Love in the Afternoon (1957) Movie Script
This is the city. Paris, France.
It is just like any other big city,
London, New York, Tokyo...
...except for two little things.
In Paris, people eat better...
...and in Paris people make love,
well, perhaps not better...
...but certainly more often.
They do it any time, any place.
On the Left Bank...
...on the Right Bank...
...and in between.
They do it by day...
...and they do it by night.
The butcher...
...the baker...
...and the friendly undertaker.
They do it in motion.
They do it sitting absolutely still.
Poodles do it.
Tourists do it.
Generals do it.
Once in a while,
even existentialists do it.
There is young love...
...and old love.
Married love...
...and illicit love.
That is where I come in.
My name is Claude Chavasse.
I am what you would call
"a private eye."
It was Monday, June 11, 6:15 a.m.
I had been working
the nightwatch on the Place Vendme...
...outside the Ritz Hotel.
In order to protect the innocent,
I will call this the case of Madame X.
Of course, she was not
entirely innocent.
While Monsieur X was attending
a business conference in London...
...she was conferring nightly
in Suite 14 of the Ritz.
8:45 a.m.
I arrived at No.17, rue Mallebranche.
This is where I live, and this
is also where I have my office.
It is a very quiet neighborhood.
My clients prefer it this way.
- Bonjour, Madame.
- Bonjour, Monsieur Chavasse.
It is a neat,
normal life we have here.
There's just myself,
my daughter, and her cello.
- Papa?
- Good morning, Ariane.
Good morning, Papa.
Did you have a hard night?
So-so.
Interesting case?
So-so.
- Tell me about it.
- Never mind.
Why not?
Never mind!
Papa, I'm worried about you.
You've been working every night.
It's my busiest season.
You need a rest.
In my profession,
it's like being a doctor.
I have to be on call
night and day.
A good doctor can never rest,
not until the patient is out of bed.
I'd never thought of it that way.
You shouldn't think of it at all.
How are things at the conservatory?
- So-so. We're rehearsing.
- Rehearsing what?
A symphony. Haydn's 88th.
I always tell you what I'm doing but
you never tell me what you're doing.
That's because I love you.
I want to protect you from these sordid
matters I have to deal with.
- Now go back to your cello.
- Yes, Papa.
Wouldn't you like some breakfast?
Later. I have some work to do
in the darkroom.
I'm expecting a client.
When Mama was alive, I'm sure
you discussed your work with her.
Your mama was a married woman.
I'm so glad.
- Papa, your coffee's getting cold.
- Just a few minutes.
- You can play detective later.
- All right.
- Who's this man?
- Ariane, please!
He's very attractive.
He's very objectionable,
and quite immoral.
- He is?
- And utterly no good.
- What did he do?
- That's enough.
I don't think I've ever seen
his face in the files.
Ariane! Have you been into my files?
No, Papa.
I mean, yes, Papa.
Just a few of them, when I was dusting.
Ariane, you've been told a thousand
times to stay away from those files.
I've been trying, Papa,
but they're so fascinating.
At the conservatory, all the girls envy
me because I have my private library.
Library? This is not a library.
This is a sewer.
How can you say that?
Some of these cases are so romantic.
- I've read them time and time again.
- What cases?
Well, I guess my favorite
one is in file "D."
The Duchess of Devontry
and her Alpine guide.
It's so sad, and so beautiful.
Your father almost had a heart attack
following them up the Matterhorn.
How she must have loved him,
to give up everything.
The duke, the castle,
the horses and the hounds.
And for what?
Two weeks of shameless passion.
Two glorious weeks!
It was a terrible scandal,
and it had to lead to a terrible end.
But it was worth it.
What woman could ask for more
than to die together with her lover?
Buried under an avalanche,
locked in each other's arms forever.
Nonsense. They'll thaw out this summer,
and that will be it.
Papa, how can you be so cruel?
Don't you have any sympathy?
I do. My sympathy is with the duke.
And the horses and the hounds.
How about the case of the Benedictine
monk who quit his order...
...for the love of a young widow?
She only married him because she wanted
the secret formula for the liqueur.
- Papa, you're a cynic.
- I guess I am.
- You enjoy your work.
- I guess I do.
- You'd enjoy it even if you weren't
paid. - I wouldn't go that far.
You enjoyed exposing Madame La Roche.
Madame La Roche?
You've read that, too?
And those passionate letters
she wrote that bullfighter...
...after he was gored
by her husband.
I'm going to put double locks
on everything around here.
Papa.
Ariane, you are not to come into
this office without my permission...
...and you are not to dust in here!
And you are not to answer the door.
This is my client.
Go back to your room and practice.
Bonjour, Monsieur.
Bonjour, Monsieur Chavasse.
I came straight from the airport.
- My wife thinks I'm still in London.
- Very clever. In here, please.
What did you find out?
It will be a few more minutes.
The evidence is not quite dry.
- How was the weather in London?
- Miserable.
It was beautiful here.
The nights have been so warm.
- How was business in London?
- Terrible.
That's a shame.
Things have been very lively in Paris.
Can't we stop this dreadful noise?
I'm a very nervous man.
Of course, Monsieur.
- Ariane, please, not now.
- Yes, Papa.
Before I show you these photographs...
...I wish to point out that they were
taken under very difficult conditions.
The light was bad,
the distance considerable...
...and the angle was quite impossible.
Please, Monsieur.
Is the news good or bad?
That depends. Is this your wife?
- Here.
- Thank you.
It looks like her.
- Then, I regret to inform you, it
looks bad. - There is another man?
There is.
And I regret to say that he looks good.
- He does.
- And here we have the two together.
Please, Monsieur,
you must not excite yourself.
- I'm trying.
- Would you like some brandy?
No, thanks. It gives me heartburn.
How about some aspirin?
No, thanks. It gives me a headache.
What did you say his name was?
His name is Frank Flannagan.
American. Very rich.
Oil, construction business,
turbo-jet engines, Pepsi- Cola...
"The Pause that Refreshes"?
No, that's the other one:
"Pepsi- Cola Hits the Spot!"
But we must not jump to conclusions.
It's this terrible uncertainty
that's driving me mad.
He comes to Paris every year.
And I always know when he comes...
...because my business
improves noticeably.
I should have taken my wife
with me to London.
He does very well in London, too.
Also in Rome, Vienna, Madrid.
Here are the Scandinavian countries.
There was an episode in Stockholm...
...involving twin sisters.
But why should I bore
you with statistics?
How long has this been going on?
Well, I imagine ever
since he was 16.
No! I mean with my wife.
A week or so.
They are having supper every night
in his suite at the Ritz.
The Ritz? Everybody knows
us at the Ritz.
I wouldn't worry.
She's very discreet.
She always uses the service elevator,
and she always wears a veil.
That's good.
She usually arrives at his suite,
No. 14, at 9:00.
You will be relieved to know
that they are not alone.
They're not?
There is always
a four- piece gypsy orchestra.
They open the program
with something called Hot Paprika.
Then, a little Liszt,
a little Lehr, a czardas or two...
...and at five minutes before 10:00
they always play Fascination.
Fascination?
No, no. That's not the way it goes.
- Quite pretty, isn't it?
- Yes. What comes after that?
That's it. They play Fascination,
and they leave.
- And my wife?
- She stays.
We must not jump to conclusions.
Here is the window of
Suite 14 at 11:00.
12:00.
1:00.
2:00.
3:00. 4:00...
- What are you doing?
- I'm jumping to conclusions!
Please, Monsieur. Put that away.
You must not shoot your wife.
You will only bungle the job.
Your hand will tremble, at best you
will wound her in the leg or shoulder.
You will take her to the hospital...
...she will meet a very
attractive doctor...
I will not shoot my wife.
I love my wife.
- You must not shoot yourself.
- Myself?. I haven't done anything.
Quite true.
What is the number
of the suite, 14?
- Exactly.
- And the gypsies leave at 10:00?
Exactly.
Then at 10:00,
I shall walk into Suite 14 and shoot.
- The American?
- Exactly.
Goodbye, Monsieur Chavasse.
You do realize
that this is cold- blooded murder?
I do.
And that you may have
to spend years in jail?
I may.
Is there nothing I can say to dissuade
you from this foolhardy scheme?
Nothing whatsoever.
In that case, Monsieur,
you leave me no choice.
- I must insist on being paid
right now. - How much?
Sixty- thousand francs.
It should really be more,
because with Mr. Flannagan removed...
...there will be a sharp drop
in my business.
Thank you, Monsieur.
You may take the photographs if
you wish. There is no extra charge.
You send them to my lawyer.
And my bags,
you send them also to my lawyer.
No extra charge.
Au revoir, Monsieur. Bonne chance.
- Papa?
- Yes, Ariane?
Papa...
What is it?
- Papa, may I practice again?
- Of course, darling.
- Perhaps I'd better take the tray out
first. - Thank you. Go ahead, darling.
Your client seemed so nervous.
What was he moaning about?
It's his wife. She... Never mind.
Aren't you going
to the conservatory today?
In the afternoon, Papa.
Michel is picking me up.
He must be quite tall.
At least 6-foot-3.
Who? Michel?
No. Mr. Flannagan.
Give me that.
He's certainly the most
handsome man in your files.
He's certainly the most
utterly no good.
He's got such an American face,
like a cowboy or Abraham Lincoln.
You know what happened to Lincoln?
And right in the middle
of a performance!
What time is it now?
9:15.
Why do you keep asking?
- Do you have a telephone coin?
- What's wrong, Ariane?
If you're in some sort of trouble,
you can tell me.
Thanks, Michel.
Operator?
I want to speak to the Hotel Ritz.
Please hurry, this is an emergency.
Hello, Ritz?
I want to speak to Mr. Flannagan.
Mr. Frank Flannagan.
Sorry, but he left express orders
not to be disturbed.
- But, l--
- Sorry, Madame, absolutely not.
Monsieur Flannagan
has retired for the night.
You'd better put this call through...
...or Mr. Flannagan will
retire permanently.
Hello? Hello!
Hello?
What time is it now?
9:20. I must say,
you're acting very strange tonight.
How would you act
if you knew somebody was being shot?
I don't know. I would call
the police. Who is being shot?
Do you have another coin?
Ariane, I have a right to know
what's going on.
Not just because I tell you the time,
or pay for your telephone calls...
...but because you know
how I feel about you.
Police?
I want the Commissaire de Police.
Ariane, who's being shot?
Where? By whom?
What's it got to do with you?
Commissaire de Police?
I wish to report a crime.
You wish to report a crime?
Yes, Madame, what is the crime?
There's a man and a woman
in the Hotel Ritz, Suite 14.
"Man and woman, Suite 14,
Hotel Ritz." What is the crime?
You don't understand.
The woman is married.
I understand. "Hotel Ritz, Suite 14,
man and woman, woman is married."
What is the crime?
She has a husband,
and he has a gun, a great big gun!
Now we are getting somewhere.
He has no permit?
No. That's not the point!
At 10:00 he's going to break
into the room and shoot!
Please, Madame, do not excite
yourself. It is not 10:00 yet.
Now, at 10:00, if he does break
into the room, and he does shoot...
...and he does not miss,
then you call us again.
That'll be too late!
You've got to stop him.
You must send somebody
up there immediately.
Madame, there are 7,000 hotels
in Paris, 220,000 hotel rooms...
...and on a night like this,
I'd say in about...
...40,000 of those rooms,
a similar situation...
Now really, Madame,
if we were to assign a policeman...
...to every one of these situations...
No, Madame,
it just staggers the imagination.
It would take more
than the entire Paris police force.
It would take the fire department,
the sanitation department...
...and possibly the Boy Scouts.
Certainly, we don't want young boys
in short pants...
...involved in situations like this.
Ariane! This has gone far enough.
I'm going to drive you home.
- Michel.
- I'm sorry. I have no more coins.
- No, I want you to take me home.
- That's better.
But on the way, could
we stop at the Ritz?
The Ritz!
Come back, Loulou!
Why are you barking?
There's nobody there. Bad dog!
Fascination!
Now what's come over you tonight?
All that barking. Bad dog!
Mr. Flannagan?
Mr. Flannagan?
Pardon me for interrupting,
this is urgent...
...because you're going to be shot!
Shot?
Keep on playing!
Who are you?
How did you get in here, anyway?
- Through the balcony.
- The balcony?
I had to, because her husband
is outside the door...
...with a gun.
A great big gun.
Sorry, Mr. Flannagan,
but that will be all for tonight.
- Kindly disconnect yourself from
my wife. - I beg your pardon?
- Over there, where the light is better.
- Do we know each other?
Only by proxy.
I am the foolish husband.
- Whose foolish husband?
- Her foolish husband!
My foolish husband?
Josephine?
Well, is this lady your wife?
- Is your name Frank Flannagan?
- Yes.
- Is this Suite 14?
- Yes.
Then she must be my wife.
- Are you?
- I don't think so.
This is all very confusing.
- May I use your phone?
- Go right ahead. Help yourself.
Hello, give me the concierge.
Concierge, is there another
Frank Flannagan in this hotel?
Well, is there another Suite 14?
This is the Ritz, isn't it?
I'm terribly sorry.
But you must understand...
...I'm terribly nervous.
Here, have some of this.
It's so preposterous, apparently
I am the victim of misinformation...
- ...a case of mistaken identity.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
Perfume!
I can smell my wife's perfume!
Go right ahead, help yourself.
While you're looking, if you
happen to find my left slipper...
- Is this it?
- Thank you.
I'm terribly sorry
to cause you all this trouble.
No, I'm glad you came. I've been
trying to find this for a week.
You have no idea
what I've been through today.
I was so upset. I went to a Turkish
bath and had three massages.
- You look good.
- Thank you.
Loulou...
...first thing tomorrow morning
you're going to the analyst, bad dog!
When I saw you coming down the corridor,
I could have sworn you were my wife.
You mustn't jump to conclusions.
Actually, you don't look like her
at all. My wife is much more...
Not that she's heavy mind you,
she's very beautiful.
Matter of fact, she's one of the
most beautiful women in the world.
I'm sure she is.
- I do wish you could meet her.
- Maybe some other time.
Yes, of course, I understand.
- Good night, Madame.
- Good night.
- Good night, Monsieur.
- Good night.
Perhaps I'd better put this back on.
How about that guy?
Told his wife he was in London!
It's getting so you can't trust
a husband anymore.
If it hadn't been for you,
I'd have got...
- I was glad to do it.
- He didn't even bother to knock.
A madman running around the Ritz
with a loaded gun.
- Did you ever hear of such a thing?
- It's nothing unusual.
There are 7,000 hotels in Paris,
220,000 hotel rooms...
...and do you know that
in approximately 40,000 of them...
...especially on a night like this...
- What are you talking about?
- These are official figures.
- Good night, Mr. Flannagan.
- Good night.
It was nice meeting you.
You can't go like this.
I don't know your name. Who are you?
That's unimportant.
Well, you seem to know who I am.
You're Frank Flannagan.
American. Oil, construction business...
...turbo-jet engines,
Pepsi- Cola, and "You Hit the Spot."
How did you find out about tonight?
About the husband coming here?
You are 6- foot- 3, aren't you?
But you don't look a bit
like Abraham Lincoln.
- Who said I did?
- Goodbye.
But tell me,
how did you know about tonight?
A friend of a friend of a friend.
A friend of a friend of a friend?
Of whose?
Tell me. What made you come up
here? Why did you warn me?
Why?
It's simple really.
I'm against violence.
In my opinion, there's too much shooting
in the world and not enough love.
How's that again?
I mean, if people loved each other
more, they'd shoot each other less.
Are you a religious
fanatic or something?
Who is it?
It's me again. The husband.
Come in.
I'm sorry to make a nuisance
of myself, but I forgot something.
I bought it in London,
but I guess they'll take it back.
- I still have the sales slip.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
You can't go now. It wouldn't
look right. He may be watching.
- I think he's still suspicious.
- But it's getting late.
Late? This is Paris. La vie en rose.
Relax ez- vous.
Maybe I can get the gypsies back.
Oh, no. No gypsies,
and no Fascination.
I find it very helpful.
Helpful? How?
A little background music.
It's amazing what a couple
of fiddles can do for you.
Especially if you're
not much of a talker.
I'm not much of a talker.
When you're traveling around Madrid,
Rome, the Scandinavian countries...
...do you take your gypsies along?
Of course not. Except once.
I sent my plane down for them,
and had them join me in Stockholm.
- It was an emergency.
- The episode with the twin sisters?
- You know quite a bit about me,
don't you? - Quite a bit.
Aren't you a little too
young for that?
I was about to ask you
a similar question.
Aren't you a little too old for that?
That hurts. First you save a man's
life, and then you stab him.
- Is that kind? - I didn't mean
it, really. I take it back.
If you take back what you said,
that I'm too young.
I take it back.
Actually, I don't much care
for young men, never did.
I find them conceited,
and clumsy and very unimaginative.
I quite agree.
- Is this Pepsi- Cola?
- This? Champagne. It's domestic.
I know, with fish you
have white wine...
- ...with gypsies, champagne. Right?
- Right.
We'll have lots of champagne and gypsies
when you come for dinner tomorrow.
- When I come to dinner?
- Of course.
- That's out of the question.
- You're the strangest girl I ever met.
- You won't tell me your name...
- I really must go.
Wait. Can't I take you home?
- No, thank you.
- Why not?
- It's too dangerous.
- Are you married?
No.
- But you live with someone.
- Yes.
- A man?
- Yes.
Is he jealous?
Let me put it this way,
if he knew I was here tonight...
- But he doesn't.
- I hope not.
There's no reason why
he should find out about tomorrow.
You don't know him.
Look, tomorrow is my last day in Paris.
I'm leaving for the United States.
Have a nice trip.
You wouldn't want me
to spend my last night in Paris alone?
Well, the gentleman with the gun
offered to introduce you to his wife.
You're much more attractive
than she is.
Or you could fly in the twins
from Stockholm.
You're much more attractive
than both of them put together.
- Did you say you weren't
much of a talker? - 8:00?
Impossible.
- 9:00?
- No. That's much too late.
5:00? 4:00?
In the afternoon?
When do you work?
Whenever I'm not busy.
Will you try?
I was told you were
utterly no good.
Then we'll both try.
You try to be here at 4:00...
...and I'll try to be good.
Good night, Mr. Flannagan.
Good night...
...thin girl.
Will you please stop humming
that idiotic tune?
It lacks any musical merit
whatsoever.
You haven't said one word to me,
you haven't answered one question!
- And how did you get that
stupid hat? - What hat?
Ariane, are you all right?
It's me, Michel.
Your friend!
Good night, friend.
I can't wait to get
home and tell my wife.
We'll be laughing about
this for weeks.
I just don't understand it, Monsieur.
I've been in this business many years.
My reports have always
been 100% correct.
You came very close.
You had the right hotel...
...the right suite,
the right man, the right gypsies...
- ...but you had the wrong woman.
- Are you absolutely sure?
Different voice, different figure,
different everything.
Under the circumstances, Monsieur,
I owe you an apology and a refund.
Since I was only 80%correct...
...I feel I should return
20% of your money.
No, keep it. As far as I'm concerned,
you're the best detective in Paris.
Good night, Monsieur.
Just remember one thing:
You must not jump to conclusions.
Pardon, Mademoiselle.
Good morning, my darling.
Good morning, Papa.
Your breakfast is on the table.
Haydn's 98th?
- 88th.
- 88th?
Just don't seem
to get anything right lately.
Goodbye, Ariane.
You leaving, Papa?
Mr. Haydn seems to have run out of
ideas when he got to Symphony No. 88.
Yes. Working on a new case?
A client from Brussels. His wife ran
away to Paris with the chauffeur.
I have to find them.
The husband wants his car back.
Well, it seems only fair.
- Rehearsal this evening?
- Yes, Papa.
- Will Michel bring you home?
- I suppose so.
- He's a nice boy, Michel.
- You keep saying that.
He comes from a very
respectable family.
Father and two uncles
work for the government...
...mother plays the harp,
grandfather was a missionary...
...in French Equatorial Africa,
and there hasn't been a scandal...
...in the family since 1822.
Papa! You investigated Michel?
Yes, I have.
I think I owe it to my only daughter.
You're spoiling me.
If I were an Indian potentate...
...I'd shower you with diamonds.
If I were a cobbler,
I'd sole your shoes, but...
...since I'm only a detective, all I
can offer you is a detailed dossier.
Papa, I love you very much.
I love you more.
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
After careful examination
of your past record...
...I have decided you are not the kind
of man I would care to see again...
...not even in the afternoon.
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
I hope this letter
reaches you in time...
...to cancel the gypsies.
I'm not exactly the kind of girl
you would be interested in.
As a matter of fact, I'm exactly the kind
of girl you would not be interested in.
"Dear Mr...
"...Flannagan:
"I made a very serious...
"...mistake last night.
"I should have...
"...let you...
"...be shot."
Item 7: Telegram to the Mayor of
Venice. Preliminary estimate...
...on the cost of overhauling
your canals is $87,000,000.
If you want my advice,
drain the water out of the canals...
...and pave them over, or those
plumbing bills will kill you.
Come in!
Item 8: Attention all Pepsi- Cola
bottling plants in Great Britain.
Suggested slogan,
"Pop in for a Pepsi"...
...okay by me.
Hello there.
- Hello.
- Be right with you.
Item 9: Arriving New York tomorrow.
Reserve usual suite, St. Regis Hotel.
Send flowers to the following
and alert to stand by:
"Miss Billings, Miss Devoto,
Miss Chandler, Mrs. Flagstad."
Disregard if Mr. Flagstad is in
town. "Miss O'Neil, Miss Chanel."
More later.
Nice to see you again.
- I came early.
- Good.
I came early because I wanted to
tell you that I'm not coming later.
Let me get this straight.
You came to tell me
that you're not coming?
I only came up here to
bring back the hat.
- Well, get yourself a drink.
- No, thank you. I can't stay.
Why not?
I told you it would be difficult.
I have another date.
- I see. Come in here, will you,
please? - No, thank you.
I said please. I need your help.
What sort of help?
Sit on this, will you? If you don't
sit on it, I can't lock it.
- Then you are leaving tonight?
- 11:00 plane.
You don't stay in one place
for very long, do you?
Not if I can help it. Climb up.
Who sits on your suitcase
in all those other places?
It's a problem, all right.
- You're just the right weight.
- Am I?
In Japan last year,
they ruined a brand- new suitcase.
The whole lid crushed in.
What do you expect?
Six geisha girls on one suitcase.
- How's that? - Goodbye,
Mr. Flannagan. Happy landing.
How about one little drink?
An aperitif?
I told you, I have a date.
The man you live with?
No, this is another man.
A younger man, the man I play with.
Wait a minute...
You mean there's one man you
live with and another man you...
Trs intressant,
as they say on the Left Bank.
Not really.
I'm not criticizing,
as a matter of fact, I'm all for it.
You would be. A man with your record.
- What about my record?
- I've been reading up on it.
- Where?
- I have my own private library.
What kind of a library is that?
All sorts of reference works,
like the World Almanac.
You read about me in
the World Almanac?
Naturally. It's very complete.
It's loaded with facts and figures.
Like the 10 tallest mountains,
and the population of Portugal...
...the average annual rainfall
in New Zealand--
What did it say about me?
You're way above average,
it doesn't just rain, it pours.
You know, you baffle me.
- I baffle you?
- Yeah, I can't figure you at all.
Of course,
if you give me a little more time.
- Shall we sit down? - Really,
I was just returning the hat.
- Yeah, I know. - Maybe I should
have left it at the desk.
No, that would've been too risky
with the way people talk.
Well, I could have put it in a paper bag,
a big brown paper bag.
I'm glad you didn't.
Somebody might have opened it.
I could have written
"Personal" on it.
That they would have opened for sure!
Then maybe I did the smart thing.
I think you did.
In a way, I'm rather glad
you're leaving tonight.
You are?
- It makes everything simpler.
- That's the way it should be.
No involvements,
no complications, no danger.
None at all.
The trouble is, people get too attached
to each other, things drag on...
...scenes, tears.
Everything gets so maudlin.
I think people should always behave
as though they were between planes.
Very sound, Mr. Flannagan.
It's basic.
He who loves and runs away,
lives to love another day.
- I must remember that.
- Works out great.
Works for you.
No, all around. Everybody's
happy, nobody gets hurt.
How about Francesca del Corso?
Francesca del who?
Del Corso...
...the one in Venice
who tried to commit...
I'm glad you brought her up. That's
exactly the type to stay away from.
Silly, sentimental, serious.
It turned out I was the first man
she'd ever been in love with.
I suppose most girls are sentimental
about their first love.
I suppose so.
Like their first pair of
high-heeled shoes.
Tell me...
...do you remember
the first man in your life?
Let me see...
It's all a little blurry...
I'm...
Must have had too much
of this domestic champagne.
Monsieur Flannagan?
Pardon, Monsieur, but it is 10:00...
...your car is here
to take you to the airport.
You can send up for the luggage,
and tell my chauffeur I'll be right down.
What does the "A" stand for?
Anna?
- No.
- Annabella?
- No.
- Agnes?
- No.
- Alexandra?
No.
Antonia?
No!
Amanda?
No.
Adolph?
Adolph?
I'm sorry, I've run out of "A's."
I give you my word of honor,
Mr. Flannagan...
...it's definitely not Adolph!
Come on, what does it stand for?
Anonymous!
Why won't you tell me your name?
What difference does it make?
Just two people who
met between planes.
Come in.
Bagages, Monsieur.
The bags are in there,
and there are more in the corridor.
Let's see, have you forgotten anything?
I don't think so.
The hat. How about the hat?
- You want it?
- No, thanks.
Then we'll leave it. I have no use for it.
You never can tell.
Why not take it on the plane
and give it to the stewardess?
I don't know the stewardess.
You will.
Wait a minute. What's that?
It was in the corridor, Monsieur,
with your trunk.
- Well, it's not mine.
- Pardon, Monsieur.
Merci, Monsieur Flannagan. Bon voyage.
Merci, Monsieur Flannagan. Bon voyage.
Agatha?
Angela?
Whatever your name is, you're very sweet.
I wish we had more than this one evening.
You don't really.
Why drag it out?
Scenes, tears, everything gets so maudlin.
This way it was just perfect.
You know, I come to Paris every year.
Maybe we'll see each other again.
Maybe, if somebody tries
to shoot you again.
I just wish Cartier's were open.
I'd buy you something very lavish.
I don't want anything from you.
Yes, I do, too.
May I?
Pardon, Monsieur, it is 10:15.
- Well.
- Goodbye, Mr. Flannagan.
Goodbye, thin girl.
Wait!
That's mine.
- Yours, Madame?
- Mine.
Ariane?
Ariane! Is my lunch ready?
How about lunch?
No, thank you, Papa.
Ariane, is this yours?
- Yes, Papa.
- What is it doing in the icebox?
Papa, let's make a pact.
I'll stay out of your files...
...and you stay out of my icebox.
Two Stewardesses in
Wild Mid-air Battle
Verdi, Rossini, Puccini...
...that's music for an organ grinder
with a monkey.
But Wagner, that's another
matter entirely.
You conducted beautifully, Michel.
Wait until the last act,
when they play the Liebestraum.
I'd better have that sewn together.
- lf you will pardon me, Ariane.
- Sure.
Pardon, excusez- moi.
Hello, Mr. Flannagan.
Hello.
How are you?
You don't remember me, do you?
Of course I do.
Let's see, where was it?
The Riviera? Biarritz?
Portofino?
Wait, wait! Adolph, the thin girl!
That's more like it.
Look...
...I'm very sorry. I've had
such a crazy year, always on the go.
How are the gypsies?
Fine. They met me at the airport,
big reunion, they cried like babies.
That's only natural. After all,
you've been through a lot together.
What have you been up to?
I've had a pretty crazy year myself.
You look good.
Maybe you've lost a little weight.
I shouldn't be surprised.
It's been one party after another...
...never any sleep,
all sorts of fascinating men.
Imagine running into you at the opera.
Yes. Two people meeting
between the acts.
I was afraid this evening
was going to be a total loss.
Don't you like Tristan and Isolde?
Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm here by mistake.
It's my lousy French.
I thought I had tickets for Folies Brgeres.
This has much more musical merit.
Maybe, but did you get
a load of that chorus?
There's not a dame up there
that weighs less than 250 pounds.
We've simply got to see each other again.
How about tomorrow night?
You can't make it at night.
How about tomorrow afternoon?
- Mr. Flannagan...
- Same hotel, same suite.
- I have too many dates.
- 4:00, don't disappoint me.
Ariane.
I got it fixed...
...but don't you think they sewed it
a little too tight?
Ariane?
What's the matter with you?
Ariane?
Ariane?
Greetings, Papa.
Greetings.
You look just beautiful tonight.
Have a nice time with Michel?
It wasn't a total loss.
What was the opera?
Tristan and Isolde.
Tristan and Isolde? Very sad case.
Now, if instead of doing all that singing...
...they'd have hired a good detective...
Good night, Papa.
Do you mind if I hang this in your closet?
Of course not. What is it?
An ermine coat. Client of mine,
very big businessman...
...export- import, gave it to his secretary.
Then one night he caught her
taking outside dictation.
- Of course, he repossessed it.
- Of course.
He wants me to keep it here for a while.
He had the sleeves shortened.
He'll give it to his wife...
...on their 10th wedding anniversary.
I think that's very sweet.
What's that you're whistling?
Tristan and Isolde.
Are you sure?
I heard it in the opera tonight.
Funny, I have a feeling
I've heard it somewhere before...
...and I don't think it was at the opera.
Well, those composers,
I guess they all steal from each other.
- Good night, darling.
- Good night, Papa.
If you are one of the gypsies,
they are in Suite 14.
Good afternoon, Mr. Flannagan.
Hi.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
I see nothing has changed.
Once you've got a winning combination,
why mess around with it?
- Can I take your coat?
- No thanks, I'd rather keep it on.
Isn't it rather warm
for this time of the year?
I catch a lot of colds.
Especially in the summer.
Well, we must watch out for the drafts.
"C'est si bon"
This is Siberian ermine, you know.
Quite expensive.
- Where'd it come from?
- Siberia.
I mean, who gave it to you?
A friend. Very generous.
Very rich. Export- import.
Export- import?
What does he export
and what does he import?
He exports perfume,
and he imports bananas.
There's a fortune in it.
Do you realize that for one bottle
of perfume you get 12 bananas?
Twelve bananas for one bottle of...
Doesn't sound like such a hot deal to me.
But it's a tiny bottle of perfume,
and very large bananas.
I had a sable coat before that.
- He is generous.
- That was from another man.
Another man?
An Englishman.
As a matter of fact, he was a duke.
You don't say?
Oh, yes, castles and horses and hounds.
We spent last Christmas in Switzerland.
It was all fine until he threatened
to throw himself off the Matterhorn.
The duke?
Oh, no. This was somebody else.
- Somebody else? Who?
- Aren't you getting a little personal?
Notice I'm not asking you any questions.
You're absolutely right.
Let's forget all about it.
Of course, if you must know,
it was an Alpine guide.
Very strong, very blond,
with Edelweiss behind his ears...
...and he had the most attractive knees.
- Knees?
- They wear those short leather pants...
...so naturally one thing led to another.
Naturally.
He fell madly in love with me.
He wanted to kill himself
when he heard we were leaving.
We? That's you and the duke?
No, that's me and the banker,
from Brussels.
You did have a busy year, didn't you?
After all, Mr. Flannagan, you don't think
I was sitting around waiting for you?
No, nothing like that.
It's kind of hard to believe,
a girl your age, and all those men...
If you prefer to think
that you're the only man in my life.
I didn't say that!
Or that I've spent all this time
crying over you and carrying on...
...and swallowing things
like that girl in Venice.
If I thought that,
I'd get out of here like a scared jackrabbit.
Don't be scared, Mr. Flannagan.
I'm not that type at all.
I know the rules. Love and run.
Everybody happy, nobody gets hurt...
...works out great all around.
You put that very nicely.
How long are you going
to be in Paris this time, Mr. Flannagan?
Two or three weeks. Who knows?
Why?
I just wanted to know
how to arrange my own schedule.
Of course.
All that traffic.
Take off that silly Siberian coat.
You won't catch a cold.
I'm very susceptible, you know.
Please.
- Ariane!
- Yes, Papa?
Since you've always taken
such great interest in my business...
...let's see how good a detective you are.
Yes, Papa.
For instance, let's consider
"The Case of the Elusive Ermine."
"The Elusive Ermine"?
The fur coat. The one I'm keeping here,
for my client.
Oh, that one.
Do you remember where we put it?
Where did we put it? In the closet?
This closet?
- Yes, Papa.
- All right. Let's see.
Well! What do we have here?
What?
What does it look like?
- A cello, Papa.
- Of course! Now let's be logical.
If the cello is where the fur coat was...
...where do you suppose the fur coat is?
- Where?
- Think.
Where the cello was?
In here?
Let us see.
You're very good! Bravo!
Thank you, Papa.
Now let us probe a little further.
Who, in your opinion, did it,
and what was the motive?
Papa, don't you think this is enough
for one lesson?
All right, Ariane, why did you take it?
- I didn't take it. I borrowed it.
- Why?
Why, why? Always "Why?"
Why do I have to be
a detective's daughter?
Why do I have to be questioned,
cross- examined, investigated?
The motive, please.
I took it to the conservatory
to show it to the girls in class.
Because they'd never seen
an ermine coat before.
That's all there is to it, Papa.
That's the motive.
You caused me
a great deal of embarrassment.
My client came by to pick it up,
almost walked out with the cello.
I'm sorry, Papa.
I only had it on for a few minutes.
His wife will never know.
He's not giving it to his wife,
after all.
That's mean. Why not?
It seems she came back
from a vacation in Spain...
...wearing one of those bracelets
around her leg.
What do you call it?
- An anklet?
- That's right, an anklet.
It's driving him crazy, out of his mind.
It is?
She says she got it from her sister,
but that's ridiculous.
From a sister you get an umbrella,
or an eggbeater, but not an anklet.
There is something very provocative
about an anklet.
That so?
So now he's going to have
the sleeves lengthened again...
...and give it back to his secretary.
- You know, I've been thinking.
- What about?
That Alpine guide.
Who?
The one with the leather pants
and the flower behind the ear.
Oh, him!
Those other guys, export- import,
and the duke, they don't mean a thing.
But that character with the bare knees,
he bothers me.
He should.
He had the cutest dimples, right here.
His name was Sebastian.
I know how those jokers operate.
They get you on top of some glacier...
...point out the sunset,
and suddenly, like an avalanche...
Not at all, Mr. Flannagan.
He was a perfect gentleman.
- He used to kiss my hand.
- The old mountain- climbing technique.
Working your way from crag to crag.
Would you pass me the salt, please?
- Put that chicken leg away.
- I'm hungry.
Put it away!
Yes, Mr. Flannagan.
- Any particular place?
- Put it away!
All right, Mr. Flannagan.
- What's that?
- What's what?
That.
- That's an anklet.
- New?
No, it's platinum.
I never noticed it before.
I only wear it
when I don't have stockings on.
- Where did you get it?
- In Spain.
From whom?
An anklet isn't exactly something
you get from a sister.
A man?
I'll say. He was a bullfighter.
A bullfighter?
His name was Sebastian.
What's this with you
and those Sebastians?
I mean, his name was Michel,
but it happened in San Sebastin.
It happened in San Sebastin.
Any dimples on his knees?
No, just scars.
He was very brave
and he had the narrowest hips.
You should have seen him in the ring,
he had more grace, more style...
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
- Did I say anything wrong?
It's just that I don't
like anklets on women.
- You don't?
- I think they're very vulgar.
Well, why didn't you say so?
It doesn't mean that much to me.
Not any more.
Cheer up, Mr. Flannagan.
What's the matter?
Relax ez- vous.
How many others were there?
Others?
Men. How many other men were there?
You mean before I met you,
or since I met you, or altogether?
You know what I mean.
Well, it's not easy,
you sort of catch me unprepared.
How many?
Maybe I could give you
an approximate figure.
That wouldn't satisfy somebody
with a business mind like yours.
Come on, quit stalling!
If it's any comfort to you,
Mr. Flannagan...
...you are the first
American in my life.
Well, that's something.
Of course, there was a Canadian.
A Canadian?
Very cute.
Cute? With dimples on his knees?
- No dimples. Definitely not.
- Scars, maybe?
No. Just a silver plate
in his right knee.
He'd been in a bad spill.
He was a professional ice-hockey
player, very high scorer.
You talk too much.
Ariane, I must talk to you!
Give me an "A."
Ariane, no matter how much
he loves you, I love you more.
I'm sure of it. As a matter of fact,
he doesn't love me at all.
- He doesn't?
- No.
No. At least, not yet.
What do you mean, not yet?
He doesn't believe in it.
He's above it.
He considers himself invulnerable.
But I think I've hit the spot.
What spot?
He can be jealous,
and that's a very good sign.
What are you talking about?
They're very odd people.
When they're young,
they've their teeth straightened...
...their tonsils taken out and
gallons of vitamins pumped into them.
Something happens to their insides.
They become immunized, mechanized,
air- conditioned and hydromatic.
I'm not even sure
whether he has a heart.
What is he...
...a creature from outer space?
No, he's an American.
Where is my other shoe?
This is ridiculous.
Couldn't have just walked
away by itself.
Relax.
It'll show up sooner or later.
It's 5:45. I'm late.
Come on, don't just lie there,
help me.
Glad to.
You sure you had them both on
when you came?
Quite sure.
It's funny how things
keep disappearing around here.
Like that slipper.
I couldn't find it for a whole week.
I can't show up in just one shoe.
Why not? You have a
very handsome foot.
It's too big.
It's perfect. As a matter of fact,
everything about you is perfect.
I'm too thin, and my ears stick out,
and my teeth are crooked...
...and my neck's much too long.
Maybe so, but I love the
way it all hangs together.
I must find my shoe.
It's that Parisian thing you've got,
that certain quelque chose...
...as they say on the Left Bank,
that piquant soupon of aperitif.
Mr. Flannagan, you're wanted upstairs.
How many men have told you that?
Come on, how many?
The telephone, Mr. Flannagan.
Don't move.
Hello? Yes?
Who? Ingrid?
Oh, it's you, Dagmar.
Are you both on the phone?
Where are you calling from, Stockholm?
You're in Paris. Well, look, I'm...
I can't talk very well, it's kind of awkward.
No, it's nothing like that.
It's just that the bathtub's running over.
I'll turn it off!
Wait! Look, suppose I call you back?
How long are you going to be in Paris?
Just overnight?
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
In reply to your inquiry...
...as to the number of men in my life,
here is an itemized list...
...to the best of my recollection.
Item 1: A redheaded algebra teacher.
Item 2: A very sweet boy who is now...
...a missionary in French Equatorial Africa.
Item 3: A riding instructor...
...formerly a Cossack.
Look, I'll have the chauffeur pick you up,
say around 8:30.
Skol.
Item 17: A Yugoslav sculptor.
Item 18: An Italian vice consul.
Item 19: A Dutch alcoholic.
More later.
A couple of old friends got into town,
from Stockholm.
I do a lot of business up there.
I'm not surprised. You seem
to have bottling plants all over the world.
Yes. Well, where were we?
- Under the desk, looking for my shoe.
- Look, forget about the shoe.
I've got something on for tonight,
but I could cancel it.
Could you?
I've only a couple more weeks left in Paris.
Why don't we spend them together?
Shut ourselves off completely.
Rip out the phone, barricade the doors...
...we won't set foot out of the hotel,
have all our meals sent in.
No, no waiters. We'll lay
in a supply of canned goods.
- Cases of champagne.
- Mountains of caviar.
- Ice, lots of ice. - Let's have
the gypsies here all the time.
- They can sleep out on the balcony.
- It sounds delightful.
What do you say?
Goodbye, Mr. Flannagan.
Why are you always in such a hurry?
Where do you always go from here?
See you tomorrow at 4:00.
What do you do with your evenings?
Why can't I ever see you in the evening?
- I'm sorry, Mr. Flannagan,
they're all taken. - By whom?
Let's be fair, Mr. Flannagan.
You're just passing through.
I have to take care
of my year- round friends.
What friends? What is your name?
Who are you, anyway?
You know who I am, Mr. Flannagan.
I'm the girl in the afternoon...
...the aperitif,
as we say on the Left Bank.
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
In reply to your inquiry...
...as to the number of men in my life,
here is an itemized list...
...to the best of my recollection.
Item 1: A redheaded algebra teacher.
Item 2: A very sweet boy who is now...
...a missionary in
French Equatorial Africa.
Item 3: A riding instructor...
...formerly a Cossack.
Items 4 to 9 inclusive...
...cover a bicycle tour I took
with a group of exchange students...
...through the Pyrenees.
Item 10: The duke.
Item 11: The Alpine guide.
Item 12: A banker from Brussels.
Item 13: The chauffeur
of the banker from Brussels.
Item 14: Export- import.
Item 15: The bullfighter.
Correction, please.
Between items 14 and 15...
...insert Canadian ice-hockey player.
Item 17: A Yugoslav sculptor.
Item 18: An Italian vice consul.
Item 19: A Dutch alcoholic.
More later.
Item 1: A redheaded algebra teacher.
Item 2: A very sweet boy who is now...
...a missionary in
French Equatorial Africa.
Item 3: A riding instructor,
formerly a Cossack.
Items 4 to 9 inclusive...
Loulou!
What is the matter?
Bad dog! What did you do?
Item 3: A riding instructor,
formerly a Cossack.
A riding instructor...
...formerly a Cossack.
Items 4 to 9 inclusive,
cover a bicycle tour I took...
...with a group of exchange students
through the Pyrenees.
...a group of exchange students
through the Pyrenees.
...a group of exchange students
through the Pyrenees.
Item 12: A banker from Brussels.
Item 13: The chauffeur
of the banker from Brussels.
The chauffeur of the
banker from Brussels.
The chauffeur of the
banker from Brussels.
Item 15: The bullfighter.
Correction, please.
Between items 14 and 15
insert Canadian ice- hockey player.
More later.
More later.
Taxi!
Turkish bath!
Monsieur Flannagan.
So nice to see you again.
- Hello.
- How have you been?
- None of your business.
- You don't remember me?
I'm the husband,
the foolish husband with the gun!
You might be interested to know that
my wife has forgiven me completely.
I'm not interested.
It's just wonderful.
Like a second honeymoon.
- Good for you.
- You come here often?
- Never.
- When a man sweats in the morning...
...it's either because he's had
a very good night, or a very bad night.
Personally, I've had a very good night.
What's the trouble, Monsieur?
Stock market go down?
Income taxes up?
Baseball?
- Mickey Mantle's in a slump?
- Shut up!
L'amour.
The tender passion, the sweet poison!
Get lost, will you?
Could it be that charming young
lady I met in your apartment?
No, it couldn't be.
She looked so innocent.
Of course, sometimes they fool you.
A girl may look as pure
as freshly fallen snow...
...then suddenly you discover
the footprints of 100 men.
What do you mean, 100 men?
You see, Monsieur, it's the
uncertainty that drives you mad.
I know very well, I was uncertain...
...I was mad, it was terrible.
Now look at me, I'm completely cured.
You're bothering me.
No bother at all, Monsieur.
You need help.
I know just the man who can help you.
Wait, let me get the address.
He's the very best man in Paris,
Monsieur.
A little expensive perhaps, but
he is very thorough, very discreet.
Look, this is a personal problem.
He will solve it for you,
Monsieur, one way or the other.
Either the young lady is innocent,
in which case everything is fine...
...or she is guilty,
in which case I will sell you my gun...
...at a very reasonable price.
Believe me, Monsieur,
I am putting you in very good hands.
Wait for me.
Do you realize
that in the last three weeks...
...you have washed your hair
exactly 17 times?
I find that very suspicious.
You do, Papa?
Especially if you add to it
the flower in the icebox...
...the fur coat in the cello case,
and most important of all...
...the clue of the upside-down
stomach.
Upside- down stomach?
Lately, when I wake you up
in the morning...
...I've observed you have been
sleeping on your stomach.
My tabulations show
that 86%of the women...
...who sleep on their stomachs
are secretly in love.
That's very interesting.
What interests me is,
who could the man be?
The man? Well, it's easy...
- ...Michel.
- I doubt it.
If you look at the palm of your right
hand, you will notice a tiny blister...
...which proves that you've been
carrying the cello case yourself.
It couldn't possibly be Michel.
Who is the man?
There's somebody at the door, Papa.
I'm not asking you as a detective,
I'm asking as a father.
I wish one of you would
open the door.
All right, all right.
You Chavasse, the detective?
Yes.
Sorry to barge in like this,
but you were highly recommended.
This is a great honor.
Come right in, Mr. Flannagan.
You know me?
Do I know you?
Does an art student know Picasso?
This way, please.
Mr. Chavasse, I've got a problem.
I want somebody investigated.
You've come to the right place.
There's this young lady,
almost a girl, I'd say.
She's driving me crazy.
Driving you crazy? That's very funny.
- What's so funny? - Usually
it is you in the driver's seat.
- Please, I've had a rough night.
- Would you like an aspirin?
No, thanks. I want this girl followed,
discreetly. Are you good at it?
Because I don't want her to know.
Monsieur, did you ever know
that you were being followed?
Me? Followed?
- Then I'm very good at it! About my fee...
- Don't worry about the money.
I'm not worried, Monsieur. I mean,
as one businessman to another...
...with the franc the way it is,
up and down...
...I would prefer to be
paid in dollars.
Dollars, traveler's checks, I don't
care. Get me the lowdown on her.
Leave it to me.
Tell me everything you know about her.
I know nothing,
except that her name isn't Adolph.
Not Adolph. Well, that narrows
it down considerably.
Where did you meet her?
In my suite at the Ritz.
- You invited her?
- No.
You mean she just walked
through the door?
No, through the balcony.
Isn't that rather peculiar?
Not for her.
She's a very peculiar girl.
- What does she look like?
- Well, she's sort of...
Say no more, Monsieur.
I know your type.
Very voluptuous,
always 3 or 4 pounds overweight.
No, not this one. She's on the
lean side, a mere wisp of a girl.
- Not my type at all.
- She must have something.
Definitely. She's got an uncanny
talent for getting under my skin.
I don't know where she comes from,
or where she goes.
- I suspect, but I'm not sure.
- You suspect what?
It seems there are other men,
quite a few of them.
As a matter of fact,
quite a lot of them.
Then again, she may be pulling
my leg, then again, she may not.
- How about that aspirin?
- Of course. There's no extra charge.
- Headache, Papa?
- No, I feel fine. It's the client.
Hit- and- run lover.
Got run over himself!
To look at her
you'd think she was a student.
- How many?
- Nineteen.
Nineteen aspirins?
Two aspirins. Nineteen men!
- Cut it out. I've heard enough
of that! - I'm sorry.
From a redheaded algebra teacher
to a Dutch alcoholic.
And in between, there was a riding
instructor and an Alpine guide.
Alpine guide? Just a minute.
I had a case like this.
She met him on the Matterhorn.
Dimples behind his ears
and Edelweiss on his knees.
Or the other way around.
Alpine guide, here we are.
She's an English duchess, age 45.
No! She's no 45.
She's no duchess,
but she was mixed up with a duke.
After that there was
an export-import guy.
Export- import? Wait, wait.
That sounds familiar.
Exports perfume and imports bananas.
Wrong. This one deals
in mustard exclusively.
There was a Canadian ice-hockey
player and a banker from Brussels.
Brussels? Banker?
You know, I have a feeling
I've run across this girl before.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Then there was a bullfighter.
Bullfighter?
He got gored.
You know, this is maddening.
I couldn't get to
first base with her.
It's like a hurricane swept through
my papers and jumbled everything up!
Like somebody broke into my files.
She's coming to see me this afternoon.
She'll leave around 6:00.
Suppose you follow her. So long.
Tell me, Mr. Flannagan,
when you said her name isn't Adolph...
All I know, is it begins with an "A."
"A"?
It's not Anna, or Agnes,
or Agatha...
That tune...
It's not from an opera, is it?
It's an old Viennese schmaltz
called Fascination.
- My gypsies play it all the time.
- Of course.
The name starts with an "A"?
It must be an odd name.
Everything about her is odd.
One day she wore one of those
things around her leg.
- An anklet?
- That's right.
Another time, in a fur coat,
in the middle of summer.
Ermine?
How did you guess it?
Some guy gave it to her, but she'd
never take anything from me.
- Nothing?
- Nothing at all.
Not even a flower?
Yeah, I did give her a flower once.
A white carnation.
Say, you are good.
Not really, Monsieur. Sometimes,
in my profession, you get lucky.
- Goodbye, Monsieur.
- Goodbye, Mr. Chavasse.
One more question, Monsieur.
Are you interested
in this young lady?
Sure I'm interested.
Why do you think I came up here?
What I meant was,
are you in love with her?
Love? I said I was interested.
I have many interests.
Sorry, Monsieur. Just asking.
Okay, don't forget, 6:00.
I may have the solution much earlier.
- Client with the headache gone?
- The client is gone, but not the headache.
Looks like somebody's been carrying
on with half the alphabet.
Sometimes I think I made
a mistake letting you grow up...
...in these surroundings.
I should have sent you away to
boarding school after your mama died.
What's the matter?
Just because I wash my hair so often?
I had no right to expose you to all
this dirt I bring into the house.
Fly-by-night affairs and counterfeit
love and disillusionment and heartbreak.
I would have been heartbroken
if you had sent me away.
I guess I've been a very poor father.
That's a very poor guess.
You've been a wonderful father.
Well, I'll try to do better
from now on.
I love you very much, Papa.
And I love you more.
Now you go to your room.
I want to wind up this case.
Come in.
Good afternoon, Mr. Flannagan.
Good afternoon. Any news?
How are we doing?
We're doing fine, Monsieur.
I have the complete report.
You do? Well, let's have it.
- Is that her file?
- No, that's yours.
- This is hers. - Just one
page, you call that complete?
It's right up to the minute,
Monsieur. Completely complete.
- Her name is Ariane.
- Ariane?
I'd have never guessed that
in a million years.
She's a student at the
music conservatory.
Student?
Plays the cello.
The cello? I knew a dame
that played the sax ophone.
Yes, you did. Atlantic City, 1947.
But to get back to this case,
the young lady lives on the Left Bank.
- Alone?
- No, Monsieur.
- With a man?
- Yes, Monsieur.
Her father.
Her father? Are you sure?
- Positive. As for the other men
in her life... - How many?
Just one, Monsieur...
...you.
Me?
That's right. I know everything about
her from the day she was born.
She's never even been in love before.
Oh, come now.
You see, Monsieur, she's not
what you'd call a "dame."
Why, the little liar,
playing games with me.
Made me so mad I was almost ready
to pack up and leave Paris.
Maybe that would have been
a good idea, Monsieur.
Canadian ice- hockey player...
...AIpine guide, dimples.
What an imagination.
Yes, she is very imaginative,
Monsieur.
- Why do you suppose she did it?
- Why?
I suppose she was trying to put
herself in the same class with you...
...but that, of course,
is impossible.
I think I'll skip the Riviera this summer
and stick around here a little longer.
She's too much fun.
You've had your fun, Monsieur.
You'd better leave before it's too late.
Too late for what?
Your record shows that whenever
a girl gets serious, you run.
Well, she's very serious,
so you'd better start running.
It's a little different this time.
How little? Instead of the usual
two weeks, it will last four weeks...
- ...or six weeks? - I don't see
that it's any of your business.
Come in!
She will be here pretty soon,
Monsieur. You have to decide.
I hired you to give me information,
not advice!
How much do I owe you?
Will $100 do it?
- How about $200?
- There will be no charge.
- Why not?
- Because she's my daughter.
Give her a chance, Monsieur.
She's so helpless.
Such a little fish.
Throw her back in the water.
Mr. Flannagan?
Hello there.
You'd think I would've learned how to
pack by now, with all the traveling I do.
Are you traveling again?
Yes, sir! I'm off to the Riviera.
I looked out the window this morning,
saw rain and made up my mind...
...just like that.
Just like that?
Actually, it started last night.
You know those Swedish twins?
We had a big party.
They're going to Cannes
and they want me to come.
Get a little sun,
you know how it is.
Yes, I know how it is.
I guess I'm just in time
to help with your suitcase.
I guess you are.
Yes?
Did you try Air France?
No planes are taking off at all?
In Paris, this kind of weather
sometimes lasts for weeks.
What about the train?
5:00?
All right, get me on it,
and send up for my luggage.
How long will you be gone?
Who knows, with those
two crazy Swedes!
And after the Riviera,
I thought I'd go on to Athens.
You know, Greek women have
the whitest skin in the world.
That so?
I could say I was going on business,
that I'd be back in a few weeks...
...but I don't have to
pretend with you.
You're a sensible girl.
- I try.
- Sure.
I heard your record,
got a big kick out of it.
- I thought you'd hate me.
- Hate you?
Why, you don't know what a relief it is
to find a girl who thinks the way I do.
You French girls have the right idea,
it's bonjour and adieu...
...and in between a little amour.
No big production,
no hysterics, no mascara running.
We never cry, Mr. Flannagan.
That's why I love this place.
Except once, once I did cry.
That's when No.14 left me.
Export- import.
Yes. He slammed the car door,
and caught my thumb.
That really hurt.
I'll be very careful.
- Can I come along to the station?
- In this rain?
Because if I come home too early, the
man I live with, he'll be suspicious.
You know how it is.
Yes, I know how it is.
It's going to seem a little strange
and Ionely after you've gone...
...at least for the first
few afternoons.
You'll be all right.
We did have a good time,
didn't we?
The best.
Will you be coming back
to Paris next year?
I guess so,
if I'm in the neighborhood.
Then maybe I'd better check
at the Ritz once in a while...
...if I'm in the neighborhood.
Well...
...take care of yourself,
thin girl.
I will, Mr. Flannagan.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
It's nothing, really.
It's the soot.
Always happens to me
in railroad stations.
I'm susceptible.
En voiture!
May I?
En voiture, s'il vous plat!
Well, I guess I'd...
Goodbye, thin girl.
Goodbye, Mr. Flannagan.
You promised!
You don't have to worry about me.
There have been so many men before,
there'll be so many after this.
It's going to be another one
of those crazy years.
While you're in Cannes,
I'll be in Brussels with the banker.
He wants to give me a Mercedes Benz,
a blue one, it's my favorite color.
And while you're in Athens, I'll
be with the duke again, in Scotland.
But I don't know whether I'll go yet.
Another man asked me to spend
the summer with him in Deauville.
He owns racehorses. He's very rich.
He's No.
20, I mean 21, you're No. 20.
So you see, Mr. Flannagan,
I'll be perfectly all right.
I'II...
I'll be all right.
Mr. Flannagan,
what are you doing?
Be quiet, Ariane, be quiet.
Monday, August 24 of this year...
...the case of Frank Flannagan
and Ariane Chavasse...
...came up before the
Superior Judge in Cannes.
They are now married. Serving
a life sentence in New York.
State of New York, USA.
It is just like any other big city,
London, New York, Tokyo...
...except for two little things.
In Paris, people eat better...
...and in Paris people make love,
well, perhaps not better...
...but certainly more often.
They do it any time, any place.
On the Left Bank...
...on the Right Bank...
...and in between.
They do it by day...
...and they do it by night.
The butcher...
...the baker...
...and the friendly undertaker.
They do it in motion.
They do it sitting absolutely still.
Poodles do it.
Tourists do it.
Generals do it.
Once in a while,
even existentialists do it.
There is young love...
...and old love.
Married love...
...and illicit love.
That is where I come in.
My name is Claude Chavasse.
I am what you would call
"a private eye."
It was Monday, June 11, 6:15 a.m.
I had been working
the nightwatch on the Place Vendme...
...outside the Ritz Hotel.
In order to protect the innocent,
I will call this the case of Madame X.
Of course, she was not
entirely innocent.
While Monsieur X was attending
a business conference in London...
...she was conferring nightly
in Suite 14 of the Ritz.
8:45 a.m.
I arrived at No.17, rue Mallebranche.
This is where I live, and this
is also where I have my office.
It is a very quiet neighborhood.
My clients prefer it this way.
- Bonjour, Madame.
- Bonjour, Monsieur Chavasse.
It is a neat,
normal life we have here.
There's just myself,
my daughter, and her cello.
- Papa?
- Good morning, Ariane.
Good morning, Papa.
Did you have a hard night?
So-so.
Interesting case?
So-so.
- Tell me about it.
- Never mind.
Why not?
Never mind!
Papa, I'm worried about you.
You've been working every night.
It's my busiest season.
You need a rest.
In my profession,
it's like being a doctor.
I have to be on call
night and day.
A good doctor can never rest,
not until the patient is out of bed.
I'd never thought of it that way.
You shouldn't think of it at all.
How are things at the conservatory?
- So-so. We're rehearsing.
- Rehearsing what?
A symphony. Haydn's 88th.
I always tell you what I'm doing but
you never tell me what you're doing.
That's because I love you.
I want to protect you from these sordid
matters I have to deal with.
- Now go back to your cello.
- Yes, Papa.
Wouldn't you like some breakfast?
Later. I have some work to do
in the darkroom.
I'm expecting a client.
When Mama was alive, I'm sure
you discussed your work with her.
Your mama was a married woman.
I'm so glad.
- Papa, your coffee's getting cold.
- Just a few minutes.
- You can play detective later.
- All right.
- Who's this man?
- Ariane, please!
He's very attractive.
He's very objectionable,
and quite immoral.
- He is?
- And utterly no good.
- What did he do?
- That's enough.
I don't think I've ever seen
his face in the files.
Ariane! Have you been into my files?
No, Papa.
I mean, yes, Papa.
Just a few of them, when I was dusting.
Ariane, you've been told a thousand
times to stay away from those files.
I've been trying, Papa,
but they're so fascinating.
At the conservatory, all the girls envy
me because I have my private library.
Library? This is not a library.
This is a sewer.
How can you say that?
Some of these cases are so romantic.
- I've read them time and time again.
- What cases?
Well, I guess my favorite
one is in file "D."
The Duchess of Devontry
and her Alpine guide.
It's so sad, and so beautiful.
Your father almost had a heart attack
following them up the Matterhorn.
How she must have loved him,
to give up everything.
The duke, the castle,
the horses and the hounds.
And for what?
Two weeks of shameless passion.
Two glorious weeks!
It was a terrible scandal,
and it had to lead to a terrible end.
But it was worth it.
What woman could ask for more
than to die together with her lover?
Buried under an avalanche,
locked in each other's arms forever.
Nonsense. They'll thaw out this summer,
and that will be it.
Papa, how can you be so cruel?
Don't you have any sympathy?
I do. My sympathy is with the duke.
And the horses and the hounds.
How about the case of the Benedictine
monk who quit his order...
...for the love of a young widow?
She only married him because she wanted
the secret formula for the liqueur.
- Papa, you're a cynic.
- I guess I am.
- You enjoy your work.
- I guess I do.
- You'd enjoy it even if you weren't
paid. - I wouldn't go that far.
You enjoyed exposing Madame La Roche.
Madame La Roche?
You've read that, too?
And those passionate letters
she wrote that bullfighter...
...after he was gored
by her husband.
I'm going to put double locks
on everything around here.
Papa.
Ariane, you are not to come into
this office without my permission...
...and you are not to dust in here!
And you are not to answer the door.
This is my client.
Go back to your room and practice.
Bonjour, Monsieur.
Bonjour, Monsieur Chavasse.
I came straight from the airport.
- My wife thinks I'm still in London.
- Very clever. In here, please.
What did you find out?
It will be a few more minutes.
The evidence is not quite dry.
- How was the weather in London?
- Miserable.
It was beautiful here.
The nights have been so warm.
- How was business in London?
- Terrible.
That's a shame.
Things have been very lively in Paris.
Can't we stop this dreadful noise?
I'm a very nervous man.
Of course, Monsieur.
- Ariane, please, not now.
- Yes, Papa.
Before I show you these photographs...
...I wish to point out that they were
taken under very difficult conditions.
The light was bad,
the distance considerable...
...and the angle was quite impossible.
Please, Monsieur.
Is the news good or bad?
That depends. Is this your wife?
- Here.
- Thank you.
It looks like her.
- Then, I regret to inform you, it
looks bad. - There is another man?
There is.
And I regret to say that he looks good.
- He does.
- And here we have the two together.
Please, Monsieur,
you must not excite yourself.
- I'm trying.
- Would you like some brandy?
No, thanks. It gives me heartburn.
How about some aspirin?
No, thanks. It gives me a headache.
What did you say his name was?
His name is Frank Flannagan.
American. Very rich.
Oil, construction business,
turbo-jet engines, Pepsi- Cola...
"The Pause that Refreshes"?
No, that's the other one:
"Pepsi- Cola Hits the Spot!"
But we must not jump to conclusions.
It's this terrible uncertainty
that's driving me mad.
He comes to Paris every year.
And I always know when he comes...
...because my business
improves noticeably.
I should have taken my wife
with me to London.
He does very well in London, too.
Also in Rome, Vienna, Madrid.
Here are the Scandinavian countries.
There was an episode in Stockholm...
...involving twin sisters.
But why should I bore
you with statistics?
How long has this been going on?
Well, I imagine ever
since he was 16.
No! I mean with my wife.
A week or so.
They are having supper every night
in his suite at the Ritz.
The Ritz? Everybody knows
us at the Ritz.
I wouldn't worry.
She's very discreet.
She always uses the service elevator,
and she always wears a veil.
That's good.
She usually arrives at his suite,
No. 14, at 9:00.
You will be relieved to know
that they are not alone.
They're not?
There is always
a four- piece gypsy orchestra.
They open the program
with something called Hot Paprika.
Then, a little Liszt,
a little Lehr, a czardas or two...
...and at five minutes before 10:00
they always play Fascination.
Fascination?
No, no. That's not the way it goes.
- Quite pretty, isn't it?
- Yes. What comes after that?
That's it. They play Fascination,
and they leave.
- And my wife?
- She stays.
We must not jump to conclusions.
Here is the window of
Suite 14 at 11:00.
12:00.
1:00.
2:00.
3:00. 4:00...
- What are you doing?
- I'm jumping to conclusions!
Please, Monsieur. Put that away.
You must not shoot your wife.
You will only bungle the job.
Your hand will tremble, at best you
will wound her in the leg or shoulder.
You will take her to the hospital...
...she will meet a very
attractive doctor...
I will not shoot my wife.
I love my wife.
- You must not shoot yourself.
- Myself?. I haven't done anything.
Quite true.
What is the number
of the suite, 14?
- Exactly.
- And the gypsies leave at 10:00?
Exactly.
Then at 10:00,
I shall walk into Suite 14 and shoot.
- The American?
- Exactly.
Goodbye, Monsieur Chavasse.
You do realize
that this is cold- blooded murder?
I do.
And that you may have
to spend years in jail?
I may.
Is there nothing I can say to dissuade
you from this foolhardy scheme?
Nothing whatsoever.
In that case, Monsieur,
you leave me no choice.
- I must insist on being paid
right now. - How much?
Sixty- thousand francs.
It should really be more,
because with Mr. Flannagan removed...
...there will be a sharp drop
in my business.
Thank you, Monsieur.
You may take the photographs if
you wish. There is no extra charge.
You send them to my lawyer.
And my bags,
you send them also to my lawyer.
No extra charge.
Au revoir, Monsieur. Bonne chance.
- Papa?
- Yes, Ariane?
Papa...
What is it?
- Papa, may I practice again?
- Of course, darling.
- Perhaps I'd better take the tray out
first. - Thank you. Go ahead, darling.
Your client seemed so nervous.
What was he moaning about?
It's his wife. She... Never mind.
Aren't you going
to the conservatory today?
In the afternoon, Papa.
Michel is picking me up.
He must be quite tall.
At least 6-foot-3.
Who? Michel?
No. Mr. Flannagan.
Give me that.
He's certainly the most
handsome man in your files.
He's certainly the most
utterly no good.
He's got such an American face,
like a cowboy or Abraham Lincoln.
You know what happened to Lincoln?
And right in the middle
of a performance!
What time is it now?
9:15.
Why do you keep asking?
- Do you have a telephone coin?
- What's wrong, Ariane?
If you're in some sort of trouble,
you can tell me.
Thanks, Michel.
Operator?
I want to speak to the Hotel Ritz.
Please hurry, this is an emergency.
Hello, Ritz?
I want to speak to Mr. Flannagan.
Mr. Frank Flannagan.
Sorry, but he left express orders
not to be disturbed.
- But, l--
- Sorry, Madame, absolutely not.
Monsieur Flannagan
has retired for the night.
You'd better put this call through...
...or Mr. Flannagan will
retire permanently.
Hello? Hello!
Hello?
What time is it now?
9:20. I must say,
you're acting very strange tonight.
How would you act
if you knew somebody was being shot?
I don't know. I would call
the police. Who is being shot?
Do you have another coin?
Ariane, I have a right to know
what's going on.
Not just because I tell you the time,
or pay for your telephone calls...
...but because you know
how I feel about you.
Police?
I want the Commissaire de Police.
Ariane, who's being shot?
Where? By whom?
What's it got to do with you?
Commissaire de Police?
I wish to report a crime.
You wish to report a crime?
Yes, Madame, what is the crime?
There's a man and a woman
in the Hotel Ritz, Suite 14.
"Man and woman, Suite 14,
Hotel Ritz." What is the crime?
You don't understand.
The woman is married.
I understand. "Hotel Ritz, Suite 14,
man and woman, woman is married."
What is the crime?
She has a husband,
and he has a gun, a great big gun!
Now we are getting somewhere.
He has no permit?
No. That's not the point!
At 10:00 he's going to break
into the room and shoot!
Please, Madame, do not excite
yourself. It is not 10:00 yet.
Now, at 10:00, if he does break
into the room, and he does shoot...
...and he does not miss,
then you call us again.
That'll be too late!
You've got to stop him.
You must send somebody
up there immediately.
Madame, there are 7,000 hotels
in Paris, 220,000 hotel rooms...
...and on a night like this,
I'd say in about...
...40,000 of those rooms,
a similar situation...
Now really, Madame,
if we were to assign a policeman...
...to every one of these situations...
No, Madame,
it just staggers the imagination.
It would take more
than the entire Paris police force.
It would take the fire department,
the sanitation department...
...and possibly the Boy Scouts.
Certainly, we don't want young boys
in short pants...
...involved in situations like this.
Ariane! This has gone far enough.
I'm going to drive you home.
- Michel.
- I'm sorry. I have no more coins.
- No, I want you to take me home.
- That's better.
But on the way, could
we stop at the Ritz?
The Ritz!
Come back, Loulou!
Why are you barking?
There's nobody there. Bad dog!
Fascination!
Now what's come over you tonight?
All that barking. Bad dog!
Mr. Flannagan?
Mr. Flannagan?
Pardon me for interrupting,
this is urgent...
...because you're going to be shot!
Shot?
Keep on playing!
Who are you?
How did you get in here, anyway?
- Through the balcony.
- The balcony?
I had to, because her husband
is outside the door...
...with a gun.
A great big gun.
Sorry, Mr. Flannagan,
but that will be all for tonight.
- Kindly disconnect yourself from
my wife. - I beg your pardon?
- Over there, where the light is better.
- Do we know each other?
Only by proxy.
I am the foolish husband.
- Whose foolish husband?
- Her foolish husband!
My foolish husband?
Josephine?
Well, is this lady your wife?
- Is your name Frank Flannagan?
- Yes.
- Is this Suite 14?
- Yes.
Then she must be my wife.
- Are you?
- I don't think so.
This is all very confusing.
- May I use your phone?
- Go right ahead. Help yourself.
Hello, give me the concierge.
Concierge, is there another
Frank Flannagan in this hotel?
Well, is there another Suite 14?
This is the Ritz, isn't it?
I'm terribly sorry.
But you must understand...
...I'm terribly nervous.
Here, have some of this.
It's so preposterous, apparently
I am the victim of misinformation...
- ...a case of mistaken identity.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
Perfume!
I can smell my wife's perfume!
Go right ahead, help yourself.
While you're looking, if you
happen to find my left slipper...
- Is this it?
- Thank you.
I'm terribly sorry
to cause you all this trouble.
No, I'm glad you came. I've been
trying to find this for a week.
You have no idea
what I've been through today.
I was so upset. I went to a Turkish
bath and had three massages.
- You look good.
- Thank you.
Loulou...
...first thing tomorrow morning
you're going to the analyst, bad dog!
When I saw you coming down the corridor,
I could have sworn you were my wife.
You mustn't jump to conclusions.
Actually, you don't look like her
at all. My wife is much more...
Not that she's heavy mind you,
she's very beautiful.
Matter of fact, she's one of the
most beautiful women in the world.
I'm sure she is.
- I do wish you could meet her.
- Maybe some other time.
Yes, of course, I understand.
- Good night, Madame.
- Good night.
- Good night, Monsieur.
- Good night.
Perhaps I'd better put this back on.
How about that guy?
Told his wife he was in London!
It's getting so you can't trust
a husband anymore.
If it hadn't been for you,
I'd have got...
- I was glad to do it.
- He didn't even bother to knock.
A madman running around the Ritz
with a loaded gun.
- Did you ever hear of such a thing?
- It's nothing unusual.
There are 7,000 hotels in Paris,
220,000 hotel rooms...
...and do you know that
in approximately 40,000 of them...
...especially on a night like this...
- What are you talking about?
- These are official figures.
- Good night, Mr. Flannagan.
- Good night.
It was nice meeting you.
You can't go like this.
I don't know your name. Who are you?
That's unimportant.
Well, you seem to know who I am.
You're Frank Flannagan.
American. Oil, construction business...
...turbo-jet engines,
Pepsi- Cola, and "You Hit the Spot."
How did you find out about tonight?
About the husband coming here?
You are 6- foot- 3, aren't you?
But you don't look a bit
like Abraham Lincoln.
- Who said I did?
- Goodbye.
But tell me,
how did you know about tonight?
A friend of a friend of a friend.
A friend of a friend of a friend?
Of whose?
Tell me. What made you come up
here? Why did you warn me?
Why?
It's simple really.
I'm against violence.
In my opinion, there's too much shooting
in the world and not enough love.
How's that again?
I mean, if people loved each other
more, they'd shoot each other less.
Are you a religious
fanatic or something?
Who is it?
It's me again. The husband.
Come in.
I'm sorry to make a nuisance
of myself, but I forgot something.
I bought it in London,
but I guess they'll take it back.
- I still have the sales slip.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
You can't go now. It wouldn't
look right. He may be watching.
- I think he's still suspicious.
- But it's getting late.
Late? This is Paris. La vie en rose.
Relax ez- vous.
Maybe I can get the gypsies back.
Oh, no. No gypsies,
and no Fascination.
I find it very helpful.
Helpful? How?
A little background music.
It's amazing what a couple
of fiddles can do for you.
Especially if you're
not much of a talker.
I'm not much of a talker.
When you're traveling around Madrid,
Rome, the Scandinavian countries...
...do you take your gypsies along?
Of course not. Except once.
I sent my plane down for them,
and had them join me in Stockholm.
- It was an emergency.
- The episode with the twin sisters?
- You know quite a bit about me,
don't you? - Quite a bit.
Aren't you a little too
young for that?
I was about to ask you
a similar question.
Aren't you a little too old for that?
That hurts. First you save a man's
life, and then you stab him.
- Is that kind? - I didn't mean
it, really. I take it back.
If you take back what you said,
that I'm too young.
I take it back.
Actually, I don't much care
for young men, never did.
I find them conceited,
and clumsy and very unimaginative.
I quite agree.
- Is this Pepsi- Cola?
- This? Champagne. It's domestic.
I know, with fish you
have white wine...
- ...with gypsies, champagne. Right?
- Right.
We'll have lots of champagne and gypsies
when you come for dinner tomorrow.
- When I come to dinner?
- Of course.
- That's out of the question.
- You're the strangest girl I ever met.
- You won't tell me your name...
- I really must go.
Wait. Can't I take you home?
- No, thank you.
- Why not?
- It's too dangerous.
- Are you married?
No.
- But you live with someone.
- Yes.
- A man?
- Yes.
Is he jealous?
Let me put it this way,
if he knew I was here tonight...
- But he doesn't.
- I hope not.
There's no reason why
he should find out about tomorrow.
You don't know him.
Look, tomorrow is my last day in Paris.
I'm leaving for the United States.
Have a nice trip.
You wouldn't want me
to spend my last night in Paris alone?
Well, the gentleman with the gun
offered to introduce you to his wife.
You're much more attractive
than she is.
Or you could fly in the twins
from Stockholm.
You're much more attractive
than both of them put together.
- Did you say you weren't
much of a talker? - 8:00?
Impossible.
- 9:00?
- No. That's much too late.
5:00? 4:00?
In the afternoon?
When do you work?
Whenever I'm not busy.
Will you try?
I was told you were
utterly no good.
Then we'll both try.
You try to be here at 4:00...
...and I'll try to be good.
Good night, Mr. Flannagan.
Good night...
...thin girl.
Will you please stop humming
that idiotic tune?
It lacks any musical merit
whatsoever.
You haven't said one word to me,
you haven't answered one question!
- And how did you get that
stupid hat? - What hat?
Ariane, are you all right?
It's me, Michel.
Your friend!
Good night, friend.
I can't wait to get
home and tell my wife.
We'll be laughing about
this for weeks.
I just don't understand it, Monsieur.
I've been in this business many years.
My reports have always
been 100% correct.
You came very close.
You had the right hotel...
...the right suite,
the right man, the right gypsies...
- ...but you had the wrong woman.
- Are you absolutely sure?
Different voice, different figure,
different everything.
Under the circumstances, Monsieur,
I owe you an apology and a refund.
Since I was only 80%correct...
...I feel I should return
20% of your money.
No, keep it. As far as I'm concerned,
you're the best detective in Paris.
Good night, Monsieur.
Just remember one thing:
You must not jump to conclusions.
Pardon, Mademoiselle.
Good morning, my darling.
Good morning, Papa.
Your breakfast is on the table.
Haydn's 98th?
- 88th.
- 88th?
Just don't seem
to get anything right lately.
Goodbye, Ariane.
You leaving, Papa?
Mr. Haydn seems to have run out of
ideas when he got to Symphony No. 88.
Yes. Working on a new case?
A client from Brussels. His wife ran
away to Paris with the chauffeur.
I have to find them.
The husband wants his car back.
Well, it seems only fair.
- Rehearsal this evening?
- Yes, Papa.
- Will Michel bring you home?
- I suppose so.
- He's a nice boy, Michel.
- You keep saying that.
He comes from a very
respectable family.
Father and two uncles
work for the government...
...mother plays the harp,
grandfather was a missionary...
...in French Equatorial Africa,
and there hasn't been a scandal...
...in the family since 1822.
Papa! You investigated Michel?
Yes, I have.
I think I owe it to my only daughter.
You're spoiling me.
If I were an Indian potentate...
...I'd shower you with diamonds.
If I were a cobbler,
I'd sole your shoes, but...
...since I'm only a detective, all I
can offer you is a detailed dossier.
Papa, I love you very much.
I love you more.
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
After careful examination
of your past record...
...I have decided you are not the kind
of man I would care to see again...
...not even in the afternoon.
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
I hope this letter
reaches you in time...
...to cancel the gypsies.
I'm not exactly the kind of girl
you would be interested in.
As a matter of fact, I'm exactly the kind
of girl you would not be interested in.
"Dear Mr...
"...Flannagan:
"I made a very serious...
"...mistake last night.
"I should have...
"...let you...
"...be shot."
Item 7: Telegram to the Mayor of
Venice. Preliminary estimate...
...on the cost of overhauling
your canals is $87,000,000.
If you want my advice,
drain the water out of the canals...
...and pave them over, or those
plumbing bills will kill you.
Come in!
Item 8: Attention all Pepsi- Cola
bottling plants in Great Britain.
Suggested slogan,
"Pop in for a Pepsi"...
...okay by me.
Hello there.
- Hello.
- Be right with you.
Item 9: Arriving New York tomorrow.
Reserve usual suite, St. Regis Hotel.
Send flowers to the following
and alert to stand by:
"Miss Billings, Miss Devoto,
Miss Chandler, Mrs. Flagstad."
Disregard if Mr. Flagstad is in
town. "Miss O'Neil, Miss Chanel."
More later.
Nice to see you again.
- I came early.
- Good.
I came early because I wanted to
tell you that I'm not coming later.
Let me get this straight.
You came to tell me
that you're not coming?
I only came up here to
bring back the hat.
- Well, get yourself a drink.
- No, thank you. I can't stay.
Why not?
I told you it would be difficult.
I have another date.
- I see. Come in here, will you,
please? - No, thank you.
I said please. I need your help.
What sort of help?
Sit on this, will you? If you don't
sit on it, I can't lock it.
- Then you are leaving tonight?
- 11:00 plane.
You don't stay in one place
for very long, do you?
Not if I can help it. Climb up.
Who sits on your suitcase
in all those other places?
It's a problem, all right.
- You're just the right weight.
- Am I?
In Japan last year,
they ruined a brand- new suitcase.
The whole lid crushed in.
What do you expect?
Six geisha girls on one suitcase.
- How's that? - Goodbye,
Mr. Flannagan. Happy landing.
How about one little drink?
An aperitif?
I told you, I have a date.
The man you live with?
No, this is another man.
A younger man, the man I play with.
Wait a minute...
You mean there's one man you
live with and another man you...
Trs intressant,
as they say on the Left Bank.
Not really.
I'm not criticizing,
as a matter of fact, I'm all for it.
You would be. A man with your record.
- What about my record?
- I've been reading up on it.
- Where?
- I have my own private library.
What kind of a library is that?
All sorts of reference works,
like the World Almanac.
You read about me in
the World Almanac?
Naturally. It's very complete.
It's loaded with facts and figures.
Like the 10 tallest mountains,
and the population of Portugal...
...the average annual rainfall
in New Zealand--
What did it say about me?
You're way above average,
it doesn't just rain, it pours.
You know, you baffle me.
- I baffle you?
- Yeah, I can't figure you at all.
Of course,
if you give me a little more time.
- Shall we sit down? - Really,
I was just returning the hat.
- Yeah, I know. - Maybe I should
have left it at the desk.
No, that would've been too risky
with the way people talk.
Well, I could have put it in a paper bag,
a big brown paper bag.
I'm glad you didn't.
Somebody might have opened it.
I could have written
"Personal" on it.
That they would have opened for sure!
Then maybe I did the smart thing.
I think you did.
In a way, I'm rather glad
you're leaving tonight.
You are?
- It makes everything simpler.
- That's the way it should be.
No involvements,
no complications, no danger.
None at all.
The trouble is, people get too attached
to each other, things drag on...
...scenes, tears.
Everything gets so maudlin.
I think people should always behave
as though they were between planes.
Very sound, Mr. Flannagan.
It's basic.
He who loves and runs away,
lives to love another day.
- I must remember that.
- Works out great.
Works for you.
No, all around. Everybody's
happy, nobody gets hurt.
How about Francesca del Corso?
Francesca del who?
Del Corso...
...the one in Venice
who tried to commit...
I'm glad you brought her up. That's
exactly the type to stay away from.
Silly, sentimental, serious.
It turned out I was the first man
she'd ever been in love with.
I suppose most girls are sentimental
about their first love.
I suppose so.
Like their first pair of
high-heeled shoes.
Tell me...
...do you remember
the first man in your life?
Let me see...
It's all a little blurry...
I'm...
Must have had too much
of this domestic champagne.
Monsieur Flannagan?
Pardon, Monsieur, but it is 10:00...
...your car is here
to take you to the airport.
You can send up for the luggage,
and tell my chauffeur I'll be right down.
What does the "A" stand for?
Anna?
- No.
- Annabella?
- No.
- Agnes?
- No.
- Alexandra?
No.
Antonia?
No!
Amanda?
No.
Adolph?
Adolph?
I'm sorry, I've run out of "A's."
I give you my word of honor,
Mr. Flannagan...
...it's definitely not Adolph!
Come on, what does it stand for?
Anonymous!
Why won't you tell me your name?
What difference does it make?
Just two people who
met between planes.
Come in.
Bagages, Monsieur.
The bags are in there,
and there are more in the corridor.
Let's see, have you forgotten anything?
I don't think so.
The hat. How about the hat?
- You want it?
- No, thanks.
Then we'll leave it. I have no use for it.
You never can tell.
Why not take it on the plane
and give it to the stewardess?
I don't know the stewardess.
You will.
Wait a minute. What's that?
It was in the corridor, Monsieur,
with your trunk.
- Well, it's not mine.
- Pardon, Monsieur.
Merci, Monsieur Flannagan. Bon voyage.
Merci, Monsieur Flannagan. Bon voyage.
Agatha?
Angela?
Whatever your name is, you're very sweet.
I wish we had more than this one evening.
You don't really.
Why drag it out?
Scenes, tears, everything gets so maudlin.
This way it was just perfect.
You know, I come to Paris every year.
Maybe we'll see each other again.
Maybe, if somebody tries
to shoot you again.
I just wish Cartier's were open.
I'd buy you something very lavish.
I don't want anything from you.
Yes, I do, too.
May I?
Pardon, Monsieur, it is 10:15.
- Well.
- Goodbye, Mr. Flannagan.
Goodbye, thin girl.
Wait!
That's mine.
- Yours, Madame?
- Mine.
Ariane?
Ariane! Is my lunch ready?
How about lunch?
No, thank you, Papa.
Ariane, is this yours?
- Yes, Papa.
- What is it doing in the icebox?
Papa, let's make a pact.
I'll stay out of your files...
...and you stay out of my icebox.
Two Stewardesses in
Wild Mid-air Battle
Verdi, Rossini, Puccini...
...that's music for an organ grinder
with a monkey.
But Wagner, that's another
matter entirely.
You conducted beautifully, Michel.
Wait until the last act,
when they play the Liebestraum.
I'd better have that sewn together.
- lf you will pardon me, Ariane.
- Sure.
Pardon, excusez- moi.
Hello, Mr. Flannagan.
Hello.
How are you?
You don't remember me, do you?
Of course I do.
Let's see, where was it?
The Riviera? Biarritz?
Portofino?
Wait, wait! Adolph, the thin girl!
That's more like it.
Look...
...I'm very sorry. I've had
such a crazy year, always on the go.
How are the gypsies?
Fine. They met me at the airport,
big reunion, they cried like babies.
That's only natural. After all,
you've been through a lot together.
What have you been up to?
I've had a pretty crazy year myself.
You look good.
Maybe you've lost a little weight.
I shouldn't be surprised.
It's been one party after another...
...never any sleep,
all sorts of fascinating men.
Imagine running into you at the opera.
Yes. Two people meeting
between the acts.
I was afraid this evening
was going to be a total loss.
Don't you like Tristan and Isolde?
Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm here by mistake.
It's my lousy French.
I thought I had tickets for Folies Brgeres.
This has much more musical merit.
Maybe, but did you get
a load of that chorus?
There's not a dame up there
that weighs less than 250 pounds.
We've simply got to see each other again.
How about tomorrow night?
You can't make it at night.
How about tomorrow afternoon?
- Mr. Flannagan...
- Same hotel, same suite.
- I have too many dates.
- 4:00, don't disappoint me.
Ariane.
I got it fixed...
...but don't you think they sewed it
a little too tight?
Ariane?
What's the matter with you?
Ariane?
Ariane?
Greetings, Papa.
Greetings.
You look just beautiful tonight.
Have a nice time with Michel?
It wasn't a total loss.
What was the opera?
Tristan and Isolde.
Tristan and Isolde? Very sad case.
Now, if instead of doing all that singing...
...they'd have hired a good detective...
Good night, Papa.
Do you mind if I hang this in your closet?
Of course not. What is it?
An ermine coat. Client of mine,
very big businessman...
...export- import, gave it to his secretary.
Then one night he caught her
taking outside dictation.
- Of course, he repossessed it.
- Of course.
He wants me to keep it here for a while.
He had the sleeves shortened.
He'll give it to his wife...
...on their 10th wedding anniversary.
I think that's very sweet.
What's that you're whistling?
Tristan and Isolde.
Are you sure?
I heard it in the opera tonight.
Funny, I have a feeling
I've heard it somewhere before...
...and I don't think it was at the opera.
Well, those composers,
I guess they all steal from each other.
- Good night, darling.
- Good night, Papa.
If you are one of the gypsies,
they are in Suite 14.
Good afternoon, Mr. Flannagan.
Hi.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
I see nothing has changed.
Once you've got a winning combination,
why mess around with it?
- Can I take your coat?
- No thanks, I'd rather keep it on.
Isn't it rather warm
for this time of the year?
I catch a lot of colds.
Especially in the summer.
Well, we must watch out for the drafts.
"C'est si bon"
This is Siberian ermine, you know.
Quite expensive.
- Where'd it come from?
- Siberia.
I mean, who gave it to you?
A friend. Very generous.
Very rich. Export- import.
Export- import?
What does he export
and what does he import?
He exports perfume,
and he imports bananas.
There's a fortune in it.
Do you realize that for one bottle
of perfume you get 12 bananas?
Twelve bananas for one bottle of...
Doesn't sound like such a hot deal to me.
But it's a tiny bottle of perfume,
and very large bananas.
I had a sable coat before that.
- He is generous.
- That was from another man.
Another man?
An Englishman.
As a matter of fact, he was a duke.
You don't say?
Oh, yes, castles and horses and hounds.
We spent last Christmas in Switzerland.
It was all fine until he threatened
to throw himself off the Matterhorn.
The duke?
Oh, no. This was somebody else.
- Somebody else? Who?
- Aren't you getting a little personal?
Notice I'm not asking you any questions.
You're absolutely right.
Let's forget all about it.
Of course, if you must know,
it was an Alpine guide.
Very strong, very blond,
with Edelweiss behind his ears...
...and he had the most attractive knees.
- Knees?
- They wear those short leather pants...
...so naturally one thing led to another.
Naturally.
He fell madly in love with me.
He wanted to kill himself
when he heard we were leaving.
We? That's you and the duke?
No, that's me and the banker,
from Brussels.
You did have a busy year, didn't you?
After all, Mr. Flannagan, you don't think
I was sitting around waiting for you?
No, nothing like that.
It's kind of hard to believe,
a girl your age, and all those men...
If you prefer to think
that you're the only man in my life.
I didn't say that!
Or that I've spent all this time
crying over you and carrying on...
...and swallowing things
like that girl in Venice.
If I thought that,
I'd get out of here like a scared jackrabbit.
Don't be scared, Mr. Flannagan.
I'm not that type at all.
I know the rules. Love and run.
Everybody happy, nobody gets hurt...
...works out great all around.
You put that very nicely.
How long are you going
to be in Paris this time, Mr. Flannagan?
Two or three weeks. Who knows?
Why?
I just wanted to know
how to arrange my own schedule.
Of course.
All that traffic.
Take off that silly Siberian coat.
You won't catch a cold.
I'm very susceptible, you know.
Please.
- Ariane!
- Yes, Papa?
Since you've always taken
such great interest in my business...
...let's see how good a detective you are.
Yes, Papa.
For instance, let's consider
"The Case of the Elusive Ermine."
"The Elusive Ermine"?
The fur coat. The one I'm keeping here,
for my client.
Oh, that one.
Do you remember where we put it?
Where did we put it? In the closet?
This closet?
- Yes, Papa.
- All right. Let's see.
Well! What do we have here?
What?
What does it look like?
- A cello, Papa.
- Of course! Now let's be logical.
If the cello is where the fur coat was...
...where do you suppose the fur coat is?
- Where?
- Think.
Where the cello was?
In here?
Let us see.
You're very good! Bravo!
Thank you, Papa.
Now let us probe a little further.
Who, in your opinion, did it,
and what was the motive?
Papa, don't you think this is enough
for one lesson?
All right, Ariane, why did you take it?
- I didn't take it. I borrowed it.
- Why?
Why, why? Always "Why?"
Why do I have to be
a detective's daughter?
Why do I have to be questioned,
cross- examined, investigated?
The motive, please.
I took it to the conservatory
to show it to the girls in class.
Because they'd never seen
an ermine coat before.
That's all there is to it, Papa.
That's the motive.
You caused me
a great deal of embarrassment.
My client came by to pick it up,
almost walked out with the cello.
I'm sorry, Papa.
I only had it on for a few minutes.
His wife will never know.
He's not giving it to his wife,
after all.
That's mean. Why not?
It seems she came back
from a vacation in Spain...
...wearing one of those bracelets
around her leg.
What do you call it?
- An anklet?
- That's right, an anklet.
It's driving him crazy, out of his mind.
It is?
She says she got it from her sister,
but that's ridiculous.
From a sister you get an umbrella,
or an eggbeater, but not an anklet.
There is something very provocative
about an anklet.
That so?
So now he's going to have
the sleeves lengthened again...
...and give it back to his secretary.
- You know, I've been thinking.
- What about?
That Alpine guide.
Who?
The one with the leather pants
and the flower behind the ear.
Oh, him!
Those other guys, export- import,
and the duke, they don't mean a thing.
But that character with the bare knees,
he bothers me.
He should.
He had the cutest dimples, right here.
His name was Sebastian.
I know how those jokers operate.
They get you on top of some glacier...
...point out the sunset,
and suddenly, like an avalanche...
Not at all, Mr. Flannagan.
He was a perfect gentleman.
- He used to kiss my hand.
- The old mountain- climbing technique.
Working your way from crag to crag.
Would you pass me the salt, please?
- Put that chicken leg away.
- I'm hungry.
Put it away!
Yes, Mr. Flannagan.
- Any particular place?
- Put it away!
All right, Mr. Flannagan.
- What's that?
- What's what?
That.
- That's an anklet.
- New?
No, it's platinum.
I never noticed it before.
I only wear it
when I don't have stockings on.
- Where did you get it?
- In Spain.
From whom?
An anklet isn't exactly something
you get from a sister.
A man?
I'll say. He was a bullfighter.
A bullfighter?
His name was Sebastian.
What's this with you
and those Sebastians?
I mean, his name was Michel,
but it happened in San Sebastin.
It happened in San Sebastin.
Any dimples on his knees?
No, just scars.
He was very brave
and he had the narrowest hips.
You should have seen him in the ring,
he had more grace, more style...
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
- Did I say anything wrong?
It's just that I don't
like anklets on women.
- You don't?
- I think they're very vulgar.
Well, why didn't you say so?
It doesn't mean that much to me.
Not any more.
Cheer up, Mr. Flannagan.
What's the matter?
Relax ez- vous.
How many others were there?
Others?
Men. How many other men were there?
You mean before I met you,
or since I met you, or altogether?
You know what I mean.
Well, it's not easy,
you sort of catch me unprepared.
How many?
Maybe I could give you
an approximate figure.
That wouldn't satisfy somebody
with a business mind like yours.
Come on, quit stalling!
If it's any comfort to you,
Mr. Flannagan...
...you are the first
American in my life.
Well, that's something.
Of course, there was a Canadian.
A Canadian?
Very cute.
Cute? With dimples on his knees?
- No dimples. Definitely not.
- Scars, maybe?
No. Just a silver plate
in his right knee.
He'd been in a bad spill.
He was a professional ice-hockey
player, very high scorer.
You talk too much.
Ariane, I must talk to you!
Give me an "A."
Ariane, no matter how much
he loves you, I love you more.
I'm sure of it. As a matter of fact,
he doesn't love me at all.
- He doesn't?
- No.
No. At least, not yet.
What do you mean, not yet?
He doesn't believe in it.
He's above it.
He considers himself invulnerable.
But I think I've hit the spot.
What spot?
He can be jealous,
and that's a very good sign.
What are you talking about?
They're very odd people.
When they're young,
they've their teeth straightened...
...their tonsils taken out and
gallons of vitamins pumped into them.
Something happens to their insides.
They become immunized, mechanized,
air- conditioned and hydromatic.
I'm not even sure
whether he has a heart.
What is he...
...a creature from outer space?
No, he's an American.
Where is my other shoe?
This is ridiculous.
Couldn't have just walked
away by itself.
Relax.
It'll show up sooner or later.
It's 5:45. I'm late.
Come on, don't just lie there,
help me.
Glad to.
You sure you had them both on
when you came?
Quite sure.
It's funny how things
keep disappearing around here.
Like that slipper.
I couldn't find it for a whole week.
I can't show up in just one shoe.
Why not? You have a
very handsome foot.
It's too big.
It's perfect. As a matter of fact,
everything about you is perfect.
I'm too thin, and my ears stick out,
and my teeth are crooked...
...and my neck's much too long.
Maybe so, but I love the
way it all hangs together.
I must find my shoe.
It's that Parisian thing you've got,
that certain quelque chose...
...as they say on the Left Bank,
that piquant soupon of aperitif.
Mr. Flannagan, you're wanted upstairs.
How many men have told you that?
Come on, how many?
The telephone, Mr. Flannagan.
Don't move.
Hello? Yes?
Who? Ingrid?
Oh, it's you, Dagmar.
Are you both on the phone?
Where are you calling from, Stockholm?
You're in Paris. Well, look, I'm...
I can't talk very well, it's kind of awkward.
No, it's nothing like that.
It's just that the bathtub's running over.
I'll turn it off!
Wait! Look, suppose I call you back?
How long are you going to be in Paris?
Just overnight?
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
In reply to your inquiry...
...as to the number of men in my life,
here is an itemized list...
...to the best of my recollection.
Item 1: A redheaded algebra teacher.
Item 2: A very sweet boy who is now...
...a missionary in French Equatorial Africa.
Item 3: A riding instructor...
...formerly a Cossack.
Look, I'll have the chauffeur pick you up,
say around 8:30.
Skol.
Item 17: A Yugoslav sculptor.
Item 18: An Italian vice consul.
Item 19: A Dutch alcoholic.
More later.
A couple of old friends got into town,
from Stockholm.
I do a lot of business up there.
I'm not surprised. You seem
to have bottling plants all over the world.
Yes. Well, where were we?
- Under the desk, looking for my shoe.
- Look, forget about the shoe.
I've got something on for tonight,
but I could cancel it.
Could you?
I've only a couple more weeks left in Paris.
Why don't we spend them together?
Shut ourselves off completely.
Rip out the phone, barricade the doors...
...we won't set foot out of the hotel,
have all our meals sent in.
No, no waiters. We'll lay
in a supply of canned goods.
- Cases of champagne.
- Mountains of caviar.
- Ice, lots of ice. - Let's have
the gypsies here all the time.
- They can sleep out on the balcony.
- It sounds delightful.
What do you say?
Goodbye, Mr. Flannagan.
Why are you always in such a hurry?
Where do you always go from here?
See you tomorrow at 4:00.
What do you do with your evenings?
Why can't I ever see you in the evening?
- I'm sorry, Mr. Flannagan,
they're all taken. - By whom?
Let's be fair, Mr. Flannagan.
You're just passing through.
I have to take care
of my year- round friends.
What friends? What is your name?
Who are you, anyway?
You know who I am, Mr. Flannagan.
I'm the girl in the afternoon...
...the aperitif,
as we say on the Left Bank.
Dear Mr. Flannagan:
In reply to your inquiry...
...as to the number of men in my life,
here is an itemized list...
...to the best of my recollection.
Item 1: A redheaded algebra teacher.
Item 2: A very sweet boy who is now...
...a missionary in
French Equatorial Africa.
Item 3: A riding instructor...
...formerly a Cossack.
Items 4 to 9 inclusive...
...cover a bicycle tour I took
with a group of exchange students...
...through the Pyrenees.
Item 10: The duke.
Item 11: The Alpine guide.
Item 12: A banker from Brussels.
Item 13: The chauffeur
of the banker from Brussels.
Item 14: Export- import.
Item 15: The bullfighter.
Correction, please.
Between items 14 and 15...
...insert Canadian ice-hockey player.
Item 17: A Yugoslav sculptor.
Item 18: An Italian vice consul.
Item 19: A Dutch alcoholic.
More later.
Item 1: A redheaded algebra teacher.
Item 2: A very sweet boy who is now...
...a missionary in
French Equatorial Africa.
Item 3: A riding instructor,
formerly a Cossack.
Items 4 to 9 inclusive...
Loulou!
What is the matter?
Bad dog! What did you do?
Item 3: A riding instructor,
formerly a Cossack.
A riding instructor...
...formerly a Cossack.
Items 4 to 9 inclusive,
cover a bicycle tour I took...
...with a group of exchange students
through the Pyrenees.
...a group of exchange students
through the Pyrenees.
...a group of exchange students
through the Pyrenees.
Item 12: A banker from Brussels.
Item 13: The chauffeur
of the banker from Brussels.
The chauffeur of the
banker from Brussels.
The chauffeur of the
banker from Brussels.
Item 15: The bullfighter.
Correction, please.
Between items 14 and 15
insert Canadian ice- hockey player.
More later.
More later.
Taxi!
Turkish bath!
Monsieur Flannagan.
So nice to see you again.
- Hello.
- How have you been?
- None of your business.
- You don't remember me?
I'm the husband,
the foolish husband with the gun!
You might be interested to know that
my wife has forgiven me completely.
I'm not interested.
It's just wonderful.
Like a second honeymoon.
- Good for you.
- You come here often?
- Never.
- When a man sweats in the morning...
...it's either because he's had
a very good night, or a very bad night.
Personally, I've had a very good night.
What's the trouble, Monsieur?
Stock market go down?
Income taxes up?
Baseball?
- Mickey Mantle's in a slump?
- Shut up!
L'amour.
The tender passion, the sweet poison!
Get lost, will you?
Could it be that charming young
lady I met in your apartment?
No, it couldn't be.
She looked so innocent.
Of course, sometimes they fool you.
A girl may look as pure
as freshly fallen snow...
...then suddenly you discover
the footprints of 100 men.
What do you mean, 100 men?
You see, Monsieur, it's the
uncertainty that drives you mad.
I know very well, I was uncertain...
...I was mad, it was terrible.
Now look at me, I'm completely cured.
You're bothering me.
No bother at all, Monsieur.
You need help.
I know just the man who can help you.
Wait, let me get the address.
He's the very best man in Paris,
Monsieur.
A little expensive perhaps, but
he is very thorough, very discreet.
Look, this is a personal problem.
He will solve it for you,
Monsieur, one way or the other.
Either the young lady is innocent,
in which case everything is fine...
...or she is guilty,
in which case I will sell you my gun...
...at a very reasonable price.
Believe me, Monsieur,
I am putting you in very good hands.
Wait for me.
Do you realize
that in the last three weeks...
...you have washed your hair
exactly 17 times?
I find that very suspicious.
You do, Papa?
Especially if you add to it
the flower in the icebox...
...the fur coat in the cello case,
and most important of all...
...the clue of the upside-down
stomach.
Upside- down stomach?
Lately, when I wake you up
in the morning...
...I've observed you have been
sleeping on your stomach.
My tabulations show
that 86%of the women...
...who sleep on their stomachs
are secretly in love.
That's very interesting.
What interests me is,
who could the man be?
The man? Well, it's easy...
- ...Michel.
- I doubt it.
If you look at the palm of your right
hand, you will notice a tiny blister...
...which proves that you've been
carrying the cello case yourself.
It couldn't possibly be Michel.
Who is the man?
There's somebody at the door, Papa.
I'm not asking you as a detective,
I'm asking as a father.
I wish one of you would
open the door.
All right, all right.
You Chavasse, the detective?
Yes.
Sorry to barge in like this,
but you were highly recommended.
This is a great honor.
Come right in, Mr. Flannagan.
You know me?
Do I know you?
Does an art student know Picasso?
This way, please.
Mr. Chavasse, I've got a problem.
I want somebody investigated.
You've come to the right place.
There's this young lady,
almost a girl, I'd say.
She's driving me crazy.
Driving you crazy? That's very funny.
- What's so funny? - Usually
it is you in the driver's seat.
- Please, I've had a rough night.
- Would you like an aspirin?
No, thanks. I want this girl followed,
discreetly. Are you good at it?
Because I don't want her to know.
Monsieur, did you ever know
that you were being followed?
Me? Followed?
- Then I'm very good at it! About my fee...
- Don't worry about the money.
I'm not worried, Monsieur. I mean,
as one businessman to another...
...with the franc the way it is,
up and down...
...I would prefer to be
paid in dollars.
Dollars, traveler's checks, I don't
care. Get me the lowdown on her.
Leave it to me.
Tell me everything you know about her.
I know nothing,
except that her name isn't Adolph.
Not Adolph. Well, that narrows
it down considerably.
Where did you meet her?
In my suite at the Ritz.
- You invited her?
- No.
You mean she just walked
through the door?
No, through the balcony.
Isn't that rather peculiar?
Not for her.
She's a very peculiar girl.
- What does she look like?
- Well, she's sort of...
Say no more, Monsieur.
I know your type.
Very voluptuous,
always 3 or 4 pounds overweight.
No, not this one. She's on the
lean side, a mere wisp of a girl.
- Not my type at all.
- She must have something.
Definitely. She's got an uncanny
talent for getting under my skin.
I don't know where she comes from,
or where she goes.
- I suspect, but I'm not sure.
- You suspect what?
It seems there are other men,
quite a few of them.
As a matter of fact,
quite a lot of them.
Then again, she may be pulling
my leg, then again, she may not.
- How about that aspirin?
- Of course. There's no extra charge.
- Headache, Papa?
- No, I feel fine. It's the client.
Hit- and- run lover.
Got run over himself!
To look at her
you'd think she was a student.
- How many?
- Nineteen.
Nineteen aspirins?
Two aspirins. Nineteen men!
- Cut it out. I've heard enough
of that! - I'm sorry.
From a redheaded algebra teacher
to a Dutch alcoholic.
And in between, there was a riding
instructor and an Alpine guide.
Alpine guide? Just a minute.
I had a case like this.
She met him on the Matterhorn.
Dimples behind his ears
and Edelweiss on his knees.
Or the other way around.
Alpine guide, here we are.
She's an English duchess, age 45.
No! She's no 45.
She's no duchess,
but she was mixed up with a duke.
After that there was
an export-import guy.
Export- import? Wait, wait.
That sounds familiar.
Exports perfume and imports bananas.
Wrong. This one deals
in mustard exclusively.
There was a Canadian ice-hockey
player and a banker from Brussels.
Brussels? Banker?
You know, I have a feeling
I've run across this girl before.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Then there was a bullfighter.
Bullfighter?
He got gored.
You know, this is maddening.
I couldn't get to
first base with her.
It's like a hurricane swept through
my papers and jumbled everything up!
Like somebody broke into my files.
She's coming to see me this afternoon.
She'll leave around 6:00.
Suppose you follow her. So long.
Tell me, Mr. Flannagan,
when you said her name isn't Adolph...
All I know, is it begins with an "A."
"A"?
It's not Anna, or Agnes,
or Agatha...
That tune...
It's not from an opera, is it?
It's an old Viennese schmaltz
called Fascination.
- My gypsies play it all the time.
- Of course.
The name starts with an "A"?
It must be an odd name.
Everything about her is odd.
One day she wore one of those
things around her leg.
- An anklet?
- That's right.
Another time, in a fur coat,
in the middle of summer.
Ermine?
How did you guess it?
Some guy gave it to her, but she'd
never take anything from me.
- Nothing?
- Nothing at all.
Not even a flower?
Yeah, I did give her a flower once.
A white carnation.
Say, you are good.
Not really, Monsieur. Sometimes,
in my profession, you get lucky.
- Goodbye, Monsieur.
- Goodbye, Mr. Chavasse.
One more question, Monsieur.
Are you interested
in this young lady?
Sure I'm interested.
Why do you think I came up here?
What I meant was,
are you in love with her?
Love? I said I was interested.
I have many interests.
Sorry, Monsieur. Just asking.
Okay, don't forget, 6:00.
I may have the solution much earlier.
- Client with the headache gone?
- The client is gone, but not the headache.
Looks like somebody's been carrying
on with half the alphabet.
Sometimes I think I made
a mistake letting you grow up...
...in these surroundings.
I should have sent you away to
boarding school after your mama died.
What's the matter?
Just because I wash my hair so often?
I had no right to expose you to all
this dirt I bring into the house.
Fly-by-night affairs and counterfeit
love and disillusionment and heartbreak.
I would have been heartbroken
if you had sent me away.
I guess I've been a very poor father.
That's a very poor guess.
You've been a wonderful father.
Well, I'll try to do better
from now on.
I love you very much, Papa.
And I love you more.
Now you go to your room.
I want to wind up this case.
Come in.
Good afternoon, Mr. Flannagan.
Good afternoon. Any news?
How are we doing?
We're doing fine, Monsieur.
I have the complete report.
You do? Well, let's have it.
- Is that her file?
- No, that's yours.
- This is hers. - Just one
page, you call that complete?
It's right up to the minute,
Monsieur. Completely complete.
- Her name is Ariane.
- Ariane?
I'd have never guessed that
in a million years.
She's a student at the
music conservatory.
Student?
Plays the cello.
The cello? I knew a dame
that played the sax ophone.
Yes, you did. Atlantic City, 1947.
But to get back to this case,
the young lady lives on the Left Bank.
- Alone?
- No, Monsieur.
- With a man?
- Yes, Monsieur.
Her father.
Her father? Are you sure?
- Positive. As for the other men
in her life... - How many?
Just one, Monsieur...
...you.
Me?
That's right. I know everything about
her from the day she was born.
She's never even been in love before.
Oh, come now.
You see, Monsieur, she's not
what you'd call a "dame."
Why, the little liar,
playing games with me.
Made me so mad I was almost ready
to pack up and leave Paris.
Maybe that would have been
a good idea, Monsieur.
Canadian ice- hockey player...
...AIpine guide, dimples.
What an imagination.
Yes, she is very imaginative,
Monsieur.
- Why do you suppose she did it?
- Why?
I suppose she was trying to put
herself in the same class with you...
...but that, of course,
is impossible.
I think I'll skip the Riviera this summer
and stick around here a little longer.
She's too much fun.
You've had your fun, Monsieur.
You'd better leave before it's too late.
Too late for what?
Your record shows that whenever
a girl gets serious, you run.
Well, she's very serious,
so you'd better start running.
It's a little different this time.
How little? Instead of the usual
two weeks, it will last four weeks...
- ...or six weeks? - I don't see
that it's any of your business.
Come in!
She will be here pretty soon,
Monsieur. You have to decide.
I hired you to give me information,
not advice!
How much do I owe you?
Will $100 do it?
- How about $200?
- There will be no charge.
- Why not?
- Because she's my daughter.
Give her a chance, Monsieur.
She's so helpless.
Such a little fish.
Throw her back in the water.
Mr. Flannagan?
Hello there.
You'd think I would've learned how to
pack by now, with all the traveling I do.
Are you traveling again?
Yes, sir! I'm off to the Riviera.
I looked out the window this morning,
saw rain and made up my mind...
...just like that.
Just like that?
Actually, it started last night.
You know those Swedish twins?
We had a big party.
They're going to Cannes
and they want me to come.
Get a little sun,
you know how it is.
Yes, I know how it is.
I guess I'm just in time
to help with your suitcase.
I guess you are.
Yes?
Did you try Air France?
No planes are taking off at all?
In Paris, this kind of weather
sometimes lasts for weeks.
What about the train?
5:00?
All right, get me on it,
and send up for my luggage.
How long will you be gone?
Who knows, with those
two crazy Swedes!
And after the Riviera,
I thought I'd go on to Athens.
You know, Greek women have
the whitest skin in the world.
That so?
I could say I was going on business,
that I'd be back in a few weeks...
...but I don't have to
pretend with you.
You're a sensible girl.
- I try.
- Sure.
I heard your record,
got a big kick out of it.
- I thought you'd hate me.
- Hate you?
Why, you don't know what a relief it is
to find a girl who thinks the way I do.
You French girls have the right idea,
it's bonjour and adieu...
...and in between a little amour.
No big production,
no hysterics, no mascara running.
We never cry, Mr. Flannagan.
That's why I love this place.
Except once, once I did cry.
That's when No.14 left me.
Export- import.
Yes. He slammed the car door,
and caught my thumb.
That really hurt.
I'll be very careful.
- Can I come along to the station?
- In this rain?
Because if I come home too early, the
man I live with, he'll be suspicious.
You know how it is.
Yes, I know how it is.
It's going to seem a little strange
and Ionely after you've gone...
...at least for the first
few afternoons.
You'll be all right.
We did have a good time,
didn't we?
The best.
Will you be coming back
to Paris next year?
I guess so,
if I'm in the neighborhood.
Then maybe I'd better check
at the Ritz once in a while...
...if I'm in the neighborhood.
Well...
...take care of yourself,
thin girl.
I will, Mr. Flannagan.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
It's nothing, really.
It's the soot.
Always happens to me
in railroad stations.
I'm susceptible.
En voiture!
May I?
En voiture, s'il vous plat!
Well, I guess I'd...
Goodbye, thin girl.
Goodbye, Mr. Flannagan.
You promised!
You don't have to worry about me.
There have been so many men before,
there'll be so many after this.
It's going to be another one
of those crazy years.
While you're in Cannes,
I'll be in Brussels with the banker.
He wants to give me a Mercedes Benz,
a blue one, it's my favorite color.
And while you're in Athens, I'll
be with the duke again, in Scotland.
But I don't know whether I'll go yet.
Another man asked me to spend
the summer with him in Deauville.
He owns racehorses. He's very rich.
He's No.
20, I mean 21, you're No. 20.
So you see, Mr. Flannagan,
I'll be perfectly all right.
I'II...
I'll be all right.
Mr. Flannagan,
what are you doing?
Be quiet, Ariane, be quiet.
Monday, August 24 of this year...
...the case of Frank Flannagan
and Ariane Chavasse...
...came up before the
Superior Judge in Cannes.
They are now married. Serving
a life sentence in New York.
State of New York, USA.