Life Begins at Forty (1935) Movie Script
- Hey, Chris.
- Hmm? Huh?
- Hear anything?
- No, sir. I didn't hear nothin', Mr. Clark.
Don't hear nothin'?
You're deaf then.
Nothin's come around here
while I'm on the job.
You're lettin' him
sneak up on us here.
Interferin' with the freedom of the press.
- Give me that gun.
- I wasn't sleepin'.
I was just sort of playin' possum.
Gettin' so a man can't
get out his editorials around here...
without him stickin' his bill in.
Don't see him anywhere, do ya?
Huh?
- There he is!
- Is that him?
I'm gonna miss him so close this time,
I'll bet ya he don't come back anymore.
There he goes. He's sure hightailin' it
away now. He won't be back.
Kenesaw Clark, you leave that jaybird alone!
Oh, uh-Well, hello!
Hello, Miss Ida. How are you?
You stop that shootin'
and scarin' people half out of their wits.
Oh, well, Miss Ida, that old jaybird's
makin' so much noise here...
that, uh,
Chris just William Tell'd him.
My land!
Can't let a little jaybird
hardly open its mouth.
Well, you know how it is,
Miss Ida, with us writin' folks.
We don't get
much compensation.
About all we get is just the right
to act about half-cracked.
Half-cracked? Hmph!
If I hadn't lived next door to you for 20 years,
I'd say you were all cracked.
Now, you let
that jaybird alone!
Miss Ida's got her dander up.
She don't mean nothin' though.
Say, listen here...
you hustle out and see
if you can't collect some money...
for some subscriptions
around here.
People keep orderin' my paper.
Oughta be worth somethin'.
Oh, yes, sir.
Gonna get back
to first principles here.
You just keep on hollerin'
up there.
I'm just gonna-
David and Goliath now.
Thank you, kind sir.
Hey, how about
a little drive tonight?
You know schoolmarms aren't allowed out
except on Friday and Saturday nights.
- Oh, who'd find out?
- Nobody, because I'm not going.
Besides, I have some
examination papers to correct.
I'm gonna tell the old man
to look for a new teacher.
No. No, you can't do that.
- Why not? You're gonna marry me, aren't you?
- Well-
Oh, excuse me. I, uh-
I'm just out here prowlin' around,
hidin' from Miss Ida.
I'm tryin' to get out of here.
- What's the matter? Jaybirds again?
- Yeah.
See ya tomorrow, Adele.
So long, old-timer.
Old-timer." Fresh thing.
Young folks ain't got any respect
for their elders anymore.
Don't include me in that.
Say, ain't there some kind
of law in this town...
where a schoolteacher's
not supposed to go out...
with every Tom, Dick and... Joe?
It's only in the dark
we aren't trusted.
I don't know
nothin' about it, but, uh-
I'm just warnin' ya.
Mr. Ken?
Hmm?
What's your honest opinion
of Joe Abercrombie?
Well, he's got
awful pretty white teeth.
Be serious.
He's asked me to marry him.
You gonna do it?
Oh, Joe's all right,
but I don't know.
Well, you're gonna inherit
a lot of great kinfolks.
You don't think much
of his father, do you?
Oh, I don't know. l-
The old colonel's all right, I guess.
Kind of egotistical.
He may not exactly admit that he's
responsible for the rains we've been havin'...
but I think he'll tell you
that it was his original idea.
Still, you haven't answered
my question about Joe.
Now, listen,
I don't look any too bright...
but givin' advice to the lovelorn
ain't one of my weaknesses.
Joe's all right.
Besides, he might grow up
to be like his father.
Kenesaw, you come back here!
Kenesaw Clark!
The old boy's getting better all the time.
Listen to this.
This morning, I ate nine biscuits
and seven sausages for breakfast.
If I had been worth a million dollars,
I couldn't have held another bite."
- Hello, Ken.
- Howdy, Ken.
Well, I hope I'm not
disturbing you boys.
Oh, no. Just looking over the stuff
you wrote for next week's column.
- Mmm. There's plenty of truth in this one too, Ken.
- What?
At 20, we don't care
what the world thinks of us.
At 30, we worry about
what it thinks of us.
At 40, we're sure
it doesn't think of us."
That's hittin'the nail on the head.
You boys oughta be good critics. I hope
the payin' subscribers like it that well.
He means you!
Say, here's one.
Let's see if this hits
the nail on the head.
Loafing in a print shop...
has got sleepin' at home
beat all holler.
You don't have to send
the sheets to the laundry."
- Uh-oh. I get it.
- Which way out?
Don't mean us, do you, Ken?
Oh, no, no.
I didn't mean you.
You boys don't loaf here.
You don't loaf here.
You live here.
You reckon you can do
any better with an ax?
You ain't gettin' along
so fast here.
You're goin' back.
You're gettin' old.
Blamed ol' termite.
Come on. Get out. Come on.
What's the matter here?
My Lord. Here, here.
How'd you ever go to enough effort
to get it in there anyhow?
You can gnaw away more wood
than a badger can.
Come on.
With all that fur on your face...
you're beginning to look
like a badger anyhow.
Yeah. Them concrete houses
are gonna give you-
- Hello, Kenesaw.
- Well!
If It aint Tom Cotton. I aint seen ya
since the cows come home.
Well, I thought I'd bring in my subscription,
Kenesaw, while I was able.
You ain't thinkin'
about dyin' again, are you?
Well, none of us knows
when the call's comin'.
I'm hopin' to be prepared.
That's all.
Well, you come to the wrong fella
to talk about dying.
Take me now.
I'm just beginning to live.
It's all right enough for you to say,
but I'm pushin' 60.
Ah, 60! Why, you're just now ready
for your first mint of long pants.
Wait a minute. Here, don't sit down.
- What's the matter?
- Old T.'s been in here...
and he might've gnawed
a leg off of that chair.
Go ahead. It's all right.
This is-
This is no laughin' matter, Kenesaw.
That's the reason
I came to you.
Let me sweep up here
a little bit.
Can't tell whether you're in
a printin' shop or lumberyard.
I'm thinkin' that you'd help me fix up
my last will and testament...
so as my children can't make fools
of themselves after I'm gone.
I suppose they've always done everything
that you wanted 'em to do.
No, they haven't.
That's the trouble.
Never could do anything with 'em.
Oh. You can't do anything
with 'em while you're livin'...
and you wanna control 'em
after you're dead.
- Is that it?
- Well, I know they're not gonna
waste my money when I'm gone.
Oh, yeah? Looks like
the government tax makers...
is gonna fix it so you ain't
gonna have to worry about that.
Oh, it's got so I can't sleep nights
just thinkin' about it.
Hey, aint you the fella...
that, when we was boys
in school together...
used to always be talkin' about you was
gonna get a lot of fun out of life?
Well, I've been too busy.
And once you get started,
it ain't so easy as you think.
I'm not the only one.
There are thousands like me.
- Somebody's got to run the world.
- Ah!
Run the world" my granny.
You rich men is all alike. You spend
all your life makin' some money...
and then you get old and you
don't know what to do with it.
Hey, uh, maybe you're right, Kenesaw.
Ah, but even so,
it's too late now.
I-I'm too old a dog
to learn new tricks.
What could I do at my age?
Lots of things.
You can get yourself
some fancy britches...
go out and court some widow
that's just itchin'...
to help some old man
spend his money.
Well, uh, do you think
that would be fair to my children?
- You started from scratch, didn't ya?
- Yes.
Well, then you wanna give them
just as good a chance as you had.
You don't wanna dump
all that money in their laps...
and spoil all their ambition.
Make lapdogs out of'em.
Well, uh,
you may be right, Kenesaw.
But I don't know.
Say, would it be all right...
about that widow business?
Who knows? Who cares?
I've heard that, uh...
you can have a lot of fun
with a widow.
Well, I'll be on my way.
So long, Kenesaw.
So long.
Hi, Colonel, old boy.
Oh, hello. Hello, Colonel.
Come right on in.
- Hello, Mr. Clark.
- How are ya?
Say, I was just talkin'
about you not 10 minutes ago.
Well, I hope your estimate of myself...
was not too caustic, Mr. Editor.
Oh, no, no, no.
I was, uh...
just talkin' about that speech you made
up at the state bankers' convention.
- Uh-huh.
- Great stuff. You can't, uh-
You can't go wrong defendin'
the American Constitution.
We've got to get back
to first principles, Mr. Clark.
Well, that's great- great stuff.
Hop on the bandwagon
with the founding fathers.
Yeah.
I, uh-
I brought you over
a small item for the press.
I thought perhaps the community
might be interested-
In knowing that you
had offered yourself for reelection...
as head of our school board.
- Yes, that's right.
- Well, what about the annual outing?
There's nothing that the voters
like better than a free meal.
Well, uh, I'm arranging that.
However, this time...
I'm goin' to encourage one
of our leading industries- hog raising.
In other words,
I propose a hog show...
to select the winner
for the county fair.
- Oh, hogs, huh? Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Sure, I'll see that hogs
gets on the front page.
Yes. Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. -
- Yes, well, good day, Mr. Clark. Good day.
- Good day.
- Here are the subscriptions.
- What's all this mess you got here?
Well, the lady said
you'd have to take these...
on account of they haven't
got any change in the house.
You can't take these down to the bank
and pay off that mortgage.
Hey! Catch 'em!
Don't let 'em get away!
Hey, where's the other one?
Where'd he go?
- He was headin' over here.
- Chick, chick! Chick, chick, chick!
Chick, chick! Chickie!
Chick, chick! Chick, chick!
Hello.
Is that you, Lee Austin?
Come out of there.
What are you fixin' to do,
get yourself in some more trouble?
- You oughta know what I'm gonna do.
- Well, here.
- Forget it, whatever it was.
- But l-
Now, listen. You come on home with me
and get somethin' to eat.
Let's talk this thing over.
Come on.
Son, if you wanna make
good batter cakes...
you got to have
your batter just right.
You must always stir
from left to right.
That's what makes it just as light
as a feather on a baby goose.
Now, if you stir from right to left,
that's where those heavy babies come from.
Then you-
Then you toss 'em just so.
Not too much. Just-Just flip, easy-like,
and meet 'em comin' down.
Don't ever meet 'em goin' up.
That's what spoils their disposition, see?
Now, that's what you call technique.
Yes, sir. There's mighty few men
and no women at all can do that.
Here. Now, get yourself
some butter on those...
and, uh, then just smother 'em...
till they practically drown
in that good molasses.
And the deliciousness
will just ooze out of'em.
And from then on,
they'll do their own advertisin'.
Drink coffee?
You don't understand
about tonight.
I didn't ask you
any questions at all.
I was gonna make him
tell the truth, or kill him.
A couple of first-class funerals
would do this town a lot of good...
but shootin' people's
not the way to initiate it.
You know what he did to me.
Well, I wouldn't be
too hard on the colonel.
No. It did look kind of suspicious.
You was workin' in the bank,
and all that money disappeared.
- And you can't say you didnt get a fair trial.
- But I tell ya, I wasn't guilty!
Then you got nothin'
to worry about, son.
That's a laugh.
I've been in jail. I'm branded as a convict.
My whole life is ruined.
Your life is ruined.
What do you know about Life?
You haven't started to Live yet.
Every minute I was in there,
I thought of only one thing-
to get him and that lying son of his.
You didn't deny bein'
in the bank that night.
I tell you, I was framed!
All right, now, come on.
Quiet down.
Sit down and eat your cakes there
before they get cold. Come on.
Why didn't they question Joe?
He worked in the bank same as I did.
Why don't you stick around here
and see how people act?
You know, there ain't nothin'
that'll upset a guilty conscience...
like an innocent man's presence.
I've got a fine chance proving it.
Oh, who knows? Maybe
some new evidence will pop up.
But what could I do?
Who'd give me a job?
Ain't a finer business in the world
than the printin' business.
Kind of lonesome here.
Got lots of room.
Whoo-hoo!
Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!
Come on in.
We had some strawberry shortcake for supper,
and Miss Ida thought you might like-
Oh, uh, I hope
I'm not interrupting anything.
Nobody but yourself.
Here. Meet-
This is, uh-This is my helper,
Lee Austin.
- You remember him.
- Oh, yes.
That is, uh,
I've heard of him.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Don't be afraid of her, Lee. She's, uh-
She's just a schoolteacher.
Just come here from out of town
about the time that you left.
Her name's Del Anderson.
Folks say that she's not so popular
with these town girls.
Say, did you ever- Did you ever eat
one of my batter cakes?
- Why, yes, of course.
- Well, you're gonna eat one now.
Wait a minute. Sit right here
where there's clean plates.
Come on. Hustle around here
and help fix up-Wait on her there now.
I've got to run over
to Miss Ida's.
They tell me she's been
feedin' that jaybird just to spite me.
- Well, I can't stay but a minute.
- I'll be right back.
Let me get you some coffee.
I'm really not very hungry.
Well, it's risky business.
You know how the folks
in this town talk.
Ida, you and I are old enough,
we don't have to care what they say.
Speak for yourself, Kenesaw Clark.
I never did like the way them Abercrombies
stirred up sentiment.
Lee- I knew his folks...
before they died.
Awful fine people. Never was a finer man
ever lived than Lee's father.
Mmm.
I know, but after three years,
you'd a-think...
something would have turned up
if he was innocent.
After they sent him to jail, why,
folks figured the case was settled.
Well, I don't see any good
in reopening it now.
Well, maybe not.
Ain't no harm, though,
in nosin' around...
seein' what we can find out.
Besides, that's what
a newspaperman's for-
to get out the truth
every once in a while.
I, uh- I think with you, me...
and Del behind him,
he's gonna be all right.
Now, see here.
Don't go so fast about Del.
It's all right about us,
but that girl was entrusted to my care...
and I'm morally responsible for her.
And I'm not a-gonna
bring her into this.
Looks like, uh, the case
has been taken out of your hands.
Well!
I had to tell you.
I'm not a very desirable neighbor.
Mr. Ken offered you a job,
didn't he?
Yes, but he's different.
And he asked you
to live here?
Well, even I couldn't hurt
a reputation like his.
Oh. So you think
my reputation is so shaky...
that being friends with you
would ruin it.
- Oh, I didn't mean that.
- Well, then, don't intimate it.
Do you have to stand up?
Come on! Sing.
Falsetto, Off-key]
Say, you know, you don't get that part
right right in there.
These kids don't-
They sing it too low anyhow.
I didn't even take the pipe
out of my mouth to sing that time.
Well, I knew you had somethin'
in your mouth. Was that was that was?
Is that so? Well, you-
Listen here. You started it. Let's see.
Well, all right.
- That's what I'm talkin' about. Get it higher.
- Higher?
Of course, you've got it
pretty high there...
but you ain't gonna
lick me at that.
Don't tell me about singing.
- My land!
- I should be on that wagon.
Get a crack at that song
out there.
Here, you're just in time.
Open this for me.
Mmm.
- Where's your can opener?
- Over there.
You know,
the American eagle...
ought not to be
our national emblem.
Oughta be a can opener.
- Where is it?
- On the wall.
- I don't see it.
- Here, right In front of you.
Oh, this thing here?
Well, what in the world-
How do you-
The man that invented this thing
was public enemy number one.
I can think of no quicker way
of starvin' this country to death...
than to invent a can opener
that nobody knows how to work.
You know anything
about the thing?
Why, of course.
Here, give it to me.
You men.
You can't do anything.
There.
Well, what do you know
about that now?
Crazy thing did work at that.
Thought you were gonna walk home
from church with Miss Ida.
Well, she went
to the missionary meetin'...
to help feed the heathens.
Americans'll feed everybody
that don't live close to 'em.
Here, make yourself useful.
Put some of these things in that basket.
- Where's Lee?
- Oh, Lee's been primpin' since daylight.
I think he's puttin'
some hair oil on too.
Hey, that's a pretty dress
you got on there. Hmm?
Kind of fancy to be wearin'
to a picnic, ain't it?
- You like it?
- Mm-hmm.
An awfully nice horse
gave it to me.
What do you mean, a horse?
You won't tell?
Well, the other day,
Joe Abercrombie persuaded me...
to bet three dollars
on a horse race in Louisville.
- And the horse won.
- Yeah?
Is Joe, uh, a bettin' man?
- Joe bets almost every day.
- Oh, is that so?
Why, he almost won $30,000
about three years ago.
$30,000?
Mm-hmm. But he said
the race was crooked.
He lost instead.
I hurried just as fast as I could.
But that preacher got off on old folks'
problems, and you know how he is.
Good land. To hear him talk...
you'd think us people of 40
are ready for the boneyard.
Miss Ida, you don't look a day
older than you did 20 years ago.
A little-You've broadened.
Here, use this on him, Miss Ida.
Oh, it doesn't bother me any.
I wouldn't starve myself
to death for anybody.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Oh?
Miss Ida says anybody
that eats has to work for it.
Squeeze some orange juice
and put it in a thermos bottle.
Mmm, that looks good.
I'm practically starved.
- Nothin' like a good appetite.
- You always could eat.
My old daddy worked
hisself into the grave...
before he was 50 just tryin'
to make enough to feed us kids on.
Well, I can well believe that.
You don't catch me
workin' that hard.
I've got an electric stove
and a washin' machine and a mixer and-
Why, everything in here
runs by electricity.
All I have to do is just press a button,
and my work's done.
Yeah. With everything
workin' by machinery...
the American born a hundred years from now
won't have any head or arms or legs.
You'll just have a thumb
just to push a button with.
- What? No arms?
- No arms?
- Maybe I'm wrong.
- Give me the good old romantic days.
- Me too.
- You children are livin' in
the greatest age in history...
and you haven't got
sense enough to see it.
Well, one advantage I'll admit. Years ago,
women weren't supposed to have minds.
What do you mean, years ago?
Why, the machine age has given
us women leisure and time to think.
Yeah? Well, what do you think?
Oh! Well,
I think it's about time...
we were gettin' to this picnic
if we're ever going.
Nothing in the world makes me so hungry
as sittin' in church for three hours.
Here, Lee.
Take this thing out to the car.
You all monkeyed around here so long,
I've lost my appetite.
Wait a minute! Hey, hold it!
- Mr. Ken, I know it's none of my business, but-
- What?
These people paying you
with chickens and rabbits-
That's pretty poor pay for writing.
Pretty poor writin' too.
No, it's not.
And I've got an idea...
you can make more money
with this paper.
I should entertain
a proposition like that.
Mr. Ken, let me tackle
these advertisers, will ya?
Sure. I'll tell ya,
I'll make you general manager.
Give you any other title you want.
All right then. The first thing I'm gonna do
is get rid of these loafers.
- I'll begin with T. Watterson Meriwhether.
- Hey, hey. Old T?
Can't get along without old T.
He's one of the best antiques
we've got in this town.
You know, he solved a problem
that all the world...
outside of China, is searchin' for.
- What's that?
- How to relax.
He certainly has.
Why, it just quiets my nerves
just to look at him.
He's not relaxed.
He's asleep.
Well, he-
He does 'em both alike anyhow.
Hey, hey. Come on.
Wake up. It's gettin' late.
Come on here!
Wake up! Wake up!
Get on home here.
Come on. Gonna close up.
Go on home
and do your relaxin'.
It's gettin' dark.
Must've dropped off for a minute.
Yeah, you certainly did.
You've been asleep here for a long time.
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
Hey, wait a minute. You better take
this flashlight with you here...
so you can see your way home.
Thanks, Kenesaw.
I'll return this to you tomorrow...
if I don't get tied up.
- Good night, gentlemen.
- Good-
- Good night, gentlemen.
- Good night.
Pleasant dreams, Colonel.
Why don't you turn on your lights?
What's the matter with ya?
- That's disgusting.
- Drunk again.
He oughta be locked up.
Well, good day, gentlemen.
What can I do for you?
Clark, I want a word
with you in private.
Private? Anything
you wanna say to me...
you can say it before this-
my partner here.
- I'll step outside a minute.
- No, you won't. You'll stay right here. What is it?
We think, that in taking this young man
into your employ, that you've gone too far.
What's your objections?
- He's a thief and a convict.
- That's right.
- Why, you-
- Now, here, here. Now, wait a minute now, Lee.
Let me- Let me take care of this thing.
Now, you was sayin'?
I was sayin'
I won't put up with it-
your flaunting him
in the face of the decent...
law-abiding citizens
of this community.
He stole once. There's no proof
he won't do it again...
if he's coddled and protected
by people like you.
Now, suppose you run your bank,
and I'll run my paper.
Your paper.
Listen here, young man.
If I was you...
I'd stay out of this
just as long as I could.
Now, you, Colonel.
Now, we're just supposin'.
Now, supposin' it was your boy Joe here...
that was, uh,
tryin' to come back?
My son would never find himself
in such a position.
Well, maybe not.
Maybe not.
But we're just supposin',
you know?
In the bank, there's a lot of money.
It's a big temptation.
You old windbag! Are you trying to insinuate that
I had anything to do with stealing that money?
You heard me say
that I was just supposin'.
Now, that's about all, Clark.
Either he goes, or you go!
- You mean that?
- Yes!
I lent you a lot of money
to put in this new machinery...
this Linotype here,
and I've been mighty easy with ya...
letting it run on
month after month.
Well, you know good and well
that as soon as I'm able-
Unless you get rid of this man,
I shall have to demand immediate payment.
Well, looks to me, Colonel...
like you're
in the newspaper business.
- You can't do that, Mr. Kenesaw.
- Now, now.
When we're licked,
we'll just as well admit it.
Well, when do you-When do you
figure on takin' the place over?
My son Joe
will take over immediately.
Oh, Joe, huh?
Anytime you have
any news for the paper, let me know.
News for the paper, huh?
Get your hat, son.
Mr. Kenesaw, there's no sense
in your doing a thing like this.
Forget about it.
Forget about it.
What this town always needed anyhow
is a good opposition paper.
- I think I know a fella who's gonna start one.
- Who?
I've got an old Washington hand press
up in my attic...
that I started with 34 years ago.
You mean
that maybe you'll be the one-
You know what I'd call the paper?
I'm gonna call it the Wildcat.
That's it, the Wildcat. And I'm gonna
lay on his doorstep and howl...
and then claw him
when he comes out.
That's the name it's gonna be-
the Wildcat.
Traditional]
Kelly Cotton telephoned that her cousin
Ellie Crabtree Thursday'd in our midst.
Ah, in our midst."
That's old-time newspaper stuff.
In our midst"
don't get you anywhere.
You've got to tell what scandal they
got into while they was in our midst.
If you was a good newspaper woman...
you'd hustle around here and find out
who's gonna have a blessed event in our midst.
Uh-huh? Well, I'm not prowling around
in other people's private affairs.
Don't have to. You're a woman, ain't ya?
Just keep your eyes open.
Well, maybe you'll think
this is news.
Tom Cotton's elopin'
with that widow.
What do you know about that?
I wonder who put that idea
in that old fool's head?
Go ahead, now, and give 'em all
the adjectives you got there...
because he's gonna deserve 'em
when he starts in on that high livin'.
Mr. Ken, did you write
this copy in the dark?
I never saw so many
misspelled words in my life.
Yeah? Well, you don't have
to worry about that.
When I first started
in the newspaper business...
I misspelled a word, everybody
said it was just pure ignorance.
But when you misspell all of'em,
they accuse you of being a humorist...
say you're quaint.
- I got some paper.
- Great!
Got it from the butcher.
He said it was so hot,
nobody's eating meat now anyway.
- Did you get it?
- Yeah, I done just like you said.
I waited till he had his mouth shut,
and I went click.
Good. That's great.
Say, listen...
will you run up to the county seat with that
and see if you can get a cut made?
We're gonna show 'em some
real newspaperin' around here.
- Sure.
- I could drive him up.
That is, if Miss Ida'd
let us have her car.
- Oh, now, that car's not used to long trips.
- It's only 18 miles.
Oh, don't argue about it.
Come on. Come on. Let's get goin'.
- Get goin'. Hurry up now. Hurry up.
- Now, see here, Kenesaw.
- What do you mean by sendin' that-
- Aw, boo.
Well!
Oh, say, by the way, you might
phone over to Mr. Abercrombie...
and tell him you have
the following social note for him.
Lee and Del Wednesday'd
in the county seat."
- You're just achin' to stir up
some trouble, aren't ya?
No, not achin',
but it would be a pleasure.
I guess you know I think it's pretty swell
of you folks taking me in like this.
- Oh, stop it, Lee.
- How can I?
Just because Mr. Ken's
been nice to me...
they take his paper
away from him.
I wonder why the Abercrombies
are so bitter?
That's what I'd like to know.
Well, it's mighty funny to me.
I suppose Joe'll be worse than ever now
on account of you.
- On account of me?
- Well, he's in love with you, isn't he?
Well, he's asked me to marry him
if that's any proof of love.
Are you going to?
Well, I don't know.
Let's see, Monday- No.
I'm really gonna be awfully busy next-
I'd rather see you dead first.
Why, Lee! That's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
Kenesaw Clark is behind this!
You mean Lee Austin.
He probably put Clark up to it.
That Meriwhether!
That moron! That loafer!
That ignoramus!
Head of the schools!
All three of'em
oughta be run out of town.
Well, I'll be reelected
if I spend every penny I've got!
Joe, get busy.
Get word out in the paper...
that every living soul in this district
is invited to my hog party.
l- Never mind. I'll write the copy myself.
Here, give me some paper.
You got any paper here?
Well! That one there.
Uh- Have you got a pen?
I'll show them
who they're dealing with.
Take that!
Stop it!
Wait a minute, Ma!
So that's the way you make
a fool of yourself away from home!
There must be some mistake.
Callin' Colonel Abercrombie a jackass,
and him head of the bank.
Why, I never called nobody
a jackass.
I guess I can read, can't I? It's right there
on the front page with your picture.
Didn't even have sense enough
to keep your eyes open.
- What am I gonna do?
- Do? You're a man, ain't ya?
You go up there and whup that Kenesaw Clark
within an inch of his life.
Then go around and tell Colonel Abercrombie
the truth. That's what you'll do.
Aw, but- Don't you think that-
- Are you gonna go?
- I'll go! I'll go!
Well, git then!
Well, T., looks like you woke the town up
to some real excitement.
- You can count on me!
- Congratulations, T!
A lot of folks in this town
feel the same as you do...
but they haven't got
nerve enough to say so.
- You'll get my vote.
- You hand it to 'im, T.
- I hope you win.
- I always knew it ain't right for
a man to hold a job too long.
I wanna shake your hand.
- You son of a gun, you!
- You're all right!
Mr. Clark! Mr. Clark!
- What Is It? What's the matter?
- He's coming.
- Who's coming? What?
- Old Meriwhether's coming.
- What about it?
- He's got a horse whip.
- Oh, I knew it, I knew it!
- Maybe you could cut out through here.
- A horse whip?
- You better let me handle him, Mr. Ken.
My Lord. In the old days, they used
to come looking for me with a gun around here.
What's the matter? Is this town getting soft?
He is comin' at that.
- Mr. Clark.
- Mr. T.
I think you used poor judgment
in your choice of photograph.
However, I think the colonel's
in for a scrap.
Well, of all things, he believes it himself.
I think you're-
I think you're right about that, Major.
Yes. Major. The first thing we gotta do
is offset this show of the colonel's.
Sink his navy like we did at Manila
and then pursue him into the hills.
- What would you suggest?
- Well-
Now, we gotta have somethin'
with some zip.
Now, if it was a dance-
- Or may-
- If you don't mind.
Or an all-day singing-
Of course, if I was down home,
I'd say a hog-calling contest.
- Hog calling?
- Yes.
Used to be the champion
in the county.
Listen to this.
Pig, pig, pig, pig, pig,
pig, pig, pig!
That's all. No.
He's all right. Thanks.
- All right.
- Nobody but-
Hog callin', huh?
Say, do you, uh-
Do you think that you could, uh...
round up some of your kinfolks
with a call like that?
My folks are a clannish people.
They'll come when I call 'em.
Sir, it looks like I picked
the right candidate again.
Put her there. Pig!
- Pig, pig, pig!
- Say, you're good too.
Pig, pig, pig!
That's as fine a lot of potential hams
as I've ever seen.
- How do you do, Colonel?
- How do you do? How do you do?
- Your little girl?
- Yeah, my daughter.
Well, well, well.
- Here, my dear. There's a penny for you.
- What do you say?
- Thank you.
- We'll see this one here.
I think I'm capable of choosing
my own friends, Joe.
If I happen to like Lee Austin,
that's my business.
You know what he's done.
You're just getting yourself
talked about, and I don't like it.
How does it affect you?
Well, we're practically engaged,
aren't we?
- Are we?
- Besides, you're getting yourself
in bad with my father.
Oh, I suppose he thinks I might be
corrupting the morals of the pupils.
Anytime your father wants to get
a new teacher, it's all right with me.
- Now, listen-
- I've heard enough.
What are we doin'
way over here?
Why don't we go down there
where the pigs are?
- We'll go down there in a minute.
- Here comes T.
Come on!
Well, my land!
Will you look at that?
We're all here, I guess.
This is Pappy comin' here.
- He's in charge.
- Hello, Mr. Clark. How are you?
Come on up, folks,
and meet Mr. Clark.
I was talkin' to T. here
about the contest...
and I told him we'd better
get set on the technique.
- Technique?
- That's what it takes.
You take a little pig,
you gotta call 'im high.
Uh, Effie,
show 'em what I mean.
Pig!
Pig, pig, pig!
Now, an old sow, though, she won't answer
to nothin' but a call halfway in between.
Hank, show your stuff.
Pig!
Pig, pig!
But when it comes to a boar,
that's when you gotta hit it.
- Luke, you got it?
- Yes, sir.
Pig!
Pig, pig, pig!
There you are,
Now, which you wanna use?
Well, uh, if the other two
ain't too busy...
we might use all three of'em.
The final judging!
Before we come
to the final judging...
I've been asked to remind you of a political
problem which has developed in our midst...
and to which I unfortunately
am a party.
Pig, pig, pig!
Pig, pig, pig!
Pigs will be pigs.
As I was saying,
you may not realize it...
but you and your children
have been subjected to an insult...
never before offered
to a moral and a spiritual people.
l-
Pig, pig, pig, pig!
My friends, I am referring to...
the character and person
of the candidate...
who is opposing me
in this campaign.
If you think this is funny, I don't!
This is no joke!
Go see who's making those noises!
Clear out!
My friends, I stand before you...
as this interloper's
impregnable" foe...
as your challenge to backwardness.
I call upon you-
I got myself
a piece of pork here.
- Why didn't you get a big one?
You never do anything right.
- Hang on!
This is Kenesaw Clark's work.
I'll shoot him on sight,
like a dog!
I'll get him for this
if it's the last thing I do!
Only blood can wash away
the wrong he's done me.
I hear Kenesaw's making
the same kind of threats against you.
I shall be prepared for him.
- That means you're gonna shoot him on sight?
- Such is my intention.
- What do you want?
- Nothing much, son.
I'd just like to look through some of
your old back issues of the Citizen.
Well, you know where they are.
Won't take me but a minute.
I'm lookin' for a little
social item was in the paper...
along about the time
that Lee took that money.
Then he admits taking it?
Well, he don't exactly admit it...
but I haven't heard him
denying it lately.
You know,
if I remember right...
your testimony
was mighty damagin' to him.
- He's the only one that could've done it.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I guess that's right.
Yep, money's awful temptin' to young folks.
Hey, what do you think
you're doing?
Get up! Look out there!
- Oh, let go!
- Wait a minute, please.
Got the thing here-
Meddling- Get outta here! Go on!
What's the date that money
was found missin'?
March 5, 1932.
- Huh?
- March 5, 1932.
Wish I had a memory like that.
- Much obliged, Joe.
- Find what you wanted?
I wouldn't be surprised.
- Hey, wake up.
- Pig, pig, pig, pig, pig!
Pig, pig."
Come on. Wake up. Get outta here.
Go on. Typical candidate.
Well, Ken, has the colonel
fired on you yet?
That old blowhard wouldn't
fire on nobody.
You're not afraid of him,
are you, Ken?
Listen here. When my honor's involved,
I lose all sense of fear or reason.
- Well, the colonel says he's gonna get ya.
- Yeah?
- The only way he'd get anybody
is with a mortgage.
Well, you better look out.
There's plenty bad blood in that colonel.
- And when I spill some of it,
he won't be so bad either.
- Uh-huh.
Better come with me, T.
- Just leave him to us.
- Uh-huh.
Well, you can always
depend on me.
Look-
Go on.
Drive around the block.
Much obliged.
- Are you all right, Ken?
- Did he hit ya?
- Nowhere that I can see.
- We sure made him take to cover.
- Where is he?
- He's gone.
- Yeah? Where?
- Around the corner a mile a minute.
It's a good thing for him.
Come on, T. We'd better get home.
What'd you mean by sayin' before them men
that we made him take off?
Well, we was together, and l-
Colonel, I call on you for a truce...
to discuss ways and means
of fightin' this thing out.
Well, you won't shoot
if I consent?
I got nothin' to shoot with
but an old pipe here.
Oh. Well, I'm unarmed myself.
Well, then, looks like
we can trust each other.
Look here, Colonel. We can't go on
like this, meetin' on every corner.
It's gettin' so I can't turn a corner
here in town without runnin' onto you.
I propose that we settle this
Like gentlemen settle anything- with a duel.
- As the challenged party-
- Wait a minute.
You're the one challenged me.
I'm the one to name the weapons.
- As you wish, sir.
- All right. I'll name pistols.
And we'll meet in the old grove
at daylight.
- At your service, sir.
- At your service.
- Good day, Mr. Kenesaw Clark.
- Good day, Colonel Abercrombie.
Now, you're my second.
If anything happens
and I shouldn't be able to show up-
- Good day, Mr. Clark.
- Wait a minute here. Come here.
I'm gonna meet that old bird,
and I'm gonna fight him.
And when I get through,
you're gonna be runnin' on both tickets.
Well, I guess we can handle it.
- You sent for me, Mr. Clark?
- Yeah.
Say, are you still triflin'
with the affections...
of that girl over there
at Colonel Abercrombie's?
I'm not trifling.
- Is she trifling with you?
- Yes- Uh, no, s-
- I don't think so.
- Mm-hmm.
- You're both serious, huh?
- Why, ye-
No. No-Yes, sir.
Do you think you could get her
to do somethin' for ya?
Oh, sure.
My Olga'll do anything for me.
Practically.
Here. Here's what I want you
to get her to do.
Now these old bullets
won't kill anybody.
- You through yet?
- Almost.
Look, Olga. When he shoots 'em now,
all they'll do is just go-
But hurry. He may come back.
Okay, okay.
Olg, are you triflin' with me?
- Oh, Chris!
- It's a good thing.
Oh.
- Howdy, Ken. We're all ready.
- Let's go, Doc.
Hurry up there, T.
Come on.
Let's see that gun here.
I wanna be sure that all those are blanks.
I'll bet the colonel's scared speechless
right this minute.
I think that's him coming now.
- Are you all set, T?
- I'm set.
Now, listen here.
Keep your eyes open now.
And the minute I shoot,
you get busy with these tomatoes.
Don't worry. I'll be ready.
- You know what you're supposed to do?
- Yes, sir. There's the can.
- Run over there, and be quiet.
- Here's your gun.
Stand back.
Nice shootin', Ken.
Oh, well, hello, Colonel.
I didn't know you was here.
I was just doin' a little practicin'.
W-W-Whenever you're ready, sir.
I'm ready now.
Is Joe acting for you?
- He is, sir.
- Well, Lee here is acting for me.
Charlie is the referee, and the doctor here
will give you any aid possible.
Well, he won't be needed for me.
- I wouldn't take that coat off if I was you.
- Why?
'Cause it's awful hard to get it
back onto a man when he's layin' down.
We'll see.
Are you ready, gentlemen?
- I'm ready.
- I'm re-
- I'm ready.
- Six paces, I believe.
- Yeah.
- Remember, six paces- turn and fire.
Ready? Go!
You both missed, gentlemen. Ready again, please.
- Alm.
- W-W-Wait a minute.
Wait just a minute.
Just a minute here.
This thing ain't workin' out
just exactly like I figured it would.
Somethin' radically wrong here.
Now, here, I wanna talk to you about this.
You didn't take
the right number of paces.
- You mean to insinuate that I'm cheating?
- I'm not insinuating!
I'm simply telling you to stay awake!
And watch what you're doing!
- Don't you yell at me!
- I'll yell at you! I want you to stay awake!
I am awake! I am awake!
Pig!
- Stay awake and watch what you're doin'!
- Yeah! Yeah!
Ready? Go!
Kenesaw, y-you got me.
Well, I didn't mean to.
I was shootin' at your leg.
- I forgive you.
- That's mighty fine of you, Colonel.
Gentlemen, remember me like this.
Honor- Honor above self.
Stop it! They're making a fool of you!
Oh, Son, don't laugh
at your poor, dying father.
Doctor, I'll bet ya this is the first case...
you've lost in the neighborhood
by tomatoes.
Huh? Tomatoes?
Joe, this is gonna be a great story
for both our papers.
Why, you-
Colonel Abercrombie Shot
by Ripe Tomato"! Extra!
Here you are! Read all about It!
Colonel Abercromble shot with tomato!
- Read all about it here! Extra!
- Huh? Why, you-
What? Hey, come back here with those papers!
- Come back here!
Come back here with those papers!
Wait a minute here.
Did it hurt ya? Huh?
What happened anyhow?
I guess I must've been cuttin'
on the wrong limb.
Give me that knife.
- Boy, that's a pip.
- How do you like this one?
- You dirty rat!
- Hey!
- Hey, Lee, quit that!
- Aw, cut it out!
Here, here, here, here.
What's this all about?
I don't know. He just came in here
and piled into me.
And if you ever print another thing
like that about Miss Anderson, I'll be back!
You will, eh?
You'll come with me.
You've caused enough trouble
In this town.
I'll put you where
you can cool off.
- We'd better phone Kenesaw.
- Ken's outta town.
- He is?
- Left day before yesterday. I'll phone Ida.
- Hey, there.
- Oh, hello, Del.
You certainly picked
a fine time to be out of town.
Yeah. A fellow down at the depot
told me all about Lee acting up.
We had a terrible time.
If it hadn't been for Miss Ida...
- he might've had to stay in jail all night.
- It'd have done him good.
- Maybe it'd have cooled him off.
- It was all my fault.
As if anything Joe Abercrombie said
could matter.
- You kinda like Lee, don't ya?
- Yes.
But he's the stubbornest,
most contrary person I ever met.
What are you gonna do about it?
That's what I wanna
talk to you about.
I thought he was going to be all right,
but now, after being in jail again...
he's more stubborn than ever.
It's too bad.
I'm no matchmaker.
But just suppose
you were a matchmaker.
I'm no man to do any supposin'.
What are you,
arrivin' at that stage...
where you, uh, think that
washin' dishes is romantic?
Well, I lie awake nights
thinking about darning his socks.
Well, I ain't got any advice
to the lovelorn...
but I've noticed that no man
ever popped the question...
unless the lady
led her ace first.
Well, I've done everything
but threaten him with a shotgun.
Sometimes you have
to shoot 'em first.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Duck behind that.
Maybe we can find out
what his intentions are.
Hello.
Young man, looks to me...
like I can't go to the woodpile and back
without you gettin' all messed up.
I wasn't gonna let Joe Abercrombie
or anybody else talk about Del.
Don't you know there's ways
of winnin' a battle without fightin'?
I'm sorry.
He had it comin' to him.
Well, I feel mighty bad
about the fight...
and me not seein' it.
It seems like everything I do
turns out wrong.
- I just saw Del.
- Yeah?
Yeah. She's, uh, kinda talkin'
about gettin' married.
- Married?
- Mm-hmm.
Funny thing, I always, uh, kinda figured
you two would hit it off.
Oh, how could I ask her to marry me?
Wouldn't be fair.
What's fairness got to do
with marryin'?
Aw, I wish I'd never
come back to this town.
Would you feel any different
if I was to tell you...
that within 24 hours,
your name would be cleared?
What? Well, how do you know?
- Tell me. But-
- Now, don't get all excited now.
- Just leave it to me, and it's fixed.
- I've gotta tell Del.
Hey, hey, what are you gonna tell her?
You gonna-
You gonna ask her to marry you?
Well, do you think
she'd have me?
Yes!
- Del!
- Well, now that you've asked me, when'll it be?
Why- l-
- Mr. Ken?
- Yeah?
Will you give us a party
so we can announce it?
Lee might change his mind.
How about tomorrow night?
Have to ask Miss Ida about that.
Then it's all settled.
Come on.
I wish you'd stay out of here.
You told me to drop in
when I had some news.
Now I've got some news
that's fit to print.
I just arrived back in town
after a trip.
What do you want me to do about it,
put it in the society column?
Be a good idea at that.
Kenesaw Clark-
or Mr. Kenesaw Clark-
Wednesday'd and Thursday'd...
in Louisville, Kentucky.
Louisville?
Say, I don't want this
to get out.
Just between you and I, I sneaked over
to do some horse racin'...
at Churchill Downs.
- It's a pretty track, ain't it?
- Yeah.
I guess so.
Met an old friend of yours
while I was over there.
- Sends regards to ya.
- I don't know anyone in Louisville.
Sure, you know this fella.
- He's your bettin' commissioner.
- I never bet on the races.
He told me that you and Wally Stevens,
about three years ago...
come down there and tried
to make a cleanup... on a sure thing.
He's a liar.
That's funny.
About the time that, uh...
$3,000 disappeared from the bank...
this horse run last.
- What are you driving at?
- Me? Oh, nothing.
How did it come that there
was a society item in the paper...
saying that you was in Chicago
about this time?
How could you be in Chicago when you
and Wally Stevens was in Louisville?
- That's not so!
- Not so you's in Chicago?
No, Louisville.
The way I've got it, uh,
printed up here in my paper...
I wouldn't be surprised...
if a lot of people believe it.
Of course, Joe, uh...
if you could figure out some way
to, uh, clear Lee's name...
as a kind of a weddln'present
for him and Del...
why, I may be able to kill
the rest of that edition.
Now, I've only got till midnight.
That's my deadline.
Dance]
- Hello, Del.
- Where's your boyfriend?
He went downtown.
He'll be back in a few minutes.
Forgot the cigarettes.
- How many?
- Two cartons.
- Wrap 'em for you?
- No, that'll be all right.
- Quite some doings at your house, huh?
- Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
Jailbird.
Look at that.
Look what that old boy landed.
A man never gets too old
for a blonde, does he?
I wonder if she got a sister.
Well, well, If it aint Kid Cotton!
- Sir.
- How are you?
I just know you're Mr. Clark.
And I'm so glad to meet you.
- We owe everything to you, don't we, Daddy?
- Yes.
- I'll show you where to put your coat.
- Thank you.
Hey, Tom. Say, you-
You far exceeded my expectations.
Well, looks like I'm in for one of
the liveliest years of my life, Kenesaw...
if I hold out.
Now, now.
Don't get discouraged, Daddy.
Don't- Don't do that.
- Hello, honey.
- Oh, Mr. Ken. I'm so happy!
- Hey.
- What?
- Did you ask her If she had a sister?
- Oh!
What's happened?
He's not breathing.
Hey, it's Joe Abercrombie! Come on.
Give me a hand. Get him in the drugstore.
You're never gonna get around it.
Give him some air.
- Careful, boys. Careful.
- Easy. Easy.
- Say, phone for a doctor, will ya?
- Right.
- He's been shot!
- Shot?
I'll bet Lee Austin did it.
- He said he'd get Joe.
- Somebody call the colonel.
- I'll go.
- Who's with me to get Austin?
I don't care if they are busy!
Cut in on 'em!
- Give me the sheriff's office!
- Hurry, Colonel. Joe's just been shot!
What?
Joe?
- Where is he?
- In the drugstore.
Hello, Pap! Hiya!
- Hello, Mr. Clark.
- Hi, Pappy.
Just wanted to drop T. off
and say good-bye to ya.
- Couldn't have dropped him
anywhere else, could you?
Well, you better change your mind
and come and join us.
No. Much obliged. Gotta make the foot
of the mountain by daylight.
Well, you know you're always
welcome here anyhow, you know.
Pig!
- Good-bye!
- Bye!
Good-bye! Good luck!
- Hurry up with that stuff!
- We better give Parker the treatment too.
Don't worry.
We'll take care of him.
All right! Come on now!
What are we waitin' for?
For some tar and feathers!
- All promenade!
Dance]
Promenade back!
Do It again!
Swing your partner!
Swing 'em high!
All sashay!
Everybody dance!
- What do you fellas want?
- We want Lee Austin!
- What do you want him for?
- He shot Joe Abercrombie! That's what for!
He didn't shoot anybody.
Now you guys get outta here.
- We're saying he did, and we're taking him.
- No, you're not taking him.
There he is!
Get him, boys! Get him!
Pappy!
Something's happened.
T.'s hollerin' for help.
Get goin'!
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! Hold on!
Cut it out and listen a minute,
will ya? Hold on!
You fellas are all wet.
How could he have done that?
- He's been at this party all night.
- That's a lie.
- I saw him downtown just before Joe was shot.
- I only went to get cigarettes.
- There! You see?
- That don't say he done it anyhow.
Now get outta here! Come on!
Ow!
Down! Down!
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!
All you, stop it!
Stop! Will you stop?
I tell you Lee didn't do it!
Will you stop? Stop!
Stop it, I tell ya!
Stop it!
Lee didn't do it! Stop it!
I'm sorry, Kenesaw.
Here. Get your gang and get outta here,
and don't you come back in here!
Kenesaw, Joe's told me everything.
And I want all you people to know
that Lee didn't have anything to do...
with stealing that money
from the bank.
And we're going to make
full restitution.
Lee, I only hope you can
find it in your heart to forgive us.
That's all right, Colonel.
And if you'll only come back
to your old job in the bank...
I'll be very grateful.
Thanks.
That's mighty fine of you, Colonel.
Kenesaw, your-
Your old paper's waiting for ya.
Thanks. Just a minute.
There's just one thing here.
T. here figures that that school job
would keep him pretty busy.
He's wonderin' if you couldn't make him, uh,
lightnin' rod inspector.
We-We haven't got
any lightning rods.
- You haven't got any?
- No.
Well, he'd make you an awful good man then.
They're made out of iron.
Yeah.
- Yeah. I'll look at it.
- All right. Fine.
- Hmm? Huh?
- Hear anything?
- No, sir. I didn't hear nothin', Mr. Clark.
Don't hear nothin'?
You're deaf then.
Nothin's come around here
while I'm on the job.
You're lettin' him
sneak up on us here.
Interferin' with the freedom of the press.
- Give me that gun.
- I wasn't sleepin'.
I was just sort of playin' possum.
Gettin' so a man can't
get out his editorials around here...
without him stickin' his bill in.
Don't see him anywhere, do ya?
Huh?
- There he is!
- Is that him?
I'm gonna miss him so close this time,
I'll bet ya he don't come back anymore.
There he goes. He's sure hightailin' it
away now. He won't be back.
Kenesaw Clark, you leave that jaybird alone!
Oh, uh-Well, hello!
Hello, Miss Ida. How are you?
You stop that shootin'
and scarin' people half out of their wits.
Oh, well, Miss Ida, that old jaybird's
makin' so much noise here...
that, uh,
Chris just William Tell'd him.
My land!
Can't let a little jaybird
hardly open its mouth.
Well, you know how it is,
Miss Ida, with us writin' folks.
We don't get
much compensation.
About all we get is just the right
to act about half-cracked.
Half-cracked? Hmph!
If I hadn't lived next door to you for 20 years,
I'd say you were all cracked.
Now, you let
that jaybird alone!
Miss Ida's got her dander up.
She don't mean nothin' though.
Say, listen here...
you hustle out and see
if you can't collect some money...
for some subscriptions
around here.
People keep orderin' my paper.
Oughta be worth somethin'.
Oh, yes, sir.
Gonna get back
to first principles here.
You just keep on hollerin'
up there.
I'm just gonna-
David and Goliath now.
Thank you, kind sir.
Hey, how about
a little drive tonight?
You know schoolmarms aren't allowed out
except on Friday and Saturday nights.
- Oh, who'd find out?
- Nobody, because I'm not going.
Besides, I have some
examination papers to correct.
I'm gonna tell the old man
to look for a new teacher.
No. No, you can't do that.
- Why not? You're gonna marry me, aren't you?
- Well-
Oh, excuse me. I, uh-
I'm just out here prowlin' around,
hidin' from Miss Ida.
I'm tryin' to get out of here.
- What's the matter? Jaybirds again?
- Yeah.
See ya tomorrow, Adele.
So long, old-timer.
Old-timer." Fresh thing.
Young folks ain't got any respect
for their elders anymore.
Don't include me in that.
Say, ain't there some kind
of law in this town...
where a schoolteacher's
not supposed to go out...
with every Tom, Dick and... Joe?
It's only in the dark
we aren't trusted.
I don't know
nothin' about it, but, uh-
I'm just warnin' ya.
Mr. Ken?
Hmm?
What's your honest opinion
of Joe Abercrombie?
Well, he's got
awful pretty white teeth.
Be serious.
He's asked me to marry him.
You gonna do it?
Oh, Joe's all right,
but I don't know.
Well, you're gonna inherit
a lot of great kinfolks.
You don't think much
of his father, do you?
Oh, I don't know. l-
The old colonel's all right, I guess.
Kind of egotistical.
He may not exactly admit that he's
responsible for the rains we've been havin'...
but I think he'll tell you
that it was his original idea.
Still, you haven't answered
my question about Joe.
Now, listen,
I don't look any too bright...
but givin' advice to the lovelorn
ain't one of my weaknesses.
Joe's all right.
Besides, he might grow up
to be like his father.
Kenesaw, you come back here!
Kenesaw Clark!
The old boy's getting better all the time.
Listen to this.
This morning, I ate nine biscuits
and seven sausages for breakfast.
If I had been worth a million dollars,
I couldn't have held another bite."
- Hello, Ken.
- Howdy, Ken.
Well, I hope I'm not
disturbing you boys.
Oh, no. Just looking over the stuff
you wrote for next week's column.
- Mmm. There's plenty of truth in this one too, Ken.
- What?
At 20, we don't care
what the world thinks of us.
At 30, we worry about
what it thinks of us.
At 40, we're sure
it doesn't think of us."
That's hittin'the nail on the head.
You boys oughta be good critics. I hope
the payin' subscribers like it that well.
He means you!
Say, here's one.
Let's see if this hits
the nail on the head.
Loafing in a print shop...
has got sleepin' at home
beat all holler.
You don't have to send
the sheets to the laundry."
- Uh-oh. I get it.
- Which way out?
Don't mean us, do you, Ken?
Oh, no, no.
I didn't mean you.
You boys don't loaf here.
You don't loaf here.
You live here.
You reckon you can do
any better with an ax?
You ain't gettin' along
so fast here.
You're goin' back.
You're gettin' old.
Blamed ol' termite.
Come on. Get out. Come on.
What's the matter here?
My Lord. Here, here.
How'd you ever go to enough effort
to get it in there anyhow?
You can gnaw away more wood
than a badger can.
Come on.
With all that fur on your face...
you're beginning to look
like a badger anyhow.
Yeah. Them concrete houses
are gonna give you-
- Hello, Kenesaw.
- Well!
If It aint Tom Cotton. I aint seen ya
since the cows come home.
Well, I thought I'd bring in my subscription,
Kenesaw, while I was able.
You ain't thinkin'
about dyin' again, are you?
Well, none of us knows
when the call's comin'.
I'm hopin' to be prepared.
That's all.
Well, you come to the wrong fella
to talk about dying.
Take me now.
I'm just beginning to live.
It's all right enough for you to say,
but I'm pushin' 60.
Ah, 60! Why, you're just now ready
for your first mint of long pants.
Wait a minute. Here, don't sit down.
- What's the matter?
- Old T.'s been in here...
and he might've gnawed
a leg off of that chair.
Go ahead. It's all right.
This is-
This is no laughin' matter, Kenesaw.
That's the reason
I came to you.
Let me sweep up here
a little bit.
Can't tell whether you're in
a printin' shop or lumberyard.
I'm thinkin' that you'd help me fix up
my last will and testament...
so as my children can't make fools
of themselves after I'm gone.
I suppose they've always done everything
that you wanted 'em to do.
No, they haven't.
That's the trouble.
Never could do anything with 'em.
Oh. You can't do anything
with 'em while you're livin'...
and you wanna control 'em
after you're dead.
- Is that it?
- Well, I know they're not gonna
waste my money when I'm gone.
Oh, yeah? Looks like
the government tax makers...
is gonna fix it so you ain't
gonna have to worry about that.
Oh, it's got so I can't sleep nights
just thinkin' about it.
Hey, aint you the fella...
that, when we was boys
in school together...
used to always be talkin' about you was
gonna get a lot of fun out of life?
Well, I've been too busy.
And once you get started,
it ain't so easy as you think.
I'm not the only one.
There are thousands like me.
- Somebody's got to run the world.
- Ah!
Run the world" my granny.
You rich men is all alike. You spend
all your life makin' some money...
and then you get old and you
don't know what to do with it.
Hey, uh, maybe you're right, Kenesaw.
Ah, but even so,
it's too late now.
I-I'm too old a dog
to learn new tricks.
What could I do at my age?
Lots of things.
You can get yourself
some fancy britches...
go out and court some widow
that's just itchin'...
to help some old man
spend his money.
Well, uh, do you think
that would be fair to my children?
- You started from scratch, didn't ya?
- Yes.
Well, then you wanna give them
just as good a chance as you had.
You don't wanna dump
all that money in their laps...
and spoil all their ambition.
Make lapdogs out of'em.
Well, uh,
you may be right, Kenesaw.
But I don't know.
Say, would it be all right...
about that widow business?
Who knows? Who cares?
I've heard that, uh...
you can have a lot of fun
with a widow.
Well, I'll be on my way.
So long, Kenesaw.
So long.
Hi, Colonel, old boy.
Oh, hello. Hello, Colonel.
Come right on in.
- Hello, Mr. Clark.
- How are ya?
Say, I was just talkin'
about you not 10 minutes ago.
Well, I hope your estimate of myself...
was not too caustic, Mr. Editor.
Oh, no, no, no.
I was, uh...
just talkin' about that speech you made
up at the state bankers' convention.
- Uh-huh.
- Great stuff. You can't, uh-
You can't go wrong defendin'
the American Constitution.
We've got to get back
to first principles, Mr. Clark.
Well, that's great- great stuff.
Hop on the bandwagon
with the founding fathers.
Yeah.
I, uh-
I brought you over
a small item for the press.
I thought perhaps the community
might be interested-
In knowing that you
had offered yourself for reelection...
as head of our school board.
- Yes, that's right.
- Well, what about the annual outing?
There's nothing that the voters
like better than a free meal.
Well, uh, I'm arranging that.
However, this time...
I'm goin' to encourage one
of our leading industries- hog raising.
In other words,
I propose a hog show...
to select the winner
for the county fair.
- Oh, hogs, huh? Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Sure, I'll see that hogs
gets on the front page.
Yes. Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. -
- Yes, well, good day, Mr. Clark. Good day.
- Good day.
- Here are the subscriptions.
- What's all this mess you got here?
Well, the lady said
you'd have to take these...
on account of they haven't
got any change in the house.
You can't take these down to the bank
and pay off that mortgage.
Hey! Catch 'em!
Don't let 'em get away!
Hey, where's the other one?
Where'd he go?
- He was headin' over here.
- Chick, chick! Chick, chick, chick!
Chick, chick! Chickie!
Chick, chick! Chick, chick!
Hello.
Is that you, Lee Austin?
Come out of there.
What are you fixin' to do,
get yourself in some more trouble?
- You oughta know what I'm gonna do.
- Well, here.
- Forget it, whatever it was.
- But l-
Now, listen. You come on home with me
and get somethin' to eat.
Let's talk this thing over.
Come on.
Son, if you wanna make
good batter cakes...
you got to have
your batter just right.
You must always stir
from left to right.
That's what makes it just as light
as a feather on a baby goose.
Now, if you stir from right to left,
that's where those heavy babies come from.
Then you-
Then you toss 'em just so.
Not too much. Just-Just flip, easy-like,
and meet 'em comin' down.
Don't ever meet 'em goin' up.
That's what spoils their disposition, see?
Now, that's what you call technique.
Yes, sir. There's mighty few men
and no women at all can do that.
Here. Now, get yourself
some butter on those...
and, uh, then just smother 'em...
till they practically drown
in that good molasses.
And the deliciousness
will just ooze out of'em.
And from then on,
they'll do their own advertisin'.
Drink coffee?
You don't understand
about tonight.
I didn't ask you
any questions at all.
I was gonna make him
tell the truth, or kill him.
A couple of first-class funerals
would do this town a lot of good...
but shootin' people's
not the way to initiate it.
You know what he did to me.
Well, I wouldn't be
too hard on the colonel.
No. It did look kind of suspicious.
You was workin' in the bank,
and all that money disappeared.
- And you can't say you didnt get a fair trial.
- But I tell ya, I wasn't guilty!
Then you got nothin'
to worry about, son.
That's a laugh.
I've been in jail. I'm branded as a convict.
My whole life is ruined.
Your life is ruined.
What do you know about Life?
You haven't started to Live yet.
Every minute I was in there,
I thought of only one thing-
to get him and that lying son of his.
You didn't deny bein'
in the bank that night.
I tell you, I was framed!
All right, now, come on.
Quiet down.
Sit down and eat your cakes there
before they get cold. Come on.
Why didn't they question Joe?
He worked in the bank same as I did.
Why don't you stick around here
and see how people act?
You know, there ain't nothin'
that'll upset a guilty conscience...
like an innocent man's presence.
I've got a fine chance proving it.
Oh, who knows? Maybe
some new evidence will pop up.
But what could I do?
Who'd give me a job?
Ain't a finer business in the world
than the printin' business.
Kind of lonesome here.
Got lots of room.
Whoo-hoo!
Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!
Come on in.
We had some strawberry shortcake for supper,
and Miss Ida thought you might like-
Oh, uh, I hope
I'm not interrupting anything.
Nobody but yourself.
Here. Meet-
This is, uh-This is my helper,
Lee Austin.
- You remember him.
- Oh, yes.
That is, uh,
I've heard of him.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Don't be afraid of her, Lee. She's, uh-
She's just a schoolteacher.
Just come here from out of town
about the time that you left.
Her name's Del Anderson.
Folks say that she's not so popular
with these town girls.
Say, did you ever- Did you ever eat
one of my batter cakes?
- Why, yes, of course.
- Well, you're gonna eat one now.
Wait a minute. Sit right here
where there's clean plates.
Come on. Hustle around here
and help fix up-Wait on her there now.
I've got to run over
to Miss Ida's.
They tell me she's been
feedin' that jaybird just to spite me.
- Well, I can't stay but a minute.
- I'll be right back.
Let me get you some coffee.
I'm really not very hungry.
Well, it's risky business.
You know how the folks
in this town talk.
Ida, you and I are old enough,
we don't have to care what they say.
Speak for yourself, Kenesaw Clark.
I never did like the way them Abercrombies
stirred up sentiment.
Lee- I knew his folks...
before they died.
Awful fine people. Never was a finer man
ever lived than Lee's father.
Mmm.
I know, but after three years,
you'd a-think...
something would have turned up
if he was innocent.
After they sent him to jail, why,
folks figured the case was settled.
Well, I don't see any good
in reopening it now.
Well, maybe not.
Ain't no harm, though,
in nosin' around...
seein' what we can find out.
Besides, that's what
a newspaperman's for-
to get out the truth
every once in a while.
I, uh- I think with you, me...
and Del behind him,
he's gonna be all right.
Now, see here.
Don't go so fast about Del.
It's all right about us,
but that girl was entrusted to my care...
and I'm morally responsible for her.
And I'm not a-gonna
bring her into this.
Looks like, uh, the case
has been taken out of your hands.
Well!
I had to tell you.
I'm not a very desirable neighbor.
Mr. Ken offered you a job,
didn't he?
Yes, but he's different.
And he asked you
to live here?
Well, even I couldn't hurt
a reputation like his.
Oh. So you think
my reputation is so shaky...
that being friends with you
would ruin it.
- Oh, I didn't mean that.
- Well, then, don't intimate it.
Do you have to stand up?
Come on! Sing.
Falsetto, Off-key]
Say, you know, you don't get that part
right right in there.
These kids don't-
They sing it too low anyhow.
I didn't even take the pipe
out of my mouth to sing that time.
Well, I knew you had somethin'
in your mouth. Was that was that was?
Is that so? Well, you-
Listen here. You started it. Let's see.
Well, all right.
- That's what I'm talkin' about. Get it higher.
- Higher?
Of course, you've got it
pretty high there...
but you ain't gonna
lick me at that.
Don't tell me about singing.
- My land!
- I should be on that wagon.
Get a crack at that song
out there.
Here, you're just in time.
Open this for me.
Mmm.
- Where's your can opener?
- Over there.
You know,
the American eagle...
ought not to be
our national emblem.
Oughta be a can opener.
- Where is it?
- On the wall.
- I don't see it.
- Here, right In front of you.
Oh, this thing here?
Well, what in the world-
How do you-
The man that invented this thing
was public enemy number one.
I can think of no quicker way
of starvin' this country to death...
than to invent a can opener
that nobody knows how to work.
You know anything
about the thing?
Why, of course.
Here, give it to me.
You men.
You can't do anything.
There.
Well, what do you know
about that now?
Crazy thing did work at that.
Thought you were gonna walk home
from church with Miss Ida.
Well, she went
to the missionary meetin'...
to help feed the heathens.
Americans'll feed everybody
that don't live close to 'em.
Here, make yourself useful.
Put some of these things in that basket.
- Where's Lee?
- Oh, Lee's been primpin' since daylight.
I think he's puttin'
some hair oil on too.
Hey, that's a pretty dress
you got on there. Hmm?
Kind of fancy to be wearin'
to a picnic, ain't it?
- You like it?
- Mm-hmm.
An awfully nice horse
gave it to me.
What do you mean, a horse?
You won't tell?
Well, the other day,
Joe Abercrombie persuaded me...
to bet three dollars
on a horse race in Louisville.
- And the horse won.
- Yeah?
Is Joe, uh, a bettin' man?
- Joe bets almost every day.
- Oh, is that so?
Why, he almost won $30,000
about three years ago.
$30,000?
Mm-hmm. But he said
the race was crooked.
He lost instead.
I hurried just as fast as I could.
But that preacher got off on old folks'
problems, and you know how he is.
Good land. To hear him talk...
you'd think us people of 40
are ready for the boneyard.
Miss Ida, you don't look a day
older than you did 20 years ago.
A little-You've broadened.
Here, use this on him, Miss Ida.
Oh, it doesn't bother me any.
I wouldn't starve myself
to death for anybody.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Oh?
Miss Ida says anybody
that eats has to work for it.
Squeeze some orange juice
and put it in a thermos bottle.
Mmm, that looks good.
I'm practically starved.
- Nothin' like a good appetite.
- You always could eat.
My old daddy worked
hisself into the grave...
before he was 50 just tryin'
to make enough to feed us kids on.
Well, I can well believe that.
You don't catch me
workin' that hard.
I've got an electric stove
and a washin' machine and a mixer and-
Why, everything in here
runs by electricity.
All I have to do is just press a button,
and my work's done.
Yeah. With everything
workin' by machinery...
the American born a hundred years from now
won't have any head or arms or legs.
You'll just have a thumb
just to push a button with.
- What? No arms?
- No arms?
- Maybe I'm wrong.
- Give me the good old romantic days.
- Me too.
- You children are livin' in
the greatest age in history...
and you haven't got
sense enough to see it.
Well, one advantage I'll admit. Years ago,
women weren't supposed to have minds.
What do you mean, years ago?
Why, the machine age has given
us women leisure and time to think.
Yeah? Well, what do you think?
Oh! Well,
I think it's about time...
we were gettin' to this picnic
if we're ever going.
Nothing in the world makes me so hungry
as sittin' in church for three hours.
Here, Lee.
Take this thing out to the car.
You all monkeyed around here so long,
I've lost my appetite.
Wait a minute! Hey, hold it!
- Mr. Ken, I know it's none of my business, but-
- What?
These people paying you
with chickens and rabbits-
That's pretty poor pay for writing.
Pretty poor writin' too.
No, it's not.
And I've got an idea...
you can make more money
with this paper.
I should entertain
a proposition like that.
Mr. Ken, let me tackle
these advertisers, will ya?
Sure. I'll tell ya,
I'll make you general manager.
Give you any other title you want.
All right then. The first thing I'm gonna do
is get rid of these loafers.
- I'll begin with T. Watterson Meriwhether.
- Hey, hey. Old T?
Can't get along without old T.
He's one of the best antiques
we've got in this town.
You know, he solved a problem
that all the world...
outside of China, is searchin' for.
- What's that?
- How to relax.
He certainly has.
Why, it just quiets my nerves
just to look at him.
He's not relaxed.
He's asleep.
Well, he-
He does 'em both alike anyhow.
Hey, hey. Come on.
Wake up. It's gettin' late.
Come on here!
Wake up! Wake up!
Get on home here.
Come on. Gonna close up.
Go on home
and do your relaxin'.
It's gettin' dark.
Must've dropped off for a minute.
Yeah, you certainly did.
You've been asleep here for a long time.
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
Hey, wait a minute. You better take
this flashlight with you here...
so you can see your way home.
Thanks, Kenesaw.
I'll return this to you tomorrow...
if I don't get tied up.
- Good night, gentlemen.
- Good-
- Good night, gentlemen.
- Good night.
Pleasant dreams, Colonel.
Why don't you turn on your lights?
What's the matter with ya?
- That's disgusting.
- Drunk again.
He oughta be locked up.
Well, good day, gentlemen.
What can I do for you?
Clark, I want a word
with you in private.
Private? Anything
you wanna say to me...
you can say it before this-
my partner here.
- I'll step outside a minute.
- No, you won't. You'll stay right here. What is it?
We think, that in taking this young man
into your employ, that you've gone too far.
What's your objections?
- He's a thief and a convict.
- That's right.
- Why, you-
- Now, here, here. Now, wait a minute now, Lee.
Let me- Let me take care of this thing.
Now, you was sayin'?
I was sayin'
I won't put up with it-
your flaunting him
in the face of the decent...
law-abiding citizens
of this community.
He stole once. There's no proof
he won't do it again...
if he's coddled and protected
by people like you.
Now, suppose you run your bank,
and I'll run my paper.
Your paper.
Listen here, young man.
If I was you...
I'd stay out of this
just as long as I could.
Now, you, Colonel.
Now, we're just supposin'.
Now, supposin' it was your boy Joe here...
that was, uh,
tryin' to come back?
My son would never find himself
in such a position.
Well, maybe not.
Maybe not.
But we're just supposin',
you know?
In the bank, there's a lot of money.
It's a big temptation.
You old windbag! Are you trying to insinuate that
I had anything to do with stealing that money?
You heard me say
that I was just supposin'.
Now, that's about all, Clark.
Either he goes, or you go!
- You mean that?
- Yes!
I lent you a lot of money
to put in this new machinery...
this Linotype here,
and I've been mighty easy with ya...
letting it run on
month after month.
Well, you know good and well
that as soon as I'm able-
Unless you get rid of this man,
I shall have to demand immediate payment.
Well, looks to me, Colonel...
like you're
in the newspaper business.
- You can't do that, Mr. Kenesaw.
- Now, now.
When we're licked,
we'll just as well admit it.
Well, when do you-When do you
figure on takin' the place over?
My son Joe
will take over immediately.
Oh, Joe, huh?
Anytime you have
any news for the paper, let me know.
News for the paper, huh?
Get your hat, son.
Mr. Kenesaw, there's no sense
in your doing a thing like this.
Forget about it.
Forget about it.
What this town always needed anyhow
is a good opposition paper.
- I think I know a fella who's gonna start one.
- Who?
I've got an old Washington hand press
up in my attic...
that I started with 34 years ago.
You mean
that maybe you'll be the one-
You know what I'd call the paper?
I'm gonna call it the Wildcat.
That's it, the Wildcat. And I'm gonna
lay on his doorstep and howl...
and then claw him
when he comes out.
That's the name it's gonna be-
the Wildcat.
Traditional]
Kelly Cotton telephoned that her cousin
Ellie Crabtree Thursday'd in our midst.
Ah, in our midst."
That's old-time newspaper stuff.
In our midst"
don't get you anywhere.
You've got to tell what scandal they
got into while they was in our midst.
If you was a good newspaper woman...
you'd hustle around here and find out
who's gonna have a blessed event in our midst.
Uh-huh? Well, I'm not prowling around
in other people's private affairs.
Don't have to. You're a woman, ain't ya?
Just keep your eyes open.
Well, maybe you'll think
this is news.
Tom Cotton's elopin'
with that widow.
What do you know about that?
I wonder who put that idea
in that old fool's head?
Go ahead, now, and give 'em all
the adjectives you got there...
because he's gonna deserve 'em
when he starts in on that high livin'.
Mr. Ken, did you write
this copy in the dark?
I never saw so many
misspelled words in my life.
Yeah? Well, you don't have
to worry about that.
When I first started
in the newspaper business...
I misspelled a word, everybody
said it was just pure ignorance.
But when you misspell all of'em,
they accuse you of being a humorist...
say you're quaint.
- I got some paper.
- Great!
Got it from the butcher.
He said it was so hot,
nobody's eating meat now anyway.
- Did you get it?
- Yeah, I done just like you said.
I waited till he had his mouth shut,
and I went click.
Good. That's great.
Say, listen...
will you run up to the county seat with that
and see if you can get a cut made?
We're gonna show 'em some
real newspaperin' around here.
- Sure.
- I could drive him up.
That is, if Miss Ida'd
let us have her car.
- Oh, now, that car's not used to long trips.
- It's only 18 miles.
Oh, don't argue about it.
Come on. Come on. Let's get goin'.
- Get goin'. Hurry up now. Hurry up.
- Now, see here, Kenesaw.
- What do you mean by sendin' that-
- Aw, boo.
Well!
Oh, say, by the way, you might
phone over to Mr. Abercrombie...
and tell him you have
the following social note for him.
Lee and Del Wednesday'd
in the county seat."
- You're just achin' to stir up
some trouble, aren't ya?
No, not achin',
but it would be a pleasure.
I guess you know I think it's pretty swell
of you folks taking me in like this.
- Oh, stop it, Lee.
- How can I?
Just because Mr. Ken's
been nice to me...
they take his paper
away from him.
I wonder why the Abercrombies
are so bitter?
That's what I'd like to know.
Well, it's mighty funny to me.
I suppose Joe'll be worse than ever now
on account of you.
- On account of me?
- Well, he's in love with you, isn't he?
Well, he's asked me to marry him
if that's any proof of love.
Are you going to?
Well, I don't know.
Let's see, Monday- No.
I'm really gonna be awfully busy next-
I'd rather see you dead first.
Why, Lee! That's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
Kenesaw Clark is behind this!
You mean Lee Austin.
He probably put Clark up to it.
That Meriwhether!
That moron! That loafer!
That ignoramus!
Head of the schools!
All three of'em
oughta be run out of town.
Well, I'll be reelected
if I spend every penny I've got!
Joe, get busy.
Get word out in the paper...
that every living soul in this district
is invited to my hog party.
l- Never mind. I'll write the copy myself.
Here, give me some paper.
You got any paper here?
Well! That one there.
Uh- Have you got a pen?
I'll show them
who they're dealing with.
Take that!
Stop it!
Wait a minute, Ma!
So that's the way you make
a fool of yourself away from home!
There must be some mistake.
Callin' Colonel Abercrombie a jackass,
and him head of the bank.
Why, I never called nobody
a jackass.
I guess I can read, can't I? It's right there
on the front page with your picture.
Didn't even have sense enough
to keep your eyes open.
- What am I gonna do?
- Do? You're a man, ain't ya?
You go up there and whup that Kenesaw Clark
within an inch of his life.
Then go around and tell Colonel Abercrombie
the truth. That's what you'll do.
Aw, but- Don't you think that-
- Are you gonna go?
- I'll go! I'll go!
Well, git then!
Well, T., looks like you woke the town up
to some real excitement.
- You can count on me!
- Congratulations, T!
A lot of folks in this town
feel the same as you do...
but they haven't got
nerve enough to say so.
- You'll get my vote.
- You hand it to 'im, T.
- I hope you win.
- I always knew it ain't right for
a man to hold a job too long.
I wanna shake your hand.
- You son of a gun, you!
- You're all right!
Mr. Clark! Mr. Clark!
- What Is It? What's the matter?
- He's coming.
- Who's coming? What?
- Old Meriwhether's coming.
- What about it?
- He's got a horse whip.
- Oh, I knew it, I knew it!
- Maybe you could cut out through here.
- A horse whip?
- You better let me handle him, Mr. Ken.
My Lord. In the old days, they used
to come looking for me with a gun around here.
What's the matter? Is this town getting soft?
He is comin' at that.
- Mr. Clark.
- Mr. T.
I think you used poor judgment
in your choice of photograph.
However, I think the colonel's
in for a scrap.
Well, of all things, he believes it himself.
I think you're-
I think you're right about that, Major.
Yes. Major. The first thing we gotta do
is offset this show of the colonel's.
Sink his navy like we did at Manila
and then pursue him into the hills.
- What would you suggest?
- Well-
Now, we gotta have somethin'
with some zip.
Now, if it was a dance-
- Or may-
- If you don't mind.
Or an all-day singing-
Of course, if I was down home,
I'd say a hog-calling contest.
- Hog calling?
- Yes.
Used to be the champion
in the county.
Listen to this.
Pig, pig, pig, pig, pig,
pig, pig, pig!
That's all. No.
He's all right. Thanks.
- All right.
- Nobody but-
Hog callin', huh?
Say, do you, uh-
Do you think that you could, uh...
round up some of your kinfolks
with a call like that?
My folks are a clannish people.
They'll come when I call 'em.
Sir, it looks like I picked
the right candidate again.
Put her there. Pig!
- Pig, pig, pig!
- Say, you're good too.
Pig, pig, pig!
That's as fine a lot of potential hams
as I've ever seen.
- How do you do, Colonel?
- How do you do? How do you do?
- Your little girl?
- Yeah, my daughter.
Well, well, well.
- Here, my dear. There's a penny for you.
- What do you say?
- Thank you.
- We'll see this one here.
I think I'm capable of choosing
my own friends, Joe.
If I happen to like Lee Austin,
that's my business.
You know what he's done.
You're just getting yourself
talked about, and I don't like it.
How does it affect you?
Well, we're practically engaged,
aren't we?
- Are we?
- Besides, you're getting yourself
in bad with my father.
Oh, I suppose he thinks I might be
corrupting the morals of the pupils.
Anytime your father wants to get
a new teacher, it's all right with me.
- Now, listen-
- I've heard enough.
What are we doin'
way over here?
Why don't we go down there
where the pigs are?
- We'll go down there in a minute.
- Here comes T.
Come on!
Well, my land!
Will you look at that?
We're all here, I guess.
This is Pappy comin' here.
- He's in charge.
- Hello, Mr. Clark. How are you?
Come on up, folks,
and meet Mr. Clark.
I was talkin' to T. here
about the contest...
and I told him we'd better
get set on the technique.
- Technique?
- That's what it takes.
You take a little pig,
you gotta call 'im high.
Uh, Effie,
show 'em what I mean.
Pig!
Pig, pig, pig!
Now, an old sow, though, she won't answer
to nothin' but a call halfway in between.
Hank, show your stuff.
Pig!
Pig, pig!
But when it comes to a boar,
that's when you gotta hit it.
- Luke, you got it?
- Yes, sir.
Pig!
Pig, pig, pig!
There you are,
Now, which you wanna use?
Well, uh, if the other two
ain't too busy...
we might use all three of'em.
The final judging!
Before we come
to the final judging...
I've been asked to remind you of a political
problem which has developed in our midst...
and to which I unfortunately
am a party.
Pig, pig, pig!
Pig, pig, pig!
Pigs will be pigs.
As I was saying,
you may not realize it...
but you and your children
have been subjected to an insult...
never before offered
to a moral and a spiritual people.
l-
Pig, pig, pig, pig!
My friends, I am referring to...
the character and person
of the candidate...
who is opposing me
in this campaign.
If you think this is funny, I don't!
This is no joke!
Go see who's making those noises!
Clear out!
My friends, I stand before you...
as this interloper's
impregnable" foe...
as your challenge to backwardness.
I call upon you-
I got myself
a piece of pork here.
- Why didn't you get a big one?
You never do anything right.
- Hang on!
This is Kenesaw Clark's work.
I'll shoot him on sight,
like a dog!
I'll get him for this
if it's the last thing I do!
Only blood can wash away
the wrong he's done me.
I hear Kenesaw's making
the same kind of threats against you.
I shall be prepared for him.
- That means you're gonna shoot him on sight?
- Such is my intention.
- What do you want?
- Nothing much, son.
I'd just like to look through some of
your old back issues of the Citizen.
Well, you know where they are.
Won't take me but a minute.
I'm lookin' for a little
social item was in the paper...
along about the time
that Lee took that money.
Then he admits taking it?
Well, he don't exactly admit it...
but I haven't heard him
denying it lately.
You know,
if I remember right...
your testimony
was mighty damagin' to him.
- He's the only one that could've done it.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I guess that's right.
Yep, money's awful temptin' to young folks.
Hey, what do you think
you're doing?
Get up! Look out there!
- Oh, let go!
- Wait a minute, please.
Got the thing here-
Meddling- Get outta here! Go on!
What's the date that money
was found missin'?
March 5, 1932.
- Huh?
- March 5, 1932.
Wish I had a memory like that.
- Much obliged, Joe.
- Find what you wanted?
I wouldn't be surprised.
- Hey, wake up.
- Pig, pig, pig, pig, pig!
Pig, pig."
Come on. Wake up. Get outta here.
Go on. Typical candidate.
Well, Ken, has the colonel
fired on you yet?
That old blowhard wouldn't
fire on nobody.
You're not afraid of him,
are you, Ken?
Listen here. When my honor's involved,
I lose all sense of fear or reason.
- Well, the colonel says he's gonna get ya.
- Yeah?
- The only way he'd get anybody
is with a mortgage.
Well, you better look out.
There's plenty bad blood in that colonel.
- And when I spill some of it,
he won't be so bad either.
- Uh-huh.
Better come with me, T.
- Just leave him to us.
- Uh-huh.
Well, you can always
depend on me.
Look-
Go on.
Drive around the block.
Much obliged.
- Are you all right, Ken?
- Did he hit ya?
- Nowhere that I can see.
- We sure made him take to cover.
- Where is he?
- He's gone.
- Yeah? Where?
- Around the corner a mile a minute.
It's a good thing for him.
Come on, T. We'd better get home.
What'd you mean by sayin' before them men
that we made him take off?
Well, we was together, and l-
Colonel, I call on you for a truce...
to discuss ways and means
of fightin' this thing out.
Well, you won't shoot
if I consent?
I got nothin' to shoot with
but an old pipe here.
Oh. Well, I'm unarmed myself.
Well, then, looks like
we can trust each other.
Look here, Colonel. We can't go on
like this, meetin' on every corner.
It's gettin' so I can't turn a corner
here in town without runnin' onto you.
I propose that we settle this
Like gentlemen settle anything- with a duel.
- As the challenged party-
- Wait a minute.
You're the one challenged me.
I'm the one to name the weapons.
- As you wish, sir.
- All right. I'll name pistols.
And we'll meet in the old grove
at daylight.
- At your service, sir.
- At your service.
- Good day, Mr. Kenesaw Clark.
- Good day, Colonel Abercrombie.
Now, you're my second.
If anything happens
and I shouldn't be able to show up-
- Good day, Mr. Clark.
- Wait a minute here. Come here.
I'm gonna meet that old bird,
and I'm gonna fight him.
And when I get through,
you're gonna be runnin' on both tickets.
Well, I guess we can handle it.
- You sent for me, Mr. Clark?
- Yeah.
Say, are you still triflin'
with the affections...
of that girl over there
at Colonel Abercrombie's?
I'm not trifling.
- Is she trifling with you?
- Yes- Uh, no, s-
- I don't think so.
- Mm-hmm.
- You're both serious, huh?
- Why, ye-
No. No-Yes, sir.
Do you think you could get her
to do somethin' for ya?
Oh, sure.
My Olga'll do anything for me.
Practically.
Here. Here's what I want you
to get her to do.
Now these old bullets
won't kill anybody.
- You through yet?
- Almost.
Look, Olga. When he shoots 'em now,
all they'll do is just go-
But hurry. He may come back.
Okay, okay.
Olg, are you triflin' with me?
- Oh, Chris!
- It's a good thing.
Oh.
- Howdy, Ken. We're all ready.
- Let's go, Doc.
Hurry up there, T.
Come on.
Let's see that gun here.
I wanna be sure that all those are blanks.
I'll bet the colonel's scared speechless
right this minute.
I think that's him coming now.
- Are you all set, T?
- I'm set.
Now, listen here.
Keep your eyes open now.
And the minute I shoot,
you get busy with these tomatoes.
Don't worry. I'll be ready.
- You know what you're supposed to do?
- Yes, sir. There's the can.
- Run over there, and be quiet.
- Here's your gun.
Stand back.
Nice shootin', Ken.
Oh, well, hello, Colonel.
I didn't know you was here.
I was just doin' a little practicin'.
W-W-Whenever you're ready, sir.
I'm ready now.
Is Joe acting for you?
- He is, sir.
- Well, Lee here is acting for me.
Charlie is the referee, and the doctor here
will give you any aid possible.
Well, he won't be needed for me.
- I wouldn't take that coat off if I was you.
- Why?
'Cause it's awful hard to get it
back onto a man when he's layin' down.
We'll see.
Are you ready, gentlemen?
- I'm ready.
- I'm re-
- I'm ready.
- Six paces, I believe.
- Yeah.
- Remember, six paces- turn and fire.
Ready? Go!
You both missed, gentlemen. Ready again, please.
- Alm.
- W-W-Wait a minute.
Wait just a minute.
Just a minute here.
This thing ain't workin' out
just exactly like I figured it would.
Somethin' radically wrong here.
Now, here, I wanna talk to you about this.
You didn't take
the right number of paces.
- You mean to insinuate that I'm cheating?
- I'm not insinuating!
I'm simply telling you to stay awake!
And watch what you're doing!
- Don't you yell at me!
- I'll yell at you! I want you to stay awake!
I am awake! I am awake!
Pig!
- Stay awake and watch what you're doin'!
- Yeah! Yeah!
Ready? Go!
Kenesaw, y-you got me.
Well, I didn't mean to.
I was shootin' at your leg.
- I forgive you.
- That's mighty fine of you, Colonel.
Gentlemen, remember me like this.
Honor- Honor above self.
Stop it! They're making a fool of you!
Oh, Son, don't laugh
at your poor, dying father.
Doctor, I'll bet ya this is the first case...
you've lost in the neighborhood
by tomatoes.
Huh? Tomatoes?
Joe, this is gonna be a great story
for both our papers.
Why, you-
Colonel Abercrombie Shot
by Ripe Tomato"! Extra!
Here you are! Read all about It!
Colonel Abercromble shot with tomato!
- Read all about it here! Extra!
- Huh? Why, you-
What? Hey, come back here with those papers!
- Come back here!
Come back here with those papers!
Wait a minute here.
Did it hurt ya? Huh?
What happened anyhow?
I guess I must've been cuttin'
on the wrong limb.
Give me that knife.
- Boy, that's a pip.
- How do you like this one?
- You dirty rat!
- Hey!
- Hey, Lee, quit that!
- Aw, cut it out!
Here, here, here, here.
What's this all about?
I don't know. He just came in here
and piled into me.
And if you ever print another thing
like that about Miss Anderson, I'll be back!
You will, eh?
You'll come with me.
You've caused enough trouble
In this town.
I'll put you where
you can cool off.
- We'd better phone Kenesaw.
- Ken's outta town.
- He is?
- Left day before yesterday. I'll phone Ida.
- Hey, there.
- Oh, hello, Del.
You certainly picked
a fine time to be out of town.
Yeah. A fellow down at the depot
told me all about Lee acting up.
We had a terrible time.
If it hadn't been for Miss Ida...
- he might've had to stay in jail all night.
- It'd have done him good.
- Maybe it'd have cooled him off.
- It was all my fault.
As if anything Joe Abercrombie said
could matter.
- You kinda like Lee, don't ya?
- Yes.
But he's the stubbornest,
most contrary person I ever met.
What are you gonna do about it?
That's what I wanna
talk to you about.
I thought he was going to be all right,
but now, after being in jail again...
he's more stubborn than ever.
It's too bad.
I'm no matchmaker.
But just suppose
you were a matchmaker.
I'm no man to do any supposin'.
What are you,
arrivin' at that stage...
where you, uh, think that
washin' dishes is romantic?
Well, I lie awake nights
thinking about darning his socks.
Well, I ain't got any advice
to the lovelorn...
but I've noticed that no man
ever popped the question...
unless the lady
led her ace first.
Well, I've done everything
but threaten him with a shotgun.
Sometimes you have
to shoot 'em first.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Duck behind that.
Maybe we can find out
what his intentions are.
Hello.
Young man, looks to me...
like I can't go to the woodpile and back
without you gettin' all messed up.
I wasn't gonna let Joe Abercrombie
or anybody else talk about Del.
Don't you know there's ways
of winnin' a battle without fightin'?
I'm sorry.
He had it comin' to him.
Well, I feel mighty bad
about the fight...
and me not seein' it.
It seems like everything I do
turns out wrong.
- I just saw Del.
- Yeah?
Yeah. She's, uh, kinda talkin'
about gettin' married.
- Married?
- Mm-hmm.
Funny thing, I always, uh, kinda figured
you two would hit it off.
Oh, how could I ask her to marry me?
Wouldn't be fair.
What's fairness got to do
with marryin'?
Aw, I wish I'd never
come back to this town.
Would you feel any different
if I was to tell you...
that within 24 hours,
your name would be cleared?
What? Well, how do you know?
- Tell me. But-
- Now, don't get all excited now.
- Just leave it to me, and it's fixed.
- I've gotta tell Del.
Hey, hey, what are you gonna tell her?
You gonna-
You gonna ask her to marry you?
Well, do you think
she'd have me?
Yes!
- Del!
- Well, now that you've asked me, when'll it be?
Why- l-
- Mr. Ken?
- Yeah?
Will you give us a party
so we can announce it?
Lee might change his mind.
How about tomorrow night?
Have to ask Miss Ida about that.
Then it's all settled.
Come on.
I wish you'd stay out of here.
You told me to drop in
when I had some news.
Now I've got some news
that's fit to print.
I just arrived back in town
after a trip.
What do you want me to do about it,
put it in the society column?
Be a good idea at that.
Kenesaw Clark-
or Mr. Kenesaw Clark-
Wednesday'd and Thursday'd...
in Louisville, Kentucky.
Louisville?
Say, I don't want this
to get out.
Just between you and I, I sneaked over
to do some horse racin'...
at Churchill Downs.
- It's a pretty track, ain't it?
- Yeah.
I guess so.
Met an old friend of yours
while I was over there.
- Sends regards to ya.
- I don't know anyone in Louisville.
Sure, you know this fella.
- He's your bettin' commissioner.
- I never bet on the races.
He told me that you and Wally Stevens,
about three years ago...
come down there and tried
to make a cleanup... on a sure thing.
He's a liar.
That's funny.
About the time that, uh...
$3,000 disappeared from the bank...
this horse run last.
- What are you driving at?
- Me? Oh, nothing.
How did it come that there
was a society item in the paper...
saying that you was in Chicago
about this time?
How could you be in Chicago when you
and Wally Stevens was in Louisville?
- That's not so!
- Not so you's in Chicago?
No, Louisville.
The way I've got it, uh,
printed up here in my paper...
I wouldn't be surprised...
if a lot of people believe it.
Of course, Joe, uh...
if you could figure out some way
to, uh, clear Lee's name...
as a kind of a weddln'present
for him and Del...
why, I may be able to kill
the rest of that edition.
Now, I've only got till midnight.
That's my deadline.
Dance]
- Hello, Del.
- Where's your boyfriend?
He went downtown.
He'll be back in a few minutes.
Forgot the cigarettes.
- How many?
- Two cartons.
- Wrap 'em for you?
- No, that'll be all right.
- Quite some doings at your house, huh?
- Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
Jailbird.
Look at that.
Look what that old boy landed.
A man never gets too old
for a blonde, does he?
I wonder if she got a sister.
Well, well, If it aint Kid Cotton!
- Sir.
- How are you?
I just know you're Mr. Clark.
And I'm so glad to meet you.
- We owe everything to you, don't we, Daddy?
- Yes.
- I'll show you where to put your coat.
- Thank you.
Hey, Tom. Say, you-
You far exceeded my expectations.
Well, looks like I'm in for one of
the liveliest years of my life, Kenesaw...
if I hold out.
Now, now.
Don't get discouraged, Daddy.
Don't- Don't do that.
- Hello, honey.
- Oh, Mr. Ken. I'm so happy!
- Hey.
- What?
- Did you ask her If she had a sister?
- Oh!
What's happened?
He's not breathing.
Hey, it's Joe Abercrombie! Come on.
Give me a hand. Get him in the drugstore.
You're never gonna get around it.
Give him some air.
- Careful, boys. Careful.
- Easy. Easy.
- Say, phone for a doctor, will ya?
- Right.
- He's been shot!
- Shot?
I'll bet Lee Austin did it.
- He said he'd get Joe.
- Somebody call the colonel.
- I'll go.
- Who's with me to get Austin?
I don't care if they are busy!
Cut in on 'em!
- Give me the sheriff's office!
- Hurry, Colonel. Joe's just been shot!
What?
Joe?
- Where is he?
- In the drugstore.
Hello, Pap! Hiya!
- Hello, Mr. Clark.
- Hi, Pappy.
Just wanted to drop T. off
and say good-bye to ya.
- Couldn't have dropped him
anywhere else, could you?
Well, you better change your mind
and come and join us.
No. Much obliged. Gotta make the foot
of the mountain by daylight.
Well, you know you're always
welcome here anyhow, you know.
Pig!
- Good-bye!
- Bye!
Good-bye! Good luck!
- Hurry up with that stuff!
- We better give Parker the treatment too.
Don't worry.
We'll take care of him.
All right! Come on now!
What are we waitin' for?
For some tar and feathers!
- All promenade!
Dance]
Promenade back!
Do It again!
Swing your partner!
Swing 'em high!
All sashay!
Everybody dance!
- What do you fellas want?
- We want Lee Austin!
- What do you want him for?
- He shot Joe Abercrombie! That's what for!
He didn't shoot anybody.
Now you guys get outta here.
- We're saying he did, and we're taking him.
- No, you're not taking him.
There he is!
Get him, boys! Get him!
Pappy!
Something's happened.
T.'s hollerin' for help.
Get goin'!
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! Hold on!
Cut it out and listen a minute,
will ya? Hold on!
You fellas are all wet.
How could he have done that?
- He's been at this party all night.
- That's a lie.
- I saw him downtown just before Joe was shot.
- I only went to get cigarettes.
- There! You see?
- That don't say he done it anyhow.
Now get outta here! Come on!
Ow!
Down! Down!
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!
All you, stop it!
Stop! Will you stop?
I tell you Lee didn't do it!
Will you stop? Stop!
Stop it, I tell ya!
Stop it!
Lee didn't do it! Stop it!
I'm sorry, Kenesaw.
Here. Get your gang and get outta here,
and don't you come back in here!
Kenesaw, Joe's told me everything.
And I want all you people to know
that Lee didn't have anything to do...
with stealing that money
from the bank.
And we're going to make
full restitution.
Lee, I only hope you can
find it in your heart to forgive us.
That's all right, Colonel.
And if you'll only come back
to your old job in the bank...
I'll be very grateful.
Thanks.
That's mighty fine of you, Colonel.
Kenesaw, your-
Your old paper's waiting for ya.
Thanks. Just a minute.
There's just one thing here.
T. here figures that that school job
would keep him pretty busy.
He's wonderin' if you couldn't make him, uh,
lightnin' rod inspector.
We-We haven't got
any lightning rods.
- You haven't got any?
- No.
Well, he'd make you an awful good man then.
They're made out of iron.
Yeah.
- Yeah. I'll look at it.
- All right. Fine.