Maid (2004) Movie Script

Satellite uplink established.
Jampa to Snow Lotus.
Confirm Piglet No. 1.
Target No. 1 confirmed.
Jumpoon to Snow Lotus.
Confirm Piglet No. 2. Over.
Target No. 2 confirmed.
Good morning, sir.
This is my close friend, Chaiyasit.
What are you staring at?
Roger that.
Wow! So delicious!
Yes. Great food!
Let's change the meeting place.
Come in, please.
The three little pigs are inside.
Please take a seat.
Three little swines, more like it.
Affirmative, Over.
Who order this?
Your Lady, Sir.
We're just waitresses...
don't know nothing.
It's true, Sir.
Quit the act. Who sent you here?
Call for backup!
Who the hell taught you drive?
You can't park here, you idiot!
Keep going.
Keep going.
Don't even think about following me!
Put her in the back.
Where the hell is our backup?!
M. A. I. D.
3 gunmen attacked the Minister at
a Thai New Year party but failed.
They were shot dead by guards
belonging to guests.
The Minister was in a private meeting.
Police believe the attempt is related
to a group of businessmen
pressuring the government to
legalize casinos in Thailand,
I saw the news.
I'm so sick of all this.
So you have nowhere to go, Waew?
That's right, Ma'am.
I got booted out of Mr Jira's house.
But I didn't do nothin' wrong.
His missus thought I was tryin' to
have it off with him.
Come off the grass!
You should see'em...
old and as bald as a badger!
I'm not pullin' your leg, Ma'am!
Actually I was goin' to
my sister's...
but I had a slight run-in with his car.
Mr Prasert said that
he was looking for a maid.
Whaddya say, Ma'am?
Please, Ma'am?
She could do all the
housework for you.
Just think of it as
helping out a poor girl.
But you keep your hands off her.
What? Don't you trust me?
Do I have to swear on
a stack of Buddhist teachings?
Let's go!
Dear Mother, I'm sending you
some money with this letter...
List of the Deceased
No? Really?
How could you do such a lousy job?
So who got it?
Damn! How did he get it?
Oh, Master!
Hold on! I need to take a leak!
Not yet, Master. Not yet
Oh my! It's Khwan!
What brings you here?
I brought my maid...
Her sister works here.
She asked me to attend the party.
In that way she could tag along.
You look so tired.
You've only been married
a few years!
She still turns your crank,
doesn't she?
Not really.
These days, Prasert is very busy.
Who did your face lift?
They forgot a few of the pegs...
- holding up your face.
- Excuse us.
How about you, Jim?
You look prettier.
What cream have you been using?
Is the mistress being kind to you?
It's not the mistress.
It's the husband.
It's like this.
I found lace panties
in his trouser pocket.
They definitely don't
belong to Madam.
So I asked him about them.
Ever since then...
...whenever I start taking
something purple out...
...he instantly hands me cash.
That's great!
You're so clever!
What about when I worked for Mr Jira...
...he treated me good, too!
That's why Madam thought that...
Waew was trying to seduce him.
So she got fired and ended up here.
Oh no!
I've discovered somethin'
at the new place too...
I think I can make some
easy money out of it.
Since I've been workin'
for Madam Khwan...
she's never ever used...
a sanitary pad.
May I buy some?
Would you like to get one too?
There's none left at home.
She never buys any!
I reckon it's because...
Khwan... going through menopause!
That's nonsense!
She's as fresh as a daisy!
Yeah! She's beautiful all right!
Thanks to the plastic surgeon!
I want to know who
stretched her face that far.
She must have had her
whole body done!
The only people who
don't use tampons...
...and oldies,
like my mother and you!
Why are you so quiet today?
Do you have a headache?
Wait here.
I'll bring you some pills.
Holy shit!
What's wrong?
Who blocked my peephole!
Waew! Waew!
Why are you biting me?
You bastard!
Are you really gonna
have it off with me?
No matter what happens to you...
...I will take care of everything.
What about Madam?
You don't have to
worry about Khwan.
It's you I want, Waew.
Don't believe a word of it, Waew!
All men are the same!
I heard what you said.
"Take care of everything" my fat ass!
It's not what you think it is, Jim
There's nothin' going
on between us!
You mean you haven't done
anything yet?
So why did you call me
in such a state?
Like it was some kind of emergency?
Next time, let me explain
before you slap me.
So tell me...
which dog mauled you?
The dog at home.
I fed it too much and
it became fat and vicious.
Do you know what I do for a living?
I am the Chief of Special Investigations
under the Prime Minister.
My duty is to gather evidence on
corruption cases...
involving senior politicians.
Those who can't be touched by cops
and anti-corruption officers...
The prime minister's wife...
doesn't even know about my work.
So, I am here to ask you ladies... be my spies.
To be your spies?
What make you think my sister
and I can do it?
'Cause your observation skills
are very impressive.
In other words... are both nosy bitches.
That wasn't a compliment.
Let me tell you something.
Everyone trusts their maids.
Maids can go anywhere they want
without being suspected of.
This is the advantage of being a maid...
...and what makes a perfect spy.
In the past...
I've posted professional spies... maids and butlers
in the target's house.
But they always failed
in their missions.
What happened to them?
They're all dead.
OK. I'm off now.
Hold your horses!
I know you girls and your families
are poor.
Renting out tiny paddy fields
in some godforsaken province.
Come back here.
Apart from serving your country...
you have the chance to make lots of money.
How much?
Liars go to hell, Master.
I'm not lying to you.
I want you two to work in
Sophon's house.
He has several frozen
food export businesses.
He has close ties to several ministers.
His wife, Emma, is English.
They have one daughter named Paula.
This man's name is Chaiyasit.
He has been Sophon's
best friend since childhood.
Chaisit owns several massage parlors,
runs dozens of underground
gambling dens.
With Sophon, they fraudulently bid on
government projects for money laundering.
Now, they're trying to lobby
politicians to legalize casinos,
using Sophon's connections
to the Minister
and offering big bribes to politicians.
The easiest way to spy on them
is to stay at Sophon's house
Enjoy your breakfast Madam.
Let's go to the same mall,
there are more selections...
We will get rid of the old maids
and replace them with you two.
"Dog Catcher's"
Take a vocation?
To travel the world!?!
You have to bug the mobile phones of...
...the three targets. get evidence of the
kickback payments.
We have to stop this evil plan
before it goes further.
Otherwise, the poor people...
- All done, coach!
- Will get screwed just like your family.
You must gain the family's trust.
Wait for our orders from your contact.
What's the contact for?
Just pay me extra as your "contact".
No way. If anyone sees us together,
we're all screwed.
This woman saw us together.
What should we do?
We have to kill her.
You watch too much TV.
Who will be our contact?
Don't worry. He will contact you.
These are the new maids, Madam.
You are Waew and Jim, right?
I think you already know
what your duties are here.
In this house you call me "Madam".
What kind of name is that?
No, no, no. It's "Madam".
Why is she called Mad-Damn?
No, no, no. "Madam".
What kind of name is "Mad-Damn"?
Just call me Mrs Emma.
We must all get along in this house.
This is the instruction manual
for maids here.
It has all the rules, regulations...
and punishments.
Jim, show them around the house.
Yes, Madam.
There's one thing you
have to understand.
I am in charge of the maids here.
You have to call me "Boss", okay?
Why do I have to call you "Boss"?
We are all maids.
She's such a bitch, Boss!
Should I slap her?
No, Pookie.
Don't lower yourself to her level.
Hey, fatso!
Just do as I say! Understand?
And one more thing...
You must speak the central dialect...
...or English in this house.
So uncivilized...
I hate is those who forget
where they come from.
You think you're so high
coz you speak English?
You're just a dumb beetle
in a nice dress!
Slap her first.
Don't do it! Think about the money!
Your bag.
Enough already.
TV sets in Thailand are so cheap.
Hey! It doesn't need a bash!
It's not broken!
It's been censored.
What does "censor" mean?
They're afraid kids'd
get bad influence from TV.
So they blur it.
But I know that
he's holding a cigarette.
Look, he's puffing!
Puff, puff, puff!
Everybody knows he's smoking.
What's the point of censoring it?
Oh, another one?
He's holding a gun to his head.
The blurring thing is useless.
It's all over the place,
I can't see anything!
If they are so afraid,
they shouldn't show the movie
in the first place!
Thai people are so stupid!
So, why are you living in Thailand,
you Karen refugee?
Before you were called Cat
what was your real name
But I changed it to "Cat",
Like Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Where are you from?
What? Me?
I'm from Chiang Rai in the far North.
The town of Chiang Khong.
This house is great!
It's so international!
According to Mrs Emma's rules...
everybody must be in bed by 10 pm.
That includes both old
and new maids!
Hop to it!
The fat girl's a real bitch, Boss.
I know.
Oh Breakfast
As fast as you can, Madam.
So rural...
...and stupid to boot.
Jim, tea!
What are you doing?
- That's my job!
- Madam called me.
Look what you've done!
I didn't mean to...
I thought you called me,
so I poured tea for you.
But the fat girl got in the way!
I didn't mean it!
Mrs Emma, you called me!
I was only doing my duty!
I didn't want you to think
I'm lazy!
Oh my.
I have two Jims.
I've got an idea.
A way to separate us.
I'm big,
so you can call me "Big Jim".
She's as black as the ace of spades.
So call her "Black Jim".
What do you think?
That's not a bad idea.
"Big Jim".
"Black Jim".
No, no, Mrs Emma.
"Jim" is a slang for "vagina."
You can't call me "Black Vagina."
I'd never be able to show my face
in public again!
Don't be so dramatic, Black Jim.
Remember Clause 1, Article 1.
"Do not argue with Madam".
Yes, Madam.
2 bunches for 7 Baht.
Can I get them for 5 Baht, Lucy?
My name's not Lucy.
Oh! You kind of look like Lucy Liu.
I thought you were filming a movie.
Come on, you can tell me.
Actually, now that I look at you...
you're prettier than Lucy Liu!
Oh, OK. 5 Baht!
- Thank you.
You're so much nicer than...
my last customer.
Bad looking girl with...
- Hey! Come back and pay first!
How much?
5 Baht.
Here... a little something extra.
An eggplant, for free
You have a good look
and a good heart.
I'll take 5 more limes.
Hey! Black Jim!
Come back here to pay for the limes!
Black Jim!
Come back here and pay!
Her name is Black Jim?
Black Jim! Come back!
Take it to her.
Oh, no! It's not my name!
Your name is "Black Jim" too?
Come back next time.
Would you like some dim sum
and Chinese buns?
Our contact will ask you if you want
dim sum and Chinese buns.
You have to say...
3 dim sum and 2 buns, please.
That will be 98 baht.
That will be 98 baht.
98 baht, please.
3 dim sum and 2 buns, right?
20 Baht.
You moved here, too?
That's great!
I'll have the usual!
2 papaya salads,
2 chickens...
and 3 bags of sticky rice!
Here, I'll help you!
Don't act so friendly!
I don't even know you!
I'm Waew.
Don't you remember me?
I used to live in Khwan's house.
The one with the white roof.
In front of Makok Temple.
It's only been two months!
How could you forget me?
- Waew, Waew, Waew, Weaw!
- Waew, Waew, Waew, Weaw.
Which Waew?
I don't know you!
Stay still!
Would you like some dim sum
and Chinese buns?
3 dim sum and 2 buns, please.
- Waew, Waew, Waew.
- Waew, Waew, Waew.
I'm off now.
Hey Waew, don't you want your order?
Next time.
You misunderstood the code again?
No, I got it this time.
Hello, Waew and Jim.
It has been two months.
I assume that you have gained
the family's trust.
Your first assignment is this:
Attach this phone tap
to the mobile phones of...
...Sophon, Chaiyasit
and the Minister.
So this is where you've been
slacking off!
You think I couldn't see you?
Get out here!
Do I look like your mother?
Is that why you're always following me
around? Silly old black bag.
I'm telling Madam.
She's a real bitch, boss.
Very much so.
I'll get her back.
Nosy cow!
After your mission is complete,
you will receive the next assignment.
Good luck.
P.S. This message will
self-destruct immediately.
Get off me, fatso.
Get up!
I was startled.
Stop messin' around!
Don't turn on the flashlight
till you put on your mask!
Waew, this is a new lipstick color.
Mrs Emma must have just bought it.
Come and try it!
No thanks. I'm already beautiful.
No matter how much you put on,
it won't help.
Let's go.
We got caught.
Hang on.
Don't say anything.
These two maids are
threatening to tell Sophon.
Stop stuttering! Hand it over!
Here's the deal.
Everything is still top secret...
but we have to let them in on it.
...and we have to get Thai citizenship
for the Karen refugee.
Get lots of people
to make donations.
You look so good for your age!
Take a look at my hair.
Mrs Emma,
I'm not trying to flatter you.
But you are the most
beautiful woman here!
Naturally beautiful... without having
been under a knife, I mean.
- Hello, Minister. Hello.
How many songs are you
performing tonight?
Actually, singing is not my cup of tea.
It costs me a million baht per song.
The European Alumni Association
is grateful for all your donations.
All proceeds will be used to help
underprivileged children...
...women and society in general.
Hi, Maggie.
We'll take a short break.
When we return,
we have a beautiful song...
...performed by His Excellency
the Minister and Lady Soitip.
I'm sorry, Lady Soitip.
I'm doing this for my country.
Where's Lady Soitip?
That girl singing with the Minister
looks very familiar.
I've seen her before somewhere.
Who is she?
Err... we're too far away from
the stage to tell. Let's go.
Shit! I haven't been taught
how to open this model!
I'll break it for sure!
Hurry up!
Gotta get the phone back to him.
I've never seen this model before!
Me neither...
May I have 3 minutes of your time?
You don't have to say
I have a great voice.
Just don't leave before
I finish this song.
Stay right here.
I need to go to the gents.
I'll be right back.
You have a great voice.
Why are you in the men's room?
Have you run out of toilet paper?
I'll get you some more.
Shut up!
It stinks in here!
What are you doing here?
This is my number.
Give me a call sometimes.
It's right here.
What the -
Where do you think you're going?
Stop right now!
To your father's funeral.
These two... we've run a check on them.
Nothing suspicious.
Operation: M.A. I. D.
What did you do that for?
It's overloaded.
Someone's got to get out.
Close it!
It can't be any harder
than swatting flies.
Are you okay?
Hello? What's up?
I couldn't seduce him.
I can't believe my eyes...
How can a girl be this pretty
but so damned clumsy?
Yeah, she almost hit me!
I'm still shocked.
What a peasant!
One man was hit.
He was knocked out!
What? What do you want to say?
I'll be right with you.
At least sit and talk to him
for a while.
I don't know what time!
The traffic is terrible.
I hear it.
Calm down.
I'm here.
What the hell?
Where are you?
How many of you are there?
What are you doing here?
Why aren't you working?
Shut up, fatso!
I'm telling Mother!
You little bitch!
I'm older than you!
What's wrong with you?
Why did you slap me?
Chaiyasit hasn't arrived yet?
Bangkok traffic!
I'm getting out here.
Thank you.
Number 3.
It's 20 baht to the number 3 station.
Give me some money!
Pull over, please.
Pull over!
Excuse me, miss. I'm sorry...
...for your own safety...
...please don't cross the yellow line.
Are you talking to me?
Can I stand here?
No, Miss
Where are you from?
- Let's go, Big Jim.
- Can I...
have your phone number?
Why is it always full
when I step in?
It's not fair! I'm always the last!
Hey, miss! Where are you going?
Go away.
Are you the new girl?
Use the back door.
Hurry up!
Hey, I'm in the massage parlor.
About time.
Quickly. The customer is waiting.
Excuse me, sir. This is your girl.
Where are you going?
The customer is waiting.
Enjoy yourself, sir.
Come here.
Come sit next to me.
You know what?
...the first time I saw you...
...I fell for you right away.
Do you understand what
I'm saying?
Come here...
Funny girl!
I feel the same way.
The first time I saw you...
...I was trembling all over!
What are you thinking?
Have a drink first.
Dirty old man!
How can you screw in your condition?
Waew, we're here!
Skipping work...
that violates rule number 23.
Stealing the employer's property...
that violates rule number 33.
2 serious charges.
You're fired.
Mrs Emma, please give me
a chance to explain.
We had a reason to skip work.
I was tryin' to protect
your reputation.
What are you talking about?
Tell me.
I got a telegram.
A relative of mine had kicked the bucket.
I rushed out before
I could ask your permission.
The maids in the house
next door are my relatives too.
They spread bad rumors about you.
...Like you were nouveau riche.
They said you weren't really wealthy...
and that you were stingy too!
I decided to have it out
with them at the funeral.
I wanted to show'em...
I showed them your beautiful clothes.
You know?
When they saw your clothes...
...they understood that
you are truly rich.
I wouldn't lie!
Well then, I forgive you.
I won't fire you.
But I will deduct your salary
by 50 percent.
Would you like some dim sum
and Chinese buns?
So where are my buns?
Would you like some dim sum
and Chinese buns?
Tell me the code.
Damn it! How many times do I have
to say it? You know who I am!
Shh! People will find out the truth...
...that we're government spies!
So far, we've managed to
keep things under wraps.
If you are an imposter,
then I'll be in deep shit!
Would you like some dim sum
and Chinese buns?
3 dim sum and 2 buns.
You failed me again.
The information has been moved
to Chaiyasit's casino.
You have to retrieve it
from his computer.
Security is incredibly
tight at the casino.
So I'll give you these.
This is pepper spray.
It blinds your victim temporarily.
And this is a 20,000 volt stun gun.
It's for electrocuting people.
Like what fishermen use.
I wish you all a safe return.
Tell Waew I want to see her.
She is doing the laundry, Madam.
Can I help you with something?
Mary here has very kindly
donated some old books.
I need them brought into the house.
I'll do it, Madam.
My heart goes to pieces when
I see those poor little orphans...
I donated 100,000 Baht to them once.
Hello, do you remember me?
I'm Mrs Emma's daughter.
We met at that party...
They didn't invite me.
I didn't want to go anyway.
No wonder they didn't
raise so much money.
The lift is here. After you.
Let's go to the casino.
Why is it always me?
Go get Big Jim and Cat.
I want them to plant a tree
given to me by Wipa.
They're cleaning the bathroom.
I'll do it, Madam.
Keep a look out for me.
I'll go download the information.
Do you have any money?
Don't look at me like that!
Do you have any money?
30 red.
Trust me. I'm psychic.
Here's a 2,000 Baht tip.
Tell me the next result.
My psychic powers
come only once a day.
Take your winnings and go home.
Go away! I'll play by myself then!
I'm sorry.
Excuse me. Is your mother looking for
that special daughter-in-law?
Hey, Willy.
Still as handsome as ever.
You were inside for a while.
Big Jim.
Distract them for me.
Damn fatso.
Sophon's sent me
all the customer lists.
Come on, Willy.
Let's get downstairs and
see what's going on.
I'm with my friends! Really!
I love you, honey.
I'll hurry home soon.
Stupid old bitch.
Turn on the computer.
It's on!
Press enter.
How do you spell "enter"?
Which one is "enter"?
Which one?
Who's that?
Which camera is it?
She's right in front of our room.
Where are you going?
Who used up all the pepper?
You're screwed now!
Get out of here! Go, go!
Go! We have no time!
What's the rush?
Luck is on my side.
Look at me. I'm rich!
Give it here.
Hey everybody! Free money!
What the hell is going on?
Go get those 3 bitches in the lift.
I don't see any of them, sir.
They've all gone.
Quick as lightning.
I'll try and track them down.
Hang on!
Hurry up, Cat!
Fatso! Hurry up!
Where have they gone?
Classifieds: Science Museum
has 48 positions vacant
You made the same mistake again.
Skipping work and stealing clothes.
You have to be sacked.
No need.
I was going to quit anyway.
I don't want to stay.
Let's go.
What about our pay?
Move, fatso!
Do you really want to quit?
I was just starting to have fun.
Well if you're all going to,
then I will too.
It's hard to find people
as crazy as I am.
"Bangkok - Ubonratchthani"
(Northern Line)
Before the sunset.
Before the birds fly back to their nest
Curry and omelettes
Cooked by my mom is the best
Enough of the city
I'm going back home
Going to sleep tight under
the same old blanket
Listen to dad's good night prayers
When am I going to get there?
My heart is aching
I'm like a lost bird.
In a faraway land
But I will return home
The house was huge!
Our boss was called Mad-Damn.
I wet myself laughing!
Take it easy, Mother
And the 2-digit lottery result is...
Damn! I missed it again.
Cut it like this.
So I can look like a superstar.
I just came from the post office.
Here are some letters for you.
Cool! You got a letter from abroad.
Thank you very much.
These are our letters.
Dear Waew and Jim,
After we parted,
I tried all sorts of jobs in Bangkok.
But they all ended up the same.
All my employers tried to molest me.
I got so sick of that shit!
So I decided to go home.
Don't take my baby!
But I'm unhappy with what's
happening at home too.
Nothing has gotten better.
I miss you two a lot.
These days, I can't even make a living.
Bombs are dropping every day.
Thailand is a better place to live.
I'm tired of news about
people committing suicide
to avoid their gambling debts.
The government is going
to legalize casinos.
Think about that.
Illegal gambling is bad enough!
Girls, remember Som's
daughter, Jaew?
She stole her mother's motorcycle...
...sold it, and used the money
to gamble.
Imagine if we have a legal casino.
Our country will be in deep trouble.
Why do we have to
have a legal casino?
I agree.
Look at this.
More porn on page one.
I'm going, Mother.
Take care of yourselves.
I'm gonna make some money for us.
Why don't you stay here with us?
Jim, take care of your sister.
Mother, the bus is leaving.
Wait for me!
Take care of yourselves!
Are you looking for a good time?
How much?
1,500 Baht.
Oh, Lady Soitip,
you're so generous!
Don't worry about things so much.
Oh... you old whore!
No, not you, ma'am!
I didn't mean you.
I just saw my old housemaid.
She made a move on
my husband Prasert once.
Now she's a hooker flogging
herself on the streets.
Prasert, you bastard!
Thank you so much... for coming back
to serve your country.
I'll do whatever it takes
to be a Thai citizen.
Here's the situation. Sophon is keeping
his head low in Chiang Mai.
Chaiyasit is laying low too.
He knows that the police are
keeping an eye on him.
Next week there'll be Thai
New Year festival in Chiang Mai.
The Minister will surely go
campaigning during the festival.
Those 3 will try to meet up.
The information should be coming from...
Real Burmese silver!
What the hell are you doing?
Listen up! This is important!
This is your chance.
There is no room
for mistakes this time!
Can I get guns and bombs this time?
I want an M16 rifle...
and a Stinger missile.
Oh shit!
Come in.
Are you sure you don't
want to come with me?
Prakob, order some food for me.
Yes, sir.
Yes sir. Right away.
Master Sophon ordered
the chicken macaroni.
Make this dish a special one!
For Master Sophon, I'll do my best.
Look who we've run into!
Tell it to me straight, fatso.
Who let you in?
This is a 5 star hotel.
How could a peasant
like you get in here?
Black Jim! Still as black
as the ace of spades.
And stupid as a mule.
Can't you see I'm an
employee of the hotel?
How would I know?
Running around in that uniform...
...I thought you were
somebody's slave.
I guess you used witchcraft to
squeeze your way in here.
She is so cocky!
Me? Cocky? Take this!
Wait! Calm down. Look around.
There are hotel guests everywhere.
A coward, as usual
Mr Chaiyasit is here, sir.
Don't worry.
I won't get Sophon into trouble.
Money is not enough.
We need power too.
We can be richer with it.
We have a meeting for 10 pm,
don't we?
The Minister will be pissed
and will refuse to talk to us.
Can't I just drop by
and visit my friends?
Don't bullshit me.
Let's go to my room!
Don't invite me
to your room like that!
Madam will get the wrong idea!
Excuse me, Madam. I have to go.
Let's go, Willy.
Waew, he's gone to his room.
Not now! Find a way to stall him!
I still can't find the hole for this.
What? You can't find the hole?
Most holes are found at the bottom.
I found it! Thanks a lot, Cat.
I still have to find a way
to transfer the data.
Slow them down!
What the hell is going on?
Hurry up! Are you going to screw
this up for me again?
Who's playing with the lift?
Someone must have been stopping
the lift at every damn floor!
Take a seat.
This room is very nice.
Bring me more toilet paper.
Are you on vacation?
I'm the owner of the hotel.
In that case, can I quit?
What is this then?
I ask. You answer!
Out with it!
What were you doing
with my computer?
Finding evidence of your evil plans!
What evidence?
Willy, slap some sense into the girl.
You are under arrest on charges
of money laundering...
...bribery and operating
an illegal casino.
Money laundering? Casinos? My ass!
I don't know shit!
I'm calling my lawyer.
You're in so much trouble.
Waew, you have served
your nation well.
You did a great job this time.
Vote for me again, please.
What's going on?
Who ordered this?
There must have been some uprising.
Waew! Waew!
Come here.
Come here.
Don't follow us... or he dies.
Don't follow us.
Turn right!
Let's go!
Don't follow us!
Don't do anything.
Wait for my next order.
Shut up!
Go ahead!
Go sit together over there!
You shouldn't have stuck
your nose into my business.
Money laundering? Bribery? Casinos?
What the hell is this all about?
Hey! Easy, easy.
Waew, I saw that information
you retrieved today.
D'you think we're stupid?
Master told me that...
...Sophon and that guy...
...bribed the Minister to allow them
to open the casino.
What bribe?
Chaiyasit is my friend.
He sold me his business...
...because he wants to
get into politics.
I arranged a meeting for him
and the Minister.
I don't buy it, Sophon.
I saw it with my own eyes.
I downloaded the information myself.
There is no information!
There never was!
I just used this idiot girl to put all
that information into your computer.
I've done nothing to you.
But you screwed my wife anyway!
You ran in the concession auction
against my wife's company.
You shouldn't have
messed with a man...
...who would kill for his wife.
You lies to me.
So there was no casino
scam after all.
There was never a casino
cover-up in the first place.
I made it all up.
These two fools are just...
...dumb and dumber!
You put me in this position...
I'm sick of your bullshit!
Willy, kill him!
You've been sleeping
with the enemy all along!
How about these bitches?
I guess they were killed by
Sophon and Chaisit...
...for being my spies.
You... you dirty bastard!
No need for name-calling.
I'm just making the world
a better place.
They didn't deserve to die.
But if it weren't for them... wife would have been fine.
Look what you did to me!
You bitch!
You shouldn't have even
been here in the first place.
Hold your fire!
He's my double agent!
The 4 maids have left, sir.
Follow them!
Why do I always end up
in the smelly spot?
Put your hands up!
Handy Drive?
Give me the information.
Don't worry, Madam.
He is out of harm's way now.
You can't go in the ambulance.
Madam, calm down.
He is going to be fine.
Handy drive
Where is the handy drive?
Bring it to me now!
Hurry up!
You want to die young?
Why did you shoot her?
I just wanted to scare them off.
Why did you take the bullet for me?
You fat cow!
Stay with me, fatso!
I didn't save your life!
I was trying to dodge the bullet.
And you blocked my way.
It hurts.
The bullet... in your ass.
The bullet couldn't penetrate
those layers of fat!
Otherwise you'd be in hell by now.
Handy drive
Who has the handy drive?
Hand it over now!
He's the villain!
He's gone way over the line!
Everybody is going crazy!
Tape up their mouths.
Come on... get up!
Why did you shoot my father?
You bitch!
Let's go!
Shut up, you old witch!
Help! Help!
Stay there!
Help! Help!
Help my daughter, please!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Fuck! Who blew up my car?
Prasert, get in now!
Big Jim!
I think we may have to go overseas
for a while, Khwan.
I'm not going anywhere.
What do you mean?
I have to be at my husband's funeral.
He will die on duty.
I thought you could take care
of Sophon for me.
And we would live happily ever after.
But you cheated on me.
You don't know the difference
between diamonds and rust.
You screwed her.
You should know that women
hate as violently as they love.
And you, Waew.
You shouldn't have
stepped into my house.
You old bag! Cold-blooded hag!
You saggy, dried up bitch!
You can even kill your own husband.
Watch your mouth!
I'm going to tell you
something before you die.
I am a man.
Why did you shoot me?
Why did you screw my hubby?
Waew, I'm here to help, sister!
- Fatso! - Waew
Faster, fatso!
Paula, hold me tight.
I'm scared!
Trust me. I've been doing
this since I was a kid.
Waew, jump now!
Jump to me! I'll catch you!
Weaw, Weaw
One, two, three...
Dear Mother,
Our story is even juicier
than the soaps, Mother.
We were fooled
but everything worked out.
Madam Emma...
She was so grateful to Jim and I...
...for saving her daughter's life.
She helped us out by opening up
a school for maids.
She put us in charge of it.
So our services will be upgraded to
ISO standard or something like that.
We now teach our students to pronounce
English words correctly.
"A basket."
"A Bowl."
"A toilet brush."
"A Broom"
"A plunger."
We also hold classes on how to kick our
employers' balls... if they molest us.
We have a class on
how to get into elevators.
You should try to get in first.
Let's try.
How was it?
Are you all right?
I've been in your place before.
Just like this!
But most importantly...
...we teach them how to get secrets
out of their male employers... order to make money.
Your mistress's phone number, sir.
For a phone number.
How much?
1,500 Baht.
And for a woman's thong.
How much?
1,900 Baht
You can make a hundred more
if it's been used.
But if you find money...
Just keep it.
I will send you some money, Mother.
I miss you and Father very much.
P.S. don't worry about Jim.
On many occasions... she still practices
her oral skills with Black Jim.
Hey, Fatso!
Can't you move
your fat ass any faster?
No, I can't.
You know, it's so dark in here!
How can it not be dark?
You've blocked out all the light!
Black Jim, can't you open
your mouth a bit wider?
I want to see your teeth.
Otherwise I'll start thinking
that I'm talking to myself.
Even if I did bare my teeth... still wouldn't be
able to see them...
...on account of all the fat
around your eyes!
It's not my fat.
Don't you know? There's a big black
mule blocking my vision!
And how many black mules
would it take... weigh the same as you?
Anyway... western men prefer
dark-skinned girls, you know?
Right, that's it! You're dead!