Loathe Thy Neighbor (2025) Movie Script
1
I want to
disappear like the sun and the evening
Like the spider on my ceiling.
Like the words that I'm reading.
I watch you disappear
like you lost all feelings
Like you forgot the meaning.
Like you have just stopped breathing.
And I'm scared
for you to lose it all.
I do't know where to hold you anymore.
I don't know where to hold you anymore
And I'm scared
for you to lose it all.
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I watch you fall apart
like a shirt ripped open.
Like a word that's floating.
Like a flower stopped growing.
And watch you fall apart
like a glass that's broken.
Like the end is spoken.
Like you can't stop smoking.
And I'm scared
for you to lose it all.
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I'm going
before
the morning sun
trying to get out
as fast as I can.
'm going where the valleys
they have no end
I'm leaving all my worries
behind.
Hey, I'm your new neighbor Will.
Larkfield.
You gonna pollinate the plants?
What?
You look like a fucking bumble bee.
Okay. Umm.
Did you happen to get a package for me
delivered to you house by any chance?
It's small. It's an EpiPen.
- Nope. - Wow.
That's a massive pumpkin.
Do't touch that.
It's an Atlantic Giant.
Took me four months to grow this baby.
I'm going to win $5,000
at the pumpkin weigh off.
I don't need your greasy fingers on it.
Hey, hey. I might be allergic.
To pumpkin?
Figures, yo'd have a
weak ass immune system.
I meant the bees. I'm
not allergic to pumpkin.
I am allergic to peanuts, tree nuts,
dairy, shellfish, soy, gluten, latex.
Oh, and dust mites.
So I should probably play
it safe around the bees.
Although, I've never
actually been stung by one.
So.
There's wasp around here.
Big ones.
So you might want to stay inside.
Be better for both of us.
Okay, well, if you happen
to see my package,
could you please let me know?
It could potentially save my life.
Nice to meet you.
Come on.
Don't go in that yard.
Stay out of that yard.
Morning, beauties.
I's going to be a good day.
What the fuck?
Time to whack, ladies.
Ok, well I don't have it. I even
checked with my neighbor.
How much would it be
to overnight another one?
My doctor said I should carry it with me
at all times.
I'm sorry, Mr. Larkfield.
With the current shortages,
we're only able to send
up one per customer.
Right. I don't even have the one
per customer you're referring to.
You have to contact the post office.
We cannot help you.
Okay. Thanks.
For nothing.
Shit, there he is.
How you doing, chief? You settling in?
Joe.
Yeah. Hi. Uh.
I thought you were in my mail,
package I ordered went rogue.
Yeah, get used to that.
I'm still waiting on my
headlights magazine.
Into cars, huh?
Headlights, Will.
Got it.
You don't read headlights magazine?
I'm not big into,
magazines.
Oh, shit.
Flipping through that
was like a rite of passage
for me and your dad.
Hey, look about that, Will.
Sorry I didn't talk to
your more at the funeral.
I was, umm
Yeah.
Strongest man in the room.
Oh. You're dad. Me?
We fucking ran this place.
This town.
And then he's the only schmuck
to ever get out of this place.
Make something of himself.
And that was just brutal.
The way that ended.
His career.
Yeah, he was a great guy.
Great guy.
And he did fucking great
renovations around here.
Yeah.
I haven't been up here in
ages. It's completely different.
So, listen, did you get the
bank transfer for this week?
I did, I did.
Thank you. And if you could just
shoot me another hundo, that'd be sweet.
The weed whacker went out on us,
and I don't want to bleed your inheritan
dry, but shit breaks around here.
This is my inheritance.
I'm paying you out of pocket.
Oh.
Okay.
Kind of figured the,
the old man would have left a
little something to pay old Joe.
No, he donated it all to some
sports concussion charity.
I guess he knew exactly
what I would do with this place
when he wrote it in the will.
Okay.
Fuck it.
If you gotta sell this place.
I'll be fine.
I always am,
but for now, it won't take care of itsel
Right.
The downstairs toilet's also broken.
Okay, so I usually hire someone for that
but umm,
since Daddy Warbucks left no bucks.
I got you.
Nice.
Okay.
Hey, here she is.
Daphne.
Ohh.
What you got for daddy, Daphne?
You know I hate it when
you call yourself daddy, Joe.
Fuck is this?
This doesn't look like my magazines.
Oh, aren't you a smarty?
Open it up, maybe there's
a bunch of magazines.
Is that what you're looking for?
You're killing me, Daph.
No, this is way too big.
Hey,
wait.
Did you deliver a
different package earlier?
A small one.
Average sized packages
are perfectly acceptable.
I need to find it.
It's an EpiPen from an online pharmacy.
Ooh, fancy.
You got sexy little allergies or somethi
Lots.
That sounds nutty.
Are you allergic to
oils?
Tree nuts?
LaTeX?
I have a lot of allergies.
Cool.
Look, this is not a joke.
I can't go without it.
And there's a shortage.
Okay, do't be an itchy bitchy
spider up my big Ole water spout.
I'm sure it's fine.
But if it's not, which I'm sure that it
you can always just,
you know,
make a report with the missing package
department or whatever or whatever.
Or whatever?
I mean, it's not lost. It's fine.
I have a perfect track record.
I'm five for five.
Five for five?
Mm-hmm
Actually, scratch that.
Make it six for six.
That's my famous package number six.
Have a nice day.
We do't know anything.
And our minds are filled
with silly dreams.
Kyle, my coffee's cold.
Hey Vince.
Hi, wow. Will, okay.
Hope you're all settled in the farm.
Yep. A few hiccups so far, but.
Yeah, well, you know,
I prefer you in office.
But I respect the company
policy of compassionate leave, so.
Yeah, I'm working.
I'm working remotely, but I'm still
working Vince, and I'm no longer on leav
Yeah, well, le's hope.
Now down to brass tacks.
You received the umbrella.
I did, it's just outside.
I was setting it up, you
know, get a good feel for it.
Okay, great. Now we need the
marketing assets by this Friday.
Has to go to print so I
can get the new packaging.
Friday?
Uh, It's Tuesday, Vince. It
doesn't give me very much time.
No no no no,
I don't want your problems, I
want to hear solutions, all right?
The clients. That's the deadline. We don
Okay, you will have it by EOD Friday.
End of day.
End the day doesn't
work, we have to have it
first thing in the morning. So the
client can get through approvals
Will. Will, you there?
- Hello? - Will, you're frozen.
Fuck.
Hey, Vince.
This a good idea, you moving out
wherever the fuck this is?
Okay, yup. Yo're right, Vince.
You will have it by, first thing Friday.
Look out and see.
Darling growing so much love.
Hey.
There are bulls out there, you know?
Huh?
They charge when they see red.
You gunning to get maimed?
No, I'm writing about this for a client.
Like they give a shit.
Yeah great. I'll wear my
matador outfit next time.
You yuppies are all the same.
You just think you know everything.
Excuse me. Yuppie?
Is that supposed to be what,
an insult?
Don't get me started.
I'll roast you like a holiday ham.
All right. What is this?
Are you mad that I'm living next door?
Because it won't be for long.
Good.
Take Farmer Joe with you when you go.
Maybe I'll get some goddamn
peace and quiet around here.
Let's go.
Look, let's start over.
I don't even know your name.
Seriously?
You're not even going to give me your na
You accused me of stealing your package.
And, you think I'm going
to give you my name?
I don't know you from a jar of germ meal
You probably report me to the cops.
The last thing 'd do is
give you my fucking name.
Well, that certainly sounds
like a guilty admission of theft.
Goddamn it.
It's eight bucks a jar.
Sorry, alright. I'm not
trying to be a problem.
I don't really think you stole my packag
I just thought maybe you
thought it was for you by mistake.
So I asked.
Which suggests I'm dumb.
I can read.
And why on earth would I
want your shitty package?
How about a peace
offering, Basil? Do you cook?
Can make a nice marinara sauce.
Don't patronize me.
You think those herbs are
going to make us friends, dipshit?
Friends?
I don't want to be a friend, you old tro
I wouldn't take a dump
in your pathetic excuse of an herb garde
I'm not fucking around, okay?
I can die without my EpiPen.
Come on.
See you, yuppie.
Can I help you?
Hi.
Who are you?
'm your new neighbor, Will.
Oh.
Okay. Yeah.
Uhh. I'm Val,
and I was never here.
So I guess you haven't seen my package.
Is that how you greet
every new girl you meet?
Sorry, I meant, a lost package. A delive
Should have been here by now.
I thought there was a bee.
I tend to be allergic to everything.
The're not going to sting
you out of nowhere, silly.
Really?
Yah, really.
Unless you fuck with them.
So is your mom a honey farmer?
You could call her that, I guess.
Bee wrangler?
No, I meant call her my mom.
I don't even know her name.
It's Wanda.
But I'd steer clear of her.
She's a misanthrope of epic proportions.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I already figured that out.
Adorable and smart.
Well, city boy, I got to go
see a man about a horse.
You're buying a horse?
No.
But I wish I was selling one.
Anyway. Gotta hustle.
Yeah yeah. Don't let me keep you. 'll, u
see you around?
Yeah okay.
Hey, how did you know I was from the cit
Please.
We don't get hot guys like you around he
I'm gonna kill you, baby.
With my paintings on.
I'm gonna milk you, honey.
For the things that I want.
Gonna love you funny.
I'm gonna love you funny.
Joe, you really didn't have to
go to the trouble of making all this
I's country hospitality, Will.
Plus, there isn't shit to do around here
I'm kidding.
There's a great bikini
bar, like, 25 miles west.
Good beer on draft.
And they do a legs and
eggs brunch on Sundays,
If you want to join me.
Legs and eggs, huh?
'm not much of a bikini bar kind of guy.
But, thank you for the offer.
Oh. You betcha.
That Wanda women is um
bizarre.
Wanda's gonna Wanda.
She's, uh...
Anyways. Wanda and I get along just fine
although, there was one time where
she gave me shit cause she thought
one of our cows knocked down
her fence and shit in her yard.
One of our cows?
Yeah.
Thing is, it wasn't even cow shit, Will.
It was elk shit.
See the difference
between elk shit and cow shit
if you really get in there
Joe, 'm
w're eating.
Fine.
I will not tell you how I know the
difference between elk and cow shit.
Your loss.
Anyways, before I worked here,
I heard,
that her husband took
her for everything she had.
And then she threatened to
chop his pecker off with a machete.
Oh, yeah.
And the townspeople don't think much for
I don't think her honey business is
really having any luck staying afloat.
Doesn't seem like Valerie
likes her much either.
Who the fuck is Valerie?
Her daughter.
Oh, mousy little brunette
with that sort of hippie vibe
that just keeps to herself.
Although.
No Earl.
Yeah, he says she's real firecrackers.
Always dropping and trying to
sell them shit at his pawn shop.
Oh, yeah. She's a firecracker, alright.
Sh's flirtin with me. I think.
Well, look at that
day Goddamn one.
And the chicks are already
chasing after you, brother.
I don't have the bandwidth
for a relationship right now.
Trust me.
That I can relate to.
Okay.
Real talk.
I decided to download a
dating app on my phone.
Uh-oh.
Right, so I matched with this chick.
Way the fuck out in Green County.
I do not mind this.
I get there, she opens
the screen door, comes out
with a hog on a leash.
A hog?
Like a like an actual pig?
Listen, Will. Not a pig.
A hog.
125 pound hog.
This thing out a fucking
belly like a bag of bread batter.
And I got lifted into the
back of my pickup truck,
and she calls it her
emotional support companion.
- Jesus - Wait it gets better,
we get out to the drive in for our date,
and the guy at the ticket booth
charges me one extra for the hog.
- No. - Fucking thing
Eats six buckets of popcorn.
I practically went broke on this date.
I need an emotional support hog myself.
Oh, no, you do not, Will.
No, you do not.
I damn near threw out my back.
Fuck!
This bed sucks.
What the fuck was that?
What the fuck?
Okay, okay.
Hello?
Wanda?
Is that you?
How do you know my name?
Valerie told me.
What the hell is going on?
Damn animals.
They get in my garden
and eat all my vegetables.
So you shoot them?
Well, look, Wanda, I
don't want any trouble.
You woke me out of a dead sleep.
You know, you should be more careful
skulking around my yard
in the dark when I'm about to
blast the head off a mangy raccoon.
You are absolutely right.
Terrible idea. Awful of me.
I mean, who could blame me
if I accidentally blasted
the head of a punk
I thought was breaking and entering?
I won't fight you on that. Not one iota.
Thank you for the protection.
Ha.
Oh, boy.
You are so easy to scare.
You're holding a shotgun.
Oh, please.
You think I'm going to ruin my
life shooting you of all people?
It's not even worth the
cost of a shotgun shell.
My God.
Go to bed.
What the fuck is she out of her mind?
Wanda, I'm calling the police.
Call them.
They're not going to
do a damn thing about it.
I'll get you.
Snake tac toe.
Nope.
Is this for real?
Someone better be dead.
Hello. Is this the police?
No, it's the tooth fairy.
- Huh? - Yes, it's the police.
This is Officer Norwood. Who's this?
Wh's this?
This Will Larkfield at 480, Elle road.
I would like to file a
serious noise complaint.
Ooh... a serious noise complaint.
As opposed to what? A superficial one?
Listen, my insane neighbors just
woke me up out of a dead sleep
to slaughter nocturnal animals
she feels are threatening
her precious veggie garden.
So what's the problem?
What is the problem? Problem
is, I have to work tomorrow
and she is clearly breaking
noise ordinance laws.
Not to mention probably
breaking animal rights laws too.
Animal rights?
Are you one of those Peta freaks?
No, I'm just a man trying to sleep.
Okay.
Let me guess, Is it, Wanda, Belarose?
Yes.
All right,
I tell you what,
I'll come down there and I'll have a
chat with her tomorrow in the morning, o
Thank you.
But just know it's my day off, okay?
Okay?
Cops don't get a lot of days off,
and it's my day off.
Fuck.
Fucking hell.
Charlie, we got a date.
W're needed tomorrow.
Alright?
You up for it?
Shit.
Will, it's Doctor Nelson.
Unless you'd rather communicate
your feelings to a barn animal.
Go ahead, check your email.
There's a link to reschedule
and pay the no show fee.
In the meantime, keep journaling.
It helps.
Fuck.
What do you want?
Got to talk to you for a minute, Wanda.
That deplorable excuse
for a man give you a call?
Yeah, is that Larkfiel's son?
Seems a bit daffy.
Yeah, must run in the family.
Moved here a couple of days ago,
and he's already ruining my damn life.
I know, and look, I know
that you're in the right
protecting your property from whatever
you feel like it needs protecting from.
But we do have noise
ordinances, even out here in Bern.
Since when?
Since.
You know what? I don't know when.
I looked it up today, to be
honest, I was a little surprised.
But if we got him, you
know, I got to enforce it.
I'm just doing my job here.
Alright. Even though there is
fuck all to do around this town,
I know you can do can rough them up a bi
For what?
For harassing his damn neighbor.
That's for what.
You know what? That
might be a little bit fun.
I might like that.
It be nice to see him cry.
Maybe piss himself.
Yeah.
You know, you get
it on tape, you post it.
Handcuffs.
Slap em around.
Yeah.
He is a pain in my ass.
Citiot.
I just call em cunts.
But citiots. It's a little more clever.
Oh, man.
Look, I
got to ask you,
did you just put up a
scarecrow or something?
A scarecrow?
Yeah. Just fuck with that guy.
You know, he's one of those city bozos
that's going to put his house up for sal
As soon as he sees
what winters like up here.
- Yeah. - All right.
I can't have people disturbing me
while I'm having my beauty sleep.
Well, if it doesn't, keep out the coons
and the skunks and I'm going
right back to heavy artillery.
Good. And I will back you up.
You call me. Say, Ruth,
back up, and I'll be here.
Ready to go.
Bang. Bang bang raccoon bang.
Okay, bring your joint with you.
Raccoon bang?
Sounds gnarly.
Yeah. You use it for target practice.
Another day, another dollar.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
Drop my badge.
Officer Norwood. It's Will Larkfeild.
I called you last night.
Are you smoking weed?
Yeah. It's legal. Will.
Maybe you should try some.
It'll mellow you out a bit.
Where'd you come in from?
Boca Raton?
Some silky pajamas that you got there.
Look, I spoke to your friend.
We came to an arrangement
that's going to work for the both of us.
Both of us? What do you mean?
So that you're not calling
at all hours of the night,
waking me up to complain about her.
Next time you got some sort of emergency
call the fire department.
Well, look at you.
Thinking of starting your own nudie mag.
No, I'd rather retire.
Don't tell me you're one of those vampir
who sleeps better with the city noise.
No, Wanda kept me up all night last nigh
Shooting wild animals,
beating the cats with a broom.
Sh's a fucking basket case.
Take these.
Noise canceling. Bluetooth.
Beep beep.
Red delicious umbrella shade in style.
Ready for summer with a red patio umbrel
Whittle has a spectacular.
Whittle has a delightful fucking umbrell
We make love in the morning.
It carries us into the afternoon.
Bring some love into the evening.
And so we can share it with the boom.
Late at night we take it easy.
Easy.
But that doesn't mean we're done.
Done, done, done.
We gotta make a little more love.
More love.
So we can share it with the sun.
Share it with the sun.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Da da.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Da da.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Plant intentions in the springtime.
And then you water them with love.
Then sleep all through the summer.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
She's got a shotgun.
She's probably shot
this and put it in my pool.
I wouldn't put that past
her, but it's still ai't worth it.
Looking for your score in
the wet T-shirt contest?
Looks like you need a
woman to take care of you.
No, I need rest and relaxation.
Suit yourself.
Look, I'm being a total dick.
Can I make you lunch?
As long as you're not cooking
up your little friend here.
I can do slightly better.
How about a tuna fish
sandwich on gluten free bread?
My favorite.
Okay. I'll,
dry off.
Come in.
Hey.
Hi.
Nice pad.
Thanks.
Is it, Christmas year round?
Oh, yeah. I got to take that down.
I hope you like it.
I used vegan mayo.
Tastes fine.
I love this hair. It's very, um
early 2000s front man.
I's cause, I haven't showered in two day
Hot shower is the only
reason I'm ever around here.
What do you mean?
I live in a truck.
You live in a truck?
Where?
The old red one on the
other side of the house.
Used to be my dad's work truck.
The less time I'm in the house, the bett
Her and I don't get along.
Doesn't she keep you up
at night with all of her antics?
I never stick around.
I drive to a field and
sleep under the stars.
Sounds kind of sketchy.
Plus, what do you do if it rains?
I always figure it out.
So, what's your five year plan?
Um.
Let's see.
Year one, I get kidnaped by a hot city g
So, what's the rift with
your mom all about?
Don't call her that.
I'm sorry.
She makes motherhood look
like a modern method of torture.
Forget about me. What's your deal?
You, live alone in this place?
I inherited it after my dad died.
How'd he die?
Set himself on fire on a subway platform
Wow.
Holy shit.
He did always like to be
the center of attention.
Is this him?
Yeah, I found out earlier.
I think this is the last photo we took
together before I got really pissed at h
Why?
He was just really unpredictable.
And what about your mom?
Hockey groupie. I never knew her.
Wish I had that look.
Trust me. My therapist has a lot to
say about that hole in my childhood.
Speaking of holes, the
honey badger is leaving soon.
I got to get going.
You want to take this to go?
I can wrap it up for you.
Uh.
No. I will be back later
around eight.
Okay.
What the fuck?
Fucking kidding me.
Fuck.
Scribbles of a philosopher King.
Joe. Don't. Don't touch
that. It probably has germs.
Found it in the skimmer.
Someone must have scooped it out.
I did. It was in the fucking pool.
I swam right into it.
Big fella,
must have drowned.
I woul've flushed it down the toilet
except it's still not working.
I ordered the pipes
for below the house.
Be here any day.
Okay. Thanks.
Hey. Valerie came by for lunch.
Said she might come by again later,
so I was thinking of making her dinner.
Are there any veggies out there?
Well, well, well.
Looks like the bandwidth is opening up.
No, it's just a friendly dinner.
Uh huh.
Friendly dinner.
Okay, look, the zucchini is
practically taken over the garden,
so you want to start there. But uh,
Be careful, Will.
Do you know how to pick zucchini?
No.
Fucker's got these little hairs on them.
They're prickly.
You will want gloves.
Then the chiggers,
are all over the tomatoes.
You would not want them
burrowing under your skin on a date.
Joe. Keep your voice down.
It's not a date.
What the hell are chiggers?
Chiggers.
Chiggers?
Chiggers. They blend with the tomatoes.
I would spray for them, but,
think, we want to keep
things organic around here.
Do you know what I'm saying, Will?
Not really.
Cash would probably fix that tractor.
Hey, do you have any gloves I can borrow
I do.
Thank you.
Ha.
You deliver groceries to?
Someone has to keep you aristocrats fed.
Thanks.
Oh, um.
There is no guarantee
these foods were't processed and facilit
that also processes tree nuts or dairy.
Did they tell you to say that?
No. You did, honey, remember
you said you were really allergic,
and I'm just cover my perfect
ass in case you're litigious.
Oh, Jesus.
That's a lot of vegetables for one perso
Yeah, I suppose it is.
You having a party?
I'm having a dinner guest.
Oh, you got a date?
He's having a party.
- No. - Is it catered?
Catered?
Yah. You know, catered?
Like.
- Can I go now? - No. Umm.
If you do have a need for catering,
my beeper number.
We're a female owned business.
We appreciate your patronage.
Hey, where'd you get those?
These?
Valerie gave them to me for my birthday.
It was a beautiful brunch.
You should have been there.
Oh and, Will.
Don't forget to tip my perfect ass.
Where are your dad's tools?
Bill Pulaski told me he wanted to buy hi
And I could use the
money to go to Outlaw Fest.
Val,
I'm not going to ask you again.
They're not yours to take.
Where did you put them?
I know you're going to try to hock them
like you do everything else around here.
I don't know where they are.
Now, can you leave me alone? I have plan
Yeah,
well, the bathroom's off limits
until you return them.
I can't deal with you and
your bullshit accusations.
- Accusations? - Yeah.
You're a kleptomaniac.
Get the fuck out of the way.
Not until you tell me where the tools ar
I already fucking told you, I don't know
Val, tha's bullshit.
You think I don't know all
the shit you take around here?
You swoop in, kaw,
kaw, kaw, start gathering
up like some demented squirrel crow.
I don't know where the stuff ends up.
If you don't get your ass out of
the way, I'm going to report you
to the health department
for falsifying your food license.
You think I don't know about the
racket you've been running around here?
I do, I know everything, and I'm
not afraid to ruin your life completely.
Now move.
Don't come back here tonight.
Yeah, well, I never do anyway.
And you know, I'd much rather sleep
in a dusty fucking truck bed
than share a roof with you.
Yeah. Fuck you.
Lights out.
Day dream.
TV in the dark on a small screen.
Just burning out my eyes.
Space case.
Codeine.
Syrup in my cup to console me.
It's just how I get by.
To be honest.
Yo're really pretty when you cry.
Dead leads.
Cold case. - Hi.
Dusting off the top of an old page.
I just can't let this die.
No Sun.
Dark age.
Sinking in my couch for the whole day.
It's just how I get by.
What the hell is this now?
Wanda, what on earth are you doing?
Improvising.
Gotta keep my trigger finger happy.
Enjoy the next three hours
of continuously sleep music.
Shit.
Hey, Vince. I'm just
finishing up my third draft.
I just may need a few more hours.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm happy to jump on a call whenev
Yeah, and we can review the new specs.
That'd be great.
Hey.
Still got my tuna sando?
Uh, thanks.
It's cheap and cheerful.
Shoes off.
What's this?
I thought you were coming back last nigh
It was, really loose plan.
Well, I made dinner for you.
I see that.
That's sweet.
I, I didn't end up coming
home after work last night.
I drove north a little,
slept under the stars.
It was pretty epic.
What's this?
That is a vegan, gluten free
snickerdoodle from the coffee shop in to
No nuts. Right?
Unless cinnamon is a nut.
Hey, when you were here yesterday,
do you remember seeing a coin?
No.
It's good, huh?
Ahh, goddamn toilet.
I think I got it all out.
I just called the coffee shop,
and they swore up and down
there were no nuts in their cookies.
But she did say they're made
with cinnamon, rice flour and soy.
Soy, I ca't do soy.
It doesn't kill me. But, it
really fucks up my stomach.
So, do you have a girl back in the city?
No.
Come on?
You're too cute to be single.
- Me? Really? - Yeah.
No, I haven't been in a
relationship in a really long time.
Like how long?
I don't know, like high school.
Can we talk about something else?
I already threw up once.
'm gonna hold your
hand till you hand it over
'm gonna drive you
out like an evil chauffeur.
Gonna love you funny.
Did you say high school?
Yeah.
That can't be right.
I don't know, yeah, like I was.
I've just been busy. I guess.
Are you, like, a priest?
No, I'm not a priest.
- A nun? - No, I don't know what I am.
Are you like, David Bowie
back from the stars?
Just a guy with no
internal compass, I guess.
I gotta say, I'm intrigued by the myster
It's pretty hot.
What?
Do I not do it for you or something?
I mean.
What, like yo're scared of me?
No, I'm not scared of you.
Then what the fuck is it?
Valerie, I don't know, I'm just.
Can I um,
borrow this?
That's my dad's sweatshirt.
I'm freezing.
Sure. As long as you bring it back.
You know, I've been called many
fucking things, but never a thief.
I didn't call you a thief.
You didn't have to.
'm not mad, just angry.
I's easier then some.
Hey! Who left the door open? Valerie.
Val, you here?
Damn, door open.
Okay.
Sweep. It.
Ah, God damn.
I gotta go back.
Okay.
Don't you run on me.
Big Earl will have me for dinner.
He waste his time hunting you down.
Okay.
Wanda.
Wanda.
Oh, my. Gosh.
Shit.
Oh, my God.
Oh look, a package.
Mind your beeswax.
Wh'd you take a gamble?
'll be your casino.
You think 'm a vandal.
Then I'll go back to chico.
Girl, I got the handle.
Not like that pobrecito.
I'll be your casino,
casino, casino, casino.
I'll be your casino.
Just give me a sign.
What's your deal? What's your deal?
Give me a sign.
What's your deal? What's your deal?
Give me a sign.
Congrats, Wanda, I get it.
Dress a scarecrow to
embarrass and insult me.
Ha. You wish.
You think the whole
world revolves around you?
Well, guess what? It doesn't.
Oh, sure. Now you're just projecting.
You're going to deny that's not me?
You know, you're right.
Yuppie on a stick.
I think it looks like first place in the
town's Halloween decoration contest.
For damn sure.
I think I'll enter him.
I think you should take him down,
give him a new outfit or something.
Oh, why?
Don't want your girlfriend to see him?
Girlfriend?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I saw Val leaving your house.
You can't hide shit from me, Willie boy.
You're nuts.
Certifiably insane.
Really? We'll see who's nuts
when she rips your little heart out.
I am done with this.
Shove that scarecrow
up your ass for all I care.
Why do't you take a gamble?
If you only had a brain.
I'll be your casino,
casino, casino, casino.
I'll be your casino.
I'll be your casino,
casino, casino, casino.
Enjoy ten straight hours
continuously sleep music.
I gotcha here tonight.
Keeping us all on time.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Have you seen my yoga mat?
I need to stretch all this moping
around has got me really tense.
Have not seen it.
What was that?
That my friend, is the
bull servicing the heifers.
Like milking them?
Milking them?
Damn. I love how you think. No.
Will.
It is about meat.
So the bull walks down,
fucks them all.
Fucks them all?
And, eventually the calves pop out.
Meat man shows up, takes
them away to stuffen them.
- Stuffing them up? - Stuffing them.
Feeds him for about two
years, then slaughters them
prime grass fed beef.
What?
And you're okay with this?
Oh, this is a sordid
tale of God's divine flesh.
Sounds like the Handmaid's
Tale. Cow version.
What are you doing, Tai chi?
Nope. I'm doing jujitsu.
You ever, dabble in the gentle art?
Can't say I have.
Okay, great.
I got a tournament this weekend.
You can help me.
You're going to come at me.
Let's see.
Think about it like
you got a cigarette and
you're trying to put it
out of my face, okay.
Okay.
Okay, so now I take you down,
and then I put my hooks in,
and I start to attack a rear naked.
Now, you're not going to give me this,
so you're going to attack here. Stop my.
That's what oh baited you?
Gift wrap.
I don't feel much like a gift.
It will,
when you find the patience to surrender.
I don't know if I have
the patience for that.
I barely have the
patience to sit on the couch.
I'm going to stick to yoga.
What the shit's going on here,
buddy? You're tense as fuck.
Yeah, I'm not sleeping.
I have a project do, and I
live next to a deranged lunatic.
All right.
I can't help you with the first two.
I got an idea for number three.
Let's go.
I heard you the first time.
These are for you.
Are those fucking weeds?
Look,
I wanted to apologize for
being a pain in your ass.
Oh, you did, did you?
Hang on a sec.
Take this.
For what?
You want to do something for me?
Beat that rug clean.
I got a lot of other
shit to do around here.
I'm not taking batting
practice out on your rug.
I see.
Then your apology means shit to me.
I'm not your chore boy.
And I've told you I'm
allergic to dust mites.
Oh, for crying out loud.
Get the hell off my porch and
plant those ragweed in your ass,
Okay. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
What in God's green earth is going on he
Well, I brought her flowers
like you suggested, and she wanted
me to beat the rug as an apology.
I said flowers, those are weeds. My guy.
Wanda, it's dead already.
Maybe take a little break.
Oh, look.
His sensei has arrived.
We call it a professor in jujitsu.
Well, why don't both of
you go jump in the lake?
No, no, no, no
this bickering is ridiculous.
You got to find a way to coexist.
Neighbors are supposed to share.
Share eggs. Share sugar.
I can't eat eggs. Of
course you can't. Will.
And what's going on with that scarecrow?
Oh, she claims she built
it to scare off the animals.
Why don't you just shoot them, Wanda?
Jesus! Is everyone fucking
Ralphie Parker around here?
Although, I gotta say, I do
kind of like the fashion choice.
It wasn't a beautiful
day in the neighborhood.
Mr. Rogers here called the cops.
Ruth came out and told me
to build that useless pile of shit.
You called the cops?
That is cold blooded, partner.
Yeah, I called the cops.
I couldn't sleep, Joe.
What is the point of leaving
a noisy city to get less sleep?
Just wear the earmuffs I gave you.
Wanda, easy on the rug.
Shit.
No.
You're my lawyer.
You knew about this, but didn't tell me.
For how long?
Right, but you knew I
wanted to sell this place.
I just needed a way around
the stipulations in the will.
This feels like the answer, no?
All right. Whatever.
Okay, well, I just hand it over to you,
and you just take a look at it ASAP.
All right.
Thank you.
So these are the sleeping quarters, huh?
Fuck. You scared the shit out of me.
Sorry. Are you sleeping here tonight?
No. i's to chilly willy.
What's up?
I wanted to talk about the other day.
All good man.
Water under the bridge.
Don't touch this.
I, I suppose we can talk,
but not here, though. Let's take a drive
Just in case she comes out again.
Why don't you, get
something to cover up, though?
It might get cold.
Yeah, maybe I should get a sweatshirt.
Okay, whatever you'd like.
Okay.
'm gonna love you funny.
Thanks for buying me dinner.
Thought you bought dinner.
We did't pay?
Kidding.
Oh, could you grab the
sleeping bags in the backseat?
- Yeah. - Thanks.
Where are we?
Remember when you asked me where I slept
when the weather sucks.
Right here.
Cool.
What's that?
Took it out of Wand's box.
That's ballsy. Why?
So I could pour it all over your bod.
It's honey infused with weed.
Her secret sauce.
She doesn't have the dough for
Willie Nelson tickets, so I bet she's
selling that box in one
of the town potheads.
Here, try some.
I don't do weed.
What?
I've never done weed.
Seriously?
Come on. You're not going
to make me do this alone.
Yeah, okay, 'll,
I'll try a little.
Well, it's actually pretty good.
You can see my favorite
constellation, Andromeda.
Where?
Right there, the one
shaped like the letter A.
Oh, yeah.
I see you a.
I think.
Fuck ton of stars out there.
I always wanted to be one of those
people who works at the planetarium.
But those red, pointy lasers
pointing out all the constellations like
conductor of the sky.
Why don't you pursue it?
There are no planetariums
in this small town.
What's the point?
Planetarium in the city.
You going to take me there?
I would.
If I go back.
There's always an if.
Can't spell life without I, F.
My dad always said that.
Oh, God.
Don't depress me any
more than I already am.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Just.
Miss my dad.
I miss my dad, too.
But at least you have your mom.
You don't have to fucking do that.
You know, you don't have to
one up me about everything.
I'm not one uping in you. I.
I'm meeting you at your pain.
Meeting me at my pain.
What the fuck does that even mean?
My emotions aren't some lame ass crosswa
I mean, I'm listening.
I'm trying to connect.
Why?
Because our stories are similar.
We have nothing in common.
We are not the same at all.
I think I need to pee.
Shit.
Valerie, I think I peed on myself a litt
Val.
Valerie.
Valerie.
Look at that. See.
Jesus.
It works.
Beats the hell out of that damn scarecro
What the hell are you doing, numb-nuts?
She fucking left me out there.
Well, you're lucky I'm
out of shotgun shells
because you'd be Swiss cheese yuppie.
Stop calling me that.
Oh,
did you piss yourself?
No. I,
I fell in the mud.
Ha ha ha.
Sure looks like you're pissed yourself.
You were probably scared
shitless out there, huh?
No, I was lost, and I fell.
Oh, you were lost, huh?
There's no way she took you far.
Val is lazier than the guy
who drew the Japanese flag.
I had to use my phone
to even get back here.
Okay. Luckily, I got a signal.
Oh, you found a signal?
Shit. You're a regular John Muir.
You must have been way
out there in no man's land.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
There's fucking coyotes
out there. I could've died.
She left me with no
food, no water, no nothing.
Except for a fucking jar.
Jar of what?
Nothing.
Did she take a jar of honey?
God dammit.
I knew I shouldn't have left it outside.
This wasn't for her or for you.
This is for someone else.
Now I have to figure out a way to tell t
that my deranged daughter stole one.
It was actually pretty good.
Except for about 30 minutes
where I was losing my fucking mind.
Oh, you two are like Bonnie and Clyde.
Get off my damn property!
Don't fucking raise your voice
at me on public fucking property!
Yeah! Move it!
Pissy pants.
Come on dammit.
Morning, Vince.
Hi Will. Just patching in Nancy Wittle.
She says she's a little bit
of low hanging fruit for us,
which will be very helpful for the
marketing strategy of our new umbrellas.
Vince, give me one second.
There's someone at my door.
It seems like an emergency.
Oh, hi. Hi, guys.
Hi. Nancy.
You Goddam piece of shit.
Just as I warned you,
this ugly ass umbrella enraged
that bull and it charged
and it destroyed my pumpkin.
I don't know what your
fucking talking about.
Ohh, I am over you.
From here on out, I'm going
to make your life a living hell.
Fuck!
This fucking stupid piece of garbage.
I fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hate this fucking job.
I fucking hate this fucking,
fuck you Vince fucking so badly.
Fuck this umbrella you piece of shit.
Why, why, why, why are you so violent?
It's my baby.
Just one second and I will
get to the bottom of this. I.
Nancy. Nancy!
Yo're fired.
Fuck!
Joe, you in here?
Hey bud. Just back here.
Can I recycle this?
Sure.
Yeah, just chuck it in the corner, w'll,
ditch it tomorrow.
Hey, I saw your little girly in town tod
Who cares?
Trouble in Paradise.
She fucking left me in a barn.
She what now?
She left me in a fucking barn.
Whatever.
Can't believe I'm saying this,
but Wanda's right.
I don't belong here, Joe.
She's made my life complete hell.
And it's only getting worse.
Now, to top it off, I lost my fucking jo
Shit.
Shit. You lost your job? Why?
Long story short,
my boss is a sociopath.
Fuck that guy.
Yeah.
Fuck that guy.
Fuck that guy.
Fuck that guy.
That's right.
He's been dangling a
promotion over my head for years.
Just got to figure out
how to make some money.
Oh, shit. Money?
That's easy, bud.
Nick and me going to
the bikini bar tonight.
Now his girlfriend works as a
bartender, but her sister does this thin
where we take pics of her. She pays us.
She puts them on this app
called fans Base. Whatever.
And then guys pay her.
She pays us.
They pay her. It's fucking brilliant.
I don't want to go to the bikini bar.
I don't want to do whatever
you guys fucking do at bikini bars.
Nick's an amateur photographer.
I just fucking move the
lights around. It's great.
We make a buck and we spend a
little quality time with quality ladies.
And I think you could use that right now
This is all sounding very star 80, Joe.
Star 1000. Dude, it's fucking brilliant.
Have you seen the film
star 80 with Eric Roberts?
No you haven't.
Love Eric Roberts.
It's about a sleazy guy
who forces his girlfriend
to be a Playboy model.
Sleazy. What are you talking about?
No, no, no. Best of the best.
Fucking taekwondo.
Read the fucking room, Joe.
I lost my job.
I lost my dad,
and I'm losing my fucking mind here.
I don't need tits right now.
Get a fucking hobby.
I'm trying to help you out.
I appreciate ladies, they
appreciate me appreciating them.
That's it.
But I do not like the way
you're coming at me right now.
I've told you since day one
I don't want to go to a bikini bar.
Stop inviting me.
Oh, you're not invited.
But I think it's you that needs a hobby.
I read it in the news today.
Your father died.
I didn't find the right
words to say
that's why I lied.
When you called me in January.
Hey, Joe.
You seen a red toolbox around?
No.
Okay.
I need to apologize for
snapping at you yesterday.
Don't sweat it, kid.
I also need to tell you about
an offer I got on the farm.
What kind of offer?
Some company offered to buy the farm
all the land, and even
pay the capital gains tax.
They don't care much about the house.
Said, I can come and go as I
please until I have to get my ass out.
Well, that sounds odd.
Look, I'm sure your job will be fine.
My lawyer said they'll probably be
lots of opportunities coming to the town
What's the company?
Yep. I was worried about this.
What?
They hounded your dad for years.
There was no way he was
going to sell to these bastards.
What do you mean?
Dartmoor is a seed company.
They've always had their
eye on the town of Burns.
They've always wanted this property.
And your dad fought them like hell.
Seed company?
It's literally farmland.
What is the problem?
All they care about is
mass food production.
Okay, that sounds like progress to me.
Progress?
You think all those allergies.
You get our progress?
You think a single seed
blown into a neighboring farm
and them suing them till
they got nothing is progress.
You think your genetics is progress?
You got to watch what you eat, Will.
I eat just fine, Joe.
I don't see you eat anything.
Look, I've noticed around here, okay?
People are struggling to make ends meet.
Like Wanda and her stupid
fucking honey business.
Maybe this will help.
This will be the nail in her coffin, Wil
I do't really care. Joe.
And it's not like she's been
the nicest person to me.
Okay, I'm running out of options.
Clearly.
Look, you do whatever you gotta do, okay
But I will never work for these fuckers.
Well, you told me not to
worry about you, so I'm not.
And you got your soft core porn
business on the side anyways.
Joe takes care of Joe.
But, hey, your scarecrow can take your s
while you go collect your fortune
and forget this place and everyone in it
I'm sorry, Joe.
I really am.
I'm not a bad person.
I don't have bad intentions.
All right. Although my dad
might have said otherwise.
Well he's not here, is he, Will?
Fixed the bathroom.
Started a fire.
Burns my life down.
More and more ashes.
Cover the ground.
All
my
good
thoughts
are
gone.
Oh, shit.
You wanna love me.
Boys bringing me down.
Now you're getting sulky.
Cause you do't know how.
Fire.
My scare crow.
Dammit. Shit
Fuck!
Bruce.
Hello?
Fire!
I can't even. Fuck!
Oh my God!
- Ahh. - Spray it.
Fucking I can't, it's broken.
Oh.
What did you do?
What did you do?
If this spreads in my garden
I'm going to kill you.
Oh, my bees!
What? What do you want me to do about th
You're the one who told me to film it.
Now look at it.
Well, I also told you to
call the fire department.
Hey, everybody settle down. Settle down.
You again?
How many jobs do you have?
This is a volunteer gig.
Ho'd this inferno start?
- His fault. - It's not my fault.
Shoot him.
Got a garden hose?
A garden hose?
Hose before brooms.
You do't need to cry,
honey.
Just because yo're on your own.
Just close your eyes
honey.
Where's the toolbox?
I'm not gonna ask you again. I want it n
Fine. You want your shit?
Here it is.
What do you want?
Ha.
You did steal it.
- What? - My dad's coin.
Yeah, it's just a regular quarter.
It's not worth shit anyway.
But you stole it.
I trusted you.
And you stole my EpiPen.
Why?
I do't know, I thought
it was a regular pen.
You're terrible person, Valerie.
I could have died without this.
You know what?
Whatever.
Fuck, the both of you.
Some kid you got there.
What's that supposed to mean?
You raised her.
Oh, please.
Father ditched her years ago.
She's been fucked up ever since.
Wait. She told me her dad's dead.
What?
She's a compulsive liar, too.
He's not dead.
He works for Dartmoor head of acquisitio
And he's a piece of shit. Always has bee
He doesn't give a rat's ass about her.
It's why she lies and steals.
It's a coping mechanism.
What's his name?
Roland.
Belarose.
You know,
she's been manipulating
you this whole time.
You're a fool.
And you should take it as a
sign to get the fuck out of here.
Huh.
You weren't bullshitting me,
Roland Belarose does work for Dartmoor.
What is that?
This is my ticket out of here.
Since you want me gone so bad.
It's an offer from Dartmoor.
- Let me see it. - No.
Show it to me right now.
I want to see it.
Ahh. Wanda!
Trying, trying to see the light.
Sixteen hours and I feel alright.
Cause, 'm. The Jeff
Gordon of our generation.
I feel like I need a meal.
But I ca't eat a burger
with two hands on the wheel.
Cause, 'm. The Jeff
Gordon of our generation.
How you feeling, big guy?
What happened?
You took on a horde of bees, Bud.
I heard you gave a
good account of yourself,
but they got the K.O. in the end.
I'm really glad you're still with us.
Wanda actually saved your life.
Wanda?
Wanda saved my life?
Bullshit.
Oh, I swear on my pecker, Will.
May the gods strike it down if I'm lying
Alright, that's a tad bit extreme, Joe.
Wanda to push it in her
wheelbarrow all the way to the hospital.
You were there all night?
I just got you a few hours ago.
You're hopped up on antihistamines.
You were talking all
this, lovey-dovey shit.
You tried to kiss me, Will.
I tried to kiss you?
'm not mad. I was actually very flattere
But all jokes aside,
I'm really glad you're okay.
They said you might have actually
been dead for a few seconds, there.
Dead?
I was
dead?
I might actually be in the
presence of a Holy Spirit right now.
Joe.
What was he like?
There's an old song,
i's by Tom waits.
It's called Kentucky Avenue,
and it reminds me the high jinks
I used to get into with your
dad when we were kids.
You know, just
run around town breaking windows
in abandoned buildings and
jumping on train tracks.
All that shit.
And at the end of this
really beautiful story,
you realized that one
of the kids is crippled.
And that his buddy will do
whatever it takes to make him free.
He literally makes wings
out of his wheelchair so he can fly.
He steals tools from his dad,
cut like weird shit off his legs
so he can run free.
No matter how bad anything ever got for
Your dad freed me,
and I tried to do the same for him.
But after the concussions and the
the trauma, you know, his mind.
No matter how hard I tried, there was.
There was nothing anybody could do to
to free him.
And your dad wasn't going to live a life
where he couldn't fly.
Your dad was the best, Will.
He was the best.
Well, I should go home.
Hit the rack.
The rack?
Good man.
Hey, William.
What do you want?
Um.
I came to apologize.
Too late.
Wanda told me about my dad and Dartmoor.
You'll kill all her bees, you know.
I don't really care.
But once I sign this farm away,
you might get what you want.
A reunion.
It's not what I want.
Might not have a choice.
You call the cops on me.
You're a thief, Valerie.
Let's go, let's go.
You're gonna be riding shotgun.
On that?
That's what you're riding out of here.
Don't try any funny shit,
because I'll take us both out.
Let's go. You're on this side.
How? How the.
How the fuck?
Oh! Fucking shit!
- We're going in. - Jesus Christ
How the fuck do you do this?
I steer it.
Hello.
Where'd you get that sweatshirt?
Swung by your house.
Wanted to thank you for saving my life.
You weren't home.
Well, don't get all sappy on me.
You're going to make me regret my decisi
Well, I'm happy you made
the decision that you did.
Whatever. It's no big deal.
I just jammed you in the
leg with your own EpiPen.
Actually, you got me in the left nut.
Wow.
What do you want?
I want to try all your product.
You can keep the change.
What do you care?
Since you sell your farm, my
business is as good as gone.
Whose crops are going to poison my bees?
I would be perfectly fine with that
if I didn't see the potential.
Just take your honey and go.
You had the chance to
destroy this, you know?
You don't get it, do you?
There's little use in going to war
with the devil in the battlefields
already in hell.
What are you, a goddamn little bug?
Just trust me, Wanda.
I finally found something 'm good at.
There they go again.
There they go again.
Thinking the're
alright out on there own.
But, they do't see.
But, they do't see.
That i's together that theyre happy.
Please,
H's almost loaded.
Come back to me
What do you think?
It's not bad.
Not bad? You are crazy.
It's fucking fantastic.
My wheelbarrow is gray.
So the graphic designer
took some creative liberties.
It's a work in progress.
Shit, we're gonna need to hire more peop
if we keep moving product at this rate.
Well, Daphne applied.
So sh'll run deliveries.
Daphne, no. No, no.
I know I'm doing
community service right now,
but I would like to be
hired when this is done.
Well, then quit dilly dallying.
Get your ass moving.
These got to be out by five.
Wanda relax.
Take a page out of my book.
Look at you,
mister cool, calm and
collected. Thank fucking God.
We don't need our chief marketing whatev
Pissing himself in the woods.
That was once.
Pissing himself?
She'll never let me live that down.
All right.
Me and the Bee woman of
Alcatraz gonna run these out.
What do you got?
Swiss cheese for lungs.
If I
come back in the next life
to find that things aren't
all that different than before.
I tried
to have some peace of mind.
Cause after all,
it's hard to be pure.
You know.
And if I
say goodbye at the last life.
I hope your faith will be restored.
Don't hide.
But do your best to
realize that after all
I's hard to be pure.
Take a second to concentrate now.
Don't go away.
Don't go away now.
Get out and into the
world I gotta nice clean suit.
Do't put your fingers on it.
Get out and into the
world I gotta nice clean suit.
Do't put your fingers on it.
Sometimes
I just do't feel so right.
Wanda.
Does this look like animal shit?
Or human shit to you?
What the fuck are you doing?
Does this look human to you?
Are you high?
No. Are you?
You've gone from pissy pants
to poopy hands.
I'm just thinking back on
something you said, quote unquote,
about taking a dump in my pathetic
excuse for an herb garden end quote.
You accused me of taking a package.
And, now you accuse me of taking a shit?
If the shit fits.
Then fucking wear it.
Yuppie.
- What the? - Eat shit.
I want to
disappear like the sun and the evening
Like the spider on my ceiling.
Like the words that I'm reading.
I watch you disappear
like you lost all feelings
Like you forgot the meaning.
Like you have just stopped breathing.
And I'm scared
for you to lose it all.
I do't know where to hold you anymore.
I don't know where to hold you anymore
And I'm scared
for you to lose it all.
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I watch you fall apart
like a shirt ripped open.
Like a word that's floating.
Like a flower stopped growing.
And watch you fall apart
like a glass that's broken.
Like the end is spoken.
Like you can't stop smoking.
And I'm scared
for you to lose it all.
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I don't know where to hold you anymore
I'm going
before
the morning sun
trying to get out
as fast as I can.
'm going where the valleys
they have no end
I'm leaving all my worries
behind.
Hey, I'm your new neighbor Will.
Larkfield.
You gonna pollinate the plants?
What?
You look like a fucking bumble bee.
Okay. Umm.
Did you happen to get a package for me
delivered to you house by any chance?
It's small. It's an EpiPen.
- Nope. - Wow.
That's a massive pumpkin.
Do't touch that.
It's an Atlantic Giant.
Took me four months to grow this baby.
I'm going to win $5,000
at the pumpkin weigh off.
I don't need your greasy fingers on it.
Hey, hey. I might be allergic.
To pumpkin?
Figures, yo'd have a
weak ass immune system.
I meant the bees. I'm
not allergic to pumpkin.
I am allergic to peanuts, tree nuts,
dairy, shellfish, soy, gluten, latex.
Oh, and dust mites.
So I should probably play
it safe around the bees.
Although, I've never
actually been stung by one.
So.
There's wasp around here.
Big ones.
So you might want to stay inside.
Be better for both of us.
Okay, well, if you happen
to see my package,
could you please let me know?
It could potentially save my life.
Nice to meet you.
Come on.
Don't go in that yard.
Stay out of that yard.
Morning, beauties.
I's going to be a good day.
What the fuck?
Time to whack, ladies.
Ok, well I don't have it. I even
checked with my neighbor.
How much would it be
to overnight another one?
My doctor said I should carry it with me
at all times.
I'm sorry, Mr. Larkfield.
With the current shortages,
we're only able to send
up one per customer.
Right. I don't even have the one
per customer you're referring to.
You have to contact the post office.
We cannot help you.
Okay. Thanks.
For nothing.
Shit, there he is.
How you doing, chief? You settling in?
Joe.
Yeah. Hi. Uh.
I thought you were in my mail,
package I ordered went rogue.
Yeah, get used to that.
I'm still waiting on my
headlights magazine.
Into cars, huh?
Headlights, Will.
Got it.
You don't read headlights magazine?
I'm not big into,
magazines.
Oh, shit.
Flipping through that
was like a rite of passage
for me and your dad.
Hey, look about that, Will.
Sorry I didn't talk to
your more at the funeral.
I was, umm
Yeah.
Strongest man in the room.
Oh. You're dad. Me?
We fucking ran this place.
This town.
And then he's the only schmuck
to ever get out of this place.
Make something of himself.
And that was just brutal.
The way that ended.
His career.
Yeah, he was a great guy.
Great guy.
And he did fucking great
renovations around here.
Yeah.
I haven't been up here in
ages. It's completely different.
So, listen, did you get the
bank transfer for this week?
I did, I did.
Thank you. And if you could just
shoot me another hundo, that'd be sweet.
The weed whacker went out on us,
and I don't want to bleed your inheritan
dry, but shit breaks around here.
This is my inheritance.
I'm paying you out of pocket.
Oh.
Okay.
Kind of figured the,
the old man would have left a
little something to pay old Joe.
No, he donated it all to some
sports concussion charity.
I guess he knew exactly
what I would do with this place
when he wrote it in the will.
Okay.
Fuck it.
If you gotta sell this place.
I'll be fine.
I always am,
but for now, it won't take care of itsel
Right.
The downstairs toilet's also broken.
Okay, so I usually hire someone for that
but umm,
since Daddy Warbucks left no bucks.
I got you.
Nice.
Okay.
Hey, here she is.
Daphne.
Ohh.
What you got for daddy, Daphne?
You know I hate it when
you call yourself daddy, Joe.
Fuck is this?
This doesn't look like my magazines.
Oh, aren't you a smarty?
Open it up, maybe there's
a bunch of magazines.
Is that what you're looking for?
You're killing me, Daph.
No, this is way too big.
Hey,
wait.
Did you deliver a
different package earlier?
A small one.
Average sized packages
are perfectly acceptable.
I need to find it.
It's an EpiPen from an online pharmacy.
Ooh, fancy.
You got sexy little allergies or somethi
Lots.
That sounds nutty.
Are you allergic to
oils?
Tree nuts?
LaTeX?
I have a lot of allergies.
Cool.
Look, this is not a joke.
I can't go without it.
And there's a shortage.
Okay, do't be an itchy bitchy
spider up my big Ole water spout.
I'm sure it's fine.
But if it's not, which I'm sure that it
you can always just,
you know,
make a report with the missing package
department or whatever or whatever.
Or whatever?
I mean, it's not lost. It's fine.
I have a perfect track record.
I'm five for five.
Five for five?
Mm-hmm
Actually, scratch that.
Make it six for six.
That's my famous package number six.
Have a nice day.
We do't know anything.
And our minds are filled
with silly dreams.
Kyle, my coffee's cold.
Hey Vince.
Hi, wow. Will, okay.
Hope you're all settled in the farm.
Yep. A few hiccups so far, but.
Yeah, well, you know,
I prefer you in office.
But I respect the company
policy of compassionate leave, so.
Yeah, I'm working.
I'm working remotely, but I'm still
working Vince, and I'm no longer on leav
Yeah, well, le's hope.
Now down to brass tacks.
You received the umbrella.
I did, it's just outside.
I was setting it up, you
know, get a good feel for it.
Okay, great. Now we need the
marketing assets by this Friday.
Has to go to print so I
can get the new packaging.
Friday?
Uh, It's Tuesday, Vince. It
doesn't give me very much time.
No no no no,
I don't want your problems, I
want to hear solutions, all right?
The clients. That's the deadline. We don
Okay, you will have it by EOD Friday.
End of day.
End the day doesn't
work, we have to have it
first thing in the morning. So the
client can get through approvals
Will. Will, you there?
- Hello? - Will, you're frozen.
Fuck.
Hey, Vince.
This a good idea, you moving out
wherever the fuck this is?
Okay, yup. Yo're right, Vince.
You will have it by, first thing Friday.
Look out and see.
Darling growing so much love.
Hey.
There are bulls out there, you know?
Huh?
They charge when they see red.
You gunning to get maimed?
No, I'm writing about this for a client.
Like they give a shit.
Yeah great. I'll wear my
matador outfit next time.
You yuppies are all the same.
You just think you know everything.
Excuse me. Yuppie?
Is that supposed to be what,
an insult?
Don't get me started.
I'll roast you like a holiday ham.
All right. What is this?
Are you mad that I'm living next door?
Because it won't be for long.
Good.
Take Farmer Joe with you when you go.
Maybe I'll get some goddamn
peace and quiet around here.
Let's go.
Look, let's start over.
I don't even know your name.
Seriously?
You're not even going to give me your na
You accused me of stealing your package.
And, you think I'm going
to give you my name?
I don't know you from a jar of germ meal
You probably report me to the cops.
The last thing 'd do is
give you my fucking name.
Well, that certainly sounds
like a guilty admission of theft.
Goddamn it.
It's eight bucks a jar.
Sorry, alright. I'm not
trying to be a problem.
I don't really think you stole my packag
I just thought maybe you
thought it was for you by mistake.
So I asked.
Which suggests I'm dumb.
I can read.
And why on earth would I
want your shitty package?
How about a peace
offering, Basil? Do you cook?
Can make a nice marinara sauce.
Don't patronize me.
You think those herbs are
going to make us friends, dipshit?
Friends?
I don't want to be a friend, you old tro
I wouldn't take a dump
in your pathetic excuse of an herb garde
I'm not fucking around, okay?
I can die without my EpiPen.
Come on.
See you, yuppie.
Can I help you?
Hi.
Who are you?
'm your new neighbor, Will.
Oh.
Okay. Yeah.
Uhh. I'm Val,
and I was never here.
So I guess you haven't seen my package.
Is that how you greet
every new girl you meet?
Sorry, I meant, a lost package. A delive
Should have been here by now.
I thought there was a bee.
I tend to be allergic to everything.
The're not going to sting
you out of nowhere, silly.
Really?
Yah, really.
Unless you fuck with them.
So is your mom a honey farmer?
You could call her that, I guess.
Bee wrangler?
No, I meant call her my mom.
I don't even know her name.
It's Wanda.
But I'd steer clear of her.
She's a misanthrope of epic proportions.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I already figured that out.
Adorable and smart.
Well, city boy, I got to go
see a man about a horse.
You're buying a horse?
No.
But I wish I was selling one.
Anyway. Gotta hustle.
Yeah yeah. Don't let me keep you. 'll, u
see you around?
Yeah okay.
Hey, how did you know I was from the cit
Please.
We don't get hot guys like you around he
I'm gonna kill you, baby.
With my paintings on.
I'm gonna milk you, honey.
For the things that I want.
Gonna love you funny.
I'm gonna love you funny.
Joe, you really didn't have to
go to the trouble of making all this
I's country hospitality, Will.
Plus, there isn't shit to do around here
I'm kidding.
There's a great bikini
bar, like, 25 miles west.
Good beer on draft.
And they do a legs and
eggs brunch on Sundays,
If you want to join me.
Legs and eggs, huh?
'm not much of a bikini bar kind of guy.
But, thank you for the offer.
Oh. You betcha.
That Wanda women is um
bizarre.
Wanda's gonna Wanda.
She's, uh...
Anyways. Wanda and I get along just fine
although, there was one time where
she gave me shit cause she thought
one of our cows knocked down
her fence and shit in her yard.
One of our cows?
Yeah.
Thing is, it wasn't even cow shit, Will.
It was elk shit.
See the difference
between elk shit and cow shit
if you really get in there
Joe, 'm
w're eating.
Fine.
I will not tell you how I know the
difference between elk and cow shit.
Your loss.
Anyways, before I worked here,
I heard,
that her husband took
her for everything she had.
And then she threatened to
chop his pecker off with a machete.
Oh, yeah.
And the townspeople don't think much for
I don't think her honey business is
really having any luck staying afloat.
Doesn't seem like Valerie
likes her much either.
Who the fuck is Valerie?
Her daughter.
Oh, mousy little brunette
with that sort of hippie vibe
that just keeps to herself.
Although.
No Earl.
Yeah, he says she's real firecrackers.
Always dropping and trying to
sell them shit at his pawn shop.
Oh, yeah. She's a firecracker, alright.
Sh's flirtin with me. I think.
Well, look at that
day Goddamn one.
And the chicks are already
chasing after you, brother.
I don't have the bandwidth
for a relationship right now.
Trust me.
That I can relate to.
Okay.
Real talk.
I decided to download a
dating app on my phone.
Uh-oh.
Right, so I matched with this chick.
Way the fuck out in Green County.
I do not mind this.
I get there, she opens
the screen door, comes out
with a hog on a leash.
A hog?
Like a like an actual pig?
Listen, Will. Not a pig.
A hog.
125 pound hog.
This thing out a fucking
belly like a bag of bread batter.
And I got lifted into the
back of my pickup truck,
and she calls it her
emotional support companion.
- Jesus - Wait it gets better,
we get out to the drive in for our date,
and the guy at the ticket booth
charges me one extra for the hog.
- No. - Fucking thing
Eats six buckets of popcorn.
I practically went broke on this date.
I need an emotional support hog myself.
Oh, no, you do not, Will.
No, you do not.
I damn near threw out my back.
Fuck!
This bed sucks.
What the fuck was that?
What the fuck?
Okay, okay.
Hello?
Wanda?
Is that you?
How do you know my name?
Valerie told me.
What the hell is going on?
Damn animals.
They get in my garden
and eat all my vegetables.
So you shoot them?
Well, look, Wanda, I
don't want any trouble.
You woke me out of a dead sleep.
You know, you should be more careful
skulking around my yard
in the dark when I'm about to
blast the head off a mangy raccoon.
You are absolutely right.
Terrible idea. Awful of me.
I mean, who could blame me
if I accidentally blasted
the head of a punk
I thought was breaking and entering?
I won't fight you on that. Not one iota.
Thank you for the protection.
Ha.
Oh, boy.
You are so easy to scare.
You're holding a shotgun.
Oh, please.
You think I'm going to ruin my
life shooting you of all people?
It's not even worth the
cost of a shotgun shell.
My God.
Go to bed.
What the fuck is she out of her mind?
Wanda, I'm calling the police.
Call them.
They're not going to
do a damn thing about it.
I'll get you.
Snake tac toe.
Nope.
Is this for real?
Someone better be dead.
Hello. Is this the police?
No, it's the tooth fairy.
- Huh? - Yes, it's the police.
This is Officer Norwood. Who's this?
Wh's this?
This Will Larkfield at 480, Elle road.
I would like to file a
serious noise complaint.
Ooh... a serious noise complaint.
As opposed to what? A superficial one?
Listen, my insane neighbors just
woke me up out of a dead sleep
to slaughter nocturnal animals
she feels are threatening
her precious veggie garden.
So what's the problem?
What is the problem? Problem
is, I have to work tomorrow
and she is clearly breaking
noise ordinance laws.
Not to mention probably
breaking animal rights laws too.
Animal rights?
Are you one of those Peta freaks?
No, I'm just a man trying to sleep.
Okay.
Let me guess, Is it, Wanda, Belarose?
Yes.
All right,
I tell you what,
I'll come down there and I'll have a
chat with her tomorrow in the morning, o
Thank you.
But just know it's my day off, okay?
Okay?
Cops don't get a lot of days off,
and it's my day off.
Fuck.
Fucking hell.
Charlie, we got a date.
W're needed tomorrow.
Alright?
You up for it?
Shit.
Will, it's Doctor Nelson.
Unless you'd rather communicate
your feelings to a barn animal.
Go ahead, check your email.
There's a link to reschedule
and pay the no show fee.
In the meantime, keep journaling.
It helps.
Fuck.
What do you want?
Got to talk to you for a minute, Wanda.
That deplorable excuse
for a man give you a call?
Yeah, is that Larkfiel's son?
Seems a bit daffy.
Yeah, must run in the family.
Moved here a couple of days ago,
and he's already ruining my damn life.
I know, and look, I know
that you're in the right
protecting your property from whatever
you feel like it needs protecting from.
But we do have noise
ordinances, even out here in Bern.
Since when?
Since.
You know what? I don't know when.
I looked it up today, to be
honest, I was a little surprised.
But if we got him, you
know, I got to enforce it.
I'm just doing my job here.
Alright. Even though there is
fuck all to do around this town,
I know you can do can rough them up a bi
For what?
For harassing his damn neighbor.
That's for what.
You know what? That
might be a little bit fun.
I might like that.
It be nice to see him cry.
Maybe piss himself.
Yeah.
You know, you get
it on tape, you post it.
Handcuffs.
Slap em around.
Yeah.
He is a pain in my ass.
Citiot.
I just call em cunts.
But citiots. It's a little more clever.
Oh, man.
Look, I
got to ask you,
did you just put up a
scarecrow or something?
A scarecrow?
Yeah. Just fuck with that guy.
You know, he's one of those city bozos
that's going to put his house up for sal
As soon as he sees
what winters like up here.
- Yeah. - All right.
I can't have people disturbing me
while I'm having my beauty sleep.
Well, if it doesn't, keep out the coons
and the skunks and I'm going
right back to heavy artillery.
Good. And I will back you up.
You call me. Say, Ruth,
back up, and I'll be here.
Ready to go.
Bang. Bang bang raccoon bang.
Okay, bring your joint with you.
Raccoon bang?
Sounds gnarly.
Yeah. You use it for target practice.
Another day, another dollar.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
Drop my badge.
Officer Norwood. It's Will Larkfeild.
I called you last night.
Are you smoking weed?
Yeah. It's legal. Will.
Maybe you should try some.
It'll mellow you out a bit.
Where'd you come in from?
Boca Raton?
Some silky pajamas that you got there.
Look, I spoke to your friend.
We came to an arrangement
that's going to work for the both of us.
Both of us? What do you mean?
So that you're not calling
at all hours of the night,
waking me up to complain about her.
Next time you got some sort of emergency
call the fire department.
Well, look at you.
Thinking of starting your own nudie mag.
No, I'd rather retire.
Don't tell me you're one of those vampir
who sleeps better with the city noise.
No, Wanda kept me up all night last nigh
Shooting wild animals,
beating the cats with a broom.
Sh's a fucking basket case.
Take these.
Noise canceling. Bluetooth.
Beep beep.
Red delicious umbrella shade in style.
Ready for summer with a red patio umbrel
Whittle has a spectacular.
Whittle has a delightful fucking umbrell
We make love in the morning.
It carries us into the afternoon.
Bring some love into the evening.
And so we can share it with the boom.
Late at night we take it easy.
Easy.
But that doesn't mean we're done.
Done, done, done.
We gotta make a little more love.
More love.
So we can share it with the sun.
Share it with the sun.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Da da.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Da da.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Da, dada, dada da da.
Plant intentions in the springtime.
And then you water them with love.
Then sleep all through the summer.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
She's got a shotgun.
She's probably shot
this and put it in my pool.
I wouldn't put that past
her, but it's still ai't worth it.
Looking for your score in
the wet T-shirt contest?
Looks like you need a
woman to take care of you.
No, I need rest and relaxation.
Suit yourself.
Look, I'm being a total dick.
Can I make you lunch?
As long as you're not cooking
up your little friend here.
I can do slightly better.
How about a tuna fish
sandwich on gluten free bread?
My favorite.
Okay. I'll,
dry off.
Come in.
Hey.
Hi.
Nice pad.
Thanks.
Is it, Christmas year round?
Oh, yeah. I got to take that down.
I hope you like it.
I used vegan mayo.
Tastes fine.
I love this hair. It's very, um
early 2000s front man.
I's cause, I haven't showered in two day
Hot shower is the only
reason I'm ever around here.
What do you mean?
I live in a truck.
You live in a truck?
Where?
The old red one on the
other side of the house.
Used to be my dad's work truck.
The less time I'm in the house, the bett
Her and I don't get along.
Doesn't she keep you up
at night with all of her antics?
I never stick around.
I drive to a field and
sleep under the stars.
Sounds kind of sketchy.
Plus, what do you do if it rains?
I always figure it out.
So, what's your five year plan?
Um.
Let's see.
Year one, I get kidnaped by a hot city g
So, what's the rift with
your mom all about?
Don't call her that.
I'm sorry.
She makes motherhood look
like a modern method of torture.
Forget about me. What's your deal?
You, live alone in this place?
I inherited it after my dad died.
How'd he die?
Set himself on fire on a subway platform
Wow.
Holy shit.
He did always like to be
the center of attention.
Is this him?
Yeah, I found out earlier.
I think this is the last photo we took
together before I got really pissed at h
Why?
He was just really unpredictable.
And what about your mom?
Hockey groupie. I never knew her.
Wish I had that look.
Trust me. My therapist has a lot to
say about that hole in my childhood.
Speaking of holes, the
honey badger is leaving soon.
I got to get going.
You want to take this to go?
I can wrap it up for you.
Uh.
No. I will be back later
around eight.
Okay.
What the fuck?
Fucking kidding me.
Fuck.
Scribbles of a philosopher King.
Joe. Don't. Don't touch
that. It probably has germs.
Found it in the skimmer.
Someone must have scooped it out.
I did. It was in the fucking pool.
I swam right into it.
Big fella,
must have drowned.
I woul've flushed it down the toilet
except it's still not working.
I ordered the pipes
for below the house.
Be here any day.
Okay. Thanks.
Hey. Valerie came by for lunch.
Said she might come by again later,
so I was thinking of making her dinner.
Are there any veggies out there?
Well, well, well.
Looks like the bandwidth is opening up.
No, it's just a friendly dinner.
Uh huh.
Friendly dinner.
Okay, look, the zucchini is
practically taken over the garden,
so you want to start there. But uh,
Be careful, Will.
Do you know how to pick zucchini?
No.
Fucker's got these little hairs on them.
They're prickly.
You will want gloves.
Then the chiggers,
are all over the tomatoes.
You would not want them
burrowing under your skin on a date.
Joe. Keep your voice down.
It's not a date.
What the hell are chiggers?
Chiggers.
Chiggers?
Chiggers. They blend with the tomatoes.
I would spray for them, but,
think, we want to keep
things organic around here.
Do you know what I'm saying, Will?
Not really.
Cash would probably fix that tractor.
Hey, do you have any gloves I can borrow
I do.
Thank you.
Ha.
You deliver groceries to?
Someone has to keep you aristocrats fed.
Thanks.
Oh, um.
There is no guarantee
these foods were't processed and facilit
that also processes tree nuts or dairy.
Did they tell you to say that?
No. You did, honey, remember
you said you were really allergic,
and I'm just cover my perfect
ass in case you're litigious.
Oh, Jesus.
That's a lot of vegetables for one perso
Yeah, I suppose it is.
You having a party?
I'm having a dinner guest.
Oh, you got a date?
He's having a party.
- No. - Is it catered?
Catered?
Yah. You know, catered?
Like.
- Can I go now? - No. Umm.
If you do have a need for catering,
my beeper number.
We're a female owned business.
We appreciate your patronage.
Hey, where'd you get those?
These?
Valerie gave them to me for my birthday.
It was a beautiful brunch.
You should have been there.
Oh and, Will.
Don't forget to tip my perfect ass.
Where are your dad's tools?
Bill Pulaski told me he wanted to buy hi
And I could use the
money to go to Outlaw Fest.
Val,
I'm not going to ask you again.
They're not yours to take.
Where did you put them?
I know you're going to try to hock them
like you do everything else around here.
I don't know where they are.
Now, can you leave me alone? I have plan
Yeah,
well, the bathroom's off limits
until you return them.
I can't deal with you and
your bullshit accusations.
- Accusations? - Yeah.
You're a kleptomaniac.
Get the fuck out of the way.
Not until you tell me where the tools ar
I already fucking told you, I don't know
Val, tha's bullshit.
You think I don't know all
the shit you take around here?
You swoop in, kaw,
kaw, kaw, start gathering
up like some demented squirrel crow.
I don't know where the stuff ends up.
If you don't get your ass out of
the way, I'm going to report you
to the health department
for falsifying your food license.
You think I don't know about the
racket you've been running around here?
I do, I know everything, and I'm
not afraid to ruin your life completely.
Now move.
Don't come back here tonight.
Yeah, well, I never do anyway.
And you know, I'd much rather sleep
in a dusty fucking truck bed
than share a roof with you.
Yeah. Fuck you.
Lights out.
Day dream.
TV in the dark on a small screen.
Just burning out my eyes.
Space case.
Codeine.
Syrup in my cup to console me.
It's just how I get by.
To be honest.
Yo're really pretty when you cry.
Dead leads.
Cold case. - Hi.
Dusting off the top of an old page.
I just can't let this die.
No Sun.
Dark age.
Sinking in my couch for the whole day.
It's just how I get by.
What the hell is this now?
Wanda, what on earth are you doing?
Improvising.
Gotta keep my trigger finger happy.
Enjoy the next three hours
of continuously sleep music.
Shit.
Hey, Vince. I'm just
finishing up my third draft.
I just may need a few more hours.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm happy to jump on a call whenev
Yeah, and we can review the new specs.
That'd be great.
Hey.
Still got my tuna sando?
Uh, thanks.
It's cheap and cheerful.
Shoes off.
What's this?
I thought you were coming back last nigh
It was, really loose plan.
Well, I made dinner for you.
I see that.
That's sweet.
I, I didn't end up coming
home after work last night.
I drove north a little,
slept under the stars.
It was pretty epic.
What's this?
That is a vegan, gluten free
snickerdoodle from the coffee shop in to
No nuts. Right?
Unless cinnamon is a nut.
Hey, when you were here yesterday,
do you remember seeing a coin?
No.
It's good, huh?
Ahh, goddamn toilet.
I think I got it all out.
I just called the coffee shop,
and they swore up and down
there were no nuts in their cookies.
But she did say they're made
with cinnamon, rice flour and soy.
Soy, I ca't do soy.
It doesn't kill me. But, it
really fucks up my stomach.
So, do you have a girl back in the city?
No.
Come on?
You're too cute to be single.
- Me? Really? - Yeah.
No, I haven't been in a
relationship in a really long time.
Like how long?
I don't know, like high school.
Can we talk about something else?
I already threw up once.
'm gonna hold your
hand till you hand it over
'm gonna drive you
out like an evil chauffeur.
Gonna love you funny.
Did you say high school?
Yeah.
That can't be right.
I don't know, yeah, like I was.
I've just been busy. I guess.
Are you, like, a priest?
No, I'm not a priest.
- A nun? - No, I don't know what I am.
Are you like, David Bowie
back from the stars?
Just a guy with no
internal compass, I guess.
I gotta say, I'm intrigued by the myster
It's pretty hot.
What?
Do I not do it for you or something?
I mean.
What, like yo're scared of me?
No, I'm not scared of you.
Then what the fuck is it?
Valerie, I don't know, I'm just.
Can I um,
borrow this?
That's my dad's sweatshirt.
I'm freezing.
Sure. As long as you bring it back.
You know, I've been called many
fucking things, but never a thief.
I didn't call you a thief.
You didn't have to.
'm not mad, just angry.
I's easier then some.
Hey! Who left the door open? Valerie.
Val, you here?
Damn, door open.
Okay.
Sweep. It.
Ah, God damn.
I gotta go back.
Okay.
Don't you run on me.
Big Earl will have me for dinner.
He waste his time hunting you down.
Okay.
Wanda.
Wanda.
Oh, my. Gosh.
Shit.
Oh, my God.
Oh look, a package.
Mind your beeswax.
Wh'd you take a gamble?
'll be your casino.
You think 'm a vandal.
Then I'll go back to chico.
Girl, I got the handle.
Not like that pobrecito.
I'll be your casino,
casino, casino, casino.
I'll be your casino.
Just give me a sign.
What's your deal? What's your deal?
Give me a sign.
What's your deal? What's your deal?
Give me a sign.
Congrats, Wanda, I get it.
Dress a scarecrow to
embarrass and insult me.
Ha. You wish.
You think the whole
world revolves around you?
Well, guess what? It doesn't.
Oh, sure. Now you're just projecting.
You're going to deny that's not me?
You know, you're right.
Yuppie on a stick.
I think it looks like first place in the
town's Halloween decoration contest.
For damn sure.
I think I'll enter him.
I think you should take him down,
give him a new outfit or something.
Oh, why?
Don't want your girlfriend to see him?
Girlfriend?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I saw Val leaving your house.
You can't hide shit from me, Willie boy.
You're nuts.
Certifiably insane.
Really? We'll see who's nuts
when she rips your little heart out.
I am done with this.
Shove that scarecrow
up your ass for all I care.
Why do't you take a gamble?
If you only had a brain.
I'll be your casino,
casino, casino, casino.
I'll be your casino.
I'll be your casino,
casino, casino, casino.
Enjoy ten straight hours
continuously sleep music.
I gotcha here tonight.
Keeping us all on time.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Have you seen my yoga mat?
I need to stretch all this moping
around has got me really tense.
Have not seen it.
What was that?
That my friend, is the
bull servicing the heifers.
Like milking them?
Milking them?
Damn. I love how you think. No.
Will.
It is about meat.
So the bull walks down,
fucks them all.
Fucks them all?
And, eventually the calves pop out.
Meat man shows up, takes
them away to stuffen them.
- Stuffing them up? - Stuffing them.
Feeds him for about two
years, then slaughters them
prime grass fed beef.
What?
And you're okay with this?
Oh, this is a sordid
tale of God's divine flesh.
Sounds like the Handmaid's
Tale. Cow version.
What are you doing, Tai chi?
Nope. I'm doing jujitsu.
You ever, dabble in the gentle art?
Can't say I have.
Okay, great.
I got a tournament this weekend.
You can help me.
You're going to come at me.
Let's see.
Think about it like
you got a cigarette and
you're trying to put it
out of my face, okay.
Okay.
Okay, so now I take you down,
and then I put my hooks in,
and I start to attack a rear naked.
Now, you're not going to give me this,
so you're going to attack here. Stop my.
That's what oh baited you?
Gift wrap.
I don't feel much like a gift.
It will,
when you find the patience to surrender.
I don't know if I have
the patience for that.
I barely have the
patience to sit on the couch.
I'm going to stick to yoga.
What the shit's going on here,
buddy? You're tense as fuck.
Yeah, I'm not sleeping.
I have a project do, and I
live next to a deranged lunatic.
All right.
I can't help you with the first two.
I got an idea for number three.
Let's go.
I heard you the first time.
These are for you.
Are those fucking weeds?
Look,
I wanted to apologize for
being a pain in your ass.
Oh, you did, did you?
Hang on a sec.
Take this.
For what?
You want to do something for me?
Beat that rug clean.
I got a lot of other
shit to do around here.
I'm not taking batting
practice out on your rug.
I see.
Then your apology means shit to me.
I'm not your chore boy.
And I've told you I'm
allergic to dust mites.
Oh, for crying out loud.
Get the hell off my porch and
plant those ragweed in your ass,
Okay. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
What in God's green earth is going on he
Well, I brought her flowers
like you suggested, and she wanted
me to beat the rug as an apology.
I said flowers, those are weeds. My guy.
Wanda, it's dead already.
Maybe take a little break.
Oh, look.
His sensei has arrived.
We call it a professor in jujitsu.
Well, why don't both of
you go jump in the lake?
No, no, no, no
this bickering is ridiculous.
You got to find a way to coexist.
Neighbors are supposed to share.
Share eggs. Share sugar.
I can't eat eggs. Of
course you can't. Will.
And what's going on with that scarecrow?
Oh, she claims she built
it to scare off the animals.
Why don't you just shoot them, Wanda?
Jesus! Is everyone fucking
Ralphie Parker around here?
Although, I gotta say, I do
kind of like the fashion choice.
It wasn't a beautiful
day in the neighborhood.
Mr. Rogers here called the cops.
Ruth came out and told me
to build that useless pile of shit.
You called the cops?
That is cold blooded, partner.
Yeah, I called the cops.
I couldn't sleep, Joe.
What is the point of leaving
a noisy city to get less sleep?
Just wear the earmuffs I gave you.
Wanda, easy on the rug.
Shit.
No.
You're my lawyer.
You knew about this, but didn't tell me.
For how long?
Right, but you knew I
wanted to sell this place.
I just needed a way around
the stipulations in the will.
This feels like the answer, no?
All right. Whatever.
Okay, well, I just hand it over to you,
and you just take a look at it ASAP.
All right.
Thank you.
So these are the sleeping quarters, huh?
Fuck. You scared the shit out of me.
Sorry. Are you sleeping here tonight?
No. i's to chilly willy.
What's up?
I wanted to talk about the other day.
All good man.
Water under the bridge.
Don't touch this.
I, I suppose we can talk,
but not here, though. Let's take a drive
Just in case she comes out again.
Why don't you, get
something to cover up, though?
It might get cold.
Yeah, maybe I should get a sweatshirt.
Okay, whatever you'd like.
Okay.
'm gonna love you funny.
Thanks for buying me dinner.
Thought you bought dinner.
We did't pay?
Kidding.
Oh, could you grab the
sleeping bags in the backseat?
- Yeah. - Thanks.
Where are we?
Remember when you asked me where I slept
when the weather sucks.
Right here.
Cool.
What's that?
Took it out of Wand's box.
That's ballsy. Why?
So I could pour it all over your bod.
It's honey infused with weed.
Her secret sauce.
She doesn't have the dough for
Willie Nelson tickets, so I bet she's
selling that box in one
of the town potheads.
Here, try some.
I don't do weed.
What?
I've never done weed.
Seriously?
Come on. You're not going
to make me do this alone.
Yeah, okay, 'll,
I'll try a little.
Well, it's actually pretty good.
You can see my favorite
constellation, Andromeda.
Where?
Right there, the one
shaped like the letter A.
Oh, yeah.
I see you a.
I think.
Fuck ton of stars out there.
I always wanted to be one of those
people who works at the planetarium.
But those red, pointy lasers
pointing out all the constellations like
conductor of the sky.
Why don't you pursue it?
There are no planetariums
in this small town.
What's the point?
Planetarium in the city.
You going to take me there?
I would.
If I go back.
There's always an if.
Can't spell life without I, F.
My dad always said that.
Oh, God.
Don't depress me any
more than I already am.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Just.
Miss my dad.
I miss my dad, too.
But at least you have your mom.
You don't have to fucking do that.
You know, you don't have to
one up me about everything.
I'm not one uping in you. I.
I'm meeting you at your pain.
Meeting me at my pain.
What the fuck does that even mean?
My emotions aren't some lame ass crosswa
I mean, I'm listening.
I'm trying to connect.
Why?
Because our stories are similar.
We have nothing in common.
We are not the same at all.
I think I need to pee.
Shit.
Valerie, I think I peed on myself a litt
Val.
Valerie.
Valerie.
Look at that. See.
Jesus.
It works.
Beats the hell out of that damn scarecro
What the hell are you doing, numb-nuts?
She fucking left me out there.
Well, you're lucky I'm
out of shotgun shells
because you'd be Swiss cheese yuppie.
Stop calling me that.
Oh,
did you piss yourself?
No. I,
I fell in the mud.
Ha ha ha.
Sure looks like you're pissed yourself.
You were probably scared
shitless out there, huh?
No, I was lost, and I fell.
Oh, you were lost, huh?
There's no way she took you far.
Val is lazier than the guy
who drew the Japanese flag.
I had to use my phone
to even get back here.
Okay. Luckily, I got a signal.
Oh, you found a signal?
Shit. You're a regular John Muir.
You must have been way
out there in no man's land.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
There's fucking coyotes
out there. I could've died.
She left me with no
food, no water, no nothing.
Except for a fucking jar.
Jar of what?
Nothing.
Did she take a jar of honey?
God dammit.
I knew I shouldn't have left it outside.
This wasn't for her or for you.
This is for someone else.
Now I have to figure out a way to tell t
that my deranged daughter stole one.
It was actually pretty good.
Except for about 30 minutes
where I was losing my fucking mind.
Oh, you two are like Bonnie and Clyde.
Get off my damn property!
Don't fucking raise your voice
at me on public fucking property!
Yeah! Move it!
Pissy pants.
Come on dammit.
Morning, Vince.
Hi Will. Just patching in Nancy Wittle.
She says she's a little bit
of low hanging fruit for us,
which will be very helpful for the
marketing strategy of our new umbrellas.
Vince, give me one second.
There's someone at my door.
It seems like an emergency.
Oh, hi. Hi, guys.
Hi. Nancy.
You Goddam piece of shit.
Just as I warned you,
this ugly ass umbrella enraged
that bull and it charged
and it destroyed my pumpkin.
I don't know what your
fucking talking about.
Ohh, I am over you.
From here on out, I'm going
to make your life a living hell.
Fuck!
This fucking stupid piece of garbage.
I fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hate this fucking job.
I fucking hate this fucking,
fuck you Vince fucking so badly.
Fuck this umbrella you piece of shit.
Why, why, why, why are you so violent?
It's my baby.
Just one second and I will
get to the bottom of this. I.
Nancy. Nancy!
Yo're fired.
Fuck!
Joe, you in here?
Hey bud. Just back here.
Can I recycle this?
Sure.
Yeah, just chuck it in the corner, w'll,
ditch it tomorrow.
Hey, I saw your little girly in town tod
Who cares?
Trouble in Paradise.
She fucking left me in a barn.
She what now?
She left me in a fucking barn.
Whatever.
Can't believe I'm saying this,
but Wanda's right.
I don't belong here, Joe.
She's made my life complete hell.
And it's only getting worse.
Now, to top it off, I lost my fucking jo
Shit.
Shit. You lost your job? Why?
Long story short,
my boss is a sociopath.
Fuck that guy.
Yeah.
Fuck that guy.
Fuck that guy.
Fuck that guy.
That's right.
He's been dangling a
promotion over my head for years.
Just got to figure out
how to make some money.
Oh, shit. Money?
That's easy, bud.
Nick and me going to
the bikini bar tonight.
Now his girlfriend works as a
bartender, but her sister does this thin
where we take pics of her. She pays us.
She puts them on this app
called fans Base. Whatever.
And then guys pay her.
She pays us.
They pay her. It's fucking brilliant.
I don't want to go to the bikini bar.
I don't want to do whatever
you guys fucking do at bikini bars.
Nick's an amateur photographer.
I just fucking move the
lights around. It's great.
We make a buck and we spend a
little quality time with quality ladies.
And I think you could use that right now
This is all sounding very star 80, Joe.
Star 1000. Dude, it's fucking brilliant.
Have you seen the film
star 80 with Eric Roberts?
No you haven't.
Love Eric Roberts.
It's about a sleazy guy
who forces his girlfriend
to be a Playboy model.
Sleazy. What are you talking about?
No, no, no. Best of the best.
Fucking taekwondo.
Read the fucking room, Joe.
I lost my job.
I lost my dad,
and I'm losing my fucking mind here.
I don't need tits right now.
Get a fucking hobby.
I'm trying to help you out.
I appreciate ladies, they
appreciate me appreciating them.
That's it.
But I do not like the way
you're coming at me right now.
I've told you since day one
I don't want to go to a bikini bar.
Stop inviting me.
Oh, you're not invited.
But I think it's you that needs a hobby.
I read it in the news today.
Your father died.
I didn't find the right
words to say
that's why I lied.
When you called me in January.
Hey, Joe.
You seen a red toolbox around?
No.
Okay.
I need to apologize for
snapping at you yesterday.
Don't sweat it, kid.
I also need to tell you about
an offer I got on the farm.
What kind of offer?
Some company offered to buy the farm
all the land, and even
pay the capital gains tax.
They don't care much about the house.
Said, I can come and go as I
please until I have to get my ass out.
Well, that sounds odd.
Look, I'm sure your job will be fine.
My lawyer said they'll probably be
lots of opportunities coming to the town
What's the company?
Yep. I was worried about this.
What?
They hounded your dad for years.
There was no way he was
going to sell to these bastards.
What do you mean?
Dartmoor is a seed company.
They've always had their
eye on the town of Burns.
They've always wanted this property.
And your dad fought them like hell.
Seed company?
It's literally farmland.
What is the problem?
All they care about is
mass food production.
Okay, that sounds like progress to me.
Progress?
You think all those allergies.
You get our progress?
You think a single seed
blown into a neighboring farm
and them suing them till
they got nothing is progress.
You think your genetics is progress?
You got to watch what you eat, Will.
I eat just fine, Joe.
I don't see you eat anything.
Look, I've noticed around here, okay?
People are struggling to make ends meet.
Like Wanda and her stupid
fucking honey business.
Maybe this will help.
This will be the nail in her coffin, Wil
I do't really care. Joe.
And it's not like she's been
the nicest person to me.
Okay, I'm running out of options.
Clearly.
Look, you do whatever you gotta do, okay
But I will never work for these fuckers.
Well, you told me not to
worry about you, so I'm not.
And you got your soft core porn
business on the side anyways.
Joe takes care of Joe.
But, hey, your scarecrow can take your s
while you go collect your fortune
and forget this place and everyone in it
I'm sorry, Joe.
I really am.
I'm not a bad person.
I don't have bad intentions.
All right. Although my dad
might have said otherwise.
Well he's not here, is he, Will?
Fixed the bathroom.
Started a fire.
Burns my life down.
More and more ashes.
Cover the ground.
All
my
good
thoughts
are
gone.
Oh, shit.
You wanna love me.
Boys bringing me down.
Now you're getting sulky.
Cause you do't know how.
Fire.
My scare crow.
Dammit. Shit
Fuck!
Bruce.
Hello?
Fire!
I can't even. Fuck!
Oh my God!
- Ahh. - Spray it.
Fucking I can't, it's broken.
Oh.
What did you do?
What did you do?
If this spreads in my garden
I'm going to kill you.
Oh, my bees!
What? What do you want me to do about th
You're the one who told me to film it.
Now look at it.
Well, I also told you to
call the fire department.
Hey, everybody settle down. Settle down.
You again?
How many jobs do you have?
This is a volunteer gig.
Ho'd this inferno start?
- His fault. - It's not my fault.
Shoot him.
Got a garden hose?
A garden hose?
Hose before brooms.
You do't need to cry,
honey.
Just because yo're on your own.
Just close your eyes
honey.
Where's the toolbox?
I'm not gonna ask you again. I want it n
Fine. You want your shit?
Here it is.
What do you want?
Ha.
You did steal it.
- What? - My dad's coin.
Yeah, it's just a regular quarter.
It's not worth shit anyway.
But you stole it.
I trusted you.
And you stole my EpiPen.
Why?
I do't know, I thought
it was a regular pen.
You're terrible person, Valerie.
I could have died without this.
You know what?
Whatever.
Fuck, the both of you.
Some kid you got there.
What's that supposed to mean?
You raised her.
Oh, please.
Father ditched her years ago.
She's been fucked up ever since.
Wait. She told me her dad's dead.
What?
She's a compulsive liar, too.
He's not dead.
He works for Dartmoor head of acquisitio
And he's a piece of shit. Always has bee
He doesn't give a rat's ass about her.
It's why she lies and steals.
It's a coping mechanism.
What's his name?
Roland.
Belarose.
You know,
she's been manipulating
you this whole time.
You're a fool.
And you should take it as a
sign to get the fuck out of here.
Huh.
You weren't bullshitting me,
Roland Belarose does work for Dartmoor.
What is that?
This is my ticket out of here.
Since you want me gone so bad.
It's an offer from Dartmoor.
- Let me see it. - No.
Show it to me right now.
I want to see it.
Ahh. Wanda!
Trying, trying to see the light.
Sixteen hours and I feel alright.
Cause, 'm. The Jeff
Gordon of our generation.
I feel like I need a meal.
But I ca't eat a burger
with two hands on the wheel.
Cause, 'm. The Jeff
Gordon of our generation.
How you feeling, big guy?
What happened?
You took on a horde of bees, Bud.
I heard you gave a
good account of yourself,
but they got the K.O. in the end.
I'm really glad you're still with us.
Wanda actually saved your life.
Wanda?
Wanda saved my life?
Bullshit.
Oh, I swear on my pecker, Will.
May the gods strike it down if I'm lying
Alright, that's a tad bit extreme, Joe.
Wanda to push it in her
wheelbarrow all the way to the hospital.
You were there all night?
I just got you a few hours ago.
You're hopped up on antihistamines.
You were talking all
this, lovey-dovey shit.
You tried to kiss me, Will.
I tried to kiss you?
'm not mad. I was actually very flattere
But all jokes aside,
I'm really glad you're okay.
They said you might have actually
been dead for a few seconds, there.
Dead?
I was
dead?
I might actually be in the
presence of a Holy Spirit right now.
Joe.
What was he like?
There's an old song,
i's by Tom waits.
It's called Kentucky Avenue,
and it reminds me the high jinks
I used to get into with your
dad when we were kids.
You know, just
run around town breaking windows
in abandoned buildings and
jumping on train tracks.
All that shit.
And at the end of this
really beautiful story,
you realized that one
of the kids is crippled.
And that his buddy will do
whatever it takes to make him free.
He literally makes wings
out of his wheelchair so he can fly.
He steals tools from his dad,
cut like weird shit off his legs
so he can run free.
No matter how bad anything ever got for
Your dad freed me,
and I tried to do the same for him.
But after the concussions and the
the trauma, you know, his mind.
No matter how hard I tried, there was.
There was nothing anybody could do to
to free him.
And your dad wasn't going to live a life
where he couldn't fly.
Your dad was the best, Will.
He was the best.
Well, I should go home.
Hit the rack.
The rack?
Good man.
Hey, William.
What do you want?
Um.
I came to apologize.
Too late.
Wanda told me about my dad and Dartmoor.
You'll kill all her bees, you know.
I don't really care.
But once I sign this farm away,
you might get what you want.
A reunion.
It's not what I want.
Might not have a choice.
You call the cops on me.
You're a thief, Valerie.
Let's go, let's go.
You're gonna be riding shotgun.
On that?
That's what you're riding out of here.
Don't try any funny shit,
because I'll take us both out.
Let's go. You're on this side.
How? How the.
How the fuck?
Oh! Fucking shit!
- We're going in. - Jesus Christ
How the fuck do you do this?
I steer it.
Hello.
Where'd you get that sweatshirt?
Swung by your house.
Wanted to thank you for saving my life.
You weren't home.
Well, don't get all sappy on me.
You're going to make me regret my decisi
Well, I'm happy you made
the decision that you did.
Whatever. It's no big deal.
I just jammed you in the
leg with your own EpiPen.
Actually, you got me in the left nut.
Wow.
What do you want?
I want to try all your product.
You can keep the change.
What do you care?
Since you sell your farm, my
business is as good as gone.
Whose crops are going to poison my bees?
I would be perfectly fine with that
if I didn't see the potential.
Just take your honey and go.
You had the chance to
destroy this, you know?
You don't get it, do you?
There's little use in going to war
with the devil in the battlefields
already in hell.
What are you, a goddamn little bug?
Just trust me, Wanda.
I finally found something 'm good at.
There they go again.
There they go again.
Thinking the're
alright out on there own.
But, they do't see.
But, they do't see.
That i's together that theyre happy.
Please,
H's almost loaded.
Come back to me
What do you think?
It's not bad.
Not bad? You are crazy.
It's fucking fantastic.
My wheelbarrow is gray.
So the graphic designer
took some creative liberties.
It's a work in progress.
Shit, we're gonna need to hire more peop
if we keep moving product at this rate.
Well, Daphne applied.
So sh'll run deliveries.
Daphne, no. No, no.
I know I'm doing
community service right now,
but I would like to be
hired when this is done.
Well, then quit dilly dallying.
Get your ass moving.
These got to be out by five.
Wanda relax.
Take a page out of my book.
Look at you,
mister cool, calm and
collected. Thank fucking God.
We don't need our chief marketing whatev
Pissing himself in the woods.
That was once.
Pissing himself?
She'll never let me live that down.
All right.
Me and the Bee woman of
Alcatraz gonna run these out.
What do you got?
Swiss cheese for lungs.
If I
come back in the next life
to find that things aren't
all that different than before.
I tried
to have some peace of mind.
Cause after all,
it's hard to be pure.
You know.
And if I
say goodbye at the last life.
I hope your faith will be restored.
Don't hide.
But do your best to
realize that after all
I's hard to be pure.
Take a second to concentrate now.
Don't go away.
Don't go away now.
Get out and into the
world I gotta nice clean suit.
Do't put your fingers on it.
Get out and into the
world I gotta nice clean suit.
Do't put your fingers on it.
Sometimes
I just do't feel so right.
Wanda.
Does this look like animal shit?
Or human shit to you?
What the fuck are you doing?
Does this look human to you?
Are you high?
No. Are you?
You've gone from pissy pants
to poopy hands.
I'm just thinking back on
something you said, quote unquote,
about taking a dump in my pathetic
excuse for an herb garden end quote.
You accused me of taking a package.
And, now you accuse me of taking a shit?
If the shit fits.
Then fucking wear it.
Yuppie.
- What the? - Eat shit.