Long Story Short (2021) Movie Script

CROWD: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three, two, one.
Happy New Year!
- What the fuck!
- Oh, my God.
- I don't know you!
- I'm so sorry.
- I... I...
- Who are you?
I thought you were someone else.
- Uh-uh. Yeah.
- My girlfriend is wearing...
- Okay!
- ...exactly the same dress as that.
- Please believe me.
- It's all right. It's fine.
- No, I didn't mean that, all right?
- It's fine. It's okay.
- I'm not... That's not...
- It's all right.
- Listen, let me buy you a drink to...
- Uh.
- ...to make up for it.
- The drinks are free.
- Are they? Well, terrific.
- Yeah.
I'll definitely get you one then. Please.
- [CHUCKLES] Okay. All right.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
- This is so embarrassing.
- LEANNE: Thank you.
- You're welcome. Yeah.
- I should probably go and find my girlfriend now.
- Yeah. Cool.
- She's gonna be very pissed off at me.
- LEANNE: Okay.
- LEANNE: Are you okay?
- Ah, boy. Funny story.
You know when I accidentally
kissed you outside?
Yeah, I think I might have...
swallowed a little bit
of whatever it was
- you were eating.
- Oh, my God, that's disgusting.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- I know. I know. [CHUCKLES]
- That's awful!
- You don't ha... you don't happen
- to know if there was any...
- I'm sorry.
Was there any nuts in it
by any chance?
- Oh. How bad is it?
- It's pretty bad. Yeah.
- Then why are you laughing?
Because you were laughing.
That got me laughing
- but now I'm actually pretty... pretty scared.
- Oh. Oh, no. Okay. All right.
- It's pretty frightening.
- Should... Should I call an ambulance?
- You know...
- I'm gonna... I'm gonna go check if they've got, like, a...
- [CLEARS THROAT] Be amazing.
- ...first aid kit...
- ...or something. Yeah?
- That'd be amazing. Yeah, yeah.
- Are you gonna be okay?
- Yeah,
- I should have four...
- All right. I'll be back.
...to five minutes until I...
until I die.
There you are, naughty boy!
Listen, Becka.
LEANNE: There's an EpiPen coming.
They're just bringing it
from upstairs so...
- All right. Amazing.
- Oh, my God! Wearing the same dress.
- That's so funny. Oh. [CHUCKLES]
- See, told you.
- How funny is that?
- TEDDY: I can't... I can't...
- BECKA: Hey.
- TEDDY: ...breathe right now.
- Hey, excuse me,
- who needed the EpiPen?
- LEANNE: Thanks. It's for him.
- BECKA: Are you okay?
- BECKA: What happened?
- He accidentally ate some nuts.
- How?
Well, I had some praline
in my mouth and then he...
All right, yeah, no.
We don't need to know exactly
how that happened.
But look, I think...
Well, I... I should probably...
I need to... I need to go.
Yeah, I'll just go get
my stuff and... and we'll go.
- TEDDY: All right. Great.
- Definitely wanna go?
- I definitely wanna go. I nearly just died.
- BECKA: Okay!
LEANNE: How do you feel?
I feel weird. Like... [BUZZES]
...like the adrenaline's really
- coursing through. I mean...
- Right.
...feel that now.
Feel there. Feel my, uh...
[CHUCKLES] I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go
get you some water.
Thank you very much.
- Yeah.
- [MOUTHING] Fuck!
LEANNE: Like just totally
out of the blue,
the waiter started dancing.
- TEDDY: Yeah.
- LEANNE: And Sam was there.
- He was, like, filming...
- Oh. Yeah. Filming it on his little phone.
- ...the whole thing. And then...
...this one, this one gets down
on one knee. And I...
Then she starts crying profusely.
And that was a bit...
- Well, you were crying first.
- No, I wasn't. There's video...
Yes, you were, you were crying!
There is video evidence...
- Oh, my God.
- ...to suggest that...
- He was crying.
- I wasn't crying, all right?
- Weeping tears.
- I was not. Anyway!
All right.
Long story short, she said yes.
- What I actually said was...
- All right.
- ..."What took you so long?"
- Yeah, okay. I just, uh,
I just wish I could have gotten
my shit together sooner
so that...
...so that you could have
seen it all, old man.
LEANNE: Hey, you want some more time?
TEDDY: More time?
That'd be nice. [INHALES]
There never seems to be
enough time, does there?
- I'll just be in the car.
- All right.
- Right.
All right, darling.
Yeah, okay.
She's a good one, Dad,
I tell ya. I just...
Uh, I just wish you could have
known her longer,
because she's...
she's really, uh...
- Hi.
- Hi.
I, uh, I overheard you talking.
Yeah, I like... like to, uh...
talk out loud to him.
It's silly, I know.
Oh. I think it's sillier
to say nothing.
- I do it, all the time.
- Right.
No, I overheard you got engaged.
Oh, thank you very much. Yeah.
I've seen you two coming here
for a while now.
I wondered when you'd finally
pop the question.
Yeah, well, you know, you don't wanna
rush into these things, do you? So...
- How long before the wedding?
- We haven't...
we haven't set a date yet, so...
- Why not?
- Just waiting
- for the right time.
- Well, the right time is now,
- believe me. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.
- Right now?
- Why not?
- Well, I've got a lot of things
- on my plate right now.
- So, do those now, too.
No, I can't do
everything right now, can I?
That's... That's crazy.
Why is it crazy?
When would be a better time?
I don't know. Later.
Well, I find later
can often turn into too late.
Okay. Yeah, that's very, uh...
[INHALES] ...very dramatic.
Anyway, look, nice to meet you.
I will, uh, I'll see...
- I'll see you later.
- Oh, later again?
What is it with you and later?
Sorry, I don't wanna...
I don't wanna be rude.
I just haven't really got the time to...
Yes, you do. You do have time.
But what if you didn't?
- If I didn't...
- What if time was moving faster
and faster, just for you?
It, sort of, feels like
the opposite
- is happening right now, but...
- What if you woke up
and a whole year had gone
by just like that?
Okey dokey, nice talking to you.
I'd like to give you something
if that's okay.
- Call it a wedding present.
- No. A wedding present? [STUTTERS] You don't...
- No, please, please, please!
- ...have to give me a wedding present!
I have been waiting
such a long time
to give this to someone.
Someone who needs it.
How do you know I need it,
whatever it is?
Well, I can tell
that you're a good man.
Lost, but good.
That's a weird compliment
but thank you.
You will have it just in time for
the wedding in a couple of weeks.
- We... We haven't set a date yet for the wedding.
- LEANNE: Hey!
- Hello, babes!
- You okay?
- Hello.
- Yeah, yeah, fine, yeah. Just...
- LEANNE: Yeah?
- [MOUTHING] Help me.
- Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
- [MOUTHS] She's a little crazy.
- Oh, thank you.
But I don't know how upcoming it is.
He won't set a date.
Oh, really? He just told me
he wants to have it
- two weeks from now.
- Sorry, what?
- Oh, I like that.
- TEDDY: Oh, you like that, do you?
- Yeah!
- Really, you like that?
- You know what they say.
- What?
- You Only Live Once.
- Yeah, I know what YOLO means. Just no one says YOLO anymore.
- Well, babe, she's kind of, got a point.
- Do they? I mean...
- That's how...
- Like wedding...
- Right.
- ...two weeks. YOLO.
- Don't you say it as well, okay?
- YOLO...
Come on. Come on!
- Ow!
- All right then, fine. YOLO!
- All right, if that's what you wanna do.
- Yes!
- I'm gonna email invitations when we get home. All right?
- Yeah, all right. Okay.
You will thank me for this.
- Oh, will I?
- Mm-hmm.
What just happened?
SAM: You know, I never thought
this day would come.
I mean, any normal man
would have married Leanne
- the second he laid eyes on her.
SAM: But not Teddy.
No, he waited.
And waited.
- And waited.
- Okay.
- Exactly.
Anyway, Teddy,
you're my best friend in the world.
I've known you the longest
and, uh...
Anyway, Leanne,
he's your problem now.
- All right.
- Toast. To Teddy and Leanne.
- CROWD: To Teddy and Leanne.
- Thank you so much, Sam.
- Thank you. That was lovely.
- SAM: You're welcome.
- That was nice. Yeah. Very funny.
- Why'd you talk about all that waiting stuff?
- I'm not that bad. Come on.
Uh. Oh, really?
Uh. Where's the honeymoon?
- Ooh.
- Well, you can't... I can't...
- Ooh.
- You can't... Yeah, all right.
I can't just rush into a decision
like that, can I? I've got...
- SAM: Oh, yeah.
- ...work out how much paid leave I've got.
I've got a couple
of work projects to...
- SAM: Mm-hmm.
- ...juggle. Oh, fine! All right,
I'll do it first thing
tomorrow morning.
- Just you wait, okay?
- Oh.
- And wait.
- And wait.
Yeah, all right.
- Thank you.
LEANNE: Come on!
Come dance with me.
Forever loving you
That that's what I do
I'm gonna be forever
Loving you
Baby, best believe that
That's what I do
LEANNE: Oh. I thought I made
a really good purchase.
Yeah. Well, just... just
don't break...
- ...anything, all right? Let me
- take a photograph here.
- LEANNE: All right.
- One, two, three.
TEDDY: Come along, missus,
up you go.
LEANNE: All right, I'm going,
I'm going.
- All right, come on.
Let me carry you
across the threshold.
No, I wanna carry you
across the threshold.
What are you talking about?
You'll never get me...
- Yeah. Come on, babe!
- ...across there.
- I'm a huge man.
- What... Get up, all right? Just jump on.
- I can do this. Yeah.
- Okay, all right, ready?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- And three, two, one.
- Oh, God!
- TEDDY: Are you all right?
Great. You doubted me.
- Well done.
- You doubted me.
- Good for you.
- [INHALES] All right.
I wanna turn this room
into my writing room.
- All right then, we'll do it. I dare you. I dare you to do it.
- Um. And can we get a dog?
- 'Course we can! Done.
- Let's get a Great Dane.
- Yeah, really?
- What's wrong with Great Danes?
[MUMBLES] Any animal
that calls itself "great"
just seems a little, uh,
seems a little arrogant to me.
Can we get rid
of this wallpaper?
All right. I tell you what,
let's do it first thing
tomorrow morning,
before breakfast.
- How about that? [CHUCKLES]
LEANNE: And you know what else
I wanna do?
- TEDDY: What?
- LEANNE: I wanna knock down that wall...
- Oh, yeah?
- And, like, open up that whole space.
Okay, you've got to stop.
You're turning me on too much.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Just wait until
I put the furniture in.
- TEDDY: You're so sexy...
...when you're renovating. Hmm.
- All right? [LEANNE GIGGLES]
- You're turning me on.
- Be careful.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- With all my renovation tips?
- All your renovation tips!
- TEDDY: So, your ring, yes?
- LEANNE: Hmm?
- Yes.
- See, my dad made the ring
for my mum, right?
Like he actually...
He literally made it. [INHALES]
And so, you see it there?
- LEANNE: Yeah.
- TEDDY: See there?
Slightly imperfect.
There's nothing imperfect about it.
- I'm never taking it off.
- Yeah, it looks good on you.
- You look good on me.
- Oh, yeah.
- How are you feeling?
I fucking love it
when you talk dirty.
- [CHUCKLES] Shut up!
- Honestly.
- Oh, she's lovely
and bloated for me.
How do you feel?
What do you mean?
I feel the same as always.
I love you more
than I did yesterday
and not as much
as I will tomorrow.
- Nothing's gonna change.
- You think?
- Hard part's over.
- Hmm.
The wedding's the easy part.
Pretty sure marriage is
meant to be the hard part.
- It's gonna get tough.
- No, it won't.
- Yes, it will. One day.
- All right, well,
shall we think about it
on that day, then?
That day might come sooner
than you think.
Hmm. Ditto.
Oh, my God,
that was terrible! [LAUGHS]
- No, no, okay. No, I've gotta get up.
- Why?
[CHUCKLES] You gotta... Cause I've
got to take this dress back tomorrow.
- Just leave the dress on.
- No, I've gotta, like,
return it. It's got to be pretty
and smooth and stuff.
- All right.
- You've got to give me... give me... give me a few minutes.
Okay. All right, well,
your time starts now.
LEANNE: Oh, hey, what'd we get?
TEDDY: Uh. We got a...
Some sort of plant from, uh...
- Pete and David.
- Oh, can we call it...
- Groot?
- Groot?
Yes, we can. See?
That's why we're married.
A bit of bed linen
- from Jamie and Milly.
- LEANNE: Oh, French linen?
The Frenchest, obviously.
- LEANNE: What's that?
- Don't know.
Who's it from?
Uh. Doesn't say. Just says, uh,
"Do not open for ten years."
LEANNE: It's a gag gift. It has to be.
Gotta be, innit?
- Hmm.
- I'll get a can opener.
- LEANNE: No, no, do it later.
There's a present over here
you've got to unwrap first.
- You hear that?
LEANNE: Hey, come here.
LEANNE: I'm just in the bathroom!
Yeah, no, you've been...
you've been busy.
- How long you been up?
- LEANNE: Uh. Not too long.
Well, I was...
I was joking about getting
to it before breakfast.
First morning
as a married woman, eh?
- How do you feel?
- LEANNE: What?
I said, how do you feel?
LEANNE: Uh. Not bad.
I guess I'm a bit tired.
I actually feel all right,
considering how much
- I drank last night.
- LEANNE: You drank last night?
Do you, uh, fancy
a little hair of the dog?
- Mimosa or something?
Oh, come on, babe.
We're celebrating, eh. Why not?
I just won a bet with my sister.
She thought you'd forget.
- Forget what?
- Our anniversary!
Forget our anniversary?
I'll never forget
our anniversary.
How's she done all this
this morning? This is insane.
LEANNE: So, what are we doing for it?
Doing for what?
- LEANNE: Our anniversary.
- I don't know. I've got, uh,
a year to think of something.
Is that the...
is that the plant from last...
from last night? Babe?
Have you seen how big Groot got?
LEANNE: Oh, he looks about the same to me.
No, it's not...
- Holy shit!
- LEANNE: What?
That's funny.
That's funny.
- I didn't say...
- Very funny.
- I didn't say anything.
- That looks real, by the way. That looks really good. What?
That looks really good.
- What the f...
- Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay, babes.
Are you... are you okay?
Well, yeah,
I'm better after I puked.
No, no, no, darling. You look...
Uh. No offence,
but you do look...
you look very bloated.
Oh, gee, thanks.
Don't forget to mention the acne.
- Will you just...
- Darling, you're clearly not fine because your...
- ...calm down?
- ...belly's big.
Yeah, that's pretty normal
for eighteen weeks.
What do you mean,
eighteen weeks? Of what?
Of being pregnant. I mean,
I know I'm pretty big for eighteen...
Hang on, what? Wait, what?
- You're pregnant?
- Okay, this is not funny.
No, shit. No, hang on, hang on.
Wait, don't just walk away.
We need to... When...
When did this happen?
Eighteen weeks ago.
What, are you doing a bit? I don't get it.
- I'm not doing a bit. Are you doing a bit?
- What's my bit?
I don't know. You're not... you're not pregnant
one minute, next minute you are. I mean...
That's usually how it happens.
Yeah? Yeah.
Hang on, you're telling me that
you are eighteen weeks pregnant
since yesterday.
What happened yesterday?
What, uh...
...what did happen, yeah.
We got fuckin' married!
- What are you talking about?
- No, darling, that's today.
Babe, are you having a stroke?
We got married yesterday.
- I took a load of pictures...
- Oh. Okay.
...on the phone. Where are they?
Hey. That...
- There you are!
- That is today, a year ago.
- That was yesterday.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
Feels like the last year
went by so fast.
I feel like I need a bit of air.
I don't...
Hey, do I need to be worried?
Yeah, no, I think I'm just, uh,
I think I'm just having
a bit of a...
a little bit of a panic attack
about... about the last year.
Can't be our
anniversary already.
That doesn't... that doesn't make
any sense. None of it.
Is that why you're freaking out?
'Cause you forgot
our anniversary?
How young
can you get Alzheimer's?
[CHUCKLES] Sweetheart!
If every guy who forgot
an anniversary had Alzheimer's
then every guy
would have Alzheimer's.
- No, no, I... I... I wonder...
- Hey, hey.
- ...if maybe I... You know...
- Hey, hey, look, look, relax.
I don't mind that you forgot
our anniversary.
You'll just have to make it up
to me next year, okay?
Come on, let's have a lie down.
- Yeah.
- Let's do nothing today.
Have a little lie down,
yeah. Yeah.
- What's that?
- Are you serious?
- Our anniversary.
- Anniversary, right.
[LEANNE MUMBLES] Sorry. Anniversary!
I'm gonna get that in my head.
I'm not gonna forget it again,
all right? I promise.
- Shall I open it?
- Yeah.
It's a pa... paper?
A bit of paper?
Lovely, thank you. We...
we can never have enough paper.
Paper is what you get
for the first anniversary.
It's paper,
then cotton, leather.
Ah, so this is for the first... it's a
present for the first year. I've got it.
- Yeah. What do you think of the colors, though?
- Right.
- Yeah, no...
- I mean, for the baby's room?
- Oh.
- I mean, I know we don't know what the gender is yet...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- ...but I thought, you know,
- We could get started painting the room, anyway.
- Okay.
- I don't know. I mean...
- So...
- Why don't you choose?
- But we should do it together.
I'm not really feeling myself, so do you
think we could talk about this later?
Later? Yeah, sure.
I've heard that before.
[INHALES] Teddy, do you remember
when we got married?
Yes, that I do remember.
Yeah. I said things were
gonna get tough.
Yeah, and I said, "It won't"
and you said "It will."
And I said,
"Well, then let's worry about it
on that day."
And I was lying here,
facing you and you were lying right there.
Yeah, wow. Okay,
you really do remember.
- Like it was yesterday, yeah.
- Yeah, well, things are getting tough
and I just... I can't...
I can't do this on my own.
- I know, I'm sorry, I...
- Oh!
- Oh. Wow.
- LEANNE: Getting stronger.
- Definitely purple.
- Yeah.
- You look exhausted.
- Yeah, well...
- Lie down.
- Shall I?
- Yeah.
- I think I might have a little... just a little lie down.
- LEANNE: Yeah.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Just have a little lie down
- for a minute.
- Just close your eyes.
- I'm a bit scared to.
- Why?
'Cause I don't wanna lose any more time.
Shh. You won't.
Close your eyes.
All right.
Yeah, I will, for a minute.
Just feel so weird, Leanne.
- Oh, sorry!
Oh, my God,
have I hurt the ba... baby?
What the... Where's the...
Is it...
- You're not pregnant.
- I know. Thanks, doctor.
- [CHUCKLES] You're not pregnant.
- [CHUCKLES] Are you all right?
Yeah, I just had this
fucking mad dream, right?
Okay? Where I woke up,
like, I woke up in the dream...
- Yeah.
- ...and you were, like, fully pregnant.
- Ah.
- Out to here, pregnant.
- I know, right?
- Ah. Yikes. [CHUCKLES]
Yikes indeed.
I was fucking freaking out.
- [CHUCKLES] It's okay.
- Wow. [EXHALES]
I'm not pregnant, okay?
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
There's no way I'm doing
that again any time soon.
- [CHUCKLES] Exactly!
...what do you mean?
I'm not saying like never again.
Just, like, let's get
this one right first, you know?
This one what?
You want me to take care
of this, or have you got it?
- Teddy?
- TEDDY: You... you...
- Right.
What the...
What the fuck?
I've got a kid? How could I...
how could I forget I've got a fucking kid!
- No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on. Like what the fuck am I doing?
Okay. Okay.
- [INHALES] Just calm down. Okay.
- LEANNE: Come on, yes.
- Calm down.
- All right, darling,
- say hi to Daddy!
- Oh, here he is!
- She!
- Here she is!
Yeah, that would have been
my second guess.
She... Yep, that's really...
Yep, she's real.
- That's a real fucking baby.
- Yeah, she's real cranky...
- Yeah.
...this morning, aren't you, darling?
Yes, you're having a very bad day, aren't you?
Yeah, her... her as well, huh?
- Can you hold her for a second?
- Uh. Nah, you're all right.
- Teddy, come on!
Look, I haven't... I haven't
washed my hands or anything.
What do you mean, you haven't
washed your hands? Just...
All right. Look.
Better be safe than sorry.
- Stop being ridiculous. I don't have time for this.
- I don't wanna hold her, okay?
- Look, you're scaring her.
- She's scaring me.
Would you stop being weird
and just take her?
All right.
- Nice to meet you.
Got her now.
Look, here she is. Lovely.
- I have a baby.
- LEANNE: You sure do.
- I have a daughter.
- It's hard to believe, isn't it?
- Yeah, it's hard.
It's very hard. Very hard.
Very hard to believe.
What are we gonna call her?
Ah, her name.
Ah, yeah, good... good idea.
Yeah, keep it... keep it simple.
- Do you know what might be fun?
- What?
Is if we both say her name
at the same time. [INHALES]
- Why would that be fun?
- I don't know, it just will.
Shall we try?
Okay, one, two, three...
- Tallulah.
- Fuck off, it is not.
- Don't say that stuff...
...in front of her!
That kind of stuff sinks in.
T... Tallulah is not a name.
It's more sort of child abuse.
What... what is going on?
Why are you suddenly
off the name Tallulah?
I suddenly just heard it.
I mean, listen.
We can, uh, we can... we can talk
about it later, all right?
No, I'm not gonna talk
about it later.
Her name is Tallulah.
So, you will call her Tallulah,
or Lulu or Lula
or any other variation
of that name and nothing else.
What we can talk about later
is why you're all of a sudden
- being such a total arsehole.
- Right.
- O... okay. Look, let me, uh...
- What are you...
- ...let me explain. Just, uh...
- Oh, wow! Okay.
- Just, uh, pop yourself down there.
I'm... I'm gonna tell you something
and it's gonna blow your fucking mind,
- but I want you just to strap yourself in.
TEDDY: All right?
- Leanne.
- Teddy.
I think...
I have travelled...
through time.
- Oh. Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Where'd you end up?
- Here. Uh. Now.
You travelled through time
to the present.
- Yes.
- Yeah, I don't think... [SCOFFS]
...you get how time travel works.
Look, Teddy, I don't really have time for this.
- Leanne?
- Yeah?
- Slap me.
- What? Why?
Because there is obviously something
wrong with me, so just slap me...
Teddy, stop it! [CHUCKLES] You're
freaking me out. I don't like it. God.
You had some weird breakdown
on our last anniversary, too.
Right, hang on.
So, that's... that's today,
- is it, again?
- LEANNE: That's the thing
about anniversaries.
They tend to pop up once a year.
I'm just trying to figure out where
the last couple of years have gone.
Well, maybe ask your boss because you've
spent most of the last two years at work.
What happened
to studying photography?
Well, sure, definitely,
I mean at some point.
But maybe a little bit of job
security isn't such a bad thing.
Now... now we've got a kid,
do you know what I mean? Listen, look.
When... When I am
rock solid, right,
I will... I will quit, okay?
- Promise.
- All right.
- Okay, not that you deserve it.
- Hmm?
- But...
- What?
- Happy anniversary!
- Oh, no way!
It's cotton,
for the second anniversary.
- Course it is.
- Yeah?
- Course it is. That...
- Oh, my God!
- That is it.
- Do you... Okay, do you remember what you said
- right after we took that?
- When?
No, not... not word for word.
But it was...
Oh, come on! It was, like...
it was, like the funniest thing
- you ever said.
- W... what was it?
- Do you not remember?
- What?
Do you even remember
where we were?
- Here?
- Yeah.
Yeah, this... That was... that was
on our honeymoon?
Oh, wow.
Okay, I was wrong.
That's the funniest thing
you've ever said.
- Why?
- Because what honeymoon,
that's why.
I've given up on a honeymoon.
I'm sorry,
I never booked the honeymoon?
Teddy, I'm used to you
breaking promises now.
Like, weirdly, I can, sort of,
live with that.
But I just... I don't know
how you can forget
the best day of our lives.
This... this was the best day
of our lives?
- Is that when...
- LEANNE: I'm talking
about the day we got married.
You've forgotten it two years in a row now.
I don't know, maybe...
maybe it doesn't mean as much
to you as it does to me.
Baby, you mean everything
to me, okay?
And I promise you, from now on,
I will never forget
another anniversary again.
Genuinely. I've got a plan.
It won't happen, all right?
I love you so much.
- All right, I'm gonna go and feed Lulu.
- All right, babe, I'll be here.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Be back in a sec.
SAM: Hey, man, what's up?
Sam! Oh, my God,
it's so good to hear your voice.
- SAM: What?
- Listen, mate, I need a favor, all right?
So, please listen to me
very carefully. Right, so...
- SAM: Okay.
- [INHALES] I need you to come
to my place this time
next year, all right?
- SAM: Next year?
- I want you to put it
in your phone, cause you'll probably
forget and I definitely will so...
Um, oh! And... don't ring
the doorbell, all right?
Because I... I wanna speak
to you privately.
So just honk the horn
and I'll come down.
- SAM: Just speak to me now.
- And one more thing, uh, before I go.
Will you bring me
an anniversary present, please,
for the third anniversary.
So, whatever it is you...
- [INHALES] ...you give then. Um.
- SAM: Okay, hang on. Let me...
- Yeah. Don't forget.
- SAM: ...write this down.
Put it in your phone. All right, mate.
Don't be late. Bye.
- SAM: What are you talking...
What the fuck is happening?
Hey, do you know
I have a reminder on my phone?
- TEDDY: God, it is so...
- SAM: Oh.
...so good to see you.
- Honestly. [EXHALES]
- Uh. Are we huggers now?
Yeah. Oh, you look...
Oh, you... you really look older.
You've got like little lines.
Saggy around your chops
and you've filled out, mate,
haven't you, eh?
Cool. You know, feel free
to just text me that stuff.
I need to talk. Will you, uh,
will you walk with me?
TEDDY: I don't know who else
to turn to, mate.
I've tried telling Leanne,
and I... I think I've scared her.
And I can't lose her, okay?
Especially not now with a kid
and everything. I mean she...
Do you know I've got a kid?
Yeah, I know.
Well, can you fucking
believe that?
- A kid.
- Uh.
Yeah. I've had time
to process it.
Exactly, right.
Okay, that's my point.
- What is?
- All right,
- I'm just gonna say it, okay?
- Yeah, please.
Every few minutes,
another year goes by.
Wow, that's deep, man.
Is that you, or is that...
- No!
- SAM: Where'd you read that?
- Can I use that?
- No, I am being serious, okay? I'm being deadly serious.
So, what feels like a year
for you is like a...
is like a couple of minutes for me.
[SAM CHUCKLES] All right.
I'm waiting for you to say "gotcha."
I'm not gonna say "gotcha",
mate, because this is real.
Okay? Um. Look, do you remember
when I called you
to set an alarm to come here today?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? That was right before
- you got here.
- No, it wasn't.
- Yes, it was!
- No, it wasn't.
It was for me! It was.
Um. Uh. Fuck, I don't know
how to explain it, man.
So, right, yesterday,
I was th... three years younger
than I am now.
- That's so specific.
- Okay, okay.
I'm just gonna
make this as simple as I can.
My life is going by way too fast.
Now that I understand.
Okay, good. Can you help me?
Uh. Please help me.
Yeah, of course. What do you...
- Okay.
- ...what do you want me to do?
- Look, I understand this whole thing sounds nuts.
- Yeah.
Yeah. I do. But what I've just
described you ever heard, seen,
read about this happening
to anyone else?
Okay. So...
y... you say it's the same day?
Each year but yeah, same day.
Groundhog Day?
Yeah, it's not technically
the same day but yes.
I mean,
that's... that's close enough.
How did that happen to him
in Groundhog Day?
Well, it never says.
And, uh, okay,
so how did he make it stop in the end?
Uh. I think he just has the perfect day.
Like he just fixes everything...
- ...and then it just stops.
Do you know what? That would make sense.
That would make sense.
Yeah, you know Groundhog Day's
not a documentary, right?
So, I've got a few minutes
this year to fix everything
from last year, so that
I don't mess up next year.
That's it. That's it.
Th... that's obviously it.
Yeah, you've cracked the case.
Okay. I'll go and make everything
perfect and then all this goes away.
But just in case, meet me here same time
next year, all right? Put a reminder in your phone.
- What?
- Just do it for me please?
- Please? Put it in your phone.
- Okay, okay!
- Okay.
- Okay, thanks, mate.
Wait, wait. Hang on, hang on.
I got you the present you asked for.
Oh, well done, mate.
You're a lifesaver.
- SAM: Here you go.
- Thank you. Th...
- What's that, dude?
- It's what you asked for. A nursery present.
TEDDY: No, I asked for an anniversary present.
What even is a nursery present?
I don't know. You said it was
like your third birthday
- or something.
- No, I said third anniversary.
It's all right. Look, don't...
don't worry about it. Thanks.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
- All right, same time next year. Okay?
Okay, I got it.
Get out of here, you psycho.
- Listen, babe...
- Hey.
Before you say anything...
...whatever the problem is,
I will fix it, okay?
And everything will just go
back to the way it was,
- all right?
- Where's Tallulah?
The baby. Sorry.
I can't... It w...
it won't stick in my head...
[CHUCKLES] ...for some reason.
- Where'd you leave her?
- With you.
- That's interesting.
- Oh, my God, seriously?
- Tallulah!
- Tallulah!
- Tallulah!
- Tallulah! Lula! Lulu!
Do you know, the more I say it,
the more it...
the more it grows on me.
- Fuck it! [PANTS]
Wow, you grew.
- TALLULAH: Daddy.
- LEANNE: What are you doing?
Oh, thank God.
I thought I looked in here.
- Yeah, see there? It must have been hiding.
- See? I told you I'd fix everything.
Oh, uh, got you...
got you a nursery present.
- What's a nursery present?
- No idea.
- My God, did you hear that?
- Yeah.
- That's her first word!
- LEANNE: Oh, no, no. [CHUCKLES]
Her first word was "Mama."
- Oh.
- TALLULAH: Mummy.
- I mean, you would say that, but...
- It's on the video I sent you.
- Why don't you pull it up?
- What do you mean, video? What, I wasn't...
- I wasn't there when she said her first word?
No, "Daddy" was, like,
her twelfth word.
- I didn't even make the top ten?
What... What... what'd she say
before "Daddy"?
Well, lots of stuff like
"more", "no"...
- ..."Cat", "dino".
- She said "cat"...
...and "dino"
before saying Daddy?
- TALLULAH: Daddy!
- Yeah, all right. In a minute.
Well, she sees her cat
and her dino
more than she sees her Daddy
these days.
Yeah, well, maybe cat and dino
should go out and get a little job,
so that Daddy doesn't have
to work so hard. How about...
Sorry, I don't know why...
I don't know why I said that.
Look, babe, listen.
Look, I don't...
- I don't wanna fight with you.
- Okay, but this...
- this is exactly what our...
...couples counsellor
was talking about.
All right, what? Sorry, what?
You... What... What?
- We're in couples counselling?
- LEANNE: Yeah.
That's a...
that's a little bit premature,
- don't you think?
- Obviously not.
Darling, listen. We don't... we don't
need couples counselling, all right?
I can... I can fix
everything right now
and everything will just go back
to the way it was,
- I'm pretty sure.
- It'll take time to fix things.
- I don't have time!
- Okay! You know what?
I think... I think that
we should read our letters now.
- Okay, yeah. Good.
- Yeah.
All right, great idea.
Lovely. What letters?
- The letters. The letters...
- Hmm.
...our counsellor told us
to write to each other.
She said to read them out loud
when next we had a fight.
This feels like
a pretty good time.
- TEDDY: Okay.
- Yeah?
- Perfect time for the... letters.
- LEANNE: Yep.
- Okay. I'll...
- TEDDY: Yeah. Shall I...
- LEANNE: I'll...
- Shall...
- I'll... No, no, I'll...
- TEDDY: Yeah.
- I'll read mine.
- You... You do your one.
- "Dear Teddy..."
- TEDDY: Hmm.
- "I love you, but..."
- Love you too, babes.
"I love you, but I don't feel like
you're the same man I married."
- I am the s... I am the same man you married.
- Let me finish.
TEDDY: Okay.
"I know you're not happy..."
- I am happy, but...
- LEANNE: "I'm..."
- Sorry, go on.
- Are you gonna let me?
Yeah, I will.
"I'm not happy either.
But to make this work,
you have to spend more time
with your family
and less time at work."
"I just wanna spend more time
with the man I love.
Also, I wish we were having
more sex. Leanne."
TEDDY: Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Okay. So, to all your points...
Um. I love you too.
Um. I am very happy.
I am the same man.
I will spend more time here
and please,
please, can we have more sex?
- Really?
- TEDDY: Oh, mate, I'm...
Tell you what,
let's go and have sex...
- TEDDY: Okay.
- ...right now.
No, no, no! You read yours...
read yours first.
- Shall I?
- LEANNE: Yeah.
- But I...
- I wanna hear it.
- Yeah.
- Great idea. I'll...
I'll read this out
and then we'll...
go and crack on, yeah?
Okay, good stuff, good stuff.
All right, let's go.
[INHALES] "Dear Leanne,
this is hard for me to say..."
Come on, let's have sex first.
I'll read this after.
- Read it.
- Okay. [INHALES]
"I know you know this isn't working."
It is working, so I don't know
you know that
'cause it's not true,
so just... just... just...
just ignore that.
Uh. "I feel...
pressured by you."
That's also not true, so just...
ignore that as well.
This is fucking ridiculous.
"I know you resent me for..."
Yeah. [HESITATES] This actually
feels like more of a first draft
- so what, I'll do...
- LEANNE: Teddy?
- ...is another pass on it...
- Teddy?
- TEDDY: Mm?
- Please.
Yeah, just push through?
"I know you resent me
for working so much...
but fair play to you.
You probably have a point so will
definitely improve in that department.
I love our marriage and if hard pushed
probably wouldn't change a thing,
and you're extremely beautiful.
Yours sincerely, Teddy."
Do you know, actually,
good exercise, yeah.
Right. Come on, bedroom.
- No, give me that.
- No!
No, I wanna read it. Okay.
"I know you resent me
for working so much
but who else will provide
for our child if you ca..."
Oh, wow.
"If you keep chasing your pipe dream
- of being a writer." [INHALES]
- I do not think that.
- I didn't even write that.
- LEANNE: Yeah.
I think your writing's amazing, babe.
LEANNE: You're je...
you're jealous of it.
Uh. Of what?
You can't stand the fact
that I'm chasing something
I love because you don't have the guts to.
- TEDDY: Right, me personally?
I... I... I can't make a career
or a living out
- of photography, all right?
- How would you know, Teddy?
You've never even tried.
Do you know, if you'd started
when you first talked about it
you'd be doing it by now.
Why... why do you put so much
time into that stupid job?
You hate that job.
We don't need more stuff, Teddy.
We were twice as happy
when we earned half as much.
I just...
I don't know what's happened
to us the last couple of years.
I don't know.
I wish I knew
but I haven't been here
- for any of it.
- Exactly.
TALLULAH: Come watch me play, Mummy!
LEANNE: Uh. You know, um...
I know you forgot. It's fine.
I'm used to it by now,
but, um.
- Happy anniversary.
- TEDDY: Thanks.
- LEANNE: Third year is...
- Leather, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Beautiful.
I thought you'd like it
because it has a part
where you can put the thing
you love the most.
Oh, well... Oh, yeah,
like a little picture
- of us there, yeah.
Oh, come on, Leanne.
- Leanne.
Hey, babe.
Another alarm in my phone.
I completely forgot
about that thing from last year.
So, did you fix that everything?
Obviously not, no.
I mean, I don't know
where Leanne is.
I'll call her.
Is that allowed?
What do you mean, is it allowed? Why wouldn't
it be allowed? What are you talking about?
I don't know what the rules
are for trial separation.
Sorry, what? [HESITATES]
We're... We're separated?
- Yeah.
- Why? Why? Why are we?
I don't know, you haven't been
happy for a while, man.
I'm... I'm happy.
I am ha... I am fucking happy.
Look at me. I'm happy.
Okay, my bad. You're killing it.
How... How could this happen?
- Hang on, hang on.
What? Who... who's that...
who's that puffy piece of shit there?
- SAM: That's you.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
- What the fuck?
Oh, my God!
What has happened to me?
I... Is that...
I've got grey hair.
I didn't... I didn't have
grey hair yesterday.
What... What is happening
to my fucking skin, man?
- No wonder she's left.
- Hmm.
I don't think that's why.
I mean you still look...
[INHALES] ...better than me.
Yeah, I'm a mess.
I feel so old.
Last night I sprained my ankle sleeping.
And I've got so much fat
on my back now.
I didn't know backs
could get fat.
- And also,
I have this weird mole on my shoulder.
Could you come take a look at this?
Yeah, all right, mate.
Later, later. Listen, listen.
I need your, uh,
I need your help.
I need you to help me
get her back, all right?
- Where does she live?
- You know where she lives.
- TEDDY: Pretend I don't, okay?
She lives a couple of blocks away.
She wanted to stay close for Lulu,
your daughter, remember?
- TEDDY: Yeah.
- Do you wanna walk over?
I... No, I haven't got time.
Look, if I'm gonna end this curse,
I have to save my marriage. Right.
- What?
- TEDDY: We have to call her.
No, no, please,
I don't wanna get involved...
- It's... It's on speaker, mate. It's on speaker.
- Hi.
- TEDDY: Hiya. It's Teddy.
I know. What's up?
- Yeah, no, no.
Well, I wanted to give you a call today.
Y... you do know what today is,
don't you?
I do, yeah. Do you,
for the first time ever?
Happy anniversary!
LEANNE: Wow, good for you.
- Did you get me something?
Yes, I got you something.
I got you the fourth thing,
after leather.
LEANNE: Mm-hmm.
And what comes after leather?
What comes after leather?
- What comes after leather?
- I don't know.
Give me a challenge, babe.
Come on.
It's okay if you don't know.
I would tell you
if you stopped interrupting me.
- [OVER PHONE] LEANNE: All right.
- [MOUTHING] Fruit.
- [MOUTHING] Fruit?
- [MOUTHING] Fruit.
- It... It's on mute, just say it.
- Uh. Uh. Fruit.
- Fruit. Are you sure?
- Yeah, that's what it says. That's weird.
- That's fucking weird.
- Fruit?
Oh, I'm impressed.
- Yes!
- LEANNE: And you didn't just look that up?
No, I didn't just look that up.
Your weird emphasis
makes me think that Sam
is there helping you.
Don't be ridiculous.
Sam isn't here. Uh.
Okay, all right.
So, what fruit did you get me?
Oh, babe, so much fruit.
Loads of fruit.
Most amount of fruit you've ever seen.
Tell you what, why don't you come
over, we'll have a little fruit party?
How about that?
Come over soon, babe.
- I'd love to see you.
- Hmm. Let me think about it.
Go on. Go on, girl.
You know you want to.
Listen, mate, do me a favor.
Would you get me a fruit basket?
Make sure there's lots
of bananas and peaches in it,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, you bad.
- Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.
LEANNE: You didn't press mute, Teddy.
- Hi, Sam.
- Hey, Leanne.
Okey dokey, I'm gonna go now.
It's a hard pass from me
on the fruit,
- but you two knock yourselves out.
- Babe, just give... give me a...
- TEDDY: Leanne...
Hang on a...
Uh. Do you want me to get you
some plums?
Nothing says sorry
like a bunch of...
I don't need the fruit
anymore mate, all right?
It's gonna take a lot more
than fruit to fix this.
Fuck, I need a drink.
It's the middle of the morning.
[GROANS] Yeah, I've been up
for a couple of years.
Want a beer?
Sadly, I cannot think
of a reason why not.
TEDDY: Oh, Leanne.
You're back.
Thank God. [INHALES]
Look, I don't know what I did
but promise me
you'll never leave me again,
all right?
I'm not going anywhere, silly.
- Becka!
- What?
- Have I gone back in time?
No, you haven't gone back in time.
You look like a fucking pig.
What is happening?
Becka. Um.
What're you... what're you...
what're you doing here?
- I was looking for my earrings.
- TEDDY: No, I mean like here,
right now. In my...
in... in my house.
Why? What... what's the...
[INHALES] ...what's the story?
- I know. So funny. [CHUCKLES]
- It's not funny!
- It's not funny.
It's not funny. Nothing funny
about... [INHALES]
...about this situation,
so if you could... Okay.
All right, how did you,
beat by beat,
end up being here right now?
Someone was drunker than I thought.
Last night, was I?
- BECKA: Naughty boy.
- Why am I a naughty boy?
- You texted me.
- Did I?
- At 1 a.m.
- Oh, boy.
- You were drunk.
- Well, that's not really good.
- What... What did I say?
- You said you were lonely.
No, no, no, Becka.
Come on. [EXHALES]
- I said I was lonely, too.
- Ah. Okay.
- There you go.
- Right.
- Then we had some wine.
- Okay. Right.
- And you put on one...
- That's it. That's it.
- ...of your cheesy playlists.
All right,
I don't wanna... That's enough!
That's enough! That's enough!
That's it. That's right.
Last night. Yeah, wow.
Oh, my God, that was something.
I'm just gonna pull
my leg out from that...
Just pull... I'm just gonna
pull it out.
There you go.
It's all coming back to me now.
That's it. You were... [INHALES]
Last night. Whoo!
- Yeah! Really, you...
- ...you were amazing. But look.
That was a... [EXHALES] ...that was...
that was a one-time thing, all right?
- We've been doing that
- for months.
- Hang on. [HESITATES]
Aren't... Aren't you married?
I mean...
That ended a year
and a half ago, you know that.
I don't even know
what went wrong, really.
In the beginning,
it was like fireworks.
But somewhere along the way,
we just lost it.
Like I keep going over it
in my head.
Like was it him or me?
I've tried...
I've gone to therapy
- and spoken about it...
- Yeah, yeah, a tale as old as time.
- I get it.
- Wait!
I'd love to hear more details,
actually, I really would.
No, genuinely.
I'm not being rude
but I'm afraid I don't have
oodles of time myself...
- Are you serious?
- ...so, what I'm gonna...
- I was gonna get a little busy...
- Who is it?
- LEANNE: It's Leanne.
Just a minute!
I'll just be a couple of minutes, all right?
I'm so sorry.
I'm genuinely sorry.
[INHALES] Why can't it be
the next year now?
Come on,
take me there now. Come on.
- LEANNE: Teddy, come on.
- Open up.
- Fuck you!
- Hiya, babe. Uh. Look...
I'm just about to go for a walk.
Do... Do you fancy coming?
Actually, do you mind
if I come in?
- Teddy, can I come in?
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
- Yeah, in you come.
- Okay, great.
- In you come.
- Thanks.
- So nice to see you.
- Where's Lulu?
- Uh. My sister's watching her.
- TEDDY: Okay, cool.
Yeah. Have you put on more weight?
- Apparently so, yeah.
- Yeah.
- I, kinda, like it.
- Do you? You like that?
- You look amazing.
- Oh.
- Please. [SCOFFS]
- You do, genuinely.
I mean, you're just...
you... you're so beautiful.
Thank you.
Do you, uh...
Can... Can I get you a...
- I miss you.
- Oh, come on.
I miss you so much. [INHALES]
Really, I miss you.
- And I just... I wanna apologize.
- No, for what?
- Well, for being cold to you. For not returning your texts...
- Babe, babe...
...or answering
your phone calls. And...
- It's all in the past. It's all right.
- And I know it was my...
- Mm-hmm.
- ...decision to take time apart
But I'm just... I'm not sure
if I want that anymore.
I don't want it. I don't...
I don't want it either, okay?
- Oh, wait, wait!
- What?
Don't you wanna apologize
for anything?
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- For what?
- Everything. Everything.
- Can you be...
- Okay.
- ...a little more specific?
Yeah, you're such a stickler
for detail, aren't you?
I've always loved that about you.
Let me think,
what... [INHALES] ...do I...
what do I need to apologize for?
Oh, I... I'm sorry for...
...saying mean things about you.
You said mean things about me?
To who?
No one. No, to myself.
My way of coping.
You... You know when I would text you
and you wouldn't text me back?
I'd be like...
"F... fucking bitch."
But no one was there.
No one heard.
I only said it the once,
so for that... I'm truly sorry.
Weird thing to apologize for,
but okay, sure.
- Hmm.
- Uh. Anything else?
Oh, I know what I'd like
to apologize to you for.
I would like to apologize
to you right now
for not telling you every day
that I love you.
Because I do.
I love you so much.
- [MOANS] Is this smart?
- Oh, it's smart. It's so smart.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. It's the smartest.
- Yeah. [MOANS]
Maybe we should...
we should take things slow,
- you know?
- Yeah, yeah, I agree.
- How slow, do you think?
- [MOANS] I just don't want us to rush into anything, you know?
Whatever we do, do you mind if we
do it in the next couple of minutes?
- Yeah. Oh.
- Is that all right?
- [GRUNTS] Wait.
- What's that?
- What?
- [GROANS] Ah!
- Ah!
- What's that?
Happy anniversary!
I'm sorry I didn't have time to wrap it.
- You got me a bra...
- Yeah, I thought...
- ...for our anniversary?
- I thought the color might be nice.
Look, the important thing is,
I didn't forget, you know?
But the fifth anniversary gift
is wood.
I was about to give you
a bit of that.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
Yeah, it's the least I could do.
- The very least, I'd say.
- Yeah.
Because for a second there,
I thought, and this is gonna
- sound silly...
- Go on.
But for a second there,
I thought that it probably
belonged to some slut
you had sex with,
- here on the couch last night.
- Silly Billy!
Only because it has a woman's
hair on it and it also explains
why there are two dirty wine
glasses on the coffee table.
I've just thought of something
else I'd like to apologize for.
- Yeah, I bet you did.
- Look, Leanne...
Is she still in the apartment right now?
Right now.
No! She is not in the apartment
right now.
Yeah, by your weird emphasis
I'm gonna assume
- she's on the back stairs there.
- Don't be silly. Listen, listen.
You... That is a big shock.
I get it, right. I'd like to apologize...
- ...and if I were you, I would slap me...
Fucking hell, that was...
[INHALES] You've never actually
done that before.
Yeah, well, I was waiting
for a special occasion.
You know what, Teddy,
I don't deserve this.
Nor does your daughter.
Nor does the poor woman
hiding outside
who can probably hear everything
that we're saying right now.
BECKA: I can, yeah.
I'm sorry I called you a slut.
- BECKA: It's okay.
- You don't deserve that.
- BECKA: Thank you!
- Look. Can I just say something?
BECKA: I don't wanna hear it, Teddy!
Not to you!
Sorry. Leanne...
No. You know what?
I don't wanna hear it either.
And I'm... I'm not...
I'm not angry, you know,
because we technically
weren't even together.
So, you were allowed to do
what you needed to do
to figure your shit out
and I did what I had to do.
Hang on, what'd you
to figure your shit out?
And I think
I've figured it out now.
- What, you wanna move back in...
- I want a divorce.
That's not funny.
No. It's not anymore.
- Hey...
- No, don't.
I've got a good divorce lawyer
if you need one.
Uh. No, I won't be needing
any of that, thank you.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna
fix it all myself.
[CHUCKLES] Denial.
I went through that phase, too.
Listen, Becka, will you...
will you do me a favor?
If I... if I text you, call you,
try and contact you
in any way, will you promise me
that you will ignore it?
Teddy, you are never gonna
see me ever again.
Are you fucking kidding me?
- What?
- What... what are...
what are you doing here? We...
we lit... We just ended this.
You're giving me, like,
really mixed messages, yeah?
Remember when I...
when I put you out on the back steps
because my wife came?
We said,
we said it was over, okay?
- That was like a year ago.
- It was exactly a year ago.
Yes, that's it.
In fact, a year ago, today.
Is this because we decided
to take things
to the next level?
Me moving in with you!
It's exciting.
You'll thank me,
once I've redecorated this place.
I'm thinking we should
definitely wallpaper the hallway
and retile the bathroom.
And I've got the best idea
for the second room.
What if we did like
a meditation suite?
'Cause you love meditating,
hey, babe?
- SAM: Hey, man.
- Sam, it's Teddy. Hi.
[INHALES] Listen, how far away
from my house are you?
- I, uh, I'm sorry, Becka.
- What for?
I'm sorry that I a...
that I asked you
to move in here.
I shouldn't have done that.
Why not?
Because I love my wife.
I love Leanne, okay?
And, uh, today is our sixth
wedding anniversary, right,
and today I plan to spend it
by giving her whatever it is
you give on...
on the sixth anniversary
and I wish I could... [INHALES]
...I wish I could explain more,
but I just can't, all right?
I haven't... I haven't got time.
- Make time.
- TEDDY: What?
Make time.
I've given you plenty of mine,
now I want some of yours.
- Listen...
- BECKA: Teddy, sit down.
- Becka, I'm gonna have to...
- Teddy, sit the fuck down.
You weren't my first choice
either, Teddy.
I loved my husband so much.
If I knew then what I know now,
we'd still be together, but...
I just have this habit of figuring
things out a little too late.
Which is probably why
I kept coming back to you.
You know, I thought
that being alone is
what makes you lonely.
But you showed me
there's nothing lonelier
than being
with the wrong person.
Teddy, you're not my person.
I don't know why I didn't
admit it to myself years ago.
God, what I'd do
to get that time back.
Such a waste.
Just go. Fine.
Don't wanna waste any more
of your precious time.
I'll pack up my stuff
and be gone before you get back.
The gift for your
sixth-year anniversary.
Something sweet.
Good luck.
- Bloody hell.
- Nice car.
- Yeah, well, you know, YOLO.
- Oh, please, not you as well.
- SAM: Okay, fine.
- Hey.
This is gonna be the worst year
yet, I can feel it.
What's going on?
What's happening?
Well, my life is shit.
That's what's happening. So...
Okay, is that really
time sensitive, though?
Everything is
time sensitive, man.
- Jeez, don't you get that?
- Okay.
- It's okay.
- Sorry.
It's okay.
Where do you wanna go?
Can you take me
to Leanne's house, please?
Yeah, sure. Uh.
It's two blocks away, though.
- You could walk...
- Please.
- O... Okay.
- Please?
Jesus, mate.
You look like shit.
And you've... you've...
you have lost a bit of weight, though.
Fair play, what's...
Come on, I could do with a bit of that.
What's your...
what's your secret?
Well, no secret, really.
It's just what happens
when you cut out the big C.
- Carbs, yeah.
So, what's happening?
Why is this the worst year for you?
Hang on. Hang on, mate. Can you...
can you pull over the car, please?
- Right now?
- Yes!
Are you okay?
What's wrong?
What, you think he took
too much off the top? [CHUCKLES]
What kind of cancer?
The same it's always been.
- So, what's the big rush? Why do you have to go...
- Hang on.
- ...to Leanne's house?
- Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
When did you find out?
You know when I found out.
You were the first person I told.
All right. Tell me again like you're
telling me for the first time, please.
What? No, why?
You know I hate talking about it.
I know this doesn't make
any sense,
- but will you tell me again...
...like you were telling me
for the first time?
When did you find out?
Six months ago.
Right. And what kind of cancer is it?
- Where?
- Why are you doing this?
My back.
There was a mole on my shoulder.
I should have checked it out a while ago,
- but I kept putting it off.
- They've cut it out?
Yeah, most of it.
Chemo's taking care of the rest.
- What does that mean?
It means
they'll get rid of it, okay?
And if that doesn't work...
I have other options.
Not as fun as chemo,
but they work.
Are you scared?
Shut up.
- Are you?
- No! [SCOFFS]
Of course, I'm fucking scared, man.
It's cancer.
Well, are you gonna beat it?
- Promise me?
- Yeah, I p... [EXHALES]
...I promise. I will beat it.
- Fuck cancer, okay?
Can I keep driving now?
- Please?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you.
What's wrong? What's the matter?
What's going on? What...
- We're here.
Oh, shit, sorry.
Yeah, that... that was close.
- Sorry.
- Get out.
- Okay. Okay. Do you...
I can... Do you want me
to stay with you?
No, I want you to get out.
I have shit to do.
All right.
Go. I'll see you next Sunday.
What about next year?
What, you want some time apart?
Will you still be here
next year?
Yes, I will be here next year.
I'll be here in fifty years.
I'm gonna live forever!
Okay, now go.
Fix whatever you need
to fix with your ex-wife.
Okay. All right, I'll... Ex-wife?
Well, that's just fucking great.
Okay. Right. Come on.
Fix your marriage.
End this nightmare.
- Focus. Come on.
- Focus!
Uh. Oh! Look!
Have you got a puppy?
- Yeah.
- Can I have a...
can I have a little hold of him?
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- Hello! Hello.
- Look at you, big boy.
What's your name, eh?
What's your?
Ziggy? Hello, Ziggy.
Do you know what?
Maybe I was a bit harsh
on Great Danes.
This is a Great Dane,
aren't you?
You are a Great Dane. Huh?
- This is nice.
- Lovely, yeah.
- Mm.
Good for you.
Well, I'd... I'd put
a little kids pool here for Lulu
but... but that's just me.
- Thanks, I'll think about it.
- Okay.
Um. If you're here to see her,
she's... she's sleeping.
No, I'm here to see you.
I'm here to see you, actually.
Don't tell me
you finally signed them?
- Maybe. Signed what?
- The divorce papers.
What? No!
- Are you insane? I haven't signed...
...any divorce papers, and nor will I.
I love you. I still love you.
Yeah? And what does Becka
think about that?
- That's over, okay?
- Teddy...
Come on,
it's... it's our anniversary.
Did you forget?
You forgot, didn't you?
- I never forget.
- Yeah, well,
I've got you something.
I got you, uh,
something sweet,
which is the sixth thing.
Uh. It... I should have
some gum in my...
in my pocket there.
Do you wanna reach in?
- No!
- Get that out?
- God! No! Look, Teddy...
- All right.
...I don't know
what game you're playing
but, like, enough, all right?
We've both moved on.
I haven't. I haven't moved on.
Have you...
- Have you moved on?
- I think so.
What, as in you've...
as in you've met someone else, yeah?
No, but I'm thinking about, you know,
- getting back out there.
- Don't get back out there.
- Okay. Fine.
- It sucks out there. It's awful.
- Well, I'll just never be with anyone else...
- Okay, lovely.
- ...for the rest of my life.
- That... that's all I wanna hear you say.
- Yeah, okay. I was joking...
- All right?
- ...all right?
- No. No, don't...
- Goodbye, Teddy. I will...
...see you on your next date
with Lulu.
- And sign those papers.
- I am not gonna sign any...
- Teddy?
- TEDDY: Uh. Yeah?
What the hell
are you doing here?
What... what am I doing?
What are you doing here? Who are you?
Listen, Leanne has made it
pretty clear she doesn't like
- you showing up out of the blue like this.
- I'm sorry, man. Um. Rewind.
How exactly do you know
my wife, Leanne?
Oh, for God's sake.
We're not doing this again, are we?
No, we... we're doing this, mate.
Whether or not I've done it before,
- I cannot tell you, but...
- What is going on?
Leanne, are you okay?
This strange and, I'm hoping,
gay man is... is in your house
- for some reason. Do you need...
...do you need me
to call the police?
- Patrick, I'm so sorry.
- It's not your fault. Really.
No, it's not your fault,
it's his fault.
It's what's his name. Patrick.
It's Patrick's fault!
- Who's Patrick?
- You know exactly who he is.
- TEDDY: Cousin?
- He's my boyfriend.
- Now unless you're here...
- Oh, fuck!
- ...to sign the divorce papers, I want you to leave.
- I still haven't signed them?
Ha! Good. Finally.
Yeah, something I'm pleased
that I keep putting off...
- LEANNE: Teddy?
- ...till later.
Please, just go.
I'm not... What?
No. I am not gonna
leave you alone with fucking Patrick,
whoever he is. Look at him.
What... We don't know anything about him.
- I know everything about him.
- TEDDY: Do ya?
Oh, really? Okay, name...
name... name three things
- that you know about Patrick.
- He's a doctor.
- TEDDY: Of what?
Of psychiatry.
Easiest one. What else?
LEANNE: He speaks two other languages.
Oh! Do you, Patrick?
Couple of languages, yeah?
What you got? French?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Everyone speaks French.
- They don't.
- Do you?
TEDDY: I can get by.
What, like, what's
the other one? Something basic...
- PATRICK: Hungarian.
- Hungarian?
Fair enough. Yeah. It's... Well,
that's quite... that's quite impressive.
- Thank you.
- And he qualified for the Olympics in...
Yeah, all right. Okay, fine.
Thank you very much. That's three.
Yeah. I'm counting
the languages as one each.
I don't trust him, Leanne.
Look at him. Look at his beard.
Oh, for God's sake, grow up.
- Grow up?
- PATRICK: Yeah.
Want me to grow up?
Okay, I will.
In a few minutes from now,
that is exactly what I'm gonna do.
Then again after that, then again,
then again... then again, then again!
So, don't tell me to grow up,
'cause no one grows up quicker than me!
Do you want me
to call the police?
- It's all right.
- I'm happy to.
LEANNE: Hey, come here.
- Don't you...
- What about you grow up! What?
- Don't you want me to be happy?
- That's all I want! That's all I want!
Then move on.
Patrick's a good guy.
- You said so yourself.
- I would never say that!
Okay, it's taken me a long time,
but I finally feel like
I've got a life again.
You know, my book sales are great...
Book... Book... Book sales?
Yeah, and they're paying me
to write two more.
You have finally finished a book?
- Yeah!
- That is phenomenal.
I mean, you struggled
for so long to come up
with an idea. Like, what's it...
what's it about?
- You said you read it.
- O... obviously, I've read it,
but what's it like...
How would you describe it in your words?
They're all my words.
I wrote it.
If I was to tell someone to read it who
hasn't read it then how would I describe it?
- I would say...
- Fucking hell!
...it's about a woman
who falls in love
with what seems like
the perfect guy
but then it turns out he's actually
her subconscious in human form
and then he...
he kidnaps her and...
- Yada, yada, yada.
- So good.
- [CHUCKLES] Thanks.
- That is good.
And really original. Brilliant.
Thank you.
Proud of you.
- Thanks. [CHUCKLES]
- Really...
Where's your ring?
- Oh, shit.
- What... You... You...
- your wedding ring?
- I'm sorry.
Teddy, I'm really sorry.
I've been meaning to tell you but...
Please don't be mad, okay?
- We went to beach.
- Hmm.
I went into the water with it
on and when I came out, it...
I spent hours looking for it,
I'm really sorry. I just...
- I didn't know how to tell you.
- It was one of a kind.
- I know.
- You know, my dad made that ring
- for my... for my mother.
- I know. Hey, look...
I don't know,
may... maybe it's a sign.
Of what?
You know what.
- Fine.
- I've got copies inside.
All right, I'll sign them.
- You okay?
- LEANNE: Yeah.
- So, Pat.
- Patrick.
You're a psychiatrist, yeah?
Easiest one, that's right.
TEDDY: Can I ask your opinion
on something
- as a... a medical professional?
- Sure.
Friend of mine, right?
He's, kind of, going through
a bit... a bit of a crisis.
- Is he?
- Yeah, and he, sort of,
feels like life is moving too fast,
faster than he can keep up with.
Your friend feels this, does he?
Yeah, my friend,
and he feels like one minute
he was young, right?
That's how it feels to my friend, yes?
And then he's blinked
and then suddenly,
there's more of life behind him
than there is in front of him
and he, sort of, feels like
all the... all the...
- Okay.
- All the things that he had
to look forward
to have been... have... have been,
and they've gone. And he...
he really feels... [SOBS]
...Patrick, like he's...
...like he's having a nervous... like
he's having a nervous breakdown. [SOBS]
- Jesus Christ.
Um. Hey, it's okay.
- Teddy, hey.
Hey. You know, there's
an old Hungarian proverb.
- It goes,
- "Aki kit nyulat hajt egyet sever."
- It's beautiful, man.
No. I haven't... Nope.
I haven't translated it yet.
- You've gotta calm down, mate.
- [SOBS] Okay. Okay.
- [SOBS] Okay.
- Shh.
Go on. Go on, then.
It essentially means,
"Grasp all, lose all."
The tighter you hold
onto something,
the sooner it's gone.
Look, I know you love Leanne.
I love her more than anything.
- And I know you love Tallulah.
- We're not as close but yeah, sure.
Okay, but if you love Leanne,
you've got to let her
live her life, mate.
- Yeah?
- And as for your friend...
- Hmm.
...well, maybe all he needs
is a change of perspective.
Because sure, on one hand,
life is short.
But on the other hand,
it's the longest thing
you will ever do.
- Oh, fucking hell!
- Why is he crying?
- I have absolutely no idea.
- I... I really don't.
- Is that the papers you wanted?
- LEANNE: Yeah.
Well, happy anniversary.
There you go.
- Thanks.
- Oh.
- Look at Ziggy. He's grown.
Do you mind if I take him for a walk?
Yeah, sure.
Come on there, Ziggy.
TEDDY: I feel like you're the only one
who knows how I feel
because, uh...
a dog year is
seven years, right?
So that means you're living life
seven times faster
than anyone else and I'm...
I'm living life, like... [INHALES]
...fifty thousand times faster
than anyone else, so actually,
you don't know
how lucky you are.
Do you wanna have a run?
Oh, great. Here we go again.
What the living...
A full beard. Yeah, of course.
Of course, I've got a full beard, yeah.
That's where I am now.
- Fucking Castaway.
Is that a fucking chocolate bar
on a dog beach?
I mean, people are animals, honestly.
Chocolate kills dogs!
Kills em!
What's wrong with people, honestly?
Kills em.
"Contains peanuts"?
I mean, I might as well.
Only a matter of time now,
isn't it, so...
- TALLULAH: What's the matter?
- Huh?
All right?
- Are you sad?
- Am I sad? No, I'm not...
I mean, y... yeah,
I am a little bit actually,
not that it's any
of your business.
Why am I sad? Well, I'm sad
because life sucks. That's why.
- Why?
- I don't know, it just does.
- Are you angry with me?
- Am I angry with you?
I... I don't... I mean, why would...
why would I be angry with you?
I've never even... never even met...
Where's your parents?
TALLULAH: Mummy's shopping.
It's Daddy's day.
All right, no offence, kid, but your
dad sounds like a bit of a deadbeat.
I mean, leaving you alone on a beach.
Where... where is he?
Wow, look at you.
You've gotten big.
- No, I haven't.
- You have.
You used to be like this big, right?
And now you're like this big.
That's impossible.
I know. You would think so.
I see your mother in you.
You're both so beautiful.
Mummy says that I have your eyes.
That your eyes are
the most beautiful eyes
- in the whole wide world.
- Did she say that?
How old are you now?
- Eight, almost.
- Are you?
Time flies.
- How old are you, Daddy?
- I'm...
Wow, I don't even know anymore.
- TALLULAH: Are you old?
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Yeah, I'm old.
- Am I old?
- TEDDY: Nah, you're not old.
You're young.
Which is the most wonderful thing
in the entire world,
let me tell you.
It just goes past too quickly. So...
I want you to, uh, I want you to
promise me something, all right?
Just in case I don't see you
again for a while.
I want you,
all right listen to me,
to do anything you want
in your life, right?
So, if you wanna be, uh,
an astronaut.
Or the Prime Minister
or an actress...
- I wanna be a unicorn.
- You wanna be a unicorn?
All right, fantastic. Do it.
Live your truth.
Do everything and anything that you want.
But just don't waste
a second of it, okay?
Now you can promise.
- I promise.
- All right, great.
I need to pee.
- Do ya?
- Yeah.
All right then, well,
let me get you home.
Do you wanna hear something funny?
- Yeah.
- I haven't peed...
- for, like, eight years.
That's impossible.
I know. You would think so.
- I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get him...
...a saddle,
so you can ride him.
Like the Queen.
Do you think that's possible?
Go on, then. He... he's off.
- Yeah.
- You could be riding him right now.
- [CHUCKLES] You're funny.
- TEDDY: Oh, really?
What's the funniest thing
I've ever said?
When you said that mashed potato
- was ghost poop.
- I suppose you had to be there.
Can I ask you something, Lulu?
Am I a good dad?
- Yep.
- Really?
Come on, I can take a little
bit of constructive criticism.
How could I improve?
What do you think?
- [LIPS SMACKING] More ice cream.
- Fine. Easy.
As much as you want,
whenever you want it.
- What else?
- Um.
- More Poony-choos.
- More Poony-choos?
I don't know what Poony-choos are,
but I'm presuming they're some
sort of futuristic toy thing.
Sure! You can have 'em.
This is easy.
Come on, what else?
Um. More time.
More time?
More time with you.
I don't get to see you
a lot of the time.
You're so busy.
That is the most important one
isn't it, hmm?
More time?
- There she is.
- Good girl.
Hi, sweetheart.
Did you have fun with Daddy?
Yeah, I was making him
feel better. He was sad.
- Oh.
- Oi, don't...
don't listen to her.
She's drunk...
- All right. Okay.
- ...again, all right?
Go inside.
Get ready for afternoon tea.
Can I play with my Poony-choos...
- No!
- ...before I get ready?
Lulu, no. You know what happened
last time. No more.
Those things,
they just drive me crazy.
What are they?
What... what are P... poony-choos?
- TALLULAH: Bye, Daddy.
Oh, no, listen babe,
before you go.
Um. I know we don't know
each other very well
and I don't know if I say this
often or not,
I don't know
but I love you, okay?
- I love you too, Daddy.
- Really? I love ya.
- I love you.
- [CHUCKLES] Come here.
- Good girl. [CHUCKLES]
Good girl. All right.
- Hell of a kid.
- Yeah, I know.
Do you know what she wants to be
when she's older?
- A unicorn, I know.
- Yep.
- Do you know what?
She might just pull it off.
You never know.
- Why are you sad?
- What?
It doesn't... doesn't matter.
Look at you.
I mean, you're unreal.
How can... Look at...
You don't age!
You got... you got a painting
in the attic?
I mean, what's going on?
- Huh?
- You look good.
You're looking good, too.
You've lost some weight.
- Have I?
- Yeah.
Oh. Yeah, I suppose I have.
Maybe I'm finally getting
my shit together.
- Who knows, eh?
- I'm still... I'm still not sure
- about this beard, though.
- What, you don't like the beard?
I thought you liked beards,
Consider it gone.
I'll get rid of it.
- How is old Pat...
- Right.
- ...speaking of beards?
- He's fine.
- Is he?
- Yeah.
Just fine?
- Teddy.
- What?
No, I'm asking for a friend.
Come on.
All right, well, if you must
know, we're having some problems.
Having a few problems.
Very sorry to hear that.
- Yeah, I bet.
- I am.
I was really rooting for you guys.
- I'm going now. Okay.
- Look at me.
Look... look at me in the eye.
I'm telling the truth.
The most beautiful eyes
in the whole wide world.
- Goodbye, Teddy.
- See ya, Leanne.
Oh, wait a second. Leanne!
Leanne! Happy anniversary.
- Leanne?
Glasses? You... you think after
all the shit I've been through,
I'm worried about glasses?
Well, what now? I mean, what...
Call Sam.
What the fuck is that?
That is rid...
- How do I unlock this thing?
- Okay. Fair enough.
Call Sam.
- OPERATOR: We're sorry,
the number you have called
has been disconnected.
- Please, check...
Call Sam.
- Don't you fucking dare.
OPERATOR: ...the number you have
Call. Call Sam.
- OPERATOR: We're sorry,
the number you have called
has been disconnected.
Please check the number
before calling again.
You said fifty more years.
I said to you, "Will you still
be here next year?"
And you said, "Yeah,
I'll be here for fifty more years."
So, why would you say something
like that if it wasn't true? Huh?
Fuck, Sam!
I didn't even get to say
goodbye to you. I mean, I...
I don't know, maybe I did.
I don't know.
I've been so wrapped up
in my own fucking shit that I...
Just wish I could spend
another year with you, you know?
Another... Another day.
few minutes. I mean...
Don't worry, I'm here now.
And I'm just gonna
wait for you, okay?
Because what else
am I gonna do? So, I'll...
I'll see you soon.
Won't be long now, mate.
There's never enough time,
is there?
Uh. Well, no, actually,
not for me. No.
- How's it going?
- It's okay.
You know, I'm... I'm in a graveyard,
so it's not... it's not great.
I find graveyards uplifting.
They remind me how precious life is.
Yeah? Lovely. Good for you.
You should write a book about it.
Not that I'll have time
to read it.
It's good to see you again.
It's been a while.
For me, anyway. I'm guessing
not so much for you.
Do you know
what's happening to me?
That your life's moving
too fast?
That every few minutes
is another year?
How do you know that?
Because I gave it to you.
That was my wedding present.
- You... You did this to me? How?
- I don't know how it works.
- Can you make it stop, please?
- I can't make it stop.
- Well, hang on, so you...
so you don't know how...
how it works
and you can't make it stop.
Why... Why did you do this to me?
- What have I ever done to you?
- Don't you like it?
No, I don't like it.
It's ruined my life!
If your life's ruined...
it's because you ruined it.
The gift doesn't change your life,
it just lets you see it, sped up.
How can you call this a gift? This isn't a gift.
This is... this is a curse.
Yeah, well,
it feels like that sometimes.
How would you know, huh?
Many, many years ago...
Oh, God, this sounds like
it's gonna be quite a long story
- and to be honest, I'm not in the mood for a long story...
- I was about to marry
- a good man.
- You want me to follow you?
Is that what's happening
right now, yeah? Yeah.
- But before I got married
- Yep?
I met a stranger.
Someone who saw something in me
the way I saw something in you.
And that stranger gave me
this gift, or this curse,
whatever you wanna call it.
And thanks to that gift,
I never married that man.
Oh, why, did...
did you marry someone else?
Well, I couldn't.
- What, you never loved another man?
- Never.
But... But hang on, you just said
you learnt your lesson.
I mean, what's the point
of life if... if you're not gonna
spend it love...
loving someone else? I mean...
- I loved someone else. Deeply.
- Now, hang on, but you just
- said you...
- Not a man.
- Oh.
Sorry. I didn't mean
to assume that you...
Yeah, okay. Cool, cool.
I'm all about that.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Look, I had what you have now.
The opportunity to see my life,
all of it, in snapshots
and I saw that I was wasting it
on a lie, so...
I never married...
and I fell in love
with an amazing woman
and we spent
the rest of her life together.
And that's why I come here.
To tell her
that I am not wasting the years
that she never got to have.
And I've met another woman now,
who's amazing in different ways
and I love her, too.
Because as long as I'm up here
and not down there,
I will live life as much as I can.
That's why I call it a gift.
So that's why I'm here.
Why are you here?
Shouldn't you be out living your life?
Tick-tock, Teddy.
Well, it's... it's not as easy
as that, is it?
I mean, there's not... there's not
enough time to make things perfect
but the harder I try
the... the worse things are.
WOMAN: Why would you try
to make everything perfect?
It's life. It's never perfect.
Because that's what happens
in Groundhog Day.
- What, the... the movie?
- Yeah.
Well, it's got nothing to do with that.
I've never even seen it.
What, you've never seen Groundhog Day?
All right, firstly,
you've got to see it. It's...
It's tremendous. And... and...
If... If... If that's not how you
end it, then... then what?
- Hmm?
- Oh, honey, I thought you had more of a handle on this.
No, I think I've got
a handle on this.
Yeah, you're some sort of lesbian
wizard who's put a curse on me
and now somehow, I'm gonna die of
old age before you do. [LAUGHS]
- Why are you laughing?
- I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm actually pretty scared.
Would you like another go round?
Well, yeah,
that'd be nice. Yeah.
- When I was a little girl...
- Another story, lovely.
We didn't have any of this
fancy stuff they have today.
No Poony-choos
or anything like that.
God, what are Poony-choos?
My brother and I would go
down to the park
and we'd stand really far apart
but stay connected by string.
We could talk to each other that way.
We were so far away,
and yet it was like
we could cross this great distance
with that string.
Travel to a different time and place.
[CHUCKLES] Sounds like
what you want to do, right?
- Something like that, yeah.
- Hold that for me.
Can you pop it in for me?
And on either end
of that string,
do you know
what we would talk into?
A tin can.
- Teddy, Lulu's at school if you...
- Hiya. Can I come in?
- Can I come in quickly?
- Uh. Yeah. What's wrong?
Uh. Do you remember, um, do you
remember... do you remember all that stuff
from the wedding that we got that we
didn't use or... or like or whatever,
have you... have you...
have you still got that?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Great.
- Why? What are you looking for?
- Can I have a look?
Um. Look, I'll...
I'll know when I find it.
But don't worry,
I won't be here long, all right?
I'll leave you
and Patrick to it soon enough.
Uh. Actually, um,
I've been meaning to tell you.
Uh. Patrick and I broke up.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Why? What happened?
He, uh...
Please don't read anything
into this but...
- Go on.
- Um...
[CHUCKLES] He thought
I was still in love with you.
Did he?
Fucking hell,
a lot of memories in here.
Yeah. Good and bad.
All right, well,
tell me about the good.
I mean, I've been...
I've been so focused on the bad
that I've never... I've never
actually asked you about the good.
Like what... what are your
best memories of our marriage?
God, that feels like
a really long time ago.
Leanne, come on, come on, humor me.
Just tell me a few.
- Well, like, how many is a few?
- I don't know. Like...
- Ten.
- Ten?
All right. Um...
Well, I always smile
when I think about how you kept
apologizing to my belly when we had sex
- while I was pregnant.
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah,
that... that does sound like something
- I'd do.
- Yeah, yeah. And do you remember
that time I finally beat you at
Scrabble and you got really angry?
No. I probably let you win.
Oh, I don't know,
sometimes I think
about how you'd sing
to Tallulah to stop her crying,
even though it, kind of,
made her cry more.
Or how you'd always talk in your sleep
after you drank red wine.
Oh, my God.
- Uh. Oh, my God.
- What?
Do you remember that...
do you remember that time
you had that edible
and you made me take you
to the hospital? [LAUGHS]
[SIGHS] When we fell asleep
on that train
and ended up spending the night
at that motel with the bed bugs?
Do you remember? And we...
we slept on the floor.
I loved that night.
Or the time you said
you loved my soup
even though I accidentally put
sunscreen in it.
I miss the way you'd kiss my eyelids
when I had a headache.
I miss brushing my teeth next to you.
That was only nine.
I miss doing nothing with you.
Did you find it?
Yeah, I found it a while ago.
"Do not open for ten years."
Do you remember that?
- No.
- Okay.
So, uh, you've got paper.
- Fruit.
- Wood. Wood.
- Something sweet.
- Yeah.
- Wool.
- Yeah.
- Um. Bronze.
- Yep.
- Pottery.
- Pottery? [MUMBLES]
Do you know what this year is?
I think I've got
a good idea, yeah.
It's, uh, it's tin.
Happy anniversary.
- Is this for me? [CHUCKLES]
- I think it is, yeah.
You finally remembered.
- Oh, what's in it?
- I don't know, you've got to open it up.
Have you got a can opener?
I mean, do they
- still exist? Can openers?
- Yeah.
- Can opener.
- There you go.
All right. Um.
What? What is it?
How did you do that?
That's... That's impossible.
How? I...
- I don't understand.
- I think I do.
I think I finally understand.
Why... What are we doing?
Why aren't we together?
Lots of reasons. We...
- had problems.
- Yeah, sure, we had problems.
But now? Like, why...
why aren't we together?
- It's more complicated than that, Teddy.
- It's not really. It isn't.
It isn't.
I think it's very simple.
I love you.
- I love you...
- I love you.
I love you too,
but it's not that simple, Teddy.
No, listen, listen.
Listen, we've always done things
backwards, haven't we, right?
So, I kissed you,
and then I met you.
And then that kiss
nearly killed me.
But not kissing you
would have been so much worse.
So, what are we waiting for?
We have love.
We have a history.
We have a great kid.
And we still have time, okay?
And that time
is running out so fast.
Believe me, Leanne,
it is running out so fast.
Every second that...
that you wait is a second
that you will never get back.
So how many more seconds
of this crazy, short life...
are you willing to waste?
I don't know.
All right.
Your time...
Wait. That was only nine.
May I have this dance
To make it up to you
Can I say something crazy?
I love you
Give me one more chance
Give me one more chance
Give me one more
Let me spin and excite you
You got your
Your mother's eyes
You got your
Grandmother's ring
You got
Your daddy's discernment
Oh, you did your thing
LEANNE: First morning
as a married man, huh?
How do you feel?
I made mimosa!
Wow, you really
like mimosas, huh?
- Morning.
- Where's my... where's my laptop?
What are you doing?
Okay, I'm gonna...
- Teddy, what are you doing?
I am gonna just book our honeymoon.
You're kidding me.
Where are we going?
- Do you care? Huh?
- No.
- [CHUCKLES] Okay,
where's my phone? There it is.
[GRUNTS] Okay, right.
- Wow!
- Where is it? Where is it?
- [MUMBLES] B, B, B, B...
Belinda, hi. Uh, it's Teddy.
Listen to me, uh, Belinda.
This is gonna sound like it's really
out of the blue but I quit, okay?
I quit my job because
my heart's not in it, Belinda.
It never has been,
and to be honest,
I'm not a hundred percent sure
or what it is I do exactly,
- so there you go. I quit.
- What are you doing?
- All right...
- We can't... we can't survive
- on just my income alone.
- Yeah.
- Belinda, I don't quit,
but I will be taking paid leave
immediately, all right?
And no more overtime, okay?
And just a heads up, I'm gonna
start studying photography
because it's what I love.
And Belinda, life is too short
to not do what you love doing,
so there you go. As soon as
I find a job doing what I love,
I quit, all right?
So, if you... Call me back
when you get this message,
and I hope you're well
and love to Peter and the kids.
All the best. Bye.
Are you insane?
Not anymore.
You were just
about to quit your job.
Yes. So should you,
because you fucking hate your job.
Yeah, and when I come up
with a good idea for a novel,
- I will quit my job.
- Right, okay. How about this?
Um. Right, so a woman meets
the perfect guy, right,
except he's not the perfect guy.
Turns out that he's actually
her subconscious in human form.
Uh. And then he kidnaps her,
it becomes some sort of thriller.
I don't know, I haven't read
it, but there you go.
- How about that?
- Uh. That's a pretty good idea.
It's yours.
No, I mean literally.
- It's mine?
- Literally,
it's your idea, yeah.
- Okay. Um...
- What are you on this morning?
- Uh. Right.
- Please.
- SAM: Hey, man, what's up?
- Sam! Hello. [CHUCKLES]
Hello, mate. It's so good
to hear your voice. It's...
- SAM: What?
- It's Teddy. Listen to me. Uh...
- SAM: What?
- Listen to me
very fucking carefully, all right? Okay.
You... I want you to put a reminder
in your phone for tomorrow, okay?
To... To go to see a doctor
for a skin cancer screening.
Do you hear me?
Skin cancer screening, right?
Then I want you to put...
to put a reminder in your phone
to do the same again
the next year and again
and again and again.
And, mate, if you don't go,
I'm gonna drag you there
myself, all right?
I've just got a bad feeling.
Okay? And Sam, listen.
I love you, okay?
I know I... That's gonna sound
weird, uh, coming from me now
but I do, I love you. And...
and I don't say it enough
because none of us
say it enough, do we?
- So, there you go. I love you.
- SAM: I... I love you too, man.
Okay? Um. Oh, yeah,
one more thing.
Um. If you...
When you hear
of something called Poony-choos,
do you hear me, Poony-choos,
invest, mate.
Invest everything
you've got, okay?
- You won't regret it, trust me.
- SAM: Poony-choos?
- All right, mate.
- SAM: What the fuck are Poony-choos?
I'll see you later, okay?
Right. Uh.
What else? Oh, yeah.
Uh. Do you remember my, uh,
- The one from New Year's Eve?
- LEANNE: Yeah, yeah,
she's getting married. Becka.
- Becka, yes.
- LEANNE: Yeah, what about her?
- Remind me to give her this.
- What's that?
It's a gift.
- That's all.
- Okay.
Right, I'm gonna, uh,
I'm gonna paint this room purple.
How do you feel
about the name Tallulah?
- Ah, I don't love it.
- Oh, you will.
- You will, trust me. You will.
- Teddy! Teddy, slow down!
Yeah? You want me to slow down?
Are you crazy?
- There's so much stuff to do.
- But I, kind of, feel like
- doing nothing with you today.
- We're not doing nothing.
- No? Okay.
- Absolutely not, no.
- Why not?
- Because YOLO, that's why.
- Seriously.
- Seriously, fucking YOLO.
Okay. All right,
so what are we gonna do
- instead of nothing?
- Everything.
- We're gonna do everything?
- Why not?
- Because we don't have time.
- We'll make time.
Okay. When do we get started?
Time, time, time
Oh, sweet time
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
Time, time, time
Oh, sweet time
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I can't help you leaving me
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me