Little Miss Sociopath (2025) Movie Script
[projector whirring]
[typing]
[funky music]
VO: Everyone seems normal till
you get to know them.
Take me.
I'm as boring as I look.
Well, a bit more, really.
No one would guess
I've been simmering
for 20 years.
It's not open yet.
Oh, I work here.
Hey. Adam - started today.
Oh yeah. Hi.
VO: I hate meeting
new people.
Mr. Paul's changed the code.
VO: He's hot. That's worse.
So you got a name?
VO: What's my name?!
Clem.
Is that short for anything?
VO: What's it short for?!
Clementine.
Nice! Nice.
You're teeny.
Teeny?
You're teeny tiny.
Oh.
So how long you worked here?
Five years.
Oh, so you knew
Kevin, the last guy?
Yeah.
Yeah. He was counter. I'm more
dispensing, so yeah,
I'm actually half
trained to be a doctor.
I went to school for two
years and I had problems
with loans and stuff like that.
You know how it goes.
Oh, I didn't go to college.
It's no big deal.
People flip out when they
hear I went to Harvard,
but it doesn't mean
shit to me, so.
VO: I bend myself out of shape
not to say the wrong thing.
This guy does it every
time he opens his mouth.
Show him the label machine.
I've had enough of this backlog.
VO: How can anyone make this
backlog sound like 'you dumbass'?
[upbeat music]
VO: One day I'm going to
say everything out loud!
Hey dad.
Hey. How was work?
It's good.
How's it with the new boy?
He's funny. Keeps
making stuff up.
That looks heavy.
VO: When Dad retired,
he spent all his time in
the yard for good reason.
This is Bella, my stepmom,
the only uptight hippie to
come out of San Francisco.
She thought she'd be the
next Rembrandt, but
no one bought her paintings.
She's been defacing
them ever since.
Clem: Gonna get changed and help Dad.
You can take Mrs. Carter's.
Gift before she comes knocking.
VO: She sounds dramatic because now
she's taking acting classes.
Oh.
I had an appointment.
You didn't say.
It was last minute.
Um.
I -
I went to see a therapist.
A therapist?
My coworker.
She told me about her sister.
She was a bit sad like me.
She had a breakdown and I just
Oh. I'm the only one who should
worry about a breakdown.
VO: She thinks she's
doing Shakespeare,
but she's more like Morticia's
depressed grandmother.
VO: I don't stand up for myself
because Bella overreacts to backtalk.
I started biting my
tongue when I was four.
It didn't take long to
get brainwashed. By then.
Backtalk to anyone wasn't
an option.
Clem: You didn't pick up
that bag, did you?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Just a little dizzy.
Bella: Can't be from working
too hard.
You haven't
trimmed my shrubs in days.
VO: Under that hard exterior
is more hard exterior.
My real mom died three
weeks after I was born.
Dad married Bella a
couple of years later.
It was post her
Rembrandt moment.
She didn't even crack a smile
in the wedding pics.
Dad knew what he was getting.
When I work that
out, I stop the hugs.
Clem!
Happy birthday,
Mrs. Carter.
Oh, Clem, another
painting. That's nice.
Have a good evening.
Well, Clem, I'm here now.
I might as well come in.
[woman screaming]
Mrs. Carter: Is that Bella?
Call an ambulance? Dad,
can you hear me? Oh my God,
he's not breathing.
[grunting]
You can't leave me here.
Get off my phone!
Clem: Are they on their way?!
Bella: $169 for a wreath. I was robbed.
Oh, hi. I was just coming to
wish you the best.
You're not coming?
There's no bus is going that
way, but I'll be with you in spirit.
Oh, perhaps you'll bump
into my dead husband.
He'll be gone before
you get there.
She was after a free ride.
There's room.
Everyone else in his family lasted
until they were in their nineties.
It's not his fault he died, Mom.
It's not mine either. To
listen to that doctor,
you'd think that I murdered
him with my bare hands.
He just mentioned your diet.
That's all.
Well, what would he know?
I eat the same as your
father and I never
I'm not in a box!
[fast tempo music]
[Bella moans]
Mom!
Oh my gosh. Mom.
Take us to the hospital!
Driver: Yes Ma'am!
[tires screeching ]
Clem: Will she be able to talk?
She'll be a bit slow at first, but
yes, she'll get her vocals back.
And she'll be the same
as before. I mean,
will she be the same person?
She might be depressed, not
as happy as she was before.
VO: Oh God.
Mrs. Carter: I'm a close friend
of the family.
Oh my God. She doesn't
look well at all.
Well, there's no point
in leaving my pie.
It doesn't look like
she'll be eating much.
Well, I haven't.
VO: What the doctor didn't mention
was that she'd
get more dramatic.
I wanteth chips!
Hey Clem, how's it going?
Okay.
That good? Huh?
I'm just tired.
You ever meditate?
You got a good aura like me.
First time I went to one
of these retreat things,
they made me a shaman
right off the bat.
You'd be a sha-woman straight
off.
A couple of weeks in,
You'd be teaching
them how to meditate.
VO: And then I'll go to Harvard
and be a half-trained pharmacist.
Bella: Get out of there. Get out.
You're mom's mad. She
wants you to come home.
It's only her first day.
She'll get better.
I think she hates me.
[wheelchair slams]
She might be better with another
caregiver. I called the agency.
They're sending someone in
the morning. Can you come now?
Bella: You lefteth me on my own!
Bella: You said you wouldn't. You
said you wouldn't. You said you wouldn't.
Mom!
I've got to get up for work!
Bella: Not going to sleep until
you cut the shrubs!
Bella: Stop ignoring the shrubs!
Bella: Stop ignoring the shrubs!
[mysterious music]
[angry breathing]
This is your new caregiver.
Hey Bella. It's nice to meet
you. Everything will be fine.
[wheelchair slams]
She keeps attacking me.
She had some soup last
night that upset her.
She's impossible when she's sick.
Okay. Should I
give her an antacid?
[Bella grunts]
Hello?
Sorry, we cut out. Antacids
don't really work on her.
You might have a
rough first day.
[wheelchair slams]
Okay, I will do my best.
[Bella screams]
[mysterious music]
VO: Stay calm. Stay
calm, nice and calm.
Nice and calm!
Going out for lunch!
[frantic footsteps]
VO: Don't run. Don't run. Don't run.
I said don't run!
Where's my keys gone?
You took 'em and went
out the back.
VO: What?
When?
Ten minutes ago.
VO: Nice and calm. Nice and calm.
Nice and calm. Nice and calm.
Found them.
Pharmacist: Where?
In the trash.
How did they get in there?
I don't know.
VO: If their stepmom made them
cut shrubs at midnight, they'd steal keys.
[funky music]
[funky music continues]
[nervous breathing]
It takes two clicks to lock the front
door. Why are you stealing drugs?
I just,
They're for my mom.
She won't behave for
the caregivers and
she just keeps me up all
night. Please don't tell.
Like I would
if you're going to
steal. Steal big.
Why are there no
cameras in here?
They put up the subscription. So
of course Mr. Paul canceled it.
Yeah. Yeah, because no one
wants to break into a drugstore.
[Clem laughs]
Okay.
These are for the morning.
One will do it.
You don't have anyone to
help you with this?
No brothers or sisters?
No.
Sucks being on your own.
How do you know his password?
He's got the same
one for all of them.
Click show on one and
you got 'em all.
Dumb coders.
You want a ride home? My Porche
is in the shop though. I mean,
I told him I'd help out with
delivery so I can use the van.
VO: Fun time.
You have a Porche?
Yeah. Bought it brand new.
What color is it?
Silver.
10 spoke alloys came with four,
but I had to get it changed. So.
You know how to use a syringe?
[jazzy music]
So what's with all
these pictures?
My mom did them.
What do I
do if she gets a reaction?
Get her to a hospital quick. That
way only you can ask for the autopsy.
I could be killing her?
No, but she
You didn't give her more than
four milligrams, did you?
No!
You didn't think I was
Adam: Gonna kill your mom?
Adam: No. But
Hey, I am going to go get
something to eat.
You coming?
Fantasy guy likes me?
Fantasy guy likes me!
Nice.
You got nice hands.
Thanks.
You could get a job as a card
dealer. Easy.
I could too.
I mean I'm great with numbers.
All of them.
So thinking about moving to San Diego,
they got loads of casinos down there.
I was going to move once.
Oh yeah? Where to?
Canada. My dad's family's there.
Why didn't you move?
My mom didn't think
it was a good idea.
Yeah, I couldn't put up with
that. I'm the pioneer type.
If I discovered America, I
would've left it to the natives.
They would've been so happy, they
would've called America 'Adam-ica.'
Crazy horse would've
made you chief.
Yeah. Geronimo Ad-omino.
Hot Hiawatha.
[laughing]
Yeah.
Do you think she's woken up?
No. Not a chance.
Four hours guaranteed.
Hope no one's been to the house.
Like your boyfriend?
I don't have a boyfriend.
Makes no difference
to me if you do.
It's my neighbor.
She watches everyone.
Yeah, it's kind of like mine.
Good thing I'm on the top
floor in the penthouse though.
You have a penthouse?
Yeah.
Must be big.
Huge.
But I got to get
out of there because
my ex lives on the floor above,
and last time I tried to bring a day
home, she tried to break the door down.
It's embarrassing.
I bet.
VO: Do I wait for a kiss?
See you.
Nope.
[nighttime ambience]
I wonder if I'm a notch.
[jazzy music]
VO: I'm not boring anymore.
I'm a notch!
Nurse: She's been going crazy.
She's just having
another bad day. This.
This was her cup.
[television news plays]
I can't manage her.
I can't. I'm sorry.
I'll call the agency.
I already did.
They said to tell you they have
no staff to accommodate Bella.
By the way. Both her hands
are working just fine.
[television news blares]
You must be able to get someone.
The insurance company won't
pay cash. And even if they did,
she'd give rid of them.
She wants me here.
So you got to give up your job. I
mean, how are you going to manage?
Mom's pension? I suppose.
You're too nice to get
screwed up like this.
Thanks.
All right, let's stock up. Frankenstein
hasn't given the door codes yet,
so let's go
[mysterious music]
This one'll make a marathon
runner get one last spurt.
Did I tell you I was a runner?
No.
Yeah.
Would you ever come in first?
All the time.
All the time. Was an Olympic
hopeful for a little while.
Just couldn't make
the dates work.
My heart wasn't
really in it. You know.
What kind of runner were you?
Fast.
Fast. This one
makes people forget
what happened to them.
A drug can do that?
Yeah.
Mind altering.
You tried it?
No. Why would I want
to forget anything?
This is the one we
give my mom. Yeah?
Yeah.
You know why
they call it morphine?
Because of Morpheus.
The god of dreams.
It sounds really nice.
Mm hmm.
That's why they put 'em in the drips at
hospitals because people either knocked
out or high as a
fricking kite on that.
How much would you give her if
we wanted to stay out for six hours?
I dunno. It depends on
what website you go on.
But you learned it in
school first, right?
Yeah. Umm
I just go on and learn extras.
I bet your teachers loved you.
If we wanted to stay
out all night
How much would you give her?
Two's a lot.
Three's pushing it.
Four and she's dancing
with Morpheus forever.
What would happen if we
mixed all these together?
Why would you want to do that?
To make a new drug,
to save people?
I don't know about saving
people,
but it'd sure
make a shit hot smoke.
[laughing]
[trippy music]
You've gotten quiet on me.
Shh...
There's a no talking
rule on the mothers hip.
Bella: Clementine!
Where art thou?
She had a long sleep.
Good old Morph.
Do you think she's
addicted by now?
Total crackhead for sure.
VO: It's not okay to joke about Bella
getting zooted every night,
but who's going to stop me?
[giggling]
[Bella yelling]
She heard your voice.
No, she heard your laugh.
Bella: Come here now. You bad,
bad, bad
Jesus, Your mom.
[Bella yelling]
She's not my mom.
She's my stepmom.
So why are you call her mom?
Because she told me to.
Bella: I was on my own!
You can't waste food, Mom.
We're broke.
You can't blame Bella for that.
You know? If you spent a little
less time with your boyfriend
you may have a little bit more
patience with your mom.
Clem.
I seen an ad for a caregiver
just a few days ago.
Please let me go find it.
Thanks.
I'm only trying to help.
VO: The truth is I want someone
to make decisions for me.
If something goes wrong,
it's not my fault.
Us victims aren't
as dumb as we look.
[phone ringing]
Phone: Swan Song Agency.
Hi. Yes. I just received confirmation
that you received my application.
It's on my screen right now.
Oh, I forgot to put on there that
I'm already looking after my mom.
That's so awesome.
Oh, okay.
Do you know
What's next?
You get a date for your first
interview and property check.
Okay. Do you know
when they'll be?
Soon!
[office door opens]
Morning.
Bella: I do not
liketh this water!
Hey Mrs. Carter, this is
Clem. Do you know yet?
If you can help me sit tonight,
please call me back. Thanks.
Who did you talk to? Who did you
talk to? Who did you talk to?
Bella: Who's that?
Who's that? Who's that?
Morphine's still not working?
No.
Bella: Who's that?
Who's that? Who's that?
No one!
It's got to be her new meds.
What's this supposed to be?
My neighbor made it.
With what?
Paint thinner and cow shit?
I'm going to bounce.
Be back around 10.
[Bella yelling]
Where are you going?
Bella: Clementine! You bad
I can't do another night with this!
I moved her to the sitting room.
I can still hear
her. It's too much.
If you go
don't bother coming back.
VO: I said that out loud?
Come on, Clem. Nobody can
put up with this.
Bella: You're a bad, bad girl!
[Bella ranting and yelling]
[door slams]
VO: What a nerve thinking. He can
wander in here anytime he wants.
[car starts outside]
He's hot Hiawatha. We have the best
sex ever. What's a little humiliation?
[Bella yelling]
VO: Why couldn't I have been
my usual pathetic self?
That's okay. I don't mind.
Bella: You forgot about the
shrubs!
Not now, Mom!
Bella: They don't want to be outside.
Not now, Mom!
Bella: You don't care about
the shrubs!
That's right!
I don't!
[Bella yelling]
I hate them. I'm going
to hack them to death right now.
[aggressive music]
[grunting and chopping]
What are you doing to Bella's
shrubs?
You're home?
Why didn't you call me back?
I was going to, you know I
always have time for you, Clem.
No,
you've got time to come over
every day and bore me to
death. But you can't
help me sit for two hours.
Stinking hypocrite!
Adam hates your pies!
And don't think I'm going to let
you be friends with my seniors.
You'd make them so depressed.
They'd kill themselves.
It'd be mother killing herself
with you looking after her!
I do the best I can!
She doesn't think so!
She says you're useless
like your father.
VO: She says that to me all the
time. But to other people,
why does she want them to
hate me? I don't understand.
VO: Some weirdo mob's just
showed up in my head.
Am I losing my mind?
Can you send an ambulance?
Doctor says she
seems all right now.
She can't be. She
stopped breathing.
Don't worry. We're keeping
her in overnight to be safe.
Can I stay?
Oh, we can take care of her.
Well, what if she stops
breathing and no one's here?
If you're worried, then
yes. Stay, by all means.
[mysterious music]
[music continues]
VO: One,
two.
I am finally claiming
my power. Three,
which is personal growth. So
technically this is a good thing.
Four.
Sociopathic tendencies
aside, of course.
Five!
[hospital ambience]
I'm so sorry.
She's dead?
Yes.
I went to sleep and she died.
There's nothing that you
could have done. Nothing.
Would you like a moment?
[jazzy music]
I told you I needed therapy.
[jazzy music intensifies]
VO: Amazingly, all that's bothering
me right now is I forgot my cell.
So I can't call my boyfriend.
Bella's voice has been
beating me up my whole life.
Within minutes of being a
homicidal tyrant, nothing.
I finally found my inner peace.
Morning.
Hey, where have you been?
The hospital.
Bella's dead.
You got me breakfast?
It's Italian. She's dead?
Yeah.
Why did you get me
Italian for breakfast?
It's from last night. What you
You didn't OD her on
morphine, did you?
No. You came back last night?
Yeah, I was only gone an hour.
Great!
Now I have a timeline for how
long it took to lose my mind.
Never had Italian
for breakfast before.
Me neither.
She stopped breathing. So I
called an ambulance.
You called me 10 times.
It's no big deal.
I know.
Lucky she died in the hospital.
Oh, well I remember what
you said about the autopsy
so I made sure she did.
How did you know she
was going to die?
Shit.
Shit.
It's not what you think. I
didn't murder her in cold blood.
Okay, alright. Maybe I did,
but she wouldn't have
gotten better.
I'd call it a mercy kill.
For you. Yeah. Are you high?
Not sure. Why are you
looking at me like that?
Because you just
killed your stepmom.
It's not like I hacked
her to death of an ax.
Now you sound creepy.
Sorry.
It's weird knowing I can
go out whenever I want.
Do you still want
to go to San Diego?
What do you mean?
You said you want to work
down there at a casino.
That was ages ago.
Well, I'm selling this
house whenever I can.
I wanna go somewhere.
I- I'm going to go to work.
Yeah. I'll see you later.
VO: They're so good.
Maybe she knew she
wasn't working properly,
so she made things that were
maybe I got the best bits. Now.
Maybe living in an art
gallery isn't so bad.
[door slams]
She put the house into a trust
called the Happy
Hippie Foundation?
Correct.
That's a thing?
Apparently.
So I'm homeless.
No.
You can still live in it until
you die.
But I don't own it.
No.
And I can't sell it.
No.
Can they evict me?
No.
Can I rent it to someone?
Do I have to pay rent?
No.
Did you ask her
why she did this?
No, but she told me anyway.
She said you wanted to give.
Mrs. Carter a ride
to your father's funeral.
I just said
There's room.
So she did this
after her stroke.
She called and booked
a home appointment.
When you two met, did
she look triumphant?
Oh yes.
You know.
If I knew I was about
to meet my maker,
I think I'd try to be
a little bit good.
How did she know she was
about to meet her maker?
VO: I think I just implicated
myself in my step mom's murder.
It was sudden, wasn't it?
VO: The lawyer gets to live.
[upbeat music]
If I had known she pulled this
I would've gotten
her some belladonna.
She would've lingered for days.
So you can't sell the house?
No. Sorta really liked
the San Diego idea.
We should take off
for a couple of weeks.
I only wanted to do
that because my buddy
owns a hotel down there,
but he just sold it. So.
We could backpack.
My cards are maxed out
from student loans.
VO: No, they're not.
So stay here for free when we get back.
So you want to go on a vacation,
but you don't
have a paycheck coming in.
Thanks for reminding me.
It is no big deal. I mean,
you can get a job anywhere.
Doing what?
You'd be good at sales.
I can't sell.
How do you know that?
Because Kevin quit his job
to work at a call center
and then he got fired
because he couldn't
sell anything.
Yeah, I met him. You're
loads smarter. Okay.
You could sell some stuff and
then you'd become a sales rep.
You think I could be a rep?
Yeah. I know you could.
And I could help you out
with money and food and stuff
until you start making the big bucks.
VO: He'll really do that?
He's only got his wages and
he wants to give them to me.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
VO: I feel so normal.
Thank you.
VO: Maybe I'm normal again.
VO: Rejected. Rejected,
rejected, rejected,
rejected for a call center?
No one's got my pharmacy job.
But if I go back,
Adam will know I'm a loser.
[phone rings]
Go away!
VO: But if I don't, I won't
have a job at all.
[phone rings]
Go away! I'm in my tent!
[phone dings]
Phone: Hey, it's Marybeth, from
Swan Song Agency.
Your first guest's arriving
tomorrow at 10:00 AM.
Hello? Clementine here.
Clem: No one's been to look at the
house yet or interviewed me.
We've streamlined our procedure.
That's amazing news.
VO: So why is my inner peace
making so much noise?
I want to ask you something?
Leaving in 10.
I've got a big house.
Can I take four?
I don't know.
Four. Done.
VO: My peace was a regroup.
Psychosis - Ready to rock.
And about visitors. I'm single.
I don't really feel comfortable
with strangers visiting,
coming in and out.
Done. Bye.
VO: Not back to normal at all.
VO: The upside of selling my soul is
I've stopped worrying about consequences.
The downside is, I don't know
when I'm heading for trouble.
I'll get them all to do wills.
Wait for one to die.
Get the cash and then
send the rest back.
It's not right.
My mom used to do that.
Do what?
Find fault with
everything I did.
I'm not doing that.
That's what it sounds like.
This is weird shit, Clem.
What happened to the call center?
I didn't want another boss.
Everybody our age has bosses.
I don't. Not anymore.
So take the money for looking
after him and have a nice life.
Being a maid isn't a nice life.
It beats 10 years in a pen.
No one's getting caught. We get the
money from one and then we're out.
'We?'
No. Leave me out of this.
None of them have
got any family.
Makes no difference.
George was an investment
banker. He's eccentric.
So?
So what if he's got millions?
Don't care.
I'll split it 50/50.
I'm not doing it.
We'll be rich. We'll
have penthouses.
Porsches.
VO: Mr. Quelll's gone.
Mrs. Carter's gone.
Bella's gone.
Just me and fantasy guy.
No more murder.
No more murder.
Just the cash.
Just the cash.
What do you want me to do?
Take George to the notary.
That's all?
No.
VO: Why didn't I think
of this before?
Swan Song Agency.
Hi, this is Mrs. Carter.
I'm the one who went through the
trouble of finding Clementine Castle.
So?
Well she's just taken in a resident and
I was wondering if you pay some sort of
commission.
No.
Hello?
Clem: Coffee's ready!
I will do my own.
Okay, how about you, Davy?
I'm going to have mine at three
if that's all right. Ms. Castle.
I'm Clem. Call me Clem.
What difference does
10 minutes make?
I can serve it at three
from now on if you'd like.
That's too late for me.
I'll get dehydrated.
You'll get dehydrated
in 10 minutes.
I don't mind if mine's
a little cold.
See. He's all right with having it
earlier. What time is it now?
Um... 2:50.
So serve it at 2:45.
You got that?
Yes, Dennis. I do.
VO: Lucky I promised Adam
I'd stop killing people.
Welcome. I'm Clementine.
No need to do that.
I'm a big tipper. Let him
earn it. And he's cute.
VO: And this one's embarrassing me
In front of the Uber driver.
Don't unpack that.
Oh, okay. I'll store
it in the garage.
I don't want my best
clothes in the garage.
You don't wear
your best clothes?
I don't know if I'm staying yet.
If I don't like it here,
I'll go somewhere else.
Where do I smoke my spliffs?
Where do you smoke yours?
I don't smoke.
Yeah. And I'm a natural blonde.
Put that on there.
Marilyn Monroe.
It's me. I was a
Monroe lookalike.
That was your job?
Yeah.
Thank God for hot presidents
and prescription drugs.
You wouldnt've caught me
looking after an old lady.
It's a business. Got three other
residents.
Any of them guys?
They all are.
You unpack that. I am
going to take a shower.
What happened to your limp?
It's arthritis.
It comes, it goes.
VO: Says the natural blonde.
I've only got a profile for George,
not the other three.
I'll send them now.
[phone ringing]
Oh hi. This is Mrs.
Carter and I
Didn't you call me before?
Yes I did. About
Clementine Castle. Well,
I wanted you to know how
many seniors she's taken in.
She has four and I know
there's four because I
counted them going in.
Aren't you the clever one?
VO: David Trott's Rapid Health Deterioration
motivated him to move into care.
Dennis Pitt lived alone for 10
years, no longer able to manage.
Erica Phillips had
no medical issues.
Healthy seniors sometimes move
into care homes to combat loneliness.
[upbeat music]
[music heard through wall]
Who's that?
Erica.
Always plays music.
[music blares loudly]
Pay the notary in cash. No receipt,
then drop off the will at the lawyers.
The address is on there.
You're getting kinda bossy.
It's kind of sexy.
Hey George. Time to get up.
George. Time to get up.
He's deado.
How did you get
him to sign the will?
He was totally fine
this morning.
George?
Hey.
I'm tired.
Don't you want to go out?
No.
Why didn't you make
sure he could talk first?
And say what?
I don't want him because
he's not well enough
to take to the notary to change his will?
Oh yeah.
It's a good thing we've got others.
See you later.
Well, why don't you stay and
Okay. Bye.
Big house you inherited.
Where are your maids?
I use an agency the night
sitters do everything.
So you decided to start a business
taking in slowly dying geriatrics.
I didn't want a boss.
Really? You don't exactly
strike me like the rebel type.
Kind of the opposite.
What are these?
Tomorrow's menus.
I'm not big on food.
Ooh! Cocktails!
They're non-alcoholic. Organic.
If I wanted to poison myself, I'd
have stuck with my own cooking.
You need to get in some booze.
No one's ever given me
a vitamin shot before.
Are we all having one?
Is it safe to inject with water?
Yeah. Why?
Erica keeps appearing. Do you think
she could have guessed what we're doing?
No. They wouldn't be that sick.
That's a relief.
You work hard, don't you?
Not really.
My wife used to tell me off
for not taking a compliment.
I will show you
a picture of her.
That's her.
She's beautiful. Who's the boy?
My son.
I thought you didn't
have any children.
He was killed in Iraq
on his second tour.
Do you want to see some more?
Sure.
Dennis: Woo! This stuff kicks ass, baby.
Salud. Hey amigo. Que Paso?
Dinner's ready!
So I got to talk to you guys
about something
Hi!
[all laughing]
Hi honey.
What are we all laughing about?
We're just having a party out here.
[all laughing]
[Italian music]
So two weeks and you
haven't got one will ready.
It's hard to get them alone.
So do 'em together.
I'll get you some pills and they
won't even know they're being jived.
How many drugs are we
going to pump them with?
Since when do you care?
VO: Since I started hating
myself again.
I mean, I'm making good money now.
I don't need to mess with wills.
Fine. Cut me out. I don't care.
Well, no, I didn't mean
it like that. I just.
Oh, I forgot to tell you
some hot shot pharmacist came
by and wants me to open a
store for him in New York.
VO: No one headhunts
store assistants, Adam.
Everyone's after him for the job
and he wants me.
I'm amazed.
VO: Now, I've hurt him.
I like the color of that SUV.
If we did do the wills,
I could buy a car.
I didn't know you wanted one.
Always. I just didn't
have the money.
You think you have time this week
to take me around some showrooms?
Sure.
Thanks. Probably
do. Dennis first
[upbeat music]
You got George out of bed?
Well, Erica said that we were going
to have a stripper for his birthday.
It's his birthday?
I don't know.
Excuse me.
Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.
I thought you said you were
a Marilyn Monroe lookalike.
I was. Mostly.
[dance music]
Sorry, Clem.
Your nights sitters been double booked.
Oh.
There's nothing I can do.
Okay. Back to normal tomorrow.
Of course.
Thanks.
[dance music continues]
So why aren't you ready?
The sitter's late.
What is that music?
They got George up for his
birthday. Go take a look.
No.
Don't know who I am.
Dennis: She didn't throw them at
you. She threw them at me.
It's getting ugly in there.
Clem: You might as well stay
and eat while you're here.
No, just see to them. How
long will the sitters be?
They're calling back. We can
eat when they finished if you'd like.
Will they mind?
Of course not.
I'll wait in the bedroom.
I got to text my mom.
She's been calling me
all day driving me crazy.
You've never mentioned your mom
before. Where does she live?
Oh, miles away. Like far.
VO: Would he lie about his mom?
Why haven't you
given me any skin?
Because it gives
you palpitations.
That doesn't mean
I don't want any.
You trying to give yourself a heart attack?
Of course he does. It'd be
something new to moan about.
You'd moan if you
had what I have.
All that's wrong with you is
your heart and your lungs.
I've got arthritis.
Everyone's got arthritis.
Yes. But they're not riddled
with it from head to toe.
Exactly.
It won't stop you breathing.
I'll be on oxygen 247
in a couple of months
and I'll have lost so much
pelvic control
I won't be able to hold my pee.
And I haven't had a boner
in 17 years.
Why would you brag about that?
You can't beat it, can you?
Davy can.
Erica.
Your bowels are like concrete.
Erica!
I'm worried about your leg. Have
you seen his leg? Oh my God.
His ticker's working. All right.
If mine palpitates any faster,
they might as well shoot me.
You got a gun? Why don't
you do it yourself?
You've got a gun?
It's only a pistol.
If I tell you where he hides it
will you crack open some beers?
You guys shouldn't
drink every day.
Why not?
Because you're on meds. All of
you are.
So I won't take them!
You can't just stop.
Why?
Meds don't make us live longer.
We just take longer to die.
Okay. One each. But
that's it. Adam.
Adam?
Yeah.
Could you bring us
some beers please?
Am I having one? Clem?
If you'd like. Yeah.
Is he the one you have sex with
every night?
Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
What's up with George?
He's gone back to sleep.
George?
He is not sleeping. You
shouldn't have gotten him up.
I better call someone.
Don't rush to get him on a slab.
Leave him here for
a while in the warm.
[somber music]
[shower running]
VO: No mom begging you to visit.
He was brought up
in foster care.
You keep fantasizing,
Adam. You keep doing it.
Hey.
The pharmacy's closed on
Monday. What's your rush?
There's an adopt-a-dog down the
street. I'm going to go take a look.
You're getting a dog?
Maybe.
A dog's a big commitment.
VO: Considering you won't
even leave a pair of socks here.
I know. That's why I
haven't gotten one.
See you.
Dennis. Not getting
up this morning?
Dennis.
Dennis?
[energetic music]
If I had known I
would've stayed with you
and Erica would've... probably.
Thank you for the party.
I was going to get him to
sign the will next week.
Dennis and Davy are about
the same height, aren't they?
Yes.
All right. Send me
their IDs and the wills.
VO: The weirdo mob just came back
to welcome me to rock bottom.
VO: Or should I say to
welcome us to rock bottom?
VO: Yes. We're keeping him warm.
I got Davy a pill so he'll be out of
it. I'll do his will at the same time.
VO: Why can't I tell him I don't
want to do this? I am so pathetic.
I'm back to where I started. Except
I know I'll never be normal again.
So murdering my stepmom was a
bad idea. Who'd have thought?
Where are you taking me?
To an office? You okay?
Yeah.
Did you give me drugs?
Why would I give you drugs?
Because you look like a drug
dealer.
Maybe it's the hair.
You the notary?
What do you got?
It's a will.
Sorry. Payment system's down.
I got cash.
Alright. Yeah. Take a seat.
Where did Adam take Davy?
The doctors.
Why?
He wasn't feeling well.
I'll wake Dennis.
He isn't well either.
So I'll keep him company.
He has a headache.
He'll be thrilled. He can
tell everyone it's a tumor.
I've given him a pill.
So he's sleeping.
You gave him a sleeping
pill in the morning.
It was a painkiller.
So why is he sleeping?
You know, Erica.
You're like one of those
trick party candles.
Yeah. You can't stop
me no matter what.
I'm going for a smoke.
Careful you don't choke.
Old. Not deaf.
Why has he signed it?
I thought he had to.
The point of a notary is to
witness a signature.
I mean no one else said that, so
You do this a lot, do you?
No! No.
Well, he's going
to have to sign again.
Are you his caregiver?
No.
So what are you doing with him?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
We're gonna come back later.
Adam: I couldn't get Dennis's done.
They're supposed to sign it when
the notary's there. I didn't know that.
Shit. Me neither.
VO: Which makes us the dumbest
felons in criminal history.
How's Davy?
He's all right.
VO: Good. I've only lost one!
Do you think it was the chicken
skin that did it?
I'm just asking.
Davy: Clem was the one who
told him not to eat it.
Why do you always have to stick up for her?
He doesn't.
He does.
Wish Dennis was here.
Shut you both up.
He is here.
[all laughing]
You should have
given us lamb chops.
I feel like singing.
Don't we have to wait
for the funeral director.
We're dropping like flies. You
think waiting's a good idea?
Erica singing: Rock my soul in
the bosom of Abraham.
All: Rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham.
I'll give Erica the
same pill I gave Davy.
Where do you want
me to take her?
VO: Why doesn't he know I don't
want to do this anymore?
What are you doing?
You want me to go?
So I'm gonna go.
VO: Then I won't have to do the
pills anymore.
But I won't have my fantasy guy.
Can't do it.
I turned to my back because I'm
used to sleeping on my left side.
Don't go.
Swan Song Agency.
It's you again.
Two of them have died. I watched
them take out the bodies.
Was it Clementine's fault?
We won't know until we
find the murder weapon.
Hello? Hello?
[swinging jazz music]
Hey. I said no drinking
until the weekend.
We thought it was the weekend!
One. And that's it.
I'm all right, Clem.
Don't stay on that leg
for too long, okay?
[music continues]
Oh, Hi Clem.
I heard your seniors are having a party
and I thought they might like a bit of pie.
I changed the recipe.
Thanks.
Hey. Wait
[Davy groaning]
Something's wrong with
Davy. I called an ambulance.
All right, I'll take him out.
[ambulance siren]
Davy: Damn leg. It was just a
little gout when it started.
Can you give him something?
He's on the maximum dose. Sorry.
VO: So just let him suffer?
Or not.
She gives us the menus in
the morning.
If we don't like anything. She changes it!
Every day?
Yup.
There's no dessert.
Oh, sorry. Separate menu.
[mysterious music]
It's like a five star
hotel. 24 hour laundry.
I always wondered why
you didn't move in.
I used to live on my own.
Until I started to feel
like a cave dweller.
Thanks, Clem.
You're welcome.
Sorry, did I say something wrong?
Erica said she's coming tomorrow.
I hope she brings her music.
[Clem hums softly]
You've got a
terrible voice, Clem.
I know. Sorry.
I know.
[humming]
Hey.
[heavy breathing]
You stayed.
Aww.
He'd have liked that.
And I sang.
Oh.
I wish I'd known him longer.
Just so sweet.
Saw the good in everyone.
Wasn't even suspicious of you.
Why would he be?
A young girl...
Street smart boyfriend.
Seniors.
It's got a whiff.
A whiff?
Yeah.
I thought maybe you were
planning to bump us all off
and Dennis did too.
You're kidding, right?
If you thought that I
didn't you all leave?
Davy convinced us we were wrong.
How?
He said you loved us.
Going to bed.
I hope to Christ I wake up in the morning.
They thought we were
going to kill them.
It's just Erica.
And Dennis.
And Dennis.
We haven't taken
anybody's money yet.
I can go to Davy's attorney and
see if I can get the wills back.
It's no wonder another one
died. She's giving them alcohol.
I saw it with my own eyes.
Go boil your head.
I didn't hear the door.
Erica and Clem singing: Amazing grace
how sweet the sound.
That saved a wretch like me.
I once
Man singing: Was lost.
All: But now I'm found.
Adam: Did he say anything?
Clem: No. He left straight
after the cremation.
He could be a friend
of the family's.
If he was a family friend. Why
didn't Davy ever mention him?
I don't know.
It's got to be a relative.
You don't know that.
I mean, who else could it be?
You've got to get Davy's
will back from his lawyers.
I can't. They won't
give it to me.
How do you know that?
Because I went there
a couple of days ago.
They said they'll only give it
to the person whose will it is.
So you went there
without telling me.
Yeah.
I told you when you got
back from the hospital.
You'd fallen asleep.
So why didn't you
tell me when I got up?
I didn't know what
you were going to say.
I'm not doing this anymore.
I feel like an asshole.
You should have let me
stop when I wanted to.
I didn't know you wanted to!
Okay. It's going to be okay.
No.
For you because you're not the beneficiary
and you never suggested that, did you?
[front door slams]
Erica: What'd you fight with Adam about?
I didn't.
So you've gone off sex?
What did you say?
He didn't make it to the bedroom.
It's a reasonable assumption.
[groaning]
Boring here now.
When are you going to get
in some new guys?
Never.
Everyone keeps dying.
Well what did you expect?
Cartwheels across the lawn?
I'm going to take a shower.
[cell phone rings]
Hello?
Man: Clementine Castle?
Yes.
This is Julian Davis.
David Trott's cousin.
I just left his lawyer's and they told me
he created a new will just a few weeks
after he moved in with you.
Do you know anything about that?
No.
Are you sure?
Why did I have to
start murdering people?
Why couldn't I just stay the
way I was? I mean, I was a mess
but at least I was nice.
Clem: I'm talking about murder and
you've got nothing to say?
That was only your stepmom.
And Davy.
That was a mercy killing.
Oh, so I only murdered
one person in cold blood.
I still deserve to go to prison because
I'd rather kill someone
than open my stupid mouth!
[upbeat music]
Clem: I'm going to ask them
to rehouse Erica.
They're going to close me down once his
cousin tells them about the will anyway.
Adam!
Adam: What? What?
He's coming at 3. It's your
delivery day. I need you here.
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I'll
call you right back.
That man at the funeral
was Davy's cousin?
You were eavesdropping.
I told you I'm bored.
Yes he was.
Why are you wearing a wig?
I'm not!
You think he'll complain
about you to the agency?
I don't know.
Why is he coming here?
To pick up Davy's things.
We didn't think he had any cousins.
This one must be like a
hundred times removed.
You shouldn't give him anything.
I need a drink.
What happened to Adam's stash?
How would I know?
[pensive music]
[phone rings]
[phone battery dies]
[phone rings]
Adam's Voicemail: Say what you got to say.
Psst!
Psst!
I live in here.
I know all about Davy's will.
I've got evidence.
[phone ringing]
Adam's Voicemail: Say what you got to say.
Hey.
I'm
[gunshot]
Right in the ticker.
You shot him?!
He was going to close you
down. I'd have had to move.
You shot him because
you didn't want to move?
Have you seen how much
luggage I've got?
Takes me a day just to pack the trunk.
So you shot him.
What are you doing?
I'm going to say he
was trying to rape me.
I need a motive or I'll be in trouble.
God.
[police sirens]
Oh God!
Clem: Hey, I'm
[gunshot]
No. Clem. No!
No.
[ambulance siren]
You all right? What happened?
What happened?
The police took Erica.
I knew it wouldn't last.
What?
You being nice to me?
I was standing up.
On your way to the door.
Do you want me to go?
I didn't say that.
So then say what you mean.
Whenever I do you leave.
He really does that?
Yes.
So you broke her
first amendment right?
What?
Freedom to say what she wants without
fear of punishment.
I don't punish her.
Yes you do.
He was trying to rape me.
Are you sure he wasn't
trying to rob you?
Once he got a load of me, there
was only one thing on his mind.
Two guys were fighting
over me last week.
They all want me!
Have you ever been assessed?
Last time he said he
was going to get a dog.
That's lame dude.
See?
And that's his cue to leave.
That's a guy thing.
What is?
Running away.
Stay once you're screwed.
That was before today.
What happened today?
I thought she died.
That's a tricky one.
[moaning and crying]
I can't breathe.
[gasping for air]
I can't breathe!
I'm always nice.
You told me I was.
Not when you're sulking,
she does this thing.
That's because Bella
made me too scared to yell.
Well, you're doing a pretty good job now.
[phone rings]
Front desk.
Bella is a piece of work.
Better than no one.
Hmm?
I uh
I went through your
phone by accident.
I'm sorry. What happened to you.
I hate to break this up, but your
friend's been rushed to the hospital.
Oh my God.
Let's go.
Yeah. Hold on.
We've got Mrs. Carter on the line.
She says she spoke to the deceased
before he entered the house.
Something about a will.
That's their friend who's
been rushed to the hospital,
Can they come back in the morning?
Okay. Before 10:00 AM.
All her vitals are working.
The doctor thinks it just all got
too much and she just gave up.
Erica wouldn't do that.
Is she wearing a wig?
[grumbles]
What? Get me out of here.
Let go of my hand. Will you?
Is she?
Yeah.
Go to the office and tell them she doesn't
have any health insurance.
They'll let her out in an hour.
Plan.
I think I'm going to hug you.
[growls]
[mysterious music]
What a cock up!
Thought they'd give me bail
and leave it at that.
Adam: How do you know they wouldn't have?
I overdid it.
They were going to get me committed.
Clem: But then you wouldn't
have had to stand trial.
Yeah, I would've been in asylum
for the rest of my life.
I can wear disguises now.
It'd be fun.
Clem: It's a bit more
complicated than that.
You two got yourselves
into some kind of trouble?
VO: So now I've got abducting a
murderer on my wrap sheet.
Erica: That reminds me.
We did it the morning after you
took Davy to those notaries.
You don't think he actually
took that pill, do you?
He pretended to be high?
He made fun of my hair!
[Erica laughing]
What happened to the will we did?
I think he trashed it.
So we're not in trouble?
Which is amazing!
That vitamin stunt! Really?
You left everything
to each other.
Get half a mil from Dennis.
When did you do these?
The morning after vitamin day.
That was the funniest day ever.
The day the mailman was here.
You were laughing about us.
Always.
I really miss those guys, you know?
We need some new ones around here.
Oh no. I'm done with that.
I'm not talking about wills.
By the way, they don't
have to be notarized.
What?
All you need is a witness.
We got the mailman to do ours.
How do you know so
much about wills?
Experience.
You've done these before.
To who?
A couple of husbands.
That's all.
Did you murder them?
Don't be dumb!
You shot someone in cold blood.
I wouldn't have if I was
the beneficiary. Duh.
What?
You are the beneficiary.
For Davy.
And his cousin shows up
to stake his claim.
You shoot him.
Oh.
That looks suspicious.
So suspicious, they'll do brain
scans and find out you're faking.
Then you'll go to trial
for murder.
Oh shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Clem: We can't be here in the morning.
I'm going to get my things.
Erica: Me too.
Wait.
If Mrs. Carter sees us leaving,
she'll call the cops.
Clem: Sorry to bother you,
Mrs. Carter but
I've done something really, really dumb.
I'm going to be in so much trouble.
Can you please come and help me?
[mysterious music]
I was just trying to help!
I don't know why you're complaining.
It's me who's losing a Gucchi!
Prada?!
Even worse!
Enjoy, I guess.
[grumbling and struggling]
All right. I'll move the car.
Anyone want to stop for cash?
I'm okay. I got international.
Why do you have an
international bank account?
She's got a couple.
How do you know?
Because I know you.
And because we probably
got the same clinical diagnosis.
Yeah, you both talk too much.
[upbeat music]
Clem: When are we going to call
someone about Mrs. Carter?
Adam: We can't.
We threw away our phones!
[laughing]
VO: Just what Mexico needs.
A murderer smuggling another
murderer across their border.
VO: I'm going to have to leave you here.
Fugitives can't be too careful!
But you won't be
missing anything.
We've sworn we're going
to behave perfectly.
Once Adam's photoshopped our visas.
Adios!
I hope.
[typing]
[funky music]
VO: Everyone seems normal till
you get to know them.
Take me.
I'm as boring as I look.
Well, a bit more, really.
No one would guess
I've been simmering
for 20 years.
It's not open yet.
Oh, I work here.
Hey. Adam - started today.
Oh yeah. Hi.
VO: I hate meeting
new people.
Mr. Paul's changed the code.
VO: He's hot. That's worse.
So you got a name?
VO: What's my name?!
Clem.
Is that short for anything?
VO: What's it short for?!
Clementine.
Nice! Nice.
You're teeny.
Teeny?
You're teeny tiny.
Oh.
So how long you worked here?
Five years.
Oh, so you knew
Kevin, the last guy?
Yeah.
Yeah. He was counter. I'm more
dispensing, so yeah,
I'm actually half
trained to be a doctor.
I went to school for two
years and I had problems
with loans and stuff like that.
You know how it goes.
Oh, I didn't go to college.
It's no big deal.
People flip out when they
hear I went to Harvard,
but it doesn't mean
shit to me, so.
VO: I bend myself out of shape
not to say the wrong thing.
This guy does it every
time he opens his mouth.
Show him the label machine.
I've had enough of this backlog.
VO: How can anyone make this
backlog sound like 'you dumbass'?
[upbeat music]
VO: One day I'm going to
say everything out loud!
Hey dad.
Hey. How was work?
It's good.
How's it with the new boy?
He's funny. Keeps
making stuff up.
That looks heavy.
VO: When Dad retired,
he spent all his time in
the yard for good reason.
This is Bella, my stepmom,
the only uptight hippie to
come out of San Francisco.
She thought she'd be the
next Rembrandt, but
no one bought her paintings.
She's been defacing
them ever since.
Clem: Gonna get changed and help Dad.
You can take Mrs. Carter's.
Gift before she comes knocking.
VO: She sounds dramatic because now
she's taking acting classes.
Oh.
I had an appointment.
You didn't say.
It was last minute.
Um.
I -
I went to see a therapist.
A therapist?
My coworker.
She told me about her sister.
She was a bit sad like me.
She had a breakdown and I just
Oh. I'm the only one who should
worry about a breakdown.
VO: She thinks she's
doing Shakespeare,
but she's more like Morticia's
depressed grandmother.
VO: I don't stand up for myself
because Bella overreacts to backtalk.
I started biting my
tongue when I was four.
It didn't take long to
get brainwashed. By then.
Backtalk to anyone wasn't
an option.
Clem: You didn't pick up
that bag, did you?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Just a little dizzy.
Bella: Can't be from working
too hard.
You haven't
trimmed my shrubs in days.
VO: Under that hard exterior
is more hard exterior.
My real mom died three
weeks after I was born.
Dad married Bella a
couple of years later.
It was post her
Rembrandt moment.
She didn't even crack a smile
in the wedding pics.
Dad knew what he was getting.
When I work that
out, I stop the hugs.
Clem!
Happy birthday,
Mrs. Carter.
Oh, Clem, another
painting. That's nice.
Have a good evening.
Well, Clem, I'm here now.
I might as well come in.
[woman screaming]
Mrs. Carter: Is that Bella?
Call an ambulance? Dad,
can you hear me? Oh my God,
he's not breathing.
[grunting]
You can't leave me here.
Get off my phone!
Clem: Are they on their way?!
Bella: $169 for a wreath. I was robbed.
Oh, hi. I was just coming to
wish you the best.
You're not coming?
There's no bus is going that
way, but I'll be with you in spirit.
Oh, perhaps you'll bump
into my dead husband.
He'll be gone before
you get there.
She was after a free ride.
There's room.
Everyone else in his family lasted
until they were in their nineties.
It's not his fault he died, Mom.
It's not mine either. To
listen to that doctor,
you'd think that I murdered
him with my bare hands.
He just mentioned your diet.
That's all.
Well, what would he know?
I eat the same as your
father and I never
I'm not in a box!
[fast tempo music]
[Bella moans]
Mom!
Oh my gosh. Mom.
Take us to the hospital!
Driver: Yes Ma'am!
[tires screeching ]
Clem: Will she be able to talk?
She'll be a bit slow at first, but
yes, she'll get her vocals back.
And she'll be the same
as before. I mean,
will she be the same person?
She might be depressed, not
as happy as she was before.
VO: Oh God.
Mrs. Carter: I'm a close friend
of the family.
Oh my God. She doesn't
look well at all.
Well, there's no point
in leaving my pie.
It doesn't look like
she'll be eating much.
Well, I haven't.
VO: What the doctor didn't mention
was that she'd
get more dramatic.
I wanteth chips!
Hey Clem, how's it going?
Okay.
That good? Huh?
I'm just tired.
You ever meditate?
You got a good aura like me.
First time I went to one
of these retreat things,
they made me a shaman
right off the bat.
You'd be a sha-woman straight
off.
A couple of weeks in,
You'd be teaching
them how to meditate.
VO: And then I'll go to Harvard
and be a half-trained pharmacist.
Bella: Get out of there. Get out.
You're mom's mad. She
wants you to come home.
It's only her first day.
She'll get better.
I think she hates me.
[wheelchair slams]
She might be better with another
caregiver. I called the agency.
They're sending someone in
the morning. Can you come now?
Bella: You lefteth me on my own!
Bella: You said you wouldn't. You
said you wouldn't. You said you wouldn't.
Mom!
I've got to get up for work!
Bella: Not going to sleep until
you cut the shrubs!
Bella: Stop ignoring the shrubs!
Bella: Stop ignoring the shrubs!
[mysterious music]
[angry breathing]
This is your new caregiver.
Hey Bella. It's nice to meet
you. Everything will be fine.
[wheelchair slams]
She keeps attacking me.
She had some soup last
night that upset her.
She's impossible when she's sick.
Okay. Should I
give her an antacid?
[Bella grunts]
Hello?
Sorry, we cut out. Antacids
don't really work on her.
You might have a
rough first day.
[wheelchair slams]
Okay, I will do my best.
[Bella screams]
[mysterious music]
VO: Stay calm. Stay
calm, nice and calm.
Nice and calm!
Going out for lunch!
[frantic footsteps]
VO: Don't run. Don't run. Don't run.
I said don't run!
Where's my keys gone?
You took 'em and went
out the back.
VO: What?
When?
Ten minutes ago.
VO: Nice and calm. Nice and calm.
Nice and calm. Nice and calm.
Found them.
Pharmacist: Where?
In the trash.
How did they get in there?
I don't know.
VO: If their stepmom made them
cut shrubs at midnight, they'd steal keys.
[funky music]
[funky music continues]
[nervous breathing]
It takes two clicks to lock the front
door. Why are you stealing drugs?
I just,
They're for my mom.
She won't behave for
the caregivers and
she just keeps me up all
night. Please don't tell.
Like I would
if you're going to
steal. Steal big.
Why are there no
cameras in here?
They put up the subscription. So
of course Mr. Paul canceled it.
Yeah. Yeah, because no one
wants to break into a drugstore.
[Clem laughs]
Okay.
These are for the morning.
One will do it.
You don't have anyone to
help you with this?
No brothers or sisters?
No.
Sucks being on your own.
How do you know his password?
He's got the same
one for all of them.
Click show on one and
you got 'em all.
Dumb coders.
You want a ride home? My Porche
is in the shop though. I mean,
I told him I'd help out with
delivery so I can use the van.
VO: Fun time.
You have a Porche?
Yeah. Bought it brand new.
What color is it?
Silver.
10 spoke alloys came with four,
but I had to get it changed. So.
You know how to use a syringe?
[jazzy music]
So what's with all
these pictures?
My mom did them.
What do I
do if she gets a reaction?
Get her to a hospital quick. That
way only you can ask for the autopsy.
I could be killing her?
No, but she
You didn't give her more than
four milligrams, did you?
No!
You didn't think I was
Adam: Gonna kill your mom?
Adam: No. But
Hey, I am going to go get
something to eat.
You coming?
Fantasy guy likes me?
Fantasy guy likes me!
Nice.
You got nice hands.
Thanks.
You could get a job as a card
dealer. Easy.
I could too.
I mean I'm great with numbers.
All of them.
So thinking about moving to San Diego,
they got loads of casinos down there.
I was going to move once.
Oh yeah? Where to?
Canada. My dad's family's there.
Why didn't you move?
My mom didn't think
it was a good idea.
Yeah, I couldn't put up with
that. I'm the pioneer type.
If I discovered America, I
would've left it to the natives.
They would've been so happy, they
would've called America 'Adam-ica.'
Crazy horse would've
made you chief.
Yeah. Geronimo Ad-omino.
Hot Hiawatha.
[laughing]
Yeah.
Do you think she's woken up?
No. Not a chance.
Four hours guaranteed.
Hope no one's been to the house.
Like your boyfriend?
I don't have a boyfriend.
Makes no difference
to me if you do.
It's my neighbor.
She watches everyone.
Yeah, it's kind of like mine.
Good thing I'm on the top
floor in the penthouse though.
You have a penthouse?
Yeah.
Must be big.
Huge.
But I got to get
out of there because
my ex lives on the floor above,
and last time I tried to bring a day
home, she tried to break the door down.
It's embarrassing.
I bet.
VO: Do I wait for a kiss?
See you.
Nope.
[nighttime ambience]
I wonder if I'm a notch.
[jazzy music]
VO: I'm not boring anymore.
I'm a notch!
Nurse: She's been going crazy.
She's just having
another bad day. This.
This was her cup.
[television news plays]
I can't manage her.
I can't. I'm sorry.
I'll call the agency.
I already did.
They said to tell you they have
no staff to accommodate Bella.
By the way. Both her hands
are working just fine.
[television news blares]
You must be able to get someone.
The insurance company won't
pay cash. And even if they did,
she'd give rid of them.
She wants me here.
So you got to give up your job. I
mean, how are you going to manage?
Mom's pension? I suppose.
You're too nice to get
screwed up like this.
Thanks.
All right, let's stock up. Frankenstein
hasn't given the door codes yet,
so let's go
[mysterious music]
This one'll make a marathon
runner get one last spurt.
Did I tell you I was a runner?
No.
Yeah.
Would you ever come in first?
All the time.
All the time. Was an Olympic
hopeful for a little while.
Just couldn't make
the dates work.
My heart wasn't
really in it. You know.
What kind of runner were you?
Fast.
Fast. This one
makes people forget
what happened to them.
A drug can do that?
Yeah.
Mind altering.
You tried it?
No. Why would I want
to forget anything?
This is the one we
give my mom. Yeah?
Yeah.
You know why
they call it morphine?
Because of Morpheus.
The god of dreams.
It sounds really nice.
Mm hmm.
That's why they put 'em in the drips at
hospitals because people either knocked
out or high as a
fricking kite on that.
How much would you give her if
we wanted to stay out for six hours?
I dunno. It depends on
what website you go on.
But you learned it in
school first, right?
Yeah. Umm
I just go on and learn extras.
I bet your teachers loved you.
If we wanted to stay
out all night
How much would you give her?
Two's a lot.
Three's pushing it.
Four and she's dancing
with Morpheus forever.
What would happen if we
mixed all these together?
Why would you want to do that?
To make a new drug,
to save people?
I don't know about saving
people,
but it'd sure
make a shit hot smoke.
[laughing]
[trippy music]
You've gotten quiet on me.
Shh...
There's a no talking
rule on the mothers hip.
Bella: Clementine!
Where art thou?
She had a long sleep.
Good old Morph.
Do you think she's
addicted by now?
Total crackhead for sure.
VO: It's not okay to joke about Bella
getting zooted every night,
but who's going to stop me?
[giggling]
[Bella yelling]
She heard your voice.
No, she heard your laugh.
Bella: Come here now. You bad,
bad, bad
Jesus, Your mom.
[Bella yelling]
She's not my mom.
She's my stepmom.
So why are you call her mom?
Because she told me to.
Bella: I was on my own!
You can't waste food, Mom.
We're broke.
You can't blame Bella for that.
You know? If you spent a little
less time with your boyfriend
you may have a little bit more
patience with your mom.
Clem.
I seen an ad for a caregiver
just a few days ago.
Please let me go find it.
Thanks.
I'm only trying to help.
VO: The truth is I want someone
to make decisions for me.
If something goes wrong,
it's not my fault.
Us victims aren't
as dumb as we look.
[phone ringing]
Phone: Swan Song Agency.
Hi. Yes. I just received confirmation
that you received my application.
It's on my screen right now.
Oh, I forgot to put on there that
I'm already looking after my mom.
That's so awesome.
Oh, okay.
Do you know
What's next?
You get a date for your first
interview and property check.
Okay. Do you know
when they'll be?
Soon!
[office door opens]
Morning.
Bella: I do not
liketh this water!
Hey Mrs. Carter, this is
Clem. Do you know yet?
If you can help me sit tonight,
please call me back. Thanks.
Who did you talk to? Who did you
talk to? Who did you talk to?
Bella: Who's that?
Who's that? Who's that?
Morphine's still not working?
No.
Bella: Who's that?
Who's that? Who's that?
No one!
It's got to be her new meds.
What's this supposed to be?
My neighbor made it.
With what?
Paint thinner and cow shit?
I'm going to bounce.
Be back around 10.
[Bella yelling]
Where are you going?
Bella: Clementine! You bad
I can't do another night with this!
I moved her to the sitting room.
I can still hear
her. It's too much.
If you go
don't bother coming back.
VO: I said that out loud?
Come on, Clem. Nobody can
put up with this.
Bella: You're a bad, bad girl!
[Bella ranting and yelling]
[door slams]
VO: What a nerve thinking. He can
wander in here anytime he wants.
[car starts outside]
He's hot Hiawatha. We have the best
sex ever. What's a little humiliation?
[Bella yelling]
VO: Why couldn't I have been
my usual pathetic self?
That's okay. I don't mind.
Bella: You forgot about the
shrubs!
Not now, Mom!
Bella: They don't want to be outside.
Not now, Mom!
Bella: You don't care about
the shrubs!
That's right!
I don't!
[Bella yelling]
I hate them. I'm going
to hack them to death right now.
[aggressive music]
[grunting and chopping]
What are you doing to Bella's
shrubs?
You're home?
Why didn't you call me back?
I was going to, you know I
always have time for you, Clem.
No,
you've got time to come over
every day and bore me to
death. But you can't
help me sit for two hours.
Stinking hypocrite!
Adam hates your pies!
And don't think I'm going to let
you be friends with my seniors.
You'd make them so depressed.
They'd kill themselves.
It'd be mother killing herself
with you looking after her!
I do the best I can!
She doesn't think so!
She says you're useless
like your father.
VO: She says that to me all the
time. But to other people,
why does she want them to
hate me? I don't understand.
VO: Some weirdo mob's just
showed up in my head.
Am I losing my mind?
Can you send an ambulance?
Doctor says she
seems all right now.
She can't be. She
stopped breathing.
Don't worry. We're keeping
her in overnight to be safe.
Can I stay?
Oh, we can take care of her.
Well, what if she stops
breathing and no one's here?
If you're worried, then
yes. Stay, by all means.
[mysterious music]
[music continues]
VO: One,
two.
I am finally claiming
my power. Three,
which is personal growth. So
technically this is a good thing.
Four.
Sociopathic tendencies
aside, of course.
Five!
[hospital ambience]
I'm so sorry.
She's dead?
Yes.
I went to sleep and she died.
There's nothing that you
could have done. Nothing.
Would you like a moment?
[jazzy music]
I told you I needed therapy.
[jazzy music intensifies]
VO: Amazingly, all that's bothering
me right now is I forgot my cell.
So I can't call my boyfriend.
Bella's voice has been
beating me up my whole life.
Within minutes of being a
homicidal tyrant, nothing.
I finally found my inner peace.
Morning.
Hey, where have you been?
The hospital.
Bella's dead.
You got me breakfast?
It's Italian. She's dead?
Yeah.
Why did you get me
Italian for breakfast?
It's from last night. What you
You didn't OD her on
morphine, did you?
No. You came back last night?
Yeah, I was only gone an hour.
Great!
Now I have a timeline for how
long it took to lose my mind.
Never had Italian
for breakfast before.
Me neither.
She stopped breathing. So I
called an ambulance.
You called me 10 times.
It's no big deal.
I know.
Lucky she died in the hospital.
Oh, well I remember what
you said about the autopsy
so I made sure she did.
How did you know she
was going to die?
Shit.
Shit.
It's not what you think. I
didn't murder her in cold blood.
Okay, alright. Maybe I did,
but she wouldn't have
gotten better.
I'd call it a mercy kill.
For you. Yeah. Are you high?
Not sure. Why are you
looking at me like that?
Because you just
killed your stepmom.
It's not like I hacked
her to death of an ax.
Now you sound creepy.
Sorry.
It's weird knowing I can
go out whenever I want.
Do you still want
to go to San Diego?
What do you mean?
You said you want to work
down there at a casino.
That was ages ago.
Well, I'm selling this
house whenever I can.
I wanna go somewhere.
I- I'm going to go to work.
Yeah. I'll see you later.
VO: They're so good.
Maybe she knew she
wasn't working properly,
so she made things that were
maybe I got the best bits. Now.
Maybe living in an art
gallery isn't so bad.
[door slams]
She put the house into a trust
called the Happy
Hippie Foundation?
Correct.
That's a thing?
Apparently.
So I'm homeless.
No.
You can still live in it until
you die.
But I don't own it.
No.
And I can't sell it.
No.
Can they evict me?
No.
Can I rent it to someone?
Do I have to pay rent?
No.
Did you ask her
why she did this?
No, but she told me anyway.
She said you wanted to give.
Mrs. Carter a ride
to your father's funeral.
I just said
There's room.
So she did this
after her stroke.
She called and booked
a home appointment.
When you two met, did
she look triumphant?
Oh yes.
You know.
If I knew I was about
to meet my maker,
I think I'd try to be
a little bit good.
How did she know she was
about to meet her maker?
VO: I think I just implicated
myself in my step mom's murder.
It was sudden, wasn't it?
VO: The lawyer gets to live.
[upbeat music]
If I had known she pulled this
I would've gotten
her some belladonna.
She would've lingered for days.
So you can't sell the house?
No. Sorta really liked
the San Diego idea.
We should take off
for a couple of weeks.
I only wanted to do
that because my buddy
owns a hotel down there,
but he just sold it. So.
We could backpack.
My cards are maxed out
from student loans.
VO: No, they're not.
So stay here for free when we get back.
So you want to go on a vacation,
but you don't
have a paycheck coming in.
Thanks for reminding me.
It is no big deal. I mean,
you can get a job anywhere.
Doing what?
You'd be good at sales.
I can't sell.
How do you know that?
Because Kevin quit his job
to work at a call center
and then he got fired
because he couldn't
sell anything.
Yeah, I met him. You're
loads smarter. Okay.
You could sell some stuff and
then you'd become a sales rep.
You think I could be a rep?
Yeah. I know you could.
And I could help you out
with money and food and stuff
until you start making the big bucks.
VO: He'll really do that?
He's only got his wages and
he wants to give them to me.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
VO: I feel so normal.
Thank you.
VO: Maybe I'm normal again.
VO: Rejected. Rejected,
rejected, rejected,
rejected for a call center?
No one's got my pharmacy job.
But if I go back,
Adam will know I'm a loser.
[phone rings]
Go away!
VO: But if I don't, I won't
have a job at all.
[phone rings]
Go away! I'm in my tent!
[phone dings]
Phone: Hey, it's Marybeth, from
Swan Song Agency.
Your first guest's arriving
tomorrow at 10:00 AM.
Hello? Clementine here.
Clem: No one's been to look at the
house yet or interviewed me.
We've streamlined our procedure.
That's amazing news.
VO: So why is my inner peace
making so much noise?
I want to ask you something?
Leaving in 10.
I've got a big house.
Can I take four?
I don't know.
Four. Done.
VO: My peace was a regroup.
Psychosis - Ready to rock.
And about visitors. I'm single.
I don't really feel comfortable
with strangers visiting,
coming in and out.
Done. Bye.
VO: Not back to normal at all.
VO: The upside of selling my soul is
I've stopped worrying about consequences.
The downside is, I don't know
when I'm heading for trouble.
I'll get them all to do wills.
Wait for one to die.
Get the cash and then
send the rest back.
It's not right.
My mom used to do that.
Do what?
Find fault with
everything I did.
I'm not doing that.
That's what it sounds like.
This is weird shit, Clem.
What happened to the call center?
I didn't want another boss.
Everybody our age has bosses.
I don't. Not anymore.
So take the money for looking
after him and have a nice life.
Being a maid isn't a nice life.
It beats 10 years in a pen.
No one's getting caught. We get the
money from one and then we're out.
'We?'
No. Leave me out of this.
None of them have
got any family.
Makes no difference.
George was an investment
banker. He's eccentric.
So?
So what if he's got millions?
Don't care.
I'll split it 50/50.
I'm not doing it.
We'll be rich. We'll
have penthouses.
Porsches.
VO: Mr. Quelll's gone.
Mrs. Carter's gone.
Bella's gone.
Just me and fantasy guy.
No more murder.
No more murder.
Just the cash.
Just the cash.
What do you want me to do?
Take George to the notary.
That's all?
No.
VO: Why didn't I think
of this before?
Swan Song Agency.
Hi, this is Mrs. Carter.
I'm the one who went through the
trouble of finding Clementine Castle.
So?
Well she's just taken in a resident and
I was wondering if you pay some sort of
commission.
No.
Hello?
Clem: Coffee's ready!
I will do my own.
Okay, how about you, Davy?
I'm going to have mine at three
if that's all right. Ms. Castle.
I'm Clem. Call me Clem.
What difference does
10 minutes make?
I can serve it at three
from now on if you'd like.
That's too late for me.
I'll get dehydrated.
You'll get dehydrated
in 10 minutes.
I don't mind if mine's
a little cold.
See. He's all right with having it
earlier. What time is it now?
Um... 2:50.
So serve it at 2:45.
You got that?
Yes, Dennis. I do.
VO: Lucky I promised Adam
I'd stop killing people.
Welcome. I'm Clementine.
No need to do that.
I'm a big tipper. Let him
earn it. And he's cute.
VO: And this one's embarrassing me
In front of the Uber driver.
Don't unpack that.
Oh, okay. I'll store
it in the garage.
I don't want my best
clothes in the garage.
You don't wear
your best clothes?
I don't know if I'm staying yet.
If I don't like it here,
I'll go somewhere else.
Where do I smoke my spliffs?
Where do you smoke yours?
I don't smoke.
Yeah. And I'm a natural blonde.
Put that on there.
Marilyn Monroe.
It's me. I was a
Monroe lookalike.
That was your job?
Yeah.
Thank God for hot presidents
and prescription drugs.
You wouldnt've caught me
looking after an old lady.
It's a business. Got three other
residents.
Any of them guys?
They all are.
You unpack that. I am
going to take a shower.
What happened to your limp?
It's arthritis.
It comes, it goes.
VO: Says the natural blonde.
I've only got a profile for George,
not the other three.
I'll send them now.
[phone ringing]
Oh hi. This is Mrs.
Carter and I
Didn't you call me before?
Yes I did. About
Clementine Castle. Well,
I wanted you to know how
many seniors she's taken in.
She has four and I know
there's four because I
counted them going in.
Aren't you the clever one?
VO: David Trott's Rapid Health Deterioration
motivated him to move into care.
Dennis Pitt lived alone for 10
years, no longer able to manage.
Erica Phillips had
no medical issues.
Healthy seniors sometimes move
into care homes to combat loneliness.
[upbeat music]
[music heard through wall]
Who's that?
Erica.
Always plays music.
[music blares loudly]
Pay the notary in cash. No receipt,
then drop off the will at the lawyers.
The address is on there.
You're getting kinda bossy.
It's kind of sexy.
Hey George. Time to get up.
George. Time to get up.
He's deado.
How did you get
him to sign the will?
He was totally fine
this morning.
George?
Hey.
I'm tired.
Don't you want to go out?
No.
Why didn't you make
sure he could talk first?
And say what?
I don't want him because
he's not well enough
to take to the notary to change his will?
Oh yeah.
It's a good thing we've got others.
See you later.
Well, why don't you stay and
Okay. Bye.
Big house you inherited.
Where are your maids?
I use an agency the night
sitters do everything.
So you decided to start a business
taking in slowly dying geriatrics.
I didn't want a boss.
Really? You don't exactly
strike me like the rebel type.
Kind of the opposite.
What are these?
Tomorrow's menus.
I'm not big on food.
Ooh! Cocktails!
They're non-alcoholic. Organic.
If I wanted to poison myself, I'd
have stuck with my own cooking.
You need to get in some booze.
No one's ever given me
a vitamin shot before.
Are we all having one?
Is it safe to inject with water?
Yeah. Why?
Erica keeps appearing. Do you think
she could have guessed what we're doing?
No. They wouldn't be that sick.
That's a relief.
You work hard, don't you?
Not really.
My wife used to tell me off
for not taking a compliment.
I will show you
a picture of her.
That's her.
She's beautiful. Who's the boy?
My son.
I thought you didn't
have any children.
He was killed in Iraq
on his second tour.
Do you want to see some more?
Sure.
Dennis: Woo! This stuff kicks ass, baby.
Salud. Hey amigo. Que Paso?
Dinner's ready!
So I got to talk to you guys
about something
Hi!
[all laughing]
Hi honey.
What are we all laughing about?
We're just having a party out here.
[all laughing]
[Italian music]
So two weeks and you
haven't got one will ready.
It's hard to get them alone.
So do 'em together.
I'll get you some pills and they
won't even know they're being jived.
How many drugs are we
going to pump them with?
Since when do you care?
VO: Since I started hating
myself again.
I mean, I'm making good money now.
I don't need to mess with wills.
Fine. Cut me out. I don't care.
Well, no, I didn't mean
it like that. I just.
Oh, I forgot to tell you
some hot shot pharmacist came
by and wants me to open a
store for him in New York.
VO: No one headhunts
store assistants, Adam.
Everyone's after him for the job
and he wants me.
I'm amazed.
VO: Now, I've hurt him.
I like the color of that SUV.
If we did do the wills,
I could buy a car.
I didn't know you wanted one.
Always. I just didn't
have the money.
You think you have time this week
to take me around some showrooms?
Sure.
Thanks. Probably
do. Dennis first
[upbeat music]
You got George out of bed?
Well, Erica said that we were going
to have a stripper for his birthday.
It's his birthday?
I don't know.
Excuse me.
Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.
I thought you said you were
a Marilyn Monroe lookalike.
I was. Mostly.
[dance music]
Sorry, Clem.
Your nights sitters been double booked.
Oh.
There's nothing I can do.
Okay. Back to normal tomorrow.
Of course.
Thanks.
[dance music continues]
So why aren't you ready?
The sitter's late.
What is that music?
They got George up for his
birthday. Go take a look.
No.
Don't know who I am.
Dennis: She didn't throw them at
you. She threw them at me.
It's getting ugly in there.
Clem: You might as well stay
and eat while you're here.
No, just see to them. How
long will the sitters be?
They're calling back. We can
eat when they finished if you'd like.
Will they mind?
Of course not.
I'll wait in the bedroom.
I got to text my mom.
She's been calling me
all day driving me crazy.
You've never mentioned your mom
before. Where does she live?
Oh, miles away. Like far.
VO: Would he lie about his mom?
Why haven't you
given me any skin?
Because it gives
you palpitations.
That doesn't mean
I don't want any.
You trying to give yourself a heart attack?
Of course he does. It'd be
something new to moan about.
You'd moan if you
had what I have.
All that's wrong with you is
your heart and your lungs.
I've got arthritis.
Everyone's got arthritis.
Yes. But they're not riddled
with it from head to toe.
Exactly.
It won't stop you breathing.
I'll be on oxygen 247
in a couple of months
and I'll have lost so much
pelvic control
I won't be able to hold my pee.
And I haven't had a boner
in 17 years.
Why would you brag about that?
You can't beat it, can you?
Davy can.
Erica.
Your bowels are like concrete.
Erica!
I'm worried about your leg. Have
you seen his leg? Oh my God.
His ticker's working. All right.
If mine palpitates any faster,
they might as well shoot me.
You got a gun? Why don't
you do it yourself?
You've got a gun?
It's only a pistol.
If I tell you where he hides it
will you crack open some beers?
You guys shouldn't
drink every day.
Why not?
Because you're on meds. All of
you are.
So I won't take them!
You can't just stop.
Why?
Meds don't make us live longer.
We just take longer to die.
Okay. One each. But
that's it. Adam.
Adam?
Yeah.
Could you bring us
some beers please?
Am I having one? Clem?
If you'd like. Yeah.
Is he the one you have sex with
every night?
Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
What's up with George?
He's gone back to sleep.
George?
He is not sleeping. You
shouldn't have gotten him up.
I better call someone.
Don't rush to get him on a slab.
Leave him here for
a while in the warm.
[somber music]
[shower running]
VO: No mom begging you to visit.
He was brought up
in foster care.
You keep fantasizing,
Adam. You keep doing it.
Hey.
The pharmacy's closed on
Monday. What's your rush?
There's an adopt-a-dog down the
street. I'm going to go take a look.
You're getting a dog?
Maybe.
A dog's a big commitment.
VO: Considering you won't
even leave a pair of socks here.
I know. That's why I
haven't gotten one.
See you.
Dennis. Not getting
up this morning?
Dennis.
Dennis?
[energetic music]
If I had known I
would've stayed with you
and Erica would've... probably.
Thank you for the party.
I was going to get him to
sign the will next week.
Dennis and Davy are about
the same height, aren't they?
Yes.
All right. Send me
their IDs and the wills.
VO: The weirdo mob just came back
to welcome me to rock bottom.
VO: Or should I say to
welcome us to rock bottom?
VO: Yes. We're keeping him warm.
I got Davy a pill so he'll be out of
it. I'll do his will at the same time.
VO: Why can't I tell him I don't
want to do this? I am so pathetic.
I'm back to where I started. Except
I know I'll never be normal again.
So murdering my stepmom was a
bad idea. Who'd have thought?
Where are you taking me?
To an office? You okay?
Yeah.
Did you give me drugs?
Why would I give you drugs?
Because you look like a drug
dealer.
Maybe it's the hair.
You the notary?
What do you got?
It's a will.
Sorry. Payment system's down.
I got cash.
Alright. Yeah. Take a seat.
Where did Adam take Davy?
The doctors.
Why?
He wasn't feeling well.
I'll wake Dennis.
He isn't well either.
So I'll keep him company.
He has a headache.
He'll be thrilled. He can
tell everyone it's a tumor.
I've given him a pill.
So he's sleeping.
You gave him a sleeping
pill in the morning.
It was a painkiller.
So why is he sleeping?
You know, Erica.
You're like one of those
trick party candles.
Yeah. You can't stop
me no matter what.
I'm going for a smoke.
Careful you don't choke.
Old. Not deaf.
Why has he signed it?
I thought he had to.
The point of a notary is to
witness a signature.
I mean no one else said that, so
You do this a lot, do you?
No! No.
Well, he's going
to have to sign again.
Are you his caregiver?
No.
So what are you doing with him?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
We're gonna come back later.
Adam: I couldn't get Dennis's done.
They're supposed to sign it when
the notary's there. I didn't know that.
Shit. Me neither.
VO: Which makes us the dumbest
felons in criminal history.
How's Davy?
He's all right.
VO: Good. I've only lost one!
Do you think it was the chicken
skin that did it?
I'm just asking.
Davy: Clem was the one who
told him not to eat it.
Why do you always have to stick up for her?
He doesn't.
He does.
Wish Dennis was here.
Shut you both up.
He is here.
[all laughing]
You should have
given us lamb chops.
I feel like singing.
Don't we have to wait
for the funeral director.
We're dropping like flies. You
think waiting's a good idea?
Erica singing: Rock my soul in
the bosom of Abraham.
All: Rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham.
I'll give Erica the
same pill I gave Davy.
Where do you want
me to take her?
VO: Why doesn't he know I don't
want to do this anymore?
What are you doing?
You want me to go?
So I'm gonna go.
VO: Then I won't have to do the
pills anymore.
But I won't have my fantasy guy.
Can't do it.
I turned to my back because I'm
used to sleeping on my left side.
Don't go.
Swan Song Agency.
It's you again.
Two of them have died. I watched
them take out the bodies.
Was it Clementine's fault?
We won't know until we
find the murder weapon.
Hello? Hello?
[swinging jazz music]
Hey. I said no drinking
until the weekend.
We thought it was the weekend!
One. And that's it.
I'm all right, Clem.
Don't stay on that leg
for too long, okay?
[music continues]
Oh, Hi Clem.
I heard your seniors are having a party
and I thought they might like a bit of pie.
I changed the recipe.
Thanks.
Hey. Wait
[Davy groaning]
Something's wrong with
Davy. I called an ambulance.
All right, I'll take him out.
[ambulance siren]
Davy: Damn leg. It was just a
little gout when it started.
Can you give him something?
He's on the maximum dose. Sorry.
VO: So just let him suffer?
Or not.
She gives us the menus in
the morning.
If we don't like anything. She changes it!
Every day?
Yup.
There's no dessert.
Oh, sorry. Separate menu.
[mysterious music]
It's like a five star
hotel. 24 hour laundry.
I always wondered why
you didn't move in.
I used to live on my own.
Until I started to feel
like a cave dweller.
Thanks, Clem.
You're welcome.
Sorry, did I say something wrong?
Erica said she's coming tomorrow.
I hope she brings her music.
[Clem hums softly]
You've got a
terrible voice, Clem.
I know. Sorry.
I know.
[humming]
Hey.
[heavy breathing]
You stayed.
Aww.
He'd have liked that.
And I sang.
Oh.
I wish I'd known him longer.
Just so sweet.
Saw the good in everyone.
Wasn't even suspicious of you.
Why would he be?
A young girl...
Street smart boyfriend.
Seniors.
It's got a whiff.
A whiff?
Yeah.
I thought maybe you were
planning to bump us all off
and Dennis did too.
You're kidding, right?
If you thought that I
didn't you all leave?
Davy convinced us we were wrong.
How?
He said you loved us.
Going to bed.
I hope to Christ I wake up in the morning.
They thought we were
going to kill them.
It's just Erica.
And Dennis.
And Dennis.
We haven't taken
anybody's money yet.
I can go to Davy's attorney and
see if I can get the wills back.
It's no wonder another one
died. She's giving them alcohol.
I saw it with my own eyes.
Go boil your head.
I didn't hear the door.
Erica and Clem singing: Amazing grace
how sweet the sound.
That saved a wretch like me.
I once
Man singing: Was lost.
All: But now I'm found.
Adam: Did he say anything?
Clem: No. He left straight
after the cremation.
He could be a friend
of the family's.
If he was a family friend. Why
didn't Davy ever mention him?
I don't know.
It's got to be a relative.
You don't know that.
I mean, who else could it be?
You've got to get Davy's
will back from his lawyers.
I can't. They won't
give it to me.
How do you know that?
Because I went there
a couple of days ago.
They said they'll only give it
to the person whose will it is.
So you went there
without telling me.
Yeah.
I told you when you got
back from the hospital.
You'd fallen asleep.
So why didn't you
tell me when I got up?
I didn't know what
you were going to say.
I'm not doing this anymore.
I feel like an asshole.
You should have let me
stop when I wanted to.
I didn't know you wanted to!
Okay. It's going to be okay.
No.
For you because you're not the beneficiary
and you never suggested that, did you?
[front door slams]
Erica: What'd you fight with Adam about?
I didn't.
So you've gone off sex?
What did you say?
He didn't make it to the bedroom.
It's a reasonable assumption.
[groaning]
Boring here now.
When are you going to get
in some new guys?
Never.
Everyone keeps dying.
Well what did you expect?
Cartwheels across the lawn?
I'm going to take a shower.
[cell phone rings]
Hello?
Man: Clementine Castle?
Yes.
This is Julian Davis.
David Trott's cousin.
I just left his lawyer's and they told me
he created a new will just a few weeks
after he moved in with you.
Do you know anything about that?
No.
Are you sure?
Why did I have to
start murdering people?
Why couldn't I just stay the
way I was? I mean, I was a mess
but at least I was nice.
Clem: I'm talking about murder and
you've got nothing to say?
That was only your stepmom.
And Davy.
That was a mercy killing.
Oh, so I only murdered
one person in cold blood.
I still deserve to go to prison because
I'd rather kill someone
than open my stupid mouth!
[upbeat music]
Clem: I'm going to ask them
to rehouse Erica.
They're going to close me down once his
cousin tells them about the will anyway.
Adam!
Adam: What? What?
He's coming at 3. It's your
delivery day. I need you here.
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I'll
call you right back.
That man at the funeral
was Davy's cousin?
You were eavesdropping.
I told you I'm bored.
Yes he was.
Why are you wearing a wig?
I'm not!
You think he'll complain
about you to the agency?
I don't know.
Why is he coming here?
To pick up Davy's things.
We didn't think he had any cousins.
This one must be like a
hundred times removed.
You shouldn't give him anything.
I need a drink.
What happened to Adam's stash?
How would I know?
[pensive music]
[phone rings]
[phone battery dies]
[phone rings]
Adam's Voicemail: Say what you got to say.
Psst!
Psst!
I live in here.
I know all about Davy's will.
I've got evidence.
[phone ringing]
Adam's Voicemail: Say what you got to say.
Hey.
I'm
[gunshot]
Right in the ticker.
You shot him?!
He was going to close you
down. I'd have had to move.
You shot him because
you didn't want to move?
Have you seen how much
luggage I've got?
Takes me a day just to pack the trunk.
So you shot him.
What are you doing?
I'm going to say he
was trying to rape me.
I need a motive or I'll be in trouble.
God.
[police sirens]
Oh God!
Clem: Hey, I'm
[gunshot]
No. Clem. No!
No.
[ambulance siren]
You all right? What happened?
What happened?
The police took Erica.
I knew it wouldn't last.
What?
You being nice to me?
I was standing up.
On your way to the door.
Do you want me to go?
I didn't say that.
So then say what you mean.
Whenever I do you leave.
He really does that?
Yes.
So you broke her
first amendment right?
What?
Freedom to say what she wants without
fear of punishment.
I don't punish her.
Yes you do.
He was trying to rape me.
Are you sure he wasn't
trying to rob you?
Once he got a load of me, there
was only one thing on his mind.
Two guys were fighting
over me last week.
They all want me!
Have you ever been assessed?
Last time he said he
was going to get a dog.
That's lame dude.
See?
And that's his cue to leave.
That's a guy thing.
What is?
Running away.
Stay once you're screwed.
That was before today.
What happened today?
I thought she died.
That's a tricky one.
[moaning and crying]
I can't breathe.
[gasping for air]
I can't breathe!
I'm always nice.
You told me I was.
Not when you're sulking,
she does this thing.
That's because Bella
made me too scared to yell.
Well, you're doing a pretty good job now.
[phone rings]
Front desk.
Bella is a piece of work.
Better than no one.
Hmm?
I uh
I went through your
phone by accident.
I'm sorry. What happened to you.
I hate to break this up, but your
friend's been rushed to the hospital.
Oh my God.
Let's go.
Yeah. Hold on.
We've got Mrs. Carter on the line.
She says she spoke to the deceased
before he entered the house.
Something about a will.
That's their friend who's
been rushed to the hospital,
Can they come back in the morning?
Okay. Before 10:00 AM.
All her vitals are working.
The doctor thinks it just all got
too much and she just gave up.
Erica wouldn't do that.
Is she wearing a wig?
[grumbles]
What? Get me out of here.
Let go of my hand. Will you?
Is she?
Yeah.
Go to the office and tell them she doesn't
have any health insurance.
They'll let her out in an hour.
Plan.
I think I'm going to hug you.
[growls]
[mysterious music]
What a cock up!
Thought they'd give me bail
and leave it at that.
Adam: How do you know they wouldn't have?
I overdid it.
They were going to get me committed.
Clem: But then you wouldn't
have had to stand trial.
Yeah, I would've been in asylum
for the rest of my life.
I can wear disguises now.
It'd be fun.
Clem: It's a bit more
complicated than that.
You two got yourselves
into some kind of trouble?
VO: So now I've got abducting a
murderer on my wrap sheet.
Erica: That reminds me.
We did it the morning after you
took Davy to those notaries.
You don't think he actually
took that pill, do you?
He pretended to be high?
He made fun of my hair!
[Erica laughing]
What happened to the will we did?
I think he trashed it.
So we're not in trouble?
Which is amazing!
That vitamin stunt! Really?
You left everything
to each other.
Get half a mil from Dennis.
When did you do these?
The morning after vitamin day.
That was the funniest day ever.
The day the mailman was here.
You were laughing about us.
Always.
I really miss those guys, you know?
We need some new ones around here.
Oh no. I'm done with that.
I'm not talking about wills.
By the way, they don't
have to be notarized.
What?
All you need is a witness.
We got the mailman to do ours.
How do you know so
much about wills?
Experience.
You've done these before.
To who?
A couple of husbands.
That's all.
Did you murder them?
Don't be dumb!
You shot someone in cold blood.
I wouldn't have if I was
the beneficiary. Duh.
What?
You are the beneficiary.
For Davy.
And his cousin shows up
to stake his claim.
You shoot him.
Oh.
That looks suspicious.
So suspicious, they'll do brain
scans and find out you're faking.
Then you'll go to trial
for murder.
Oh shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Clem: We can't be here in the morning.
I'm going to get my things.
Erica: Me too.
Wait.
If Mrs. Carter sees us leaving,
she'll call the cops.
Clem: Sorry to bother you,
Mrs. Carter but
I've done something really, really dumb.
I'm going to be in so much trouble.
Can you please come and help me?
[mysterious music]
I was just trying to help!
I don't know why you're complaining.
It's me who's losing a Gucchi!
Prada?!
Even worse!
Enjoy, I guess.
[grumbling and struggling]
All right. I'll move the car.
Anyone want to stop for cash?
I'm okay. I got international.
Why do you have an
international bank account?
She's got a couple.
How do you know?
Because I know you.
And because we probably
got the same clinical diagnosis.
Yeah, you both talk too much.
[upbeat music]
Clem: When are we going to call
someone about Mrs. Carter?
Adam: We can't.
We threw away our phones!
[laughing]
VO: Just what Mexico needs.
A murderer smuggling another
murderer across their border.
VO: I'm going to have to leave you here.
Fugitives can't be too careful!
But you won't be
missing anything.
We've sworn we're going
to behave perfectly.
Once Adam's photoshopped our visas.
Adios!
I hope.