Lust in the Dust (1984) Movie Script
[music - "tarnished tumbleweed"]
NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Our passions
are like fire and water-- good servants, but poor masters.
The legend of Chili Verde tells of men and women
who became slaves to their passions.
They paid the price here, under the blistering, burning,
blazing, scorching, roasting, toasting, baking, boiling,
broiling, steaming, searing, sizzling, grilling,
smoldering, very hot New Mexico sun.
For there is a saying in these parts--
those who lust in the dust shall die in the dust.
-My gin!
Oh my god.
I'm gonna die from thirst out here.
Oh, no.
What are you doing?
Only a few more little miles-- a few itsy bitsy, eeny weeny
little miles-- and then you can drop dead you
miserable hunk of shit.
Oh, yay though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of-- through the shadow of Death Valley-- oh, Christ.
I used to know it.
Water-- do you understand?
Water.
Agua-- gracias Maria.
[speaking spanish]
What are you doing?
Who are you?
Where'd you come from?
I said, who are you.
Put that down.
What do you want?
It's me, isn't it?
You're going to take advantage of me.
You're going to have your filthy way with me
under the hot desert sun, aren't you?
You're going to ravage me like I've never been ravaged before.
Your hot sweat sliding over my body as we roll in the dust--
as you violate my innermost parts,
as you pound against me in orgasmic animal passion.
Oh, God-- you're disgusting.
What are you doing?
Don't leave me out here, mister.
I get you.
My ass is on its last legs.
I'll die.
I've got nothing to eat.
Thanks.
[whistle]
Please, mister-- don't go.
I don't even know your name.
Mister-- Mister-- yoohoo!
Oh, mister-- I'm lost.
You've gotta help me.
Please.
Oh, thank you-- thank you.
I'm Rosita Velez.
Everyone calls me Rosie.
What's your name?
You wouldn't be headed towards Chili Verde, would ya?
Passing through Chili Verde?
Mind if I come along?
Thanks.
I got to be crazy being out here all alone,
but I was doing just fine until I met up
with that hard case, Williams, and his gang.
You ever hear of him?
[speaking spanish]
I tell ya, mister, I've had some tough scrapes in my life,
but this one's been the worst.
It was yesterday evening.
I was feeling good.
I was halfway to Chili Verde, and I hadn't got lost once.
Oh, hello.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
-Trust in the Lord, and he shall provide.
-Uh, could you tell me -- is this the right road to Chili Verde?
[laughter]
Being a leader of men is a very solitary business, miss.
I've been very concerned about my men's libidos
until you, so conveniently, came on the scene.
-I'm afraid I don't understand, sir.
Are you speaking English?
[speaking spanish]
-Poontang, poontang-- that any clearer, little lady?
My curse is that I have received the education befitting the son
of a Boston preacher-- may he rot in hellfire--
but I do believe that you get the thrust of my meaning.
My men are as horny as jackrabbits.
-They look cute.
Ahh!
-Hurry up, boys, we got a fortune in gold to find.
-Help!
Help!
No, wait, stop-- I'm a virgin.
-A virgin, really?
That does make a difference.
Then I'll go first.
[sneezing]
-I've had carnal knowledge of 215 women and two goats.
[sneeze]
-And the chicken?
-Huh?
But none of them have ever made me--
[sneeze]
--sneeze before.
-I'm sorry, sir.
It must be my perfume.
It's imported.
From
-Where?
[sneeze]
-Maubeuge, France--
-I yield my [spanish], boys.
She's all yours.
-It was terrible-- terrible.
They had their way with me for hours.
They just wouldn't stop.
Anyone like to try again?
How about you, you little Mexican chihuahua?
-No, lady. [spanish] Please, go away.
Don't bother me.
[spanish]
-What a bunch of deadbeats.
[farting]
-Hmm?
Always the little one's got something to prove.
Oh, ooh-- oh--
[crack]
[sneezing]
-When he tried to take advantage of me again,
I hit him over the head with a rock and got away.
So tell me about you.
You ever been to Chili Verde?
Me neither-- I hear they got a cantina.
I'm gonna get me a job singing there.
I always wanted to be a singer.
I've been working in a hardware store in Santa Fe
since I was 14.
OK, so I was a dance hall girl, OK?
I have to look after myself.
I never knew my real parents.
Men are cruel sons of bitches.
Did you know your daddy?
You probably never had one.
Oh boy, I've just been talking away about myself.
You sure know how to worm a girl's secrets out of her.
Maybe I'll find me a rich husband in Chili Verde.
How much further is it, anyway?
It's so hot.
I'd be better off talking to Cactus Chaplin over there.
Oh, I spy with my little eye something
begins with C. Give up?
Chili Verde.
I came 200 miles for this?
You stopping here long?
Marguerita's-- it sure ain't the Santa Fe opera house.
Oh-- ooh-- Thirsty?
Oh-- ooh-- Thirsty?
Oh.
-Tell me what the hell's going on around here.
-We heard horses.
We thought you might be Hard Case Williams and his gang.
Word's out they're back in the territory.
-They sure are.
-Ma'am?
-Is something wrong?
-No ma'am.
I'm Richard Barker.
Most folks around here call me Red Dick.
On account of my hair.
-Oh, I'm Rosie Velez-- I sing.
-And who might you be, sir?
-He don't talk much.
Where is everybody?
-Oh, they'll come back as soon as I give them the signal.
-Who owns this dump, anyway?
-Marguerita Ventura.
-She need a singer?
-Did Lincoln need John Wilkes Booth?
Marguerita does her own singing.
It's OK.
[spanish]
-Hi, partner.
Hi-- [spanish] Hey, gramp.
[spanish] Hi, handsome.
[burp]
[men laughing]
-Guess you and your beautiful boots will be moving on.
What did you say your name was?
-I didn't.
-[spanish].
Who are you?
Hey gringo, I asked you a question.
What's the matter-- your ears no damn good?
I asked you a question.
Maybe your ears, they need a washing-- yes, a washing.
[gasping]
-Ah, that's better, huh?
You ride in here with your woman.
-We hardly know each other.
--[spanish] We don't like strangers in Chili Verde.
It makes us, say, nervous.
So if you tell me your name, maybe-- maybe I let you live.
-Adios, Rose.
-Draw, you coward.
-Don't-- he's come kind of fighter.
-You get tired of this woman?
-If he draws, you're a dead man.
-Are you sure?
-Si.
-So you think you are a gun fighter?
You lousy gringo.
This time I let you go, if you tell me your name.
It's a matter of honor.
These people-- they are my friends.
-That's their problem.
-Freeze, hombres, or you'll be wearing
your asshole for a garter.
All right, put it away real slow.
Hands up.
What happened, Bernardo?
-He shot my amigos.
-Drop 'em.
-Nice pair of jinglebobs.
-Thanks.
-Fair fight?
-Accident.
-Accident?
-They moved.
-No!
-Oh, shut up, Bernardo.
Bernardo has this habit of getting
into things that he can't finish.
Maybe he learned his lesson this time.
So, uh, what's your name, handsome?
-I'm Rosie Valdez-- I sing.
-Is this with you?
-We rode into town together.
As soon as I've had a drink, I'll be leaving-- alone.
-All right, everybody, show's over.
-Tequila.
-Did you like what you see, senor?
I am the best French kisser in Chili Verde.
-If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure and let him know.
[speaking spanish]
-Want to buy a girl a drink, cowboy?
-If I told you once, I told you a thousand
times-- do not annoy the customers.
-Sorry, Marguerita.
-If any blind guys come in, then they're all yours.
You wouldn't be Hard Case Williams,
would you by any chance?
We've been expecting him to come into--
-Excuse me.
I'll be happy to buy you a drink, ma'am.
What'll it be?
-Well, thanks-- gin.
They call me Big Ed.
-Pleased to meet you, ma'am.
My name is Wood-- Abel Wood.
-Abel Wood?
-Who in the hell is Abel Wood?
-Fixing to stick around a while?
-Figure I already wore out my welcome.
-If you'd like to freshen up before you leave,
we've got the only shower west of the Mississippi out back.
-Might be nice.
-Marguerita?
-The customers call me Marguerita.
The territory calls me Marguerita.
My real close friends-- they call me Ms. Ventura.
-Ms. Ventura-- I need a job real bad.
-Well, Las Cruces ain't too far.
Are you, uh, ready for that shower?
-It took me four days to get here,
and I ain't going nowhere until you've heard me sing.
-Hmm, well in that case [spanish].
-This is a little song written for me
by a very dear friend of mine.
It's a story--
-Try to sing it, honey, before any more of us dies.
-What did you say your name was, Sugar?
-Red Dick.
-Hit it, Dick.
-(SINGING) These lips were made for kissing.
These hips were made for blissing.
These arms were made for squeezing you tight every day--
ole-- every night.
These lips were made for selecting.
These hips were made for connecting.
These legs were made for wrapping around
you so sight-- ole-- every night.
When you see me dancing on the floor, you'll agree.
I'm class to the core.
When you see me dancing with the boys,
you'll agree-- you've never seen such poise.
These lips were made for tasting.
My time wasn't made for wasting.
So I'm gonna show you how it's done-- just for fun.
Anyone wanna come?
These lips were made for kissing.
Take a sip, and you'll know what you been missing.
You'll flip when this tamale wants to make you stay--
every day-- ole-- every night-- what you
say-- every day-- ole-- every night.
We can play every day-- ole-- every night-- well, all right.
-Honey, you sing like you look.
Ninfa, get that shower ready for Mr. Wood, huh?
'Cause that man is hot and sticky.
Ooh, I love those jinglebobs.
-Yeah.
-Let him go, for now.
-Do you think he's here after the gold?
-Ai!
-There's got to be something better than this.
There's got to be something better to do.
With or without?
-Huh?
-Did you want with or without?
-With, ha.
-You would.
[speaking spanish]
-Yep.
Hey, over here.
You been here long?
-A month, but I no like.
In Las Cruces, I was a big attraction.
Men come from many miles to pay their respects.
-I'll bet.
-Then my father died, and these men,
they no longer respecting me.
Aye, life-- she's a bitch, senor.
-That she is.
-Then I hear about the gold of Chili Verde.
-Huh?
What gold?
-Never mind.
-[speaking spanish]
-Always shower with your boots on?
-I do everything with my boots on.
[moaning]
-Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
-Marguerita.
-He's decided to stay.
Finished, honey?
-You could eat off this floor, and you probably will.
-How long has it been since your last confession, my son?
-Uh, 20 years.
I just had to get a few things off my chest.
Let's see.
First there was, uh, this girl at El Paso,
and her mother, and her grandmother.
-Psst--
-There are other ways of earning your keep around here,
you know?
-I'd rather die first.
-Why, sugar, you must've died a thousand times.
-Don't mess with Marguerita.
She's bad news.
-Why do you stay here?
-I've got no place else to go.
-Why don't you do what I did and buy a mule?
-With what?
Ain't no way I'm ever gonna make that kind of money.
I used to dream that someone like Mr. Wood
would come along and take me away from all this.
But I know that ain't gonna happen now.
Do you think he came for the gold?
-The gold?
-Did I say gold?
I meant mold.
Do you think he came for the mold?
-What gold?
-Many men like horses, my son.
-But Doc Holiday really liked horses, Father.
-What do you think he was doing in the OK Corral
early in the morning?
-Gimme another bottle.
Rosie, don't you think you've had enough?
-I know when I've had enough.
I fall on the floor.
-Honey, this stuff isn't gonna solve your problems.
-Ain't nothing gonna solve my problems,
except-- you got a dress I can borrow?
-Sure.
Come on.
--[spanish] I love you so much, and I want you always.
I die for you, amore!
-Forget it.
Forget it.
Bernardo, forget it.
I got other plans.
-Yes, I know you are [inaudible] plans.
You want to jump all over that stranger,
but you don't know where he has been.
-I sure as hell know where he's going.
-I am going to cut his heart out!
-And then there was the time with the two
lockjaw Indian maidens.
-Uh, you mean Choctaw Indians, my son.
There are no lockjaw Indians.
-There are now.
-My friends, Mexicans, members of the Chili Verde Rotary
Club-- this stranger is too big for his damn boots.
Are we going to stand for it?
Are we?
We all know why he is here.
Don't we?
Don't we?
He's after the gold.
The gold of Chile Verde-- that is
what this Abel Wood is after.
Are we going to give it to him?
Are we?
-No!
[shouting]
-I do not like the way they act.
[gunfire]
Oh, let them have their fun.
-Father, I hear a lot of folks talking about gold.
Know anything about that?
-I knew that's why you were here.
The legend of the gold keeps this town alive.
That is why they are all here.
These are ruthless men and women.
Take care, my son.
-I always do.
-They are also very stupid.
Some have been here for years, and still
they cannot solve the puzzle.
-What puzzle?
-The limerick-- until the limerick is solved,
the gold will never be found.
Just, uh, just how does this limerick go?
-There was a young fellow from Scotland,
who robbed the New Mexico hot land.
In a grave situation, two buttes his salvation.
He buried the gold, but in what land?
-You believe this legend?
-Who was it said superstition is the religion of feeble minds?
-Schopenhauer?
-No, I don't think so.
-Plato-- Nietzsche?
-It doesn't matter.
They believe the legend, because they
want to believe it-- greed.
-Here, thanks, Father.
-Thank you, my friend.
[spanish] Be watchful.
-Whoa, son, what's the matter?
Whoa, there now.
-We got him!
[shouting in spanish]
-Nice-- nice.
What's all that noise out there?
-Is this Saturday?
Lynch night-- lynch night!
-String up the stranger!
-[speaking spanish]
-Horse-- will somebody go get the horse?
Go get it now!
-Should not we do something?
-Yes.
Bernardo, the spoils are mine!
-They are yours, my angel.
-Blessed mother, tell me, please-- why don't they
ever invite me to their parties?
-Let this be a lesson to you, gringo-- adios!
Adios!
Uno, dos, tres!
-Well, honey, you missed all the fun.
-Hey, come on, Starlight-- go on, have one.
Do your stuff.
Yeah.
-Uh, I gotta pee.
-Tequila.
-Me, too.
Couldn't stay away, huh?
-(SINGING)Ha-- ha-- ha-- ha-- ha ha-- ha ha-- ha ha--
-(SINGING)Ha-- ha-- ha-- ha-- ha ha-- ha ha-- ha ha--
Let me take you south of my border,
just north of my garter, where everything's on order for you.
Wear it sweet like a potion.
Feel the heat.
Feel the motion.
Marguerita's hot from head to her shoe.
Let me take you south of Rio Grande for a fiery taste
of brandy-- aged for a tantalizing treat.
Stock your saddlebags with lovin'.
Prepare to mount this churro oven.
Prepare to meet sweet Marguerite.
Let me take you south of my border,
where there's no law, no order.
Where it smokes all the time.
Take the burning from my thighs.
Take the fire from my eyes.
Can you see the view from here is just fine?
-(SINGING)Let her take you south of her border,
if you think you can afford her.
-(SINGING)I say Abel can't afford to say no.
Because my lust is my livin', and I can't stop once I start
givin'-- givin' it to you blow by blow.
-Now Marguerita's done with talking.
Let's go.
Well--
-I think someone should bury him.
Ninfa, Red Dick-- bury him.
-You people got a strange sense of humor.
-Your singing certainly set him on fire.
-Goodnight, Mr. Wood.
-Goodnight, Big Ed.
-Pleasant dreams.
-You, too.
-Goodnight, Abel.
-Lose your way, honey?
-No.
It's the cockroaches shift.
I sleep from 3:00 'til 10:00.
-If you don't like this place, you can get.
-Oh yeah?
Well I ain't going nowhere until I find that gold
that everybody's been so careful not to mention.
-You think you can just breeze into town and dig it up, huh?
[spanish] Some of us have been looking for it for years.
-You can tell.
-Goodnight, Ninfa.
Oh, Rosie.
I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you.
You are gorgeous.
-Save the speeches, honey.
I ain't Juliet, and you certainly ain't Romeo.
Ooh, what a body.
At least you're awake.
-Oh, Rosie, you've got everything a man could want.
-Let's see if you have what I want.
-Rosie-- oh Rosie-- Rosie, there's a tattoo on your ass.
-That's a birthmark.
-Weirdest birthmark I ever saw.
[moaning]
[cracking]
[red dick gasping]
-Morning, Big Ed.
Sorry, ma'am.
-Oh no-- I'm sorry.
I-- I was daydreaming.
-Yeah, what about?
-I've always had this dream that I'd
love to end my days in Abilene.
-Have you ever been to Abilene?
-No, but I knew a guy once-- long time ago--
he came from there.
Besides, I like the name A-- bi- lene.
That's nice, huh?
-I suppose.
-(SINGING)Abilene--
-Poor little guy-- who would do such a thing?
-Make sure he gets buried decent.
I'll go tell the padre.
-Why would anybody want to kill him?
-Gold?
-His bed wasn't slept in last night.
Where'd the red runt end up?
-He wasn't with me, Marguerita.
-Ninfa--
-Si?
-He get a freebie off of you last night?
-Who?
-Dead Dick, that's who.
-No, I swear.
We bury Bernardo and go to bed-- to sleep-- apart.
-Get the coffee.
-Si.
-So that only leaves one person.
-Don't look at me.
I slept like a log.
-Why not?
You look like one.
-Maybe he solved the limerick.
-Limerick?
What limerick, huh?
-Big Ed-- you know what you came for.
Now why don't you just shut up?
-I'm sorry.
-I said what limerick?
What limerick?
-I don't know any limerick.
-Leave her alone.
-Here is your coffee, Marguerita.
-Yeah, here's your coffee.
-Now, what about that limerick?
-When I'm finished with you, honey,
you're gonna look like a plate of [spanish].
-Oh yeah?
-Girls, please.
-What about that limerick?
-I can't--
-You bitch.
-Ever since I came here, you've done nothing
but treat me like shit.
Who the hell do you think you are?
Yeah, I was a dance hall girl, but makes
you so high and mighty?
You own a whorehouse-- a whorehouse!
And with only three whores in it.
One of them is just a senile old cow-- no offense, honey--
and the other one's so new at it,
she doesn't know which end to use.
So what does that make you-- the only whore in Chile Verde!
Yeah, I came here for the gold, because I've
been poor all my life.
-You got it all wrong, honey, you've
been cheap all your life.
-Cheap?
This furniture is cheap.
-Please, can't we act like ladies?
-Get back here you ugly--
[sneezing]
-Well, well-- if it isn't old thunder thighs--
just the person we were looking for.
Sorry we didn't get here sooner, Rosie.
We had to make a little detour at Doc Carstair's, didn't
we, Clarence?
-Yeah.
-Who the hell are you?
-I think I can say with some measure of certainty that we
are the meanest sons of bitches you ever
laid them pretty eyes on, Miss--
-Marguerita-- this is my cantina.
-Charmed.
My names is Hard Case Williams.
Let's go.
-What do you want with me?
-Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.
I will repay.
Saint Paul's epistle to the Romans, chapter 12, verse 19.
Of course, Saint Paul never had a disciple
that got his neck broke by a slut
from a Santa Fe whorehouse.
-Oh, I like this hombre.
-I ain't going anywhere.
It was self-defense.
-Easy, Clarence, easy-- there will
be plenty of time for that later.
ABEL WOOD (OFFSCREEN): Then why don't you keep moving?
-What?
-I said, why don't you just keep moving?
-Oh, Abel, thank goodness-- these men
wanted to take me away.
-Ain't that grand?
-So you got a boyfriend, huh, Rosie?
Listen here, Rosie's beau-- we need her to find the gold.
-What do you know about the gold?
-Search me.
-That's what we aim to do.
Do not be afraid my son.
They will not shoot while I am beside you.
-Ha, don't count on it, Father.
It's a good day for me when I get to kill a priest.
-I'll be in the church.
-Well, how do you want to do this, Mister--
-Wood.
Able Wood Flip a coin.
When it hits the dirt, start shooting.
-Sounds good.
Flip away.
-I ain't got a coin.
-Things are hard all over.
Adios, Mr. Wood, but remember-- the day of thy death
is better than the day of thy birth.
That's, ahem, Ecclesiastics chapter seven, verse five.
-Verse one.
-When it hits the dust, boys, kill him.
-OK, gringo, it's time to get your--
-Chang-- Chang.
-You mother--
-Oh, shit.
-Victory shifts from man to man.
-Deuteronomy?
-Homer.
-I'll be back.
-I'll count the hours.
-Oh, Mr. Wood--
-Where is he?
-He lead out after Rosie.
-I didn't want to discuss any pertinent information
back there, little lady.
But you didn't think the boys and me-- the boys
and I-- really came back just to pay our respects, did ya?
Did ya?
I didn't notice that tattoo on your ass.
Chang did, though.
He has a preference for such things-- perverted swine.
But he didn't tell me about it.
You were long gone.
You've been sitting on gold, all this time.
Not gonna hurt you.
So why don't you come out in the open?
We'll discuss a business partnership.
What do you say?
-It's my ass.
-There's enough there for both of us.
-Promise you won't shoot?
-On my mother's grave.
-And it was nothing, I swear.
-What?
-My tattoo-- it's only half a map.
Without the other half, it's completely useless.
[muttering angrily]
-That's why I came to Chile Verde.
Don't kill me, please.
You promised on your mother's grave.
-So I did, but you'll be sorry to hear
that old bitch is still alive and kicking.
-Oh, please, let me live.
I've never been to Paris.
-[speaking spanish]
-Oh, look--
-Rosie!
-OK, you rotten pig.
You're porked.
ABEL WOOD: Rosie!
-Abel, Abel over here.
Come quick.
-Rosie, you OK?
-Oh, Abel-- Abel it was terrible.
He-- oh.
-They're coming!
-Hey, take it easy.
She's heavy.
-Put him in my room.
-Ooh.
There was a young fellow from Scotland,
who robbed a New Mexico hotland.
-In a grave situation, two buttes his salvation--
-He buried the gold, but in what land?
-Two buttes his salvation-- buttes.
Two buttes--
[knocking]
Yeah?
-Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Wood.
You musta had a hard day chasing outlaws
and all that heavy lifting.
-What can I do for ya, Big Ed?
-I just wanted to tell you that you're
the finest man I ever met.
You been real nice to me, and I won't ever forget it.
-Thanks, Big Ed.
-Well, goodnight.
-Goodnight-- oh, uh, I hope you get
to Abeline one of these days.
-Thanks.
[knocking]
-Yeah?
-I just wanted you to know that if I find the gold,
half of it's yours.
-Now why would you do a thing like that?
-Because yesterday morning-- oh, honey--
that was the best shower I ever had.
I'll be back, later.
Oh, it's been a long time since a man
like you came to Chili Verde.
-How long?
-A week-- maybe longer.
-You don't get many of me to the pound.
Have a drink.
[knocking]
-Yeah?
-Can I come in?
-You always wanted me, haven't you?
Ever since fate first brought us together.
Oh, say it's true.
I knew it.
Oh, Abel my darling-- say nothing.
Let's just savor this moment.
-I'd to see your, um, wound.
-Uh, Big Ed looked at it just 10 minutes ago.
-Well, isn't she the lucky one.
Why don't we take these off, shall we?
-Shouldn't we turn out the lights?
-Don't be silly.
How can I see what I'm doing?
Oh, goodness.
It's getting better every second.
-Yeah, it is.
-Oh, my, my, my-- bet there aren't
many of those to the pound, either.
-You stay right where you are.
I'm gonna get you some fresh bandages, OK?
-Well, I ain't going no place-- uh, any place.
-I'll be right back.
-You know, when I first heard about the legend
a couple months ago, I realized then that this tattoo might
have something to do with the gold.
I sold everything I had and bought
that stupid mule, ha ha ha.
Somebody somewhere has the other half of that map on their body,
and I need you to help me find 'em.
It could be a woman.
I'll share everything with you-- everything.
What do you say?
With the two halves of the map and the limerick,
we'll have all the pieces of the puzzle.
We can ride out of here together.
We'll be rich beyond my-- our wildest dreams.
Well, that's the whole story.
I love you with every ounce of my being.
Oh, Abel-- give it to me.
-This will only take a moment, and then--
-Hey, be careful with those scissors.
-OK, big boy, one move out of you--
one lie-- and I'll be wearing your jinglebobs for earrings.
Nod if you follow my drift.
Now how did you come back here for Rosie, huh?
Wasn't for love, was it?
-She has a map.
-What map?
-Couldn't we discuss this under more favorable circumstances?
-Now you just keep talking.
What map?
-She has half the map to the gold tattooed on her ass.
-Oh my God.
Hey, give me that gun under your pillow, huh?
Easy, or your raping days are over.
[knocking]
ABEL WOOD: Evening.
-Well, I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away very long.
[knocking]
-Father, you gotta help me.
-What is it, my son?
-I need a map.
-Of Chili Verde?
-Of Scotland-- I think I've solved the limerick, Father.
If I'm right, I won't forget you.
-I have no need for money.
Ah, here it is.
You think the gold is buried in Scotland?
-No.
That's it right there.
Butte-- oh, we're rich, Father, thank you.
-My son, be careful.
-I've drifted too long to let this chance pass.
-[speaking spanish]
-Help-- help-- help-- help-- help.
-Mr. Williams, you should be ashamed of yourself.
-Oh, think nothing of it.
It's just an early morning condition-- a lot of men
get it.
Will you untie me?
-Oh my goodness.
-Lady, this is no time to be pointing an accusing finger.
-At least it's only my finger that's pointing.
-Marguerita-- Marguerita!
-I ain't seen her this morning.
Uh, maybe Mr. Wood would know where she is.
-What this all this shouting?
-Do you have a gun?
-Of course.
Wait--
-Who the hell are you?
-Son of a bitch, he beat me to it.
Oh, thank you, Jesus.
-Yeah!
-I think she's coming around.
-This one also.
-Oh, what happened?
What happened?
-Oh my God.
No, don't move.
Big Ed, honey, does she have a tattoo on her ass?
-She sure does-- just like the one on yours-- well, almost.
Isn't that cute?
-Together-- do they make any sense if you put them together?
-Gee, I don't know.
It looks like some kind of a map.
-We know that.
-A map of what?
-Scotland.
-Scotland?
-My fourth husband-- he come from Scotland.
He have a map just like this one, only his was on the wall.
-What does it look like?
-Put 'em together and it says B- U- T- E.
-Butte-- I don't get it.
-Of course, the limerick-- two buttes his salvation.
-There was a young fellow from Scotland,
who robbed the New Mexico hotland.
In a grave situation, two buttes his salvation--
a grave situation-- Cactus Chaplan's grave!
-Girls, girls-- no good will co of this.
-Out of my way.
I know where the gold is.
I'll leave this [spanish] and be with [spanish] people.
-We're gonna need each other to deal with the men.
-Right.
-Oh, Father, it's the gold.
Mr. Wood may be in danger.
-Where?
Where did they go?
-They said something about Cactus Chaplan's grave.
-[speaking spanish]
-Uh-uh.
Mm-- nice work.
I was gonna help you, but I saw you were having so much fun.
I decided not to disturb you.
-How'd you find out?
-Same way you did.
This, here, was one smart son of a bitch.
How many people would recognize the map of Scotland
on two separate rear ends?
-Two buttes-- one in Scotland, the other one here--
or two beauties, the ladies.
[muttering angrily]
-You bastard.
You figured all that out, didn't you Mr. Wood?
You're smarter than shit.
-I been around.
-I'm glad you used the past tense on that.
Good sense of timing.
Adios-- do you want it in the head or the heart?
[gunshot]
-Hold everything.
Back off.
Well I'll be damned.
-There's enough here for everybody.
-Like hell there is.
I've been looking for this gold for years,
and I ain't sharing it with nobody.
Ya understand?
It was my ass that was tattooed-- mine.
-Ours--
[sneeze]
-Drop it.
-I knew it.
[sneeze]
-Just give me one excuse to kill you-- just one.
All my life I've been running around Santa Fe
with a strange birthmark on my butt.
You could've advertised in the paper or something!
-I figured if I hung around Chili Verde long enough,
the other half would show up sooner or later.
But I never imagined it would be on such a low-life,
sleazy, no good--
-Shut up!
Get back!
-This is not fair.
-Oh, go ahead.
-If there are no objections, I'd like
to see what it is we all came here for.
-Damn me.
Oh, shit.
-I don't believe this.
-Mind if I try?
-Be my guest.
[cracking]
-Come and get it.
-Get away from that gold!
-Everybody move around a little bit.
-Father, am I ever glad to see you.
-Drop the guns, please.
This is stolen treasure.
-I think we kind of figured that out ourselves, you old fart.
Cactus Chaplan, right?
-He robbed the Las Cruces bank.
A posse tracked him down, so he buried the gold
when he found he could not escape.
-Well, how come we got tattoos on our asses?
-He devised the limerick, and he put the last-- the vital clue--
on his infant daughters.
He wanted you sisters to have the gold.
-Sisters?
The Chaplan sisters?
-Oy vey.
-You girls were brought up by separate foster families.
-How come you know all this?
-When I was a rabbi, I married Lupita and Cactus Chaplan.
-Look, can we start shooting each other now?
No offense, Father, that's a very interesting story,
but I'd like to take the gold and get out of here.
-You heard the Father, the gold is ours.
-That's how our daddy wanted it.
-I somehow don't feel that's the father's intention.
-For 33 long years, I've been waiting for the pieces
to come together.
Have you any idea what it's been like waiting
in this cesspit for 33 long years?
Yes, some people would have given up.
Some people would have gone crazy, but not me-- oh no.
Because I knew-- I knew that one day Cactus's little girls would
come riding into Chili Verde, and I would be rich.
Rich enough to cast the dust of this forsaken land
forever from my sandals.
Oh, I'm going to travel London, Paris, Vienna,
and then-- then Rome, the Vatican.
I'm going to be a pope.
-This man's oats ain't all in his feedbag.
-Oh, ye of little faith.
-If there's one thing I hate, it's a pushy priest.
-I don't suppose anyone wants to split this four ways?
-Marguerita--
-What?
-You're my big sister.
I can't kill you.
There's enough for both us.
-[speaking spanish]
-[speaking spanish]
-She says they'll kill us.
Lucky thing I speak Spanish.
-How do I know you'll shoot them?
-Trust me.
-Oh no.
-Go ahead and shoot.
You can't.
I know why.
Abel, all those things I said to you last night were true.
-Is that why you wanted to kill me, just now?
-That was just a trick to fool her.
-This woman's unbelievable.
She just wants to put you away like she did Red Dick.
-Shut up, your deceitful slut.
Don't listen to her.
-I ain't listening to either of you.
-Abel, you and me, we're two of a kind.
-Ha!
-When we made love it was fireworks exploding--
big, long Roman candles shooting off inside me.
-When was this?
-The day you arrived in Chili Verde.
We did it in the shower, and it was the most--
-In the shower, how could you?
-Seemed like the thing to do at the time.
-You men are all the same.
-You ain't got no brand on me.
-But I love you.
-Ow, you bitch.
-Where was I?
Oh, yes-- Abel, I love you.
God knows I've told you enough times.
-Then prove it.
Throw your gun down.
I'll be damned.
-I really meant it.
Oh, Abel.
Adios, sucker--
-She was gonna kill you.
I couldn't let her do that.
-So you were the one who saved me before.
-Twice.
-Half this belongs to you.
-All I need is enough to get me to Abeline.
-Thanks, Big Ed.
-Call me Edna.
-Abel-- Abel-- I hope you won't let a little
thing like this come between us.
Oh, sure, we've had our little ups and down,
but it's still not too late.
Oh, Abel-- can't we still be friends?
Give Big Ed everything.
I don't care about the gold.
Ow.
Big Ed-- Big Ed, honey-- I don't blame you for wanting me dead.
You are old, ugly, and I'll see you
get just what's coming to you.
Abel-- Abel my love-- Abel!
What's the use?
[gunshot]
Oh
-Well-- maybe he'll be back tomorrow.
After all, tomorrow is another day.
[music playing]
NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Our passions
are like fire and water-- good servants, but poor masters.
The legend of Chili Verde tells of men and women
who became slaves to their passions.
They paid the price here, under the blistering, burning,
blazing, scorching, roasting, toasting, baking, boiling,
broiling, steaming, searing, sizzling, grilling,
smoldering, very hot New Mexico sun.
For there is a saying in these parts--
those who lust in the dust shall die in the dust.
-My gin!
Oh my god.
I'm gonna die from thirst out here.
Oh, no.
What are you doing?
Only a few more little miles-- a few itsy bitsy, eeny weeny
little miles-- and then you can drop dead you
miserable hunk of shit.
Oh, yay though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of-- through the shadow of Death Valley-- oh, Christ.
I used to know it.
Water-- do you understand?
Water.
Agua-- gracias Maria.
[speaking spanish]
What are you doing?
Who are you?
Where'd you come from?
I said, who are you.
Put that down.
What do you want?
It's me, isn't it?
You're going to take advantage of me.
You're going to have your filthy way with me
under the hot desert sun, aren't you?
You're going to ravage me like I've never been ravaged before.
Your hot sweat sliding over my body as we roll in the dust--
as you violate my innermost parts,
as you pound against me in orgasmic animal passion.
Oh, God-- you're disgusting.
What are you doing?
Don't leave me out here, mister.
I get you.
My ass is on its last legs.
I'll die.
I've got nothing to eat.
Thanks.
[whistle]
Please, mister-- don't go.
I don't even know your name.
Mister-- Mister-- yoohoo!
Oh, mister-- I'm lost.
You've gotta help me.
Please.
Oh, thank you-- thank you.
I'm Rosita Velez.
Everyone calls me Rosie.
What's your name?
You wouldn't be headed towards Chili Verde, would ya?
Passing through Chili Verde?
Mind if I come along?
Thanks.
I got to be crazy being out here all alone,
but I was doing just fine until I met up
with that hard case, Williams, and his gang.
You ever hear of him?
[speaking spanish]
I tell ya, mister, I've had some tough scrapes in my life,
but this one's been the worst.
It was yesterday evening.
I was feeling good.
I was halfway to Chili Verde, and I hadn't got lost once.
Oh, hello.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
-Trust in the Lord, and he shall provide.
-Uh, could you tell me -- is this the right road to Chili Verde?
[laughter]
Being a leader of men is a very solitary business, miss.
I've been very concerned about my men's libidos
until you, so conveniently, came on the scene.
-I'm afraid I don't understand, sir.
Are you speaking English?
[speaking spanish]
-Poontang, poontang-- that any clearer, little lady?
My curse is that I have received the education befitting the son
of a Boston preacher-- may he rot in hellfire--
but I do believe that you get the thrust of my meaning.
My men are as horny as jackrabbits.
-They look cute.
Ahh!
-Hurry up, boys, we got a fortune in gold to find.
-Help!
Help!
No, wait, stop-- I'm a virgin.
-A virgin, really?
That does make a difference.
Then I'll go first.
[sneezing]
-I've had carnal knowledge of 215 women and two goats.
[sneeze]
-And the chicken?
-Huh?
But none of them have ever made me--
[sneeze]
--sneeze before.
-I'm sorry, sir.
It must be my perfume.
It's imported.
From
-Where?
[sneeze]
-Maubeuge, France--
-I yield my [spanish], boys.
She's all yours.
-It was terrible-- terrible.
They had their way with me for hours.
They just wouldn't stop.
Anyone like to try again?
How about you, you little Mexican chihuahua?
-No, lady. [spanish] Please, go away.
Don't bother me.
[spanish]
-What a bunch of deadbeats.
[farting]
-Hmm?
Always the little one's got something to prove.
Oh, ooh-- oh--
[crack]
[sneezing]
-When he tried to take advantage of me again,
I hit him over the head with a rock and got away.
So tell me about you.
You ever been to Chili Verde?
Me neither-- I hear they got a cantina.
I'm gonna get me a job singing there.
I always wanted to be a singer.
I've been working in a hardware store in Santa Fe
since I was 14.
OK, so I was a dance hall girl, OK?
I have to look after myself.
I never knew my real parents.
Men are cruel sons of bitches.
Did you know your daddy?
You probably never had one.
Oh boy, I've just been talking away about myself.
You sure know how to worm a girl's secrets out of her.
Maybe I'll find me a rich husband in Chili Verde.
How much further is it, anyway?
It's so hot.
I'd be better off talking to Cactus Chaplin over there.
Oh, I spy with my little eye something
begins with C. Give up?
Chili Verde.
I came 200 miles for this?
You stopping here long?
Marguerita's-- it sure ain't the Santa Fe opera house.
Oh-- ooh-- Thirsty?
Oh-- ooh-- Thirsty?
Oh.
-Tell me what the hell's going on around here.
-We heard horses.
We thought you might be Hard Case Williams and his gang.
Word's out they're back in the territory.
-They sure are.
-Ma'am?
-Is something wrong?
-No ma'am.
I'm Richard Barker.
Most folks around here call me Red Dick.
On account of my hair.
-Oh, I'm Rosie Velez-- I sing.
-And who might you be, sir?
-He don't talk much.
Where is everybody?
-Oh, they'll come back as soon as I give them the signal.
-Who owns this dump, anyway?
-Marguerita Ventura.
-She need a singer?
-Did Lincoln need John Wilkes Booth?
Marguerita does her own singing.
It's OK.
[spanish]
-Hi, partner.
Hi-- [spanish] Hey, gramp.
[spanish] Hi, handsome.
[burp]
[men laughing]
-Guess you and your beautiful boots will be moving on.
What did you say your name was?
-I didn't.
-[spanish].
Who are you?
Hey gringo, I asked you a question.
What's the matter-- your ears no damn good?
I asked you a question.
Maybe your ears, they need a washing-- yes, a washing.
[gasping]
-Ah, that's better, huh?
You ride in here with your woman.
-We hardly know each other.
--[spanish] We don't like strangers in Chili Verde.
It makes us, say, nervous.
So if you tell me your name, maybe-- maybe I let you live.
-Adios, Rose.
-Draw, you coward.
-Don't-- he's come kind of fighter.
-You get tired of this woman?
-If he draws, you're a dead man.
-Are you sure?
-Si.
-So you think you are a gun fighter?
You lousy gringo.
This time I let you go, if you tell me your name.
It's a matter of honor.
These people-- they are my friends.
-That's their problem.
-Freeze, hombres, or you'll be wearing
your asshole for a garter.
All right, put it away real slow.
Hands up.
What happened, Bernardo?
-He shot my amigos.
-Drop 'em.
-Nice pair of jinglebobs.
-Thanks.
-Fair fight?
-Accident.
-Accident?
-They moved.
-No!
-Oh, shut up, Bernardo.
Bernardo has this habit of getting
into things that he can't finish.
Maybe he learned his lesson this time.
So, uh, what's your name, handsome?
-I'm Rosie Valdez-- I sing.
-Is this with you?
-We rode into town together.
As soon as I've had a drink, I'll be leaving-- alone.
-All right, everybody, show's over.
-Tequila.
-Did you like what you see, senor?
I am the best French kisser in Chili Verde.
-If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure and let him know.
[speaking spanish]
-Want to buy a girl a drink, cowboy?
-If I told you once, I told you a thousand
times-- do not annoy the customers.
-Sorry, Marguerita.
-If any blind guys come in, then they're all yours.
You wouldn't be Hard Case Williams,
would you by any chance?
We've been expecting him to come into--
-Excuse me.
I'll be happy to buy you a drink, ma'am.
What'll it be?
-Well, thanks-- gin.
They call me Big Ed.
-Pleased to meet you, ma'am.
My name is Wood-- Abel Wood.
-Abel Wood?
-Who in the hell is Abel Wood?
-Fixing to stick around a while?
-Figure I already wore out my welcome.
-If you'd like to freshen up before you leave,
we've got the only shower west of the Mississippi out back.
-Might be nice.
-Marguerita?
-The customers call me Marguerita.
The territory calls me Marguerita.
My real close friends-- they call me Ms. Ventura.
-Ms. Ventura-- I need a job real bad.
-Well, Las Cruces ain't too far.
Are you, uh, ready for that shower?
-It took me four days to get here,
and I ain't going nowhere until you've heard me sing.
-Hmm, well in that case [spanish].
-This is a little song written for me
by a very dear friend of mine.
It's a story--
-Try to sing it, honey, before any more of us dies.
-What did you say your name was, Sugar?
-Red Dick.
-Hit it, Dick.
-(SINGING) These lips were made for kissing.
These hips were made for blissing.
These arms were made for squeezing you tight every day--
ole-- every night.
These lips were made for selecting.
These hips were made for connecting.
These legs were made for wrapping around
you so sight-- ole-- every night.
When you see me dancing on the floor, you'll agree.
I'm class to the core.
When you see me dancing with the boys,
you'll agree-- you've never seen such poise.
These lips were made for tasting.
My time wasn't made for wasting.
So I'm gonna show you how it's done-- just for fun.
Anyone wanna come?
These lips were made for kissing.
Take a sip, and you'll know what you been missing.
You'll flip when this tamale wants to make you stay--
every day-- ole-- every night-- what you
say-- every day-- ole-- every night.
We can play every day-- ole-- every night-- well, all right.
-Honey, you sing like you look.
Ninfa, get that shower ready for Mr. Wood, huh?
'Cause that man is hot and sticky.
Ooh, I love those jinglebobs.
-Yeah.
-Let him go, for now.
-Do you think he's here after the gold?
-Ai!
-There's got to be something better than this.
There's got to be something better to do.
With or without?
-Huh?
-Did you want with or without?
-With, ha.
-You would.
[speaking spanish]
-Yep.
Hey, over here.
You been here long?
-A month, but I no like.
In Las Cruces, I was a big attraction.
Men come from many miles to pay their respects.
-I'll bet.
-Then my father died, and these men,
they no longer respecting me.
Aye, life-- she's a bitch, senor.
-That she is.
-Then I hear about the gold of Chili Verde.
-Huh?
What gold?
-Never mind.
-[speaking spanish]
-Always shower with your boots on?
-I do everything with my boots on.
[moaning]
-Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
-Marguerita.
-He's decided to stay.
Finished, honey?
-You could eat off this floor, and you probably will.
-How long has it been since your last confession, my son?
-Uh, 20 years.
I just had to get a few things off my chest.
Let's see.
First there was, uh, this girl at El Paso,
and her mother, and her grandmother.
-Psst--
-There are other ways of earning your keep around here,
you know?
-I'd rather die first.
-Why, sugar, you must've died a thousand times.
-Don't mess with Marguerita.
She's bad news.
-Why do you stay here?
-I've got no place else to go.
-Why don't you do what I did and buy a mule?
-With what?
Ain't no way I'm ever gonna make that kind of money.
I used to dream that someone like Mr. Wood
would come along and take me away from all this.
But I know that ain't gonna happen now.
Do you think he came for the gold?
-The gold?
-Did I say gold?
I meant mold.
Do you think he came for the mold?
-What gold?
-Many men like horses, my son.
-But Doc Holiday really liked horses, Father.
-What do you think he was doing in the OK Corral
early in the morning?
-Gimme another bottle.
Rosie, don't you think you've had enough?
-I know when I've had enough.
I fall on the floor.
-Honey, this stuff isn't gonna solve your problems.
-Ain't nothing gonna solve my problems,
except-- you got a dress I can borrow?
-Sure.
Come on.
--[spanish] I love you so much, and I want you always.
I die for you, amore!
-Forget it.
Forget it.
Bernardo, forget it.
I got other plans.
-Yes, I know you are [inaudible] plans.
You want to jump all over that stranger,
but you don't know where he has been.
-I sure as hell know where he's going.
-I am going to cut his heart out!
-And then there was the time with the two
lockjaw Indian maidens.
-Uh, you mean Choctaw Indians, my son.
There are no lockjaw Indians.
-There are now.
-My friends, Mexicans, members of the Chili Verde Rotary
Club-- this stranger is too big for his damn boots.
Are we going to stand for it?
Are we?
We all know why he is here.
Don't we?
Don't we?
He's after the gold.
The gold of Chile Verde-- that is
what this Abel Wood is after.
Are we going to give it to him?
Are we?
-No!
[shouting]
-I do not like the way they act.
[gunfire]
Oh, let them have their fun.
-Father, I hear a lot of folks talking about gold.
Know anything about that?
-I knew that's why you were here.
The legend of the gold keeps this town alive.
That is why they are all here.
These are ruthless men and women.
Take care, my son.
-I always do.
-They are also very stupid.
Some have been here for years, and still
they cannot solve the puzzle.
-What puzzle?
-The limerick-- until the limerick is solved,
the gold will never be found.
Just, uh, just how does this limerick go?
-There was a young fellow from Scotland,
who robbed the New Mexico hot land.
In a grave situation, two buttes his salvation.
He buried the gold, but in what land?
-You believe this legend?
-Who was it said superstition is the religion of feeble minds?
-Schopenhauer?
-No, I don't think so.
-Plato-- Nietzsche?
-It doesn't matter.
They believe the legend, because they
want to believe it-- greed.
-Here, thanks, Father.
-Thank you, my friend.
[spanish] Be watchful.
-Whoa, son, what's the matter?
Whoa, there now.
-We got him!
[shouting in spanish]
-Nice-- nice.
What's all that noise out there?
-Is this Saturday?
Lynch night-- lynch night!
-String up the stranger!
-[speaking spanish]
-Horse-- will somebody go get the horse?
Go get it now!
-Should not we do something?
-Yes.
Bernardo, the spoils are mine!
-They are yours, my angel.
-Blessed mother, tell me, please-- why don't they
ever invite me to their parties?
-Let this be a lesson to you, gringo-- adios!
Adios!
Uno, dos, tres!
-Well, honey, you missed all the fun.
-Hey, come on, Starlight-- go on, have one.
Do your stuff.
Yeah.
-Uh, I gotta pee.
-Tequila.
-Me, too.
Couldn't stay away, huh?
-(SINGING)Ha-- ha-- ha-- ha-- ha ha-- ha ha-- ha ha--
-(SINGING)Ha-- ha-- ha-- ha-- ha ha-- ha ha-- ha ha--
Let me take you south of my border,
just north of my garter, where everything's on order for you.
Wear it sweet like a potion.
Feel the heat.
Feel the motion.
Marguerita's hot from head to her shoe.
Let me take you south of Rio Grande for a fiery taste
of brandy-- aged for a tantalizing treat.
Stock your saddlebags with lovin'.
Prepare to mount this churro oven.
Prepare to meet sweet Marguerite.
Let me take you south of my border,
where there's no law, no order.
Where it smokes all the time.
Take the burning from my thighs.
Take the fire from my eyes.
Can you see the view from here is just fine?
-(SINGING)Let her take you south of her border,
if you think you can afford her.
-(SINGING)I say Abel can't afford to say no.
Because my lust is my livin', and I can't stop once I start
givin'-- givin' it to you blow by blow.
-Now Marguerita's done with talking.
Let's go.
Well--
-I think someone should bury him.
Ninfa, Red Dick-- bury him.
-You people got a strange sense of humor.
-Your singing certainly set him on fire.
-Goodnight, Mr. Wood.
-Goodnight, Big Ed.
-Pleasant dreams.
-You, too.
-Goodnight, Abel.
-Lose your way, honey?
-No.
It's the cockroaches shift.
I sleep from 3:00 'til 10:00.
-If you don't like this place, you can get.
-Oh yeah?
Well I ain't going nowhere until I find that gold
that everybody's been so careful not to mention.
-You think you can just breeze into town and dig it up, huh?
[spanish] Some of us have been looking for it for years.
-You can tell.
-Goodnight, Ninfa.
Oh, Rosie.
I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you.
You are gorgeous.
-Save the speeches, honey.
I ain't Juliet, and you certainly ain't Romeo.
Ooh, what a body.
At least you're awake.
-Oh, Rosie, you've got everything a man could want.
-Let's see if you have what I want.
-Rosie-- oh Rosie-- Rosie, there's a tattoo on your ass.
-That's a birthmark.
-Weirdest birthmark I ever saw.
[moaning]
[cracking]
[red dick gasping]
-Morning, Big Ed.
Sorry, ma'am.
-Oh no-- I'm sorry.
I-- I was daydreaming.
-Yeah, what about?
-I've always had this dream that I'd
love to end my days in Abilene.
-Have you ever been to Abilene?
-No, but I knew a guy once-- long time ago--
he came from there.
Besides, I like the name A-- bi- lene.
That's nice, huh?
-I suppose.
-(SINGING)Abilene--
-Poor little guy-- who would do such a thing?
-Make sure he gets buried decent.
I'll go tell the padre.
-Why would anybody want to kill him?
-Gold?
-His bed wasn't slept in last night.
Where'd the red runt end up?
-He wasn't with me, Marguerita.
-Ninfa--
-Si?
-He get a freebie off of you last night?
-Who?
-Dead Dick, that's who.
-No, I swear.
We bury Bernardo and go to bed-- to sleep-- apart.
-Get the coffee.
-Si.
-So that only leaves one person.
-Don't look at me.
I slept like a log.
-Why not?
You look like one.
-Maybe he solved the limerick.
-Limerick?
What limerick, huh?
-Big Ed-- you know what you came for.
Now why don't you just shut up?
-I'm sorry.
-I said what limerick?
What limerick?
-I don't know any limerick.
-Leave her alone.
-Here is your coffee, Marguerita.
-Yeah, here's your coffee.
-Now, what about that limerick?
-When I'm finished with you, honey,
you're gonna look like a plate of [spanish].
-Oh yeah?
-Girls, please.
-What about that limerick?
-I can't--
-You bitch.
-Ever since I came here, you've done nothing
but treat me like shit.
Who the hell do you think you are?
Yeah, I was a dance hall girl, but makes
you so high and mighty?
You own a whorehouse-- a whorehouse!
And with only three whores in it.
One of them is just a senile old cow-- no offense, honey--
and the other one's so new at it,
she doesn't know which end to use.
So what does that make you-- the only whore in Chile Verde!
Yeah, I came here for the gold, because I've
been poor all my life.
-You got it all wrong, honey, you've
been cheap all your life.
-Cheap?
This furniture is cheap.
-Please, can't we act like ladies?
-Get back here you ugly--
[sneezing]
-Well, well-- if it isn't old thunder thighs--
just the person we were looking for.
Sorry we didn't get here sooner, Rosie.
We had to make a little detour at Doc Carstair's, didn't
we, Clarence?
-Yeah.
-Who the hell are you?
-I think I can say with some measure of certainty that we
are the meanest sons of bitches you ever
laid them pretty eyes on, Miss--
-Marguerita-- this is my cantina.
-Charmed.
My names is Hard Case Williams.
Let's go.
-What do you want with me?
-Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.
I will repay.
Saint Paul's epistle to the Romans, chapter 12, verse 19.
Of course, Saint Paul never had a disciple
that got his neck broke by a slut
from a Santa Fe whorehouse.
-Oh, I like this hombre.
-I ain't going anywhere.
It was self-defense.
-Easy, Clarence, easy-- there will
be plenty of time for that later.
ABEL WOOD (OFFSCREEN): Then why don't you keep moving?
-What?
-I said, why don't you just keep moving?
-Oh, Abel, thank goodness-- these men
wanted to take me away.
-Ain't that grand?
-So you got a boyfriend, huh, Rosie?
Listen here, Rosie's beau-- we need her to find the gold.
-What do you know about the gold?
-Search me.
-That's what we aim to do.
Do not be afraid my son.
They will not shoot while I am beside you.
-Ha, don't count on it, Father.
It's a good day for me when I get to kill a priest.
-I'll be in the church.
-Well, how do you want to do this, Mister--
-Wood.
Able Wood Flip a coin.
When it hits the dirt, start shooting.
-Sounds good.
Flip away.
-I ain't got a coin.
-Things are hard all over.
Adios, Mr. Wood, but remember-- the day of thy death
is better than the day of thy birth.
That's, ahem, Ecclesiastics chapter seven, verse five.
-Verse one.
-When it hits the dust, boys, kill him.
-OK, gringo, it's time to get your--
-Chang-- Chang.
-You mother--
-Oh, shit.
-Victory shifts from man to man.
-Deuteronomy?
-Homer.
-I'll be back.
-I'll count the hours.
-Oh, Mr. Wood--
-Where is he?
-He lead out after Rosie.
-I didn't want to discuss any pertinent information
back there, little lady.
But you didn't think the boys and me-- the boys
and I-- really came back just to pay our respects, did ya?
Did ya?
I didn't notice that tattoo on your ass.
Chang did, though.
He has a preference for such things-- perverted swine.
But he didn't tell me about it.
You were long gone.
You've been sitting on gold, all this time.
Not gonna hurt you.
So why don't you come out in the open?
We'll discuss a business partnership.
What do you say?
-It's my ass.
-There's enough there for both of us.
-Promise you won't shoot?
-On my mother's grave.
-And it was nothing, I swear.
-What?
-My tattoo-- it's only half a map.
Without the other half, it's completely useless.
[muttering angrily]
-That's why I came to Chile Verde.
Don't kill me, please.
You promised on your mother's grave.
-So I did, but you'll be sorry to hear
that old bitch is still alive and kicking.
-Oh, please, let me live.
I've never been to Paris.
-[speaking spanish]
-Oh, look--
-Rosie!
-OK, you rotten pig.
You're porked.
ABEL WOOD: Rosie!
-Abel, Abel over here.
Come quick.
-Rosie, you OK?
-Oh, Abel-- Abel it was terrible.
He-- oh.
-They're coming!
-Hey, take it easy.
She's heavy.
-Put him in my room.
-Ooh.
There was a young fellow from Scotland,
who robbed a New Mexico hotland.
-In a grave situation, two buttes his salvation--
-He buried the gold, but in what land?
-Two buttes his salvation-- buttes.
Two buttes--
[knocking]
Yeah?
-Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Wood.
You musta had a hard day chasing outlaws
and all that heavy lifting.
-What can I do for ya, Big Ed?
-I just wanted to tell you that you're
the finest man I ever met.
You been real nice to me, and I won't ever forget it.
-Thanks, Big Ed.
-Well, goodnight.
-Goodnight-- oh, uh, I hope you get
to Abeline one of these days.
-Thanks.
[knocking]
-Yeah?
-I just wanted you to know that if I find the gold,
half of it's yours.
-Now why would you do a thing like that?
-Because yesterday morning-- oh, honey--
that was the best shower I ever had.
I'll be back, later.
Oh, it's been a long time since a man
like you came to Chili Verde.
-How long?
-A week-- maybe longer.
-You don't get many of me to the pound.
Have a drink.
[knocking]
-Yeah?
-Can I come in?
-You always wanted me, haven't you?
Ever since fate first brought us together.
Oh, say it's true.
I knew it.
Oh, Abel my darling-- say nothing.
Let's just savor this moment.
-I'd to see your, um, wound.
-Uh, Big Ed looked at it just 10 minutes ago.
-Well, isn't she the lucky one.
Why don't we take these off, shall we?
-Shouldn't we turn out the lights?
-Don't be silly.
How can I see what I'm doing?
Oh, goodness.
It's getting better every second.
-Yeah, it is.
-Oh, my, my, my-- bet there aren't
many of those to the pound, either.
-You stay right where you are.
I'm gonna get you some fresh bandages, OK?
-Well, I ain't going no place-- uh, any place.
-I'll be right back.
-You know, when I first heard about the legend
a couple months ago, I realized then that this tattoo might
have something to do with the gold.
I sold everything I had and bought
that stupid mule, ha ha ha.
Somebody somewhere has the other half of that map on their body,
and I need you to help me find 'em.
It could be a woman.
I'll share everything with you-- everything.
What do you say?
With the two halves of the map and the limerick,
we'll have all the pieces of the puzzle.
We can ride out of here together.
We'll be rich beyond my-- our wildest dreams.
Well, that's the whole story.
I love you with every ounce of my being.
Oh, Abel-- give it to me.
-This will only take a moment, and then--
-Hey, be careful with those scissors.
-OK, big boy, one move out of you--
one lie-- and I'll be wearing your jinglebobs for earrings.
Nod if you follow my drift.
Now how did you come back here for Rosie, huh?
Wasn't for love, was it?
-She has a map.
-What map?
-Couldn't we discuss this under more favorable circumstances?
-Now you just keep talking.
What map?
-She has half the map to the gold tattooed on her ass.
-Oh my God.
Hey, give me that gun under your pillow, huh?
Easy, or your raping days are over.
[knocking]
ABEL WOOD: Evening.
-Well, I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away very long.
[knocking]
-Father, you gotta help me.
-What is it, my son?
-I need a map.
-Of Chili Verde?
-Of Scotland-- I think I've solved the limerick, Father.
If I'm right, I won't forget you.
-I have no need for money.
Ah, here it is.
You think the gold is buried in Scotland?
-No.
That's it right there.
Butte-- oh, we're rich, Father, thank you.
-My son, be careful.
-I've drifted too long to let this chance pass.
-[speaking spanish]
-Help-- help-- help-- help-- help.
-Mr. Williams, you should be ashamed of yourself.
-Oh, think nothing of it.
It's just an early morning condition-- a lot of men
get it.
Will you untie me?
-Oh my goodness.
-Lady, this is no time to be pointing an accusing finger.
-At least it's only my finger that's pointing.
-Marguerita-- Marguerita!
-I ain't seen her this morning.
Uh, maybe Mr. Wood would know where she is.
-What this all this shouting?
-Do you have a gun?
-Of course.
Wait--
-Who the hell are you?
-Son of a bitch, he beat me to it.
Oh, thank you, Jesus.
-Yeah!
-I think she's coming around.
-This one also.
-Oh, what happened?
What happened?
-Oh my God.
No, don't move.
Big Ed, honey, does she have a tattoo on her ass?
-She sure does-- just like the one on yours-- well, almost.
Isn't that cute?
-Together-- do they make any sense if you put them together?
-Gee, I don't know.
It looks like some kind of a map.
-We know that.
-A map of what?
-Scotland.
-Scotland?
-My fourth husband-- he come from Scotland.
He have a map just like this one, only his was on the wall.
-What does it look like?
-Put 'em together and it says B- U- T- E.
-Butte-- I don't get it.
-Of course, the limerick-- two buttes his salvation.
-There was a young fellow from Scotland,
who robbed the New Mexico hotland.
In a grave situation, two buttes his salvation--
a grave situation-- Cactus Chaplan's grave!
-Girls, girls-- no good will co of this.
-Out of my way.
I know where the gold is.
I'll leave this [spanish] and be with [spanish] people.
-We're gonna need each other to deal with the men.
-Right.
-Oh, Father, it's the gold.
Mr. Wood may be in danger.
-Where?
Where did they go?
-They said something about Cactus Chaplan's grave.
-[speaking spanish]
-Uh-uh.
Mm-- nice work.
I was gonna help you, but I saw you were having so much fun.
I decided not to disturb you.
-How'd you find out?
-Same way you did.
This, here, was one smart son of a bitch.
How many people would recognize the map of Scotland
on two separate rear ends?
-Two buttes-- one in Scotland, the other one here--
or two beauties, the ladies.
[muttering angrily]
-You bastard.
You figured all that out, didn't you Mr. Wood?
You're smarter than shit.
-I been around.
-I'm glad you used the past tense on that.
Good sense of timing.
Adios-- do you want it in the head or the heart?
[gunshot]
-Hold everything.
Back off.
Well I'll be damned.
-There's enough here for everybody.
-Like hell there is.
I've been looking for this gold for years,
and I ain't sharing it with nobody.
Ya understand?
It was my ass that was tattooed-- mine.
-Ours--
[sneeze]
-Drop it.
-I knew it.
[sneeze]
-Just give me one excuse to kill you-- just one.
All my life I've been running around Santa Fe
with a strange birthmark on my butt.
You could've advertised in the paper or something!
-I figured if I hung around Chili Verde long enough,
the other half would show up sooner or later.
But I never imagined it would be on such a low-life,
sleazy, no good--
-Shut up!
Get back!
-This is not fair.
-Oh, go ahead.
-If there are no objections, I'd like
to see what it is we all came here for.
-Damn me.
Oh, shit.
-I don't believe this.
-Mind if I try?
-Be my guest.
[cracking]
-Come and get it.
-Get away from that gold!
-Everybody move around a little bit.
-Father, am I ever glad to see you.
-Drop the guns, please.
This is stolen treasure.
-I think we kind of figured that out ourselves, you old fart.
Cactus Chaplan, right?
-He robbed the Las Cruces bank.
A posse tracked him down, so he buried the gold
when he found he could not escape.
-Well, how come we got tattoos on our asses?
-He devised the limerick, and he put the last-- the vital clue--
on his infant daughters.
He wanted you sisters to have the gold.
-Sisters?
The Chaplan sisters?
-Oy vey.
-You girls were brought up by separate foster families.
-How come you know all this?
-When I was a rabbi, I married Lupita and Cactus Chaplan.
-Look, can we start shooting each other now?
No offense, Father, that's a very interesting story,
but I'd like to take the gold and get out of here.
-You heard the Father, the gold is ours.
-That's how our daddy wanted it.
-I somehow don't feel that's the father's intention.
-For 33 long years, I've been waiting for the pieces
to come together.
Have you any idea what it's been like waiting
in this cesspit for 33 long years?
Yes, some people would have given up.
Some people would have gone crazy, but not me-- oh no.
Because I knew-- I knew that one day Cactus's little girls would
come riding into Chili Verde, and I would be rich.
Rich enough to cast the dust of this forsaken land
forever from my sandals.
Oh, I'm going to travel London, Paris, Vienna,
and then-- then Rome, the Vatican.
I'm going to be a pope.
-This man's oats ain't all in his feedbag.
-Oh, ye of little faith.
-If there's one thing I hate, it's a pushy priest.
-I don't suppose anyone wants to split this four ways?
-Marguerita--
-What?
-You're my big sister.
I can't kill you.
There's enough for both us.
-[speaking spanish]
-[speaking spanish]
-She says they'll kill us.
Lucky thing I speak Spanish.
-How do I know you'll shoot them?
-Trust me.
-Oh no.
-Go ahead and shoot.
You can't.
I know why.
Abel, all those things I said to you last night were true.
-Is that why you wanted to kill me, just now?
-That was just a trick to fool her.
-This woman's unbelievable.
She just wants to put you away like she did Red Dick.
-Shut up, your deceitful slut.
Don't listen to her.
-I ain't listening to either of you.
-Abel, you and me, we're two of a kind.
-Ha!
-When we made love it was fireworks exploding--
big, long Roman candles shooting off inside me.
-When was this?
-The day you arrived in Chili Verde.
We did it in the shower, and it was the most--
-In the shower, how could you?
-Seemed like the thing to do at the time.
-You men are all the same.
-You ain't got no brand on me.
-But I love you.
-Ow, you bitch.
-Where was I?
Oh, yes-- Abel, I love you.
God knows I've told you enough times.
-Then prove it.
Throw your gun down.
I'll be damned.
-I really meant it.
Oh, Abel.
Adios, sucker--
-She was gonna kill you.
I couldn't let her do that.
-So you were the one who saved me before.
-Twice.
-Half this belongs to you.
-All I need is enough to get me to Abeline.
-Thanks, Big Ed.
-Call me Edna.
-Abel-- Abel-- I hope you won't let a little
thing like this come between us.
Oh, sure, we've had our little ups and down,
but it's still not too late.
Oh, Abel-- can't we still be friends?
Give Big Ed everything.
I don't care about the gold.
Ow.
Big Ed-- Big Ed, honey-- I don't blame you for wanting me dead.
You are old, ugly, and I'll see you
get just what's coming to you.
Abel-- Abel my love-- Abel!
What's the use?
[gunshot]
Oh
-Well-- maybe he'll be back tomorrow.
After all, tomorrow is another day.
[music playing]