Love Guide for Dumpees (2015) Movie Script
1
Dongbu Expressway is jammed
up due to an accident.
It is a clear autumn day.
There must be many couples getting married today.
Here's to you, "The marriage of Figaro Overture."
LOVE GUIDE FOR DUMPEES
Wow !
You look gorgeous Really ?
How about a selfie ?
Okay.
One, two, three !
Kim Joon Seok, the groom,
is a urologist at a big hospital.
Impressive.
The bride, Ma Joo Yeon,
is chief editor of the top food magazine.
Let us celebrate these two elites happy marriage.
We slept together on your engagement day.
Fuck !
Have a good life !
Tuna !
Octopus !
Tastes like shit.
What's this ?
Who cares ?
Salmon sushi !
It's so good !
You took the last one.
What ?
Came to eat and not watch the wedding ?
Do you know me ?
You don't know me ?
I don't think so.
We had drinks with Joo Yeon in Insa-dong.
- There are lots of pubs there.
- You owe me.
What ?
Owe you for what ?
The salmon sushi.
You ate it all.
There's lots of food !
Try the beef there.
I don't eat meat.
Oh, you like seafood ?
Go over there.
Octopus, fish, clams ...
They're all there.
But I want salmon sushi.
Hey !
Lost your manners ?
She got knocked up.
It's a blessing these days.
Let's shout.
It's not the groom's baby !
It's his baby !
Why are you doing this ?
Why ?
Damn it !
Shit !
Okay, okay.
This is my card.
I don't have time today.
Call me later.
I'll buy you salmon sushi.
All you can eat.
Unbelievable !
Just because of salmon sushi ...
Damn it !
Crazy bitch !
YOO JEONG HOON ADAPTED PHYS ED TEACHER
Why won't it open ?
What are you doing ?
What the hell ?
Open the door !
No !
Don't go !
What's with you ?
Are you nuts ?
Drunk driving is illegal.
Get in Three Dots.
What ?
On your butt.
The three dots.
Close the door.
Wear your seatbelt.
Lets go.
Three dots on your butt form a triangle.
The top dot is brown with hair growing on it.
So Joo Yeon used to pluck it.
Because ...
Your nails are too short to.
Damn !
She even said stuff like that ?
Whats with women ?
That's my privacy !
Just 2 months since breaking up,
who goes to an ex-girlfriend's wedding ?
But me ...
Thanks.
I was cool and went.
Joo Yeon isn't showing much.
The baby inside her ...
Joon Seok ...
That son of a bitch !
It must be his, right ?
The groom is a doctor ?
He would know.
Right. Of course.
It's not like we did it everyday.
Shit.
On a damn day like this I ...
Wanna die.
What ?
Let's go to your house.
My place ?
Why ?
Together ?
Why ?
Why not ?
Let's have more drinks.
No. No way.
Not my place.
It's just a studio.
With just 1 blanket.
No way.
No women. No way !
Are you a pervert ?
Fine.
Let's go.
Let's go to my place !
Cheers.
You drink so well.
- Have some green tea.
- Sure.
This tastes like booze too !
One right after another ...
Open one more. Why not ?
No ! No !
Hold on !
How was Joo Yeons wedding ?
Deok Rae !
Lets drink !
Whats the matter with you ?
What's up ?
My mom's here.
She is ?
- Then I should say hello.
- Wait !
You reek of booze !
Deok Rae !
- Just go.
- Go where ?
- Now ?
- Yes, go !
It's not your mom !
Mrs. Yoo ?
Mrs. Yoo !
Why !
- Why are we doing this ?
- Stop it !
You Stop it !
Go !
Just go !
The jerk sobered me up.
Elevator is closing.
Something smells fishy.
Why change the code now ?
Who is it ?
Okay, fine.
I'll tell you.
Good.
So who is it ?
Go ! Go ! Go !
Go !
Just scram !
Go !
I'll go this time.
But I'll be back.
Elevator is closing.
I suddenly couldn't remember my secret code ...
So ...
So hot.
Sorry.
You okay ?
Does it hurt ?
No.
Aren't my breats small ?
No.
When a woman lies down they disappear.
When shes up, they're up.
When she bends over they get bigger.
I can't
Oh no !
Why are you crying ?
Did I do something wrong ?
Son of a bitch.
Kim Joon Seok, you bastard !
Ow !
My head.
I shouldn't swear.
Shit !
Kim Joon Seok !
Your sphincter is about to blow
And you can't find a toilet
so you shit on paper.
"Hope your legs go weak and flop in it !"
Sick.
Thats low.
Pathetic loser.
Geeze !
Crazy !
Why is she sleeping here ?
Miss ?
Excuse me ?
You can't sleep here.
Miss ?
Wake up.
Wake up. Miss !
Please wake up !
Wake up !
Name, please.
- I'm Yoo Jeong Hoon.
- Not you her.
- Aren't you her guardian ?
- Guardian ?
She was at your house.
Right.
You don't know her ?
Should I call the cops first ?
The cops ?
I'm taking it off.
What ?
You took it off ? Where is it ?
I can't remember !
Hold on.
That means ...
My spermis inside her body.
With each ejaculation,
200 million sperms are released.
Since we did it twice ...
That's over 400 million sperms
400 MILLION !
Even if I deny it ...
400 million of my healthy
sperms are alive inside her !
After forensics close investigation,
they'll say I lured her in and ...
After forensics close investigation,
they'll say I lured her in and ...
After forensics close investigation
they'll say I lured her in and ...
No !
PILLS
Shes my girlfriend.
I'm her guardian !
Those pills.
And she drank 2 big bottles of water.
Please save her, doctor !
I'll die if you don't.
I'm sorry. Geeze !
Spit it out !
She was really determined.
She took pills like Halcion,
Zolpidem, and Valium.
A mix of all kinds of
sedatives and sleeping pills.
Will she be okay ?
Well, it could easily lead
to acute heart failure.
Or even cardiac arrest.
She'll be fine.
Don't worry.
But why'd you fight ?
We didn't.
Then why did she ... ?
I have no idea why, either !
Sounds like a cow being slaughtered.
What did you have for dinner ?
She's bringing up a lot of food.
Sex something ...
That cocktail ...
Sex on the beach !
It's that color.
Luckily, the drugs kicked in
slower because of the food.
So shes all fine ?
She almost died, pal !
Let's see.
Her IV is almost done.
Insurance won't cover an attempted suicide ...
so I'll write gastrospasm
A considerate doctor, huh ?
I'll prescribe pills for 3 days.
Start her off on porridge.
When she wakes up, she can go.
Okay.
Be good to her !
Why else would she do that ?
Shit
Looks good.
Why my place ?
Why'd you choose to die there of all places ?
How much do you remember ?
Do you know my name ?
How would I know ?
We didn't exchange names ...
But just did it !
So you remember that part.
Look.
When we did it ...
You know ...
Condom ...
Took it off ?
Hey !
Why the hell !
Don't men like it better
Says who !
Man plus woman minus condom equals baby !
I always use condoms !
Featherlight Ultra Ultra thin !
Is that the best ?
The top seller.
It's 20% thinner than others.
Still, I heard it doesn't
feel as good as bare skin.
Who says shit like that ?
You wanna know ?
Who is it ?
Kim Joon Seok.
I'm giving it to you, eat it !
Why ?
Now ...
a crazy girl Its loaded with probiotics !
Don't eat it, Si Hoo.
Don't force yourself
MA JOO YEON, MY EX GIRLFRIEND OW ...
THAT BASTARD'S WIFE
Why are you forcing her ?
Youre weird.
Yeah !
It's a bit harsh
Yeah !
It's a bit harsh.
Si Hoo ?
Would I give you anything bad ?
Would I give you anything bad ?
Try it.
You'll like it.
Now !
Right !
Jeong Si Hoo !
Kim Joon Seok's ex-girlfriend !
But why me ?
Why at my place ?
To get revenge.
What ?
If I died at your house, he'd know right away.
You're crazy.
Why drag me into it ?
When I passed out, did I look pretty ?
What ?
I wanted to die looking pretty.
I don't know.
Whod remember that then ?
Even if I do, I'll erase that memory !
Aren't you sorry to me at all ?
You wreaked havoc in my place.
You're not over Joo Yeon either !
Too bad.
That boat has sailed.
She's on her honeymoon with him.
We both lost at love.
So what if we slept together ?
Don't talk like we're friends.
We were intimate in bed, but this is different.
Watch what you say !
Is that important now ?
Forget it.
We'll never meet again.
Let's be cool, not pathetic.
Pathetic ?
I'm as patheticas they get.
I went to my ex's wedding and
couldn't even eat salmon, my favorite !
Slept with some jerk !
Hey, watch it !
Some jerk ?
Anyway ...
I'm late. I'm leaving.
You !
If you want to die, go abroad !
Places like Iceland.
Go see auroras before you.
Shit !
What am I saying ?
I smell a fling on you.
What the hell ?
Who was it that night ?
My newlywed neighbors keep me up.
Don't agonize me.
Dont you trust me ?
If you told me, I would've left quietly.
Damn wind.
Quietly, my ass.
Then who peeped when Joo Yeon and I did it ?
I walked in on it, but left quietly.
No, you quietly hid.
And watched till the end, then flew off
Yes !
1 point left.
That feels good !
Sick bastard.
Who was it that night ?
I heard some moaning and groaning.
Such a bad ethics teacher.
A big mouth with a small dick.
Sex is not about size.
It's about angling and duration.
Go round.
Right, right, right !
Left, left, left !
You know, man ?
Says the small dick.
Way to go.
Forget women with women.
Think about it, Jeong Hoon.
You didn't first meet Joo Yeon on a sworn oath.
No !
You saw her and got horny.
So you did it and it was good.
So you did it again and wondered if it's love.
Then you did it again.
You did it here and there.
And everywhere !
Then you think it must be love.
Are you rapping ?
Something's up with you.
Spill it
Tell me, man !
Forget it.
Arent you going to class ?
He did it.
He did.
He definitely did it.
You did it.
Raise your leg slowly and hold it.
Let your energy flow down from head to ...
It's Kim from the Marriage Bureau.
Your mother has already paid in full.
So I can't get a refund ?
That's absurd.
It's stated in the clause.
What clause ? It's not insurance.
It's more than insurance.
We guarantee our clients' futures.
Listen.
Im not in a state to do this now.
I'm totally ...
Dumped or testing the waters ?
What ?
If you're testing the waters we'll wait for you.
But if you do it for long you
could end up 60 and single.
Trust us.
CalI us when you want our services.
Three Dots ?
PERMANENTLY DELETE ALL 17 ITEMS ?
Hey, look !
Shouldn't you stop them ?
Leave them.
They're just like your kids.
They'll settle down soon.
What if they get hurt ?
You're the teacher !
Think I came to this school
with a sense of calling ?
I failed the teacher exam.
But the foundation let me teach the deaf here.
I like regular paychecks.
Still, we're temporary teachers.
I'll make full-time no matter what.
Thats why tonight's dinner meeting is important.
How's that related ?
Pathetic fool.
You have no idea how to move up.
Come here.
Who's Ms. Kim ?
She's the only heir to this
respected school foundation.
All temporary teachers will attend.
Get the picture ?
Let's play fair.
Great !
Lovely steak !
Love the oily glow !
Fantastic !
Ms. Han ?
Yes ?
Where's the next dish ?
Could you hurry it up ?
Right away, sir.
Yes.
Let's hurry it up !
It doesn't have to be fully cooked.
Just get the color right.
Time's running out !
How frustrating
It's here, sir !
Next dish !
There's one more dish.
Nice !
I love the look !
Over here !
That's good.
Great !
So delicious looking
Fantastic !
Nice colors, right ?
Nice looks !
Hold still !
Perfect !
Forgive me if I've been neglectful.
Students in the special and
regular schools are the same.
Of course.
They're all the same to us.
It must be harder for you temp teachers.
The teacher exams are coming up.
This dinner is to encourage
our short term male teachers.
Thank you !
The school's breasts ...
I mean, benefits ...
are the best.
Historically ...
Matriarchal societies were far more peaceful.
If women go on sex strikes,
all wars will cease to exist.
Men don't know how great women are.
That's the downside of the ramming method.
Cramming method.
Same thing.
The meat is cooked well.
It must be AA grade beef.
But the care that goes into
cooking is more important.
This looks perfect.
Parrrdon, messeurrr, zilvouplait.
Bottoms up !
Ms. Kim ?
He's not feeling well Right ?
He has an early class.
So I'll drinkit. Mr. Yoo Jeong Hoon ?
Yes.
It's probably best not to remember tonight.
It's probably best not to remember tonight.
Drink up and forget it.
It'll be hard sober.
The hell are you saying ?
You've hit the jackpot, pal.
You got picked.
I accept that.
Good night and good luck !
Whatever, man.
First, kiss her right.
A kiss is the door to sex If it
opens, stick your tongue in.
The rest will follow Got It ?
I'm going.
You're over Joo Yeon, right ?.
Don't call her name while in bed with Ms. Kim.
Stupid !
It's okay.
Go hard and hot !
Don't forget
First sex.
Then love.
Yes, Ms. Kim ?
Come to the parking lot.
You can go if you dont want to.
MEN'S FIRST SEX PARTNER ?
STRANGER (ONE-NIGHT STAND)
GIRLFRIEND
SENIOR/JUNIOR IN SCHOOL
HOOKER
OTHER
10 SIGNS YOU HAD AN ORGASM
IT FEELS ELECTRIFYING BODY GETS HOT THEN COLD
BODY MOVES LIKE HAVING HICCUPS
IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE FLYING
ENTIRE BODY FEELS STIFF
FEELS LIKE GENITALS ARE
PUMPING AND GETTING BIGGER
HEAVY BREATHING AS IF TO COUGH
SWEATY ALL OVER AND HAVE SMOOTH SEX
PULLED PARTNER'S BODY TIGHT AGAINST SELF
UNEXPLAINABLE CRYING
Flying. Shock.
Crying. Hiccups.
Elec ...
Electrifying ?
Si Hoo, it's Joon Seok I miss you.
KIM JOON SEOK
You wanna die ?
Call a driver if you're drunk !
Silly.
Driving is an excuse.
I missed you so much
Si Hoo ?
We had it good.
I'm a doctor.
You're a chef.
We had happy dreams.
How did I end up marrying Joo Yeon ?
For my own hospital ?
Shit
I gotta go.
Si Hoo.
I'll pay you back soon.
30 grand is a lot for you.
Pay me back soon.
And ...
Don't call me from now on.
Si Hoo.
This marriage won't last long.
Actually ...
My mom was really sick.
So I rushed the wedding before she passed away.
I regret it now.
Please Si Hoo ...
Just once ...
Could you suck me ?
Are you crazy ? !
You're insane !
Go ask your wife to do it !
Crazy bastard !
Three Dots ?
Came to see Joo Yeon
Hey, Yoo Jeong Hoon !
Condom man !
Let's go eat.
You look different today.
Maybe it's your hair.
I spent a lot on my hairdo that day.
It looks much better now.
Think taking pills will bring him back ?
Just hurting yourself.
Why'd you sleep with me ?
It was a one-night stand.
You know.
Let's be cool about it.
Why is being cool so important to you ?
Since you were cool breaking up with Joo Yeon ...
I lost Joon Seok.
Look.
Your mission in life is not
revenge, but to live happily.
I can be happier without you !
Thats true revenge.
People only live once.
Live life to the fullest.
Don't get crazy thoughts.
You're crying ?
I'm sorry.
I must've lost my mind.
It tastes different !
What ?
It's different from before.
No way.
I had dinner after class.
Is it the pork soup ?
Unbelievable.
This ...
Makes no sense.
Did you like it too ?
Not bad.
Well ...
you like the most ?
What
When you ...
Wentin slowly at the top ...
Then went in hard to the side and ...
What are you doing ?
Sorry.
So when I touched your ...
Cli ...
Cli ...
Clitoris ?
Right.
The cli ...
It's hard to say It out loud to a girl.
Let's call it Christmas then.
Christmas ?
Christmas !
Good idea. Like it ?
Isnt It cute ?
Right. Christmas.
All done.
Okay.
You left out the egg ?
Yup.
I do that too.
Can I ask you something ?
Sure. What ?
Ive been curious.
Why did you cry then ?
You want the truth ?
Yes, of course.
I was really surprised.
By what ?
It usually hurts a lot doing
it, but it felt good that night
I was surprised.
It did ?
So it wasn't good with Joon Seok ?
Joon Seok was my first.
I thought it'd get better with time.
And I didn't think that was important.
It's important !
Anyway ...
I've never talked about this with men before.
Its embarrassing.
What now ?
If the bus doesn't come, we'll call a cab.
No.
I mean, us.
Us ...
Should we fill it ?
What ?
Just sex, that's all.
Get all 10 stamps, then split.
How about it ?
Great
Good.
We can do that.
Nice.
It's cold. See ya.
Bye.
See you tomorrow.
Its time for hot coffee !
Coffee !
Americano !
Here you are.
Wait.
Just 1 stamp, please.
What ?
Just 1 stamp.
Sure.
Brain freeze !
I'm done !
Let's go !
No complimentary condoms !
Okay ! Wait !
Eat it all !
No way !
Hello, chief.
Here Thanks.
Proceed as planned Yes, chief.
Great ! One more shot !
Wait, please.
The flowers don't suit the table.
Any other flowers ?
It looks messy.
Yes, chief.
Messy !
Match the colors.
Throw these out.
Work on that instead.
Don't be messy, got it ?
Yes.
Jeong Si Hoo ?
Come with me. Okay.
All this fuss over food, huh ?
For good pictures, I guess.
Still, it's a job.
Though it may not suit you.
How about making real food for people ?
Catering for Joon Seok's hospital opening.
It pays $5,000 for 15 people.
It shouldnt be hard.
Why me ?
You know lots of chefs.
Well ...
I loved the side dishes you made.
And ...
Your dream is to be a chef.
Make your best dishes.
I'll give you honest feedback.
It'll help you get started.
Jeong Si Hoo ?
Look at me.
You avoid me for life ?
You hate me to death ?
No.
Smiling brightly and working
at a place you hate ...
That's a professional.
Honestly, Im not sorry at all.
I just need you as a chef.
I'm over her.
She's gone forever.
Good !
Now meet other gals.
You're drinking fine at a bar
you always came with Joo Yeon.
You're so over her !
That's cool !
I'm over her !
Of course !
Strip off all memory of her !
Her scent, her habits, her breasts ...
Oops.
What ?
Forget it all Even her moaning.
She was so cool.
She never asked you to get married.
She just wanted a baby.
Who knew it'd be Joon Seok's baby ?
Shut up.
See ?
Erase this picture first !
Hey !
Cant ?
Just erase it !
Be cool and forget the cool gal.
Be a real man !
Forget her !
Erase them all !
SALMON SUSHI
Salmon Sushi ?
Hey.
Is it that girl ?
Answer it.
It's 2 AM now.
Don't you get It ?
An ex-girlfriend will call for no reason.
But this is a booty call !
She's not calling to go fishing for salmon !
Forget it.
Thats just wrong.
Im not dating her.
What ?
No strings attached ?
Just doing it ?
She says that's okay ?
The strange thing is ...
Animal instincts come out
with her and it's great.
My confidence goes up and ...
Sex partners ?
Bastard !
How'd you do that ?
I'm so proud !
That's not it !
Listen.
Don't be scared. Go to her.
And do it !
Sex is all in the mouth.
Watch.
Loosen your tongue before oral sex.
Like this.
You sick bastard.
Sick.
I'm trying to teach you, man.
I gotta go.
Why ?
My mom's here.
What ?
Is something wrong ?
She's waiting outside.
You dragged me here
She brought food.
I'll give you some.
Go to that girl !
Tongue first, got it ?
Hey !
Come back !
Crazy fool.
It's my turn this time.
Something happened ?
Yes.
But I don't know if it's good or bad.
No idea.
You needed this coupon to decide ?
You want coffee or not ?
Youre heavy !
You're almost there !
You cant do It ?
You can't either.
I'll do it
I must do it !
Why are you obsessed ?
Dont push yourself.
This is the last step.
If I can do It for 1 minute,
it'll clear up my head.
Says who ?
You believe that ?
Youll go with me to Joon Seok's party, right ?
Come on.
No way !
Why would I go there ?
Why you !
It's done ?
The salmon is cooked well.
A forest ?
What's next ?
Stairway.
In a movie theater.
Forest, elevator, movie theater stairway.
They're dull. Really ?
How about you ?
You've got one.
So where is it ?
So when you came with Jun
seok, you wanted to do it here ?
Up
But you couldn't tell him that
Nope.
Now youre here with me. Yup.
Asshole.
Did you just curse ?
Nope
Damn.
Are you being jealous of him ?
No, I'm not !
You cursed, didn't you ?
Yes, I did.
I said, Kim Joon Seok !
You bastard !
That feels good.
You try.
No way.
I had a proper upbringing.
Don't use sign language in front of me.
What if you're cursing me ?
Just learn it off the Internet.
Fine.
Why can't you curse at that bastard ?
He was still there for me when Dad passed away.
He led the funeral.
Mom and I were amazed.
He's still a bastard.
He married your best friend.
You heard days before the wedding.
And at nights he forced you to
That son of a bitch !
Swearing is a form of healing.
Try it !
Kim Jun seok, you bastard
good !
You sick son of a bitch who still comes asking
That's why I'm learning yoga, you asshole !
I'll twist off your dick and kill you
That's why you do yoga ?
Yeah.
Go with me.
Fine !
Hell, I'll go !
We're going You're dead !
You bastard !
We re coming
You'll regret it !
Hell, yeah
Take one each.
What's this ?
Here, Seung Chul. What's this ?
Look.
Before you sleep, roll it like this ...
and put it on your wiener.
If it's not ripped off by
morning, come and see me.
Jeong Hoon ?
Have some wine.
Don't be embarrassed.
Are you uncomfortable ?
For men over 30,
Just enjoy.
Seeing a urologist is a must !
Hey, Jeong Hoon.
You have to come.
I'll give you a big discount.
Son of a bitch.
Let's drink.
Congratulations, pal.
It's not over, why pay me now ?
Its not for that.
Sorry It's late.
It's what Joon Seok borrowed.
30 grand.
Why would you pay ?
Men are babies or dogs.
I dont know how we ended up getting married.
But he's still my husband.
A baby is better, right ?
You're looking good.
I'm in a good mood today.
It's delicious.
Bastard.
You're an embarrassment, pal.
Do you even know what you're eating ?
It's good.
It's a great cheesy side dish for wine.
Helps you stay sober.
Rot in Hell !
Rotini ? !
Watch it, pal.
First time trying it ?
No.
I eat it often.
Or was it everyday ?
What the hell ?
How can you eat this expensive dish everyday ?
The frozen kind ?
Loaded with preservatives ?
Shit.
You Devil's Dung !
It's the name of this herb.
Try it.
It enhances the taste.
It does.
It tastes good.
Si Hoo.
My dear, Si Hoo.
You were too busy cooking to eat, right ?
So I'll give you something Try it.
Here.
If you don't want it ...
Don't eat it.
I'm going to eat it !
Is It good ?
Yes !
It's so good !
It is !
The best in the world !
Because I made it.
Thats why it tastes even better.
Stop staring !
It's so good.
What if ...
They think we're dating ?
We're not. Who cares ?
Right. We're not.
Joon Seok probably has no clue.
About what ?
Us sleeping together.
Not dating.
Out just sleeping together.
Hungry ? Yeah.
Wanna get something ?
Yes.
What do you want ?
Coffee. Coffee ?
Coffee. Coffee ?
Coffee !
Careful !
Its hot.
What ?
Nothing.
10 stamps fill up last.
I guess.
You were pretty. What ?
When you passed out ...
You asked if you looked pretty.,
Right.
You were.
Unbelievably beautiful.
So don't think about dying again.
Okay.
Here.
You take it.
It's a souvenir.
Thanks for everything.
So cool !
Wait.
Si Hoo ?
Who's that ?
I'm not expecting anyone.
Si Hoo ?
Open up.
It's me Joon Seok
I saw your lights on. Open up !
I miss you so much
Si Hoo ...
I'll go. No.
Stay here.
Si Hoo. You bastard !
Are you insane ?
Why were you in there ?
Shit. I knew it.
Did you move in with her ?
Youre married. Why come here ?
You son of a bitch !
What's it to you, bastard !
Si Hoo !
Get lost !
Hey !
Think I stole Joo Yeon from you ?
Don't kid yourself.
You knew your place and ran !
What did you say ?
Why would Joo Yeon marry you ?
Think shed marry a temporary gym teacher ?
Si Hoo too.
Rather than date you ...
She'd be better off being my mistress.
Move, you bastard !
Si Hoo !
What the hell !
What's happening ?
Stay inside or else !
Bastard !
Did you know ?
What ?
Asshole !
Si Hoo drove for me just like when we were dating.
So what !
Think she only drove ?
Take a drag, asshole.
I quit, bastard.
Son of a bitch.
You broke a good girl's heart
with no sense of responsibility.
Loser.
Can you be responsible ?
Try not to run away, bastard.
Maybe, that's better ?
Son of a bitch.
Don't come back here.
Don't torment her.
I'm asking you.
This is the only thing that's mine here ?
Please don't misunderstand.
I don't.
It doesn't matter now.
I'm going.
Take care.
Easy ...
Now here's your final mission.
What is it ?
Finding my G-spot.
Your G-spot ?
The spot that's different for every woman.
I'll do my best
Get the pantyhose !
What ?
My pantyhose.
Look in my purse.
Go !
Mr. Ha ?
I need you !
I'm not sure if this is ethically right.
What are you doing ?
I put on the pantyhose.
Why is that on your head ?
I wear it and you rip it ?
I knew that.
Damn. Stupid.
Shouldve known.
What are you doing ?
Jeong Hoon !
My place is flooded.
Why are you here ?
This is my house, fool !
Hello, Ms. Kim.
Bonne soiree.
They'll renew your contract. Why quit ?
Forget it, man.
Wait !
You've got it all wrong.
Its not because of that
The world is full of misunderstandings.
That's the basis of philosophy !
It's not a misunderstanding
I wanted to quit long before.
Jeong Hoon !
Damn.
Sorry, man. You okay ?
Want help ?
Shit !
Brother !
What the hell ?
I've decided !
You'll be my older brother !
Your birthday is even earlier !
And you slept with Ms. Kim first !
So I've accepted you as my older brother !
You bastard !
I'm not like you !
I didn't sleep with her !
We didn't do it !
I thought you did !
Congrats on making full-time.
I'm sorry, man.
No need Don't be.
You passed the exam and got it fairly.
How embarrassing.
Taking my shit out on you.
It's okay. I'm sorry too.
What are you going to do now ?
Something will turn up.
Hey, Deok Rae.
Do you really like Ms. Kim ?
I never thought she'd be my first.
When I actually did it, it was awesome.
She's amazing.
She does everything I saw in porn.
It's unbelievable !
I never thought I'd be doing it 10 times a day.
I wonder if this is love.
Deok Rae ?
Hmm ?
She was your first ?
Yup
You crazy jerk !
Sorry.
Don't laugh.
I said, don't laugh !
I'm sorry.
THREE DOTS
BUSY ? HOW ARE YOU ?
TAKE CARE
3 DAYS AGO, UNREAD, 2 DAYS
AGO, UNREAD 1 DAY AGO, UNREAD
HI, Mom.
Sweetie !
You were in my dream last night.
What dream ?
I was sitting on the porch ...
when you and your husband
came bearing lots of gifts.
I was so happy I could die !
When will you go on blind dates ?
I wont.
You'll grow old in no time.
There is a time for everything.
Grab the chance when you can.
You hear me ?
It got disconnected ?
THREE DOTS' BIRTHDAY
Finished !
I'm done
Who else would congratulate
your birthday, but me ?
No candles on a cake.
Its embarrassing.
I'm not your girlfriend.
Isn't Salmon Sushi coming ?
Its over between us.
Got dumped again ?
How can I date anyone ?
I knew my place and left.
Why you ...
Fine. Good !
Know why you and Joo Yeon broke up ?
Fuck !
Why bring her up now !
Can't you be nicer to me ?
Don't yell.
It's your birthday.
I'll tell you a story.
Come on, man.
Listen.
There's this first rate man.
Who will he end up marrying ?
Another first rate woman ?
No way.
A second rate woman.
That's the case with Joon Seok and Joo Yeon.
And they even got pregnant together.
They're getting older and
such, so they got together.
That's life, man.
Then a second rate man meets a third rate woman ?
That's right !
So what's left at the end of the chain ?
The lowest rated man ...
and the first rate woman.
That's the perfect match.
Like me.
I'm a jobless loser with loans galore.
I'm the slipper.
As low as they get !
Not again.
What does Salmon Sushi do ?
She's an assistant food stylist. How old ?
Twenty-seven.
An assistant at that age ?
She's hopeless.
Some women are managers at that age.
Forget her !
I'll ask my top rate baby to
find you a first rate gal.
Hey, what's this ?
Planning on going on a picnic for your birthday ?
What's wrong ?
Si Hoo. Si Hoo ?
The sex partner ?
I'm his bosom buddy.
Did you bake the cake yourself ?
It looks delicious.
I'll be going.
See ya.
Don't get mad.
Thats just guy talk.
I wanted to make things work between us.
For what ?
It's not like we were dating.
So you're running away again ?
Yeah.
Because I quit my job and have no money or ego !
So I got dumped again.
There.
Happy now ?
No.
I'm not happy at all.
What's your job got to do with me ?
Dont mix work with love.
Love ?
Do you love me ?
Werent we just sex partners ?
Too bad.
I'm no doctor like Joon Seok.
I'm just a gym teacher !
Nope, I'm not even that.
I'm just a jobless nobody.
I know that, stupid !
Did I ask you to marry me ?
Lets date !
Shit ! Can't we even date ?
Fuck !
I'm worth shit !
I have nothing !
My life's a tunnel !
A jammed up tunnel with no way out !
So how can I love anyone ?
Being alone suits me.
Let's just drop it. Stop.
Aren't you sorry to yourself ?
You told me to live life !
You told me to be happy !
Fuck !
I hate being me !
I can't stand it !
Fuck !
Fine.
If you hate yourself ...
I do too.
I'm a loser for coming here.
Mr. Yoo must be heartbroken.
I've never seen him drunk.
He says he isn't.
Says it's too big and deep to understand.
Don't mind him.
No matter whom you date later ...
You must pass on the
techniques you learned from me.
But ...
After breaking up with me,
you must date a younger woman.
Why ?
So she can learn from you.
And when she's my age, she can teach younger men.
Isn't that great ?
Tre bien !
You'll really break up with me ?
Marriage is not for me.
A coffin is made for one.
But Ms. Kim ?
How about a coffin for 2 ?
Or get cremated and buried under the same tree ?
Be together forever.
Can you handle a gal like me ?
Of course I can.
I love you.
Truly.
Mom ?
The kimchi soup you made when I got sick ...
Yes ?
How do you make it ?
I can't remember.
Why all of a sudden ?
You didn't even eat it much.
It won't taste the same if
I don't make it for you.
Are you hurt ?
Yes.
Where ?
Does it hurt a lot ?
It hurts.
Pull yourself together.
Don't you have a man to buy you some medicine ?
Living differently is nothing much Look at me.
Happiness is just living a
normal life like everyone else.
Okay.
We can't have everything we want.
Cater to others and give up
a little like everyone else.
No ! No ! No !
I can't believe it !
Espresso must be ...
At once.
It's okay.
You didn't know.
Come here !
Waiter !
One more, please.
You don't trade stocks ?
It's too difficult.
Stocks aren't that hard
Buy when they're low and sell when theyre hot.
What kind of car do you like ?
Coupes ? Sedans ? Convertibles ?
Sports cars ?
I did my MBA at Harvard.
I'm a frontrunner to lead the
future of Korea's economy.
I have many offers from ...
Two 3-star ratings out of 5.
Five 4-stars and you got 3 call backs.
Why quit now ?
Don't think too hard.
Why not meet a well-rated
man and live comfortably ?
Do you think ratings feed you ?
Yes.
They do.
Don't you know by now ?
I'm no doctor like Joon Seok.
Because I have no money or
ego So I got dumped again.
Love ?
Do you love me ?
Weren't we just sex partners ?
You son of a bitch !
How can you do that to me !
You bastard !
Screw you, shithead !
You ...
Stupid ...
Bastard.
Lets see.
Your liver is okay.
But I think you have depression.
And a lot of stress.
I'll give you an IV for your hangover.
Next time, go to a psychiatrist,
not here to the ER.
Doctor ?
I can see a psychiatrist ...
But we've talked before.
It's because of her.
At first, I was curious.
Her collarbone got me.
She was a little strange then.
Kept asking to go to my place.
We had drinks together.
Then ...
We did it.
We slept together that night.
It was unbelievable.
So we decided to be sex partners.
Console each other to get over our ex lovers.
When we ended things ...
I felt incredibly empty inside.
And the coupon is all filled up !
Doctor ?
Can sexual attraction be love ?
Sexual attraction ?
Did we have sex because we're in love ?
Or did we fall in love because of sex ?
Why is it so complicated ?
Who cares if the chicken or the egg came first ?
Just eat the chicken and the egg.
If your body moved your heart ...
Let your heart move your body and go.
There are two types of people in the world.
Those who know the taste of
raw skate and those who don't
Those who don't know don't know love either.
But my baby eats it well.
She knows how to love !
She's so lovely.
Great.
MA JOO YEON
How's the baby ?
Its fine.
Drunk driving was his hobby.
I warned him so many times.
He was really something.
He just left behind a cell phone
Filled with women's numbers.
I hate him.
I'm sad
I feel sorry for him.
Why !
What's wrong ?
Daddy !
I want to play !
Joo Yeon is in labor.
What ? Really ?
Anyway did she come ?
Who ?
Jeong Si Hoo.
Honey ?
How's this place ?
I'm hanging up.
What's he talking about ?
Si Hoo.
I ate the whole cake.
What ?
I ate the cake that night.
And ...
I could die.
Wait !
I mean ...
Hold on.
Stay right there.
What are you doing ?
Seriously, I could die.
Like Joon Seok,
no one knows when he or she will die.
Thats life.
So I'm ...
I'm seizing today.
The last step.
There !
I did it !
Everything's cleared up now !
Stop.
Your face will explode.
Okay.
I wasn't being honest.
I just acted cool.
Why're you doing this now ?
Because I can't run away.
I'm a loser who always ran away.
But I cant run away from you.
I like everything about you.
I can't forget you.
There is no way ...
I can run from you.
We may have started off in a weird way ...
And so I'm a bit late.
But I ...
I love you.
5 seconds left !
Focus till the end !
Pass the ball !
Pass it !
Way to go, Jeong Hoon !
With 7 billion people on earth there
must be 7 billion ways to love.
Like love at first sight it
was love at first sex for us.
Finished ?
Yes.
Here I come.
Merry Christmas.
No.
Merry Clitoris-mas.
Merry Clitoris-mas.
At first you wonder if its right if
there's an answer, it's not love.
We could break up tomorrow.
But we could also die before tomorrow comes.
Seize today.
Not yesterday or tomorrow but today.
ONE-NIGHT SALMON MEAL
Good !
Delicious, right ?
If you're not happy now,
it'll be the same anywhere else.
Being with you now I'm happy.
The one by my side now ...
I love you.
Dongbu Expressway is jammed
up due to an accident.
It is a clear autumn day.
There must be many couples getting married today.
Here's to you, "The marriage of Figaro Overture."
LOVE GUIDE FOR DUMPEES
Wow !
You look gorgeous Really ?
How about a selfie ?
Okay.
One, two, three !
Kim Joon Seok, the groom,
is a urologist at a big hospital.
Impressive.
The bride, Ma Joo Yeon,
is chief editor of the top food magazine.
Let us celebrate these two elites happy marriage.
We slept together on your engagement day.
Fuck !
Have a good life !
Tuna !
Octopus !
Tastes like shit.
What's this ?
Who cares ?
Salmon sushi !
It's so good !
You took the last one.
What ?
Came to eat and not watch the wedding ?
Do you know me ?
You don't know me ?
I don't think so.
We had drinks with Joo Yeon in Insa-dong.
- There are lots of pubs there.
- You owe me.
What ?
Owe you for what ?
The salmon sushi.
You ate it all.
There's lots of food !
Try the beef there.
I don't eat meat.
Oh, you like seafood ?
Go over there.
Octopus, fish, clams ...
They're all there.
But I want salmon sushi.
Hey !
Lost your manners ?
She got knocked up.
It's a blessing these days.
Let's shout.
It's not the groom's baby !
It's his baby !
Why are you doing this ?
Why ?
Damn it !
Shit !
Okay, okay.
This is my card.
I don't have time today.
Call me later.
I'll buy you salmon sushi.
All you can eat.
Unbelievable !
Just because of salmon sushi ...
Damn it !
Crazy bitch !
YOO JEONG HOON ADAPTED PHYS ED TEACHER
Why won't it open ?
What are you doing ?
What the hell ?
Open the door !
No !
Don't go !
What's with you ?
Are you nuts ?
Drunk driving is illegal.
Get in Three Dots.
What ?
On your butt.
The three dots.
Close the door.
Wear your seatbelt.
Lets go.
Three dots on your butt form a triangle.
The top dot is brown with hair growing on it.
So Joo Yeon used to pluck it.
Because ...
Your nails are too short to.
Damn !
She even said stuff like that ?
Whats with women ?
That's my privacy !
Just 2 months since breaking up,
who goes to an ex-girlfriend's wedding ?
But me ...
Thanks.
I was cool and went.
Joo Yeon isn't showing much.
The baby inside her ...
Joon Seok ...
That son of a bitch !
It must be his, right ?
The groom is a doctor ?
He would know.
Right. Of course.
It's not like we did it everyday.
Shit.
On a damn day like this I ...
Wanna die.
What ?
Let's go to your house.
My place ?
Why ?
Together ?
Why ?
Why not ?
Let's have more drinks.
No. No way.
Not my place.
It's just a studio.
With just 1 blanket.
No way.
No women. No way !
Are you a pervert ?
Fine.
Let's go.
Let's go to my place !
Cheers.
You drink so well.
- Have some green tea.
- Sure.
This tastes like booze too !
One right after another ...
Open one more. Why not ?
No ! No !
Hold on !
How was Joo Yeons wedding ?
Deok Rae !
Lets drink !
Whats the matter with you ?
What's up ?
My mom's here.
She is ?
- Then I should say hello.
- Wait !
You reek of booze !
Deok Rae !
- Just go.
- Go where ?
- Now ?
- Yes, go !
It's not your mom !
Mrs. Yoo ?
Mrs. Yoo !
Why !
- Why are we doing this ?
- Stop it !
You Stop it !
Go !
Just go !
The jerk sobered me up.
Elevator is closing.
Something smells fishy.
Why change the code now ?
Who is it ?
Okay, fine.
I'll tell you.
Good.
So who is it ?
Go ! Go ! Go !
Go !
Just scram !
Go !
I'll go this time.
But I'll be back.
Elevator is closing.
I suddenly couldn't remember my secret code ...
So ...
So hot.
Sorry.
You okay ?
Does it hurt ?
No.
Aren't my breats small ?
No.
When a woman lies down they disappear.
When shes up, they're up.
When she bends over they get bigger.
I can't
Oh no !
Why are you crying ?
Did I do something wrong ?
Son of a bitch.
Kim Joon Seok, you bastard !
Ow !
My head.
I shouldn't swear.
Shit !
Kim Joon Seok !
Your sphincter is about to blow
And you can't find a toilet
so you shit on paper.
"Hope your legs go weak and flop in it !"
Sick.
Thats low.
Pathetic loser.
Geeze !
Crazy !
Why is she sleeping here ?
Miss ?
Excuse me ?
You can't sleep here.
Miss ?
Wake up.
Wake up. Miss !
Please wake up !
Wake up !
Name, please.
- I'm Yoo Jeong Hoon.
- Not you her.
- Aren't you her guardian ?
- Guardian ?
She was at your house.
Right.
You don't know her ?
Should I call the cops first ?
The cops ?
I'm taking it off.
What ?
You took it off ? Where is it ?
I can't remember !
Hold on.
That means ...
My spermis inside her body.
With each ejaculation,
200 million sperms are released.
Since we did it twice ...
That's over 400 million sperms
400 MILLION !
Even if I deny it ...
400 million of my healthy
sperms are alive inside her !
After forensics close investigation,
they'll say I lured her in and ...
After forensics close investigation,
they'll say I lured her in and ...
After forensics close investigation
they'll say I lured her in and ...
No !
PILLS
Shes my girlfriend.
I'm her guardian !
Those pills.
And she drank 2 big bottles of water.
Please save her, doctor !
I'll die if you don't.
I'm sorry. Geeze !
Spit it out !
She was really determined.
She took pills like Halcion,
Zolpidem, and Valium.
A mix of all kinds of
sedatives and sleeping pills.
Will she be okay ?
Well, it could easily lead
to acute heart failure.
Or even cardiac arrest.
She'll be fine.
Don't worry.
But why'd you fight ?
We didn't.
Then why did she ... ?
I have no idea why, either !
Sounds like a cow being slaughtered.
What did you have for dinner ?
She's bringing up a lot of food.
Sex something ...
That cocktail ...
Sex on the beach !
It's that color.
Luckily, the drugs kicked in
slower because of the food.
So shes all fine ?
She almost died, pal !
Let's see.
Her IV is almost done.
Insurance won't cover an attempted suicide ...
so I'll write gastrospasm
A considerate doctor, huh ?
I'll prescribe pills for 3 days.
Start her off on porridge.
When she wakes up, she can go.
Okay.
Be good to her !
Why else would she do that ?
Shit
Looks good.
Why my place ?
Why'd you choose to die there of all places ?
How much do you remember ?
Do you know my name ?
How would I know ?
We didn't exchange names ...
But just did it !
So you remember that part.
Look.
When we did it ...
You know ...
Condom ...
Took it off ?
Hey !
Why the hell !
Don't men like it better
Says who !
Man plus woman minus condom equals baby !
I always use condoms !
Featherlight Ultra Ultra thin !
Is that the best ?
The top seller.
It's 20% thinner than others.
Still, I heard it doesn't
feel as good as bare skin.
Who says shit like that ?
You wanna know ?
Who is it ?
Kim Joon Seok.
I'm giving it to you, eat it !
Why ?
Now ...
a crazy girl Its loaded with probiotics !
Don't eat it, Si Hoo.
Don't force yourself
MA JOO YEON, MY EX GIRLFRIEND OW ...
THAT BASTARD'S WIFE
Why are you forcing her ?
Youre weird.
Yeah !
It's a bit harsh
Yeah !
It's a bit harsh.
Si Hoo ?
Would I give you anything bad ?
Would I give you anything bad ?
Try it.
You'll like it.
Now !
Right !
Jeong Si Hoo !
Kim Joon Seok's ex-girlfriend !
But why me ?
Why at my place ?
To get revenge.
What ?
If I died at your house, he'd know right away.
You're crazy.
Why drag me into it ?
When I passed out, did I look pretty ?
What ?
I wanted to die looking pretty.
I don't know.
Whod remember that then ?
Even if I do, I'll erase that memory !
Aren't you sorry to me at all ?
You wreaked havoc in my place.
You're not over Joo Yeon either !
Too bad.
That boat has sailed.
She's on her honeymoon with him.
We both lost at love.
So what if we slept together ?
Don't talk like we're friends.
We were intimate in bed, but this is different.
Watch what you say !
Is that important now ?
Forget it.
We'll never meet again.
Let's be cool, not pathetic.
Pathetic ?
I'm as patheticas they get.
I went to my ex's wedding and
couldn't even eat salmon, my favorite !
Slept with some jerk !
Hey, watch it !
Some jerk ?
Anyway ...
I'm late. I'm leaving.
You !
If you want to die, go abroad !
Places like Iceland.
Go see auroras before you.
Shit !
What am I saying ?
I smell a fling on you.
What the hell ?
Who was it that night ?
My newlywed neighbors keep me up.
Don't agonize me.
Dont you trust me ?
If you told me, I would've left quietly.
Damn wind.
Quietly, my ass.
Then who peeped when Joo Yeon and I did it ?
I walked in on it, but left quietly.
No, you quietly hid.
And watched till the end, then flew off
Yes !
1 point left.
That feels good !
Sick bastard.
Who was it that night ?
I heard some moaning and groaning.
Such a bad ethics teacher.
A big mouth with a small dick.
Sex is not about size.
It's about angling and duration.
Go round.
Right, right, right !
Left, left, left !
You know, man ?
Says the small dick.
Way to go.
Forget women with women.
Think about it, Jeong Hoon.
You didn't first meet Joo Yeon on a sworn oath.
No !
You saw her and got horny.
So you did it and it was good.
So you did it again and wondered if it's love.
Then you did it again.
You did it here and there.
And everywhere !
Then you think it must be love.
Are you rapping ?
Something's up with you.
Spill it
Tell me, man !
Forget it.
Arent you going to class ?
He did it.
He did.
He definitely did it.
You did it.
Raise your leg slowly and hold it.
Let your energy flow down from head to ...
It's Kim from the Marriage Bureau.
Your mother has already paid in full.
So I can't get a refund ?
That's absurd.
It's stated in the clause.
What clause ? It's not insurance.
It's more than insurance.
We guarantee our clients' futures.
Listen.
Im not in a state to do this now.
I'm totally ...
Dumped or testing the waters ?
What ?
If you're testing the waters we'll wait for you.
But if you do it for long you
could end up 60 and single.
Trust us.
CalI us when you want our services.
Three Dots ?
PERMANENTLY DELETE ALL 17 ITEMS ?
Hey, look !
Shouldn't you stop them ?
Leave them.
They're just like your kids.
They'll settle down soon.
What if they get hurt ?
You're the teacher !
Think I came to this school
with a sense of calling ?
I failed the teacher exam.
But the foundation let me teach the deaf here.
I like regular paychecks.
Still, we're temporary teachers.
I'll make full-time no matter what.
Thats why tonight's dinner meeting is important.
How's that related ?
Pathetic fool.
You have no idea how to move up.
Come here.
Who's Ms. Kim ?
She's the only heir to this
respected school foundation.
All temporary teachers will attend.
Get the picture ?
Let's play fair.
Great !
Lovely steak !
Love the oily glow !
Fantastic !
Ms. Han ?
Yes ?
Where's the next dish ?
Could you hurry it up ?
Right away, sir.
Yes.
Let's hurry it up !
It doesn't have to be fully cooked.
Just get the color right.
Time's running out !
How frustrating
It's here, sir !
Next dish !
There's one more dish.
Nice !
I love the look !
Over here !
That's good.
Great !
So delicious looking
Fantastic !
Nice colors, right ?
Nice looks !
Hold still !
Perfect !
Forgive me if I've been neglectful.
Students in the special and
regular schools are the same.
Of course.
They're all the same to us.
It must be harder for you temp teachers.
The teacher exams are coming up.
This dinner is to encourage
our short term male teachers.
Thank you !
The school's breasts ...
I mean, benefits ...
are the best.
Historically ...
Matriarchal societies were far more peaceful.
If women go on sex strikes,
all wars will cease to exist.
Men don't know how great women are.
That's the downside of the ramming method.
Cramming method.
Same thing.
The meat is cooked well.
It must be AA grade beef.
But the care that goes into
cooking is more important.
This looks perfect.
Parrrdon, messeurrr, zilvouplait.
Bottoms up !
Ms. Kim ?
He's not feeling well Right ?
He has an early class.
So I'll drinkit. Mr. Yoo Jeong Hoon ?
Yes.
It's probably best not to remember tonight.
It's probably best not to remember tonight.
Drink up and forget it.
It'll be hard sober.
The hell are you saying ?
You've hit the jackpot, pal.
You got picked.
I accept that.
Good night and good luck !
Whatever, man.
First, kiss her right.
A kiss is the door to sex If it
opens, stick your tongue in.
The rest will follow Got It ?
I'm going.
You're over Joo Yeon, right ?.
Don't call her name while in bed with Ms. Kim.
Stupid !
It's okay.
Go hard and hot !
Don't forget
First sex.
Then love.
Yes, Ms. Kim ?
Come to the parking lot.
You can go if you dont want to.
MEN'S FIRST SEX PARTNER ?
STRANGER (ONE-NIGHT STAND)
GIRLFRIEND
SENIOR/JUNIOR IN SCHOOL
HOOKER
OTHER
10 SIGNS YOU HAD AN ORGASM
IT FEELS ELECTRIFYING BODY GETS HOT THEN COLD
BODY MOVES LIKE HAVING HICCUPS
IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE FLYING
ENTIRE BODY FEELS STIFF
FEELS LIKE GENITALS ARE
PUMPING AND GETTING BIGGER
HEAVY BREATHING AS IF TO COUGH
SWEATY ALL OVER AND HAVE SMOOTH SEX
PULLED PARTNER'S BODY TIGHT AGAINST SELF
UNEXPLAINABLE CRYING
Flying. Shock.
Crying. Hiccups.
Elec ...
Electrifying ?
Si Hoo, it's Joon Seok I miss you.
KIM JOON SEOK
You wanna die ?
Call a driver if you're drunk !
Silly.
Driving is an excuse.
I missed you so much
Si Hoo ?
We had it good.
I'm a doctor.
You're a chef.
We had happy dreams.
How did I end up marrying Joo Yeon ?
For my own hospital ?
Shit
I gotta go.
Si Hoo.
I'll pay you back soon.
30 grand is a lot for you.
Pay me back soon.
And ...
Don't call me from now on.
Si Hoo.
This marriage won't last long.
Actually ...
My mom was really sick.
So I rushed the wedding before she passed away.
I regret it now.
Please Si Hoo ...
Just once ...
Could you suck me ?
Are you crazy ? !
You're insane !
Go ask your wife to do it !
Crazy bastard !
Three Dots ?
Came to see Joo Yeon
Hey, Yoo Jeong Hoon !
Condom man !
Let's go eat.
You look different today.
Maybe it's your hair.
I spent a lot on my hairdo that day.
It looks much better now.
Think taking pills will bring him back ?
Just hurting yourself.
Why'd you sleep with me ?
It was a one-night stand.
You know.
Let's be cool about it.
Why is being cool so important to you ?
Since you were cool breaking up with Joo Yeon ...
I lost Joon Seok.
Look.
Your mission in life is not
revenge, but to live happily.
I can be happier without you !
Thats true revenge.
People only live once.
Live life to the fullest.
Don't get crazy thoughts.
You're crying ?
I'm sorry.
I must've lost my mind.
It tastes different !
What ?
It's different from before.
No way.
I had dinner after class.
Is it the pork soup ?
Unbelievable.
This ...
Makes no sense.
Did you like it too ?
Not bad.
Well ...
you like the most ?
What
When you ...
Wentin slowly at the top ...
Then went in hard to the side and ...
What are you doing ?
Sorry.
So when I touched your ...
Cli ...
Cli ...
Clitoris ?
Right.
The cli ...
It's hard to say It out loud to a girl.
Let's call it Christmas then.
Christmas ?
Christmas !
Good idea. Like it ?
Isnt It cute ?
Right. Christmas.
All done.
Okay.
You left out the egg ?
Yup.
I do that too.
Can I ask you something ?
Sure. What ?
Ive been curious.
Why did you cry then ?
You want the truth ?
Yes, of course.
I was really surprised.
By what ?
It usually hurts a lot doing
it, but it felt good that night
I was surprised.
It did ?
So it wasn't good with Joon Seok ?
Joon Seok was my first.
I thought it'd get better with time.
And I didn't think that was important.
It's important !
Anyway ...
I've never talked about this with men before.
Its embarrassing.
What now ?
If the bus doesn't come, we'll call a cab.
No.
I mean, us.
Us ...
Should we fill it ?
What ?
Just sex, that's all.
Get all 10 stamps, then split.
How about it ?
Great
Good.
We can do that.
Nice.
It's cold. See ya.
Bye.
See you tomorrow.
Its time for hot coffee !
Coffee !
Americano !
Here you are.
Wait.
Just 1 stamp, please.
What ?
Just 1 stamp.
Sure.
Brain freeze !
I'm done !
Let's go !
No complimentary condoms !
Okay ! Wait !
Eat it all !
No way !
Hello, chief.
Here Thanks.
Proceed as planned Yes, chief.
Great ! One more shot !
Wait, please.
The flowers don't suit the table.
Any other flowers ?
It looks messy.
Yes, chief.
Messy !
Match the colors.
Throw these out.
Work on that instead.
Don't be messy, got it ?
Yes.
Jeong Si Hoo ?
Come with me. Okay.
All this fuss over food, huh ?
For good pictures, I guess.
Still, it's a job.
Though it may not suit you.
How about making real food for people ?
Catering for Joon Seok's hospital opening.
It pays $5,000 for 15 people.
It shouldnt be hard.
Why me ?
You know lots of chefs.
Well ...
I loved the side dishes you made.
And ...
Your dream is to be a chef.
Make your best dishes.
I'll give you honest feedback.
It'll help you get started.
Jeong Si Hoo ?
Look at me.
You avoid me for life ?
You hate me to death ?
No.
Smiling brightly and working
at a place you hate ...
That's a professional.
Honestly, Im not sorry at all.
I just need you as a chef.
I'm over her.
She's gone forever.
Good !
Now meet other gals.
You're drinking fine at a bar
you always came with Joo Yeon.
You're so over her !
That's cool !
I'm over her !
Of course !
Strip off all memory of her !
Her scent, her habits, her breasts ...
Oops.
What ?
Forget it all Even her moaning.
She was so cool.
She never asked you to get married.
She just wanted a baby.
Who knew it'd be Joon Seok's baby ?
Shut up.
See ?
Erase this picture first !
Hey !
Cant ?
Just erase it !
Be cool and forget the cool gal.
Be a real man !
Forget her !
Erase them all !
SALMON SUSHI
Salmon Sushi ?
Hey.
Is it that girl ?
Answer it.
It's 2 AM now.
Don't you get It ?
An ex-girlfriend will call for no reason.
But this is a booty call !
She's not calling to go fishing for salmon !
Forget it.
Thats just wrong.
Im not dating her.
What ?
No strings attached ?
Just doing it ?
She says that's okay ?
The strange thing is ...
Animal instincts come out
with her and it's great.
My confidence goes up and ...
Sex partners ?
Bastard !
How'd you do that ?
I'm so proud !
That's not it !
Listen.
Don't be scared. Go to her.
And do it !
Sex is all in the mouth.
Watch.
Loosen your tongue before oral sex.
Like this.
You sick bastard.
Sick.
I'm trying to teach you, man.
I gotta go.
Why ?
My mom's here.
What ?
Is something wrong ?
She's waiting outside.
You dragged me here
She brought food.
I'll give you some.
Go to that girl !
Tongue first, got it ?
Hey !
Come back !
Crazy fool.
It's my turn this time.
Something happened ?
Yes.
But I don't know if it's good or bad.
No idea.
You needed this coupon to decide ?
You want coffee or not ?
Youre heavy !
You're almost there !
You cant do It ?
You can't either.
I'll do it
I must do it !
Why are you obsessed ?
Dont push yourself.
This is the last step.
If I can do It for 1 minute,
it'll clear up my head.
Says who ?
You believe that ?
Youll go with me to Joon Seok's party, right ?
Come on.
No way !
Why would I go there ?
Why you !
It's done ?
The salmon is cooked well.
A forest ?
What's next ?
Stairway.
In a movie theater.
Forest, elevator, movie theater stairway.
They're dull. Really ?
How about you ?
You've got one.
So where is it ?
So when you came with Jun
seok, you wanted to do it here ?
Up
But you couldn't tell him that
Nope.
Now youre here with me. Yup.
Asshole.
Did you just curse ?
Nope
Damn.
Are you being jealous of him ?
No, I'm not !
You cursed, didn't you ?
Yes, I did.
I said, Kim Joon Seok !
You bastard !
That feels good.
You try.
No way.
I had a proper upbringing.
Don't use sign language in front of me.
What if you're cursing me ?
Just learn it off the Internet.
Fine.
Why can't you curse at that bastard ?
He was still there for me when Dad passed away.
He led the funeral.
Mom and I were amazed.
He's still a bastard.
He married your best friend.
You heard days before the wedding.
And at nights he forced you to
That son of a bitch !
Swearing is a form of healing.
Try it !
Kim Jun seok, you bastard
good !
You sick son of a bitch who still comes asking
That's why I'm learning yoga, you asshole !
I'll twist off your dick and kill you
That's why you do yoga ?
Yeah.
Go with me.
Fine !
Hell, I'll go !
We're going You're dead !
You bastard !
We re coming
You'll regret it !
Hell, yeah
Take one each.
What's this ?
Here, Seung Chul. What's this ?
Look.
Before you sleep, roll it like this ...
and put it on your wiener.
If it's not ripped off by
morning, come and see me.
Jeong Hoon ?
Have some wine.
Don't be embarrassed.
Are you uncomfortable ?
For men over 30,
Just enjoy.
Seeing a urologist is a must !
Hey, Jeong Hoon.
You have to come.
I'll give you a big discount.
Son of a bitch.
Let's drink.
Congratulations, pal.
It's not over, why pay me now ?
Its not for that.
Sorry It's late.
It's what Joon Seok borrowed.
30 grand.
Why would you pay ?
Men are babies or dogs.
I dont know how we ended up getting married.
But he's still my husband.
A baby is better, right ?
You're looking good.
I'm in a good mood today.
It's delicious.
Bastard.
You're an embarrassment, pal.
Do you even know what you're eating ?
It's good.
It's a great cheesy side dish for wine.
Helps you stay sober.
Rot in Hell !
Rotini ? !
Watch it, pal.
First time trying it ?
No.
I eat it often.
Or was it everyday ?
What the hell ?
How can you eat this expensive dish everyday ?
The frozen kind ?
Loaded with preservatives ?
Shit.
You Devil's Dung !
It's the name of this herb.
Try it.
It enhances the taste.
It does.
It tastes good.
Si Hoo.
My dear, Si Hoo.
You were too busy cooking to eat, right ?
So I'll give you something Try it.
Here.
If you don't want it ...
Don't eat it.
I'm going to eat it !
Is It good ?
Yes !
It's so good !
It is !
The best in the world !
Because I made it.
Thats why it tastes even better.
Stop staring !
It's so good.
What if ...
They think we're dating ?
We're not. Who cares ?
Right. We're not.
Joon Seok probably has no clue.
About what ?
Us sleeping together.
Not dating.
Out just sleeping together.
Hungry ? Yeah.
Wanna get something ?
Yes.
What do you want ?
Coffee. Coffee ?
Coffee. Coffee ?
Coffee !
Careful !
Its hot.
What ?
Nothing.
10 stamps fill up last.
I guess.
You were pretty. What ?
When you passed out ...
You asked if you looked pretty.,
Right.
You were.
Unbelievably beautiful.
So don't think about dying again.
Okay.
Here.
You take it.
It's a souvenir.
Thanks for everything.
So cool !
Wait.
Si Hoo ?
Who's that ?
I'm not expecting anyone.
Si Hoo ?
Open up.
It's me Joon Seok
I saw your lights on. Open up !
I miss you so much
Si Hoo ...
I'll go. No.
Stay here.
Si Hoo. You bastard !
Are you insane ?
Why were you in there ?
Shit. I knew it.
Did you move in with her ?
Youre married. Why come here ?
You son of a bitch !
What's it to you, bastard !
Si Hoo !
Get lost !
Hey !
Think I stole Joo Yeon from you ?
Don't kid yourself.
You knew your place and ran !
What did you say ?
Why would Joo Yeon marry you ?
Think shed marry a temporary gym teacher ?
Si Hoo too.
Rather than date you ...
She'd be better off being my mistress.
Move, you bastard !
Si Hoo !
What the hell !
What's happening ?
Stay inside or else !
Bastard !
Did you know ?
What ?
Asshole !
Si Hoo drove for me just like when we were dating.
So what !
Think she only drove ?
Take a drag, asshole.
I quit, bastard.
Son of a bitch.
You broke a good girl's heart
with no sense of responsibility.
Loser.
Can you be responsible ?
Try not to run away, bastard.
Maybe, that's better ?
Son of a bitch.
Don't come back here.
Don't torment her.
I'm asking you.
This is the only thing that's mine here ?
Please don't misunderstand.
I don't.
It doesn't matter now.
I'm going.
Take care.
Easy ...
Now here's your final mission.
What is it ?
Finding my G-spot.
Your G-spot ?
The spot that's different for every woman.
I'll do my best
Get the pantyhose !
What ?
My pantyhose.
Look in my purse.
Go !
Mr. Ha ?
I need you !
I'm not sure if this is ethically right.
What are you doing ?
I put on the pantyhose.
Why is that on your head ?
I wear it and you rip it ?
I knew that.
Damn. Stupid.
Shouldve known.
What are you doing ?
Jeong Hoon !
My place is flooded.
Why are you here ?
This is my house, fool !
Hello, Ms. Kim.
Bonne soiree.
They'll renew your contract. Why quit ?
Forget it, man.
Wait !
You've got it all wrong.
Its not because of that
The world is full of misunderstandings.
That's the basis of philosophy !
It's not a misunderstanding
I wanted to quit long before.
Jeong Hoon !
Damn.
Sorry, man. You okay ?
Want help ?
Shit !
Brother !
What the hell ?
I've decided !
You'll be my older brother !
Your birthday is even earlier !
And you slept with Ms. Kim first !
So I've accepted you as my older brother !
You bastard !
I'm not like you !
I didn't sleep with her !
We didn't do it !
I thought you did !
Congrats on making full-time.
I'm sorry, man.
No need Don't be.
You passed the exam and got it fairly.
How embarrassing.
Taking my shit out on you.
It's okay. I'm sorry too.
What are you going to do now ?
Something will turn up.
Hey, Deok Rae.
Do you really like Ms. Kim ?
I never thought she'd be my first.
When I actually did it, it was awesome.
She's amazing.
She does everything I saw in porn.
It's unbelievable !
I never thought I'd be doing it 10 times a day.
I wonder if this is love.
Deok Rae ?
Hmm ?
She was your first ?
Yup
You crazy jerk !
Sorry.
Don't laugh.
I said, don't laugh !
I'm sorry.
THREE DOTS
BUSY ? HOW ARE YOU ?
TAKE CARE
3 DAYS AGO, UNREAD, 2 DAYS
AGO, UNREAD 1 DAY AGO, UNREAD
HI, Mom.
Sweetie !
You were in my dream last night.
What dream ?
I was sitting on the porch ...
when you and your husband
came bearing lots of gifts.
I was so happy I could die !
When will you go on blind dates ?
I wont.
You'll grow old in no time.
There is a time for everything.
Grab the chance when you can.
You hear me ?
It got disconnected ?
THREE DOTS' BIRTHDAY
Finished !
I'm done
Who else would congratulate
your birthday, but me ?
No candles on a cake.
Its embarrassing.
I'm not your girlfriend.
Isn't Salmon Sushi coming ?
Its over between us.
Got dumped again ?
How can I date anyone ?
I knew my place and left.
Why you ...
Fine. Good !
Know why you and Joo Yeon broke up ?
Fuck !
Why bring her up now !
Can't you be nicer to me ?
Don't yell.
It's your birthday.
I'll tell you a story.
Come on, man.
Listen.
There's this first rate man.
Who will he end up marrying ?
Another first rate woman ?
No way.
A second rate woman.
That's the case with Joon Seok and Joo Yeon.
And they even got pregnant together.
They're getting older and
such, so they got together.
That's life, man.
Then a second rate man meets a third rate woman ?
That's right !
So what's left at the end of the chain ?
The lowest rated man ...
and the first rate woman.
That's the perfect match.
Like me.
I'm a jobless loser with loans galore.
I'm the slipper.
As low as they get !
Not again.
What does Salmon Sushi do ?
She's an assistant food stylist. How old ?
Twenty-seven.
An assistant at that age ?
She's hopeless.
Some women are managers at that age.
Forget her !
I'll ask my top rate baby to
find you a first rate gal.
Hey, what's this ?
Planning on going on a picnic for your birthday ?
What's wrong ?
Si Hoo. Si Hoo ?
The sex partner ?
I'm his bosom buddy.
Did you bake the cake yourself ?
It looks delicious.
I'll be going.
See ya.
Don't get mad.
Thats just guy talk.
I wanted to make things work between us.
For what ?
It's not like we were dating.
So you're running away again ?
Yeah.
Because I quit my job and have no money or ego !
So I got dumped again.
There.
Happy now ?
No.
I'm not happy at all.
What's your job got to do with me ?
Dont mix work with love.
Love ?
Do you love me ?
Werent we just sex partners ?
Too bad.
I'm no doctor like Joon Seok.
I'm just a gym teacher !
Nope, I'm not even that.
I'm just a jobless nobody.
I know that, stupid !
Did I ask you to marry me ?
Lets date !
Shit ! Can't we even date ?
Fuck !
I'm worth shit !
I have nothing !
My life's a tunnel !
A jammed up tunnel with no way out !
So how can I love anyone ?
Being alone suits me.
Let's just drop it. Stop.
Aren't you sorry to yourself ?
You told me to live life !
You told me to be happy !
Fuck !
I hate being me !
I can't stand it !
Fuck !
Fine.
If you hate yourself ...
I do too.
I'm a loser for coming here.
Mr. Yoo must be heartbroken.
I've never seen him drunk.
He says he isn't.
Says it's too big and deep to understand.
Don't mind him.
No matter whom you date later ...
You must pass on the
techniques you learned from me.
But ...
After breaking up with me,
you must date a younger woman.
Why ?
So she can learn from you.
And when she's my age, she can teach younger men.
Isn't that great ?
Tre bien !
You'll really break up with me ?
Marriage is not for me.
A coffin is made for one.
But Ms. Kim ?
How about a coffin for 2 ?
Or get cremated and buried under the same tree ?
Be together forever.
Can you handle a gal like me ?
Of course I can.
I love you.
Truly.
Mom ?
The kimchi soup you made when I got sick ...
Yes ?
How do you make it ?
I can't remember.
Why all of a sudden ?
You didn't even eat it much.
It won't taste the same if
I don't make it for you.
Are you hurt ?
Yes.
Where ?
Does it hurt a lot ?
It hurts.
Pull yourself together.
Don't you have a man to buy you some medicine ?
Living differently is nothing much Look at me.
Happiness is just living a
normal life like everyone else.
Okay.
We can't have everything we want.
Cater to others and give up
a little like everyone else.
No ! No ! No !
I can't believe it !
Espresso must be ...
At once.
It's okay.
You didn't know.
Come here !
Waiter !
One more, please.
You don't trade stocks ?
It's too difficult.
Stocks aren't that hard
Buy when they're low and sell when theyre hot.
What kind of car do you like ?
Coupes ? Sedans ? Convertibles ?
Sports cars ?
I did my MBA at Harvard.
I'm a frontrunner to lead the
future of Korea's economy.
I have many offers from ...
Two 3-star ratings out of 5.
Five 4-stars and you got 3 call backs.
Why quit now ?
Don't think too hard.
Why not meet a well-rated
man and live comfortably ?
Do you think ratings feed you ?
Yes.
They do.
Don't you know by now ?
I'm no doctor like Joon Seok.
Because I have no money or
ego So I got dumped again.
Love ?
Do you love me ?
Weren't we just sex partners ?
You son of a bitch !
How can you do that to me !
You bastard !
Screw you, shithead !
You ...
Stupid ...
Bastard.
Lets see.
Your liver is okay.
But I think you have depression.
And a lot of stress.
I'll give you an IV for your hangover.
Next time, go to a psychiatrist,
not here to the ER.
Doctor ?
I can see a psychiatrist ...
But we've talked before.
It's because of her.
At first, I was curious.
Her collarbone got me.
She was a little strange then.
Kept asking to go to my place.
We had drinks together.
Then ...
We did it.
We slept together that night.
It was unbelievable.
So we decided to be sex partners.
Console each other to get over our ex lovers.
When we ended things ...
I felt incredibly empty inside.
And the coupon is all filled up !
Doctor ?
Can sexual attraction be love ?
Sexual attraction ?
Did we have sex because we're in love ?
Or did we fall in love because of sex ?
Why is it so complicated ?
Who cares if the chicken or the egg came first ?
Just eat the chicken and the egg.
If your body moved your heart ...
Let your heart move your body and go.
There are two types of people in the world.
Those who know the taste of
raw skate and those who don't
Those who don't know don't know love either.
But my baby eats it well.
She knows how to love !
She's so lovely.
Great.
MA JOO YEON
How's the baby ?
Its fine.
Drunk driving was his hobby.
I warned him so many times.
He was really something.
He just left behind a cell phone
Filled with women's numbers.
I hate him.
I'm sad
I feel sorry for him.
Why !
What's wrong ?
Daddy !
I want to play !
Joo Yeon is in labor.
What ? Really ?
Anyway did she come ?
Who ?
Jeong Si Hoo.
Honey ?
How's this place ?
I'm hanging up.
What's he talking about ?
Si Hoo.
I ate the whole cake.
What ?
I ate the cake that night.
And ...
I could die.
Wait !
I mean ...
Hold on.
Stay right there.
What are you doing ?
Seriously, I could die.
Like Joon Seok,
no one knows when he or she will die.
Thats life.
So I'm ...
I'm seizing today.
The last step.
There !
I did it !
Everything's cleared up now !
Stop.
Your face will explode.
Okay.
I wasn't being honest.
I just acted cool.
Why're you doing this now ?
Because I can't run away.
I'm a loser who always ran away.
But I cant run away from you.
I like everything about you.
I can't forget you.
There is no way ...
I can run from you.
We may have started off in a weird way ...
And so I'm a bit late.
But I ...
I love you.
5 seconds left !
Focus till the end !
Pass the ball !
Pass it !
Way to go, Jeong Hoon !
With 7 billion people on earth there
must be 7 billion ways to love.
Like love at first sight it
was love at first sex for us.
Finished ?
Yes.
Here I come.
Merry Christmas.
No.
Merry Clitoris-mas.
Merry Clitoris-mas.
At first you wonder if its right if
there's an answer, it's not love.
We could break up tomorrow.
But we could also die before tomorrow comes.
Seize today.
Not yesterday or tomorrow but today.
ONE-NIGHT SALMON MEAL
Good !
Delicious, right ?
If you're not happy now,
it'll be the same anywhere else.
Being with you now I'm happy.
The one by my side now ...
I love you.