Luckless in Love (2023) Movie Script

1
Okay, well, this is me.
Okay.
Okay, bye!
Thanks.
No, I think you're gonna
love it, actually.
Mm.
Here we are.
Oh, hey roomie. How'd it go?
Ugh, another dating nightmare.
Oh.
More blog fodder though.
Ooh, and he definitely lied
about his height on his profile.
Wait, unless he was using
the metric system.
Well, at least you're getting
fresh new material
for Luckless, right?
True.
Here you go. Cheers.
Cheers.
Okay.
Mm!
That is disgusting.
Okay.
Uh, yeah, cheers...
to a great first date.
Or not.
Who's that?
That's my son.
Hey! Ty.
You're home early.
Yeah, our coach
let us out early.
Ah.
Mm...
Do we have any extra Thai food?
So what's your name?
Brittany.
Oh, Brittany.
Brittany, Brittany, Brittany.
Be serious.
But he's a single dad.
He's what, at least eight years
older than you, like...
Do you really wanna be dealing
with me all the time?
I'm going through puberty
as we speak.
And I'm a nightmare,
he knows it.
You really wanna waste
your twenties
trying to be my step-mom?
Ha! Okay, yeah.
There's a reasonable explanation
why I didn't...
And you don't really
have to go but...
She's gone.
She seemed nice.
Yeah.
Actress?
Dancer, actually.
Shocking.
Shocking.
Yeah, lots of shocks tonight.
Um, hey, you.
You know that nice, fancy
expensive cell phone I go you?
Well, you can use that
to like, call or text me,
tell me you're coming early,
maybe, and then we just...
we'd have less shocks.
Mm. You know what?
I was thinking that,
but I was like,
"He's probably busy,
I don't want to interrupt."
I was busy?
Yeah.
Who knew? Not you.
'Cause you didn't call me.
What's up with you?
Come on, out with it.
Can I, uh...
Can I have some money?
There's a school dance,
tickets go on sale today, so...
Are you finally
gonna ask that girl out?
Uh, yeah. I think so.
Hm. There you are.
Thanks.
Hey.
You got this.
Yeah. I'll see ya later.
Yeah.
Okay, so while you were off
on your date with Napoleon,
Inga had me taste test
not one, not two,
but five raw only restaurants
this weekend.
I never want to see an uncooked
carrot in my life, okay?
Oh, oh. Hey, uh,
you dropped this.
Oh. Thank you,
that would have been bad.
School dance tickets
go on sale today, so...
Oh.
Well, good luck.
I hope whoever
you're asking says yes.
Yeah. Me too.
Thanks. Bye.
Bye.
Aw, sweet kid.
My blog barely has
any readers and my mother...
my mother is now officially
calling me her spinster
daughter.
Spinster. Like I'm,
I don't know,
some kind of Victorian recluse.
Okay.
I actually kind of like that.
It's like you're
a poisonous spider
trying to trap a man
in a web, right?
Or, I'm a writer
with a failing dating blog.
You know what?
Your post about the gym guy
was really fun.
Oh. And he spent three hours
extolling the merits
of calf implants.
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
At least we can revel
in how beautiful
the city is in the spring time.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I would rather
revel in that.
You are shameless.
Turn around.
I'm not... And we're late.
And you've got some drool like,
right there.
Ladies!
All staff meeting
in the sanctuary, please.
Now!
Here we go.
Another round of pre-summer
weight loss plans
and obscenely priced
travel guides.
It's like the swimsuit season
prep brings out the um...
demon inside of her.
You know what, maybe this year
she'll want something new.
You know, maybe fiction?
Yeah.
Or maybe pigs will fly.
Okay.
Okay! Kyra, I'm going to need
some recipes
for vegan baked goods
for lifestyle.
And please do not send me
anything else
with dates in them,
you know I abhor dates.
They make my thighs bloat.
Right. I hate it
when that happens.
Um, can I just ask you one
question, Inga?
Uh, can I use...
sugar this time?
Kyra, is it 1985?!
N-No, it's not.
Okay. Moving on!
Jen. Hi. I'm gonna need you to,
uh, take over advice.
"Spring Fling: Single Ladies."
We're really ramping up
our spring dating issue
and I want you to spearhead it.
Uh, Inga.
Sorry, I just like,
kind of thought that,
you know, I was gonna
tackle that...
No. Winnie, I'll give you
something more manageable.
Facial oils.
Facial oils?
The oil that you put
on your face.
Right. Yeah.
Hydrates.
I love facial... oils, Inga.
Perfect! Write a piece on it.
Yeah.
Enter!
Oh.
Hi, Inga.
Hello, Winnie.
I was hoping to talk to you
about my column.
You're just not relatable, dear.
I mean, everything you write
is just so... boring.
Okay...
There's nothing personal
or interesting about your work.
You may as well be
an algorithm at this point.
Well, I actually, uh,
have a blog on the side
where I write about
dating anonymously.
It's called Luckless.
And?
Well, I mean,
I think that's relatable.
You know, maybe that's...
that's what our readers
need, Inga,
to read about women who don't
have it all figured out,
who don't have all
the answers to dating...
Oh, Winnie. Winnie, Winnie,
let me stop you right there,
because you have to remember
that our readers come to us
for aspirational content, yes,
not to hear about
your sad little dates.
And sorry,
was I not perfectly clear
that I expect my writers
to focus entirely
on their Mush content?
Yeah, I know, but I... No buts.
Now you have a piece to write
on facial oils.
Off you go!
I hear that's fabulous,
by the way.
Peppermint under-eye,
revitalize...
Morning!
Dirk Perkins!
Don't you ever knock?
I can sign this guy, Ret.
Every sports agent in the city
wants to sign Dirk Perkins.
From what I hear,
he's a petulant little zit.
Hey!
He might be a little zit,
but he's gonna make us
a lot of money.
If you're gonna take over
my company,
you gotta do more
than sign Dirk.
Dirk Perkins is gonna be
the greatest baseball player
since Mickey Mantle.
We gotta sign him.
That overconfident little punk
will never be as great
as Mickey. You got that?
If you wanna sign him,
go sign him.
Just quit bugging me.
You're gonna thank me one day.
Uh, Ret.
Mm-hmm.
Are those the tickets
to the Insiders Gala?
They sure are.
Perfect, because I think
that would be the greatest place
to butter up Dirk.
You know, a little glitz,
a little glam,
hob nob with the creme
de la creme of the city,
bada bing, bada boom,
wheeling and dealing.
Uh, about that...
There's something
we need to discuss.
Shoot.
You hungry?
I think it might be good for you
to sit out
the Insiders Gala this year.
Hilarious.
Nice one, Ret.
I'm serious.
What?
Sit it out?
As in, I'm not invited? But...
Ret, I represent the agency,
we always go.
How can I put this?
You ruin the gala.
Every year. Without fail.
No, the... last year
that famous singer guy and I
danced for like two hours.
You danced for two minutes
and then you left with that
Victoria's Secret model
who wasn't even your date.
So?
She was that famous
singer guy's girlfriend.
What's the problem?
When are you gonna stop
acting like a kid, huh?
Don't you want a real
relationship?
For Ty. Something serious.
You must be tired
of all this running around,
and I'm sure Ty is too.
Listen, Ty and I
are doing fine on our own
and I don't want to go
to the gala to flirt with women.
Dirk Perkins is the biggest
prospect.
Ret, if you...
if you're worried
about me taking over,
you don't have to,
because I know the company
inside and out,
but I've got to be at the gala
to cash in on Dirk.
Not this year, Holden.
Come on,
what do I gotta do to prove
to you I can handle this?
What?
What are you scheming?
I have a proposition.
Okay.
The gala is in exactly
one month.
Why not find a girl
and try dating seriously?
You're predicating my attendance
on my ability
to find a girlfriend?
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Piece of cake.
No, I wanna see you actually
take a girl seriously.
Maybe even fall in love
if you're lucky.
Look, if you want
to take over my company,
I gotta see real commitment.
Bring her to dinner
the night before the gala
and I'll decide then if you've
formed a real connection.
Do that, then you can come.
No, Ret, there's got
to be another option.
Just...
go for someone you
wouldn't usually go for.
You can do it.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Are you okay?
Ugh!
Inga is killing me with this
face oil article, I mean,
peppermint does not belong
anywhere near your eyes.
Oh, it feels like
I just maced myself. Ugh!
Here, try this.
Oh, thank you.
Mm.
Ugh...
Tastes like rocks.
Okay, well, you try inventing
a calorie-free pastry, okay?
Yeah, well, at least she's
letting you keep your column.
I mean, she said my writing
isn't personal.
Forget Inga.
Mush is just a job.
You should focus
on your own projects.
Ooh, like your blog.
Oh my gosh!
Hey!
You should write something
for Mush on Luckless.
Like what?
Okay.
So you think your dating life
is a disaster and yes, it is.
But it's actually
pretty entertaining.
Ooh, maybe you just need to find
the perfect Mush guy.
Yeah, you know,
that's not a bad idea.
Right?
Yeah, I can find a guy
who I know girls like me
have dated before,
someone who Inga
finds aspirational.
Yes.
But I mean, what kind of
a guy has every girl dated?
A commitment-phobic man-child.
Yup.
Yeah.
Oh. Oh, wow.
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
I'm going to throw those out.
That's disgusting.
Let's go find this guy.
Yes! Yes!
I mean...
We're the two musketeers, right?
We don't need some lady
coming in here
and messing up our guy's things,
we are the kings
of our own castle.
Where are you going with this?
So, I know you're not thrilled
about some of the women
I've dated but Ret is insisting
that I give looking for
a serious girlfriend a try.
I mean, it's really important
'cause I gotta sign
this prospect, and I've got
to do it at a gala...
So, okay, so Ret wants you
to have a girlfriend
so that you can go to the gala
and sign that Dirk guy?
Yeah.
I say do it.
You know, just find someone
that Ret will like
and then, after that,
we can go back to normal.
Two musketeers, right?
And you're okay with this?
Yeah, whatever.
Sometimes I swear
you're a 40-year-old man
stuck in a teenager's body.
Gross.
Alright, you want to, uh,
help me pick one?
Uh, duh.
Alright.
Well, she's got to be
the serious type.
Oh, what about her?
Uh, yeah, so,
how about I handle this,
you handle homework?
That's lame.
Well, here goes nothing.
Okay.
Let's see here.
Here we go!
Him?
Okay. Nice moustache.
But you know what? Too artsy.
He looks like he would spend
all night quoting Kafka.
Oh. What about him?
Oh. Wait a minute,
isn't that the hot guy
from the coffee shop?
Do it right now before I do.
Come on.
Okay.
He messaged me.
He wants to meet.
Wow, he moves fast.
Operation let's make
Luckless Mush approved...
ah-begins!
Okay. Here we go!
Wish me luck!
Good luck!
I'm going on a date!
Yes!
That guy is so hot.
Uh, hi. Winnie?
That's funny, I think
I saw you the other day.
Uh, yes. You must be Holden.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, this is the place.
They do great live music.
I think it's jazz tonight,
not my preferred genre, but...
Perfect, I love jazz,
I actually used to sing
in a jazz club in college.
Oh, God, really?
No, not me.
Terrified of singing.
Oh, anyone
can be taught to sing.
Like teaching a dog
how to walk on its hind legs.
Shall we?
Jinx.
So, what kind of things
do you write?
Well, I actually work
for a women's
lifestyle brand, Mush,
right now.
But I'd like to write
fiction novels some day.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Um, I'm an agent. Sports agent.
Represent a few all-stars.
Alex Halsey on speed dial,
no big deal.
Hm.
The pitcher.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, hey...
Christie?
Brittany!
Brittany!
Brittany, right.
Uh, Winnie, this is Brittany.
Brittany, Winnie.
Hi.
I really wished you would have
just told me about...
You know, Brittany,
we are actually on a date,
so this is not the right time...
Oh, no, no, no. Don't mind me.
This is great. Uh, Brit...
what did he not
tell you about exactly?
She's not important...
It's not important. Um...
It was one date, so let's not
make this a bigger thing
than it actually is.
That's gin and tonic.
So, what did you not
tell her about exactly?
Um, we went on...
we went on one... one date,
it's really not important.
Okay. Well, I have
what I need.
Ugh.
I mean, what's the big deal?
We went on one date!
I haven't even seen her since!
Oh, and her fury just totally
came out of left field?
What did you mislead her about?
Women don't go around just
dousing men in overpriced
cocktails for not reason.
Well, apparently
in my experience,
sometimes they do.
Okay, so, you just
go out with women,
hide something big from them,
and then never
talk to them again?
Yeah, I've dated around.
So what?
You are a walking clich.
Yeah, women like you
are exhausting.
Oh, I'm exhausting?!
Yeah!
I'm sorry, I wasn't the one
who just had an ex-lover
pour a drink on me!
An ex-lover?!
Yeah!
Hiya.
Oh, there's another one.
Yeah, why don't you two
have a great night?
Fine!
Fine!
Go, you giant-eyed,
stuck-up jazz lady!
Fine you, you...
you lothario! Ha!
Oh, an old-timey insult
that I'm not even really sure
I understand!
How will I ever recover?
Good night!
Um, I'm guessing
it went pretty much
how we expected it would?
He's Satan, Kyra.
Satan.
That's why he's so hot.
Oh, you have no idea.
Well, happy writing
Miss Luckless.
How's that for personal?
Hey.
Hey.
You okay?
You look tired, are you hungry?
Do you need a snack?
No, and that's just a polite way
to say I look horrible.
Okay...
Don't freak out. Okay?
Okay.
Inga would like to speak to you
in her office alone right now.
Why? Why, why, why?
I don't know.
She just insisted
that I send you in to see her
when you got in.
Maybe she just wants
to talk to you
about your fiction work.
You think? Really?
No. I'm sorry,
I'm just trying to make
you feel better
and I'm really stressed out.
Ah! Oh...
Yeah. Okay.
Pierre, can you stop
sneaking up on me like that?
I will be right there.
Okay. Don't worry.
Okay. Kyra.
What if she saw my blog?
Oh, what if she saw my blog?
Mm-mm.
There's no way
that she saw the blog.
Nobody reads the blog
except me and weird Greg in 5-C.
Ouch.
Sorry. And Crazy Carl in 6-S.
Oh, thank you.
Nice guy!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ah!
Why are you screaming?
Sorry, just,
your hand looked, um...
You wanted to see me?
It's for cell regeneration...
Obviously. And yes.
I want to speak
to you about this.
This is your blog, is it not?
The one you were trying
to pitch me the other day?
I can explain.
She's viral!
My best friend!
This blog is biting.
Witty. On trend.
Very unlike you.
I was actually trying
to take your advice, you know,
be more personal in my writing,
and I thought the blog
was a great exercise.
And I know, technically,
you know,
it's not allowed, but...
It's brave and controversial.
I love it.
You what?
I love it.
So I'm not fired?
No! No, no, no.
No, see, I want to take this
little anonymous blog of yours
and turn it into a regular
column on Mush.
I want you to keep writing
content like this.
Inga, really? Oh, yes!
Oh, I have so many ideas.
I mean, there's so many things
that I wanna write about...
No, no, no, dear.
I'm sorry. You're not...
You're not understanding.
See, dating in the city,
it's a jungle, okay?
Women are struggling every day
to find real, lasting love.
We should embrace
all your many, many flaws.
That's what our site needs.
Your date was cathartic.
It was a beautiful revenge story
set against every guy
in the city like The Player.
A triumph from break-up column!
Uh, yeah, I'm actually
not following.
You keep dating
this player character.
Put him in more
uncomfortable situations.
Write about it for the site
and I will consider letting you
have your own column
to write whatever you want.
Okay, so, so... you want me
to keep seeing Hol...
The Player, and to write about
how much of a disaster he is,
and then I get to write
whatever I want?
Exactly.
And I'm doubling your pay.
And promoting you from staff
writer to regular columnist.
Congratulations.
Uh, I mean, Inga,
this is an incredible
opportunity, really, it is,
I just don't think
it is possible.
I mean, I can't even guarantee
that he'll agree to see me.
I mean, he hates me,
like, really, really hates me.
Well, if you want a column
and creative control at Mush,
make him un-hate you.
Okay.
But I have one condition.
I'm listening.
As long as you want me to
write about my personal life,
I get to keep my anonymity.
And I also get
to protect his identity.
Being anonymous just helps me
be more honest in my writing.
Surprisingly chic.
Deal.
Alright, so this column will run
'till the end of the month
and then, you can pitch me
whatever you want.
Inga, why the end of the month?
Because then we'll be
switching over
to juice cleanses and colonics.
Winnie, come on, keep up.
Oh, juice cleanses, yeah,
I can't wait!
Thank you.
What happened?
Uh, well, she gave me
my own column.
What? Are you kidding?
That's amazing! Right?
Why do you look so disappointed?
I... I'll tell you later,
I just, I gotta go have
lunch with my mother.
Oh, joy.
Yeah, I'll...
Say hi to Evette for me!
Oh, yeah.
Love you, spinster daughter!
You're slouching, dear!
I don't understand
why you're always slouching.
When are you gonna just take
your trust fund already?
This job is grinding you
to a fine powder.
I want to make
my own money, okay?
I have an apartment
that I pay for, I'm a writer.
You know, we've been over this.
You are a gossip columnist.
It's hardly a real writer.
Well, it's not gossip,
it's actually a lifestyle brand,
it's a huge company, Mom.
I just don't understand
why you insist
on this bohemian
starving artist bit.
I mean, this family
has worked hard
to give you the means
to live a comfortable life.
And you're throwing
it all away to write...
What? I don't know,
what are you writing now?
Well, I actually
just got my own column.
Ah.
Yeah.
About dating.
Oh, how gauche.
Nice cut, Dirk.
I swear, it was like every woman
at the place was a vulture,
and I was a piece
of fresh roadkill.
But that Winnie stole my mojo.
Ooh!
That was a mean curveball.
It was a bit outside.
It's alright Dirk, keep it up!
Come on, Jaybird,
you're weak today.
Speak of the literal devil.
Give it another shot.
Why not?
Why would I go on another date
with a woman
who made it very clear
she thinks I'm a walking clich
of an unsettled man-child?
To her credit, she's not wrong.
Yeah, she is.
Right, really selling me
on this second date, Ret.
You're so used to having women
fall all over
themselves for you.
Maybe it's time
that you spent some time
with a woman that doesn't find
your overconfidence,
your London accent,
and your annoying good hairline
so charming.
Call me at six.
This guy's got an arm.
Okay. One more date.
For Perkins.
I can't believe he agreed
to another date.
Yeah, it's like he was
actually eager to see me.
But luckily, you know, I
had a little bit of time
to plan something.
Ooh!
Yeah, you know, just something
to speed along the material,
make Inga happy.
Mm, well that's the only thing
that's important,
making Inga happy.
Mm-hmm!
Have fun!
Thank you.
See you later.
Alright, I am off,
second date with serious girl.
I ordered you pizza.
Cool.
You know, if I keep this up,
I might actually get
a serious girlfriend.
Whoa, Ty, come on mate.
I'm joking.
That's not funny.
So what's going on
with that girl you like?
Did you ask her
to the dance yet?
Uh... not exactly.
Come on. You gotta put
yourself out there.
Well, that's easy
for you to say.
Okay Ty, listen.
Women are easy.
Just tell her that you like her.
Dad, no offence,
but I just don't think
it's a good idea for me
to be taking advice from a guy
who got a drink thrown at him
less than 24 hours ago
and is now going
on a second date with a girl
he doesn't even like
because his boss told him to.
Harsh but fair.
Pizza will be here in 20.
Cash is on the counter.
I'll be back in a bit.
Cool. Later.
Hi.
Hi.
I, uh, wanted to apologize.
I think we got off
on the wrong foot.
It's okay, I shouldn't have
called you a lothario.
Truce?
Truce.
So, what exactly are we doing?
I've got something in mind.
Like?
Jazz night again.
I thought we already did this?
Well, kind of.
Here he is. Hey!
You ready?
Uh, what's going on?
Hello, hello!
Ladies and gentlemen,
ah, do we have
a treat for you tonight.
Welcome to the stage,
the one, the only,
Holden Fulls.
Woo!
You want me to sing in public?
Yeah.
Have you ever heard two cats
fighting in an alleyway?
That's me singing!
Relax! It will be fun!
I... I don't do music.
Well, you do now.
Okay, have fun.
Okay...
Woo! Holden, everyone!
Uh, I... I... What song?
What song?
It had to be you.
You can just do a scat improv.
You'll be great.
Uh, great. Okay.
I don't know any...
I don't know any...
It had to be you...
It had to be you...
Skee-ba-ba-boo.
Skeedle-bae!
Haba! Haba!
Haba! Skee-da-da-dee-ah!
Skee-sko-badoo...
Skee-skada-bow!
Love! Yeah!
It had to be you!
Skee...
Yeah, cheers.
Woo!
Well, that was deeply scarring.
And not just for you.
Well, cheers to being
traumatized
and never singing jazz again.
Oh, I can't cheers to that.
Cheers to me never
singing jazz again.
Are there any other activities
that I should be aware of?
Well, uh...
I actually volunteer
at the community centre
by my place.
Plan after-school activities,
and I mentor kids
and stuff like that.
So, you like kids?
I love kids. Yeah.
Good to know.
Hey, um...
why was that woman
so mad at you the other night?
I suppose she thinks
I, uh, mislead her.
About what?
A part of my life.
What part?
You know, if we're gonna
keep doing this,
I think it should happen
organically.
You know, some things
take a bit of time.
Okay. Fair enough.
Well, this is me, so...
Do you...?
Shall we?
Good night.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah. Good night.
Handshake.
At this rate, I'll never
get to the gala.
Tell me, how did I end up
with a trashy dating column
when all I've ever wanted
was to be Harper Lee!
Winnie. Just do this one job
and then you can write
anything you want.
Yeah, I just don't know
if I can keep dating this guy
because he's awful, Kyra!
He's awful.
So you use it. Channel it.
I will use it.
Use it.
I will channel it.
Yes!
And then write about it.
Yeah. Okay.
That's it.
I can do this.
What would you do without me?
Okay. Here goes nothing.
If you need me
I'll be right here, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
The post has 500,000 views.
Yes bestie!
That is what I'm talking about.
High-five.
Yes!
Oh, that's so good!
Hey.
Mm-hmm.
Do you think I should tell
Inga that I put...
regular flour in those brownies?
Stop!
Mm!
Absolutely not.
Yes, yes, yes, Kyra!
Yes to this!
Mm.
I need to know that I'm gonna
get the best sneaker contracts,
sodas, watches, billboards.
Your number one priority
is playing ball.
You're talented.
But you're an inch away
from screwing it all up
with that mouth of yours.
What Ret means to say
is that if you do your job
out on the field,
I can make sure
all the big brands
are gonna be begging
to work with you.
Eric Potsworth says
he can get the job done, so,
how do I know
you'll do it better?
Hold off on making a decision
until after the Insiders Gala.
All the top CEOs
are gonna be there,
and they're always
in the mood to do business.
I mean, Eric Potsworth's
a dime a dozen
and his agency's a veritable
meat grinder.
You need an agency that actually
cares about you.
I guarantee I can secure you
a big brand contract
at the gala,
right then and there.
Hm.
Deal. I'll decide at the gala.
Ah, Jada, um, hey,
there's this, uh,
there's this dance.
Jada. What's up? It's... Ty.
Hey, ladies.
Hey, Jada, um, don't look now,
but I think that boy
might have a crush on you.
And interest in asking him
to join us today?
Hey! Over here!
Yes, you. Come here.
I run the after-school
activities here
and we're actually playing
basketball today,
any interest in joining us?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
Oh, great. I'm Winnie.
Ty.
You know, Ty,
when you like someone,
it's probably a good idea
to talk to them.
What? I... I don't like...
Tell that to your face.
Look, Jada's like, next level.
There's no chance
she likes me back.
Mm, I wouldn't be so sure.
Really?
All I'm gonna say
is that she's actually mentioned
a boy named Ty before,
so unless there's tons of Tys
running around your school,
I'm guessing she meant you.
Just ask her.
How?
Be honest.
Put yourself out there.
You got this. Ask her.
Thanks, Winnie.
I mean, what was that about Ret?
He's a chump, Holden.
Now, I've been in this business
for over 40 years,
and I think I know
a thing or two
about what players
are gonna last.
Who said anything about lasting?
When I started this company,
you know what I wanted?
A billion-dollar valuation?
No. I wanted hall-of-famers.
Players that gave everything
for the game.
Some players are just
money players, Ret.
You came to me knowing
zilch about baseball.
All that cricket and polo
and whatever else
you Brits like.
You were hungry.
And you wanted more.
Remember what I said to you?
"You don't have to swing hard
to hit a home run.
If you've got the timing,
it'll go."
That's right. Yogi Berra.
Yogi Berra.
Why don't you dig down deep
for me and find that kid again?
'Cause that money-grabbin',
fast-talking fool
ain't my thing.
And it sure isn't the way I want
my company run after I'm gone.
Well, you'll see.
After the gala.
Hey.
Quit swinging so hard, kid.
Hey!
How are you?
Arts and crafts.
Yup.
Starting to think
you enjoy torturing me.
Painting is relaxing.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Paint brush.
Right.
Cheers.
Oh.
Okay. Easy.
Sorry.
It looks like
you're enjoying it.
Don't... don't break
the artist streak here.
Kind of therapeutic, no?
I'm so Zen.
Yeah, me too.
I'm like a koi pond.
I'm like a cloud doing yoga.
You know, you're kind of
killing my Zen right now.
Okay.
Okay.
Who is that supposed to be?
It's me. Kind of.
Okay, well, from this angle,
it actually kind of looks like
a very colourful
Winston Churchill.
Oh, bollocks.
That's it. I'm done.
I've had enough.
You really do a lot
for this place, don't you?
These kids are important?
Oh yeah. Yeah.
This year I'm actually
giving them all art supplies.
Oh, how many?
There is 218 this year,
something like that.
You're gonna give
218 kids art supplies?
Well, sort of.
Oh, what,
you're a trust fund baby?
Well, I don't use it,
so I put it back
into the community centre.
Are you telling me
you've got a trust fund?
Look, I don't need
all that money,
and I would rather
have it go to them.
You know, this place actually
reminds me of my childhood.
Oh, you used to volunteer too?
Uh, no, more like I was
the one being volunteered for.
There was this woman,
a lot like you, actually,
who used to drop off gifts
at the leisure centre.
The only gifts I ever got.
Oh, I... I didn't realize.
Well, most women as beautiful
as you are not as giving.
I should probably, um...
I should go.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hey!
You almost knocked over
the former prime minister!
Poor Winston.
How are you?
Ignore this.
You're home late.
Yeah, I actually had a...
a nice time.
Cool.
So, do you, uh,
do you actually
like this girl or...?
Yeah, I kind of do.
Well, am I gonna get
to meet her or...
at least get to know
anything about her?
Well, um, when I'm ready, yeah.
Can you at least
just tell me what she's like?
She's um... generous and kind.
And surprising.
Look, I wanna make sure
that if and when you meet her
that she's gonna be someone
that's gonna be around
for a long time.
Yeah, I get it.
It's just, you know,
two musketeers.
Right.
Always.
You know you're the best, right?
You know that?
So, uh, what's your next date?
Well, I think it's gonna be
an urban scavenger hunt.
Apparently there's all these
cool things
hidden all over the city
and I've got this site
that leads us to all
the cool spots.
Sounds fun.
Yeah.
I'm gonna get some sleep.
Good night.
Good night.
Scavenger hunt.
Here.
Oh, yeah. Cheers.
Thanks, mate.
Have fun!
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, eat some candy or something?
Uh, no.
No, why do you ask?
Mm...
Why?
No reason.
Okay. You're being weird.
Glad the red dye was washable.
Yeah. Me too.
Says we're supposed to go
to Harold Washington Library
but... this can't be right.
Getting directions
to previous destination,
Hair Restore Hair Plug Doctors.
Uh...
Okay, so, I don't know
what that's about.
Would you like me to direct
you to Toupees and Beyond,
Doctor Coiffure,
Balding Specialists?
No! I mean obviously,
I've got a full head of hair.
Yeah, it's a really
believable toupee.
It's not a toupee!
Mm. Yeah.
No, it's real. Touch it.
Directing to Big Ricks
Wig World.
Gah!
It must be some sort of bug.
Well, apparently
our urban scavenger hunt
has turned into a slow walking
tour of the city.
Yeah, but at least
I'm learning a lot
about hair-restoration
technique, so there's that.
Oh, are you? Okay.
Okay, well, follow me.
This way.
Now, if you see...
this house right here,
when I was younger,
my friends and I
used to doorbell ditch
houses just like that.
I dare you to do it again.
Okay. Only if you
do it with me.
What? No. No, no, no.
Oh, oh, no,
but are you a chicken?
No! No, I just...
Are you a chicken?
She's a chicken.
Okay. Okay. Go!
What are you...
Oh, my, she's coming!
My heart's gonna beat
out of my chest.
I forgot how fun that was.
Sierra. It's Inga.
We should talk.
A 100-mile-per-hour fastball.
That's impressive.
You ever think about
playing pro?
Take my card.
I think you've got
something special.
You know, one thing
I'll never understand
about you Americans is how much
you love standing in line.
There's actually a ramen place
in Wicker Park
that has the best
ramen ever, obviously,
and people actually camp outside
the night before.
Camp?
Mm-hmm.
We should go there next time.
Literally the night before.
It's that good.
Can I ask you something?
Shoot.
How are you still single?
Honestly?
Well, my dates are
usually disasters.
Oh good, I thought it was
me that was the disaster.
Oh, you are.
Trust me. But so am I.
Uh, you've got a little...
Oh.
- Sorry, uh...
- Don't answer it.
Sorry, I, uh... one sec.
I gotta go.
I spaced on a deadline.
I thought you wanted
to be a novelist.
I mean, your boss sounds awful.
And she's clearly addicted
to her phone.
Just... Why not just quit?
It's not that simple.
Okay? I gotta go.
But... Okay,
Winnie, I didn't...
Great.
What am I doing?
Hey, hey, hey!
I made lasagna. You want some?
No, I'm good.
You okay?
We almost kissed.
You and Player?
Ew. Why? What? When? Where? How?
It's like I'm actually
starting to actually like him.
How am I supposed to write a break-up
post at the end of this thing when...
If I'm actually starting
to have feelings for the guy?
You need to tell Holden
the truth.
What? No. I can't.
He'll hate me.
It's going to come out
eventually, Win.
Women all over the city
are reading your column.
I know... it's bad!
Ugh, it's bad!
Are you crazy?
This is what you've
always wanted.
Your writing is finally
getting noticed!
Stop "Holden" back the truth.
See what I did there?
- Yeah.
- Tell him.
If he really likes you,
he'll understand.
Something to ruin the mood.
- Toast?
- Thanks.
I'm going to stay at Brody's
after practice if that's cool.
Uh, sure, yeah.
That's fine by me.
Sweet. Okay.
- Have fun.
- I will. See ya!
Sorry, Ty.
In case she comes over.
Hey.
Hi.
So, you've shown me your world.
How about today,
I show you mine?
Okay, what did you have in mind?
Oh, look at you.
So cute in your little helmet.
What did I do to deserve this?
Hey. I sang and did
art for you.
Two of my least
favourite things.
Indulge me in a little payback.
Fine.
I'm just gonna widen this out.
Now, this is kind of obligatory.
Okay.
Now... Baseball is all
about grace.
Yeah!
A little more grace than that.
Grace and...
Okay...
Efficiency.
Never... take your eye
off the ball.
- Okay.
- You ready?
Not at all.
Ugh!
Oh, I'm terrible at this!
You're closing your eyes!
Remember what I said, always
keep your eye on what you want.
Whoa!
Woo!
There it goes, we got a
ringer, ladies and gentlemen!
Miss Winnie Rhodes!
You gotta run, you gotta run!
I gotta run!
Come on! They're signalling!
She's running home!
She's going for it!
Don't slide!
- I don't even need to rush.
- Safe! Amazing.
- So, why baseball?
- Why baseball?
- Mm-hmm!
- Why baseball?
Of all sports, why baseball?
Baseball is the most
American sport there is.
Um...
Um... Okay, when I left
England,
I left with nothing.
I had no money, no family.
America was this fresh start.
And apple pie and baseball
were my first American loves.
And they are dear to me
to this day. Sorry.
Ugh, you're so lucky, you know?
To have a career where...
you get to do what you love.
Why don't you
just write on your own?
I mean, what is stopping you?
- It's not that simple.
- I think it is, because...
Mm-mm.
You have this trust fund, right?
You could just go off and write.
Be free.
- No, I...
- You've got this incredible
safety net that not
a lot of people have.
Why not use it?
I don't want to look back
and wonder if I made it because
I'm actually talented or because
I'm just privileged.
You know?
Hmm...
And here I thought all rich people
loved being rich, but you...
are an enigma, Winnie Rhodes.
- Enigma.
- A complicated, selfless...
giant-eyed, beautiful...
wonderful enigma.
Oh!
Oh, uh...
- Oh, that's, that is...
- It's okay.
Really not how
I wanted that to go.
- It's totally okay! Um...
- Um...
- Do you have some soda water?
- So... yeah. Soda water.
I've got soda...
So how about, actually,
why don't you just, um...
Why don't you just throw
this on, and I'll pop
that in the wash?
- Awesome, thank you.
- Right. Uh...
It's okay.
Do you happen
to be a fan of old movies?
Love them!
Yes!
Oh, this is my favourite part.
Humphrey Bogart
is an absolute legend.
Ew!
Ty...
Winnie? What are you...
I think I got the stain out.
Oh wow, Ty. Mate, you're early.
Um...
Dad, this whole time,
you've been seeing Winnie?
How do you know even know?
He's been coming
to the community centre.
And were you ever going
to tell me you had a son?
- Of course, listen...
- And whose is that?
Uh... I genuinely
have no clue.
Right. Forget it.
I gotta go.
No, Winnie, I can explain!
Well, I can't explain
the mysterious nightie,
but I can explain Ty!
God, you're an idiot.
Enter! Oh, Winnie!
- Hi.
- Just the girl I wanted to see.
I was hoping I could talk
to you about my column.
Yes! It's a smash.
Now, I'm thinking
we turn it into a book.
- Uh...
- I mean, I've already been in touch
with the best publisher
in the nation.
They love the idea.
A... A book? What?
Yes! Yes, we'll take
your existing posts
and then you can expand
upon them.
Maybe add in some dating tips,
things like that.
It'll be an easy read.
Right.
W... Why would people
want to buy a book of posts
they've already read?
For the extra content!
I published a book
of tweets last year.
Trust me, audiences crave
books like this.
Right, uh...
There's just something that I...
I was in touch with the papers!
The Times wants to do
a feature on Y-O-U!
Huh, wait, what?
What about our deal
to keep my anonymity?
Well, sweetie, anonymity
works fine for a blog,
but for a book, we... we
really need to know the author.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, it's part of the package!
The big reveal!
He has a son. Okay?
He happens to be the father
of one of the kids I mentor,
and I just,
I can't do it, Inga, okay?
It's... It's different now.
Excuse me?
I can't keep writing about him.
Um... I'm done.
Do you think just because
he's procreated that
that will elicit my sympathy?
No...
This book will launch
your writing career, Winnie.
Right, and I am so
grateful for that. Really, I am.
But Inga...
But what?! What?!
You... Oh, you have feelings
for him?
Oh, you want me to play mommy!
Give you a little huggy wuggy?
Is that it? Huh?
Get over it, Winnie!
I don't pay you to feel.
Okay, I just think that if you give
me a week to date other people,
I can write about somebody else.
I promise you.
I can write just as good
about other people.
Fine! If it will get you over
this schoolgirl infatuation.
But I expect you to start turning
in content for the book ASAP.
Whatever you need, Inga!
Don't touch my desk, Winnie.
We're done.
Yes, yes!
Are you mad at me?
No, mate. I'm not mad.
I'm sorry about...
about the nightgown.
And the GPS, and...
dyeing your mouth red.
I, uh... It was all me.
I mean, if I had known it was
Winnie that you were dating, then...
Moral of the story is I...
I shouldn't have been messing
with your dates.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
You know, I figured it was you.
I think I'm just nervous...
about you actually liking
someone. You know?
It's just been you and me
for so long, and...
Hey, you know I was actually
scared to introduce you?
You can be quite
the harsh critic, Ty.
Yeah, I know.
But I don't think
you should give up.
She's... She's actually
really cool.
She helped me ask Jada out.
She's a really nice lady.
I'll try not to be
so critical anymore.
Thanks, Ty.
Yeah.
This is garbage.
Oh, hey, Mom.
Hi, Winnie!
I was just reading your column.
You are Luckless, yes?
Uh, yes, why? Who's asking?
Some of those jokes
are a little crude, darling.
And I noticed that you're
relying very heavily on slang.
Okay, Mom, since when
do you read Mush?
Well, I was curious!
The women at beauty salon
couldn't stop talking about it.
And that boy, the Player,
he sounds like a good fit.
Yeah, I'm actually
not seeing him anymore.
Did your posture just change?
You sound like you're slouching,
honey.
Okay, well, um...
Mom, I, I... I really actually have
to get back to work, so I gotta go.
Oh, okay.
Well, hang on to that young boy.
You know how your mummy
loves a British accent.
Okay, Mom. Bye.
What?
And here we are.
This is where
our associates are,
we have a boardroom back there,
but this is the guy.
Ret, this is Jason Byrd.
Guy's got a great arm.
I liked him. Good kid.
That's the kind of player
we need more of around here.
You know, humble, hard-working,
in it for the love of the game
and not because he wants
all the latest sneakers.
Well, he's a diamond
in the rough.
But we still need
those big wins like Dirk, Ret.
Not that I've got any chance
of signing him now.
Why?
Is something going
on with that girl?
Uh, she's just ignoring me.
I guess you can count
me out of the gala.
Maybe she's just busy with work.
No, no. I just dropped the ball
and didn't tell her about Ty.
I mean, I wanted to do it the
right way and introduce them but...
He walked in on one of our dates
and now she's ghosting me.
Ghosting? Hold on, she died?
No, Ret, you old boot.
Ghosting is when someone you're
dating stops responding to you.
Ah...
I totally understand
why so many women hated
me for ghosting them.
It's really insensitive.
Have you tried a grand gesture?
Like a good romantic comedy?
You show up unexpectedly
with a boom box over your head.
If you want to come
to the party, you know my terms.
- A grand gesture?
- Think big.
Now let's move on to
the Luckless column.
Winnie! Winnie.
The numbers are tanking dear,
it's time to bring back
the Player.
Well I, uh...
Okay, okay!
I'm sensing you're about to give
me a whole energy here of excuses,
and I'm gonna need you to change that
around to a whole energy of solutions.
Yeah, Winnie. Help me help you.
Help me help you. Mm-hmm!
Help me help you!
Pierre, like you mean it!
Yeah, okay.
- They're so happy.
- Mmm.
Uh, okay! First of all, I was
really invested in that movie.
Second of all, how long is this
pity party gonna go on for?
You need a plan, Winnie.
Okay, well, I'll make up some posts and
I'll pretend that the real Player is back.
And Inga, she won't know
the difference.
Winnie Rhodes!
Did you hear that?
Or have I had too much wine?
Hey!
What's he doing here?
Is that Player?
What's he doing?!
Winnie!
I'm not sure, just, uh...
Winnie Rhodes!
Wha... What are
you doing here?!
- I gotta to talk to you!
- Holden!
Okay, I'm gonna start singing.
No! No, no, no, Holden!
And all of your neighbours
are gonna hate you for it!
No, no! Holden, Holden, don't!
This is for Winnie Rhodes,
everyone! For Winnie Rhodes!
No! Holden, no!
It had to be you!
Okay, are there two cats
fighting in the alleyway,
or is that his singing voice?
That's his singing voice!
Skeetley-da!
How have you still
not learned the lyrics?!
Dee-dah! It had to be... you!
Holden, no! Okay, fine! Fine, fine, fine!
Fine! I'll talk to you. Just...
I'll talk to you!
Please just stop singing.
I'll just, I'll come down, okay?
Okay.
God...
I'm an idiot.
Where have you been, Win?
I, uh... When I found out
about Ty, I...
- I know what's going on.
- You do?
You got scared.
I'm scared too, Win.
Well, it's not that.
I mean, it is sort of that,
but um...
Holden, my job...
You can write whatever
you want. Job or no job.
You're brilliant.
- You're being too kind.
- No. I'm being honest.
I mean, if this job is that
important to you, I'll support it.
I just want you to be happy.
But Ty really likes you.
Now what?
You could quit ghosting me.
That's absolute torture, that.
Tomorrow, my boss is having a
dinner and Ty's gonna be there,
and I want everyone to meet the right way.
Will you come?
I'd love to.
- And keep Saturday open.
- For what?
You'll see.
See you tomorrow.
Yeah.
Do you know how hard it was to
find a boom-box?
Yeah, I bet!
- Tomorrow!
- Tomorrow.
I...
Okay.
Hello?
Your numbers
are through the roof.
The fans are buzzing
about Player's return.
Too sentimental
for my own tastes,
but the metrics are great.
Okay! Yeah, that's good.
And how are the last chapters
of the book coming along?
Well, um,
I... I almost finished it,
but actually, uh, I wanted to talk
you about the break-up post, um...
We can discuss that later.
I've moved the Times shoot
up to today.
Wait, what?!
We are rushing the book
launch to next week.
Inga!
We need to ride this momentu!
You know, we've only got
one more column,
and then we're
hitting the shelves.
So meet me
at the office in three hours.
And please, Winnie,
detangle your hair
before you arrive,
for everyone's sake.
No, no, no, no, no!
Ugh!
- It's fine...
- Dad, chill! You're making me...
- Hi! Hi, hi!
- Hey!
Sorry, I'm late.
It's good to see you.
Hey!
Wow, you look beautiful.
So, are you done ghosting
my dad now?
I mean, I thought he was gonna have
an aneurysm there for a few days.
Really?
No, he's just a teenager. He doesn't
know what he's talking about.
Yeah, I do!
He was stalking
your social media nonstop.
- Oh!
- Total creep status.
Ty! Shall we?
You're grounded.
- Oh, hi. Good to see you.
- Young man...
Ret. This is Winnie.
- Hi.
- It's so nice to meet you.
You too. I've heard
only great things.
- Oh, really?
- Oh yeah, yeah.
Holden always talks about how lucky
he is to have a boss like you.
- Well...
- I like her.
She knows that compliments
are a way to my heart.
Well, in that case,
uh, you have a great smile.
Off to a great start.
Okay!
So I programmed
his GPS to only direct
him to a hair plug doctor,
and Toupees and Beyond.
I mean, how did
you even do that?
Um, I'm good with technology.
My generation was practically born
with tablets glued to our hands.
If he's balding,
you can tell me.
- Oh, hi! Talking about me?
- Don't worry about it!
Some other bald guy.
Oh!
Inside joke.
Oh...
I like her.
You can tell
if he's balding. Go on.
I mean, he could be.
- Really?
- You're in.
Well, thanks for coming.
You were a real hit.
One more thing.
Come with me tomorrow
to the Insiders Gala.
- Are you serious?
- As my girlfriend.
Just kiss already!
I'll, uh...
I'll figure it out.
Okay. Let's find a way.
I'm gonna see you tomorrow?
Thanks for the advice!
Romantic!
Absolutely not. If you pull
out of this book deal,
I will sick every single
attorney in the city on you
and I will eat you alive.
Got it?
You signed on to do a break-up
column and a tell-all book.
Well, I want a break-up! Got it?
- Yeah. I understand.
- Good!
I expect to see
your post tonight.
Don't disappoint me.
- Wow.
- Too much?
No, No, you're perfect.
Here we are.
I have to say that...
it's been a long time since I've enjoyed
spending time with someone this much.
Yeah, me too.
Uh...
Holden, there's just
something I've been, um...
I've been meaning to tell you.
Yeah, you can tell me anything.
Uh...
Well, the, uh, the column
I'm writing right now,
it's very personal.
Okay.
What I'm trying to say is
that, um...
Tomorrow, there's a big release,
and well, I'm supposed to...
- Hey! Hey, there he is!
- Hey!
Wicked.
Would you excuse me?
I just need to...
go to the restroom.
Holden! Please tell me
you have some deals for me.
Uh, you see that...
You see that guy right there?
The CEO of the biggest sports
department store on the planet.
Just happens to
be my golfing buddy.
- We expected...
- Oh! Hi, Ret!
Oh, there you are, Winnie.
How are you?
It's good to see you.
I'm doing a lot better
now that my top agent has
his head out of his rear end.
And you to thank for that.
Oh no, no, I can't take credit
for that.
Oh, yes, you can.
- Would you excuse me?
- Yeah!
- I just, I need to, um...
- Sure, absolutely.
Hmm.
So, when do you think
I'd get paid?
Well, um, that depends...
Well, hello there!
I'm Dirk.
Are you texting your boyfriend?
Actually, I'm reading Luckless.
Luckless? No way,
I love that column!
Player is a hot mess.
Wait, what are we talking about?
Oh, it's the most popular
dating column ever.
This girl is dating
this guy who's a player,
and he's a disaster.
Okay.
And they went on a date,
and a woman he used to see...
Poured a drink on him!
Remember the doorbell ditching?
No, no, no, the jazz date!
It had to be you!
Awful, awful, awful!
I've made my decision.
I'm letting Holden take over.
He's convinced me
that he's got what it takes.
I thought for sure he was
faking it with Winnie
just to get into the parties
so he could sign Dirk, but now...
I can't believe he showed up
to a date with red teeth!
Oh, yo, Holden.
You said that
your date works at Mush, right?
Maybe she knows who Luckless is.
Excuse me.
Winnie.
Holden, don't.
All this time you were
writing about me, huh?
Using me,
that's your big secret.
Yeah, and you were using me
to get to some baseball player,
right?
I was your ticket in here so you could
get some big endorsement deal? Is that it?
Well, you would know about putting
work in front of everything!
Hmm? Wouldn't you?
Making a fool of me
in front of millions of people!
Millions!
Making fun of my singing voice?!
I didn't even
want to sing that night!
Whoa, wait, Holden, you're...
And you used me so that you could
chase your next big paycheque,
because guess what?
This was never about you opening up so
that Ty could have some... some stability!
No! This was always about money,
because that's all
you care about.
You honestly think I would
introduce you to my son
if I wasn't serious about you?
Hmm, how would I know, huh?
You seem like you're pretty good
at hiding who you really are.
Well, that makes two of us.
Doesn't it, Luckless?
Yep! You're right!
I'm Luckless!
I hope everybody
enjoyed the show.
Oh, and one more thing.
Holden here, he is the player!
- Yeah!
- The one and only!
You know what?
I'm gonna do what I should have
done on that very first date.
Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry!
Just for the record, that was supposed
to hit him, not you. I'm really sorry!
That was hilarious!
- Hey!
- Hey.
How'd it go?
What happened? Winnie!
Did you tell him?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I told him.
Okay, it's gonna be okay.
Come on. Sit down. Come on.
Don't cry, you're gonna
make me cry, okay?
You know what always makes
me feel better?
Eating a snack.
Come on, you want one?
- Okay.
- Yeah?
- Cheers.
- Cheers. Cheers.
It's gonna be okay. Okay?
Sorry for ruining yet another
one of your events.
You're not the only one
to fumble the ball today.
I shouldn't have let it slip
about our arrangement.
Would've been nice.
No, mate, I'm just not
made for commitment.
Just because it didn't work
out with Winnie,
doesn't mean
that it wasn't worthwhile.
You let yourself fall,
it's a good thing.
Well, at least I got Dirk.
He's got his shoe deal now.
Mm-hmm, sure does.
Big book release day!
Want to get some
celebratory brunch?
No thanks. I think I'm
just gonna stay here.
I'm really sorry
that I pressured you
to write about
your personal life.
No, no, no. No. You know,
you and Inga were right, okay?
I was too afraid
to put myself out there
that I was hiding behind
this persona.
Okay, maybe I needed this.
You know what? I'm gonna
make us some brownies.
With actual butter.
Actual butter.
- And sugar.
- And sugar.
- And joy.
- And joy!
Mm-hmm!
- Thank you.
- Of course.
Inga, hi!
Your last column was fab!
And I got you a spot
on Wake Up America!
Get ready to be
a bestselling author!
Oh, uh...
What did she say?
Uh... I'm gonna be
on Wake Up America!
You're gonna be
on Wake Up America?!
I'm gonna be on Wake Up America!
Oh my gosh! High-five, bestie!
Yes!
That was...
500K? They're lowballing me.
You're still a rookie, Dirk.
You know I'm worth triple.
It's one shoe deal.
There's gonna be plenty more
where that came from, trust me.
No, no, it's about respect!
They're not showing me
the respect I deserve.
Respect? Respect?!
You want respect?
Earn it on the field.
How many homers have you hit?
How many double plays
have you made? Zero.
You're not even
on that diamond yet.
I'm gonna be the greatest
player in the game.
Everyone says it!
Will you?
That's funny, because right now, all
I see is an overconfident little prat
who only cares about
endorsements.
You want to be great?
Shut up and play baseball.
We're done.
I'm going with Eric's agency.
Fantastic! Enjoy that.
Bye, you little zit!
Whatever, old man.
You were right.
He's nothing but a little
punk with no work ethic.
What are you even doing here?
Go home and be with Ty.
He's got a girlfriend now,
too busy for his dad.
How's that for irony?
Hmm!
- Uh, I need a distraction.
- From Winnie.
"Love is the most important
thing in the world.
But baseball
is pretty good too."
Yogi Berra
always has the answers.
Mm-hmm. Sure does.
So, Mr. CEO, tell me more
about this pitcher, Jason Byrd.
Gotta sign him.
Already got him, Ret.
That's my boy.
Ah! There you are.
You're late!
I'm 10 minutes early.
Huh. Well, it always feels
like you're late.
Whoa! No, no, people!
People! Was I not clear, here!
No processed foods!
Inga, this is just like...
it's a lot...
- I know.
- It's a lot more than I bargained for.
Like, I just...
Right, right, right.
I get it. I get it.
I mean, you're the t-shirt girl.
The girl who knows
what a fourth down is.
But what sells is glamour.
So play the character.
- Play the character?
- Exactly.
You're Luckless, the girl with the most
captivating dating drama on the planet.
And soon, you'll be
a bestselling author.
Uh, Inga... Since you said
if the book was a hit,
I can write anything I want...
Anything within reason, yes.
Yeah, well, I want to write
fiction. I've started on...
Absolutely not. Never.
So what am I allowed to write?
You can write anything you want.
Uh... Dating faux pas.
Whether to get botox
or filler... Or both!
Inga, this wasn't our deal.
Well, Winnie, you wanted
to be a bestselling author.
I made that happen.
And I expect you
to act accordingly.
Don't let me down, Winnie.
Do not put that next
to the veggies!
Welcome the author of the
bestselling Luckless Guide to Love...
Uh, Dad?
Winnie Rhodes.
Yes, yes!
Winnie, your book has been
a big success. What's next?
Fiction actually.
Yeah, my next book started out
as something just for me.
But then I thought,
why not share it with the world?
Yeah, I mean, after all,
I can write whatever I want.
Yes! Go, girl!
That's what I'm talking about!
For so long, all I wanted
was to be successful.
I mean, so much so that I didn't
actually really care what the cost was.
And then I, uh...
I ended up losing someone that
meant a lot to me because of it.
- Dad! Dad, come here! Dad.
- What?
- You have to watch this.
- Nope.
- Well, hey, hey...
- Nope!
If you're not gonna watch it,
at the very least,
you have to listen!
And I'm actually working
on a novel right now,
which is about finding someone
who is perfectly imperfect.
It's called Luck Strikes.
Is this about the Player?
It's, um... It's actually
about two people.
Yeah, the Player
is a package deal.
Yeah, he has a son.
A really, really wonderful son.
And I once told him, his son,
that honesty is the best policy.
Because that's what
my dad taught me.
So, uh, yeah, I feel like the best way
to honour him is to finally be honest.
She's going to grand gesture.
My time with the Player, as you
all know it, was a mess. It was.
But you know, it wasn't entirely
how I portrayed it.
Wow.
No, it wasn't all
embarrassing and torturous.
Skeetly-beh-bah!
Most of it was actually...
really fun.
And exciting, and...
It was love.
I'm sorry to my readers
for not being true to myself.
Because the truth is,
I fell hard.
And I put my work ahead of that
because I had to
play a character.
But that's not who I am.
So I'm sorry.
That's my best friend.
But, uh... no apology
is complete without
a grand gesture,
So... here goes.
Called it.
- Oh, I think she's gonna sing.
- No way.
It had to be you...
It had to be you...
I wandered around
and finally found...
somebody who...
made me be true.
Sorry.
Oh no...
Shibbity-do, bada-dee-bada-shoo.
Oh!
Shoopity doo!
Oh, that feels good.
What is she doing?
Oh... Oh, this is really...
It had to be you!
You, you, you, you!
Shibbity-shibbity-shibbity!
It had to be you.
It's 'cause he did that.
Anyway...
It had to be you!
Wow.
I love you, Winnie.
I love you.
Thank you. Thank you.
- So?
- So? So what?
So let's go get her!
I mean, she loves you
and you love her.
Isn't this kind of obvious?
Yeah, but-
- When a girl grand gestures,
the guy has to go on this big
dramatic chase
to reunite with her.
Everybody knows that!
How do you even know this?
You're wasting time!
Just grab your keys, let's go!
- Okay. Yeah, let's go!
- Hurry up!
Winnie! Hi.
Uh, I don't know what that was
back there, but...
I should have listened
to you more.
I should have listened
to your ideas.
You're obviously
very passionate.
And I like to have a certain
amount of control over my brand,
and maybe that can
hinder progress.
I apologize.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
And I would love to help you publish
your next book. Even fiction.
Yeah, you know, I'm gonna
take some time away from Mush.
You know, just really give this
writing thing a try on my own.
I quit.
Thank you, Inga.
You're the best.
Winnie!
Did you guys just sprint here?
That was the mother
of all grand gestures.
It was, wasn't it?
But your singing...
That bad?
Marginally better than mine,
but...
I read your column.
It wasn't all bad.
Some of it was actually
pretty nice.
I should have told you.
Okay, I should have quit
a while ago but...
But I finally did today.
I got rid of Dirk.
You were right, I was too
focused on money.
Just kiss her!
Do you want to stand
in an absurdly long line
and get some ramen?
- Absolutely not.
- Yes!
- No! Never!
- Come on! Yes!
- I think we should go to...
- Ramen!
One of the fine restaurants
that I sprinted by in a blur.
- Come on, Ty.
- No lines.