Local Hero (1983) Movie Script

'You're with KNOX. Overnight,
Texas south had 1/2 inch of rain!
'Today, an 80% chance of rain
in greater Houston.
'The downtown temperature
is 70 degrees.
'The air is good today,
'pollen level at 200,
and lead level, a low 120.
things are gumming up.
'Downtown is still moving,
'but at exit 49,
there's heavy inbound stuff.
'On southbound nine, we have
a highway patrol advisory
'on a car and truck wreck.
'Hurricane Eleanor has decided
to move off east...
'maybe to avoid all that traffic...
'and the high wind advisory
of last night has been lifted.
'Also lifting is the Dow Jones...
'up five at 800
on last night's New York close.
'More news and numbers
from me, Bob Merry, at 11
'here on KNOX,
the sound of Texas south,
'brought to you today
by Commercial Wall Coverings.
'Now back to work,
and keep moving, Texas!'
'Nature guards
her treasures jealously.
'Just a decade ago, these fields
were beyond our reach.
'We didn't have the technology.
'Today, a Knox engineer will tell you
that he might need a little time,
'but he'll get the oil.
'He knows a little time
is all that we have left.'
Mr Happer. Mr Happer, sir.
Today's main business
is the progress of our
acquisition of part of Scotland
for the refinery and storage base.
I've got a few things to show you.
We have a two-year lead
in North Atlantic development.
We can double this by streamlining
the processing end of things onshore.
The pipeline is well on its way
from all three production areas.
- We have a site for the terminal.
- What about the site acquisition?
The survey teams found
the only suitable bay on the coast.
Total investment is 600 million,
over three fiscals.
We've got to buy Ferness Bay
for $60 million.
We're dealing with stable allies
of the US,
not to mention the links historically
between Knox Oil and Scotland.
We're not in a third world situation.
I think we should get
a negotiator on the site.
Do I really have to go there?
I could fix the deals over the phone,
like with Salinas last year?
It's not like Mexico, Macintyre,
it's people like us.
You're a Scot. You'll be dealing
with your own people.
You won't be dealing
with a bunch of Indians.
Cal, will you look after
Africa while I'm gone?
Just the west coast deals.
Sarah's got the files.
We've got the Congo development
minister's tit in the wringer
so I think we can close this deal.
'What about the tanker franchise?'
I want franchises in all territories.
And put a five-day deadline
on the offer.
- 'You got it.'
- You want to eat?
Cal, I've got a confession to make.
I'm not Scottish.
Man, oh, man!
Think I should tell Fountain?
Hell, no. Don't spoil the fun.
Take the trip.
My folks changed their name
when they arrived from Hungary.
They thought Macintyre was American.
Jesus, Mac, you're not a Scotchman,
you're not a Texan.
I can't even pronounce my last name.
Comets are important. They could be
the key to the universe.
What will you call this comet,
The Happer Comet
or Happer's Comet...or Comet Happer.
I thought it might be!
The whole world will weep with
gratitude when the big day comes.
Mr Happer's got his comet. Hooray!
What an empty, hollow,
wasteful activity.
You're chasing comets around the sky.
Is your life so complete?
What about a wife?
Children? A family?
Are these human goals
too simple for you?
Get out, Moritz! That's enough.
I've got some meetings.
Out! Out! Out!
Yes, sir. Uh, it seemed to go pretty
well today, didn't it, sir?
It was OK, Moritz.
I think we could
build up the sessions...
at the same fee, of course.
We're at a crucial stage.
Speak to Mrs Wyatt.
Fix a half-hour for Friday.
I could give you
an abusive phone call some night.
Anytime that's inconvenient. Surprise
might do some good. I mean harm.
Did you mean that stuff
about me being a flop?
Oh, God, no, Mr Happer!
It's basic therapy technique.
Sometimes I get carried away.
You think if I'd married,
things would be different?
Oh, by no means, Mr Happer.
The world offers many alternatives
to the security of the family unit.
Look at me, Mr Happer.
I'm a single man.
Get out.
Mrs Wyatt, who are we sending
to Scotland on that refinery deal?
'Mr Crabbe selected
Mr Macintyre of Acquisitions.
'His Scottish connections
fit the bill,
'and he handled Mexico
well last year.'
I want to see him before he leaves.
Cal, I've just been called upstairs.
I'm going to meet the man.
This could be it. Big doings!
And I get to ride
the express elevator, too.
I have the Prime Minister for you,
Mr Happer. Hold on.
Mr Happer, ma'am.
Yes, I did!
I tried it with the raspberries.
It was delicious,
although I only had frozen.
Yes, ma'am.
Here's Mr Happer now. Goodbye.
I'm sorry, Your Excellency,
but Mr Happer can't talk right now.
Ask His Serene Highness
to call back in half an hour.
Macintyre, sir.
Pleased to meet you.
- Going to Scotland, Macintyre?
- Yes, sir.
Be like going home,
like we're going home, eh?
The founder of all this was a Scot...
Alexander Knox.
That's not him. That's my father.
He bought out Knox in 1912.
Would've been handy if he'd thought
to change the company name then.
Anyway, you're going to Scotland.
The old country, hey, Macintyre?
Yes, sir!
Virgo is well up this time of year.
I'm talking about the sky, Macintyre.
The constellation of Virgo
is very prominent
in the sky now, in Scotland.
I want you
to keep an eye on Virgo for me.
Will you do that?
Oh, sure.
This is Virgo. Find the Great Bear,
the Big Dipper, and you can't miss.
I'm expecting something special
from there. I want reports.
- Reports, sir?
- Anything unusual in Virgo.
It might be a new star
or even a shooting star.
I want reports.
Anything out of the ordinary,
you telephone me, night or day.
This is my private number.
You'll be travelling
six hours east...you'll be ahead.
Think of that.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
- I have a general...
- You'll know when you see it.
And you'll telephone me, OK?
You do know what a comet is,
don't you?
- I would if I saw one.
- And you'd phone me?
- Yes, sir.
- Good man. You got the picture.
The northern sky
is a beautiful thing, Macintosh.
You're going to have
a wonderful trip.
Thank you, sir.
'Hi, Rita.'
- Who is this?
- 'Mac!'
'I'm leaving the country for a while.
'I was wondering if you'd like to
celebrate this evening with a drink?'
No, it's not. It's Mac.
She knows.
No. Mac. M-a-c.
Hello there!
How are you?
Oh, good. Yeah, I'm terrific, too.
No, I won't keep you.
I'm leaving town for a while,
and you still have stuff here.
Some mail...three letters.
They've been here a while.
Your English cigarette lighter...?
I thought you might miss that.
It's not important
if you can live without it.
There is something else.
Remember my camera case?
The one you kept your make-up in?
I want it back.
No, that's not why I called...
No, that's not true!
Trudi, I don't want
to argue with you.
Look, I'm not calling you a thief.
Maybe you are a kleptomaniac.
You think you ought
to see a doctor?
You're the pervert!
Just piss up a rope, all right?
'Our speed over the ocean
is 740 miles per hour.
'If you'd like
to adjust your watches,
'the time in Britain is 11:47
'and our estimated arrival
is at 1:45 local time.
'Shortly before our descent,
'I'll give you more information
on the weather in Britain.'
'British Caledonian. Would
passengers arrived from London
'and connecting with
Thistle and Ninian fields
'please proceed now to the helicopter
check-in desk at gate four.'
I'm Macintyre,
Knox Oil and Gas, Houston. Are you...
Oldsen, Knox Oil and Gas, Aberdeen.
I didn't want to make a fuss.
I know how delicate this is.
You have a car to take me
to the laboratory?
- Well, let's go.
- Can I give you a wee hand?
'Flight BA 40726 to Orkney
is now available for check-in.'
Could you close that door?
This is a controlled environment.
- Um, Dr Geddes, Mr Watt, this is...
- Macintyre. Houston.
Welcome to our little world.
You've come to see the bay, eh?
Marina, this is Mr Macintyre
and Mr, eh...
Oldsen, Danny. Hello.
The sensor on 421's gone haywire.
I better replace it.
- She's got magnificent lungs.
- Oh, yes. A great asset.
Five oceanography degrees
and a talented programmer.
I'll get rid of her.
She's not in on this Ferness thing.
Actually, she's better in the field.
Here's the dud.
Um, you can take
some lunch now, Marina.
I'll show you the site models,
shall I?
You'll see what you're
in the market for.
This is a bay in a million.
The silt's deep enough
to take the foundation piles.
This harbour here is a natural for
blasting in the underground tanks.
Here. Hold Ferness
a minute, would you?
Plus, the debris rock will be used
to fill in the other beach
for the refinery.
With 12 more miles of coastline,
this could become the petro-chemical
capital of the free world.
Six months' blasting,
two years' construction.
It'll last 1,000 years. Forever!
It'll even survive the next ice age.
We've proved that, you know.
We've simulated 10,000 years
of glaciation over the whole bay.
We don't need that ice age.
We can divert the Gulf Stream
and unfreeze the Arctic Circle.
He proved it, but they won't listen.
They want to freeze.
Thank you, Norman,
there was no need to bring that up.
- Will, um, Marina be back?
- No, not for a while yet.
We should head north soon.
We'll see you
when we get back, maybe.
No. Take it. Keep it.
Dream large. Dream large!
- What you thinking about?
- Girls.
Naked girls.
Me, too.
- In a fish tank.
- Yeah.
- What's up?
- I think we hit something.
It got misty all of a sudden
and I think we hit something.
Shit! I hate hitting things!
- It's just kind of stunned.
- Maybe a broken leg.
- Should we put it out of its misery?
- What?
Hit it with something hard?
You did that with an automobile.
Put it in the car.
Well, we can't drive in this stuff.
Where are we?
The last road sign was in Gaelic.
It's not one of my languages.
You speak languages?
French, Italian, Spanish.
Greek, Turkish, Russian, Swedish,
German, Japanese, Dutch, and Polish.
I have a facility with languages.
I've got some chocolate and some gum.
- What have you got?
- Nothing.
- Nada, rien...
- OK, OK.
This is my car.
Porsche 930.
A car's important.
I got migraine headaches
driving a Chevy.
A car like this won't let you down.
Conference time in Houston.
I'll give them a call tomorrow.
Good night.
Could we
have the lights off?
Sure, sure.
- Morning.
- Hello.
- Some place, huh?
- Yeah.
I think I'll call him Harry.
No. Her name's Trudi.
I'm hungry.
I'll drive.
Whole lot of scenery, though.
What is it?
Sorry to trouble you so early.
We'd like to check in
and maybe eat something.
Breakfast isn't till eight.
Seven in the fishing season.
It's not the fishing season.
Could we check in?
We've been on the road all night.
We have an injured rabbit also.
It's never locked.
Passing through?
We might stay a few days.
Make yourself some toast and coffee.
We'll take care of formalities later.
I have to go back upstairs.
There's lettuce for the rabbit.
Nice people, huh?
Yeah, and they speak English.
Do you think
they're at it up there?
"We have an injured rabbit."
Think it's them?
Sure. 100% sure.
Christmas might be early this year.
What do you want for Christmas?
Better get that new mattress.
Hang on!
Would you have an adapter?
I have to charge my briefcase.
The lock is electric.
Would you have an adapter?
Er, do you need it right away?
Leave it with me
and I'll sort something out.
- I'll hold on to it.
- OK, fine.
- Everything OK, gents?
- Very nice.
We only do hot lunch every other day.
We have to talk to Mr "Urk-u-hart,"
an accountant.
He has an office right next door.
He'll be there in about 15 minutes.
Thank you.
Come in!
Hello again. I'm Gordon Urquhart.
We tend to double up on jobs here.
I'm a taxi driver, too. Sit down.
What can I do for you?
I represent
Knox Oil and Gas, Mr "Og-hart".
- Gordon.
- Gordon.
I believe my people
let you know we'd be calling.
That's right. So...what's up?
We're in the way of acquiring
some real estate.
We wanted your help
in co-ordinating our work.
What do you want to buy?
I won't be coy.
We want the whole place.
We want to buy everything from the
cliffs to the bay and a mile inland.
That's all.
Well, you're talking about
15...maybe 20 properties.
You're talking about families,
businesses, farms.
You're talking about a lot of money.
We don't have to go
into figures right now.
I have a breakdown
on the properties.
I think it's a matter
of making a collective deal.
Why don't you get to know the place.
Take a day or so...I'll let you know.
How about that?
OK, if you think
it'll take that long.
- The church, too?
- Yes.
The Church has definite views
about property.
See the beach, relax.
- Then you'll work out some numbers?
- I'll do my best.
Take it away, Andrew.
Oh, boy, are we going to be rich!
We're going to sell this hotel...
# Oh, oh, oh, oh...
# Oh, I know you #
# Oh, Mr Macintyre,
I know you, too #
Thank you.
- Sorry.
- That's all right.
What do you make of Urquhart, then?
He smells the money.
- Nice beach this, isn't it?
- Yeah.
We should come here
when we have to discuss business.
The hotel's too public.
That's where the jetty will be,
and the storage tanks over here,
all the way up.
Looks just like the model,
doesn't it?
- Well, more expensive.
- Oh, it's some business.
It's the only business.
Could you imagine
a world without oil?
No automobiles.
- No heat.
- And polish.
- No ink.
- And nylon.
No detergents.
You wouldn't get any Perspex.
No polythene.
Dry cleaning fluid.
Waterproofs. They make
dry cleaning fluid out of oil?
- Did you not know that?
- No, I didn't know that.
You know anything
about the stars?
Not much. Why?
I want to check something out.
I'll get a book or something.
It's business time in Houston.
I want to make some calls.
Can I help you, gentlemen?
Is there a telephone in the hotel?
There's a phone box across the road.
You'll need some change.
You can talk
to anywhere in the world.
- Could you change this? Tens.
- I don't think we'll manage that.
You got any tens, lads?
This gentleman would like to make an
important long-distance phone call.
Give us your tens.
Sandy! Any 10 pences?
Hey, hey, hey!
Aye, Ricky's on the road tonight.
You got to look both ways.
- There, Mr Mac. Full working order.
- Thanks. I'm fine now.
You don't have to do that.
- Have you got the code?
- I got the code.
You could call the operator.
Put the tens in
when you hear the pips.
- I'm fine. I'll see you later.
- Oh, aye.
- No. Later on.
- Oh, right.
Bye-bye. Thanks again.
Bye! You've been a big help! Bye.
'Thank you for calling
Knox Oil and Gas.'
'Thank you for calling
Knox Oil and Gas.'
Thank you for calling
Knox Oil and Gas.
'Thank you for calling
Knox Oil and Gas.'
OK! OK! Get me Calvin Wrain
in Acquisitions and Negotiations,
- and hurry, please.
- Hold, please.
This is Wrain.
- 'Cal! I'm in a phone box!'
- Mac, how are you!
Listen. Take this number...
Ferness, 261.
You'll have to look up the code.
I'll give you other numbers later.
'Cal! How are things, boy?'
Fine, Mac.
You only been gone a couple of days.
'Feels like I've been here forever.'
Well, how's the deal going?
May take some time.
They've got a real nice beach here.
Moritz, Moritz, you're destroying me.
Yes. Now we're getting somewhere.
I think we can move on.
- What do you mean?
- The next stage.
- Physicalise things a little.
- What?
I could hit you.
Wouldn't that humiliate you?
I could tie you up.
That's perversion, not therapy.
Get out, and don't come back.
Good! You're upset. Think what
it'll be like when I punch you.
Get out before I punch you!
This is most gratifying, Mr Happer.
It vindicates my entire theory.
I've got your ego on the run,
you piece of shit!
Sorry, sir, that just slipped out.
We can't give up now.
You're a star patient.
I might have to raise my fee
when we do get physical,
but it won't be unreasonable!
Mrs Wyatt, cancel all future
appointments with Moritz...
and get me Hawaii.
I want Fisher at the observatory.
Hello, Danny.
Good morning, Mr Macintyre.
We'll give "Yur-gu-hart" 24 hours.
Look at the birds.
They look like seagulls.
No. They're too small for seagulls,
and they're not white.
They'll get wet.
Maybe they're waterproof.
Huh! You get waterproof birds?
Oh, yeah. Sure you do.
Let's check out the church,
talk to the preacher.
I want to do something.
Do you think Gordon
and Stella do it every night?
Of course not.
Please, everyone. Will you calm down?
Nobody's mentioned money yet.
Don't get excited!
Quiet, please! Everyone!
Thanks, Murdo.
All I need just now
is your OK to negotiate.
I've got the Knox man on the hook.
Give me time to land him in style.
He's got a bag full of money.
So stay calm and let me handle him.
I need your patience and faith.
Trust me.
Would they be wanting
to buy a boat, too?
Gideon, if things go well,
they'll have to buy
their own shirts back off us.
Stay calm. Trust me.
Gordon, I'd like
to say a short prayer now.
Fine, Murdo.
Quiet, please, everyone.
Murdo wants to say a short prayer.
It's the Yank and the other one!
They're coming here! I saw them.
Quiet, please.
Murdo, can you deal with them?
- Just head them off.
- Not a sound, please! Oh, God.
This is where the canteen will be.
- What's that?
- Where you have lunch and dinner.
- Oh, a commissary.
- That kind of thing.
Good morning! Can I help you?
- Reverend MacPherson?
- Yes.
My name's Macintyre. This is Oldsen.
Macintyre, eh?
You're not Scottish, are you?
- I'm an American.
- I'm not a Scotsman either.
I'm an African.
I came here as a student minister
and didn't ever get away again.
What can I do for you?
We're here on...kind of a mission.
Same here.
We want to acquire real estate.
We'd like to establish relationships
with those who have land hereabouts.
You want to buy my church?
Well, not as a going concern.
They practise here.
As long as they're bombing the beach,
they can't be bombing anywhere else.
It's kind of comforting.
Ahh...so far as
your business here is concerned,
all I can recommend
is that you talk to our Mr Urquhart.
He looks after
the church's interests,
in temporal matters, at least.
I understand.
Sounds like good advice, Reverend.
I know I don't have to ask you, sir,
but could you treat our conversation
with confidence?
I give you my word, I will be
as discreet as the next man.
Thank you.
But news tends
to travel fast around here.
I understand, sir.
The Reverend says
news travels fast around here.
- Hmm!
- Hmm!
Don't know why I'm here.
I'm more of a telex man.
Could sew this whole deal up
in one afternoon over the wires.
That's the kind of person I am.
I need electricity.
Don't know about those jets.
They really spoil a very nice area.
- Oh, it's a crime.
- Yeah.
- May I have another roll?
- Certainly.
- Who's that old man on the beach?
- That'd be Ben.
- He lives there all year?
- Oh, yes.
- Doesn't he get cold?
- He's used to it.
- How's the casserole de lapin?
- Terrific.
That's rabbit.
- Is this my rabbit?
- Yes.
- Harry!
- Trudi.
We don't allow animals
in the bedrooms.
It's a pet! It had a name!
You don't eat things with names.
It was an injured rabbit.
It was in pain.
You were a bit hasty.
Mac was looking after it.
All it needed was lots of rest
and proper treatment.
Mac was on top of the situation.
They didn't like the rabbit.
Mac loved the rabbit!
That's the point. It had a name!
Is it worthwhile calling the vet?
Don't be a clown, Gordon.
Make some coffee.
It had a broken leg. Check the bones
if you don't believe me.
I'm sorry, Mac,
but we eat rabbits here.
The vet would have done the same.
I didn't know it had a name.
It's OK, Stella.
Look, you don't have to finish it.
- How was it, anyway?
- It was nice.
Apart from it being Trudi,
it was nice.
What lovely long eyelashes
you've got.
Was it a wine sauce?
I let it simmer for
a couple of hours in some white wine.
Why did you call it Trudi?
No reason.
Apart from anything else,
a Rolls Royce will last longer.
It's a false economy
to invest in cheap goods.
It's not cheap. The Maserati's
30,000, and it looks nicer.
You can't get four or five winter
lambs into the back of a Maserati.
That's what you need a Rolls for.
Space, adaptability.
Are you sure there are two "L"s
in "dollar", Gideon?
And are there two "G"s
in "bugger off"?
- Andrew, knock it off for a bit.
- OK.
You busy?
No. Just fixing lunch.
- It's OK, you can start again now.
- Right!
Don't wave your arm so much.
- I got six.
- I got a 10 before. You missed it.
I think 10's the maximum you can get
before it sinks.
- It's a scientific law.
- But it's the size, as well.
A middle size seems to work
the best, you know?
I'll check out the beach. Coming?
No. You go ahead.
I'll hang around here,
maybe catch Urquhart later.
Hey, I said it! Urquhart!
Gordon Urquhart.
Gordon Urquhart.
- Working hard?
- Fixing the creels.
Trying to keep lobsters in
and crabs out.
- What do you do with the lobsters?
- They catch a plane.
Next day, they're being eaten in
London or Paris. They see the world!
- Don't you eat them?
- Oh, no. Too expensive.
You work here as well as the bar?
Oh, aye. We all muck in together,
do any job that's needing done.
Have you only got one job?
Yeah. Just one.
The telephone box all right for you?
It's fine.
Gideon's going to give it
a fresh coat of paint.
Any particular colour you'd like?
Red's all right. Red's fine.
The cord could be
a little longer, though.
In America, the cords
are a bit longer.
Whose baby?
Come down!
Come here. I want to talk to you.
Baby coral.
You're Mr What's-his-name from Knox.
- Danny. We met in Aberdeen.
- I remember.
Did you swim all the way?
No. I stay here a lot.
This is my bay.
I'm working on a biological profile
of the whole area.
- Didn't Geddes tell you?
- Not really.
I'm plotting everything from the
two headlands to the high-tide mark.
- How's the water? Cold?
- It should be colder.
The North Atlantic Drift comes in
here. Warm water from the Caribbean.
That's why it's special here.
Stuff fetches up here
from the Bahamas.
That's a long way.
- You swim?
- Not that far.
- How are things in the village?
- OK.
They're good people.
Let me know if I can help.
Good afternoon.
I'd like some toothpaste, please.
Something with fluoride or ammonia.
And, uh, some shampoo.
Dry, normal, or greasy?
Normal. Extra normal.
That's normal.
It'll do your dandruff, as well.
They've been smelling the money
since you two got here.
Do you know why we're here?
Of course.
It's my project, isn't it?
- Your project?
- The marine laboratory here.
I sent the proposal months ago.
You're here to check it out, right?
- Don't be coy.
- Sure. The marine laboratory.
I know it's only a public relations
number for Knox now,
but the future's in here.
I'm not a very good swimmer.
Listen, when can I see you again?
I'm always around. I'll pop up soon.
- Have you enough air to get home?
- Sure.
- Well, take care anyway.
- See you.
Have you got a telephone number
or anything?
- No.
- No?
That's all it is.
A little one over here?
You could paint that out,
put this here.
No, huh?
We don't see the point.
Just ask him to make us an offer.
It's not that simple.
We can't appear too eager.
We string him along,
and the price goes up.
- What if he pulls out?
- It's too much of a gamble.
Ask him what he has to offer.
- A half pint for you?
- Aye, and a whisky.
I told you I needed
your trust and your patience.
Let me take the strain. Relax.
Give me till the Ceilidh, at least.
24 hours.
OK. We'll talk at the Ceilidh.
Nice to see you in here,
Mr Macintyre.
Mr Urquhart.
I want you to try something.
This is the MacAskill.
Pure malt whisky.
42 years old.
Old enough to be out on his own.
Very true.
- Slinte!
- Yeah.
- I want to talk to you.
- Good.
It's not about
buying people's feelings,
it's about
taking feelings into account.
I agree.
Massive disturbance,
resettlement, lives being restarted.
Sounds like a lot of money.
One way, it strikes me,
might be a trust fund
over and above a purchase price.
Say, a lump sum, plus a percentage
of the profits over 10 or 20 years
with some local trustees
and some Knox ones.
We have to decide on a basic price
before the frills.
I'll get you a fixed price
averaging over the whole area.
We have to be talking about millions.
What kind of millions
are we talking about?
We'll have to talk about that.
Say, a target figure of maybe...
20 million.
- For the trust?
- For the community, yes.
Dollars, maybe.
- It's a nice evening, though.
- Pretty.
Good evening, Ben.
Aye. Oh, it's
a pleasant night, Gordon.
This is Macintyre.
He's staying with us.
How do you do, Mr Macintyre?
I'd offer you a cup of tea,
but there's only the one other cup.
- We don't mind sharing.
- Not in the least.
No sugar, though, please.
Macintyre was asking me how much
I thought the bay was worth, Ben.
Oh, that's a good one,
right enough, Gordon!
Do you know about the stars, Ben?
Well, I know my way around this sky.
What about comets? Any around?
Did you want to buy a comet, as well?
If you want to find a comet,
you just have to look long enough
in the right place.
Where would you look?
I would look in Leo,
but it seems like an awful lot
of trouble just to find a comet.
What about Virgo?
You never mentioned
comets before.
That's a whole new area
of negotiation.
We'll leave you in peace now, Ben.
We're having a Ceilidh tomorrow after
Mac and I have tidied up some work.
I'll be there, Gordon.
You can count on me.
Jesus, look.
Holy cow! Jesus!
Calm down, Mac.
It's just a meteor shower.
Morning, Andrew.
Good morning, Mr Mac.
I'll see you later, then.
Mr Macintyre!
Telephone. It's a Mr Houston.
- Macintyre. Hello.
- 'This is Happer. How are things?'
Sir, they're fine.
'The deal is about there.'
- What about the sky?
- 'It's amazing!'
There's always
a lot happening in it.
Last night there was a meteor shower.
- Where was the shower?
- In the sky. They came down.
What part of the sky?
'I don't know, but I'm told that
comet-wise, Leo may be worth a look.'
Should I switch from Virgo?
I'll have time later.
No. Do both, Macintyre.
Leo and Virgo.
Have you ever seen
a meteor shower, sir?
Once or twice.
It's a sight worth seeing.
- I know how you must feel.
- 'Yes, Mr Happer.'
- I'll keep in touch.
- 'Goodbye, sir.'
'Next week, Professor Wiley
will be talking about his theory...'
'..based on his researches into
interplanetary gravitational effect.
'From Astronomy Tomorrow,
good night.'
- 'Happer?'
- Yes.
'You're a shit, Happer.
A useless piece of crap.'
Get off the phone, Moritz.
I don't need you any more.
You're not being paid.
'This is doing more good
than the formal sessions.'
Leave me alone, or I'll call
the police. This is harassment.
'Asshole, Happer!
You love it! Craphound!'
'I'm still here, Happer,
and you're still a useless mo...'
You seem to like this place.
I like the scenery.
Grey seals.
They look nice and friendly.
A salmon fisherman
would shoot them on sight.
They steal his fish
and ruin his nets.
They know what they're doing.
They're rascals.
We're keeping an eye on them. There's
only 50,000 left in the Atlantic.
Sailors used to think
they were mermaids, yeah?
Aye, they did. They were wrong.
'General Store
from Vulgar Boatman.
'Channel four for QRK.
Come back, General Store.
'Channel four for QRK.
Come back and copy.
'General Store, planning a visit.
'Picked up modulations
on your coming Ceilidh.'
Welcome to democracy, Boatman.
Tell Gordon Urquhart
the Russians are coming!
Hello! Hello!
How are you?
- Good to see you, Victor.
- Good to see you, Gordon.
Watch the booze, Gordon.
- Carry these.
- OK.
Silly bitch.
This is plum brandy for Stella.
The rest is the usual.
How are things?
I heard about the Ceilidh.
Oh, yeah.
We've been invaded by America.
We'll have nowhere to call home,
but we'll be stinking rich.
Are the Americans here?
Just one and a Scots kid. They're
on the beach taking long walks.
It's Japanese.
Asi. Asi.
- Kisu.
- Kisu?
Kisu. Seppum.
You taste salty.
You're on the fresh side.
I've got some insurance
policies for you to look at.
How do you make this add up?
Oh, Mac,
come and meet Victor Pinochkin.
Victor, this is Mac.
Macintyre. Knox Oil and Gas, Houston.
Soviet fishing fleet, Murmansk.
I'm here for the Ceilidh. We have
been buying fish in the Minch.
You are doing some business, too?
Yes. I think I'll go upstairs
and wash out these shells.
What have you got there?
Is that a scallop shell?
A very nice one.
This is a razor fish or razor clam.
They call them "spoots" around here.
You can eat them.
Catching them is a problem, though.
They jet through the sand.
- Strong little things.
- I wouldn't want to eat them.
- Come down for a drink later, Mac.
- Yeah, I'll see you later.
I left last year's money
on short-term deposit.
I didn't know when you might need it.
Wouldn't it work harder
on the money market?
The amounts don't justify it.
Besides, the dollar's
all over the place now.
It's a full-time job
just monitoring it.
No, I see what you mean.
You should think again
about some property.
I'll be liquid after this Knox thing.
Come in with me.
You know I'm a cash man, Gordon.
I'll have to think about it.
Hey, that's a ribbed mussel. Nice.
Yeah. And this is a scallop.
A bay scallop, I would say, actually.
Yeah, yeah,
and this is a razor shell.
So how's business?
Do you need any help?
Urquhart's got
all the powers of attorney.
We should have
a draft agreement by tonight.
- So we've swung it?
- Looks like it.
No opposition at all?
They'll do all right.
We're not robbing anybody.
Do they know
what'll happen to the place?
They'll be rich.
That's all they know.
Could I borrow your ribbed mussel?
I want to show it to someone.
- Bring it back.
- First thing tomorrow.
- Thank you.
- Bye.
- Do you speak Russian?
- Yeah. That's one of mine.
- You want my scallop, too?
- No, thanks. The mussel will do.
- OK. See you at the Ceilidh, then.
- Right.
- Please, come on.
- No. Thanks, but...
- You don't want to dance with me?
- It's not that...
It'll be good. Just enjoy yourself.
If we call the useless land
- the beach and cliffs -
one third of the price of
the working land and the village,
the average price is 2,000 per acre.
Sounds fine.
I'm asking for 5% of revenue over
10 years on top of the 10 million.
I can't say on the percentage.
You can have the 10 million
plus participation to be
mutually...etcetera etcetera.
There's Victor's song.
# Guess that I was born to be a rover
# Guess I've always been
a rolling stone
# But someday when
my roving days are over
# I will find a place to call my own
# Cos even the lone stars,
they get lonesome
# Lonesome as a lost ship on the sea
# Even the lone stars,
they get lonesome
# Lonesome for
a lone star man like me... #
A 42-year-old whisky, Roddy.
We've none of that tonight.
Give me four eight-year olds
and a ten-year old!
Aye, that adds up.
Yeah! Ha ha!
# Even the lone stars,
they get lonesome
# Lonesome for
a lone star man like me
# Lonesome for a lone star
# Man
# Like
# Me #
Four generations
of working that farm,
digging and draining and planting.
Years and years,
and it comes to this.
Strange times, Archie.
What was it Gordon Urquhart
offered you?
1.5 million in cash,
plus 2% of the relocation fund,
and a share in the oil field revenue.
Aye, strange times. Strange times.
No, no.
- Come on, what do you say?
- What do I say what?
- Let's haggle.
- Haggle?
Dollars or pounds?
The 2,000 per, or the 10 million?
- Pounds. Let's say pounds.
- Come on, Mac. Negotiate!
Whatever you want, Gordon.
Pounds, yen, roubles. You name it.
It was only 40 at Christmas.
You were only charging
two at Christmas.
Inflation's going up all the time.
Spiralling costs.
Anyway Alan's got a new guitar.
- You're a fiver short, Murdo.
- Sorry, Gordon.
- You'll still help with the waltz?
- Oh, aye.
Come on, Mac. Get your jacket off.
We're waltzing. Come on.
Ah, it's James Stewart.
That's Humphrey Bogart.
Watch, watch. Who's this?
Well, that would be James Stewart.
No. That's Cary Grant.
This is Jimmy Stewart.
Ah, Humphrey Bogart.
No. That was James Stewart.
What were you dancing
with that prat for?
I saw you chasing that guy
all over the dance floor.
What's so special about him?
He's different.
Bloody right he's different.
Cheer up.
You've made everybody very happy.
You're a success. Cheers.
It's their place, Mac.
They have a right
to make what they can of it.
You can't eat scenery.
You speak a lot of sense
for an oilman.
Is everyone celebrating?
Almost everyone.
When do I get the good news?
I want to talk to you about that.
There's a kind of alternative plan.
Geddes has all the details.
- What do you mean?
- It's an oil terminal or something.
No. I don't see that happening here.
I don't see that at all.
Holy mackerel! What's happening?
It's just the northern lights.
Aurora borealis.
High energy protons
spilling into our atmosphere.
They get through the magnetic shield
at the poles.
It's still beautiful,
whatever you call it.
- How often does this happen?
- Oh, any old time.
It's best when the sun's active.
That gets the solar wind up.
You say the darnedest things, Marina.
I don't feel sick.
I just feel a wee bit dizzy.
I'll put a bit of colour
into your cheeks, darlin'!
What's happening up there?
That's the northern lights, Mac.
What the heck is that?
It's pretty technical.
Nice though, isn't it?
Hey, everybody! I need tens.
I got to have tens.
I have to...I need tens.
'Thank you
for calling Knox Oil and Gas.'
'Mr Macintyre in Scotland.
'Should I transfer him
to Mr Fountain?'
No. Let me have him.
Happer here, Macintyre.
I'm watching the sky, sir.
It's doing some amazing things.
It's got everything, reds,
greens and kind of shimmering.
'There's noise, too,
like a far-off thunder, only softer.'
I wish I could describe it
like I'm seeing it.
Be more specific. You're my eyes
and ears there. Give me details.
Sir, I'll give you the colours first.
It's white and green and red...
I'm sorry. That's the phone box.
Oh, it's blue!
It's like a shower of colour!
Tell him it's the aurora borealis.
It's the aurora borealis,
but it's beautiful!
You're a lucky man, Macintyre.
I haven't seen the aurora
since '53 in Alaska.
'I haven't seen a comet yet, sir.
'I don't know if I'd spot one
in all this...'
Moritz, you idiot!
'Ben said that meteors
are a good sign of a comet.'
'That stuff we saw
the other night...'
You nut! Get out!
'..the future. With regard
to comets, of course...'
Moritz! Get off this building!
I'll have you certified!
'..things happening in the sky.'
'As you suggested,
I'll watch Virgo as well.'
I'll let you know if anything...
God! It just went red all over!
It's red all over!
Mrs Wyatt, I'm leaving the office.
'Yes, sir.'
And, Mrs Wyatt, there's a maniac
outside the building.
Call the police department.
Get some marksmen. Shoot him off.
Shoot to kill.
Pardon me.
Oh, Gordon.
Oh, Gordon.
Well, Edward, I wonder what
the poor people are doing tonight.
Aye, but Peter, I thought all this
money would make me feel...different.
What do you mean?
Well, all it's done
is make me feel depressed.
I don't feel any different.
Well, Edward,
you'll just need to buck up.
You need to accept the fact
you're stinking rich.
Nobody ever said it was going
to be easy to be a millionaire, Ed.
I have a proposition for you, Gordon.
I know I'm a bit tipsy, but I want
you to consider this seriously, OK?
- OK.
- OK.
I want to swap with you...
I want to stay here,
run the hotel,
do little bits of business.
You can go to Houston.
Take the Porsche, the house, the job.
It's a good life there, Gordon.
I pull down 80,000 a year,
plus I have over 50,000
in mixed securities.
I want you to have it all.
There's nothing due on the car,
it's pure ownership.
And I won't let down
your good name here, Gordon.
I'll make a good Gordon, Gordon.
What do you say, pal?
What about Stella?
I was coming to that.
I love her...very, very much.
She's wonderful.
She's the most beautiful woman
I've ever loved,
and I think she knows it.
I want you to leave Stella
here with me, Gordon.
Would you do that?
Would you leave Stella here with me?
Sure, Mac.
You're a good guy, Gordon.
Do you drive a car, Victor?
Yes. I share a Volvo 144
estate with my brother-in-law.
I drive a Porsche 930.
What's the insurance
like on a Porsche?
Very heavy, but I get a deal
through Knox Insurance.
You got hi-fi?
Quad and video.
I've got quad outfit, too.
Picked it up in Japan.
Here's my address in Houston, Victor.
If you ever get to the States,
give me a call.
Thank you very much.
Let me give you my address
in Murmansk, too.
I'm not there a lot, but...
you never know!
It's my card.
How come you're here?
I have been coming here for years.
I like it here,
but it is tough life for the locals.
You should be proud of yourself,
making them millionaires.
- I don't know.
- Yeah.
- Breakfast ready, Gordon?
- We've a problem. Ben's beach.
- What's the problem?
- It really is Ben's beach.
He owns the shoreline, four miles
of it. It's in the parish records.
- Can he prove it?
- We can't steal the beach from him.
- Buy it from him.
- It's not in our budget.
We didn't allow for this.
Work out a price.
Steal something from the trust fund.
Does he know he owns it?
Can't you stick in
some more money, Mac?
Mr Mac!
That was a telephone call
from America.
- A Mr Happer's coming to see you.
- Happer?
H- a-p-p...p-e-r.
They spelt it for me.
Oh, Jesus!
One million sterling and no more.
Then you're on your own.
That includes the cliffs
and the rocks.
OK, Mac, I've got the message.
- Where's the door?
- There is no door.
How do you do business with
someone who doesn't have a door?
The ethics are just the same.
Ben, could I have a word with you?
- Ben, hello. You know Macintyre.
- Macintyre, aye.
- This is Victor Pinochkin. Ben Knox.
- How do you do?
- Your name is Knox?
- My name's Knox, yes.
Can we come in, or will you come out?
I'll just get the fire started.
- This is your beach, isn't it, Ben?
- Oh, yes.
It's been in the family
for 400 years.
The Lord of the Isles
gave it to an ancestor of mine.
He helped him out
with a spot of trouble.
Killed his brother for him...
something like that.
You have a deed or anything? Papers?
It's in the museum in Edinburgh.
It's a historical document.
Sure, sure. Ben...
What we wanted to ask you...
Have you ever thought about...moving?
Eh, no.
- No?
- No.
Macintyre represents some people who
think they have a use for the beach.
They want to pay you.
- Money?
- A lot of money...
The thing is,
I'm still working the place myself.
It's my living.
It supports me.
You wouldn't have to work.
We all have to work.
The beach has to be worked.
Think of the state
it would get into.
can this music be turned off?
Oh, yeah.
- Don't you like this?
- No.
- You mean you've never liked it?
- No.
- Even when you first came?
- No.
Half a million pounds
is a lot of money, Ben,
enough to buy another beach with.
Look, I've got some postcards.
I've got some very fine beaches here.
I want to make you an offer.
How about this -
any beach that takes your fancy,
anywhere in the world,
I'll get for you.
Look at this - Hawaii.
I can get you
five or six miles of Hawaii.
Or look here, Australia.
Look at that sand.
Oh, yes. They look like
very nice beaches, Mr Macintyre.
But, see, I only need the one.
I have this here.
I don't need another one.
Besides, I'm not sure that there's
a living in any of these beaches.
You've got to go into
that kind of thing in detail.
I'll buy you any beach you want,
and I'll give you 750,000
to set yourself up with.
It'll give you some security
in the early stages. What do you say?
You're great at talking
with the big numbers...
- Say, look, you're good at numbers.
- Part of my job, yes.
Would you give me a pound note
for every grain of sand in my hand?
You can have the beach for that.
There, I saved you
a pound or two there.
Ben, I don't want to play games.
Let's negotiate
in a businesslike way.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
You could have had
a very nice purchase, Mr Macintyre.
I can't hold much more than 10,000
grains of sand in my hand at a time.
Did you think it would be
a bigger number?
- You took advantage of me, Ben.
- Did I?
How about a hatful of sand?
No, no.
That wouldn't be businesslike.
Danny, get the wine glasses
without the stems.
Sure. Would anyone
like more potatoes?
- No.
- Yes, please.
- Some roast, if you have them.
- Sure thing, Mr Knox.
And, uh, a couple more sprouts.
Is he going to sell?
He wants some more sprouts.
Here, let's have a look.
Want to buy a house, Andrew?
I'm trying to sell one, Edward.
Gordon, good night.
I've enjoyed myself.
Mr... Good night.
Can we have a word with you, Ben?
Let's walk him home.
400...500 people
could make a living here
if things were allowed to change.
- That wouldn't be the first time.
- What?
Local history, Gordon.
This beach used to be
a good living for 300 people.
They gathered seaweed
and extracted the chemicals.
200 years ago, this beach
was turning over 15,000 a year.
Then the trade routes opened up
again to the east,
and so, "farewell, Ferness."
The business went,
but the beach is still here.
If you got the place, it would be
good-bye beach, forever, wouldn't it?
Have an orange, Gordon.
I found a box on Tuesday
in the rocks.
I found a coconut once.
Lord knows where that came from.
What's the most amazing thing
you ever found?
Impossible to say. There's something
amazing every two or three weeks.
I'll let you know the next time.
Good night.
Shit, this is South African.
- Maybe we ought to stick around.
- No, he'll be all right.
They've taken the church road.
Maybe they just want to talk to him.
- Think that's all?
- Oh, sure. Just talk.
an awful lot of them.
I'm travelling light, Macintyre.
One bag in the luggage compartment.
You didn't need
to put on this reception.
This is an informal visit.
But now that I'm here,
I'd like to organise a presentation,
something these people might need,
a church hall, a piano, anything.
I'd like to make a personal gift.
You can let me know
about it tomorrow.
How about the sky, Macintyre?
Anything new?
Well, we'll talk about it later.
Thanks for the call.
Um, I...I...I'm not Macintyre, sir.
Where the hell is he?
I've been on the move for 24 hours.
- Are you Macintyre?
- Yes, sir.
- Get me a room.
- Yes, sir.
This is Gordon Urquhart, hotel...
Yeah, hotel. This way, sir.
Get the luggage, Danny.
Good sky you've got here, Macintyre.
Well done.
One or two unfamiliar objects
to look at up there.
I like this place.
The air is good, clear.
Get me a telescope...tomorrow.
Two-inch refractor will do.
You hear that? Tomorrow.
Ben's got a telescope.
It's bigger than two inches, though.
Ben's got this whole place sewn up.
Come on, Danny. Carry that stuff.
I'll offer him the piano,
if he's the problem.
- We've tried most things.
- Did you try a piano?
No. We offered him $1.5 million.
I don't know if he plays the piano.
He owns the whole beach?
It's been in the Knox family
for 400 years.
Ben Knox. Sorry, sir, it's his name.
Maybe I better talk to him.
What's he like?
He's kind of eccentric,
roams the beach.
Has an interest in the stars, too.
In fact,
he has a telescope about this big.
Knows the sky
like the back of his hand.
I'll talk to him.
He has this trick he does with sand.
If he offers you
anything to do with sand,
say yes, we'll get him to sign.
Anything up to half a bucket,
say yes.
- He sells sand?
- No. You'll know if he does it.
Don't worry about it.
I've got a plan.
I'll offer him a telescope,
a big one.
Well, good luck, sir.
Ben, it's Mac again.
Ah, good morning to you, Mr Mac.
This is Mr Happer. He'd like to talk.
Delighted to meet you, sir.
Uh...Mr Happer is from America,
like me.
- America?
- Mm-hm.
- Well, then, Mr, uh...
- Happer. Happer.
Come in if you've come that far.
Thank you, sir.
- Er...
- Oh.
- That'll be all for now, Macintyre.
- Yes, sir.
See if they're still laughing.
- What happened?
- Well, they want some whisky.
Ben wants beef sandwiches
with mustard, no salt.
Did Happer say anything?
He doesn't want any mustard,
just salt.
Nothing else?
- I asked if they wanted water...
- OK, OK.
Stay cool, Mac. It's a good sign.
I'll get the food.
Bring some brandy back with you,
Gordon. I'm dying.
Well, slinte, everybody.
Eh? What?
- Skl.
- Cheers.
Jesus, what's going on in there?
Sounds like they are buddies.
Any news about the money?
Not yet. Here, have another brandy.
Hey, look!
See you tonight.
Hello, Macintyre.
- How did it go, sir?
- Oh, fine.
This place has a lot to offer.
But the refinery site was a mistake.
Ben's been filling me in.
Ben has eight unplotted objects
in this very sky.
We're doing a scan tonight.
The acquisition's
at an advanced stage, sir.
Oh, I want this place, Macintyre.
But tell Crabbe to start rethinking
the refinery site tomorrow.
I see a kind of an institute here,
a place for research and study,
an observatory, so to speak,
with radio and optical telescopes.
And after a while, we can branch out.
The sea, sir! This is a natural place
for a marine laboratory.
We've some data in Aberdeen.
The North Atlantic Drift fetches up
things here from all over the world.
Sea and sky.
I like that.
We can do good things here.
You could call it
the Happer Institute, sir.
You might be right.
Might be just the name for it.
Says it all. Good thinking, uh...
- Oldsen, sir.
- Oldsen, you stay here with me.
Macintyre, Crabbe will need you.
Take the chopper to Aberdeen.
Get over to Houston.
Tell Crabbe to get thinking along the
lines of an offshore establishment,
but just for storage - and to put
the refinery nearer the models.
- Tonight, sir?
- The sooner the better.
And Macintyre, get yourself a shave.
What's this laboratory thing?
You didn't tell me about that.
Something I've been piecing together.
Geddes' people are on it.
Remember the girl?
Oh, yeah, the girl.
Macintyre. You'd better get moving.
I'm glad I managed to stop
your refinery caper.
Get my overcoat.
Prepare some food for later.
- Ben and I will be on the telescope.
- Yes, Mr Happer.
I could grow to love this place.
You don't have to pay.
I could stick it on the Knox tab.
- It's been fun having you.
- No, I'll pay, I want to.
Make it out to Stella B Urquhart.
- Stella?
- She's the boss.
This is an American account.
It might not be valid.
We can stick it on the wall
for a souvenir.
- Hope things work out with Happer.
- We can handle him.
The big boys always want
the playground to themselves.
- There'll be work and money.
- Yeah. Work and money.
It'll be OK.
Well, so long.
- You should say goodbye to Stella.
- It doesn't matter.
- Go and see her, Mac.
- Say toodle-oo for me.
And toodle-oo to you, too.
I'll see you off.
Marina, it's the plans!
The lab...it's going to happen!
I told them all about it!
The marine laboratory...
it's going to happen!
Hey, Mr Mac.
Hey! Can I...?
Can I get your autograph, please?
Ta! Good luck!
Hold on, Marina!
I want to talk to you.
- Goodbye!
- Bye!
Is that the Yank
in that thing, Edward?
Aye, Peter, that's him.
Ah, bugger it!
I meant to say cheerio.
'Scottish one-two-four.
Call approach. Out.'
Bravo romeo, roger.
QSY one-two-zero decimal four.
European Captioning Institute