Lock & Load (2023) Movie Script

[slow funky music]

And we do it in the A
College Park,
Cicero, right here
East Side, West Side
Throw it up
And we do it in the A
Keller Road, Kirkwood,
Zone 6, Zone 4
ATL, stand up
And we do it in the A
Oh yes,
South Side, North Side
Vin Hill, Summerhill,
Keep it real
And we do it in the A
Hop in car, going hard
Zone 1 to zone 3,
We're for real
-And we do it in the A
-I'm in the A
Atlanta Braves hat,
Turnt to the back
In the A, yeah,
We kick it like that
And we do it in the A
In a drop top or a flip-flop
Everybody in my city
Getting wrecked, yeah
-And we do it in the A
-Yeah, come on!
On the East Side,
I be too fly
I be riding with
My people in this Nova
-And we do it in the A
I got nowhere to go
Got some bread to--
[wind blowing]
[birds singing]
Do you think a pigeon
knows when it's fat?
Well, like, do you think
a pigeon ever looks
at another pigeon and goes,
"Whoo, you're overweight"?
I'm trying to read.
Cause there's always one,
isn't there?
There's always one in
every flock that's fat.
I wonder if they all stay
away from the fat pigeon.
Pigeon fat shaming.
It's a thing.
[Nick sighs]
Here's a question, right.
If you stand inside a
moving train and you jump,
the train moves with you,
but if you stand on top
of a moving train and jump,
the train moves underneath you.
Can you just shut up
for two minutes?
I'm trying to read.
[birds singing]
[under breath] Fuck me.
[door bangs]
[dramatic music]
[taps seat repeatedly]
Guy's about to
blow up your car.
You're like a fucking
five-year-old, do you know that?
Need constant attention.
Get a grip.
Humor me.
-[rocket fires]
[music intensifies]
That guy blew up my car.
Told ya.
[soft music]
What'd you do
with the shotguns?
You didn't think
to take them out?
What fucking point did
I have time to do that?
Ah, it's like
a fucking video game.
[upbeat dramatic music]
So what's the plan?
Sixteen shots right here, mate.
That's more than enough.
It's all right for you.
I've only got six.
Huh. Well, you would
insist on going old school.
Yeah, well, it's
for sentimental value.
Oh yeah?
Let's see how sentimental
you get when they shoot you
in the fucking face
'cause you're out of bullets.
I'd best get creative, then.
Whatever, Picasso.
Here they come.
[guns cocking]
[guns firing]
[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[guns firing]
[music continues]

[music fades]
[upbeat dramatic music]
[gun firing rapidly]

Size ain't everything, man.
[flames crackling]
Would you look at that?
[hostage groans]
I see that hostage
safety course paid off.
-[muffled exclamation]
-I wasn't on that course.
Rocket launcher dude.
I've got an idea.
[whimpers fearfully]
[launcher clicking]
[soft dramatic music]
I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna
blow us all the hell up!
[hostage shrieking]
[gun fires]
[dramatic music]

[hostage exhales with relief]
Shall we just take their car?
I ain't driving around
with a bomb in the car.
We'll just disarm it.
Do you know how
to disarm a bomb?
Can't be that hard.
Red wire, green wire,
et cetera.
[hostage whimpering]
[helicopter rotors whirring]
[soft mysterious music]

Mark Preston, isn't it?
It is. How are we?
Miles Steiger.
We're all good.
Short notice, Mark.
Must be important.
Isn't it always?
I like to think of it
as a matter of life and death.
[gun clicks]
But mainly death.
We have here 250 AK-47s.
500 corresponding magazines,
30 round capacity
and 100 boxes of ammo.
250 Uzis, nine mil,
32-round capacity.
Same quantity of ammo
as the AKs.
All 3D printed,
no serial numbers,
and each one test fired
to ensure quality.
Changing the face of warfare?
Ah, I wouldn't go as far
as saying that.
Even 3D printed AKs will be
obsolete thanks to drones.
But businesses have to
develop, innovate.
You said on the phone
you want to transfer funds.
Yeah, that's correct.
Wire transfer, eh?
What happened
to good old green?
You know, stuff you
get to hold and smell.
Stains of a hundred hands,
wondering what dirty wee deals
they've been exchanged in.
Call me OCD...
...but I prefer
the hygienic way.
That thing's crawling
with bacteria.
Hope you don't text back
when you're on the toilet.
What's your
delivery arrangements?
I have a truck parked
a couple miles away
at a service stop.
I'll alert the driver as soon
as the transfer is complete.
Apologies, but it's customary
in this line of business
to ask, what's
the nature of the use?
Nature of their use?
They're guns.
You don't ask a fisherman
what he's going to
do with his rod.
Yes, but these are
not for catching cod.
These are automatic weapons,
sans serial numbers.
I need to make sure
that this transaction
and these guns
can't be tracked back to me.
It's ironic,
but I need to know
they're in safe hands.
The weapons are to be
shipped to the Middle East
for use in a military coup.
Middle East is saturated
with substandard AKs,
fit for the purpose.
Is that the best you
can come up with...
Agent Stokes?
[chuckles] What?
Do you think this is some
pissy wee backstreet operation?
All the red flags were there.
First-time buyer,
short notice.
Only, Mark Preston isn't
a first-time buyer...
and you aren't Mark Preston.
Code word?
Falling on deaf ears,
I'm afraid.
[dramatic music]

Oh dear. Oh dear.
[guns firing]
Goodbye, Agent Stokes.
[soft piano music]
[thunder rumbling]
[upbeat rock music]
It's as if I wanna kill yeah

Will I miss?
I never will yeah

There's someone comin' over
With a gun
For the thrill yeah

It's one hell of a day
It's a crazy day

These are crazy days

[rapid, indistinct singing]

It's a crazy day,
a hell of a day
It's as if
I wanna kill yeah

Will I miss?
I never will yeah

There's someone comin' over
With a gun
For the thrill yeah

It's one of a hell of a day
It's a crazy day

A crazy day

These are crazy days

It's a crazy day
Hm, is it, already?
Oh! The light's blinding me.
What are you, a vampire?
[grunts] I need sleep.
I thought you
said you were going
for an early morning run.
Mm, did I?
That's what you told me.
I thought were gonna do
something fun today,
as a family.
I already told you. Maddy's
got school camp this week.
She's getting picked
up this morning.
So it's just us two.
We can do something.
What did you have in mind?
Something dirty.
Something really dirty.
Something really,
really dirty?
Mm. Go on, then.
[whispers] You promised
to clean out the shed.
It's absolutely filthy.
Oh my God, is that the time?
I was gonna go for a run.
Oh, man, that looks good,
greedy guts.
Nick, you'll make her spill
that down her clean pajamas.
So, are you looking
forward to camp, Champ?
Yeah. Are you looking forward
to cleaning out the shed?
[parents laugh]
Ah, who have you
been speaking to?
If I told you,
I'd have to kill you.
You're so lame.
I'm lame?
I'm lame.
Is there an echo in here?
Oh, you've done it now.
[Maddy laughs]
-Give me a hug.
-Love you, Dad.
Okay, bye, Mummy.
-Are you excited?
-See you later.
-Have fun.
[Emma] You be good now.
See you soon.
[car door closes]
[birds singing]
[gun clicking]
[gun firing]
[birds singing]
Thought I might find you here.
Hey, how's it going?
Not bad, how about you?
Really? You're gonna smoke
a cigar right after a jog?
I'm all about
life balance, bro.
-What's happening here?
Ah, just thought I'd try
out some of these bad boys.
Surely you're not retiring
the trusty old pistol.
Sadly, yes.
Finally fell apart.
The hammer split
It's been around
since the war, bro.
I'm just trying to
see which one of these
is a good fit for me.
You thought about moving
the target closer?
-[Derek scoffs]
You got some good shit, yeah.
-Colt 1911.
-[both] Classic.
Beretta 92.
PX4, haven't seen one
of these in a while.
Yeah, it's a little bit
more feminine, that one.
That should suit you to a T.
Watch and learn, boy.
Maybe you should stick
to talking people to death.
[gun clicking]
[gun firing]
[birds singing]
You just come here to
try and piss me off, yeah?
Thought today was your day
with Emma and Maddy.
Maddy's got camp.
Oh, yeah, 'cause
Maddy's got camp.
Yeah, she's got camp,
you fucking asshole.
And Emma mentioned something
about spring cleaning,
so I got out of there
That makes more sense.
[cellphone ringing]
[Kate] Hello, Nick.
Hi, Kate, it's good
to hear from you.
Sorry to call you today.
Nah, that's all right.
We're never that busy
on bank holidays.
So, how are you guys then?
Andy didn't come
home last night.
Was he drinking?
No. They called him in
first thing yesterday morning.
Said he had to go.
And you haven't
heard from him since?
You tried calling the agency?
I can't get through
to anyone.
Listen, we'll swing by
in half an hour.
- Are you sure?
-Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
We'll see you soon, okay?
So what's going on?
Stokes is missing.
Okay, I'll pack
the stuff up in the car
if you wanna get changed.
He got a call round 8:00 AM.
They said they needed him
in for an urgent operation.
Does he ever talk
about his work at all
to you?
I thought that was
against protocol.
Well, it is, but is there
anything he might have said
to give an indication
something was wrong?
Well, over the past few weeks,
he was feeling a bit uneasy.
He said that the department
was investigating
possible corruption, and that
he'd likely be questioned.
Yeah, but that's usually
an ongoing procedure.
I mean,
all the units will have
an anticorruption department.
No, the way he was
going on about it, though,
it seems like it could
be more close to home.
You don't think he'd
actually be involved
in anything, though, do you?
[laughs] No.
I can't imagine it.
Why, can you?
No, not Stokes.
Do you have his list
of agency contacts?
Yeah, one minute.
This is the list
that Andy leaves me,
if there's any emergencies.
They're all close
contacts of his.
Names, phone numbers.
I think given the possible
corruption situation
we should exercise a little
bit of caution with this.
Maybe before we call any
of the names on here,
we go check out the safe house.
Yeah, okay.
We'll keep you updated.
And try not to worry.
I'm sure if anything
had happened,
someone would have
contacted you.
Thanks for doing this.
[footsteps crunching]
How do you know the location
of his safe house?
-He told me.
That's not very safe.
I can keep secrets.
No, you can't.
You're the first one to
spoil season finales.
[car door closing]
[birds singing]
Who the fuck are you?
Take one more step and
I'll fucking shoot you.
What are you doing here?
I swear...
Wouldn't do that
if I were you.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
This is Stokes' place.
Sam Logan.
Agency side.
And where's Stokes?
Sting operation went south.
Stokes went missing.
I'm lying low here.
Are you guys agency or...?
Well, freelance.
Yeah, we go way back.
Who was Stokes after?
Like I'm gonna
tell you two clowns.
Listen, I think
you need to remember
what side of the gun you're on.
Miles Steiger,
international arms dealer.
We got word that
he was gonna deal
with a gun runner
named Mark Preston.
So we seized this guy Preston
en route to the meeting.
Stokes took his place.
So you could
apprehend Steiger?
So how did you guys
find out about the meeting
between Steiger and
this Mark Preston?
We got a guy on the inside.
In Steiger's organization?
[Sam] Yeah.
How do you get
in touch with him?
Well, we don't.
He gets in contact with us.
Security protocol helps
protect him, keep him safe.
So how do we get to Stokes?
There's more to it.
[clears throat]
We found out that Steiger
was closing a contract
with a terrorist known
as the Chess Master.
We don't know anything
about this guy.
Fuck, we only found out
what Steiger looks like
two days ago.
according to our guy,
it's a major deal.
We been working on it
for weeks.
In fact, the first meeting
between the Chess Master
and Steiger is due to
go down at 4:00 PM today,
according to his intel.
Jesus, doesn't
anyone take days off?
And who the fuck calls
themselves the Chess Master?
Why not wait and
get the both of them?
Why get this Mark Preston
instead of the big fish?
The plan was twofold--
Capture Steiger then
break into the meeting
with the terrorist group.
Substitute Steiger for
one of our agents,
a lookalike so on approach,
no one could tell
it was him.
That way we get all three.
We get the guns off
the street
that Steiger sold to Preston...
stop the subsequent deal
with the Chess Master,
and Steiger
would be banged up.
Still sounds
a bit rushed to me.
Yeah, well, it was, so...
Yeah, I mean, how come
you only just found out
what Steiger looks like?
I thought you had
an undercover in there.
What the fuck was he
reporting on, the weather?
Look, the guy had only
been inside for a few days.
Once we got that information,
we decided to strike
while the iron was hot.
Bottom line,
how do we get Stokes?
-[Sam] Well--
-Aw fuck. Strike team.
Yeah, two approaching
from the front.
-I'll check the rear.
Said the archbishop
to the choirboy. [sucks teeth]
[under breath] Jesus.
[dramatic music]

Nothing out back.
-What are you doing?
-There's been a gas leak.
Come on.
-Come on.
-[items rattling]
[dramatic music]

Let 'em have it.
-Do you smell gas?
you know I've
got a blocked nose.
Ain't no bank holiday
without a barbecue.
[bluesy music plays]

[guns firing]
Is there a fail-safe to
pull this undercover out?
Yeah, you're telling us
you sent someone in there
you couldn't communicate with?
There has to be a way
of contacting them.
There is.
You're looking at him.
Why the fuck didn't
you say something before?
I didn't know if
you were with Steiger.
Come on, surely
if you were undercover
and the sting operation
went south, you'd lay low,
especially being
the new guy.
Stokes made the
decision to pull me out.
He told me to go
to the safe house
before the sting
operation on Steiger.
I wasn't even there.
Yeah, but you do know where
the deal went down, right?
Yeah, but tactical response
already swept it.
It's vacated.
There's nothing there.
So what's the location
of today's meeting
with this terrorist guy?
Same location.
Yeah, so that means that
they've changed the location
of today's meeting, especially
after the attempted raid.
Yeah, meaning
there's nothing to go on.
I'd still like to take
a look at the place
where the deal went down.
I'll take you there.
Well, we found planes.
Well, there's nothing here.
I just had a thought.
Do you know how to contact
this guy, the Chess Master?
Yeah, I caught
sight of his number
when Steiger made the call.
And what use is that?
So, how about we
call him up, right?
We pose as Steiger,
change the location of
the day's meeting, all right?
Now, we use
the Steiger doppelganger
as originally planned, and
we capture the Chess Master.
That doesn't help us
get Steiger or Stokes.
Yeah, yeah, no, it does,
right, because
assuming today's meeting
is still going ahead,
Steiger will have already
the Chess Master
to change the location.
When we capture the Chess
we get him to tell us
the original location,
we run up on Steiger
surrounded by illegal arms
waiting for his money.
[scoffs] Fuck,
this is getting complicated.
But won't he have
heard his voice?
No, he uses one of
those voice distorters
attached to an old telephone.
That's how he's able
to track the contact.
Number redial.
But won't he be suspicious
that we've changed
the location for a second time?
It's all we've got.
What's the name of this guy
that's posing as Steiger?
Darren Bundy.
Let's get him involved.
Because we have three hours
to pull this shit off.
[alarm beeps]
[dramatic music]

[man] The two wild cards.
Steiger was wondering what
your interest in all this was.
Oh, yeah? Why don't you
tell him to come find out?
Drop your weapons.
That includes you.
Everyone, back the fuck
away from your guns.
Always lets the lads get
in some real-life practice.
Oh, oh yeah?
You're gonna regret that.
How about I make
that smile permanent?
[blows striking]
[dramatic music]

[dramatic music continues]

[bones break]
Lord have mercy,
you're good.
But what do we do about this
little situation right here?
Just go after Sam.
He can't get us both.
I'll make do with just one.
[man on radio]
We've got him. Ready to go.
[grunts] Little something
to remember me by.
[Nick grunts]
It's a fake!
[dramatic music]

[tires squeal]
[music continues]

I'm fed up with this shit.
Yeah, Darren Bundy's
name's on this list.
[buttons clicking]
[line ringing]
[Darren] Hi.
Darren Bundy speaking.
Yeah, hi, Darren.
My name's Nick.
I'm close friends
with Andy Stokes.
- Okay.
-Yeah, listen,
his wife gave me
your telephone number.
Are you able to
meet with us at all?
Is that Nick Spencer?
-Yeah, it is.
- Andy's told me
all about you guys.
Is everything okay?
Not really.
Stokes has gone missing.
It would be best if we can
meet in person, if possible.
Can you meet me
in half an hour?
Do you know where the
old archives building is?
[Derek] Darren?
Yeah, pleased
to meet you both.
Andy mentioned you guys
a few times.
I trained him up when he
first joined the service.
You know he hasn't been
seen since yesterday, right?
Not seen by who?
What do you mean?
Well, how do you
know he's missing?
My instructions were to wait
for a meeting place
to be confirmed.
That's all I was briefed on.
For the meeting at 4:00 PM?
Yeah, that's
in two hours' time.
Well, where did I--
Sometimes you don't
receive critical details
until at least an hour before.
Such is the nature of fieldwork.
Hmm. Well, Stokes is
nowhere to be seen.
An undercover agent
named Sam Logan
has been taken
by Steiger's men,
the arms dealer you're set
to pose as this afternoon.
Yeah, that's right.
Steiger was supposed to be
in a secure facility
by this point.
Nobody's notified me otherwise.
A secure facility?
Can you access
government detainees?
Yeah, of course.
Depending on if I've got
the level of clearance
needed to speak to
the prisoner in question, why?
Would you be able
to check and see
if there's a Mark Preston
in custody?
Who's Mark Preston?
He was the buyer that
Stokes posed as yesterday
and that was the last time
that he was seen.
Yeah, he's our only shot
at getting Steiger.
I see.
Okay, let me see
if he's been held.
[man] Release.
Move it.
You know where you're going.
Take a seat.
Mark Preston?
Yeah, that's me.
Who brought you here, Mark?
How should I know?
Some hooded goons.
Have you been questioned
by anyone since?
No, ain't heard
a peep out of anyone.
Not least why I'm here.
Why you're here?
You're a fucking arms dealer.
What's your business
with Miles Steiger?
That's no hard question.
Is there a reduced sentence
attached to this conversation?
That depends on how
helpful you are, Mark.
Now get back in your chair.
I'm a gun smuggler.
I was acting as a liaison
between Steiger
and a despot in the Far East.
Steiger was 3D printing
a load of weapons for him.
What was in it for you?
I was just acting
as an intermediary
for a percentage of the profit.
You know, like a broker.
Normally, I would
smuggle the guns myself,
but Steiger has a channel
for getting the weapons
outta the country.
What, the airfield?
Yeah, he owns
that private airfield.
Planes carrying contraband
take off and land all the time,
and he oversees everything.
Is that the only
place you know
that Steiger operates out of?
Hmm, there and one other.
Some old disused plant
used to make pipes,
components for buildings.
Like a steel plant?
That's where they keep
the printing equipment.
Down by a railway line.
Yeah, I know the one.
What's with this photo?
Is it supposed to be you?
[photo slipping]
That's Miles Steiger.
[laughs] That's not Steiger.
[soft dramatic music]
How do you know?
Because I've seen
him lots of times.
He's a younger bloke with
a slick-backed brown hair.
Oh, my God.
What, Sam Logan?
-Are you sure?
He's a close contact.
Not many people meet him
face to face.
Do you have a picture
anywhere of Steiger?
I just told you.
He's a private person.
You think I've got
a bunch of fucking selfies
taken down the pub
with him, eh?
Give me your phone.
Let me bring up his Facebook.
Don't get smart.
Watch yourself.
What is this then?
Good cop, bad cop?
I told you everything I know.
I ain't a cop.
We ain't got time for
this, Nick. Let's go.
Yeah, we ain't
got time for this.
Piece of shit.
[door buzzes]
So what's the plan now?
Storm the steel plant.
I can assemble a team.
Listen, Darren.
Stokes got word of
a mole in the agency.
How do you know
who you can trust?
In that case,
we want it to be just us.
Let's not take any chances.
I can imagine this has
got something to do
with Stokes' disappearance.
Three missed calls from Emma.
Do you think you
can get your family
to Stokes' safe house?
Eh, there might be a
slight problem with that.
Yes, um ...
Yeah, we blew it up.
Yeah, it was a gas leak.
[sucks teeth]
Gas leak, very nasty.
Stokes was right
about you two.
Go check on Emma.
Get yourselves cleaned up.
I'll get some gear
together and text you
another address
where to meet me at.
We have just over an hour
to that meeting.
A fucking gas leak.
[punches thudding]
[cellphone rings]
Your name's like a bad word
in my camp right now.
[Miles] Why's that?
Well, first you postpone
the meeting by three days,
and next you wanna
change the location.
I don't appreciate
being dicked around.
This is a sensitive deal.
Timing is crucial.
I appreciate that.
And let me assure you,
security is a priority
and we both need this deal
to get through
as safely as possible.
Meaning what? You've had
issues with the law already?
Not the law exactly.
Rebel army representatives.
When they're ready,
I'll incentivize the deal,
and you won't get
your hands dirty.
Getting my hands dirty
is my business,
and I've never been afraid of
a little bit of cleaning up.
What's the problem with a
ragtag band of rebels anyway?
We need to increase
our carrying charge.
I've had to pay off a couple
of customs officials.
[scoffs] Corruption in
a fucking banana republic.
Who would've guessed?
What the hell's going on?
I called you three times.
Jesus, you two look like
you've seen a ghost.
Well, the front door
was open.
I'm actually just in the door.
I was carrying the shopping.
What's happened to your face?
-It's just a scratch.
-Emma, we're in the middle--
Guys, what the fuck
is going on,
and what is he doing here?
[sighs] Stokes is missing.
Yeah, Kate phoned us earlier.
Listen, we don't
have time to explain.
We're about to go on a raid
but the clock's ticking
and we need to move.
I'll phone you when
we're through, okay?
Sharing's caring.
And lock the door.
[soft dramatic music]

[upbeat dramatic music]

[gun firing]
[gun fires again]
-[knife cuts]
-[man grunts]
I'm gonna make
a quick phone call to Kate
and let her know
what's going on.
She must be worried.
Yeah, maybe we've been
a bit insensitive there.
Oh well, it's been
a tough day, man.
I am starting to
dread bank holidays.
Remember this time last year
when you said you wanted
to quit all of this
and have a normal life?
What made you
change your mind?
I don't know, man.
It's difficult to describe.
It's like an addiction.
Like if you stopped
there'd be
missing in your life?
Yeah, cause nothing's
gonna replace doing this.
No, it's not addiction.
It's passion.
-Oh, yeah.
Don't worry,
I'm cringing too, man.
And I'd miss all
these fucking inane chats
in the car with you.
Well, you could still meet up
and have a chat in the car, bro.
Yeah, cause that's not weird.
And gunpowder. I'd miss
the smell of gunpowder.
Spoken like
a true psychopath.
What about the fistfights?
Oh yeah, love
a good fistfight.
-[both] And explosions.
And, those inconveniently
timed ambushes.
You know when you enter a
building all stealthy and shit
and then some fucker
knocks you out,
gun butt to
the back of the neck.
Yeah. It's a classic, but
I hate it when it happens.
-Ah, such a cheap shot.
Where do you think
Darren's got to?
Don't know. Said he
was gonna meet us here.
We've got less than an hour,
so I might go inside
and check and see
if he needs a hand.
Want me to come with?
We don't have
to be together 24-7.
Yeah, I get jealous.
-[Derek chuckling]
-[phone buttons clicking]
Hi, Kate. Yeah.
Just wanna give you an update
as to what's going on.
[upbeat dramatic music]

[Nick groans]
[upbeat dramatic music]

[upbeat dramatic music]
[gun firing]
[gun firing]
Nick, wake up.
-You all right?
-Wake up.
-Fucking hell.
Did you break anything?
Just the world record
for the fastest
arse-kicking in history.
Yeah, well.
Come on, get up.
[both grunt]
Shit. We need to get
to that meeting.
Where's Darren?
Nowhere to be seen.
Just have to go without him.
So, Sam Logan
is Miles Steiger.
Yeah, so Stokes, he must
have been suspicious of Sam.
Sam volunteers to go undercover
to try and prove himself.
Yeah and instead
he lures Stokes in
with this sting operation
and uses it to get rid
of anyone that knew
about the agency mole.
Who's this bald guy that
Darren was posing as?
He's Steiger's face.
He's his salesman.
He's the guy
that allows Steiger
to continue being
Sam Logan the agent
and Miles Steiger
the weapons dealer.
And Sam Logan remains an
active agent so that if anyone
gets close to Steiger,
he can take them out.
Gotta give it to them.
That is kinda brilliant.
Yeah. Well, they're
about to be dead.
Come on.
What's in the backpack?
[Nick exhaling]
[breathing rhythmically]
What are you doing?
It's just--
Why are you
making those noises?
It's just, you know ...
[breathes rhythmically]
Hyping us up.
Well, I don't need hyped up.
I like to enter quietly
through the back door.
It's called stealth.
See, I like to smash
through the front door
making as much
noise as possible.
Yeah, well, some of us
don't need to make any noise
to let them know we're inside.
Just drive the car.
[both chuckling]
We should get rid of
the dead agent's body.
Is it still at the airfield?
I put him in
the back of the car.
They'll come looking for him.
Right, slugs out his chest,
put him in the driver's seat,
run it off a dock.
And when they find him?
He'll have rotted
away to nothing.
I'll finish up here.
[soft mysterious music]
Must've hurt your head in
the fall when you got shot.
You bleed good, Agent Stokes.
[music continues]

Come and have
a look at this.
Jesus Christ.
He's risen from
the fucking dead.
Good job making
sure he was dead.
Didn't you realize when
you lifted his body?
Must've been out cold.
Dear, oh dear.
Hi there.
I'd like to say
you're in heaven,
but I'm afraid
you're in hell.
Hope it's not amnesia.
I was rather hoping you would
tell me who your friends are.
The two cowboys that
are intent
on making this
a bank holiday to remember.
[chuckles] As long
as you've got breath
in your fucking body,
you'll never be safe from them.
-[switchblade clicks]
-Wait a sec.
I've got someone who's
gonna want to say hi.
Arms up.
[pulsing music nearby]
Arms up.
[hands patting]
I think I'm okay.
Go through.
You are the Chess Master?
I'm never surprised by
what a woman is capable of.
Wife or mistress?
Are we gonna sit
and chitchat or
are you gonna deal me in?
Buy-in's 200K.
[phone chimes]
Ante's 500.
I assume you didn't want
to see me for a game of card.
No, I prefer chess.
The deal is still set
for next week?
Yes, it is.
What is it?
Well, there's been a change.
[Buyer] What change?
The price.
[soft mysterious music]

I bet 2K.
Are you gonna play your hand?
[music continues]


I call.
I fold.
Deal the flop then.
Let's talk business,
or are you just gunning
for my small change here?
Out with it.
Look, the price has
gone up 30%, okay?
I didn't even
see your lips move.
There has been a rival bidder.
A rival bidder?
We are the People's Army.
But they offered 30% more.
And besides, we've had
tighter border control,
additional expenses.
Long as you can match
that, the guns are yours.
You are crazy.
I bet 50K.
I'll tell you what.
You win this hand, I'll give
you the guns for nothing.
And if you win?
Then you up the price by 50%.
[laughs] Is that it?
You should stick to chess!
[laughter continues]
Still got two cards left.
Deal the fucking turn
and river.
Next fucking card!
Now you know the terms.
We'll be in touch next week.
I think he wants
to renegotiate.
Yeah, well, I'll be outside.
Not scared of a
little scuffle, are we?
Don't fucking speak to me
like that.
I keep a low profile.
You do you.
Think you can play with me?
[shouts in native language]
You know my name, right?
[blows striking]
[bones break]
[sword slices]
[body thuds]
Jesus Christ.
What would you have
done if he'd won?
I was gonna kill him
after the coup anyway.
[groans softly]
Whoa, down boy.
You want a job?
Aye, all right.
How much you paying?
[light upbeat music]

[Derek] I'll go high.
You go low.
[Nick] No, I'll go left.
You go right.
[Derek] Yeah.
[grunts quietly]
[chuckles] Oh.
The old gun butt to
the back of the neck.
I wondered when that
was gonna show up today.
Thank fuck for that.
You were snoring.
Fuck you.
Didn't quite go to plan, huh?
What do you think they've
got in store for us?
Who knows?
I haven't seen anyone yet.
Maybe they're just gonna
leave us here to die.
Somehow, I don't think
we'll be that fortunate.
[fake laughs]
Got a plan?
Not yet.
God, what a day.
To think, I was looking
forward to some peace
in the country,
drinking beer
and shooting the empty cans.
[scoffs] What, is your aim
better when you're pissed?
[both laugh]
Day's not over yet, bro.
Yeah, I'm in the mood for
some more target practice.
-You know it's funny, right?
Tied to this chair,
my head hurts like a bitch.
Probably gonna die
at the hands of a bunch
of bloodthirsty arms
dealers, and yet
there is no place
that I would rather be
than with you, babe.
[both laugh]
You know
that's horseshit, man.
You'd rather be
with your family.
I'd rather be with your family.
[both laugh]
See, now we just need to
figure a way out of here.
[door closes]
Fuck me.
[soft suspenseful music]
[Andy] Jesus. All
my worries are over.
Hey, man, how you holding up?
Well, the
accommodation ain't great,
the staff ain't very friendly,
and don't get me
started on the food.
I guess this wasn't part
of the rescue mission?
Oh, no, everything's, like,
totally gone to plan, bro.
Yeah, we're just about
to act all heroic and shit.
Are you finished?
Where's that rat fuck Sam at?
He's on his way.
Don't you boys
look a bit banged up.
Did they relent?
If by relent you
mean they died, yeah.
We'll go with the other buyers.
this is the Chess Master.
Something I been wanting
to ask you all day.
Why the fuck do they call
you the Chess Master?
Cause everybody's
a pawn in my name.
-[scoffs] What--
You're gonna love this,
This is genius.
Tell them your angle.
Come on, we're gonna
massacre them anyway.
We target third world
with volatile
political climates.
Then, we flood the market
with weapons
to incite nationwide
conflict and unrest,
by arming underfunded terrorist
groups and rebel armies.
To crash the stock market
and devalue the currency.
Then we buy the stocks and
in collaboration
with a business consortium
of bankers, wealthy investors
and crime syndicates.
At which point, we
facilitate the neutralization
of territories
stricken by unrest,
using mercenary groups of
rogue former black ops,
and profit off the subsequent
recovery of the economy.
It's fucking genius,
isn't it?
That's her elevator pitch.
I love it.
I'm bored.
Yeah, you and me both, mate.
Let's get this shit over with.
Do you know the good thing
about hitting people
in the face with this?
I don't feel any pain.
I could punch you all night.
And only stop because
I get tired or bored.
Lost it in '82, Falklands.
Gunshot wound gone septic.
Originally, gave me a
clumsy looking prosthetic.
[dramatic music]
Then I 3D-printed
this motherfucker.
[laughs louder]
[chuckles] What?
What's so funny?
What could
possibly be so funny?
[laughing continues]
Oh ho, see, he's
an arms dealer, right?
And he's only got
one arm.
[both laugh]
[laughter continues]
[all laugh]
[Miles laughs]
Mocking the afflicted.
[Andy] Hey, try me,
Don't worry, we will.
[victims groaning]
Time's up. Snuff them, and
let's get back to business.
[sighs, chuckles]
You know,
I got a last request.
Have I got time
for a cheeky cigar?
I don't see why not.
It's not as if you're
gonna have time
to die of lung cancer.
I've been telling him
that for years.
And he's still here.
Do you wanna do the honors?
Don't tempt me
with a good time.
Well, I'm kinda
tied up right now.
You're so lame.
You're the second person
to tell me that today.
You know, I really
gotta give up, man.
These things'll
fucking kill you.
All right, enough
[bag beeping]
[blast echoing]
[muted coughing]
[dramatic music]

You didn't develop
Stockholm syndrome, did you?
Does that answer
your question?
Shit, there's
more guys coming.
[guns cocks]
[dramatic music]
[soft mysterious music]

Team Two, initiate response.
I'm shorter than you guys.
[soft upbeat dramatic music]

Come on guys, go, go, go!
[dramatic music continues]

[dramatic music]

[Andy growls]
Get in the car.
[upbeat dramatic music]

Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

[both shouting]
[both shouting]
[both shouting]
[stick clatters]
Team Three, initiate.
[engine starting]
Crazy crazy, crazy crazy
La, la la la,
La la la, la la la
Find a weapon!
La, la la la,
la la la, la la la
Crazy, crazy, crazy day
It's a crazy, crazy,
crazy day
It's a crazy,
crazy, crazy day
It's a crazy, crazy,
crazy day
It's a hell of a day
It's a hell of a day

It's a crazy,
crazy, crazy day
It's a crazy, crazy,
crazy day
It's a crazy,
crazy, crazy day
Hell of a day
La, la la la,
la la la, la la la
La, la la la la
Fucking get them!
La la la, la la la,
la la la
La la la, la
Crazy, crazy, crazy,
crazy day
Check on Stokes!
She's mine.
He's going after the agent.
Get upstairs and head them off.
[dramatic music]
[Derek coughs]
Operator. Please proceed.
This is Special Agent
Sam Logan
emergency extraction.
Can you please confirm
your coordinates,
or enable GPS tracking?
Better tell them to
bring an extra body bag.
[Sam grunts]
Come on, Stokesy boy.
[Sam grunting]
-[Sam yells]
-[bones crack]
[both panting]
Stokes. Stokes?
We're on
the same side, asshole.
We're on the same side.
I'm sending you
to the other side.
[upbeat dramatic music]

-Hey, Stokes.
[Stokes grunts]
Drop it. Drop it.
[tense music]

Let's finish this.
[Andy groans]
Hit a dead end, have we?
You love this shit,
don't you?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Me, too.
[both groaning]
[upbeat dramatic music]

Oh, you are all leg,
aren't you?
[chuckles, grunts]
Still having fun?
Oh, heaps.
Oh, that's
disappointing, isn't it?
You guys are
all the same, aren't you?
All bark and no bite.
But it's over now.
[shouts in pain]
[chuckles, coughs]
You really need to
mix things up a bit.
Your kicks are
becoming predictable.
Maybe you should have
stuck to using your legs.
[bones crack]
It's like
cracking a cold one.
I don't need this to kill you.
[knife clatters]
You're gonna regret that.
Yes, too easy. Too easy.
[bones crack]
You all done, yeah, huh?
Don't I get a cool death?
Little something
to remember me by.
[dramatic music]

[heart beating]
[heartbeat slows]
[siren blares]
[police radio chatter]
Ho ho, ho ho!
Welcome to the Look Like
Shit, Feel Like Shit Show.
And today's special guest,
Mr. Agent Andy Stokes,
recent kidnap victim,
and master of guerrilla warfare.
Agent Stokes, now that you
are what we would like to call
a true survivor, tell us,
who beat the fuck
out of you today?
Do you guys ever stop?
Oh! Wrong answer.
Too many hits
in the head.
Listen, I know it's late,
and you guys have had
a fucker of a day
but my boss
has invited you to dinner
as a token of his gratitude.
I could eat.
What about you?
Yeah, sounds good.
I'll give my boss a call.
Feel free to go home
and get cleaned up.
Well, I thought I might
just wear this.
Yeah, smart.
Yeah, you are
a fucking casualty.
It's Stokes.
Andy's boss seemed
pretty impressed.
Maybe there'll be a job
in it for you guys.
[laughs, groans]
Well, too much risk involved.
Yeah right.
We like to live and
play by our own rules.
Isn't that right, Nick?
We're gonna be late.
Since when did you
become the timekeeper?
Guys, listen,
I just got called.
Forensics need me to swing by
and identify the bodies.
You two go on.
I'll catch you up.
-[Nick] Can't it wait?
-Apparently not.
Oh, well,
we'll send your apologies.
Bye, then. [laughs]
You know it's really good
to talk to someone
who goes through
the same shit
every time this lot leave.
[chuckles] Yeah.
At least Andy's got some
kind of structure, though,
and government
protection in his role.
Whereas these two idiots...
out gunning for everyone.
How was it you guys met again?
I worked at the American
embassy in London.
It was just after Andy had
been discharged from the army.
He was stationed there as
security for a few months.
Ex-workies. How romantic.
[laughs] What
about you and Nick?
Now there's
a proper fairy tale.
We fell over each other drunk
one Sunday about
2:00 AM in a club,
and we've never looked back.
Head over heels.
Do you want another drink?
Yeah, sure.
Ooh, ooh [laughs].
Do you know where
they're going for dinner?
Tony's country retreat.
He's got a cabin
somewhere up in hills.
He's staying there for bank
holiday weekends apparently.
That's the first
I've heard of it.
W-What do you mean?
Well, Andy was saying
that they're going
to some Greek
restaurant in town.
Nick got a text when
Andy was getting changed.
Saying what?
Saying that the plans
had changed.
Andy's boss has just come
from an secondment in Canada.
Has he?
Yeah. He sold out
before he left.
He's been over there
for five years.
Unless he's renting it
for the weekend.
Where did you say
the cabin was?
Hi, Dex.
Couldn't this have waited?
I've got to go home
as well, you know.
Something good on TV?
No, I've got
the grandkids tonight.
Now just sign down
the bottom, as per usual.
The first one here is...
Miles Steiger.
Now, are you ready for this?
Dex, you ask me
this every time.
It's just my wee catchphrase.
I've seen
a million dead bodies.
Well, we all need a hobby.
But are you ready for this?
This is one clean cut
to the neck.
He bled out.
You guys need to
cleanse your soul,
watch a romcom or
because this...
is sick.
I did warn you.
Who brought the body in here?
It came with all the rest
from the steel plant. Why?
[soft dramatic music]
Stokes, what's wrong?
And what are you looking at?
It's a shitty night
to be driving up here.
You said you wanted to spend
some time in the country.
But not like this.
[wipers whirring]
Yeah, don't be
telling them that joke
about the archbishop
and the choirboy,
for the love of God.
-You know, man,
I think we've taken
a wrong turn somewhere.
We were meant to be there
like five minutes ago.
[rain pattering]
[dramatic music]
[tires squealing]

Nice night to die.
You first.
[dramatic music continues]

[both exclaim]
[Nick yelling]
Looks like
a farewell to arms.
You all right?
-Need a hand?
Don't turn your back
on me, boy. [grunts]
You mother--
Oh! [wheezes]
[wheezing continues]
Try getting back up from this.
[rain pattering]
Derek, Derek.
You all right?
[Derek groans]
I think this is
in line to be
the second
worst day of my life.
Oh, yeah?
What's the worst?
[laughing painfully]
The day I met you.
Derek, Derek, there's
no signal out there.
Oh, just leave it, man.
There's nothing you can do.
Don't say that. Come on.
-There's always a way.
I love your optimism.
Can't keep me alive.
Yo, yo, remember
this time last year?
I was lying,
dying in your arms.
Now you're lying,
dying in mine. Fuck.
Lucky nobody's ever
around, aye?
They might start to think that
we're romantically involved.
I'm game if you are.
-Oh, yeah.
-What's that,
your last request, huh?
[laughs, groans]
Oh, actually, I could
really do with a cigar.
[rain pattering]
Stokes! Stokes!
Fuck. You all right?
[Derek laughs]
Don't worry, Derek.
Help's on its way.
Foiled again.
What's it take to get
a bit of privacy?
Yeah, I mean, we were just
about to start making out.
Maybe we could
have a three-way.
[all laugh]
Oh, Agent Stokes
gave me a kiss.
That banter between you guys
is far too homoerotic.
Yeah, fuck that.
Next time we'll have, like,
a shootout in a strip club
or something.
Won't be the first time
someone's blown a load in there.
[all laughing]
[Derek groaning]
[gentle music]
[wind whistling]
[man on radio]
T-minus five minutes.
Stand by.
All right, roger.
[Derek] Time for a cigar?
There's always time
for a cigar.
There you go.
Ah, it's a nice day.
Yeah, it's kinda
peaceful here, right?
Need a light, hm?
[electronic beeping]
-Oh, shit.
[upbeat guitar music]
Ooh, I just can't
figure you out

At first you're close and
then you're miles away

Why not tell me what
you're all about

'Cause I wanna
try and understand
The thoughts
that's in your head
I can't turn back time
The past is gone at last

Well, yesterday is so far
gone it's outta sight
But I just play along
And I keep moving on
And though I've tried I can't
slow down this bumpy ride
It just keeps rolling on
Oh, it keeps rolling on

Do you still have
sleepless nights?

Do you try to catch
a dream or two?

I have this
picture in my mind

One day soon,
when you reach out
The love will not be there
%And I'm not the one
standing in your way
Well, yesterday is so far
gone it's out of sight
But I just play along

'Cause I keep moving on

And though I've tried I can't
slow down this bumpy ride
It just keeps rolling on

Oh, it keeps rolling on

%You get some days
you feel happy inside
And other days
you catch the blues

Don't be discouraged if
it doesn't turn out right
It's your life,
you get to choose

Oh, it keeps rolling on
It keeps rolling on

It keeps rolling on

It keeps rolling on