
- It's called a waltz.
We have to dance our way
to the treasure.
I broke every toe of every girl
that I danced with at my high school prom.
Even my mother wouldn't dance with me.
- You took your mother to the high school...?
- All right, all right. Don't start.
Come on, we'll do it together.
It's easy. It's all in the hips and the butt.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three.
- No, no.
- What?
- Not yet. Not ready yet.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- Shouldn't I be the one dipping you?
- Technically.
You better have a damn good reason
for doing that.
Yeah, well, these things
are always booby-trapped.
- I'll do it.
- No, I can do it. I can do it.
I just forgot to factor in...
...the slope of the floor.
- So there.
- Okay.
This means that all biblical history
has to be reevaluated.
Why don't you get
the last piece of the Spear...
...and then you and Judson can have
a lovely long chat in Aramaic...
...about all the history stuff
while I take a shower.
I believe the phrase is "hands up. "
Up.
I really admire your work.
I knew you'd bring me the piece, Nicole.
- Edward?
- You're the last Librarian.
Wait a minute.
- You're dead.
- And yet, here I stand.
- I saw you die.
- You saw an elaborate special effect.
Your tears were perfect.
I couldn't have planned it better myself.
So they really didn't cut off your head.
You're the Librarian?
But why?
Absolute power
is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
You remember how I loved
a good aphrodisiac.
I'll kill you, you bastard.
Goodbye, Nicole.
It really was nice to see you again.
- You can't kill her.
- Why not?
Because you need me
to find the last piece.
And I won't do it without her.
I don't need you.
I have this.
The Language of the Birds.
Nobody can read this.
Nobody except a real Librarian.
In the Language of the Birds,
that means you're up the creek...
...and I've got the only paddle.
Tell me where the piece is,
and I'll let her live.
- Don't tell him.
- It's in Shangri-la.
Don't screw with me. That's a legend.
Shangri-la is in Mount Kailas.
- In the Himalayas.
- Idiot.
Excuse me for trying
to save your life again.
The Spear is more important than my life.
He's not gonna get
anywhere near that spear.
Unless I interpret the clues in that book.
That's Mount Kailas.
Where's your Shangri-la?
We can't find it from the air.
All the clues are on the ground.
Lars, we're gonna have to climb.
Get ready to take her down.
At least you didn't fail at your job.
He's still alive.
No, he just faked his own death...
...and became head of the very
evil organization we've been fighting.
That's much better.
It's this way.
Flynn! No!
I got you.
Hold on.
Nicole.
Come on.
Not on my watch.
You're leading me on a wild-goose chase.
I should kill you myself.
Welcome.
It's been long prophesied
that you would come today.
We want the Spear piece.
It is hidden inside.
Open it.
We are the mere keepers.
We have no idea how to open it.
Well, fortunately, he does.
Get the Spear piece,
or I blow her brains out.
- Oh, this can't be right.
- What?
Well, it says that this
can only be opened...
...with the name of God.
- So?
So the name of God
is only the biggest secret in the world.
For 4000 years people have tried to find it.
You want me to do it in 15 seconds?
M- E.
Me.
God is within us all.
Go ahead, take it.
No.
No.
You take it.
Problem?
No.
Lars, fly up here now.
Track my signal.
It's about time.
I want the Spear piece, Nicole.
A man in hell wants ice water.
Doesn't mean he's gonna get it.
No.
Wait. Get back. Get the Spear.
Get the Spear.
Hold on. We have to get the Spear piece.
Wanna hide something,
do it in plain sight.
Guard it well. The Spear opens a door
that must be kept closed.
Hey.
Flynn, you have to fly this thing.
Okay.
No problem.
The main principles are lift...
...and thrust.
Easy as pie.
Horrible. Horrible.
High-velocity pie of death.
Well, I've seen worse.
- Mr. Carsen.
- Hey.
Judson.
You and everyone at the Library
can completely relax.
We have the third piece of the Spear,
and it is right...
Right here. Completely safe.
Good work. I still can't believe
that Wilde joined the Serpent Brotherhood.
He was a fine Librarian.
Thank goodness we have a...
A better one now.
You better get the door.
Someday he's gonna have to tell me
how he does that.
Excuse me, but I didn't
order any champagne.
But I did.
You're not the incredible pansy
I thought you were.
And you're not the raving psychopath
I originally thought that you were.
Well, you are.
But in a good way.
What's wrong?
You're smiling.
You must have read books
on how to make love.
Hundreds.
Flynn's busy. He'll call you back.
A woman just answered
my son's telephone.
A woman just answered
my son's telephone!
- Yes! Yes!
- Yeah.
Nicole?
What's the matter? Haven't you guys
seen a naked guy in a sheet before?
Is something wrong, Flynn?
Nicole is missing,
and so is the Spear.
Serpent Brotherhood
may have taken her, or...
Or...
She may have been in cahoots
with Wilde all along.
Cahoots.
I've been cahooted.
All right, all right, all is not lost.
It took a great power
to sunder the Spear.
It'll take even more
to fuse the pieces together again.
How much?
Strip the mysticism aside,
and you'll need a...
A local electromagnetic field
registering over 15 on the...
On the Schumm scale.
Okay. Good.
Only time energy like that's
been registered...
...was during a peak full moon at
the Great Pyramid when it had its capstone.
And the Egyptian government
refuses to replace...
...the capstone.
The next peak full moon
is tomorrow night.
Call the Marines, Judson.
I'm coming home.
Clothes. I need the clothes.
Flynn.
We can get in
through the ventilation system.
Where are the Marines?
Semper fi.
You were a Marine?
Good. Wonderful.
Well, now, let's...
Let's get that spear back.
Well, well.
Professor Harris.
I should've known he was evil.
He gave me an A-minus.
Serpent Brothers,
our dream comes true tonight.
Doesn't that guy ever die?
There doesn't seem
to be much...
...cahooting going on now.
We call down the power
of the gods.
The ancient ones.
Snake! Snake!
Snake! Snake!
Come on.
This house...
...a gateway to eternal life.
This weapon...
...with the blood of one
who defied death.
I claim power of life and death.
I can't do this alone.
Well, you got me, you know?
Well, no offense, Judson, but you're...
A bad mother.
Well, I was a Librarian too, you know.
Oh, yes.
I feel the power.
The power of life.
And the power of death!
At last, Nicole...
...we can be one.
Kill them.
Houdini, Prague, 1926.
We have to get the Spear
back to the Library.
Get the Spear away from Wilde.
Before he gets too powerful.
There's no way I'm going
to let you...
You broke my nose.
How dare you, Flynn.
Yeah, I did what you said, learned a few
things in the big, bad real world.
It doesn't have to be this way.
We're gonna rule the world.
We could be together.
Get your own geek.
Too late, Flynn.
The power of the Spear is mine.
You're the best
they could come up with?
You're pathetic.
You're too clumsy to even die properly.
You say that now,
but I danced with your girl.
Die assured that the Librarian
will be in far more capable hands.
Mine.
You keep your grubby hands to yourself.
Anyone else want a piece of me?
Goodbye, Librarian.
If even one of the support stones
are off even by an inch...
...the whole pyramid collapses.
- I'd say this was out of alignment.
- I will destroy you.
You never will.
Know why?
Because the things that make life
worth living can't be thought here.
They must be felt here.
I believe...
...this belongs to the Library.
Left, left, left.
Small steps. Small steps.
What are you guys doing?
Okay. Okay.
I hope you saved receipts.
Flynn is a librarian now,
but he's capable of so much more.
He just needs the right woman
to push him.
Mom.
You don't understand. Being a Librarian
is actually a pretty cool job.
And you don't need to keep trying
to fix me up.
I told you that.
The mysterious Nicole.
She's never quite around
to meet the mother.
Well, it's complicated.
Hey, handsome.
Nicole, this is my mother.
A pleasure to meet you,
Mrs. Carsen.
No, no, the pleasure is mine.
The Deadly Scorpion League
has found H.G. Wells' time machine.
- Only we can get it back.
- Deadly Scorpion League.
What is it with bad guys
and insect names for their cults?
Mom, I gotta get going.
See you soon.
You're smiling. Why are you smiling?
There's a dozen time-traveling ninjas
out to kill us.
- Psychopath.
- Nerd.
Hey, hey.
for any of these hieroglyphs.
That's because you're focusing
on the Fourth Dynasty...
...while these particular glyphs are derived
from Third Dynasty regional variants.
"And so through these stones,
we summon down the powers of the gods. "
Slow down. Slow down.
A square on every level.
No more than. 01 percent error
in any of these walls.
As Napoleon himself exclaimed:
And for 4000 years,
until just 100 years ago...
...it stood as the tallest
structure on Earth.
Look at those support stones
along the edge.
If even one of these stones
was but an inch out of alignment...
...the entire Great Pyramid
would come crashing down.
How did they do it?
How did these primitives...
...unlock the majesty...
...the mystery of trigonometry...
...and calculus...
...engineering centuries ahead
of their time?
The answer?
They reached past themselves...
...and they touched the divine.
Summoned the muse.
Forged what is indeed
the greatest...
...of the original
Seven Wonders of the World!
Sorry. Somebody spill a mochaccino?
Yeah, right over there.
Thanks.
Hey, Flynn, you wanna stop fricking posing
and join the rest of the students?
Bravo!
Well done!
I want to thank...
I want to thank you all
for a great semester.
And despite what the naysayers
have been spouting...
Yes. We will show, for the first time...
...at perfect one-twentieth scale,
using real pyramid stones...
...exactly what
the Great Pyramid looked like...
...complete with its missing capstone.
Right. Right.
Let's go back to work, shall we?
Well done.
- Professor.
- Yes?
I've been doing some thinking.
I think I might be more useful
managing the translation team.
- Yes.
- They don't seem to grasp...
Alas, Flynn...
...you won't be continuing on
with the pyramid project.
Sorry.
But I'm your best student.
That's the problem.
You are my best student.
You are everyone's best student.
You've never been anything
but the best student.
Honestly, Flynn, I'd be doing you
a disservice to let you continue.
Well, that's unfair and confusing...
You already have, what,
four degrees in Egyptology?
Flynn, do you really need a fifth?
I'm weak on the Second Dynasty,
and I'm relatively useless on the Sixth.
How many degrees
do you have in total, Flynn?
- Not that many.
- I checked your transcript.
You have 22.
Professor, school is what I know.
It's what I'm good at.
It's where I feel most like myself.
You've been in this class
with these kids for three months now.
Do you even know their names?
- Of course I do.
- Oh, come on.
That's insulting.
Okay, I don't know anybody's name.
The reason is because
we all use nicknames.
Yes.
Hey.
Sweater guy.
Freak.
Right back at you.
You're a professional student, Flynn.
You're avoiding life.
This is a serious problem
that I will no longer enable.
Professor, I have a very full life...
Oh, come on, don't give me that.
Have you ever been out of the city?
When was the last time
you went dancing or to a ball game?
Okay, wait a second now!
- What is it exactly that you're doing...?
- You need to find a job, Flynn!
To get some real-life experiences.
Flynn, I've already spoken
with the administration.
- And I have signed off on your degree here.
- No, no.
Congratulations.
- It's the middle of the semester!
- Yes, it is.
- I can't sign up for a program for months.
- Exactly.
No, no. Please, no. Don't.
All I wanna do is learn.
We never stop learning, Flynn. Never.
It's only where we learn that changes.
And it's about time you started doing it
in the big, bad real world.
- Professor...
- Sink or swim, Flynn.
- Professor...
- No, no, look ahead, that way.
Come on.
Good luck.
Off you go.
My brilliant boy has returned
from a long day of getting more brilliant.
Mom, please.
Not today.
Come in.
More books?
These aren't just books.
This is Aristotle. Voltaire. Jung.
These books are slices
of the ultimate truth...
...from the greatest thinkers of all time.
And they speak to me.
They speak to you?
Like nothing else.
Do they tell you to do bad things?
- I'm going out.
- Do they tell you to set fires?
Don't listen to the books
if they tell you to set fires...
...or to hurt small animals.
Wait. Wait.
Where are you going?
I'm going to the bookstore.
Oh, good, she's here.
- Who?
- She's a nice girl. You'll just say hello.
And one more thing,
don't do what you always do.
Come in. Come in.
Debra, Flynn.
Flynn, Debra.
You two look great together.
I'll leave you two kids alone.
Would you like to sit down?
- No, thanks. Carbs.
- No?
- How did my mom...?
- Friends with my mom.
They're so obsessed with
getting us into relationships.
Yes, exactly.
You'd think that we were just sitting
in our houses, locked in our rooms.
I know, right? It's...
So tell me, Debra, what do you do?
I'm a social worker.
Really?
Oh, well, that's great.
Do you work with kids
or old people or...?
No, no. Convicted felons.
Killers, mainly. What do you do?
Actually...
...I'm a student.
You've been a college student
your entire...?
- I like to learn. Is that a crime?
- No.
I mean, so what? I've spent most,
if not all, of my adult life in school.
Maybe I've missed out on
some "extracurricular" activities.
- That doesn't make me a freak, does it?
- Of course not.
- I understand.
- You do?
Sure. You like to learn.
- Yes.
- And you're in your 30s and still in school.
- Exactly.
- And you live with your mother...
...and you're okay with that.
- Yes.
No. No.
Wait.
I have to change my life.
- I would.
- Anyone thirsty?
Yeah, I wish I could stay,
but I really have to get back to work.
You're going?
So soon?
It was nice meeting you all.
I hope things work out for you.
Thank you.
Mom, can you please
not do that anymore?
I just want my boy to find love.
Is that so terrible?
I will.
One day.
When it's right.
The things that make life worth living...
...you know, they can't be thought here.
They must be felt here.
Maybe you don't know so much.
"Assistant data processor. "
"Fry cook. "
You have been selected to interview
for a prestigious position...
... with the Metropolitan Public Library.
Now, how did you do that?
How may I help you, sir?
Next!
Next!
I've never been treated so badly
in my entire life.
This is ridiculous.
Next!
Next!
I'm not... I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna...
Where do you think you're going?
Yes, you. Get in here.
What makes you think
you could be the Librarian?
Well, I've read a lot of books.
Don't try to be funny.
I don't do funny.
I'm sorry.
What makes you think
you could be the Librarian?
I know the Dewey decimal system,
Library of Congress...
...research paper orthodoxy, web searching.
I can set up an RSS feed.
Everybody knows that.
They're librarians.
What makes you think
you're the Librarian?
I know other stuff?
Mr...
..."Flynn Carsen"...
...stop wasting my time.
Tell me something you know that nobody
else who has walked in here could tell me.
You have mononucleosis.
Your marriage broke up two months ago,
you broke your nose when you were 4...
...and you live with three cats.
Is that what you had in mind?
Swollen parajugular lymph nodes
and distended eyelids are clearly mono.
It takes three months for an indentation
on the ring finger to completely disappear.
Yours is approximately two-thirds gone.
Your surgeon gave you
a terminus paralateral scar...
...which is given to children
under the age of 6.
And I can clearly see three
distinct types of cat hair.
A white Himalayan, a tortoiseshell
and an orange-striped tabby.
I didn't break my nose till I was 5.
What's more important than knowledge?
- Where did that come from?
- Just answer the question.
More important than...
The things that make life worth living
can't be thought here...
...they must be felt here?
The interviews are over.
Send everyone home.
Not you.
There will be a six-month trial period.
If you don't screw up...
...then you will officially be the Librarian.
Until then, if you are one minute late,
I will dock your pay.
If you break anything,
I will dock your pay.
- Got it?
- Yeah. Tell me what I said...
...that was good so that I know
for the next time.
Mr. Carsen.
There isn't going to be a next time,
Mr. Carsen.
You are about to begin a wondrous
adventure, from which...
...you will never be the same.
Welcome to the Library.
I'll show you where you'll be working.
I've never worked in a library before, but
isn't this a lot of security for some books?
This is the most secure place in the world.
Soon you'll see why.
If we shadows have offended...
...think but this...
...and all is mended.
That we have but slumber'd here...
...whilst these visions did appear.
- Very good.
- Shakespeare.
A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Isn't that what the Army does
with nuclear weapons?
Where do you think
the Army got the idea?
You're about to see something that
few men in the world have ever seen.
It's 2 and a half cubits in length.
Setim wood. Gold overlay.
That is an exact replica
of the Ark of the Covenant.
It's not a replica.
Don't touch it or you'll be electrocuted.
Or as they used to say, "smote down. "
Am I on TV?
Is this one of those
hidden-camera shows?
Trust me, Flynn, this...
This is your destiny.
You are now the guardian
of all these great treasures.
What's hanging in the Louvre?
Well, you don't really think we'd let
the real one hang in a public museum.
We are very careful...
...about who we allow
to be the Librarian.
There are those who would kill
for the treasure we have here.
This box once belonged to a girl
named Pandora.
She opened it one day...
...and evil controlled the land
for 1000 years.
So I think it's best not...
Not to repeat her mistake.
This is all impossible.
Cell phone?
You talk in here...
...and someone far away hears you.
No wires.
Impossible.
Even 20 years ago,
this would have belonged in the Library.
Three hundred years ago, you would've
been burned at the stake for it.
Some of the items in the Library violate
the known laws of science.
But that is only because
our brains are so small...
...we haven't come up with laws to...
To explain them.
This cannot actually be Excalibur.
Only the worthy can release
the sword from the stone.
- Try it.
- No, no, no.
Not worthy, trust me.
How do you know if you don't try it?
Because I'm still not exactly sure
why it is that you chose me.
We scour the educational system,
both public and private...
...from a hundred countries.
We read essays, doctoral theses.
We even read those accursed
online blogs.
So there's a system.
Oh, there's a system
for finding candidates.
When it comes to choosing the Librarian...
...well, that has an odd kind of way
of working itself out.
Flynn, you've been studying all your life.
This is why.
The apple from the Garden of Eden.
No, actually, this is an apple I left here
a couple days ago.
This is incredible!
Oh, my goodness,
I cannot wait to tell my mom about this.
I mean, she is going to...
You are now part
of a very special community.
The secret of the Library has been kept
for thousands of years.
The sword is floating.
Neck.
Help.
You cannot tell anyone
anything about this.
The Librarians are the only ones
who know that this even exists.
Give Flynn some time.
You'll like him.
I got it, I got it, I got it!
It usually takes a new Librarian
four hours to fire up the jetpack.
You did it in three.
Congratulations.
The Holy Grail.
I broke the Holy Grail?
I broke the Holy Grail on my first day?
Did you?
Yeah, it takes a bit more than a knock
to the floor to destroy a legend.
I believe in you, Flynn.
I think there's a possibility
that you could be a great Librarian.
As great as the...
As Eldred the Truly Wonderful.
Eldred the Truly Wonderful.
Well, I would settle for
Flynn the Not So Embarrassing.
Flynn the Rather Pleasant at Parties.
Edward Wilde.
He... Oh, he must've been
the last Librarian.
Yes. Yes, he was.
God rest his soul.
Hey.
My boy has a job! Let's celebrate!
Oh, I made your favorite cake.
- You shouldn't have done that.
- This is a big day.
Now tell me...
Tell me about your new job.
Sixteen years of college,
all those fancy degrees.
What are you doing?
Librarian.
Librarian?
Mom, I have finally found my place.
Sixteen years of college,
and you're putting books on shelves.
Well, there's a little bit
more to it than that.
In fact, I'm not exactly allowed to say
exactly how much more to it there is.
But if you knew...
...Mom...
...you would be so proud of me.
I am proud of you.
Now go get yourself
a big piece of cake.
Everything went exactly as you said.
After all that, you gonna tell us
what we stole?
The realization of a 5000-year-old dream.
7:01.
You're late. You're gonna have to
dock your own pay.
Coffee?
Oh, I hate a kiss-ass.
Why is this door open?
Oh, my...
- No.
- Are you all right?
I think he's up.
The surveillance tape.
They knew about the fail-safe.
They only had time to take one item.
They...
...took the Spear of Destiny.
Do you know about the Spear of Destiny?
It's the spear that...
...supposedly pierced the side
of Jesus on the cross.
An ancient talisman reported
to have mystical powers.
Whoever controls the Spear,
controls the fate of the...
...world.
- For thousands of years...
...whoever had the Spear,
from Charlemagne to Napoleon...
...became the greatest conqueror
in the world.
Well, that's just a fragment of the Spear.
The Spear was too powerful
to remain intact.
But since you can never
completely destroy the Spear...
...the Librarian hundreds of years ago
broke it into three pieces...
...and scattered the three pieces
in secret places around the world.
Well, with the Spear all broken up...
...it can't still be a threat, can it?
Hitler had only one piece.
One can only imagine how powerful
all three are.
The Serpent Brotherhood.
Serpent Brotherhood?
What, did these guys play a lot
of Dungeons & Dragons?
They were a splinter group...
...back when the Library was
in Alexandria in ancient times.
They were scholars too, but they wished
to use the powers of the artifacts to rule.
They got their name from the serpent
that brought knowledge to Adam and Eve.
Disagreement led to hatred,
hatred led to a secret war.
They incited the riot that led
to the destruction of the first Library.
Well, then we better call the police.
Oh, yeah, call the police.
Tell them about the Spear of Destiny,
the golden goose, the lost Ark.
Enjoy your stay in the psych ward.
I understand Thorazine
comes in vanilla now.
Right.
Nobody can understand the mysteries of the
Library tradition unless they experience it.
You are the only one who can
bring the Spear piece back.
No. No, no.
There's gotta be somebody
more qualified.
Flynn, you are the only one for the task.
You are the only one on Earth
for the task.
Look at it this way...
...if you come back, you'll be a hero.
Well, that sounds very...
- If I come back?
- Things aren't as bad as they look.
When she says, if I come back,
I'm hearing I'm not coming back.
I don't wanna go if I can't come back.
They didn't take the book.
If you ever wanna hide something,
hide it in plain sight.
This book contains all the clues you'll need
to locate the other two pieces of the Spear.
The only thing that I know
for certain is that...
...the second piece is somewhere
in the Amazon jungle.
Well, good, that narrows it down
to about 3 million square miles.
Okay.
Time is money. Come on.
- Is this the Language of the Birds?
- Yes.
Mankind's universal language.
That is, before God decided that man
should speak many tongues...
...after the Tower of Babel.
This has been a dead language
for thousands of years.
There's nobody alive that
knows how to read it.
So you better get cracking.
Even with the Rosetta stone, it took
hundreds of Egyptologists 17 years...
...to decipher the Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Well, you have considerably less time.
You know this is my first day,
and I don't even have a parking place.
You should have a parking place before
you get assigned to fight an evil conspiracy.
If the Serpent Brotherhood should ever
get their hands on the three pieces...
...trust me, it would be horrible.
But just remember one thing,
the most valuable object in the world...
...is not here in the Library.
It's right here.
The fate of the world is in my hands?
That is just so...
...sad.
Oh, God, help us all.
Excuse me. Can I help you, sir?
Your seat's back there.
Thanks.
- This way.
- Here, let me help you with that.
Oh, one more thing I forgot to tell you.
Trust no one.
And guard the book with your life.
Did anybody else...?
Nobody saw...?
The vowels are Akkadian, but the
consonants are both early Sumerian...
...and Indian and Hebrew.
The genders are Sanskrit,
the phonemes are Etruscan, with certain...
Certain semantic features of Vteli.
Sorry, I was just...
...thinking out loud.
It was sweet of you to let me watch from
the cockpit, but I think I should take my...
I was hoping to have the aisle seat.
One sec.
I'll come visit later. I promise.
Any time.
Believe it or not,
this is actually my first plane flight.
Let's stop for a moment and consider.
I am way out of your league. Way out.
If your league were to explode...
...I wouldn't hear the sound
for another three days.
So for everybody's sakes,
let's just enjoy a companionable silence.
I did it.
I did it. I just learned the...
I just learned the Language of the Birds.
Didn't even have a Rosetta stone.
I just did it in...
...seven hours and 26 minutes.
Sorry, sorry.
Go back to being radiant.
The golden ratio.
- The golden ratio...
- You're about to say the ratio of 1.618-1...
...has been proven to be the key to
everything in nature that we find beautiful...
...and that my face is the most perfect
example you've ever seen of that ratio.
How could you possibly know that?
Because every geek I've ever met
has tried to hand me that line.
I'd love for you to join us in the cabin,
see the sunrise over the Amazon.
Of course you would.
I would...
"Of course you would. "
"Of course you would. "
We're at 11,000 feet
and starting our descent.
Excuse me. We have a problem.
Are you the air marshal?
Yes, I am.
That's the Librarian?
Don't underestimate him.
Sorry. I just need to get past you.
I need to use the bathroom.
Hey.
Hey.
Again, not impressed.
- Who are you?
- Would love to talk...
...but really don't have the time.
- Who are you?
- The woman who's trying to save your life.
Get him! Get him!
What are you doing?
We're going out.
Don't tell me you're afraid of heights!
It's just that I know that the odds...
...of an untrained guy like me
surviving a jump from 11,000 feet...
...is 7-2 against.
What are your odds now?
He brilliantly lowers our expectations
and then jumps without a chute.
Remarkable!
Don't look down.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Who in the hell are you?
Don't get your knickers in a twist, Carsen.
Judson told me to look out for you.
Well, Judson told me to trust no one.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm Nicole Noone.
No one.
Didn't they tell you to expect me?
No. Nobody told me anything.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Really?
No, no calls. They'll use the signal
to triangulate our location.
Well, that's against the law.
They tried to kill you. You think they care
about breaking phone-tapping regulations?
They didn't just try to kill me.
They just wanted to inject me with sodium
pentothal so I'd tell them where I hid...
...the book.
- Who'd have thunk it?
You know, if you really wanna
hide something...
...you do it in plain sight.
How did you get that on the airplane?
Me, they confiscate my nose-hair clipper.
Where the hell are we?
I have no idea.
Well, you're the brains
of the operation. Figure it out.
Oh, you think I can't?
I could just climb that tree right there.
In a matter of seconds, I can
tell us exactly where we are.
Well, I'm not stopping you.
That tree.
Do you need a hand?
I'm fine.
You go get them, monkey boy.
Let's hear it, genius.
All right.
Okay.
Well...
That...
...is an extremely rare blue condor.
Found only within a 100-mile radius
of the Amazon's Purus tributary.
The only mountain tall enough
to have a snowcap...
...this time of year in that radius
is Mount Prto Velho.
We are at minus 5.2 degrees latitude
and minus 64.6 degrees longitude.
English?
We need to go 24.7 miles...
...that way.
Isn't this...?
So how'd you do that?
Just your basic geography,
biology, botany.
That, and I memorized the Earth.
You're kidding, right?
You need to get out more.
Yeah, people keep telling me that.
- You always travel with a machete?
- I'm well-prepared.
- That, or maybe you're a violent sociopath.
- You say the sweetest things.
How many miles have we walked anyway?
Five? Ten?
- Maybe one.
- Hello.
Another person here.
A little consideration, please.
Hey.
Unknown plant phylum.
I can't believe it.
If you're nice, I'll name it after you.
Be still, my heart.
Ficus narcissus.
Hey.
You're supposed to be
the best tracker in the Amazon.
Get tracking.
See, anything is possible
in the world of books.
I guess that makes me a dreamer.
My mother said that my father
was a dreamer.
He died when I was little.
I guess I've subconsciously tried
to make up for his absence by...
Hey.
By behaving like him as
much as I possibly could.
I can't believe I never made
that realization before.
Sorry, did you say something, cupcake?
I figure that since we're gonna be spending
so much time together, we might as well...
...get to know each other a little bit.
You seem like the observant type.
I like to think so.
Then you must've observed that I'm not the
type who's suddenly gonna open up to you.
How long have you worked
for the Library?
And yet you keep trying.
I just want to get to know the Nicole
below the surface arrogance.
Peel back the layers.
What do you think's below
the surface arrogance?
More arrogance.
And then perhaps a few
delicious layers of flaky disdain...
...all around a creamy sweet
center of homicidal rage.
What do I have to do
to get you to shut up?
Okay, I won't ask you
any more questions.
So how long have you
worked for the Library?
- Five years.
- Well, do these...
...jumping-out-of-airplane-jungle-adventure
things happen to you often?
What happened to the last Librarian?
You don't need to know about me.
I don't need to know about you.
We just need to work together.
So...
...nothing good, then.
It's the only way across.
There is no way.
Look.
The support beams, they're decomposed.
This wood is completely rotted.
There is no way that this bridge
can structurally support our weight.
Nicole.
Nicole!
Take a chance, big boy.
Don't look down.
Why?
Why do I always do that?
Focus on something else.
You must have a girlfriend, right?
Big glasses, dirndl skirt? Makes you
watch a lot of subtitled documentaries.
- I'm between girlfriends at the moment.
- I had the feeling.
Have you figured out exactly
where the second piece is yet?
You know, most of the clues
are pretty self-explanatory.
Except for this one.
To get inside...
...you must know the time it takes
a bird to become a bird again.
Any idea what that means?
You, brains. Me, brawn.
I cannot believe that I was wrong
about this bridge.
I really didn't think that this
would support our...
Flynn!
Flynn! Flynn!
Take my hand!
Reach. Reach for my hand!
Come on, that's it.
Keep coming.
That's it, come on.
Keep reaching. There you go.
Well, I hope you're having fun.
Actually, I am.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
- Run!
- I told you!
I told you this bridge couldn't
support our weight!
Less talk! More running!
Jump!
So, what do you do for fun?
I can kill a man 57 different ways.
That's good. Let that out, that sensitive
soul inside of you that's yearning to be free.
You may know everything in the world, but
you have no idea what sets my soul free.
Really?
To get inside...
...you must know the time it takes
a bird to become a bird again.
Time it takes a bird to become a bird again.
Bird, bird, bird.
That's gotta be some kind of metaphor.
Usually the bird stands for reaching
some sort of unattainable height...
...like a mountain or...
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was.
Nobody talks about the Librarian like that.
Not even the Librarian.
Okay.
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have
any toilet paper anywhere...
...on your body, would you?
Knock yourself out.
Nicole. Come here.
- Serpent Brotherhood.
- Do you think they saw us?
- No, but just to be safe...
- Should we go, or are we staying?
They wouldn't dare make
that climb till morning.
You can go to the bathroom.
Lost the urge.
Chilly without that fire.
Wind-chill factor.
Yeah.
We're gonna have to do something
pretty desperate to keep warm.
This is where you tell me the only way we'll
survive is if we huddle together for warmth.
Well, if you insist.
- Body warmth only. Got it?
- Got it.
That's Sheliak...
...and Terebellum, Cassiopeia.
Don't tell me you memorized
the universe.
Well, the known universe.
Nicole.
What happened to the last Librarian?
He died.
End of story.
- I'm no good at remembering details.
- You're the type that remembers everything.
You don't know anything about me.
You're the youngest of three siblings
and the only girl.
Your mother's English, your father's South
American, Argentinean, but you never...
You never bothered to learn Spanish.
You never had any pets.
Your favorite stone is jade.
And you wish more than anything that
you could forget half of what you've seen.
But you can't.
- Well, I could do the same thing about you.
- Be my guest.
Nerd.
Fair enough.
The last Librarian...
...Edward Wilde.
Edward was charming.
Handsome.
Absolutely brilliant.
We spent two years working together.
Two incredible years.
But he wasn't just smart.
He was generous, kind.
He could look into your eyes...
...and see right into your soul.
And I did the one thing I'm
not supposed to do on this job.
I fell in love with him.
And because of that, he's dead.
We were in the Antarctic.
We were sleeping in an igloo
that he built.
When I woke up in the morning,
he wasn't there.
And I ran outside just in time to
see the Serpent Brotherhood...
...cutting off his head.
I had one job...
...protect the Librarian, and I failed.
We're surrounded.
I don't see anybody.
Oh, them.
There have been rumors of headhunters
operating in this area.
Now is not the time to panic.
Tell that to him.
- Talk to them. What are they speaking?
- I can't quite make out their dialect.
It has elements of Kugapakori...
...the syntax of the Yanomamis,
maybe even the Amahuacas.
You push me one more time with that...
Don't piss them off.
That's not a good idea.
It was just Portuguese.
I was overthinking it.
Oh, they're doing a mongo dance.
I did a master's thesis
on native mating rituals.
This is a huge honor for us.
It appears that they think
that we're some kind of couple.
Well, we wouldn't want to offend them.
So...
- I'll sleep over there.
- Bingo.
- What? What does that look mean?
- Nothing.
It's not your fault.
The last Librarian.
I mean, we're human beings.
We can't control
who we fall in love with.
Look, you've done a great job
keeping me alive...
...and I know that that hasn't been easy.
I appreciate that.
What is that? Please tell me
you forgot to take your medication.
Come on, admit it,
it's getting you a little hot, isn't it?
No, hot's not exactly the word I'd use.
You know, these mating rituals,
they look a little ridiculous...
...but these natives
really know their stuff.
Over there. Now. Go.
Pretend like it's not
getting to you a little.
Good night, Flynn.
Good night, Nicole.
Oh, yeah.
She wants me.
Good night.
Flynn?
Where's the funny guy I was with?
They are here.
Flynn!
Move. Come on.
Move! This way, through the hut.
The book!
I know, I know. I got it, I got it.
They're right behind us. Move.
Flynn, run.
They're right behind us.
- Flynn, come on, stop looking back. Move.
- Nicole, wait.
Bad guys chasing behind us.
Don't ever leave my sight again,
understand?
What is this, Slap the Librarian Day?
Oh, I get it, you're just being professional.
It isn't as if you genuinely care for me.
Shut up.
Why are you smiling?
I don't like it when you smile.
That means you're about
to do something dangerous.
Oh, you know me so well.
Don't look down.
Did you see that?
That Librarian is incredible.
Flynn.
Flynn, take my hand.
- Nicole!
- Come on!
Flynn!
Flynn!
- Nicole. Nicole.
- I got you.
According to the book, we take this river
and follow the sun until it ends.
And I do believe the sun has ended.
All right. Now we're close.
All we have to do...
...is walk the circumference
of the Earth...
...divided by the length
of the Fortress of Ollantaytambo.
Oh, yeah? And how the hell
are we gonna figure that out?
Seven hundred and ninety-two yards.
That way.
One, two, three, four.
Five, six.
Seven hundred and ninety, 791, 792.
Well, there's nothing.
You must have got something wrong.
I don't get facts wrong.
It's everything else I screw up.
When the Toltecs invaded Chichn Itz...
...it was rumored
that a group of Mayan priests...
...fled Mexico with their entire treasury.
As the story goes...
...they built a Mayan temple deep
in the Amazon jungle to hide the treasure...
...never to be heard from again.
So how do we get inside, genius?
Those are Mayan numbers.
Mayan priests were obsessed
with numbers.
- Oh, you'd fit right in.
- The time it takes a bird to become a bird.
To get inside you must know the time
it takes a bird to become a bird again.
- The procession.
- Yay! What is that?
The time it takes the constellations,
what Mayans called "birds of heaven"...
...to make a complete revolution
around the galaxy, 25,765 years.
The Mayans were the first to discover it.
All right.
Twenty-five thousand.
Seven hundred.
Sixty-five.
Watch out!
Where are we?
I am not sure.
We are in a Mayan death chamber.
Escape is granted only to those
who can solve the secret of the room.
Yep.
The only way out...
...is that doorway on the other side.
Okay, so how do we get to that door?
That's the secret.
That's not good.
We have to find a way to get
to that doorway on the other side...
...before the wall pushes us
into the abyss.
- Oh, really?
- Yep.
- Any clues in that book of yours?
- No, no.
- Okay, we're on our own.
- So now what?
I'm not sure.
Now would be a damn good time
to come up with something brilliant.
"Sure, Flynn, just figure it out.
That's why you're on the mission. "
Focus. Big mission. Fate of the world.
- Nothing's coming to me.
- Great. Choking, just like I knew you would.
Hey. Oh, I get it, reverse psychology.
- Good.
- No, not reverse psychology.
- Anger, annoyance.
- Okay, I got it.
This is an exact replica
of their Great Temple of Teotihuacn.
Three hundred quahuitls by 20 quahuitls.
There is a place in this chamber
where all priests...
...could receive salvation no matter what,
and that place would be...
...there?
That's midair, Sherlock.
You trust me?
You only live once.
- Unless you believe in Buddhism or Sikhism.
- I hate you.
Well...
Optical illusion. Mirrors.
The Mayans were the first tribe
in the Americas to use them.
Good.
There it is.
- There's the second piece.
- No.
Well, it's an exact rhythm.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
- Why does that sound so familiar?
- It's called a waltz.
We have to dance our way
to the treasure.
I broke every toe of every girl
that I danced with at my high school prom.
Even my mother wouldn't dance with me.
- You took your mother to the high school...?
- All right, all right. Don't start.
Come on, we'll do it together.
It's easy. It's all in the hips and the butt.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three.
- No, no.
- What?
- Not yet. Not ready yet.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- Shouldn't I be the one dipping you?
- Technically.
You better have a damn good reason
for doing that.
Yeah, well, these things
are always booby-trapped.
- I'll do it.
- No, I can do it. I can do it.
I just forgot to factor in...
...the slope of the floor.
- So there.
- Okay.
This means that all biblical history
has to be reevaluated.
Why don't you get
the last piece of the Spear...
...and then you and Judson can have
a lovely long chat in Aramaic...
...about all the history stuff
while I take a shower.
I believe the phrase is "hands up. "
Up.
I really admire your work.
I knew you'd bring me the piece, Nicole.
- Edward?
- You're the last Librarian.
Wait a minute.
- You're dead.
- And yet, here I stand.
- I saw you die.
- You saw an elaborate special effect.
Your tears were perfect.
I couldn't have planned it better myself.
So they really didn't cut off your head.
You're the Librarian?
But why?
Absolute power
is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
You remember how I loved
a good aphrodisiac.
I'll kill you, you bastard.
Goodbye, Nicole.
It really was nice to see you again.
- You can't kill her.
- Why not?
Because you need me
to find the last piece.
And I won't do it without her.
I don't need you.
I have this.
The Language of the Birds.
Nobody can read this.
Nobody except a real Librarian.
In the Language of the Birds,
that means you're up the creek...
...and I've got the only paddle.
Tell me where the piece is,
and I'll let her live.
- Don't tell him.
- It's in Shangri-la.
Don't screw with me. That's a legend.
Shangri-la is in Mount Kailas.
- In the Himalayas.
- Idiot.
Excuse me for trying
to save your life again.
The Spear is more important than my life.
He's not gonna get
anywhere near that spear.
Unless I interpret the clues in that book.
That's Mount Kailas.
Where's your Shangri-la?
We can't find it from the air.
All the clues are on the ground.
Lars, we're gonna have to climb.
Get ready to take her down.
At least you didn't fail at your job.
He's still alive.
No, he just faked his own death...
...and became head of the very
evil organization we've been fighting.
That's much better.
It's this way.
Flynn! No!
I got you.
Hold on.
Nicole.
Come on.
Not on my watch.
You're leading me on a wild-goose chase.
I should kill you myself.
Welcome.
It's been long prophesied
that you would come today.
We want the Spear piece.
It is hidden inside.
Open it.
We are the mere keepers.
We have no idea how to open it.
Well, fortunately, he does.
Get the Spear piece,
or I blow her brains out.
- Oh, this can't be right.
- What?
Well, it says that this
can only be opened...
...with the name of God.
- So?
So the name of God
is only the biggest secret in the world.
For 4000 years people have tried to find it.
You want me to do it in 15 seconds?
M- E.
Me.
God is within us all.
Go ahead, take it.
No.
No.
You take it.
Problem?
No.
Lars, fly up here now.
Track my signal.
It's about time.
I want the Spear piece, Nicole.
A man in hell wants ice water.
Doesn't mean he's gonna get it.
No.
Wait. Get back. Get the Spear.
Get the Spear.
Hold on. We have to get the Spear piece.
Wanna hide something,
do it in plain sight.
Guard it well. The Spear opens a door
that must be kept closed.
Hey.
Flynn, you have to fly this thing.
Okay.
No problem.
The main principles are lift...
...and thrust.
Easy as pie.
Horrible. Horrible.
High-velocity pie of death.
Well, I've seen worse.
- Mr. Carsen.
- Hey.
Judson.
You and everyone at the Library
can completely relax.
We have the third piece of the Spear,
and it is right...
Right here. Completely safe.
Good work. I still can't believe
that Wilde joined the Serpent Brotherhood.
He was a fine Librarian.
Thank goodness we have a...
A better one now.
You better get the door.
Someday he's gonna have to tell me
how he does that.
Excuse me, but I didn't
order any champagne.
But I did.
You're not the incredible pansy
I thought you were.
And you're not the raving psychopath
I originally thought that you were.
Well, you are.
But in a good way.
What's wrong?
You're smiling.
You must have read books
on how to make love.
Hundreds.
Flynn's busy. He'll call you back.
A woman just answered
my son's telephone.
A woman just answered
my son's telephone!
- Yes! Yes!
- Yeah.
Nicole?
What's the matter? Haven't you guys
seen a naked guy in a sheet before?
Is something wrong, Flynn?
Nicole is missing,
and so is the Spear.
Serpent Brotherhood
may have taken her, or...
Or...
She may have been in cahoots
with Wilde all along.
Cahoots.
I've been cahooted.
All right, all right, all is not lost.
It took a great power
to sunder the Spear.
It'll take even more
to fuse the pieces together again.
How much?
Strip the mysticism aside,
and you'll need a...
A local electromagnetic field
registering over 15 on the...
On the Schumm scale.
Okay. Good.
Only time energy like that's
been registered...
...was during a peak full moon at
the Great Pyramid when it had its capstone.
And the Egyptian government
refuses to replace...
...the capstone.
The next peak full moon
is tomorrow night.
Call the Marines, Judson.
I'm coming home.
Clothes. I need the clothes.
Flynn.
We can get in
through the ventilation system.
Where are the Marines?
Semper fi.
You were a Marine?
Good. Wonderful.
Well, now, let's...
Let's get that spear back.
Well, well.
Professor Harris.
I should've known he was evil.
He gave me an A-minus.
Serpent Brothers,
our dream comes true tonight.
Doesn't that guy ever die?
There doesn't seem
to be much...
...cahooting going on now.
We call down the power
of the gods.
The ancient ones.
Snake! Snake!
Snake! Snake!
Come on.
This house...
...a gateway to eternal life.
This weapon...
...with the blood of one
who defied death.
I claim power of life and death.
I can't do this alone.
Well, you got me, you know?
Well, no offense, Judson, but you're...
A bad mother.
Well, I was a Librarian too, you know.
Oh, yes.
I feel the power.
The power of life.
And the power of death!
At last, Nicole...
...we can be one.
Kill them.
Houdini, Prague, 1926.
We have to get the Spear
back to the Library.
Get the Spear away from Wilde.
Before he gets too powerful.
There's no way I'm going
to let you...
You broke my nose.
How dare you, Flynn.
Yeah, I did what you said, learned a few
things in the big, bad real world.
It doesn't have to be this way.
We're gonna rule the world.
We could be together.
Get your own geek.
Too late, Flynn.
The power of the Spear is mine.
You're the best
they could come up with?
You're pathetic.
You're too clumsy to even die properly.
You say that now,
but I danced with your girl.
Die assured that the Librarian
will be in far more capable hands.
Mine.
You keep your grubby hands to yourself.
Anyone else want a piece of me?
Goodbye, Librarian.
If even one of the support stones
are off even by an inch...
...the whole pyramid collapses.
- I'd say this was out of alignment.
- I will destroy you.
You never will.
Know why?
Because the things that make life
worth living can't be thought here.
They must be felt here.
I believe...
...this belongs to the Library.
Left, left, left.
Small steps. Small steps.
What are you guys doing?
Okay. Okay.
I hope you saved receipts.
Flynn is a librarian now,
but he's capable of so much more.
He just needs the right woman
to push him.
Mom.
You don't understand. Being a Librarian
is actually a pretty cool job.
And you don't need to keep trying
to fix me up.
I told you that.
The mysterious Nicole.
She's never quite around
to meet the mother.
Well, it's complicated.
Hey, handsome.
Nicole, this is my mother.
A pleasure to meet you,
Mrs. Carsen.
No, no, the pleasure is mine.
The Deadly Scorpion League
has found H.G. Wells' time machine.
- Only we can get it back.
- Deadly Scorpion League.
What is it with bad guys
and insect names for their cults?
Mom, I gotta get going.
See you soon.
You're smiling. Why are you smiling?
There's a dozen time-traveling ninjas
out to kill us.
- Psychopath.
- Nerd.
Hey, hey.