Little Savages (2016) Movie Script

It's another
sunny day in Indiana, folks!
It's 90 degrees and climbing.
So throw your kids in a lake,
because it's going
to be a hot one!
All right, now we're going
to try to beat the heat
with another cool off.
Is science your life?
If you just nodded your head,
then you belong at our camp.
Join us this summer
for some scierrific fun.
Hey, where's your brother?
You're going to look up
from that tiny little screen
and your entire summer
is going to be gone.
Why don't you just
throw me in a lake'?
Go find your brother.
You want to make
your summer worthwhile?
Then sign up now!
Come on, we got to go.
Let go of me.
I can walk on my own.
I caught him watching that commercial
for the crazy science camp.
It's not a commercial.
It's an advertisement.
What's the difference? Did you
at least find a bathroom?
No, I got sidetracked.
Albie, do you remember the last
time you tried to hold it too long?
Mom, I'm fine.
Hey, maybe I can go here
instead of science camp.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry
that science camp didn't
work out for this summer.
What am I going to do with that
chemistry set that Dad gave me'?
Yeah, it's really too bad that he
can't go to his dorky science camp.
You know I'm committing
social suicide, right'?
Hashtag life stinks.
Hey, now, you guys
are going to feel differently
when we get to Aunt Jackie's.
Hashtag doubtful.
Oh, shakafaka!
That's one for the record books,
I'll tell you.
And we'll come back
with a lift/e more music
after this quick
commercial break.
Is science your life?
If you just nodded your...
You belong at our camp.
Oh, brother.
Hi! Hey! Hey! Hi!
Hey, I'm so glad to...
Look at this.
It's doing it on its own.
Please tell me we don't have
to be seen in public with her.
Oh, Tiffany, please. Cut it out.
Oh, yeah.
Watch this. Watch me go.
Yeah! Yeah! Come on.
Watch this. Oh, yeah!
I can do the robot. Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah! Watch!
Come here, come here, come here.
Get over here.
Give me some sugar!
Hey. No, seriously, kid.
You got any candy?
You smell like Werthefis.
So you're saying I'm old'?
You know, I
used to look like her.
Anyway, you are going to be
my new test subject
for my comedy routine because
I can tell you are hilarious.
Lookin' what-what'?
Harassing him already?
Of course!
Hi. Good. Good ride.
Thank you so much for letting
them come stay with you.
Are you kidding? I'm so
excited to have them.
Oh, my gosh. Are you excited?
These look heavy.
They're very heavy.
Okay, be careful then.
Okay, well...
So Luke and I,
we got this last-minute call
to go do some
seismology research in the...
Blah, blah, blah. You
lost me at seismology.
My niece and nephew are here.
It's really exciting.
They're here! They're... kids!
Well, you know, they
shouldn't be much trouble.
I mean, Tiffany is 16.
Well, she can't be any worse
than you were at that age.
What'? No. I was a great child.
Shh, shh, shh, no.
Acceptance is good.
You were a brat.
Oh, come on.
Which one is my room'?
Tiffany, your manners.
Just take whichever
room you like.
Oh, she's driving me
absolutely crazy.
Oh, let me tell you about Albie.
Okay. Okay, he's very sensitive.
Okay'? He has
a lot of allergies,
so he should probably just
stay inside most of the time.
Or you'll be dealing
with a lot of problems
like drainage and mucus.
That's a little graphic.
Yeah. Where does
it all come from'?
He also has some trouble
making friends.
So he likes to be alone.
Yeah, he can be
a little awkward.
He stays to himself a lot,
and that's fine.
Don't worry if he doesn't
really engage with you.
He's Brilliant. How do you do?
He loves science
and really learning
anything in a book.
He's great.
Okay, I think fresh air
will do him some good.
No, he should really
probably just stay inside.
No, he should go outside.
Yeah, you should go outside.
Yep, that's it.
I'm kicking you out.
Go, go. But...
Tiffany? Albie'?
I'm leaving.
Bye. Bye.
Be good.
I'll see you
in a few weeks, okay'?
Have fun.
The bond between
a mother and her son,
it's just, I don't know.
Okay, you be good, too.
Can't guarantee anything.
Bye. Bye.
Yeah, they're safe with me.
Have fun in the Grenadines.
Whoa, it's warm up here.
You've been carrying all those
books around in that bag?
Honey, you're going
to get a hunchback.
Master, tonight is time
we bring the creation to life.
Wow, looks like you've got
the tools to do it, too.
This is pretty cool.
There's that smile
I've been looking for.
Hey, I got something
you might like.
A book by Dr. Whittmore.
Did you know him'?
Well, yeah, I know everyone in this town.
I think a
fairy just got its wings.
It's just Tiffany texting.
Apparently my friend Abella's
stepmom's uncle's new wife
has a boat on the lake.
And she asked me to come with.
You have a friend named Abella'?
Oh, I love that name.
Oh, Abella is here.
Later. Oh, peace out.
So what are you going to do
your first day of vacation'?
This book looks informative.
Did you know that
that copy is signed
by Dr. Whittmore himself?
He gave it to our family
along, longtime ago.
But can't let you
read it just yet.
Why not'?
We have to rehearse.
We have an audition
in 20 minutes.
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
Um, bril...
Did you write that'?
No. Oh.
"Many mumbling mice"
"are making merry music
in the moonlight."
You're on in 10, Mr. Savage.
Thank you, Ted.
It's Cheryl.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Next up, Eday Savage.
Oh, French.
Eddie Savage.
Eddie Savage?
That's not French at all.
Ladies and gentlemen of Culver,
I will now magically
right before your eyes
bake a cake.
Well, that's disgusting.
Oh, that's... that had
better be gluten-free.
Ladies and gentlemen... No.
Luive you...
No, no, don't.
Why would you even?
You might want to clean that up.
Okay, so first thing
we got to do is sign in,
and then were going
to scope out the competition.
Hello there,
ventriloquist boy.
Oh, yes. What is he, like six'?
Dude, we got this.
Wow, look at her.
In her little baton
twirling, sequined dress.
That's our competition.
What the frick
is going on, Garrison?
It's a summer competition.
It's the auditions.
Oh, one time,
I was at a Denny's
with my family.
We just got up in the
middle of the restaurant,
started singing
the national anthem.
It was Presidents' Day.
I was feeling patriotic.
And when I was done,
standing ovation.
Nice. Yeah.
You know, I'm thinking about
going into the talent show.
Check this out. What
would your talent be'?
Hey, your ball'?
Your ball went in there'?
Oh, let's see. Oh, right there.
Right'? Right'?
Oh, I get it. Whoo!
I get it. I get it.
You'd be going as a ghost
who stuffs kids in trash cans.
Okay. Sorry I ruined it.
What are you talking about'?
That was... That was hilarious.
It was, you know...
We were okay.
Hey, I got to go
to the grocery store.
So you want to hang here
and you know,
meet me by the boat
in say, half an hour?
I don't know.
What don't you know?
You got to get out there.
You got to make friends.
You got to be a man about town.
Hey, if you see Tiffany you
tell her to meet me by the boat
by five o'clock, okay'?
No later.
Five o'clock. Have fun.
Yeah, I know, right'?
Oh, man. Oh!
So you here for the whole summer?
I don't know.
Yeah, my dad won't tell me
why we came back out here.
I remember when
you used to live here.
You were tiny.
That's 'cause I was six.
Huh, look what we have here.
A little... Dweeb.
No one says "dweeb" anymore.
What are you doing here, dweeb'?
Technically, I'm more
of a bookworm.
"Dweeb" is vintage, all right'?
It's totally in.
Your mom is vintage.
Okay, shut up.
No one plays your mom anymore.
Come on, I asked you a question.
What are you doing here?
I was auditioning.
He's auditioning.
I know what he
was auditioning for.
He was auditioning
for a-a-a dweeb!
A science book?
This kid's got a science book
in the middle of summer.
I mean, how much of a loser
do you got to be'?
You know, this kid from the...
You know what I'm saying?
Right'? Right'? Whoa!
Oh, you didn't.
If you do not leave him be,
I will cast a spell on you
that will tum you purple
and then green
and I will put hair on your back
and boils on your face.
An evil mutant plague shall be cast
upon you and your entire family.
I'm not touching him.
Is this how you saw this going?
No. Can I admit something?
If you must.
I don't really know magic.
Good to know.
What's up, Aaron?
The lake is pretty clean.
I love summer.
I hate it.
I just want to leave.
Hey, there are two things
you should know.
Number one, never let
anyone see you cry in public.
And the second thing'?
Well, look at the bright side.
Now we get to have our revenge.
And how are we
going to do that'?
Well, my cousins, the Savages.
They live
on the outskirts of town
beyond the junkyard.
Some say they
were born of Vikings,
raised by wolves
and trained samurai...
Can I stop you right there'?
Samurai haven't
been around since 1871.
Oh, did I say samurai?
I meant covert ninjas.
I'll pass. I just want
to be left alone.
We shall be avenged!
He's not on Facebook.
Are you for reals'? I know.
I was like, "I can't believe"
"you don't have the Internet."
And he says,
"I have the Internet."
"I just don't have Facebook."
I'm confused.
It doesn't make sense.
How am I ever supposed to figure
out his relationship status'?
That's what I'm saying.
Excuse me.
Oh, my aunt is here.
Great. Later.
Bye. Bye.
Do you two not own a watch'?
Huh'? Seriously,
you're like 20 minutes late.
Uh, no. Only old
people wear watches.
Oh. Oh, Well...
lucky for me
I don't own a watch.
Aunt Jackie, Abella just wrote.
Can I have dinner with her'?
Yeah, yeah.
Please, go have dinner with her.
Thanks, bye. Bye.
I'll miss you.
So it looks like it's just
me and you for dinner.
What you say, Albie'?
Sure. Sure, okay.
Hey, I see finally decided
to go for a swim.
Proud of you.
It wasn't by choice.
Oh, well then I take it back.
Well-known philanthropist.
We all knew Mr. Whittmore
was a bit of an eccentric.
He once said in an interview
that he never really fit in.
Interesting news
in regards to his will
is surfacing now,
a year after his passing.
Thank you, Daisy.
We'll have more
as that story develops.
Why do you think it took so long
to release Mr. Whittmore's
final statement?
I don't know the logistics
behind it all,
but the news that Mr. Whittmore
has hidden a treasure chest
containing a sizable amount
of his estate
has officially been released.
Do you think it was a final ploy
to increase tourism in this
town he loved and called home?
Culver doesn't need any more
tourists during the summer.
We do fine already.
But it is buried here in Culver.
And Mr. Whittmore hid clues
to help one
lucky individual find it'?
That's right.
Well, I think we can expect
our little town
to get a bit busier
over the next few days.
I'm Daisy Larson,
Channel 11 News.
Now, Mr. Whittmore was known
for being an inventor,
but he was actually a very
accomplished businessman.
In fact, he gave loans
to other businessmen
hoping to better the community.
Have you ever been
to Whittmore's root beer stand'?
No. No'?
Well, Mr. Whittmore
gave a man named Fritz Bronson
a sizable loan
to start the root beer stand.
With your contributions
I'd like to open
a root beer stand
where patrons can enjoy a nice
cold beverage during the summer.
That sounds like the best
idea I've ever heard.
He just loved the idea
of seeing the community flourish.
He wanted that to be his legacy.
All right.
The root beer stand
was very popular.
But Fritz was always looking
for a way to make more money.
So he wanted to sell the root
beer stand to turn a profit.
But Dr. Whittmore didn't want
something that the community enjoyed
to go away,
so he bought it from Fritz.
I've never had root beer.
You've never had root beer.
Okay, I don't even know
what to say to that.
I'm going to take you.
I think I'm allergic.
Maybe you will meet some new
friends and they can take you.
I don't think people
like me here.
Why would you say that'?
This boy kind of threw me
in the lake.
That's the guy.
Oh, Billy Bronson.
It's pretty late. Sorry,
I lost track of time.
I don't think you should be
hanging out with kids like Billy.
Okay. Tiffany, if you don't learn
to function without that thing,
your brain is going
to turn into mush.
Tiffany. Yeah.
Why would you want
to hang outwith people
who think it's cool to throw
kids in the lake'? Jackie!
You whiny little tattletale.
Billy just said
they were having fun.
That is your brother.
Just leave me alone, okay'?
I don't even want to be here.
You know, just because
Mom and Dad are too busy for us
doesn't mean they
just dump us here.
Okay, that's unfair.
Life is unfair.
They're not too busy.
Maybe we all
just need some sleep.
Come on.
Get dressed.
Grandma needs an oil change.
My pontoon boat,
I named her Grandma
after my grandma.
She needs an oil change.
Get dressed.
Yeah. What was I
telling you, man'?
They just ran off.
It was so great.
And I was like,
that's not his hand.
Walk away. Walk away.
I was like, whoa.
Oh, man.
I need you to tune this up.
Yeah, I need it in tip top shape
for this weekend's
Wave Runner competition.
Yeah, we've got a heavy
workload this week,
but I can take
a look at it for you.
Well, you take
a look at it then.
In the meantime,
we'll be out there
smashing it up
in my new Master craft.
Oh, yeah, the green one,
number 25.
It's the green one behind you.
It's so fast.
Yeah, it's nice.
How fast is it, Harley?
It's like a cheetah
on a treadmill. Just...
Oh, I totally know.
Well, let me incline real quick.
You know?
It's like that, bro.
It's like that, bro.
That makes no sense.
What was that'?
He said something.
Are you challenging me, bro'?
Because I see you
in your competition
coming in third, fourth.
I had a messed up ankle, but I could
take you any day of the week.
Oh-ho! Did you hear that?
Any day of the week.
Okay, we can
go out there right now.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah? Go ahead.
I can't. I'm working.
You can't because
you know you'd lose.
That's a crow.
It's a chicken-crow, bro.
Billy, anytime after hours.
Yeah, well, after you
tune up my Wave Runner.
I was going to get the yellow.
You were going to get it yellow?
Yeah, yellow.
I like green, Billy. Yeah.
You always make good decisions.
I'll be here about 30 minutes
so why don't you go outside and play'?
Do you even know
what "go play" means?
It means get out of here.
Go be a kid.
Here it is.
Oh, okay.
It fell off.
No, I didn't like it.
You know, but I mean,
you put in some effort.
So. Well, there's that.
Extra point. That's something.
Trespasser! Let's get him!
Hey, hey, hey. It's okay.
I know him.
Let him prove himself.
So you do any tricks'?
I don't have a bike
like you guys.
He doesn't have a bike.
Eddie, get him
Old Man Kettle's bike.
Not sure if he could handle.
Old Man Kettle's bike.
Wait, is this the kid that cried
when he got tossed in the lake?
That's him.
Oh, where are my manners?
Albie, this is Winnie
and Vinny. Hi.
They're my cousins.
Who was Old Man Kettle'?
He's Culver's only homeless person.
He ditched his bike
on the side of the road
before he disappeared.
Guess who found the bike.
I did.
She did. He did.
We did.
Sometimes I see her thoughts.
Yeah, and sometimes it's creepy.
Old Man Kettle
didn't have any teeth.
Legend has it he lost them
riding his bike.
She's a tough ride.
Why don't you go get it for him'?
Oh, yeah.
I've always wondered why he keeps
wearing that top hat and cape.
He goes through phases.
Yeah, last month, he thought he was
a professional baseball player.
Now he thinks he's a magician.
And next month, he's probably going
to think he's a sumo wrestler.
Well, if you're up for a race,
I'm sure Old Man Kettle
wouldn't mind
you borrowing his bike.
And I was a professional
baseball player.
Um, I don't think
I'm going to ride that.
If you want to hang
with the Savages,
you kind of have to race us.
Are you here to bike
or be a sissy?
Hey, you allergic
to bikes, too'?
There you go.
Come on, race Winnie.
She's a girl.
Hey. That's debatable.
Yeah. All right, I'll do it.
That a boy.
All right, so...
down the hill,
through the dirt track,
and hang a left
at the graveyard.
First person back wins.
I got this.
Did he say graveyard?
Dead people live there.
Woo... Ready...
set... go!
Let's go.
I bet 20 bucks on Winnie.
He's like an expert on that.
You okay?
Old Man Kettle's bike is a hog.
You were flying.
Did that hurt'?
It was amazing.
Albie is a champ.
I want a rematch.
You could have won.
I know.
Welcome to the Savages.
You okay'? I'm good.
All righty, so we changed
the oil on the pontoon.
Okay. And we did a routine
maintenance check.
And it turns out it had bad gas.
Oh, poor Grandma.
That happens when you get older.
Ba-dam-bam! Hmm?
Hey, how much do I owe you'?
I already fixed you.
You're good to go.
No extra charge? No,
consider it on the house.
Todd, you're the best.
Thank you.
Of course. Hello.
Hey, Todd. Winnie fell
off her bike.
Oh, Oh. I didn't fall. I flew.
All right, thank you.
Here, let me help you with that.
Here, let's see it.
Are you a nurse?
No, no.
I'm more of a comedian.
Oh. OW.
You know what'?
That looks bad. I don't think
this is going to do the trick.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't you all
come back to my house,
and I can clean up your knee
and I can feed you all dinner.
Truth is, I make a mean lasagna.
I love people who feed me.
Thank you.
Hey. Good morning.
Could you tell Billy
to come in for appetizers?
Where is he'?
Aw, geez.
What are you doing?
What is that, yoga'?
Dinner! Let's go!
Oh, here I come, Dad.
I'll be right there.
Dinner already?
I've only done
five turnarounds, Dad.
What's the kid doing?
He's out there like this.
He looks like... who rides
a jet ski on their back'?
It's summer.
It's what they do.
Like a repulsive seal.
What are you doing?
It's cheese time, Mr. Fritz.
Oh, it is cheese time'?
It's cheese time. Can
you make a quesadilla'?
Yes. Okay, go do it.
So I met with the mayor today.
Did you'? Mm-hmm, and I'm finally
going to be able to prove
once and for all that that
root beer stand is mine.
Why'? Why can't we
just go back to Chicago?
Billy, use your dome, okay'?
The Whittmore treasure hunt
is about to begin any day now.
And I know that he hid
a clue in that root beer stand.
He did love that thing.
Who likes root beer'? You
drink root beer'? Yeah.
You do. Mm-hmm.
Who else drinks root beer'?
Every-everyone, really.
The community absolutely
loves it there, Fritz.
They love it.
Here's what
we're going to do, okay'?
Okay. You and your friends
are going to start
digging around there, okay'?
Once the first clue is released.
We'll just make it look
like you found it.
Wait, so that means you
know where the treasure is'?
Do I know where
the treasure is'?
Yeah, do you know where it is'?
No. Where? It's buried.
Guess where it's buried. Where?
Deep in a seashell in the ocean.
And there's a big man
with a gray beard
named Neptune,
and he's holding it.
Isn't that exciting?
Billy, grow up.
You believe in unicorns'?
I don't know where it is!
What are you, five?
How much sun did you get today'?
Uh, I don't know.
You're wearing
lime green shorts.
When you wear lime shorts,
what do you look like?
What did I tell you'?
You look like a snow cone.
What are you doing? You want
to be a human snow cone?
Now, why do you
have to do that'?
I don't want to be a snow cone.
Kid looks like a snow cone.
Fritz. He wears lime green.
This is a nice house.
Kind of old.
I think it was built
in the 1800s.
Yikes. What'?
You didn't tell me you had
an older sister. Oh, sorry.
It's just... Look.
Hey, can I help?
Uh, I'm good.
See what I mean'?
Is that a kind of food?
'Cause I'll eat it.
Okay, here we go.
Now, where does spaghetti
go to dance'?
At the meatball.
Oh, I know, I know.
It's just torturelini.
Oh, my ride is here. Bye.
I thought you were going
to have dinner with us.
Uh, mmm, delicious.
Thanks for dinner.
Okay, who's going
to say the blessing?
I Will!
You're on.
Dear God,
Please bless the lasagna,
my brother Todd,
sister Winnie, cousin Eddie,
and Albie and all his allergies,
the nice older lady
that's feeding us,
and Old Man Kettle.
He's probably dead
in a ditch somewhere.
But if not, please let him know
we have his bike and we're taking
really good care of it for him.
Okay, thank you, Vinny,
said the nice older lady.
I'm happy-
Yeah, well, I'm glad someone is.
Mayor Coleman, what did he say'?
Please, please.
Straight from the will
of Mr. Whittmore.
It says that I, the mayor,
Richard Coleman,
am to read the first clue
on the first year anniversary
of Mr. Whittmore's passing.
The first clue is as follows.
"The truly great are remembered
by their compassion
"and generosity to others,
"not by their accomplishments
"and awards they receive
"in their image." Thank you.
Mayor Coleman, what do
you think that means?
That will be all for now.
Are there any other clues'?
That will be all
for now. Thank you.
Chug, chug, chug!
Oh! Oh, my gosh.
You enjoy nothing.
What did you do'?
You're such an idiot.
Oh, really? Yeah, that's right.
All right, you got it'?
They released
the first clue last night.
I think we should get to work.
When I was reading
Mr. Whittmore's book last night,
I saw this really weird symbol
that seems like it has to do
with the treasure.
How is that going to help us
with our revenge on Billy'?
I don't get girls.
I really don't know either.
Tell me about it.
When I look at myself
in the mirror,
I'm like, "I don't get you."
Yeah. I'm going to
go talk to her.
Whoa, only a fool
rushes into relationships.
If you want more relationship
advice, just come to me at any time
except for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
I'm free on Saturdays.
How is he related to us'?
No idea. Anytime, my friend.
He's already going
through another phase.
The green one. Yeah.
So fast. Such a cool boat.
Have a great day. Enjoy!
Ha, Tiffany,
it looks like your brother
needs his diaper changed.
Albie, why don't you go
back over with your friends?
Hey, congratulations, little guy.
You became friends
with the untouchables.
Dude, you shouldn't
congratulate someone
for becoming friends with them.
Here's my fries.
I will destroy
all of our friends.
Dude, it's sarcasm.
All right'?
It's the latest rage.
Well, what is sarcasm?
Is that like a shop,
because my mom
buys all my clothes.
Go away.
I mean, what-what
is wrong with that kid'?
She hates me, too.
Vinny, the book. Get the book.
Oh, right. Speaking of revenge,
here's a funny way
to make that feeling
that you feel inside
of you right now disappear,
go away.
Through revenge on the Bronsons.
Here's the plan.
We kill them with the
mustard and ketchup.
How... no, no.
Just spritz it all over them
to make them humiliated.
How can you not see that'?
I've written it out perfectly.
How would you even kill someone
with mustard and ketchup?
I mean, you guys did put
a single eyes.
Hey. Hi.
What are you doing?
I had an idea for a song lyric.
So you're a singer.
I-I am a singer.
And funny, too. I..
Cool, you should try out for
the talent show competition.
I thought
the additions were over.
Well, they're going
until the end of the day,
so maybe you should try out.
Maybe I will.
Hey, Billy. Todd.
Todd just went down there, yes.
By Tiffany.
Right down there.
And-and if you want to go to
the festival with anybody...
Yeah, with me'?
That... that would be great.
Oh, no.
You see, Todd, Tiffany is...
Tiffany is like a...
Like a... like a
"it" girl.
And you're just a it...
Boy? Go Billy!
Oh, yeah, so that head
injury, like, I had...
I was playing football.
I got a head injury.
You're completely
out of it, Harley.
What'? You're
completely out of it.
No, no. You just zone out.
No, I...
Huh'? What'?
Are you... What'?
We shouldn't even be here.
What'? What'?
And besides, What?
I got two tickets to the
Shades concert this Wednesday.
Front row seats. Sorry, doofus!
Hey, watch your language.
This is a lady.
Oh, yeah'? What are you
going to do about it, huh'?
Ha ha, you hear that, Harley?
You know,
I could make one phone call
and you could be
someone of the past, gone.
Poof. Who are you
going to call'?
History Channel?
Someone stole
a town statue. Come on!
I will get you, Billy.
Hey, wait, this is...
This is the clue. This is...
Listen, I found the clue.
I found it!
Come on, let's go! Come on!
Let's go! Now!
All right. It's got to be
somewhere around here.
Do you guys think the cops
have any idea who stole this'?
Wait, you guys stole it'?
I thought you said
you guys were borrowing it.
Whoa, whoa, it's not stealing
if we plan to return it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Just try not to get your
fingerprints all over it, guys.
Oh, what'?
I watch OS! And Oops.
We never getaway.
That has
nothing to do with this.
Tiffany is just mad because
she never has this much fun.
I mean,
have you seen her brother?
He's all like...
Yeah, he's all...
That's a... That's a sheep.
Don't look freaked out, Tiffany.
Just think about all the money
that we're going to split.
Hey, who said anything about
splitting the money with the girls?
Shht! Hey, hey...
Shht, shht!
Hey, hey, hey.
I found something.
Look what I found.
What is that'?
Hoo! What is that?
I don't know but this
has made us more friends.
Are those numbers?
Hey, Dad.
We were...
We're just...
What are you rats doing?
We were... We were just...
Well, well, well.
Looks like my son does have
some brains after all.
Hey, hey.
Partner. Yeah.
Who knew my kid had a brain?
Well, I do.
What's the deal with the statue?
I don't know. It's a statue.
Actually, I did...
I found this ring.
I think it's Mr. Whittmore's.
It has numbers on it.
You know what that looks
like to me'? Huh'?
A whole lot of nothing.
But you know what'?
Between the five brain cells
you have here
I think you'll figure it out.
We will.
Yeah, or end up in jail.
Excuse me'?
Who's this'?
Who'? Her'? She's...
A friend.
Come here.
What have I told
you about pretty girls?
Don't trust them.
And watch your credit cards.
Noodle. Noodle.
Use sunscreen today'? Yeah.
Use sunscreen.
All right. Nice to meet you.
Listen. It says
when the heavens open up,
it reveals a truth
even through the mark'?
I think it has something to do with
the sun reflecting off the water.
Guys, look.
It's Mr. Whittmore's
floating dock.
Hey, you think that's it, Albie'?
Wait, guys. Catch it for me.
Catch it for me.
I think I can get it. All
right, there you go.
I think I've got it.
Careful. We've got it.
There you go, okay.
Vinny, Vinny.
I'm getting on, too.
Okay, now Eddie. There you go.
All right, I got it. Go for if.
Ask Albie. Albie, what are we
supposed to be looking for'?
This box, I think. I don't know.
Just something.
That's so pretty!
Winnie! Winnie!
Where did she go'?
Winnie! Winnie! She jumped in.
Winnie! Winnie!
How long was that'? How long
did I hold my breath for'?
Okay. Whoa.
Cannonball! Oh!
Come on, Todd!
All right, the more the merrier!
Here we go!
Come on, Albie.
What's the hold up'?
I'm allergic to algae
and certain breeds of trout.
Okay, hold on.
I think I just kicked a fish.
I just ate an hour ago.
And I read something about how
you should let your food digest.
I'm fine. I think I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Wait, there's something here.
Where did Albie go'?
Albie'? Albie'?
Guys, guys, look.
I found something.
What is it'?
There we go. Okay.
All right, what is it'?
It's a box. I just found
it under the dock.
Guys, this could be it.
Like a movie. Open it up.
Let's see what's inside the
box, inside the boxie.
It's another box. What'?
Is that real gold? Looks to be.
Is there any way?
Wait, there's something here.
It... I can't read it.
I can't make it out.
Don't worry. We'll find
out a way to open it.
Hello, Culver, Daisy Larson here
reporting to you live
from the Lake Fest Talent Show.
Five minutes to show time!
Hey, come on, guys. Have a seat.
Get in, get in.
Come on.
Okay, here we go.
It's exciting.
Come here.
Do you know how to
open the case yet'?
No, I'm not going to pull it out
in front of all these people,
but I'm working on it.
Pssssstttt, be gone!
Mr. Savage, I would
think that a talented...
Scratch that, a classic
performer like yourself
would adhere
to the time-honored tradition
of keeping the show
behind the curtain
until it's ready to begin.
Sorry, Mr. Riggs.
Mr. Hanson, are you
Marilyn or Madonna,
because that mole
is inexplicable.
I told you.
Hi. Are you nervous?
Yeah, kind of.
I mean, you should be.
Because if you're bad today,
you know we can't
hang out anymore, right'?
Why'? You should know, Tiffany.
Image is everything.
But look on the bright side.
If you do suck,
at least you have
your little brother
and all of his friends
you can hang outwith.
I'll take that back.
And you should probably
fix your hair.
It looks a little...
Well, good luck.
Greetings! Greetings, Culver.
Welcome to the talent show.
My name is Ryan Riggs.
Thank you. Lam the
director of the show.
And before we begin,
I would just like
to start off by saying
a little something
that I prepared.
The magic doesn't begin
until the audience has arrived.
That's you. You're the magic.
Okay, all right.
First up, we have...
Eddie Savage. If we could
have a big round of applause
for Eddie Savage.
Don't mess this up for me.
I won't, sir.
Ladies and gentlemen of Culver,
my first magic trick,
I'm going to cook a chicken
inside of my hat.
Oh, okay. That's a new one.
Just need to tenderize
the meat a little bit.
Now, with the wave
of my magic wand,
I will turn this raw chicken
into a cooked chicken.
Come on!
Well, that was
such a good attempt.
Yay! Whoo! Such
great effort, yeah!
Let me try that again.
I probably didn't
tenderize it enough.
Happy, laugh.
He is so funny.
Wow. Oh, wow.
Let's have another round of applause
for Eddie Savage and his chicken.
Oh. That's a little harsh.
All right, next up we have...
We have...
Tiffany Peterson.
A big hand for Tiffany Peterson.
Here we go.
All my life I wondered
If anything was real
Happy ever after
Was something I should feel
I wasn't even looking
But then you found me here
Brought me back from broken
You made it all so clear
Now I feel alive
I see sparks at night
One look in your eyes
Is all it took to realize
My heart can fly
My heart can fly
Your sister is awesome.
Thanks, she really is.
Is all it took to realize
That my heart can fly
it was away locked away
But you found the key
To be together
Fly away, fly away,
fly away with me
We're fine forever
Fly toward tonight
One look in your eyes
Is all it took to realize
My heart can fly
My heart my heart
My heart can fly
It's opening.
What'? It's opening!
We found the key! Wha'?
I am not surprised.
Is that the Whittmore key'?
Tiffany, we've got to go.
Um, yeah, okay.
Seriously, like, everybody
is waiting on you.
Oh, my gosh.
My brother is blowing up
Twitter right now.
Okay, whatever.
We have to go now.
Seriously. But...
Hey, what's your name, kid'?
Albie Peterson.
And what's that
you've got there'?
The key
to Mr. Whittmore's treasure.
How did you find it'?
I figured out the clues.
Well, was it difficult'?
No, not if you're smart like me.
Well, you heard
it here first, folks.
Albie Peterson has found the key
to the mysterious
Whittmore treasure.
How are you going
to find the treasure?
I'll figure it out.
Oh, things are about
to get real.
Why are you writing
that down, Cheryl?
That's just weird.
Don't write everything I say.
Mr. Mayor, read it and weep.
I've got court papers here
that say that
your little treasure hunt
is going to have
to come to a stop.
Oh, you sail'?
Yes, I do.
Oh, very nice.
Oh, do you have boat insurance?
Boat insurance, who doesn't
have boat insurance?
Ringo Fink, here's my card.
Premiums are at an
all-time high right now,
but I'd be happy to hook you up.
We all live in a yellow
submarine after all.
I don't understand.
You don't understand?
Well, understand this, sir.
Your little treasure hunt'?
Yeah, there's a land dispute
that goes back about three years
between my client,
Fritz Bronson,
and a Mr. Whittmore.
Why was it never settled?
I resent your tone, sir,
if you're trying to imply
that I have not done my due
diligence as a lawyer.
Jurisprudence... Please, please.
Get the point, Mr. Fink.
I'll get to the point,
Mr. Mayor.
If this little treasure of yours
is found on land
that is owned by my client
or Mr. Whittmore,
well then, sir,
we have a problem
We're going to have to put
a stop to the whole thing
until we can all come together.
Do you like movies?
Do you like comedies?
Well, this one is not funny.
It's a scary movie.
Push pause. Push pause.
No treasure, pause.
Huh'? Huh'?
We can shoot some hoops
some other time.
Can you stop us from
looking for the clues'?
No, but we could get
into a lot of trouble
for stepping foot
on any of Whittmore's land.
Bronson is just upset that Billy
didn't find the key first.
What about the missing statue?
Aren't they going to
find out who took it'?
It is a little bit strange,
isn't it'?
Why would Mr. Bronson want
to stop the treasure hunt'?
Well, after Mr. Bronson
sold Mr. Whittmore
the root beer stand,
those two never
really got along.
What happened?
Well, after loaning
Mr. Bronson the money
to build the root bee! Stand,
Mr. Whittmore hired him
as a financial advisor.
Months later, he found out
that Mr. Bronson
had started stealing
from the company.
I cannot tell you
how disappointed I am
in you, Fritz.
I almost can't look
at you, Fritz.
Do you know why are you here?
Uh, no. Oh, I think you do.
I think you do.
Does that look familiar?
Not really. I...
These signatures,
these initials?
The accounting ledger that shows
that you stole money from me'?
It says Frank. That's not Fritz.
That's the worst lie I think
I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, I...
Get out of my sight.
You had so much potential.
Everybody makes mistakes.
We do. We do.
I'm going to help you
make it right.
Instead of firing
Fritz and taking him to court,
Mr. Whittmore forgave him.
But there was one condition.
What was that'?
That Mr. Bronson donate
his entire Christmas bonus
to a charity in town.
Thank you, Santa.
Mr. Whittmore was
sad when he found out
that Fritz had not carried through
with his request.
Lam so majorly
disappointed in you.
And he fired him.
Well, you know what happens now.
You're fired.
Man, I... I don't want the job.
So why did he come back'?
Well, to get his greedy little
hands on the Whittmore treasure.
I hate that man.
Hey, we don't hate
people, okay, guys'?
We just get...
disappointed in them.
We're going to find that treasure,
and I'll tell you why.
Mr. Whittmore didn't want
Mr. Bronson to have it.
Yeah, and then
he wanted to go fishing.
Can you believe it'?
Well, you're awkwardly
quiet tonight.
But I thought you said we were
going to go to a concert tonight.
Yeah, I know. I just...
I thought we could have
some alone time.
And I don't want to hear
that suck music anymore.
Billy, take me home.
Take me home, Billy.
What'? C-come on! Tiffany?
Okay, I think you're cool.
You know, I know
there's really not...
an adjective
that can describe me.
I can think of a few.
I know what you're thinking.
What the...
Sorry. Oh, you think
that's funny'?
Okay, we'll see how funny
it is when you walk home.
Okay. Gosh.
Just perfect.
Can I get a ride'?
A ride'?
In your car. Yeah, of course.
Thanks. To Jackie's. Jackie's'?
Uh-huh, yeah, so...
Thanks. Sorry.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, this way, okay.
Your hair is good.
Your face is pretty.
It's a night nice.
Huh'? I'm sorry.
It's a... It's a nice night.
I guess so.
Thanks for giving me
a ride, Todd.
It was my pleasure.
Um, uh...
Uh, Tiffany!
You are far more extraordinary
than people give you credit for.
Just thought you should know.
Can I come in'?
So how does it feel
to be a celebrity?
You should know.
Did you like my song'?
You were amazing.
Hey, did you find
the next clue'?
No, but this chapter,
it's on geography.
It talks about the geographic
coordinates system.
Every location on Earth
can be located
using a set of numbers.
I think Whittmore
hid the treasure
using the coordinates system.
I just have to locate
the numbers.
Billy Bronson stole
the town statue.
I was there.
It's in his garage.
This is huge!
Shh, Aunt Jackie is sleeping.
Come on.
Maybe the coordinates
are in the statute.
Well, on the statue's ring, actually.
The statue was wearing this ring
that had a set of numbers on it.
It was wearing a ring'?
I know it sounds silly.
But Billy actually noticed it
and thought the numbers
might be significant.
So he...
He put the ring on his necklace.
Billy wears a necklace?
What's with men and jewelry?
And I get teased
for being a dork'?
Albie, we have to get
that necklace back.
We need to find
the treasure, not Billy.
We'd better call the Savages.
Where are we'?
They... they told me
to meet them here.
We've got to be discreet.
Come on.
Come on!
You're fine.
I just did my nails.
You're fine.
The things I do for you, Albie.
My goodness.
- Is this thing even safe?
- Yep.
Let the meeting begin.
Oh, stop with the smoochy-poo.
I would like to welcome you,
our newest member, Tiffany...
who's been giving us
important information.
We are now back on track
to uncovering
the Whittmore treasure.
Tiffany, hand out
the packets I prepared.
Thank you.
And one for you.
How professional.
Um, uh, excuse me.
What's this'?
I don't do well with puzzles.
Yeah. It goes like this.
So basically, you're telling me
that we need to find a ring
with numbers on it
in order to find the treasure.
Yep. Now, where's the
part about revenge?
Page 23.
Oh. Oh.
That's the response
I was looking for.
I like this page.
Movie night on the boat.
I love seeing movies on the boat.
I drew that.
Tomorrow night,
Tiffany will call Billy
and apologize for being a brat.
Billy'? Hey.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
for being such a brat
the other night.
And didn't know if maybe
you wanted to go see
a movie on the boat tonight?
All right, right there.
She?! look if
he's wearing the necklace
or not wearing the necklace.
Sparkly Whale,
come in, Sparkly Whale.
This is the Great Houdini.
Sparkly Whale'?
That's your code name, remember?
No, no, no.
Sparkly Whale is definitely
not going to work for me.
You okay'? Oh. Yeah.
Sorry, my back.
I'm just stretching.
Oh, yeah, that happens to me.
It hurts.
In case the
necklace is not on him,
Winnie and Vinny
will create a diversion
to get Billy's house keys.
Oh, come on, wife.
I'm coming!
Come on!
What should I do'?
Excuse me. Could you guys move?
Oh, deary me.
What was that,
young whippersnapper'?
I can't see the screen.
Oh, what... What did he say'?
I can't hear without my glasses.
I need my glasses.
Your glasses are on your... Oh!
I can't see.
While Vinny and
Winnie are distracting Billy,
Tiffany will grab the keys.
They're staying.
Tiffany, are you prepared to do
what you need to do
to distract Billy?
What are you implying?
Eww. There's got
to be another way.
Once Tiffany has the keys,
she'll text us.
Eddie and I will hop
on our Whaler
to make our way to the boat.
Excuse me just one second.
Oh, yeah, fine.
Hold on. This actually
sounds kind of dangerous.
And your point being?
Albie is not allergic to danger.
He's allergic to metaphorical algae.
Eddie and I will
go lo the Bronson estate
on the other side of the lake
and break in.
There's a security guard. Hide.
You know if this works
you'll be a genius, right'?
I already am.
That's my brother.
This way.
It's the maid. Go!
You should stay here.
I'll check the bathroom.
What's this'?
What the heck?
You would need this.
Mr. Billy.
I got pizza, your favorite.
What do we do'?
I don't know.
I got the necklace.
Mr. Billy'?
Are you up here?
Shh, be quiet.
Maybe she'll leave.
What if she comes up here?
Mr. Billy,
you never tum down pizza.
Are you okay?
I'll be down in a minute.
What was that'?
Okay, Mr. Billy.
Now just get out of here.
Come on.
Other way, other way.
I'll get you kids!
Stop, you kids!
Slow down!
Get back here, kids!
Shut if down!
Yeah, I don't think this
plan was very well thought through.
Get off the grass!
Slow down, kids!
You kids get back here!
Oh, this is intense.
It sure is. It sure is, Grandpa.
Albie, I'll distract him.
You got the bow.
Oh, great. Toxicodendron.
I shouldn't have
let him out of my sight.
You kids shouldn't have been over at
the Bronson's in the first place.
It almost worked.
I gave the performance
of my life.
When was the last time
you saw Albie'?
He headed off into the woods
after I lost the security guard.
I waited for him, but...
he never came back.
I shouldn't have let him
out of my sight.
Can I... Can you just drop
me off at the marina'?
Look who it is. Johnny Bigshot.
What do you say you and I
have a little chat, huh'?
Wait a minute. Give me that.
Hey, that's mine.
I could have you
arrested for this.
That's stealing.
You don'! Look too good, buddy.
Holding onto that key has...
not been very good
for you, has it'?
Mr. Whittmore wanted me
to have the treasure.
I can make your life
very uncomfortable.
You hear me, short stuff'?
Fire! Excuse me'?
There's a fire!
"What" hey!
Hey, what did you do'?
Stop smoking.
It isn't good for you.
It makes your teeth rot.
You come here, you little rat.
Hey! Ah!
Ah, I just burned
my nuts. Dammit!
Don't worry. Albie is
stronger than he looks.
Last year
before his spelling bee,
he got stung by a bee.
Ironic, right'?
O0. He still won, too.
If you ever want to feel stupid,
watch a six-year-old
spell "anesthetic" correctly.
Really? Mm-hmm. Yep.
Okay, you guys,
I can't wait anymore.
Okay, I'm going to go look for him.
Yeah, I'll go, too.
Okay, be careful.
Albie! I got him. I got him.
Get him. There we go, okay.
Go, go, 9-
How long is this
going to take, lady'?
I got people to sue.
Mr. Fink, it is
a very busy morning.
The treasure hunt
was just recently released.
What is she
talking about, released?
Exciting, isn't it'?
What is this?
I'll be on my way.
Hey, uh, we can shoot some
hoops later if you like.
I'll see you in court.
The basketball court.
Boy genius.
How you feeling?
Jackie? Shh, it's okay.
Just get some rest.
We're here for you and
we're not going anywhere.
The key. Don't worry.
We're keeping it safe.
Hey, I see you met a lot of
great friends out there.
I read about this one guy who
died and came back to life.
He said that heaven
was like a marshmallow.
It was all puffy and sweet.
Like me.
How is he'? He'll be fine.
Okay. Wait, what
about the treasure?
The Bronsons still have
the coordinates.
Here we go.
What are you doing here, Billy'?
What are you doing here, Billy'?
We got a little bit
of a situation.
You guys have the key.
We have the coordinates.
And without both, well...
we're both screwed.
What are you getting at, Billy'?
Todd? Sweet Todd?
Where did that edge come from'?
What's your point'?
He has one.
Right'? Yeah.
There is a 50/50 chance.
Oh, those odds,
I like those odds.
Of course I have
a point, idiots!
What's this'?
What, can't you read?
Yeah, didn't you...
Didn't you go to...
"The read" reading...
The reading school?
Didn't you 90...
Let's go.
Catch you later. Hmm.
Albie should see this.
All right, come on, guys.
Excuse me, Aunt Jackie. Yeah.
Albie, look.
What is it'?
Well, it's a challenge.
Read it.
"You are amicably invited to..."
I hate to interrupt,
but I love challenges.
Let's do it!
You guys, look.
I hate to be
the voice of reason,
but these people
are shady, okay'?
They're not to be trusted.
Keep reading.
"Bring your four best men."
Or women.
"We'll meet at sunrise."
"The loser will relinquish their
half of the Whittmore puzzle."
The key.
"Sincerely, the Bronsons."
The Bronsons, sincere?
See, now that's a joke.
It sounds fair.
Yeah, if they played by the rules.
What you think
we should do, Albie'?
I think...
we'd better get training.
Go, go! You call that fast'?
I know you can do
better than that!
Come on, Eddie. Okay.
Go, go, go!
Now try hardier.
Go, go, go.
I want 10 more! Come on! Go!
Beat the tide!
Come on! I know you can
go faster than that!
Beat the tide!
I'm not even going anywhere.
Bigger strokes! Come on!
You can beat it!
Flirt! Work it.
Whoever reaches me first
gets free ice cream.
Come on, Eddie. Come on!
Oh, Tiffany wins.
I never thought
the day would come
that I would be standing
in front of you,
all grown up,
telling you you're ready.
Eddie. Eddie?
You okay'? Eddie.
Good morning, Culver.
I'm Daisy Larson
reporting to you live
from the marina.
And welcome back to my co-host,
Jack Gallagher.
I'm back from my
vacation in Australia.
And all I have to say
is things got interesting.
We're excited
to bring you live coverage
of a competition challenge
between local boy,
Billy Bronson,
and visitor to Culver,
Albie Peterson.
Oh, it looks like the challenge
is about to begin.
The challenges are both
physical and intellectual.
The course is laid out for you.
If you see
an orange flag like this,
that is the start of a course.
There will be
an official at each course.
There will be
absolutely no cheating.
The losing team
will relinquish
all of its findings
in regards
to the Whittmore treasure
to the opposing team.
Are you ready?
Bring it on!
Ready, set, go!
All right, all right.
Row, Row, Row, Row.
Winnie, calm down!
You stay on the right.
You stay on the left.
Hey, Todd! You must like ladies.
Because you got three of them.
Winnie! Winnie, sit down!
Okay, get this girl
away from me.
Winnie, sit dawn.
You're going to tip the boat.
Gather away from me!
We're getting her out of here.
I will get you for that!
Both teams must start
a fire using their supplies.
The quicker they start it,
the higher the points received.
Okay, this is how
we're going to do it.
Eddie! Try it, try it.
Hey, um...
All right, all right.
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go, come on.
I got something.
It's a big one. Good job, Eddie.
Come on, Eddie. Come on.
Get it, get it!
Oh, come on.
Aw, seaweed? Really?
You get the
fish, I'll get the chips.
You know what I'm saying?
You know?
Billy's team is in the lead.
Do Albie and the Savages
have what it takes
to get ahead?
Aw, it's trivia.
Trivia? Aw, this is the worst.
This is the worst part
of the competition for me.
What is it'?
Oh, trivia. Trivia, I got this.
A meemall that can flee?
A mammal.
Oh, this is a really hard test.
Next up is an impromptu
talent competition.
Mr. Riggs, you will be choosing
the winner of this competition?
Thank you, Daisy.
It's an honor just to be here.
If anyone truly
knows talent,
especially talent
that you have to
perform at random,
without months of
preparation or rehearsal,
well then, it's me.
By God's grace, it is me.
Talent competition.
We got this in the bag.
Can I do it'?
Please? Actually, I
think Tiffany should.
No, Eddie has got this.
All right.
Okay, so let's go.
No one knows this about me.
But I am simply
dazzled by mimes.
Mimes. Yes, mi... mi...
All right, let's see.
Oh. Magic.
Yeah. I love magic.
An empty hat.
That's an empty hat. Empty
hat, perfectly empty.
Okay. Please work.
A cheeseburger?
How did he do that'?
Way to go!
A cheeseburger!
Wow, how did he do it'?
Did somebody see
my cheeseburger?
I always eat a cheeseburger
when I do the news.
Let's go, let's go!
Go, go!
It's all going to come down
to the scores.
The Bronsons are in the lead.
The question is
can Albie and the Savages
regain some points
in the next competition?
The final leg of the competition
is the Wave Runner race.
The first person to circle
around the buoy
and cross the finish line
You got this, Todd.
I'm going to show you what
a real winner looks like.
You got this. Come on!
Whoo! Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Oh, he's
almost going to lose.
He's almost going to lose.
Go To do'!
Oh. Good job, Billy.
All right.
Hey, he's wet.
Billy, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I didn't... You know, I just...
I'm not... It was...
It was a close one.
The tallies are in.
The Mayor has the results.
Let's see who won.
And the winner is...
Please let it be us.
Billy Bronson.
We did if!
We did if!
I smell something fishy.
And it's not the lake.
Going to collect
the winning ticket.
Dad'? Ha!
Looks like I'll be taking that
key off your hands after all.
Not so fast, Mr. Bronson.
Upon further examination
into who rightfully
owned the land,
I came across this
in Mr. Whittmore's will.
Hold on, Mayor. This treasure
hunt has gone on long enough.
Come on. End it.
Well, why would he
announce the winner
and just, like,
take it back in two seconds?
In the will, it states
"if any dispute
between parties exists,"
"the judgment of who
found the treasure first"
"should be based
on sportsmanship."
Okay, what does it...
I'm sporty.
You guys are sporty, right'?
Sporty, yeah. Yeah!
They're sporty.
Absolutely no cheating.
I-I-I don't even know
how that got in there.
I knew it. I knew it.
Dude, the official
gave it to us, remember?
Like halfway through,
we were all confused.
We were like,
ah, this is difficult.
And he was like, Here, man.
"Here's a lighter." Stop.
And we were like,
"We don't know how."
And he was like, "I know how."
So he helped us with everything.
And then we did it.
And we're wi...
But Mayor, cheating
is the American way.
You watch baseball?
The good guys win.
Are we the... Are we the bad...
Are we the bad guys'?
Albie and his team are the
true winners. Mayor...
Mayor, what you talking about'?
The coordinates, please.
Give them the coordinates.
Did you wear sunscreen?
Dad, do something.
This kid never wears sunscreen.
Thank you.
Wait a minute, no.
So how do you
decipher it, Albie'?
Yeah. Yeah.
I need a map of Culver.
There you are.
Good luck. Thank you.
Dad, fix this.
You're giving it
to the snot noses.
Tell me, Mr. Bronson.
If we were to take a look
in your garage,
what would we find there
besides your Mustang?
My wife's pantyhose.
A weed wanker,
a washing machine.
I told you it was a stupid idea.
Basic stuff, power
tools, you know.
We received an anonymous text.
Yeah, I don't... I can't
see what that is.
Sir, you're under arrest
for stealing the town statue.
They were borrowing it.
No, we didn't steal...
No, it was my kid.
No, when he
doesn't wear sunscreen
he doesn't think so straight.
Come on. Come on.
He did it. I did it.
Well, it looks like
your new boyfriend
just got arrested.
I'm definitely changing
my relationship status
to "It's complicated."
Roll it out, roll it out. I
want to see where it is.
According to the coordinates,
the treasure is hidden at
the town playground.
Of course.
I love that twirly slide.
I love the swings.
I'm more of a monkey bar
guy myself.
Let's go.
Spread out. Search the area.
Hey, whoa.
Don't go past the shovels.
Is it in the grass
or in the mulch?
Well, he said it was
on the playground,
so I'm going to trust the genius.
Probably true.
Boundaries, people.
Where would you
bury the treasure?
I don't know.
Eddie, quit playing.
We got to find the treasure.
Okay, I'm going
to cast a spell on my hat.
Wherever it lands, that is where the
treasure is going to be, okay'?
Go! if.
There, dig there.
I think it actually worked.
Wait, it worked?
It actually worked?
I think there's actually
something here.
Get the shovels. Todd, Todd.
Todd, shovel.
Yes, ma'am.
Here you go, little man.
I think it's my destiny
to do the news.
The news chooses us, little man.
The news chooses us.
May I'? Sure.
Thank you.
Good evening, Culver.
I'm Vinny Savage reporting live
from the site where the
Whittmore treasure is hidden.
Come on.
Look, there's something.
How do you feel? Awesome.
How do you feel? Proud.
Come on.
How do you feel? I feel dirty.
This is kind of a big deal.
I see something. There it is.
Here we go.
What's wrong, Albie'?
It doesn't feel right.
Well, what doesn't
feel right, honey?
Opening it alone.
Aw. Aw.
Hey, guys. I'm needed.
Thank you.
All right. Ready?
Come on, Vinny.
It's a mirror.
It's just a mirror.
Wait, lookit.
"Take a look, for what you see"
"is truly your greatest
H's us.
We're the treasure.
Well, it's a nice box.
May I see this'?
Yeah. Thank you.
My heart is truly warm
with emotion.
Here I thought
we would find gold
or diamonds or toys
or even candy, but...
the treasure is ourselves.
How poignant.
It was an honor
doing the news with you.
Thank you. Good job, kid.
Am I fired'?
Guys, guys, look.
It says, "Look underneath."
No, wait, that's this, guys.
Look. Keep digging?
What'? The lift'?
Yeah. Pull it.
That's a treasure.
Cash money. Cha-ching.
Wait, there's more.
It's the deed
to Whittmore's estate.
We get a mansion?
What are you going to do now'?
You're one rich little boy.
I was already rich.
Well, I don't know
about you, Culver,
but I think this kid
is onto something.
I'm Daisy Larson,
Channel 11 News.
Hey, you, listen up.
I will be back in an hour.
Okay'? I don't want
to be late for the show.
I wouldn't miss it.
Thanks for bringing me here.
Yeah. Anytime.
See you.
Well, hang on, no.
You need to move
the boat to the middle
because otherwise it's going
to be touching his hand
when he is riding. It's
going to irritate his hand.
It's going to be scratching
all up on his hand.
You can't take it off.
It's a present.
Well, still, he's going
to ride it... He's here.
Well, hi, hi.
We figured
you could buy your own,
but I think she belongs to you.
I've never had a bike before.
This is great.
Is that Old Man Kettle's bike?
You guys up for a rematch?
Let's do it.
But I'm not going easy
on you this time.
Ley's frail.
All right, down the hill,
through the dirt track and
hang a left at the graveyard.
That's where dead people are.
First one back wins.
Ready, set, go!
Recently, a disgruntled
audience member
tried to check a tomato
at my face.
And I'm telling you,
I am off carbs.
I'm only accepting a porterhouse
or a nice Chteaubriand.
So my niece and nephew
are in from the big city.
And apparently,
my doll collection
is not cool.
Yeah, they've officially
declared me
one of the town elders.
You know how you give
directions in a small town'?
Now, this is how
we do it, right'?
We don't say, "Get on the 405 S."
"Take the 10 E." No, no.
Too many numbers.
Too complicated.
We say, "You're going to go past
the cornfield on your left."
"And when you get to the
end of that cornfield,"
"there's going to be some cows
agrazing on your right."
And there's a fork in the road.
"Don't go to the left. Don't go
to the left. Go to the right."
"You go in the lake,
you've gone too far."
So, you guys,
you know it's a small town
when on Halloween, you just
need one bag of candy.
And you have the luxury of eating
half of it yourself.
Thank you, thank you.