Marriage Story (2019) Movie Script

What I love about Nicole...
she makes people feel comfortable
about even embarrassing things.
Hey, you look like you care about animals.
Yes, I do.
She really listens
when someone is talking.
- Do you want to sign up here?
- You know what? I...
It's funny, I actually signed up for this
but I never heard from you guys.
Sometimes she listens too much
for too long.
Okay, if you email me here...
- Thank you so much. Have a good day.
- Good luck.
She's a good citizen.
- Just call him.
- I'm not calling.
She always knows the right thing to do
when it comes to difficult family shit.
Call him.
I get stuck in my ways,
and she knows when to push me
and when to leave me alone.
She cuts all our hair.
She's always inexplicably
brewing a cup of tea
that she doesn't drink.
And it's not easy for her
to put away a sock, or close a cabinet,
or do a dish, but she tries for me.
Nicole grew up in LA around actors,
and directors, and movies, and TV,
and is very close to her mother, Sandra,
and Cassie, her sister.
- Hmm.
- Note the wrapping.
Nicole gives great presents.
She is a mother who plays,
really plays.
- Lizard?
- Yeah.
She never steps off playing
or says it's too much.
- Mom.
- And it must be too much some of the time.
"...chopped down a Christmas tree..."
All right.
Nice. Two, three, four... What?
Are you kidding me? I was just in jail!
Goddamn it!
- Do not laugh at me! Stop it!
- She's competitive.
She's amazing at opening jars
because of her strong arms,
which I've always found very sexy.
She keeps the fridge over-full.
No one is ever hungry in our house.
She can drive a stick.
How could you?
After that movie, All Over The Girl,
she could have stayed in LA
and been a movie star,
but she gave that up to do theater with me
in New York.
You might as well get what you paid for.
She's brave.
She's a great dancer.
Infectious. She makes me wish
I could dance.
She always says when she doesn't know
something, or hasn't read a book,
or seen a film or a play,
whereas I fake it or say something
like I haven't seen it in awhile.
My crazy ideas are her favorite things
to figure out how to execute.
Let's try it...
but also standing.
She's my favorite actress.
What I love about Charlie...
Charlie is undaunted.
He never lets other people's opinions
or any setbacks
keep him from what he wants to do.
And he liked me, so...
Charlie eats like he's trying
to get it over with
and like there won't be enough food
for everyone.
A sandwich is to be strangled
while devoured.
Is your sweater on backwards?
But he's incredibly neat,
and I rely on him to keep things in order.
He's energy-conscious.
He doesn't look in the mirror
too often.
I cried four times.
Me too.
He cries easily in movies.
I wonder if it was the same four.
He's very self-sufficient.
He can darn a sock,
and cook himself dinner, and iron a shirt.
How are we doing over here?
The peppers are cut.
He rarely gets defeated, which...
I feel like I always do.
...I've got some carrots.
Charlie takes
all of my moods steadily.
He doesn't give in to them
or make me feel bad about them.
He's a great dresser.
He never looks embarrassing,
which is hard for a man.
Goddamn it, Charlie, get it together!
He's very competitive.
Oh, come on!
- What's this? Who owns Baltic Avenue?
- Me.
How much is it?
- I don't have enough.
- $450.
Okay, so I'm done?
I'm done, right? That's it?
This is so frustrating!
This is so frustrating. I always lose.
- Dad.
- He loves being a dad.
He loves all the things you're supposed
to hate, like the tantrums,
the waking up at night.
I had a bad dream.
It's okay.
It's almost annoying
how much he likes it,
but... then, it's mostly nice.
Dad, stay.
He disappears into his own world.
- What's "shit?"
- This is our stop.
He and Henry
are alike in that way.
He can tell people when they have food
in their teeth or on their face
in a way that doesn't make them feel bad.
Charlie is self-made.
His parents...
I only met them once, but...
he told me there was a lot of alcohol
and some violence in his childhood.
As soon as she comes with a lookout,
they're coming with a camcorder.
- Camcorder.
- Is that what they're called?
He moved to New York from Indiana
with no safety net,
and now he's more New Yorker
than any New Yorker.
I made sure they used
the right almond milk.
He's brilliant at creating family
out of whoever is around.
With the theater company, he cast a spell
that made everyone feel included.
No one, not even an intern,
was unimportant.
He could remember all the inside jokes.
And where do you go when it's windy?
Oh, yeah, that... that was funny.
He's extremely organized
and thorough.
He's very clear about what he wants,
unlike me, who can't always tell.
Let's stop right there.
Who wants to start?
I-I'm not going to read this out loud.
Why is that?
Because I don't like what I wrote.
As we mediate your separation
and eventual divorce,
things can get quite contentious.
So, I like to begin
with a note of positivity,
for the people I work with to remember
why they got married in the first place.
And so that, as you come apart,
you're reminded that...
this is a person
you had great feeling for,
and maybe still do in many ways.
I'll read mine. I like what I wrote.
For it to really work,
you both have to read.
I'm not going to.
Okay, um...
I just think it's a shame
that you guys aren't going to get to hear,
uh, the wonderful things
you wrote about each other.
She always says I can't write,
but I think mine's pretty good.
Nicole, maybe you'd change your mind
once you heard Charlie's.
I don't want to hear Charlie's.
We promised to listen.
That's right.
That's the very first step
in this process.
Well, I think I'm going to go
if you two are going to just sit around
and suck each other's dicks.
How can this evil allow moderation?
How can this evil
allow moderation?
How can it be right
to betray the departed?
How is it human to be so...
I want no praise from impious men.
No home with them of quiet ease.
Noble blood still runs in my veins.
Shall I fail my father...
stifling my cries,
clipping the wings of grief?
Must his corpse in the ground
wretchedly waste away,
feebly count for nothing?
Must his killers gloat...
Must his killers gloat,
never to pay with blood, for blood...
Charlie gave me the note,
but it's really for you.
- He told me to pick up my cues.
- How is that for me?
Acting is reacting.
I'm responding to you.
You're slowing me down.
Frank, it's closing night, you know.
You don't think Charlie and Nicole
will ever get back together?
No, I think this time it's really over.
- It still feels weird.
- I feel like my parents are splitting up.
It's always been "Charlie and Nicole."
- Is Charlie still giving notes?
- Yep.
You're lucky, Nic.
I wish I was going to LA.
You can actually have space in LA.
There's no space here.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to make a toast
to Charlie...
and to our beloved Nicole,
who is going to be going out
on a new adventure,
all the way to sunny California.
And we are also going to try
something new.
We are going to take our play
to Broadway.
It reminds me of when I was a young person
and went to Broadway for the first time.
And I'm telling you,
winning your first Tony at 27,
it can mess with your head.
I mean, I was just a baby.
Elia Kazan was backstage...
I'm going to go over there now.
- Don't do it. Mary Ann?
- ...elbowing Mike Nichols.
And Mike was chatting with Dietrich,
and Marlene, you know,
she usually was a barrel of monkeys,
but tonight she was very, very serious.
Could you give me a second?
Well, I'd have to study it, but...
Oh. Hey, I didn't expect you guys home
until late.
- How's he doing?
- Good, good. He went to bed on time.
No fuss.
Read him some of Cricket in Times Square.
God, you guys are so attractive.
Shit. Sorry, I didn't stop that
from being said.
No, it's okay.
I'll pay for the whole time.
We decided to come home early.
Hey, thanks.
And also the travel time.
as well as anybody, but I've gotta run.
...if you know what I mean.
- Y-You're leaving?
- Well, I ain't moving in.
We'll be back when you get your...
If you don't like that mediator,
we'll find another one.
- Yeah.
- W-We might not need a mediator.
We'll just split everything anyway,
I don't care.
- Me neither.
- You can have most of it.
We'll get apartments near each other,
make it easier for Henry.
We'll figure it out.
- We want the same things.
- Right.
In the meantime,
the pilot will be fun for you.
You don't think it's bad, do you?
I don't ever watch TV,
so, you know, I can't tell.
I told Henry I'd come out to LA
in two weeks to see him.
I can tell you want to give me a note.
No, I don't.
Yeah... I mean, yes, I do, but I guess...
I guess it doesn't matter now.
You won't be with the show anymore.
It's stupid.
You're not going to be able to sleep
until you tell me.
Maybe not.
Okay, then.
So, there are two things.
I thought your posture at the top
of scene seven is still too dignified.
- Okay.
- And then...
at the end, I could tell
you were pushing for the emotion.
Well, you know I can't cry on stage,
and I know you don't like it
when I fake it, but...
I thought maybe tonight
it would come, but...
it didn't.
That's all I had.
Thanks for indulging me.
Good night, Charlie.
This is the day
This is the day that the Lord has made
That the Lord has made
Let us rejoice
Let us rejoice and be glad in it
And be glad in it
- This is the day
- Mom.
G-ma, summer is for relaxing.
- This is the day...
- What do you want to do today?
Hang out and relax with you.
- Me too.
- No relaxing.
Nicole has a hair and makeup test today,
and Henry, we got you into Fairy Camp
with the cousins.
I hate Fairy Camp.
Cassie says everyone likes Fairy Camp,
and I think this is true.
Henry, go make your mom some coffee
like I taught you.
- Hm?
- Mom, wait till you taste my coffee.
Do you always sleep together?
Even in New York?
No, it's just for right now
while we go through this transition.
Oh, shit.
Don't tell Charlie when he gets here.
He hates co-sleeping.
Well, I have to say, I agree with Charlie.
Oh, surprise surprise.
- It's as if you have exploded...
- Jesus, it's early.
...into this room.
I can do this part alone.
Fine. I won't look.
As long as you're in my house,
wake up is at 6:30 a.m.,
and until you know what you want to do,
we're going to do what I like to do.
I can't just go from what Charlie
wanted to do to what you want to do.
Even though I'm 64
and have a dead gay husband,
I manage to get up every day,
live my life,
and feel pretty good about myself.
So, maybe your mom knows a thing or two.
You know what I would do?
About what?
When Charlie gets here,
I'd whisk him off to Palm Springs.
That's what your father and I did
whenever we hit a speed bump.
Didn't you walk in on Dad
blowing the porter in Palm Springs?
And I always regretted
getting so upset about it.
Charlie and I are getting a divorce, Mom.
There's nothing for us in Palm Springs.
You need to wash your face
before you go to sleep.
When Daddy gets here,
- maybe we could all go on the Jaws ride.
- Yeah.
Or I could go once with Daddy
and once with you,
because I wouldn't mind
going twice anyway.
No, we'll all go together,
Did you know that Universal Studios
is where I did my first screen test?
On the plane, I re-read the pilot
as if I were Charlie reading it,
and I started to think it was just bad.
My agent says it's one to watch.
- This coffee is good. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
What if Charlie is on Broadway
with a play I brought him,
which I originated,
and I'm just doing bad TV?
Everyone is only impressed
when they see someone on TV.
- She's beautiful.
- Her wig looks great.
Where's she been
the past ten years?
Doing weird theater in New York,
downtown shit.
- I saw one. It rained onstage.
- Can I say something?
It was good. Edgy.
Directed by her husband,
supposedly very controlling.
- We're lucky to have her.
- I'm surprised she said yes.
- We can thank her divorce.
- Can she move her hand?
It's going to be hard to roto in the hair
on the baby around her fingers.
Can... you move your hand
further down the baby?
- Where? Like here?
- Off the head entirely.
I have to support his head.
No, no, support the head, of course.
Just try and do it from the... shoulders?
- It's perfect.
- Yes, good.
I can't hold a baby like this.
She's right, that's going to look weird.
It was very important to me
to have this show based on hard science.
So we can see your pretty face
and not ours.
You should've seen me
before the plants invaded.
I say that with respect.
I was raised by two mothers.
Can you lower the board please, Pablo?
Here? How about here?
- How about now?
- Why is there always a flirty grip?
I can do anything you want.
I just need her here two hours...
Can I say something?
Dennis, hold on. What, honey?
She has to know
how to hold a baby.
- Later on, after she kills Donny...
- She kills Donny?
That's a secret.
We didn't give the crew those pages.
...she becomes a sort of a Earth mother
to the plant community.
That's not going to make any sense
if we feel like she's a bad mother
to her own kid.
- She's right.
- Does Donny know?
- Must be nice to get out of New York.
- Well, I'm from out here.
Our daughter, Mia, is at NYU,
living in a shoebox.
She says it went up to 104 the other day.
- We are just so excited to have you.
- I'm excited to be here.
We're going for an early aughts aesthetic,
so having your presence just nails that.
What signifies early aughts?
Into The Girl was on TV...
- All Over The Girl.
- ...or streaming or something.
You are fucking hot in that movie.
- Carol.
- Fuck it, I speak my mind.
- We're not allowing our son to see it.
- Because you show your tits.
- Carol!
- Yeah.
- Dennis.
- This is Carter Mitchum.
He's a futurist at UCLA.
He's consulting on all the environmental
stuff for the show so it's accurate.
- Nice to meet you.
- Is it?
- What?
- Accurate?
So far, none of it.
This pilot will go.
So get ready to move back to LA.
Listen, everything you were saying
back there was absolutely right.
- If she's a bad mom, we lose the audience.
- Nobody knows we're killing Donny,
- including Donny.
- I... I thought...
Let us know if you'd like to be part
of our writer's room.
I bet you'd be really helpful, actually.
Or I could direct.
- No, yeah.
- Sorry, what? Maybe that sounds crazy.
No, do you have a reel?
No, because I've... I've never done it.
I watched my husband do it for years.
Almost ex-husband.
Oh, what's the opposite of fianc?
Dennis and I will talk
to your agent about it.
At our theater I always wanted to direct,
and then Charlie would say something like,
"The next one,"
but he was always the director,
so there never was a next one.
I don't know. Maybe if we'd
stayed married, there would've been.
Yeah, no. We're going
to kill him off. It seems unlikely...
I'm going to give you a number.
Okay, is it a therapist?
Because I have a therapist.
Well, it's my mom's therapist.
We share her.
She's a lawyer. She represented me
when I left Dennis.
You and Dennis are divorced?
Since 2013.
You still work together.
That's nice.
Oh, no, he's a fucking cocksucker.
Nora got me half of this project
in the settlement.
Well, we talked about doing it
without lawyers.
My sister had me meet
a bunch of them already,
and I... just... hated them.
Call Nora.
She saved my life.
Sorry, I...
look so schleppy.
I had an event at my kid's school.
Let me get this out of the way.
I think you're a wonderful actress.
Thank you.
I loved All Over The Girl,
but the theater stuff too...
You saw the theater stuff?
I was in New York last year for my book,
which, remind me to give you a copy,
and my publisher took me.
- Thank you.
- You are awesome.
- Well, Charlie directed it.
- I know.
He's very talented.
He is.
They're moving it to Broadway.
Well, without me, of course.
He was lucky to have you.
How are you doing?
- Sorry.
- Oh.
You take some breaths.
And while you do,
I'm going to tell you about myself.
If you should choose to hire me,
I will work tirelessly for you,
and I'm always available by phone or text,
except when I'm with my kids.
I insist on doing drop off and pick up
every day at school.
- I understand.
- I've been through this myself.
Thank you Annie. So...
I know how it feels.
- You do?
- Yes.
I have a kid from my ex,
who is a narcissistic artist...
and verbally abusive.
I'm now with a great boyfriend
who lives in Malibu.
Oh, good.
Well, Charlie's not terrible.
No, of course not.
But they ravish you with attention
in the beginning...
and then once we have babies,
we become the mom
and... they get sick of us.
Where do you want to live now, doll?
I'm here now, obviously.
I don't know
if the show will get picked up, but...
it feels like home.
It is home.
It's the only home I've ever known
without Charlie.
You want to stay here?
Charlie's not going to want that. He...
He hates LA.
We're interested in what you want to do.
Sounds to me
like you did your time in New York.
He can do some time here, no?
He always said we would, but he never...
How old is your son?
Henry's eight.
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
He likes LA.
I don't know if it's fair to him.
I want you to listen to me.
What you're doing is an act of hope.
Do you understand that?
You're saying,
"I want something better for myself."
I do.
And this, right now, is the worst time.
It will only get better.
Wasn't it Tom Petty who said
"The waiting is the hardest part"?
I don't know.
I represented his wife in their divorce.
I got her half of that song.
Oh, I don't want any money or anything.
I just worry because we weren't
going to use lawyers, so...
I don't want to be too aggressive.
I want to stay friends.
We'll do it as gently as possible.
Can you tell me a little more
about what's going on?
Because part of what we're going to do
together is tell your story.
It's difficult to articulate.
not as simple
as not being in love anymore.
I understand.
Why don't you start at the beginning?
Wherever that is for you.
Well, uh...
I was engaged to Ben
and living in LA, you know?
And I felt like yes,
I want to make movies and marry Ben.
I was only 19 or 20 at the time.
I never felt older in my whole life.
Anyway, if I was honest with myself,
it was like a small part of me
felt dead...
or dead-ish.
You know, you tell yourself,
"No one's perfect,
no relationship's perfect."
Oh, this tea is delicious.
- Isn't it? It's the Manuka honey.
- Mm.
Anyway, uh, you were asking about Charlie.
So, um...
So, yes. So, I was... I was...
happy with Ben and aware of the deadness,
and I went to New York
to meet with this director
for this space movie.
But one where they take space seriously,
sex trafficking in space.
You know, it was political.
Or at least they wanted us
to think it was.
Anyway, it just...
it was really fulfilling the same need
that certain fucked up porn does.
Um, but anyway, so...
while I was there...
the producer...
invited me to see a play.
It took place in someone's apartment
with all the lights on.
It was like nothing I'd ever seen before.
This strange...
surreal, dystopian story,
and it was so well-acted.
And one of the actors
was this big shaggy bear
who played all his lines
looking directly at me,
uh, which I knew couldn't be the case,
but it felt like it.
And then later, of course,
I learned that it was.
- These cookies are really great too.
- I'll send you home with some.
I was introduced to the cast,
and the bear turned out
to also be the director.
He talked to me and...
I talked back.
The dead part wasn't dead,
it was just in a coma.
it was better than the sex, the talking.
Although the...
the sex was also like the talking.
You know, everything is like everything
in a relationship.
Don't you find that?
And, um...
So, we spent...
the whole night
and the next day together and...
I just never left.
Yes, to be honest, all the problems
were there in the beginning too.
But... I just went along with him
and his life
because it felt so damn good
to feel myself alive.
In the beginning,
I was the actress, the star, and...
That felt like something, you know.
People came to see me at first, but...
the farther away I got from that and...
the more acclaim the theater company got,
and I had less and less weight.
I just became...
"Well, you know, the actress
that was in that thing that time."
And he was the draw.
And... that...
would've been fine, but...
I got smaller.
I realized I...
I didn't ever really
come alive for myself.
I was just feeding his aliveness.
you know...
he was so smart and creative, it...
it was fine.
You know, I would tell him things
at home in private,
and they would work their way into public
conversation into his work, and...
For a while, that felt like enough.
I mean, I was just so...
so flattered
that someone like him would...
would find an idea I had worth trying
or a comment I made worth repeating and...
and then, I got pregnant.
And I thought that having a baby
could be ours, could really be ours,
but also really mine.
And... you know, he was so excited.
So, it was nice.
For a while.
I mean, kids, they...
they belong to themselves. It's like...
the instant they leave your body,
it's just...
the process of them going away...
And I didn't belong to myself.
And it was small stuff, stupid stuff,
and big stuff.
All the furniture in our house
was his taste.
I didn't even know
what my taste was anymore
because I had never been asked to use it.
I didn't even pick our apartment.
I just moved into his.
And I made noises
about wanting to move back to LA, but...
they came to nothing.
And we'd come here on holidays
because he liked my family.
But if I suggested
we do a year or something,
he'd just put me off.
It would be...
strange if he turned to me and said,
"And what do you want to do today?"
You know, I just watched that documentary
on George Harrison,
and I thought, "Own it.
Just own it.
Be like George Harrison's wife.
Being a wife and a mother, that's enough."
Yeah, then I realized
I couldn't remember her name, so...
This pilot came along.
It shot in LA
and it paid so much...
And it was like there was
this little lifeline thrown to me.
Here's this bit of earth that's yours,
I was embarrassed about it
in front of him, but it was also like...
yeah, this is who I am,
and this is what I'm worth.
And maybe it's stupid,
but at least it's mine.
And if he had just taken me
into a big hug and said,
"Baby, I'm so excited for your adventure.
Of course I want you to have
a piece of earth that's yours."
Well, then,
we might not be getting divorced.
he made fun of it and...
was jealous like he is, and...
then he realized about the money.
And he told me I could funnel it
back into the theater company.
And that's when I realized...
truly didn't see me.
He didn't see me as something
separate from himself.
And I asked him to say my phone number.
He didn't know it.
So, I left.
Also, I think he slept
with the stage manager, Mary Ann.
That fucking asshole.
just 70,
those two zeros,
- seventy-five point zero zero...
- "If railroad is unowned...
- that's zero cents.
- may buy it from the bank."
"Advance to Illios...
- Illinois.
- ...Illinois Avenue."
"Advance..." what does that mean?
It means you've got to go
to Illinois Avenue.
So where is Illinois Avenue?
That one.
So Cassie,
when Charlie gets here,
you're going to hand him the envelope.
Why do I have to do it?
Because Nicole is very good
at getting people to do things for her.
That's not what this is.
I wiped her butt
until she was nine years old.
She's very seductive that way.
No, Mom, legally,
I can't be the one who serves him.
But still, what I'm saying is true.
Do I have to actually hand him
the envelope?
Yes, but I'm going to tell him in advance
that they're divorce papers.
Nora says it doesn't have to be so formal.
Where's Henry?
He's playing in the living room
with Sam, and Jules, and Molly.
Let's get them upstairs.
Charlie's going to be here soon.
Sam, go upstairs.
So, I'll tell Charlie
what's happening,
and, Cassie,
you then hand him the envelope.
I just get nervous.
Well, can you un-serve?
- What do you mean? Like take it back?
- Yeah.
- I think so.
- You should check.
- In case we change our minds...
- I'm not going to change my mind.
- ...or we feel too bad for him.
- Maybe in case I do something wrong.
Now you're both
just making me feel bad, okay?
Sorry, sorry, I'm nervous!
Well, we all are.
And we love Charlie.
You have to stop loving him, Mom.
You can't be friends with him anymore.
Charlie and I have our own relationship...
...independent of your marriage.
Just like I'm still friends
with Cassie's ex, Jeff.
Are you still seeing Jeff?
An occasional lunch.
I can't believe you!
He still wants his camera back,
by the way.
Listen, nothing can be independent
of our marriage right now.
I can't believe I even have to explain
this to you. Just be on my side, okay?
- Okay.
- And...
stop seeing Jeff!
Cassie, you're the server.
Just let me practice a few times.
I was never a good auditioner.
- That's because you wanted it too badly.
- It's not an audition.
- I'll play Charlie.
- It's just my palms are so perspired.
Sweetie, you're blotting the envelope.
Maybe Nicole should play you.
Did you really just say that?
We don't need to practice.
This is not a performance.
Did we finish the other wine already?
- Oh.
- Okay, let me get him.
- Okay.
- You both go in the other room.
Cassie, you make sure that Henry
goes upstairs with Molly and Jules.
Happening now.
- Mom!
- I'm getting my wine.
Henry's pooping
in the bathroom downstairs.
Can we transfer him to the one upstairs?
- I think it's mid-poop.
- Just grab him when he comes out.
- Cassie?
- What?
I'm... I'm putting the envelope
over here by the toaster.
Copy you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Where's Henry?
- Uh, he's pooping.
Hi, Henry!
Does this couch still open?
I got off the plane to a text, but don't
tell anyone yet. It's still a secret.
I won a MacArthur grant.
Oh, my God, that's great!
I'll say it because you can't,
it's the genius grant. You're a genius.
Oh, I'm really happy for you.
You deserve it.
It's yours too.
We did all of this together.
Thank you, but...
it's yours, Charlie, you enjoy it.
I'm starving.
It's good money,
and they parse it out over five years.
But it means I can keep everyone
in the theater company employed,
pay my credit card debt.
So great.
Of course, I went instantly to,
"It's all downhill from here.
- Now my first Broadway play has to fail."
- No.
We just started rehearsals again,
and I don't know.
You always don't know at this point,
and then, it gets there.
Do I? Because I don't remember.
I know, it's true, it'll be great.
Okay, I hope you're right.
- Everyone says hi.
- Oh.
Tell them hi. I miss everyone.
You'll see them again
when you come back.
A MacArthur, Broadway...
It's so exciting.
Congratulations, Charlie.
Which bathroom?
- What?
- Is he pooping?
Oh, uh, downstairs.
Is your mom home?
Yeah, she's upstairs.
- Hey, how's it going?
- Nothing yet.
- It's me.
- I know.
- I just got here.
- Hi.
- I brought you something.
- Yay.
Mom's getting me a present too.
- Why?
- For pooping.
- I love you.
- I love you.
I don't think we should reward him
for pooping anymore.
Oh, I know, but he holds it in
and it's going on a week.
- It's its own reward. G-ma!
- Charlie-bird!
Oh! No! Stop it!
Oh, God, I'm huge!
- You're as light as a feather.
- Mom?
- Why didn't you respond to my last email?
- Well, your emails are so articulate.
I get intimidated.
- Mom, can you...
- Now, I'm going to lift you!
- Mom?
- What?
I'm going to write you back now.
Hey, Charlie.
I like your haircut.
Oh, thanks.
- Mom?
- I'll go.
Henry's calling you, Nicole!
I hear him.
What's going on, Henry?
Can you ask Mom to come?
He wants you.
What kind of pie is that?
- Did you make it?
- I don't know.
No, it's store bought.
You know Joan's on Third?
- Oh, yeah. It's good, right?
- What?
The store? Yeah.
Jules and Molly love it.
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
I'm just hot!
Uh, I'll pour you some water.
Nicole says you're doing a play?
I-I think you'd like it.
It's a great unproduced play
by this really interesting British writer.
- So, you do an English accent?
- Yeah.
- It's more northern England.
- Oh.
What does that sound like?
Ooh, you want a cup of tea, do ya?
Right. Good.
Oh, thank you, missus. What is...
What's this?
Oh, it's a manila envelope, love.
- Ooh, can I start over?
- It has my name on it.
Sorry. You're served.
- What did you do?
- Nothing. I don't know.
I can't lie.
You're being served.
You guys are getting a div...
I don't know, I'm sorry.
I was going to warn you
so it didn't become a thing. I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm in a dream.
We don't have a marriage anymore.
I-I know you don't want the disruption,
but you don't want to be married.
Not... really.
But I don't want this.
What did you expect was going to happen?
I... I don't know,
I guess I didn't think it through,
but I thought we agreed
we weren't going to use lawyers.
I want...
I don't know, I'm trying to say this
as undramatically as possible.
I want...
an entirely different kind of life.
Let's wait until you finish this pilot
and come back to New York.
Let's figure it out there,
at home, together.
- Nora's known for being very fair.
- We don't need to do it with envelopes.
- This is Nora?
- Yeah.
She's great. I feel like
we could be friends with her.
- Why do I feel like that won't happen?
- It's just a formality.
- Why...
- You don't have to respond right away.
Why did Cassie have a pie?
The pie was hers.
The pie wasn't part of it.
Are you sure?
I mean, what would the pie
have to do with anything?
I don't know. It somehow makes it worse.
I'm sorry, but the pie was just a pie.
So, what...
What do I do?
You get a lawyer too.
"Well, I guess
I better be going.
Stuart rose from the ditch,
climbed into his car...
and started up the road
that led toward the north.
The sun was just coming up
over the hills on his right.
As he peered ahead into the great land
that stretched before him,
the way seemed long...
but the sky was bright.
And he somehow felt
he was headed in the right direction."
I forgot it ended that way.
Yeah, wow, Stuart really overreacted,
didn't you think?
He was upset about his boat.
Dad, you go away.
Mom, you stay.
- Hey, Daddy just got here.
- It's okay.
Love you.
You can come back, and wake me up,
and read to me later, Daddy, okay?
Will you come sleep
in my bed later?
Hang in there, Charlie-bird.
Thanks, G-ma.
- He's in a mommy phase right now.
- It's okay.
I'm sorry. I drank too much wine.
- I can imagine.
- And didn't eat dinner.
Stressful time.
I hope Henry didn't notice.
I'm sure he didn't.
Now that I'm a parent,
I realize my parents
were probably drunk all the time with me.
I'm sorry again.
Where are you staying?
Oh, well, I...
I guess I'll...
There's a new hotel on Highland that's...
supposedly not too expensive
and... and pretty nice.
Oh, okay, I'll check it out.
Again, that's great
about the MacArthur.
- Charlie?
- Yeah?
- What?
- She's being represented by Nora.
She's supposedly very fair?
All right, here's the fact, Jack.
I charge $950 an hour.
Ted is 400.
If you have a stupid question,
you call Ted.
To start, we'll need a $25,000 retainer.
- That's more than I can...
- And all your financials.
We need to do a forensic accounting.
Which runs anywhere
from ten to twenty thousand dollars.
But if we can all agree right away,
it shouldn't get too bad,
- right?
- You were married here in LA?
Yes... because her mom and sister
are out here
- and I'm not close with my family.
- Your son was born out here?
Yes, because, again, her mom
and sister are out here and I'm not...
So, you got married here,
your kid was born here...
and she served you here?
Yeah, but we lived in New York.
- Is there a problem?
- We'll have to reshape the narrative.
If you're serious
about having your child in New York,
this is what I suggest.
You take your kid...
D-Did you say his name was Fred?
Why did I say Fred?
I have a kid named Fred.
You take Henry to New York
with you right now.
Then we file an action in New York.
We make this a New York case.
We need to make an argument
that you're a New York-based family.
Well, we are.
Otherwise, you'll probably never
see your kid outside of LA again.
Really? No.
It's very hard
to convince the courts to move a kid.
As soon as you let your wife and child
leave New York,
you made life very difficult for yourself.
Yes, but as I said,
we're a New York family,
that's just a fact.
She's... here temporarily.
Then why do you think
she served you out here?
I don't... know,
but Henry wants to go back to New York.
Don't quote your kid.
He's just telling you
what you want to hear.
And trust me,
he's telling her the opposite.
Let me have the Barber file!
It's right here.
Move my lunch to 1:30.
"Exit Goat"?
Exit Ghost. It's the name
of my theater company.
You're a director?
Theater director, yeah.
- Anything I've seen?
- I don't know. What have you seen?
Our production of Electra
is moving to Broadway...
which is exciting.
We have to make sure
that money is protected.
I mean, it's theater,
so it's not a lot of money.
I basically put whatever money I make
back in the theater.
I wonder, do we ask for support?
- Interesting.
- From Nicole?
I'm not going to do that.
Does your wife's family have money?
Uh, her mother has some
from her TV career.
And her father died.
Well, we could say that we don't want
her mother to see the kid,
draw her into the case.
In that instance,
her mother could pay your legal fees.
I'm very close to her mom.
- Nicole's family has been my family...
- Yeah, but that's going to change.
And I suggest you get used to it.
- We need to hire a private investigator.
- Really? I mean...
- Really?
- Does your wife do drugs or anything?
Not in any real way.
Well, we're not going to win
if she's the perfect mother.
She was addicted to Tums for a while.
It wasn't nothing.
She was up to a tube a day.
Have you noticed anyone following you?
Well, keep an eye out.
Look, you need to be prepared for the fact
that Nora is going to portray you
as a neglectful, absent father.
- But I'm not.
- You live in New York.
You're consumed with your work.
She and your kid are out here, struggling.
Nora's going to use that strategy.
I'm sure of it.
But Nicole's not going to lie.
Listen, if we start from a place
of reasonable,
and they start from a place of crazy,
when we settle, we'll be somewhere
between reasonable and crazy.
Which is still crazy.
Half of crazy is crazy.
You know what people say, "Criminal
lawyers see bad people at their best,
divorce lawyers see good people
at their worst."
Before this is all over,
you're going to hate me and Ted,
just because of what we represent
in your life.
I'm sure you're right.
So tell me the story again.
You came out here to see your kid.
- Maybe I'm not explaining this well.
- She serves you.
- We're friendly, we're fine.
- What a bitch.
We're just trying to figure this out.
She's not a bitch.
Thanks, but this isn't...
We're doing it a different way.
And... I can't even close to afford this.
I've got to get back to New York.
I have a Broadway play in rehearsals.
I was the hot shit at that time.
Young, very sexy,
with a great head of hair.
I just so appreciate that Charlie
gave me this opportunity.
Or maybe I should thank Nicole.
I heard Nicole's pilot went to series,
so she's moving to LA.
And they put Henry in school out there.
Well, is Charlie moving too?
Not Charlie.
He won't abandon us.
And you can't do theater in LA.
Charlie said she and Henry
are coming back to New York
when she finishes filming her show.
I wouldn't be so sure.
Nicole was never going to stay
in New York, that was obvious.
She was probably
planning this move all along.
When she sees an opportunity,
believe me, she takes it.
Well, LA is nice.
The space.
Miss Four Time Oscar winner, sucking my...
Okay, how is everyone today?
Nobody get too close.
I think I caught Donna's cold.
- Sorry, Charlie.
- I'm expecting a Skype call from Henry,
so I might have to step out.
So, Charlie, what you're going through now
is going to be horrible,
but it will be over.
Thanks, Frank.
- Another thing.
- Yeah?
Fuck as many people
as you can right now.
Women, men.
- Take what I said seriously.
- You might need help wrapping gauze.
- It needs to stay tight.
- Okay, I'm... I'm confused.
What... scene
is the Invisible Man outfit for?
No, that's my Halloween costume.
And the Frankenstein
is for Henry.
He's coming here this weekend.
We're going to trick or treat
in the Slope.
I made it more James Whale
than Kenneth Branagh.
- Perfect.
- Can I talk to you?
Yeah, over...
I've typed up the blocking
from the last two rehearsals,
and here are the director notes
from that Danish production from the '70s.
Where'd you find it?
- The library, duh.
- Ha!
Can I come over tonight?
Mary Ann, it's too hard now.
I just can't be with anyone right now.
But we did it when you were married
and we shouldn't have done it.
And now that you're not married,
shouldn't we be doing it?
I'm not not married yet.
You're torturing yourself.
Just make sure
everything doesn't go to hell.
- I'm relying on you, okay?
- Fine.
- Thanks.
- I wish you'd accept generosity better.
Uh, hold on. Let me...
- Hello?
- Is this Charlie Barber?
Hi, this is Nora Fanshaw.
I represent your wife, Nicole Barber.
- Hi.
- Do you have an attorney yet?
Okay, then it's okay for me
to talk to you directly, okay?
I'm calling because we haven't
received your response to our filing.
Yeah, I've been rehearsing this play
and flying back and forth to LA.
You're going to need
to file your response.
- Nicole said there was no rush.
- It's been more than 30 days
since you were served.
By law, you're meant to respond
within 30 days.
I didn't like the first lawyer I met.
It says that very clearly
on the document you were given.
Did you read it?
Yeah, but I thought
that's just what it says.
We weren't even going to do it
with lawyers.
Charlie, I think I shouldn't
tuck in my shirt.
- Nicole said I could take my time.
- And we've let you take your time.
- It comes out during the love scene.
- Could you hold a second? What love scene?
When I hug Beth.
You don't hug Beth.
I think it's something we should explore.
Can't you just tuck it in tighter
or get Donna to safety pin it?
I also have a kind of a thing
- about, uh, tucking things in.
- Charlie?
If you don't file your response,
we're going to file a request
for default judgment against you.
...insecurities about my figure.
- Charlie?
- Yes, sorry.
Default judgment, what does that mean?
Don't hug Beth.
We'll be able to lay claim
to whatever we want.
W-What do you mean,
whatever you want of what?
Your apartment, your things,
everything you own.
She and I already discussed this.
We don't own that much stuff.
She can have
pretty much whatever she wants.
And it means we'll set the number
for child support at its highest level
and claim full custody of your child.
Full custody?
- I mean, that's not even...
- This is what the law says.
Nicole's not going to do that.
I mean, she won't.
No, Charlie, I represent Nicole,
and she's aware of everything
I'm saying to you.
I just spoke to her this morning.
Well, I spoke to her five minutes
before I got on the call.
Okay, so what do I do?
You need to get a lawyer
and respond immediately.
Nicole wants to do this amicably,
but you're leaving us no other option.
I'll get a lawyer.
Can I get a lawyer here?
- I don't know where "here" is.
- New York.
That's what all that honking is?
No, you'll have to come to LA
and meet people in LA.
I'm rehearsing a...
If you don't respond in Los Angeles
by Friday, you'll leave us no choice.
Wh... Which line?
I have to take this.
Can you hold on a second, Charlie?
Me and Mommy are in the middle
of a super secret treasure hunt.
- I thought the plane landed at nine.
- What are you wearing?
Sock pants.
It did. What are sock pants?
He doesn't like to feel the breeze
on his legs.
He dressed himself.
- There are long pants. Can I talk to you?
- It's almost noon.
There was traffic. We've got to get going.
- Why don't we ever do a treasure hunt?
- Henry, can you wait a minute?
No talking alone.
Just one bit of talking alone,
then I'll be right there.
I got a call from your lawyer.
She said you'd take everything and...
custody and everything
if I didn't respond.
It's better if we just
let the lawyers do this.
Yeah, but she's saying things
I don't think you mean.
Henry, we need to get going.
I don't want to go now.
- Have you gotten a lawyer yet?
- That's what I'm here to do.
Come on, Henry. I'm in a rush.
I have three more clues.
Why did you start a treasure hunt
or whatever so close to my arrival?
- Cool
- You were late. We were killing time.
Honey, come. We're going to finish
the treasure hunt later.
- I'm going to be rich!
- Okay.
You're going to go with your daddy,
it's going to be fun.
And I've got a present for you
when you get back as a reward.
He's not going to the dentist.
- I'm trying to help.
- I'm staying here.
Come on.
- Got the booster?
- I have a booster.
Oh, wait, no, it's not in.
What's not in?
The seat's not connected.
I asked the rental company to install it.
Yeah, I think they can't
for liability reasons.
- Do you know how these things...
- Let me just... If you...
- There should be a clip to clip onto.
- ...dig...
Ow! Fuck!
- Why "fuck?"
- Something sharp.
- Can't I stay with Mom?
- No.
Why not?
It's my time with you.
I just flew 3,000 miles.
I don't want to.
Henry, get in the fucking car!
I'm sorry, but Jesus,
get in the fucking car.
How do you spell Lego Bionicles?
That's two words.
What does Lego start with?
Just tell me.
- Don't you want to learn it?
- No.
- It's on the box, anyway.
- L...
Then what?
E... You know,
everyone at the theater says hi.
Then what?
A "g-g-g" sound.
- Are you excited for Halloween?
- J?
- Then what?
- And an "O" sound.
- O?
- Are you excited for Halloween?
I brought both our costumes.
I'm going as a store-bought ninja.
But we agreed.
I had Donna make you a Frankenstein.
I don't want to be a Frankenstein anymore.
Are you sure?
Maybe just look at it.
It's awesome. We'll be Frankenstein
and the Invisible Man.
Mom bought me a ninja costume,
which is better because it costs more.
Technically, the Frankenstein cost more
when you factor in Donna's time
and the materials.
The cousins are also going to be ninjas.
But Henry,
we went through all this trouble.
Whatever you want.
Please take the ticket.
- Dad, you're too far.
- I know.
Please take the ticket.
So, I'm not comfortable
leaving the bags in the car
where I've given the key to someone
I don't really know.
I've been here.
It's an office building,
so you've been to places like this before.
I remember those fish.
A lot of fish look the same.
Can I help you?
I'm Charlie Barber.
I have a 1:30 with Dan Cohen.
Oh, hi. Where's your little man?
I don't have it this time.
I keep my skeletons at my mom's.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry. We tried to reach you.
Mr. Cohen wanted me to apologize.
He can't see you because apparently
your wife already met with him
on the 7th of August about representation.
B-But she hired somebody else.
- Uh... Nora...
- Fanshaw?
But unfortunately, because she consulted
with Mr. Cohen already,
he's legally barred from representing you.
- Should we feed the fish?
- Yeah.
- It happens all the time.
- Really?
If you have a ticket,
I can validate your parking.
You know, it's common that people
meet with as many lawyers as possible
so that their spouse has limited options.
Oh, I don't think
she would've done it deliberately.
You'd be surprised.
Can all of them, like,
breathe out of the water?
Did you go to a lot of offices
with your mom?
Not so many.
Like 11.
I don't think anyone
would have stealed the bags, Daddy.
I need somebody today.
If I don't respond by tomorrow,
she said I could lose custody.
I didn't know who else to call.
There's got to be someone she didn't meet.
I have a name for you.
Bert Spitz.
He was the entertainment lawyer
at Roberto's agency.
But then he kind of got pushed
into retirement a few years ago,
and he went into family law.
- I called him.
- Thank you, G-ma.
- He can see you today at three.
- Aw, shit.
We never had this conversation,
You got it. I love you.
- Aw.
- Dad!
- I need a new burger.
- Why?
Because you made us carry your bags
into the restaurant, I dropped it.
That's fine. I'll give you mine.
Get in the car.
Why did you bring me today
if you couldn't hang out with me?
Because I've been away
and want to see you.
Jamie Tuber has a little sister
named, um, Lily Tuber.
- Yeah.
- And Lily Tuber is really bossy.
Getting divorced with a kid can be
one of the hardest things you'll ever do.
It's like a death without a body.
I know personally.
I've been there four different times.
You've been divorced four times?
Married four times.
Three divorces.
This last one will stick, God willing.
That's why I graduated into family law,
to help people survive this painful time.
Here's how I see it.
If we get bogged down
in "who did this," and "who did that,"
and "I don't want to pay the two dollars,"
it'll just cost you more money
and time and...
emotional stress,
and you'll probably end up
with the same result anyway.
I mean, I agree with that philosophy.
She does too, I'm sure.
And I always go with the truth,
no matter where that takes us.
You know, most people in my business
make up the truth
so they can get where they need to go.
You're just transactions to them.
I-I like to think of you as people.
Oh, okay, good.
And not just you, her too.
You know, this can be
a really ugly process.
But I also believe
it doesn't have to be terrible.
I'm glad to hear you say that.
I'd love to keep expenses down
as much as possible.
Of course you do.
I charge 450 an hour
and I need a $10,000 retainer to start.
I'll see if I can get an advance
on the Broadway transfer.
And keep in mind,
you'll have to pay for her lawyer.
Oh. I didn't...
- What?
- Well, at least part of her.
It doesn't make sense, does it?
I mean, you're doing this
because you love your kid.
And in doing so, you're draining money
from your kid's education.
- It seems ridiculous.
- Oh, it is.
It is, boy.
We'll have to respond right away.
Your son goes to school out here?
Yeah, temporarily. We agreed.
Her pilot went to series
and I wanted to accommodate her,
as she's often felt
we do things on my terms.
Be a better husband in divorce.
I guess something like that,
but we live in New York.
Well, with your kid
going to school out here,
the court may see it differently.
Will we go to court?
No, no, we don't want to go to court.
The courts in California are a disaster.
No, that's just how
we have to think about it.
I'm not sure these are my glasses.
Where are you living while you're here?
I'm in a hotel right now.
No, a hotel doesn't look good.
- To who?
- The court.
You just said
we weren't going to go to court.
No, of course, of course.
We have to prepare to go to court,
hoping we don't go to court.
You should get a place in LA.
And get a place near her.
It looks better for custody reasons.
She's in West Hollywood.
That'll be expensive.
I-I guess I could rent
our New York apartment.
Don't rent it.
You have to continue to prove
New York residence.
And of course, if you have a place in LA,
it's hard to show you all live
in New York, isn't it?
what do I do?
I recommend you spend
as much time as you can with your son.
Many people fight for that time,
then they don't even use it.
They just want to win.
This shouldn't be
that complicated, right?
I mean, we're a New York family.
I think it's all
pretty straightforward. Right?
I hope so, yes.
I see no reason...
You both love your child.
You respect each other.
Why this shouldn't be
relatively pain-free.
I think you have my glasses.
That makes sense.
- What have you been doing?
- Reading this magazine.
You were reading California Lawyer?
Okay, I'm almost done.
I wouldn't expect too much from that cat.
- What kind of pet do you want?
- I don't know...
I want you to know
that eventually this will all be over,
and whatever we win or lose...
it'll be the two of you
having to figure this out together.
Thank you.
You're the first person in this process
who's spoken to me like a human.
You remind me of myself
on my second marriage.
Come! Come! Come! Come! Oh!
You have fun with Daddy?
- We drove around to offices.
- Oh.
Do you want to see your ninja costume?
It's on G-ma's bed.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
You know, I had Donna build him
this whole Frankenstein thing
with the plugs and...
Yeah, well, the cousins are ninjas,
so he wanted to do that...
But he and I had decided together.
Oh, well, I can't make him
be Frankenstein.
I'm not asking you to,
but maybe you can help me out a little.
I'll leave the Frankenstein here, maybe
you can nudge him in that direction.
I'll try.
What's the...
Did you dye your hair again?
Is that for your show?
No, this is me. It was this way
when I saw you before.
I know, but I didn't say anything then.
You don't like it?
No, I guess it's fine.
Is it shorter? I prefer longer but...
Oh, sorry, it's just absurd.
Is everything okay?
Yeah. Why?
You seem, I don't know,
like something is...
Everything's fine.
Okay, I'm going to check in at the hotel,
but I should be able to get to you guys
by 5:00, 5:30...
We're going to Cassie's
in Pasadena
and trick-or-treating with the cousins.
Cassie lives in Pasadena now?
Yes. She and Sam moved there
a couple months ago.
Okay, I don't really know Pasadena.
- I'll figure it out. What's the address?
- My mom is looking forward to it...
- I'll text Sam.
- ...and Cassie and Sam are mad.
- Mad at who?
- You.
- Cassie and Sam?
- You can understand that.
So, I think we should probably do
separate Halloweens.
But if you're okay with it,
then shouldn't they be okay with it?
- Let's do it this way this time.
- Do you not want me there?
I'm fine with it.
- Okay.
- It'll be nice for him.
He'll have two Halloweens.
What am I going to do with him for second
Halloween? Walk around Sunset Boulevard?
Maybe the hotel has something. Or you can
drive to a different neighborhood.
The sun sets forever.
There shall never be another dawn.
I require the solace of the shadows...
and the dark!
Okay, ready for Halloween?
- Hi.
- Wow, elaborate.
Sweetheart, don't forget to wear
your jacket. It's getting colder.
- This is a nice house.
- Ready to go back out?
- He has to pee.
- No, I don't.
He does.
Uh, some of his men are in here
and also Bear-Bear.
You can keep that Bear-Bear,
because I got another one.
Does he know
that there are two Bear-Bears?
- It was his idea.
- David Bowie, right? Station to Station?
Let's Dance.
Henry, have a great Halloween
with Daddy, okay?
Have fun.
Go pee and then we're going back out.
I'm too tired.
Go pee, and then
we're going to go drive to Halloween.
This block looks promising.
I wish Halloween was over.
Well, it isn't.
If we were in New York,
we could be walking.
But I like that we're sitting right now.
I like to sit.
That's true, Los Angeles
does have sitting going for it.
I think that's why
I like Los Angeles better.
Because you get to sit?
No, because I like my friends here better.
That's not true.
What about Horatio and Poppy?
Horatio doesn't like me anymore.
And I don't like Poppy.
Here, I have Axel.
Axel's hilarious.
I think you'd like him, Dad.
And my family's here.
Besides you.
Everyone's asleep.
I need to pee!
Who gave you a lighter?
Lift the seat.
I'm going to have to go back to New York
on Monday.
Did you flush?
Wash your hands.
Will you play with me?
I'm tired, honey.
Did you hear me?
I have to go back to New York.
Ah, watch out!
Whoosh! I'm falling!
You didn't catch me.
Why aren't you here more?
I have to work.
You know my play is opening on Broadway.
Is it because you don't want to be
near Mom?
No. You know,
like we talked about,
we both decided not to be together
no matter where we are,
but we both want to be with you.
But you're not near me
if you're in New York.
Well, we all still live in New York.
Yeah, but I go to school here.
Just for right now.
Like that time we were in Copenhagen
for my play.
Remember all those kids in buckets?
I like my school here,
and Mom says we could stay here
if we want.
What do you mean?
She said that?
- Hello?
- Are you moving out here?
- Did you find a lawyer?
- Yes. Henry says you're moving here.
Have your lawyer call Nora.
I want to talk about it as us.
Who the fuck is "us"?
Let's just get in a room,
you and me.
That's what we always said we'd do.
- My lawyers wouldn't let me sign anything.
- It's our divorce.
They say I could later sue them
for malpractice.
What am I walking into?
What are you walking into?
Yes, what the fuck is going on?!
I read your fucking emails, Charlie!
I read them all.
- When?
- I don't know, recently.
- Shit.
- You're a fucking liar.
- You fucked Mary Ann!
- It was after I was sleeping on the couch.
All this bullshit about working on us.
You know what? I have been working.
I've been doing the work alone.
How did you read my emails?
I hacked into your account, you dumb fuck!
I think that's illegal!
Don't give me this shit
about being surprised about LA.
Surprise! I have my own opinions.
How do you even know
how to do something like that?
Surprise! I want things
that aren't what you want,
because, surprise,
you were fucking another lady.
It was one time! I think you're conflating
two different things.
Mary Ann has nothing to do with LA.
I am conflating, motherfucker!
You watch me conflate!
Did you just stamp your foot?
I don't think I've ever done that before.
I'm just so angry.
- You look like you needed one.
- Yes, I do, thanks.
You know, the Japanese are making
really interesting tequila right now.
That's exciting, I guess.
- What are you so angry about?
- My fucking ex-husband.
I spent all this time feeling guilty,
and he's so self-absorbed.
It's pointless.
It's a game I'm playing with myself.
Oh, hey, Pablo. Uh, we met at...
- You held the bounce board.
- The flirty grip.
- Here's what I want you to only do, okay?
- What?
- I want you to finger me.
- What?
- Just finger me.
- Okay.
That's all we're going to do,
just fingering. Okay?
I'm changing my whole fucking life.
Nicole and Charlie's son, Henry,
was born here in Los Angeles.
He currently attends Laurel Elementary
in Laurel Canyon,
and Nicole works in Hollywood
while also maintaining a full schedule
as a mother
with classes of swim, art,
gym, and music, as well as play groups.
Nicole is Henry's
primary custodial parent,
and to the extent that Charlie
would like to exercise his custodial time,
he should be making efforts
to visit Henry here in California.
Nora, you seem to be
ignoring the fact
that they lived in New York for ten years.
My client worked in New York
for several years, that's true.
But Nicole was born and bred
right here in LA.
She and Charlie would come here
most holidays and summers
to spend time with her family,
who all live in LA.
She and Charlie were married in LA.
Would you like to see the photos?
No, I don't need to see the photos.
Although I'm sure
they both look beautiful.
It's my client's expectation
that after this TV show is completed,
the parties will move back to New York
where they currently keep an apartment.
And it's my understanding
that Charlie promised Nicole
that they would spend more time
in Los Angeles during the marriage.
But because of his insistence
that his work keep them in New York,
Nicole ended up staying there much longer
than she ever anticipated.
In fact, a few years ago,
Charlie was offered a residency
at the Geffen Playhouse
that would have taken his work
and his family
to Los Angeles for a year.
And he, um...
turned it down.
Even though that was Nicole's desire.
He wanted to maintain consistency
for his family and his child.
Was this the same consistency
he wanted to maintain
when they went to Copenhagen
for six months so he could direct a play?
Now, while I understand
Charlie lives in New York...
and when it's convenient to his work
schedule, he flies out to see his son...
He flies out here every chance he gets,
at great expense.
I don't see any reason
you can't be out here full time.
He makes his living in New York.
- Sorry, do we want to contemplate lunch?
- Good idea.
I'll order now so it'll come
when we're all hungry.
Yeah. Mm.
- Everyone good with Manny's?
- I'd love Manny's.
Have you had Manny's?
Oh, you'll love it.
Just really yummy sandwiches and salads.
I'll have the BLT.
I'll have the BLT.
- You'll have the kale?
- Kale salad.
I don't know, sorry.
Charlie will have, um...
the Greek salad,
but with lemon and olive oil
instead of the Greek dressing.
- I'll have the Chinese chicken salad.
- Okay, sure.
Thank you.
Congratulations, Charlie, on your grant.
Nicole told me.
Oh, thank you.
He's a genius.
Well, I told Nicole
I loved your play.
- Ah. Really.
- Oh, thanks.
You are one smart cookie.
Oh, thanks.
I would just love to...
crawl inside that brain.
There was that one moment
when you smell the toast, smell.
It was literally my favorite thing
that I saw that year.
- Thanks.
- Truly genius.
Thank you.
I was sorry to hear it closed on Broadway.
They couldn't smell the toast.
It was so emotional.
It's very competitive, I imagine.
Now, when Charlie is in Los Angeles,
Nicole, of course, agrees
that it will be best for Henry
that he see each parent equally.
It's very nice out here, Charlie.
You should give it a chance.
- Yeah, and the space... you can't beat it.
- Mmm.
I love it too.
But all of our personal feelings
about the two cities aside,
we don't share your assertion
that the couple is an LA-based family.
It was very clearly their deal
that they would go back to New York
after Nicole finished her show.
I'm not aware of any deal.
Well, I didn't get it in writing.
Charlie, is this like the deal
that you made
that you Nicole would spend more time
in LA during your marriage?
We didn't have a deal.
It was something we discussed.
So, it's a deal
when it's something you want
and a discussion when Nicole wants it?
Nora, do you have a spare office
where Charlie and I can sidebar?
- Can you, um...
- I can show you.
Come on.
- Nora is a very good lawyer.
- Uh-huh.
- Tough, right?
- Yeah.
And you're in a bind because you've shown
you're willing to fly out here
and rent an apartment to see your son.
- You told me to do that.
- I know that.
And I'm doing that because I want
to see my kid, not to set a precedent.
Yes, but unfortunately,
you are setting a precedent.
And a judge might look at it that way.
What's the alternative? I stay in New York
and never come out here?
No, because then it would look
to the court
like you don't care about seeing your son.
Court or no court? Stop saying "court"
and then "never court."
Well, the way this is going,
we may have to go to court.
- Are you aware of how maddening you sound?
- I am.
And I know it seems unfair.
But imagine if you were...
a poor mother whose husband abandons her,
and then refuses to pay anything.
That's what the system
is trying to protect people from.
if I were representing you...
You are representing me.
Right, no, of course. No...
I don't see a judge
moving this child from California.
I think we try and settle today.
Settle meaning what?
She gets LA.
No, Bert, just...
I mean, we have to win this.
Remember, the win
is what's best for Henry.
And if you guys go to court,
he's going to get pulled into it.
But if he stays here
and I stay in New York, that's just...
then I won't...
I'll never get to really be
his parent again.
It'll be different.
It won't exist.
So maybe you move here.
You heard what Aamir said about space.
Fuck the space, Bert! Fuck the space!
I'll do whatever you want me to do,
but this is my advice.
I've seen these things go on and on,
and the burden of these battles
is immeasurable.
I had a client get colon cancer and die
before he and his wife came to agreement.
What about filing in New York?
It's too late.
And even if you did,
I don't think it would matter.
They're being reasonable financially,
you know?
You're... You're lucky they didn't ask
for half your grant money.
She wouldn't do that. She knows
I put all that money back in my theater.
If this continues, she might.
The actors and crew
all rely on that money.
The court would never agree
with this, right?
Whether they do or not,
it'll cost you half your grant money
to go to court and prove it.
I feel like a criminal.
But you didn't commit any crime.
It doesn't feel that way.
If we give on LA right now,
and then try to make
the best deal possible,
I think we can get her
to give on other fronts.
There are no other fronts!
This is the thing!
He needs to know that I fought for him!
He'll know.
I should never have
let her come out here with Henry.
If it wasn't LA and New York,
it'd be something else.
You'd be fighting about a house,
or a school district, or...
You know what this is like?
This is like that joke about the woman
at the hairdresser, she's going to Rome.
- Do you know this?
- I don't.
This woman is at her hairdresser
and she says,
"I'm going to Rome on holiday."
And he says, "Oh, really?
What... what airline are you taking?"
She says, "Alitalia."
He says, "Alitalia? Are you crazy?
That's the worst...
That's terrible. Don't take that."
He says, "Where are you going to stay?"
She says, "I'm going to stay
at the Hassler."
"The Hassler? What, are you kidding?
They're renovating the Hassler.
You'll hear hammering all night long.
You won't sleep.
What are you going to see?"
She says, "I think I'm going to try
to go to the Vatican."
"The Vatican?
You'll be standing in line all day long.
You'll never get to see anything..."
I'm sorry, Bert,
am I paying for this joke?
Whatever happens here, it's temporary.
He's growing up. He's going to have
opinions on the subject.
Time is on your side, Charlie.
Maybe he'll do college on the East Coast.
I have most of my coins,
like my quarters and dimes at Daddy's...
- Right.
- ...but I'm keeping my dollars
and my one twenty at yours, okay?
So, that is one twenty plus 50,
what is that?
Goddamn it.
What's "Goddamn it"?
Did you guys lose power where you are?
Dad? Did we lose power?
There's rolling blackouts
in the hills and now...
Oh, damn it.
Now the gate won't close.
Her gate won't close.
- Can we go see my room?
- Yeah, of course.
- You tried all the...
- I tried everything.
Sorry I made you come out.
It's fine.
- I just...
- You don't want your gate open.
- There should be a panel or something...
- Maybe this is something here.
- It's a cute house.
- Oh, yeah.
I mean, from what I can see.
You're getting shaggy.
Yeah, I have to find a hair cutter.
You want me to cut it?
Close your eyes.
He's out.
Maybe he should stay here tonight.
It's my night.
Hey, come on. We're going.
Come on. Let's take a walk. Right?
Yeah, we're going to take a walk.
- We're taking a walk.
- Fine, all right. She's crazy.
We're mostly finished.
Bert and I hammered out
90 percent of the details,
and there's a couple minor things hanging,
but it should be easy.
And then the judge
makes your divorce official.
Oh. That's good.
- Fuck me.
- What?
Who's that?
Oh, Charlie shouldn't have done this.
What do you mean? Where's Bert?
This means that everything
we've agreed upon now is off the table.
We've got LA, right?
Not with Jay Marotta representing him.
This is a street fight now.
And I'm going to have to ask for things
that we wouldn't normally ask for.
This system rewards bad behavior.
- Jay.
- Hey.
I saw Miriam at Madeo the other night.
- Yeah?
- Looking very handsome.
Oh, you know, you should come
to our Stand Up To Cancer event.
- Uh, John Legend's going to play.
- Oh, love him.
Okay? It's going to be
at the Beverly Hilton, I think.
- Great.
- Okay?
She said you're spending
more time in Malibu.
- Oh, really?
- Me too.
I haven't seen her
since that building was ICM.
A little history...
Ten years ago, Charlie takes a risk
when he first hires Nicole as an actress
in his play in New York City.
He's a well-regarded
up-and-coming director
of the avant-garde.
And she's known
as the girl in that college sex movie
who takes her top off.
- My client will not be slut-shamed...
- Ten years on...
...for an artistic choice.
...and many prestigious
theater roles later...
she becomes an actress
of great credibility.
And it's because of that credibility,
that she's offered the lead role
in a major television show.
This new opportunity is thanks to Charlie.
Your Honor, we shouldn't have to pay
support money at this point.
In fact, Charlie is entitled
to half her TV money,
present and future earnings of the show.
Charlie's just received
the enormous sum of $650,000
in the form of a MacArthur grant.
- Of which he gets...
- This is for the theater work...
- ...he conducted during the marriage.
- 125,000 installments
...over five years.
- So by Jay's same logic, this is work...
- He uses the money...
- ...that Nicole contributed to.
- to employ actors and crew members...
- One at a time, please.
- ...and to pay debts that he's accumulated
with his theater company
that stars his wife.
- Bless you.
- Not only did she turn down
a lucrative and successful career
in movies
to perform in his little theater,
but she actually supplied Charlie
with a loan early on to help out.
- Which he paid back.
- She lent her name to the marquee,
which was the principle reason
people came to the theater.
That may have been true ten years ago.
And in turn,
she helped establish Charlie's reputation.
Now, over the next ten years,
she was subsequently offered parts
in movies, TV shows,
most of which she turned down
at Charlie's behest
to be a mom and act in his plays.
So, while we are willing to be flexible
on support,
we contend that half of Charlie's
grant money be split between the parties.
I don't see how you can claim
that she gets half a grant
dedicated to his genius.
He became a genius during the marriage.
Oh, come on, Nora.
Charlie himself, upon hearing
that he received the prize,
told Nicole that it belonged to her too.
That's what people say
when they win awards.
Mmm. No, he was implying what was true.
His genius was an intangible asset
built during the marriage.
Nora, I like how you refer
to Charlie's theater
as a ramshackle downtown dump
when you're arguing custody,
but when you want more money,
he's a big, rich, genius
Broadway director.
You can't have it both ways.
Oh, really? Why not?
And whether you think
it's fair or not, Jay,
the first monetary installment
from the MacArthur grant
was put into a joint marital account,
and thus became communal property.
Fuck. You shouldn't have put
that money in a joint account.
There's not going to be anything left,
anyway. I'm using it all to divorce her.
Nora, I have to say
that your account of this marriage
takes place in an alternate reality.
By suddenly moving to LA
and insisting on an LA residence,
Nicole is withholding Henry...
- Counsel, please be seated.
- ...alienating him from his father,
which has turned Charlie's world
upside down.
- Counselor?
- It amounts to an ambush.
"Witholding," Jay? Really? "Alienating"?
Well, those are fighting words,
and it's simply false and does nothing
to further this settlement.
Your recap of this situation
is outrageous.
And although California is,
without doubt, a no-fault state,
it bears mentioning
in the accurate recap of this situation
that Charlie had had extramarital affairs.
- An extramarital affair.
- Do you really want me to go there?
- Yeah, let's go there.
- Okay.
Nicole has admitted
to hacking Charlie's computer
and reading his emails,
which, if proven, is a felony.
And, Nora,
I don't think you'd be too happy
if I ask Nicole about her alcohol
consumption in the evenings.
She confided in Charlie
one night recently,
having just carried Henry to bed,
that she was having trouble standing
while walking down the staircase.
And from what I understand,
this is not an isolated event.
So you let me know, Nora,
- and we will go there as needed.
- Charlie?
Can I ask you,
how do you expect
to have more time with Henry
when you don't exercise the time
you already have,
and exercise it responsibly?
On a recent visit to Los Angeles,
after failing to call, text,
communicate in any way, shape, or form,
Charlie finally arrived two hours late
to pick up Henry
at Nicole's mother's house.
At that point, the car seat,
which he had assured Nicole
had been professionally installed,
was clearly not even belted in.
- It was just sitting in the back seat.
- You have to buckle in the car seat.
- It's the law.
- I know.
- I thought the rental place did it.
- They can't. It's a liability.
I know that now.
Once we discovered that, we fixed it.
You can see my courtroom is full
and there are people who don't have
the resources your clients have,
and I'm fairly certain
you haven't exhausted, in good faith,
the arguments in the case of this child.
In the meantime,
we'll keep the status quo.
This remains an LA family
for the time being.
I took over this department recently,
and I'm still becoming acquainted
with the cases.
So, I'm going to appoint
an expert evaluator
who knows much more about young children
than I do.
Once the evaluation is done,
we'll modify the orders where necessary.
Hey, where's Henry?
He's with Cassie and her kids
at laser tag.
You want something to drink?
I have unfiltered tap water, beer,
and some juice boxes.
I'll take a juice box.
You don't have anything on the walls?
I don't have anything to put on them
except Henry's art, which is being framed.
I can give you some stuff,
you know, until you get some things.
How about that great picture of Henry
on the Staten Island Ferry?
Aren't you in that one?
I guess I... You could...
- cut me out.
- I have to leave a day early
to New York on the 22nd.
So I was wondering
if I could take Henry that Friday.
Uh, the 22nd. So, that's the 21st?
Mmm, we have plans, actually.
We're going to, um, some thing at LACMA
with the cousins.
But could you change it
so I could take him?
Mmm. It's just one night.
- He's looking forward to it.
- Really?
It's my night, Charlie, we negotiated it.
Okay, fine.
But what?
No, I'm just asking you to be flexible.
I am flexible. You come in and out
and I adjust based on your schedule.
- This one night we have tickets to...
- It's not only this one night, but fine.
- Henry's teacher wants to meet with us.
- You mean his LA teacher?
Can you, uh, answer the email
so we could set a time?
Yeah, I've been distracted.
I understand.
They just want to rule out everything,
you know, with his reading.
I just think
he's a little over-anxious.
I think he wants it too much.
They said he's off the charts in math.
He quits too easily
when things aren't easy for him.
You know, he's like us, he's stubborn.
He's still a lousy Monopoly player
because he tries to save all his money.
- I thought we should talk.
- Mm-hmm.
I feel like maybe things
have gone too far.
I mean, my mom's taking out a loan
against the house to help me pay Nora.
I thought I paid Nora.
You pay 30 percent of Nora.
Well, I'm going broke too,
if that's any help.
I've just agreed to direct
two shitty plays,
and we can forget putting anything away
for Henry's college.
It's just that up until now, we've been
able to keep Henry somewhat removed,
and this will change that.
We have to protect him.
I agree.
Nora says that the evaluator
will come into our homes,
they're going to interview Henry
in addition to us,
our friends, family, enemies,
and then they'll observe us with him,
how we are as parents.
- Sounds awful.
- I know.
I feel like if anybody observed me on any
given day as a mom, I'd never get custody.
That was a joke.
- I know. I feel the same way.
- Right.
Maybe we can figure
something out between us.
You remember I said this to you
at the beginning?
I know you did,
but these are different circumstances.
I was anticipating these circumstances.
Anyway, shall we try this?
I don't know how to start.
Do you understand
why I want to stay in LA?
Well... That's not...
Charlie, that's not a useful way
for us to start.
I don't understand it.
You don't remember promising
that we could do time here?
We discussed things.
We were married, we said things.
We talked about moving to Europe.
About getting a...
sideboard, or what do you call it?
A credenza, to fill the empty space
behind the couch.
We never did any of it.
You turned down the residency
at the Geffen
that would've brought us here
for a... a year.
It wasn't something I wanted.
We had a great theater company
and a great life where we were.
- You call that a great life?
- You know what I mean.
I don't mean we had a great marriage.
I mean, life in Brooklyn.
I don't know. Honestly, I never considered
anything different.
Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
I mean, I was your wife.
You should've considered my happiness too.
Come on, you were happy.
You've just decided you weren't now.
Okay. Okay.
M-My work is here now, my family is here.
And I agreed to put Henry in school here
because your show went to series.
I did that knowing that when you were done
shooting, he'd come back to New York.
Honey, we never said that.
That may have been your assumption,
but we never expressly said that.
- We did say it.
- When did we say it?
I don't know when we said it,
but we said it.
- I thought...
- We said it that time on the phone!
Honey, let me finish. Sorry.
I keep saying that.
I thought that if Henry was happy here,
and my show continued,
that we might do LA for a while.
I was not privy to that thought process.
The only reason
we didn't live here
is because you can't imagine desires
other than your own,
unless they're forced on you.
Okay, you wish you hadn't married me,
you wish you'd had a different life,
but this is what happened.
- So, what do we do?
- I don't know.
Nora says
there's no coming back from this.
Fuck Nora! I hate fucking Nora
telling me I always lived in LA
even though I never lived in LA.
How could you have her
say those things about me?
Jay said them about me too.
You shouldn't have fired Bert.
I needed my own asshole.
Let's just both agree both of our lawyers
said shitty stuff about both of us.
Nora was worse.
Jay called me an alcoholic.
You pulled the rug out from under me
and you're putting me through hell.
You put me through hell
during our marriage.
Oh, is that what that was, hell?
And now you're going to put Henry
through this horrible thing
- so you can yet again get what you want!
- It's not what I want.
I mean, it's what I want,
but it's what was...
what's best for him.
Oh, well, I was wondering when you'd
get around to Henry and what he wants.
Fuck off!
No, you fuck off!
If you'd listen to your son, or anyone,
then he'd tell you
that he'd rather live here!
Stop putting your feelings about me
onto Henry.
He tells me he likes it better here.
He tells you because he knows
it's what you want to hear!
He tells me you're on the phone all
the time. You don't play with him.
Because I'm going through a divorce in LA
and trying to direct a play in New York!
Which closed because I wasn't there.
It was a huge opportunity for me...
You're fighting for something
you don't even want!
And I let everyone down.
You're being so much like your father.
Do not compare me to my father!
I didn't compare you to him.
I said you were acting like him.
You're exactly like your mother.
Everything you were complaining about her,
you're doing. You're suffocating Henry.
First of all, I love my mother.
She was a wonderful mother.
- I'm just repeating what you told me.
- Secondly, how dare you
compare my mothering to my mother!
I may be like my father,
but I am not like my mother!
You are!
And you're like my father!
You're also like my mother!
You're all the bad things
about all of these people!
But mostly your mother.
When we would lie in bed together,
sometimes I would look at you and see her
and just feel so gross!
- I felt repulsed when you touched me!
- You're a slob.
I made all the beds,
closed all cabinets...
The thought of having sex with you
makes me want to peel my skin off.
You'll never be happy, in LA or anywhere.
You'll think you found
some better opposite guy than me,
and in a few years,
you'll rebel against him
because you need to have your voice,
but you don't want a voice.
You just want to fucking complain
about not having a voice!
I think about being married to you,
and that woman is a stranger to me.
- I mean, we had a child's marriage.
- You've regressed.
You've gone back to your life
before you met me, it's pathetic.
People used to tell me that you were
too selfish to be a great artist.
And I used to defend you.
They were absolutely right.
All your best acting is behind you.
You're back to being a hack!
You gaslighted me!
You're a fucking villain!
You want to present yourself as a victim
because it's a good legal strategy?
Fine, but you and I both know
you chose this life!
You wanted it until you didn't!
You used me so you could get out of LA.
I didn't use you.
You did, and then you blamed me for it!
You always made me aware
of what I was doing wrong,
how I was falling short!
Life with you was joyless!
What, so then you had to go
and fuck someone else?
You shouldn't be upset that I fucked her!
You should be upset
that I had a laugh with her!
Do you love her?
But she didn't hate me. You hated me.
You hated me.
You fucked somebody we worked with.
You stopped having sex with me
in the last year.
I never cheated on you.
That was cheating on me!
But there was so much I could have done.
I was a director in my twenties
who came from nothing
and was suddenly on the cover
of fucking Time Out New York!
I was hot shit and I wanted
to fuck everybody and I didn't.
And I loved you
and I didn't want to lose you.
But I'm in my twenties,
and I didn't want to lose that too,
and I kinda did!
And you wanted so much so fast.
I didn't even want to get married.
And fuck it!
There's so much I didn't do.
- Thanks for that!
- You're welcome!
I can't believe
I have to know you forever!
You're fucking insane!
And you're fucking winning!
Are you kidding me?
I wanted to be married.
I'd already lost!
You didn't love me as much as I loved you!
What does that have to do with LA?
You're so merged
with your own selfishness,
you don't even identify it
as selfishness anymore!
You're such a dick!
Every day I wake up
and I hope you're dead!
Dead, like if I could guarantee
Henry would be okay,
I'd hope you'd get an illness,
and then get hit by a car and die!
Oh, God!
I'm sorry.
Me too.
Okay. No, we can make this nice.
Um, I would take the smaller plants
and put them by the window.
And, uh, do you have things
we can put on the walls?
All right, that's it.
Thank you very much.
We miss you,
and it looks great, really.
- Let us know how it goes, okay?
- All right.
I'll see you guys on, uh... on Monday.
- Love you.
- All right, love you too. Bye.
Why do we have so many plants
all of a sudden?
We'll have to return some of this stuff,
so don't get too used to it.
I find plants kind of scary.
These plants are good guys.
Hey, come here.
Tomorrow, this woman is going to come
and visit us...
and be with us while we eat dinner.
- Is it your girlfriend?
- No, no.
- Is it Mommy's boyfriend?
- No. Why? Does Mommy have a boyfriend?
I don't know. Does she?
- I don't know.
- I don't know.
Why is someone watching us eat dinner?
I know, it's weird.
It's just something we have to do.
Which has to do with...
Mommy and me figuring out everything...
and how we're going to be.
You know?
Will you read to me?
Sure. Grab your book.
Do you use drugs or alcohol?
I drink alcohol.
How much alcohol do you drink?
I don't know, a glass of wine with dinner.
- Sometimes more.
- How much more?
It's... Sometimes a...
a few...
I... sometimes split a bottle of wine
with someone.
- Okay, who do you split it with?
- I mean...
if I'm having dinner with someone
and we order a bottle of wine.
- Okay.
- You know, like at a restaurant.
When you say, "Do you want to go
by the glass or do we get a bottle?"
- You get a bottle?
- Well, sometimes.
I mean, sometimes I go by the glass.
You know, it depends.
Did you mean drugs ever?
I have done drugs.
In college.
- Anything since you've been...
- I... I don't do it regularly.
Anything since you've been
a mother?
Pot a few times.
Coke once at a party.
I mean, Henry wasn't with me.
What would you say
are your strengths as a parent?
I listen.
I play.
I-I put in the time. I...
taking care of him...
watching him grow.
And sometimes...
what they say about "it goes so fast"
is true, but...
sometimes it's not.
Sometimes it goes too slow, honestly.
What are your weaknesses?
I'm too precise. I care too much.
Are those weaknesses?
Maybe not.
You know, he can be an asshole and...
I can get really pissed off,
and I'll call him on being an asshole...
I'm going to stop you there.
When you do this for real,
don't ever say that.
People don't accept mothers
who drink too much wine
and yell at their child
and call him an asshole.
I get it. I do it too.
We can accept an imperfect dad.
Let's face it, the idea of a good father
was only invented like 30 years ago.
Before that,
fathers were expected to be silent
and absent and unreliable and selfish,
and can all say
we want them to be different.
But on some basic level,
we accept them.
We love them for their fallibilities,
but people absolutely don't accept
those same failings in mothers.
We don't accept it structurally
and we don't accept it spiritually.
Because the basis
of our Judeo-Christian whatever
is Mary, Mother of Jesus,
and she's perfect.
She's a virgin who gives birth,
unwaveringly supports her child
and holds his dead body when he's gone.
And the dad isn't there.
He didn't even do the fucking.
God is in heaven.
God is the father
and God didn't show up.
So, you have to be perfect, and Charlie
can be a fuck up and it doesn't matter.
You will always be held
to a different, higher standard.
And it's fucked up,
but that's the way it is.
Ooh! Whoosh!
Oh. I think I rang the wrong bell.
Nancy Katz.
Hi, I'm Charlie Barber.
Henry's just playing in his room.
Nancy, can I get you anything?
Um, I'm easy. A glass of water?
It's a new apartment.
Shall we go in here?
Um, what's a day like
for the two of you here?
Well, if he has school,
I take him there, of course,
and pick him up, assuming I can do both.
What prevents you from picking him up?
You know, work. I'm preparing a play
I'm directing in a few months.
Oh, what is that?
Kasimir and Karoline by dn von Horvth.
Were doing it at the Barrow in New York.
So, you have to be away?
Yes, recently, since Nicole's
been working on the show in LA,
I come back and forth a lot.
- That sounds difficult.
- It is.
And expensive. I'll try to take him
with me some of the time,
but Nicole doesn't like for him
to fly so much.
Well, that can be hard on a child,
all that recycled air.
Well, he's sturdy.
Some parents won't take their kids
to a restaurant
because of these superbugs.
I noticed on one visit to Los Angeles,
you came on a Sunday
and left on a Thursday.
Why not stay for a weekend?
Oh. Um, on that time,
I had tech for Electra in New York.
What's that?
It was my Broadway debut.
Oh, I don't know what "tech" is.
It's the technical part of the production.
You figure out the lights.
- And Monday's our day off.
- What's a weekend day like?
Well, out here, he has basketball
on Saturday at 12.
Eleven, I'm sorry.
And so, we go there.
And then, afterwards...
maybe we'll get lunch somewhere,
and then, if there's a movie to see...
Does he like basketball?
He does.
His coach, uh, Rick, says
he's a good dribbler, and I've seen that.
- Uh-huh.
- Ron.
Sorry, his coach's name is Ron.
Rick's his dentist in New York.
Well, you know our home home was...
is in New York.
That's where we live.
New York is a long way from here.
Well, we like it because we can walk.
You can walk here.
Not really.
And the space...
Do you like your school?
I love it.
What's your favorite part
about it?
I don't know.
Maybe gym.
You like math.
Not anymore.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
- But you're getting really good at it.
- No.
Well, you are, but...
What do you and your dad
like to do together?
When I'm at my dad's,
we sometimes watch a movie,
or build a Lego, or something.
My dad's a great Lego builder.
And at your mom's?
At home, I have most of my toys,
and there's a pool,
and I have a tree house and jungle gym.
We have super secret treasure hunt,
which is really fun.
- Sweetheart?
- Army men ride in here and...
Want to help me set the table?
Do I have to?
- Just come in here and grab a plate.
- I'm playing.
- Why are you being like this?
- What?
If I ask you to help out, help out.
- What is this?
- Special Meal.
What are the green things?
There aren't green things in Special Meal.
- It's just a garnish.
- Ugh.
I'll take it off.
I don't want to eat anything it touched.
- It doesn't change the taste of anything.
- I might want to be a vegetarian.
Mom's a vegetarian.
Is she a vegetarian now?
- Yeah.
- Well, then, you should like garnish.
It's all garnish, vegetarianism.
I'm done with my water.
Sure I can't get you anything?
No, I'm fine, thank you.
Do the thing with the knife.
No, I'm not.
Come on.
It's not a dinner thing.
It's not an any time thing.
What's the thing with the knife?
It's hilarious.
No, it's dumb.
I have a small knife on my keychain,
which is only for adults.
And I do a thing with it sometimes.
You said I could get a knife.
A jackknife, yeah, when you're older.
Like ten.
No, like 20.
Dime, rime, lime, pime, sime...
Honey, stop guessing.
You're so close. Stay with it.
Ugh, I don't want to do it.
- What's the first letter?
- I don't want to do it. Can I do the iPad?
No, look. What's the first letter?
- I don't want to.
- It's a T. What sound does T make?
- Tuh.
- Right. Then just do the rest of it.
You have "tuh" and "ime." What is that?
It's time.
It's time.
You'll see, honey.
One day, it's just going to click
and you'll be able to read everything.
I need a break.
Can I go play in my room?
Do you ever observe married people?
No. Why would I?
- I was kidding.
- Oh.
The knife thing is...
I carry this knife on my keychain,
which his mother got me, actually.
And I do this thing for his mom
where I pretend to cut myself,
but I retract the blade,
but I-I don't do it with him.
- That's fine.
- Are you okay?
Yeah, I must not have retracted
the blade all the way.
- Do you need...
- Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's fine.
What else can I tell you?
- Um, I think I have enough.
- You have enough?
- Are you sure you're okay?
- Totally. I'm fine.
Uh, well, I'll leave you guys for tonight.
Oh, okay.
I'll be in touch
if I have further questions.
Uh... Oh, thanks.
Oh, thanks. Um...
Thanks. Thank you for the water.
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Are you sure you're okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Oh. Sorry.
All right, let...
I think you turn the...
- Okay.
- Sorry.
Dad, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm just tired.
Dad, did she like us?
Yeah, she thought we were great.
Doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo, doo
You could drive a person crazy
You could drive a person mad
- Doo-doo
- Doo-doo
- Doo!
- First you make a person hazy
So a person could be had
- Doo-doo
- Doo-doo
But worse than that
A person that
Titillates a person
And leaves her flat
Is crazy
He's a troubled person
He's a truly crazy person himself
Knock-knock! Is anybody there?
Knock-knock! It really isn't fair
Knock-knock! I'm workin' all my charms
Knock-knock! A zombie's in my arms
All that sweet affection
What is wrong?
Where's the loose connection?
How long, oh Lord, how long?
You're crazy
You're a lovely person
You're a moving
Deeply maladjusted
Never to be trusted
Crazy person yourself
Bobby is my hobby
And I'm giving it up
Guys, slow down.
because Charlie dropped his claim
to New York,
we're mostly done.
Jay's lost interest,
and Ted, his associate,
is doing the paperwork.
And we're not taking any money, right?
We withdrew our claim for the MacArthur,
which I think
we could have gotten, by the way,
and they're not asking
for any of the show.
Thank you for everything, Nora.
You're welcome, doll.
To your new home in LA.
whenever Charlie is in LA,
I got the custody breakdown to be 55/45.
So you'll have Henry an extra day
every two weeks.
I thought we made it equal.
I tweaked it at the last minute.
I just didn't want him
to be able to say he got 50/50,
bragging to his friends.
- But I don't want to do that.
- Take it.
You won.
Hi. You look like a guy
who really cares about animals.
Oh, my God!
The couch was technically hers,
But I mean... it was our couch.
It's not like I was going to buy
another couch.
But then when it comes time to split,
it's suddenly her couch
and I have no couch, and...
Hey, guys, what's up?
I'm sitting on the floor
is the short version.
I'm sorry.
This is all so self-pitying and boring.
No, come on.
No, it's so stupid. I'm sorry.
- It sounds really tough.
- No, no, no, no. It is sad.
Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
To ruin your sleep
It's true, but there's more than that.
Is that all you think there is to it?
You have so many reasons
for not being with someone, Robert,
but you haven't got one good reason
for being alone.
C'mon, you're onto something.
Robbie, you're onto something.
Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pull you up short
To put you through hell
You see what you look for, you know?
You're not a kid anymore, Robbie.
I don't think you'll ever be
a kid again, kiddo.
Being alive
Being alive
Being alive
Blow out the candles, Robert,
and make a wish.
Want something.
Want something.
Somebody hold me too close
Somebody hurt me too deep
Somebody sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive
Being alive
Somebody need me too much
Somebody know me too well
Somebody pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive
Make me alive
Make me alive
Make me confused
Mock me with praise
Let me be used
Vary my days
But alone
Is alone
Not alive
Somebody crowd me with love
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through
I'll always be there
As frightened as you
To help us survive
Being alive
Being alive
Being alive
- Hi. Sorry, the door was open.
- Shh.
Oh, okay.
Whoa! Gotcha!
Oh, Charlie!
Oh! Was your flight okay?
- Yeah.
- Carter.
Nicole's still at work.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Can I get a hug?
- Hey, how'd it go?
- Hey.
Good, yeah. Donny's dead now. We shot
the scene where he merges with the ficus.
- Henry's upstairs.
- She got an Emmy nomination.
- She's a great actress.
- No, for directing.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
Now I know what you were
so obsessed with all the time.
- Um, we should get ready.
- Yeah.
- We're the Beatles.
- Come on, Charlie.
I didn't really get a costume together.
- You could be George Martin.
- I don't need to be anything.
- You've got to be something.
- A ghost. I'll get you a sheet.
I have the album cover
if anyone needs to reference it.
And we should leave soon. I'm saying that
as much for me as anyone else.
- Am I John or George?
- Trick-or-treating starts at 5:00.
You're George. Nicole is John.
I wanted to tell you
I took a residency at UCLA.
I'm going to direct two plays
in rep at REDCAT.
So, I'm going to be here for a while.
That's great.
Are you okay?
It's only good.
Can you help me with my zipper?
"Charlie is... in... cr..."
and I re-ly on him
to keep things in or-der.
He is energy con..."
- I don't know what this word is.
- You're getting so good at reading.
What is that?
"He doesn't look in the mirror too of-ten.
He cries eas-ily
in movies...
He is very self-suf..."
"He can dar-n a sock..."
That means sew, like a hole.
"...and cook himself dinner
and ir..."
Break it into two parts.
"...Ur. On."
Not "ur" but "ire."
Ire. On.
"...a shirt.
He rarely gets def-eated,
which I fell...
feel like I always do.
Charlie takes all of my moods stead-ily.
He doesn't give in to them
or make me feel bad about them.
He's a great dress-er
and never looks em..."
- I don't know this one.
- Embarrassing.
wh-ich is hard for a man."
You read it now.
"He's very competitive.
He loves being a dad.
He loves all the things
you're supposed to hate,
like the tantrums,
the waking up at night.
It's almost annoying
how much he likes it,
but then, it's mostly nice.
He disappears into his own world.
He and Henry are alike that way.
He can tell...
people they have food in their teeth
or on their face in a way
that doesn't make them feel bad.
Charlie is self made.
His parents, I only met them once,
but he told me
there was a lot of alcohol...
He moved to New York from Indiana
with no safety net,
and now he's more New Yorker
than any New Yorker.
He's brilliant at creating family
out of whoever is around.
With the theater company...
he casts a spell...
that made everyone feel included.
No one, not even an intern,
was unimportant."
What's an intern?
Uh, it's like a...
helper, but who isn't paid.
Why aren't they paid?
They're young, they're learning.
I don't know, maybe if they do a good job,
they get paid later.
Okay, keep going.
"He could remember all the inside jokes,
he's extremely organized and thorough,
he's very clear about what he wants,
unlike me who can't always tell.
I fell in love with him
two seconds after I saw him.
And I'll never stop loving him,
even though
it doesn't make sense anymore."
- See you. Good seeing you.
- Good seeing you too.
- Oh, Charlie!
- G-ma.
I'm so happy you came.
I'll email you that article.
- Yes, please do.
- Yeah.
- All right. Thank you.
- Take care.
We were going to bring him to dinner,
but he's so wiped out.
You want to take him?
- It's your night.
- I know.
- Yeah. I'll drop him back in the morning.
- Good.
Yeah, text me when you're up.
We'll figure something out.
You're going to go with your dad, okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah?
I love you.
I love you too.
Oh, hey.