Little Shop of Horrors (1986) Movie Script

Little shop
Little shop of terror
Call a cop
Little shop of horrors
No, oh, oh, no
Little shop
Little shop of horrors
Bop she-bop
Little shop of terror
Watch 'em drop
Little shop of horrors
No, oh, oh, no
What a creepy thing to be happening
- Look out, look out
- Look out, look out
Feel the sturm and drang in the air
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Stop right where you are
Don't you move a thing
You better
You better
Tellin' you you better
Tell your mama
Something's gonna get her
She better
Everybody better beware
Ooh, here it comes, baby
Tell the world, baby
Oh, oh, no
Oh, hit the dirt, baby
Red alert, baby
Oh, oh, no
Oh, oh, no
Haul it off the stoop
Child, I'm warnin' you
- Look out, look out
- Look out, look out
Run away
Child you gonna pay if you stay, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Look around
Something's comin' down
Down the street for you
You betcha
You betcha
You betcha butt
You betcha
Best believe it
Something's come to get ya
You betcha
You better watch your back in this town
Come-a, come-a, come-a
Little shop
Little shop of horrors
Bop she-bop
You'll never stop the terror
Little shop
Little shop of horrors
No, oh, oh, no
Oh, oh, no
Oh, oh, no
Seymour, what's going on down there?
Very little, Mr. Mushnik!
- Until the weekend.
And at his press conference today,
President Kennedy fielded questions...
...concerning last Thursday's
total eclipse of the sun... unprecedented astrological
phenomenon which has baffled the nation.
Ah! So, she finally decides to come to work!
Uh, good morning, Mr. Mushnik.
What morning? It's almost closing time.
Not that we had a customer.
Seymour, what in the name of God
is going on down there?
Unh, Audrey, would you go down
and see what he's...
Audrey. Audrey,
where did you get that shiner?
Uh... Uh, shiner?
Audrey, that greasy boyfriend of yours
is beating up on you again?
Look, I know it's none of my business...
...but I'm beginning to think
he's maybe not such a nice boy.
I got these pots unloaded for you, Mr...
Seymour, look what you've done to the inventory!
Don't yell at Seymour, Mr. Mushnik.
- Hi, Audrey. You look radiant today.
- Oh.
Is that new eye makeup?
I'll help him clean it up
before any of the customers get here.
That should give you plenty of time.
Oh, God, what an existence I got.
Misfit employees, bums on the sidewalk... is lousy. My life is a living hell!
Hey, you. Urchins!
Shoo! Shoo! Move! Move!
Move! Go away! No loitering!
Man, I wasn't loitering. Were you, Crystal?
Not me, Ronette. Were you, Chiffon?
You ought to be in school!
Yeah, well we on a split shift.
Right! We went to school until fifth grade,
then we split.
So? How do you intend to better yourselves?
Better ourselves? You heard what he said?
Better ourselves?
Mister, when you're from Skid Row,
ain't no such thing.
Alarm goes off at 7
And you start uptown
You put in your eight hours
For the powers
That have always been
Sing it, child.
'Til it's 5 p.m.
Then you go
Where the folks are broke
You go downtown
Where your life's a joke
You go downtown
Where you buy your token
You go
Home to Skid Row
Yes you go
- Downtown
- Where the cabs don't stop
- Downtown
- Where the food is slop
Where the hop-heads flop in the snow
Down on Skid Row
Uptown you cater to a million jerks
Uptown you're messengers
And mailroom clerks
Eating all your lunches at the hot-dog carts
The bosses take your money
And they break your hearts
And uptown you cater to a million whores
You disinfect terrazzo on their bathroom floors
The jobs are really menial
You make no bread
- And then at 5:00 you head
- By subway
Where the guys are drips
- Downtown
- Where they rip your slips
- Downtown
- Where relationships are no go
- Down on Skid Row
- Down on Skid Row
Down on Skid Row
All my life I've always been poor
I keep askin' God what I'm for
And he tells me Gee, I'm not sure
Sweep that floor, kid!
I started life as an orphan
A child of the street
Here on Skid Row
He took me in, gave me shelter
A bed, crust of bread and a job
Treats me like dirt
Calls me a slob
Which I am
So I live
That's your home address You live
When your life's a mess
You live
Where depression's just status quo
Down on Skid Row
Someone show me a way to get outta here
'Cause I constantly pray I'll get outta here
Please won't somebody say I'll get outta here
Someone give me my shot
Or I'll rot here
- Downtown, there's no rules for us
- Show me how and I will, I'll get outta here
- Downtown, 'cause it's dangerous
- I'll start climbin' up hill and get outta here
- Downtown, where the rainbow'sjust a no-show
- Someone tell me I still could get outta here
Someone tell lady luck that I'm stuck here
Gee it sure would be swell to get out of here
Bid the gutter farewell and get outta here
I'd move heaven and hell to get outta Skid
I'd do I-don't-know-what to get outta Skid
But a hell of a lot to get outta Skid
People tell me there's not a way outta Skid
But believe me I gotta get outta Skid Row
Six o'clock and we haven't sold
so much as a fern.
- All right!
- Aah.
That's it! Forget it.
Don't bother coming in tomorrow.
- Aah. You don't mean...
- You can't...
Wha...? What don't I mean?
I'm through. Forget it.
- Kaput.
- You can't.
Kaput! Extinct. I'm closing
this God-and-customer-forsaken place.
- Ah.
- Mr. Mushnik...
...forgive me for saying so, sir,
but has it ever occurred to you...
...that maybe what the firm needs
is to move in a new direction?
Uh, what Seymour's trying to say is...
Uh, Seymour,
why don't you run downstairs and bring up...
...that strange and interesting new plant
you've been working on?
You see, Mr. Mushnik...
...some of those exotic plants
Seymour's been tinkering around with...
...are really unusual.
And we thought maybe some of
those strange and interesting new plants...
...prominently displayed and advertised,
would attract business.
I'm afraid it isn't feeling very well today.
There. Now, isn't that bizarre?
At least.
What kind of a weirdo plant is that, Seymour?
I don't know.
I think it's some kind of flytrap...
...but I haven't been able to identify it
in any of my books.
I gave it my own name though.
I call it an Audrey II.
- After me?
- I hope you don't mind.
You see, sir, if you were to put a strange
and interesting plant like this... in the window, then maybe...
Maybe what? Maybe what?
Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?
Just because you put a strange
and interesting plant... the window, people don't suddenly...
Excuse me. I couldn't help noticing
that strange and interesting plant.
- What is it?
- It's an Audrey II.
- I've never seen anything like it before.
- No one has.
Where did you get it?
Well... remember that total eclipse of the sun
about a week ago?
I was walking in the wholesale
flower district that day.
Shoop da-doo
And I passed by this place
where this old Chinese man...
Chang da-doo
He sometimes sells
me weird and exotic cuttings...
Snip da-doo
Because he knows, you see,
that strange plants are my hobby.
Da-da-da da-da da-doo
He didn't have anything unusual there that day.
Nope, da-doo
So I was just about to, you know, walk on by.
Good for you
Ooh, ooh, she-shoo-bop
When suddenly,
and without warning, there was this:
Total eclipse of the sun
It got very dark.
And there was this strange humming sound
like something from another world.
And when the light came back
this weird plant was just sitting there.
Just, you know, stuck in, among the zinnias.
Audrey II
I could have sworn it hadn't been there before.
But the old Chinese man sold it to me anyways...
...for a dollar ninety-five.
Sha la la, la la la, la la la
Well, that's an unusual story,
and a fascinating plant.
Oh, while I'm here,
I might as well take $50 worth of roses.
Fifty dollars?
Can you break a hundred?
A hundred? Uh, no.
Well, then I'll just have to take
twice as many, won't I?
- Twice as many?
- Twice as many?
Twice as many!
Twice as many.
That plant in the window, it's simply amazing!
That plant in the window,
wherever did you get it?
- Look, there it is, Marge.
- Oh, my gosh, it's peculiar.
Thank you!
Thank you very much, sir! Thank you!
Thank you! Come again!
Come and look at the weirdo plant some more!
It's just gonna get bigger
and more interesting. Ha-ha-ha.
What, what, what?
Just don't stand there! Quick, quick!
Put the plant back in the...
Oh, what did you call it?
Audrey II.
Put that Audrey II back in the window
where the passersby can see it.
Oh, my God!
I never thought this could happen!
Oh, my children...
...I'm taking us all out to dinner tonight!
Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Mushnik,
but I have a date.
With that same "nogoodnik"?
I'm telling you, Audrey, you don't need
a date with him. You need major medical.
He's a rebel, Mr. Mushnik, but he...
He makes good money.
...he's the only fellow I got.
Enjoy dinner. Good night, Seymour.
Good night, Audrey.
Poor girl.
Are we still going out?
You're not going anywhere, Krelborn.
You're staying right here
and taking care of that sick plant!
I told you it's been giving me trouble.
The Audrey II is not a healthy girl.
Strictly between us, neither is the Audrey I.
If only I knew what breed it was.
Who cares what breed it is?
Look what it's done for business.
- I know.
- So work, Seymour.
Nurse this plant back to health.
I'm counting on you.
- I know.
- You do?
- I do.
- So fix. Good night.
Aw, Twoey, I don't know
what else I can do for you.
Are you sickly, little plant,
or are you just plain stubborn?
What is it you want?
What is it you need?
I've given you sunshine
I've given you dirt
You've given me nothin'
But heartache and hurt
I'm beggin' you sweetly
I'm down on my knees
Oh, please
Grow for me
I've given you plant food
And water to sip
I've given you potash
You've given me zip
Oh, God how I mist you
Oh, pod how you tease
Now please
Grow for me
I've given you southern exposure
To get you to thrive
I've pinched you back hard
Like I'm supposed to
You're barely alive
I've tried you at levels of moisture
From desert to mud
I've given you grow-lights
And mineral supplements
What do you want from me?
Ow! Damn roses. Damn thorns.
I've given you sunlight
I've given you rain
Looks like you're not happy
'Less I open a vein
I'll give you a few drops
If that'll appease
Oh, please
Oh, oh, oh, please
Grow for me
Skid Row radio
You're listening
to radio station WSKID, home of the hits.
In just a few minutes we'll bring you
Wink Wilkinson's Weird World...
...the show that talks to wonderful people
who bring in their weird things.
But first, the weather.
Thank you very much, Tom.
The weather today will be partly cloudy
with a chance of rain. Sorry about that.
The high temperature
will be in the low 50s tonight... get out those electric blankets.
Tomorrow we'll start off with morning haze...
- Excuse me. I was told to come...
- Yeah, you're next.
High tomorrow should be in the low 70s...
...with the low in the high 60s.
In the suburbs, the sun should be out
through most of the day...
...except for some cloudy patches
in the evening...
...but I don't think it'll affect your barbecue.
The barometer reading should be 21.6.
The wind will be about...
...uh, I'd say 12 miles per hour... watch it out there on those boats.
The sun will be rising tomorrow
at about 7:17 a. M...
...and it should be setting around 6:29 p.m.,
but check me if I'm wrong.
A cold front is moving in from the southwest.
But it should brighten up by noon.
The weekend should be mild.
For you average-mean-temperature fans...
...the average mean temperature
for the season is 69 degrees, not too bad.
Thank you, and back to you.
You're listening to radio station WSKID.
And now, Wink Wilkinson's Weird World,
with your host, Wink Wilkinson.
Hi everybody! It's Weird Wink Wilkinson,
laughing and scratching at you.
How's everybody doing today?
I got a bit of a stiff neck.
Let me fix this up.
Ooh, that feels a lot better!
I got a great show for you today...
...with some wonderful weird stuff!
What are you doing here?
What? You... Please, lady, no!
Put your clothes back on!
You can't do this to me!
What if your husband were to walk in?
I'm here. I love your show...
...but I've got to kill you
with this machine gun.
Oh, you got me!
I feel... I feel so very weird!
Our first guest is a young man... probably read about in the newspapers,
by the name of, um...
Seymour Krelborn. Is that correct?
Who has discovered a new breed of plant
hitherto unknown on this planet.
Let me play you down to your seat, Seymour.
Hello, Seymour!
Hello, Wink.
I wish you folks at home could see this.
Seymour, where did you get such a weird plant?
Well, you remember that total eclipse
of the sun about a week ago?
Thus we conclude
our interview with the young botanical...
- Mind if I call you a genius?
- Oh, hoo.
Gosh, no!
The genius who's discovered
this amazing, unidentified plant.
I'd like to remind our listeners
that the Audrey II is on display...
...exclusively at Mushnik's Skid Row Florists.
- Shh!
- Am I late? Did I miss it?
- Mushnik's.
- Until next week...
- The address.
- This is Wilkinson saying...
- The address!
- Six days a week...
I said, mention the address!
Skid Row radio
Ugh. Oh, well. It's still good advertising.
Seymour's first radio broadcast.
I wanted to hear it so bad.
I tried to be on time, but...
Don't tell me. You got tied up.
No, just handcuffed a little.
Girl. Hey, girl.
I don't know who this mess is
you been hanging out with...
...but he is hazardous to your health.
That's for sure. But I can't leave him.
- Why not?
- Oh, he'd get angry.
And if he does this to me when he likes me,
imagine what he'd do if he ever got mad.
So? Dump the chump.
Get another guy and let him protect you.
How about the little jerk with the glasses?
- Seymour?
- That's him.
Oh, we're just friends.
I don't even deserve a sweet, considerate...
...suddenly successful guy like Seymour.
That poor child
suffers from low self-image.
- You got a point.
- She got a problem.
I know Seymour's the greatest
But I'm dating a semi-sadist
So I got a black eye
And my arm's in a cast
Still, that Seymour's a cutie
Well, if not, he's got inner beauty
And I dream of a place
Where we could be together at last
A matchbox of our own
A fence of real chain link
A grill out on the patio
Disposal in the sink
A washer and a dryer
And an ironing machine
In a tract house that we share
Somewhere that's green
He rakes and trims the grass
He loves to mow and weed
I cook like Betty Crocker
And I look like Donna Reed
There's plastic on the furniture
To keep it neat and clean
In the Pine-Sol scented air
Somewhere that's green
Somewhere that's green
Between our frozen dinner
And our bed-time: 9:15
We snuggle watching Lucy
On our big, enormous
Twelve-inch screen
I'm his December Bride
He's father, he knows best
The kids play Howdy Doody
As the sun sets in the west
A picture out of
Better Homes and Gardens Magazine
Far from Skid Row
I dream we'll go
Somewhere that's
Poor Seymour pushed a broom
Nothing in his news but gloom and doom
Then he lit a fuse and give him room
He started an explosion
Holy cow
That thing went bang, kaboom
And he's havin' some fun now
Some fun now
Hot damn
Ain't he havin' some fun now
Yes, ma'am
He's a havin' some fun now
Oh, boy
Ain't he havin' some fun now
All right!
Now! Some fun now
Sho 'nuff
Ain't he havin' some fun now Hot stuff
He's a havin' some fun now
Oh, boy
Ain't he havin' some fun now
Some fun now
Good God, good God
He's havin' some fun now
Oh, boy, oh, boy
Yeah, he's a havin' some fun now
Oh, boy
Ain't he havin' some fun now
Some fun now
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!
Hello? Hold on.
Uh, yes, yes. Yes, Mrs. Shiva.
Uh, no, Mrs. Shiva. Right away, Mrs. Shiva.
- Seymour!
- I'd just like to pay for these, please.
Did you send out the order for Mrs. Shiva?
Mrs. Shiva? I forgot!
You forgot?
You forgot!
Do you hear this, God? He forgot!
Are you listening, customers? He forgot!
Audrey, quick! We've got to do
an emergency arrangement.
Birthday? Wedding? Baby?
- Funeral.
- Hand me the lilies.
Mr. Mushnik's real mad at me, Audrey.
I keep forgetting things.
Scissors. You got a lot on your mind.
Mind? What mind? The Shivas are
our most important funereal account.
A big enormous family,
they're dropping off like flies!
Sometimes I think
Mr. Mushnik's too hard on you. Glue.
That's okay.
- After all, I owe him everything.
- Glitter.
He took me out of the Skid Row Home for Boys
when I was just a little tyke...
...gave me a warm place to stay,
floors to sweep, toilets to clean...
...and every other Sunday off.
You know, I think you ought
to raise your expectations, Seymour.
Now that you're getting successful, I mean.
It's clear you suffer from a low self-image.
And it's high time you get it fixed.
Why don't you go out
and do something nice for yourself like... some new clothes?
Oh, I'm a very bad shopper, Audrey.
I don't have good taste like you.
Well, I could help you pick things out.
- You could?
- Sure.
You'd go shopping with me?
You'd be seen with me in a public place
like a department store?
Oh, I can't tonight. I got a date.
Again, this date?
Some date.
A date gives you a corsage,
not a multiple fracture.
I'm telling you, Audrey,
he's not a good, clean kind of boy.
He's a professional.
What kind of a professional
drives a motorcycle...
...and wears a black leather jacket?
When I was younger, just a bad little kid
My momma noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun
I'd poison guppies
And when I was done
I'd find a pussy cat and bash in its head
That's when my momma said
What did she say?
She said
My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
- You'll be a dentist
- You'll be a dentist
- You have a talent for causing things pain
- Pain
- Son, be a dentist
- Son, be a dentist
- People will pay you to be inhumane
- That's inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
- And teaching would suit you still less
- Aah!
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success
Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque
Watch him suck up that gas
Oh, my God
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done
By the Marquis de Sade?
Oh, that hurts! Wait, I'm not numb.
Eh, shut up. Open wide, here I come!
- I am your dentist
- Goodness gracious
- And I enjoy the career that I picked
- You love it
I am your dentist
- And I get off on the pain I inflict
- You really love it
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted
- And though it may cause my patients distress
- No, no, no.
Somewhere in heaven above me
I know
I know that my momma's proud of me
Oh, Momma.
'Cause I'm a dentist
- And a success
- Aah!
Say, "Ahh."
Say, "Ahh."
Say, "Ahh!"
Now spit!
Excuse me, sir, you can't go in there right now.
Relax. You want some nitrous oxide?
- No thanks.
- Suit yourself.
We're closed.
- Well...
- Oh, it's all right, Seymour.
This is my date, my boyfriend.
Seymour, Orin Scrivello.
- D.D.S.
- Hey!
I know you. Sure, I saw you on the news.
I even know your name.
Now, let's see. It's, uh, Cecil. No, no, no.
- It's, uh, Cedric.
- No.
Give me a chance.
It's, uh, ahem...
- Simon?
- Seymour!
- Somebody talking to you?
- Oh, no. Excuse me.
Excuse me, what?
Excuse me, doctor.
That's better.
I know! Sure! You're the plant guy, right?
Well, hey! That means
it must be in there, huh?
Well! That is incredible.
- What do you call that thing?
- Audrey II.
Cute name. It's catchy.
Nice plant. Big.
Uh, shouldn't we be leaving now?
You're quite the little chatterbox tonight,
ain't you?
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry, what?
Sorry, doctor. Doctor. Sorry, doctor.
You've got to train them, huh, stud? Heh.
Listen, here's my card.
You ever need a root canal or anything
like that, give me a buzz, you hear?
Now, I'm serious. It's on the house.
You got the handcuffs?
They're right in my bag.
You ought to see the way he treats her, Twoey.
She deserves a prince,
not a sadistic creep like him.
The man's a total disgrace
to the dental profession.
I don't know what's going on sometimes.
Seems like the whole world's going crazy.
At least we got each other, right?
I'm gonna turn in, Twoey.
I'll see you in the morning.
Oh, boy. Here we go again.
Come on, I haven't got much left.
Just give me a few days to heal, okay?
- Then we'll start again on the left hand and...
- Feed me.
I beg your pardon?
Feed me.
Twoey, you talked! You opened your trap,
your thing, and you said...
Feed me, Krelborn! Feed me now!
- I can't!
- I'm starving!
Look, maybe I can squeeze
a little more out of this one.
- Ooh! More! More! More! More!
- There isn't any more!
What do you want me to do?
Slit my wrists?
Oh, boy! Look, I've got an idea.
I'll go to Shmendrik's
and pick you up some nice chopped sirloin.
Must be blood.
- Twoey, that's disgusting.
- Must be fresh.
I don't want to hear this.
- Feed me!
- Does it have to be human?
- Feed me!
- Does it have to be mine?
- Feed me!
- Where am I supposed to get it?
Feed me, Seymour
Feed me all night long
Ha! That's right, boy!
You can do it
Feed me, Seymour
Feed me all night long
'Cause if you feed me, Seymour
I can grow up big and strong
- Ha-ha-ha.
- You eat blood, Audrey II. Let's face it.
How am I supposed to keep on feeding you?
Kill people?
- I'll make it worth your while.
- What?
You think this is all coincidence, baby?
The sudden success around here?
The press coverage?
Look, you're a plant. An inanimate object.
Does this look inanimate to you, punk?
If I can talk and I can move,
who's to say I can't do anything I want?
- Like what?
- Like deliver, pal. Aah!
Like, see you get everything
your secret, greasy heart desires.
Would you like a Cadillac car?
Or a guest-shot on Jack Paar?
How about a date with Hedy Lamarr
You gonna get it
If you want it, baby Ha, ha
How'd ya like to be a big wheel?
Dining out for every meal
I'm the plant can make it all real
You're gonna get it
Hey, I'm your genie
I'm your friend
I'm your willin' slave
Take a chance
Feed me, yeah
You know the kind of eats
The kind of red-hot treats
The kind of sticky licky sweets I crave
Ow! Come on, Seymour
Don't be a putz
Trust me and your life will surely
Rival King Tut's
Show a little initiative, boy
Work up some guts
And you'll get it
- I don't know
- Come on, boy.
- I don't know
- Lighten up.
I have so
So many strong
- Reservations
- Tell it to the Marines.
Should I go
And perform
- Mutilations
- Ha-ha-ha
You didn't have nothin'
Till you met me
Come on, kid
What will it be?
One particular girl
How 'bout that Audrey?
Think it over
There must be someone you can 86
Real quiet like
And get me some lunch
Think about a room at the Ritz
Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz
A little nookie gonna clean up those zits
And you'll get it, uh huh
Gee, I'd like a Harley machine
- Now you're cookin'
- Toolin' around like I was James Dean
- Yeah, yeah
- Makin' all the guys on the corner turn green
So go get it!
Whoo whoo whoo
If you wanna be profound
If you really gotta justify
Take a breath and look around
A lot of folks deserve to die
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
That's not a very nice thing to say.
- But it's true, isn't it?
- No!
I don't know anyone who deserves to get
chopped up and fed to a hungry plant!
Sure you do. Ha-ha-ha.
Stupid woman!
Christ, what a frigging scatterbrain!
I'm sorry, doctor!
I'm sorry, doctor! Oh!
Falls off the motorcycle!
I'm clumsy, doctor! I'm clumsy, doctor!
Musses my hair!
Get the door open, you little slut!
I'm trying, doctor! I'm trying, doctor!
Get the Vitalis. Quick, the Vitalis!
I'm out of it!
If you want a rationale
It isn't very hard to see
No, no, no
Stop and think it over, pal
The guy sure looks like plant food to me
- The guy sure looks like plant food to me
- Yeah, ow!
He's so nasty treatin' her rough
Yeah, smackin' her around
And always talkin' so tough
You need blood
And he's got more than enough
I need blood and he's got more than enough
- You need blood and he's got more than enough
- I need blood and he's got more than enough
So go get it
Hey, does that mean they're finished?
My turn?
Whoo! What happened?
What did he do? Tell me everything!
Yeah. Well, they have to do that
to remove the jaw.
Ah, consider yourself very, very lucky.
- Next!
- It's me, Arthur Denton! I'm next!
- Nurse!
- Hmm?
Does, uh, that have an appointment?
Ask it. I'm off duty.
I've been saving all month for this.
I think I need a root canal.
I'm sure I need a long, slow root canal.
- Let's go.
- I have a history of dental problems.
Shut up!
Yes, doctor.
I went to a terrible dentist Wednesday,
who was recommended to me... somebody that I saw on Monday...
...who is the brother of a man
that I usually see on Sundays.
And their mother taught them
everything they know.
She's gifted, but quite elderly.
People think she shouldn't be working.
But I go to her because...
...I'm just incredibly devoted to her strength.
- Huh.
She can't really see who you are,
but she knows the sound of your voice.
If you tell her where it is, the problem, she
eventually finds the trouble and she does it.
I wish I had that stamina.
I can only go so long.
That's how I want to be.
I don't ever want to have to be just...
Yes, doctor.
I remember the first time I went to a dentist.
I thought, "What a neat job!
If only I were a dentist."
The dentist I went to had the greatest car.
He had a Corvette. I thought, "My gosh.
Everybody calls him 'Doctor, '
and he's not really a doctor."
Oh, my God.
"If only I got out of here okay."
But then after everything was all finished...
...they gave me a candy bar.
I thought, "This is what I get?
A candy bar?"
This is what you do. You go through
a thing and get chocolate out of it.
Getting to work with incredible professionals
who use incredibly wonderful equipment...
Let's take a look at that mouth.
Say, "Aah!"
Aah, candy bar!
Ohh! Candy bar! Candy bar!
Oh, that's great. Come on!
Gosh! Oh, God. Do it again.
Oh, God, doctor. Whoo!
Yeah, aw, great!
Oh, you are something special.
You are something special!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Mm, aw, oh!
Thank you!
Yeah, thank you!
Oh, my God.
It's your professionalism that I respect.
Oh, God! Don't stop, doc! Don't stop!
Come on! More!
Yeah! Yeah, come on! Yeah!
What do you want? Say, "Please!"
Ah, ah, ah.
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Great! Oh!
I'm gonna get a candy bar!
I'm gonna get a candy bar!
Come on! Come on.
Oh, yeah! Yeah, oh!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yes!
Yes! Yeah.
- Get out.
- What's wrong?
Get out of here.
What's the matter?
Go on! Get out of here!
Right this way.
I'm gonna tell each and every one
of my friends about you...
...and they're gonna...
- Just get...
- What's this?
- Oops.
Ha-ha-ha! Sorry.
Goddamn sicko.
Let me ask you something.
Does this thing scare you?
- Yes.
- Would you like if I took this thing...
...and made straight
for your goddamn incisors?
- No.
- It'd hurt, right?
- Mm-hm.
- You'd scream, right?
- Mm-hm.
- Well get your ass in here!
- Say, don't I know you?
- Seymour Krelborn. We met yesterday.
Oh, your mouth's a mess, kid.
That wisdom tooth.
We'll just rip that bugger right out of there.
- What do you say?
- No!
There's always time for dental hygiene, Seymour.
You ever seen the results of a neglected mouth?
Look, Seymour.
- This could happen to you.
- Uh...
- Unless I take immediate action.
- What's that?
- A drill.
- It's rusty.
It's an antique.
They don't make them like this anymore.
Sturdy, heavy...
I'm gonna want some gas for this.
Thank God. I thought you wouldn't use any.
Oh, the gas isn't for you, Seymour.
It's for me.
You see, I want to really enjoy this.
In fact, I'm gonna use my special gas mask.
I find a little giggle gas before
I begin increases my pleasure enormously.
Here we go!
Oh, Seymour, I'm flying!
The things I'm gonna do to that mouth!
Huh? What the hell is that?
A gun? Ha-ha-ha!
The kid's got a goddamn revolver!
Oh, Jesus, ha, ha! I'm in trouble now, huh?
Wait until I turn this gas off.
Aw, give me a hand, would you? Ha, ha.
No, I guess you wouldn't, would you?
You see, Seymour, I could asphyx...
What'd I ever do to you?
Nothing. It's what you did to her.
Her who?
Oh, her.
Shh! Go away.
Ooh! Chop it up.
- What?
- Feed me!
Okay, okay.
Oh, brother.
Audrey, what'd they say to you?
Uh, who?
- The police.
- Oh, uh, nothing.
Audrey, talk to me. Tell me what they said.
It's Orin. They say he's disappeared!
- The police, they told you that?
- They suspect foul play.
They do?
His receptionist, this morning
she found the place a shambles.
Gas masks everywhere.
Things all over the floor.
They think...
I can't even think about what they think.
Don't cry, Audrey.
Would it be so terrible
if something had happened to him?
Seymour, what a thing to say!
Well, would it?
It wouldn't be terrible at all.
It'd be a miracle.
Not to mention all the money I'd save
on Epsom salts and ACE bandages.
You see?
But I'd still feel guilty. I mean...
If he met with foul play
or some terrible accident of some kind...'d be partly my fault just because...
...secretly I wished it.
Audrey, don't you waste another minute
thinking about that creep!
There's a lot of guys that'd give anything
to go out with you.
Nice guys.
I don't deserve a nice guy, Seymour.
- That's not true.
- You don't know the half of it!
I've led a terrible life.
I deserved a creep like Orin Scrivello, D.D.S.
You know where I met him?
In the Gutter.
The gutter?
The Gutter. It's a nightspot.
I worked there on my nights off
when we weren't making much money.
I'd put on... and tasteless outfits,
not nice ones like this.
Low and nasty apparel.
Audrey, that's all behind you now.
You got nothing to be ashamed of.
You're a very nice person.
I always knew you were.
Underneath the bruises and the handcuffs,
you know what I saw?
A girl I respected.
I still do.
Lift up your head
Wash off your mascara
Here, take my Kleenex
Wipe that lipstick away
Show me your face
Clean as the morning
I know things were bad
But now they're okay
Suddenly Seymour
Is standing beside you
You don't need no makeup
Don't have to pretend
Suddenly Seymour
Is here to provide you
Sweet understanding
- Seymour's your friend
- Nobody ever
Treated me kindly
Daddy left early
Mama was poor
I'd meet a man
And I'd follow him blindly
He'd snap his fingers
Me, I'd say "sure"
Suddenly Seymour
Is standing beside me
He don't give me orders
He don't condescend
Suddenly Seymour
Is here to provide me
Sweet understanding
- Seymour's my friend
- Tell me this feeling
Lasts 'til forever
Tell me the bad times
Are clean washed away
Please understand that
It's still strange and frightenin'
For losers like I've been
It's so hard to say
- Suddenly Seymour
- Suddenly Seymour
- He purified me
- He purified you
- Suddenly Seymour
- Suddenly Seymour
- Showed me I can
- Yes you can
Learn how to be more
- The girl that's inside me
- The girl that's inside you
- With sweet understanding
- With sweet understanding
With sweet understanding
Seymour's your
You love her madly, don't you, schmuck?
Mr. Mushnik, you scared me. I...
I scared him?
After what I've seen, I scared him?
Do you think I didn't know, huh?
Oh, I knew.
I knew you lay down here
on your pathetic little cot...
...and dreamed about her.
But I didn't know the lengths
to which you'd go...
...the depths to which you'd sink!
What depths? What sink?
What are you talking about?
Little red dots all over the linoleum.
Little red spots on the concrete outside.
I'm talking blood, Krelborn.
I'm talking under my own roof.
An axe murderer!
He's got your number now
I saw everything.
He knows just what you've done
Everything you did to her boyfriend.
You've got no place to hide
I saw you chopping him.
You've got nowhere to run
It's true. I chopped him up,
but I didn't kill him!
He knows your life of crime
Tell it to the police.
I think it's suppertime
Hoo, hoo, whoo
Come on, come on
Think about all those offers
Come on, come on
Your future with Audrey
Come on, come on
Ain't no time to turn squeamish
C-C-C-Come on!
I swear on all my spores
When he's gone the world will be yours
Yeah, yeah
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
It's suppertime
You know, Krelborn, it kills me doing this.
But considering you're almost like a son
to me, I'm thinking...
...maybe we don't have to go to the police.
- We don't?
- I'm thinking...
...what if I kept my mouth shut
and gave you a one-way ticket out of town?
You'd do that, sir?
You could lay low for a while, say 30, 40 years.
Meanwhile, I would keep the plant.
- The plant?
- Of course...'d have to teach me
how to take care of it while you're away.
Give me your secret gardening tips.
But then, if you'd rather hang...
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
What do I have to do?
Just feed it.
Just feed it what?
It's suppertime
- Minerals.
- Yes.
Thursdays, you should give it water.
Oh, yes.
Come on, come on
It's suppertime
- But whatever you do...
- Yes?
It's suppertime
- Whatever you do...
- Yeah?
- What the hell is?
- Sir?
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Aah! Oh, wait! Aah!
Seymour Krelborn!
Finally, we meet! What an occasion!
Let's toast it. Up yours.
- Canap?
- Cigarette?
Let's talk turkey. Sign here.
We'll book you on lecturing tours.
Yes, darling.
We're sending photographers Thursday.
So get the plant ready and wear a clean shirt.
- Just sign this release.
- Need a pen?
Aren't you thrilled?
It's the cover of LIFE magazine!
- Dessert?
- I tell you, son, it's a cinch to get ratings.
- The title is Marvin's.
- The concept is mine.
The first weekly gardening show on a network!
- And you're gonna host it, you lucky kid.
- Sign!
They say the meek shall inherit
You know the book doesn't lie
It's not a question of merit
It's not demand and supply
They say the meek gonna get it
You know the meek are gonna get
What's comin' to them
By and by
Oh, my God!
And here he is himself,
Mr. Seymour Krelborn!
Mr. Krelborn, there are so many questions...
...the American people
in our television audience have for you.
Come and tell our viewers
at home and elsewhere...
...about this particularly amazing
agricultural phenomenon.
A phenomenon, I might add, that has made you... of the most talked-about
plant scientists in the country...
What the hell? What happened
to the goddamned greenery?
- It just needs to be fed.
- So feed it.
I can't feed it. Not now.
I'll feed it.
Where do you keep the plant food?
It doesn't eat plant food.
And I can't feed it now.
Why don't you leave me alone? All of you.
Just go away. Leave me alone.
Get out of here.
Go away. Leave me alone!
- Everybody go away! Leave me alone!
- Seymour!
You're hysterical.
I know. I'm sorry.
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
I never should've started, but I did.
Now, if I don't feed it, it'll die.
And I'll lose her, I'll lose everything.
- Seymour? Who are you talking to?
- Oh. Huh?
You're acting funny.
It wasn't nice throwing those people out.
Those men said
Seymour Krelborn's Gardening Tips... sure to be a very big TV show.
- I know. I'm sorry. I feel terrible.
- Well, you shouldn't.
They're coming back tomorrow
and they're bringing you a great big check.
They are?
I wish you were enjoying your success.
They said they're coming back with money?
Then we could afford
to get out of here, couldn't we?
Uh, what do you mean?
That's it. After tomorrow
we could leave here together.
If you'll have me.
Audrey, will you have me?
Uh, what do you mean?
Marry me, Audrey.
- Oh, Seymour, this is so sudden.
- Will you?
Then that's it!
We'll go get married right now.
- Oh, Seymour!
- Tomorrow we'll come back...
...I'll be on television, get the money
and then we'll live happy ever after.
Oh, Audrey, I'll give you a wonderful life
with no plants, I promise.
- No plants at all.
- You're talking peculiar again, Seymour.
We'll start tonight,
we'll go to City Hall, get married...
...and then spend the night somewhere
it's safe. Some nice hotel.
- Oh, Seymour.
- Oh, Audrey.
Oh, I've got to get ready! Heh!
Hurry. Hurry.
Feed me.
- Under no circumstances.
- Feed me.
I will not, so stop asking.
Feed me!
No! No more!
I can't take living with the guilt.
Tough titty.
- Watch your language.
- Aw, cut the crap. Bring on the meat.
Okay, okay.
I'll bring you meat. I'll run down to the corner,
pick you up some ground round.
- How about that?
- Don't do me no favors!
- Look.
- Hmm?
It's my last offer. Yes or no?
You sure do drive a hard bargain.
Done. Fine. Great.
Don't think you're getting dessert.
Hey, little lady, hello
Who...? Who is this?
You're looking cute as can be
Is this someone I know?
You're looking mighty sweet
No, it ain't Seymour. Ha, ha, it's me!
Oh, my God!
I don't believe it.
Believe it, baby. It talks.
Am I dreaming this?
No, and you ain't in Kansas, neither.
Something is very wrong here.
I need me some water in the worst way.
Look at my branches.
I'm drying up. I'm a goner, honey!
Come on and give me a drink
I don't know if I should.
Hey, little lady, be nice
Do you talk to Seymour like this?
Sure do I'll drink it straight
Your leaves are dry, poor thing.
Don't need no glass or no ice
Uh, I'll get the can.
Don't need no twist of lime
Here we go.
And now it's suppertime!
Ah, ha-ha-ha.
Oh, relax, doll, and it'll be easier.
Come join your dentist friend and Mushnik,
ha, ha.
- Aah!
- They're right inside. Ha-ha-ha!
Get off of her! Get off!
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
Don't die, Audrey. Please don't die.
You know, the plant just said
the strangest thing just now.
It said Orin and Mr. Mushnik...
...are already inside.
It's true.
I did it.
I fed them to it.
And that's what made it so big and strong...
...and you so famous?
I've done terrible things, Audrey.
- But not to you. Never to you.
- But...
I want you to, Seymour.
When I die, which should be very shortly...
...give me to the plant.
So that it will live, and bring you
all the wonderful things you deserve.
- You don't know what you're saying.
- But I do.
It's the one gift I can give you.
And if I'm in the plant...
...then I am part of the plant.
So in a way...
...we'll always be together.
You'll wash my tender leaves
You'll smell my sweet perfume
You'll water me and care for me
You'll see me bud and bloom
I'm feeling strangely happy now
Contented and serene
Oh, don't you see
Finally I'll be
Hey! Watch it!
Mr. Krelborn.
Uh, Mr. Krelborn?
Patrick Martin.
International Licensing and Marketing.
I wanna show you something.
- I'm not interested.
- Ah, but you will be.
I took the liberty of taking a cutting
from that amazing plant of yours.
And look what grew in just a couple of days.
The Design boys did the packaging.
Cute, huh?
Get the idea?
My firm is willing to pay you a reasonable
amount to take leaf cuttings...
...develop little Audrey Ils...
...sell them in florist shops, supermarkets.
Across the nation.
Pretty soon,
every household in America will have one.
Imagine it, boy.
We could make a fortune.
Little Audrey Ils, everywhere.
This could be bigger than Hula-Hoops.
What do you say, Mr. Krelborn?
Mr. Krelborn.
Hey! We don't have to deal with you,
you know!
A goddamn vegetable's public domain!
You ask our lawyers!
Every household in America. That's
what you had in mind all along, isn't it?
No shit, Sherlock.
We're not talking about one hungry plant here.
We're talking about world conquest.
And I wanna thank you.
You ate the only thing I ever loved.
You're a monster, and so am I.
It's gotta end. It's gonna stop right here.
Better wait a minute
Uh, you better hold the phone
Better mind your manners
Better change your tone
Don't you threaten me, son
You got a lot of gall
We're gonna do things my way
Or we won't do things at all
You in trouble now.
Baby, yeah.
You don't know
What you're messing with
Uh, you got no idea
You don't know what you're looking at
When you're looking here
You don't know what you're up against
No, no way, no how
You don't know
What you're messing with
But I'm gonna tell you now
Get this straight
I'm just a mean green mother
From outer space and I'm bad
Mean, green, bad
I'm just a mean green mother
From outer space
And it looks like you've been had
I'm just a mean green mother
From outer space
So get off my back
And get out my face
'Cause I'm mean and green
And I am bad
I'm bad
Wanna save your skin, boy?
You wanna save your hide?
You wanna see tomorrow?
Ha, ha
You better step aside
Better take a tip, boy
Want some good advice?
You better take it easy
'Cause you're walking on thin ice
You don't know
What you're dealing with
No, you never did
You don't know what you're looking at
But that's tough titty, kid
The lion don't sleep tonight
And if you pull his tail, he roars
You say that ain't fair
You say that ain't nice
You know what I say? Up yours
Ow! Watch me now
I'm just a mean green mother
From outer space and I'm bad
Mean, green, bad
I'm just a mean green mother
A real disgrace
And you've got me fighting mad
I'm just a mean green mother
From outer space
Gonna trash your ass
Gonna rock this place
I'm mean and green
And I am bad
You know I don't come
From no black lagoon
I'm from past the stars
And beyond the moon
You can keep the Thing
Keep the It
Keep the Creature
They don't mean shit
I got killer buds, a power stem
Nasty thorns and I'm using them
So better move it out, nature calls
You got the point?
I'm gonna bust your balls
Here it comes
I'm mean and green
Mean green mother from outer space
I'm mean and green
Mean green mother from outer space
I'm mean and green
And I
Subsequent to the events
You have just witnessed
Similar events in cities across America
Events which bore
A striking resemblance
To the ones you have just seen
Began occurring
Subsequent to the events
You have just witnessed
Unsuspecting jerks
From Maine to California
Made the acquaintance
Of a new breed of flytrap
And got sweet-talked
Into feeding it blood
Thus the plants worked
Their terrible will
Finding jerks
Who would feed them their fill
And the plants proceeded to grow
And grow
And began what they came here to do
Which was essentially to
Eat Cleveland
And Des Moines
And Peoria
And New York
And where you live
They may offer you fortune and fame
Love and money and instant acclaim
But whatever they offer you
Don't feed the plants
They may offer you lots of cheap thrills
Dates and discos in Beverly Hills
But whatever they offer you
Don't feed the plants
Look out, here comes Audrey II
Look out, here I come for you
I come for you
Oh, my God!
Yeah! Ha-ha-ha.
Hold your hat
And hang on to your soul
Something's coming
To eat the world whole
If we fight it
We've still got a chance
But whatever they offer you
Though they're slopping the trough
For you
Please whatever they offer you
Don't feed the plants