Mafianado (2025) Movie Script
(dramatic orchestral music)
(dramatic orchestral music)
[Nico VO] All right.
So you wanna be one
of us, a made guy?
Amico Nostra.
First, they gotta agree
to open the books,
then you've gotta get made.
You'll be required to
take the Oath of Omerta.
They'll prick your finger.
And once you become a button
man, you are a wise guy.
Soldier first, capo after that.
Consigliere,
underboss after that.
And if you live long
enough, the boss.
A made man enjoys
the full protection
and backing of the crew.
That is, as long as
he remains in favor,
and earns enough money.
You become untouchable
by fellow criminals.
You ought to be
respected and feared,
and don't ever rat
on your friends.
Across the family.
Family is everything
in our thing.
How tornadoes have anything to
do with all this, fuck knows.
But my guess is
we're gonna find out.
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
So these two Italians, they
get on the bus going to AC,
and they sit in front of
this little old Jewish lady.
They start talking.
The one guy says, Him,
come first, then I come.
Then two asses come together.
I come one more, two asses
they coming together again.
I come again, to be twice.
I come one last time.
So the Jewish blonde, she
hears this conversation
and her jaw is like
on the fucking floor.
And she says, "You
pigs in this country,
we don't talk about our
sex lives in public."
And the Italian says,
"Hey, cool it down lady."
Who's talking about sex?
I'm just telling my friend
how to spell Mississippi.
(all chuckling)
[Nico] Even to this
day, nobody believes me.
But this crew, these
fat fucks right there,
these are the guys
that really ran Jersey.
Joey Beats was the
muscle, hence the name.
Look at the mouth on this guy.
Remo Tutos Camuso was the
under boss of the family.
Rumor has it, that
after he whacked a guy,
he sent two of their toes back
home to their wife and kids.
Buzzy Melina was a
capo. He was all right.
Buzzy never said too much.
He mostly just took orders.
And then there was Joe Durra,
the boss of the family.
When this Momo spoke,
it was for a reason
and you better believe
the whole room stopped
what they were fucking doing,
and fucking listened.
Just like this.
(all chuckling)
I don't get it.
He's spelling Mississippi,
but the Jew thinks
he's being cute.
Where are we with the thing?
What thing?
The thing down
there, you know?
Oh, that thing.
Yeah, we took care
of that already.
So it's done?
[Remo] It's done.
- Eh, salud,
- [Together] Salud.
Salud.
What about the other guy?
[Buzzy] Which guy?
The other guy.
A friend that may or
may not have disappeared
in the Meadowlands.
So what do you
wanna do about that?
I already talked to the guy.
And?
Smart ass drove all
the way up to Seacaucus
to give the cafone a
smack in the mouth.
I remember Seacaucus.
I got my first hand job there.
I was 15.
Oh yeah? How old was
the other guy, huh?
I don't know. Why don't
you ask your sister?
She was there.
- Eh, salud.
- [Together] Salud.
Salud.
There is one more
point of order at hand.
That package, a friend down
South stashed away for us.
What about it?
We gotta move it.
It's no big deal.
What do you mean, moving?
I mean, we gotta
get it out of there.
Fucking condominiums.
I'm fucking telling you.
Whatever happened to
small town America?
Nah. Nah, it's not like that.
It's just the weatherman says
there's a tornado coming.
What are you now, the
fucking weather channel?
It's just, I don't
think I need to explain
how bad it would look if a
certain someone's rotting corpse
went flying past the screen
during the six o'clock news.
Like in "Twister."
Huh?
The movie. The goggles
flying past the screen.
Anyway, I think
it would behoove us
to send someone down
there to dig it up.
You know, the way I see
it, why take a chance?
Alright, Joey, you
and Buzzy go out there
and take care of it.
Boss, I got that
thing in the city.
Yeah, me too, Joe.
Everybody's got a fucking
thing in the city now?
What are we doing over here?
It's my Goomah.
She's got surgery on her tooth.
I got the no-show on Saturday.
And that sanitation
guy in New Milford
is being a real pain in my ass.
What are you gonna do, boss?
Surgery,
sanitation. Call Nico.
Let him contact me right away.
[Nico] This is where
I come in, a soldier.
Whatever the fuck.
I just do what Joe and
Remo tell me to do,
and don't ask questions.
Simple as that.
I did my job, I got
paid and that was that.
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
[Joe] Nico, listen to me,
I got a problem I want
you to take care of.
Sure, Joe. Anything.
You know that.
The garden down south is
making us a lot of money,
and business is
good in the streets.
Recession proof.
Having said that,
there's a package
that we need to move down there.
What package?
The kind we don't want
to come back to haunt us.
Remo says there's some kind
of a bad weather in the area
or whatever the fuck.
So I think you go down
there, work with that guy,
take things from
here to over there.
You think you can do that?
Of course. No problem.
Bring me the fucking thing.
That's it, boss.
You ain't gonna count it?
I trust you.
Besides, if it's short,
who am I gonna bitch to?
You do this for me,
we'll talk about
making you bones, kid.
All right.
[Nico VO] I had
one job, no big deal.
Only problem was I had
to convince my old lady
this was work.
And not me disappearing
for a weekend
with the boys with some skank.
(bright music)
(bag banging)
(bright music)
Where do you
think you're going?
We talked about this, Alessia.
You expect me to believe
they're just gonna send you down
to Texas just like that?
It's part of the job.
Job? What job?
You hardly get paid.
And that electrician post
at my uncle's company,
that was a job, a real
one with benefits and all.
And what you do is try and act
like you're some half
a wise guy pulling jobs
for Buzzy Melina and Joey Bats.
Beats, Joey Beats.
Bats, Beats,
whatever the fuck.
Point is, there's no
future in this for you.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
We're wasting all my
childbearing years waiting for you
to earn your stripes.
Not to mention you're
gone all the time.
I swear, sometimes I feel
like my vibrator knows
how to turn me on
better than you.
You weren't saying
that when I brought home
that Chanel watch or
that Cardi and mink coat.
Oh, well that was different.
Those were gifts.
Look, I don't have
time for this, okay.
I need to be on the road.
Here, take this.
You pay some of the
bills, spend the rest.
But what if I wanna get my
nails done while you're gone?
Then spend it. I don't care.
Just stop breaking
my balls, all right.
Be back in a few days.
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
(telephone ringing)
Sullivan.
[Caller] Agent Sullivan,
we're calling for a status.
This is what I have.
So Joseph, Buzzy Melina,
who was the father, deceased,
ran things down on
Maple Avenue in the 70's
for the Dura Crime family.
Crack, heroin, he spent
10 months in counting,
another 16 on railway.
(bright music)
(car engine revving)
(tires screeching)
(bright music)
He was shot and
killed on his way home
from the corner store.
And all we found
on the body was $6
in losing lottery tickets and
a Kiwi strawberry Snapple.
[Caller] Ooh, that's
the worst fucking flavor.
I agree. It's too sweet.
[Caller] Tell
me about the kid.
The kid? That's Joey Junior.
He's also known as Buzzy.
He currently serves as Capo,
still making stops on Maple Lab
as well as Jefferson
and Hamlin Avenues.
He's a made guy.
[Caller] Made guy,
you think you can flip?
That's right.
[Caller] You're
sure about that?
Well, Buzzy isn't what
we would call book smart.
He's a good earner for Joe Dura.
But he is not very intelligent.
Chances are I can bring him in.
Pin something on him
that I think could stick.
Chances are, he'll crack
faster than super glue bonds.
All I need is your approval.
[Caller] All
right, you have it.
Lemme call you back.
(dramatic music)
[News Reporter] It won't
be until the evening time
on Thursday when we
do start to see...
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
(bright music continues)
(bright music continues)
(thunder roaring)
(birds chirping)
(thunder roaring)
(door rattling)
(door creaking)
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody home?
Joe Durra sent me.
(gentle music)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(suspense music)
(suspense music continues)
(thunder roaring)
(intense music)
(intense music)
(intense music)
(thunder roaring)
(thunder roaring)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music continues)
(suspense music continues)
(intense music)
What the fuck?
You scared the shit out of me,
I thought you were dead.
Dead? No.
Must have squeezed too hard.
Fucking passed out.
I was eating your sandwich.
A sandwich?
Yeah. (Indistinct).
You want?
I'm good.
Joe Dura sent me to
take care of that thing.
What thing?
The thing you hid
down here, our friend.
Ah, okay, the thing, yeah.
Lorenzo.
Well, let me finish up here.
Make yourself at home.
What's your name, kid?
Nico Savini?
Yeah. Savini?
What part of the boot
your parents from?
Salerno.
No shit. Sicily here.
Well, Calabria first and
the island after that.
Can I get you something? A beer?
No. And if it's
all the same to you,
I'd rather move the package
and get back on the road.
And there's a storm coming in.
[News Reporter] See
some rain arriving.
Mother fucking Texas man.
Nature, all this shit,
weather changes from hour
to hour. Fucking hate it.
Yeah. Well, Joe Dura,
he wants this done fast.
So you wanna show
me where it's at?
No problem.
Sun's out, I'll go
get the shovels.
(bright music)
Dude, there's fucking bugs
here all over the place.
There's this thing
called Chiggers.
I woke up one night and
my balls were itching
like I had some kind of
STI or something like that.
And I looked down and I
had these little spots,
and they fucking
come from the grass
'cause I was doing like
some tanning the other day.
Then I was taking this
pottery class, right.
And I had an idea as you make
molds of women's, you know,
vaginas, and then you
kind of sell it, you know?
It depends on what
you want to do.
But I think it's a...
(bright music)
You better be square with me.
You ain't gonna
believe this shit.
What is it?
Our friend downstairs,
he's been talking to the feds.
What? Says who?
I just talked to
our guy, wiretaps,
the whole nine fucking yards.
We need to be 100%.
He swears up and down,
he is 100% cooperating.
Fucking rat.
You, you want me to call Nico?
You know the kid's been
looking to make his bones.
Yeah. Call Nico.
Have him show him the
other thing first,
and take care of
the other thing.
So just to clarify, I'm
gonna have him dig two holes.
All right.
Yeah, it's me, we got a problem.
Sure. All right.
Oh. Okay.
What's up?
It's here, I think.
It's been a fucking minute.
Was it there?
Is it not there?
With the rain, I
don't know. Maybe.
Well, only one
way to find out.
Keep fucking digging.
What is it?
Did you hear that?
Hear what?
Sounds like
someone's screaming.
(suspense music)
[Alessia] Nico!
Where the hell did you go?
Nico!
Get over here!
Nico.
Alessia?
Took you long enough
to open the trunk, Nico.
I was fucking dying in there.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
Who the fuck is this?
Nevermind who I am.
Answer the question. What
the hell took you so long?
What the fuck was
I supposed to...
Wait, how'd you get in there?
I followed you after
you left the apartment,
and stuck into the back
when you stopped off
to get cigarettes.
Wait, you know this broad?
She's my girlfriend.
Who's this?
The guy you came to see?
I bet the sluts
are in the house.
Sluts, yeah.
There's nobody else
here. This is insane.
You're going home now!
How's she gonna get back?
And Remo wants us to
move this thing along.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not going anywhere
until I know this isn't some
sort of bachelor's weekend.
What are we
fucking doing here?
Yeah, what are we
doing here, Nico?
Shut the fuck up!
Both of you.
Alessia, you stay here.
You don't move
until I come back.
Lorenzo, just keep
fucking digging.
You understand?
Do you understand?
- I gotta go to the bathroom.
- [Nico] What?
Yeah, I've been holding
it for like seven hours,
I really got to piss.
Jesus. Could she use
your bathroom or what?
Sure. Down the hall
to the left, hun.
Thank you.
Ooh fuck, look at that ass, bro.
Ew!
Good job.
She's not gonna be
a problem, right?
How the fuck am
I supposed to know?
Just get moving.
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
That him?
It's gotta be.
Wait here, I'll get the bags.
Hey. Yeah, we found him,
but we got a problem.
Brought his broad with them.
Got it.
Alas poor Yuric.
Ugly motherfucker.
Right, right. I
get it. I get it.
You ain't gonna
believe this shit.
What is it?
Nico, boss sent him downstairs
to take care of that thing.
His girlfriend made the trip.
Now the whole
fucking thing is gone
(speaking foreign language).
So what do you wanna do?
You want us to go down there,
talk to somebody or what?
What about your
Goomah and your no-show?
Remo, this is
some serious shit.
All right, the tooth
can goddamn wait.
Yeah, the no-show too.
I'll just call
Petey from Philly.
He'll handle it.
Alright. Alright. Use
two to go down there.
Our friend, Nico
even the girlfriend,
they all gotta go, right?
- Got it. Remo.
- [Remo] Alright, take this.
You didn't catch it.
Look, if I knew you were
actually gonna throw it
to me.
- Now, just go.
- I was going to...
- Just. Go!
Goddamn!
(cheerful music)
(pen clicking)
Shouldn't I have a lawyer
or some shit over here?
I don't know. Should you?
I don't know.
That's what I'm asking you.
Well, I know what
you're asking me,
but if you didn't
do anything wrong,
you have nothing to hide,
why do you need a lawyer?
You came in, no warrant, right?
All right.
So what's this all about then?
You know what this is?
Eh? My wife's twat hair.
Close. Bergen County
PD pulled this off
a body night before last
in the Passaic River.
So?
Passaic River, route four.
Real close to Maple Ave.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you fucking
Google Maps or what?
Guy can't walk around
downtown anymore?
Wrong neighborhood now?
The DNA on this
hair matches yours.
You care to explain that?
So what happens next?
One, I can arrest your ass,
you go to jail, Joe Dura
pay some poor guy in Pod D
to shank your ass while you're
beating off in the shower.
Or B, just cooperate.
- Cooperate?
- You feed me information.
Yeah, feed you information.
What information?
Anything I want.
It's either that or
I arrest your ass.
You go away forever and we'll
probably never see you again.
All right. What
do you wanna know?
For starters, what's Joe
Dura got going on in the south?
And don't sit there
and tell me nothing.
I have an insider that tells
me that you and Joey Beats
are headed that way
and I wanna know why.
All right, he
sent us down there.
There's a package
that needs moving,
and that and a couple
other three things.
I'm all ears.
Alright, well there's
Mo and there's Curly
and I can't remember the
other fucking guy's name.
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music)
Nico. What are the
garbage bags for?
Jesus, I forgot you were here.
You're cutting up
bodies, aren't you?
No.
Oh, really?
Because your friend out there
looks like the kind of guy
that would cut some
poor schmuck up,
and bury him in the woods.
Listen to me.
You are not even supposed
to be here, all right?
There are certain
aspects about my job
that you can't be involved in.
Aspects? The putting
bodies into garbage bags,
those kind of aspects?
Exactly.
Lorenzo, what the fuck?
Remo and Joe Dura
don't like the idea
of you bringing your
stupid lady to work.
Remo was the one who
brought me down here
in the first place.
Yeah. Well, I
just talked to him.
Things change.
All right, so you have no
idea what you getting into here.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
Joe Dura. He knows you're
working for the FBI.
Told me to take you out
after we moved the body.
Oh, I fucking knew it.
What the fuck?
That's what the
garbage bags was for.
Will you shut
this hoe up, please.
Hoe! Who you calling a hoe?
Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.
Hey, we can all get
out of this, all right.
Let's make a deal.
You and me.
It's not gonna
happen, you stupid fuck.
Remo wants you dead,
which means Joe Dura
wants you dead too.
Which also means that
Buzzy and Joey Beats
are on their way here right now.
Yeah. Think about it.
Not taking any chances, outside.
Both of you's! Now!
Outside? It's about
to start raining,
I'm not going out there.
My hair's gonna frizz right off.
Fuck your hair!
I don't want blood on my floors.
It takes for fucking
ever having to clean up!
Outside. Move! Now!
Hurry up!
You two, dickhead, go!
Hurry the fuck up.
Move it, Nico.
(thunder rattling)
(wind howling)
(rubble crashing)
(sheep bleating)
(cow lowing)
(intense music)
All right, that's far enough.
On your knees, both of you's!
Still glad you came on
this little work trip?
Oh, this is your fault.
My fault? I wouldn't
be in this mess
if you didn't stow
away in the trunk.
Yeah. Well, I wouldn't
have felt the need
to tag along if I trusted you.
- Trust me?
- Yeah, the strippers.
That was my birthday.
What do you want from me?
You love strippers.
Ass all in your face. Admit it.
Asses.
Yeah.
You like Puerto Rican asses.
(gunshot firing)
Enough! On your
fucking knees now!
This is it, Nico.
We're gonna fucking die.
We're gonna die.
(thunder rattling)
All right, let's do
this Sadie Hawkins style.
Who gets it first?
Do me first.
I was talking to the lady.
Don't you know what
Sadie Hawkins is?
No.
It's like high school.
You know the dance?
It's where the
girls ask the guys
instead of the other way around.
I knew it.
See. Smart gal.
Too bad. She's gotta get...
(lightning striking)
(intense music)
- Is he?
- Dead?
He's a fucking
charcoal briquette.
What do you think?
What should we do with him?
Storm's coming in, right?
Go inside where it's safe.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Do you really wanna know?
There you go. Go inside.
There you go. I
got it. I got it.
Piece of shit.
(cheerful music)
(owl howling)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music continues)
So his name was
Mikey Stacks Bellino,
one of the Marino
families top guys.
He was sausage and peppers
at the Highway
five diner off 208.
When Joe Dura walks in
and orders this Arancini.
An hour later, Mikey was never
seen or heard from again.
Buzzy says they buried
the body down south.
[Caller] In Texas.
Yeah, that's right.
Some shit hole cabin
that Remo Camuso owns.
And get this, the guy
they stashed down there
to help keep an eye on this
corpse, he's one of our guys.
[Caller] Our guys. Which? Who?
He's an informant of ours.
He's a real piece of work too.
His name is Lorenzo Vitelli.
[Caller] Vitelli. Yeah.
His old man used to run
a tire shop. No shit.
Yeah. And some low
level guy is down there.
He's supposed to move
Mikey's dead bones,
and then take care of Lorenzo.
The only thing is
some wires got crossed
and now there's
some broad involved.
And Joe Dura wants this
whole thing whitewashed.
Buzzy and Joey Beats
are headed there now
to take care of all of them.
It's the fucking wild west.
You know what I mean?
[Caller] The diner.
The argument between
Joe Dura and Mikey,
what was it about?
Argument?
The Arancini, peas
or mozzarella.
[Caller] Fucking gangsters.
Everyone knows it's
ragu and mozzarella.
(intense music)
(intense music)
Hey, pack your shit.
We're leaving.
- We can't leave.
- What?
Remo is gonna find out
about you being here.
He's gonna send guys down
here to kill us. Okay?
This is your fault. Now
you tell me we can't leave.
No, it's not that, the news,
they shut the highways down.
There's a massive
storm coming this way.
Oh fuck, okay, that's right.
Let me think.
I say we hunk it down here.
I mean, if we can't get out,
whatever guys Remo sends down
here can't get in, right?
That's actually true.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe we could
make a weekend out of it.
What?
Oh, come on, Nico.
We never do anything
alone just the two of us.
Alessia, there's a dead
body in the backyard.
Yeah, well besides that,
it could be kind of nice.
I'm going to shower.
You, stay here and
don't do anything.
In fact, lock the door.
Don't go near the
windows until I get back.
Yeah?
Fine.
(intense music)
(thunder rattling)
(lightning striking)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music)
I don't know, man.
This whole navigation's fucked
up 'cause of these trees.
I fucking hate lightning.
Fuck.
Alright, man.
Alright, let's go this way.
(gentle music)
(gentle music)
This drop pin fucking bullshit!
Goddamn useless.
Alright, look, this is
what we're gonna do.
This is the plan.
We're gonna find the cabin.
We're gonna find Nico.
We're gonna find his
little girlfriend,
and we're gonna do the
both of them, all right?
And then we're gonna
get the fuck outta Dodge
before this tornado hits.
Fuck around, have us
both under the cabin
like that goddamn witch.
What witch?
The witch.
You know from the movie.
The little guy who
hung himself, man.
The little guy hung himself.
"The Wizard of Oz."
The munchkin hung himself?
Well, not in
front of everybody,
behind scenes on a
fucking crane dummy.
No shit!
I tell you what, who wouldn't
wanna take the easy way out?
Am I right?
The easy way out?
Yeah. When I go,
I want it to be on my
own terms, you know.
The fuck is the
matter with you?
You know the little guy ain't
fucking part of our thing.
I know that.
All right.
Let's just find the cabin,
get the fuck outta these woods.
Probably filled
with ticks and shit.
(cheerful music)
Okay, here's the plan.
There's a diner.
Off route 23, okay.
I passed it on the way in.
We're gonna head there.
We're way out the storm, right?
That way when Joe
Dura's guys get here,
we're halfway out
the fucking state.
- And then what?
- I don't know.
Oklahoma, Mimi.
Oklahoma? What am I
gonna do in Oklahoma?
Not be dead, okay.
Hey, they have casinos
with all the shots
and the little Asian babies,
you'll love it, okay?
- But what about my mother?
- What about her?
I mean, am I ever
gonna see her again?
Jesus, Alessia, we are not
going to witness protection.
It's just for a
little while, okay?
Until things calm down.
(lightning striking)
Oh, geez. Great.
Now we can't see shit.
Just look around for the keys.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
(birds chirping)
Go round back.
(birds chirping)
(gentle music)
- Someone's here.
- I'll go check it out.
Stay here.
(thunder roaring)
Well, who is it?
They here.
- Who?
- UPS.
Who do you fucking think?
It's Buzzy.
Oh my God, this is it.
I'm gonna die.
- No, we're gonna be fine.
- Yeah,
they're gonna get into
the house and shoot us,
and then they're gonna chop
us up into little pieces
and put us into...
- Hey, hey, hey, shh!
One of those
fucking garbage bags!
Hey, hey, hey!
Nothing's gonna happen, okay?
We're gonna be okay.
Just go in that back
room, get in the closet,
and don't come out
until I tell you to.
What are you gonna do?
Shh! What I'm
good at, all right.
Don't go out.
Now, go.
(suspense music)
(thunder roaring)
(Sheep bleating)
(car crashing)
(suspense music)
(Nico whistling)
Nico, baby boy.
We haven't heard from you,
the Skip was worrying.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
I mean, with this
whole storm coming,
I mean, he just...
Why take any chances?
Uh-huh.
So our friend that delivered
the package over here,
you take care of that or what?
It's done.
Okay. How bout we go inside
before we have a lightning
bolt shoved up our
asses, you know?
You alone?
Yeah, I'm alone.
Joey couldn't make it.
He had some business with his
Goomah or some shit like that.
I don't know.
It's fucking freezing. Let's go!
Nico.
- All right.
Let's go inside.
Some fucking place,
I'll tell you that.
What the fuck you doing?
Whoa. Whoa. Easy.
Easy, Nico. Easy.
All right, it's fucking noodles.
All right, No big deal.
Shut the fuck up!
Nico.
(intense music)
(blood gushing)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music continues)
(cheerful music continues)
Nico. Nico, what's wrong?
Oh my God.
What happened?
I told you to
stay in the bedroom!
Oh my God, Nico, we have
to get the hell outta here.
Yeah, well, Joey
Beats is still outside.
There's another one?
Get in the back.
This time, no matter what,
stay there until I
tell you to come out.
Okay.
(footsteps thudding)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music continues)
(suspense music continues)
(lightning striking)
(suspense music continues)
Nico.
Nico.
- Joey.
Where the fuck is Buzzy at?
Which part?
Some of his lungs
are on the porch,
and his brains are a couple
steps down from there.
Remo sent you down here
to kill me, didn't he?
Tell me the truth, or I
blow your fucking head off.
Yeah. It was the broad.
Our friend called, when
Remo found out she was here,
it pissed him off.
You know, Remo. He's
a very emotional guy.
Toss the gun on
the sofa, there.
Do it, now.
Listen, Nico, you know I
cannot go back like this.
All right, what
do you suggest?
You cannot go back either.
Well, if you're suggesting
that we kill each
other, you go first.
Not that. But I don't know.
Maybe the girl goes and we'll
see what happens from there.
Are you suggesting
that I kill Alessia
to save your sorry ass?
Not just me, this
is for you too.
Sorry about that.
About what?
This!
(hammer banging)
(Alessia grunting)
Open the door.
Nico, what about the tornado?
Open the fucking door.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna throw
his ass in the lawn.
What do you think?
But he'll die.
What do you think
will happen to us
if you don't open
the fucking door?
(bright music)
- Now what?
- Now we wait.
Wait for what?
What did you do?
(thunder roaring)
(lightning striking)
You sons of bitches!
Fuck you!
Oh shit.
You sons of bitches!
Mother fuck!
Hey, hey, hey, it's okay.
It's okay. We're safe.
It's over.
How do you know?
(indistinct).
Only one thing to do now.
What's that?
What's that, dear?
I'm sorry I hid in your
trunk during your work trip.
It's okay.
It's just tough.
- Okay.
- We're leaving.
- Okay.
We're leaving.
(gentle music)
(bright music)
God, I fucking
hate this place.
[Caller] What do
you mean, everyone?
Everyone.
- [Caller] Everyone, who?
- I mean everyone.
All of them.
Lorenzo, Buzzy, they're gone.
Or they've at least ghosted me.
[Caller] Ghost? Wait a minute.
Who? What ghost?
Ghost, ghosted.
It's an expression.
[Caller] Well, why the fuck
didn't you just say that?
Ghosted, an expression
means I can't get any of them
to call me back.
[Caller] All right, all right.
Maybe, I don't know.
Have you thought maybe it's
time you go down there?
No. I have a feeling this
whole job went sideways.
[Caller] Speaking of sideways,
we saw they had some
bad storms down there.
You think that
might have happened?
You know it's a nice thought.
But the idea that
some bad weather
just picked these gumbas
up off their asses
and wipe them off the
face of the Earth,
just sounds kind of
convenient, don't you think?
[Caller] Alright, calm down.
It's just a suggestion.
In the meantime,
you keep trying.
Someone answers their phone,
you let us know, yeah?
Yeah, will do.
(cheerful music)
Every fucking
hand, all night long.
Where's that, Buzzy?
He'll be late to
his own funeral.
(Nico knocking)
Yeah. Who is it?
Nico?
What the hell is this shit?
He sent me down to Texas,
he sent some guys
down there to kill me.
Look, Nico, it's
not like that.
Not like that?
How's it like, like this?
(gunshot firing)
- Hold your fucking horses!
- I'm holding.
Let's talk about this, kid.
What do you want?
- Five.
- Thousands?
No, not thousand.
Offshore, bank account
of my choosing.
5 million.
5 million, your bank. Good?
Alright, put down
the fucking gun.
I also want capo, and
that part is non-negotiable.
Capo, you're nuts.
You're a good earner, kid.
But Capo, that I can't do.
You are the boss
of this family.
You do what you want.
(speaking foreign
language), look around.
You killed three
guys all connected.
To earn your stripes,
you need friends.
And right now, that's
something you don't have.
Capo.
Fine kid. No problem.
But you won't be able to
walk your baby nuts down
the block to enjoy it.
Why is that?
(speaking foreign
language), You not one of us.
(gunshot firing)
(gunshots firing)
(cheerful music)
(dramatic orchestral music)
(indistinct) A gangster?
(dramatic orchestral music)
[Caller] Agent
Sullivan, you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
[Caller] Look, I
think it's safe to say
you win some, you lose some.
Gee, thanks for the pep talk.
[Caller] I'm just saying,
they can't all be home runs.
You gotta hit some singles.
Take a week, call us when
you had a little bit of time
to let it marinate.
Yeah, understood.
[Caller] I'm serious,
Sullivan, you can take a trip,
you get your nails done.
I'll talk to you
when I talk to you.
[Caller] Oh, Sullivan, for
the record, the Arancini, peas.
My grandmother come in
from the old country,
she'd have my ass if I
admitted it any other way.
And you're willing to get
your ass clipped for it?
[Caller] Not exactly.
I'll talk to you in a week.
All right.
(dramatic orchestral music)
(dramatic orchestral
music continues)
What happened?
Good news. We made a deal.
A deal? What kind of deal?
The kind that keeps us alive.
So where we headed to next?
Somewhere without mafia,
no fucking tornadoes.
Is your uncle still hiring?
I can call him.
(gentle music)
(birds chirping)
(gentle music)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(beeping)
[Producer] Like this.
Now hold your fucking horses!
[Producer] Action.
(bright music)
Okay, still rolling, we'll stop.
Okay, take a deep breath.
We'll do it one more time.
(beeping)
Okay, keep that neck nice
and long the whole way over.
Okay and action.
(beeping)
I'm not as fit as I look.
Don't do cardio,
any of that shit.
No abs.
You mother, sons of bitches!
(beeping)
[Producer] Arms
out to the sides.
Sons of bitches!
[Producer] Cut.
(beeping)
(muffled overlapping chatter)
So we're gonna
try to get a job.
He's like bullshitting lately.
I love him.
- Can we get somebody in here,
clean this up?
Then he is (indistinct)
You know that nobody is...
He's in Rome, you
gotta understand,
it's like 2000 years
ago in Rome, right?
So his agent walks up
and he says hey...
- [Buzzy] Yeah.
I got a job for you
at Caesars Palace.
He said the real Caesars palace.
(all chuckling)
I like the one in Vegas.
The real one.
You never seen that?
[Remo] (indistinct)
[Joe] That's a
freaking classic.
[Buzzy] What are
we talking about?
[Joe] The history of
the world, part one.
[Buzzy] Nah man.
That's just old people.
You know what I'm saying?
Classics never get old.
What do you watch?
- "SpongeBob" and mostly...
- "SpongeBob?"
"Lilo and Stitch."
No, I'm fucking around.
Hell no. (Indistinct) about.
(beeping)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
(bright music continues)
(dramatic orchestral music)
[Nico VO] All right.
So you wanna be one
of us, a made guy?
Amico Nostra.
First, they gotta agree
to open the books,
then you've gotta get made.
You'll be required to
take the Oath of Omerta.
They'll prick your finger.
And once you become a button
man, you are a wise guy.
Soldier first, capo after that.
Consigliere,
underboss after that.
And if you live long
enough, the boss.
A made man enjoys
the full protection
and backing of the crew.
That is, as long as
he remains in favor,
and earns enough money.
You become untouchable
by fellow criminals.
You ought to be
respected and feared,
and don't ever rat
on your friends.
Across the family.
Family is everything
in our thing.
How tornadoes have anything to
do with all this, fuck knows.
But my guess is
we're gonna find out.
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
So these two Italians, they
get on the bus going to AC,
and they sit in front of
this little old Jewish lady.
They start talking.
The one guy says, Him,
come first, then I come.
Then two asses come together.
I come one more, two asses
they coming together again.
I come again, to be twice.
I come one last time.
So the Jewish blonde, she
hears this conversation
and her jaw is like
on the fucking floor.
And she says, "You
pigs in this country,
we don't talk about our
sex lives in public."
And the Italian says,
"Hey, cool it down lady."
Who's talking about sex?
I'm just telling my friend
how to spell Mississippi.
(all chuckling)
[Nico] Even to this
day, nobody believes me.
But this crew, these
fat fucks right there,
these are the guys
that really ran Jersey.
Joey Beats was the
muscle, hence the name.
Look at the mouth on this guy.
Remo Tutos Camuso was the
under boss of the family.
Rumor has it, that
after he whacked a guy,
he sent two of their toes back
home to their wife and kids.
Buzzy Melina was a
capo. He was all right.
Buzzy never said too much.
He mostly just took orders.
And then there was Joe Durra,
the boss of the family.
When this Momo spoke,
it was for a reason
and you better believe
the whole room stopped
what they were fucking doing,
and fucking listened.
Just like this.
(all chuckling)
I don't get it.
He's spelling Mississippi,
but the Jew thinks
he's being cute.
Where are we with the thing?
What thing?
The thing down
there, you know?
Oh, that thing.
Yeah, we took care
of that already.
So it's done?
[Remo] It's done.
- Eh, salud,
- [Together] Salud.
Salud.
What about the other guy?
[Buzzy] Which guy?
The other guy.
A friend that may or
may not have disappeared
in the Meadowlands.
So what do you
wanna do about that?
I already talked to the guy.
And?
Smart ass drove all
the way up to Seacaucus
to give the cafone a
smack in the mouth.
I remember Seacaucus.
I got my first hand job there.
I was 15.
Oh yeah? How old was
the other guy, huh?
I don't know. Why don't
you ask your sister?
She was there.
- Eh, salud.
- [Together] Salud.
Salud.
There is one more
point of order at hand.
That package, a friend down
South stashed away for us.
What about it?
We gotta move it.
It's no big deal.
What do you mean, moving?
I mean, we gotta
get it out of there.
Fucking condominiums.
I'm fucking telling you.
Whatever happened to
small town America?
Nah. Nah, it's not like that.
It's just the weatherman says
there's a tornado coming.
What are you now, the
fucking weather channel?
It's just, I don't
think I need to explain
how bad it would look if a
certain someone's rotting corpse
went flying past the screen
during the six o'clock news.
Like in "Twister."
Huh?
The movie. The goggles
flying past the screen.
Anyway, I think
it would behoove us
to send someone down
there to dig it up.
You know, the way I see
it, why take a chance?
Alright, Joey, you
and Buzzy go out there
and take care of it.
Boss, I got that
thing in the city.
Yeah, me too, Joe.
Everybody's got a fucking
thing in the city now?
What are we doing over here?
It's my Goomah.
She's got surgery on her tooth.
I got the no-show on Saturday.
And that sanitation
guy in New Milford
is being a real pain in my ass.
What are you gonna do, boss?
Surgery,
sanitation. Call Nico.
Let him contact me right away.
[Nico] This is where
I come in, a soldier.
Whatever the fuck.
I just do what Joe and
Remo tell me to do,
and don't ask questions.
Simple as that.
I did my job, I got
paid and that was that.
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
[Joe] Nico, listen to me,
I got a problem I want
you to take care of.
Sure, Joe. Anything.
You know that.
The garden down south is
making us a lot of money,
and business is
good in the streets.
Recession proof.
Having said that,
there's a package
that we need to move down there.
What package?
The kind we don't want
to come back to haunt us.
Remo says there's some kind
of a bad weather in the area
or whatever the fuck.
So I think you go down
there, work with that guy,
take things from
here to over there.
You think you can do that?
Of course. No problem.
Bring me the fucking thing.
That's it, boss.
You ain't gonna count it?
I trust you.
Besides, if it's short,
who am I gonna bitch to?
You do this for me,
we'll talk about
making you bones, kid.
All right.
[Nico VO] I had
one job, no big deal.
Only problem was I had
to convince my old lady
this was work.
And not me disappearing
for a weekend
with the boys with some skank.
(bright music)
(bag banging)
(bright music)
Where do you
think you're going?
We talked about this, Alessia.
You expect me to believe
they're just gonna send you down
to Texas just like that?
It's part of the job.
Job? What job?
You hardly get paid.
And that electrician post
at my uncle's company,
that was a job, a real
one with benefits and all.
And what you do is try and act
like you're some half
a wise guy pulling jobs
for Buzzy Melina and Joey Bats.
Beats, Joey Beats.
Bats, Beats,
whatever the fuck.
Point is, there's no
future in this for you.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
We're wasting all my
childbearing years waiting for you
to earn your stripes.
Not to mention you're
gone all the time.
I swear, sometimes I feel
like my vibrator knows
how to turn me on
better than you.
You weren't saying
that when I brought home
that Chanel watch or
that Cardi and mink coat.
Oh, well that was different.
Those were gifts.
Look, I don't have
time for this, okay.
I need to be on the road.
Here, take this.
You pay some of the
bills, spend the rest.
But what if I wanna get my
nails done while you're gone?
Then spend it. I don't care.
Just stop breaking
my balls, all right.
Be back in a few days.
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
(telephone ringing)
Sullivan.
[Caller] Agent Sullivan,
we're calling for a status.
This is what I have.
So Joseph, Buzzy Melina,
who was the father, deceased,
ran things down on
Maple Avenue in the 70's
for the Dura Crime family.
Crack, heroin, he spent
10 months in counting,
another 16 on railway.
(bright music)
(car engine revving)
(tires screeching)
(bright music)
He was shot and
killed on his way home
from the corner store.
And all we found
on the body was $6
in losing lottery tickets and
a Kiwi strawberry Snapple.
[Caller] Ooh, that's
the worst fucking flavor.
I agree. It's too sweet.
[Caller] Tell
me about the kid.
The kid? That's Joey Junior.
He's also known as Buzzy.
He currently serves as Capo,
still making stops on Maple Lab
as well as Jefferson
and Hamlin Avenues.
He's a made guy.
[Caller] Made guy,
you think you can flip?
That's right.
[Caller] You're
sure about that?
Well, Buzzy isn't what
we would call book smart.
He's a good earner for Joe Dura.
But he is not very intelligent.
Chances are I can bring him in.
Pin something on him
that I think could stick.
Chances are, he'll crack
faster than super glue bonds.
All I need is your approval.
[Caller] All
right, you have it.
Lemme call you back.
(dramatic music)
[News Reporter] It won't
be until the evening time
on Thursday when we
do start to see...
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
(bright music continues)
(bright music continues)
(thunder roaring)
(birds chirping)
(thunder roaring)
(door rattling)
(door creaking)
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody home?
Joe Durra sent me.
(gentle music)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(suspense music)
(suspense music continues)
(thunder roaring)
(intense music)
(intense music)
(intense music)
(thunder roaring)
(thunder roaring)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music continues)
(suspense music continues)
(intense music)
What the fuck?
You scared the shit out of me,
I thought you were dead.
Dead? No.
Must have squeezed too hard.
Fucking passed out.
I was eating your sandwich.
A sandwich?
Yeah. (Indistinct).
You want?
I'm good.
Joe Dura sent me to
take care of that thing.
What thing?
The thing you hid
down here, our friend.
Ah, okay, the thing, yeah.
Lorenzo.
Well, let me finish up here.
Make yourself at home.
What's your name, kid?
Nico Savini?
Yeah. Savini?
What part of the boot
your parents from?
Salerno.
No shit. Sicily here.
Well, Calabria first and
the island after that.
Can I get you something? A beer?
No. And if it's
all the same to you,
I'd rather move the package
and get back on the road.
And there's a storm coming in.
[News Reporter] See
some rain arriving.
Mother fucking Texas man.
Nature, all this shit,
weather changes from hour
to hour. Fucking hate it.
Yeah. Well, Joe Dura,
he wants this done fast.
So you wanna show
me where it's at?
No problem.
Sun's out, I'll go
get the shovels.
(bright music)
Dude, there's fucking bugs
here all over the place.
There's this thing
called Chiggers.
I woke up one night and
my balls were itching
like I had some kind of
STI or something like that.
And I looked down and I
had these little spots,
and they fucking
come from the grass
'cause I was doing like
some tanning the other day.
Then I was taking this
pottery class, right.
And I had an idea as you make
molds of women's, you know,
vaginas, and then you
kind of sell it, you know?
It depends on what
you want to do.
But I think it's a...
(bright music)
You better be square with me.
You ain't gonna
believe this shit.
What is it?
Our friend downstairs,
he's been talking to the feds.
What? Says who?
I just talked to
our guy, wiretaps,
the whole nine fucking yards.
We need to be 100%.
He swears up and down,
he is 100% cooperating.
Fucking rat.
You, you want me to call Nico?
You know the kid's been
looking to make his bones.
Yeah. Call Nico.
Have him show him the
other thing first,
and take care of
the other thing.
So just to clarify, I'm
gonna have him dig two holes.
All right.
Yeah, it's me, we got a problem.
Sure. All right.
Oh. Okay.
What's up?
It's here, I think.
It's been a fucking minute.
Was it there?
Is it not there?
With the rain, I
don't know. Maybe.
Well, only one
way to find out.
Keep fucking digging.
What is it?
Did you hear that?
Hear what?
Sounds like
someone's screaming.
(suspense music)
[Alessia] Nico!
Where the hell did you go?
Nico!
Get over here!
Nico.
Alessia?
Took you long enough
to open the trunk, Nico.
I was fucking dying in there.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
Who the fuck is this?
Nevermind who I am.
Answer the question. What
the hell took you so long?
What the fuck was
I supposed to...
Wait, how'd you get in there?
I followed you after
you left the apartment,
and stuck into the back
when you stopped off
to get cigarettes.
Wait, you know this broad?
She's my girlfriend.
Who's this?
The guy you came to see?
I bet the sluts
are in the house.
Sluts, yeah.
There's nobody else
here. This is insane.
You're going home now!
How's she gonna get back?
And Remo wants us to
move this thing along.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not going anywhere
until I know this isn't some
sort of bachelor's weekend.
What are we
fucking doing here?
Yeah, what are we
doing here, Nico?
Shut the fuck up!
Both of you.
Alessia, you stay here.
You don't move
until I come back.
Lorenzo, just keep
fucking digging.
You understand?
Do you understand?
- I gotta go to the bathroom.
- [Nico] What?
Yeah, I've been holding
it for like seven hours,
I really got to piss.
Jesus. Could she use
your bathroom or what?
Sure. Down the hall
to the left, hun.
Thank you.
Ooh fuck, look at that ass, bro.
Ew!
Good job.
She's not gonna be
a problem, right?
How the fuck am
I supposed to know?
Just get moving.
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
That him?
It's gotta be.
Wait here, I'll get the bags.
Hey. Yeah, we found him,
but we got a problem.
Brought his broad with them.
Got it.
Alas poor Yuric.
Ugly motherfucker.
Right, right. I
get it. I get it.
You ain't gonna
believe this shit.
What is it?
Nico, boss sent him downstairs
to take care of that thing.
His girlfriend made the trip.
Now the whole
fucking thing is gone
(speaking foreign language).
So what do you wanna do?
You want us to go down there,
talk to somebody or what?
What about your
Goomah and your no-show?
Remo, this is
some serious shit.
All right, the tooth
can goddamn wait.
Yeah, the no-show too.
I'll just call
Petey from Philly.
He'll handle it.
Alright. Alright. Use
two to go down there.
Our friend, Nico
even the girlfriend,
they all gotta go, right?
- Got it. Remo.
- [Remo] Alright, take this.
You didn't catch it.
Look, if I knew you were
actually gonna throw it
to me.
- Now, just go.
- I was going to...
- Just. Go!
Goddamn!
(cheerful music)
(pen clicking)
Shouldn't I have a lawyer
or some shit over here?
I don't know. Should you?
I don't know.
That's what I'm asking you.
Well, I know what
you're asking me,
but if you didn't
do anything wrong,
you have nothing to hide,
why do you need a lawyer?
You came in, no warrant, right?
All right.
So what's this all about then?
You know what this is?
Eh? My wife's twat hair.
Close. Bergen County
PD pulled this off
a body night before last
in the Passaic River.
So?
Passaic River, route four.
Real close to Maple Ave.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you fucking
Google Maps or what?
Guy can't walk around
downtown anymore?
Wrong neighborhood now?
The DNA on this
hair matches yours.
You care to explain that?
So what happens next?
One, I can arrest your ass,
you go to jail, Joe Dura
pay some poor guy in Pod D
to shank your ass while you're
beating off in the shower.
Or B, just cooperate.
- Cooperate?
- You feed me information.
Yeah, feed you information.
What information?
Anything I want.
It's either that or
I arrest your ass.
You go away forever and we'll
probably never see you again.
All right. What
do you wanna know?
For starters, what's Joe
Dura got going on in the south?
And don't sit there
and tell me nothing.
I have an insider that tells
me that you and Joey Beats
are headed that way
and I wanna know why.
All right, he
sent us down there.
There's a package
that needs moving,
and that and a couple
other three things.
I'm all ears.
Alright, well there's
Mo and there's Curly
and I can't remember the
other fucking guy's name.
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music)
Nico. What are the
garbage bags for?
Jesus, I forgot you were here.
You're cutting up
bodies, aren't you?
No.
Oh, really?
Because your friend out there
looks like the kind of guy
that would cut some
poor schmuck up,
and bury him in the woods.
Listen to me.
You are not even supposed
to be here, all right?
There are certain
aspects about my job
that you can't be involved in.
Aspects? The putting
bodies into garbage bags,
those kind of aspects?
Exactly.
Lorenzo, what the fuck?
Remo and Joe Dura
don't like the idea
of you bringing your
stupid lady to work.
Remo was the one who
brought me down here
in the first place.
Yeah. Well, I
just talked to him.
Things change.
All right, so you have no
idea what you getting into here.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
Joe Dura. He knows you're
working for the FBI.
Told me to take you out
after we moved the body.
Oh, I fucking knew it.
What the fuck?
That's what the
garbage bags was for.
Will you shut
this hoe up, please.
Hoe! Who you calling a hoe?
Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.
Hey, we can all get
out of this, all right.
Let's make a deal.
You and me.
It's not gonna
happen, you stupid fuck.
Remo wants you dead,
which means Joe Dura
wants you dead too.
Which also means that
Buzzy and Joey Beats
are on their way here right now.
Yeah. Think about it.
Not taking any chances, outside.
Both of you's! Now!
Outside? It's about
to start raining,
I'm not going out there.
My hair's gonna frizz right off.
Fuck your hair!
I don't want blood on my floors.
It takes for fucking
ever having to clean up!
Outside. Move! Now!
Hurry up!
You two, dickhead, go!
Hurry the fuck up.
Move it, Nico.
(thunder rattling)
(wind howling)
(rubble crashing)
(sheep bleating)
(cow lowing)
(intense music)
All right, that's far enough.
On your knees, both of you's!
Still glad you came on
this little work trip?
Oh, this is your fault.
My fault? I wouldn't
be in this mess
if you didn't stow
away in the trunk.
Yeah. Well, I wouldn't
have felt the need
to tag along if I trusted you.
- Trust me?
- Yeah, the strippers.
That was my birthday.
What do you want from me?
You love strippers.
Ass all in your face. Admit it.
Asses.
Yeah.
You like Puerto Rican asses.
(gunshot firing)
Enough! On your
fucking knees now!
This is it, Nico.
We're gonna fucking die.
We're gonna die.
(thunder rattling)
All right, let's do
this Sadie Hawkins style.
Who gets it first?
Do me first.
I was talking to the lady.
Don't you know what
Sadie Hawkins is?
No.
It's like high school.
You know the dance?
It's where the
girls ask the guys
instead of the other way around.
I knew it.
See. Smart gal.
Too bad. She's gotta get...
(lightning striking)
(intense music)
- Is he?
- Dead?
He's a fucking
charcoal briquette.
What do you think?
What should we do with him?
Storm's coming in, right?
Go inside where it's safe.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Do you really wanna know?
There you go. Go inside.
There you go. I
got it. I got it.
Piece of shit.
(cheerful music)
(owl howling)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music continues)
So his name was
Mikey Stacks Bellino,
one of the Marino
families top guys.
He was sausage and peppers
at the Highway
five diner off 208.
When Joe Dura walks in
and orders this Arancini.
An hour later, Mikey was never
seen or heard from again.
Buzzy says they buried
the body down south.
[Caller] In Texas.
Yeah, that's right.
Some shit hole cabin
that Remo Camuso owns.
And get this, the guy
they stashed down there
to help keep an eye on this
corpse, he's one of our guys.
[Caller] Our guys. Which? Who?
He's an informant of ours.
He's a real piece of work too.
His name is Lorenzo Vitelli.
[Caller] Vitelli. Yeah.
His old man used to run
a tire shop. No shit.
Yeah. And some low
level guy is down there.
He's supposed to move
Mikey's dead bones,
and then take care of Lorenzo.
The only thing is
some wires got crossed
and now there's
some broad involved.
And Joe Dura wants this
whole thing whitewashed.
Buzzy and Joey Beats
are headed there now
to take care of all of them.
It's the fucking wild west.
You know what I mean?
[Caller] The diner.
The argument between
Joe Dura and Mikey,
what was it about?
Argument?
The Arancini, peas
or mozzarella.
[Caller] Fucking gangsters.
Everyone knows it's
ragu and mozzarella.
(intense music)
(intense music)
Hey, pack your shit.
We're leaving.
- We can't leave.
- What?
Remo is gonna find out
about you being here.
He's gonna send guys down
here to kill us. Okay?
This is your fault. Now
you tell me we can't leave.
No, it's not that, the news,
they shut the highways down.
There's a massive
storm coming this way.
Oh fuck, okay, that's right.
Let me think.
I say we hunk it down here.
I mean, if we can't get out,
whatever guys Remo sends down
here can't get in, right?
That's actually true.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe we could
make a weekend out of it.
What?
Oh, come on, Nico.
We never do anything
alone just the two of us.
Alessia, there's a dead
body in the backyard.
Yeah, well besides that,
it could be kind of nice.
I'm going to shower.
You, stay here and
don't do anything.
In fact, lock the door.
Don't go near the
windows until I get back.
Yeah?
Fine.
(intense music)
(thunder rattling)
(lightning striking)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music)
I don't know, man.
This whole navigation's fucked
up 'cause of these trees.
I fucking hate lightning.
Fuck.
Alright, man.
Alright, let's go this way.
(gentle music)
(gentle music)
This drop pin fucking bullshit!
Goddamn useless.
Alright, look, this is
what we're gonna do.
This is the plan.
We're gonna find the cabin.
We're gonna find Nico.
We're gonna find his
little girlfriend,
and we're gonna do the
both of them, all right?
And then we're gonna
get the fuck outta Dodge
before this tornado hits.
Fuck around, have us
both under the cabin
like that goddamn witch.
What witch?
The witch.
You know from the movie.
The little guy who
hung himself, man.
The little guy hung himself.
"The Wizard of Oz."
The munchkin hung himself?
Well, not in
front of everybody,
behind scenes on a
fucking crane dummy.
No shit!
I tell you what, who wouldn't
wanna take the easy way out?
Am I right?
The easy way out?
Yeah. When I go,
I want it to be on my
own terms, you know.
The fuck is the
matter with you?
You know the little guy ain't
fucking part of our thing.
I know that.
All right.
Let's just find the cabin,
get the fuck outta these woods.
Probably filled
with ticks and shit.
(cheerful music)
Okay, here's the plan.
There's a diner.
Off route 23, okay.
I passed it on the way in.
We're gonna head there.
We're way out the storm, right?
That way when Joe
Dura's guys get here,
we're halfway out
the fucking state.
- And then what?
- I don't know.
Oklahoma, Mimi.
Oklahoma? What am I
gonna do in Oklahoma?
Not be dead, okay.
Hey, they have casinos
with all the shots
and the little Asian babies,
you'll love it, okay?
- But what about my mother?
- What about her?
I mean, am I ever
gonna see her again?
Jesus, Alessia, we are not
going to witness protection.
It's just for a
little while, okay?
Until things calm down.
(lightning striking)
Oh, geez. Great.
Now we can't see shit.
Just look around for the keys.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
(birds chirping)
Go round back.
(birds chirping)
(gentle music)
- Someone's here.
- I'll go check it out.
Stay here.
(thunder roaring)
Well, who is it?
They here.
- Who?
- UPS.
Who do you fucking think?
It's Buzzy.
Oh my God, this is it.
I'm gonna die.
- No, we're gonna be fine.
- Yeah,
they're gonna get into
the house and shoot us,
and then they're gonna chop
us up into little pieces
and put us into...
- Hey, hey, hey, shh!
One of those
fucking garbage bags!
Hey, hey, hey!
Nothing's gonna happen, okay?
We're gonna be okay.
Just go in that back
room, get in the closet,
and don't come out
until I tell you to.
What are you gonna do?
Shh! What I'm
good at, all right.
Don't go out.
Now, go.
(suspense music)
(thunder roaring)
(Sheep bleating)
(car crashing)
(suspense music)
(Nico whistling)
Nico, baby boy.
We haven't heard from you,
the Skip was worrying.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
I mean, with this
whole storm coming,
I mean, he just...
Why take any chances?
Uh-huh.
So our friend that delivered
the package over here,
you take care of that or what?
It's done.
Okay. How bout we go inside
before we have a lightning
bolt shoved up our
asses, you know?
You alone?
Yeah, I'm alone.
Joey couldn't make it.
He had some business with his
Goomah or some shit like that.
I don't know.
It's fucking freezing. Let's go!
Nico.
- All right.
Let's go inside.
Some fucking place,
I'll tell you that.
What the fuck you doing?
Whoa. Whoa. Easy.
Easy, Nico. Easy.
All right, it's fucking noodles.
All right, No big deal.
Shut the fuck up!
Nico.
(intense music)
(blood gushing)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful music continues)
(cheerful music continues)
Nico. Nico, what's wrong?
Oh my God.
What happened?
I told you to
stay in the bedroom!
Oh my God, Nico, we have
to get the hell outta here.
Yeah, well, Joey
Beats is still outside.
There's another one?
Get in the back.
This time, no matter what,
stay there until I
tell you to come out.
Okay.
(footsteps thudding)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music)
(suspense music continues)
(suspense music continues)
(lightning striking)
(suspense music continues)
Nico.
Nico.
- Joey.
Where the fuck is Buzzy at?
Which part?
Some of his lungs
are on the porch,
and his brains are a couple
steps down from there.
Remo sent you down here
to kill me, didn't he?
Tell me the truth, or I
blow your fucking head off.
Yeah. It was the broad.
Our friend called, when
Remo found out she was here,
it pissed him off.
You know, Remo. He's
a very emotional guy.
Toss the gun on
the sofa, there.
Do it, now.
Listen, Nico, you know I
cannot go back like this.
All right, what
do you suggest?
You cannot go back either.
Well, if you're suggesting
that we kill each
other, you go first.
Not that. But I don't know.
Maybe the girl goes and we'll
see what happens from there.
Are you suggesting
that I kill Alessia
to save your sorry ass?
Not just me, this
is for you too.
Sorry about that.
About what?
This!
(hammer banging)
(Alessia grunting)
Open the door.
Nico, what about the tornado?
Open the fucking door.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna throw
his ass in the lawn.
What do you think?
But he'll die.
What do you think
will happen to us
if you don't open
the fucking door?
(bright music)
- Now what?
- Now we wait.
Wait for what?
What did you do?
(thunder roaring)
(lightning striking)
You sons of bitches!
Fuck you!
Oh shit.
You sons of bitches!
Mother fuck!
Hey, hey, hey, it's okay.
It's okay. We're safe.
It's over.
How do you know?
(indistinct).
Only one thing to do now.
What's that?
What's that, dear?
I'm sorry I hid in your
trunk during your work trip.
It's okay.
It's just tough.
- Okay.
- We're leaving.
- Okay.
We're leaving.
(gentle music)
(bright music)
God, I fucking
hate this place.
[Caller] What do
you mean, everyone?
Everyone.
- [Caller] Everyone, who?
- I mean everyone.
All of them.
Lorenzo, Buzzy, they're gone.
Or they've at least ghosted me.
[Caller] Ghost? Wait a minute.
Who? What ghost?
Ghost, ghosted.
It's an expression.
[Caller] Well, why the fuck
didn't you just say that?
Ghosted, an expression
means I can't get any of them
to call me back.
[Caller] All right, all right.
Maybe, I don't know.
Have you thought maybe it's
time you go down there?
No. I have a feeling this
whole job went sideways.
[Caller] Speaking of sideways,
we saw they had some
bad storms down there.
You think that
might have happened?
You know it's a nice thought.
But the idea that
some bad weather
just picked these gumbas
up off their asses
and wipe them off the
face of the Earth,
just sounds kind of
convenient, don't you think?
[Caller] Alright, calm down.
It's just a suggestion.
In the meantime,
you keep trying.
Someone answers their phone,
you let us know, yeah?
Yeah, will do.
(cheerful music)
Every fucking
hand, all night long.
Where's that, Buzzy?
He'll be late to
his own funeral.
(Nico knocking)
Yeah. Who is it?
Nico?
What the hell is this shit?
He sent me down to Texas,
he sent some guys
down there to kill me.
Look, Nico, it's
not like that.
Not like that?
How's it like, like this?
(gunshot firing)
- Hold your fucking horses!
- I'm holding.
Let's talk about this, kid.
What do you want?
- Five.
- Thousands?
No, not thousand.
Offshore, bank account
of my choosing.
5 million.
5 million, your bank. Good?
Alright, put down
the fucking gun.
I also want capo, and
that part is non-negotiable.
Capo, you're nuts.
You're a good earner, kid.
But Capo, that I can't do.
You are the boss
of this family.
You do what you want.
(speaking foreign
language), look around.
You killed three
guys all connected.
To earn your stripes,
you need friends.
And right now, that's
something you don't have.
Capo.
Fine kid. No problem.
But you won't be able to
walk your baby nuts down
the block to enjoy it.
Why is that?
(speaking foreign
language), You not one of us.
(gunshot firing)
(gunshots firing)
(cheerful music)
(dramatic orchestral music)
(indistinct) A gangster?
(dramatic orchestral music)
[Caller] Agent
Sullivan, you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
[Caller] Look, I
think it's safe to say
you win some, you lose some.
Gee, thanks for the pep talk.
[Caller] I'm just saying,
they can't all be home runs.
You gotta hit some singles.
Take a week, call us when
you had a little bit of time
to let it marinate.
Yeah, understood.
[Caller] I'm serious,
Sullivan, you can take a trip,
you get your nails done.
I'll talk to you
when I talk to you.
[Caller] Oh, Sullivan, for
the record, the Arancini, peas.
My grandmother come in
from the old country,
she'd have my ass if I
admitted it any other way.
And you're willing to get
your ass clipped for it?
[Caller] Not exactly.
I'll talk to you in a week.
All right.
(dramatic orchestral music)
(dramatic orchestral
music continues)
What happened?
Good news. We made a deal.
A deal? What kind of deal?
The kind that keeps us alive.
So where we headed to next?
Somewhere without mafia,
no fucking tornadoes.
Is your uncle still hiring?
I can call him.
(gentle music)
(birds chirping)
(gentle music)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(beeping)
[Producer] Like this.
Now hold your fucking horses!
[Producer] Action.
(bright music)
Okay, still rolling, we'll stop.
Okay, take a deep breath.
We'll do it one more time.
(beeping)
Okay, keep that neck nice
and long the whole way over.
Okay and action.
(beeping)
I'm not as fit as I look.
Don't do cardio,
any of that shit.
No abs.
You mother, sons of bitches!
(beeping)
[Producer] Arms
out to the sides.
Sons of bitches!
[Producer] Cut.
(beeping)
(muffled overlapping chatter)
So we're gonna
try to get a job.
He's like bullshitting lately.
I love him.
- Can we get somebody in here,
clean this up?
Then he is (indistinct)
You know that nobody is...
He's in Rome, you
gotta understand,
it's like 2000 years
ago in Rome, right?
So his agent walks up
and he says hey...
- [Buzzy] Yeah.
I got a job for you
at Caesars Palace.
He said the real Caesars palace.
(all chuckling)
I like the one in Vegas.
The real one.
You never seen that?
[Remo] (indistinct)
[Joe] That's a
freaking classic.
[Buzzy] What are
we talking about?
[Joe] The history of
the world, part one.
[Buzzy] Nah man.
That's just old people.
You know what I'm saying?
Classics never get old.
What do you watch?
- "SpongeBob" and mostly...
- "SpongeBob?"
"Lilo and Stitch."
No, I'm fucking around.
Hell no. (Indistinct) about.
(beeping)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
(bright music continues)