Loss Prevention (2018) Movie Script
1
(suspenseful music)
[Dolores] Miss Dalton,
I am really impressed.
Thank you. And
please call me Nic.
Nic.
I really appreciate
you coming in today.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
And we're gonna let all our
candidates know on Monday, okay.
Um, okay, I'm sorry,
we've been talking here
for the last 45 minutes, so.
Are you blowing me off?
Just level with me, because...
You're nine credit
hours short of obtaining
your Associates Degree,
is that correct?
Because I am assuming
that you dropped out.
Well, I had some
family issues that I,
that required me to
leave school, yes.
Mmmhmm. And you also list
your current employment
as a bartender at, um,
yeah, at the Soggy Weasel.
And your only reference,
a Murphy Dalton.
Is there any relation?
Um, yes, he's my father.
Right.
Dolores if you just
give me a minute,
60 seconds to explain.
After that if you're
not fully convinced
that I'd be a valuable
team member here at PNR
then I'll walk out that
door, no hard feelings.
Okay.
Yes I work for my father.
He needed a bartender,
and I needed a job.
But in the six months
that I've worked there,
I've crafted a strong
social media presence.
I've spearheaded promotions
that have almost
doubled his revenue.
So if you're
looking for somebody
with real life marketing
experience, I'm your girl.
Okay, Nic, PNR is a
Fortune 500 company.
Okay, it's not a dive
bar whose livelihood
depends on two for one drink
specials and, you know,
wet t-shirt contests put on by
the owner's tattoo
covered daughter.
Look I appreciate your
enthusiasm, I really do,
but when it all comes down to it
you're a college drop out with
a great memorization skill
for our about us
section of our website.
I just, I don't see a
place for you here at PNR.
Ah, you know I can
tell that this bridge
is already like covered
in gasoline right now.
- Excuse me?
- So I'm gonna light a match
and I withdraw my
application, you know,
and I would tell you to
go straight to hell but
you already managed to
find your way there.
Welcome home honey.
(suspenseful music)
Mr. Cooper, what's happening?
Oh, just running a
diagnostic on the mainframe.
Hmm.
I'm sorry sir,
I don't have a record of
a maintenance visit today.
That's strange. I know I
have an email from the boss
in here somewhere.
Oh, I'm sorry, here it is.
Here, sign right there.
(suspenseful music)
Nothing to worry about,
just a mislabeled directory.
Have a good weekend.
Sir, aren't you
forgetting something.
Eager to get your
weekend started, huh?
You have no idea.
(elevator dings)
(suspenseful music)
Well my old man swore
up 'til the day he died
He was a diesel driver
Gave Kristofferson a ride
In the Louisiana
rain with Bobby McGee
Just ridiculous.
I know, I'm late.
Consistently late.
You're consistently large.
So how'd the interview go?
Fantastic, they
hired me on the spot.
I'm putting in my two
weeks notice right now.
Really?
No.
Thank god.
I didn't mean that
like it sounds.
I just, I need somebody here
for a couple more
months that can...
Basically do all
your bookkeeping,
take care of the bar, keep
your ass out of the fire.
Really Nic?
Really is it that bad?
You know what they say?
Family first right.
Oh wow, that's, that's great.
Look, put your shirt on
and get to work please.
(clears throat) Murph.
What's shaking, little sexy?
Everything, I don't know
if it's 'cause I'm hungover
or the DT's.
Oh god, girl, the tequila
you gave me last night
really put me in a situation.
Oh do tell.
Let's just say I had to
make a ninja like exit.
Uh so who's the lucky girl?
Guy.
Tim, you met my
flavor of the week.
Oh, I think I need to get
you to start spreading your...
Watch it.
Horizons.
Okay check it.
Old friend from school,
just moved back to town.
She's hot, right?
Uh, she's too
blonde, too blonde.
You really need to
lower your standards.
Uh, I'm gonna be a
professional bar wench
for the foreseeable future.
Yeah, you know, I've compromised
everything in my sad life
so I'm not going to
compromise on my dream girl.
She's out there somewhere.
What about that cute little
brunette you were seeing?
Her vagina smelt
like breath mints.
(laughs)
What?
Landon! Ice! Now!
Breath mints, really?
It's better than the sweaty
sausage wallet, am I right?
Hello Landon.
Uh, ugh Nic put on a shirt.
You are boner repellent,
you know that?
It's like your superpower.
Boner repellent.
LeighAnne just say the word.
Balls.
(groaning)
And we're open people,
let's stop playing grab ass.
Nice shot.
Why thank you.
(laughs)
(suspenseful music)
(messages beeping)
(engine revving)
(upbeat rock music)
[Crowd Together]
Chug, chug, chug, chug.
Chug, chug, chug.
(cheering)
Are those our tequila shots?
Yeah.
You drinking to
celebrate or to forget?
Celebrating, I think.
(sensual rock music)
Oh I pity the groom.
So how's my girl tonight?
Living the dream, Terence.
Hey what's the chance of you
coming home with me tonight?
I just gave myself a
new porn star trim.
Oh Jesus Terence, I've
already puked once today.
(sensual rock music)
Here you go guys.
Oh yeah.
- And your extra.
- Oh that one's for you girl.
Hell yeah it is, cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
So about that bench.
Yeah back to my bench press.
You're old enough, it's okay.
Another sack of hormones
determined to take
you home tonight?
Bring on the
douchiest of the douches
as long as he tips.
Be careful what you wish for.
Hey, check her, she's hot right?
Yeah like too hot.
There's no help for
you, do you know that?
Excuse me.
I need this table.
Need's a strong word bro.
Oh so we are negotiating now?
(laughs)
Look by the way,
it's a little bit early
for you to be putting
on the fake tipsy.
If you're not careful you're
gonna be fake drunk by 11.
Those guys will be gone by 11.
The strip club will be calling.
Maybe earlier.
Jackpot.
Promise you won't judge.
Look at me, I have
no room to judge.
Time to make some
money, here you go.
Good?
Yeah, generally whoreish
but yeah it's great.
Just the way I like it.
Hi there honey.
What can I get you?
Yeah, I'll have a vodka martini.
Up with no olives.
Sure thing.
Today, please.
What'd you need cupcake?
Martini straight up, no olives
says the dick who's
too good to be here.
Yeah is he giving trouble?
No he's just being an asshole.
Well he looks corporate,
probably drives a Porsche,
most likely meeting some
schlub here to sucker
him into one of those
pyramid schemes.
You know, taking from the poor,
making his rich ass richer.
You know insurance on a Porsche
is very expensive LeighAnne.
You know if I didn't
know you'd quit school
I would say you got
a degree in bullshit.
(laughs)
So hey, I never asked
you, what does your,
your dream girl
look like anyway?
Well she's petite,
well proportioned,
preferably a dancer, dark hair,
dark eyes, dark complexion,
dark everything but
most importantly...
Can I get a drink over here?
(sensual rock music)
Okay and this is
where I leave you.
One martini, enjoy.
Check back with me every
five minutes, is that clear?
Sure thing.
Hey, I'm not joking
lady, every five minutes.
I would let go of my arm,
before you piss him off.
I dabbled in the
arts for a while,
sculpting, composing,
you know shit like that,
but bartending just, you know,
kind of fit my lifestyle.
Staying out late,
making new friends,
meeting beautiful women.
That's fantastic, can I
have a drink now please.
God, of course, right,
what can I get for you?
Whatever you dropped on
the floor looked pretty good.
A martini, very high brow.
Well hello young lady,
you snuck in on me.
Do you happen to
have your ID on you?
Murph.
Ah business is business Nic.
Don't wanna be fined.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Pleasure to meet you
Brooke, I'm Murphy.
I hope you have a
wonderful night, carry on.
Brooke, that's my favorite name.
Another martini for
douchebag Mr. Moneybags.
Just say the word
and I'll kick his ass.
Nic, I need some more tequila,
these bridesmaids
are insatiable.
Landon, will you
wait your turn please?
Oh I'm sorry I
don't speak skank,
could you say that for
me in English please.
Oh it's on.
You son of a bitch.
Get over here.
Oh shit!
(groaning)
[LeighAnne] You pig.
(groaning)
You're dead!
Excuse me children, we
have paying customers.
Can we do this after hours?
She started it.
Come on bring it on.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Landon tequila.
- Thank you.
- LeighAnne, martini.
What?
Alright go, go.
What?
I'm, I'm just impressed.
Great.
Can't I just one time,
pay you a compliment.
Look can this wait
until after hours,
I've got a lot of drinks
to make right now.
Yeah.
- [Brooke] Is that the owner?
- Yes.
Pretty ballsy thing
to say to your boss.
Yeah well, he also
happened to knock up my mom.
And then promptly
disappear after that
until my 26th birthday so.
That was your father.
Subject change.
So, would you like
another drink?
I don't know if I should.
Oh right, it must
be a school night huh.
A school night?
Yeah girl, 'cause
you got so much class.
Your martini's suck,
give me something else.
What'll it be.
Surprise me.
In order to do that
I'd probably have to take
you back to my place.
That's a little too
forward for me, lady.
Oh come on, it was a joke.
You're not from around
these parts are you?
These parts, no.
Should I go back to that
thar place I came from.
Uh, probably be for the best.
Please elaborate.
Well the Soggy Weasel's
known for its cheap drinks
and its loose women.
How do you know I'm not cheap?
Loose.
Whatever.
(laughs) So what do you do?
[Brooke] Guess.
You're a dancer?
Corporate liaison.
[Nic] Company car, insurance.
Whole nine.
That's pretty sweet.
[Brooke] It depends
on your perspective.
How so?
What time do you
get up in the morning?
5:00 p.m..
6:00 a.m..
What's your take home pay?
Like 1,600.
[Brooke] A week?
A month.
How about you?
More than 1,600 but
we have a dress code.
Oh that sucks.
Yeah tell me about it.
Our lot always took a lot
of pride in our appearance.
This is Terence.
He used to work for
a company called R&P.
The shaving cream guys?
They're a bunch of bastards,
suckered me into
early retirement.
Said I had a drinking problem.
That's what I'm
talking about. Terence
may or may not have an
alleged drinking problem
and yet he gets
early retirement.
Living the dream.
Enough of this idle chit chat.
I wanna know more about you.
So what are your hopes, your
dreams, your aspirations?
One more drink.
Then I have to go.
What's in this?
Vodka.
It just tastes strong.
I'll tell the bartender
to take it easy.
(laughing)
Hey who wants another?
Yes.
Cool.
I think I've had
enough for a while.
Oh whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's crazy talk.
Michelle, come on, tell
her that's crazy talk.
I think my friend here
wants to make sure that she
has all her wits about her.
Otherwise she'll have an
excuse to act inappropriately.
(laughing)
When did I become the bad guy?
Ladies, do not
listen to this man.
Don't trust this man.
(laughing)
Do you know what it's
like to realize that
after this night you will be
sleeping with the same person,
the same five foot
four stockbroker
with chronic, but it's
genetic so you can't judge me,
halitosis, for the
rest of your life.
No idea.
The truth is Landon,
can I call you Landon.
Sure, yeah.
The truth is some
of us bridesmaids
aren't completely happy
with Mr. Stockbroker.
Some of us are wondering why
Mr. Corporate Banker Bigshot
comes home late every night.
And some of us, not
naming names here,
know that you, yes you,
Landon the bartender
might be the best last hope of,
how can I put this delicately,
boning some sense into our
betrothed friend over there.
I would be honored.
(laughing)
Nic, cover me!
Dammit Landon.
(upbeat rock music)
Shut this down
Shut this down
I'm leaving the
town, shut this down.
(groaning)
Why don't you lock the door?
Lock the door?
Locks in the men's room stalls,
what kind of establishment
od you think this is?
(groaning)
Yeah I trust you.
It's quitting time.
Closing you out, because you
don't look like you need to be
having any more fun anyway.
What's this?
It's your check.
But, I have, I have...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, sit
down, stop, take it easy.
I hate to break it to you,
but you're not going anywhere
unless it's in a cab.
Shit.
Nicki, shift's up, I'm out.
Hang onto these.
Are these Mr. Moneybags?
Yes, he's completely
wasted, total lightweight,
looks like I'm
not getting a tip.
Alright what do you
want me to do with him?
I don't know, give him
an hour. Call him a cab.
A really, really, shitty cab.
I'm gonna call him the
shittiest of shittiest of cabs.
And that's why I love you.
I'm going to Tim's.
Hey you should come,
'cause I plan to be wasted.
Alright.
Whoa, when did you go
all Megan Fox on me.
Bye Murph.
Bye sweetheart.
Be safe okay.
[LeighAnne] I will.
Alright.
(suspenseful music)
[Boland] Mr. Cooper?
I gave you explicit instructions
to order one drink, one.
And wait patiently.
I'm so wasted.
I'm so wasted boss.
You don't seem to
have heeded my advice.
Get your ass out of that chair.
(groaning)
Please.
(groaning)
This is unfortunate Mr. Cooper.
Listen, I can't just leave work.
You know what?
Scratch that.
I know I'm relatively beautiful
but I'm sure as
hell not that lucky.
So tell me, what's
going on here?
I want you now,
I just can't wait.
(suspenseful music)
(groaning)
Celebrating a bit prematurely
aren't we Mr. Cooper?
No.
One drink, martini.
Okay, two drinks, two drinks.
I do not care.
But seeing as how
we are paying you
a more than significant
sum of money
I would appreciate some
semblance of professionalism.
(groaning) The waitress.
Yes this waitress.
(groaning)
You can do this Mr. Cooper.
My keys.
A sound judgment, I
wouldn't recommend driving.
My keys.
God was on the key chain.
God is everywhere Mr. Cooper.
(groaning)
The flash disk is God.
I see.
And this waitress, she was...
Dark haired, five foot
two, great ass, decent rack.
Look it's now or never.
I need you to leave
with me right now.
I'd do it girl,
like they say, YOLO.
Mr. Cooper, how
much are we paying you
for this little
corporate transgression?
(groaning) Uh, a shit ton.
That's probably the
best way to put it.
Monetarily speaking it comes
out to about $26.8 million.
Tax free am I correct?
(groaning) I guess so.
How much do you think
it's going to cost
to cover up your murder?
To sweep something this
nefarious under the rug?
What?
I'll give you a hint, it's
much less then $26.8 million.
Some might even say
a shit ton less.
You've just negotiated
yourself out of the deal.
(gun pops)
[Landon] Fuck!
(suspenseful music)
You the groom?
No, I just work here.
Oh well that's good.
You look too young
to get tied down.
Then again.
(suspenseful music)
Look, I have a job and
I'm never gonna get anywhere
if I just blow that off for
every unbelievably witty,
slightly soul crushingly
beautiful dream girl
that walks in off the street.
So I woke up naked, upside-down
with a hairbrush up
my ass, true story.
And my friend is screaming
because he's handcuffed
to the toilet.
(laughing)
(laughs)
(laughing)
What can I do for you sir?
Can I have a Roy Rogers?
A Roy Rogers?
Yeah, okay.
And that would be a...
Cola and grenadine.
Cherry cola.
Extra cherries please.
Certainly.
(suspenseful music)
Dammit Nic listen, I like you.
There's a lot of shit
going on in this bar
that you have no idea about.
So I'm asking you for your
own safety and well being.
Get me out of this bar.
You know there was a
time not too long ago
where I would have said yes,
but how am I ever gonna
move up in this world
with that sort of attitude.
Hear hear, top
shelf to celebrate.
You know what this generation's
workforce is lacking?
Loyalty.
That's what big companies
are looking for,
it starts right now.
No more staying out late, no
more drinking on Monday's,
no more skipping out on
work for a random triste.
And if you can't respect
that, then I guess.
Never, not even once.
Not with him.
I think it's your body
that's telling your brain
something it doesn't want to...
Oh my god (groans).
Oh Jesus.
- What Nicki?
- I think I need to quit.
Really?
Why now?
Now.
No benefits, terrible wages,
no opportunity for growth.
A culture that encourages
laziness and personal stagnation,
I mean come on, this bar
has cost me my dream girl
and now the bartender's off
getting herpes from bridezilla.
Sorry, no offense.
We'll talk about
your fictional romantic
relationships later, okay?
Right now, I'll go find Landon.
Okay, don't touch me, okay.
What?
You're a lesbian?
Oh and here I thought I was
hiding it this whole time.
Well shit.
Goddammit Landon.
Alright kid, I hope you
got your rocks, off.
Good God. Jesus
Christ what happened?
I didn't even know her name.
I'll be right back, don't move.
Murphy, Murphy
don't leave me here.
Maybe you're just not
wired for it, you know.
Have you ever thought about
batting for the other team?
What's it like?
Recently, pretty minty.
- Nicki.
- Ow.
You need to go out of here now.
Yeah she's kind of lame.
No, I mean leave, out the back.
What's going on?
Just once, do what
I ask you to do.
(suspenseful music)
I assume you're the proprietor
of this fine establishment?
Let's talk about
what happens next.
(whispering drowned out
by suspenseful music)
Alright everybody, we
are closed for business.
I don't care if you go home,
but you can't stay here.
Thank you all very much,
please we need you to leave.
Take care.
Where's Megan?
She probably left
with the bartender.
Do you want to fill me in on
what the hell's going on here?
Nicki please, just
stand behind the bar
and shut your mouth.
Thank you everybody.
Please be safe.
(suspenseful music)
(phone clicks)
(phone beeps)
What the hell is this?
I don't just blindly
follow orders
like the rest of these lemings.
I'm too damn old.
Goddammit.
Terence, put a lid on it.
Terence Walker?
Who the hell are you?
Christian Boland,
pleased to meet you.
You're a legend. We
still tell stories
around the water cooler about
your exploits in the 80's.
I for one was shocked when
Rappaport and Progatto
pushed you ont. What was
the official reasoning?
Drinking problem?
Well that just
reeks of cronyism.
Out with the old to make way
for some CEO's pipsqueak son,
am I right?
You work for R&P?
Indeed.
Who the hell are you?
I thought we covered
that, Christian Boland.
Special Acquisitions Department.
Now, I understand this is
an extreme inconvenience,
but I do have some
business to discuss
with this gentleman, so I'm
going to have to ask you
to do your drinking
elsewhere this evening.
And I assume I can trust your
discretion on the matter,
seeing as how you should
still be under contract
and whistle blowers can't
be tolerated, am I right?
Of course, Mr...
Boland.
For the third time.
(suspenseful music)
It's a nice independent
place you have here,
one of the best,
I appreciate that.
Men's bathroom, second
stall, bring them here.
Make sure we're alone.
Excuse me, jackass.
Why the hell are we
all listening to you?
Oh yeah that.
(suspenseful music)
(guns clicking)
I know, I know, it's
a crude show of force,
but it is effective,
you have to admit.
You can put your hands down.
This one has already noticed
that I have taken the liberty
of shutting down cell service.
Now I know you're the bartender.
I know you're the owner of
this delightful establishment.
And this young man was receiving
fellatio from a bride to be
in a bathroom stall,
up high buddy.
Oh you're still sore
at me for interrupting,
I understand, it
was a dick move.
Sorry about that.
So that leaves me with
one unanswered question,
where is the waitress?
Dark hair, five foot two,
great ass, decent rack,
so I've been told.
No one?
Do you know why I didn't
kill you in the bathroom?
Because you look like
a reasonable man.
Now, you see, there's no
need for bloodshed here.
All I care about
is the bottom line.
If it's cheaper for
me to pay you off
than to cover up your
murder, everybody wins.
As long as you
know where she is.
I, I don't know.
Bummer.
(gun fires)
- Oh my god!
- Landon.
You see, he didn't do the math.
With three of you here, I
still have two more chances
to get what I want.
So what's it gonna be big guy?
A big old fat paycheck
or a bullet to the brain?
Like I'd tell you anything.
Dammit stop, alright.
I don't know where's she's at.
I don't know anything.
I've struck a nerve.
He cares about you.
Doesn't that make you feel good.
Stop, please.
Don't.
I'll give you an address,
I'll tell you whatever
you want to know.
Just stop.
She's not at home,
you're not gonna find her.
Oh I'll find her.
She has something
that belongs to me.
A USB drive on a
dead man's keychain.
And you know where
she is, don't you?
[Brooke] Let go of me.
I found her roaming
around in the back.
The more the merrier.
Get your hands
off me you asshole.
Today is my birthday and
this one got me drunk.
(laughs) Is that right?
How uncouth.
Yeah, bitch.
You know, to think I
almost took her home.
I mean I don't
even swing that way
but I thought, what
the hell, right.
But that's it,
experimental phase is over.
I'm on a dick only
diet from here on out
and that's, that's a good thing.
'Cause you're a dick,
and you're a dick
and you're a...
(screams)
(dramatic music)
Woo!
Man remind me not to...
Everybody drop your...
(guns firing)
God.
It's official I quit.
Guess what, I do too.
Follow me.
(guns firing)
Impressive kid.
Self defense classes.
YouTube!
(gun firing)
(dramatic music)
Jesus Nicki, do you ever
mop the floors in here?
Oh my god, geez, focus.
(guns firing)
(dramatic music)
(groaning)
(guns firing)
You're making this
whole acquisition
significantly more expensive
than it needs to be.
(gun fires)
(groaning)
I hate to speak for corporate,
but our shareholders
are gonna be pissed.
(dramatic music)
(guns firing)
(groaning)
(groaning)
Holy shit.
He was a bad guy right?
(suspenseful music)
(guns firing)
(groans)
(guns firing)
Man I was not
expecting this tonight.
But I'm having
fun, how about you?
I'll get back to you!
Shit.
What?
I left the keys in the bar.
I'll just have to...
Break some shit?
No, get the spare key that
I keep underneath the bumper.
I'm making an assumption
based on your training
that you work for PNR?
I didn't know they were
hiring out of high school now.
(gun fires)
I'm new, how am I doing?
Not bad for a girl.
Wanna get together for
Chinese after this?
Maybe we can talk about it?
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
Got it.
Brooke's coming
and she's got a gun.
You have the worst
taste in women.
(engine revving)
I need eyes on a
white Toyota Camry,
license plate 283 EXW,
heading west on Starry Avenue.
Let me know where they're going.
(suspenseful music)
(microwave beeps)
(explosion booms)
(suspenseful music)
Alright cell phone check.
Mine's still out.
Dammit.
These guys have some
serious resources.
Okay, that's it, end of story,
we're going to the cops.
We have to get LeighAnne,
they think she
has the USB drive.
Doesn't she?
Nicki, how the hell
did you get that?
LeighAnne, she pulled
it off of Mr. Moneybags,
I was supposed to
call him a cab.
For Christ sake,
do you have any idea
what's on that thing?
I don't know, hipster
dude's porn collection?
How the hell should I know?
Well maybe we should
just give it to him?
No, no, and get a
bullet through our brain
for our trouble? No thank you.
That's probably the only
thing that's keeping us alive,
and god help LeighAnne
if they find her.
She's toast.
Unless we get to her first.
She's probably out partying.
She's dating that guy Tim?
Oh he's just the
flavor of the week.
What flavor is that, gonorrhea?
Well I know where
Mr. Gonorrhea lives.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
(gas hissing)
Sir, we've searched the premises
and there's no sign of the
bartender or the PNR operative.
Thank you.
I have a question for the group.
Could any of you
please explain to me,
how you people got your
asses handed to you
by a five foot tall
Chun-Li with a microwave?
(suspenseful music)
I hate to speak for corporate,
but I don't think any of you
are getting your Christmas
fruitcakes this year.
(suspenseful music)
(phone buzzing)
Hello sir.
I believe we had
pushback on the deal.
PNR knew we were coming, sir.
They had an operative waiting.
One operative?
I'm taking care of it, sir.
Good, because I have
a meeting in the morning
with the shareholders
and if that acquisition
hasn't gone through
then I will be pushing for
very severe downsizing.
Do you understand?
[Boland] I understand sir.
Do you know where the drive is?
No sir, but I know who does.
And she's leading
me right to it.
(phone beeping)
We have you staying
at the Brown, sir,
just like you requested.
Savannah, can I
ask you a question?
Of course.
What time were we
supposed to land?
1:40 a.m..
And what time did you ask
for my car to pick us up?
1:30 a.m..
Which just begs
the obvious question.
Where is my goddamn car?
(engine revving)
Great, now I feel like
a right royal ass.
Savannah, we're gonna
have to stop doing this.
Buy yourself something pretty.
They don't have the time
They're working
and they're fine
Alright do me.
(laughs)
The lighter not...
Alright we're here.
What do we do now?
Find LeighAnne.
And get the hell out.
Suck it.
Suck it.
Yeah.
I sucked it.
I sucked it good, dude.
(whistles) Yo.
(groaning)
There you are.
- Jesus, man.
- Yeah.
You can't sneak up
on people like that.
Do you guys know where
I can find LeighAnne?
Anybody?
Uh, well, are you a cop?
Do I look like a cop?
Hmm.
(distant rock music)
(moaning)
Holy shit Nic, what the hell?
What's up?
I'm Tim.
Hey Tim.
(suspenseful music)
LeighAnne, we have to
get out of here now.
Dream girl and
douchebag both wanted
what Mr. Moneybags has on this.
LeighAnne, Landon is dead.
Look Nic, I'm a little stoned
and even more than
a little drunk
and this shit is not funny.
LeighAnne, I'm not
trying to be funny,
we need to get the
hell out of here now.
I'm not going anywhere until
I know what this is about.
Alright, let's find out.
Okay man, we've
come to a consensus
and we've decided that you
do not look like a cop.
You two have been no
help whatsoever. None.
Not true.
I'd say a good diversion is
worth its weight in hashish.
Wouldn't you say?
I'm sorry to break up the party,
it's time we find this waitress.
Oh dude, now that
looks like a cop.
[LeighAnne] Is it poison
or a bomb or something?
No, it's toothpaste.
That's what this is all about?
Apparently.
Look, um, this is
gonna sound crazy
but you gotta believe me.
Your life is in danger. Alright?
We have to get the
hell out of here.
Good advice.
(suspenseful music)
Nic, give me the drive
and I'll take care of it.
No, I've seen how you and
your people take care of things.
We don't have time for this now.
Boland is down the
hall and he'll kill you
without a second thought.
Oh wait, you're a good guy?
Not exactly.
But I'm all you've got.
Come with me if you wanna live.
Whoa.
I told you, they've already
left with the drive, okay.
Somehow I doubt that.
Look, maybe I can call her,
get her to meet you someplace?
Do I look that stupid?
Actually, yeah you do.
(suspenseful music)
Yo, you guys cops or something?
No.
Good, 'cause I've got an
eight ball in my sock drawer
and I may or may not have
sideswiped a Chrysler
on my beer run earlier (laughs).
You feel me?
LeighAnne, where is she?
[Tim] She was here earlier
man, but she left a while ago.
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(gun fires)
[Brooke] Come on.
[Nic] LeighAnne, Murphy.
Leave 'em we have to go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
Go!
(screams)
(suspenseful music)
[Brooke] Move your ass, Nicki.
[Nic] You don't
get to call me that.
(gun fires)
(engine revving)
Sachtler!
Put it away.
No need to make this
screw up any messier
than it already is.
I need a clean up crew.
4218 Cresky Way.
Bring your checkbook.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
You okay?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Where's the drive?
Is that all you
give a shit about?
I mean LeighAnne
and Murphy are...
Safe, for now.
It'll be a lot cheaper
to pay the girl off
than it is to kill her.
But what about Murphy?
He's a serious
liability, I'm sorry.
We have to go get him.
I can't use company
resources to save your dad,
it's against protocol.
The drive's in a safe
deposit box at the bus station.
I don't have the number
and I don't have the key.
Murphy does.
That's your story?
Absolutely.
And you can guarantee if
we get Murphy back safely,
we'll get the drive back?
Totally.
Then let's go get him.
How?
Operator put me through
to Human Resources.
(suspenseful music)
(engine revving)
Drag?
Screw you.
I'm trying to quit. I still
need an occasional burst
of nicotine every now and then
to kind of take the edge off.
What are you gonna do with me?
Well, whatever makes sense.
It is all about
the bottom line, so
if it's cheaper to keep
you alive we will do so.
But given all the trauma we've
already inflicted on you,
and everything you've seen,
it'll probably just be
smarter to write you off
as a total loss.
(suspenseful music)
It's a tough break, hombre,
but that's business.
I own a company.
And I understand business.
Profits are low, I'll
water down the liquor.
I sell buckets of
beer for six bucks,
the beer costs me 25 cents.
See my employees
drinking on the job,
turn my head, it makes
them more entertaining.
I don't murder people.
What are your moral
qualms, Christian?
Companies are amoral.
Companies are also a
people, legally speaking.
I figured if I wanted to get
rich, and I did, very much,
it would be best to
function like a corporation.
Yeah, except for
if you get caught.
You get the gas chamber.
I've gotta be honest, I
hope they let me watch.
On the contrary if
you have as much money
behind you as I have
there's no real need for
a criminal justice system.
You just pay a fine, work
it into the balance sheet.
It's the cost of doing business.
It's the American way.
Sounds fulfilling.
At least I have value.
You and your friends? Just line
items on our expense report.
Of course there is a way I'd
be willing to bend the rules.
Get me the drive.
I don't have it dickhead.
And even if I did, there's
no way I'd give it to you.
I'd rather die before
I give you that drive.
Murphy, that is the first
thing you have said tonight
that I have
unabashedly believed.
What are your plans
for the kids inside?
Gonna murder them too?
No, I have something entirely
different in mind for them.
Gentleman, inside.
(suspenseful music)
Hello, my name is Boland and
this is my associate Mr. Burke.
We apologize for
the inconvenience
of our activities this evening
and we wish to
offer compensation.
(sobs) He needs a doctor.
Hmm, yes he does.
Of course, just as soon
as we can put all of this
nasty business that we have
before us squarely behind us.
But...
Shh.
I'm sorry, I realize
this is difficult,
however we are prepared
to pay you generously
for your continued silence
regarding our
activities this evening.
Do you have a figure in mind?
Please speak up, I assure you
this is a one time only offer.
(sobbing) Two million?
(laughs) Done.
Burke will cut the check
and draw up the standard
non-disclosure agreement.
We will develop a cover story
that will satisfy all
interested parties
of which there should be few.
I would also like to stress
that this is a one
time only payment
that is subject to all
applicable taxation
and should you renege on
your legally binding contract
we will be forced to take
further action, is that clear?
Yes.
Will you please help him?
Of course.
(groaning)
Pleasure doing business
with you Miss...
Pewterschmidt.
A lovely name.
(suspenseful music)
Ah, you see, you see
how generous I can be.
Even the most distraught perk up
when asked to name their price.
(suspenseful music)
We'll be at the rendezvous
point in two minutes.
Okay full disclosure.
I work for a company called PNR.
Shampoo company.
Shampoo, razors, ovens,
thermo-nuclear weapon casings,
bunker busters, GPS guidance
computers, you get the point.
So what exactly
do you do for them?
Loss prevention.
One of our high
level programmers
decided to sell a file
to the competition.
Now he's dead and
we can't find God.
Well there's a lot of people
out there looking for him.
The thumb drive, the
one that your father hid.
Cooper, the dickhead at
the bar, left work today
with the intent to sell
company secrets for millions.
And I tracked his car
back to the Weasel,
I attempted to drug him,
but your waitress got to the
jump drive before I could
and now we find ourselves
in a bit of a bind.
So what's on the drive?
That's a trade secret.
I'm under contract
to not reveal any...
Toothpaste.
I took a sneak peek. So
what's so important about it?
You know how no
matter how hard you try,
you can't get the last bit of
toothpaste out of the tube?
Formula NC17-42 would
put an end to that,
with a liquid toothpaste
that gains viscosity
and quadruples in volume when
it hits oxygen in the air,
meaning that...
Not an ounce wasted.
A tube of toothpaste
could last for months.
Nearly a year.
But PNR doesn't even
have a dental division.
How'd you know that?
I interviewed for your company.
Did my homework,
didn't work out.
Well you're right.
This will be the
first of our new line.
We're projected to go from
a zero to 12% market share
in the first 12 months.
No toothpaste formula is
worth this kind of trouble.
Do you know how much
the five-blade swivel head
razor cost us to develop?
How much?
1.3 billion in pay offs, 16 dead
and water rights in
three African countries.
We're here.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
So why don't you just kill me?
Well, your daughter
has what I need,
which makes you the
only leverage I have.
You on the other hand.
(gun fires) (groans)
Bled out on the way
to the hospital.
I'm so sorry, there was
just nothing to be done.
Besides we can't have some
doctor asking questions right?
You're sick.
The whole system
is sick, Murphy.
If I don't get that drive,
the system may very
well become terminal
and I can't let that happen.
Let's go.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
First things first, we
survey R&P headquarters
and try to track what
they did with Murphy.
Then we can find the drive.
(phone buzzing)
Yeah.
It's the dickweed
with the man bun.
Talk.
So terse.
Still sore about me
trying to kill you.
I'll get over it,
get to the point.
I would like to propose a trade.
I want the drive and I have
the bartender's father.
What makes you think
we'd make that deal?
[Boland] Oh, because you
have a soft spot for this one.
That's thin logic Boland.
Maybe so, but I am a very
good judge of character.
And you fancy yourself
the good guy in all this.
So, bring me the
drive within the hour
or I will send Murphy home
to your bartender
girlfriend in pieces.
Where?
R&P headquarters. Just
you and the bartender.
And no funny business.
I'll let the receptionist
know that you're coming.
Change of plans.
Murphy told him
you have the drive.
We're gonna meet 'em at
their headquarters downtown.
So you and I are gonna
stroll into their headquarters,
just you and me?
'Cause that sounds like
a pretty shitty plan.
Not just you and me.
She's with me.
(suspenseful music)
Corporate didn't say
anything about her.
Who the hell is she?
That's my call.
Yes ma'am.
We're infiltrating R&P now.
Do you have an entry strategy?
Yeah we got one,
don't worry about it,
this ain't our first pool party.
She needs a gun.
Trigger, safety,
magazine release.
Two hands, point,
squeeze, gun go boom.
Got it?
Yeah.
[Soldier] Yeah,
good luck with that.
Shut up.
(suspenseful music)
Listen up people.
We have a meeting with
the competition tonight,
and they have home
court advantage.
There's a man named Murphy,
six foot three, 270,
muscular build, brown
hair and a beard.
He has intel on the location
of a vitally
important PNR asset.
So his unharmed recovery
is your top priority.
Other priorities. Try
not to get killed.
(suspenseful music)
Nice pep talk.
Thanks.
Wanna make out?
No.
But I got a gun.
[Brooke] Round it up people!
Come on bitches.
(suspenseful music)
So right now you're
probably asking yourself,
why am I duct taped to an
office chair on the top floor
of one of the most prolific
publicly traded companies
on the exchange?
I thought we'd covered this.
Not really.
You've heard of a
cost benefit analysis,
I'm sure, being a
business man yourself.
So here's a query.
At what point does collateral
damage become unacceptable?
When it becomes too expensive.
Exactly.
A plus plus plus.
You see, when I asked your
waitress to name her price,
I wasn't being
entirely forthright.
Hmm.
There is a financial
maximum, a boiling point
where it simply becomes too
expensive to keep someone alive.
Now that figure varies
from person to person,
situation to situation,
but all things being equal
the cost to cover
up a total loss.
You mean, murder.
Potato, potahto.
And by cover up I'm talking
cover story, body
disposal, the whole nine.
Get to the point.
2.2 million.
So your waitress friend
is very lucky to be alive.
If she said 2.4, even 2.3,
I would have been forced to...
Shoot her in the head.
Execute company policy.
Potato, potahto.
Nothing personal, it's
just cost versus benefit.
(suspenseful music)
So is this pretty much like
a regular occurrence for you
with the whole SWA team, raiding situation?
Once, maybe twice a year.
It comes in waves.
Can I ask you a question?
[Nic] Yeah anything.
Why didn't you call the police?
'Cause that douchebag Boland guy
had some sort of program
on his cell phone
that locked our
cellular devices so...
He did that from his phone.
Yeah, I thought all
you corporate bad-asses
had that ability.
That's a new one to me.
Huh, it's a shame
because it seems like
it'd be really helpful
for PNR's military
program right now.
I'll look into it.
Hmm.
So can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Do you find me attractive?
Let's table that conversation
for this particular moment.
Okay, 'cause I, I think
you're really pretty.
I do understand
your perspective,
after all, I am
going to kill you.
Let's get things back on track.
You're probably asking yourself
why aren't you dead already?
Here's a term you've
probably never heard.
Downside risk management.
It means, in any
financial situation,
one must prepare for the worst
by hedging one's investments.
And that is where you come in.
When your daughter
walks through that door,
I'm going to subdue her
by any force necessary,
take the drive
and kill you both.
That is the best case scenario.
But what if she doesn't
have what she says?
Then I bring her back here,
to this very room.
I take a knife
and I start to cut
things off of her.
Until you talk.
And if that doesn't work,
I cut you, until she talks.
No matter what happens,
I get what I want.
And that is downside
risk management.
Which brings things full
circle as to why you,
a bar owner, with no 401K,
find yourself duct taped to an
office chair on the top floor
of one of the most prolific
publicly traded companies
on the exchange.
Now I would love
to stay and chat,
but I do have a
meeting to get to.
But don't fear.
I have arranged for a
little entertainment.
I'm sure you've
probably been wondering
what kind of organization
would hire a monster like me.
Now you can know everything.
[Announcer] Congratulations,
you've just joined a family.
One of the most exciting
and successful businesses
of the 20th Century.
What the hell is this?
- But R&P wasn't always...
- Jesus.
[Announcer] The powerhouse
of global commerce
whose headquarters you
find yourself in today.
Through the years
this great company
has gone through 76 different
mergers and acquisitions,
all of which I'll discuss
in detail right now.
In 1930...
(suspenseful music)
[Nic] So what's the plan?
We walk in and have our meeting.
Okay, so what about your friends
in little black leotards?
Insurance for any
unforeseen complications.
Do you expect any
unforeseen complications?
Most definitely.
Oh great, okay, cool.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful rock music)
(peaceful music)
Good evening, can I help you?
We have an appointment.
We're here a little early.
And who are you here to see?
You know who we're here to see.
Hmm-mm.
Your appointment is here, sir.
Absolutely.
Right this way.
I am so sorry for the walk,
but our east elevator
bank is broken.
Then again it's always something
with this old building.
If it's not the elevator,
then the coffee machine
is on the fritz.
Then again I shouldn't complain.
R&P is one of the
top 10 places to work
according to Corporate
Quarterly. Did you know that?
No, tell us more.
Well the building
was built in 1964.
It was originally
the Stark's Building
and housed the worlds first
multi-national
farming conglomerate.
Can I get you anything, coffee?
No.
(gun clicks)
(suspenseful music)
Oh dear.
Put down your weapons
or we will shoot.
We'll put our guns down.
(gun fires)
(dramatic music)
(guns firing)
Where's the meeting being held?
I don't know.
Where'd they take Murphy?
Tall guy with a tan,
doesn't work here.
11th floor.
(suspenseful music)
(guns firing)
You didn't need to do that.
She's just some poor
receptionist biding her time
until she has to...
Do you have a plan or something?
I'll cover you.
Get to the elevator.
- And?
- Try not to get shot.
Sold.
(dramatic music)
(guns firing)
Serious question, if I
had more money in my wallet
and a big cushy corporate job,
would you be more likely
to go home with me tonight?
[Brooke] Is that a
question or a statement?
I don't know, I'm just feeling
really insecure about it.
- Nic.
- Yeah.
Cover your ears.
(gun fires)
(soldier screams)
Move your ass.
Okay.
(groaning)
(gun firing)
(dramatic music)
(groaning)
Asshole!
(groaning)
(guns firing)
(gun fires)
(elevator dings)
I already hit the button.
Good thinking.
(gun fires)
Shit.
And yes, I find you attractive.
(gun fires)
Good.
(suspenseful music)
You wanted a job at PNR?
Is being a bartender
really that bad?
Honestly?
Yeah.
No, it isn't.
I just assumed I'd be
doing something other
than working for
my estranged father
and hocking booze to frat guys.
Low stress job, family
business, hot chicks.
Well when you put it that way.
(elevator dings)
I'm almost out.
(suspenseful music)
(groaning)
(dramatic music)
(gun fires)
(groaning)
Nic, you aren't helping!
(groaning)
(dramatic music)
Get off her, you son of a bitch!
(screaming)
Come on bitch, come on.
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(panting)
It feels good doesn't it?
But don't get used to it.
This is my building.
In 60 seconds there's
gonna be 15 operatives
breathing down your neck.
What now?
He's right. We're screwed
and I don't have a plan B.
I do.
Do you trust me?
(suspenseful music)
Shit.
(groaning)
Nic, how the hell did
you get in here? Jesus.
Hi, nice to see you alive again,
and you're welcome 'cause I
just totally rescued your ass.
[Murphy] Rescued
is a strong word.
Well done,
agent Shields, well done.
Your name is Shields,
like Brooke Shields.
Nic.
Bachman, Reginald Bachman,
CEO of R&P Industries.
You know, Agent Shields,
that is not going
to do you any good.
You see, my assistant
has already informed me
that your people are in retreat.
And my men, well, they're going
to come through that door.
Right about now.
When'd you go all
Black Widow on me Nicki?
Not now, Murphy.
I'd like to know
what you're doing?
I mean, let's look
at this, escape was...
Escape was never the plan.
I see.
I asked for a
meeting, and goddammit
I would appreciate a
little professionalism.
Please, have a seat.
Sit.
(suspenseful music)
Boland, you disappoint me.
It wasn't a fair fight they...
What?
They didn't play by the rules.
Oh my god they cheated.
No, no no no no,
you got beaten fair and square.
But as it stands, that's
not what I'm talking about.
Killing indiscriminately,
allowing one of your agents
to draw his weapon in public
and you went
commando in my lobby!
Never shit where you eat.
It wasn't like that.
Ah.
I have no interest in
what you have to say.
Now or ever.
Young lady, do me a favor.
Put that gag in his mouth.
Gladly.
Now that that unpleasantness
is taken care of,
I believe you and I have
some business to discuss.
I have a proposition.
Murphy's life for the drive.
(clears throat)
You do understand
that I could kill
every one of you.
Then I could pry the drive
from your dead,
clammy little fingers.
But I do understand
your problem.
So, knowing the probability
of capture and death
you don't think we'd
be stupid enough
to bring the drive with us do...
Not a smart move, Nic.
Mr. Bachman, I'm
taking a gamble here.
If I could just get like 60
seconds, a minute of your time?
After that I'll gladly
slide this drive over to you
and you can do whatever you feel
best suits your
shareholders' needs.
Until then I ask two things.
Number one, please
don't kill us.
Number two, listen carefully.
Think about this Nic.
Nicki, you're gonna
get yourself killed.
Dad, I got this.
You intrigue me, young lady.
Very well, you have my word,
and your 60 seconds
starts now.
What I have here represents,
as Agent Shields
has explained to me,
a huge threat to R&P's brand
of dental hygiene products.
Using this, PNR can
launch themselves
into the sector with gusto,
securing 12 to 15% of the
market in just six months.
By stealing it, you're hoping
to undercut their pricing,
beat them to the market
and with your existing brand
recognition in dental hygiene
steal eight to 10% of
the market share back.
But I have a better suggestion.
Take all of it.
I'm proposing a deal that
will give PNR the incentive
to never go to market
with their proposed
dental hygiene plan.
You do understand that PNR
would not give up one iota
of market share in
exchange for your life?
No, in exchange for this.
Brooke, Boland's phone.
(suspenseful music)
Boland, passcode.
Give it to her.
Six, six, six, nine.
Here we are CelluLockdown,
that's a really
fucking terrible name.
It's a simple app
coupled with GPS
and cellular network relays
that can selectively
limit cellular service
to a small number of
users or an entire region
at the click of a button.
You awake?
From the little I've seen,
the good folks at PNR
would gladly trade
a measly 4% share in toothpaste
to get their hands on
this one little app.
Why?
PNR holds numerous
lucrative defense contracts
in data mining and
information technology.
Contracts that are
decades away for R&P.
So while this handy
little espionage tool
is a fun gadget for Agent
Douchebag over here,
it's worthless to
your bottom line.
You give them the technology,
they give you the formula,
everybody makes more money
without any pesky competition,
and as a show of good faith
you let us leave alive.
(suspenseful music)
Time's up.
Would this be agreeable
to your employer?
Absolutely.
And would the board
of PNR, approve of this?
They already have.
(laughs) Well, well,
well, then you have a deal.
We'll deliver the paperwork
before end of business today.
Really?
Sorry?
We're done?
Oh, you're all free to go.
What about this guy?
What about him?
He killed one of my
employees. He kidnapped me.
He tried to murder my daughter.
I wanna see him
brought to justice.
(sighs) Alright, Mr. Boland, you are
no longer employed by R&P Industries.
You son of bitch.
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(gun firing)
Free market, it's a bitch.
Right, we're gonna go now, so.
Come on.
(suspenseful music)
It's a tough business,
I can tell why you're so jaded.
Can somebody
please explain to me
what the hell happened in there?
That was by far the most...
Brave, intelligent,
wildly heroic.
Stupid thing I've
ever seen anyone do.
Well, I didn't see anybody
else stepping up so...
Because it was also
brilliant, and a little sexy.
She's right, you were brilliant.
I know I don't say this
enough, not really at all.
But when I was
tied to that chair
and I didn't know if I
was gonna get out alive,
all I could think about was you.
I know I haven't made you a
priority in my life, I'm sorry.
But I promise Nicki, I'm
gonna be there for you,
just like you were
here for me tonight.
I love you Nicki.
Family first, right?
Goddammit.
(suspenseful music)
If you want that desk job,
I think I might be able
to pull a few strings.
You know I think I've had
enough of corporate America.
But thanks, I'll totally
save you a seat at the bar.
It's a date.
Want a ride home?
That's okay, I think we'll walk.
Oh and Nic, assuming
we can come to some sort
of non disclosure agreement
and I don't have to kill you,
I think a little
compensation is in order.
Considering you just made PNR
a significant amount of money.
Well, have your
people call my people.
What about me?
Name your price.
I want a boat.
That's not outside the
realm of possibility.
A big boat.
A big boat?
Where'd you get people?
I got people.
I got you and LeighAnne.
Oh so that means you're
gonna rescind your resignation?
Maybe, but I'm
gonna need a raise.
Is that before or
after I fix the bar
and convince all the regulars
they're not in mortal danger.
When are you gonna
have time to do that
when you're tooling around
on your boat all day?
Geez, really a boat?
Yeah, a boat, a train,
I really don't care
as long as it gets me
away from the free market.
I'm done.
Of course it's just
a pipe dream so...
Don't say that dad, who
knows what you accomplish.
I meet this is America,
land of the home,
free and the brave and all that good stuff.
You feel me?
So they tell me, Nic.
You know I'd feel
better where you are
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
You know you are,
you know you are
You know you're
better where you are
You know you are,
you know you are
When it was just
the two of us
It don't get much better
Building castles in the sun
Illuminate the shadows
In all the places that
have gone untouched
'Cause you know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
Well I'm okay right now
Yeah
I still feel
the same somehow
Yeah
I'm breathing in and out
When it was just
the two of us
It don't get much better
Building castles in the sun
Illuminate the shadows
In all the places that
have gone untouched
Yeah well, you know I
feel better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
You know you are,
you know you are
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
You know you are
You know you are,
you know you are
You know you're
better where you are
You know you are,
you know you are
If it were just
the two of us
It don't get much better
Building castles in the sun
Illuminate the shadows
In all the places that
have gone untouched
You know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
(upbeat rock music)
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Every time we talk
you use that word
I've been left as
if I've never heard
Is it something that you
really want me to know
Fuck you say it every
single time I'm around
Say it boy, yes
you were oh oh
I really want to
hold your heart
Do you have a
boyfriend oh oh
I wanna be your
boyfriend oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Ooh
Every time we talk it's
about your boyfriend
I don't really wanna
hear anymore about him
Can you talk about anything
besides your boyfriend
Good guy, typical, hear
about your boyfriend
You say you're
bisexual oh oh
I really wanna
love you oh oh
Do you have a
boyfriend oh oh
I wanna be your boyfriend
Dad I'm sad
Why can't I go space camp
like my best friends can
It's on account of
your heart condition
Dad I'm sad
And all my friends at
school will think that
I've been bad. Because we
couldn't afford tuition
Dad I'm mad
I can't believe you done
your only son so bad
We can't afford it
kid, I'm drinking
Dad I'm mad
What can't I buy my own
lunch like my buddies can
I've been reduced
to eating jerky
Eighth grades
been hard for me
From a two man family
And your new
girlfriend hits me
But I don't know
what I'll do
Without a daddy
just like you
Daddy why can't
you support me
And it's hard for me
To explain
It's going
Oh the way kids
Look at me
Someone's got to be
And the way I feel
And think it is real
But my dad is a man and
his son's got a plan
In the hands
But my dad, I'm sad
Why can't I go to space
camp like my friends can
It's on account of
your heart condition
Dad, I'm sad
All my friends at school
will think that I've been bad
We couldn't afford tuition
Dad, I'm mad
I can't believe you've
done your only son so bad
We can't afford it
kid, I'm drinking
Dad, I'm mad
Why can't I buy my own
lunch like my buddies can
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
[Dolores] Miss Dalton,
I am really impressed.
Thank you. And
please call me Nic.
Nic.
I really appreciate
you coming in today.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
And we're gonna let all our
candidates know on Monday, okay.
Um, okay, I'm sorry,
we've been talking here
for the last 45 minutes, so.
Are you blowing me off?
Just level with me, because...
You're nine credit
hours short of obtaining
your Associates Degree,
is that correct?
Because I am assuming
that you dropped out.
Well, I had some
family issues that I,
that required me to
leave school, yes.
Mmmhmm. And you also list
your current employment
as a bartender at, um,
yeah, at the Soggy Weasel.
And your only reference,
a Murphy Dalton.
Is there any relation?
Um, yes, he's my father.
Right.
Dolores if you just
give me a minute,
60 seconds to explain.
After that if you're
not fully convinced
that I'd be a valuable
team member here at PNR
then I'll walk out that
door, no hard feelings.
Okay.
Yes I work for my father.
He needed a bartender,
and I needed a job.
But in the six months
that I've worked there,
I've crafted a strong
social media presence.
I've spearheaded promotions
that have almost
doubled his revenue.
So if you're
looking for somebody
with real life marketing
experience, I'm your girl.
Okay, Nic, PNR is a
Fortune 500 company.
Okay, it's not a dive
bar whose livelihood
depends on two for one drink
specials and, you know,
wet t-shirt contests put on by
the owner's tattoo
covered daughter.
Look I appreciate your
enthusiasm, I really do,
but when it all comes down to it
you're a college drop out with
a great memorization skill
for our about us
section of our website.
I just, I don't see a
place for you here at PNR.
Ah, you know I can
tell that this bridge
is already like covered
in gasoline right now.
- Excuse me?
- So I'm gonna light a match
and I withdraw my
application, you know,
and I would tell you to
go straight to hell but
you already managed to
find your way there.
Welcome home honey.
(suspenseful music)
Mr. Cooper, what's happening?
Oh, just running a
diagnostic on the mainframe.
Hmm.
I'm sorry sir,
I don't have a record of
a maintenance visit today.
That's strange. I know I
have an email from the boss
in here somewhere.
Oh, I'm sorry, here it is.
Here, sign right there.
(suspenseful music)
Nothing to worry about,
just a mislabeled directory.
Have a good weekend.
Sir, aren't you
forgetting something.
Eager to get your
weekend started, huh?
You have no idea.
(elevator dings)
(suspenseful music)
Well my old man swore
up 'til the day he died
He was a diesel driver
Gave Kristofferson a ride
In the Louisiana
rain with Bobby McGee
Just ridiculous.
I know, I'm late.
Consistently late.
You're consistently large.
So how'd the interview go?
Fantastic, they
hired me on the spot.
I'm putting in my two
weeks notice right now.
Really?
No.
Thank god.
I didn't mean that
like it sounds.
I just, I need somebody here
for a couple more
months that can...
Basically do all
your bookkeeping,
take care of the bar, keep
your ass out of the fire.
Really Nic?
Really is it that bad?
You know what they say?
Family first right.
Oh wow, that's, that's great.
Look, put your shirt on
and get to work please.
(clears throat) Murph.
What's shaking, little sexy?
Everything, I don't know
if it's 'cause I'm hungover
or the DT's.
Oh god, girl, the tequila
you gave me last night
really put me in a situation.
Oh do tell.
Let's just say I had to
make a ninja like exit.
Uh so who's the lucky girl?
Guy.
Tim, you met my
flavor of the week.
Oh, I think I need to get
you to start spreading your...
Watch it.
Horizons.
Okay check it.
Old friend from school,
just moved back to town.
She's hot, right?
Uh, she's too
blonde, too blonde.
You really need to
lower your standards.
Uh, I'm gonna be a
professional bar wench
for the foreseeable future.
Yeah, you know, I've compromised
everything in my sad life
so I'm not going to
compromise on my dream girl.
She's out there somewhere.
What about that cute little
brunette you were seeing?
Her vagina smelt
like breath mints.
(laughs)
What?
Landon! Ice! Now!
Breath mints, really?
It's better than the sweaty
sausage wallet, am I right?
Hello Landon.
Uh, ugh Nic put on a shirt.
You are boner repellent,
you know that?
It's like your superpower.
Boner repellent.
LeighAnne just say the word.
Balls.
(groaning)
And we're open people,
let's stop playing grab ass.
Nice shot.
Why thank you.
(laughs)
(suspenseful music)
(messages beeping)
(engine revving)
(upbeat rock music)
[Crowd Together]
Chug, chug, chug, chug.
Chug, chug, chug.
(cheering)
Are those our tequila shots?
Yeah.
You drinking to
celebrate or to forget?
Celebrating, I think.
(sensual rock music)
Oh I pity the groom.
So how's my girl tonight?
Living the dream, Terence.
Hey what's the chance of you
coming home with me tonight?
I just gave myself a
new porn star trim.
Oh Jesus Terence, I've
already puked once today.
(sensual rock music)
Here you go guys.
Oh yeah.
- And your extra.
- Oh that one's for you girl.
Hell yeah it is, cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
So about that bench.
Yeah back to my bench press.
You're old enough, it's okay.
Another sack of hormones
determined to take
you home tonight?
Bring on the
douchiest of the douches
as long as he tips.
Be careful what you wish for.
Hey, check her, she's hot right?
Yeah like too hot.
There's no help for
you, do you know that?
Excuse me.
I need this table.
Need's a strong word bro.
Oh so we are negotiating now?
(laughs)
Look by the way,
it's a little bit early
for you to be putting
on the fake tipsy.
If you're not careful you're
gonna be fake drunk by 11.
Those guys will be gone by 11.
The strip club will be calling.
Maybe earlier.
Jackpot.
Promise you won't judge.
Look at me, I have
no room to judge.
Time to make some
money, here you go.
Good?
Yeah, generally whoreish
but yeah it's great.
Just the way I like it.
Hi there honey.
What can I get you?
Yeah, I'll have a vodka martini.
Up with no olives.
Sure thing.
Today, please.
What'd you need cupcake?
Martini straight up, no olives
says the dick who's
too good to be here.
Yeah is he giving trouble?
No he's just being an asshole.
Well he looks corporate,
probably drives a Porsche,
most likely meeting some
schlub here to sucker
him into one of those
pyramid schemes.
You know, taking from the poor,
making his rich ass richer.
You know insurance on a Porsche
is very expensive LeighAnne.
You know if I didn't
know you'd quit school
I would say you got
a degree in bullshit.
(laughs)
So hey, I never asked
you, what does your,
your dream girl
look like anyway?
Well she's petite,
well proportioned,
preferably a dancer, dark hair,
dark eyes, dark complexion,
dark everything but
most importantly...
Can I get a drink over here?
(sensual rock music)
Okay and this is
where I leave you.
One martini, enjoy.
Check back with me every
five minutes, is that clear?
Sure thing.
Hey, I'm not joking
lady, every five minutes.
I would let go of my arm,
before you piss him off.
I dabbled in the
arts for a while,
sculpting, composing,
you know shit like that,
but bartending just, you know,
kind of fit my lifestyle.
Staying out late,
making new friends,
meeting beautiful women.
That's fantastic, can I
have a drink now please.
God, of course, right,
what can I get for you?
Whatever you dropped on
the floor looked pretty good.
A martini, very high brow.
Well hello young lady,
you snuck in on me.
Do you happen to
have your ID on you?
Murph.
Ah business is business Nic.
Don't wanna be fined.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Pleasure to meet you
Brooke, I'm Murphy.
I hope you have a
wonderful night, carry on.
Brooke, that's my favorite name.
Another martini for
douchebag Mr. Moneybags.
Just say the word
and I'll kick his ass.
Nic, I need some more tequila,
these bridesmaids
are insatiable.
Landon, will you
wait your turn please?
Oh I'm sorry I
don't speak skank,
could you say that for
me in English please.
Oh it's on.
You son of a bitch.
Get over here.
Oh shit!
(groaning)
[LeighAnne] You pig.
(groaning)
You're dead!
Excuse me children, we
have paying customers.
Can we do this after hours?
She started it.
Come on bring it on.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Landon tequila.
- Thank you.
- LeighAnne, martini.
What?
Alright go, go.
What?
I'm, I'm just impressed.
Great.
Can't I just one time,
pay you a compliment.
Look can this wait
until after hours,
I've got a lot of drinks
to make right now.
Yeah.
- [Brooke] Is that the owner?
- Yes.
Pretty ballsy thing
to say to your boss.
Yeah well, he also
happened to knock up my mom.
And then promptly
disappear after that
until my 26th birthday so.
That was your father.
Subject change.
So, would you like
another drink?
I don't know if I should.
Oh right, it must
be a school night huh.
A school night?
Yeah girl, 'cause
you got so much class.
Your martini's suck,
give me something else.
What'll it be.
Surprise me.
In order to do that
I'd probably have to take
you back to my place.
That's a little too
forward for me, lady.
Oh come on, it was a joke.
You're not from around
these parts are you?
These parts, no.
Should I go back to that
thar place I came from.
Uh, probably be for the best.
Please elaborate.
Well the Soggy Weasel's
known for its cheap drinks
and its loose women.
How do you know I'm not cheap?
Loose.
Whatever.
(laughs) So what do you do?
[Brooke] Guess.
You're a dancer?
Corporate liaison.
[Nic] Company car, insurance.
Whole nine.
That's pretty sweet.
[Brooke] It depends
on your perspective.
How so?
What time do you
get up in the morning?
5:00 p.m..
6:00 a.m..
What's your take home pay?
Like 1,600.
[Brooke] A week?
A month.
How about you?
More than 1,600 but
we have a dress code.
Oh that sucks.
Yeah tell me about it.
Our lot always took a lot
of pride in our appearance.
This is Terence.
He used to work for
a company called R&P.
The shaving cream guys?
They're a bunch of bastards,
suckered me into
early retirement.
Said I had a drinking problem.
That's what I'm
talking about. Terence
may or may not have an
alleged drinking problem
and yet he gets
early retirement.
Living the dream.
Enough of this idle chit chat.
I wanna know more about you.
So what are your hopes, your
dreams, your aspirations?
One more drink.
Then I have to go.
What's in this?
Vodka.
It just tastes strong.
I'll tell the bartender
to take it easy.
(laughing)
Hey who wants another?
Yes.
Cool.
I think I've had
enough for a while.
Oh whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's crazy talk.
Michelle, come on, tell
her that's crazy talk.
I think my friend here
wants to make sure that she
has all her wits about her.
Otherwise she'll have an
excuse to act inappropriately.
(laughing)
When did I become the bad guy?
Ladies, do not
listen to this man.
Don't trust this man.
(laughing)
Do you know what it's
like to realize that
after this night you will be
sleeping with the same person,
the same five foot
four stockbroker
with chronic, but it's
genetic so you can't judge me,
halitosis, for the
rest of your life.
No idea.
The truth is Landon,
can I call you Landon.
Sure, yeah.
The truth is some
of us bridesmaids
aren't completely happy
with Mr. Stockbroker.
Some of us are wondering why
Mr. Corporate Banker Bigshot
comes home late every night.
And some of us, not
naming names here,
know that you, yes you,
Landon the bartender
might be the best last hope of,
how can I put this delicately,
boning some sense into our
betrothed friend over there.
I would be honored.
(laughing)
Nic, cover me!
Dammit Landon.
(upbeat rock music)
Shut this down
Shut this down
I'm leaving the
town, shut this down.
(groaning)
Why don't you lock the door?
Lock the door?
Locks in the men's room stalls,
what kind of establishment
od you think this is?
(groaning)
Yeah I trust you.
It's quitting time.
Closing you out, because you
don't look like you need to be
having any more fun anyway.
What's this?
It's your check.
But, I have, I have...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, sit
down, stop, take it easy.
I hate to break it to you,
but you're not going anywhere
unless it's in a cab.
Shit.
Nicki, shift's up, I'm out.
Hang onto these.
Are these Mr. Moneybags?
Yes, he's completely
wasted, total lightweight,
looks like I'm
not getting a tip.
Alright what do you
want me to do with him?
I don't know, give him
an hour. Call him a cab.
A really, really, shitty cab.
I'm gonna call him the
shittiest of shittiest of cabs.
And that's why I love you.
I'm going to Tim's.
Hey you should come,
'cause I plan to be wasted.
Alright.
Whoa, when did you go
all Megan Fox on me.
Bye Murph.
Bye sweetheart.
Be safe okay.
[LeighAnne] I will.
Alright.
(suspenseful music)
[Boland] Mr. Cooper?
I gave you explicit instructions
to order one drink, one.
And wait patiently.
I'm so wasted.
I'm so wasted boss.
You don't seem to
have heeded my advice.
Get your ass out of that chair.
(groaning)
Please.
(groaning)
This is unfortunate Mr. Cooper.
Listen, I can't just leave work.
You know what?
Scratch that.
I know I'm relatively beautiful
but I'm sure as
hell not that lucky.
So tell me, what's
going on here?
I want you now,
I just can't wait.
(suspenseful music)
(groaning)
Celebrating a bit prematurely
aren't we Mr. Cooper?
No.
One drink, martini.
Okay, two drinks, two drinks.
I do not care.
But seeing as how
we are paying you
a more than significant
sum of money
I would appreciate some
semblance of professionalism.
(groaning) The waitress.
Yes this waitress.
(groaning)
You can do this Mr. Cooper.
My keys.
A sound judgment, I
wouldn't recommend driving.
My keys.
God was on the key chain.
God is everywhere Mr. Cooper.
(groaning)
The flash disk is God.
I see.
And this waitress, she was...
Dark haired, five foot
two, great ass, decent rack.
Look it's now or never.
I need you to leave
with me right now.
I'd do it girl,
like they say, YOLO.
Mr. Cooper, how
much are we paying you
for this little
corporate transgression?
(groaning) Uh, a shit ton.
That's probably the
best way to put it.
Monetarily speaking it comes
out to about $26.8 million.
Tax free am I correct?
(groaning) I guess so.
How much do you think
it's going to cost
to cover up your murder?
To sweep something this
nefarious under the rug?
What?
I'll give you a hint, it's
much less then $26.8 million.
Some might even say
a shit ton less.
You've just negotiated
yourself out of the deal.
(gun pops)
[Landon] Fuck!
(suspenseful music)
You the groom?
No, I just work here.
Oh well that's good.
You look too young
to get tied down.
Then again.
(suspenseful music)
Look, I have a job and
I'm never gonna get anywhere
if I just blow that off for
every unbelievably witty,
slightly soul crushingly
beautiful dream girl
that walks in off the street.
So I woke up naked, upside-down
with a hairbrush up
my ass, true story.
And my friend is screaming
because he's handcuffed
to the toilet.
(laughing)
(laughs)
(laughing)
What can I do for you sir?
Can I have a Roy Rogers?
A Roy Rogers?
Yeah, okay.
And that would be a...
Cola and grenadine.
Cherry cola.
Extra cherries please.
Certainly.
(suspenseful music)
Dammit Nic listen, I like you.
There's a lot of shit
going on in this bar
that you have no idea about.
So I'm asking you for your
own safety and well being.
Get me out of this bar.
You know there was a
time not too long ago
where I would have said yes,
but how am I ever gonna
move up in this world
with that sort of attitude.
Hear hear, top
shelf to celebrate.
You know what this generation's
workforce is lacking?
Loyalty.
That's what big companies
are looking for,
it starts right now.
No more staying out late, no
more drinking on Monday's,
no more skipping out on
work for a random triste.
And if you can't respect
that, then I guess.
Never, not even once.
Not with him.
I think it's your body
that's telling your brain
something it doesn't want to...
Oh my god (groans).
Oh Jesus.
- What Nicki?
- I think I need to quit.
Really?
Why now?
Now.
No benefits, terrible wages,
no opportunity for growth.
A culture that encourages
laziness and personal stagnation,
I mean come on, this bar
has cost me my dream girl
and now the bartender's off
getting herpes from bridezilla.
Sorry, no offense.
We'll talk about
your fictional romantic
relationships later, okay?
Right now, I'll go find Landon.
Okay, don't touch me, okay.
What?
You're a lesbian?
Oh and here I thought I was
hiding it this whole time.
Well shit.
Goddammit Landon.
Alright kid, I hope you
got your rocks, off.
Good God. Jesus
Christ what happened?
I didn't even know her name.
I'll be right back, don't move.
Murphy, Murphy
don't leave me here.
Maybe you're just not
wired for it, you know.
Have you ever thought about
batting for the other team?
What's it like?
Recently, pretty minty.
- Nicki.
- Ow.
You need to go out of here now.
Yeah she's kind of lame.
No, I mean leave, out the back.
What's going on?
Just once, do what
I ask you to do.
(suspenseful music)
I assume you're the proprietor
of this fine establishment?
Let's talk about
what happens next.
(whispering drowned out
by suspenseful music)
Alright everybody, we
are closed for business.
I don't care if you go home,
but you can't stay here.
Thank you all very much,
please we need you to leave.
Take care.
Where's Megan?
She probably left
with the bartender.
Do you want to fill me in on
what the hell's going on here?
Nicki please, just
stand behind the bar
and shut your mouth.
Thank you everybody.
Please be safe.
(suspenseful music)
(phone clicks)
(phone beeps)
What the hell is this?
I don't just blindly
follow orders
like the rest of these lemings.
I'm too damn old.
Goddammit.
Terence, put a lid on it.
Terence Walker?
Who the hell are you?
Christian Boland,
pleased to meet you.
You're a legend. We
still tell stories
around the water cooler about
your exploits in the 80's.
I for one was shocked when
Rappaport and Progatto
pushed you ont. What was
the official reasoning?
Drinking problem?
Well that just
reeks of cronyism.
Out with the old to make way
for some CEO's pipsqueak son,
am I right?
You work for R&P?
Indeed.
Who the hell are you?
I thought we covered
that, Christian Boland.
Special Acquisitions Department.
Now, I understand this is
an extreme inconvenience,
but I do have some
business to discuss
with this gentleman, so I'm
going to have to ask you
to do your drinking
elsewhere this evening.
And I assume I can trust your
discretion on the matter,
seeing as how you should
still be under contract
and whistle blowers can't
be tolerated, am I right?
Of course, Mr...
Boland.
For the third time.
(suspenseful music)
It's a nice independent
place you have here,
one of the best,
I appreciate that.
Men's bathroom, second
stall, bring them here.
Make sure we're alone.
Excuse me, jackass.
Why the hell are we
all listening to you?
Oh yeah that.
(suspenseful music)
(guns clicking)
I know, I know, it's
a crude show of force,
but it is effective,
you have to admit.
You can put your hands down.
This one has already noticed
that I have taken the liberty
of shutting down cell service.
Now I know you're the bartender.
I know you're the owner of
this delightful establishment.
And this young man was receiving
fellatio from a bride to be
in a bathroom stall,
up high buddy.
Oh you're still sore
at me for interrupting,
I understand, it
was a dick move.
Sorry about that.
So that leaves me with
one unanswered question,
where is the waitress?
Dark hair, five foot two,
great ass, decent rack,
so I've been told.
No one?
Do you know why I didn't
kill you in the bathroom?
Because you look like
a reasonable man.
Now, you see, there's no
need for bloodshed here.
All I care about
is the bottom line.
If it's cheaper for
me to pay you off
than to cover up your
murder, everybody wins.
As long as you
know where she is.
I, I don't know.
Bummer.
(gun fires)
- Oh my god!
- Landon.
You see, he didn't do the math.
With three of you here, I
still have two more chances
to get what I want.
So what's it gonna be big guy?
A big old fat paycheck
or a bullet to the brain?
Like I'd tell you anything.
Dammit stop, alright.
I don't know where's she's at.
I don't know anything.
I've struck a nerve.
He cares about you.
Doesn't that make you feel good.
Stop, please.
Don't.
I'll give you an address,
I'll tell you whatever
you want to know.
Just stop.
She's not at home,
you're not gonna find her.
Oh I'll find her.
She has something
that belongs to me.
A USB drive on a
dead man's keychain.
And you know where
she is, don't you?
[Brooke] Let go of me.
I found her roaming
around in the back.
The more the merrier.
Get your hands
off me you asshole.
Today is my birthday and
this one got me drunk.
(laughs) Is that right?
How uncouth.
Yeah, bitch.
You know, to think I
almost took her home.
I mean I don't
even swing that way
but I thought, what
the hell, right.
But that's it,
experimental phase is over.
I'm on a dick only
diet from here on out
and that's, that's a good thing.
'Cause you're a dick,
and you're a dick
and you're a...
(screams)
(dramatic music)
Woo!
Man remind me not to...
Everybody drop your...
(guns firing)
God.
It's official I quit.
Guess what, I do too.
Follow me.
(guns firing)
Impressive kid.
Self defense classes.
YouTube!
(gun firing)
(dramatic music)
Jesus Nicki, do you ever
mop the floors in here?
Oh my god, geez, focus.
(guns firing)
(dramatic music)
(groaning)
(guns firing)
You're making this
whole acquisition
significantly more expensive
than it needs to be.
(gun fires)
(groaning)
I hate to speak for corporate,
but our shareholders
are gonna be pissed.
(dramatic music)
(guns firing)
(groaning)
(groaning)
Holy shit.
He was a bad guy right?
(suspenseful music)
(guns firing)
(groans)
(guns firing)
Man I was not
expecting this tonight.
But I'm having
fun, how about you?
I'll get back to you!
Shit.
What?
I left the keys in the bar.
I'll just have to...
Break some shit?
No, get the spare key that
I keep underneath the bumper.
I'm making an assumption
based on your training
that you work for PNR?
I didn't know they were
hiring out of high school now.
(gun fires)
I'm new, how am I doing?
Not bad for a girl.
Wanna get together for
Chinese after this?
Maybe we can talk about it?
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
Got it.
Brooke's coming
and she's got a gun.
You have the worst
taste in women.
(engine revving)
I need eyes on a
white Toyota Camry,
license plate 283 EXW,
heading west on Starry Avenue.
Let me know where they're going.
(suspenseful music)
(microwave beeps)
(explosion booms)
(suspenseful music)
Alright cell phone check.
Mine's still out.
Dammit.
These guys have some
serious resources.
Okay, that's it, end of story,
we're going to the cops.
We have to get LeighAnne,
they think she
has the USB drive.
Doesn't she?
Nicki, how the hell
did you get that?
LeighAnne, she pulled
it off of Mr. Moneybags,
I was supposed to
call him a cab.
For Christ sake,
do you have any idea
what's on that thing?
I don't know, hipster
dude's porn collection?
How the hell should I know?
Well maybe we should
just give it to him?
No, no, and get a
bullet through our brain
for our trouble? No thank you.
That's probably the only
thing that's keeping us alive,
and god help LeighAnne
if they find her.
She's toast.
Unless we get to her first.
She's probably out partying.
She's dating that guy Tim?
Oh he's just the
flavor of the week.
What flavor is that, gonorrhea?
Well I know where
Mr. Gonorrhea lives.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
(gas hissing)
Sir, we've searched the premises
and there's no sign of the
bartender or the PNR operative.
Thank you.
I have a question for the group.
Could any of you
please explain to me,
how you people got your
asses handed to you
by a five foot tall
Chun-Li with a microwave?
(suspenseful music)
I hate to speak for corporate,
but I don't think any of you
are getting your Christmas
fruitcakes this year.
(suspenseful music)
(phone buzzing)
Hello sir.
I believe we had
pushback on the deal.
PNR knew we were coming, sir.
They had an operative waiting.
One operative?
I'm taking care of it, sir.
Good, because I have
a meeting in the morning
with the shareholders
and if that acquisition
hasn't gone through
then I will be pushing for
very severe downsizing.
Do you understand?
[Boland] I understand sir.
Do you know where the drive is?
No sir, but I know who does.
And she's leading
me right to it.
(phone beeping)
We have you staying
at the Brown, sir,
just like you requested.
Savannah, can I
ask you a question?
Of course.
What time were we
supposed to land?
1:40 a.m..
And what time did you ask
for my car to pick us up?
1:30 a.m..
Which just begs
the obvious question.
Where is my goddamn car?
(engine revving)
Great, now I feel like
a right royal ass.
Savannah, we're gonna
have to stop doing this.
Buy yourself something pretty.
They don't have the time
They're working
and they're fine
Alright do me.
(laughs)
The lighter not...
Alright we're here.
What do we do now?
Find LeighAnne.
And get the hell out.
Suck it.
Suck it.
Yeah.
I sucked it.
I sucked it good, dude.
(whistles) Yo.
(groaning)
There you are.
- Jesus, man.
- Yeah.
You can't sneak up
on people like that.
Do you guys know where
I can find LeighAnne?
Anybody?
Uh, well, are you a cop?
Do I look like a cop?
Hmm.
(distant rock music)
(moaning)
Holy shit Nic, what the hell?
What's up?
I'm Tim.
Hey Tim.
(suspenseful music)
LeighAnne, we have to
get out of here now.
Dream girl and
douchebag both wanted
what Mr. Moneybags has on this.
LeighAnne, Landon is dead.
Look Nic, I'm a little stoned
and even more than
a little drunk
and this shit is not funny.
LeighAnne, I'm not
trying to be funny,
we need to get the
hell out of here now.
I'm not going anywhere until
I know what this is about.
Alright, let's find out.
Okay man, we've
come to a consensus
and we've decided that you
do not look like a cop.
You two have been no
help whatsoever. None.
Not true.
I'd say a good diversion is
worth its weight in hashish.
Wouldn't you say?
I'm sorry to break up the party,
it's time we find this waitress.
Oh dude, now that
looks like a cop.
[LeighAnne] Is it poison
or a bomb or something?
No, it's toothpaste.
That's what this is all about?
Apparently.
Look, um, this is
gonna sound crazy
but you gotta believe me.
Your life is in danger. Alright?
We have to get the
hell out of here.
Good advice.
(suspenseful music)
Nic, give me the drive
and I'll take care of it.
No, I've seen how you and
your people take care of things.
We don't have time for this now.
Boland is down the
hall and he'll kill you
without a second thought.
Oh wait, you're a good guy?
Not exactly.
But I'm all you've got.
Come with me if you wanna live.
Whoa.
I told you, they've already
left with the drive, okay.
Somehow I doubt that.
Look, maybe I can call her,
get her to meet you someplace?
Do I look that stupid?
Actually, yeah you do.
(suspenseful music)
Yo, you guys cops or something?
No.
Good, 'cause I've got an
eight ball in my sock drawer
and I may or may not have
sideswiped a Chrysler
on my beer run earlier (laughs).
You feel me?
LeighAnne, where is she?
[Tim] She was here earlier
man, but she left a while ago.
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(gun fires)
[Brooke] Come on.
[Nic] LeighAnne, Murphy.
Leave 'em we have to go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
Go!
(screams)
(suspenseful music)
[Brooke] Move your ass, Nicki.
[Nic] You don't
get to call me that.
(gun fires)
(engine revving)
Sachtler!
Put it away.
No need to make this
screw up any messier
than it already is.
I need a clean up crew.
4218 Cresky Way.
Bring your checkbook.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
You okay?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Where's the drive?
Is that all you
give a shit about?
I mean LeighAnne
and Murphy are...
Safe, for now.
It'll be a lot cheaper
to pay the girl off
than it is to kill her.
But what about Murphy?
He's a serious
liability, I'm sorry.
We have to go get him.
I can't use company
resources to save your dad,
it's against protocol.
The drive's in a safe
deposit box at the bus station.
I don't have the number
and I don't have the key.
Murphy does.
That's your story?
Absolutely.
And you can guarantee if
we get Murphy back safely,
we'll get the drive back?
Totally.
Then let's go get him.
How?
Operator put me through
to Human Resources.
(suspenseful music)
(engine revving)
Drag?
Screw you.
I'm trying to quit. I still
need an occasional burst
of nicotine every now and then
to kind of take the edge off.
What are you gonna do with me?
Well, whatever makes sense.
It is all about
the bottom line, so
if it's cheaper to keep
you alive we will do so.
But given all the trauma we've
already inflicted on you,
and everything you've seen,
it'll probably just be
smarter to write you off
as a total loss.
(suspenseful music)
It's a tough break, hombre,
but that's business.
I own a company.
And I understand business.
Profits are low, I'll
water down the liquor.
I sell buckets of
beer for six bucks,
the beer costs me 25 cents.
See my employees
drinking on the job,
turn my head, it makes
them more entertaining.
I don't murder people.
What are your moral
qualms, Christian?
Companies are amoral.
Companies are also a
people, legally speaking.
I figured if I wanted to get
rich, and I did, very much,
it would be best to
function like a corporation.
Yeah, except for
if you get caught.
You get the gas chamber.
I've gotta be honest, I
hope they let me watch.
On the contrary if
you have as much money
behind you as I have
there's no real need for
a criminal justice system.
You just pay a fine, work
it into the balance sheet.
It's the cost of doing business.
It's the American way.
Sounds fulfilling.
At least I have value.
You and your friends? Just line
items on our expense report.
Of course there is a way I'd
be willing to bend the rules.
Get me the drive.
I don't have it dickhead.
And even if I did, there's
no way I'd give it to you.
I'd rather die before
I give you that drive.
Murphy, that is the first
thing you have said tonight
that I have
unabashedly believed.
What are your plans
for the kids inside?
Gonna murder them too?
No, I have something entirely
different in mind for them.
Gentleman, inside.
(suspenseful music)
Hello, my name is Boland and
this is my associate Mr. Burke.
We apologize for
the inconvenience
of our activities this evening
and we wish to
offer compensation.
(sobs) He needs a doctor.
Hmm, yes he does.
Of course, just as soon
as we can put all of this
nasty business that we have
before us squarely behind us.
But...
Shh.
I'm sorry, I realize
this is difficult,
however we are prepared
to pay you generously
for your continued silence
regarding our
activities this evening.
Do you have a figure in mind?
Please speak up, I assure you
this is a one time only offer.
(sobbing) Two million?
(laughs) Done.
Burke will cut the check
and draw up the standard
non-disclosure agreement.
We will develop a cover story
that will satisfy all
interested parties
of which there should be few.
I would also like to stress
that this is a one
time only payment
that is subject to all
applicable taxation
and should you renege on
your legally binding contract
we will be forced to take
further action, is that clear?
Yes.
Will you please help him?
Of course.
(groaning)
Pleasure doing business
with you Miss...
Pewterschmidt.
A lovely name.
(suspenseful music)
Ah, you see, you see
how generous I can be.
Even the most distraught perk up
when asked to name their price.
(suspenseful music)
We'll be at the rendezvous
point in two minutes.
Okay full disclosure.
I work for a company called PNR.
Shampoo company.
Shampoo, razors, ovens,
thermo-nuclear weapon casings,
bunker busters, GPS guidance
computers, you get the point.
So what exactly
do you do for them?
Loss prevention.
One of our high
level programmers
decided to sell a file
to the competition.
Now he's dead and
we can't find God.
Well there's a lot of people
out there looking for him.
The thumb drive, the
one that your father hid.
Cooper, the dickhead at
the bar, left work today
with the intent to sell
company secrets for millions.
And I tracked his car
back to the Weasel,
I attempted to drug him,
but your waitress got to the
jump drive before I could
and now we find ourselves
in a bit of a bind.
So what's on the drive?
That's a trade secret.
I'm under contract
to not reveal any...
Toothpaste.
I took a sneak peek. So
what's so important about it?
You know how no
matter how hard you try,
you can't get the last bit of
toothpaste out of the tube?
Formula NC17-42 would
put an end to that,
with a liquid toothpaste
that gains viscosity
and quadruples in volume when
it hits oxygen in the air,
meaning that...
Not an ounce wasted.
A tube of toothpaste
could last for months.
Nearly a year.
But PNR doesn't even
have a dental division.
How'd you know that?
I interviewed for your company.
Did my homework,
didn't work out.
Well you're right.
This will be the
first of our new line.
We're projected to go from
a zero to 12% market share
in the first 12 months.
No toothpaste formula is
worth this kind of trouble.
Do you know how much
the five-blade swivel head
razor cost us to develop?
How much?
1.3 billion in pay offs, 16 dead
and water rights in
three African countries.
We're here.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
So why don't you just kill me?
Well, your daughter
has what I need,
which makes you the
only leverage I have.
You on the other hand.
(gun fires) (groans)
Bled out on the way
to the hospital.
I'm so sorry, there was
just nothing to be done.
Besides we can't have some
doctor asking questions right?
You're sick.
The whole system
is sick, Murphy.
If I don't get that drive,
the system may very
well become terminal
and I can't let that happen.
Let's go.
(engine revving)
(suspenseful music)
First things first, we
survey R&P headquarters
and try to track what
they did with Murphy.
Then we can find the drive.
(phone buzzing)
Yeah.
It's the dickweed
with the man bun.
Talk.
So terse.
Still sore about me
trying to kill you.
I'll get over it,
get to the point.
I would like to propose a trade.
I want the drive and I have
the bartender's father.
What makes you think
we'd make that deal?
[Boland] Oh, because you
have a soft spot for this one.
That's thin logic Boland.
Maybe so, but I am a very
good judge of character.
And you fancy yourself
the good guy in all this.
So, bring me the
drive within the hour
or I will send Murphy home
to your bartender
girlfriend in pieces.
Where?
R&P headquarters. Just
you and the bartender.
And no funny business.
I'll let the receptionist
know that you're coming.
Change of plans.
Murphy told him
you have the drive.
We're gonna meet 'em at
their headquarters downtown.
So you and I are gonna
stroll into their headquarters,
just you and me?
'Cause that sounds like
a pretty shitty plan.
Not just you and me.
She's with me.
(suspenseful music)
Corporate didn't say
anything about her.
Who the hell is she?
That's my call.
Yes ma'am.
We're infiltrating R&P now.
Do you have an entry strategy?
Yeah we got one,
don't worry about it,
this ain't our first pool party.
She needs a gun.
Trigger, safety,
magazine release.
Two hands, point,
squeeze, gun go boom.
Got it?
Yeah.
[Soldier] Yeah,
good luck with that.
Shut up.
(suspenseful music)
Listen up people.
We have a meeting with
the competition tonight,
and they have home
court advantage.
There's a man named Murphy,
six foot three, 270,
muscular build, brown
hair and a beard.
He has intel on the location
of a vitally
important PNR asset.
So his unharmed recovery
is your top priority.
Other priorities. Try
not to get killed.
(suspenseful music)
Nice pep talk.
Thanks.
Wanna make out?
No.
But I got a gun.
[Brooke] Round it up people!
Come on bitches.
(suspenseful music)
So right now you're
probably asking yourself,
why am I duct taped to an
office chair on the top floor
of one of the most prolific
publicly traded companies
on the exchange?
I thought we'd covered this.
Not really.
You've heard of a
cost benefit analysis,
I'm sure, being a
business man yourself.
So here's a query.
At what point does collateral
damage become unacceptable?
When it becomes too expensive.
Exactly.
A plus plus plus.
You see, when I asked your
waitress to name her price,
I wasn't being
entirely forthright.
Hmm.
There is a financial
maximum, a boiling point
where it simply becomes too
expensive to keep someone alive.
Now that figure varies
from person to person,
situation to situation,
but all things being equal
the cost to cover
up a total loss.
You mean, murder.
Potato, potahto.
And by cover up I'm talking
cover story, body
disposal, the whole nine.
Get to the point.
2.2 million.
So your waitress friend
is very lucky to be alive.
If she said 2.4, even 2.3,
I would have been forced to...
Shoot her in the head.
Execute company policy.
Potato, potahto.
Nothing personal, it's
just cost versus benefit.
(suspenseful music)
So is this pretty much like
a regular occurrence for you
with the whole SWA team, raiding situation?
Once, maybe twice a year.
It comes in waves.
Can I ask you a question?
[Nic] Yeah anything.
Why didn't you call the police?
'Cause that douchebag Boland guy
had some sort of program
on his cell phone
that locked our
cellular devices so...
He did that from his phone.
Yeah, I thought all
you corporate bad-asses
had that ability.
That's a new one to me.
Huh, it's a shame
because it seems like
it'd be really helpful
for PNR's military
program right now.
I'll look into it.
Hmm.
So can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Do you find me attractive?
Let's table that conversation
for this particular moment.
Okay, 'cause I, I think
you're really pretty.
I do understand
your perspective,
after all, I am
going to kill you.
Let's get things back on track.
You're probably asking yourself
why aren't you dead already?
Here's a term you've
probably never heard.
Downside risk management.
It means, in any
financial situation,
one must prepare for the worst
by hedging one's investments.
And that is where you come in.
When your daughter
walks through that door,
I'm going to subdue her
by any force necessary,
take the drive
and kill you both.
That is the best case scenario.
But what if she doesn't
have what she says?
Then I bring her back here,
to this very room.
I take a knife
and I start to cut
things off of her.
Until you talk.
And if that doesn't work,
I cut you, until she talks.
No matter what happens,
I get what I want.
And that is downside
risk management.
Which brings things full
circle as to why you,
a bar owner, with no 401K,
find yourself duct taped to an
office chair on the top floor
of one of the most prolific
publicly traded companies
on the exchange.
Now I would love
to stay and chat,
but I do have a
meeting to get to.
But don't fear.
I have arranged for a
little entertainment.
I'm sure you've
probably been wondering
what kind of organization
would hire a monster like me.
Now you can know everything.
[Announcer] Congratulations,
you've just joined a family.
One of the most exciting
and successful businesses
of the 20th Century.
What the hell is this?
- But R&P wasn't always...
- Jesus.
[Announcer] The powerhouse
of global commerce
whose headquarters you
find yourself in today.
Through the years
this great company
has gone through 76 different
mergers and acquisitions,
all of which I'll discuss
in detail right now.
In 1930...
(suspenseful music)
[Nic] So what's the plan?
We walk in and have our meeting.
Okay, so what about your friends
in little black leotards?
Insurance for any
unforeseen complications.
Do you expect any
unforeseen complications?
Most definitely.
Oh great, okay, cool.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful rock music)
(peaceful music)
Good evening, can I help you?
We have an appointment.
We're here a little early.
And who are you here to see?
You know who we're here to see.
Hmm-mm.
Your appointment is here, sir.
Absolutely.
Right this way.
I am so sorry for the walk,
but our east elevator
bank is broken.
Then again it's always something
with this old building.
If it's not the elevator,
then the coffee machine
is on the fritz.
Then again I shouldn't complain.
R&P is one of the
top 10 places to work
according to Corporate
Quarterly. Did you know that?
No, tell us more.
Well the building
was built in 1964.
It was originally
the Stark's Building
and housed the worlds first
multi-national
farming conglomerate.
Can I get you anything, coffee?
No.
(gun clicks)
(suspenseful music)
Oh dear.
Put down your weapons
or we will shoot.
We'll put our guns down.
(gun fires)
(dramatic music)
(guns firing)
Where's the meeting being held?
I don't know.
Where'd they take Murphy?
Tall guy with a tan,
doesn't work here.
11th floor.
(suspenseful music)
(guns firing)
You didn't need to do that.
She's just some poor
receptionist biding her time
until she has to...
Do you have a plan or something?
I'll cover you.
Get to the elevator.
- And?
- Try not to get shot.
Sold.
(dramatic music)
(guns firing)
Serious question, if I
had more money in my wallet
and a big cushy corporate job,
would you be more likely
to go home with me tonight?
[Brooke] Is that a
question or a statement?
I don't know, I'm just feeling
really insecure about it.
- Nic.
- Yeah.
Cover your ears.
(gun fires)
(soldier screams)
Move your ass.
Okay.
(groaning)
(gun firing)
(dramatic music)
(groaning)
Asshole!
(groaning)
(guns firing)
(gun fires)
(elevator dings)
I already hit the button.
Good thinking.
(gun fires)
Shit.
And yes, I find you attractive.
(gun fires)
Good.
(suspenseful music)
You wanted a job at PNR?
Is being a bartender
really that bad?
Honestly?
Yeah.
No, it isn't.
I just assumed I'd be
doing something other
than working for
my estranged father
and hocking booze to frat guys.
Low stress job, family
business, hot chicks.
Well when you put it that way.
(elevator dings)
I'm almost out.
(suspenseful music)
(groaning)
(dramatic music)
(gun fires)
(groaning)
Nic, you aren't helping!
(groaning)
(dramatic music)
Get off her, you son of a bitch!
(screaming)
Come on bitch, come on.
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(panting)
It feels good doesn't it?
But don't get used to it.
This is my building.
In 60 seconds there's
gonna be 15 operatives
breathing down your neck.
What now?
He's right. We're screwed
and I don't have a plan B.
I do.
Do you trust me?
(suspenseful music)
Shit.
(groaning)
Nic, how the hell did
you get in here? Jesus.
Hi, nice to see you alive again,
and you're welcome 'cause I
just totally rescued your ass.
[Murphy] Rescued
is a strong word.
Well done,
agent Shields, well done.
Your name is Shields,
like Brooke Shields.
Nic.
Bachman, Reginald Bachman,
CEO of R&P Industries.
You know, Agent Shields,
that is not going
to do you any good.
You see, my assistant
has already informed me
that your people are in retreat.
And my men, well, they're going
to come through that door.
Right about now.
When'd you go all
Black Widow on me Nicki?
Not now, Murphy.
I'd like to know
what you're doing?
I mean, let's look
at this, escape was...
Escape was never the plan.
I see.
I asked for a
meeting, and goddammit
I would appreciate a
little professionalism.
Please, have a seat.
Sit.
(suspenseful music)
Boland, you disappoint me.
It wasn't a fair fight they...
What?
They didn't play by the rules.
Oh my god they cheated.
No, no no no no,
you got beaten fair and square.
But as it stands, that's
not what I'm talking about.
Killing indiscriminately,
allowing one of your agents
to draw his weapon in public
and you went
commando in my lobby!
Never shit where you eat.
It wasn't like that.
Ah.
I have no interest in
what you have to say.
Now or ever.
Young lady, do me a favor.
Put that gag in his mouth.
Gladly.
Now that that unpleasantness
is taken care of,
I believe you and I have
some business to discuss.
I have a proposition.
Murphy's life for the drive.
(clears throat)
You do understand
that I could kill
every one of you.
Then I could pry the drive
from your dead,
clammy little fingers.
But I do understand
your problem.
So, knowing the probability
of capture and death
you don't think we'd
be stupid enough
to bring the drive with us do...
Not a smart move, Nic.
Mr. Bachman, I'm
taking a gamble here.
If I could just get like 60
seconds, a minute of your time?
After that I'll gladly
slide this drive over to you
and you can do whatever you feel
best suits your
shareholders' needs.
Until then I ask two things.
Number one, please
don't kill us.
Number two, listen carefully.
Think about this Nic.
Nicki, you're gonna
get yourself killed.
Dad, I got this.
You intrigue me, young lady.
Very well, you have my word,
and your 60 seconds
starts now.
What I have here represents,
as Agent Shields
has explained to me,
a huge threat to R&P's brand
of dental hygiene products.
Using this, PNR can
launch themselves
into the sector with gusto,
securing 12 to 15% of the
market in just six months.
By stealing it, you're hoping
to undercut their pricing,
beat them to the market
and with your existing brand
recognition in dental hygiene
steal eight to 10% of
the market share back.
But I have a better suggestion.
Take all of it.
I'm proposing a deal that
will give PNR the incentive
to never go to market
with their proposed
dental hygiene plan.
You do understand that PNR
would not give up one iota
of market share in
exchange for your life?
No, in exchange for this.
Brooke, Boland's phone.
(suspenseful music)
Boland, passcode.
Give it to her.
Six, six, six, nine.
Here we are CelluLockdown,
that's a really
fucking terrible name.
It's a simple app
coupled with GPS
and cellular network relays
that can selectively
limit cellular service
to a small number of
users or an entire region
at the click of a button.
You awake?
From the little I've seen,
the good folks at PNR
would gladly trade
a measly 4% share in toothpaste
to get their hands on
this one little app.
Why?
PNR holds numerous
lucrative defense contracts
in data mining and
information technology.
Contracts that are
decades away for R&P.
So while this handy
little espionage tool
is a fun gadget for Agent
Douchebag over here,
it's worthless to
your bottom line.
You give them the technology,
they give you the formula,
everybody makes more money
without any pesky competition,
and as a show of good faith
you let us leave alive.
(suspenseful music)
Time's up.
Would this be agreeable
to your employer?
Absolutely.
And would the board
of PNR, approve of this?
They already have.
(laughs) Well, well,
well, then you have a deal.
We'll deliver the paperwork
before end of business today.
Really?
Sorry?
We're done?
Oh, you're all free to go.
What about this guy?
What about him?
He killed one of my
employees. He kidnapped me.
He tried to murder my daughter.
I wanna see him
brought to justice.
(sighs) Alright, Mr. Boland, you are
no longer employed by R&P Industries.
You son of bitch.
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(gun firing)
Free market, it's a bitch.
Right, we're gonna go now, so.
Come on.
(suspenseful music)
It's a tough business,
I can tell why you're so jaded.
Can somebody
please explain to me
what the hell happened in there?
That was by far the most...
Brave, intelligent,
wildly heroic.
Stupid thing I've
ever seen anyone do.
Well, I didn't see anybody
else stepping up so...
Because it was also
brilliant, and a little sexy.
She's right, you were brilliant.
I know I don't say this
enough, not really at all.
But when I was
tied to that chair
and I didn't know if I
was gonna get out alive,
all I could think about was you.
I know I haven't made you a
priority in my life, I'm sorry.
But I promise Nicki, I'm
gonna be there for you,
just like you were
here for me tonight.
I love you Nicki.
Family first, right?
Goddammit.
(suspenseful music)
If you want that desk job,
I think I might be able
to pull a few strings.
You know I think I've had
enough of corporate America.
But thanks, I'll totally
save you a seat at the bar.
It's a date.
Want a ride home?
That's okay, I think we'll walk.
Oh and Nic, assuming
we can come to some sort
of non disclosure agreement
and I don't have to kill you,
I think a little
compensation is in order.
Considering you just made PNR
a significant amount of money.
Well, have your
people call my people.
What about me?
Name your price.
I want a boat.
That's not outside the
realm of possibility.
A big boat.
A big boat?
Where'd you get people?
I got people.
I got you and LeighAnne.
Oh so that means you're
gonna rescind your resignation?
Maybe, but I'm
gonna need a raise.
Is that before or
after I fix the bar
and convince all the regulars
they're not in mortal danger.
When are you gonna
have time to do that
when you're tooling around
on your boat all day?
Geez, really a boat?
Yeah, a boat, a train,
I really don't care
as long as it gets me
away from the free market.
I'm done.
Of course it's just
a pipe dream so...
Don't say that dad, who
knows what you accomplish.
I meet this is America,
land of the home,
free and the brave and all that good stuff.
You feel me?
So they tell me, Nic.
You know I'd feel
better where you are
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
You know you are,
you know you are
You know you're
better where you are
You know you are,
you know you are
When it was just
the two of us
It don't get much better
Building castles in the sun
Illuminate the shadows
In all the places that
have gone untouched
'Cause you know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
Well I'm okay right now
Yeah
I still feel
the same somehow
Yeah
I'm breathing in and out
When it was just
the two of us
It don't get much better
Building castles in the sun
Illuminate the shadows
In all the places that
have gone untouched
Yeah well, you know I
feel better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
You know you are,
you know you are
Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
You know you are
You know you are,
you know you are
You know you're
better where you are
You know you are,
you know you are
If it were just
the two of us
It don't get much better
Building castles in the sun
Illuminate the shadows
In all the places that
have gone untouched
You know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
You know I feel
better where you are
(upbeat rock music)
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Every time we talk
you use that word
I've been left as
if I've never heard
Is it something that you
really want me to know
Fuck you say it every
single time I'm around
Say it boy, yes
you were oh oh
I really want to
hold your heart
Do you have a
boyfriend oh oh
I wanna be your
boyfriend oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Ooh
Every time we talk it's
about your boyfriend
I don't really wanna
hear anymore about him
Can you talk about anything
besides your boyfriend
Good guy, typical, hear
about your boyfriend
You say you're
bisexual oh oh
I really wanna
love you oh oh
Do you have a
boyfriend oh oh
I wanna be your boyfriend
Dad I'm sad
Why can't I go space camp
like my best friends can
It's on account of
your heart condition
Dad I'm sad
And all my friends at
school will think that
I've been bad. Because we
couldn't afford tuition
Dad I'm mad
I can't believe you done
your only son so bad
We can't afford it
kid, I'm drinking
Dad I'm mad
What can't I buy my own
lunch like my buddies can
I've been reduced
to eating jerky
Eighth grades
been hard for me
From a two man family
And your new
girlfriend hits me
But I don't know
what I'll do
Without a daddy
just like you
Daddy why can't
you support me
And it's hard for me
To explain
It's going
Oh the way kids
Look at me
Someone's got to be
And the way I feel
And think it is real
But my dad is a man and
his son's got a plan
In the hands
But my dad, I'm sad
Why can't I go to space
camp like my friends can
It's on account of
your heart condition
Dad, I'm sad
All my friends at school
will think that I've been bad
We couldn't afford tuition
Dad, I'm mad
I can't believe you've
done your only son so bad
We can't afford it
kid, I'm drinking
Dad, I'm mad
Why can't I buy my own
lunch like my buddies can
(suspenseful music)