Little Giant, The (1933) Movie Script

MAN: Well, folks, there's not
much doubt about what's happening.
We continue with the latest returns.
Illinois is just reporting.
Roosevelt, 54,897. Hoover, 13,242.
Roosevelt, 11,987. Hoover, 4354.
Roosevelt, 18,361. Hoover, 3530.
We're going to hear from Pennsylvania
in just a second.
North Dakota:
Hoover, 2767. Roosevelt, 5299.
Roosevelt, 14,874. Hoover, 10,342.
Roosevelt, 5936. Hoover, 3542.
Here's another dispatch from Idaho,
always a Republican stronghold.
Hoover, 946. Roosevelt, 2288.
President Hoover has just sent a telegram
of congratulations to Governor Roosevelt.
It's all over but the shouting.
This has been the greatest Democratic
landslide in the history of American politics.
Governor Roosevelt
has carried practically every state...
... sweeping all opposition before him.
It certainly marks the end of one era
and the beginning of another.
Well, here's something interesting.
A flash from Milwaukee.
The brewing interests plan
to start immediate production of beer.
And a flash from California.
Governor Rolph announces
that he intends to release all prisoners...
... held for liquor violations in that state.
Listen to this, from New York State.
Democratic leaders announce
that Roosevelt will use all his influence...
... to have the 18th Amendment repealed
as soon as possible.
It looks as if the Noble Experiment
was on its last legs.
The handwriting on the wall
for Prohibition.
It's taken us 12 years to realize...
Well, it's all over, boys.
We're washed up.
I knew it was coming.
What did I always tell you?
I knew it was too good to last.
Well, it lasted long enough
to put us in the dough.
But it ain't no more.
Hey, you mugs, all of you, come here.
Come and get it.
- What are you doing, Bugs?
- This is the payoff.
Might as well cut it up right now
and call it quits.
We're through.
Just a minute. Pipe down, will you?
You just heard the bad news.
Our racket can't last much longer.
I'm stepping out of it tonight
and if you're smart, you'll all step out of it.
Here you are, Butch.
This is for the vine-covered cottage
out in the country somewheres.
You can grow your own vegetables,
Here you are, Al.
Split it up with the kids.
All right, just a minute.
I ain't kidding now.
And another thing.
From right now on, no more mob, see?
No more organization.
We're all on our own.
Bugs, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna mingle with the upper classes.
I'm gonna be a gentleman.
Roosevelt elected. Hey, paper here.
Read all about it. Beer in six months.
- Hey, special extra.
MAN 1: Extra.
MAN 2: Read all about it.
MAN 1: Roosevelt promises beer in April.
Why didn't you take your car?
You're just begging some guy
to put one in you.
I feel like walking. I'm restless.
Oh, quitting like this,
I hate to see you do it, Bugs.
Stepping out of the picture.
Handing the town right over to Joe Milano.
Well, it suits me.
In six months, he'll be out of business.
I'm going to step out
while I've still got mine.
Good evening, Mr. Ahearn.
MAN 2:
Oh, yes, we have. Roosevelt elected.
- How do, Nelson?
- Did you and the boys vote today?
MAN 2: Read all about it. Roosevelt elected.
- Six times apiece.
So Uncle Sam has muscled in
on your racket, huh? Ha-ha-ha.
MAN 1:
Beer in six months.
For a leaden nickel,
I'd take a poke at that flatfoot.
- Just one good poke.
- No, no, don't, Bugs.
You're right, Al.
I got a million and a quarter salted away,
and all he's got is flat feet.
Let him laugh.
- What's eating the Little Giant tonight?
- He's going out of business.
How do you like that?
Bugs, is this on the level?
Yeah, it's on the level. I'm through.
Why, honey, you could no more quit
than you could stop breathing.
- It's your life.
- No?
Hey, you think I like to sweat and worry
20 hours a day?
Scheme, connive,
play both ends against the middle... on the edge of a volcano
liable to blow up?
You think it's fun to spend your life waiting
for some mug to spray you with a gun?
I can't go anywheres
without a bodyguard.
I'm always tense,
coiled up like a spring...
...ready to duck
the moment anybody flashes a rod.
Every time I step into my car,
get near a window, walk around the block.
Every time somebody opens the door, I
hunch my shoulder waiting for that thunder.
That's how I've lived
for the last 10 years.
And believe me, sister, I got a bellyful.
Must be great to have dough to quit on.
By cutting all the corners,
I'll manage to eat...
...and keep the rain off me.
I'm a young guy that knows all the answers
and got my whole life before me.
Yeah, and I'm all washed up with mugs.
I know, I came from the gutter,
but I'm stepping right out of it.
I'm gonna meet some real people.
Do something worthwhile,
amount to something.
When you meet these people,
what are you gonna talk about?
Machine guns and beer?
I'll manage to talk to them, all right,
and they'll listen.
I've been reading a lot.
I've been studying.
I ain't been wasting my time.
What do you think I've been reading
all them books for? Here.
Greek philosophy.
I bet you thought Pluto was a water.
I'm just crawling with education.
I've been reading all them Greeks.
They do plenty beside shining shoes
and running lunchrooms.
Sure, they don't do bad in a dark alley
with a stiletto, either.
Yeah, smart guy, ain't you?
What do you think I've been buying
all them pictures for?
Here, take a hinge at that one.
You ever seen anything like that before?
Not since I've been off cocaine.
No, you dumb head.
I suppose you think that's a cat having a fit
in a bucket of tomato ketchup.
Well, it ain't, see? That's art.
Why, it's one of the finest examples
of, uh, fu...
Futurism. Yeah.
Why, that's got, uh, dynamic rhythm.
Yeah, that's what it's got,
and tone color.
But it ain't got a nickel's worth
of perspective.
You know, pictures without perspective,
well, that's the last word in art today.
Go on, point me out some perspective.
I dare you to.
What for?
Do you know how much
that set me back?
Twelve hundred smackers.
Why, it's a genuine Kaputzawich.
- Who's he?
- The guy who painted that picture.
Yeah, what am I fixing
to talk to them about?
See, I'm just crawling with culture.
Ask me anything.
What do you wanna know?
A good reason
why I shouldn't get stinking drunk.
What's the matter with me as a picture,
- Looks like you two wanna be alone.
- We could spare you.
Oh, no, not tonight, Josephine.
I got a lot of heavy thinking to do.
Me for the hay.
Good night.
You know, that's the "Pilgrim's Chorus"
by Wagner.
Grand opera.
Phoned you a couple times this morning.
Well, I was down the Civic Auditorium
listening to a lecture on technocracy.
- What's that?
- Well, the guy's pan was all over whiskers.
He kept mumbling in them
so I couldn't hear.
Oh, boy.
The pro says I'm getting
that left wrist swell. Ha-ha-ha.
- So the skids are under me, huh?
- Well, it's tough.
Oh, us dames always get it
sooner or later.
It's like death or the taxes.
I hate to do this, kid.
You been a great pal.
Never mind the song and dance.
Oh, I ain't sore, Bugs.
You say quit, so it's quit.
Here, let me help you.
Why, honey, this is far too much.
I couldn't take it.
Oh, go on, take it. It's yours.
You've been a great gal, honey.
Oh, well.
So long.
Come see us sometime.
All the luck in the world to you, Edith.
Thank you, dear.
Same to you.
- How'd she take it?
- Standing up.
Did you get rid of the trucks?
Yeah, the Ajax Trucking Company
was glad.
I sold all the ammunition
to the Army and Navy store.
Oh, here.
Here's the checks.
Say, did you get rid of the choppers?
Well, there ain't much market
for machine guns...
...but I phoned a Mexican I know in El Paso,
and he's gonna take all we got.
We're a cinch to get rid
of our breweries and warehouses.
- We can sell them to the government.
- The government?
Sure, ain't they muscling in
into our business?
Well, that's swell.
Oh, um...
Oh, Bugs?
I was just kind of thinking.
Now that you've got rid of the boys, trucks,
ammunition, and the choppers and Edith...
...I was wondering, well,
what you were figuring to do with me.
Well, why don't you take a little trip
for yourself?
You mean, us split up?
Oh, don't give me that.
We've been together since we was kids
over on Blue Island Avenue.
- I know, but seeing as how...
- You're gonna put no skids under Al.
I started with you, I'm sticking with you,
even if I have to wade to my hips in art.
Look at all the good times
we had together.
Remember the time we busted into that loft
after them furs?
Yeah, and you went into a panic over that
big stuffed polar bear in the corner.
- I gave it to him.
- You sure opened up on him.
The cops on the West Side was swarming
that joint like they was bees around a hive.
And in reform school,
when we got ahold of that saltpeter.
Hey, boy, will I ever forget that?
We dumped it in the sugar bowl.
Yeah, boy, we certainly did have fun
before we went in the big business.
We're gonna keep on having fun,
Where Papa goes, Mama goes.
- Okay, you're in.
- Swell.
Yeah, but you gotta keep
improving yourself.
I'm serious
about this getting-up-in-the-world idea...
...and I don't want no anchor
to drag around.
- Understand?
- Uh-huh.
Hey, Jim.
Frankie wants to see you.
All right.
Come on, Frankie, drag it in.
- Hello, what's on your mind?
- Look, Bugs, I'm up in Joe Milano's joint.
I'm in the bathroom,
but I hear them gabbing outside the door.
Joe and the boys are coming up here
and give you a good going-over.
Yeah? So they found out
who hijacked their trucks last week?
Yeah, Joe says they're gonna beat
the can off you.
That greaseball's gonna beat the can
off of us, huh?
- He is, huh? I'll get the boys...
- Just a minute.
I'll take care of this.
Thanks for the tip.
Here, scram and buy yourself a cigar.
I'm practically gone, sweetheart.
Much obliged for the sugar.
Let me phone the boys.
We'll put them in the other room.
- When Joe's mob walks in...
- Yeah, we'll start shooting.
Put ourselves on the spot with the coppers,
and what for?
That's all we need now.
I told you we were through,
and I meant it.
You gonna sit here and
let that garlic blossom give you the finger?
- Well, we'll blow out of town, quick.
- Well, where?
Well, let me see.
Say, how's for Europe?
My old man come from there.
He says it ain't bad.
- Nope, you gotta have a passport.
- Okay, we'll get ourselves one.
You can't get a passport unless you have
a receipt that you paid your tax.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Old Man Income Tax.
And they call this a free country.
There's our dish.
Golf, polo, the blue Pacific.
Well, that don't sound bad for a starter.
Great climate,
plenty of class and far away.
"Santa Barb..."
- Say, I wonder what that "Santa" means.
- That must be Spanish for saint.
- What's eating you?
- I was just thinking.
A couple of hoodlums like us
moving in on a saint.
- What do you want?
- Western Union. Telegram.
Who is it for?
Milano. Joe Milano.
Hello, Bugs. We was just discussing you.
I'm leaving town, Joe.
I didn't wanna overlook saying goodbye
to you.
Oh, sure.
Especially since I heard
you was gonna call on me.
Seeing as how I'm leaving town...
...I didn't want you guys to get the idea
you was running me out.
Come on, Al.
That train won't wait forever.
So long. Don't take any
lead nickels, now.
No, I won't.
You use this to play
them pansy games with.
If you get into any trouble out there,
you can bean some guy with them.
I'll be using them.
You can depend on that.
- Hey, Bugs?
BUGS: Yeah?
- I got something nifty for you.
- What's it for, Red?
Kind of an outdoor chair.
This is to keep it from going too far
in the ground.
This is to keep it under control
at the other end.
Well, that's just the thing I'll need, Red.
Hey, Bugs, here's all the words.
Now you'll know what them dudes
out there is talking about.
- Hey, Bugs?
BUGS: Yeah?
Take these
while you can still smell them.
So long, boys.
Oh, boy, what a view.
Look at that ocean.
And them palm trees, real too.
Best I ever seen before
was on picture postcards.
Yeah, and them furnishings.
I don't know whether you know it, Al,
but that's real Spanish.
Believe me, those Spaniards
certainly knew their onions.
Boy, what a layout.
Well, it ought to be.
Take a squint at that.
"Forty-five dol..." Per day?
Boy, we're traveling in a fast company.
Forty... Seven times 40, that's 280...
- It's over 300 bucks a week.
- Oh, it ain't the money that burns me.
I'll give over 300 a week
to the bellhops around here.
I don't want them to get that
they got a yap up here.
Nobody ever made no sucker out of me.
"Forty-five do..."
Here goes some of their profit.
Forty-five dollars a day.
The nerve of them guys.
Charging anything like that.
I'll show them where to get off.
Up here.
Oh, you too.
You going screwy?
They ain't gonna make a chump
out of me.
Boy, I'm gonna get me money's worth.
I'll show them they can't get off.
Say, why do we have to put on
these monkey suits?
Why couldn't we wear a tux?
I tell you, nobody in this kind of joint
wears tuxedos at night but waiters.
Well, if you're wrong,
you'd better order yourself an ambulance.
Hey, come here.
I suppose you're gonna tell me
all these guys are waiters.
They're all dressed wrong. We're right.
Well, listening to you, it's a wonder
I didn't end up down here in pajamas.
Oh, this is great.
Perfect. Real class.
And what atmosphere.
I get a kick out of this, don't you?
You can have my interest in it free.
I know, you rather be in a cellar
shooting crap.
Just lead me to that cellar.
Mr. Stanley will be here in just a minute.
Yes, Miss Cass.
Hey, uh, don't turn around
until I give you the office.
What's the matter? How many?
- They got rods?
- No, you ape, it's a skirt.
And is she the McCoy.
Thought some guy had the finger on us.
One quick hinge at her
and you can tell she's a lady.
It's painted on her like a billboard.
- You wanna meet her?
- Do you know her?
No, but I can ease over there,
break the ice.
You ain't on North Clark Street.
You're in society now.
Out here, you don't talk to people
till you've been introduced.
Oh, dames are alike all over the world.
I bet I could...
Say, you stay put
or I'll bend this water bottle over your skull.
Oh, boy, am I hungry.
Am I gonna give a big steak
a good home.
- They got me.
- What?
Oh, the score card.
I can't read nothing on it but the date.
Oh, it's in French.
Oh, well, let's order the whole thing.
Maybe there's a steak among it.
Consomm, chicken and fried potatoes.
Talk French, you chump, and talk it loud.
When did you learn
how to talk this monkey jabber?
of a French dame.
All right, so why?
It's a game.
What for?
Listen, stupid.
The guys in the white shirts are playing
against the guys in the red.
Each team is trying to knock the ball
through the other team's goal.
Get it?
- Then what?
- Oh, shut up.
Oh, boy, there's that dame again.
Gee, I wish I could find out some way
of getting properly introduced.
You've been beefing about that
since last night.
Why don't you give up?
Leave it, leave it.
Oh, come on, let's scram.
This game's dead.
There ain't no excitement.
Let's hop into town
and pick up a couple of waitresses.
I didn't come out here
to hustle any waitresses.
First-class or nothing.
They won't come near you.
They won't even give you a tumble.
Yeah, they walk around us
like we have smallpox.
Forty-five bucks a day
and they high-hat you.
- They wouldn't let you in the golf club, huh?
- Who said they wouldn't?
Just so happens that one of the gazebos
on membership committee is out of town.
When will he be back?
Well, they ain't so sure about that.
He's in Europe or something.
- Europe, huh?
- Yeah.
You're gonna get in?
Why, sure, I'm gonna get in.
That's a cinch.
We could get up to Frisco and back
before that guy comes home from Europe.
Now, there's a great town, that Frisco.
Good eats, good liquor and just
crawling with beautiful, friendly dames.
And little Hymie give me
a couple of good addresses.
I wonder how long a guy
could stay drunk if he really tried.
Okay, we'll drive up there tomorrow
and find out.
Make out like you don't know me.
Boy, am I glad to screw out of that morgue.
Three days and we don't even get a tumble.
Yeah, you're right.
A lot of half-witted chumps riding around
on Shetland ponies, knocking a little ball.
And a lot of high-hat baboons
sitting on horses...
...all swelled up with themselves,
won't talk to nobody.
Before I die,
I'm gonna burn down a livery stable.
Stop. Stop the car.
Hey, where you going?
She must be hurt. I'm going to help her.
Say, you hurt bad?
I seen... I saw your horse run away,
and I knew you had an accident, so l...
There wasn't any accident.
We got off and tied up the horses.
No accident?
Of course not.
My horse broke loose and headed for town.
She'll go right back to the stables.
Well, goodbye.
Hey, mister.
Did you call me, madam?
Have you got a car?
Why, yes, ma'am.
I've got a luncheon engagement.
I don't wanna wait any longer.
Would you be kind enough
to drive me home?
Oh, lady, I'd carry you home.
Oh, let me...
Oh, please.
Well, thanks so much. If you weren't
leaving town, I'd ask you to drop in for tea.
Oh, I'm not leaving town.
I've decided to stay here all winter.
Well, thanks for the lift.
We'll be at home any time
after 4 tomorrow, if you care to drop in.
- Back to town, quick.
- What for?
- I thought we're heading for Frisco.
- Never mind.
We're going back.
I've gotta find the best tailor.
A tailor?
You got a suit for every day in the week.
Come on, come on, get going.
- How do you do, sir?
- What does a guy wear to an afternoon tea?
Well, it all depends, sir.
The best tailors have agreed that...
Come on, I ain't got all year.
What does a guy wear?
Well, I was about to remark, sir...
...that a cutaway coat, white waistcoat
and striped trousers are usually acceptable.
Can I have them by tomorrow afternoon?
That's impossible, sir.
I'll need at least a fortnight...
Look, buddy, I'm on the spears.
I've gotta have it by tomorrow.
I'll pay you double,
triple the regular price.
- Will you step into the fitting room, Mr...?
- J.F. Ahearn.
- I'm stopping at the Biltmore. Call them up.
- Follow me, sir.
Oh, Winterbottom, come here.
- Please take Mr. Ahearn's measurements.
- Right-o, Mr. Charteris.
- Excuse me, please.
- Well, let's make it snappy.
- My dinner suit ready?
- It is, Mr. Cass.
- Can I have it tonight?
- Lf you're prepared to pay something.
Oh, listen, Charteris, old man,
I expect a check any day now.
Now, I'll pay you just as soon as...
I've listened to your excuses
for the last time.
When can you pay me, you may have it,
and not before.
Excuse me, please.
I'd greatly appreciate it, sir,
if you would stand still.
Now, you wouldn't ask an artist to paint
your picture while you were fidgeting about.
Oh, wouldn't I?
You don't know me, Winterbottom.
Mr. Ahearn's bank references
are excellent, eh?
A millionaire? Well, that is gratifying.
And where's the gentleman from?
Oh, I see. Well, that accounts
for his strange manner of speaking.
Thanks very much, old boy.
Were you talking about Ahearn,
the polo player from Meadowbrook?
Mr. Ahearn is from Chicago.
Oh, how do you do, Miss Cass?
- Hello.
- I, uh...
I accepted your kind invitation.
It's nice of you.
Oh, you're the man who drove me home.
Yes, the man from St. Louis.
No, Chicago.
Of course.
Come on in and meet everyone.
This is Sylvia Townsend,
Mrs. Ingram, Dr. Abbott.
- How do you do, doc?
- How do you do, sir?
Oh, uh, what's your name again?
Bug... Mr. Ahearn.
Mrs. Frotingham,
may I present Mr. Ahearn?
Mrs. Handley, Miss Ames,
Chauncey Cook, Mr. Ahearn.
How do you, Mr. Cook?
Very distingu, I'm sure.
Dave Winters, Mr. Ahearn.
Miss Cramont, Miss Lovering,
Mrs. Terhune, Mrs. Holman...
...Mr. Sanders, Miss Cartwright.
- I'm very pleased to meet all you folks.
- Just make yourself at home.
- I'll be back in a minute.
- Thanks.
Oh, Miss Cass?
- Here you are.
- Oh, thanks.
Just help yourself
to anything else you want.
Yes. Oh, thanks.
Yeah, looks good. Ha-ha-ha.
Just what I wanted too.
Who is that terrible creature, dear?
He's the comic valentine who gave me
a lift when my horse ran away.
His name's Ahearn.
Ahearn? From Chicago?
Yes, why?
He's not so stupid. He's a millionaire.
- Are you sure?
- I heard the tailor call for bank references.
You bad girl.
Why didn't you say something?
I've never even met him.
Probably got a wife and seven kids.
Well, just the same,
he's worth investigating.
Let's meet him.
- Mr. Ahearn.
- Oh.
Mother, may I present Mr. Ahearn?
- Charmed.
- How do you do, madam?
Father, Mr. Ahearn.
- It's a very great pleasure, sir.
- Well, same here.
And my brother, Gordon.
- Glad you could drop over.
- You and me both. Ha-ha-ha.
You should have brought
Mrs. Ahearn along.
Well, that would be great,
only I'm not married.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah. Ha-ha.
I understand you're from Chicago,
Mr. Ahearn.
- A favorite city of mine.
- That's right.
Dear old Chicago. I love it.
Connected with Continental
and Commercial Bank, aren't you?
Well, I'm not in business anymore.
You see, I made mine and quit.
Yeah, all I do now
is just play and enjoy myself.
I suppose you're staying at the Biltmore.
Well, I was, but, uh,
I've sort of bought myself an estate.
How thrilling.
Whereabouts is your house?
Well, I, uh...
I haven't been living here very long,
so I don't know the names of the streets.
Perhaps it's one of those big hillside
places south of town.
- Yeah, that's right. A big hillside place.
- Grand.
Well, Mr. Ahearn,
now that you've found the way...
...I hope you'll come and see us
very, very often.
Come to dinner sometime, anytime.
Just give us a ring.
Well, I'm much obliged to you.
And you folks have gotta come
and have dinner on me...
...just as soon as I get open.
We'd be delighted. That will be splendid.
Now, remember, Mr. Ahearn, this is not
one of those indefinite invitations.
Oh, I should say not.
We expect to see a lot of you.
Thank you.
Say, uh, your folks certainly
got a lot of culture, Miss Cass.
They make a fella feel right at home.
- You made a very good impression on them.
- Honest?
Cross my heart.
Well, of course, it's...
I like it that they like me and all that...
...but it's a lot more important
to me if you...
I mean, if l... If we...
No, thanks.
I got mine already. Thanks.
- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Oh, good morning.
Say, have you got a hillside estate?
You know, something big,
kind of rich-Iooking.
Do you want to buy or rent?
Well, I'll rent it for a while,
and then if everything's okay, I'll buy it.
Well, I think I have just the place
you're looking for.
If you'd care to drive out,
I'll show it to you.
- Can we do it right away?
- Yes.
All right, let's take a gander at the joint.
You could put the whole Cubs' ballpark
in the front yard.
Yeah, no fooling.
- The polo field is over there.
- Yeah.
And the tennis courts and swimming pool
and sunken gardens are this way.
Who sunk the garden?
Say, what's that?
Why, it's a sundial.
What's it for?
- You tell time by it like a watch.
- Ha-ha-ha.
Well, imagine lugging that around
in your vest pocket.
I want you to see the...
- This is the living room.
BUGS: Hmm.
Nice chandelier.
- The piano is a Steinway.
- Oh, lovely.
Say, who's that?
- That's a famous Siamese Beauty.
- Where's the other one?
- What?
- I always thought they was twins.
Well, there's a guy in good shape.
RUTH: That's a reproduction in bronze
of an ancient Greek wrestler.
Oh, yeah, I know. Zbyszko.
Say, I seen him wrestle Strangler Lewis
at the old Garden.
Yep, nice place.
Little big, but cozy at that.
How much are you asking?
Well, uh, let's say 1500 a month
on a year's lease.
Fifteen hun?
How would 1450 do?
- Well...
- It's a deal, 1450.
- When can I move in?
- Whenever you want, Mr. Ahearn.
I'm in now.
- I'm sure you'll be very happy here.
- Get a load of the carpets.
Yeah, they make me feel like
I was in wading.
- Of course you brought your own servants?
- Servants?
Oh, no, uh...
No, you see, I gave them up
when I closed my townhouse in Chicago.
Oh. Well, you'll need a housekeeper,
and a cook, two butlers... upstairs maid, three gardeners
and a couple of chauffeurs.
Is that all?
Well, that's the staff that we, uh...
The people who lived here kept.
- Oh.
- Mr. Ahearn, I could get you their servants.
Competent, trustworthy, efficient help.
They know exactly
how this place should be run.
All right, sister. You take care of that,
but don't let's lose no time.
Oh, look here.
- You know this town good, I suppose.
- Yes, I've lived here all my life.
Well, I'm kind of a stranger around here,
but I expect to do a lot of entertaining.
Could you stick around here
and help me?
You know, tell me who to invite
and all that sort of thing.
Why, of course.
Well, would 100 bucks a week
interest you?
It certainly would.
Well, then it looks like you go
with the house.
Oh, Mr. Ahearn,
I can't thank you enough...
Oh, that's all right, sister, that's all right.
I'll get my money's worth out of you.
They're very kind, but a little eccentric.
So you mustn't be surprised
at anything they do or say.
Most important of all,
Mr. Ahearn is not to know...
...that this is my house,
or that all of you worked for Father and me.
- You understand that, don't you?
ALL: Yes, ma'am.
If he did find out,
it might be very embarrassing for him.
He might even discharge me, and I need
my salary just as much as any of you.
It's gonna take every cent of the money
I get to pay my back taxes and interest.
Boy, what a crib. What a crib.
- Kind of gives you ideas.
- You think not.
I'll take it.
Oh, hello, Miss Cass. Got my message?
Yes, I called you the minute I came in.
Would you like to come over
and have lunch with us tomorrow?
Oh, Mr. Ahearn,
you're getting me all of atwitter.
Oh, I'm not kidding. I mean it.
Well, I'll see you about 1 tomorrow, huh?
How you doing, pal?
Well, looks like I'm in the bag,
headed smack for the society column.
Come on in.
- Is your room all right, Mr. Ahearn?
- Oh, perfect.
- The butler will be up to help you unpack.
- Thanks.
Now, if there's anything you want,
why, please just ask me.
Say, now, look here.
You know, I was thinking we might throw
some kind of a party tomorrow night.
- A housewarming?
- Yeah, that's it.
- Will you take care of it?
- Of course.
- Uh, whom do you want me to invite?
- Well, the...
The Cass family.
The Donald Hadley Casses?
That's right. Swell people, ain't they?
- Charming.
- I sure hope they'll accept the invitation.
Oh, I'm inclined to think they will.
Now, let me see,
now, there's Miss Polly Cass...
...there's Mr. And Mrs. Cass,
and there's young Cass.
Well, the Casses.
And anybody else you might think
would fit in them with them.
- Well, they may be a little difficult.
- Yeah, that's right.
You can't invite a lot of tramps
on the same party with them.
You know, they're very distingu.
Very what?
It means, uh, distinguished in French.
Oh, of course, how stupid of me.
- I'll attend to everything, Mr. Ahearn.
- Thank you.
You know, there's a smart little dame.
And plenty pretty too.
Sure, but she's only a servant.
Oh, yeah. Say, I keep forgetting.
Mr. Daniels, you're getting real Scotch,
genuine White Horse.
Your horse has got diabetes.
Lovely night.
Oh, yeah, it's a gorgeous moon.
You going to the polo matches
Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
You know, you ought to take up polo.
I guess I should.
Oh, it's a grand game.
And I've always had a weakness
for athletic men.
- Let's take a walk, shall we?
- Okay.
Gee, Polly, but your hair smells nice.
Like this perfume?
Coming up for air.
Mind if I make myself comfy?
Go on, don't stop.
You, uh, engaged or something
to that Mr. Stanley?
Of course not, you silly.
- He's just an old friend of the family.
- Oh.
I got a hunch
he ain't gonna be with us long.
As a matter of fact,
I'm fed up with these usual people.
I could do with a new, exciting romance.
Life is very dull.
Oh, you can clean up tomorrow, boys.
Go to bed. You've had a tough night.
- Party come off all right, Mr. Ahearn?
- Oh, yeah, perfect.
Thanks for taking care
of everything so good.
- Go to bed.
- Good night.
Hey, wait a minute.
Come here.
Sit down.
Say, you're a good, levelheaded kid...
...and you look to me
as though you could keep a secret.
I wanna ask you something.
Get the woman's angle.
I'm in love with a girl. A lady.
Say, rich, fine family, swell education.
- Everything that I ain't got.
- I see.
Well, anyhow,
I'm a pretty tough mug, myself.
I came from the gutter
and I guess you can still smell it on me.
The only school I went to
was reform school.
You've done wonderfully
to get where you are now.
Oh, yeah, I've done great.
Sure, a real lady ought to jump
at the chance of tying up with me.
Say, do you know who I am, sister?
- I'm Bugs Ahearn.
- Bu...
Bugs Ahearn? The beer...
Yeah, that's right. The beer baron.
The guy who pushes them
around Chicago.
Sure, I've quit now...
...but bombing, stealing, bribing, slugging,
you name it and I done it.
You, the terrible Bugs Ahearn.
Well, she don't know this, see?
And it's a cinch she's gonna get
the dope on me sooner or later.
Now, look here, do you think
I ought to give her this whole load myself?
You know,
tell her I done a stretch in Joliet...
...lay all my cards on the table?
I got a hunch she'd toss me out
and get the whole joint fumigated.
Have you known her long?
Well, I only met her
a couple of days ago.
Well, I'd keep quiet about my past
for a while if I were you.
Build yourself up to her level.
Then when you've proven that you have
all the qualities that she admires in a man...
...then tell her everything.
Well, that would take a long time.
Not too long.
A few weeks. A few months, maybe.
But you'll be improving yourself.
Meeting people and making yourself familiar
with your surroundings.
Say, you're one of the smartest little dames
I've ever run across.
That's right.
Why not?
Yeah, build myself up to her...
Say, you're all right, you know that?
That shouldn't take long.
He's certainly trying hard to learn the game.
You've got to give him credit.
Out here five hours a day,
and seven days a week.
He swings just like an old lady
beating a carpet.
Come on, quit stalling. Hit it.
The handle is too long.
You'd be more at home with a blackjack.
Scram, will you,
before I wrap this mallet around your neck.
You can have them for 1000 apiece.
The finest Argentine ponies.
Oh, I don't need them.
This dog of mine is good enough
to stick-and-ball around...
Hey, your stick-and-ball days are over.
You're really gonna play.
- You kidding?
- No.
The boys say it's a miracle
the way you've caught onto the game.
They want you on their team.
Me? On the Meadowlarks?
Yeah, they said
if you'd get yourself well-mounted...
Say, are these the best nags
money can buy?
- Will five be enough to start with?
- Well, you can get a few more later on.
Me, on the Meadowlarks.
Gee, that's the biggest boot
I ever got in my whole life.
- Can I have them right now?
- Sure.
Why does he carry a mallet?
He hasn't used it since the game began.
Mike, what are you stopping for?
Leave it.
Come on.
Leave it.
One more down.
Leave it.
"Noted sportsman." Did you pipe that?
And right smack
at the head of the society column.
I suppose you'll buy a plane next.
No, they hit the ground,
and then where are you?
If we're going out on that boat tomorrow,
I'll buy a pansy motorman cap.
Say, time for you to play golf.
- Oh, I played yesterday.
- Come on, get moving.
- You'll become a gentleman if it kills you.
- Oh, all right.
He's just an anchor.
I have to drag him around all the time.
This just came from the jeweler's.
Oh, fine. I've been waiting for it.
Oh, boy. Heh, heh.
Say, do you think Polly would like this?
I mean, Miss Polly Cass?
Polly Cass?
You're engaged to...?
I ain't proposed to her yet,
but I'm gonna do it tomorrow on the yacht.
Oh, you can't really be in love with her.
Why, just thinking about her,
I break out in a rash.
I can't eat. I can't sleep.
Just think of it, a guy like me.
A guy that's hung around all corners.
A guy hep to everything, falling in love
with a dame and on the level too.
Well, I wish you luck.
- Hey, Ruth.
- Hmm?
You don't mind
my calling you Ruth, huh?
Well, look here, you know, I'm, uh...
I'm kind of a sucker
at this proposal racket.
How do you get started?
How do you get away
from the barrier, huh?
Do you mean to say
you've never proposed to a girl before?
Well, up to now, I got along all right
without even mentioning marriage.
Well, it's perfectly simple. Just ask her.
Oh, I'm sure to get all jazzed up.
Could I, uh?
Could I sort of, uh, practice on you, huh?
Why, uh... Why, yes, of course.
Oh, you're a real pal, baby. Ha.
Well, put her down there.
Make out like you're her.
Well, I, uh...
Well, how do you get going?
Sit down here beside me.
Maybe I better start off
with the ring, huh?
No, no, she might not accept you.
You'll have to say something first.
That's where I'm a cinch
to get all jazzed up.
Well, just tell her that you love her.
Well, here we go,
laughing and scratching.
Heh, heh. Yeah...
Well, now, look here, honey.
You know, ever since the first time
I got a gander at you...
...I knew that you and me...
I mean, that we was kind of...
Oh, I'm sunk.
I can think of the words,
but they just won't roll out.
Well, just be natural.
Don't try to make a speech.
Now, try it again.
Polly, I...
You know... Now, get a load of this, see?
No, no, no.
You're gonna make a speech again.
Take my hand.
- Put your arm around me.
- Yeah.
Maybe I could put it all in a telegram.
Now, tell me that you love me.
I love you.
"And I love you, Jim."
She'll say.
Say, you do this too good.
You must have had plenty of practice.
Now, never mind that.
Ask me to marry you.
Would you? Would you marry me?
Of course I will, darling.
Say, how do you know she'll say that?
Now kiss me.
Good evening, commodore.
What's good about it?
Why don't you suck a lemon?
Suck one yourself, you silly-Iooking...
Come on, honey.
Let's go and tell the folks.
I'd better stay here and calm down.
You go tell them, darling.
Hey, folks,
say, I got some great news for you.
Kind of a surprise.
Polly and me...
Well, we're engaged.
Oh, Jim, dear. I'm so happy.
Isn't that wonderful?
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations, old man. Best of luck.
- Thank you.
Congratulations, Jim.
I thought something like this was in the air.
Thanks, Gordon.
Ain't I the lucky guy, though?
Stop sulking.
I only have to live with him
long enough to get alimony.
And what am I going to do
while you're on your honeymoon?
You big baby.
Well, now that I'm getting married...
...I'd like to settle down
and go into some good, high-class business.
An admirable idea, my boy.
What line should I go in, you think?
Ordinarily, we might find something for you
to do around Cass-Winter and Company.
But things have been so slow lately.
Well, I could put in some money.
You know, sort of buy a partnership.
We don't need it, Jim.
See, we're very old and well-established.
Plenty of capital.
Well, that's just the kind of outfit
I'd like to hook up with.
Mm, I don't think I could get my partners
to even consider it.
But we'll take a run down to Los Angeles
tomorrow and chat with them.
I may be able to convince them.
I hope so.
I tried to borrow money
on these bonds to pay my taxes.
And the bank laughed at me.
Why, these are all I've got.
My life savings.
And the bank says they're worthless.
True, bonds have defaulted their interest.
But I think you're unduly alarmed.
I'm alarmed?
I'll show you how alarmed I am.
You sold me these for 5000.
I'll sell them back to you for 500.
I've been fleeced and victimized
and I'm going to the district attorney.
Now, Mr. Burger, don't you realize
that any adverse publicity...
...would only depress
these bond values further?
But, gentlemen...
...if I have faith enough in this young man's
ability to sell him my interests outright...
...I don't see
how you gentlemen can object.
I have always gloried
in your confidence and enthusiasm.
We have stood shoulder to shoulder... fair weather and foul,
at our respective posts.
But there comes a time
when young blood must supplant us.
When youth must be served.
Now, here is a man, a young man,
with those attributes...
Oh, Mr. Cass,
could I see you a moment, please?
Oh, will you pardon me, gentlemen?
It's getting very tough out there.
When you leave, go out the back door.
Now, as I was saying, gentlemen... is a young man
possessed of those attributes...
...honesty, energy, integrity...
...that alone can carry on
the glorious tradition...
...of Cass-Winter and Company.
Now, gentlemen, all in favor
of selling their interests to Mr. Ahearn...
...will signify by saying, "Aye."
Those opposed? None.
Congratulations, Mr. Ahearn.
Well, thanks. Ha.
Well, I...
I hardly know what to say.
I wanna thank all of you gentlemen
for letting me in on this.
I appreciate your sacrifice...
...but at the same time, I ain't overlooking
that it's a great chance for me.
I wanna thank you
for all that you done on my behalf.
- I'll guarantee you plenty of service.
- Yes.
Somebody give me a cocktail.
We're celebrating.
- His checks cleared?
- Yes, my boy.
And I made over $300,000 on the deal.
Oh, Father. It's all too wonderful.
Then I don't have to marry him.
- What a godsend.
- Yes, sir.
Mr. Ahearn is now sole owner
of Cass-Winter and Company...
...and he is welcome to it.
Where's Papa's cocktail?
And all I could sell him was a few horses.
Ha. I must be losing my grip.
You've got 15,000 commission
for selling him that boat.
Oh, cigarette money.
Go on, call the gentleman up
and tell him we've got smallpox.
We don't have to endure him now.
He might get suspicious.
You can endure him one more evening.
What excuse will you give
for breaking off your engagement?
I'll just write him I changed my mind.
Don't forget to send him back his ring.
Don't be ridiculous.
It's worth at least $5000.
Polly, I'd be careful about the way
you break off your engagement.
- Why? His checks have cleared.
- Yes, I know.
But it might be more convenient
if you handled the situation delicately.
- Until we can get away to Europe.
- All right.
I've had a nervous breakdown.
You have to take me away for a year.
That sounds plausible enough.
It's pretty sudden.
What if we told him
there was insanity in the family?
JOHN: Hey, everybody.
- Hello, John.
John, I have something to tell you.
- Now, wait a minute. Wait.
- Now, John...
I just happened
to pick up a copy of TIME.
- Look at this.
- What is it?
Good heavens.
The notorious Bugs Ahearn.
"Beer, blood and machine guns." Huh.
We're sitting on a keg of dynamite.
- Do you think there will be trouble?
- He's the toughest desperado.
He'd think it was a joke
to blow up this house.
- Bugs Ahearn.
GORDON: We should've investigated.
It's too late now. We're in danger.
He's sure to find out we trimmed him.
Probably knows it now.
There's only one thing to do.
Get out of the country, quick.
You're absolutely right.
We'll make plans to leave in the morning.
Ingleby. Oh, this is an outrage.
Ingleby, when Mr. Ahearn comes,
say we're not at home.
We're indisposed.
We're not at home to anybody.
Mr. Ahearn is here, madam.
His car just turned into the drive.
Good evening, folks.
- Glad to see you, Mr. Stanley.
- Thanks.
Hi, Gordon.
Well, how goes it, Pop?
And, Ma, you're looking keen tonight.
Well, sweetheart.
What's the matter?
I don't feel very well.
A little dinner will be good
for what ails you.
- I'm sorry, but I can't go out tonight.
- See, now, look here.
I got tickets for the dog show,
but if you're not feeling well...
...we can all sit here
and have a nice, quiet evening at home.
I'm sorry, but l...
You'll have to excuse me.
I was...
What is this all about?
What's the matter?
Why, we've just heard something
rather disturbing.
Something concerning
my family's good name and yourself.
I don't get you.
Uh, Mr. Ahearn...
Did you, um?
Did you happen to read this?
DONALD: Of course, it's all a mistake
which you can probably explain.
It's true.
What? You don't deny the truth
of that article?
I told you, it's true.
And you had the nerve
to force your affections on my sister?
Worming your way into our affections,
deceiving us about your past... you could marry my daughter.
Of all the disgraceful abuses
of confidence.
It's outrageous.
One of the most disgusting insults
perpetrated on a trusting, innocent girl.
You've broken the poor girl's heart.
Ruined us socially.
Made us the laughingstock
of this community.
My daughter will be ill from the shock.
We shall have to take her abroad
Now, look here.
I was gonna tell her about myself
before we got married.
Naturally, Mr. Ahearn,
the engagement is off.
And you are never to come
near our home again.
Nor make any effort
to communicate with us.
Well, I know how dreadful you feel.
But it's one of the luckiest things
that ever happened to you.
Baby, you sure give me the wrong steer.
All this'd never happen to me if I told her
about myself before we got engaged.
All right, we're a bust out here, so what?
Let's head back to where we belong.
- I can't now.
- The trains are still running.
I bought a business.
I gotta stick around and see
what's gonna happen to that now.
Say that again slow.
You bought a what?
I got over 600 G's
invested in Cass-Winter and Company.
- Oh!
- What's eating you?
That firm, Cass-Winter and Company.
Why, they're thieves, crooks.
- They're what?
- They swindled my father.
Sold him a lot of South American bonds
that were absolutely worthless.
It took every penny he had.
It ruined him.
Killed him.
After he died, there was nothing left except
this house, which I couldn't afford to live in.
Why, Ruth, you mean to tell me
that this house belongs to you?
Of course, ask anybody.
And they took your old man for...
Do you wanna know
all about the Casses?
You wanna know the truth
about that cultured, charming family?
Well, the old man is a drunken swine.
The old lady cheats at cards.
The son is a nitwit who owes money
to everybody who'd listen to him.
Nobody worthwhile around here
will even speak to him anymore.
And Polly,
she's been a sister-in-law to the world.
Why, she's been in one scandal
after another since she was 16 years old.
Yes, and while you were
engaged to her...
...she was running around
with Mr. John Stanley.
We used to call him John when he worked
in my father's stables as a groom.
Why, Ruth, for the love of...
Why didn't you spill all this before?
Oh, I tried to,
several times, but I couldn't.
You were too much in love with her.
Say, you sure about that firm?
They've been on the verge
of bankruptcy for a year.
And you sunk 600 G's.
The toughest mug in Chicago
comes out here...
...and gets trimmed by fags
with handkerchiefs up their sleeves.
Wait till Joe Milano gets a load of that.
One more yelp out of you
and you go right out through the window.
So they take me, huh? I'm a chump, huh?
Well, that's swell.
I'm the guy who buys Brooklyn Bridge,
ever hear of that?
So they're giving me the runaround.
Me, Bugs Ahearn.
Mr. Ahearn, these gentlemen
insisted on seeing you.
What do you want?
Are you Mr. J. Francis Ahearn?
What's the beef?
The district attorney would like to see you
in his office tomorrow, around noon.
- What for?
- Ever hear of Cass-Winter and Company?
Sure, I just bought it.
That's why the DA would like to see you.
Your face looks very familiar. I think
I've seen a picture of you somewhere.
Never mind the stall.
What's this all about?
Rather serious trouble, I'm afraid.
Your firm's flooded the community
with Republic of Santa Rango bonds.
Not worth the paper they're on.
- How can you hold me responsible?
- I don't see why we can't.
I never sold any bonds. I just bought it.
Present records show you
to be the owner and president of the firm.
That makes you responsible.
- So that's the law, huh?
- Exactly.
Look here, supposing everybody
that lost their dough got paid back.
Now, that would satisfy everybody.
Can I use your phone
for a long-distance call?
Surely. As long as you can pay for it.
I want Chicago.
Central 7808.
Long-distance calling for you, baby.
Yeah, hello.
Say, look here. Get Mike, Tony, Red, Gus,
Hymie, Butch and the other boys.
Shove them into planes
and shoot them out to Santa Barbara, quick.
Well, who do you think this is,
you fathead?
Sure, it's Bugs Ahearn.
- Look here...
- Don't worry.
I'll save your taxpayers the cost of a trial.
And if I don't make good,
you can still have a trial.
Oh, here's for the phone call,
Hey, what state's California in?
- Texas, you dummy.
- That's right.
It's the same old story.
You take a smart guy,
put him in a racket he ain't wised up to...
...and he's the biggest chump on earth.
I ain't denying that they took me
and they done it good.
I ain't even burned up at them for taking
me. Well, not much burned up anyhow.
Because if ever a guy lead with his chin,
begged somebody to hang one on it, I did.
All I'm saying is that I got in over my head
and it's up to you boys to bail me out.
I don't have to tell you how to operate.
You know what I want, you'll give it to me.
But be kind of careful
about bumping anybody off.
Now, you got all the dough.
Now, don't forget, boys,
I'm depending on you to see me through.
- Okay, when do we cut loose?
- First thing in the morning.
You boys were the best beer salesmen
in the racket... let's see how good you are
at selling bonds.
MAN 1: Hello, buddy.
MAN 2: Oh, hi.
Gen... What?
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Could we speak
to Mr. Donald Hadley Cass, please?
The family is leaving for Europe
in a few moments.
Mr. Cass is busy upstairs packing
and cannot be disturbed.
We wouldn't think of disturbing him.
Come on, step on it.
Why, how did you...?
What do you men want here?
Good morning. I'm Mr. Timothy O'Hara.
- Meet Mr. Pulido.
- Hi.
- And Mr. Zamotoskovich.
- Howdy, gobby.
- You must be in the wrong house.
- We ain't.
We're bond salesmen.
You're gonna buy
Republic of Santa Rango bonds.
- Three hundred thousand dollars' worth.
- You get out of here before I call the police.
If I were you, I wouldn't argue.
Mr. Zamotoskovich,
have you the check handy?
Yes, sure.
Here it is.
All made out. Nothing to do but sign.
This is highway robbery. I refuse.
Looks like we'll have to give
the gent a sales call.
Ain't that too bad?
So you won't sign, huh?
Well, you won't sign. Well, how's this?
Stop! Oh, help!
- Stop!
- Maybe this will take a little bit more.
- Stop!
- You won't talk and you won't sign.
Stop, stop!
I'll sign. I'll sign.
Stop! I'll sign.
- Now you're talking.
- I'll sign it, I'll sign it.
Let me have it.
You'll suffer for this brutality.
This outrage.
You'll regret it. You'll see.
- There.
- Thanks, Cass, old boy.
I'll stroll to the bank and get this cashed.
You boys stay here
and entertain our customer.
- Sure.
- I'm sorry I had to put the heater on you.
But if you sit still,
everything's gonna be all right.
It would be too bad
to get blood all over this rug.
For a fact.
I want the police, quick.
Hurry up, the police.
We're selling you bonds
you sold to chumps.
Operator, I want the police.
They put us in the can for selling them
to you, they'll put you in the can.
- You better think it over, buddy.
- Stop squawking, nobody can hear you.
Here, put your moniker on this
and be quick about it.
This is an outrage.
Get out of here or I'll call police.
Oh, will you?
Hey, nix, nix.
You don't wanna croak him.
Wait till we get his moniker
on this check.
Here you are, kid. Sign here.
Why, this check is for $50,000.
That's all I have in the bank.
Sure, Mr. Ames.
It's bad to have 50 grand
just laying in a bank.
Yeah, but it ain't near
as bad as getting bumped off, Mr. Ames.
Come on. Put your John Henry on there.
Come on, come on. Hurry up.
Make it snappy.
What's keeping your father? Where is he?
I don't know. I haven't seen him.
If we don't leave in five minutes,
we'll miss the train.
But of course, I...
MRS. CASS: What do you want?
GORDON: Look here.
- You've got your nerve coming in here.
- Shut up.
Give me that ring. It cost me 7 grand.
Give me that ring.
Now, look here, Ahearn. You can't...
Ingleby, Ingleby. Show these men out.
If you open that puss again,
I'll shove my foot in it.
I wanna slip you a load of good advice.
The next time you go trim a sucker,
pick some guy that's a real sucker.
I had smarter people than you
doing my laundry in Chicago.
Come on.
Blind, please help the blind.
Help the blind.
Thank you.
How could you pay back
all of these losses in such a short time?
A new plan of refinancing.
The Chicago plan.
As long as you put the company on its feet,
stay out here and run it.
Oh, no.
Out here, I'm like a mule in a horse race.
Well, look here.
You mustn't judge everybody
by the Casses.
They're like poison to
everybody in the community.
You telling me?
You haven't met one decent person
since you came out here.
Why, sister, that's the first time
you've been wrong.
Do you remember rehearsing me
in that proposal racket?
Why, of course I remember.
Well, I was thinking it might not
be a bad idea if me and you, uh...
...had another rehearsal.
I mean, that is,
when you haven't anything else to do.
Well, I'm idle right this minute.
Put her down there.
Fire at once!
Look out!
Bull's-eye! Give the gentleman a cigar.