Mean Creek (2004) Movie Script
Hey! What do you think
you're doing?!
- You're a punk, Sam!
- Get off.
I ought to kill you!
You fucking dickhead!
- I told you to never touch my camera!
- Stop!
Didn't I?! Fucker! You little wimp!
Bitch! Pussy! I told you!
I ought to fucking kill you!
And I will kill you, you little punk,
if I ever catch you fucking
with my camera again.
- He's so gonna cry.
- Step on him!
- Get out of my way!
- Relax, man.
Are you OK?
You ever stare at the ceiling
till it started looking kind of funny?
Like it was breathing.
Like it was saying something.
Like it was saying,
"Rocky,
you gotta do something
about what's been going on."
Something's gotta happen, Sam.
Something's gotta give.
We can call the police.
Police wouldn't do jack.
I wish I was bigger.
I'm bigger.
Not to mention the fact
that I'm smarter.
If you do something,
he'll just get you.
Did you ever used to get me
when we used to play hide-and-seek?
- No.
- He wouldn't have any better luck.
Wanna know my secret hiding spot?
The roof.
The disappearing man.
Exactly.
So high. Oh, my God.
Rocky's thinking about
doing something to George.
I don't get how the teachers
can just let him get away with that.
Teachers don't care.
They have him in detention
for 15 minutes for a week.
Something's gotta give.
If you could snap your fingers
right now,
and he would drop dead in his tracks,
would you do it?
Are we still on for Saturday?
Yeah, of course.
So, what are we gonna do?
I'll figure something out,
and I'll surprise you.
Hey, you know that fat kid, George,
who they keep holding back
from graduating middle school?
Yeah, I hate that guy.
He beat up Sam.
No.
Hey, you know
when we were at Rollins,
that crazy kid
chased me across the field
and cracked my head
open with a bat.
- Finally, an explanation.
- Yeah, anyway...
- He's a real pig.
- I say we smoke that ham.
Yeah? Make some
ham sandwiches?
Pork chop-ify him.
Spam-icize him.
- Link sausage-ize him!
- Squeal, piggy! Squeal!
No, screw that guy.
You'd really like to do that,
wouldn't you, Clyde?
- You're projecting, Marty.
- Projecting?
That's when you say something
that someone else...
You say that they want to do, when
you're the one who wants to do it.
No, no, no. That's good.
That's good.
Hold up, Rocky. Back up.
I got something for you.
Just a little...
- Oh, you son of a bitch!
- I was just projecting.
Oh, you asshole!
Later.
Wait up, man!
Let's go get some ice cream.
OK, Dave.
Hey!
Hey!
- Where were you guys?
- Get beat up today?
See any new scars?
- Got any more gum?
- I'm chewing the whole pack.
Why, you want some?
Tasty.
OK,
Jennifer Lopez or the girl
who sits behind you in school?
J. Lo.
OK, I think I got one.
Tie him to a tree,
pour some honey on his face,
and leave him there
all day and night.
- Why?
- It's for the bugs,
so they'd get on him
and bite him.
- No, we can't do that.
- Why not?
Well, what if a bear came?
Shut up.
You know,
if we hurt him,
we'd be just as bad as him.
So we need to hurt him
without really hurting him.
I mean, if you could think
of something like that, then...
Then what?
I don't know.
All right, Heather Locklear
or Shannen Doherty?
Don't know who
Heather Locklear is.
You don't...? Dude!
So, what do you say?
I think it's a totally wild plan.
It's also the only plan
my brother would agree to.
He's just a little fucking
Gandhi, isn't he?
Like a fucking white
Martin Luther King.
All we need now is a boat.
Hey, my neighbor's got a boat
in her back yard that she never uses.
- Does that mean you're in?
- Do you actually think he'll go for it?
Oh, please. George'll get a hard-on
as soon as he picks up the phone.
Rock will throw on some of
that "sweet boy" charm of his.
Kid's desperate. Stupid.
It's human nature.
All I know is, is I'm getting a hard-on
just thinking about it.
Your mom don't need
the car Saturday, does she?
The only thing my mom needs
on Saturdays is Valium.
What do you think, Clyde?
Do we want to give Georgie Porgie a
little taste of his own medicine? Huh?
Be some good, clean fun,
don't you think?
Yeah, he deserves it, doesn't he?
If there's one thing
that can't be argued,
it's that that fat freak deserves
whatever he's got coming to him.
Dude, what'd I tell you?
You don't smoke herb.
Yeah, so get it out of my face.
Faggot.
Clyde-o,
I'm just fucking with you.
You're not a faggot, all right?
OK?
Fist bump?
Fist bump?
OK, zero kilter.
Besides, I like your dads, Clyde.
I never knew any homosexual men
personally until I met them.
They're not so bad.
Don't you think so, Rocky?
Clyde, don't worry about Marty.
It's just B.S.
OK? Come on. It's B.S.
OK? It's B.S.! B.S.! Come on!
OK?
Hello? George?
Hey, hey. This is Rocky Maris,
Sam's older brother.
Yeah. I got your number
off the call list.
Is that OK? Great.
Well, what I wanted to call
you about was...
Is that I'm inviting you to...
To a party for Sam.
Now, I know that you two have
been having some trouble lately.
But you know what?
He's always talking about
how cool you are.
And it would really mean a lot
to him if you could come.
It's his birthday.
It's on Saturday at noon.
We can pick you up if you'd like.
We're going boating.
We're going on a boating trip.
You like boating?
Yeah, awesome.
So the only thing
that I can really ask you to do,
is not tell too many people.
Because we didn't really invite
a lot of people, and...
And, you know, everyone knows
everybody in this town.
And you tell your parents,
parents will tell other parents,
and those parents will tell their kids.
And pretty soon everyone
who didn't get invited
will be sitting at home, crying.
We don't want that, do we?
There you go.
So do you want me to pick you up
at noon? Awesome!
So I will see you at noon, George.
Awesome. Have a great day. Bye.
- Oh, God.
- What did he say?
He said he would love to go.
He'd love to go.
Oh, I'd love to go.
I'd love to... If you could just...
I'd love, love, love to go.
Oh, I'd love to go! Come here.
- Say "uncle."
- Uncle.
- Uncle who?
- Uncle Martini!
Kiss my ass, Mr. Shaham.
Kiss my ass, Mr. Estes.
Kiss my ass, Ms. Johnson.
Kiss my ass, Mr. Rosenthal.
Shit.
Hey! What's up with my shooter,
twerp face.
Target practice.
It's 11 a.m. In the morning
for chrissakes.
Most people are doing cartwheels
by 11, Kile.
Aren't you supposed to be
in school?
Fuck school.
I don't see you in school.
And besides, you're not Dad.
Come here.
Come here!
Yeah, you're right, I'm not Dad.
Dad didn't yank as hard as I do.
I don't really want to hear about Dad,
you understand?
- You understand?
- Yes.
Now, hand me my gun.
Look, stupid.
You ever take this
without my permission again,
I guarantee it, you'll be sorry.
- You understand?
- Yeah.
- You get it?
- Yes.
Kiss my ass, Kile.
Things to say to Sam
on our date.
One.
So...
Sam, it's a beautiful day, isn't it?
Two.
Are you happy
or sad
that we're leaving
Rollins next year?
Three.
So, what's your father do
for a living again?
Oh, he has a car-stereo company.
Do you believe in God?
That's a weird question.
So, what's it like being a male?
OK, stupid question.
My name is George.
This is the inside of my mind.
This is my mother.
My mom works out every day.
And this is my street.
This is the street I live on.
- What are we doing?
- You're gonna like this.
Isn't that George Tooney?
Yeah, he's coming
to the river with us.
- Why?
- Sammy, don't you tell
your girlfriend nothing?
- What's he talking about, Sam?
- You should've told her, Sam.
All right, everyone.
He's coming. Be nice to him.
Millie, it's supposed to be part
of the surprise. We...
Happy birthday, Sammy.
Hi, George.
Glad you could make it.
You know everybody?
- Yeah, sure. Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
- What's happening, George?
- Hey, Georgie.
- Hi, George.
- Hey, Millie.
We ready?
- What are you doing?
- Making a documentary.
- Of what?
- Of things.
Like Sam opening his present.
Go ahead and open it.
Yeah, Sam, go ahead and open it.
You already opened
all your other presents at home.
Stream Machine's top of the line.
I have one at home,
so we can have a war sometime.
- Isn't it excellent?
- Oh, yeah, thank you, George.
You must've blown your whole
allowance on that thing, huh, George?
How much you bagging
a week now, 40, 50 bucks?
It's very sweet of you, George.
I got it at Funco.
- You can return it if you want.
- Oh, no, it's perfect.
Well...
...it's a beautiful day
for a boat trip with some buddies.
Hey, Marty?
My mom made me sign
one of those contracts.
It's just, like... You know, I'm not
allowed to get in a car with a driver
- who's been drinking.
- Oh, it's cool.
My mom gave me permission
to drink and drive.
- You don't have to worry about it.
- Your mom must be pretty stupid
to give you permission
to drive inebriated.
No, you're right, George.
My mom is pretty stupid.
In fact, she's got one of those
learning-disability things.
Must be a bad LD.
I have an LD,
but I should know you're
not supposed to drive drunk.
I see stuff all backwards and shit.
Like, instead of seeing "stop"
on a stop sign,
I see "pots."
My doctor says it's
a genetic variation,
like for evolution.
So maybe I'm a superior being.
The future of the race.
Like, if aliens came down
and they had a...
A language,
a super-advanced language,
that said you had to read
this way to that way,
instead of that way
to this way.
Shit.
Yo, kidlings.
What are you guys doing here?
Eating mini beef tacos.
Finest mini beef tacos
in the world here.
Yummy.
What, did you steal
Mom's car again?
- Why do you care?
- I don't give a fuck.
Who's the minors?
It's just my brother
and some of his friends.
What are the paddles for?
We're going cow spanking.
Cow spanking, what's that?
It's like cow tipping,
only we spank.
Really.
Come on, let's just get the smokes
and get out of here.
Camels.
While you boys are out
cow spanking,
Kile and I are gonna go
pussy hunting.
- Good for you, Jasper.
- Hey, don't get sassy with my boy.
You ever been pussy hunting?
No, I didn't think so.
You know how I knew?
Because you gotta have some bait
to catch one.
That's great.
Grow up, Jasper.
Let's go, Marty.
Jesus, Jasper.
Why do you have to...?
Dumb fucks.
Why do you have
to act so retarded?
Have fun cow spanking, boys.
- Oh, man. That was awesome.
- You see that shit?
- So whose road is this?
- It's just a road.
Hey, you guys ever hear about
when Rocky and I
were kicking it out here?
We got some poison oak
on our hands.
This is a disgusting story.
Anyway, so we were out here,
and we got some poison oak
on our hands.
With all the beers we were drinking,
well, naturally,
we had to take a piss.
Now, I don't know
if you're hip, Millie,
but when a guy pisses,
he has to hold his pisser
in his hands.
- Like so:
- Thanks, Marty.
No, wait, I'm not finished yet.
Next morning when we woke up,
we both had totally chapped,
rash-y nuts.
Hey, lucky you didn't run out
of toilet paper,
have to wipe your butt
with your hand.
Ouch, ouch!
I just got stung by something.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
You guys just go ahead.
Better make sure it's not a tick.
Lyme's disease, you know.
Look, all right, there'll be three circles
around the bite if it's Lyme's disease.
But, like, you gotta watch out
because you could
just straight drop dead
from Lyme's disease.
Thanks, George.
Oh, if it is a tick and it gets dug in,
we might need to take my tweezers
and, like, put it under a flame
until it gets, like, red hot,
and then burn the thing to death
so it'll let go before we pull it out.
Can you leave us alone
for a second?
Thanks.
Seems like George is having
a good time.
What are you trying
to say, Clyde?
Fat boy's gonna get
what he's got coming.
I don't see a stinger.
Sam, what's going on here
with George?
Oh, it's nothing bad.
It's just a joke.
What kind of joke?
Well...
...we're planning on stripping him,
throwing him in the river,
and then we're gonna make him
run home naked.
- We have a plan. It involves a dare.
- A dare?
Yeah. See, the only reason
I didn't tell you before...
Who said I wanted to be
part of this?
All right, what about this?
What's that?
"If you could snap your fingers
right now,
"and he would drop dead
in his tracks, would you do it?"
- It's totally mean, Sam.
- He's mean.
He's a stupid fat kid.
He's got problems.
But he's obviously...
Promise me you won't
do anything to him.
It's not just me.
Promise, or I go back to the car.
All right, I promise.
I'll tell Rocky.
Can't wait to get her on the river
and start paddling.
- Hey, Rock, you wanna go untie us?
- Sure.
- There any life jackets?
- No, I don't think we'll need them.
Come on, sweetheart.
Gotta learn to live life on the edge.
He doesn't smoke, Marty.
Why don't you speak
for yourself, faggot?
I gotta keep my eye on you.
These are really strong.
Come on, Rock,
he's not such a bad guy.
He's acting like a nice guy, Sam.
In reality, he's not.
You a...
You a cigarette virgin, George?
No. No, I'm not, man.
I've smoked before.
I... No, I once cold smoked
an entire pack
of American Spirit Menthols.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
What if I told you American Spirit
doesn't make menthols?
They don't?
It's OK if you've never
smoked before, George. I never have.
Well, I have.
All right, I'm not lying.
You know, maybe they weren't
menthols, but they were definitely
- American Spirits.
- Right.
The only reason why
he's being nice to us
is because he sees this as
an opportunity to get something.
To get friends.
Everybody wants that.
OK, what if you were
his friend, Sam?
I mean, he'd still go around school,
beating everybody else up.
And that's actually
if you'd be his friend.
I don't care what you say.
I don't wanna do it.
- Millie thinks it's a bad idea too.
- Oh, well, if Millie thinks...
- Millie thinks what's a bad idea?
- Nothing.
You pansies untie the knot yet?
Chop, chop, come on.
Hey.
Hey, Rock, you know,
I got a knife
that'll slice through that
like butter.
That's OK, George.
I think we got it.
Well, it's got, like, a bone saw,
scissor, pick ax,
I mean, everything.
It's OK, George.
OK.
I'll talk to Marty about it, OK?
Give me your oar.
- Nice.
- Thank you, George.
Yeah, I once skipped
a rock on this lake,
it skipped, like,
a thousand times.
Let's get her in the water.
Aye, aye, capitan.
Calling off the plan.
I'll tell you later.
It's all taken care of.
Hey! You guys should take
your shoes off
if you don't want
to get them wet.
Too late. They're soaked.
This is gonna be fun,
don't you think?
Yeah. But whoever didn't
bring life jackets
on a boat trip's a moron.
Hey, you know
I have athlete's foot?
- Get in.
- You are so disgusting.
Oh, my gosh.
Row, two, three, four!
One, two, three, four...
Sam loves it, don't you lie
Rocky is a pimp
Clyde is a fag
Yeah, you love it, don't you?
He spit all over the lens.
Shut up, Rocky, this is
what's gonna get me on MTV.
You need go-go dancers.
This is expensive.
OK, now you have to stop.
Send your donations
to George Tooney, Oregon.
Love one.
I always thought I was really
talented in that sense.
You agree, right? Up top.
Maybe later.
I'm glad the way
this day's turning out.
It's a nice day.
Yeah, if nothing else,
it's a nice day.
Can you guys taste
how sweet the air is?
Smells like cherry blossom.
How do you know what
cherry blossoms smell like, George?
It's obvious.
I don't know.
What is a cherry blossom?
It's the blossom on a cherry.
No, I thought it was
its own kind of plant.
What do you think, Marty?
I think I'm bored as fuck.
I also think I got some more beer
in my pack.
- Anyone want one?
- Yeah.
- You drinking, Sammy?
- Yeah, sure.
I thought you...
Didn't you want a beer?
Hey, Sammy.
If you're really feeling
like a party animal...
...you wanna smoke
a birthday doobie?
Sam doesn't smoke weed, Marty.
- Rocky, chill out.
- There's younger people
- on this trip, Marty.
- All right, fuck-face, calm down.
- I've been stoned before.
- Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Yeah. I smoked a whole blunt
myself once. Yup.
I... I hallucinated that there was...
There was a little blue guy
on my shoulder,
fucking tap dancing.
But, no, I don't smoke weed
after that,
because, like, my doctor says
it stunts your growth.
- So I'm waiting until I'm 24.
- Yeah.
Because, you know, that's when
you stop growing.
Have you ever been stoned, Millie?
Would you please get that
out of my face?
All right, go ahead, turn it off.
Sure is a beautiful river.
Oh, you guys, look!
- What?
- What?
What?
I thought I saw a water snake.
Sam.
Millie.
Thanks.
- Here.
- Thanks.
All that boating really gets
your appetite up.
You've just been sitting in the boat.
I've been shifting my weight
the whole time,
trying to keep us level.
Yeah, you've really been
working hard.
As if your pussy ass
has been doing anything.
Did you make these yourself?
You'II... You'll have to give me
the recipe sometime.
It's peanut butter and jelly.
Oh, yeah.
Nothing beats a good piss
in the river.
Except, of course,
a good romping session
of a stupid, ugly, dumb,
pathetic piece of shit.
- Yeah, we gotta talk about that.
- Yeah?
What's to talk about?
I want to call it off.
I'm not laughing.
I'm dead serious.
Wait a minute.
First, you get me all juiced up.
You make me steal my mom's car.
You get me out here
on a Saturday
when I could be at home
watching TV.
- Marty, come on.
- Then you have me steering
the fucking Titanic all across the river
with a bunch of munchkins
who are totally sober
and bringing me down.
Now, you mean to tell me
we don't even get to do
what we came out here for?
I had no idea the guy
was gonna turn out so nice.
Check it out, Rock,
he's not nice!
He's a spoiled, retarded punk
who beat up your brother.
OK, maybe I feel a little sorry
for him now.
OK, well, then I'm gonna
give you two choices:
You're either hard as hell
and you're yanking my chain,
or you're the limpest dick
I've ever met in my life.
- Everyone wants to call it off.
- Well, everyone is a vagina!
You don't even have
a real grudge against him.
If you were any kind
of a good brother,
you wouldn't let Sammy boy
get the shit kicked out of him
and then stroke the beater-upper's dick
all day long.
- Just remember the plan's off.
- Yeah.
I just wonder if,
when push came to shove,
if you'd have my back.
Hey, Clyde.
Remember when you were in the
fourth grade, and I was in third, and I...
I smacked you across the face
with a bat?
- How could I forget?
- Maybe you had that thing
where you forget
from getting hit in the head.
- Amnesia?
- Yeah.
Anyway, I was trying to remember.
- Why'd I do it?
- I don't know.
You must've done something.
No, I never do anything to anybody.
That's stupid.
Of course you do.
Look, it's not stupid, George.
You just attacked me.
A kid doesn't just attack
for no reason.
You always attack for no reason.
I know it's your birthday, Sam,
but shut your trap.
Hey! You pussies done
with your sammies?
Does it look like we're done
with our sandwiches?
Yeah, I'm gonna get the boat
back in the water.
You ladies can join me
whenever you want.
Why'd you drop the anchor?
Because I felt like it.
Hey, Sammy.
What you say we bust out
that Stream Machine.
- Yeah, OK.
- Clyde, can you give it to me?
All right.
Put that away.
All right, first, we must charge
the propulsion system.
And then take aim
and run a preliminary test.
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Don't fucking squirt
that thing at me again!
Hey, what do you guys say
we play some Truth or Dare?
Yeah. Yeah, I love that game.
- OK, then, let's do it.
- Let's not.
People's feelings always end up hurt
when we play this game.
Yeah, she's right.
God, Sam and Millie
are a couple of little
wet pussies, aren't they?
Clyde, do you wanna start?
I don't know. I'm kind of with
Millie and Sam on this one.
Pussy number one,
pussy number two,
pussy number three.
Go ahead, Clyde. Start the game.
OK, then.
Rocky, truth or dare?
Truth.
All right, I want you to tell us,
in 20 words or more,
what you were thinking
the last time you beat off.
Susie Johnson.
But that's...
That's not even 20 words.
It's, like, two.
OK, I imagined that
she followed me into the locker room,
went into the stall.
She got on her knees.
I sat on the toilet.
- That's 20.
- All right, Rocky, it's your turn.
OK, Sammy. Truth or dare?
Dare.
I dare you to French kiss
Millie for ten seconds.
Man.
It's pretty exciting.
- It's OK.
- What? It's OK.
Wait, did you hear that?
It's OK.
She wants it.
This is what I paid for? Come on!
- Come on!
- Let's go!
I want my money back.
OK. There you go.
There you go! Ten.
Nine,
eight, seven,
six, five,
four, three,
two...
Oh, shit. Oh, man.
Yo, Rock. Rock, I just had
an amazing flash
of what your brother and Millie would
look like all hot and bothered in bed.
- That's gross.
- Sammy, go. It's your turn.
Wait, wait, maybe... Maybe we
shouldn't call him Sammy anymore.
Maybe we should call him
"lover boy."
OK, then.
Marty.
- Truth or dare?
- Dare.
All right.
I dare you to pull down
your pants and your underwear,
and show us that famous dick of yours
for at least ten seconds.
Ten seconds.
Wow, you are a killer, Sam.
All right, I will do it,
because I am proud of my boys.
But if I do,
I don't want anyone else
wimping out on their dares.
So let's see the penis.
- Bring on the penis!
- All right.
Millie, close your eyes.
Marty doesn't want to go to jail.
No cameras.
We ready?
That's sick.
- Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
- Oh! OK. OK.
All right.
You fucking asshole.
- It was hairy as a chimp!
- Yeah, was it?
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
It looked like a giant frog.
All right, assholes.
That was pretty funny, douche bag.
- At first I thought it was all deformed,
- Thank you.
- Because it was just so fucking ugly.
- OK. All right.
Have you gotten out
all your stupid chuckles yet?
Have I gotten out all
my stupid chuckles? No!
All right. Well, whenever you're done,
let me know, because it's my turn next.
"Whenever you're done, let me know,
because it's my turn next."
- What are you doing?
- Yeah, well, what are you doing?
- Stop imitating me.
- "Stop imitating me."
- Enough is enough!
- "Enough is enough!"
Is that what your dad says to you?
You don't know shit about my father.
If you ever say anything
about my father again, I will kill you.
Do you understand?
Marty, I...
I was just messing around with you.
OK, messing boy.
I dare you to strip butt naked
and jump in the river.
Marty, leave him alone.
I did my dare.
Now he does his.
Those are the rules, Clyde.
Marty, why don't you
just calm down?
- OK, the game's over.
- The game'll be over in a minute!
Right after fat-ass here takes
his clothes off and gets in the bath.
Chill out, Marty, all right?
Because you know what?
I didn't even pick dare, all right?
I pick truth.
You want a truth?
OK, I'll give you a truth.
The truth is, lard-fart,
is that we didn't invite you out here
because we've been secretly in love
- with you all these years.
- Marty, don't do this.
We invited you out here
because you smacked Sammy boy
- right there in the cranium.
- Marty, stop.
So we came up with a plan
to mess you up.
Is that true, Sam?
Yeah.
But then we changed our minds
because we liked you.
Wait, you...? You tricked me?
Yes, we tricked you.
And, yes, all these suckers here
changed their minds,
but I didn't change mine.
I'm a man who likes to
follow through with his plans.
What have you been planning?
We were planning
on stripping you,
throwing you in the river,
then making you run home naked.
- It's not funny.
- Oh, it's super-duper funny to me.
- I'm sorry, George.
- You're not sorry!
I'm sorry.
Is...? Is it even your birthday?
No.
You're a fucking lying
son of a bitch, Sam!
All right? And I hope you
fucking go to hell!
- Don't make things worse, George.
- Shut the fuck up, Millie.
You fucking stupid JAP cunt!
Sit down, George.
You're out of control.
Shut the fuck up, Clyde!
You faggot!
Fucking skinny,
butt-munching faggot!
I hate you, you know that?
I really do!
Because all you do is
fucking prance around school,
talking about your fucking
faggoty, fairy fathers!
I'll tell you what!
I don't want to hear
about your fucking fathers
and how their assholes work.
All right? It makes me sick!
And I... I fucking hope they
fucking die of fag disease!
Yeah!
And... And speaking
of dead fathers...
...I just remembered
why bonehead, white-trash,
fucking donkey-dick Marty
got so fucking freaked
when I started talking
about his daddy.
His Neanderthal
drunk dad put a gun in his mouth
and splattered his brains
all over the wall.
You know, I almost forgot
that my mom told me that.
She said, "His daddy splattered
his brains all over the wall."
I thought it was sad at first.
But, now, I like it.
His daddy splattered
his brains
all over the wall.
- His daddy splattered his brains
- Shut up, George.
- All over the wall.
- George, come on. Shut up.
His daddy splattered his brains
all over the wall!
- Stop it, George!
- All over the wall!
- His daddy splattered his brains
- No one talks to people like that.
- All over the wall!
- Shut the fuck up, George!
- Shut the fuck up!
- All over the wall!
All over the wall!
His daddy splattered his brains
- Shut up!
- All over the wall!
- Marty!
- Stop it!
- Marty! George!
- All over the wall!
Shut the fuck up!
- Help! Help!
- That's what happens
when you fuck with Martini Blank!
- Help, help! Please!
- Martini Blank's friends back him up.
- That's what friends do, fuck-o.
- Help!
- Help! Help! Help!
- That's why you're in the water.
- Because you've got none.
- Help! Fucker!
Help!
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Please help.
Shit, you guys,
he's not coming up!
Help!
Guys, help, now! Hurry!
Get him up.
George.
- Oh, shit.
- Do you know what you're doing?
One, two, three, four...
Help!
Help!
Help!
Can anyone help us?
- Help!
- One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Come on.
Wake up. Come on, wake up!
Wake up.
Shit.
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up! God, wake up!
Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Wake up, wake up!
Wake up! Wake up,
wake up, wake up!
Wake up!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
We can never be forgiven
for what we did.
You didn't do anything.
I don't wanna be here.
I don't wanna be here.
I wanted to kill him before
I threw him over. Now he's dead.
Maybe this was his time to go.
Maybe it was his fate.
Why would it be his fate?
Because everything happens
for a reason, Rock.
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Anybody know what time it is?
What if we say
we were playing Truth or Dare,
and then we dared him
to jump into the river,
and he did, and he drowned.
What the hell are you doing?
Looking for his fucking
video camera.
If it gets found, then everybody
finds out what we did.
Everyone's gonna find out
what we did,
regardless if the video camera
gets found, Marty.
Not if we don't want them to.
Are you joking?
Look, this was a prank that went
wrong. We come completely clean.
No one's got a ton of sympathy
for guys who throw fat kids in the river.
All right? If we turn ourselves in,
we're all screwed.
What do you think's
gonna happen, Marty?
Superman's gonna fly around
Earth and turn back time?
No. I don't think Superman's
going to turn back time.
Think we gotta bury the body.
Rocky, if we bury the body, it's gonna
look like we did it on purpose.
If we bury the body,
we're not gonna look like anything.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Yeah, well, maybe out of your mind,
you stupid fuck.
Look, we just committed
a major fucking crime.
And if any one of us cracks,
we are all gonna be screwed.
Look, it was an accident. Kids like us
have accidents all the time.
This wasn't just an accident.
All right? We schemed this,
from the beginning.
All right, so fine, we schemed.
No one has to know that.
They're gonna figure it out.
Somebody's bound to crack when
they start asking a million questions.
Put Sammy boy in a lie detector.
Look, the idea
of burying the body is nuts.
Going to jail
and getting raped every night
for the rest of your cute,
little, fucking lives is nuts.
I think you're nuts.
So that's it?
We're just gonna pretend
like we're all innocent.
- Shut up.
- No.
- Shut up.
- No!
If you've got a better idea,
then you better spit it out
- because no one else does.
- Marty, come on.
- Do you have one?
- Shit, Marty. Get off. Come on.
If you've got a better idea,
I'll listen. Do you?
- No.
- Then do you agree
that we have to go
with the best idea we've got?
Yes. Get off.
You always gotta go
with the best idea you've got.
Otherwise you're just left
laying around
not knowing what to do.
I can't do it.
It's not safe.
It's a big joke anyway.
I think that's deep enough.
Hey, you guys wanna help?
First thing we gotta do
when we get back
is deal with Jasper
and my brother.
How?
Gotta make sure they forget
they ever saw George with us.
What the fuck
you gonna do? Huh?
Hit them over the head with a rock,
hope they get amnesia?
Thanks.
All right, this is the way
it's gonna work.
We drop everybody off
at their houses.
Everybody's gonna sit tight
until I go make sure
everything's "copathetic"
with Kile and Jasper.
The word's copacetic, Marty.
Yeah.
Millie...
...mum's the word.
Peg, can I get the phone?
Shit.
- Kile?
- Hey, Marty.
- What's cooking?
- Hey, you little fucker.
How'd the cow spanking go?
What?
Looks fantastic.
You OK?
You look a little...
No, I'm fine.
Clyde, if something's up,
it's OK to tell us about it.
This is so fucked.
Fuck!
I don't even know...
I don't even know.
Hey.
Maybe you guys
could take me home?
Wish we knew what to do.
We know what to do.
You know what we did, Rocky.
What are you trying to say, Sam?
You have to trust me
on this one, Sam.
I'm your big brother.
But I don't trust you.
Where you going?
What do you want?
To talk.
We have nothing to talk about.
It was your guys' plan.
I was just there.
That doesn't mean
I have to tell on you.
And that's your problem.
Are you done?
Can I come in?
Do you remember when you said
we could never be forgiven?
That might be right.
I don't know.
The only thing I do know is that
I'm not sure about anything.
What do you want us to do?
Go back and unbury the body?
He's dead.
You know...
...when we graduate
high school
and go to college and become doctors
and lawyers and all that...
...what do you think it'd be like?
- Hey.
- Hey, Marty.
- Good to see you.
- How you doing, Mr. Maris?
- How are you?
- I'm good.
Are...?
Is Rocky and Sam home?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The whole gang's here.
They're listening to music
in the bedroom there.
- Do you mind if...? Thanks.
- Yeah, yeah.
What's going on here?
Why don't you sit down?
What, so I go off to make sure
all our business is taken care of,
and all of a sudden
you guys form a new club?
- We've come to a decision.
- You've come to a decision?
What, are you kidding me?
We already decided.
I talked to Jasper and Kile.
They're not gonna say anything.
Everything is going to be OK.
No. Everything is not
gonna be OK.
So, what?
All you guys decide to squeal
or something?
We have to, Marty.
It's the only way...
No, there is no "only way", Sam.
That's crap.
OK? You know that's crap.
All right.
Screw all of you, then.
- Marty, hang on.
- No!
- Where you going?
- Away from you.
You suck.
You know that, right?
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know, drive to Mexico.
What do you think?
I don't know what to think.
Well, if you don't know
what to think,
then you probably shouldn't
be making decisions.
What do you think about
letting me borrow your gun?
- Hey.
- Yeah.
Easy, man.
He was saying terrible things.
Things that shouldn't
have been said.
When your brother
knocked George overboard...
...would you say he was
in control
or out of control?
- You got something for me?
- Yeah.
Excuse me, Sam.
Never seen him
more out of control in my life.
My name is George.
And this...
...is the inside of my mind.
The inside of my mind
has a zillion things.
The inside of my mind
has a zillion things about it.
But...
...people that don't
see inside my mind
don't know there are
a zillion things and...
You know, since no one
sees inside my mind,
no one really knows.
But...
...one day people will know.
One day people will know
because that's my master plan.
To film it all.
To document every aspect
of the life that is me.
And put it in a time capsule
in my back yard.
And so that one day, some...
...alien,
or some highly evolved species,
will find it and...
understand.
you're doing?!
- You're a punk, Sam!
- Get off.
I ought to kill you!
You fucking dickhead!
- I told you to never touch my camera!
- Stop!
Didn't I?! Fucker! You little wimp!
Bitch! Pussy! I told you!
I ought to fucking kill you!
And I will kill you, you little punk,
if I ever catch you fucking
with my camera again.
- He's so gonna cry.
- Step on him!
- Get out of my way!
- Relax, man.
Are you OK?
You ever stare at the ceiling
till it started looking kind of funny?
Like it was breathing.
Like it was saying something.
Like it was saying,
"Rocky,
you gotta do something
about what's been going on."
Something's gotta happen, Sam.
Something's gotta give.
We can call the police.
Police wouldn't do jack.
I wish I was bigger.
I'm bigger.
Not to mention the fact
that I'm smarter.
If you do something,
he'll just get you.
Did you ever used to get me
when we used to play hide-and-seek?
- No.
- He wouldn't have any better luck.
Wanna know my secret hiding spot?
The roof.
The disappearing man.
Exactly.
So high. Oh, my God.
Rocky's thinking about
doing something to George.
I don't get how the teachers
can just let him get away with that.
Teachers don't care.
They have him in detention
for 15 minutes for a week.
Something's gotta give.
If you could snap your fingers
right now,
and he would drop dead in his tracks,
would you do it?
Are we still on for Saturday?
Yeah, of course.
So, what are we gonna do?
I'll figure something out,
and I'll surprise you.
Hey, you know that fat kid, George,
who they keep holding back
from graduating middle school?
Yeah, I hate that guy.
He beat up Sam.
No.
Hey, you know
when we were at Rollins,
that crazy kid
chased me across the field
and cracked my head
open with a bat.
- Finally, an explanation.
- Yeah, anyway...
- He's a real pig.
- I say we smoke that ham.
Yeah? Make some
ham sandwiches?
Pork chop-ify him.
Spam-icize him.
- Link sausage-ize him!
- Squeal, piggy! Squeal!
No, screw that guy.
You'd really like to do that,
wouldn't you, Clyde?
- You're projecting, Marty.
- Projecting?
That's when you say something
that someone else...
You say that they want to do, when
you're the one who wants to do it.
No, no, no. That's good.
That's good.
Hold up, Rocky. Back up.
I got something for you.
Just a little...
- Oh, you son of a bitch!
- I was just projecting.
Oh, you asshole!
Later.
Wait up, man!
Let's go get some ice cream.
OK, Dave.
Hey!
Hey!
- Where were you guys?
- Get beat up today?
See any new scars?
- Got any more gum?
- I'm chewing the whole pack.
Why, you want some?
Tasty.
OK,
Jennifer Lopez or the girl
who sits behind you in school?
J. Lo.
OK, I think I got one.
Tie him to a tree,
pour some honey on his face,
and leave him there
all day and night.
- Why?
- It's for the bugs,
so they'd get on him
and bite him.
- No, we can't do that.
- Why not?
Well, what if a bear came?
Shut up.
You know,
if we hurt him,
we'd be just as bad as him.
So we need to hurt him
without really hurting him.
I mean, if you could think
of something like that, then...
Then what?
I don't know.
All right, Heather Locklear
or Shannen Doherty?
Don't know who
Heather Locklear is.
You don't...? Dude!
So, what do you say?
I think it's a totally wild plan.
It's also the only plan
my brother would agree to.
He's just a little fucking
Gandhi, isn't he?
Like a fucking white
Martin Luther King.
All we need now is a boat.
Hey, my neighbor's got a boat
in her back yard that she never uses.
- Does that mean you're in?
- Do you actually think he'll go for it?
Oh, please. George'll get a hard-on
as soon as he picks up the phone.
Rock will throw on some of
that "sweet boy" charm of his.
Kid's desperate. Stupid.
It's human nature.
All I know is, is I'm getting a hard-on
just thinking about it.
Your mom don't need
the car Saturday, does she?
The only thing my mom needs
on Saturdays is Valium.
What do you think, Clyde?
Do we want to give Georgie Porgie a
little taste of his own medicine? Huh?
Be some good, clean fun,
don't you think?
Yeah, he deserves it, doesn't he?
If there's one thing
that can't be argued,
it's that that fat freak deserves
whatever he's got coming to him.
Dude, what'd I tell you?
You don't smoke herb.
Yeah, so get it out of my face.
Faggot.
Clyde-o,
I'm just fucking with you.
You're not a faggot, all right?
OK?
Fist bump?
Fist bump?
OK, zero kilter.
Besides, I like your dads, Clyde.
I never knew any homosexual men
personally until I met them.
They're not so bad.
Don't you think so, Rocky?
Clyde, don't worry about Marty.
It's just B.S.
OK? Come on. It's B.S.
OK? It's B.S.! B.S.! Come on!
OK?
Hello? George?
Hey, hey. This is Rocky Maris,
Sam's older brother.
Yeah. I got your number
off the call list.
Is that OK? Great.
Well, what I wanted to call
you about was...
Is that I'm inviting you to...
To a party for Sam.
Now, I know that you two have
been having some trouble lately.
But you know what?
He's always talking about
how cool you are.
And it would really mean a lot
to him if you could come.
It's his birthday.
It's on Saturday at noon.
We can pick you up if you'd like.
We're going boating.
We're going on a boating trip.
You like boating?
Yeah, awesome.
So the only thing
that I can really ask you to do,
is not tell too many people.
Because we didn't really invite
a lot of people, and...
And, you know, everyone knows
everybody in this town.
And you tell your parents,
parents will tell other parents,
and those parents will tell their kids.
And pretty soon everyone
who didn't get invited
will be sitting at home, crying.
We don't want that, do we?
There you go.
So do you want me to pick you up
at noon? Awesome!
So I will see you at noon, George.
Awesome. Have a great day. Bye.
- Oh, God.
- What did he say?
He said he would love to go.
He'd love to go.
Oh, I'd love to go.
I'd love to... If you could just...
I'd love, love, love to go.
Oh, I'd love to go! Come here.
- Say "uncle."
- Uncle.
- Uncle who?
- Uncle Martini!
Kiss my ass, Mr. Shaham.
Kiss my ass, Mr. Estes.
Kiss my ass, Ms. Johnson.
Kiss my ass, Mr. Rosenthal.
Shit.
Hey! What's up with my shooter,
twerp face.
Target practice.
It's 11 a.m. In the morning
for chrissakes.
Most people are doing cartwheels
by 11, Kile.
Aren't you supposed to be
in school?
Fuck school.
I don't see you in school.
And besides, you're not Dad.
Come here.
Come here!
Yeah, you're right, I'm not Dad.
Dad didn't yank as hard as I do.
I don't really want to hear about Dad,
you understand?
- You understand?
- Yes.
Now, hand me my gun.
Look, stupid.
You ever take this
without my permission again,
I guarantee it, you'll be sorry.
- You understand?
- Yeah.
- You get it?
- Yes.
Kiss my ass, Kile.
Things to say to Sam
on our date.
One.
So...
Sam, it's a beautiful day, isn't it?
Two.
Are you happy
or sad
that we're leaving
Rollins next year?
Three.
So, what's your father do
for a living again?
Oh, he has a car-stereo company.
Do you believe in God?
That's a weird question.
So, what's it like being a male?
OK, stupid question.
My name is George.
This is the inside of my mind.
This is my mother.
My mom works out every day.
And this is my street.
This is the street I live on.
- What are we doing?
- You're gonna like this.
Isn't that George Tooney?
Yeah, he's coming
to the river with us.
- Why?
- Sammy, don't you tell
your girlfriend nothing?
- What's he talking about, Sam?
- You should've told her, Sam.
All right, everyone.
He's coming. Be nice to him.
Millie, it's supposed to be part
of the surprise. We...
Happy birthday, Sammy.
Hi, George.
Glad you could make it.
You know everybody?
- Yeah, sure. Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
- What's happening, George?
- Hey, Georgie.
- Hi, George.
- Hey, Millie.
We ready?
- What are you doing?
- Making a documentary.
- Of what?
- Of things.
Like Sam opening his present.
Go ahead and open it.
Yeah, Sam, go ahead and open it.
You already opened
all your other presents at home.
Stream Machine's top of the line.
I have one at home,
so we can have a war sometime.
- Isn't it excellent?
- Oh, yeah, thank you, George.
You must've blown your whole
allowance on that thing, huh, George?
How much you bagging
a week now, 40, 50 bucks?
It's very sweet of you, George.
I got it at Funco.
- You can return it if you want.
- Oh, no, it's perfect.
Well...
...it's a beautiful day
for a boat trip with some buddies.
Hey, Marty?
My mom made me sign
one of those contracts.
It's just, like... You know, I'm not
allowed to get in a car with a driver
- who's been drinking.
- Oh, it's cool.
My mom gave me permission
to drink and drive.
- You don't have to worry about it.
- Your mom must be pretty stupid
to give you permission
to drive inebriated.
No, you're right, George.
My mom is pretty stupid.
In fact, she's got one of those
learning-disability things.
Must be a bad LD.
I have an LD,
but I should know you're
not supposed to drive drunk.
I see stuff all backwards and shit.
Like, instead of seeing "stop"
on a stop sign,
I see "pots."
My doctor says it's
a genetic variation,
like for evolution.
So maybe I'm a superior being.
The future of the race.
Like, if aliens came down
and they had a...
A language,
a super-advanced language,
that said you had to read
this way to that way,
instead of that way
to this way.
Shit.
Yo, kidlings.
What are you guys doing here?
Eating mini beef tacos.
Finest mini beef tacos
in the world here.
Yummy.
What, did you steal
Mom's car again?
- Why do you care?
- I don't give a fuck.
Who's the minors?
It's just my brother
and some of his friends.
What are the paddles for?
We're going cow spanking.
Cow spanking, what's that?
It's like cow tipping,
only we spank.
Really.
Come on, let's just get the smokes
and get out of here.
Camels.
While you boys are out
cow spanking,
Kile and I are gonna go
pussy hunting.
- Good for you, Jasper.
- Hey, don't get sassy with my boy.
You ever been pussy hunting?
No, I didn't think so.
You know how I knew?
Because you gotta have some bait
to catch one.
That's great.
Grow up, Jasper.
Let's go, Marty.
Jesus, Jasper.
Why do you have to...?
Dumb fucks.
Why do you have
to act so retarded?
Have fun cow spanking, boys.
- Oh, man. That was awesome.
- You see that shit?
- So whose road is this?
- It's just a road.
Hey, you guys ever hear about
when Rocky and I
were kicking it out here?
We got some poison oak
on our hands.
This is a disgusting story.
Anyway, so we were out here,
and we got some poison oak
on our hands.
With all the beers we were drinking,
well, naturally,
we had to take a piss.
Now, I don't know
if you're hip, Millie,
but when a guy pisses,
he has to hold his pisser
in his hands.
- Like so:
- Thanks, Marty.
No, wait, I'm not finished yet.
Next morning when we woke up,
we both had totally chapped,
rash-y nuts.
Hey, lucky you didn't run out
of toilet paper,
have to wipe your butt
with your hand.
Ouch, ouch!
I just got stung by something.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
You guys just go ahead.
Better make sure it's not a tick.
Lyme's disease, you know.
Look, all right, there'll be three circles
around the bite if it's Lyme's disease.
But, like, you gotta watch out
because you could
just straight drop dead
from Lyme's disease.
Thanks, George.
Oh, if it is a tick and it gets dug in,
we might need to take my tweezers
and, like, put it under a flame
until it gets, like, red hot,
and then burn the thing to death
so it'll let go before we pull it out.
Can you leave us alone
for a second?
Thanks.
Seems like George is having
a good time.
What are you trying
to say, Clyde?
Fat boy's gonna get
what he's got coming.
I don't see a stinger.
Sam, what's going on here
with George?
Oh, it's nothing bad.
It's just a joke.
What kind of joke?
Well...
...we're planning on stripping him,
throwing him in the river,
and then we're gonna make him
run home naked.
- We have a plan. It involves a dare.
- A dare?
Yeah. See, the only reason
I didn't tell you before...
Who said I wanted to be
part of this?
All right, what about this?
What's that?
"If you could snap your fingers
right now,
"and he would drop dead
in his tracks, would you do it?"
- It's totally mean, Sam.
- He's mean.
He's a stupid fat kid.
He's got problems.
But he's obviously...
Promise me you won't
do anything to him.
It's not just me.
Promise, or I go back to the car.
All right, I promise.
I'll tell Rocky.
Can't wait to get her on the river
and start paddling.
- Hey, Rock, you wanna go untie us?
- Sure.
- There any life jackets?
- No, I don't think we'll need them.
Come on, sweetheart.
Gotta learn to live life on the edge.
He doesn't smoke, Marty.
Why don't you speak
for yourself, faggot?
I gotta keep my eye on you.
These are really strong.
Come on, Rock,
he's not such a bad guy.
He's acting like a nice guy, Sam.
In reality, he's not.
You a...
You a cigarette virgin, George?
No. No, I'm not, man.
I've smoked before.
I... No, I once cold smoked
an entire pack
of American Spirit Menthols.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
What if I told you American Spirit
doesn't make menthols?
They don't?
It's OK if you've never
smoked before, George. I never have.
Well, I have.
All right, I'm not lying.
You know, maybe they weren't
menthols, but they were definitely
- American Spirits.
- Right.
The only reason why
he's being nice to us
is because he sees this as
an opportunity to get something.
To get friends.
Everybody wants that.
OK, what if you were
his friend, Sam?
I mean, he'd still go around school,
beating everybody else up.
And that's actually
if you'd be his friend.
I don't care what you say.
I don't wanna do it.
- Millie thinks it's a bad idea too.
- Oh, well, if Millie thinks...
- Millie thinks what's a bad idea?
- Nothing.
You pansies untie the knot yet?
Chop, chop, come on.
Hey.
Hey, Rock, you know,
I got a knife
that'll slice through that
like butter.
That's OK, George.
I think we got it.
Well, it's got, like, a bone saw,
scissor, pick ax,
I mean, everything.
It's OK, George.
OK.
I'll talk to Marty about it, OK?
Give me your oar.
- Nice.
- Thank you, George.
Yeah, I once skipped
a rock on this lake,
it skipped, like,
a thousand times.
Let's get her in the water.
Aye, aye, capitan.
Calling off the plan.
I'll tell you later.
It's all taken care of.
Hey! You guys should take
your shoes off
if you don't want
to get them wet.
Too late. They're soaked.
This is gonna be fun,
don't you think?
Yeah. But whoever didn't
bring life jackets
on a boat trip's a moron.
Hey, you know
I have athlete's foot?
- Get in.
- You are so disgusting.
Oh, my gosh.
Row, two, three, four!
One, two, three, four...
Sam loves it, don't you lie
Rocky is a pimp
Clyde is a fag
Yeah, you love it, don't you?
He spit all over the lens.
Shut up, Rocky, this is
what's gonna get me on MTV.
You need go-go dancers.
This is expensive.
OK, now you have to stop.
Send your donations
to George Tooney, Oregon.
Love one.
I always thought I was really
talented in that sense.
You agree, right? Up top.
Maybe later.
I'm glad the way
this day's turning out.
It's a nice day.
Yeah, if nothing else,
it's a nice day.
Can you guys taste
how sweet the air is?
Smells like cherry blossom.
How do you know what
cherry blossoms smell like, George?
It's obvious.
I don't know.
What is a cherry blossom?
It's the blossom on a cherry.
No, I thought it was
its own kind of plant.
What do you think, Marty?
I think I'm bored as fuck.
I also think I got some more beer
in my pack.
- Anyone want one?
- Yeah.
- You drinking, Sammy?
- Yeah, sure.
I thought you...
Didn't you want a beer?
Hey, Sammy.
If you're really feeling
like a party animal...
...you wanna smoke
a birthday doobie?
Sam doesn't smoke weed, Marty.
- Rocky, chill out.
- There's younger people
- on this trip, Marty.
- All right, fuck-face, calm down.
- I've been stoned before.
- Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Yeah. I smoked a whole blunt
myself once. Yup.
I... I hallucinated that there was...
There was a little blue guy
on my shoulder,
fucking tap dancing.
But, no, I don't smoke weed
after that,
because, like, my doctor says
it stunts your growth.
- So I'm waiting until I'm 24.
- Yeah.
Because, you know, that's when
you stop growing.
Have you ever been stoned, Millie?
Would you please get that
out of my face?
All right, go ahead, turn it off.
Sure is a beautiful river.
Oh, you guys, look!
- What?
- What?
What?
I thought I saw a water snake.
Sam.
Millie.
Thanks.
- Here.
- Thanks.
All that boating really gets
your appetite up.
You've just been sitting in the boat.
I've been shifting my weight
the whole time,
trying to keep us level.
Yeah, you've really been
working hard.
As if your pussy ass
has been doing anything.
Did you make these yourself?
You'II... You'll have to give me
the recipe sometime.
It's peanut butter and jelly.
Oh, yeah.
Nothing beats a good piss
in the river.
Except, of course,
a good romping session
of a stupid, ugly, dumb,
pathetic piece of shit.
- Yeah, we gotta talk about that.
- Yeah?
What's to talk about?
I want to call it off.
I'm not laughing.
I'm dead serious.
Wait a minute.
First, you get me all juiced up.
You make me steal my mom's car.
You get me out here
on a Saturday
when I could be at home
watching TV.
- Marty, come on.
- Then you have me steering
the fucking Titanic all across the river
with a bunch of munchkins
who are totally sober
and bringing me down.
Now, you mean to tell me
we don't even get to do
what we came out here for?
I had no idea the guy
was gonna turn out so nice.
Check it out, Rock,
he's not nice!
He's a spoiled, retarded punk
who beat up your brother.
OK, maybe I feel a little sorry
for him now.
OK, well, then I'm gonna
give you two choices:
You're either hard as hell
and you're yanking my chain,
or you're the limpest dick
I've ever met in my life.
- Everyone wants to call it off.
- Well, everyone is a vagina!
You don't even have
a real grudge against him.
If you were any kind
of a good brother,
you wouldn't let Sammy boy
get the shit kicked out of him
and then stroke the beater-upper's dick
all day long.
- Just remember the plan's off.
- Yeah.
I just wonder if,
when push came to shove,
if you'd have my back.
Hey, Clyde.
Remember when you were in the
fourth grade, and I was in third, and I...
I smacked you across the face
with a bat?
- How could I forget?
- Maybe you had that thing
where you forget
from getting hit in the head.
- Amnesia?
- Yeah.
Anyway, I was trying to remember.
- Why'd I do it?
- I don't know.
You must've done something.
No, I never do anything to anybody.
That's stupid.
Of course you do.
Look, it's not stupid, George.
You just attacked me.
A kid doesn't just attack
for no reason.
You always attack for no reason.
I know it's your birthday, Sam,
but shut your trap.
Hey! You pussies done
with your sammies?
Does it look like we're done
with our sandwiches?
Yeah, I'm gonna get the boat
back in the water.
You ladies can join me
whenever you want.
Why'd you drop the anchor?
Because I felt like it.
Hey, Sammy.
What you say we bust out
that Stream Machine.
- Yeah, OK.
- Clyde, can you give it to me?
All right.
Put that away.
All right, first, we must charge
the propulsion system.
And then take aim
and run a preliminary test.
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Don't fucking squirt
that thing at me again!
Hey, what do you guys say
we play some Truth or Dare?
Yeah. Yeah, I love that game.
- OK, then, let's do it.
- Let's not.
People's feelings always end up hurt
when we play this game.
Yeah, she's right.
God, Sam and Millie
are a couple of little
wet pussies, aren't they?
Clyde, do you wanna start?
I don't know. I'm kind of with
Millie and Sam on this one.
Pussy number one,
pussy number two,
pussy number three.
Go ahead, Clyde. Start the game.
OK, then.
Rocky, truth or dare?
Truth.
All right, I want you to tell us,
in 20 words or more,
what you were thinking
the last time you beat off.
Susie Johnson.
But that's...
That's not even 20 words.
It's, like, two.
OK, I imagined that
she followed me into the locker room,
went into the stall.
She got on her knees.
I sat on the toilet.
- That's 20.
- All right, Rocky, it's your turn.
OK, Sammy. Truth or dare?
Dare.
I dare you to French kiss
Millie for ten seconds.
Man.
It's pretty exciting.
- It's OK.
- What? It's OK.
Wait, did you hear that?
It's OK.
She wants it.
This is what I paid for? Come on!
- Come on!
- Let's go!
I want my money back.
OK. There you go.
There you go! Ten.
Nine,
eight, seven,
six, five,
four, three,
two...
Oh, shit. Oh, man.
Yo, Rock. Rock, I just had
an amazing flash
of what your brother and Millie would
look like all hot and bothered in bed.
- That's gross.
- Sammy, go. It's your turn.
Wait, wait, maybe... Maybe we
shouldn't call him Sammy anymore.
Maybe we should call him
"lover boy."
OK, then.
Marty.
- Truth or dare?
- Dare.
All right.
I dare you to pull down
your pants and your underwear,
and show us that famous dick of yours
for at least ten seconds.
Ten seconds.
Wow, you are a killer, Sam.
All right, I will do it,
because I am proud of my boys.
But if I do,
I don't want anyone else
wimping out on their dares.
So let's see the penis.
- Bring on the penis!
- All right.
Millie, close your eyes.
Marty doesn't want to go to jail.
No cameras.
We ready?
That's sick.
- Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
- Oh! OK. OK.
All right.
You fucking asshole.
- It was hairy as a chimp!
- Yeah, was it?
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
It looked like a giant frog.
All right, assholes.
That was pretty funny, douche bag.
- At first I thought it was all deformed,
- Thank you.
- Because it was just so fucking ugly.
- OK. All right.
Have you gotten out
all your stupid chuckles yet?
Have I gotten out all
my stupid chuckles? No!
All right. Well, whenever you're done,
let me know, because it's my turn next.
"Whenever you're done, let me know,
because it's my turn next."
- What are you doing?
- Yeah, well, what are you doing?
- Stop imitating me.
- "Stop imitating me."
- Enough is enough!
- "Enough is enough!"
Is that what your dad says to you?
You don't know shit about my father.
If you ever say anything
about my father again, I will kill you.
Do you understand?
Marty, I...
I was just messing around with you.
OK, messing boy.
I dare you to strip butt naked
and jump in the river.
Marty, leave him alone.
I did my dare.
Now he does his.
Those are the rules, Clyde.
Marty, why don't you
just calm down?
- OK, the game's over.
- The game'll be over in a minute!
Right after fat-ass here takes
his clothes off and gets in the bath.
Chill out, Marty, all right?
Because you know what?
I didn't even pick dare, all right?
I pick truth.
You want a truth?
OK, I'll give you a truth.
The truth is, lard-fart,
is that we didn't invite you out here
because we've been secretly in love
- with you all these years.
- Marty, don't do this.
We invited you out here
because you smacked Sammy boy
- right there in the cranium.
- Marty, stop.
So we came up with a plan
to mess you up.
Is that true, Sam?
Yeah.
But then we changed our minds
because we liked you.
Wait, you...? You tricked me?
Yes, we tricked you.
And, yes, all these suckers here
changed their minds,
but I didn't change mine.
I'm a man who likes to
follow through with his plans.
What have you been planning?
We were planning
on stripping you,
throwing you in the river,
then making you run home naked.
- It's not funny.
- Oh, it's super-duper funny to me.
- I'm sorry, George.
- You're not sorry!
I'm sorry.
Is...? Is it even your birthday?
No.
You're a fucking lying
son of a bitch, Sam!
All right? And I hope you
fucking go to hell!
- Don't make things worse, George.
- Shut the fuck up, Millie.
You fucking stupid JAP cunt!
Sit down, George.
You're out of control.
Shut the fuck up, Clyde!
You faggot!
Fucking skinny,
butt-munching faggot!
I hate you, you know that?
I really do!
Because all you do is
fucking prance around school,
talking about your fucking
faggoty, fairy fathers!
I'll tell you what!
I don't want to hear
about your fucking fathers
and how their assholes work.
All right? It makes me sick!
And I... I fucking hope they
fucking die of fag disease!
Yeah!
And... And speaking
of dead fathers...
...I just remembered
why bonehead, white-trash,
fucking donkey-dick Marty
got so fucking freaked
when I started talking
about his daddy.
His Neanderthal
drunk dad put a gun in his mouth
and splattered his brains
all over the wall.
You know, I almost forgot
that my mom told me that.
She said, "His daddy splattered
his brains all over the wall."
I thought it was sad at first.
But, now, I like it.
His daddy splattered
his brains
all over the wall.
- His daddy splattered his brains
- Shut up, George.
- All over the wall.
- George, come on. Shut up.
His daddy splattered his brains
all over the wall!
- Stop it, George!
- All over the wall!
- His daddy splattered his brains
- No one talks to people like that.
- All over the wall!
- Shut the fuck up, George!
- Shut the fuck up!
- All over the wall!
All over the wall!
His daddy splattered his brains
- Shut up!
- All over the wall!
- Marty!
- Stop it!
- Marty! George!
- All over the wall!
Shut the fuck up!
- Help! Help!
- That's what happens
when you fuck with Martini Blank!
- Help, help! Please!
- Martini Blank's friends back him up.
- That's what friends do, fuck-o.
- Help!
- Help! Help! Help!
- That's why you're in the water.
- Because you've got none.
- Help! Fucker!
Help!
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Please help.
Shit, you guys,
he's not coming up!
Help!
Guys, help, now! Hurry!
Get him up.
George.
- Oh, shit.
- Do you know what you're doing?
One, two, three, four...
Help!
Help!
Help!
Can anyone help us?
- Help!
- One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Come on.
Wake up. Come on, wake up!
Wake up.
Shit.
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up! God, wake up!
Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Wake up, wake up!
Wake up! Wake up,
wake up, wake up!
Wake up!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
We can never be forgiven
for what we did.
You didn't do anything.
I don't wanna be here.
I don't wanna be here.
I wanted to kill him before
I threw him over. Now he's dead.
Maybe this was his time to go.
Maybe it was his fate.
Why would it be his fate?
Because everything happens
for a reason, Rock.
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Anybody know what time it is?
What if we say
we were playing Truth or Dare,
and then we dared him
to jump into the river,
and he did, and he drowned.
What the hell are you doing?
Looking for his fucking
video camera.
If it gets found, then everybody
finds out what we did.
Everyone's gonna find out
what we did,
regardless if the video camera
gets found, Marty.
Not if we don't want them to.
Are you joking?
Look, this was a prank that went
wrong. We come completely clean.
No one's got a ton of sympathy
for guys who throw fat kids in the river.
All right? If we turn ourselves in,
we're all screwed.
What do you think's
gonna happen, Marty?
Superman's gonna fly around
Earth and turn back time?
No. I don't think Superman's
going to turn back time.
Think we gotta bury the body.
Rocky, if we bury the body, it's gonna
look like we did it on purpose.
If we bury the body,
we're not gonna look like anything.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Yeah, well, maybe out of your mind,
you stupid fuck.
Look, we just committed
a major fucking crime.
And if any one of us cracks,
we are all gonna be screwed.
Look, it was an accident. Kids like us
have accidents all the time.
This wasn't just an accident.
All right? We schemed this,
from the beginning.
All right, so fine, we schemed.
No one has to know that.
They're gonna figure it out.
Somebody's bound to crack when
they start asking a million questions.
Put Sammy boy in a lie detector.
Look, the idea
of burying the body is nuts.
Going to jail
and getting raped every night
for the rest of your cute,
little, fucking lives is nuts.
I think you're nuts.
So that's it?
We're just gonna pretend
like we're all innocent.
- Shut up.
- No.
- Shut up.
- No!
If you've got a better idea,
then you better spit it out
- because no one else does.
- Marty, come on.
- Do you have one?
- Shit, Marty. Get off. Come on.
If you've got a better idea,
I'll listen. Do you?
- No.
- Then do you agree
that we have to go
with the best idea we've got?
Yes. Get off.
You always gotta go
with the best idea you've got.
Otherwise you're just left
laying around
not knowing what to do.
I can't do it.
It's not safe.
It's a big joke anyway.
I think that's deep enough.
Hey, you guys wanna help?
First thing we gotta do
when we get back
is deal with Jasper
and my brother.
How?
Gotta make sure they forget
they ever saw George with us.
What the fuck
you gonna do? Huh?
Hit them over the head with a rock,
hope they get amnesia?
Thanks.
All right, this is the way
it's gonna work.
We drop everybody off
at their houses.
Everybody's gonna sit tight
until I go make sure
everything's "copathetic"
with Kile and Jasper.
The word's copacetic, Marty.
Yeah.
Millie...
...mum's the word.
Peg, can I get the phone?
Shit.
- Kile?
- Hey, Marty.
- What's cooking?
- Hey, you little fucker.
How'd the cow spanking go?
What?
Looks fantastic.
You OK?
You look a little...
No, I'm fine.
Clyde, if something's up,
it's OK to tell us about it.
This is so fucked.
Fuck!
I don't even know...
I don't even know.
Hey.
Maybe you guys
could take me home?
Wish we knew what to do.
We know what to do.
You know what we did, Rocky.
What are you trying to say, Sam?
You have to trust me
on this one, Sam.
I'm your big brother.
But I don't trust you.
Where you going?
What do you want?
To talk.
We have nothing to talk about.
It was your guys' plan.
I was just there.
That doesn't mean
I have to tell on you.
And that's your problem.
Are you done?
Can I come in?
Do you remember when you said
we could never be forgiven?
That might be right.
I don't know.
The only thing I do know is that
I'm not sure about anything.
What do you want us to do?
Go back and unbury the body?
He's dead.
You know...
...when we graduate
high school
and go to college and become doctors
and lawyers and all that...
...what do you think it'd be like?
- Hey.
- Hey, Marty.
- Good to see you.
- How you doing, Mr. Maris?
- How are you?
- I'm good.
Are...?
Is Rocky and Sam home?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The whole gang's here.
They're listening to music
in the bedroom there.
- Do you mind if...? Thanks.
- Yeah, yeah.
What's going on here?
Why don't you sit down?
What, so I go off to make sure
all our business is taken care of,
and all of a sudden
you guys form a new club?
- We've come to a decision.
- You've come to a decision?
What, are you kidding me?
We already decided.
I talked to Jasper and Kile.
They're not gonna say anything.
Everything is going to be OK.
No. Everything is not
gonna be OK.
So, what?
All you guys decide to squeal
or something?
We have to, Marty.
It's the only way...
No, there is no "only way", Sam.
That's crap.
OK? You know that's crap.
All right.
Screw all of you, then.
- Marty, hang on.
- No!
- Where you going?
- Away from you.
You suck.
You know that, right?
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know, drive to Mexico.
What do you think?
I don't know what to think.
Well, if you don't know
what to think,
then you probably shouldn't
be making decisions.
What do you think about
letting me borrow your gun?
- Hey.
- Yeah.
Easy, man.
He was saying terrible things.
Things that shouldn't
have been said.
When your brother
knocked George overboard...
...would you say he was
in control
or out of control?
- You got something for me?
- Yeah.
Excuse me, Sam.
Never seen him
more out of control in my life.
My name is George.
And this...
...is the inside of my mind.
The inside of my mind
has a zillion things.
The inside of my mind
has a zillion things about it.
But...
...people that don't
see inside my mind
don't know there are
a zillion things and...
You know, since no one
sees inside my mind,
no one really knows.
But...
...one day people will know.
One day people will know
because that's my master plan.
To film it all.
To document every aspect
of the life that is me.
And put it in a time capsule
in my back yard.
And so that one day, some...
...alien,
or some highly evolved species,
will find it and...
understand.