Mass (2021) Movie Script

I'm late, I know.
Did anyone call?
JUDY: Kendra didn't call?
ANTHONY: No. No one.
That's good.
My son had a game
this morning,
and he wanted me to wait
for his dad to get there,
and then I got caught in
some traffic or an accident...
You got in an accident?
What? No, I got stuck
in the traffic of an accident.
What are you doing?
ANTHONY: Dishes.
Okay. Well, can you
come help me set up?
ANTHONY: What do
we need to set up?
The room, for the meeting.
Why are you doing dishes?
ANTHONY: No one cleaned up
from this morning.
JUDY: Oh, I'm so sorry.
That's very responsible
of you to...
Yeah. We got to tell them
to clean up after themselves.
I... I definitely did
tell them that.
What... Who was it? AA?
No, Al-Anon.
AA cleans up after themselves.
Okay. Well, can you, uh...
How about you do that
a little bit later
and what... You wanna come
help me set up this room?
I wanna set it up
before Kendra gets here.
Here. Help me
pull out this table.
Oh, careful. Careful, careful.
Oh, sorry. (CHUCKLES)
Let's see.
Center it a little more.
Hello. Hi.
- Judy?
- Yes.
Kendra Carter. Pleasure.
Well, this is very nice.
Thank you so much.
We think so too.
Most people just drive north
to St. Thomas these days,
but we find plenty to do here.
So where will they be meeting?
Oh. Um, right. I'm sorry.
I'm taking too long.
Sorry. I don't mean
to be rude, I just...
No, no, no, you're not
being rude. This is...
That's a really
wonderful question.
They're in a room downstairs.
Here, follow me.
JUDY: We usually have
meetings down here,
but the reverend thought
they might need
a little more privacy,
so we're gonna
put them in the back.
Well, if you think it's best.
I do. I do.
I think it's lighter,
it has better...
You know, it's nicer.
And Linda approved it?
I've never actually met Linda.
She's not a parishioner
here. So...
But she's seen it?
Um, well, she met with
the reverend here privately,
uh, several times.
So I'm assuming that she did.
- KENDRA: Uh...
- Oh.
Will we hear this music
back there?
Oh, shoot.
Yeah, that's a problem.
It might be. Can they stop?
Uh, they have lessons today.
Can't we just close the doors?
I don't want it
to be a distraction.
You know what?
I'm gonna talk to them.
- It'll be fine.
- Thank you.
Absolutely. Uh, do you
want to see the room?
- Yes, please.
- Okay.
What do you think?
It's better back here.
Oh, right.
Sorry. I was told no one would
be in the building is all.
Oh, yeah. Um, I'm sorry.
We usually have them practice
down here.
But they're... We moved them
to the church.
Okay, so will anyone else
be in here?
The choir's rehearsing
for tomorrow.
Oh, right. I'm so sorry
that I moved the chairs.
Oh, no, it's fine.
But they're rehearsing
up in the church though?
That should be fine.
Anthony, can you,
um, go downstairs
and get the snacks that
I brought and bring them up
and set them up
on the far table over there?
Thank you.
But the room's okay?
KENDRA: I think so.
We got some bagels and
some water and, um, coffee.
I'm gonna make
some great coffee.
That's a nice idea.
Okay. Um, and the...
Sorry about the chairs,
- but the table is okay?
- The table?
The placement of the table
is good for you?
- It's fine.
- For the...?
Okay. Great.
That's great.
of the table's great.
Do you have tissues?
Like a tissue box?
Yeah, we have some
right over here.
That's a really great idea.
Of course.
All right. Now we're
getting somewhere. Um...
How many people
are coming, again?
- JUDY: Why?
- There'll be four of them.
You got, like, a lot of food.
I don't think
they'll be eating.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...
- What's this?
That's my lunch.
You can put that away. Um...
Sorry. I thought that
I should have some food.
Yeah, no, no.
It's a really nice thought.
I just... I don't think we
need to put all of that out.
- It's... We shouldn't.
- JUDY: Right.
Right. Okay.
So how long have you worked
with the families?
- Anthony. That...
- What?
KENDRA: That's okay.
Just the one family.
But six years now.
- Wow.
- Oh, wow.
Were you working with
the family before the...?
No, no, no. It's how we met.
- Can we move these?
- JUDY: Yes, absolutely.
- Thank you.
- Have they done this before?
Anthony, that's none
of our business.
Have you printed out
for tomorrow?
- I did.
- Okay,
did you fold for tomorrow?
- Sorry about him.
- No, he's fine.
We were gonna
give him the day off,
but then his family, they
really need to keep him busy.
You don't need to explain.
Okay, that's good of you.
I mean, he's really sweet,
most of the time. (CHUCKLES)
But he's not your typical,
uh, church employee.
But then again,
we are Episcopalian. (LAUGHS)
Sorry, that's just
a little Christian humor.
Oh, no, don't put it
in the center.
- Oh.
- It looks freaky.
Uh, put it to the side
or maybe back over there,
so they see it,
but you know...
Right. I'm sorry. Of course.
So where...? Are you gonna be
doing all of this
in here with them or...?
KENDRA: No, they've, uh,
they've agreed to be alone.
Well, um, you can
come hang with us.
We're, um...
We have a lot of room
and we have great Wi-Fi.
Um, I have a few calls
I need to make
so I'll probably
just work from the car.
JUDY: Oh, no, that's sad.
You should stay with us.
You can have the
reverend's whole office.
Oh, okay, we'll figure it out.
- JUDY: Okay.
- Um...
What are these?
Oh, yeah.
Aren't those really neat?
That was a school project.
It's supposed to be
stained glass. (CHUCKLES)
Is there something wrong?
It's fine. You know what?
I'm... I'm gonna step out
and make a call. Okay?
- Sure, yes.
- Thanks.
Yes, please. Take your time.
Okay, that's it. Here we are.
I know. Keep driving.
Just... I'm not... Not now.
I'm not ready yet.
Just keep driving.
I don't know where we are.
Anywhere. Just go. Just drive.
Pull up around the corner
there, over there somewhere.
- Just go!
- Okay. Okay.
Hi, Linda. No problem.
I'm here. Take your time.
Have you spoken with Richard?
GAIL: What the hell
are we doing here?
- Are you gonna be all right?
I don't know.
- Okay.
- No, I don't know if I can...
I don't know if I can do it.
Well, we don't have to.
We could just
turn around and leave.
If that's what you want.
I mean, I don't think
I can say it.
Well, you know,
you don't have to.
We could just go there
and listen to what
they have to say.
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.
- All right?
If I don't, would you?
I'm sorry. That's not fair.
No, it's...
You know, it's not...
I wouldn't, but...
Come on.
Are you ready to go back?
All right.
We can discuss that
when I get back
day after tomorrow.
Oh, dear.
KENDRA: Mr. and Mrs. Perry?
Jay, please. Kendra?
JAY: Gail?
- Hi. Jay Perry.
- Oh, hi.
- This is my wife, Gail.
- My name is Judy.
- Hello.
- Hi, Judy.
- I'm Jay.
Hi. Thank you
so much for coming.
Thank you for, uh,
providing the space.
Oh, absolutely.
We're so happy we could help.
Well, we have you all set up
right back here.
Oh, yeah. We have some food...
...and some coffee, and some
water. Do y'all want anything?
I think we're good
for now. Right?
I'm fine.
KENDRA: Thank you, Judy.
JUDY: Yeah, thank you.
Should... Do you want me
to show you the space?
No, I'll show them. Thank you.
Okay, great. It's so lovely
to meet both of you, so much.
- Thank you.
- You can follow me.
KENDRA: Right here.
KENDRA: Is the room
okay for you?
JAY: Uh...
Table, chairs,
Jesus watching us.
It's great.
Okay. Well, I know
we've gotten your signatures
on everything,
and you're all squared away
as far as our offices
are concerned.
But... while it's just
the three of us,
is there anything
you want to ask me?
I think we're okay.
Will they be here soon?
KENDRA: I just
spoke with them.
They should be here
any minute.
- Oh.
- Would you be okay
if I left you alone
for just a bit?
Absolutely. Sure.
KENDRA: I'll be right back.
KENDRA: Hi. No, I'm outside.
Oh, I... I see you.
KENDRA: We're right in here.
- Hello.
- JAY: Hi.
Richard, Linda, this is Jay
and Gail Perry.
We've met, actually.
It was a long time ago.
How are you?
Yeah, we're fine. Thanks.
Have you been waiting long?
No, we just got here.
We haven't even sat down.
How's the room? Okay?
- It's fine.
- I thought so.
I'm fine.
KENDRA: Okay, good.
I brought these for you.
Oh. Oh.
- I'm sorry.
- GAIL: No, they're...
No, they're very nice.
Thank you.
Should we sit?
Yeah, let's take a seat.
Take your coat?
Well, we've... we've spoken.
Yeah, we're all sorted.
We are. Yes.
Well, I'm grateful to see
you all together finally.
May I say that?
And I'm hopeful that
we all think
that this was
a good thing to do
by the time
we leave here today.
Is that okay?
- Yes.
- Thanks, Kendra.
KENDRA: All right, well,
I'm going to leave you alone.
Let me know
if you need anything.
Nice to meet you both.
- You too.
- KENDRA: Mmm-hmm.
You wanna maybe just...
These are nice.
LINDA: Thank you.
I wanted to bring something.
Uh, I tried to pick
what's available
or seasonal, which isn't much.
- You made this?
- Yeah. Sort of a new hobby.
Thank you.
LINDA: Sure.
I'm sorry. Just...
I don't want to be rude.
But could we just, like,
while we're talking,
- just put these somewhere?
- Of course.
- No, no, no, I'll take it.
- JAY: Okay.
- I'm so sorry.
- JAY: No.
- Thank you.
- LINDA: Oh, sure.
You know that... Okay.
How was your trip down here?
Drive. We drove.
Yeah. It was fine.
Did you drive or...?
RICHARD: I flew in last night.
I'm leaving this afternoon.
Oh, okay. Right.
Will you be driving
back tonight or...?
We have a room,
hotel arranged,
but we may not
want to stay over.
- LINDA: Head back?
- Right.
So, um, look, thank you
for agreeing to meet us
and together.
Oh, you're welcome.
I appreciate you, all of you,
making the journey.
I know I'm not easy to get to.
We're happy to come
to you, Linda.
I mean, yes, and I, uh...
We want to start
by saying that
we, uh, regret some of
the things that we said.
Oh, don't, don't be regretful.
We wish we didn't have to rely
so much on our attorneys.
But, uh, now it's really just
to protect our son.
- Steven.
- JAY: Mmm.
Yeah. How's he doing?
RICHARD: He's doing very well.
Thank you for asking.
They're in Baltimore now,
not far from me.
They have a little boy
on the way.
JAY: That's great.
Thank you. And how is Sophie?
- How's your daughter?
- JAY: She's, uh...
- She's doing fine.
- She's much better.
She's made a lot of progress
the last year.
She's looking at, uh,
applying to schools now,
college, for the fall.
Oh, that's wonderful.
- That's great.
- JAY: Thanks.
RICHARD: That's great.
That's great.
- JAY: Yeah.
- Um...
Did you guys
bring photos or...?
Yes, yes. I...
There was some talk
of maybe, uh...
it would be good
to share them. I don't know.
Gail, do you wanna...?
And I also brought
other things to share.
Yep. Kendra said
you might do that. Sure.
LINDA: Okay, good.
I don't know
if this is a good time for...
Do you wanna wait
till they go?
No. I'm okay.
No? Okay, so maybe
we should just...
No. We agreed, so... here.
Here. This is Sophie.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh, she's beautiful.
- Oh, she's a young lady now.
JAY: Yeah.
She's grown up a lot.
LINDA: Oh, oh.
JAY: Yeah.
- Oh.
- GAIL: And this is, uh...
I'd like to see them.
This is Evan
when he was three.
- Oh, my goodness.
- What's he got there?
- He's so sweet.
- JAY: It's, uh...
It's one of those,
uh, roller thing...
Push that thing everywhere
and balls would bounce,
would pop.
They'd pop out of it,
yeah. Yeah.
RICHARD: Oh, right,
I remember those.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you have the...
his catcher picture?
Bring the catcher picture?
Yeah, we have it.
We brought it.
Okay. You wanna...?
Oh. Here it is.
I think he was about 12.
Little League.
He was a good athlete,
wasn't he?
JAY: Yeah, he was really good
at sports.
Look at him.
I mean, he liked
a lot of things.
He was, you know...
Sung in a band, Model UN,
a lot of stuff.
But, yeah, he was
a very good athlete.
The... It's a funny thing,
but the catcher outfit...
He didn't want
to play catcher.
He just liked the gear.
LINDA: Oh, he liked the gear.
- Yeah.
- LINDA: Oh.
So, um, do we have
one of all of us, or...?
Of course. Lots.
We had to print
a lot of photos out.
Nobody has
photographs anymore.
- Right?
- LINDA: Yeah.
It's nice to hold something.
Not just, you know...
- LINDA: It is.
- This is us.
- JAY: That's...
- That's the last Christmas.
Yeah, we were always...
We made them all dress up.
"Cheesy," we're saying there.
We're not saying cheese.
Our family never did.
They thought we were so stupid
because... Ridiculous.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- JAY: Yeah.
- No, I'm sorry.
- GAIL: Here.
RICHARD: No, don't be, Linda.
No, no, maybe we should...
- Okay.
- I wanted to share too.
No, I wanted to share
ours too, but...
It's hard.
LINDA: It is.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
If I could just
show you something?
No, we don't have to.
- LINDA: No?
- No, no, no, no.
Maybe it wasn't a good idea.
No, I want to.
I brought something.
Uh, it's easier.
It's not photos.
But is that okay, Gail?
LINDA: Okay. Right.
So, this is...
JAY: Oh, wow.
He used to carry this
all the time.
When? Fourth and
fifth grade, right?
No, younger than that.
What am I looking at?
Well, he used to love
to collect snails.
He was just fascinated
by snails.
And he would collect them
in this jar.
And he would carry them around
with him wherever he went.
But, um, kids...
thought it was weird.
It was, a little.
He just loved them.
But there were problems
with keeping them this way.
He would just get
so upset, you know.
And when snails break,
it's... No.
So one day,
he showed up with this.
Paper snails. See?
- Yeah.
- There's leaves and a flower.
And I think this is a rock.
JAY: Uh-huh.
- It's a garden for the snails.
- Right.
And he said,
"This way, they won't die."
I think it's so, so clever.
Yeah, that is.
I thought it...
I thought it was.
And then when
I had my concerns...
You did?
Oh, not...
About his sensitivity.
Although, really,
I was happy for him to...
Find a solution.
He was always determined
to find a solution.
Yeah. I was happy that he was.
Well, thank you.
JAY: Thank you
- for sharing that, Linda.
- Yeah.
I just wanted to, um,
show you something.
- JAY: Mmm-hmm.
- The...
So, your daughter.
She's doing well?
- Yeah.
- She's doing well, yes.
Yeah, she's gonna
be fine. Yeah.
She's a lot more sociable
than she was.
Or she's, um...
Actually, we miss her.
Now, she's out too much.
She's dating.
I don't know
if she's actually...
She's dating.
Oh. Well, there you go.
So she's, uh...
She's starting to be
a lot more herself.
LINDA: Oh. That's wonderful.
Yeah. She's made
a lot of progress.
LINDA: Oh. That's wonderful.
You mentioned to Linda
that you've made
some progress yourself, um,
in your letters.
A therapist?
Oh, I'm sorry,
I did share that.
I did share it with him.
She just mentioned.
Um, you mentioned that you
found someone who's been...
Yes, she's been very helpful.
That's right.
LINDA: That's good.
Yeah, that's...
She's... She was...
Well, she is a big reason
why we're here.
Okay, so you both see her.
Well, um...
- We do.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And she has encouraged us
to express ourselves today,
but not to interrogate,
that's important,
to be curious,
and not defensive...
Not vindictive.
- She said "vindictive."
- Not defensive?
No, if we are vindictive.
All right. Sorry.
It doesn't matter.
The point is that
we're not here to attack you,
and we've promised that.
But we've felt everything
that we've said.
Right? We're not...
We're not going to apologize
for our feelings.
Thank you for your honesty.
We want to listen,
and we want to heal.
RICHARD: Of course.
You know, your letters
meant so much to me.
Even the hard ones,
I really...
I really appreciate them.
We can tell that you've done
a lot of work, continue to,
and I don't just mean
what you've done publicly.
But it is admirable how you
put yourselves out there.
Uh, we actually, Linda and I,
have, um, followed
your work for years.
- JAY: Right.
- Well, everyone's...
- Yeah, everyone's, but...
- Well, thank you.
But I... I don't get any
pleasure from it, you know.
RICHARD: It can be defeating,
that kind of activism.
Yes, it can,
but I don't like that word.
I'm not...
I wouldn't know what else
to do with myself.
Your persistence is admirable.
Well, thank you.
But we're really not here
today to talk about that.
Oh, I don't think
it's not relevant.
You don't believe,
as a country,
we are meeting
our obligations.
Well, I didn't... That...
I was quoting President Obama.
No, I don't. I think
we're killing each other.
- We are.
- I don't disagree.
But there are just
so many factors that...
You know, it's not about
one thing or the other. It...
Yeah. Sorry.
No. Go ahead.
It's just, I promised I
wouldn't talk about it today.
- We don't have to.
- No.
It's just...
Can I just say that
it's not whether
it's one thing or the other.
That's the fallacy.
That's their whole
distraction, or defense.
You know, "Don't look
over here by guns.
"Look over there
by mental health,"
as if, you know, it's not
possible to address both.
It's insulting.
Yes, we can. But if your child
wanted to hurt himself,
would you only remove
the dangerous items
from the house?
No. You'd want to help him.
You'd want to find out
what was wrong
and you'd want to change that.
Hey, why are we
talking about this?
Why are we talking about this?
I didn't come here
to listen to this.
Yeah, okay. I'm sorry.
- I didn't mean to offend.
- GAIL: Oh.
I just think that we find,
through blame,
our means to change,
and I want to question that.
I want to look at everything
because I blame myself,
and I can't change that.
What do you mean?
- I can't...
- When you say that,
what do you... What do you
mean when you say that?
I can't change what I've done.
You... So you blame yourself?
I'm asking...
- Do you blame yourself?
- JAY: Hey.
No, I want to know.
I didn't come here
to talk fucking politics.
I wanna know.
We don't wanna interrogate.
I can imagine how hard it is
to live with his actions.
- RICHARD: It is.
- But our loss...
Please just tell me
what you mean by that.
When you talk about blame
on your part,
I want to know
what you're referring to.
There is nothing that wasn't
covered in the depositions.
But I want to hear it now.
We never filed against you.
We never took part
in any of that.
Maybe a better way
than interrogating
- is to learn what we remember.
- Fine. Fine.
So... tell me
what you remember.
Tell me about your son.
What would you like to know?
GAIL: Everything, I want
to know everything.
Why do I want to know
about your son?
Because he killed mine.
How far back
would you like to go?
Wherever you need.
Because I can
tell you everything.
But there's so much
that no one will ever know.
He was shy, always.
Even as a baby.
We watched him.
But I wasn't concerned.
I saw things
that no one else saw.
He didn't play well
with others.
Not that he was mean.
He just didn't seem
to know how to.
And later, when he was older,
he only wanted to be outside.
He loved the outdoors.
I know this. No, I know this.
I mean, he was shy,
he loved animals.
I've read everything.
I don't know what
you want me to say.
What did worry you?
You said you never worried,
but what scared you?
My son never scared me
as a child.
The photographs I have,
the ones we don't
want to look at...
I don't need
to see them. Okay?
- JAY: That's not why we...
- I don't need to see him.
- Sure. Okay.
- I want to know what changed.
When he was 13,
he started going online.
He started that gaming
profile, that account.
RICHARD: They weren't
violent games then.
I know that, but...
LINDA: They were
fantasy games, like role-play.
Yeah, I know that.
But it was still
the same account
that he used later on.
So I'm just asking,
what changed?
RICHARD: That's very
hard to answer.
- GAIL: Well, please try.
- It's not just one thing.
Then tell me
more than one thing.
JAY: Okay, Gail.
Let's not do it like this.
- Okay?
- GAIL: Okay.
All right.
GAIL: You're right.
- I'm sorry.
- JAY: Yeah, yeah. Just...
We're not interrogating.
LINDA: Then what
are you doing?
I say that as compassionately
as I can.
What are we doing?
You say you want to heal.
We all do.
Is this how?
I think, uh,
we wanna know why...
How this happened.
- Right?
- Mmm.
I mean, we...
We need to hear that.
We need your help with that.
I'm willing to help.
We moved.
You asked what changed.
We moved.
We did,
but we can't be certain
which changes
affected him most.
The new school
with a new environment.
It's very, very hard.
Hayden didn't have
close friends,
growing up,
as you probably know.
But by middle school,
that mattered more,
and it affected him.
A lot of things changed
at that age.
I had a new job.
Steven was applying
for colleges.
So we were looking at tuition
costs, private schools.
We moved.
Our older house
had more space.
Outdoors, but where
we moved to actually
was a much bigger home.
LINDA: That's true.
But where we were
had a great backyard.
The new neighborhood
was very nice.
It was just more suburban.
There wasn't the freedom
he was used to.
But it was nice.
It was, Richard.
The new school
was very hard for him,
seventh grade in particular.
LINDA: Yes, it was...
it was very bad.
Yes. And the boys were
a few years apart.
So Steven, who was really
thriving in high school,
he didn't have a lot
to give Hayden
at that time, unfortunately.
Sometimes I wish that
the boys had been closer,
closer in age so that they
could've shared friends.
We never planned or expected
to have another.
LINDA: I think
he was lonely, uh,
and I think he missed
how things were.
And that's when
he began to spend
more time on the computer.
The games, you know,
we thought they were creative.
We encouraged them at first.
He could make choices.
He could be whatever
he wanted to be.
And we could hear him
playing with others,
and he would laugh,
which made me...
I'm very sorry.
Uh, and he was
doing well in school.
I mean, yeah, which
was confusing and misleading.
He always had
very good grades.
- He was first...
- GAIL: Yeah, I know.
- I'm sorry. I... I just...
- RICHARD: That's fine.
We had nothing to do
with publishing his grades
or scores, any of that.
Yeah, well, you didn't
speak out about anything.
I was only saying that...
Well, we mistakenly thought
his grades were a sign
that things were okay.
- That's not all.
- It is, Richard.
We thought that's
what mattered.
He wasn't fitting in. It hurt.
The good grades made us
- look past some of it.
- LINDA: Okay.
Why didn't the school
say anything?
This was middle school.
I know. But why?
The school couldn't
be bothered.
He was quiet,
and he was doing well.
He didn't require attention.
But there was a teacher,
a math teacher
in the eighth grade...
Hayden loved him.
I don't know
what the connection was,
or why it was so great.
But he made him feel confident
when he didn't.
I wish I had...
When he was really
struggling later on,
I tried to see
if he could talk to him.
But he had left for another
school. And I didn't...
I gave up looking
for him. I...
- I'm sorry.
- That's... That's okay.
He was teased because
he had other interests.
I think it made
him embarrassed
to have those other interests.
He saw being different
as a deficit,
and we didn't know it
or realize it
until he showed signs
of depression.
He didn't strike you
as being sad before?
Quiet, but no.
- Violent?
- RICHARD: No, not then.
When we grew concerned,
we got help.
GAIL: When was that?
His medical records
were made public.
We know the timeline.
We read everything.
- We want...
- But what specifically?
RICHARD: It was his
unwillingness to do things.
When Steven left for college,
he became angry
at our attention for him.
What would be wrong with that?
I think he resented
our concern.
He wouldn't even
let us touch him.
So that's when
you got him help?
- He didn't want to...
- He never did.
We finally forced him
to see someone.
And we didn't feel
we had a choice.
But he begged us to stop.
He pleaded with us
to let him be normal,
or that he didn't
need it anymore.
He said the sessions
made him feel not...
Not human.
He said that?
RICHARD: The therapist said
he needs to stop isolating.
It's only reinforcing
his negative expectations.
All this time online is not
enhancing his relationships.
It's making him lonelier.
So, you just let him
stop going?
For a while.
And then things would change
or something would happen...
- JAY: Like the pipe bomb.
- ...and we'd go through it
again. Yes. Yes.
That certainly
had consequences.
(SARCASTICALLY) Consequences.
RICHARD: At the time, it did.
He was arrested.
There was no consequence.
I know how that sounds,
but we were devastated.
And we tried everything.
Was the doctor good enough?
Would they get
the prescription right?
Did they take insurance?
I mean, of course
we would have paid anything,
but it was expensive.
I'm just saying, this was
the reality of how it was,
how defeating,
and even with all
the professional advice,
it came down
to the two of us alone,
making the choices.
And we tried,
over and over again.
- You can see.
- RICHARD: It's true.
There is no new information
regarding his criminal
or medical records.
You have access to everything.
Why didn't you
tell the school?
This was high school.
We didn't have to.
LINDA: He had just
started there...
- What?
- ...and...
I didn't want it
to reflect badly on him.
If we thought
he was dangerous...
Oh, God.
- I'm sorry.
- As long as he completed
- his program, his reports...
- Jesus Christ.
The program was a joke.
RICHARD: They made mistakes.
They missed things.
We all did.
But he was lying.
GAIL: What?
Did you know that?
I suspected that he
was holding things back,
but I never, never
could have believed...
RICHARD: I understand
not speaking publicly
made it look like
we had secrets.
I don't... I'm...
It's not secrets
that I have doubts
about, though.
Or facts. It's... Knowing.
It's parents' intuition, hmm?
You feel it.
It should hurt you.
LINDA: It did.
And we got him help.
RICHARD: We didn't know.
And everything that
happened afterwards,
the lawsuits, the media,
the hate that flooded
into our lives,
never once did we feel ready
or prepared for any of it.
We just did the best
to survive.
So why not speak?
Because I didn't
have an answer.
Why not help prevent this
from happening again?
Because I don't know how.
JAY: That's why
you didn't speak.
You had no answers. No idea.
Just understand that until
the civil statutes ran out,
we were rarely given
permission to speak.
Even our apologies
had to be worded.
Linda couldn't join
a mothers' support group
because they worried that
she'd put the other women
at risk.
- At risk?
- RICHARD: Of being deposed.
I didn't know that.
Well, look...
A lot of what happened in
the aftermath was wrong.
We know now a lot of mistakes
were made,
even from the beginning,
just institutionally,
legally, everything.
But we didn't sue
and we're not gonna.
We signed all those waivers
for today.
We didn't want anything.
We wanted Evan back.
JAY: Yeah,
and that was impossible.
In hindsight, we would have
done things differently.
The authorities would have,
too. There was negligence.
That was the basis
of all the settlements, but...
Where's your regret?
That's what we want
to see. Right?
Where is your regret?
RICHARD: I regret everything.
The worst outcome
imaginable happened.
Any change I might have made
could have resulted
in a different outcome.
I regret everything.
How can you be
so matter-of-fact?
How else can I be?
I don't know. The way you can
just talk about it so...
Look, we decided
against litigation.
But that doesn't mean
that we don't
want to see you in pain.
We want to see you punished.
We want to see that you hurt.
- Like everyone else.
- JAY: Like everyone else.
- Like you.
- Yeah, like me, like us.
Like our daughter,
who doesn't sleep.
GAIL: Jay...
JAY: Fine.
Okay, he has this boy
who makes a pipe bomb,
a pipe bomb.
And he's arrested.
He was put in this program.
I was scared.
We were, Richard.
We were scared.
I was scared.
You were?
LINDA: I was.
RICHARD: He told us before
he had contemplated suicide.
But it was only on that test
that he mentioned
thoughts of homicide.
We were scared.
But I was trying to see
the best possible outcome.
We should have done
something then.
- RICHARD: Now...
- We should have,
we should have...
RICHARD: Of course now,
but what?
And I couldn't accept that he
would throw away his future
because of a homemade bomb,
Linda. Please.
GAIL: Where did this interest
in bombs come from?
Didn't it surprise you at all?
RICHARD: We didn't know,
anywhere. Yes. It surprised
us. It shocked us.
LINDA: He said
he read it online.
He said he was bored.
RICHARD: He said it was
just something to do.
"I'm not the only one."
- GAIL: What?
- Yes, that's what he said.
And once he'd made it,
he figured he'd set it off.
He went back to the woods.
LINDA: Where we used to live.
RICHARD: No one was around.
He wasn't trying to...
He didn't...
We hoped it was
what he said it was.
Later on, when we found
more plans in his room,
he said there was good money
in artillery engineering,
working in the
Defense Department.
That was his excuse.
You couldn't have
believed that.
RICHARD: We knew
nothing about it.
After everything, no.
How could you
have believed that?
Because I wanted to.
He told me things.
He did.
I thought he confided in me.
But now I know that some
of the things he told me were
purposefully deceitful,
to keep me away.
We really did think
he was turning things around.
We had plans for the summer.
For college.
We were told that once...
I'm sorry.
...once someone
decides their fate,
they do find some happiness.
They can even appear euphoric.
Those last few months,
we were happy.
He checked off
homicidal thoughts.
RICHARD: His therapist said
that was normal.
GAIL: Normal?
RICHARD: For a young man
to be angry.
Why ask the question
if you choose to ignore it?
Your neighbor
called the police.
He called us, not the police.
About a year before.
That was a bad night.
We would try to calm him down,
minimize whatever it was
that was bothering him.
I think that, in the end,
it may have only
intensified his feelings.
He could be frightening.
RICHARD: He would
get frustrated, easily.
Frustrated with things
he couldn't figure out.
And that would...
- Embarrass him.
And it was always hard for him
to ask for help.
But eventually, he just...
...stopped asking entirely.
Maybe my expectations
for him were too high.
I'd let it go,
thinking not to bother him.
But then, I...
I'd just be letting him go.
I've done my accounting.
There isn't a criticism
I haven't heard
or placed upon myself.
We were not impassive,
as you've said.
- What...?
- RICHARD: Indifferent.
You didn't speak out.
You said nothing.
- We released a statement.
- JAY: That's bullshit.
"Thoughts and prayers."
That's it?
When we asked for privacy,
we were accused
of hiding something.
You didn't deserve privacy.
You don't deserve privacy.
You should have
said something.
What should we say?
- I'm asking you.
- JAY: You...
No, I'm asking you. No.
- No, no. What would we say?
- I don't know.
You said that when it
happened, you weren't...
I'm asking you.
What should we say?
That when it happened,
- that some part of you knew.
- LINDA: No.
What should we say?
That when it happened,
that some part of you
wasn't surprised.
We were surprised.
We didn't know what happened.
I still don't know.
I came home from work
and the phone rang.
His friend called the house
to see if he was there.
I said, "Aren't you
both in school?"
I didn't...
He said he hadn't
seen Hayden all day,
that something happened.
Something was happening.
I had no idea...
Even when I turned on
the television.
I saw the school from above.
I... I...
...what he could have
been talking about.
We didn't know.
His friend.
This was Alex. Right?
- Yeah. Who knew.
No. He suspected.
JAY: They were
his father's guns.
He didn't know
Hayden had taken them.
He thought... He thought
to ask you to go look.
So he must have
thought about it...
RICHARD: He asked
because it had happened.
He was there.
None of us knew yet.
"Go and look in his bedroom."
- He said... The closet.
- Yes. Yes.
It was Alex.
He said he wasn't
answering his phone
and that no one had seen him,
could I check?
Yes. I didn't understand
what I was even looking for.
I thought he would tell me.
He just kept crying
and saying, "I'm sorry."
I thought he did something.
We all did.
None of us knew that
Alex's family had guns
or that Hayden had used them.
We learned all of that after.
Where were you when...?
RICHARD: I was working.
I have events out of order,
A friend, a colleague,
called me out of my office,
- and the television was on...
- JAY: Wait, wait. Stop. Stop.
We don't wanna hear...
We don't need to hear this.
We just want to know
why you didn't do something,
why you couldn't
say something.
GAIL: I want to.
- What?
- I want to hear.
JAY: What's the point? Why?
I know. I want to hear.
I called you.
Yes. But it was...
hard for us to speak.
LINDA: I tried,
but I couldn't.
I could tell.
So I feared the worst.
But I hadn't...
You said, "He was never here."
LINDA: His room. It was...
His bed was made,
and there was this notebook
on his pillow.
I'd never seen it before.
It was worn and marked.
Oh, I was so scared.
It must have been there
all day, all night.
I didn't know what
she had seen yet.
I was just trying to get home.
And at one point, I thought,
"Why am I going home?
I need to get to the school."
And then I got a call
from my sister.
She kept telling me
to pull over,
and I said I will not.
I would not stop driving,
and then
we were both crying.
So I just...
I don't remember.
I pulled on to our street,
and I guess that's where
I wanted to go, and...
- But I was too late.
- Hmm.
Hundreds of them,
all in black.
So sudden, and helicopters...
Couldn't get near
our driveway,
so I just left the car.
I still don't know
who moved it back.
They kept us apart.
They made me wait outside
while they searched the house.
They kept me in the backyard.
I kept saying
it was a mistake. It was...
There was a young policeman
watching me
to make sure I didn't,
I learned this after,
hurt myself.
Finally, I said,
"Is my son dead?"
(SNIFFLES) And he said,
not unkindly,
"But that's all
I can tell you."
As if... (SCOFFS)
RICHARD: It was wrong what
they did, keeping us apart.
It was wrong.
LINDA: It was, Richard.
they didn't have to.
I kept asking, demanding,
to see my wife.
I begged, Linda.
It's not our fault, Richard.
It was wrong.
It was.
There were many times
I wished he had killed me too.
But he loved us.
He told us.
He said he was sorry for what
he would put us through.
RICHARD: In his notebook.
JAY: Yeah.
He destroyed your lives.
All of our lives.
He did. But the love we had,
it was real!
And the truth is, we believed
we were good parents.
And in some awful,
confusing way, we still do.
Isn't it worse that I thought
I was a good mother? (SOBS)
I love my children.
Other parents...
I wasn't so different.
How did I do things
so differently?
That makes it...
It's very hard to trust
anything anymore.
I raised a murderer.
(SNIFFLES) And sometimes I...
I don't know
if I'm still grieving
or if I ever really have.
The service was in secret.
No local church
would memorialize him.
Richard had to beg
to bury his son.
And when we finally found
a place, I was so ashamed.
Their kindness...
You're supposed to
tell stories. We hid.
Many friends, our friends,
didn't know what to say.
- They didn't come.
- No.
We had our closest relatives
with us, good friends.
I remember looking
at the clock.
We were so overwhelmed
with blame.
Our financial situation
was impossible.
Grief felt like something
out of reach.
I didn't stop him
because I didn't know.
And I didn't say anything
because I didn't know
what to say.
And I'm sorry.
I never thought I had
enough good to say.
I want answers. I do.
I have to reconcile
his actions
with the child
I loved and raised.
But maybe there are none.
And maybe we're
the last people to ask.
"We know the hate."
Joy Murphy's parents
used to say that.
Remember their church?
"We need not know why the hate
for we know the hate,"
or some stupid thing.
Are these for us?
I'm sure it's all right.
Does anybody want one?
- No, thank you.
- I can't breathe in this room.
That whole church movement
thing afterwards
made me so angry.
What? The devil?
Trust the Catholic Church
to come up
with the most
bankrupt response.
This is an Episcopal Church.
Okay, I don't know. I'm...
I'm Christian.
I'm not religious.
They recycle here or...?
Just leave it.
At least they found
acceptance first.
Yeah. At least
they understood it for...
I don't know.
But for the rest of us
who need reason,
we need to look
at what he was.
We knew he was troubled,
just not how capable.
I believe you. You didn't...
I'm asking because
a psychiatrist
told us afterwards
that he wouldn't have
shared his problems.
That he probably
couldn't. That...
LINDA: We thought he might
with his friends.
We asked him to.
He finally started making
friends again, in high school.
He found a good group.
(SCOFFS) A good group?
Alex, who showed him
where his family's guns were?
Hayden stole those guns.
His friends had nothing
to do with it.
That group that went
to the gun ranges,
that sat up all day and night
playing Call of Duty.
RICHARD: It's a video game.
They're simulations.
And how many visits
to the gun range?
- Only two.
- No, that we know of.
And any... You don't
need to go anymore
with these games now.
If you'd allow me to finish
addressing your point,
I'm just saying that
by the end of his life,
whatever was going on inside,
he seemed popular,
- for him, in his circle.
- Fine. Sure.
Okay, but I'm talking about
something different.
And I'm just saying
that we couldn't know
how isolated he was
because he was popular.
Or not... That's not
the right word, I know.
But we couldn't know the level
of intimacy in his social life
from where he had been.
We were just happy for him
to have a social life.
Okay. That isolation...
But he was bullied
in high school.
LINDA: Not by his friends.
But still.
They all told the police
how often he talked about
killing certain students.
They said they all
talked like that.
His group of friends
experienced a lot of bullying.
JAY: Well, that's fine.
I don't care.
Sorry. If I could
just get this out.
That isolation, that...
Even with friends,
that detachment,
sometimes indicative of a lack
of feeling, of empathy.
Now add to that
thousands of hours online
and no real human contact.
I'm just... This is how
the psychiatrist explained it.
We understand the psychology.
Okay, then, maybe you
know about the studies
using fMRI, brain scans,
where they say
they can see a response,
or lack of response,
in the brain.
There's actually
less connections,
less matter in the prefrontal
cortex and the amygdala.
GAIL: Jay, Jay...
JAY: No, please, wait.
I'm just...
Have you heard
of mirror neurons?
Jesus, Jay,
we're not qualified.
I'm not an expert, okay,
but I'm trying... I think...
This could be helpful.
I don't know, the basic idea.
If we could have seen,
we could have been able
to predict something.
You know, the doctors,
with these tests,
what they can show...
RICHARD: I know.
They show certain
pictures or words
that should generate
a response,
an emotion or a feeling,
but they don't.
Exactly. And people
diagnosed with psychopathy...
- My son was empathetic.
RICHARD: He felt a great deal.
JAY: Well, maybe he was.
Maybe you didn't know
what he was feeling.
Maybe he was hiding things.
My son was not a psychopath.
He was in terrible pain.
Maybe not treatable, right?
Because did anything
ever work?
I mean, how many
medication? Drugs?
I mean, if it's in
the structure of the brain,
you know, then it's not just
pathological, it's physical.
I understand
what you want to say.
So that it's not high school,
middle school,
moving, whatever.
It's him.
Do you remember Evan
as a baby?
I feel Hayden as my baby
every day.
His helplessness.
His crying, then his smile.
I don't believe
in what you're saying.
GAIL: Linda, something
must have happened.
- RICHARD: There was no abuse.
- Not just abuse.
RICHARD: Neglect? We were
there whenever we could be.
And sometimes, you can't be.
I know that.
But we have to
correct their course
when we do have them.
RICHARD: So we failed.
I know that.
And I did everything
to try to correct it.
And I'd give anything
if I could be there with him.
You were there.
If I could have known.
But maybe nobody
could have broken through.
Maybe he wasn't capable...
Bipolar disorder, depression,
mania, ADHD,
possible schizoaffective
None of that is psychopathy.
You don't know what
you're talking about.
If you take
the medical records
with the criminal report,
which, now finally
we have the full report,
don't you have
to weigh the evidence,
the facts of what he did,
against your personal
relationship history with him?
He became those things.
He wasn't always those things.
Well, you can trace
how far back
to when he started
planning it.
We can trace his footsteps,
for Christ's sake.
RICHARD: I don't think
the timeline
definitively proves anything
about his mental state.
JAY: How can you say that?
We're not denying what he did
or who he became.
Well, I can't help
but hear you blame
a not abnormal child.
He was my son.
I can't remove my feelings
from our history
or his records.
I'm not asking you to.
I'm saying that what he did,
his capacity for murder,
was probably potentially there
a long time
before anyone
could have known.
You think you can attach
one word to something
in order to understand it?
To make you feel safe?
Well, I won't say it.
I don't believe it.
It's not simple.
It's everything
you cannot see.
And it left him helpless.
He was helpless.
GAIL: But it's
our job to help.
That's our job.
And at some point,
it doesn't matter whether
or not you see the signs.
We still...
It's still our obligation.
I said I failed.
Maybe you didn't know
who you were dealing with.
Look, the report
speaks for itself.
He was gone by then. He was.
I mean,
the deliberate choices.
- He did not target.
- What?
- What...?
- JAY: What are you ta... What?
What difference
does that make?
He would have said so.
What? Well,
how is that better?
What? What do you mean,
he did not target?
He never met any of them.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, it was his school.
His students.
RICHARD: He'd never been
in that classroom.
JAY: He wanted to kill them.
Those students,
they weren't in his grade.
- Evan...
- Don't. No, no, don't.
- RICHARD: I'm just saying...
- Just don't.
RICHARD: I'm just saying.
JAY: Well, don't.
- Okay.
- He didn't know them.
- He wanted them to suffer.
- Oh, Jay.
- RICHARD: But not...
- What?
Intentionally? Is that
what you were gonna say?
He didn't seek to make
any one individual suffer.
(SCOFFS) Well,
my son suffered.
Evan suffered so much,
and he let him.
RICHARD: I'm sorry.
Both of you.
- JAY: No...
- I know what happened.
- Wait.
- JAY: No, you don't.
He did the most awful thing
I've ever known,
but I know the report.
No! You do not know
how my son died!
He entered Evan's classroom
at 1:29 p.m.
He threw a bomb
into the center of the desks.
He started shooting.
He stayed there
for half a minute.
(STUTTERS) He could
have killed them all.
He chose not to.
He watched them.
They saw his face.
They saw him looking.
He knew Evan was alive.
He knew exactly who was alive
and who was dead when he left.
We could never see
into that classroom.
JAY: No, he suffered.
Six minutes.
Six minutes later,
he comes back,
your son,
he retraces his steps.
He's in the hallway again.
1:35, he's come back
to finish.
And Evan is there.
The last gunshot, 1:36,
goes into my son's...
Into his artery.
- Jay...
- No. Six minutes.
He was alive.
He was trying to get out.
The blood trails show
where he was trying to...
GAIL: Jay, please stop.
JAY: No!
He came back.
He was methodical.
He was looking.
And Evan...
(CRIES) ...was still alive.
I know.
You do not know.
I know!
I know.
The streaks on the floor.
The way he was crawling.
I know the wounds,
in what order.
How he fought.
And how he died.
He died.
GAIL: Now, please stop.
Please stop.
RICHARD: Caroline, Jonathan,
and Tory were killed instantly
in the blast.
Daniel, shot three times,
twice in the lungs,
once in the heart.
He died seated at his desk.
Juliana, shot twice in
the leg, once in the knee,
once in the thigh,
the femoral artery.
What are you doing?
She lost her vision
from the glass in her eyes.
She tried to crawl
out of the classroom.
But she died
before finding the way.
RICHARD: Vanessa,
shot four times,
twice in the abdomen,
twice in the head.
We understand you know.
The victims, and the wounded.
I'm sorry.
But I do know.
All of them.
I know Evan,
his story that day.
And I know Hayden's.
He did go back.
He was going to the library,
where he wanted to die.
He told us, wrote to us
in his notebook.
"That's where you'll find me.
Where it's quiet for me."
Where, respectfully,
the last shot was at 1:41.
In the library.
JAY: People saw. Kids saw.
- Christopher...
- Shot in the head.
I know.
My son.
JAY: Shot in the face,
hiding underneath the table,
begging for his life.
That is what they said.
That's... That's not feeling.
- That is hate.
- That's...
Disturbed? Hate? Rage?
- Hopelessness?
- JAY: No, no, no.
Apathy, indifference.
- Cold, callous.
- RICHARD: Evil?
Do you want to say?
Because I...
I won't.
I won't.
It doesn't matter.
RICHARD: We went to the
school. Did you know that?
It was supposed to be
for the victims' families,
and Hayden wouldn't be counted
as a victim.
So we fought for that.
And we saw, we saw the damage.
The windows, the black stains.
We saw his hate.
- LINDA: The lines.
- What he did. What?
The lines or tape.
The outlines of the children.
- Mr. Moore.
- JAY: Hmm.
The bodies. Yeah.
I was...
I didn't know
you were allowed in.
Well, they kept that secret.
They didn't want...
RICHARD: More outrage.
The world mourned 10.
We mourned 11.
There would be
no memorials for 11.
No concerts reading 11 names,
and I understood that,
but I would not be excluded
from that too.
The damage, though...
How much...
He was in pain.
It was the pain
that brought him there.
I didn't want another child.
once he was born...
I loved Hayden so much.
But maybe... (CRYING)
Maybe he should
never have been born.
We should never have
gone to the school.
I just remember this
terrible feeling of awe,
just awe at what
my boy had done.
And then a long, skinny frame
outlined in the carpet.
All alone.
I knew it was him.
Not because of where
it was or...
I just knew it was him.
I recognized Evan too.
Not because of the lines.
The number.
The number markers
for the report.
LINDA: Yeah.
JAY: He was number one.
I guess he was
the first they found.
He was...
He was my...
That was hard.
LINDA: It was.
But you know,
and please forgive me,
it made me feel
like the rest of you.
JAY: Some parent said,
I can't remember who,
said early on in a mean way,
meant to be mean,
that you were the loneliest
people in the world.
As if that was justice.
As if...
Well, we were.
RICHARD: I still get mail.
Some hateful,
some sympathetic.
Mostly just strange.
I can't say I understand
the purpose of it,
but it only reminded me
of what he had done.
And I was trying to restore my
memory of... of who he was.
And that's what I have to do.
Do you understand?
You said he destroyed
our lives.
Yes, he did.
And while I know the world
would have been
better without him,
I can't say I would have been.
Oh, God.
LINDA: I'm sorry.
I know that's...
- No.
- I shouldn't have said that.
It's just... It's just...
I thought I had to believe
that my son's life
had no value
because of what he did
before he died,
but I don't have
to believe that, do I?
Or is that hard
for you to hear?
I guess.
Yes, it is.
But I won't tell you
how to keep your son.
GAIL: No. I...
No, I don't know. I...
Yes, it is hard.
But, no, I think...
I think that's right. I...
God, I don't... I don't know.
That's okay.
I wouldn't ever expect you
to feel that way.
No, no, that's not it.
That's not it.
Not... Not your son.
It's all of their values.
See, I...
I made a promise.
I made a promise to him.
That I can't keep...
- Hey, honey.
- GAIL: No, it... Please.
LINDA: What did you
promise him?
I promised him that his life
would mean something,
that it wouldn't be in vain.
That because of him,
all of them,
things would change, you know?
But nothing's changed.
The only difference
is that they're gone.
And that's all I hear. Still.
All those parents.
The last of us
in that firehouse,
the loneliest people
in the world, asking,
"What do you mean,
they're gone?
"Gone where?
"Where have they gone?"
So... you talk about value,
their lives having value,
and that's all I want.
I just want it
to mean something. I just...
I just... I want it to change.
Why does it have to change?
Can you tell me
a story about Evan?
Please? Can you tell me
a story about him?
GAIL: Jay... I don't know.
There's so many.
Doesn't matter.
Just don't think about it.
- Just tell me one.
- Jay...
- GAIL: No, come, come...
- It's okay. It's okay, honey.
- Go on.
- GAIL: No, come here.
- Come, come here.
- JAY: Okay.
- Come.
- JAY: Okay, okay.
- Oh, Jesus.
- JAY: I got you.
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay. I see, um...
Oh... let me think.
He's 12 years old, I think.
He's 12 years old.
Sixth grade?
I don't know.
He's young, and...
It's fall. He's...
He's playing football with
his friends in the park,
near our house. It's...
He used to play in the park
near our house. It's, um...
On Sundays, you know.
Just a few blocks
from our home.
But we had a dinner to go to.
Jay's parents were visiting.
So I said to him,
"Do not get too dirty,
"because we've got to leave
the house by 5:00."
- GAIL: And he said, "Mom,
"the dirtier you are,
the better you are.
"That's how you spot
"the best players on the team.
"They're the ones
with the grass
"and the stains
on their jerseys."
(CHUCKLING) And I said...
He was so funny. (LAUGHING)
I said, "But shouldn't the
good players not be tackled
"and fall on the ground
so much?"
"No, Mom, the dirtier you are,
the better you are."
You know, he was
like that about everything,
such strong opinions,
even if he didn't
know anything
about what he was
talking about.
Thank you. (SNIFFLES)
So it's 5:00,
or it's about to be.
It's almost 5:00,
and he's still not back,
and I'm about to just go
down there and grab him,
and drag him back,
when Sophie comes in the door.
She followed Evan
everywhere back then.
She loved watching the boys
playing, goof around.
So she burst in and she says,
"Mom, oh, my gosh.
Mom. Look at Evan."
So I come around the corner,
and I see him,
and he is covered,
head to toe, in mud.
- It was absurd.
- It was.
It was like he covered
himself, like a mud bath.
It just didn't really
even make sense even,
and I was... I lost it.
"Evan. What have you done?"
JAY: He was
completely unfazed.
Yeah. Right?
He played it cool.
"Mom, I told you, the best
players are the dirtiest."
He was...
You know?
I was so mad.
But then I was laughing.
And holding him,
and the dirt,
the grass.
That smell of him.
Wet leaves.
The child on him.
I could feel so much life.
We let him go
to dinner that way.
- He washed his face.
- Well, yeah. But...
- He was so proud.
That's what his life meant.
Let him rest.
Evan doesn't have
to change the world.
(GASPS) But I still miss him.
Do you remember
what you wrote to me?
GAIL: Oh, God.
- I wrote you way too much.
You wrote to me,
"I want you to know my son.
"I want you to know his name."
LINDA: Do you have a story?
Oh, God.
I, uh... (SNIFFLES)
All of them.
Let's just preserve them.
GAIL: Jay.
I think I need to...
I think I'm ready.
I need to tell you...
I wanted so, so badly
for you to be an example
or punished.
I came here wanting that.
But something's died
in all of us, all of us.
And I'm so scared
that what I wanted,
what I need,
isn't what I thought.
What did you think?
That if I forgave you,
I'd lose him.
Oh. No.
GAIL: Yes.
But maybe I just needed
to be with you.
Because I know now. I...
I forgive you.
I do.
I have. I forgive you.
And I have to tell you...
I have to tell you...
I also forgive Hayden
for what he did,
for taking my baby's life.
Because I know, in my heart,
he was lost.
So I do... I forgive him.
Because I can't live
this way anymore.
- Sweetheart.
- No, I can't. We can't.
- Okay.
- We don't sleep.
We don't breathe.
We don't see
each other anymore,
and I want to. I want to.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
Because I can't hold on
to this any longer.
I can't. It's not him.
It's not.
It's just this terrible pain
for wishing
for a different past,
and I can't let it
control my life anymore,
because if I do, I'm afraid
I'll never see him again.
And I need to.
I know that I will.
I know I'll see him.
I know I'll hold him against
me, if I could just forgive.
If I can love again.
So I do.
I do.
LINDA: Maybe this is right.
This moment of silence.
Maybe this is the right way
to say goodbye.
I like that.
Do you want to...?
Maybe we could do
a little, uh...?
I hope we were able to help.
I mean, is... Is that it?
I think so. I'm exhausted.
Well, I guess, uh...
You know...
We can always speak again.
- RICHARD: Sure.
- Right?
Of course.
Thank you so much
for bringing your pictures.
Oh, no, of course. Thank you.
Thank you for the flowers.
You're welcome.
Will they be able to travel?
The flowers?
I don't want you to have to...
Oh, no. We'll manage.
Yeah, sure.
GAIL: Well...
RICHARD: Uh, maybe Kendra can
get you a box or something.
I don't want you to have to...
I'm so sorry. I should
have thought of that.
No, no. It's... We could
just carry them, right?
Yeah. Or just the woman
that works here,
she may be able
to find something.
Oh. I don't think
I've met her.
- Let me go see.
- LINDA: Ah.
I don't know what
I was thinking. I'm sorry.
- Silly of me.
- GAIL: It's fine.
JAY: Does anybody want...
You want a water bottle
for the road?
Oh, thank you. I'm all set.
They have coffee.
You want a coffee?
- Nah.
- JAY: All right. Okay.
I think I'll just see
if I can give him a hand.
GAIL: Sure.
JUDY: Okay.
LINDA: I will see you
out front then.
- Yeah.
- LINDA: Okay.
KENDRA: Hi, Linda.
LINDA: Hello.
- Hmm.
KENDRA: I'll be right back.
I've got the flowers.
- And then...
- GAIL: Mmm-hmm.
- Should we, uh...?
- Yeah.
I'll be right there.
KENDRA: Do you have newspaper?
JAY: Yeah, please
don't go to any trouble.
LINDA: I'm so sorry.
I should have thought of that.
ANTHONY: They brought the new
hymnal books in a box.
JUDY: Oh, yes,
that's a great idea.
ANTHONY: Thank you.
JUDY: Oh, of course.
I'm going to go
check downstairs
to see if there's
something else.
KENDRA: Thank you, guys.
JUDY: Okay.
- Well...
- I guess we're waiting for,
- uh...
- Yeah.
Um, well,
thank you both for today,
and Kendra, of course.
it was my pleasure.
If you don't mind,
I should go.
Oh, sure, you know...
Linda, I should
really get back.
I can walk back
without you if you...
No, no, no, I can...
- I can go with you.
- RICHARD: All right. Okay.
We walked here
together earlier.
It was, um...
Please take good care
of yourselves.
GAIL: Thank you.
JAY: And you, Richard.
- JAY: We're gonna stay, right?
- Yeah.
We're always here. I mean...
Just stay in touch.
It's nice to see you again.
Take care.
it's easier if you guys
would come down here,
maybe, with the flowers?
Yeah, sure. Good idea.
I think that this
might be the right one.
If we just put a little bit
of newspaper in it.
Fine. Sure.
Don't trouble yourself.
Um. Hi.
Oh, did they...
Did they leave?
GAIL: Yeah, they left,
but thank you.
They're a gift,
they're ours, so...
I was just hoping
to say goodbye, is all.
I didn't even introduce
myself to them.
- It's okay.
- Don't worry about it.
- I'm sure it's fine.
- Yeah... No, I should have.
JAY: That's... That's fine.
Thanks so much for giving us
the space and for having us.
- It's really very...
- It's healing here.
It really is. It's safe here.
Wherever you come from.
So, I think we can
put it in here
if we just put
a little bit of newspaper.
- ANTHONY: Judy?
- Yeah?
Pardon me. Uh,
they're bringing the rest
of the books to St. Thomas.
- So they need the boxes.
- Oh, okay. Okay.
But can't we just use
newspaper in here?
ANTHONY: I would use
bubble wrap.
- JUDY: I don't think...
- I really...
I don't want you to bother.
No, I can pack it. It's easy.
Just use a little bit
of newspaper in it.
Well, how much newspaper
do you have?
You know what? I'm just
gonna hold on to them.
- I want to. Yeah.
- Are you sure?
GAIL: I am.
I think it'll be nice.
- Okay. I'm sorry.
- Well...
GAIL: So, it was very nice
to meet you both.
- Oh.
- Um,
thank you for
everything and...
I have a story
I want to tell you.
GAIL: Oh, okay.
I want to hear it.
LINDA: He was 16.
He'd had such a bad week.
I felt so badly for him.
How cruel kids could be.
But I couldn't just
let him fall apart.
We were alone.
Richard was working late.
I made dinner,
but he wouldn't eat.
I tried to talk to him,
but he wouldn't talk.
I went to his room.
He was on the computer.
I yelled at him,
"You have to start working.
"If you can't be happy,
at least you can do well."
He screamed at me,
"I don't want to be happy.
"I don't want to do well."
"Why?" I yelled.
Then we were screaming
at each other.
We were both... so hurt.
And we were afraid.
I know that.
It happened very quickly.
But then he said,
"Get out before I hit you.
"Get out before I beat
the shit out of you."
I swear to God...
He was... terrifying.
I went to my room...
and I locked the door.
I wish I had let him.
I wish I had said,
"Okay, hit me.
"You hit me, sweetheart.
"Hit me for as long
as you'll ever need."
Because then I would
have known him.
I would have known
who he really was.
GAIL: It's okay.
LINDA: Mine's a...
Mine's a... (STUTTERS)
different kind of story but...
We miss them.
- I wanted to tell a story too.
- I know.
I'm sorry I didn't ask.
LINDA: Thank you.
Thank you.
We should...
Should we, uh...?
I thought we'd let them go.
JAY: That's a good idea.
What is that?
JUDY: Sorry.
Is that coming from...?
JUDY: Yeah, they're,
um, practicing
for the choir tomorrow.
I... I forgot.
Did we tell them?
I told you this morning
they were rehearsing today.
JUDY: Did you?
I'm sorry.
Don't be. It's... It's nice.
JUDY: Yeah, they're, um,
rehearsing for tomorrow.
Hear that?
They're singing.
Do you want to go up and see?
Blessed be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love
The fellowship
Of kindred minds
(SOFTLY) No. That's all right.
Is like that to that above
Before our Father's throne
We pour our ardent prayers
Our fears, our hopes
Our aims are one
Our comforts
And our cares
When we asunder part
It gives us inward pain
But we shall still be joined
In heart
And hope to meet again